Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: My Eco-Friendly Emissions & The Best Home Inventions - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 26, 2023

Spit Hit for October 26th, 2023: On today’s episode, we suck at math. I know - shocker! We also talk about time travel and being stuck listening to boring stories. Then, in a more practical than usual draft, we select the best home inventions in the past 30 years. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Womp, womp, womp, womp, waka, waka, tikka! Ooh! I liked it. A little something new A little something spicy It's a little wild guitar my friends No that's good

You need some variation on these scats sometimes And you didn't You didn't really falter at any point You didn't lose your confidence The ending was a little new Newish Well so what instrument should I do next episode? I don't know at any point. You didn't lose your confidence. The ending was a little new, newish. Well, so what instrument should I do next episode? I don't know, but here's what I wanted to share with you.

Tuba. Please don't get me started on the tuba players again. For the listeners at home, that was not a real wah guitar. Oh, my gosh. That was. Was that you? That was actually my voice. I didn't think about how clearly misleading that was, because I was watching you. Like, my gosh. That was. Was that you? That was actually my voice. I didn't think about how clearly misleading that was because I was watching you.

Like, I knew. My eyes were closed, and I thought you pulled something out. Yeah, that makes sense. A wah guitar. A wah guitar is what you. Oh, we're off to a good start. Would you rather Jason explains what's the difference on the show today? We're drafting the best home inventions over the last 30 years.

I'll put the wah guitar away. Please do. At spitballerspod on Twitter, instagram.com slash spitbottler. Spitbottlers? Spitbottlers. No, spitballerspod on Instagram. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for telling your friends about the show.

If you want them to enjoy themselves, this is one of the ways to make sure of it. Let them know about our podcast. A lot of people don't even know how to make friends anymore. They're like, it's true. It's very difficult. This is how people have shared experiences around the spitballers. You hit the water cooler and you say, hey, did you catch the latest spitballers? Right.

And they will probably say, of course. They'll say, is that the one with the wah guitar? Well, they haven't heard this one yet. Oh, that's true. But they'll say, of course, or they will say, no, please tell me more because that sounds hilarious. That's a good point, Mike. Are we done promoting the show? Yep.

Al? On to the actual show. All right. Would you rather time. Would you rather. Are you wearing peace on your watch right now? Jason just looks so weird. Jason's got an Apple watch.

Yeah. And he was reading a text. I'm not getting away with that. It was like for three minutes. Yeah. What are you doing? It better be the longest. It was just a very very long tweet we're in the middle of a show well it was music playing it was about you guys want me to talk about marcus hollywood brown no no no yeah exactly

if you're reading another chapter in harry potter over there or something look i'm a slow reader okay it was like 15 words all right would rather, number one here, if you could temporarily be transported to the future, would you rather spend one year in 2200? Okay. Or one year in the, okay, sorry, one year in the year 2200 or one month in the year 3200. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. You go to the future for a year and i'm going by myself sure yeah okay congratulations you got one year in the year

2200 which is and i have to come back almost 80 years from now unless you die there oh right right i mean i guess i guess oh man i mean'd technically be. Now you're opening up a whole. Or one month. Situation. A hundred or a thousand years later than that. So that's a massive amount of. Like, there's going to be a tremendous amount of technological advancement between now and 2200. That's 80, 78 years away.

And not enough. But you're talking a lot more than that in 3200. Right. But it's only a month. I mean, you do get to spend a year there. Which one are you taking? Now, are we saying that we're ruling out showing up in 3200 and it's just scorched?

Correct. This is not the nuclear wasteland that you have to spend a month in. There's nothing there, and it was just a trap. The human civilization thrives in the future. Do you want to go 80 years in the future where you can where sure you can go 80 years into the future and have a year or 180 years in the future and you get a month and and for the sake of the the spirit of this question you're not losing any time at home you just okay you know you're not losing a year for your family this is about would you rather see the distant future for a short period of time or the not so

distant future is it though because exponential right like think about this how different was the world in 1990 very different 30 years ago completely different universe dial up internet yeah i'm not even no internet no internet in 1990 so you're unless you were like you know you worked at honeywell or something i don't know but 30 years a lot has happened so i i guess the question for me is do i want to spend a whole year is there a year's worth of things to discover 80 years into the future well i don't know that there would be a like time wise spending your time to fill a year seems impossible like to there's got to be cool stuff you'd want to hang out and do yeah but that's almost too much time you got

78 years of movies that have been released jason do you know how much time you need to fill i i could i could watch a lot of movies but i think that they would probably you guys still got netflix really bad to me because you know sensibilities change who knows you know what's funny what's funny what's not i'm i won? I won't understand any movies. I will be the ultimate old curmudgeon. Usually an old person's like 80 years old or whatever. I would be 240 years old. I don't get it.

Not funny. That's not going to be more helpful in the year 3200. Which is why I only want a month. And then he said, t tangerine the room erupts in laughter yes what 3200 is where I'm going I mean the shorter amount of time but the more discovery for sure because my hope when I get there is one technology there's one piece of technology that I hope exists when I arrive and I don't think it will exist 80 years from now i i do and i know that this is you're gonna reveal this technology yes but i do think this will

exist 180 years from now and i think this will be what changes the future and that will be teleportation okay i never happen it will happen with it will i'm sorry it will never happen quantum entanglement it's gonna happen people but not in our lifetime yeah just like the old hoverboards we we got all the way there my my thought process was a little bit different like the the time in the future wasn't a huge part of my decision it's like but if you go to 2200 right there is a chance that we can see that at our like i was like if if medical if things advance there is a slight chance we make it to our 120 yes there is a slight chance that that can happen now i mean people at 120 who knows if we're ever medically advanced enough that you're not just sitting in a chair wishing for the sweet relief of death oh we'll be half robot now you do know that we'd be 216 years old oh i was thinking of

2100 yeah yeah yeah jason was there too right trust me i put in 2200 minus 1984 three times before i realized that mistake take the slight chance and just reduce it by 90%. Right. And so. So there's still, I mean, there's a. There's, you know, who knows? Who knows? We could be in the machine by then.

