Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Our 200th Episode and Honey I Blew Up The Draft! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 27, 2023

Spit Hit for November 27th, 2023: The long awaited Episode 200 is here! Come along for the ride as we try out a couple of new segments, play some Liar, Liar, and draft some weapons for a giant battle royale. Make sure you stick around after the draft for a surprise ending! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

spit wads well well well here we are another holiday season oh oh oh merry thanksgiving happy new year whatever holiday it is right now happy mother's day we are celebrating it with our families my stomach hurts so bad jason is obviously eating regardless of what holiday it is still eating hot dogs to celebrate the fourth of j July. Ah, so delicious, this Thanksgiving, Christmas season. Look, we are with our families this week. We've got a spit hit for you. We love you. I'm so full.

And we hope you enjoy it. How do you throw up? Take care. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. They said it couldn't be done, and yet we did. Show 200! In your face, haters.

So that was a victory lap. I mean, I completely made up the haters. But sometimes you need a little motivation and you just pretend that people are hating. Welcome to Spitballers episode 200, a three-person scat. I really like that Jason's was not a scat. It was just, wow, which was awesome. I mean, it was great. The scat comes from the soul.

Yeah. It worked out. Don't put your labels and definitions on what a man or cannot can or cannot do in a scat al borland is here what's up spiel odds we have a special episode and much like episode 100 um i'm not sure what's going to happen i mean i guess it's like every episode but i especially don't know what's going to happen on today's because we have segments I've never heard of. We have Liar Liar and what a better time to win than episode 200. I think we were brilliant in saving our win. We were roping open.

That's right. Got him right where we want him. Storing up our victory for the epic show 200. So we have Would You Rather on today's show. We have Man of the People. I don't remember what that is. Liar Liar against Al Borland in or out of the doghouse.

And we are coming back to this idea here because on show 100, we did Honey, I Shrunk the Draft. And we had a battle royale where we were six inches tall, I think. Today we're doing Honey, I Blew Up the Draft. We are all 25-foot giants, and we're going to have another battle. It will be a lot of fun.

Thank you for joining us on this episode. The pressure is on. I mean, Al knows that he has to deliver with the content, or he'll be all fired. Yeah, he will not see 201. That's right. Fear is a big part of our leadership

uh practices yeah it's undefeated yeah fear fear is undefeated look leaders that lead by fear they stay in power forever there is never an uprising to take them out i will say i i think i set you guys up for success but it's really up to you to hit this one out of the park yeah okay i don't like hearing that that's that's a bad attitude let's begin would you rather would you rather be magical yes but live on earth or live in a magical land but be normal, which sounds very familiar to me. Like, I've seen this question before. I don't know if we've discussed it, but yeah, do you want to be a muggle living in Hogwarts, basically,

where you don't have any powers? You can't really help. I mean, when things hit the fan, it's wizards with wands that are going to be throwing spells all over the place, and you're going to be sitting there throwing rocks. Apparently, someone hasn't watched Lord of the Rings because Frodo saves the world. Yeah, but that was—

Don't get me started on Frodo. The odds were low. Frodo sucks. You're very anti-Frodo? Okay, come on. Let's get Mike started on Frodo. Is this because he's got hairy feet and that he hits too close to home? No, no, no, no, because Samwise is an incredible man.

Like, that dude absolutely gets it done. Frodo is just weak the whole time, falling into traps. He's getting like – He's got the ring around his neck, Mike. Do you know how much pressure that is? Ring, schming. This guy is so weak. Everyone has to do everything for him.

Wow. They got to drag him up the mountain. Yeah, because he's dying from the power of the ring. At the end, he barely, that's barely a W. He was going to keep that ring. He needed Samwise. He needed his friends to take him over the edge. This is a unique take.

I want Mike coming out with his literary criticism of the book. First of all, Samwise kind of sucks because he talks too slow, and it makes the movie boring. Look, that's his interpretation of the character. I'm just saying Samwise is the hero of that entire series, and Frodo sucks. Someone give this guy a ring so he can relate. All that being said, taking it back to the question about magic,

if this question was, who do you want to be in Lord of the Rings, it would be like, well, Gandalf. Yeah, and Frodo had a miserable time. Yes, he got the W, but he was miserable. Yeah, so a magical world is cool, but I want to be cool. So do you want to be Gandalf like here on Earth with no one else? Isn't that even better than being Gandalf in the magical world? If you are the magical person and no one else has it, then it's actually special.

Like, my first thought was... Yeah, but you might be the public enemy number one. Well, you can't let people know. You've got to have a secret identity. Or you really let them know, and you become king. And then you lead by fear. Yeah! I guess it's... Subdue the planet. It depends on how And you become king. And then you lead by fear. Yeah. I guess it's.

Subdue the planet. It depends on how magical you actually are. Is that your campaign slogan? That's my campaign. Subdue. Vote for me. Subdue Earth. My first thought was Encanto, the Disney animated film, where everyone has magical powers.

And then the main character does not and you're like dude this poor this poor woman is surround everyone in her family has an incredible magic power and that would be terrible if you look and ask the question if you lived in a magical land but be normal like you're not if everything else is magical if you have no magic powers you're not. If everything else is magical, if you have no magic powers, you're not normal. You are not the normal one in that world. You're weak. So you are the outcast. You're the bug.

And you have no powers. That would be terrible. So we want to be the wizard and be the only special person. I want to know, who is the person that does not select wizard? Like, this question asked to a thousand people who's gonna be like yeah i want to be the loser around all the cool kids well i think i think the better the best example of that would be like um sort of the the harry potter thing where like i guess they all even though they were muggles they could learn magic huh can they i don't know muggles can't

learn magic i mean muggles can be born with magic. If we want to get into the deep lore, welcome to episode 200. Don't get Jason started on Harry Potter. What about Hermione? No, you can be born a Muggle with magic, but you can't be a Muggle and then learn magic. You can't just find out that

magic is there and go to Hogwarts. You wouldn't want to just hang out in Hogwarts and just watch? I would definitely want to do that versus this but if you're saying versus being the only wizard me doing magic yeah all right would you rather your only mode of transportation be a donkey or a giraffe which i mean one looks cooler and one's more practical. One is way more practical. You know what? Nobody's ever tried to do. They've never tried. People always think the giraffe, the giraffe, it's like, it kind of looks like a, you know, a horse with a long neck. So let's hop up and saddle it up. No one's ever tried to like hang a seat from it like a swing and ride between

the legs. I don't think you want to be there. I think there's a reason that people have not done. But maybe they maybe the draft would acclimate to that better. Maybe they don't want you on their back. Maybe they want you swinging between the legs. I think you are getting kicked. Yeah, you're getting some knees to the back

for sure. You almost had me. I thought you were saying like you were going to put a sidecar. Sidecar? That works? Like a motorcycle's got the sidecar. Oh, that's nice. I think I'd rather go sled. You know what I mean?

Like straight behind him. Just pull. I also think you don't want to be there. Well, that's true. I mean, I would have some distance. The sled would go over the feces. Yours is like one of those dog sled races, but with a giraffe. Yeah, and I say, was it mush?

Mush. Is that what they say? Not to giraffes, but yeah, to dogs. Is it mush or mush? Mush. Mush. Mush. Mush.

I don't know. Mush is very different to me. I think it might be mush. Spell the same. Mush. How fast can a giraffe run? Over 100 miles in a single gallop. Because when I'm really thinking about this question, donkey, very practical.

Not fast. Giraffes go 37 miles an hour. That's pretty good. But people have used donkeys historically. Donkeys 15 miles an hour. They that's pretty good but like people have used donkeys donkeys 15 miles 15 miles an hour they're low to the ground easier to get aboard i mean like how do you even you have to invent some kind of special ladder just to get up on the there's such a pain in the you can't train a giraffe to just like get down oh yeah yeah i guess you could get kneel down like you can't train a giraffe at all. That's part of the problem.

I mean, they're not like broken animals. Donkeys have been completely shattered. They're broken. They have no purpose in this world. They live to carry burdens. Yeah, because someone's like, hey, don't you wish you were a horse? And then they're just sad. And then you can ride them.

Yeah, broke him. Is it Jane Goodall that befriended the gorillas? The gorillas. Yeah. Who's Jane Goodall that befriended the... The gorillas. The gorillas, yeah. Who's Jane Goodall? Oh, really? Yeah. She's the lady of the gorillas, man. She's been probably on the cover a time before.

