Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Jason Teaches Space & Foods That Push Your Poop Button - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 16, 2023

Spit Hit for November 16th, 2023: On today’s episode we talk about the pain behind having to admit that our wives are better than us at some things. We also discuss doing a stint in prison vs. just popping in on the weekends. In our ‘What’s The Difference’ segment, Jason really helps illuminate everything he knows about flying space rocks. In true Spitballers fashion, we close it down with a draft of foods that really push our poop buttons. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Scooby to the doobie, doobie to the scooby. Not good. You didn't like that one? I mean, he broke at the end. I'm really undecided.

He didn't like it. He was reacting to his own scat in the scat, which was incredible. At the end of the scat, he was actually laughing at himself. It's all part of it, man. Welcome into the Spitballers, episode 189. Scooby to the doobie, doobie to the scooby. You're almost like a palindrome. Like you were going, you went to the middle, and then you worked your way back to the beginning.

But he didn't start with a little chuckle. That's true. He had started with a little laugh. Just saying, put that on a t-shirt. You can do whatever you want, Mike. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, welcome in. We have a little laugh. Just saying. Put that on a t-shirt. You can do whatever you want, Mike. At SpitballersPod on Twitter. Welcome in.

We have a review today. Would you rather? What's the difference? Where we break down some very important things. A lot of times people don't understand the meaning of specific words. Words matter. Right. And so a lot of times people, they just kind of think things are the same thing, that have two different words, and that's never been the case.

And so we are going to help you because that's what we do. That's what we're here for. We take difficult concepts and we make them simple for you. Also, we're drafting foods that push your poop button. So that also is happening on today's show, but first let's read a review. Review-a- asaurus rags this one comes in from love my fart room uh five stars i have never written a review before but this show deserves it you each make up a special part of the show mike the hair jason the hunk and andy the heart the three ages they forgot the c uh my sister introduced me to the show and i was hooked by the first episode never in my life

that i think i would love any podcast this much but these men are the brothers i always wanted thank you that's nice for improving my life i. I'm the heart, huh? Yeah. You're the heart. Okay. Well, I mean, thank you. We read these reviews. We've said it before. We really, they fuel us.

Yeah. I literally just read it. That's proof. Not lying. Appreciate everybody out there. By the way, if you're listening on an Apple podcast, make sure you click the plus button. That's the follow button. What does plus button. That's the follow button. What does that do?

That's the follow button. Oh. You're not supposed to say subscribe anymore. That would be just a faux pas. Remember, words matter. Plus it? Plus that. What?

I don't know. Smash that plus. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would You Rather. let's do some would you rather would you rather all right garrett from the website would you rather have uh i'm sorry let me start this again would you rather your spouse be able to beat you in every competition or have them outsmart you in every argument for the rest of your life this is terrible this these are both not options i mean that's exactly right when you're reading that it was like okay well that one's out the first you know that one's out whatever the second one and then i think the second one was worse there is uh there's one competition that my wife has always gotten the better of me at,

and it is one that we do not play anymore. Oh, Mario Party. No, no, it's Boggle. If we've ever played Boggle, no matter how intense I attempt, no matter how much I'm focusing, no matter how much i'm trying to beat her i will not beat her at bog refresh my memory of what boggle is boggle is a small uh you shake up a 16 different letter die okay and it goes down onto the board in a in a cube form and then you just make as many words in a certain amount of time through the diagonals. And if you match words, you cross them out.

And it's original words that get you points. I hate word games for that reason alone. When you run into a word game person, they're on a different level. Like if you happen to play a game, like those people, those awful people who are awesome word gamers, y'all need to stay out of casual gaming. Scrabble devils. You go do your tournaments, okay?

Yeah, exactly. Scrabble and boggle and all these things where you're coming up with your words and your fancy vocabulary. Yeah, I've got a degree. I went to English class. Yeah, you stay away from our casual gaming. Let us play these games that are fun, but they're not fun when we get just smoked every time.

Well, no, that's the... Scrabble's not a fun game. Scrabble's all right. It's not a fun game. There's a lot of waiting. It's not all right. There's a lot of waiting in Scrabble. Sure, it's fun when you put your word down

and you get something nice, but then you wait for people. There's no rules, right? There's no time limit on how long it takes. If there was the little hourglass thing, and that was like a real part of Scrabble. There's got to be a version of that. But I'm saying if that was the regular, that game could be fun. Would you rather play Scrabble or Monopoly?

Monopoly, and I hate Monopoly. Man, that is tough. If you're playing through to the end, it has to be Scrabble because I don't play a game for that long. Monopoly, if you actually play it through to the end, which I don't think most people have ever done. Has anyone ever completed a game of Monopoly? I don't know if anyone has ever completed a game of Monopoly. We would all take risk over both of those, right?

Oh, I love risk. I never played risk. Risk is good. You would love it. It's great. It does take a while, though. I'm just saying, you've completed the risk? Oh, yeah. I've played many, many a while, though. I'm just saying. You've completed the Risk? Oh, yeah.

I've played many, many a game of Risk. Is Risk... World domination. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. I do know the concept of Risk, but is it two players? Is it three, four?

It can be more. It can be up to four, I think. All right. Maybe we need to play a game of Risk. I don't know. We'll just have to carve out a weekend to get that done so anyways that is bringing us back to the question that's the competition i think of where she always gets the better of me and so i i can i know the feeling in my heart in that moment and so if every time i played cornhole or basketball or any pickleball, God forbid, if she won every time, I would have a problem with that.

