Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Museum Litterbugs & The Best Spices - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 4, 2024

Spit Hit for April 4th, 2024: On today’s show, we are taking another stab at the ‘Man of the People’ segment! We also discuss a bunch of dumb superstions and their origins. We wrap things up with a draft of the best spices and seasonings. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Right now, our listeners will get an additional 15% off in annual membership at masterclass.com slash ballers. Get 15% off right now at masterclass.com slash ballers, masterclass.com slash ballers. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A tickety-tack-tack-tack-a-ticky-tack-a-chickle. Wait, did you give up at the end? A little bit I did.

I heard a taco in there. Now I'm hungry. I really didn't have any problem with it, but then when you broke character at the end. I ran out of... You ran out of tickety-tocks? I ran out of belief in myself. Yeah, that's all right. The ending's the hardest part.

Welcome into the Spitballers, Andy, Mike, and Jason. Back with you, episode 206 of the show jam pack today we've got a review of source rex would you rather the return of man of the people which came from show 200 and shall be a i don't know a mainstay yeah the a lot of the uh feedback we got from the incredible show 200 was that those new segments people love. They want us to keep going. Keep doing them. We're going to work them in. And we are drafting the best

spices and seasonings on today's show. And I know there are a lot of passionate what would you call them? Chefs? That's what I call myself. Culinary specialists? Yeah yeah like not us but no oh no i this is going to be the most embarrassing draft of them all because we are not

i am treading deep water fellas we're just we're good news i have the 101 i've got floaties for you two fellas oh please i will uh make sure you don't drown i forgot you're a famous chef that is true that is my nickname in pickle't drown i forgot you're a famous chef that is true that is my nickname in pickleball officially the chef you're down with it yes so what is it the chef or the famous show it's just the chef it should be just the chef but i so we play pickleball i don't know how much we've talked about that on spitballers probably a lot probably a lot because that is something we love. We're in tournaments. We've got one coming up this weekend.

And when you register to become a member, you can put in a nickname. You missed it. In the last one, he was that too. And so they're calling it over the speaker. There's no way to change it. Like literally when they're calling us to a certain court, it's like, Kyle and the chef, please come to court 22. I did not realize that happened.

I'm so embarrassed, but also it's awesome. Yeah, you should be proud of that. That's spectacular. I can't wait. All right, we're moving on. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from JasonIsMySpiritAnimal. Five stars. Life-changing. When I discovered spitballers, I was single.

The world was shut down, and I was unemployed. After listening to all 200-plus episodes, I am now married. The world has opened back up, and i've landed my dream job i'm not saying the spitballers will make you find love cure pandemics and help you find financial security but it worked for me keep changing lives gentlemen you're doing the good work well thank you spirit animals so many nice people out there. Yeah, I mean, we... And this one likes you. Well, this is a show that is primarily about finding love.

So the other two things, I think, are... It's a matchmaking show. It always has been. Yeah, it always has been. The other two things are happenstance. But if you are listening and you've got a crush or you've got a need for love, then you have found the right podcast. Of course.

Yeah, because things just work out when you listen. That's what happens. Generally speaking, yeah. Okay. It may not have worked out for you right now. Keep listening. Just keep listening. Go back to show one.

Start over. There's a lot of shows. Too many. There's no way you won't find love eventually. If you keep listening to them, it will work. I guarantee it. If we do a lifetime of shows, you'll have a lifetime opportunity. There you go.

All right. Would you rather? Would you rather? Steven from the website. Would you rather have multiple save points throughout your life that you could restart at or have New Game Plus where after you die you start your life over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired? So this is, to be clear, New Game Plus is kind of a feature in more recent games.

Not just recent games, man. Really? Dude, Legend of Zelda 1? That had New Game Plus? Yeah. It wasn't called that. Well, that's all I mean. You just started it

and it was the second quest and everything was all screwed up. I felt this way about just Super Mario Brothers 1 where it's like you yeah then you finish the game and all the goombas now are the those beetle things that actually happened in mario world too where it was like fall colors after that but the point is you live your whole life and then you start over with the knowledge and skills you've acquired or multiple save points to redo it and

that one's funny because i don't know about you guys. When you play video games in the olden days, now there's a lot of auto save, right? It automatically saves all the time. But in the olden days, I'd figure out that short, like I play on a computer, so F5, right? F5 save. I'd be so paranoid of losing my save. I'd be slamming that F5 button every few seconds, right? Sure. paranoid of losing my save i'd be slamming that f5 button every few seconds right because here's the risk with them save points how many do you have when did you hit them eventually something will happen you'll want to redo but how far back will you have to go will you have to throw away a bunch of good right like i've only got three save points in my life am i gonna throw let's say tomorrow i get

into an auto accident and i like i don't know i break both my legs and i'm like man i'd love to go back and not have that happen but is my save point like before my daughter was born like how far back does it go well let's let's give some rules here let's say what would we like our save points to be do you annually i like that i think that's very fair okay then you have a real decision to make jan 1 jan 1 whatever year you can choose that means you that means would you be more likely to take chances in january than you would in december 100 you would because otherwise or or do you live when you say take chances though when you say take chances like when you say take chances like

you can't die in this one in this one you don't auto spawn you don't back at gen one no this is just you get to go back or you choose the other one where when you die you you get a whole new life that's fair yeah you can't you can't work the death one into to the safe point to the safe point but you've got to be able to make the decision consciously i'm going back but loophole here the safe point would be immortality if you're careful yeah you can groundhog day it yeah i mean so you can go back to that you can go back to that safe point all the time yeah oh yeah so then are you basically just living january one a bunch of times well you the whole, however long you want.

