Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: No Rules Duels & The Best Leftovers - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

Spit Hit for June 27th, 2024: On today’s show, Andy spills the beans on Owl’s recent run-in with the law. We also dive deep into the rules and etiquette of a good old fashioned duel. Then, LIAR, LIAR is back! Does Owl take his second ever loss? Lastly, we draft the best leftover foods! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. Oh yeah, a little change up. I'm not sure if you didn't burp at the end though. That was a tuba. I mean I like anything with that kind of variation in it. That was nice. Trying to get multiple instruments in.

I'll tell you what, you would think after 247 episodes before this that you've seen it all, but you really surprised me there, Mike. Good. That was, I mean, the only thing that could ever beat that scat is what we're getting next week. Oh, baby. Oh, man. What's next week, Andy?

I think I don't have it. Mike doesn't have it. Well, I go usually after Mike, and it's not me. No, it's that cool cat. Who's all that? Owl. You excited for your return to the scat? I'm not excited for the anticipation.

Is this the trilogy? Yeah, I think so. Third time? Yeah. The third movie. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's, I don't know, Matrix. Sometimes it's back to the future.

That's fair. I feel like the third is almost always better than this and Matt Which? Thinking of the trilogies out there like which one has where back to the future three. I agree, but I think they're all they're They're generally pretty great return of the Jedi was great Die hard three is much better than number two. Indiana Jones is the best one. Is there a trilogy? I guess Al's will be the best based on that analysis. Oh, that's great. Hey, Spitwats, get excited because what you're going to receive next week is going to be just the most glorious

scat of all time. What's your Twitter handle? Oh, at producer Borland. Yeah. Everyone go to jump on Twitter at producer Borland. Give him some encouragement. Let him know how excited you are for him to bring the best scat ever. Thank you. Great idea.

Thank you. At producer Borland. Quick follow up, Jason. We had the conversation on the last episode about the flat LaCroix. Oh, we sure we did test that we did we did I miss the test Jason and I we went through the rigmarole the research and all of that I tested it every single day. Okay, and day one Like after 24 hours, I came and I drank and I'll'll still be bubbly, right? It's still bubbly.

Okay. It's not as bubbly, still bubbles. So 48 hours later, still bubbles. Still bubbles, an open can in the fridge. Which matches with the hotter makes the bubbles go away faster. Yes. So obviously being cold and crisp in the fridge kept the bubbles there. Day three, they were basically all gone.

You could kind of have a hint of bubbles and day four it was all, all gone. Day two, day three, day four, all delicious. They were absolutely fine. What about day five? Day five was great. I mean all you need it to be is cold. It's been definitively answered. A hot, bubbly soda that's supposed to be bubbly is much worse than a flat but chilled and icy cold, not watered down drink. And now we know.

Science. Is that the first science experiment that this show has ever done? I doubt it. It won't be the last though that we can be sure of. All right. You can follow us on Twitter at spitballers pod after you follow at producer Borland and let's get it going. Would you rather know what from Patreon? would you rather, you and a random stranger, okay, I was starting with the would you rather because I thought that the question would go into that, like the answer, but I apologize. I'm gonna start all over.

Noah from Patreon. You and a random stranger have been placed in a Mexican standoff to the death. So strangers. Yeah, yeah. It would have to be more than one. Because the whole point of that standoff right is that there's there's guns pointed everywhere. Yeah. Would you rather have both parties be armed with a sword

or both parties be armed with a revolver? Again, this is saying two. I thought there had to be at least three. Yeah. Yeah. Otherwise, just a regular. It's it says a violent confrontation between two or more parties Well now read that again where no strategy exists that allows any party to achieve victory, okay? I don't think I know what a Mexican Santa ways at all hold on I'll read that one more time and take the words to and or out. I want to hear it Let me hear what it sounds like a violent confrontation between more parties. More parties. Perfect.

That's exactly what I thought. So now that just sounds like your family, they're having parties. The Moors. Yeah, the Moors are having a family. At the more parties, you just get crazy. Now, the question is, do you want my family with revolversvers or swords would you rather have both parties be armed with a sword or both parties be armed with a revolver? What if they have a word standoff the stand the the stand off standing there pointing your swords at each other Is that a standoff? Yes, so nobody's doing anything. Yeah, it's the hook is they're standing It's a standoff. They're gonna stand in a certain way

It starts with a standoff and then you guys are having a fight to the death The only thing I'd rather you'd be better off in a gunfight or a sword fight. Yes, that could have been the would you rather from the top? Talk to the listeners man. Would you would you rather be in a gunfight or a sword fight? That's a great question But it was multiple people I think here's my- No, I don't want the gun one. Here's my advice. With multiple people. If you're in this type of a standoff,

which we've all seen the movies where, you know, it's a cool shot, they 360 it, you got three or more people, everyone always, because it's an action movie, everyone is dual wielding and they have- It's a John Woo movie. Yeah, and they have, or, yeah, and they have guns pointed at each other.

First, that's what you want to be. That's all you want to be. If you're in this type of a standoff, just first. That's what I want to be. Just pull that trigger. I don't have time. This is not a negotiation period. Because in this race, if you're're anything but first you are last.

I am going to ask an important question. Okay. Okay. Jason, you are a known cheater. Yep. Well, there's no rules here. Hold on. I look at it as known winner. Go on. That's right. So would you be dare I say a known winner in one of those? Alexander Hamilton, oh, it's a style duel with the rules nine Yeah, come on do you think that anybody I get to eight Turn around eight pop. I win. Would you lose your honor? Would you take any steps save my life? Would I take yeah, I would take what you just do the stomp to a little bit quieter? Yes. Big steps that go about six inches forward.

Just like a little marching man and then I would turn around on five or so. I'd give it at least half time and then once I turn around, a little worried about how big his steps are, I'm going to start going towards him. I'm going to run towards him, I'm going gonna put that right up to the back of his head, and I'm gonna win that duel. Whoa! That's, no, but I think if you did that, then you just go, I win.