Oh, this is a real person, not like a fictional... No, no, this is a real person who lived and befriended gorillas and then would help rehab them and stuff. My point is... Producers, show of hands, how many of you knew who Jane Goodall was? We've got three hands. Okay, so in a room. So I feel like I'm the only one here.

Let's see if my 10-year-old. Did you know who Jane Goodall was? No, you're with a 10-year-old. I'm a man of the people. Man of the children. Man of the children. But anyways, my point was going to be we've had these stories where human beings have befriended dolphins, gorillas, monkeys. I think it could happen.

We've never had someone that felt really close to a giraffe or kept them in a pen and became best friends with a giraffe. They're very snooty. Can you break a giraffe? They have a high opinion of themselves probably because their head is way up there. You know how you know how in in our society like taller folks like myself if you're taller are better you just you feel better than everybody else better yeah okay i mean i include myself for the tall people so i'm just trying to you know be humble over here yeah we know who jane goodall is and we're and we're

over the magical six foot number yeah we are yeah yeah totally uh and like so i mean imagine a giraffe you're just you are you can see further than everybody else you oh you probably just think you're better you want to reach that leaf up there donkey that's too bad that's probably why you need to ride at their level somehow can you ride by holding onto the neck can you be up at head level can they support you ride by holding onto the neck? Can you be up at head level? Can they support you? I don't think that that neck can support me. I'm picturing the giraffe

running with his head real low to the ground. He's dragging his head on the ground. Help me! Alright, I am going to have to go with the practical donkey. his head on the ground. Help me. Help me. All right. I am going to have to go with the practical donkey. I don't want the prop.

Look, they may run faster, but it's going to take me a year to break this thing. Yeah. Oh, it's definitely donkey. I'll put in the work. You'll put in the work. I'll put it. I mean, awesome. Imagine how incredible it is.

All of a sudden, I just come rolling up on a giraffe. That would be truly incredible. It would be cooler if we were all on horseback and then you rolled up. Well, you're on your donkeys. No, that's true. We're all on our donkeys and you roll up. What's up, guys? But I feel like it would have to be one of those Clydesdale walks, you know, where the

giraffe is trained to do the big feet. Oh, the big steps. The big steps. He's walking head held high. Would you have to shoe your giraffe? Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. You got to do the big feet. Oh, the big steps. The big steps. He's walking head held high. Would you have to shoe your giraffe? Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. You got to protect those hooves.

I've never shoeed a giraffe. That's going to be, or a horse. All right. We're going to move on. Man of the people. Al, I'm going to have to hand the baton over to you. I don't know what this segment even is. All right.

Brooks is coming in here. What? Handing us buttons. Is this a buzzer? It is a buzzer, yeah. We have buzzers? So this game, it's a super original concept. I want to push the button.

Your team has been hard at work. And what we did. Is this the thing where we push it and someone we don't know dies? No. Somebody already pushed their button over there. I pushed my button. Is that a problem? It's blinking green. We're good. We're really good at this. So your team

has been hard at work. We have surveyed 100 people. Oh, it needs to be flat on the desk. That's the key. Yes. Because otherwise, all the buttons are really in the bottom. I just figured this out. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Go on. You're That's the key. Yes. Because otherwise, all the buttons are really in the bottom. I just figured this out. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Go on. You're good. Talk again. We have surveyed 100 people,

and we've asked them a question. We're doing like a feud. No, it's super original concept. No, no. This is called Man of the People. Listen to the rules, guys. Okay. Listen to the rules. Basically, there's six correct answers, or most popular answers. The person that guesses the most popular answer will get three points. Okay. Listen to the rules. Basically, there's six correct answers, or most popular answers. The person that guesses the most popular answer will get three points. Okay.

The person that guesses the second most popular answer will get two points. And if you answer any of the bottom four most popular answers, you will get one point. If your answer is not on the board, you get zero points. Oh, this is incredible. We are going to be doing seven rounds. What? Everyone will get a chance to answer each question, but the person that buzzes in first gets first dibs.

Now, you can tell over there who buzzes first? No. I thought I'd be able to see them on the camera a little bit better, but you guys may have to help me out. If you hit it first, you light up green. Okay. And then once the first person goes, I will disable their buzzer and the other two will get to buzz okay all right we'll go with you jason just closed his laptop to prepare for

buzzing good but here is the thing that jason has also done he's putting the the button on top of his closed laptop so the thing that he is going to hit with force is my laptop he's putting it on top no no that's i mean he's uh he's under six foot, so it makes sense. He doesn't have the power. He doesn't have the understanding. I'm just trying to stop you from breaking your laptop. I'm also realizing there might have been a slight oversight in the sense that I bet all those figurines are going to end up getting knocked over.

Oh, that's fine. That's okay. Look, this is war. Let's begin. Let's go. With this original game, Man of the People. That's right. All right.

The first question. Hand on the table. Name a place you would not want to be seated next to someone with an annoying laugh. Mike won that one. All right. Airplane. That is the number two answer. Oh, okay.

So Mike gets two points. All right. We're on the board. When you see your buzzers go orange, you can reset. Okay. All right. So it's just me and Jason now. Watch your buzzers go orange, you can reset. Okay. All right. So it's just me and Jason now. Watch your buzzers.

Okay. How long does it take them? Ha-ha! All right. So it becomes a speed game after that. Correct. All right. Annoying laugh.

I'm going to go movie theater. That is the number one answer. Oh, that's a good answer. That is three points. Now, Jason, you can give me your answer. I'm going to be on the board to get this point, right? Yeah. I'm not sure that I'm going to be, but I'm going to go with toilet.

What? So, look. Wait, so you. I mean, am I right or am I right? It's a great answer, but it is unfortunately not on the board. What? That is the dumbest answer I've ever heard. That's ridiculous.

You want to be in a public restroom and have an annoying laugh right next to you? Oh, that's what you meant, public restroom, I would have made sense. Yeah, but. I thought you meant at your house. No. I knew he meant public restroom, and it was still laugh. Oh, that's what you meant. Public restroom. I would have made. Yeah, but you made it your house. I knew he meant public restroom and it was still stupid. Oh, yeah. But I get three points. So you have three.

Mike has two. Jason is not yet on the board. Oh, I'm coming. I'm coming strong here. All right. All right. There's work. Well, that is round one.

So now we know what we're doing. Round two. Hands on the table. Jason Brooks, myself, Kyle. We surveyed 100 people and we asked them to name something your spouse might get mad at you for doing too much. Oh, that's easy. Farting.

I'm green. I answered because I went green. Also not on the board. What? That's impossible. That is clearly the number one answer. He's got no points. The Moore household lives under a different set of rules.

Yeah. No laughing on the toilet. No farting around the wife. No toilet. No fart. Who did you ask? This is outstanding. Reset our buzzers.

I will be resetting your two buzzers. Watch for them to turn orange. Andy got it. For doing too much watching television. That is on the board is the number six answer. So you get one point for that. All right, Mike. Here's a layup for you.

Don't blow it. I mean, name something your spouse might get mad at you for doing too much. Sitting on your phone. That is not on the board. Oh. I have never sat on my phone before. Oh, yeah. Fair enough.

Was golfing on the board? No, never sat on my phone before oh yeah fair enough was uh was golfing on the board no i will read them talking talking too much shut your mouth that's the number one answer okay spending okay drinking okay yeah sleeping oh jason yeah ridiculous and watching tv okay so i snuck on the board of one point do Do I only get one or do I get... You get one. So hold on, hold on, hold on. I just want to go back to this. We surveyed...

We, yes. Women. No, it was 50-50. Okay, okay. I thought you were... I'm like, we asked women and they want their men to shut up? Right, usually it's like

they want more communication. Yeah, all right, okay. All right. We set the buzzers. Okay, okay. Round three. Name something up right usually it's like they want more communication yeah all right okay all right okay okay round three name something that young children memorize looks like andy oh i want it yeah you did uh are we making sure that andy's not cheating over there did not have an answer ready no i did math problems okay that is not on the board well there's no no school related facts come on man i cannot confirm nor deny if there's school related oh there's not math problems and that does remind me i will be giving you three seconds when you buzz in to give me an answer if you don't

in that time you uh get zero points can you read the question again sir name something that young children memorize oh eat it mike dang it man uh i am green i'm going to go with scripture bible verse i was surprised that that was not on the board but it was not all right so wait that was one that i expected we're in round three and i just want to count on my points if you survey survey Jason, the hundred Jason's, you would have zero. Wait. Yeah. Zero points. Okay.