Yeah, the paperwork would be filed, and that's not what you want. But then being outsmarted in every argument would defeat me, too. That sounds like immediately when you read this, that was the way worse thing. I do not want to be outsmarted in every argument. I want to win every argument. That is just a staple um however there is a benefit here to being outsmarted in every argument you actually like if if i am genuinely outsmarted right i am learning i am oh i thought you were gonna say everything's her fault. I am getting better. I am growing in knowledge, et cetera, et cetera.

When I lose in a competition, there is nothing but hatred and bile. There is no winning. I learn no lesson. Right. I just break my pickleball paddle. I was going to say, did you learn any lessons on the pickleball court yesterday? I did. I learned that there is a very expensive pickleball paddle that is not built for throwing.

So this happened. We play a lot of pickleball. We play a lot of pickleball around these parts. And I played what I believe is my worst game in multiple years. I played like I had never played before. Like this was my first time out. And I was so frustrated in myself that I threw that paddle with all my strength. And I'm proud to say I'm strong enough to buy a new paddle because that thing was in two pieces irreplaceable or fixable.

Irreparable. Yeah, it was replaceable. Irreparable. That was the word. So, yeah. And to be honest with you, when I saw you throw the paddle, I didn't think you threw it that hard. Well, I was really impressed that it broke. Shocking strength or the pickle pickleballs nice forehand is

what I'm saying peanut brittle Mike what's your answer on this one well so which one would be worse for you where I thought Jason was going is if you are outsmarted in every argument yes you have a learning opportunity but then you also you legitimately lost the argument. You are dumb. Well, but here's the thing. I'm sure we've all had, you know, you don't have to call it an argument, whatever. But just a strong debate with your significant other. And you feel in your heart that you are absolutely correct.

And you still end up losing the argument. And now you're mad because you're like, I'm still right, but we're going to go with your side. But if you have actually been outsmarted, then you have lost, and you can realize what went wrong in the argument. So it almost feels not as bad, maybe? I think that's the side i want yeah i i i think there are two different types of people you have people that can realize when they have lost an argument and you have people that they can still lose the argument but they do not know they right there are certain people um that i know that it's like i mean it can be clear as day and

they just will never believe that they have lost this argument. They stick to their guns when everything is shown right in front of their face. Like somewhere being really far away, like a far drive. Right. Like if you live super far, just mathematically speaking, you're like, no, I don't. And you're like, no, but it only takes this long to get there. And you're like, no, but it's actually really, really far away.

Because we proved it. Yeah. With math and science. For example for just for just throwing that out there like if you live people are really into this inside joke we are roasting jeremy here because before we turned on the uh i can't believe they did this to you buddy i just hopped on mike did this to you um i'm i'm always I'm always on the bus that drives over people. He's already on the ground. I'll kick him.

It's easy. It's right here. But yeah, we were grilling Jeremy for how super far away he lives, and he was refusing to believe that that's true because, like we said, when you have lost an argument, some people don't realize it. Oh, God. You're killing him. You're killing him.

I can feel it. I can feel it i can feel him he may he's not even chiming in his heart rate right now has got to be at a world-class athlete level he's just vibrating his watch is just vibrating with anger his watch is telling him he's playing a hockey game he's like let me show you how close i live and he hits the car right now would you like me to call the ambulance he's about to will smith you oh okay so anyways you're right that's true how quick would you become the person that just goes with what she said because why debate if you know you're going to be outsmarted there is a freedom in saying you're probably right on this one there are yeah i mean i've been around people. I remember my former occupation

when we were making video games that there was an artist that I just kind of started to trust everything she did. I was just like, I used to debate, and I'm like, yeah, you're always right here. So it was really nice. So I think I will take that. I will take being outsmarted every argument.

I think I will learn and be quick to you know and just dominate all the other arguments well then we're doing a lot of competitions i mean according to this would you rather we are we are playing every game we're playing bags we're playing board games we're playing poker everything at all the time also when a disagreement comes up and she's like do you want to debate this you say you know what Let's just settle this with a game of cornhole. Right. I'll paper, rock, scissors you for this debate. Louise from Twitter.

Would you rather go to prison on the weekends, so Friday through Sunday, it's an extended weekend, for the rest of your life, or do a three-year stint and be done? What a great would-you-rather question. Oh, my goodness wow so you never get a weekend vacation get away uh you know that's the rest of your life that's the rest of your life you can never do something on the weekend forever but a three-year stint so let's do the math on the days just about to do that so three times 52 that's 156 days per year that's going to bring you to approximately six years worth of doing that

you're matching three years in prison so you're you're never free you're going to definitely do more days in prison with the weekend plan you're just never going to do a long extended time. But there is a big difference here in who you are. If you just go to the prison on weekends, I don't feel like I was ever a prisoner. I'm a visitor. You know what I mean? It's going back to Monopoly. I'm just visiting.

I'm not in jail. I'm just uh passing by whereas once you do a three-year stint you get out as like an ex-con you know what i mean like you lived that life that was you so i feel like there's uh is there like a stigmata there is there a word there's a lot of bleeding from your uh eyes yes what's the word i'm looking stigma yeah there you go way to call me out on that one words matter see we are here to teach you that words matter stigma thank you

I just let him go too I was like yeah a stigma stigmata I think there's gonna be a stigma when you're like hey do you want to come to my birthday party on Saturday and you go hey I'm in prison don't forget stigmata is I think there's going to be a stigma when you're like, hey, do you want to come to my birthday party on Saturday? And you go, hey, I'm in prison. Don't forget. Stigmata is when the statue bleeds. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, a real banger of a horror movie from the 90s. I'm going to try the three-year stint. I mean, it's tough. I hate any question on Would You Rather where I am presuming that I'm going to be alive in three years or something, where you're just presuming tomorrow, like, oh, I'm going to get out of the way. But, I mean, you could die in prison. Yeah.

