Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Owl Gets Busted & The Best Dad Jokes Part III - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Spit Hit for August 17th, 2023: Owl faces some pretty egregious allegations on today’s show. You be the judge if it was justified or not. After some great ‘Would You Rather’ questions and a hilarious ‘Highway to Spell’, we close this down with a highly requested Dad Jokes Part III draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A-skizzin', a-gizzin', a-plagiarized wizard, come on! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! A skizzard, a gizzard, a plagiarized wizard, come on! Oh, I think that might be my best one, guys. I was just, I thought to myself. That was, like, impromptu? I just want to come off the cuff.

I just want to figure something out on the fly. And I think I did a pretty good job. Now, don't get me wrong. Welcome into the Spitballers. That sounded familiar. I changed some stuff. Something sounded familiar about that, and I can't quite place it. Oh, man.

Welcome in, Spitballs. This is episode 166 of the Spitballers podcast. Very excited about Would You Rather Highway to Spell and some dad jokes on today's show. Oh, yeah. I think I'm going to get some hard words today. Oh, no. What you heard there was, well, something that was brought to our attention as we three kings of the Spitballers.

Apparently, Al, who is present. Yes. Apparently, he took inspiration from. Well, let's get us at the table. So, you know, like a year ago. I'm afraid to look at him. A year ago or something. He's in the darkness over there.

Like a year ago or something, we sprung it on Owl that he has to do a scat intro. So you can experience it. And he smashed it. It was a fantastic introduction to the show. Highly acclaimed. And he said, I'm never doing it again. And we're like, okay, we'll see about that. And sometime later, we end up setting this timeline of, okay, every 80-something shows or whatever it is.

Yeah, every 86 shows, which seems reasonable. Yeah, you're going to do the scat. And then he tried to pretend it was later, so it got pushed up even sooner. And you go back to last week's show, he opened it up, and it was an incredible rhyme mike loved it i thought it was incredible it was it was in time it flowed it rhymed it was very topical to our show and i gave him a huge amount of credit for this scatter which he which he which he received which he fully with open arms quiet open arms and never once even hinted that this may not be an original his words in fact it might be

the words of one of our devoted listeners who then brought it to our attention on the twitter bot Who then brought it to our attention on the Twitter bot. And he is busted. Thank you so much for bringing it to our attention. Yes, because one of our favorite things, if you're new, welcome in. One of our favorite things here is driving that bus over our close friends. We like to drive it over and we like to back it up and we like to drive it over. Al, how are you feeling today under the bus? I feel great.

Listen. Oh, here it comes. Yes. He's been defending himself all day. Let's have it. Defend yourself. Court is in order. Spitwad Greg, thank you for the inspiration for my scat.

Oh, there it is. You provided the bones to a very good scat. Oh, the bones. Oh, that's right. You've been saying all day. You changed it. He put the meat on it. Yes, I did.

Look, this morning, and I think people really enjoyed your scat. There's nothing. Yeah. Your scat was great. Because it was incredible and not written by him. And my wife, this came up at home, and my wife and my kids loved the show. And my wife, this came up at home, and my wife, and my kids love the show.

My wife said, well, didn't you ask for some submissions? Sure enough, yeah. Yes, we did. And then my 10-year-old had the sensibility to say, yeah, but he didn't give them any credit. On the review, a skizzard, a gizzard. Ask your local wizard, come on. And Owl, what was what was your you said you did change it what was it i need a lizard a gizzard yes i'm your local wizard soup's different huzzah

and he has been defending this to the grave that he did something way different you had to come like if you line these it is very industry standard for the performer to not give the songwriter the credits. We are the spitballers podcast. I'm just saying, I'm the performer. I'm the artiste here, and buried in our terms and condition, I did give him a credit on our website. I hope you gave him money, because the songwriter makes all the money. If you put these two photographs over each other,

well, how close would they look? It's the same picture. Okay. Uh, I think you're off the hook now. Thank you for tuning in so much to get into on today's spitballers episode, spitballers pod.com.

If you want to support the show, always think, uh, we're always thankful if you tell your friends and family, review the show as well. And just put some really good scattered ideas in there. Yeah. But just make sure you copyright them legally beforehand. All right.

Now you're off the hook. Here we go. Would you rather. I like you say that he's off the hook. That will ever be forgotten. Well, here's the thing. I don't know why we're not doing liar, liar today. Because if you could combine what just happened to him with us finally winning on liar, liar.

That's why we're not doing liar, liar. Okay. That makes sense. He wanted the power. That's why he went with highway to spells. Because he was like, I know I'm getting it today. So they're going to get it. And he has the power.