Go back further. Go back sooner. You're getting some lotto numbers. I mean, it always comes back. Anytime we have some kind of secret power, you're like, oh, man, how much money am I going to make? It's like money is the root of all evil. See, it's funny because when this question was was read my initial instinct was definitely the start over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired you get an entire another go an entire

do-over of life but it's going to be a whole new life like when I go back in time a year I'm living this life I have I've got my kids my wife love. I'm going to do that forever. But like when you die and then start over with all the knowledge and skills you've acquired, the clock is still running, right? Like, so I'm not in 1990 or 2000 or 2000. I'm in the future. I'm, you know what I mean? Like I'm going, hopefully if I've got two long lives, I'm going 100 years into the future. I'm seeing stuff that I would never see if not for the new extra life once my life ends.

What? How did you get 100 years in the future? Because let's say I die at 100. He's saying he's restarting and he's going to restart in the year 20. No, you're not. 84. I don't go back in time. Yes, you do. it does say you start

your life over yeah that's pretty clear like you're still jason moore you're born in the same parents in the same exact place yep he's right yes there's a long sentence meaningless things you said oh man then why the why in the world would i take this one i don't know i don't want to go back like oh let me go back 60 years, start over one time, and then die. I'll take the infinity life, please. Well, I mean, because you could theoretically, you know, number one, make a whole bunch of money. But just like you have whatever skills you have gotten. Like if you're a musician or whatever, you go back, and now you are that level of musician as a baby,

which, I mean, imagine seeing a baby just absolutely shredding on the guitar YouTube sensation. I think those little fingers are going to have a hard time with that mic. They make smaller guitars. I was going to say, there's so many questions. I don't want to get too into the weeds. That's what this show is. Okay, so let's get into it.

You don't have all of your knowledge and information as a baby that you have to have what you can potentially comprehend at each age level you can't have all of it you're not going to be coming out of the womb knowing how hello mama yeah knowing how to you know whatever code a computer perfectly the second year one year one day old but you have all the knowledge and the skills. Yeah, but it has to be progressively given to you. At what point? It seems like I'm super baby. Yes, you are.

That's how I'm reading this. It's a whole other question. It's like, do you want to be super baby? Look, I mean, but you're still a baby in terms of like the physical limitations. You're not able. What about your speech? No, you can't.

Not yet. You haven't developed the vocal cords to do that. Well, speech maybe, but like walking and stuff, no. You're not shredding on a guitar then either because you can't. Not yet. You haven't developed the vocal cords to do that. Speech, maybe. But like walking and stuff, no. You're not shredding on a guitar then either because you can't hold that guitar. No, the baby was just being jocular. But like by the time you're four, then you could be a maestro of whatever instrument it was you were on. Other than the monetary thing, the idea of having to live your life over again with all the knowledge you've acquired I don't know if it's the lack of knowledge

that really is impacting whether I want to live that life over again or not it's come and it's gone it's over I think I've done it we have so many movies of the people well if only I had lived a different life the lesson's always the same

the life you have right now that's the one you're going to end up. The lesson's always the same. The life you have right now, that's the one you're going to end up wanting. Yeah, that's always the lesson. 100%. In all the movies. 100% right. I'm going to choose something different and go down a different avenue,

and I will regret it. I will say, I wish I could go back. Wish I had save points. Yeah, it's funny, because if something tragic really did happen and you wanted to activate your save point but it was like january would you like want to cash in on a little bit more of that

year i don't know or would you instantly activate it i would fix this yeah to fix the treasure just i'm going back if something happens i will take the uh save points. Yeah, I guess so. All right, Bullish from Patreon. Would you rather be locked in a porta potty overnight or in a high school locker overnight? That's a tough question. Really? Brutal. Wow.

If you're in a high school locker, you cannot move. Yes, but you are not in feces. At the beginning. By the the end you will be look here's here's what i'm starting with on my premise here i know i'm getting out i'm just stuck in it overnight so i have the mental i'm now i have peace man i have peace knowing i'm getting out in x amount of time now Now, will I be claustrophobic? Yes. Will it be awful? Yes. But I am not in a poop factory. I'd rather be in a locker a little bit stuffed.

Like, I can probably sleep because I'll be so squished. No. Never. You would not be able to sleep. Are you sleeping in the poop factory? I do believe that. You can sleep sitting there. Like, over time, you will eventually become desensitized to the smell it's

like it's going to be a really bad few hours but eventually it'll start getting you know like you'll let it you'll notice it less and less over time but you if you're in a locker you will notice the entire time it'll just get worse over time as you start developing like like cramps and a kink in your neck yeah i have two problems with the locker one is i don't know like i don't know if i could do that for 10 minutes right like you put me in something where i can't move it's dark imagine a locker that fits you well and that was my second problem is you're never getting me in a locker i don't know what kind of lockers these high schoolers have nowadays but they don't fit this guy.

That would be... Now, this porta potty, it's wrecked, man. Oh, I know. This is the construction worker's favorite porta potty. I mean, the argument of eventually you'll get used to being in a poop box is not a compelling argument to me. But the poop, to be fair, is in the toilet. It's not like someone's come and sprayed poop everywhere. Nobody has ever used that argument to defend the sanctity of a porta potty.

