Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Leather-Bound Bodies & The Most Overrated Activities - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 16, 2023

Spit Hit for February 16th, 2023: On this episode, we get a live look into Andy’s parenting life as he exchanges texts with quarreling siblings live on the air. We also discuss party food etiquette and define/invent “The Doorway Effect”. We close things down with a draft of the most overrated activities which are sure to trigger some people. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit Wads on this week's spit hit. We're looking to trigger some people. That's why we're talking about the most overrated activities. Look, if you like these activities, you're going to get triggered because we're telling you they're overrated. They suck. We're also going to get a nice look into Andy's parenting life as he exchanges texts with quarreling siblings live on the show.

Be sure to stay tuned and check it out. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, a-big-a-dee-blam! I think I liked it.

I think that was okay to me. I don't understand the babadoo. Thrice. Yeah, I mean, you stuck with it. You're like, today is National Babadoo Day. What's wrong with a little Babadoo? I liked it.

I was a fan. It definitely finished strong. You didn't throw any extra syllables in there. I've been accused of being a squeedist. A squeedger. Spitballersers welcome in would you rather highway to spell in a draft on today's show drafting most of the most wait what was what was that that was you talking about highway to spell and i i would i am one third of this group and i nominate that we don't call it highway to spell uh i'd say we get rid of that segment entirely because I hate it.

I think it's great. But, Owl, I make a motion. All future Highway to Spell episodes must also coincide with Jason Scatting. Can we just get everything that Jason hates into one episode? I will skip every third episode. We'll get a Jason Explains in there, too. Oh, great. Fantastic.

What have I done? Now, how did it work out on the last Highway to Spell? I went out right away. As I participated, while you two were spelling much better words, I realized I would have gone out the second round and the third round. I mean, I had. Here's the thing. We've done this a couple times, and I was okay. Like, the first time. I mean, I had, here's the thing, we've done this a couple times,

and I was okay. Like, the first time we did this, I was fine. You'll be better today. You want to know why? Why? He's starting with some easier words. Oh, hallelujah. I don't know, man.

Oh, don't give me hallelujah. Please. I have no idea how to spell that. We appreciate you supporting the show at SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com is the website. Figure out how you can be an official Spitwad member. Thank you for telling your friends, reviewing the show, all of the things that make podcasts

grow. If you are in an office, I command you, pause the episode. You're commanding people now? I command. Oh, man. This is not an option. Yeah, if you've been commanded. If you're in an office, pause the show, peek over your cubicle, and say, Hey, check out this podcast I'm listening to.

You have to do it now. Yes. I'm having a real dad moment here. Uh-oh. Do you want to peer into my life? Of course. My daughter is six, and she's texting me. Oh, okay.

Well, that's on you. Problem one. Problem one. Bad parenting. Look, it says, Dad, Caleb said he will cut off my finger. Oh, okay. And that is big brother. That's big brother.

Okay. And then I said, what? And she replied, and he's telling the truth. Oh. With what, though? Do you want me to ask? Yes. Please follow up.

I got his intent and weapon of choice. Because if he's just like, I got a cheese slicer. Right. You have nothing to worry about that. If it's like butcher knife, you got a problem. Well, I'll keep you posted. But if it's like butcher knife, you got a problem. Well, I'll keep you posted.

We'll keep you posted on whether or not my son cuts off my daughter's finger. I hope he doesn't. Yeah, me too. Oh, here we go. Caleb said he will cut my finger off with scissors. That's a problem. I feel like you could. Are these child scissors?

That's good parenting. Your first child sisters? Tell him not to. Now that's good parenting. Your first good parenting. Tell him not to. That's what my. Yeah. I would recommend maybe text Caleb. That's a good idea. But hold on.

I mean, how are you? Don't cut her finger off, please. All right. We'll take care of it. The boy's hand. Is it strong enough? is it strong enough no i don't think so i mean we'll we'll find out stay tuned because like i i feel like my hand is i could get a child's finger off oh gross mercy well i would but you're probably right yeah thank

you jason but uh like not with a pair of scissors yeah with i could get a child's finger with a pair of scissors but but a full-grown hand, I don't know if I could. No, they would have to be called shears at that point. Yeah, but that's not a scissor. Or those hedge clippers. Well, certainly. I could get a wrist. Or no problem.

Those things are amazing. Whoever invented those hedge shears, those are crazy. Not the ones with the long blades. The ones with the three-inch blade with the long handles oh yeah if it can fit in there because it's leverage it's gone well we'll keep you posted i may have to leave yeah well certainly um anyways so uh hope you and your uh office cubicle mate are enjoying the show yeah and your your four your daughter with four fingers. Oh, man.

Let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather? Parenting's a full-time job, man. Yeah, you gotta stay on top of it. And we also, I mean, this is a show we try to help people out. We're all dads. Parenting via text is really the way to go.

You find it easier? Well, I mean, it's the way I, all my conversations with my children. Dad, in-house? Dad, can I talk to you? In-house, it's just all text. You pull out your phone, say, sure, bud, and then you walk away. Just point. I do mine through my Alexas.

Oh, do you? That announcement's through the house, so there's a public shame, too? Yes. Make an announcement. Yeah. Please don't cut off your sister's finger. That's right. I guess I could do that from here.

Good night. Riggles McTiggles from Patreon has a would you rather question for us. Thank you for your support. Wriggles. That's a funny name. Would you rather have to speak like the count from Sesame Street. Oh, oh, oh. Anytime you say a number out loud or act like Dora the Explorer every time man you are in a drive throughthru line i don't know how often i say numbers out loud probably more than i think yeah far more look well but i know how often i'm in a drive-thru line far more than the drive-thru but i right i rescind and then i have to scream it i mean there is no worse show on the planet than Door to the Explorer. Concept, fine. Execution, horrific.

Everybody's screaming everything. I'd like a Big Mac number one with an extra large Diet Coke, please. Kill me. That inflection was so good because it is. It's max volume, and it is just you're talking semitones of modulation there is there's no express real expression where you go real high to real low no it's just just just a slight nasty awful you know scratching nails on a chalkboard if you did that at a drive-thru No swipey. Oh, my gosh. Did you not, Dora? Oh, I did, Dora. I'm a map.

I'm a map. I'm a map. I'm a map. It's the worst. And anybody out there who hasn't seen Dora, just... Is Dora still here? Yeah. Of course.

They came out with a motion picture like two years ago about Dora. Yeah, but the motion... A motion picture. As we call it. And you come back saying motion picture. At the motion. A motion picture. As we call it. And you got me saying motion. At the cinema. Look, there was a talkie that came out featuring Dora. Did you see it?

I did see it. It was pretty good. It was good. It was okay. Was it live action? Yeah, it was live action, and it was very tongue-in-cheek. Yes. It was highlighting the clear and obvious problems with the cartoon of the shouting.

And so in the live action, Dora will just start monologuing, but then everyone else is like, who are you talking to? What are you doing? If you had that voice in a drive-thru, you would see the employee leap through the drive-thru window and run away. You know how many burgers I would get just with a loogie in it? Yes. Everything you eat is covered in spit now.