I'm Googling these words this time. All right, would you rather question for McNall on the website, would you rather eat a hot dog or a burger without a bun? I've done both. Yeah, I've done both. Both are delicious. It's would you rather, though. I mean, it's like you have to choose.

They're both sitting there, and you're hungry. So a burger without a bun is like a steak, and I think that's its clear advantage. It's like a steak? Right. It's basically a slab of meat on a plate. Well, it's more than basically a slab of meat. It is just meat. Sure, but it isn't a steak because it's not a cut of meat.

It's a ground. People don't eat them with fork and knife traditionally. A burger? Yeah. You do when you go bunless. Yep. I think that's what Andy was saying was that you- So when you do it, it's not traditional, nor is it with a hot dog.

Both come with a bun by nature. A steak does not come with a bun. Therefore, these are two awkward situations. Now, the burger argument for me is simple. You can stack a bunch of stuff on a burger without a bun and still eat it. With a hot dog, you really almost got to go plain hot dog. Much messier fingers with the hamburger, though. I don't know about it.

Messier fingers? You're eating this hot dog. With the hot dog. Is it a plain hot dog? The way I'm picturing this, I know we're talking about a fork and knife. I'm picturing this as I'm hungry're talking about a fork and knife. I'm picturing this as I'm hungry. We got to make some moves here. Again, I can hold a burger from the bottom and eat it like it's a tray.

Like a tostada. Yeah, with some cheese on top and onions. But I'm saying your fingers are far greasier from the burger than they are from the hot dog. Really? That's false. If you're holding a burger, it's greasier than if you're holding a hot dog? Yeah, it's got to be. I don't think that's scientific. Now, if you're just grabbing burger, it's greasier than if you're holding a hot dog? Yeah, it's got to be. I don't think that's scientific.

Now, if you're just grabbing it, I'm not grabbing the burger. Well, you can't squeeze it. I'm not grasping it. I'm not juicing a burger. I'm eating a burger. I'm holding it like this, which you can't see on the podcast. You're delicately balancing the burger. As soon as you take one single bite of your balanced burger, that thing's falling right on the floor.

I believe in you, Andy. I'll be careful with my... You're not holding that thing. It's going down. Now, hot dog. If I'm eating a hot dog without a bun, I'm eating it plain. No, it's a dip situation. Oh.

You got a ketchup. You got a mustard or whatever you like on the side, and you just dip. This is how my son Isaac eats every... He apparently hates hot dog buns. He's not like a... You know, every time we have... Is it specifically hot dogs? Only hot dogs.

Only hot dogs. If you put one on a burger bun, he'd be cool? I have not tried that yet, but I will say this. I love hot dogs on bread. I was going to ask you, people roll it in bread. Roll it in bread? You're like psychopaths. No, I to ask you, people roll it in bread. Roll it in bread? We're psychopaths. No, I mean, when you say on bread, I just mean you set it on,

and then you use it like a taco shell. No, no, no. Not a taco situation. What you do. Oh, I'm learning. Oh, this is great. I did this like three days ago. Yeah.

Oh, so two dogs. Two dogs, and you cut them down the middle. Yeah, I can see this. So it's four dogs, four half dogs, and then you put them on the bread. A dog sandwich. It's a dog dogs. Yeah. And you cut them down the middle. Yeah, I can see this. So it's four dogs, four half dogs, and then you put them on the bread. A dog sandwich. It's a dog sandwich. Yeah. I've never done that.

It is delightful. Is it like eating a hot dog? It's like eating a hot dogger. A hot dogger? A hot dogger. Because it's very similar to a burger. Oh, okay. But it's a hotdog.

Did you not understand what was happening, Mike? I did not. Are you with us? I thought he was just struggling to say the word hotdog. The word hotdog? Yeah. It's a super hard one. You're saying it is beneath you to struggle to say the word hotdog?

I would say that of all the words I have ever struggled to say, which are incalculable, which I said very well. Spell it now. No. Dog would not be one of the words I would get wrong. No, not dog, but hot dog. Oh, the double up?

I just heard you struggle to say it. If you had to eat either one plain with a bun, I'd always choose the hot dog. I eat a hot dog plain all the time. Now, a plain burger literally with nothing else, that kind of sucks compared to a plain hot dog. Yeah, I think I agree with that. I'm fine going plain for either.

What do you normally put on your hot dog? Ketchup, mustard, relish, onions. Oh, you do the ketchup. Wow. See, you'll get some hate for that because Because traditional hot dog truthers is no ketchup. You do mustard, relish, onions. Yeah, I mean, if I can only have one condiment on your hot dog, it's mustard. Okay.