It was just earlier this episode that you claim to be a man of the people. Correct. A man of the children. We did not survey children. That's on us. Mike, what's your. I'm going to go children. Memorize song lyrics.

Not on the board. Okay. So what was the school? What on the board. Okay. So what was the school one? I'm close to giving you nursery rhymes, but it's not really song lyrics. Poems. Correct. In order.

The answer was alphabet, how to spell their name, their phone number, their address, nursery rhymes, and the Pledge of Allegiance. Okay. I was thinking older kids.

If I was going to miss yeah if i was gonna miss one that was a good round to do it okay wow we are not good at this game let's be you know what let's be better let's be i think we're i think we're too quick to buzz yeah i think we're not having enough thought yeah and you know what to get the right answer that's what he says to get us to slow down that's right he's like guys, let's take a three-second pause. All right, give us the next one. All right, this is round four, I believe. Okay.

Name something that is hard to do while listening to music. Something like this. Oh, all right. Jason, Buzz, we need to give a three for the podcasters. Read. Okay, that is the number one answer. Yeah. Oh, man.

That's a good one. Jason got himself back in the game real quick there. That's a really good answer. All right. Keep an eye on your buzzers. Okay. Mike is in first. Three.

Watching TV. That is the number three answer. What? That is hard to do, right? Watch TV and listen to music. It's also impossible. So you get one point for that. So Jason got three.

Andy, you have a shot at one point with any answer. Yeah, this is a hard one. I'll just say having a conversation. You actually had a shot at two points, and you got it. Yeah. That is the number two answer. All right. Interesting.

I feel like I can have lots of conversations with music in the background. Yeah, I drive with music on and talk to people. I don't think we've introduced Kyle to the Spitwads ever, but Kyle is here to keep a score for us. Yeah, Kyle, give us a rundown. Through four rounds, Andy has six, Jason has three, Mike has three. I do plan to blow this lead, just so you guys know. All right.

I don't like where this is at right now. Look, a man of the people. We're tied with a man of the children. We have three rounds left, so we're just over halfway. All right. It's anybody's game. Call it a comeback. All right.

Name a job where employees must get tired arms. Three, two, one. Oh, construction. That is the number one answer. Oh, baby. I thought you were going to blow it. Jason gets three points. I am back. All right. Oh, baby! Jason gets three points. I am back. All right.

I will be resetting your buzzers. A job where your arms get tired? Correct. Water bucket holders. I will say moving company. That is the number two answer. Yeah, buddy. I don't want to high five you.

You just did good. Well, I mean, we got the one and two. Yeah, but I'm a guy. I got nothing. to high five you. You just did good. Well, I mean, we got the one and two. Yeah, but I'm a guy. I got nothing. Mike doesn't. Do we get negative points for not being able to? Mike, I need an answer in three, two. A traffic cop.

That is the number four. No, baby. I'm sorry. It's the number five answer. That's right. Same amount of points. You get one point for that. You got to lift the arms at the point.

That's incredible. Now, was the airplane guy on there with the batons? No. Oh, okay. That guy probably gets tired arms. Like, construction, it was the first thing I thought of. But, like, traffic cop was the second thing. But it was so stupid.

But, I mean, like, your arms get heavy after a while, man. I mean, like, your arms get heavy after a while, man. I mean, scarecrow. People are not doing that job anymore, Jason. They stopped doing that with regular people a long time ago. Yeah, they figured out replacements. After Wizard of Oz, they were like, yeah, that's not good for him. Well, Jason's benefiting from being first to tap. Okay.

Okay. All right. Also, we got two rounds getting the right answers. Two rounds left. Name something that... I'm going to rephrase that. Thank you. Besides the blade, name something that you'd find on a Swiss army knife.

Dang it. Mike. Mike. Scissors. That is the number three answer. You get one point. Tick tock, tick tock. Wait, we both went green? I got it tick tock. Wait, we both went green?

I got it. Screwdriver. Wait, you're both green? Oh. No. Mine turned off. Andy asserted dominance. All right.

Yeah, Jason broke his. Go ahead. I went with screwdriver. Oh, yeah, yeah. Screwdriver is the number two answer. Oh, no, that was my answer. Okay, so now I'm- Three, two, two, toothpick.

Yeah, that's on there. It is not on the board, but it is on a Swiss Army knife. It is on a Swiss Army knife. Can I guess just real quick? This is not for points. Bottle opener. That is the number five. Okay.

The number one answer was corkscrew. Oh, yeah. What? Wait, that's what... I thought that's what he said. No, no, no. He said screwdriver. Oh, my gosh.

Corkscrew was what my actual answer was. Sure it was. No, it really was. Sure. Because that's... No, that's... he said. No, no, no. He said screwdriver. Oh, my gosh. Corkscrew was what my actual answer was. Sure it was. No, it really was. Sure. We super believe you. Dad, comment. I should be in the lead. So is your buzzer still off?

I don't know. But my question here is, when people think of a Swiss Army knife, they really think of, like, the corkscrew? Well, yeah, because if you look at it from a distance, the thing you can see yeah it's very visible because a bunch of hidden blades that turn into things and a corkscrew yeah i just gotta turn back on we're good all right thank you because like well okay so so i need a a man a survivalist here yeah i got you other than opening up you know your survival bottle of wine right what are you doing with that corkscrew? No, you're only opening up wine. That is the entire purpose of the corkscrew.

I mean, it's a utility object for life, not just living out in the... I know, but the corkscrew specifically. That's just for the wine bottles. Someone give me an example of what you're doing out in the wilderness with a corkscrew. Sometimes trees, you know, they get corked up and you got to open that. You want to tap a tree for maple syrup? Yeah. Okay.

Okay. That's boom. All right. So we got one round left. Kyle, give us those scores one more time. Andy 10, Jason 6, Mike at 5. Okay. So we're doubling the final round.

Yep. That is accurate. The final round Yep that is that is accurate The final round is double scored That's a bunch of hooey This is how it always happens Please be about the toilet Name an employee you'd find At a fancy hotel but not

At a budget motel Three two Dorman That is on the board it It is the number four answer. What? So you get two points because we doubled. Can I go again? You cannot, but the other two can.

What was the? Repeat the question. All right. Concierge. That is the number one answer. Yes. Oh, no. Mike got six points for that one.

Oh, no. So Mike has taken the lead. I wanted a repeat of the actual question. I didn't even catch it. It is name an employee you would find at a fancy hotel, but not at a budget motel. Okay. Masseuse. Oh.

That is not on the board. Mike! Mike was in last. Bellhop was the answer that could have saved you. What was it? Bellhop was the number two answer. What are the other answers? In order, concierge, bellhop, valet, door person, room service, chef.

Room service. Chef is a weird one. All right, what were the final scores, Kyle? Mike, coming in hot with 11. From the depths. Andy, 10. Jason, 8. From the depths of certain defeats.

I think I proved that I am the real man of the people here. You are. That is a ridiculous scoring system. I'm just going to say that at the end. Are we moving on? We are going to do some Liar Liar. Oh, yeah. Liar Liar.

Pants on fire. The idea of successfully defeating Al for the very first time, which, look, having this segment here in Show 200 is a bit of a slap in our faces because... No, it has to be done. Well, I know it has to be done, but it also literally counts the amount of episodes that we have not defeated him in.

So now it's being thrown in my face that there are... We have done 200 episodes of this show. Sure. And that idiot over there has outsmarted us for the duration of its existence. Just if I can interject. No offense. Because you said, I'm not interjecting about the idiot.

That part's obviously true. But you said he outsmarted us, and I don't think that's the case. I think that the three of us have high integrity, have a good morality, a good moral compass. We're not liars. We're not liars like Owl. Owl is just a liar. It's his tongue.

Owl, do you have our statistics? Like, how many times have we done this? 40. No, that's not true. No, it's not true. I have no idea. Okay. Gosh, that'd be too many.

All right, we're going to play Liar. Liar, two truths, one lie, three rounds. We have to do it today, fellas. But I don't think we will. For the people. Round one, fact one, unfrosted Pop-Tarts have more calories than frosted Pop-Tarts. That doesn't make sense. That does not make sense.