Yeah. They are doing whatever they can do to ruin your food because you ruined their ears and their day. I can't think about the number one in a way that it would negatively impact me too much. It's just real silly. And sometimes you got big numbers. So let me think. You're at the store and you ask somebody, hey, is that thing over there? How do you say it?

$5.99. There you go. I feel like your entire sentence, if you know that a number is going to come out. The whole sentence? The whole sentence. Excuse me. Is this $12.99? Get out of my store.

Now, there are more drive-thrus than simply food. Like, imagine you're going through a drive-thru teller at the bank. Oh, man. I have a check to deposit. Oh, man. I mean, it's literally, this is like, I can have fun with the count, right? We're in the office here, and we're talking about our quarterly reports, and we're talking about, you know, and we laugh at the count and how silly I sound.

There is no redeemable quality to me screaming at your face in uncomfortable tones. But imagine for a moment, I know we are not these people, but imagine you're like an agent. You're a sports agent. And now you're negotiating for your client. I've got a deal for you. Your two million is no good. Can Dora have a serious conversation about something? No.

Like what? I mean, Dora grows up, right? And Dora has a kid kid and then she has to give like serious advice to the kid what's what's her kid's name dora yeah give me a kid's name for dora well she doesn't have one what would it be well diego was the cousin if you want to talk to the cousin diego come talk to me i have something important to say i mean just kill me no it's i'm taking the count for you've got to say no to drugs don't do drugs diego man nobody can so like right now i hope everybody paused and told someone about the podcast because they're all gone now.

Because we have just screamed in their ears like Dora. Well, actually, everyone else in the office has heard the podcast through their headphones. I'm going with the count one. Final answer. Yeah. It'll get old, but every once in a while it'll be funny. Red Daddy from Patreon. Would you rather never be able to ask or receive help from Al Borland for anything handy or have to fight the Suns in four guy?

I think this is worded incorrectly. It's a little too timely. It's very timely. So we probably need to look. We don't know when you're listening to the episode, but the Suns in four guy, there was a playoff basketball game between the Phoenix Suns and the Denver Nuggets. As occasionally happened, clearly some people in the stands had too many. I had a few too many drinks. Had a few too many libations, and they end up getting in fisticuffs over a sporting event

that they are not even participating in, which is nonsense. But it happens all the time. But it does happen. Brawl in the stands. And so this video went viral, and he became the Suns in four guy because he won the fight. He beat the tar out of that guy. He won the fight, and then he declared that his team was going to win

in four games. And then they won in four games. And that's what really catapulted him to fame. But basically, this guy controlled two other men. He looked like he had experience in the fighting game. Right. He looked like if you or me or Andy were to get in a fight with him, we would have false hope. We would be like, I think I could take take him and then he would grab me by the

shirt and keep punching my now that's what if you have to fight him you got to go shirtless oh i always fight shirtless mike oh you do oh yeah i mean i would never i mean if unless it's a gi i'm shirtless i mean that's how i fight whenever i get into my fights i always and usually it's the ripoff i don't do the takeoff. I do the Hulk Hogan style. And you do that a lot. From time to time. I mean, you know, it's been a couple of days since my last fight. At least a couple of days since my last fight. What percentage of fights that are shut down by the vigorous shirt ripping?

Oh, like once they see it. Yeah, your display of just oh your levels of testosterone so far it's zero but i think i think soon i'm gonna really now is pressure them to quit do you think there is a problem exposing the man boobs yeah that's why it doesn't like they're like oh my gosh look how strong can i answer for him and then they go wait a minute wait this guy's got this guy's got some rolls over there i think i could take it they don't realize what kind of insulated padding that gives me though like body shots don't work like uh uh who was butterbean do you guys remember oh yeah that was like the most out of shape guy you've ever seen in your

life yeah my hero what made dominated i know this this is going to be dated at some point but what made the sons and four guys so hilarious was first of all the other person attacked first tried to sucker punch him then he wins the fight then he goes back to essentially casual fandom by saying sons and four this would be like if you're in a starbucks line and you're fighting with the person behind you and then you turn around and say yes and i will have a vente mocha frappuccino like nothing else has happened while you're still holding while you're holding them and throwing one last little punch in there with whipped cream oh man um yeah i'll uh i'll go with uh the never asking help for borland i'm i'm taking them on i'm fighting the sons of four

guys i don't think you have a choice with how like how much you depend on him for your manhood well yeah yeah so compare your which you're you're fighting all the time as we've documented right but how with your fights all the time compared to how often owl borland is at your place fixing something oh way more way way i mean i i fight probably one to five times uh that he's fixing something and sometimes it's his fixing something that causes a fight if he doesn't do a good job then me and owl gotta gotta throw down and take that shirt off and he knows what it means he knows it's we're getting into a fight does owl do the same shirt removing his shirt owl will i'll never takes off his shirt he tried to rip it once couldn't do it, quit forever.

And a lot of your fights are generally, those are like road rage incidents, right? Where you just get out of your car and just rip your shirt off. Just rip that shirt off, and that's right. That's 100% right. Okay. Ryan from the website, at a party, would you rather be the person who opens the food container and packaging and takes the first portion or the guy who takes the last portion of food. This is a real thing.

What's funny is I've noticed this. We've hosted people over a lot. And if you don't open the package for people, some will not do the opening. They feel like they are violating some code in your home where I've put out a bunch of fresh bags of chips as though I'm trying to do something nice but they will either only access the already open one or just wait for somebody else to open I'm that way I would I won't open I would not see the bag and the shameless Jason Moore will not open the food I I look there are standards um and when you have not that's your one that's well that's one of at least six when you place a food item out i believe it's for show at first and then

when you open it you say now we can eat it's kind of like the lid on an entree you know if you if you come you know you get room service until they take that lid off lid off, it's not time to eat, which, of course, because there's a lid on the food and you cannot reach it. I am far more dog-like when it comes to party food. You sniff? No. As soon as I recognize that the host is bringing out food, I'm following him. I'm like, my social bubble goes away because it's time to eat.

And then they will put it down, and I will open this thing immediately because the food's out, man. I find myself, the older I get, the more my life revolves around being the first person to eat something. Yeah, do you want to take the scraps or do you want to get the best? I'm so impatient about food. You threw a costume party. All I was thinking about

was food the whole time until the food came out yeah and I will say this to get back to the question of whether you want to be the first or the last I do not usually open the packaging at someone else's party if I'm not the host I wait for the packaging to be open but if I have to choose between being first or being last you got to be first because when you're either way when you're last and there's a little bit left I can't take it all I have to leave some I don't want to be the guy that like completely like oh I wanted some but you can't have it now because I ate the rest of it if I eat the beginning of it whatever this that's what it's meant for i'll fit i'll eat the

last if no one sees me oh okay if you you and that's a strategy thing you just keep everybody's oh what's that over there and then the last three yogurt pretzels are mine and we're done do you come with like you go and you grab the small plates easier to hide and then you you walk quickly by you scoop it onto the plate. You walk straight to the bathroom. You close the door. You eat it in the bathroom and hide your shame. Is that what we're talking about? That's a whole other question that I would like to know the answer to.

How much is too much snacking at these parties? Because sometimes I – do I have to conserve for other guests? What is the statute of limitations for my second, third, fourth, fifth helping? And if the plates are too small, I mean, you're, are you telling me something with your small plates? Like you only should have a little bit.