That it's slightly below you. I mean, you are basically the balloon being inflated by the methane. Fair, but you can at least move. And if you've got to go to the bathroom great news you're in one great news you don't have to go anywhere now in the locker i i'm imagining my eyes are seeing through the little slits right yeah sure we'll give you that yeah i mean there's no chance i mean like if you change it to a coffin i would take the porta body because the coffin's fully enclosed really and it's too claustrophobic

without any light or vision it's cushioned i do like the cushion the coffin over the locker am i feeling air in the coffin is there a fan no there's no no it's very very stagnant i'm afraid i'm gonna suffocate then well assuming that there is no suffocation in any one of these hypothetical situations, the coffin is way better because coffins are laying down. And if I had to be in a claustrophobic box, which both of these are, I would need to be able to try to just calm down, close my eyes, sleep. Like the light means nothing to me because I'm not yearning for little slots of light. My eyes would be closed. I would be trying to meditate, trying to escape the box mentally. And so I think in a cushioned coffin, which are actually made for human size, you fair?

I would I would have room to lay in that comfortably. People would say, oh, look how peaceful he looks, because that's what is said. And then, but in a metal locker, there's no redeeming quality. Has David Blaine ever done the coffin? I don't know. It seems like something that that guy would have done. I feel like David Blaine would laugh at the coffin.

He'd say, just dirt me. He'd just put the dirt straight on me. I don't need a on me i don't know i don't know if there's a worse fear than buried alive yeah but but not necessarily just with dirt just the whole claustrophobic stuck in a stuck in something like the idea of being stuck in a coffin and buried under the ground is there anything worse than that you should really pick port-a-potty man because i agree with you the claustrophobic nature i mean to die i mean to the point of death not just like an endurance exercise i i certainly don't i'm not pro i'm not

pro claustrophobic death that is not how i want to go out uh oscar from twitter would you rather smash every plate you touch or every mirror you see oh well how much for driving in the car oh yeah good blow out your side view mirrors and your rear view mirror every time you look at what's the what's the deal with uh smashing the mirror for bad luck is that bad luck is that compounding i i think it i hope it just starts over so you're always gonna have seven years of bad luck okay like oh that's a new seven clock starts over um i'm not a believer in such nonsense mike you're not yes you're telling me i'll go ahead and you know what's funny is i i literally i say i say that and i'm not like of course i'm not uh-huh but i don't walk under a ladder like like no no hilarious story uh just or not a full story but just so we just did a a live recording for our other podcast the fantasy footballers over in LA

there was a gigantic ladder and because someone was up fixing you know some lights very high up I got to a a place where I had to walk, and it was either make a decision of go through the ladder or squeeze through a tight aisle of chairs. And I walked up to the ladder, and I legit went. I went through it. You did. I went through it.

But you had a moment? But I actually hesitated, and I was so ashamed of myself. And then I think it was Brian was there with us, and he noticed. He's like, oh, yeah, I saw you pause. I was like, oh, no. You caught me. This is what's funny. You caught me.

I have a large, one of those ladders that, like, you know, the gorilla ladder. You extend it, and it gets this really high A-frame. And whenever I'm moving it around, and I'm under the ladder, and I pick it up, and I move it to wherever I need to go next. You think about it? Are you under the ladder? When I put it down, I won't walk out the opposite way. You go backwards?

Because I don't want to walk under the ladder. It's so stupid because I climb through the rung of the ladder. I don't believe that I get bad luck walking through a ladder. I really don't. What's the black cat rule? If you see a black cat. You just see it? If you see it? Yep.

If you see one. What do you have to do? No, no, no. Something about if it crosses your path. I thought that's what it was. Well, I think if you see it, it has crossed your path. No, I think that it has to go. And you have to go over the path where the cat has previously walked.

I think that's the rule. No. It's not just seeing one. I'm pretty sure Al Borland caught COVID from two black cats. I came down here to visit him. He had just gotten it. And then I'm like, dude, there's a black cat on your car. And then the next time I went out there, there were two black cats on his car.

What? Why are there so many cats on your car? I don't know. I have no idea. So it says, yes, it says they are bringers of misfortune if they happen to cross your path. I've always thought if they happen to cross. But that is a phrase that you say. No, if they run in front of your car when you're driving, that's crossing your path.

Yeah, your paths have to. Yeah, you don't just say, okay, I saw some guy down the street. That guy crossed my path? How far away? In the example here. So if I see a kitty cat that's a thousand meters away, I'm like, uh-oh. Then you've got great eyes, Mike. Okay, the black cat that was on Jeremy's car.

It didn't cross in front of him, but that's clearly crossing his path. Well, yeah. No matter what he does, when he gets in the car, he has crossed the path of the cat. That's right. He has to disrupt their path. If you had black black cat goggles you could see the path so are you telling me are you telling me that if i see a black cat and it walks right out into the middle of the street yep okay you better turn it walks and it walks back if i walk

around where you're good i'm good you're good i didn't cross paths with this black cat even though i saw a black cat right in the middle of the street exact just the same exact way when you put down that ladder and you back out, you're covered. Okay. That one makes a lot of sense. Where do these stupid superstitions come from? What's the one with salt over your shoulder? You spill salt.

If you spill the salt, it's bad luck. But then you have to throw it. What's the one where you have to throw it over your shoulder? It's after you've spilled it, you have to throw it over the shoulder to- To get rid of the bad luck? Yeah. To counteract. And so here we are back with the best spices. Salt is

coming to the forefront. You throw it over your left shoulder with your right hand. And that gets rid of the spilling the salt problem? That's what I'm reading. Now that's not how to get rid of the vampires. That's garlic. That'll be the second pick.