You put frosting on top of a fully? Yeah, this isn't just, they both have unfrosted Pop-Tarts. Yeah. In them. Yeah. Number two. They sell unfrosted Pop-Tarts. I think they used to.

They give them away. People weren't quite as addicted to sugar. Ruth Wakefield, the inventor of chocolate chip cookies, sold her invention to Nestle in return for a lifetime supply of chocolate. I want that to be true. I don't know if it is, but I want that to be true. No, no money, please. I just want chocolate. I just love chocolate so much.

Fact number three here for round one. Arkansas is the only state that has a legal exception allowing supervised alpacas to visit prison inmates during visitation hours. Okay. Seems like maybe. Just like a nice support animal? There's weird legal things on the books for certain states, right?

Like the blue laws? And I do feel like if there was a state that allowed a supervised alpaca, they're like, yeah, we're going to put this into law that it's allowed to happen. It probably might only be one state that chooses to do that yeah like arkansas now maybe do we have alpacas just like around yeah isn't it an alpaca like it's like a llama okay yeah but from arkansas is that what makes an alpaca that is what it's llamas from ark? It's the residence of the llama. Oh, my goodness. I did not.

It's like champagne. Wait. Is it birthplace? Or as soon as they move there? It's if you cross state lines. 90 days of residency. Okay. You have to go through a whole thing.

You got to get an alpaca license. So if you, like we live in Arizona. If I got an alpaca, 100 days from now, it would be a llama. Yeah, 90 days. I'd get 90 days of having an alpaca. That's right. And then it would become a llama. Oh, so they also then lose the alpaca privileges.

Okay, that's good to know. Got to breed them fast. So let's make a decision here on what we think is the lie, because the first one, unfrosted Pop-Tarts, more calories than frosted Pop-Tarts. That's the lie. That just doesn't make any sense, but it's so obvious that it troubles me. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait.

I was here this whole time thinking this is true. Because the frosting has no calories on them because the flavor comes somewhere else or something? I'm wondering if they're not just frosting over the top of it, but maybe instead of bread on the top,'s you know what i mean like delete some of the no that's top pastry that's possible oh man yeah that that part could be true i also like you know what i think that's true i like the idea that someone so we have this this this lady ruth wakefield invented chocolate chip cookies okay i was i had read that as she invented just chocolate chips and i was like you took chocolate

and made it smaller like patent uh excuse me u.s government i have invented the chocolate i have cut a piece of chocolate to this size. Okay, but chocolate chip cookies, that makes more sense. This is troubling. I guess I'm going to... I think the Ruth Wayfield one's the lie. I guess I'm going to go... We got to get through this round as a team. We have no choice but to separate.

Yeah, I'll take that one as my lie. The problem is if we separate, right? Because I think that's the lie. Oh, I understand this. I think that's the lie. Oh, I understand this. I think that's the lie as well. I think we just got to – none of our strategies have worked yet. So there is something to be said about just going with your gut. What strategy have we not used?

All right. We have not yet used the strategy of identifying the lie. Oh, I've got a new strategy. Okay. Google. Distract Jeremy and let me have about 45 seconds to answer this. That's the most Jason Moore thing I've ever heard. Yeah.

I am going to lock in the same one with Andy because I... It's what you believe. It's what I believe. And obviously, if that's true that she sold for a lifetime supply of chocolate, then two of us are out and that will suck. Yeah. But Mike, it's your turn to lock one in. I don't like the position that I have been put into here.

Yeah, sorry. Because that one, that one does not sound, it doesn't pass the smell test. Ruth Wakefield invented the chocolate chip cookie and sold it to nestle for chocolate oh my goodness gracious uh i'm gonna go is that a is that a european name wakefield you're asking the wrong person because isn't her didn't hershey wasn't hershey's like the the the domestic chocolate leader for a long time? Oh. I don't remember.

Hershey's American. Yeah, but is Nestle American? I don't think so. I thought Nestle was overseas. I think it's. So then determine whether Ruth Wakefield, that name. Does Nestle have, like when it's written correctly, doesn't have one of the accents up top? Yes, it does.

Hmm. That's suspicious. Otherwise, it's Nestle. Nestleton. I'm going to. All right. We'll move it along. I'm going to go with the alpaca. sense up top yes it does that's otherwise it's Nestle Nestle sin I'm gonna all right we'll move it along I'm gonna go with the alpaca no I'm so afraid it's pop tarts because it's so all right let's hear it

Mike is the lone man left in the race Oh Mike correctly identified the lie as the alpaca okay all right team we're off to a bad start what a what a depressing beginning to this stupid game it's less depressing than if you had both or all three gone out in round one again which mike you were kind of close to going to the ruth so ruth wakefield's

story that's all real that is correct yeah you're stupid um round two 1939 wakefield sold nestle the rights to reproduce a recipe on its packages uh and which uh to consult on recipes for the company which was said to have provided her free chocolate for life can we figure out if nestle she also got one dollar oh so it was a lie yeah that's all right no so dang okay. Dang. Okay. I'm alive. Do we know where Nestle came from? I thought. Is it Swiss? I don't think so.

No? I don't know. Maybe. Round two. Here we go. Somebody else can figure that out. Fact number one. In Queensland, Australia, is it illegal to. It is illegal.

Okay. Thank you. We're asking questions now? In Queensland, Australia, is. we're asking questions now in queensland australia is it is illegal to own a pet rabbit unless you can prove that you are a magician oh gosh get out of here i think that's true all right number two campbell's famous alphabet soup does not actually include all the letters from the alphabet because of manufacturing difficulties in producing certain letters it only contains 24 of the 26. I believe that.

I mean, for sure. Wait a minute. You're telling me they can get all the way to 24? There's just two they can't do? Yeah, you can't do... What's the difficult... Is H? I.

No, because you can do I. Capital? Yeah. But I and L are like the same thing then. Ever since the former President's act of 1958 after leaving office ex-us presidents are not allowed to drive on any public roads i think that's true yeah they're all true final answer oh that's a way that's a way to okay how does one like how do you prove that you're a magician at what point in the in the training in the journey are you a magician now is that can you get licensed

that's what i'm saying do you go to magic school is it i know one trick so now i'm officially a magician or i've just declared i want to become a magician and so now i am i have a diploma this was a curb your enthusiasm episode was this because? No. Yeah, because Larry David wanted to know a trick, and they wouldn't explain it to him because he said, you're not a magician. He's like, what makes you a magician? He's just like, you just aren't. You're just not.

Maybe you prove it by doing a trick. That's what I'm saying. As long as you know one trick, you're a magician? It's got to be good enough. I don't know. It's an aura. I'm going. Like, if, as long as you know one trick, you're a magician. It's gotta be good enough. I don't know. It's an aura. Uh, I'm going to lock in the alphabet soup is the lie.

I think that maybe they got to 26. Yeah. It, uh, Oh, that seems like they're going to say that it's 24 of 26 because the, the I and the L are the same. So I will,

I'm going to lock in the president's act of 1958 i think that presidents are allowed to drive on public roads last great hope mike no pressure yeah no i know i'm between the soup and the magician one uh i'm gonna lock in... Oh, gosh. Come on, Mike. Come on, Mike. I'm going with the magician one. All right. Is it over? It's over. Oh, I hate you, owl.

So now we're competing with one another yet again. Correct. The lie was alphabet soup. Yep. They do produce all the letters of the alphabet. All right. So, great. Round three. Okay. suit yep they do uh produce all the letters of the alphabet all right so great round three okay in 2018 horace harper became the only known human being to have swallowed a tape recording of their

wedding vows this resulted in an emergency surgery three weeks later to remove the cassette ribbon he died on the operating table oh man way to get there, Al. Was this a purposeful swallowing? I guess you don't accidentally swallow. I fell over. Is this fruit by the foot? Also, okay, I'll save my thoughts. In February of 2017, firefighters saved 18 piglets and two sows? Sows.

Sows from a barn fire. I thought it was sow. Is it? I think a sow is a baby pig. You corrected me with the wrong thing. Come on, man. So what? Six months later, the farmer

sent them sausages made from the piglets as a thank you gift. No. Wait, wait, wait. Basically, the story is in 2017, firefighters saved 18 piglets and two pig, older pigs, from a barn fire. Six months later, the farmer sent them sausages made from the piglets and two pig older pigs uh from a barn fire six months later the farmer sent them sausages made from the piglets as a thank you gift that's like some black mirror

stuff and then the last one facing a drought in 2019 priests in india married two frogs to gain favor with the god of rain two months later clerics had to divorce the frogs to provide relief from the relentless rain that destroyed more than 9,000 houses. In 2019? That one's fun. That one is, I mean, not fun that 9,000 houses were destroyed. All three of these are robustly detailed. And I think that was the point of this one. Can I get the definition?