Our kids might see it. How does this math work? You can't handle it. I can't handle it because we're saying it's 80 years from now. And 80 years from now. That's what my brain was doing. But it's not. It's 180.

Okay. So we were just wrong with that. Well, you thought the first is right and the second one's wrong? No, I just knew that. The math is all the same. They couldn't possibly. They couldn't possibly. So we've been saying 80 years this whole time?

Yes. Like idiots? The 2,200 is 80 years from now. I blame you. It's not, though. It's 180. Okay, so. Because 2,100 is 80 years from now.

Okay, so we're not making it to either one of these my argument was going to be son of a gun he's right well you think he's right i just thought it was 21 22 right now i had to write it down on the board to make sure that 2022 looked right son of a. I just lost 100 years. You just said that 180 years from now, teleportation would exist. Oh, baby. So you just got your 100 years. Oh, man.

You're going to be sad. Just give it another 1,000 years. What year is this? So my argument was going to be if you could make it there slightly and not really be able to take advantage of the things but know what's coming. Sure. I think that that would feel bad. So I want to go into 3200 where I have absolutely no chance of making it there with my current body.

Yeah. Look, in 3200, maybe it's not apocalyptic. We take that out. Like the world's not just singed earth. Yes. But it could still be bad. It could still be like one of those- It could.

The movies with the pretty dilapidated, horrible society. Sure, things have gone wrong. Or maybe we are just now the robots to the robots. Yeah. We are their robots. We are their servants. So you go get to be- You end up being a

robot slave yes for a month so you don't want a year so i mean that's that's really why you got to go 3200 is to make sure you don't have a year now you know the year 3200 is over 1 million years from now yes would robots really want human slaves no only when they evolve enough to become lazy which would happen is that an evolution that's an evolution next step like in the that's an advancement 100 they would because what would happen genuinely genuinely what would happen with ai is they would continue making their technology and their hardware and software better and better and better until they can basically have a human brain which which would then start the whole cycle over. That's a weakness of our brains.

Time will tell. Go to 3200. I'm pretty sure I'm right here. Oh, my goodness. Okay. Would you rather not shower for a week or five times a day? Oh, that's easy. For a week. Yeah, that's easy. It is easy? Yeah. It's five a day? It's five a day. Oh, that's easy. For a week.

Yeah, that's easy. It is easy? Yeah. It's five a day? It's five a day. It has to be five a day. I think that would become very burdensome. Oh, absolutely.

But being a stink bomb for... I want this to be applied to... This is just the rest of your life. This is not just a week. This is the rest of your life. You're either doing it once a week or five times a day. How much time has to be in between showers? Oh, between them?

Yeah, that's a good question. No, I mean, Al can rule on this, but there's got to be, what, like an hour? An hour? Okay. I think it's less about time and more about what you do. You have to have an activity. Like if I went and wrote a peloton for 30 minutes and got sweaty,

that would count as, okay, now I'm going to go shower. Because you could shower when you wake up, go exercise, shower. That's two knocked out of the park. You've got to get three more in. You'd have to find a way to have a lunchtime shower. This is a deal breaker. Depending on where you work,

if you don't have a shower at work. You could always probably use a shower after you laugh a little bit. Oh, man, I could take a good shower now. Well, this is part of why I want the five showers a week. I love showers. That's one of my favorite times of the day. Five times a day. Not only do you forget there's going to be hygienic implications to the over showering side. Dry skin.

Well, I mean, you can, it's just saying shower. I don't think you have to do like a full scrub, full shampoo. You've got to wash yourself, Mike. Do you have to exfoliate every time? No. My skin is bleeding. Because I've had periods, like in the summer in Arizona, it is not uncommon at all to have two showers in a day.

It's not uncommon, but five's a lot every day of your life. And you're losing time. I mean, let's just pretend. Not only are you losing time in the time you're showering, because I know, Mike, you can get through it quick. Yes. But you are now having to accommodate showers. Yeah.

You go on vacation. Guess what? You got to shower five times. You know what? vacation. Guess what? You got to shower five times. You know what? You go to work. You got to shower five times. You come home. You got the burden.

Now, the other alternative is untenable because you could have. You can spritz yourself with some like Febreze or something. No. There is. No, you cannot. There is. I don't know what day it would be. Day four or day five.

It would be day three. Maybe day three. But at some point in that week, you would turn a corner where you can't cover it anymore. And so maybe you could survive this system by picking the day of the week that you shower and your social events. And you know what I mean? Like, hey, I've got a really good you know i shower every friday so friday saturday sunday we have fun on the weekends and then i try to avoid people through the work week you might be able to get away with that not showering is the key to

your anti-social dreams mike yeah but you would feel gross would you yeah if a tree smells in the woods and no one's around to smell it no one's around to smell it isn't there some yeah that's a famous thing that tree still feels bad about hygiene yeah it does now here's a somewhat of a tangent off of this but do you like if you were to get rid of all the hair on your body will you smell less yes i think so 100 so like you shave all your armpit hair if you i mean i if you trim your armpit hair which i do from time to time so it's not just a giant i do it on the red ball it will it will say the man you got two like afros under there i mean if i let it go it's well like poops like when. Like clown wigs? If you have the length where your arms are down and it's still peeking out the front,

I trim to prevent that. That's not a good look. No, and that hair holds on to smell. And so, yeah, you're going to stink more with hair. Because things can hold on to smell. That's it. They're very strong when it comes to odor molecules. Would you rather question coming in from Barry on Patreon,

would you rather walk on ice or on hot cement with bare feet? Has anyone ever walked on ice? I'm sure it's happened. No, no, no. I'm asking you. No. Not in the human existence. Someone has to have done this.

Probably. You know what? Like the ice age. Right. It might have happened. That's kind of what I was thinking. So the closest I can get to that, I've never taken off my shoes and socks and then walked on ice. Because the only place I would be able to do that is like an ice rink in Arizona, right?