Just let them know. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not gonna. Oh, you just go pew pew? You just go, duel's over. Yeah, duel's over, right? I win. Right? Yeah.

Do you yield, sir? Do you think, here's a real question. Do you think that anybody who's in one of those Alexander Hamilton style duels, and what I'm talking about is you're back to back, and you take 10 paces and you turn around and shoot. You know how sometimes you get, sometimes you do paper rock scissors

and you don't know if it's on three or on shoot? Yeah. Do you think anybody got about five steps in? Oh no. And then goes, wait, do I turn on one or do I turn on zero? Yeah, oh for sure, for sure. You better go one if you're like, sure.

But yeah, if you're not sure you're going first And the problem is if you are sure if you're sure that it's well, that's on zero. Oh You're losing. I mean if you know for sure it's on zero and you're a man of honor There's a there's a good chance. Do you did not walk out from that duel? They don't just shoot you if you do it dishonorably No, I think somebody else just walks up and goes I challenge you to a duel for that dishonorable duel only two people there with With the guns. Yeah, and these these were the old-school guns where it's got the one bullet And then it takes you 25 minutes to reload right did anyone ever do like just really really?

Really big steps to like you're sure you're you're pretty much at a red him fire you go first And then they could say that you run towards him because at least for like it sounds like You're gonna miss a lot of these shots just an inaccurate gun one bullet That was that you made out of your silverware and you let them go first and then you're just like Okay. Now, how are we going to really settle this? You're just taking your shot on whether or not they can hit you. Yeah, get far enough away. The range on these things, the accuracy of those old guns is really poor.

You do realize the kind of arguments we have on this show seemingly were settled in to-the-death duels at this time. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Like why did they have- Is a hot dog a sandwich? I challenge you. To why do you have hot dog a sandwich? I Challenge you to a duel you idiot. I mean why why did they at least make the rule turn and hit him below the belt?

Well, I mean that's that's dishonorable. Yeah, but but here's the thing back then If that bullet goes in your leg is you're still dying It's just worse you hit get hit in the toe. You die of gangrene. Because if you get hit in the leg, you're going to go to the doctor and go, hmm, this looks pretty bad. I know what I'm going to do. And then they just pull a saw out. They're like, this is probably going to hurt a little bit, but it will. Here, bite this silverware. Look, I'm going to lengthen your life by two, possibly three minutes. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad we live now. We can debate things like the hot dog question without fear of death. How did anyone, how did anybody accept that? As this is what we do.

Can I make a counter argument? Okay. I think it's pretty cool. I mean, because hear me out. Both parties agree, right? This is a sure. This is saying, okay, this is really serious to me. I'm willing to, I'm willing to bet it all. So it's like, I mean, why, why did you do that on a fantasy football debate with me? Oh, like Debo I, you or something. We or something? I feel like the answer just comes at the end of the season. We don't need to kill each other over that one. That's fair because you only get one debate with

that person. Right. There wasn't a lot of second debates with people. No future debates. Okay, well it's a one-timer. What happens if both people miss? I think it is over and I think you both and I'm not just like oh, probably hug though. Oh, thank goodness Come here. Come here big guy. Give me a squeeze I mean, that's that's a very frequent thing like when you're in high school two guys have Have beef and there's a build-up and then there's a fight and then at the end of that like well That was kind of dumb and then and now these two people are friends Is that what happens at the end of the duel? I think that's what happens. However, I am curious owl if you'll do a little research on this because there's a there's the alternative option, which is They've got to reload and do it over

and over And over in the stress and pressure and frustration just each time. It's like oh my god Well, you just hit me just and at what point do they they laugh at it like oh yeah we did it again maybe they pull the swords out if they both miss and then go running at each other so that brings us back to the original question we're in a Mexican I do have a plan by the way what I would do is I'd be like I just want to go over the rules with my opponent one more time and I'd be like I want to miss to the left you missed to the right. Oh If you both agree to miss you both alive

I think if both of you agreed to miss neither one of you would have agreed to go to the dual. That's fair but back to this question, I Mean, I I don't know man when there's more than if there's three people with guns I mean, I don't know, man, when there's more than if there's three people with guns, I'm a one third chance of winning this thing. I don't like those odds. Do you think you are more than a one third chance if everyone has a sword? My odds go way up. I'm a three out of four odds with three people with swords.

I think my point might have been I don't want to do either one. So I would not get into a standoff then Yeah, all three of you there can you slowly just yes, this is between the two of you Look like you have this taken care of part of the definition is that there is no plan So it's just you know, everything's pointed at everyone and there's no plan So I think as the plan develops, let's say there's four people here and they got guns pointed at everybody. I think the plan could develop that you're just like, I regret being here and everyone slowly backs away.

We do have an update. Uh, Al put it in here said with guns, if both sides fire without a hit, they are questioned if both sides are satisfied. If not, the guns are reloaded. So they're both missing a... Sir, are you satisfied? Nay! I want to shoot again! No, I want to hear the person...

Are you just missed after this door? Are you satisfied? Yes. Yes! Justice was served. This was enough for me. I have defended the honor of George Washington. We both missed.

But I did come out. Let the record show I did arrive here for my duel. We have no cowards here. I would be a... I am pre-satisfied with this duel. I'm actually really satisfied. Sir, are you also satisfied with this duel before we fire? Oh, duels are so funny. And they were real. Like, it feels like a fairy tale. It feels like something that's like just a tall tale. Yes. You know,

lore. It's exaggerated over history. but it's Madison died Running back for the Minnesota Vikings. Yes, Alexander Hamilton killed in 1700s dual Man actually arrived was that 1700s? I mean, that was the ham... Is that when Hamilton was? Yeah, 1774 is one of the songs. What was the life expectancy? Signing of the Declaration of Independence. Life expectancy back then?