Spoilers galore on this episode. Where were we? Smashing every plate you touch or every mirror you see? Yeah, yeah. Something like that. Did anybody talk about that? I'm just going to use paper plates. I'm choosing that one.

What about when you go to a restaurant? Yeah. Mazel tov and smash. I guess. But when in the process do you have to smash this plate at the end okay oh that's great at the end it says everyone you touch you if you eat without touching it then you're fine i have i haven't touched a plate at a restaurant a long time not i mean i grab a fork i eat i mean i don't think you might have my plate that would be funny though

if you accidentally graze it and just like it auto shatters oh it auto shatters you don't think I'm moving my plate around. That would be funny, though, if you accidentally graze it and just... Like it auto-shatters? Oh, it auto-shatters. You don't even get the... Oh, see, I thought if I accidentally touch it, I'd be like, oh, dang it, and I got to grab the plate, throw it on the ground. I assumed that it just worked like the smallest touch was the biggest touch. It just broke it. Okay, well, that's a different way to look at the problem. The plates are the way better way to go here

because mirrors have actual necessary function. And a plate doesn't? Well, but there are alternatives. Bowls, paper plates. What is the alternative for a mirror? A bowl is just a plate that's been folded up a little bit. That's still a plate. Okay, sure.

I'll smash your bowls. I'll smash your plates. Isn't a plate just a flattened bowl? Isn't it really a bowl well what was first that is probably a plate seems a lot easier to make a plate than a bowl um this question is really spun us around uh final answer plates because i imagine myself like in the thor movies where he's like it's delicious. And then he spikes it down. I'll have another.

Shall we move on, Al, or do we have time for one more? Bowls came first. No, they did not. What? Bowls. Yeah, it looks like the oldest found bowl came back 18,000 years ago. I stand corrected. A plate is just a flattened bowl. All right.

Time for one more or no? Let's move on. Man of the people. Here we are again. Men of the people here we are again men of the people as they call us al what are we doing we uh surveyed 100 people top six answers are on the board as they say and uh if you get the the most popular pick it is worth three points the the most popular pick, it is worth three points. The second most popular pick is worth two points. Any other pick that's on the board is worth one point. We are going seven rounds, and the last round is worth double.

Oh, stupid last round. I know. It's game show stuff. It's game show stuff. Come on. What game show? You just stole the win from me last time. All game shows.

All right. Hands on the table, gentlemen. All right. Yep. Hands on the table. You got your buzzers. If it lights up green, you were the first to hit. The first question is, name a movie or TV show that has the word diary or diaries in the title.

Ooh, I got first. And I'm going with Princess Diary. That is the number three answer. What? That is worth one point. Dang. I will reset. Hands on the table, gentlemen.

All right. Bridget Jones's Diary. Oh. That is the number four answer. Dang. Also worth one point. Dang. Oh, I've got a better answer.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yeah, that was the answer. No way. That is the number five answer. Oh, I've got a better answer. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Yeah, that was the answer. No way. That is the number five. Oh, you losers. You all got one point. Wait, they got as many points as me? That's not fair. Diary of a Mad Black Woman. Diary

of Anne Frank. Princess Diaries. Bridget Jones Diaries. Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Diary of Anne Frank was deserving. So, look, that makes sense. It's a good first round. I just want to say I should have more points than you guys. But not by the rules. Well, the rules are stupid.

Minus one point for... Do you need him to go over the rules again, Jason? No, I need him to just give me another point. All right. Well, you could earn another point right here. What do people do that could get them kicked out of a museum? Dang it. All right. Andy got it too much noise that is the number four answer oh dang speed is not always the best hands on the table yeah why am i so slow touch touch the stuff'm out of answers. Touch the art is the number one answer.

Yeah. Eat it. Three points for Jason. One for Andy. I thought it was a museum. Yeah. Yeah. What are you?

If you touch the dinosaur bones, you're out. Okay. All right. I will go with. I've got two more answers. What do you got? You want to hear a good answer? I will go with.

Three. Littering. Two. you want to hear a good answer uh i will go with uh three littering two you really didn't have any answers i'm sorry mike that one didn't make the board oh my god was either eating and drinking on there no it was touch the art wait run run okay steal steal Run? Okay. Steel? That was one of the ones I had. Steel. It was... The other thing that always... Littering. Littering. There's always the rope, too. I'm very serious about littering. There's always the rope.

So crossing the rope, like... That didn't make the board. That should have. I felt like that was like touching the exhibit. I guess you have to do one to do the other. Good job, Jason. The number six answer was break something, which I thought was weird

because you can't really do that without touching it. I thought noise. Moving on to round three. Okay. Hands on the table. Name something that you do in a booth. It's not reset.

Okay. I'm just smashing my button over. Yeah, because it's not reset. What is going on over there? That's on me. We were waiting. I'm resetting them. You clearly hit the button and no one else moved. That because we were waiting for the you were not waiting for nothing 100 i'm sorry that's on me mike but be fast

mike got it yeah that's right take a photo name something you do in a booth take a photo that is the number three answer okay okay i know the number one answer now i've seen the error of my ways oh jason got it and he didn't even move oh and he's got no answer literally uh my answer is i'm between two here but i'm gonna go with make a phone call that is the number two answer i know the number one answer with two here but i'm gonna go with make a phone call that is the number two answer i know the number one answer with two points can i go name something that you do in a booth you have three two get a haircut i can't think of anything i'm sorry that did not make the board the number one answer was can i guess you? You sure can. Yeah, no, I won't. Eat. What?