Right. But I have many times gone up and played in the snow with inappropriate gear, therefore getting water, snow, ice into my shoes. Okay. water snow ice into my shoes okay so i've done that before and it is extremely unpleasant to have cold feet there is a big difference between being completely unpleasant and ruining your body yes one of these things i don't know what you're saying i think they both ruin your body yeah i mean one is frostbite no i don't think you're gonna get frostbite for i mean if you're saying i gotta stand on the ice for four hours yeah i'm gonna get frostbite but if i'm just walking

that was hard words if i'm just walking uh you know along ice it's gonna be cold it's gonna be uncomfortable but it's not going to literally physically destroy. It certainly would eventually. Eventually. Yeah. But when it's hot. So is it about the distance you have to travel? Sure, maybe.

I mean, we of all, I can tell you this. In human history, the three of us have walked bare feet on too hot of a surface because we live in Arizona. And sometimes you need to, you know, you're going to the pool. Well, you're not wearing shoes. You just go walk to the pool. And all of a sudden you're trying to make it to the pool before your skin stays on the ground while your foot leaves the ground. Because the foot could stay on the ground in the snow and the ice eventually, like at the distance. You can burn your feet, but you can keep your feet.

But if your feet get too cold, you can lose them. If you frostbite, you lose your toes. But this is just saying, would you rather walk on ice or hot cement with bare feet? Right, that's fair. I mean, in general, one of these things, when it's over, when it's over, I'm going to throw some some socks up maybe put my feet up by the fire and I'll feel fine but when my feet are burned it's like burning your mouth you eat a slice in your

feet I'm just saying we can all like maybe you listening haven't burned your feet because you don't live in Arizona but you've eaten a slice of pizza that's too hot it ruins the rest of your day because the roof of your mouth is now burned. That's what's going to happen to your feet. Can you move at a, is there a speed you can move at? That's fast enough to really get by on the flaming hot pavement. That is a great question. The answer to that is no for the pavement.

I mean, people walk on hot coals with a certain level of speed. That's because there's like the ashes on the coals. It's a parlor trick. But I've gone to get the mail in the heat and there's a certain, you got to get into the flow, man. You got to get a little cadence. No, I know.

You get the cadence. Sides of each feet back and forth. Back and forth. And you're looking for any sliver of a shadow. Yes. If there's a little fence, you're walking in the little shadow line. Oh, you bet you are, yeah. But, like, you can't.

Okay. But the question was for ice, because I've never done it. Is there, if you go fast enough on ice, which then you could fall. You're going to fall. I've seen people walk very slowly on ice, and they still fall. You go fast enough with your penguin walk where you're leaning over your feet. Can you do that and not have them freeze burn? I think basically if you walk on ice for a short period of time,

it's really almost no implications. Whereas if you walk on a really, really hot surface with your feet, you're burning them. Even if you don't feel like you're burning them, sometimes you've burnt them and And you don't know. And you come back and you go, why do my feet hurt so bad like the next day? And it's because they're peeling. I think to even this out, because walking on ice, not going to destroy you.

Walking on something too hot, absolutely destroyed. Oh, are we doing like a 100-meter dash versus a mile or something? No, I'm saying that let's say that both of these are just 100 yards, you know, a football field. But one of them is the slippery ice you've seen videos of. It's wet ice. I have not experienced this, but have you seen the videos where – I know you're laughing at wet ice. All ice is slippery.

It's also all wet. No, no, no. Not all ice is wet? No, it can be frozen solid. If you can put water on ice and all you've got a real real bad situation if you get it too non-wet you will stick to it yes that's also true and rip your skin off just like the hot but i have never experienced the what i see in videos not real where where people get in the perpetual slip state where they start to slide,

and then they're running their feet, and they're just, it's like a cartoon in real life. And they are sliding in place until you know they're going to end on their face or their butt. Those are the only two options. They're going to fall. So we're all going with ice. Yeah.

Yeah, we're all going with ice. Now, being super cold is very painful if i told you it was like i gotta walk a mile on ice versus go 100 100 uh meters i'm taking ice no matter what okay well you like being cold yeah you might be able to if you're like running on the cement but then you're running on cement which even when it's a you're running on cement which even when it's a fine temperature running on cement is very painful. That should be an Olympic event. Who can go the furthest

on boiling hot cement? It would look like the power walking which is so stupid looking. There's blood and flesh everywhere. Alright one more? Do we got time for one more Al? We sure do. Would you rather listen to a boring story or tell a story that everyone thought was boring?

Oh, man. Have you ever been so pot committed to a boring story that you're telling that in your mind you knew it was funny, but either you've told it wrong or you've just, the delivery, the contents is too inside of a joke but you're so far into it that you do feel like you need to finish like you can't there's no like social cue for i'm out like no there is there is yeah you get to the point you go ah you just had

to be there that's universal that everyone knows the storyteller is admitting that story sucked but was really funny if you happen to be there but you don't want to go with the like uh never mind just quit on this trail that's the only way to get their attention when you're in the middle of a boring story because they they assume something good was going to come, right? There was a point to this story. So that's your... Is someone at the door? Yeah.

No, I've definitely been there where I've... And it's not even like a funny story that I know was funny if you were there always. It's just like I'm saying something, talking about a topic and realizing this. This is not a story. Why did i speak why did my my wife and this is not an insult to her because she will readily admit this is the queen of the boring story like she tells oh yeah and she'll she will stop halfway through knowing and like admitting out loud though this this story is is boring but i'm going to finish it anyways

and i must endure and one of so one of the uh uh one of the what's the right word i'm looking for what are the hard part marmalade no marble yep you got it one of the difficult parts when you have like a really good memory and you live with someone who does not have a good memory. Oh, you get it more than once? Not only are the stories boring, but you get them multiple times and you have to make this decision. Do I interrupt and say, you've already told me this story or do you just play along?

I do have a line for that. Like you haven't heard. You have a way out? Well, I just have a line for that. Like you haven't heard. You have a way out? Well, I just have like a fluid way. Because I mean, look, everyone's got family members that have told them stories. Because they've only got, like once you get to a certain age, they lock you. Like the government comes and they say, those are your stories. And those are the only ones you get.