Do we have the pronunciation and definition of sow? Yeah, that's really what's important. That's really all I, that is what I care about. And I am going to lock in the first one as the lie. It is a mother pig. Okay. Mother pig, mother pig, not baby. Because you're trying to convince me that in 2018,

where we still got people named Horace. That's fair. He wasn't born then. Well, I know, but like... That's good investigative work there, Mike. In 2018, why is there a tape recording? Why is this not digital in 2018? That's the lie.

Horace is a lie. Yeah. No, I think you guys nailed it. That's clearly the lie. But I, but to tie it, I'm definitely going with the drought because in 2019, I just don't think that they're marrying frogs. If there's that big a drought to marry the frogs, I cannot imagine that there then was a rain that destroyed 9,000 houses.

So I'm locking that one in as the lie. All right, let's find out the final answer. You guys saw through me on Horace. Apparently I didn't think through that. That was the lie. Look, if we had just gotten through the second round, Mike, you would have been able to take it home with Horace. Well, the first round for you, Andy, you had the second and third one right.

That's true. What did I go with? Stupid Ruth? Yeah. Gosh dang it. Ruth and her chocolate chip cookies. When in doubt, third one right. That's true. What did I go with? Stupid Ruth? Yeah. Gosh dang it. Ruth and her chocolate chip cookies. When in doubt, the alpaca's a lie. I've always said that.

I never thought that the day would come that I would hate the inventor of the chocolate chip cookie. Oh, you're blaming Ruth? But Ruth Wakefield, if you're still alive. I'm guessing she's. The Ruth is Luth. Guessing she's not with us anymore. Shall we move on? She had a lifetime supply of chocolate, Jason.

It was a short supply. In or out of the doghouse? No idea what this segment is. In. All right, fellas. We're going to play another next segment. Mike fellas. We're going to play another next segment. Mike wins. We're going to play another little game here.

Do we need our buzzers again? You do not need your buzzers. Again, a very original concept, but it might seem a little bit like something that would rhyme with schmooly wedge shmame. I have asked your wife questions. What? Oh, my gosh.

No, you didn't. did and uh you we'll see who knows their spouse the best oh no no just for some clarity uh can i how long have each of you been married 17 years 15 16 okay 15 16 17 so you guys should all know your spouses is that always that one of the questions it is not all right so if you want to write them down you can you can say them out loud whatever you want to do the first question I asked your spouse and we'll just go no we'll go Andy Mike Jason just oh good I get to be in the doghouse first is who between the two of you who is more fashionable hmm I think every every answer is worth one point by the way kyle be kyle will be so this is this is but just between me and her yep so it's 50 50 here correct and one of them is a compliment so

i think brie's more fashionable she also said brie okay one point for any all right starting off out of the doghouse. All right. Jason, oh boy. This is the easiest thing of all time. It's Tiffany. I dress myself like I've got no eyes. Tiffany also said Tiffany. Yeah, because she can see me. One point for Jason.

She also has eyes. I will also take my wife. She said me. I taught Mike fashion. That is 100% true. All right. All right. That was it. Everybody starts off with one point. I used to dress like Jason. Congratulations. she said me i taught mike fashion that is 100 true all right all right that was everybody starts off with one point i used to dress like jason congratulations so we'll just work well how about this we'll snake draft it so mike we'll start on you there you go okay the next one is

what food oh i'm sorry this to be for clarity this question was asked of her about you okay so what food gives your spouse the most gas? So what gives you the most gas? I'll go with Chipotle. Amber said Chipotle. Yeah, baby. Oh, no. Jason, what food did Tiffany say gives you the most gas?

There's only two answers this could be. It's either everything. Dude, everything was the first thing I thought of. Or broccoli. I'm going to go broccoli. Broccoli. the most gas oh boy there's only two answers this could be it's either everything dude everything i mean that's i thought or broccoli i'm gonna go broccoli broccoli really tiffany said chick-fil-a breaded chicken oh that hurts my stomach that's true but that's that doesn't give me gas ironically my answer is broccoli that's what i think brie said sugar-free candy. Oh. Oh, man. All right.

Well, me and Jason failed that one. All right. Well, really. Sounds like we're at three and one. Really, our wives failed that one. Right. Because that was about us. Yeah. We both went with-

Jason's in the doghouse. Got it. Listen, if it's not clear already, Jason, I really have problems with broccoli. And it tastes terrible, so why eat it? Yeah. What? What why eat it? What? Broccoli isn't. All right. Andy, we're coming to you.

No, it's Jason. Jason, snake, snake trap. Yeah. I'm always going to be in the middle here. Yeah. Oh, okay. We'll just roll back and forth. Between the two of you, who spends the most money?

Oh, me by far. She did say Andy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a me, dog. That that is a no doubt tiff says she does oh my goodness oh my goodness you both do congrats daggum it all right mike it's easily me she said mike okay so Mike has not missed one. Nike collection. Yes. Yeah.

It's them Nikes. I like to spend money. All right, this is another between the two of you. Which one of you is more addicted to their cell phone? Oh, man. This one's tough. Yeah, okay. This is Mike answering first, right?

Correct. Oh. This is the first one where I'm not sure uh i will take my wife that that played out perfectly because behind the scenes amber had a very hard time answering that she just insisted that her answer was both yes i said it has to be one or the other and she finally said me i never admitted this and you never heard it oh but very nice correct excellent oh man this is really really tough because i feel like she would say me and i would say her i know i have the same thought she's gonna be like oh she's always playing sudoku

uh but i'm gonna look wait sudoku's the vice? Look guilty as charged. It's not like you're not on social media. You're on Sudoku? That's right. That is true. Hey, you're exercising your brain. You know, got to work mental sweat. He says no to TikTok and yes to Sudoku.

I'm going to go. Oh, man. If I go over three here, I'm going to be so upset. I'm going to go with my wife. I'm going to go Tiffany. She said it was you. No! Well, 17 years was a good run, but that's

over. Alright, so now I have... I feel like the exact same situation. I would say her and she would say me. So that means then I should... Take it from me. I think it's me. I'm going to say me.

She said Andy. Yeah. Good for you. All right. Kyle, where are we at? Andy has three. Jason one. Mike four. All right.

I can't wait to steal this from Mike at the end. Between the two of you, which is the biggest procrastinator? Oh, man. That's my wife. She said Bree. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. The Jason Moore part of this game is so delightful.

It's wonderful. This is tough because we are both procrastinators. Yep. I want to say me. I think she would say her. So I'm going to go with. man no didn't me and mike both marry kind of our opposites and you married your same yeah that's right uh i'm gonna go with my wife she said tiffany oh nice man alive he's on board uh it's my wife again you guys are she said me no hesitation necessary yes and mike hesitated not all right

which one of you is the better dancer mike my wife she said me my wife ask mike to dance guarantee it's the robot or step touch yeah i mean this is sometimes i do the thing with the uh the wave with the arms yeah i think we can all three answer for all three of us. My wife is the answer for me. No, it's me. I'm the better dancer. That is correct. You all got it.

Boom! Oh, that's true. Boom, boom! She must be bad. She's so bad. We've seen... I got to ask, Nathan, do you agree with that? Andy's 10-year-old son is here.

He says, yeah, mom's a bad dancer the only proof of concept we need is the Liebman victory dance yes and both like Andy's wife does it and Andy's brother-in-law they both do it where they like kind of put their arms out almost like

almost like a scarecrow and then they just shuttle back and forth and it is so bad. Shuttle is the right word. That's exactly what I was picturing. Oh. All right. Which one of you is the better gift giver?

Oh, that's. This question's for Andy currently. This one's finally easy. Oh, you got an easy one? Oh, yeah. I think I'm the better gift giver. That's what your wife said as well. All righty.

I'm on fire. Tiffany is the way better gift giver. She is so thoughtful and she puts things together for people and i hate gifts she said you're better oh no you're not just happening oh man she's gonna be very disappointed with me on this episode so i think maybe you're learning something here jay you're pretty good that you hate gifts gifts like that's not your love language. I don't want to receive them. But you're very good at it, apparently.