It's a mustard-only dog. I'm happy to have a ketchup-only dog, but mustard only is better. But ketchup, mustard, relish, and onions is the pinnacle. They have to be diced onions, right? 100%. And if anybody has a... Or whole. No whole onions either. If anybody has a

different opinion, which you are entitled to, I would love to fight you. For hot dogs? I would love to fight you. Over to the condiments on a hot dog. Because I'm right. I just go nude. See, there you go. He goes nothing. Yeah. I think it's because he's too hungry.

I think hunger is a big issue for you. I will say this. When I don't go ketchup, mustard, relish, and onions, it's usually because I'm not willing. That's so many things to take out of the fridge and put away. Exactly. I don't got time for that. It's a laziness thing. I don't want to do the work.

My man. I heard a stand-up comic talk about the fact he him him and his girlfriend were watching or eating at the table and she was eating a salad and she's like can i get the ranch dressing and he's like oh it's in the fridge and she says and then ate the salad plain wow which. Which I think you would do. No, not a salad. Okay. No. Just because she didn't want to go to the fridge, get it, and bring it back to the table.

That was a test to see if he would get it. That's what that was. Yeah, you failed. He didn't. You failed the test. I don't know what we answered there. I think we... Oh, I'm going hot dog. I'll go burger.

Yeah, tostada burger. Joshua from... I'm using a fork and a knife. It's like a Slim Jim. It's like a real big it's a thick slim jim uh joshua from the website you have to fire off your own confetti cannon every time you enter a room okay or turn off all the lights whenever you leave a room including public restrooms offices job interviews no interviews, no matter what. Job interview?

So would you rather have to fire off your own confetti cannon? I mean, that's abrasive. I mean, that is. Well, there's cleanup involved now. Now, that's funny one time. The first time you do that, that's funny. It can also be. The lights could be funny, though, the first time you do it, too.

Oh, the lights could be funny the 700th time you do it. Have you had people do that to you in the bathroom? Oh, yeah. At a public restroom? Nope. Not in a public restroom. I have. Have you had people do that to you in the bathroom? Oh, yeah. At a public restroom? Nope. Not in a public restroom. I have. I've had somebody turn them off.

And it's dark in there, man. I feel like at the old office. I feel like that happened more than once or twice. I know that I used to frequent a restroom that was motion activated. So it was completely fine if you go to the urinal. But if you were to go to the stall, you best be quick. Because if you're in the stall too long, the lights are turning off because it doesn't...

I mean, who puts the timer on a motion activated bathroom thing at under five minutes? People need to save a few bucks. Yeah, I heard something about if you take a 10-minute poop at work every day, you basically get a free week of vacation, like 43 hours over the course of a year. We had talked about how long should an employee have to poo, and apparently 10 minutes adds up quickly. I also put a sign above our office bathroom that says,

you have to be the fourth poo in before you flush to save water oh yeah save the earth yeah so you want to be at the beginning of that ride there's a drought um i will uh look people are going to get furious with you with the lights one after the first joke yeah i mean they both suck okay every time you enter a room so in your home is this a one time deal i i come home from work in my garage but pow papa's home it's a big party or is it every single room in my house i have to fire off the camera i don't think it's every single room because your pockets can't hold enough um you're gonna need a backpack when you present to new people right in that context then it's not like you walk to the kitchen you

get yourself a a soda and when you walk back into the living room you do it again well there's no door i think it's a matter of people so you come in your garage you pull into your garage you don't even have to confetti yet ain't nobody in there But when you walk into the house and there's people home, pow, pow, I'm here. Is a garage a room? No. When the door's down. A garage is not a room. That's a great question, Mike.

But a garage is not a room. Why? Then what is it? Because it has no square footage addition to your house. Yeah, but that's the same rule of an inside room with no closet. So back off. Oh, Realtor's going at it. No, that's a bedroom.

It's not a bed. It's still a room. Fight, fight, fight. When you ask how many rooms a house has, you don't get to count it without a closet. So you can call it a bedroom or a room. I call it a den yeah exactly he's got a good point and it's your car den okay so you why did this come up he needs to know whether he needs to because i have the important questions and is a garage a room what if is a shed a room no

but that's not connected to your house does it have a closet that doesn't matter if it's connected to your house to be a room what if it does too what if my garage has a mattress in it you don't get to count three rooms in a casita towards your main house it's not a five-bedroom house detached casita wait yes you do count as a separate casita yes you do get to count those as rooms on your house it's not a it's two houses why are we debate do you remember how many uh square feet in an acre uh 43 000 something very nice impressive we were realtors for a day um i'm taking the confetti one it's positive people will get annoyed with me but it won't stop them from working. I am taking the light one because when I leave, I have not like when I go.