Because the rest of your life, you can't make memories. And you only get these stories of when you were, I'm not even get into it because i was gonna like out somebody but the lot you kind of try to throw in real quick you try to say i think you told me about that one time if you can remember you can say it like that but do they then they sometimes can dip out it's only a one in five okay we'll dip out the rest will finish no matter what but you can throw in the yeah i thought you told me about that if you can remember a detail yes yes that's deeper into the story you're like oh yeah he was a navy seal but is but is it socially insulting to that person like do they feel well that's why you got to be excited about it that's why you got to say oh yeah with the yes you know what i mean because if you're like is this the one

with the navy seal oh? Oh, this again? That's not going to go over as well. You've got to be like, oh, yeah, this was a good story that I've heard. Yeah, so in essence, you are complimenting this on the previous story. Exactly right. Now, I have a follow-up question to your situation of good memory, bad memory storyteller. What if they're not telling you the story, but they're telling a story around you but you know the actual correct way that the oh the event oh yeah went and you're hearing all of this stuff that's like oh yeah do you jump in and correct the story not right do you jump in and help and

fix or do you just i swallow your tongue and sit there with your eyes rolling back i'll tell you the real story later this is uh this happens to me all the time it has to it's life if you've got a great memory and they've got a bad memory it's gotta happen so what is it i i feel out the story and it's like does does this particular detail matter that's good that's a good filter to the end of the story if it does i will jump in like the main people in the story if some of them are off do you correct that or it's like but if it if it helps with the punch line of like i'll try and guide the story to the the the actual truth if it's not a big deal i'll just smile and let it go that's good that's good because

not every detail is needed. Exactly. I mean, that's a very mature way to handle it. When it's a wrong detail. Or the whole story is made up. I've heard wrong details. I've heard multiple stories multiple times. And the details keep changing.

You're like, I remember the original. But you're playing telephone. You've already told this story. I've got gotta tailor my story for my audience you know it's like they wouldn't have liked this part oh my gosh okay um that's funny um that being said getting back to the og question yeah listening to a boring story it sucks but oh it's the word but it's doable doable. I mean, we've all practiced. I would much rather be the storyteller here, and here's why.

Because I don't realize that it's boring. I know I'm going to bore people. Sorry, but I'm not bored. Or self-aware. Well, but eventually you become self-aware. And once you realize that you have told a really boring story depending on who the storyteller is it can either erupt into laughter and fun and making fun of the horrible boring story that did not need to be shared or if you end if you're a listener and the person finishes

their story and it's done and it was was just like, that was really boring. There's nowhere to go. What do you say to the conclusion of the boring story? You go, oh, cool story, bro. Exactly. You're just a jerk. So for me, I know that at the end, we're all going to laugh at me and have a good time and be merry and jolly.

Jason explains in 60 seconds. Well, it's been a while, Jason, and we need your wisdom. So, Al, what are we learning about today? Let's find out. Dr. Jason is here. Oh, boy. Honorary doctorate from harvard jason you have 60 seconds to explain photosynthesis oh i mean that's so easy this is like third grade photosynthesis is the process where uh trees and plants any anything it's got to be green

that's something that a lot of people don't know it's got to be green and they take in your uh your farts and your uh co2 all your emissions and they're going to convert this into oxygen so they're going to take the plants are going to take this photosynthesis your emission process your emissions they they breathe in your farts and they give you clean air to breathe and in so doing it's like their digestive system which is what the scientists call it um right when the plant right when it comes in from the the the the green part of the plants which is known as uh the uh chloro chloro chloroform uh yeah the the the the chlorox uh part of the plant takes in uh the bad, puts out the good air, and it lives and you live, and that is photosynthesis. So that's a circle of life with the plant.

With the plant, that's right. So you can actually benefit the plant if you were to produce an emission near it. That is 100% effect. I just want to double check with you, Jason. When you have the prefix photo, what? Green. So I already answered that. If you were listening and paying attention to this lesson.

Okay. Perfect. The photo of the photosynthesis has nothing to do with the sun. Okay. I got you. This is the color. Have you ever taken a photo without color, Mike? Artistically, yes.

Black's a color. So, no, you haven't. So, I just thought. It's a fact, though. You don't know anything about science, Mike. All right. Well, I feel like we've learned, and now we'll help you. What's the difference between me and you

well i i feel i feel like i'm ready to share some scientific knowledge what is the difference between rotten rancid and spoiled okay well one of them's a brat uh, one of them's a brat. Right. One of them is a band. Right. That's rancid. No. And with terrible vocals. And one of them's an apple. That's right.

Apple, band, and brat. Oh, spoiled brat. Yeah, you get a spoiled brat. So rotten and rancid. Look, spoiled is, I think something can be spoiled without being rotten and rancid. Like, it's the first step towards rotten and rancid. But spoiled could be as simple as, you know, the milk isn't rotten yet, but it's spoiled. It's got a little odor.

Very nice. Can anything, can a non-liquid be spoiled? I would think so. It's a good question you bring up, Mike. Yes. Because the way that we use it in the common vernacular is milk. It's the most common. What else spoils?

I mean, you could say that the yogurt spoiled. So dairy. You could. Could you say the cheese is spoiled? I don't think cheese can spoil. Can you say that the apple juice is spoiled? It's not rotten. It's not rotten. It's not rotten.

That goes rancid. You can have rancid apple juice. Apple juice goes bad? Yeah, it can. Yeah, it can. Whoa. Normally, it just becomes filled with alcohol. Yeah, I thought that's like apple wine.

That's what you call it. Oh, cool. We got another can of the rancid apple juice. Juice box 1987. This is awesome. He's buying up all the juice boxes on eBay. Now, I feel like there's a difference here between the smell and the taste, essentially. Right?

Like, I feel like if you eat something that is spoiled, it is rancid. Wait, what? I don't know i mean i liked where mike was going where like rotten is a hard object rancid might be liquid is there a lid spoiled as dairy and spoiled as dairy so if it's a hard object it rots like meat rotsots. And obviously, fruit rots. Okay. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. But does fruit go rancid? I actually think to rot, it has to have been alive. It has to have been something that was living.

Meat, plants, you know, and it rots. And it rots away. Yeah, I mean, that's... But to be fair, like, most of what we eat fits that category oh not most of what i eat brother that's that is heavily processed food that coming out of plastic for me what does it do does it spoil uh no well no it's not dairy what happens when a what happens when a piece of bread grows mold what is is it any of these well a piece of bread was never alive so it can't be rotten well it was i mean it was alive so it's i'm just saying can Well, a piece of bread was never alive, so it can't be rotten. Well, it was wheat. I mean, it was alive.