I mean, that's short. What percentage chance? That's where the killers go. I mean, which one of us does better in prison? Oh, that's a great question. Who does better in prison? Oh, that's a great question. Who does better in prison? What's the key to prison? I think...

Is it blending in? Is it keeping your head down? Is it establishing dominance? I mean, which one... None of us are establishing dominance. We're not getting into a prison and being like, going up and punching the biggest guy and saying, this is my prison.

I think Mike does the best in prison. Well, he's got the tats, so that helps. Tattoos, also, he likes to keep to himself. Yes. And he looks probably more... Oh, the resting angry face. You look more intimidating than you really... You're more of a threat visually than you really might be in prison.

I'm a teddy bear. Yeah. But don't tell them that. See, I feel like I'm more of the opposite. I look like a teddy bear. Right.'t tell them that see i feel like i'm more the opposite i i look like a teddy bear right i think they would really try just an inferno of rage oh man when i when i rage i i'm sure i could protect myself in some situations um the spinning around with your fists out is not considered proper self-defense tell that to the tasmanian devil okay you sound like an idiot i think mike does the i'm i'm not gonna do great no i think it's mike me than you yeah i'm gonna

do bad i'm reading so many books uh have you ever had a cellmate with a gas problem uh my cellmate will um i think i take the i think you have to do the three years i think you got to give it a shot taking up your your weekends for the rest of your life can we do it together the three of us and have our own little like gang oh that'd be good we would we snap like we're the ballers yeah we're the baller that would be a real big we're getting we're getting we're gonna get real quick we gotta kill those guys uh keep snapping all right uh mike which one is your final answer uh you gotta do the three year all right do we have time for another would you rather we do this one comes from jeremy's daughter from the website what not my daughter yeah you

don't have a daughter so that's good would you rather know when you're going to die but not be able to tell your family or all your or your family all knows when you're going to die but they're not allowed to tell you oh man what is with the super intense question oh i love it so here's the real question let's let's break down the first part because one of these presumes something good that knowing when you're gonna die is a good thing is it well no no i'm not sure that it is but i think this question kind of presumes that that is a good thing that you know when you die well i guess it's necessary for this question for somebody to know but here's the thing that you know when you die. Well, I guess it's necessary for this question for somebody to know when you're dying. If you know when you're going to die, and let's say that's locked.

Right. Can't change. This is fate. It really changes things where you're just like, I'm going to go do dangerous things. I've been scared to jump out of a plane and skydive with no parachute. But I know that I cannot die at this very moment. I know something is going to happen. You don't know, though.

You'll never know enough to do that. Well, that's what it is. Do I know that it's locked? There's magic here. You can know that it's locked, but that's not the same thing as knowing certainly. I guess you have to ease up to that level you'd have to start with like maybe a parachute just saying like it's like um i just wonder if you'd ever have the true because at some point you're gonna have to put it to the test where

you do something that would kill you and it doesn't happen and that moment would be hard it would be like uh uh domino the the superhero in the Deadpool movie, where it's just like lucky crap just keeps happening. Like if someone's going to fire a gun at you, it just all of a sudden, the gun just keeps misfiring and jams. Okay. Yeah, because I know that I cannot die right now. Would you go? It's a war.

Would you go the superhero route if you had that ability? I mean, like to me, that has always been. Oh, there we go. That's a good question. Every time I've thought about having that level of invincibility, because that's what it is, right? It is. Yes.

It's just a reword. If you find out, Mike, you're locked, 84 years old, lung cancer. Right. All right? At that point, do you owe it to society to use your power, or is it just fun? Would you go... Fun.

Definitely fun. Would you dress your car up and is a superhero car so here's the problem with this premise is that it's not invulnerability like i could still get beat up yeah me broken arm i don't want to get hurt right i really don't like discomfort it's one it's very uncomfortable for me so i i believe that i would not help society as a superhero i think the first one is my final vote and that's an easy one if my family knows that is a burden that i don't want them to bear since we're getting heavy the first one i'm gonna know and i'm gonna be able to get my affairs hopefully in some sort of order it's 20 minutes from now i mean if you knew yeah 20 minutes is a problem but if you knew you'd be able to kind of set some things up yeah yeah you would that's your family not being able to tell

you they're gonna start acting different that day when they come along and they're like do you want to take one more walk around the the lake Why? We just walked around the lake. See, I think that's the loophole here. I think you should take that one because now my life continues on totally normally. Like, for instance, if my family knows that I die at 84 years old, they're not going to change a thing. But what if it's next year? See, that's the thing. Now once it comes to bear, now once it's like oh this

is this is gonna happen they might not be able to tell me but i'm gonna know because they're gonna act different they're gonna they're gonna be wearing that on their sleeve and you'll go is it today is it today just tell me just tell me uh but you know but but here's the deal let's say they can't tell me and maybe they're starting to act that way because it's a year away and they know it's the final year and that's a long time oh then you're sitting there going yours oh no panic attack every day opposite instead of a panic attack it's making the most of my life for a long time like you know if you know if you knew that you'd have you know we talked about this

on a recent show where it was like your perfect day you don't want to nap because it's like you're deleting part of the day but if it's your final day you wouldn't nap you were going to take and use the most of your time does that mean eating what you want you know it you know it um but i would also probably be far more active with my family you know what i mean like that whole last year the boys are like ah go on the trampoline with me i'll be like yep let's go yeah boy they're gonna be really excited to jump with you you're somber everywhere all right the only reason i'm doing this is because i know i'm gonna die soon you're not gonna be building that.