The average newly minted American citizen could expect to live to the ripe old age of... I'm gonna go... I've got it. I'm guessing... Low 30s. Oh, I was going 34. I'll go...

I shouldn't have said my number first. I'll go under. 35. Oh dang it! Because half, it was 70 but half of them died in duels. Right at birth. Oh yeah. Sorry. Okay shut up. I'm doing good. I'm taking the guns. Yeah I guess the guns. I don't think there's such a thing as a dual swords. Um, a three person is there's always that would be silly. The problem is, is with the guns, y'all fire at once with the swords. It's not, you don't fire. So there's going to be a team up. Yeah. So to be one, as soon as you, as soon as you backswing your sword, you're going to wonder, you're looking at the other guys trying to hit one that they're going after. All right, Nick from the website.

Are you satisfied? I would be satisfied if we got that guy. All right, Nick from the website, would you rather have a button in your car to always turn traffic lights green? Oh yeah. Or a button that makes your car invisible to radar? Al?

Pfft. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Woo. Why would you car invisible to radar? Al? Pfft. Hahahaha. Hahahaha. Why would you throw it to Al? I just think one of these might, he might have a different answer. Oh goodness. Based on recent history.

Criminal! You criminal. You criminal speeder. You hear that mom? Oh yeah, mom's listening oh baby this is we're off to the races today let the record show was not me but Jeremy did your mom know that you got recently pulled over for a ticket she did did you tell her this beat I don't remember.

I told her it was faster than it should have been. All right. And it was. So, but here's the thing. Even if you're invisible to radar, I mean, like if a cop is sitting there and sees you going by too fast, they're still, they're gonna pull you over

and they'll gauge the speed by the speed of their car. I know that some people, black-shirted individuals in this in this studio, it's not me, would appreciate not being seen by police cars but I genuinely can tell you and I don't think I drive slow, I genuinely have never understood why anybody buys the radar detectors on their car. Because I just feel like even percentage chance. Do you know what they do? Yeah, they beep when there's radar on you. Yeah, that's why people buy them.

Yeah, they're not as common anymore because the technology kind of changed, but a couple decades ago they were really accurate and the technology that all the police officers were using it was very easy to the technology that all the police officers were using, it was very easy to be alerted well in advance when a radar is being used. And so, you just slow down. Right. No, I mean, I get how they work. I just mean, I feel like I've driven fairly above speed limit and I just have not been in a... Oh, I'm really setting myself up here. Yeah, continue. But I don't think I've been pulled over in 25 years. Years. Oh, man. we'll have an update for you

on next week's episode. Al, where were you exactly? I'm gonna take the lights one. I mean, this is a practical everyday thing. The other one is a occasionally I avoid it. Like, think about it this way. If I get pulled over once every five years and pay $500 for being pulled over.

Okay, let's just put it that way. Would I pay $500 for being pulled over. Okay, let's just put it that way. Would I pay $500 for this button for the lights every five years? You'd pay $500 a month. I would pay, maybe not that, but I'd pay $500 a year. Yeah, so alternatively, I think the spirit of the question is more that I would be invisible to cops, to police officers. It's not just that they can't tag me and they see me drive by and they're like, that guy's going pretty fast, I should pull him over still. Would you endanger everyone if there were no risks of cops?

No, because I'm an absolutely excellent driver. No one would be in danger, but I would be going 120 miles an hour. Yeah, I mean- And don't hear what I'm not saying. My life is therefore in danger. Kids, I mean, don't hear what I'm not saying. I, my life is therefore in danger. Kids, please drive the speed limits. Here. I'll, I'll throw in some context to this. So I just, you want to put a PSA out there for the kids? All are you, this is from, uh, yahoo.com 2018. So a few years old, but it's saying if you take into account the estimate

that approximately 20% of all driving time is spent at a red light, according to the AAA, the average American spends 17,600 minutes driving each year, that's 3,520 minutes, or 58.6 hours spent waiting at red lights every year. I can shave more than that off, man. You don't, if I got no fear, if I've got no fear of. What, you're just gonna run the red light?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying if I can't be caught by police officers, I can double the speed limit. Oh, he thinks he can save more time with the speed limit. My 30 minute trip is 10 minutes now, brother. Let's fly. Your 30 minute trip is now a trip to infinity as you sit in a burning vehicle off the side of the road okay you know there's

some risks involved 50 almost 59 hours that's a lot plus the pleasant drive oh yeah going places would be pleasant if I don't stop it it's pleasant. That would be so nice to, like I didn't think about that. The mental, it's not freedom, but enjoyment of never seeing a red light. Just every single intersection you come to, you're like, you're green. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, oh, that's the way it works, the magic too. It's not a button, it's a finger.

You just go, green. Watch this, honey. Blue. Your ability is, green. Yeah. Watch this, honey. Blue. I... Your ability is to change light colors. I just had a ride with my wife maybe two weeks ago, and we hit this stretch, and I was like, holy crap. That was the longest stretch of green lights I've ever had in my life.

Oh, like you're on a hot streak. Yeah. And I verbalized it, because it was so noticeable. That was the longest stretch of green lights I've ever had in my life. Oh, like you were on a hot streak. Yeah. And I verbalized it because it was so noticeable. Yeah, I think that that would be wonderful. That's my vote. There is a specific light in the valley here where when you miss it, it takes one to two years before it goes green again.

Which light are you talking about? I'm sure. It's getting onto the 17 from the 303. And my goodness, the other day, I'm driving down and I see the light forever away from me and it's green. And then I'm like, oh no. And do you see the- Yep.

Yep. The crosswalk is flashing. The flashing lights and I'm like, I'm going to hit it right when it turns red. And as I got there, it didn't ever go yellow. And I just rolled right on and it was like, my life is great today. This is tech blessed. This has been a great day. So yeah, I'm taking the green lights.