It could be, but I mean, number one, back to the question of normalize opening the food. I get that old tradition or whatever the guilt or shame you feel, the food is out there for you to eat. I Mike from the, the food is out there for you to eat. Mike, from the Spitballers podcast, I am removing all of that shame from your life.

Thank you. Get in there. Also, if the remainder on the buffet or whatever, the serving plate, if that can fit onto your plate, it's good to go. You may take the rest of it. So if I can get a serving plate, then I am good to take the entirety because according to your rule. The plate you have been provided as the official eating plate. Oh, it's okay.

I brought my own. What if you went like you've got those. That's a cookie sheet. No, this is my plate. Could you theoretically, I mean, that'd be funny to go to somebody's house. They have the little serving plates. And you go take one of their porcelain plates right out of the cabinet. But you ask.

But you grab it out. And then once you're holding it, you say, can I use this? Because they're back in the door corner. They're not going to say no. They're going to say, oh, sure. They already have to wash it that's right you take it out you lick it you say can i use this um yeah to go right ahead update from uh from home uh he said he's not gonna cut her finger off can you believe him

uh he said that she's being a brat that's why why he threatened. Well, I mean, I would say that's completely warranted. That is very punitive. If someone's being a brat, I usually threaten amputation of appendages as a normal response. And she said he was laughing throughout the threat. So I don't know if that's maniacal. You got a Joker situation happening. It was like the countdown. How many fingers will I take?

One, a two, and then all of a sudden you became an owl from a Tootsie Roll commercial. Mark from the website, would you rather have a 25% chance of stubbing your toe when you walk into a room or a 50% chance of forgetting what you went into the room to a 50% chance of forgetting what you went into the room to do once you pass the doorway.

That's already what it is. This is so easy because already there, bro. You have those moments? Oh, I'm greater than 50% at this point in my life when I walk into a room and if I get any slight distraction, like if my phone buzzes, if I hear a noise, it's gone. There was a fleeting moment and I have no idea why I'm there. Have you ever done that with a store? Have you actually gotten to a store and then not remembered most of why you went?

I mean, I guess if you're going grocery store and you get i give the wife she's like do you want to write it down oh no no i got this oh no and this list of 10 things is three there's three by the time i get home but it's too late i'm already committed i can't write it down you told her you don't want to write it down. This is on you now. I can't chicken. I can't chicken. It's now. It's pride. It's pride.

And now it's when I get home, I got to remember what it was because they are definitely out of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a pro move right there. And the moment you're in the store after you filled your cart with three items and the whole store is before you and you're standing there going, now what did I need? It's like the scenes in the movies where it zooms in and zooms out at the exact same time. Yes, yes, yes.

Well, there's a lot of options here. Guess I'm out of here. Do you just walk the store trying to remember? I've done that. Yeah. I've done that. There's no shame. Every aisle looking around, was that the thing I needed?

Yeah. I mean, the truth about this question is that the doorway effect is a real thing. It's like a portal. I mean, it's a scientifically studied phenomenon, the doorway effect, where when you change rooms, sometimes it resets your thought process. This is real. Like, Google it. Is this real or is this Dr. Donuts talking right now? Oh, man.

I would always listen to Dr. Donuts. But, no, it's a real effect. He forgets things every time he enters a bakery. Oh, man. I forget everything else other than why I'm there. That's the one place where I remember exactly why I walked through this doorway. I need two scones. I need three glazed donuts.

I need five jelly filled. That's right glazed donuts. I need five jelly filled. That's right. I mean, I'm a machine. I am a machine when I get in that bakery. You just watch me work and stand in awe. I mean, get your cameras out and watch what I can do in a bakery, my friends. When's the last time you stubbed your toe? It's actually been a while.

I don't think I've stubbed for real. Yeah, a couple days ago, I had one coming out of the bathroom in the corner. It got me good. None of you have ever, have you ever broken one? Yes. No.

Oh, really? Yeah, the only, I have broken, at least, so the two, maybe I have three breaks in my entire life. So this is a big thing for you. No, not toes.

No, I was thinking like bones ever. And I thought I've, I feel like I've told this story on this podcast. But anyways, for those who have not heard it, I've known Al Borland for- A little too long. A lot too long. Okay. Let's be honest about that. But during that lot too long period, there was a time we were young men.

We were in high school. And Al Borland and his crew, they went to a different school and somehow they got his entourage you guys were doing a video for the announcements yeah for the morning announcements so i don't know this is this was all new to me but i had a i had a decent sized backyard by that i mean my parents had a decent sized backyard and they wanted to do it there so we were doing just stupid kid stuff we were on a trampoline and then everyone was going to jump off and then they were going to do their announcements

I misjudged not like a full jump off we're talking you're just casually getting off but I went toe straight into the metal bar and it was like a foot pain I had never experienced but I'm on camera. So I am a professional.

Don't you be a weenie. So I finished the shot. I think I end up on a ladder or some just wild stuff. And you're just pretending like you're fine? Yeah, and then afterwards, I'm looking at my toe. I'm like, that one's not okay. So yes, I have in fact stubbed my toes so hard that i broke it wow my it's very unpleasant my father broke his toe i was with him and it was this it was so

ridiculous we're in the ocean we're we're in the water in the water we're in the water the waves are coming and i'm telling you man if he got one or two inches off the ground i don't remember it all of a sudden he's like what happened did something bite you no he broke his toe wait hold on i don't know what he like raised up like got water it couldn't have been water it's the totion but very nice it was basically like as the waves were coming in you know you jumped the waves a little bit i think he i think he oh barely jumped up and then came down on his toe. I was trying to give him the credit. I was going to give him the credit.

Like, there's rocks and coral. There's all sorts of stuff that you can't see in the ocean. So you're saying it was just a playful timing of we're going to jump the wave as everyone does. I think he broke his toe on sand and water. Which toe? I think he broke his toe on sand and water. Which toe? I think it was the long one, the switch on the moors is the second toe. Is your toe longer than yours? Oh, yeah, mine too.

Oh, I got perfect feet. Oh, wait, yours are off. Really? I do too. My second toe is longer. No, correct. Perfection. Yeah, Mike's not friends with anybody with a longer second toe.

That is true. Yeah, but I can grab stuff with these feet, man. Oh, I can throw a baseball, man. I can open a banana. Had I never, unfortunately, broken my toe, could have been a foot model. Really? My feet are incredible. But now it's just wrecked.

Yeah. Don't look at this. It's not wrecked, but it definitely turns the wrong way. Have you ever seen someone's eyes that are not looking the same direction? Don't know where to look. Do you have a lazy toe? Yeah seen someone's eyes not look in the same direction. Don't know where to look. Do you have a lazy toe? Yeah. He's got a lazy toe.

All right. It doesn't bend the best. No, no. But did you get it repaired? No. No, you just moved on. Yeah. Yeah, like a man.

Like a man. I waited for weeks while this thing was in agony. It hurts so bad. All right, Jason, I'm sorry to tell you we're moving on. Highway to Spell. All right. I am on a winning streak. I've won two of these.