I want you to know that. No plans. You won't be making any future, like, you want to do that remodel? I don't know if that remodel is really worth it right now. How quick can they get that done? So are you going with that one? I'm going to go with that one. So we're split, Mike.

Which one's yours? I'm taking the, I know, because I'm the same as you. Yeah. It's a burden, and I will carry it by myself. Man, it would be quite the random draw, though. It could be a burden, or it could be like they find out it's like 96 years old. In a motorcycle accident. Not for my family.

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You need Indeed. What's the difference between me and you all right jason i mean he illustrated it very well using a number of words earlier but we we want what's the difference between a stigma and a stigmata yeah there you go so this is the part of the show it's very narrow very narrow line. We break it down. Yes. We help you out. What's the difference between getting scared, spooked, and startled?

Okay. Yes. A lot of people don't know. Yes. Glad you guys are tuning in. I mean, when you think about those three words, startled and spooked, are those in the same degree of scared no no so it's it's really in what's doing the scaring is it oh big time yes when you spooked

is almost always ghosts yeah supernatural yeah supernatural i don't want to i don't want to limit it to just ghosts because um you know poltergeist or... Which is a ghost. Yeah. Or Casper. Casper. You know, any kind of ghost. But any supernatural... Or like a dead person, their spirit comes back. Right. Someone that's died and then they're hanging around.

You know, you ever seen Sixth Sense? Yeah. Those characters. Spoiler alert. hanging around um you know you ever seen six cents like yeah those characters um spoiler alert yeah but but i do think that to be spooked it's got to be something that is supernatural eerie and oh eerie okay now now it fits the bill because i was gonna say couldn't you get spooked if let's say uh you have that situation where you were to board that plane and then you didn't and you got delayed but then that plane went down would you be spooked i think you'd be oh man i could have gotten on that plane but i didn't perhaps is that so that's too big of a scenario to be spooked i think that's yeah that when it's

after the the fact i don't think you're you live in a state of being spooked right yes you are you are actively feeling it you are afraid of what's coming so like for instance the difference between being scared and being spooked right like if you thought that there was um some guy right outside your window a mask a mask now i'm scared I'm not spooked. Right. Because that's a real person that has not died yet. Scared's like you're in a very active state. Yeah. Active state and a real problem. Like it could cause you an issue.

And it's an extended period of time. Now startled is like when I walk into the pantry and I didn't realize somebody else was already in there. Yes. Startled is in an instant and I'm so glad this is coming up because the difference between startled and scared needs to be laid out for people. Big time. Oh, because you get accused of being scared when you're startled.

Yes. Oh, I scared you. I admit this. I startle probably easier than anyone you've ever met in your entire life. I will take that challenge. And on top of that, I frequently hurt myself when I'm startled. The whiplash, something happens in my whole body.

It's really not a good survival technique of my body when I'm startled. My reaction is to just tighten every muscle in my body. Oh, you pull muscles and stuff? So my neck just gets thrown out, and now for days I am in pain. startled my reaction is to just tighten every muscle oh you like pull muscles and stuff so my neck just get gets thrown out and now for days i am uh i'm in pain because you weren't scared no no no no that's but thank you jason yeah that's what i'm trying to say is no you did not scare me you startled me and there is a very big difference i do not scare easy i startle easy oh and this discussion has happened it's 100 percent the it's the truth

kids take credit yes for scaring yeah and if you scare easy you're a big wimp oh for sure you're a big weenie a bit wimps always scary yeah if i'm not i'm strong mike that's i am a tough strong guy now me too if you if i walk around a corner and let's say you were just standing there right you weren't trying to do anything. You just happened to be there. You're going to startle the crap out of me. And also, you will have startled me. I was going to say, is that a double startle?

Sure. But neither of you were scared of each other. We're not scared at all, man. Have you ever seen the video of the goats that when they get startled, they just fall over? And their legs go bigger and more. I live 100% of my startle life when I am trying to sleep. I am the lightest sleeper on the planet. A pin drops in the – I have to have white noise.

Because if a pin drops in a room across the house, I will get up and be like – Now, you got to be careful, though, because that could be getting spooked. It could be a ghost. Right. You do have to be careful. You said it's nighttime, right? Yeah.

Ghosts only exist at night. though because that could be getting spooked it could be a ghost right you do have you said it's nighttime right and that's the only ghost only exists so if it's so the same reaction but if it's caused by a ghost i'm being spooked 100 if it's caused by like you know the dog rustling against you know a door that is being startled and then the unless it's a dead dog right well of course then it's then it's you're getting your understanding it the real last situation that is um something that changes and it's it's it's the only situation i can think of that actually qualifies for all three if you were to walk around the corner and unexpectedly there was someone wearing like a sheet then they look like a ghost you're startled but then you think oh no i'm spooked because it's a ghost, but it's actually a person. So they did, in fact, scare you. But if the person under the sheet was a murderer, you would then be scared.