So, I'm just saying, if a piece of bread grows mold, is there another thing that happened? Or is it rotten, rancid, or spoiled? Is that spoiled bread? I'm going rancid. Going rancid bread. Man, rancid makes me think it's got to be like a real, it's got a bite

to it. Yeah, well, that's why I was going flavor, but maybe it's deeper than that. Oh, that's bite to it. Yeah, well, that's why I was going flavor, but maybe it's deeper than that. Oh, that's rancid. Yeah, well, that sounds more like a smell. I've got to see how my aunt would exclaim it. Rancid is definitely the furthest step beyond, right? Like the progression of how rancid. No, rotten is the worst.

No way. I think rancid is worse. Rancid is, you know, this is starting to rot. This is rotten. It might be rancid someday. This is rancid. Oh, yeah. I don't know about that.

Well, I mean, two-thirds of doctors agree. I mean, yeah, maybe rancid is a stage of rotten. What's funny is spoiled is a completed state. I mean, you have been spoiled. It is over for you. Really? You are no longer. You can't eat something that's spoiled. It have been spoiled. It is over for you. Really? You are no longer. You can't eat something that's spoiled.

It's been spoiled. There's no redemption for that. No. No, it is past tense. That is a good point, Andy. I think we've really encapsulated most of the major concepts. I didn't learn anything that time. What's the difference between a hop, a skip, and a jump?

A hop, a skip, and a jump. This is, I mean, playground children could tell you the difference between a hop, a skip, and a jump? A hop, a skip, and a jump? This is, I mean, playground children could tell you the difference between a hop, a skip, and a jump. I think jump is standing out on its own. Is that a two-foot thing? You can jump off of one foot. Right. So then what? Is it height?

Yeah, I mean, is it easy enough to put a rope below you? There's a reason they call it jump rope. So if you can put a rope under the jump. But you skip rope. No, I don't. Yeah, but there's a thing called a skip. Once again, I got to do two-legged hops. There was a thing called a skip. Wait, not a hop.

If the rope's going under, it's a jump. I was going to say, there's a thing called a skip it, right? Well, it's called skipping rope. Right. No, it's not. It's called jumping rope. No, there is a jump rope, skip it right well it's called skipping rope right no it's not it's called jumping rope no there there is a jump rope but it used to be called you don't remember that toy where you'd put it on the right leg and it had the camera it was like a skip it and it would annihilate you your shin if you weren't good but i mean i'm just saying you were you were skipping

then so it's called a skip it. Skipping is, they just were being too liberal with the term skip. Skip is a movement. Skip is a one foot and then you switch the foot. But how is that not really just a bunch of hops in a row? A hop is two feet to two feet.

It has to be two feet? It's a tiny jump. Oh, like a rabbit. You cannot... A rabbit can hop and jump. Oh, like a rabbit. Yep. You cannot, you can't leap. A rabbit can hop and jump. Oh, yeah, for sure. It doesn't always hop. People think rabbits only hop. But sometimes they have to jump, they have to leap.

They cannot skip. No, they don't skip. There's no way. Their legs don't work in opposite, they can't go left and then right. They don't have individual function. No. But a hop is two feet to two feet so a skip has to be a cadence yes it has to have a cadence to it a rhythm a cadence uh it's it's great and then a jump just

has to be able to clear someone else putting a rope under it if you couldn't put a rope under it there's no way it's a jump it's impossible i think there's gotta be a height i think a jump you gotta get you got i mean higher than al borland can go i think i thought of something a jump can be just vertical sure right you don't have to move you you can just move up and land in the same exact spot can you hop like that i feel like a hop implies there is some forward movement you'd hope so oh oh no i got it i got it no i like that i think that's true i think a jump can be you could be jumping up for something directly above your head you can't be skipping for that but you can't hop for something now i will say a skip does need to have a certain speed to it you cannot yes

that's true you can't go super slow and call it a skip no then you're walking right um also go ahead you there's far more functionality with a jump. You can jump kick. You ever jump kicked? Yes. Yeah. You ever been jump kicked? And we had a clarification from Al Borland.

It's a jump rope in American English. It's a skipping rope in British English. Yeah. Yeah, and we have to trust him because of his memory. All right. What's the difference between yoga and stretching do you know the answer to this yeah is all is it is one of those like all yoga is stretching but not all stretching is yoga yes yeah yes that's true all yoga includes stretching definitely not all stretching includes yoga um you can stretch and and not like break a sweat you could stretch correct and have a good time oh yoga is only about misery

you cannot have a good time with stretching stretching is well i can't stretching is the worst the worst it's because of the time every time i've ever yes every time i've ever stretched boring i've done it wrong because you're supposed to it's like okay uh 30 seconds in this way and i can get to three seconds yeah and then i switch to the other leg and it's like no you're supposed to spend 30 seconds on that leg well and part of this is going to be about the music right because you're not you're not putting you there's no such thing as stretching music that you don't put on some nice relaxing meditative right uh calm like there's no atmosphere to stretching stretching is what you do and there's no cool names for stretching like downward facing dog no you're just warrior two yeah uh these are yoga

yeah like um give us one of your favorites warrior very nice upward cat which of course of course warrior one yeah it's is he is uh and you show us show the people yeah exactly if you were to do warrior one where exactly would your arms like if you're watching on YouTube. My arms would be straight up, and my front leg would be out, and my rear leg would be back. All right, I think you're kind of right. I think it's close. Do you have to be wearing Lululemon for one of these?

Or a knockoff. Well, certainly. You can have a knockoff. Which are also provided by the same manufacturer, but they're just on there. We're not all made of money buying Lululemon. Yeah, if your clothes are baggy, then you're probably stretching. Right. I see.