All right, Annie from Twitter, would you rather have the ability to paint the most beautiful landscapes or write the most compelling stories? I Don't know if the reason I don't appreciate painting that much is because I suck but I think that's what it is. I Think sometimes the reason I appreciate painting is because I suck. Like I'm so blown away by. Like the end result, you're like, Oh, I just can't train wreck. I can't believe that when I look at people's art where without tracing, they just draw something that's photorealistic or, or just, it blows me away that human beings can do

that because in my brain, I can't see I can't see like a three year old version of that I see nothing. I see my brain is I can't even I when I try to visualize a dog to draw a dog. That's a monster in my mind. I mean, I don't know what his face your your inner drawing. Your brain drawing. My brain drawing is a nightmare, guys. It's a misshapen, malformed, I can't remember what a horse's butt looks like when I'm drawing a horse. I'm like, wait, does it go up? Does it go down? What legs do they have? I blink.

Yeah, that's, that your inner drawing is as bad as your outer drawing. It might be worse. I try to improve when I put pen to paper. Interesting. I mean, I, I feel like it's really tough because you, I feel like the stakes of a painting are so high. Because if you do paint and you try to paint well, and let's say you spend 20 hours painting, and then you're like, I'm like, I'm gonna wrap this up.

You could blow the whole thing. Oh. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's permanent. Do they make like erasable paint? Cause I could use that. Erasable paint. Like control Z, can I edit undo my paint?

I mean you could paint over it. I guess that's the option. Which one is more profitable? I would think the stories because you get IP. You're not just selling the story. They don't make movies about landscapes. They make them about compelling stories. Exactly. If I wrote Harry Potter, it's another level than just even the Mona Lisa. They just don't illustrate it. There's other things to it. Like if you can write a compelling story, I imagine you you can write a compelling story,

I imagine you can verbally tell a compelling story as well. And then you could go into motivational speaking. There's a ton of money in that. And that's just telling good stories. Just good, I knew a guy, picked himself up by his bootstrap. I guess if you're the best painter, your ceiling's higher, probably. Once you're the best painter Your ceilings higher probably once you're dead Good point people your death scared. Oh, oh

Yeah, okay now we're on to something fake your death and you know You're gonna be able to do it because of how great a painter you are. Yeah, wait, you'll be No, because they're painting a landscape me and I'm good at faking my death? Because they're going to say this person is a master and if you hear that they have passed on, you're like, they must have because they're so good at painting. Why do they... If you're a crappy painter, they're not going to believe that guy faked his death. Yeah. Oh, I see. He's just trying to juice up the prices. We know he's alive. I see what you're saying. That guy's going to live forever. Look how bad that art is. That makes sense. How many times could you get away with it? How many times could you fake your death? I'm guessing just being but like that's a bad wolf situation

Actually, we're coming like a public face I'm like up you're a painter But each time you show up like the next time you have up, like the next time you have this big beard, and next time you have a big ponytail, we just give it away with that. It is funny, like I don't think there's, correct me if I'm wrong, has there ever been anyone in our lifetime who has successfully faked his own death and then been revealed?

Like I know like Tupac's alive and Elvis is alive and all that, you know, whatever. But like, has there actually been someone that has faked it and Been exposed there hasn't right not in the celebrity world right? That's what I mean because that's not really a thing people want to do in their celebrity Pretty nice being alive First this fame and fortune That's a good point. It happens when you're on the run

Let's go the prince and the Popper. Yeah. And, spoiler, the Prince does not like his choice. I was just thinking, like, if Tupac showed up and it was like, oh my goodness, you did it. The next time he dies, nobody would ever believe it. You all, like, it's an illegal thing, right? Ah, can you get arrested?

I think so. Can you get put to death for faking your own death? You have lied, and now you shall be true. I think it's illegal, because there's things that happen. Yeah, I mean. It's gotta be illegal if there's like, because there'll be financial fraud involved. That's what I mean.

Owl, lock it up. Can you just fake your own's what I mean. How can you just fake your own death? It's an illegal to fake your own death. This is on you. I'll figure this out. I don't know what else is in here, but the second result is from get legal.com that says faking your own death. It can come back to haunt you. What? It can only haunt if it was real. I'm not reading this article, though. It's called pseudocide. Oh. Pseudocide? Yeah.

That's a good name. And it's not explicitly illegal in many jurisdictions. However, when you fake your own death, it often means that you commit other crimes that are illegal, like fraud, identity theft, when you fake your own death it often means that you collect other crimes that are illegal like fraud, identity theft, because you got to be a new person somewhere. Hmm interesting. But if you just fake your death and you don't make a like death certificate. Then you need to make sure you travel to a destination where it is a fine jurisdiction. You don't want to commit suicide in the wrong jurisdiction. That is wild. Interesting.

Alright, let's move on to a different segment featuring the speedy outboarder. This message is sponsored by Greenlight. As your kids get older, some things about parenting get easier. No diapers, you know, it's nice to be able to talk to them and communicate. Others don't. Like having that conversation about money. The fact is kids won't really know how to manage their money until they're actually

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slash Ballers. That's Greenlight.com slash Ballers to try Greenlight for free. Greenlight.com slash Ballers. Lier, liar, pants on fire. I didn't know we were doing this today. Yeah, but maybe that means we'll win. It's been so long. You lazy man. Let's go. We're playing liar, liar again. Three rounds, three facts per round. Two true, one lie.