Eat in a booth? That is the number six answer. Okay. Oh, I guess like a restaurant booth. Yeah, you'd be on a table or a booth. Yeah, I guess I would say... I got focused on the photo booth. Okay. Kiss?

Is kiss on the list? That is the number one answer. There it is. And the other kind of obvious one... People are smooching in the booth? You never heard of a kissing booth? Yeah, I have, but that's a stupid number one answer. From like the 70s?

That's why I'm surprised. Did they survey people that were born in 1941? Possibly. Where did you get your lip herpes? At the kissing booth. Voting was the other answer that was. Oh, voting. Oh, yeah.

Okay. Yeah, well. So littering was not on that list. The only thing I had in my head was the phone call. All right. Reset these buzzers. All right. They're reset this time. Excellent. Here we go. Round four, I believe. that list the only thing i had in my head was the phone call all right reset uh reset these all right reset this time here we go round four i believe name a place where a mom might go when she says i need some peace and quiet uh i got it i'm up first it's definitely target i mean

i don't know if how long ago this was done but it's definitely not on the board yeah i was gonna say there's no way okay every mom listening right now is like it's definitely not on the board. Yeah, I was going to say there's no way. Okay, every mom listening right now is like, well, he's right. Hands on the table. He's right. The room. Her room. Bedroom. Bedroom is the number one answer. Booyakasha. Three points for Mike. When she needs some peace and quiet. Okay, great.

It's Target. I'm out again. I'm telling you, it's Target. I'll say manicure. That is the number three answer. Okay, not bad. You got a point, Target. I'll say manicure. That is the number three answer. Okay. Okay, not bad. You got a point, Randy. I would have just said bathroom.

That's the number two answer. Yeah. Oh, it's the number two answer for sure. I don't think you should reset the buttons because I think that is the time that we'll notice to click the buttons. Do you know what I mean? Like you just wait, and then once you do that, that's our cue. Oh, I see. So nobody jumps the gun on the question you ask the question and then you reset the yeah we'll do but then that no but the way it's supposed to go is if he's reading the question

and someone buzzes in he's supposed to stop whatever yeah so that's all right i mean for man of the people when they play that game. Bad hosting over there. What a terrible host. Next round. Name something pros do on a golf course that you'd look silly doing in mini golf. Have a caddy. That is the number three answer. That's such a good answer.

Thank you. Could you imagine? Give me the one club I have. Can you read the question again. Name something pros do on a golf course that you'd look silly doing in mini golf. Mike. Driving. Like, I'm sorry. The golf cart?

Yeah. Oh, driving a golf cart is the number five answer. Ironically, it could work multiple directions. Yeah, I took it as a driving range which jason you're up oh no jason's already done i'm sorry andy you're up uh dress up you want to be more specific like wear golf clothes that is not on the board okay so wearing wearing a golf glove is on there you guys can decide i would allow okay Unless that's the number one answer. It is the number two answer.

Yeah, I mean, that's the whole point. So using a driver, is that number one? No. No, using a T was on there, and I was kind of going to consider that for driving. Interesting. But then you said golf cart. All right. Is this the last round?

Brooks is keeping score over here. What round are we on? I think there's two left. Yeah, it looks like we're going into round six. All right, perfect. Thank you. Okay, okay. Just remember, none of this matters because the last round is worth a billion points.

All right. Name something a person might do in order to stay attractive. Plastic surgery. That is the number one answer. Dang it. That was my answer. Three points. There we go.

Waiting. Dang it. That was my answer. Three points. There we go. Waiting. Dang it. Work out. That is the number two answer. Excellent. I was going to be really disappointed in humans. Two points. I am so sad here.

Diet. There you go. That's a good answer. That is the number four answer worth one point. Number four? Number three, was it makeup or something? Number three was makeup. Yeah. So, we talked to a bunch of people

and number four, like the number one thing you should do is watch what you're eating. That's number four for us? Yeah. Plastic surgery is number one, Mike. It's a lot quicker. Alright, so here we are with one round left.

Wow. And all three of you are tied with eight points. That's impossible. I guess the double score, yeah, Brooks did a terrible job tracking the points. I should be way up. But yeah, the double points don't even matter. That's true. All right, last round.

Name a club a high school student might belong to. Theater. I got it first, but that's not the number one answer. Drama club is the number four answer. Oh, no. Oh, gosh. All right. Hands on the table.

I'm such a theater nerd. Yeah, you are. What's the question? Thank you. Name a club a high school student might belong to. I don't know. Times run've the time time's run out i win i win no andy got it andy buzzed in um honor society oh that's a good one that is not on the board yes okay great this isn't fair mike has so much more time okay uh no he gets counted down

to glittering rotsy two that is not on the board. Really? What? Number one answer was Glee Club. Number two, Chess Club. Number three, Debate Club. Okay. I almost went Chess. Four was Drama Club.

Five, Art Club. And six was Foreign Language Club. I was between- Glee Club. I was between Chess and Theater, but I love Theater, and Ch chess is for nerds so yeah totally Jason is a man of the people with 10 points congratulations Jason you know those

people playing that game of intellect those are the nerds but us we put on fancy costumes and pretend to be other people not nerds I can't believe honor society failed in the foreign language club no one goes to that club I mean I can't believe Honor Society failed in the foreign language club. No one goes to that club.