Well, I mean, I like to make people cry when I give a gift. Okay. That's my goal. Well, then you can... One way or another. How do you not... Well, because Tiffany is really a great gift giver. She makes things and builds things for people.

So this is just... What that question was... He does not make things or build things. We both love each other so much. I'll take my wife. She said you. She said he's a go big or go home kind of guy.

He likes to spend the money. Yeah, that is true. Shoot. I thought I was going to sweep this thing. 6-3-6. Is that correct? Andy jason yep all right no oh no great all right uh this question's for mike i asked your wife uh who her celebrity crush is oh i'll go justin timberlake she said jason momoa okay that was the other one. All right. Shoot. I like these specific ones, though. They're a real test.

Yeah, they are a test. I like that. Man, her celebrity crush. Who's the guy that plays Thor? Hemsworth. It's between Hemsworth and Chris Pratt. I'm going to go Chris Pratt. Ooh.

She said Chris Pratt. Yeah! She loves me. She go Chris Pratt. She said Chris Pratt. Yeah! She loves me. She loves Chris Pratt. Oh, right. One and the same. So I've got to try to hit this one here to take the lead. Yeah.

I have to go to the archives. I don't know if it's still the case, but I'm going to say Orlando Bloom. She said old school Orlando Bloom. Wow. Boom! Nicely done. Wow. Boom. Nicely done. Wow. All right. Flip the script real quick.

Now, who did your spouse say your celebrity crush is? Oh, man. I have no idea. I think that my wife. I keep that to myself. There's two answers here. There's two answers. She's either going to go old school and say Keira Knightley, or she's going to say Margot Robbie.

I think she'll stay with the new school, so I'm going to say Margot Robbie. That is correct. Yeah! Yeah, I think she's going to go old school for me, too. Ironically, it would be between Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman. I think she'll say Keira Knightley. She said he will say Keira Knightley, which is so stupid and dated, and he needs to take some time to find a new one.

Oh, my gosh. You did it. And guilty as charged. I have no idea what you're saying. Clearly, my wife and I really liked Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, you did. That's a dad I just figured that out. That's a momentous occasion.

Yeah. I honestly have no idea who to even say wow really yes because passing well no i mean no i won't gotta reveal your i'm not joking you're gonna get in trouble no matter what you do i mean it's chris hemsworth if we're being totally honest that guy's awesome um who would my wife say yeah oh my gosh who have i even made a statement about recently oh you know better than that that's what i'm saying i never verbalized my thoughts i don't even know where to go literally before her answer she said is he blushing and giggling yet yes yes i i absolutely am you guys are perfect and the only the only

incident that incident yeah yeah yeah no where it was like i just the shields were down and i just like i threw out a comment and then the shields were down well I just like I threw out a comment and then. The shields were down. Well, like because we were talking about. You had a few drinks? No, no, no, not at all. It was just because it was so fast. Well, now I can't think of the SNL fella. Pete.

We were talking about Pete Davidson. Pete Davidson and Kim Kardashian? No, this was we were talking about Ariana Grande. Oh, yes. And I was like, we were talking about, you know, just like, well, how bummed he's got to be. I'm like, yeah, because it's Ariana Grande. Yeah. And then she was like, wait, what?

OK, so go with it. And I'll just so that's the one I have to go with because I have nowhere else to go. I almost want to give you two points, but I'm going to give you one point because she said Chris Hemsworth or Ariana Grande. Yeah. And you got to. My goodness. That just shows it's stuck in her brain, too. That is good.

That's good stuff. I am impressed. All right. We got one more. Final one before the draft. It's a two-parter, but yes. And this one is worth, let's go with four points. Oh, gosh.

Because it's very specific. You have to come up with the exact word. What one word would you choose to describe your spouse? Well, this is scary. Okay. Oh, my gosh. One word that I would use. Us or them?

Currently, you are describing them, and then we'll flip the script. Okay. I see. So, one word to describe them. One word to describe my spouse. This is really hard because it's like, what's the context? And it's also the mental game of what do they think we would think to say. And not getting in the doghouse.

What would your one word be? Worst. No, there's good words that you can say, but then they might not want that to be the one you think of. Okay. I've got an answer, so I'll just hop in here. The order doesn't really matter. I'm going to say funny. Incorrect. Oh oh come on what's the word that she used she chose amazing that you know it's true uh but i thought she would i thought that's why this is worth so

many points yeah i thought she would your wife can be a bunch of great characteristics if you choose the wrong great characteristic you're not in the dog i'll tell you my thought process there were two words that i thought about one was mom i thought just mom might be a good word but i the one i'm going with is fun i'm gonna give it to you she said fun loving oh that's the same yeah yeah absolutely wow that's great that is that's brie that's my wife big time nice work four points i didn't think anybody would get any of these for what it's yeah that those are hard yeah and these are like jason said of like my wife describing herself yep would be different is so different than how i view her um uh sorry there's a there's a phrase that's not available for this particular program that I

don't want to say I'm frightened yeah go on I'll tell you later I will go oh my gosh sorry I know the word that I want, but I can't... Hold on, I got to... I promise I'm not cheating right now, but I have to actually... I don't think you can Google these answers. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I have the... Oh, my gosh.

Get out of here. Savage. Savage. I'll go with that one. That is incorrect. It starts with the right letter. She said stressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That totally makes sense, too. All right. All right. Let's flip the script. What one word would your spouse choose to describe you? Four points. Oh, boy. I hope it's a positive word.

I know mine. Okay. I will go with goofy. She said talented. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice compliment. No points. No points for that one.

It's a win-win, really. Okay. So I'm back between uh here comes funny funny or amazing she's i'm gonna go amazing i think she said it for both of us she said perfection oh it's so true man you two saps it is so perfect so perfect yeah i, compared to your score, it's... All right. Well, thanks, babe. What one word did she use to describe me? I don't... I don't know what word describes... Tall. Gangly.

Thank you. Keep giving me ideas, guys. Good. Loose. In the cage. Okay. I'm going to go with funny but i don't know if that's what she did because she might have said type a instead she said empathetic oh that's a much better word for dang it that's all right kyle break it down andy 12 jason 5 mike 7 all right oh man that was fun That was really fun. That bonus really got Andy in the big lead. I like the in or out of the doghouse game that you created.

That was from scratch, too. Very nice. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. So I said it at the top, but back in show 100, 100 we did a honey I shrunk the draft and pretended we were entering the uh you know the heralded battle arena as six inch tall human beings I think we drafted things like a toothpick javelin and things of that nature so Al Borland had the fun idea of doing honey I blew up the draft we are now 25all giants, and we're in the battle arena, and we're facing off against one another,

and we're grabbing objects that a giant should grab and use in a battle. And, Mike, you have the 101, and you're going to take. Well, if we learned anything from those movies, we learned that the second one was not just a huge letdown compared to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Hopefully. Right. I remember Honey, I Blew Up the Kids.

Yeah, it was not a good movie. It was not that good. All right. But anyways. So I'll go with the first thing that I thought of because of everyone. There's all sorts of different weapons that you need in these types of fights. Yeah, it's three giants just meeting to fight each other. And if we, I feel like I can use this as a whip.

Think about how big Mike's head is now. Oh my goodness. As a 25 foot tall giant. If you 4X this head. Oh my gosh. Now does my neck strength 4X? Because otherwise I got a real giraffe problem. No, you'll be like an AT-AT going over.

I'm going to go, I'm going to take a telephone cable. Okay. Yeah, I like that, the whip. Whenever you think of a giant, my very first thought went to somehow just tying their legs together to make them fall over. That's just the default of how you foil a giant. That's how Mickey Mouse would do it. Yeah. So, all right, I'm on the clock here.

So you've got a telephone cable. Nice. And I'm thinking, what do you, you know, I wanted some kind of, as I was putting my list together, everything was just like a big blunt object. And I wanted some kind of projectile. And I realized there is something here that can give me an advantage because how do you take down a giant whale, a whaling harpoon? down a giant whale a whaling harpoon and i now have basically i this is like a a gun now so i am drafting a whale harpoon you're taking a whale harpoon which will look like a like an absolute all right how big are those things it's pretty small yeah it's a pea shooter they're like mounted to ships yeah but you're 4x yes I'm not the size of a ship currently.