I'm surprised that you even make me participate. It should be a battle for second. To be fair, we don't have a choice. That is, to be fair, you're right. I'll bow out. I will do that for you, Andy. You'll be the judge. I'll be the judge.

I will Google these words and let you know. Now, the message in our show doc says, you failed me last time, so you are demoted to fifth grade. That is what Al has sent us. Were you a little disappointed in not me? In not you, correct. Okay. Got it.

Makes sense. Also in not Mike. Now, do we start with Mike? We should start with Mike, right? Because he's the scatter today. I feel like this is getting personal. Well, but it wasn't Andy and it wasn't me. We'll never know who's probably out. It could have been any of us. It could have been any of us. That's the worst part of this. All right, let's begin.

I think Mike should start though. Okay. Because he was the scatter today. Me, me, me, me, me. All right. So your fifth grade level word is? Beginning. B. level word is beginning b i hope i'm right this looks so wrong what i wrote down i think mike is a little worried it looks wrong it doesn't look right no there's no way what i wrote down is right he's writing again okay no no it has to be okay it has to be right all right beginning b-e-g-i-n-n-i-n-g oh man yeah that's what i wrote down it looks so wrong when you write it down it looked wrong but then i went to one end and that looked like that was a smart strategy write the other one and if it looks and that one looked worse okay let me tell you something right now you are fogging up my palms are sweating we play foosball and some

sometimes vomit on your sweater mom's spaghetti i mean it is my i am legitimately nervous nervous here nervous oh please no don't give me a word wait three letters don't give me any word. Give me word. All right, give him his word. Jason, your fifth grade level word is? Disappoint. Yes, I will. Oh, man. Oh, my goodness. Oh, yeah.

This is not fifth grade. Oh, yeah. Dis. Oh, no. This is hard. Oh, no. I feel like I've messed this one up before, but I think I got it. Oh, no.

Talk, because I got gotta write several different versions if you fail here you will disappoint ow oh no holy moly man oh there's too many options here is it one s or two s is it one p or two p oh my goodness this is a nightmare i don't know where the double is oh my gosh is it both are both? Are there two? Way to spell. Oh, I hate this. I feel really inept right now. Okay. I'm so confident about the first three letters.

Oh, man. All right. I'm going to go with what I wrote first. That's smart. No. Shoot. Okay. D-I-S. Nailed it. Now, I'm going to go with A. Keep going.

P-D-I-S-A-P-P-O-I-N-D. Oh, I did itD I did it! I did it! I am the smartest man alive. Yeah. Holy, I am sweating like crazy. This is, this, now I know what it's like to do hard work and come out on the other side.

Great job. Thank you. This is fifth grade, right? Yeah. That's not, that was... I'm with Jason. That was not a fair word. Thank you. Well, look.

I got it right. What's mine? But it was not fair. All right. Your fifth grade level word is... Opposite. Oh, okay. That's easy.

Opposite. O-P-P-O-S-I-T-E. That's what I wrote down. Okay. Why do you always give him the easy ones? I was a little worried that I went too fast and then you end up failing. That can't happen. Overconfident.

Yeah. Alright. What are we going up to? 6th grade? We're moving up to 6th grade. For the record, I did spell all three correctly. But go on. For your own record? For my record. For my morale. Yes. I would pass the fifth grade spelling test. All right, Mike.

Your sixth grade level word is? Concentration. Concentration. Okay. Concentration. C-O-N-C-E-N-T-R-A-T-I-O-N. Concentration. That's how I had it.

Okay. I felt good about that one. Yeahcentration. That's how I had it. Okay. I felt good about that one. Yeah, that one was pretty easy. I concentrated. The only question there was the C or the S, and it was pretty easily a C there. Yeah. What are you giving advice now, Hotcha? Yeah, I mean, look, I'm going to try to bring our youth up to my speed.

The true hiccup is these dumb double letters. Yeah, don't give me any double... We should reinvent the language. Jason, you are up. Alright, Jason, your 6th grade level word is... Vacuum. Oh, shoot. I get this one wrong all the time.

Do you? Yes. Oh, man. Talk. The devil's in the details, Jason. Oh, man. Oh, no i think you could give him the word box right now and he would be he would be like wait is that cks oh my gosh there's no chance i get this right i mean there's you're fine yeah you're fine you got it we believe in you i don't just think about how to spell vacuum and you're good i am looking at three different words none of them on my board are the correct spelling of vacuum of that.

I'm sure. If you get this wrong, I will want to know your alternate spellings. Only a vacuum sucks as much as you do. Thank you for the usage. This one's not a language of origin. This is a quick one. Oh, my God. You got a quick.

He has. Yeah. Oh, yeah.. You got a quick one? He has... Yeah, I mean... Okay. Yeah, that's what I... Same as you, Andy. But for the listeners at home, Jason, I think he's up to six. I think he's up to six different spellings. Six versions of the word vacuum?

Five. Five, okay. But I think some of them are the same. I don't know, man. You think some of them are the same? Oh, I'm just writing the word. You're not sure? And I'm sweating like

crazy okay now we're up to six expiration um yeah i can't lose if i never go that's what i know uh all right v nailed it a c all right i could go a couple different ways here yes here is where the fork in the road does appear okay is it a c or a u v ace vacuum glasses are fogging okay can you see now you've removed the glasses i cannot see my board some the glasses are going back on do i go with what i spelled first or do i go with what looks better i'm gonna go oh there's no way this is right oh oh my gosh dude this this is just okay all right for the sake of the show i've got to go on v a c This is terrible.

V-A-C. V-A. Vacuum. This is so. V-A-C-U. Oh, no. Wait. Okay.

Here's Jason. Let him go. The last thing I'll say is the amount of time you've already spent hemming and hawing over the spell has already. I've already lost. The shame is already there, so now just throw it out. Okay, V-A... Rip the band-aid. This is wrong.

Okay, V-A-C-U-U-M. Oh, yes! Yes! I did it! Okay, alternate spellings. This was my first one, V-A-C-U- alternate spellings. This was my first one. V-A-C-U-M-E. That was your first ghost?

Shut up, Mike. Vacuum? Vacuum. Hey, buddy. Vacuum. Then I had V-A-C-C-U-M. Vacuum? I don't know.

Then I had V-A-C-C-U-Stop. I stopped writing that one. And then V-A-C-C-U stop. I stopped writing that one. And then V-A-C-U-U-M. Oh, so I wrote the correct one twice. I'm a genius. Don't doubt yourself, Jason. You're doing great. You're doing great.

You are alive. Well, you should doubt yourself a little bit because your first spelling was wrong. No. I just doubt myself the correct amount. Yeah. All right. Andy. Andy.

Yeah. Your sixth grade level word is? Denominator. Denominator. Now, take your time. This is really tough. D-E-N-O-M-I-N-A-T-O-R. Okay.

You had it? Now, Jason, did you write it down as they were calling it out? No, no. I got it before I had it. This game, to me, it's your first instincts. No. My first instinct was wrong. Mine was V-A-C-U-M-E.

It's not your instincts. You've got to use my first instinct on the word. Thank you. I will use your first instinct. Are we up to seventh grade? We are, and we're all still alive. We are. At this point, it's all gravy, gentlemen.