I mean, isn't the sea of ROTC club? I've never heard of ROTC in my life. That's ROTC? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Is that how you say it? ROTC? I've never heard that, but then I kind of figured it out.

I was not in that club. How did Jason manage to win? It's actually Reserve Officers Trading Court. Oh, well, that would make... I thought the C was for club. All right, we're moving on. The Spitballers Draft. That game is intense i was gonna say that was a bit that was a bit the heart's exhilarating the heart's beaten like the watch is like i don't know are you working out right now i don't know if i want to hit the button soon and end up with the fourth answer

or wait and end up with littering i mean number two is where you want to be in this thing. Yeah. Second. And also target was the right answer. I mean, target should at least be on the board. Come on. All right.

We are into the draft on today's spit ballers. We are drafting the best spices and seasonings. Mike has the first pick. All right. And we are such culinary geniuses that I know this will just be so many choices I mean I have just so

many ways I could go to start this draft so many incredible spices I definitely know what they all do what meat things they should be used for I mean mean, I know. Oh, yeah.

I know. But we'll start with the basics. We're going to go with some salt. Yeah, very utilitarian. It's everywhere. A classic. You keep your meat from spoiling. That's what salt is used for today, is keeping meat from spoiling.

I mean, like Marcoco polo big into salt right thank you mike yes no there are no other uses than that um just if you i mean how do you keep your meat from spoiling yeah salt rub it in some salt leave it on the counter all right are you going to take what you said earlier is your second pick yeah well first i want to say that mike had a bad pick because you should have taken kosher salt which is so much better i mean regular salt is like boring i think like sure you can get them all man get all salts right well you don't get all salts yeah that's fair he probably okay okay but like for instance mine my number one pick is garlic salt yeah i don't get that one that's's fine. Garlic salt is... That would have been totally my number two pick.

That is the most commonly grabbed seasoning from my cupboard. I put it on anything that takes a savory food, I will put garlic salt. What about when you're boiling water, though? So much garlic salt. Oh, you go garlic salt? Am I missing out? You're totally missing out. salt what about when you're boiling water though so much garlic salt oh you go garlic salt am i missing out no you're totally missing out if you're boiling water to cook some pasta or something you put so much garlic salt in there you will not regret it and a little olive oil it's gonna be

very interesting lessons we learned from jason today yeah i'm one of the people unfortunately garlic salt was going to be my number one pick now Now, does that mean if you take garlic salt, I can't take garlic? That's an interesting question. Owl? I would say no. Okay. Because I got the garlic flavor. I'm taking garlic flavor.

Then I guess I have to go with the other seasoning spice that is always on the table with the salt. Because I'm the third pick here and i've got to take it even though i don't i don't really love it it's pepper i'm taking pepper it's not the best now i mean you know i don't know are you do you guys like the freshly ground or do you like the more generic pepper oh you got to have the freshly ground now freshly ground tastes better but you do get the occasional accidental peppercorn in the tooth situation with that. But with the finely ground pepper that just pours out, that is the sneeze factory. I don't like the flavor, the texture, the smell.

But if you're making a steak and you're just putting salt and pepper on it, which is a great way to do it, you want some coarse black ground pepper on that steak. Do you guys pepper your eggs? Oh, yeah. A lot. You do? Yeah. And are you in on that?

Salt and pepper. Not really. Yeah, I don't pepper. No, I'll get some salt on there. Oh, yeah. That's fine. And you can put lots of different flavored salts on eggs and it's delicious. The reason that I pepper my eggs, because I'm not a huge pepper fan.

Sriracha salt. Since we're talking salts here, shout out to Jacobson. Jacobson salt, not a sponsor. Let me write that down. Jacobson salt is the best salt in the world. You trying to get some free Jacobsons right now? Jacobson, if you are out there listening, your salt is so expensive. Please send me some of your salt.

Why is it expensive? It's like smoked. So they've got like different flavors. Like you can have like a cherry wood smoked salt. Oh, it's so good. Interesting. I don't remember what I was talking about. Well, I had taken pepper.

Andy has another pick, though. Yeah, I'm really stuck here now. I'm glad it's not just me. I mean, I have a couple that I think will slip through. So I guess my second pick here, I will go with cinnamon. It's very high on my list because I know what it is and it's good. So I will go with cinnamon as my number two pick. Couldn't have said it better myself, Mike.

That was one of the core reasons I took it. Oh, man. This is so funny. My wife should be sitting in this chair. She would dominate this draft. I have too many I want here. Alright, what do you got there?

Don't worry, we won't take them. Yeah, well, that's true. Look, I'm going to go with what I cook with. Okay. Good. Garlic salt is my number one. My number two is Lowry's.

Oh, man. Lowry's. Shoot. Cross it off the old list. Yeah, you definitely didn't need to take it there. I know I didn't need to take Lowry's, but I also- Lowry's. Lowry's. That's's. Lowry's.

That's a real word. Yes. It's a brand name. L-O-W-R-Y-S, I think. R-E-Y-S, yeah. Thank you. What do they do? Lowry's.

Well, they make a bunch of different, but I'm talking about just their standard all-purpose seasoning salt. Seasoning salt, yeah. It is absolutely fantastic. That was the one I thought I would make it back around. To be fair, Lowry's is the garlic salt I use as well. The brand. So, I mean, they're doing good things.

You drafted the same thing. No, totally different. Totally different. Totally different. So, for somebody who loves Jacobson, you've drafted its competitor twice. Got it. Perhaps. All right.