I think that that's one of those. Now, if you've got a shirt over something that's tight under it, you can wear that at yoga. And do yoga. But if it's just one know one layer of loose uh you know oversized clothing then i don't think you're allowed to do yoga in that they don't have stretching pants they have yoga pants right and you don't need a mat to stretch oh you do have to have a mat one of the most important parts of yoga is a yoga mat you do yeah you have to buy one from

them from the yoga people from yoga.com oh my gosh yoga that's a good domain do you remember doing uh you remember doing p90 and there's yoga day and then you'd be like oh good i'm so thankful it's yoga day and then you'd be like i want to die today i want you to kill me because i don't want to do yoga for one more second yes if for those of you out there who have have just scoffed at yoga and whatever, try it. It is so unbelievably hard. Unacceptable. It's ridiculous because you'll be sitting doing nothing and just dripping sweat because you're really getting after it. We're not meant to pose.

That's what I've decided. Yoga taught me that we're not meant to pose that's what i've decided yoga taught me that people are not meant to be in certain positions for a long time well that's where you want to go to pilates now what is what is pilates pilates is like yoga with movement so you get in a pose and then you and then when you're there you're testing your body and really yeah so you get into warrior one and then you shake it up and then you're like now move your arms up and down and it's really the worst that's pilates it is the hardest thing i thought it was a bunch of leg kicks well sure i mean it depends on the poses your arms your legs your booty what are you shaking um it's a lot of shaking which one was zumba then that's dancing yeah zumba is only dancing only shaking if you're's no, not one second of a pose in Zumba.

But I will say this genuinely, like I, I want long ago was an athlete, right? You were. I, I, I played basketball. I was in great shape. I ran long distances, yada, yada, yada. I've never done anything as hard in my life as a Pilates class. It was just, you just, it's this combination of it's so physically demanding and you feel so stupid.

Coordination issues. Because I'm doing barely anything. I don't have any big weights that look cool. I'm just like, just squat down a little bit. Maybe lift that leg up. Now move it just a little bit i can't do it i can't come to think of it the most embarrassing time when we used to work out together was not the workouts it was the warm-ups where we had to do things that involve coordination while other people watched us any kind of coordination with stretching and – Jump rope was a problem too.

Skip rope. Not in my country, Mike. Not in my country. This is America. All right, let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. All right. Well, this kind of fit in with what we talked about today because we talked about going to the future.

Now, we thought it was 80 years. It turned out to be 180 years into the future. We talked about going, I guess, 1180 years into the future. But this question comes down to inventions, home inventions. And what are the best home inventions over the last 30 years? We don't need electricity climbing into this one. We don't need some of the- Plumbing, which is a great invention.

Right, right. But the last 30 years, what do you think has been the most valuable home inventions that now impact our modern life? And, Mike, you get the first pick, so you have a lot to choose from. I don't know if we're going to be even in the same stratosphere of picks on this one. Well, there's a clear one-on-one. Is there? Yeah. Well, I think I'm taking a version of it.

And I will say, I will preface, I don't think that my pick stops from other shoot-offs from this. I think that's perfectly acceptable. But I want to specify broadband internet. Yeah, high-speed internet is what I have. Absolutely. Because when you got the internet and you had the AOL and you were on the 56K, or if you were like my household where our telephone lines

couldn't even handle the 56k I don't know. 28.8. 36. It was abysmal and yet it was awesome. And then someone showed you for the first time high speed internet and you're like It feels like you're breaking the law. Wait a minute.

This webpage loads faster than five minutes? Tell me about this a minute. This webpage loads faster than five minutes? Tell me about this DSL. It instantly loads? Broadband? Here's what's funny. Because I put a wireless router on my list. Well, don't give your picks away, man.

Well, that would be- Wireless? No. What's funny is I didn't have it on my list either. I made my entire list, and then afterwards then afterwards I was thinking all of my things need high speed internet. Oh wait a minute that's the clear 101. So Mike I was really hoping that you did not have that on your list as the second

person up here but unfortunately you are a bright man. That did change things more than anything else because it allowed everything. It's a utility. Yeah. Like plumbing. I mean, try living in your house without high-speed internet.

Okay. Jason, you are up. That's called camping, Mike. I mean, genuinely, if I was at home and there was no internet, no 5G on my phone, if there was no internet, I would call that camping. I guess it's fine, but I was thinking it had to be a physical object that that camping. I guess it's fine. But I was thinking it had to be a physical object that you had. Oh, it's definitely. If it's an invention for the home, I thought it had to be a physical object in your house.

Okay, high-speed modem. There you go. Perfect. Anyways, go on. All right, so for me, the rest of my list is like all the tier of it doesn't matter these are all just good cool things that's what's supposed to be yeah well one of them is just so incredibly important um yeah i know what you're gonna go with well i was saying high speed internet i'm gonna say um the invent of the big screen tv yep you know it's You know, it's iterated over time.

But, you know, we used to have the... No, he selected 90s big screen. He did not select flat screen. The big chunk? He selected the one with the big back angled triangle. Oh, the big angle back. I remember buying one of those that was 72 inches was the TV, which was monstrous at the time. And because of that, the whole TV and the stand and everything.

I mean, it was a room unto itself. But, you know, really, the TV has, over the last 30 years, become one of the gathering spots in the home. You get together, watch sports, watch the latest soap operas, and you want a big screen. What's your favorite soap opera? Oh, Days of Your Lives? Days of Somebody's Lives.

Okay, all right. So you picked flat-screen TVs. It was on the list. I've been told, I've been informed through the grapevine that this is still an acceptable pick. So I will go with Wi-Fi. Yes. I will go with wireless. To me, that's very different than broadband.

Wireless technology in the home changed everything. We grew up, even with your telephone, with the 60-foot cord. Oh, yeah. The elastic cord. So you'd elastic cord so you'd walk and like you'd be wrapped up in it or it'd be going all through the house so i think go ahead i had a very like i remember my first encounter with with wi-fi because i already had you know the cable modem it was high speed and then someone i was trying to hook up a pc to my gigantic television that took up half of my room and someone was telling me well you can get a piece of machinery

and just put a little chip essentially in that computer and it has the internet and you're like no way that is that is malarkey it's got to be so slow and you're like no it's actually very very fast. You know, most of the speed of your direct into the mode. I'm like, this is impossible. And then you got it going. And it was modern magic. I could not believe there's no wires in this thing,

and it is still getting the internet at a high speed. All right. For the second one, I didn't want to go into the category of like a home invention. Netflix is not a home invention, right? That's a technological, you know, Silicon Valley invention. So for me, the invention that I think revolutionized things that still, I mean, it's still the reality of what we have today is the DVR. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. It started with TiVo and replay TV, but the idea, even now, all the major providers,

you've got the ability to, I mean, I grew up and if you wanted to watch something that was on, you had to put in a VCR tape and then go to the blue screen and program it for 15 minutes. And maybe you didn't cut it all off, which you probably did, or you recorded over something. Oh man. DVR changed it so that I didn't have to be around at a certain time. You got to watch TV when you wanted to watch it.