Can we beat him for the second time in history? Oh, now I know. Wait, we didn't win last time? No, no, he's back on top. So what do you know, Jay? I know that we beat you a couple times ago. Yep, round one. The words arctic and Antarctica mean bears and no bears because bears

can be found in the Arctic but there are no bears in Antarctica. I hope this is true. I can't. There's no way. Believe it. I just really hope that Arctic and Antarctica means bears and no bears. That would be, we'd be the worst at naming things. The second fact, the usage of the word spam for unexpected and undesired mail stems from army warehouse workers in World War II who were swamped by huge amounts of canned spam food deliveries that they had to process. I'm in on that one with certainty. The third one, when Pirates of the Caribbean opened at Disneyland in 1967, all of the skeletons

on the attraction were actual human bones. I hope that's true too because that's awful. That one's tough because there is at least... We didn't have a lot of plastic back in there there is a persistent rumor that with my daughter loves fun facts so it is pointed out to me that in the ride there the I think it's the bedroom scene mm-hmm is like that's a no that's actually a real skull yep I have heard that before I don't know if it's true. So they swapped all the other ones out and left the skull? My son has shared that with me as well.

Oh yeah, absolutely, he's a crazy, he reads like Disney fact books, like for pleasure. So I've heard that, but I'm not sure that that exposes this as a lie or says that it's true? Like they left one. This is tough because to me it's between that and the Arctic one. Bears and no bears? I mean.

Please don't say Arctic, please say bears. Are you going to the seventh continent? No bears? Yes. Mike, do you have a lead? Uh, we got it. We got a lock one of these in I Am gonna go Oh For me that we I'm picking between the pirates and the spam

I just I refuse even if he says we're wrong about bears no bears. I refuse to accept that as factual information. I'm gonna go with the spam I'm gonna lock in the spam that one's wrong wait that that one's the lie yeah okay okay I'm gonna go oh wait oh I'm playing the game backwards I wondered because of the word okay you said you refused to believe the bears and no bears is true and then you did not pick it as the oh, yeah Okay, so that's I'm sorry. I got there. Yeah, that's the lie. The Bears no Bears. Okay, get out of here I'm gonna take the Pirates of the Caribbean in 1967. I I know things were crazy back then there are no bears

But It still seems like they're they can't be allowed to just have human remains. It was the 60s, man. If you had gone with the bear one as well, I would have gone with the pirates one to open up our leverage here because I think they're both ridiculous. But I'm going to side with Mike on this one. That means it's the spam. I'm going to side with Mike on this one and make the Arctic Antarctic one the lie.

Al, round one. They're cheering for me guys. It's spam. It's the spam. No. The bears? The bears is real. The skeletons.

That is also real. They got them from like a local university. Oh man, these things were crazy in the 60s. The word Arctic comes from the Greek bear. The Greek word Arktos meaning bear. I see the Greek word and Arctic coast, which means opposite to the Arctic, which is no bear. And bear is Arctic means there.

Dang it. Hold on. Hold on. You're telling me... So somebody was walking and they saw some bears and they said let's call this place bears. You're telling me people went up there where everything is just ice and they're like oh I see a bear let's name it after the bear. Not the ice. Yeah. And we are dumb.

When did we name these things? Wow. This is horrible. I don't even want to be able to. I mean, you keep trying. See, here's what's happened. I believe we lost in the first round last time too. You did.

Because I think that's your new thing. Your new thing is you lost. So you want to humble us by knocking us out with the first one you tried to find two ridiculous things and one reasonable sounding thing because you knew now that you could make us look dumb believe it or not I like the suspense you guys just let me down we we suck yeah I guess we're going on I guess we're playing against each other yeah round two in 2015 someone took well done just use. So this site saying Mike is still taking issue with one of these. Well I mean it's correct but it's

saying by force of pure serendipity polar bears reside at the North Pole and not the South. I don't know man. He's having a hard time taking his eyes. Yeah. I told you I wasn't going to accept it. Round 2. In 2015 someone took such a foul poop on a British Airways flight from Heathrow to Dubai that after only 30 minutes the plane had to turn around and land. Passengers were provided with hotel rooms

for the night and a reschedule. That is 100% true. Fact number 2. One in every 5000 babies are born... Oh baby! Fact number two, one in every 5,000 babies are born. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. I mean, it's just a fact or a lie. How? What does it say? Oh, you're up.

One in every 5,000 babies are born without a butthole, which has to be created manually by the hospital. The condition is called impor forfra-a-tay-ness. And this, which, Chase, this is a serious, like, that's a really bad problem. Yeah, oh yeah. Yeah, I think you, you, uh. I mean, why haven't I heard of this?

I haven't seen any GoFundMe's for this. Oh man. But if it's real, shout out to the true ones. That's real because I don't think I'll would want to make up something that, you know, this is a, an, uh, an important and bad problem. Yes. That he would be making up and he would be an absolute monster. So I'm going to say that's true too.

Um, third one, if you, okay okay I see where the theme is here. If your pee bubbles a lot when it hits the toilet water, it's an indication of a lower protein, higher carbohydrate balance of the body. Sometimes doctors will actually shake urine samples to see how foamy it gets, albeit it's not definitive, but it's an indication of dietary balance as they await the results. I believe that. I'm going to say the butthole one is fake. I'm going to do the P-Bubbles.

I don't think doctors are shaking your pee and saying, I think you got high protein. I, yeah, I'm going to go that the P-Bubbles is the lie. All right, Al all right now all right Jason and Mike you guys both got it right the P bubble Yeah, lie. Yeah, all right. They normally sniff it huh yes all right round three the paranoid Mmm. That's a lot of carbs all right these these all have titles Sir sir do we need to do? Sir, this is a show of high moral fabric. Jason just did a taste test. We heard it.

Continue on, sir. Round three. Round three. The paranoid potato parties. In 1835, a small Irish village, in a small Irish village, a rumor started that their potatoes were sentient beings. The townsfolk realizing that they were outnumbered by potatoes and fearing a potato rebellion, illegalized potato consumption

and treated their spuds with extreme care, throwing them birthday parties and tucking them into bed each night. Okay. I'm locking in that that's the lie. You're doing it ahead of time? I'm doing it ahead. I don't know what the next two are.