Absolutely. We're basically geniuses. Yeah. I'll remind you this is where jason got out last time ah this is where we started last time all right yes correct mike your seventh grade level word is pronunciation oh gosh pronunciation all right this one's getting a little all right i got mine i got my for the record i wrote it down first i'm going i have two spellings on this yeah we got us give me the word again please pronunciation does it change yeah the middle is a does it change from when you go from pronounce to pronunciation i That's the question. I know what I did.

I'm sticking. Okay. Pronunciation. P-R-O-N-O-U-N-C-I-A-T-I-O-N. That's how I have it. Oh, yeah. I don't think so. My first was the U.

P-R-O-N-U-N-C-I-A-T-I-O-N. That is correct, Andy. Wait, okay. The O is removed. Well, the O-U. Oh, yeah, just the O. Yeah, yeah. So it's P-R-O-N-U-N?

Correct. So it is spelled pronunciation, like the way I said it? Like how 40 gets rid of, like, four is F-O-U-R. Right. And then 40 is F-O-R. But you're still alive because we could both fail i blame americans yeah okay well no like that's fair i'm pretty i feel confident that if you go over to england they will say pronunciation that's what we said too yeah you spelled it pronunciation yeah i i know but i feel like it's all right i think

you feel like a man who misspelled i want to i want to not get last place here give me an easy one okay your uh seventh grade level word jR... Can I hear that one more time? Oh, my God. R-E-P... Reprimand. R-E-P-R-I-M-A-N-D. Yes, I beat you, Mike! That's why I said, come on.

You beat me. You also misspelled my word. Oh, that's true. That is true. So you would have been out had you gotten a different draw. I'm the smartest man here. All right, Andy. Your seventh grade level word is?

Lucky. Oh, if he gets this wrong, I win. That is correct. Oh, yes. Brochure. That's easy. Brochure. B-R-O.

Hold on. Yes, I was about to fail. Now I'm having... Oh, no. Okay. I'm sticking with it. B-R-O-C-H-U-R-E. Yeah.

Yep. I was in the middle of reading it without the H. That was my first writing. You were going to procure? Yeah, and then I realized, Dad don't look right. Procure? Yeah. Alright, back to Jason. I probably would have got that right too.

You're skipping me. I'm still in. Sorry, bud. Jason, your 8th grade level word is? Questionnaire. Okay. Questionnaire. I know where the fork in the road is on that one i'm just gonna go with what i wrote i don't know if it's right or not q u e s t i o n a i r e

yep there's another n another n correct there's two n's yeah it's questionnaire yes i i told you i knew where the fork was so stupid's so stupid. And you went the wrong way. Why did you tell me to go with my first instinct? No, he said go with Andy's first instinct. I don't know. And Andy spelled it right. I should have listened. Andy, if you get this correct, don't do it. Three in a row for you.

No, don't do it. Your eighth grade level word is vacillate. Well, come on now. What? Vacillate. use that in a sentence please uh i would only think like this thing is vacillating like but that's not this thing the word is vacillate that's what you just told me. The example sentence I have here is, she has vacillated on this issue.

What? I'm going to go with my first gut like I said I would. V-A-S-C-I-L-A-T-E, vacillate. For the record, that's what I wrote. Oh, okay. I'm back in. I spelled this one wrong and I'm back in! I spelled this one wrong and I'm back in!

Is there another... It is V-A-C-I-L-L-A-T-E. Oh, we were way off. You guys are so dumb. I had it right. We have to go again. For the record, I had it definitely right.

Yeah. Yeah, and I spelled brochure right, too. Jason, you're back up. Love this segment. We're staying on eighth grade. Jason, your word is? Endeavor.

Oh, easy. Well, maybe not. Is it? It seemed easy. No, it's easy. Okay. I think if this one feels like a trap. Oh, wait.

Oh, no, this one's a trap. Mike's just giving commentary. Yeah. So the E-N-D-E-V. I feel confident about that. Yeah, that's the beginning. E-N-D-E-V. Okay.

But how do we, who are this? Endev. Endevar. Endevor. Endevor. I'm between two here. Ende are this? Endev... Endevar? Endevor? Endever? I'm between two here. Endevire? All right.

Yeah. See, that's why... You have two written down. This was not a... There's a little sneaky. Okay. A little sneak sneak. I'm going to go with my second one, which my second one, I assume, would be Andy's first.

Is that the way to think about this now? Yes, it is. Okay, so I'm going to go E-N-D-E-V. E-O-U-R? Uh-uh. You messed up at your presupposition that it was E-N-D-E-V. Oh, for real? It's Endeavor.

E-D-A-V? Yeah. Aw. Yeah. And then what's the end? O-R. Just O-R. Oh, so I was way off.

But I'm not out. Let's get Andy to lose. All right. Another shot at it. Let's get a word we know. Andy, your next eighth grade level word is? Susceptible. This game is never ending.

Susceptible? Oh, crap. Hold on. We are the smartest men on the planet. Nope. I'm going to need four tries on this one. Susceptible? S-U-C-C-E-P-T-I-B-L-E.

Oh, yeah! Sorry, I lost the drop for a second. Oh, no, that gave us suspense i was how did i get it wrong s-u-s-c-e-p-t-i-b-l-e you went double c sure enough oh man i am it looks more right that way i am so smart yes it's gonna be the longest show we've ever done someone is actually gonna be crowned a winner here please all right jason back to you here's your word existence existence jason your word is existence boy this is the opposite of the last time we played oh man yeah which one not really is it e-n-c-e or a-n-c-e oh man yeah that's the name of the game which vowel is it uh e-x-i-s-t exist ints final answer um can i hear it said one more time Existence. He says E. He did not say an A. I'm going E. E-X-I-S-T-E-N-C-E.

Yes! You shook your head no, Andy, and I was right. It's E-N-C-E? Yeah, it is. It's not existence? Now I can lose again? Yes! All right, go for it.

Oh, no. That means if you get this right, we're on a ninth grade? Dilemma. What? grade? Dilemma. What? What pronunciation? Dilemma. There you go. D-I-L-E-M-M-A?

Yeah, what the heck is this? What's this easy word? Ninth grade, let's go. All right, let's go. Oh, my gosh. This is never going to stop. All right, Jason, your ninth grade level word is handkerchief oh handkerchief i don't know how to spell the chiff part uh hank uh can i hear it said one

more time please handkerchief oh yeah oh double them up come on do it uh okay this is so awful h-a-n-k-e-r-c-h-i-e-f it's a handkerchief it is no no is there a d in there it is a handkerchief but there's a d h-a-N-D-K-E-R-C-H-I-E-F. It's a handkerchief? Correct. Oh, Mike is right from behind. I got freaking pronunciation. Andy, here is your third chance at a victory. Three chances at a win. At this point, I'm rooting for you.

Surveillance. Sir. Oh, gosh. Sir. Oh, no. I. Oh, no. I've got an idea if he gets this wrong. My problem here is the ending. I'm going to go with my gut since this works so well.

S-U-R-V-E-I-L-L-A-N-C-E. Oh, man. Three-peat. Good job. Wow. Thank goodness. That is good stuff right there. That is good stuff. If I had lingered on that word any longer, I was going to get it wrong.