That's right. I have one final question here, though. What is the ruling on zombies? I think that's still supernatural. Oh. Oh. I see what you're saying. We tried to say that it's ghosts

It's a fleshy ghost But no Mike's point is here Because that's scary That's not spooky Because I think when we say supernatural What we really mean is Can't actually hurt you They're transparent

But a zombie could eat you That's terrified Oh okay truly hurt you. Yes, they're transparent. Right. You can walk right through it. But a zombie could eat you. A zombie is going to, yeah, that's scary. That's terrified. Yes. Oh, okay. All right. What is the difference between an asteroid, a comet, and a meteor? Now, see, this one has a scientific answer.

Yes. Hmm. Yeah. What is it, Jay? Totally. Yeah. If you want to know the science between what an asteroid, a comet, and a meteor is, just listen to me. I will tell you right now.

Right about the comet is going to be a thing in the sky. It doesn't come. It's not going to land in our atmosphere. It's got a tail. Right. And usually it's associated with a person like sometimes hayley yeah um like you say oh that's hayley's comet and so you'd look up and there's this big beautiful it's almost like a shooting star claimed it or is it that's right yeah she was the first to see it so hayley gets to name it um now um um meteor and an asteroid these get often confused with one another

because a lot of people think it's these are these are closer together yeah yeah but they're not the same thing because let me tell you why because a meteor is way bigger than an asteroid. Oh, wait, I'm being told. This just in. An asteroid is way bigger than a meteor. So that was the difference? The difference in size? Not only. Oh, well, of course not. In addition to the size of an asteroid being bigger,

one of them has to come into the atmosphere maybe yeah i believe at that point then a meteor becomes a meteorite yeah that well that's the difference we didn't yeah that's yeah i didn't want to bring it up right um so the rest you can really read online okay so now that i've got some resources for you. Yeah. Now that I've clearly explained. Ask your parents. What it is. Ask your parents. I do want to know the answer.

It's the composition of what it is. Right. That's what I said. Yes. Yeah. The comet. The reason it has the tail is because it's made of mostly ice. Yes.

Yeah. A real Chris Swig moment there. All right. What's the difference between a cat nap, a power nap, a regular nap, and a sleep? Oh, okay. Here we go. Here we go. Sleep, let's just get it out of the way.

It's longer. Oh, for sure. Yeah, that's easy. Easy peasy. Yeah, but then where's the threshold? If you're over three hours. We've talked about this before. Oh, really?

Yeah, we have talked about it before. Three hours was the line? Yeah, because if it's under three hours, it's not a- You're not asleep. Two hours and 45 minutes as a nap. Yeah, that's a lot. Three hours and 15 minutes? Yeah, because if it's under three hours, it's not a... Two hours and 45 minutes as a nap. Yeah. Three hours and 15 minutes is a short sleep. Yeah, that's right.

Got it. A power nap, I know this one is 20 minutes. 20 to 30 minutes. That's a power nap. You go too long, and you're not getting the power from the nap. Okay. You can ruin that. But where I'm struggling here is the power nap to the cat nap.

Mm-hmm. That makes sense. Well, it's really... They're both short, right? A cat nap and a power nap to the cat nap that makes sense well it's really it's they're both short right a cat nap and a power nap are both short but one of them you know how when oh i know the answer when you wake up from one of these short naps sometimes you are rejuvenated you feel like man that really changed the outlook of the rest of my day. That's a power nap. But sometimes you wake up and you feel so stupid. Well, that is the worst feeling.

The waking up from a nap feeling like something is off. But I think this is about intention. I think it's a power nap. You went to do it. A cat nap, you slipped into it. Okay. So the power nap, you're like, man, I could really use a nap right now to get me through the rest of this day. Do you think that's why you intentionally wake up rejuvenated versus waking up feeling stupid like a cat? It's possible, yeah.

It's possible that a power nap gets out of control and that thing can get away from you and then you're almost in sleep zone. That's not a good place. But you set out to do it. A cat nap, that has to happen while you're possibly watching a television show. That's the you laid down, telling yourself, I'm just going to lay down. Right. But I will continue to keep watching this show. That's what I think.

And then 20 minutes pass. What's a regular nap, though? A regular nap is over 30 minutes, you hit a little bit of rim. You hit a little bit of rim cycle. But what's the difference between a regular and a power then? If power is about intention. Power is short. Power is short.

Power is 20 to 30 minutes. 20 to 30. Do you ever hear about the famous creative people that would intentionally go to sleep with a, they'd be holding a spoon, right? Yes. And as soon as they slip into the nap, they drop the spoon.

It would wake them up and spark creativity so that they could paint a painting or make a i don't understand they're like yeah i fall asleep in this chair yeah hold it i'm like what you're falling asleep in your rickety wooden chair it's really uncomfortable there's no way you're falling asleep i i don't think that that actually worked well i think that it inspired artists because they were still in another place. They were so tired. That's a catnap to me because they come out just being an insane person, which if a cat were a person, it would be an insane person.

It would. Yeah. That's fair. Did we settle that pretty well? Yeah, I think we got it. You want to do one more? Yeah, let's do one more. What is the difference between fog smoke okay and haze i mean smoke and fog seem very obviously

different everyone knows that yeah smoke is created from something burning yeah combustible yes fog is uh it's something that comes from mother nature yeah but how does it get there no one no one really knows yeah experts are still trying to figure i believe the clouds push it downward it's a it's a low cloud it's a baby cloud it's a baby cloud it's it's it's actually how clouds give birth when a cloud gives birth it's kind of like if you've ever watched a cow give birth right and it's exactly the same the baby calf drops to the ground and that's what's happening this cloud is really like saying i'm too full look how big my belly is and then they

kind of that's right the belly of a cloud it's right in the middle now haze comes from pollution. Yeah, but it also has to factor in how beautiful the light is. It can be purple. Right, exactly. The light matters here. Purple haze, you've heard of that. I mean, like, for instance, if it's... Which comes from pollution. If it's dark, you know, the sun is not yet really up.