Very interesting. Well, Mike got salt first, so I felt like I couldn't draft Jacobson. Jacobson, I love you. Don't listen to Andy. Send me back. So, I have salt. I know what that is. Right. Step one. Number two. I know what that is. Right.

Step one. Number two. Andy took cinnamon and pepper. You're running out. Yeah, I can't get cinnamon on this team. Would have been a powerhouse. Yeah. But I will go crushed red peppers.

Number one, because I actually do use them. Okay, step one. And they're fantastic because, like, I like heat. I like spice. You do. From my food. But there's things like a lot of peppers I just don't like the flavor of. Like jalapenos, that's not the flavor for me, unfortunately,

because you can get some good heat from that. But crushed red pepper, you can put that on pizza. Yeah, absolutely. Pizza, just any pasta dish. You're like, this is a little bland. Let's spice this up. Just some crushed red pepper, and you're absolutely done. Pro tip.

Oh, yes, please. If you're making fresh green beans. Oh, I thought you were going to give me a pick. If you're making fresh green beans, crushed, I thought you were going to give me a pick. If you're making fresh green beans, crushed red pepper is awesome. Oh, I thought you were going to say if you're making fresh green beans, stop. Get some help.

Because you're making a trash vegetable. Ask for help. No, fresh green beans are great. Like the French green beans. Fresh green beans are great. But man, they didn't get bad if you canned them. Yep. Oh, canned green beans are...

Those are made for... They should call them something different. Yeah. They shouldn't get to be called green beans. Now, the fresh ones, that still gives you the squeaky teeth? Yeah. Oh, it's terrible. It's so terrible.

It can. All right, Mike. Give me another powerhouse pick. My next pick, I like it in rice specifically chipotle's rice so i'm gonna go with some cilantro that would have been my next because the cilantro lime rice is something that like i go with what you know mike i well that's what i gotta do i could go he's just reading chipotle ingredients in order for his favorite bowl. I've been exposed. But the rice, when you get the good one, sometimes you get bland, which from Chipotle,

and I assume that's from a lack of cilantro. I'm not exactly sure. But when it's good, I could just eat a bowl full of just the rice because it is so sensational. And I will give all the credit to the mighty cilantro okay all right the mighty cilantro is true right i think it is the 101 of herbs i mean if this was just an herb draft now is cilantro is that the one where like some people have a particular they taste it differently it tastes like uh oh crap what does it taste like yeah some people

genetically and it just i think they're cilantro. Like soap. Is it cilantro? Yeah, I think so. It is soap. That is correct. Yeah, that's so. Excellent.

And you're not one of the soap cilantro guys. No, no. So I'm sorry to the soap people. Okay, you're not going to get their vote. Does soap taste like cilantro then? To them, yes, if they eat it. Oh, man. Just put a little soap on that pizza.

Every few people have foods inversed. Yes. Jason, you are back on the clock. All right. This is tough. Mike has salt, crushed red pepper, and cilantro. Jason has garlic salt. Lowry's seasoned salt.

Fellas, I was sweating that those two were going to make it back. I really wanted cilantro. So you actually did take my next pick off the board. And I know my last pick. There's no doubt. And you guys would never take it because you probably don't know it or remember it. How dare you? However, I am.

Oh, man. I'm between a couple here. I'm going to go with. Since you took cilantro, I'm going to stay similar to that. No, no, no. I'll take a basil. Okay. I know the one I'm going to stay similar to that. No, no, no. I'll take a basil. Okay. Okay.

I know the one you were going to take. I wouldn't have gone basil. Well, basil works really nice on pizza. Pizza. That's like the third thing. You can put a lot of stuff on pizza, like fruits, vegetables, pineapple. You put it on fruit? What a dummy.

You don't know about spices. Yeah, so I will take basil. I think it's a good flavor. It's the best. And it decorates. So then I'll go oregano. Yeah, there we go. I'll go oregano.

I'll complete the trifecta of herbs. And then I've got one final pick after oregano, which is delicious. And I don't know. I feel like I need to compete with the name brand situation going on. Oh, I see. But the problem is I don't know how to pronounce it. Because I just don't. But the Tony Chachere's. What is it? Yeah, no, that's the Tony Chachere's.

What is it? Yeah, no, that's it. Chachere's. Tony Chachere's. Yep, that's it. It's a Cajun seasoning. What are you talking about? You don't have any of that around the house?

No, I don't. Tony what? Tony. Chachere's? Chachere's. It's a sketch one. The Creole seasoning. Thank you, Creole.

Yeah, that's so sweet. It's like my wife brought it with her when she came from her land of Louisiana, and she uses it on everything, and it's delicious. Chachere's. It's very popular. Chachere's. Chachere's. Chachere's. Hold on.

Worcestershire's. Tony Chachere's. I think that's how you say it. Chachere. Worcestershire. Are we saying the name Tony? Tony is correct. Tony's the beginning.

So it's a man named Tony. There it is. We've got it linked in the chat. Tony Chachere. It's Tony Chachere's original Creole season. I think I butchered it real bad in the beginning because I said it too slow. You need to say it quick. Chachere.

So Tony Chachere over here. It's a Creole season. He's doing his best Chef Boyardee impression on this kid. My wife is going to kill me over that pronunciation. Oh, man. That's good. Chachere. Chachere.

Chachere. Chachere. All right, Jason. Final pick. Chimney, chimney, chachere. All right. My final pick is easy. I'm going to drop the hammer on you two.