I was very wrong. You were both shaking your head at me. Yeah, like the second letter, we were way off. All right. Let's thank you, Al, for this wonderful game that you've invented. Let's move on. The Spitballers Draft. All right.

This one will be very interesting. We are drafting overrated activities. That's it. Overrated activities. Things people do that they say they like doing or that get much esteem. Yes, yes. And yet they're overrated. They're not worth your time.

And I have built up a very fine list. Like, my list is incredible. Very, very fine. I'm glad I have the first pick, but at the same time, I have two picks that have to go first. Interesting. But clearly I cannot.

Yeah, by rule. By rule, I have to pick one. And this is a playing the game. Are you trying to trade for the third, fourth pick? No, because I... I know exactly. I know you're two.

I'm going to write them down. I think I know you're two, and you're playing the because I... I know exactly. I know you're two. I'm going to write them down. I think I know you're two, and you're playing the game thinking... I feel very strongly that if... that one of these... One of them I know for sure would not make it through Jason twice. Which is what's going to have to happen.

Yes. So you've got to go with the other one. So he's going to pick that one. So, yeah. Or you could just let me have it wow when you say it like that uh because they're both they both suck so much this is painful all right i go with your first instinct uh pumpkin patches. Oh. Pumpkin patches are a waste of time. They're stupid. In Arizona, they're always hot, so you're sweaty.

There's dust and allergens everywhere. What's the deal with pumpkins? What do people want pumpkins for besides making a pumpkin pie? A jack-o'-lantern. I'm pie? A jack-o'-lantern. I'm going to draft jack-o'-lanterns on here, too. I will say that that whole tradition is not my favorite. It smells bad. I don't know.

Wait, what was your message there, Al? What were you saying? I said I never would have thought of that, but it's a great pick. Okay, thank you. But I don't know. Maybe it's a male thing. I don thank you. But I don't know. Maybe it's a male thing. I don't know. But I don't know.

None of my friends actually enjoy a pumpkin patch. If you are there, you have been taken there against your will. I enjoy one pumpkin patch, but it's not just a pumpkin patch. Have you guys ever been to Mortimer's Farm? It's up north in Arizona. He's the other mouse in Mickey Mouse, right? Yes, that's correct. No, it's got like a pumpkin patch, but then hay rides and a maze. You know what else sucks? Hay rides. You're like, hey, let's jump on this wagon full of

stuff that's going to put 50% of you into an asthma attack that's going to send you to the hospital. I guess your list is entirely asthma related, which means this next one that should have been the one on one that I get to pick probably still applies because it's dumb. I'm going to draft it and then I'm going to reveal the name. I'm going to draft walking uphill, which sounds so stupid. But then people call it hiking, and they think, oh, okay, let's go hiking. No, I don't need to walk uphill.

That's so stupid. But you get to walk downhill. Well, you have to walk downhill, but you have to walk downhill once you're completely exhausted. Walking up the side of a mountain is so overrated. It is stupid. It is not fun. Andy, I remember you telling a story about your wife wanted to bring you hiking, and you went hiking, and it was the worst.

Well, I had a very specific criticism for that hike, which is I don't want to go on a hike where I go to an end point, turn around, and go exactly back the same way. That's what all hikes are. No, there's a lot of hikes that are loops, and you go around the mountain, and it's all one fresh path, and that I like. Hiking was one of the things that came to mind. However, I'm just coming off of a family vacation where we went to Sedona, and the whole point

of the trip was we went on this hike, and it was incredible. The scenery was beautiful. beautiful you have called it overrated no but the the specific hike where you went to one point and then came back the exact same way yes it was but you got to walk by all the beautiful stuff your scenery yes if the hiking because we in arizona hiking means you're going up a dead desert mountain yes there's no beauty and the there's there's poisonous animals. There are plants that want to murder you. Yes.

And then you go to the top and then you come down. Avoid the thorns, cactuses, scorpions, and snakes while you walk uphill. So you're drafting hiking with your one-on-one. Yes. I don't blame you. Or as you call it, walking uphill. Yeah. All right.

It sounds way worse when you call it walking uphill. Yeah. All right. It sounds way worse when you call it walking uphill. Which is what you're doing. Yeah. Well, I was going to go with something that's kind of... This is tough because I'm trying to play the game. I don't want... I mean, you guys have to draft four more picks after me. So I'm going to start with jogging.

Running was on my list. Yeah, jogging, running, whatever you want to call it. The activity that is just, I'm just running on pavement. I'd rather bike. I'd rather play sports. I'd rather hike. But just straight running on pavement is going to, I think that's overrated.

And it's really esteemed, right? You're a jogger. You buy your jogging shorts and your jogging shoes. They are a proud people. They're proud people. The runners are. But it's bad for your knees. Yeah.

Oh, that's so dumb. What? My wife says that to me when I talk about like, man, I should really go running. Oh, it's bad for your knees. I promise you running is good for my health. Like whatever it does for my knees. That's the excuse that we're given to be like. So is hiking, Jason. Yeah. Hiking is very good for my health like whatever it does for my knees that's the excuse that we're given to be like so is hiking jason yeah hiking is very good for your health but no it i i have

at points in my life been a runner or a jogger and i have on several occasions like gotten halfway through my jog and my knees just felt like they were grinding and to the point of I had to stop. And now I'm like far away from my house and I have to limp home. So I am on team, but certain people's knees do not hold up to like a lot of jog, maybe a couple times a week. But usually once you get into it, you can't skip a day because that's against the religion of into it you can't skip a day because that's that's against your routine it's the religion of running you can't can't stop yeah i know a guy that's ran every

single day of his life since the 70s he's like one of the the record setters because they do this they have a thing where you log your runs and they know what people have run which people have run the most consecutive days in like the last 50 years So that man has had the flu and then ran. He's found over $10,000 in loose coins over that time. This is the guy at one of the running stores. Yeah. Yeah, I've met this guy. He's found like $10,000 worth of coins over 50 years.

But if you run every day over that a lot of time. That's not that much money. That's pretty cool. Overrated activities. Oh, come on. Come on. I'm just deciding who to alienate here. Oh, yeah.

I've got some. There's a whole point of it being overrated is that it's highly rated by many people. It's accurate, Jason. Yeah. I mean, I'm just going to speak from the heart. This is personal. I know people love it. They love all these things.

But I'm going to say cooking. Okay. I think cooking is overrated. All right. Because, I mean, they have services now where they do everything for you except for the cooking. It's called a restaurant. Well, you get to the unit. I couldn't get it out fast enough. The restaurant for the cooking. It's called a restaurant.

Well, you get to the unit. I couldn't get it out fast enough. The restaurant does the cooking. Yeah. I mean, they'll ship you the exact portions with the instructions. They do make it easier. And they're delicious. I love them. I love cooking.

Yeah, Jason's all about it. I'm all about that life. Did you know he's a chef? Yeah, I've never heard that before. We still don't necessarily get those services all the time because they're time investment and um while it can be fun and probably rewarding i'm not good enough so i'm spending a ton amount of time to make mediocre food that i barely barely enjoy and then i have to clean it all i do to clean. The cleaning is really the part of the whole procedure that gets me.