This is like, have you guys played Mortal Kombat? I'm Scorpion now. Get over here. Oh, so you're holding it in one hand and you're treating it like it's like, more like a grappling hook. Yes, a grappling hook slash like, you know, what are those? So Mike, are we able to swipe our hand in front of our face and just knock that thing out? Probably.

Yeah, watch out. It's coming back. Get your throat. Get over here. All right, so you went with a whaling harpoon. You could swipe it or just step to the side, and then his one-shot gun is done. It is a one-shot gun.

No, it comes back. That's the whole point. He's sitting there in the arena just pulling it back. Yeah, I know. Hold on. Hold on sitting there in the arena just pulling it back. Yeah. Hold on. Hold on, everybody. Hold on. I love it.

I love it. Okay. I have two picks back-to-back here. So first thing I thought of is I did want something that's kind of like a blunt object, but also with a little bit of the telephone cable benefit. So I'm going with a, I'm grabbing a power line out of the ground and it's still got some of the sparky wires on it. Okay. And then I'm whipping that thing around.

Okay. So you're electrocuting yourself. I'm electrified power. I'm going to be careful. The second thing I thought of on the drive in. Yeah, you better be grounded, which I'm not sure you're. We'll figure that out. I'm wearing rubber shoes. You better draft those. Right now, all three of us are on the drive-in. Yeah, you better be grounded, which I'm not sure you're going to do. We'll figure that out. I'm wearing rubber shoes.

You better draft those. Right now, all three of us are on the mode. Wait, these battles have been fully naked? Well, look, the clothes have clearly ripped off. There's not, like, the big, tall, and giant store. So we're all going to have to draft underpants? That's right. Oh, I'm not.

I'm very proud. I'm going to have to draft underpants. That's right. Oh, I'm not. I'm very proud. My second pick here is like, you know, one of the rules of these drafts is you can't just take a bigger version of something you'd use as a normal man. You can't just say like a giant sword. Right.

You know? So I wanted to think of what I could use as a sword, and I'm going to go with a Saguaro cactus sword. Oh. So I'm going to have a cactus sword. You better get some dragon gloves. Yeah, well, I figure I pull it out of the ground. The bottom of it's not got spikes on it,

so I'm going to be able to wield this with one hand, and I'm coming at you with a power line, electrified power pole in one hand, and I'm coming at you with a sword in the other. All right. Enjoy pulling it out of the ground. Okay. All right. I figure he can do that. can do that yeah I can get it out yeah um giant yeah yeah you've got a lot of little tiny spikes on that that's nice that's cute yeah like a bunch of harpoon things I mean when I'm a giant this thing is barely it, it's scratchy. That's what it is. It's scratchy.

But you want to know what's going to really impale what, I mean, we all know the best. I would like to know what's going to really impale. The best weapon is, of course, a spear. Of course, yes. You look for a sword. I look for a spear because I want the most spearier weapon of all time. Now, we are not boars in this situation. Just letting you know.

Yeah. Well, you need something bigger. Something a little bit thicker. I am taking a church steeple. I am. Okay. I want a point. I wanted something.

I'm going to rip it down. And now I've got basically a. Part of a house. A joust. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that pick. I was trying to think of sharp objects like that. That's a good one.

That's pointy enough. And what's your other thing that you have like a little whale harpoon? Yeah. We're not even as big as whales are, and it can get a whale. Okay. All right. I mean, certain whales. I'm not sure that Jason knows how big a whale harpoon is, but that's okay.

I'm going to Google. That's okay. Well, we've already got a picture of it in there. It's not huge. But, Mike, you have two picks back to back. All right. So, I'm going to take some transportation here. I don't know if I'm actually – if you're 20, if I'm 4X as strong,

I probably can't pick this thing up. But if I'm four times as large and I need to get around real quick, perhaps I can just wheel myself around on a flatbed truck. I just stand on it and I scoot around like a roller skates or a skateboard of some type. Oh, man. So you have a flatbed truck skateboard. Yes. And what's your other thing that you have a flatbed truck skateboard. Yes. So you're going to, and what's your other thing that you have in your hand?

You've got a. Telephone cable. Okay. So you're kind of like, this is the closest you're going to get to like a lassoing situation is you're probably swinging this cable around and you're skateboarding around on this flatbed. And more like a lion tamer is how I'm feeling myself. A gigantic lion tamer. Oh, I can see that. Are you going to draft a hat?

Now that. Driving that flatbed truck is going to be, I guess you can just use it like a skateboard. Yes. So you put it in neutral. Exactly. I got you. Exactly. To be fair, a skateboard's not a bad weapon in a fight.

You know what I mean? You want to pick that skateboard up, slap someone with a skateboard. Are we strong enough to pick up a multi-ton truck? I don't know if you can pick up a full flatbed. I need to look at my list. Just think about how strong you are right now, 4X that. It does not equal 4 tons or whatever a truck actually weighs. Yeah, I mean, we're probably not pulling off a steeple.

We can have some exaggerations in there. All right, all right, all right. So you've got a flatbed truck. And then I'm just going to skateboard. I'll take some good old-fashioned steel beams. Yeah, steel beams. I mean, you can wield those things. I mean, they're strong enough to hold up a skyscraper, right?

Yeah. So they could do some damage. They could do some damage. Back to you, Jason. And the thing is, I feel like what you just grabbed is like a baseball bat, which is good in a fight. You know what I mean? You're going to, bam, ow.

I'm going to put my arm up to block it. It's going to hurt a lot. But it's not going to cut me. No. It's not a knife or a sword. Or a harpoon. Or a harpoon, which I did look up, and they're smaller than I thought. I mean, I found like one big one, but most of these things were like handheld.

So I got like a little pea shoot. But regardless regardless it can get a whale that's all i know um but i wanted something that could cut y'all i wanted something that i could slice and dice do a little damage here and i am ripping up a simple thing that's on every corner every corner really stretching this out a stop sign oh dude that was because those were in my list like just traffic signs i'm getting the the metal rod yeah you know but oh you're getting the whole thing yeah oh yeah at the end of this now is a yield sign more dangerous than a stop sign? It doesn't have as many sides. Exactly.

I want all eight corners. A stop sign has corners. Yield is round. I see. Okay. You need that jagged stop sign edge. I thought a yield was a triangle. It is, but it's rounded.

It's just not a sharp triangle. I see. Okay. No, very smart. My stop sign is going to give you massive cuts. I, too, wanted something that I was going to cut you with, but also could use as a shield. Okay.

So I'm going a little outside the box here. But I'm taking a helicopter, and I'm going to hold it blades out. So it's spinning in front of me like a shield, and I can come at you with the helicopter going full bore and use that as a shield slash cutting device. You better have that thing in very good control because if you just tilt that slightly. Oh, I'm going up?

You're getting a haircut. Yes, it's dangerous. But I mean, if you saw me coming at you with a... Oh, I'd be terrified. So I'm going to go with the helicopter shield. Okay. So I'm calling it the helicopter shield. And then I've got to make one more pick here.

And this is tougher. Just so you know, I got to chime in. I think the diameter of the blades on a helicopter are about 35 feet. So if you're holding that in front of you, you're cutting your head off. You don't understand how I'm holding it. His arms. I'm holding it. Blades, they're facing.

Right, but then they're just going into the ground. You're not tall enough. I'm tall enough. There are helicopters with blades that are not 25 feet tall. Tiny helicopter. Okay, I could be wrong. And you're right. I was picturing it.

You were picturing me holding it horizontally. Yeah, that's dangerous, man. Don't do that. Yeah, cut your head off. No, I'm holding it'm holding it all right carry on the blades are going forward they basically look like the props on a plane that direction yeah i know i got i was with you which i could have just gone to a prop plane and would have fixed this whole problem um i think i'm i think i'm gonna have to go with my what i think is a version of something I can throw. Okay.

So I'm just going to start. I figure as a giant, look, a normal person couldn't pick these up and throw them. But I'm just going to pick up drums of acid and start hurling them at you. Like drums. Like oil drums. But where are you getting the acid? Oh, I've seen Breaking Bad. It's in the warehouse.

Just go to the warehouse and get the drum of acid. A drum of acid? You betchacha i'm throwing a drum okay full of acid all right my skin will burn off if you if you hit me okay um i this was the last one that i thought of today um it makes me laugh uh it makes me laugh. It makes me laugh quite a bit because it's just no different. Well, make us laugh. I'm taking grenades. Wait, what? Yeah, I've been looking for it to fight against giants. It is different, though.