It's hazy out. It's not really hazy because you need light and color for it to be hazy. I don't think you can have, like, if it's white, if the fog is white, it's fog. Okay. But can it be foggy and hazy at the exact same time? No, I don't think so because I think the fog can turn into haze. I really do. I think that if there's there's other

colored lights around lighting up that little baby cloud okay so it's just lit fog right colored fog right colored fog is what we call haze but it's from an external source right the color yes yes because the fog can't actually change fog cannot produce color it's one of the most commonly known facts yeah that's like the third principle of ergonomics um so but the clouds clouds just don't they don't have colors that's right so if they're giving birth they're not unless they go dark gray sometimes oh that is true um we've got a problem dark gray i mean that's a that's like a weak attempt at a color by the by the cloud it's not doing much to look different if when fog comes that is and it is a cloud giving birth right what is rain just wanted to make sure because i always thought that my mom was like no it's not i was like you don't know what you're talking about what's acid rain oh

that's when they've had like asparagus yeah we're actually that's a pretty good segue to this draft because what comes out of you yes is really dependent upon what goes in. It's also super important to end this segment. Today's show is brought to you by Skylight Frame. The holidays are upon us. Gifts. We got to find good ones. We got to find meaningful ones, fresh ones, and it can be very difficult, but it's not. meaningful ones, fresh ones, and it can be very difficult, but it's not. Listen to me. The skylight frame. Boom. You're done. This is what you got to get. Grandma and grandpa, check. Check them off the list. Just get them a skylight frame. Here's what it is. It's a digital frame that is extremely easy to add pictures to. We spend so much time taking pictures with our phones, and then we're

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To get $15 off your purchase of a Skylight Frame, just go to skylightframe.com slash ballers. That's S-K-Y-L-I-G-H-T-F-R-A-M-E dot com slash ballers. The Spitballers Draft. Ballers draft. Well, if it's your first time on this show, this is a good template for what you're going to listen to in episodes past. Congratulations for making it this far. Today's draft is foods that push your poop button.

Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. Now, that is not to say you avoid them. Oh, never. never right of course not i mean nobody in this entire office makes more choices in this department to yes then mike yes where he knows he knows what will ravage yes and he puts on these these blinders he puts them on it's not really a blinder it's just it, it's a, how do I feel right now?

Oh, now versus later. Like what, what am I willing to take on? Like there's, there, there are penalties to be paid for these things. The iron price. Yes. And it is a really unfortunate situation for my life because my one-on-one is very easy because it is quite possibly my favorite food. Yeah. And it's also the thing that sends everyone to the bathroom. Does the trick. Because my 101 is very easy because it is quite possibly my favorite food.

Yeah. And it's also the thing that sends everyone to the bathroom. Does the trick. It's a good old-fashioned burrito. Okay. That's your favorite food. Oh, my gosh. I love burritos. All of them.

Chipotle burritos, real authentic Mexican burritos, fast food burritos. You get the triad of Poop Button with a burrito you get uh size right it's yes generally which honestly that's that's i think the biggest problem with like the chipotle burrito but you get spice too yeah you get spice and you get beans which can get you as well but i think that like the wrap is not going the bad rap is not not going against like the, I'm saying it's going against the ingredients, but it's really just, you're eating something that is way too big. Shouldn't be. It should not go into your stomach. And then your body is like doing its best to work through the gigantic burrito that you just ate.

If they called it something different, if they called it a poo wrap. Oh. Right. Would it change any of the amount of times you'd order it? Does it still taste the same? It tastes the same. Then no. So you'd just straight up order the poo wrap.

Oh my gosh. I think he already knows he is. Yes. Okay. So a rose by any other color still smells as sweet. A rose by any other color. That is the phrase. Don't look it up.

That is definitely the phrase don't look it up that is definitely all right jason you are up with um your first pick foods that push this one's pretty easy for me um this is uh you know it's got a lot of ingredients that really um that really stir things up yeah stir you know that's a great way to put it because it stirs things up. Life of the party. It's going to create a lot of gas, and the gas is really going to help move things along. Propel this forward.

I'm talking about a nice bowl of chili. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the chili, you get all the beans and ground nasty meat. There's never high-quality meat and chili. It's kind of the leftovers. Yeah, you don't want to know where that meat comes from. And then you've got all the seasonings. The chili powders are, you know, they move things along.

Now, you went with chili. Now, for my first pick, I need a ruling because my 101. Beverages count. No. You can drink chili. My number one was going to be a chili cheese dog. Now, that is, there's the cheese, there's the dog. Is that permissible?

Look, I took chili. I feel like I should be allowed to rule on this. Yeah, go for it. I think that's good because a chili cheese dog, you've got a whole other thing to work with here. A hot dog by itself can really be a problem. I feel like you took a better pick than me. So chili cheese dog to me has got to be the chicken.

Honestly, if it didn't push that button with such ferocity, I think I'd eat these all the time. But it really does a number on the old. Chili cheese dog is a young man's game. You're right, it is. I remember being a wee lad at an amusement park and just housing chili cheese dogs, jumping on a roller coaster, and having absolutely no repercussions for my actions.

I feel very confident in saying there's no food I've thrown up more than a chili cheese dog. So it doesn't really push your button. It pushes all the buttons, my friends. There are a bunch of buttons inside, and it just says out. It pushes the out button. It's the elf in the elevator. It pushes all of them. Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. It makes all the in the elevator. Just buddy the elf. It pushes all of them.