Yeah, some people aren't made to be master chefs. But I am thankful for the recipes, and I'm thankful for the ingredients made for me, because that's one step that I can. So I thought Mike was going to take cooking, because I know you don't like to cook, but I thought you were going to draft that first, because you know I love to cook oh no and so wait what i would why would i draft something that i thought you would

never draft or the opposite of that i thought you were going to draft i thought you were gonna i thought you were between cooking and hiking and we're gonna take hiking and let cooking go because you knew it would get back to you but it wouldn't have um all right i am up and i'm look this one is is i said i the the one was i thought you would take pumpkin patches because we have been united in uh not like pumpkin patches but apparently you like one of them yeah it was probably me yeah i think okay maybe i think those farms all stink well yeah they do farms no no that's part of it yeah they stink but they're also in the sun mike but they also have a lot of hay and animals. Dung.

You should jump in this pit of corn. What happened is that somebody decided, like, a farm is hard work, right? Yes. It's like, oh, man, I've got to work all day long to maintain this farm. And then somebody said, but what if we make it a tourist attraction? And they come and do it for us. People will pay to visit. You want to come chuck some corn?

That's a feature. No. Chuck. Chuck some corn. Yeah. That's a thing that they put on a sign. You can chuck it. Really?

They put on a sign, come chuck your own corn. They're like, 10 bucks, you can milk this cow. Seed this field for us. I got a way to get a bunch of shuckers in here. I like the corn maze, personally. But all right. My next one that i'm going with is the activity that i think is just i've talked about this before it's dumb it's stupid it's boring it's pointless you pay money to do it okay it's museums go into the museum oh you are so wrong you are so wrong snooze fest oh man look at that

old jar it was old let's continue walking but be quiet be quiet this is a fancy place now you you have some attention deficit things right it's a disorder. Yeah. I've seen you bow out of me telling you something if a five-second YouTube video commercial comes on. A lot of times YouTube videos are pretty cool. Those commercials are hot. You've never liked museums. They're too boring for you.

They're way too boring. Didn't you go to the American History Museum and not like it? Yeah, the big... Oh, yeah. That was super boring. That place, yeah. That was super boring. That place is amazing. That was amazingly boring. Because museums are so awesome. Oh, that's fine.

Okay. What if the museum curator was like, look over there. Yeah. There's a new bone. That would be so bad and so much better. All right. Well, he's poopinging we're all pooping on stuff the other people like to do i love museums all right all right well excellent

my second 101 made it back and admittedly uh this activity brings me far more anger than it should this is like i don't just think this is stupid like when i see them i have an actual visceral visceral reaction that i should not have and i i admit this but this is who i am and now we have actually reached the the point of life because people have of course we have to one-up each other i saw someone else else do it. I have to do it bigger, badder, to the point where we are actually burning down forests because of it because people are morons and we have to do this. Gender reveal parties. Get that crap out of life.

You don't like those? No. They make me upset. Why? Because they're so stupid. Call me old-fashioned. What happened to at at the birth, going, it's a boy. Why do we have to have this huge elaborate prank set up where I'm trying to hit this balloon,

and then the blue powder goes out, and everyone goes, oh, yay, and then we're done. It's fun. I wonder what the moment after finding out is like, though. That must be a big letdown. It's all a buildup. But afterwards, you're like, okay, I guess they have some cake. See, that's the good one. Yeah, it's where you slice the cake open, and then it's either blue or pink on the inside.

Because either way, I'm eating cake. I don't care what the baby is. That's a good point. They are the worst. People have gotten out of control. Like the fire that started, the forest fire that started. Oh, they started a fire with one? Yes.

One of our big fires over the last year was because idiots have to have their stupid gender reveal party. I've never seen Mike so passionate. If I do the gender reveal cake, I don't think I'm starting any forest fires. Well, you might. The candles. That's true. Wait, you have candles on a gender reveal cake?

I guess you probably wouldn't. You are zero years old. I'm just going to blow on the cake. All right, Mike. You brought the heat with that one. Stop it. Stop it. Okay.

All right. Two surprises from Mike so far. You're back up. Oh, my goodness. He wants that to count for both. No, I did not realize. Well, that was like gender reveal balloon parties and gender reveal cake parties uh okay so that was that just was the one that i was most impassioned about

uh all right let's let's tear them down let's tear down all all the traditions i don't remember we were we were just talking about this on one of our podcasts. We have so many podcasts. I can't keep track. Leatherbound podcast. And I get it. It's a big, fancy party. I'm not a big, fancy party guy. Weddings. I thought that.

It's on my list. Weddings. Not marriage. I'm pro-marriage. To each their own. You want to get married? Good. You don't want to get married?

That's fine. But weddings. Don't make me waste my time to go sit down while you can profess your love to each other. You can just tell me, hey, we got married. And I get it. Sometimes you have, well, not sometimes. There's always cake. But usually, usually at a wedding, it has to be fancy and ornate,

and they have to have fine dining meals. And it's food that I would never, never ever order so i'm suffering through that i've had to get dressed up which is on the list of things that i hate doing and and i'm using my time i could be doing something way better stop it i don't want to go to your wedding we talked about how expensive everything is yes that part i, stinks for sure. I've got a regular Walter Matthau over here. He's a grumpy old man. I was going to say, this is not a good show for Mike.

That's what I just learned. This is a bad show for Mike. Here's the thing. Can we go 12 rounds, please? Here's the thing. If I invited you guys to a party, let's say I'm having a dinner party on Friday, just a casual Mike right dinner. For your friends or just? Yeah, for my friends friends so two people will show up to this party uh for my casual friends

i have a party and then to come in you need to bring me a present not only not only do you need to show up i could you need to bring me a gift i couldn't be further away from you. I love weddings. I love them. They're one of my favorite events. I love celebrating the marriage. I love the dressing up and giving a good gift. Like, I actually like, because I love people, Mike. This is foreign.

Which is weird. I know. But giving them something to help celebrate their lives. I love a good wedding. But you want to know what I don't love? Well, you want to know something that's super overrated um since i feel personally attacked here i'm going to attack back i'm going with i'm going with something that i know both of you two gentlemen love yeah museums and no not something that stupid um something that actually a lot of people love like i would say a lot of people love.

Like, I would say the majority of people really love this. And I almost didn't pick this because my son, who listens, loves this. Uh-oh. I just don't. And this is just something I've never understood. We've talked about it. I don't get it. Collecting things.

It's actually on my list. Really? Yes. But you collect shoes. I know. And I was going to talk about how I do it, but it still dumb it's so i recognize that it's dumb i don't get it i don't get the value of things that are supposed to be worth something because someone says so like a you know my my son has pokemon cards it's like rarity is a piece of paper man it's yeah but

everything in life can be boiled down to it's just this. Yeah. I just don't get it. I think it's overrated. And to say, people spend millions of dollars on this stuff. Yes, they do. And it's like, okay. To each their own. Overrated.

All right. This won't be a surprise to anybody if you look at me. But I think that the- Working out. I'd set that up for as many things as you want to give me. You already took running. Showering. Sunbathing.

Sun... Oh. Oh, man. You don't like... At this point in time, people sit out... Yeah. ...and give themselves cancer to get a different shade of their skin color. Well, you put on some sunblock.