What's that? It's the same as drafting the harpoon, man. Yeah, but, I mean, you're telling me. If you throw a grenade at me like a giant you know those little uh the poppers that you buy for like new year's i did think about those that's what the grenade is to this giant you're telling me if you're four times your size that you could take a grenade yeah if better than if i was a quarter might that size if this guy can wield a helicopter then i'm not worried about raisins. He just threw raisins at us, man.

Oh, no. A bunch of raisins. And you got to hold that little thing in your hand. I think the hard part. You got to pull the pin. Pulling the pin is the hard part. It's never happening. I can't get it.

I mean, a grenade is, you know, you shrink that down. I could get that pin. I might need to use my teeth. It's going to be like trying to get the edge of a sticker. You're going to be in the middle of a battle and never get that pin out. You could shoot the grenade through one of those, like a spit wad. Yeah, if you had a straw, a big straw, you could just shoot it. I would need like a sewer pipe.

Yeah, there you go. To be like a spit wad with the grenades. Very nice. Any other tiny weapons you want to use? I did have bazooka on my list. Oh, man. All right, Mike, you got a final pick here in this ridiculously ridiculous draft. So I have my main weapon.

Let me run it back here while you think about this. So you have a telephone cable. You're skating on a flatbed truck. You've got some steel beams, some blunt objects. That's my offhand weapon. Jason has a whaling harpoon, church steeple, stop sign, and some grenades. Regular sized. Yes, of course.

And then I've got a power pole with electric lines on it, a Swarovski cactus sword, a helicopter, and some drums of acid. You better be really strong. You bet I am. Okay, so I'm going to complete my theme here. I have two weapons. I have some transportation. Are you looking shield? Yes, I'm going to protect my head.

Jason, you inspired me. I'm going to get a big bell. Oh! That's a great thing. And that thing's just going to sit on my head and protect me. Like an old school helmet. Yes. Yeah, like all the Liberty Bell.

But not that one because it's already broken. You know what, Mike? A fully forward one. I'm going to give you, you can also pull the bell ringer out of it. And you can use it as a teeny mallet to fight Jason. Well, I know where I'm not throwing the grenade now not at the head although yeah sound could be an issue i do inside the bell i do love i have to bring this up because i found this hysterical andy went in and changed our dock from saguaro cactus to saguaro cactus

sword it's important to know how i'm gonna wield it there's no such thing as a saguaro cactus sword it's important to know how i'm gonna wield it there's no such thing as a small cactus sword there is today okay i'm not throwing it i'm wielding it all right that is it for the draft al you said you had something else to add for show 200 i do yeah so one thing that i think uh is easy to forget when we do this really stupid show that we do is that on the other side of this podcast, there are some real people. And I reached out to some spit wads and just simply asked them the question to,

to share what, what the show means to them. So I wanted to share that with you guys right now. Okay. Sit back, relax, and take a listen. Hey,

just wanted to give you a big shout out on episode 200 congratulations on making it to show 200 that's so awesome congratulations on 200 i'm hoping for a lot more keep doing what you do this show is awesome happy 200 congrats on 200 shows that's a crazy number of hours and i've listened to all of them i wanted to congratulate you on a remarkable achievement of getting to 200 episodes of Spitballers. I've listened to every single one of them and I can't wait to hear what you guys have in store for the future. Congratulations on 200 episodes. I can't wait for the next 200. Congratulations on episode 200. Guys, keep doing what you're doing and spreading the much needed joy that we all need. Your guys' chemistry is so good between each other that it makes everybody want to be your best friends, including myself. You guys are amazing and your show inspires so many people and brings laughter and joy and just shenanigans to our lives.

You could just be having a horrible day, go in your car, listen to spitball, hear some poop jokes, make your day 12 times better. Your show is just so funny. I look forward to each and every week. Your show is very special to so many and I just wanted to let you know that. I just want you to know how much I enjoy your podcast. I'm a 69 year old grandma from Idaho. What? And sometimes you just make me laugh because you really don't know what you're talking about. You three have been with me over actual hundreds of miles now, and there's nothing quite like a poop joke, a great liar-liar showdown, or an on-air Jason injury to make some of the harder miles that much easier. It's so important to so

many people. Listen, I'm a high school teacher, and let me tell you, during the lockdowns of COVID, teaching virtually, not easy. Getting high school students to participate was a challenge. However, with the help of my personal question of the day activity, which consisted of 100% Spitballers content, it literally made the class enjoyable during that impossible time. Your language is clean and I appreciate that and that it's a good family podcast. We listen to you pretty much every night before we go to bed. It's become a ritual. The Spitballers have brought my wife and I so

much joy and it's been such an enjoyable escape from the chaos that life has thrown our way over the past couple years. My daughter and I listen on the transistor radio each week, and we love the spitballers. Thank you for all the laughs and memories you've brought to my daughter and I. And then I made the mistake of showing it to my wife, and now I am not allowed to listen to it by myself. You definitely helped me be a more fun and carefree mom. I love that you bring your unique sense of humor in a way that can be shared by the whole family.

I've got two daughters and they love listening to you guys. They're always asking if they can listen to a draft. And as a dad, that means a lot to me that I can listen to a podcast that's humorous, but also clean enough so that we can share those laughs together. I love doing that. I love your podcast so much. It has taken me and my husband from Texas to Vermont on a round trip, road trip. I just wanted to send you my appreciation for bringing me and my son closer together.

We listened to the latest episode on the way to and from his graduation yesterday. So I think he's going to continue listening as we send him off to college. So I would just like to thank you for providing something I can share with my son and kind of helping us strengthen our relationship into the future. It has comforted me when I've been stressed. When I have a hard time going through my divorce, I love to just listen to the show and listen to the great, crazy things that you guys come up with. It's been awesome. We listened to you while I was getting ready for my grandfather's funeral.

I found you in a dark time myself, and you guys lifted me out of that and continued to do so. me out of that and continue to do so. I was diagnosed with Parkinson's three years ago, and I go to a boxing program to work out three times a week. And on my way coming and going, I always listen to your podcast. The past few years, I've been dealing with some anxiety and depression, but you guys offer a much needed break from life for so many people out there. Thank you three for the years and miles of smiles and laughs. I wish you all continued success in all of your endeavors. I just want to thank you guys for putting out a quality podcast and for all the laughs and for all the debates that you've caused in our home. I owe you a personal heartfelt thank you. Thank you for

always reminding me to indulge in silliness and fun for silliness and fun's sake. I can't wait to hear the next 200. Thank you so much for all that you do, and I hope for another 200 episodes. Here's to 200 more episodes. Okay, thanks, guys. Thanks so much. Thanks for being you. Well, my goodness, Al.

I was going to make our big announcement that this was the last show. Yeah. Well, that was. And now I don't think we can stop. I think we have to keep going. Oh, my God. That is such a shame. Super humbling and awesome to hear the voices of the people on the other side of this ridiculous show. And, I mean,

I'll say this. Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing your stories with us. We certainly are just lucky to get to do this with one another and get the feedback that we do. And I'll say this too, just thank you to everybody that makes this show happen. Thank you to Al Borland and Spitwads out there.

You should know how much pride he takes in preparing this show and getting it ready for us to do. And I know you can't tell from the content, but it is true. He does care. Yes, yes. He is, and Brooks and Kyle in here today and everybody else at the studio that has participated,

Papa Josh suggesting ideas for different segments and people sharing their, you know, all of the spit wads out there that share your ideas with us. 200 shows means 200 drafts, means 200 would-you-rather segments, means a lot of content and ideas have to get created. So thank you so much to everybody that has come up with those. I'm just kind of taken back by how awesome it was to hear from them.

Yeah, it was fantastic, and I love it. Be silly just to be silly. Feels good. We all fall into the trap of, oh, I'm a grown-up now. I must be silly. Man, just enjoy the life. Be fun and dumb sometimes. Have fun.

Be happy. Be nice. Everybody poops. Awesome to hear from you guys. I'm about to snot all over my face. Well, I'm going to go have myself a cry. Thank you so, so much for being with us over this last 200. Many more episodes to come.

Spread it. Tell your friends. And I hope you enjoyed the episode. Yeah, spread the joy. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.