Here we go. But that's impossible. I don't care how long ago and how stupid. We just talked about duels, man. Yeah, I don't think that's impossible. They tucked them into bed to give them birthday parties Here's the second one that Jason said is for sure true the great emu war in 1932 Western Australia declared war on emus due to their population damaging crops

The Australian military was called in armed with machine guns But the emus proved to be elusive and resilient. The Emus ultimately won the war, leaving the military's efforts in vain and crops continued to be ravaged. What do you mean they won the war? Were they packing heat? This has to be true. I think it's true. If the Australian army got out-dueled by Emus. Yeah, that's good. The third one is the tan the Tang and naive cool Go ahead Al give me that one Sorry, I was on a different tab Tangoo Tangan Neku

laughing Epidemic in 1962 a laughter epidemic broke out in a girls' school in Tanzania. It started with three students laughing uncontrollably and within weeks it spread to around a thousand people across several villages. 14 schools were closed as the laughter persisted for months, even subsiding. Eventually.

Eventually subsiding on its own. That's a good time. That sounds like a gas leak. I mean, like there's... It kind of does. I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah. Well, there's like a town.

Al, you can look this up. Like nitrous oxide was leaking all over the town? The people would just pass out. And I think it had to do with some sort of natural gases leaking out. I already locked in the paradise. I'm locking in the potatoes, man. I'm locking it in.

It's just, I believe more in humanity, in the potatoes made of parking it in it's just I Believe more in humanity, which often gets me in trouble I'm going with the emus The emus can't win a war there are animals, but the Australians All right, go ahead the emus did win the war and Jason next to me one liar liar for the day Oh, right, I mean that potato one was the lie. It had to be. That was, there's just no way that, you wanna know where you went wrong in your lie creation.

I love that you made it outlandish, because sometimes the more outlandish, the more we think, oh, you couldn't make that up. But the problem was that they feared they were outnumbered and they feared a rebellion. If they're afraid of these potatoes, they're not tucking them into bed and throwing them birthday parties.

You weren't consistent with your life, but you won. Appreciate the feedback. Now he'll be consistent. The Spitballers Draft. Well today we have the privilege of drafting the best leftover foods. The best leftover foods. Mike has the 101.

And the suspense has built. I am happy because I feel like there is a clear 101. There is. And the rest of the draft will be more difficult as, I just, I don't like leftovers. I know that there's a culture out there that they love it. It's not for me. Okay, so what's the best one?

Pizza. Oh, dang, damn it. Yeah. Which is the, how much of that is because pizza nearly always has leftovers. I don't think. So it's just, you know what I mean? There's a lot of... You're saying it's common. I'm saying that pizza, you order pizza and you don't order it by the person, you order it by the pizza. So you almost always have a

slice or two, so it's frequently eaten. I'm going with... Maybe we fell in love. It's just, it's more, it's more versatile. There's a lot. There's a lot of people that love cold pizza. There's people that are fine Just throwing it in a microwave for a minute heating it up or are you cold? No, I'm a microwave. I am an air fryer Mm-hmm. Oh, is that better? Oh, yeah They're like there's ways that you can do it on the stovetop But like that just there's too much work in that but an air fryer is like the the perfect balance of effort and actual taste and crispiness.

I believe the perfect balance is straight from the fridge, but if you need it. Cold pizza? Oh, I'm cold pizza. I think I might enjoy cold pizza more than hot pizza sometimes. We need to look this up because I feel like the people who say that. We'll throw a poll up. Well, no, I'm saying we need to investigate their lives because I think that the cold pizza people

tend out to be psychopaths. It's possible. It's been, to me it's like at age 13 I liked cold pizza for like 10 minutes. I just love how easy it is. It is very easy. It's not burning my mouth. It's not soggy and drooping down.

It's just grab it. It's not hot. No. It's not soggy and drooping down. It's just grab it. It's not hot. No, but it's delicious. Okay, so. All the things you listed were just of ease. They weren't, they weren't, they're like, oh no, it's so overwhelming, it tastes so good. You're like, no, it's just easy.

You like grabbing cold pizza from the fridge. I do, and so I'm going, I wasn't sure where I was gonna go with my number two. But I'm gonna go with something that I think will surprise you guys. I Don't know if this is super common. I really really don't it is Extremely common in my household. This is one of the things that we will literally order To have leftovers to have leftovers We'll order them to go and just throw them right in the fridge. If we're not having them today.

Because I don't... What? Yeah. So you will order something from a restaurant? Yes. And put it right in the fridge? Yep. I've done it before. Like I said, go back to my statement about pizza and cold pizza.

But here's why. Because I love them cold. Just as much as hot. Sometimes even more. And that is chicken wings. Oh, it's number two on my list. Alright! Cold chicken wings are so good. Cold chicken wings are great.

See what I mean? Oh, I'm in. They're not better than fresh chicken wings. But they are in ways. That's what I'm saying. Hot pizza and cold pizza each are better in their own ways. They have advantages pros and cons of both. It's not just all cons and most foods when you reheat them it's all cons versus fresh. But pizza and wings. There are some advantages to having them be leftovers and I love me some cold chicken wings. I've never had cold chicken wings ever.

It took me some time to live. It took me a few goes like cold chickens fine. So why wouldn't had cold chicken wings ever. It took me some time to live. It took me a few. It makes sense, like cold chicken's fine. So why wouldn't a cold chicken wing be good? It's very good. So pizza and chicken wings, which also might have gone as like a combo, just best foods. My number one leftover food is going to be, it's gonna be something that actually gets better with time. Yep. And there are certain things that do and I'm gonna go with chili.

I'm gonna say chili because the longer it sits inside, the longer it sits. Like ferments? No, not ferments. Not longer like years, but I get what you're saying, you're right. It's just becoming better. It's something that by definition is marinating. Is it because it's pulling more flavors into the liquid? It's just becoming better. It's something that by definition is marinating. Is it because it's pulling more flavors into the liquid?