Then you don't get the tan you do you really don't you get suntan lotion instead of some block lotion no no no i've read about this before because the idea that you could get a tan and not get cancer would be great but that doesn't exist well the suntan lotion now it gives you the cancer well that's possibly possible too but in maybe it's because of in arizona it's not actually like you know relaxing to do this it's dangerous yeah it's it's painful like if i was on a beach i guess i would get it a little bit more if the wind was blowing by yeah i don't but i've seen these leather oh yeah leather body leather bound bodies yeah they committed their whole lives to like not only will i get cancer

but i'm going to change my entire skin color. I'm going to look real stupid while I do it. But I will look reptilian. Yeah, reptilian. So I think that that's dumb. Yeah. Al, you agree with me on that one?

Completely. In Arizona, it's literally like saying, hey, do you want to play Be Human Bacon? Like that's what you're just literally turning into bacon as you can feel your skin crisp in the sun. Even in Cali, though. I'll go to the beach and it's fun to play in the water and stuff, but the people that just want to lay under the sun for hours and hours, that's dumb. When I go to the beach, I like to be in the ocean, but I also can just lay there. But I'm not actively- The goal is not for you to sunbathe.

Yeah. Lay there with an umbrella over you in the shade. Yeah, with a book or something. I wouldn't mind getting a tan, but I can lay on a beach and do nothing and just have the sound of the ocean and the feel of that bring me life. But I'm not sunbathing, I guess. Yeah. I have a couple tough decisions here to finish my now.

Oh, you're down to your your last pick my last pick here i'm gonna go with uh 3d movies i completely understand that 100 and i was not on my list that's great and if this show was overpriced it would be the same thing but they they cost more money and i don't they don't really add there's been one movie in my life i've watched avatar and that's that's the problem is and it was kind of first time of seeing something cool like that the problem and i don't disagree with your saying that they're overrated but the problem is it just became a cash grab for hollywood they weren't make they They were not filming in 3D. They were not bringing a new medium.

They were taking movies they already made and then running them through a process so it kind of looks like it's 3D so they can charge $5 more for every single ticket. Yeah, it just doesn't... But the true 3D movies I think are cool. Well, overrated. Sorry.

Yeah, no, I'm not disagreeing with you because they ruined it. If I ever have the choice on a movie, I always choose the regular movie. The 3D movie's all dark. It's hard to see. All right, it's coming at me, but it's very difficult to see. No, I love that pick because I hadn't thought about it. And I think that's one of the rare things that is almost universally known to be overrated. Like literally, nobody's like, what are you talking about?

Those are the best. I want to spend more. They've kind of died out, haven't they? Yeah, they have because people are like, these are overrated and overpriced. Okay, so I'm going to go with something that I don't know that it is highly rated, but it is highly utilized.

It is done all the time. And for me, get it out of here. For Mike, get it out of here. For Owl, get it out of here. I don't know about Andy yet, but wiping your butt. Wiping with toilet paper like we're Neanderthals you're gonna need to elaborate because we are right now it just sounds like you leave it but days but the bidet life is the only one for me now you can't go backwards wash your butt it's so much cleaner yes it's so much nicer

it's better in every which way. And if I have to go to a bathroom, like if there's, let's just say, an emergency, and I'm at a restaurant and I've got to use a public place, I know the nightmare I'm in for. Because I've gotten used to a pampered life down there. You don't even know how to wipe anymore. No, I just pat dry. Pat dry from my cleanness. All right, Mike, Final pick for you.

And a pat dry when there's no bidet. Not good. That's called a mat dry. Yeah. It doesn't get... You're just mashing it. Take a deep breath. Be careful. I don't know if you can get impassioned about something else we care about.

Well, I definitely can't. Friendship! Totally overrated. I had one on here. can get impassioned about something else we care about well i there i definitely came friendship totally overrated i had one on here specifically like i once jason started going on the defensive i had to play defense against your defense so i have you were going to attack jason i well i had one ready we're just fencing which also overrated i've i've never done never never seems like it'd be a ton of fun yeah it seems like it would be very fun all right um well then let's just attack the young people yeah take this clubbing okay oh totally what how did how did like, and I get that MTV created a generation of us that we aspired that this was it. Once you become of age, this is how you go have fun.

You go into a place that is so crowded you can barely move. It's so loud you can't hear yourself talk. You can barely breathe. you are suffocating this is dancing right yes not yeah not beating someone with a bat i'm not not a seal i'm not hitting baby seals okay what which is slightly overrated i i not not totally but underrated yeah take that baby seals uh but the act going, like, you can't communicate to people of who you want to dance with, so you are just imposing yourself, which is weird and gross. And the communication of, do you want to dance together?

It is the person either stays there or they move away. But the violation has already happened. I'm glad I never did it. I can say to this day that there was never an attraction to that for me. I was convinced that this was like MTV convinced me that this was the thing that I needed to do. And I went one time, but I went the one time and it was just, it was clear that this is not for Mike.

There's way too many people here. Is this your story about your- Yeah, about how I was so poorly dressed. Now, maybe if I was cooler, it would have worked out. Just a self-conscious, weird environment. I could have been like a chick magnet or whatever at the club. But it was- I do not understand.

And it's still in movies. It's like, go to the club. It's in slow motion. And everyone there is just smiling. They're having the time of their lives. I mean, they're all deaf, completely deaf. You're just a liar. 90% of those people are not having a good time.

They are just doing it because they think that this is what they're supposed to do to have a good time. I think the pandemic didn't really help that scene in my mind either. Clubbing. Yeah, it's like everybody in there gets what everybody else has. All right. That was just the disease. I did have some backup ones I'll share. NASCAR was one of them.

Oh, that's a good one. Yeah, you're not going to get much argument. So that was one. Buffets, I think, are overrated. Oh, you're an idiot. And then I also was going to throw retirement out there. I think retirement's probably overrated. Oh, okay.

Sit around waiting to die. Do something when you're old. I have golf on my list. I think that's a little overrated. That's dumb. Yes, because you're underskilled. Oh, if I was great at golf, golf would be the best thing ever. It's overrated because it's not going to.

Fishing. Okay. Picnics. Reading. No exercise for you, though. Oh, it was, yeah. Well, exercising your brain is off limits for Jason. That's right.

I don't like to work up a mental sweat. So on my list, I did have collecting. Fancy dining, but I kind of lumped that in with the wedding. Musicals, for the most part, are very, very overrated. That hurts. Yeah, well, there are some that are great, but for the most part, very overrated. And then if Jason came at me again for my final pick, I was going to go with Cruises. Oh, you're...

Man, we have very different desires of life. What did we learn today? That me and Jason are mortal enemies. I learned that I am allowed to open food at parties. Yes. Thank you, Mike. Yeah, you're welcome. I learned that unlike owie owie Al Borland, Mike has a very high pain tolerance.

He endured a broken toe. Yes. When I was younger, I definitely had a higher pain tolerance. I learned that Jason and I, well, Jason likes stupid things. Let's put it that way Yes I do Guilty as charged Well you guys should like each other after Highway to Spell

Well I was a big loser You were a loser too Did you really win? I don't know Last man standing Goodbye Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.