Oh, I see what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. It makes all the stops. Yeah. All right. Oh, wait. I have another pick.

Yes, you do. Oh, this is not a bad draft to have two in a row. No. Are you going to go with regular hot dog? No. Man, this is tough. I wasn't thinking about the second pick. I guess I will just go with Bob, a big old burger.

Oh, a big old burger. It's built to. Is that a common thing? A big old burger? No, no, no, no, no. Calling it a Bob. No, I just. Okay.

You're just trying it out right now. Spicing it up right here. I thought maybe I'd missed something. Yeah, I just think a big old burger. Again, it's got the special qualities of a burrito where no one man should be consuming this much. But it's got to have at least two patties. Grease. I do find. Oh, the grease.

Yeah, the grease is going to help lube things up. It's going to grease it. I do find that my number one like poop causer um is number one number two right my number one number two is due to volume i think the way that my body works is that right now i am completely full all the way up to the stomach and so i just so I just push. It's just pushing it out. That's all I think about it, too, man.

That's all it is. It's just pushing more out. Like Go-Gurt. Yes. Yes. A hundred percent. This is a Go-Gurt situation. You can't put more Go-Gurt in the tube without it coming out the other side of the tube.

There's a max capacity. And so the Go-Gurt machine is working. I love that. Now, when you have the mental picture of that are you seeing the objects that you had previously eaten in their unshoed state in your stomach like you're seeing the full chicken leg in the yeah bone and everything okay um all right so i'm back up now i'm gonna take the one thing that is is different than that all most of my list is is basically going to be that that go-gurt situation where i'm pushing the next thing volume volume volume but the one thing that can

really get me moving and it's true for almost everybody yeah it's probably the 101 on lists of things to start the timer yeah it's coffee yes coffee is gonna get you cleared out and and you know i'm not an i know you two are every morning coffee drinkers i i like coffee i i really enjoy a good cup but i'm always rushing in the morning so i don't always have coffee but i find that half of the coffees i have are when it's yeah i need to the go-gurt factory's not moving the go-gurt factory's not working i need to work something out i'm gonna make me a coffee it's an intentional it's an intentional button push that's right this is so we need to get things going yep and and i feel like is it effective almost all the time yeah i would say it's yeah it doesn't take much so um yeah i

can get going that factory just needs a little help. It just needs a push. That's like a motivational speaker coming into my factory, really ramping things up, going, guys, guys, let's get this production line moving. You can be more efficient. You can do this. Let's go.

Turn that button on. Coffee is the motivational speaker of the digestive system. That is right. Okay, well said. Mike, you are back up. You got your burrito. I did. Coffee would have been my second pick.

And then my three and four, I don't know. This is just me. And they are, so I'll just take them both at the same time. They are food that come together, generally speaking. I don't know why we have decided that we need to combine multiple poop button pushing foods together. But I will take pizza and I will take hot wings. Okay. Because that's setting the timer for...

It's not the 15 minute coffee timer. It's the 2 a.m. timer. That's... I know I'm going to... How spicy? Oh, you you gotta go hot uh super hot you gotta go hot um and i know that i will be awoke at some point awoken yes awoken awaken uh at some point during the night and does that really happen oh yeah you really get awoken oh poop it just happened to me uh two

nights ago all right yes you wait you don't your body doesn't wake you up that has never happened we don't eat quite like that oh i do that's madness man i can't imagine a life where you don't how if you eat certain foods three eight three four a.m you're just your body wakes up and goes yep you gotta you got to go now. It's definitely happened before. I mean, I feel like when you combine pizza and hot wings, you've already got, it's like someone trying to blow open a door with an explosive device. You already have enough, and some other guy comes along,

and they're like, let's put another bomb on there. You're like, no, the door's going to open all by itself. Sir, we were just trying to open the door, not annihilate it. Not blow the building up. That's a good comp. So, burrito, pizza, hot wings. I mean, that's a trifecta of deliciousness, frankly. Oh, yes.

Jason, it's back to you. You have chili, coffee. We prefer another C word. Well, I wasn't going to go this way, but you are right. I do have the three c's or i'm about to oh you got a third well yeah because i have two and i should have three so i'm taking chorizo oh yeah just some good old-fashioned spicy greasy yes oh it's so good just slide it right through just put it right through this is This is conveyor belt eating.

Yes. There is no digestion happening here. You don't need to. You don't need. It's just so greased up. The only thing is it's going to increase the temperature on the way out. That's it. So, yeah.

Chorizo is so delicious. Oh, gosh. It's so good. A chorizo burrito? Oh, man. It's so good. A chorizo burrito? Oh, man. It's so good. But so... Yes.

I mean, it's going to be a challenge. It's going to be a battle. Yeah. Starting a day with a chorizo breakfast burrito, it's... The rest of your day is shit. Yeah. Clear the schedule because I've decided to eat this for breakfast. All right. I have to make my final two picks here. Yep. All right. I think this one might be... Clear the schedule because I've decided to eat this for breakfast.

All right. I have to make my final two picks here. Yep. All right. I think this one might be, I don't know if it's everybody. I don't know if it's just because this food is eaten traditionally in the time that most people poop, which is mornings. I know a lot of people got morning poop schedules. It's bacon and eggs.