So I want something with the leftover. It just keeps getting better. The leftover, if this is like homemade chili, if this is homemade chili, I just made it fresh today, it's good. You put that in the fridge, you heat it up the next day. It is definitely better. The flavors have grown. So do you ever take like a can of Hormel and just put it in a bowl and then into the fridge? No, because I imagine the can of Hormel has been existing for quite a while. It's been in that can for a while. But then maybe the cold was needed. My second one, I'll see if I can get away with this. You can veto it if you need to

or make me change it. It's Thanksgiving food. Which one? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because I've got too many on my list. You don't get all of that. I'm going to take whatever you don't. Thanksgiving turkey. Okay. Leftover turkey from Thanksgiving. Well, it wouldn't have mattered what I said. You would have said that anyway. Yeah, not true. Because they're very similar. There's a bunch of them that are good that way. Yeah. No, is the turkey of the terrible Thanksgiving food turkey is the best leftover?

You can grab it out of the fridge. You don't have to do any work. You can throw it on a sandwich. It's at best, the fourth best. And I've got three others on my list. Okay, go. Am I up? Yeah. Oh, I didn't realize that. That's how it works. Only for the last 247 shows. This is my first time here, fellas, I feel I feel pushed into grabbing it because of this. I'm gonna duel him My number one holiday food is the holiday ham Holiday ham is way better than the ham. Yeah. Yeah. Well, but but specifically like The the honey. Yeah Yeah, left over ham got it yeah well leftover ham

sounds like deli meat I'm talking about a holiday ham like a thick cut yeah I want this is a steak piece of ham just like everybody knows what I'm talking about is this ham everyone knows what I'm talking about it's it's a holiday ham, I don't know what else to tell you. Christmas ham. I'm following. Yeah, everyone's having fun. But that's way better. Has anyone ever showed up to Thanksgiving, like lifted off the top and then it's just deli ham? It's just a whole bunch of deli ham?

But just as big, just a mountain of sliced deli ham. That'd actually be pretty funny. Could you just cover your honey baked ham with a bunch of deli meat? That would do it. Yeah. All you just cover your your honey baked ham with a bunch of deli meat? That would do it. Yeah All right. So you got the holiday ham. No one knows what that is. No one's ever heard of that Mike you're up two picks. So ham and turkey both on the list I'm gonna go with

So the first one this is a I don't really like leftovers. Like I said, but this one somehow I Think it it does sometimes it is actually better on the second time around. It's spaghetti. Mmm. Like a reheated spaghetti. There is something that happens in the food that transforms it and somehow it can't actually taste better. So can I tell you the truth about this? Yeah. I think it's an outstanding pick to be honest I think it's my number one. Ooh, okay. However, I got cold feet because I mentioned that pick to somebody here in

footballers, spitballers studios, and they kind of, they were aghast. They backed off of it. They thought it was a bad take. And I thought maybe what it put doubt in my mind that I was the only one that thought this. And so for votes, I was afraid of it. But I think spaghetti, something happens to it where it becomes stickier or something. Yeah. And it and it heats and it's just congealed and it's so good. It's not just that. That that is all true.

And I agree with both of you. This is an excellent pick. It's my favorite. Mike, you've got pizza. So you're already going to win the poll, but this is also a poll winner. But it's all sometimes, you know, the reason why no one's drafting fries today, French fries, is because when you reheat them, it's awful. It's air fry. It works pretty good. Sure. But you know what I'm saying? Like, you know, you put them in the microwave, it sucks. You eat them cold. It sucks. When I don't know cold fries cold fries cold fries that I've discovered a taste for they're the kind of thing here's

exactly how cold fries work you have one and you're like you that's gross yeah I need to make sure that was then you have a second one and then you're like this is fine no and then the third one one you like I think I'm enjoying this. This is awful This is making my mouth. You don't have any more. You're making my mouth Hurt right now is dryness you you have to have a beverage at the ready Yeah, you do because they are very dry, but just do monsters for us That bad Man, what was I even? Oh spaghetti reheats? Yeah, right? Oh gross

I'm done with this show cold fries And then I will follow up the spaghetti with macaroni and cheese because that also reheats pretty well. It's the same concept Yep, it is all the pasta's they do something happens from fridge to microwave Where they just become better a little bit of magic Honestly, I I would prefer it if people made spaghetti didn't serve it put it in the fridge and serve it the next night I have it would be better. It would be better. How do you you stole my number one or number two because I got real cold feet Rob

Oh Exposed Rob. How do you guys? Fries, wait, oh, it was Rob? Yeah. Oh, exposed. How do you guys store your spaghetti? Oh, it's gotta be Tupperware. See, we do a Ziploc bag. Which it will stain. Oh, a bag is fine. Yeah, it works really well.

Does it have the same properties? Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how I usually store. I thought maybe leaching plastic was the key. I used to store our pizza in bags as well, but then I got this new little... What do you have? A pizza? You have a special pizza? I got a special little... What? Yeah. Is it a slice stacker? It's like a silicone thing, but it pops out. What? And it comes with little trays. Oh, come on. And holds like six pieces of pizza. It's made four? Yeah. It's in a triangle

shape. Yeah. Thanks for the link, bro. I can't find magic like that. Now tell me about it. I'll try and find it. I think I see it. All right. It pops up. Yeah? Yeah.

It works great. Because I'm at the places that don't have the consistent slice size. Is it a challenge? I was very concerned because the place we ordered from, they do a pretty big slice, but I haven't had a problem. What about when you get square cut thin crust? Well, that's not going to work.

Yeah, this is a triangle shape. That's why I brought it up, Mike. I'm seeing some problems. I bet it would still work. You just wouldn't be able to get it. You might have to stack a little bit. Put it in like a diamond. All right, I am up.

My true favorite leftover food, I know I'm going to get with my fourth pick. So I'm holding out on that. And I'm going to go with yet another food that can be better on day two than day one. And that's mashed potatoes. So I'm rounding out the Thanksgiving meal you wanted. You probably wanted mashed potatoes and ham and turkey. Do you ever go cold potatoes? Oh, that's lunacy. Cold potatoes, that's one I actually disagree with.