And skip commercials. Did your parents, were they VCR people? They still are. No, they still have a VCR right front and center. But I'm saying... Hooked up? Yes. Is it still used for recording though? I do not believe so, no. Okay, but like but like i haven't hooked that up to a modern tv very difficult yeah finding one that has rca

cables or adapters but i have still also the memories of watching my dad go mano y mano with the vcr it's got the blue screen that's's it. And the giant font, and he's trying to set up and make sure that it's going to tape at the right time. And then you've got to remember, the cable has to be on the right channel, or you come back to the tape and you're like, who changed the channel? It's so funny. But yeah, DVR, I think, is my second pick. I love it.

All right. My next pick is something that, man, I don't ever want to go backwards from. Because there's a lot of smart devices, and I'm sure that they're going to be on our list. But for me, almost everything is controlled in my home from room to room. It's an intercom system. It's a lighting system. It's a music system. It's everything.

And that's the alexa devices okay i mean that's the one i use or whatever whatever maybe we generically call it the just your your smart speaker or whatever but um those things i mean they control i i've got every room every room i had home automation on my list yeah so i mean that has changed uh my house i don't ever want to go backwards. You think I want to walk to my kid's room when I can just say, Alexa, announce, and then it just. Bum, bum. Wake up, everybody.

Get up out of bed. Love it. Love it. Yeah, I had it on the list. I am a little surprised this one made it back. But, you know, you have a bunch of devices that can use the internet how about the one we're looking at right now fellas i will take a laptop computer is that a home what is it i took it off my list on purpose really i didn't think it was a home

invention at all because that's literally something you're supposed to be able to take leave your home with yeah i know it's a computer that you all. Yeah, because that's literally something you're supposed to be able to leave your home with. But no, it's a computer that you can move around. This is why I said I wasn't sure we'd be in the same category, because it's not really... Well, we'll just need a ruling from the judge, because I'll allow whatever he says. I would not consider it a home device.

So it's a device for what? I mean, it's a device... It's a portable device. When it was originally made for companies and corporations before it came home. It wasn't originally invented for the home. Oh, okay. Well, I stand corrected.

I will remove it then. All right, I'm going to go with a device that is still in its infancy. Okay. And I don't think that it ends. Maybe you're not going to call this a home device, but it's in our home. A car. It's in a garage, dude. No, and this over time, I think that this device is going to end up changing the world.

I so hope it's not. Go on. Okay, I'm going with a 3D printer. Oh, no, that's on my list. That's on my list, and it's a great pick. And if you have not encountered a 3D printer. Oh, no, that's on my list. That's on my list, and it's a great pick. And if you have not encountered a 3D printer of... I'm actually mad you took that pick. I thought it would be a sneaky fourth rounder.

And where the technology of 3D printing, once you see it, and then you let your brain actually start thinking about what is possible with this, and you're like holy crap this is going to change this will change the world eventually once the technology is scaled up okay that's a great pick all right and then i'm going from that one which to uh something that will change the world to something that it doesn't really change the world very much but it makes things way more delicious i'm taking an air fryer man oh it's on my list absolutely do i need an air fryer yes you need so good why are they so great do you have one now oh yeah i made dinner on it two nights ago because you can do you can do a

i mean i don't get it i believe people say like it's basically like a souped up convection oven. Not a crock pot. No, no, no. It's not a crock pot. But it does everything a microwave can do. Not as fast as a microwave, but way, way more delicious. Interesting. It can do a lot of the things that your regular oven can do, but faster.

So you don't just use it to make fries. No, no. But if you wanted delicious crispy fries there you couldn't do which was impossible to do at home because of microwave can't do that in an oven no oven soggy fries no the the air fryer is like it's everything mike just described but imagine being able to fry things at home like you've got a deep fryer but without oil except it's not unhealthy is there oil in it no no it's just air it's an air that's super well named how do you how do you you would you would coat if you're making homemade fries and that you would coat them i would say what crisp what

crisps on it without oil okay yes you put oil on the food but not in a bucket yes and you don't have to deal with the dangerous hot oil and grease like where do i get rid of this afterwards you could put some wings in there. It's great. And you could use a healthy oil, like an olive oil instead of the garbage. That's a good pick. I like the garbage. If this makes the list of best home inventions in the last 30 years

and I don't have one, that's a travesty. I was thinking through, like, what do I have in my house that I want that's newer and I really don't want to live without anymore? Right. If you're going to go shopping for one, Andy, get the one with the rotisserie. But you'll hook me up. I know you'll tell me which one to get and buy it for me. So that's the spirit of the – I mean, that's the core of this draft is

what home conveniences exist that you literally would not want anymore. And the one that I will take next was the first one that came to mind, even though it's not the most world-changing, the most fun. It's certainly not fun. But it's like, oh, my gosh, I can't go backwards. They took this long-term, very necessary home device of a vacuum, and then they said, you know what? We can go cordless.

A cordless Dysonless like dyson vacuum right on my list for sure i mean it's what you want to be carrying around this plug this and then plug in then you can only go so far and it's there was a small period where the innovation of cordless vacuums did not match the performance of cordless vacuums where you got it and you thought you were awesome and it lasted like 20 minutes and then you couldn't vacuum the rest of your house without charging for another hour, but they've blown past that. Yeah. Now it's like they're better vacuums that are so easy to clean.

You remember bags in vacuums? You unzip it. Yep. Just awful. So yeah. Okay. Battery powered vacuums, you unzip it. Yep. Just awful. So, yeah. Cordless battery-powered vacuums. All right.