Okay. Interesting. For whatever reason, just a big, I wanted to say big old breakfast, but I already did big old burgers, and I can't put it all together, but the breakfast food. You can't have two bobs. You can't have two bobs. And you guys said you have to draft specific foods,

and I feel like bacon and eggs are another thing. When you combine them together, you get the grease, you get some volume. Eggs do something special in the body in general. Protein-powered. Well, I mean, come on. Eggs and gas, they're associated with one another. Are they? Of course they are.

Oh, egg farts? I had a big helping of deviled eggs this morning, fellas. Yeah, well, we know what's coming. Yeah. I just wanted to pre-apologize. I was not aware of the egg farts. I mean, deviled eggs. When I make a decision to get deviled eggs, I'm thinking of how farty do I want to be.

Interesting. You don't know about egg farts? Well, see, what you don't understand or what you actually do understand is everything makes me fart. So I don't pay attention to these foods that make other people fart because it's just food. But it's not just food farts. You ever have the food farts? It's not just food. Food farts. You ever have the food farts? It's not just quantity of the fart.

The egg fart smells like an egg fart. Because you go, oh, that smells like a bad egg. That's fair. And then this last one. And deviled eggs. No, I'm just going to go with. Deviled eggs is a good pick. I'm just going to go with beans.

Okay. I mean, beans in all shapes, sizes, and forms, they were created for this effort. They're a magical fruit. So mean old beans. Mean old beans. Big old burger and mean old beans. Yeah. So that's my chili cheese dog, big old burger, bacon and eggs and beans.

All right. Okay. And you could have a whole day. We should be forced to have one day where we just eat the four objects on no on the list that because that will not be just a day it will uh it will go on into the future yes all right final pick i am up and i've got a final pick you have to you have no choice but to complete the poetry and motion well the problem with this poetry is i only have one thing with a c left and it was a carne asada burrito which you already took a burrito that is correct so i won't pull on andy over here i hope that i give him permission

i drive the bus that's good um so uh i there is a c in the word it's just not in the beginning but i'm gonna take an Arby's beef and cheddar. Yeah, it's on my list. I mean, let's just get right down to it. It's on my list. I mean, I have said for now multiple decades, there is a special manufactured chemical that Arby's... Now, I think they put it in everything they got. Oh, yeah.

It's in the roast beef. It's in the cheese. It's in the Arby's yeah. It's in the roast beef. It's in the cheese. It's in the Arby's sauce. It's in the bun. It's in the highest concentration in the beef and cheddar, which I don't think it's consumable. I don't think we should be consuming it. I love a beef and cheddar. Oh, it tastes delicious.

It is one of my absolute favorite things to poop out. But your body says when it goes in, and it goes in easy, deliciously. In fact, I think I could eat a high quantity of those, like a lot of them. They used to have the five for five deal. Oh, brother. And then the big toilet company said, you can't do this anymore. We can't. You have to charge more.

We can't handle it. You're ruining our product. So, but anyways, yeah, no, that's a good pick. And they have a chemical that is made to, well, it's made for evacuation. Yes. All right, my last pick. This is very individualized. And I think maybe I'm just going to spread some awareness here of people.

After you eat this, just pay attention and realize. Be on your guard. Yeah, maybe it's coming from the food and I don't realize because it is chock full of fiber. It's popcorn. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

What? This thing is fully loaded with fiber. And I remember as a lad going to the movie theater and I would put down a bunch of popcorn. You don't say. But I would get home. And it would be bad bull. Game on. Challenge accepted.

There is nothing solidified about what is happening after I eat a big old bag of popcorn. So do you avoid popcorn because of that? No. I did back then because it feels like the results were far worse back then. But yeah, man, popcorn can get people. And then you add in fake chemical cheese and stuff. Oh, you betcha. I am in embarrassment when I put the powder on the popcorn

in a quantity that has to be a week or two's worth of sodium intake. So do you do the powder and the liquid butter? Yes. No, no, no, no. What? I don't do any liquid butter. Okay. Powder only.

It's like a dry rub. Oh, really? So no? Nope. No butter. Those are also like, they're so fake and they're so not like. Oh, they're terrible. Now, have you seen the.

I like the dry. Have you seen the trick where people put a straw in the popcorn and then put it up to the butter machine so that the butter goes down inside the bag? Wow, I have not seen that. I mean, I've seen the workers that layer the butter. Put a scoop of popcorn in butter, put a scoop of popcorn in butter, put a scoop of popcorn in butter. If you work at a movie theater.

I was going to say, that's the single most annoying request. No, no, no. If you work at a movie theater, please always do this. Do not even make me request it. Oh, not going to happen. If I say, no, I've had it happen like half of the time. Oh, where they ask you. Where they say, do you want butter?

I say yes. And then I go and I watch them layer my butter. Oh, they layer it by default? Yes. And that's a professional. You got profiled. Well, guilty as charged. Continue to profile me.

You got profiled? Oh, man. Layered? Yeah. Do you have to ask? Look at this body. What did we learn today? I learned that that joke might have been the funniest one ever to Jeremy

because I just hear him cackling for way too long back there. Do they layer your butter, Jeremy? They do now. A couple years ago they didn't, but things have changed. It's like the moment when you stop getting carded for drinks. You're like, ah. They no longer ask if I want butter. They assume.

I learned the stigma stigmata difference today, despite the fact I think Jason learned it as well. No, no, no, no, no. I knew it. It's intentional. The world learned. The world learned that startled and scared are very different things. You're not scared.

No. Never have been. Never will be. I'm a brave man. Just tell me when you're coming around the corner. Get a little startled sometimes. Thank you for tuning in, listening, supporting the podcast, pitballerspod.com. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.