What do you mean you disagree? Reheated mashed potatoes. I don't, because reheating mashed potatoes, there's never a consistent heating. It doesn't heat consistently on the microwave. So it's a bit of a microwave dance. If you could reheat them, whatever, that's fine. But I feel like what happens is I get a little bit cold, a little bit hot, a little

bit clumpy, a little bit not. A little bit this, a little bit that. Don't want the mashed potatoes, my man. You want to know how to do it? You take the mashed potatoes, you put it in the center of the plate. Okay? Okay. You make a little hole in the center of the mashed potatoes. Okay. Done. Put the plate in the middle. You're going to get perfectly heated mashed potatoes.

See, that sounds unlike your pizza take. That's gonna get perfectly heated. That sounds unlike your pizza take That's a lot of work. It sounds like science. It's it's a little bit of work science It's a little bit of work and it's worth it cuz my mashed potatoes are worth it. So if you take the middle out Yeah, you just kind of fix it fixes it exactly middle of the plate though You know, you're making a Thanksgiving plate of reheating food. You put the other stuff around it. That's fair You think this is either you got too much mashed potatoes on your plate or you got too small plate. Well I'm not gonna be left without any pasta so I'm going lasagna. Lasagna has the same principles. It reheats

delightfully. It does have a little bit of the mashed potato hot cold situation going on. It's okay. Going lasagna. Can't really stir the lasagna. No, you can't stir the lasagna. And what I traditionally do is you take a plate and you put it in the middle and you put it in the microwave and you cut a hole in the middle of your lasagna. No, I just suffer. And then my last one, my last one is pot roast.

Pot roast sits in its own juices. Alright, yes. If you have juices as a food, more time with the juices is good for you. Yeah. So pot roast, finishing out my four chili Thanksgiving turkey lasagna pot roast. B-E-A-utiful. I'm going to be honest with you guys. I like all this food. I think it sounds delicious.

I'm not crazy about the turkey because it gets dry everything else I'm just starving now With my final pick I'm going with What I said is my favorite thing to reheat It allows me to do great things with this item that you would not usually do these food drafts with Jason are just So interesting. I feel like it's turning over a leaf into you know a new world It is a wagyu Tomahawk steak

What are you doing? Listen that way you can't eat this steak if you order your Tomahawk steak at a restaurant. You can't eat it It's like 40 ounces. You're putting fancy Restaurant steak in the microwave. Yes, sir. Well not all well not always I will reheat this on on my stove as well, which this doesn't say microwave. This is just leftovers Yeah, dumbest pick ever. No, let me tell you why I don't not believe it, but it's so niche Yes, it is niche. It's my favorite. I knew it would be there. I didn't think you guys were going after the Tomahawk. Yeah. But here's

why it is the perfect leftover food. One it has to be leftovers. You unless you're sharing it at a table with like everybody. If you order a Tomahawk you are you know his policy never share my wagyu. That's right. You are saying I am going to have leftovers. So So one is built to be a left do they have I'm curious though, when you do this, do they have microwaves on your yacht? Well, no, I would only do it stovetop on the yacht. Okay, that makes sense. And your butler prepares it right when I say I I mean, I would order it

this way. But the other thing is like, I mean, I would order it this way. But the other thing is like, I love steak and eggs for breakfast. But steak and eggs is always like flank steak, just, you know, it's like, you go to a restaurant and you get steak and eggs. It's whatever the cheapest. So when you get a tomahawk, you're thinking about breakfast? I'm thinking about breakfast. I'm thinking I get a wagyu tomahawking eggs breakfast. Can I have a quick sidebar here? Sure.

Because this is perfect. We were in the car yesterday and my son was asking a question, like a spitballers type question. He said, if you were rich and had a mansion and you could install three restaurants in there, which three would you install? This was to the whole car and the whole family. Well, we're all just like, to me the game is like,

well you're gonna pick common things that people know because you win the game that way. And my wife named some stupid, small, vegetable, perfect restaurant that no one's ever heard of, and I go, you're the Jason of this job. I said, you found the niche thing to answer the question. All we wanted to hear was Chick-fil-a Jack of the box and Burger King and you give me a niche Veggie place so sounds like she upgraded your house. All right, Mike final pick. So Jason ended. Oh soup. Yes

I'm just gonna make it real easy You took chili and I feel like I don't have to claim a specific soup because there's no more picks left soup Soup it Soup. It works. It works, yeah. Soup. There it is. There it is, the draft.

Mike ended with pizza, spaghetti, mac and cheese, and soup for his first place. Victory. Jason with chicken wings, holiday ham, mashed potatoes, and a Wagyu tomahawk steak. You wanna pick like any of the specific farms? Like toppings? Farms that you got.

Oh, sure. Because I mean, you should. I mean, it's usually Snake River Farms. Oh, okay, you got. Oh, I mean it's usually Snake River farms. Oh, okay, you did. All right. What did we learn today? I'll hop right in because I learned that I'm sitting next to psychopaths who eat cold fries like monsters. Hey, just give it a rip, man.

Give it a rip. I have. Everyone's eaten one before and they go, what am I doing? Look, it's not the first bite either. What I'm saying, it's not like, you can't be in there for multiple days. How did you describe it, Brooks? Well, it's food. Yeah, it's a very well-pitched food situation. I learned that Jason believes he will save,

that he speeds to the extent that he will save more than 59 hours a year Not that I do he could I would that you would I had bears Bears and no bears take issue with that allegedly allegedly. I don't know if we lost. I don't feel like we lost I don't feel like I lost well. I beat you dude. Yeah, that's true. I do feel like a loss now Thanks for listening. Tell your friends. Back with another episode soon. Spit hit on Thursday.

Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.