Oh. Because I'm taking a boom. Flavor call. You darn right. Your popcorn's never going to be as good. Isn't that just like the black hole of salt? Yeah. I mean, it takes whatever they've done in the witchcraft to salt to make it higher sodium

than salt. I love it. I'm taking the chemically made hyper salt. Hyper salt is what it is. Known as Flavacol. Saltier than salt trademark. Yes, which is a, if you haven't listened to the Boom Flavacol episode. It's one of the 206 we've done already.

It is one of those 206 episodes we've done. But it is a delicious, asininely salty powder for popcorn. Very dangerous. It's got some warning labels on it. 2,740 milligrams of sodium per serving. And a serving is like a teaspoon. One teaspoon. So nobody does one serving.

I'm thinking you're putting 10,000 milligrams of sodium on no matter what. Mike, I know that you've been dying to make your final pick. No, it's excellent. I have the pick. Okay. Look, the time of year that we are recording it, the season is upon us, ladies and gentlemen. You got to go with the pumpkin pie spice. Okay.

Pumpkin spice. Pumpkin spice. You put it in the lattes and of course the pumpkin pies. I had somebody, I don't know if it was a spitballers fan or a footballers fan, but they wrote in and they asked me to sign a petition. Like one of those, uh, where do they do the petitions out there? Yeah. The fake ones that they send into the big ones that they send.

And it was all about setting a date in which it's illegal to put pumpkin spice into things my wife and i just had this discussion and like i'm very neutral like it i'm very net neutral on pumpkin spice like i just i agree i'm net neutral too it's like i'll enjoy it from time to time i don't care i know that there's some people that get real excited about it, but I find it so fascinating the people that get angry at those that love the pumpkin spice. It's because the people that are enjoying the pumpkin spice enjoy it too hard. Too loudly.

Why? What's wrong with the people enjoying their pumpkin spice? I mean, coming from you, Mike, I'm surprised. That I don't get mad at them? Yeah. Why? I don't care. It doesn't affect my life one way or the other.

It says man who openly hates Thanksgiving, which brings lots of joy to people. Oh, that's garbage. That's a little bit. Yeah, I see. Yeah, but that's just. That's my opinion. I like mine. No, it's just the historical facts of Thanksgiving being a trash holiday.

Pumpkin spice, when it comes out, I'll have one. I'm not going back for the pumpkin latte every day. I'll have one for the whole season. Yeah, sure. Give me the pie. Yes, give me the pie or give me the peppermint stuff from Christmas. What is it? I would imagine that it is like ground up pumpkin seeds.

There's got to be nutmeg in there. There's got to be some cinnamon in there. Pumpkin doesn't taste like a pumpkin pie until you put the magical spice upon it. No, it does. Really? Yeah, a pumpkin pie? Cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, allspice, and ginger. Wow, so it literally has no pumpkin.

Yeah, so pumpkin does not taste like that. That makes it taste like a pumpkin pie. No, but pumpkin pies don't all have pumpkin spice in them. Oh, yes, they do. I guess they do. They have to, or they're going to taste like a pumpkin, which I imagine tastes like crap. Maybe you made a pumpkin pie, you used all those things,

and then you called that pumpkin spice when you made other things taste that way. Cinnamon nutmeg, cloves and ginger taste delicious. Pumpkin tastes nothing like that. Yeah, it does. No, it doesn't. Pumpkin, as soon as I... Oh, you're saying... You're saying...

The actual pumpkin. I see, yeah. Is pumpkin a... It's a fruit. It's a vegetable. It's a fruit. It's got the seeds on the inside, and that's fruit, right? Yeah.

I'm pretty sure it's a fruit. Yeah, but my mom, we used to, like every Halloween season, she would make this thing called meal in a pumpkin where. Gross. Yeah, disgusting. And where it's like the meal is cooked in a pumpkin, and it's like rice. Well, the pumpkin smells so bad. Yeah, so like I would spend the whole time time getting all the pumpkin out of my meal.

That's your memory. Me and my sister would complain about this every year. Shout out to onion powder. Oh, thank you. Onion powder, fantastic time. Paprika. Smoked paprika. Sure.

Yeah, and parsley, making your plates look good. Yeah, really? And palate cleanser? Well, that's ginger. Dill is great. Dill is very good. Sure. Yeah, and parsley making your plates look good. Yeah, really? And palate cleanser? Well, that's ginger. Dill is great. Dill is very good. I thought that was a pickle. Dill sucks.

Dill is a flavor that a pickle can have. That's my least favorite of all of the flavors. I will say this. What else do you use it on besides a pickle? Plenty of things. You're talking about dill? Dill's on, it's a regularly used herb. Oh, there's like a dill dip, right?

Yeah, it's the long, it's the little long looking leaves. Yeah, like little thin long leaves. It sucks. Dill is a good flavor, but it is crazy overpowering. So if you have something that has too much dill, it ruins the dish. Yeah, you need to reduce the dill. It's time, right? Yes, time is how you say it.

Okay. I'm in on that. It's time for this. Ayo. What did we learn today? Oh, I learned that I know nothing about spices. I learned that apparently when you survey 100 people, kissing booths are still a very hot topic. And I learned that you are allowed to litter at the museums.

You will not get kicked out. That's right. That's right. It's one of Mike's vices, just dropping stuff all over the place. I've always been so afraid to litter, but now I'm free. Thank you for tuning in. Back next week. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.