Well, I will go with another technological home invention that I think has been very valuable. In fact, I don't know if people can live without them anymore. A video doorbell. Oh, that's a good pick. The video doorbells, they're everywhere. Once you have one, you know who's there. It's a level of security. It's just great.

It's on my list. And then for my last pick, only to hurt you. Oh, no. No, this is going to be my last one, but I know what you're going with. It's a bidet. Yeah, baby. The best invention of all time. That thing's been around forever.

Oh, you think it's before? A powered bidet is before? Bidets have been around for hundreds of years, but an electric bidet. That's what I mean, an electric bidet. I mean, you can check on that, but just so everyone is aware, the bidet appears to have been an invention of French furniture makers in the late 17th century. I'm willing to pivot if you'd like me to pivot.

No, I have no idea if the new ones where they're all heated and super fancy. I will say this. Gourmet bidet. A vacuum was invented before the last 30 years. What Dyson did is they took that and they said, that was so stupid. Put a battery in there. And so like Toto, or whoever you like, has taken the long-term 1700 toilet seat bidet and said-

Electric bidet it is. You want your seat warmed? You want your seat warmed? You want your water warmed? You want to be air dried? I'm good with it. It's a good bid. All right. It was definitely on my list.

So that's my final pick. I have Wi-Fi, a DVR, a video doorbell, and an electric bidet. Am I on my last pick? You are. You have a flat-screen TV, an Alexa, or something in that vein, and then a cordless vacuum, and one final pick. That stinks. I got so many things here I like.

Well, I can't wait to hear about them. All right. I am going to go with this one because it's kind of like what Mike was saying. It's newer. It's in its infancy. Oh, please don't take my last pick because I have no more. Well, I doubt it. This is not a sponsor, but I have to say the brand because it's literally the only one that exists.

Okay. That I know of. Mike, I know you have this as well, but a spin coffee machine. Oh. So a lot of people would say the Keurig. The Keurig has changed coffee. Can I change your pick for you so it's a better pick? Perhaps.

Gourmet coffee machines. Just broaden it out because for some people, you're narrowing it down to something that nobody can relate to, like 0.001%, where K-Cup makers are this for people. Gourmet espresso machines, they are this for people. It was on my list, but it was going to be broader. Yeah, but I'm going to stick with it because the difference is what I actually like, which is that it grounds the beans up one cup at a time,

and I don't have to pre-grind beans. Is there other machines that do that? Of course there's other machines that do that. Thanks for sharing those with us. 50 of them grind. This is not a novel thing what you have with the spin. You just think you do. Some of it is.

The spinning is novel, but grinding per cup is not novel. All right. I will go with. I was just trying to help you. You can stay with your. No, do the version number. Do the version number that you like. But I've had coffee just because I need it from time to time.

Mostly Keurig. Is this sponsored? No, the last forever. And I didn't know that coffee could be good. Like, could be great. Until I actually having a gourmet coffee machine where it was like, oh my gosh, this isn't coffee flavored water. This is coffee.

You love it so much because you went from k-cup swamp water exactly to a spin coffee maker if you had gone if you had gone from k-cups k-cup to a nice drip system you would have had the same revelation sure all right mike you are all right excellent because i have one more good pick. Also a technology in its infancy that is teleportation? No. Power lines. That hasn't gone off the ground floor yet.

But this will also change the world. In 40, we talked about the future. This is VR. We might just be living there. This is VR. I will be taking virtual reality. It's a great pick. I don't know why. You won VR. And I will be taking virtual reality. It's a great pick. I don't know why a lot. You won this one. Yeah. I will trade you a spin coffee machine for the VR headset.

And I give the same instructions about VR that we were talking about. I'm like, if you haven't tried a VR headset, you don't realize how realistic it actually is. When you're watching the videos of the people making fools of themselves because they have a headset on and then you see them jump into a wall, you're like, there's that. You can't possibly do that. It's fake.

No, it is not. Genuinely, I regret how little I use my VR because every time I do it, it's so enjoyable. It's so realistic. It's so fun. I love that your picks, your last three, was a sandwich of the incredible futuristic technology of a 3D printer, all the things it can unlock.

Yes. Then an air fryer. And then all the virtual reality. I mean, it's the perfect example of what we're talking about with home invention. And for VR, I remember, Andy, you have told us the story of you got super into a ping pong. Oh yeah. It's the best. I know exactly what you're saying.

I've done it too. And Andy went, so you're holding the handles to play the game. And Andy went down, went to put his handles onto his virtual table. That was not actually there. And then just tried to rest on the table that didn't exist. Yeah. Because once you're playing and you're lost in it and you're playing ping pong and then the ball's hard to reach, that's what you would do in real life.

You'd reach your left hand on the table and reach further and you just eat it because there ain't no table. Yes. So that's a great pick. VR is awesome. There were a couple other ones that I had to Google when they were invented and I was way off. I was thinking things like I didn't know how long home jacuzzis were around or garage door openers.

That's going way, way back. I have the Nest cameras or home smart cameras and smart thermostats. That's a big one. Being able to not be home and be able to control pre-cooled. All that connected devices stuff. Smart lights. Oh, that's such a good thing. Yeah, I had thought of the hue bulbs and things like that,

but I don't use those a ton. Is it because it's so annoying to set up? That's part of it. The toothbrush that flosses at the same time. Oh, yeah. Floss and brush at the same time. It's so easy. I feel so old when there's cool technology that I don't want to set up now

because that is exactly what the VCR was for our parents. It was like, you do it, son. It's real tedious. And now I'm like, Caleb, you set up the Wi-Fi lighting. And he does it better than me. Any other glaring omissions producers i think you did pretty good nice all righty that'll do it for today's up oh no wait hold on what did we learn today this one i'll give you guys a second to think on your own but mine was

super easy which is what an air fryer does yeah Yeah, and I learned that the year 2200 is... Dang it, that was going to be not actually 80 years. It's not 80 years from now at all. Well, Jason and I learned the same thing today. Alright, that'll do it. I also learned that rotten has to have lived. Oh, yes. Yeah, we discovered that.

I still think most of your food lived. I hope you're not eating plastics on a regular basis. But that'll do it for today, spitballers. Or at all. Take care. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.