Well, first of all, I don't have to deal with this at all. It's not my problem. Right. Second of all, I'm out of sight, out of mind for the people left over. And third, I'm not leaving behind a gigantic mess like. That's true. All they got to do is go turn the light switch on. Not like, oh, gosh, Jimmy's home. I got to do is go turn the light switch on. Not like,

Oh gosh, Jimmy's home. I got to, I got to get the broom. What a letdown. If you are the one that has to clean up your confetti every time at the office. So you do,

you pop it, but then you have to spend 30 minutes cleaning up the confetti up that I'm so sorry about this. Um, Mike, what's your final answer here? Uh, yeah,

I'm not cleaning up my confetti that's not my issue I'm turning off the light we did the confetti poppers for our thousandth episode of the fantasy footballers and we still find pieces and that was a long time ago and they were so loud

those things scared the crap out of me Aaron from Patreon would you rather carry 100 pounds up three flights of stairs? Oh, yes. Or take four trips carrying 25 pounds up the same three flights of stairs? So four trips of 25 pounds or one trip. I feel like this is the grocery question.

Same amount of stairs. I don't know. Yeah, no, I get it. I get it. So basically, you're going to walk a lot more. You're going to do the three flights multiple times. Can I tattle tell on my wife right now? Oh, please do.

No one's listening. So, you know, we've been married 15 years. Everybody's got their own things that they always do. And it doesn't matter whether the spouse has a different opinion. You just do what you do, right? Yeah. We talked about taking the trash out and expecting someone to, you know, you take the trash out and the other person puts the bag in.

My wife is famous for she's the one trip. And because this translates to groceries. Yeah, that's, yes. She will have just an unbelievable quantity of grocery bags hanging off her body. Oh, good for her. As she struggles to climb through door frames to get over gates. But it will be one trip. Super impressive.

Yes. And that's the way you do it. That is the way to do it for sure. Not the separate trips. No. I mean, if you got to get those bags up to your shoulders, you do what you got to do to carry all the groceries at once and i'm and i'm that way on this i would rather take 100 pounds up the stairs than have

any kind of prolonged cardio activity i will do the 25 i will sure i will say this carrying 100 pounds up one flight of stairs is very difficult. Yeah, that's not a good time. You ever move somebody? I've moved, like, exactly a 100-pound weight because I have my little workout room upstairs. So that's a very comfortable thing to hold. And, yeah, yes, exactly. It's not oddly shaped. It is designed to be held in an exercise with.

And I had to carry them up one at a time. And, oh, man, by the time you get up, you can feel your blood pressure behind your eyes. You're about to steam out the ears. It's very, very heavy, and that was one flight. Yeah, but here's the problem. When I take that 25 pounds up the stairs, I'm already talking about the elevation and the fact that it is the elevation oh absolutely

I am winded honestly I carry nothing up the stairs one flight and I am toast so I'm not going back down for more man back down there at 2000 feet I'm up here at 2020 feet alright I will go the 25 pounds Cormac from the website would you

rather start every conversation by asking would you like to know how I got these scars okay while pointing at a tiny scratch on your hand hilarious or end every conversation by saying oh no the pleasure was all yours what a jerk what a jerk a jerk. What a jerk move to just, I mean, could you imagine that? Could you imagine while you have a conversation and someone leaves and says, oh, no, the pleasure was all yours, and then leaves? Wow. Now, again, this is like your lights out thing. You may say or do the rude thing, but you're gone.

They can talk about you behind your back, but you ain't there to experience it. Yeah, but I feel like I could. The light seems like an accident not after the second time well not after the 17th time but you know it's like this one is a personality trait this one is it would be funny for one time i mean or it's just that's a it's perfectly time because that's a dad joke oh the pleasure is all yours yeah working harder hardly working why does he keep saying the pleasure was all yours yeah but when you when you've got like we are i would say professional dad jokers yes um we are the standard at which success is judged by in the dad joke realm and we understand that with that responsibility means you

cannot overplay a joke we tell our kid when when when our children do something really funny oh man they want to do it over and over and it's like no no no no no yep you don't overplay a joke you get the laughs and then you act like it's no big deal you can get away with two extras of these at a chick-fil-a oh for sure that i mean two extras of these at a Chick-fil-A. Oh, for sure. If you did this at a Chick-fil-A, you'd be trapped in a time warp. Yeah. Oh, no, no. The pleasure was yours.

Yes, the pleasure was mine. No, no, no, no. The pleasure was yours. My pleasure. The pleasure was yours. My pleasure. You're agreeing at that point. You're just saying, the pleasure was yours. My pleasure. And then you go agreeing at that point yeah you're just saying the pleasure was yours my pleasure and then you go exactly that's what i said yeah um

so i i i don't know this scar one is just pathetic oh i forgot about the other option there's a would you rather here so i have i have little scars you have told us about that scar a lot and well no this one's brand new this so this is not the one you've told us about when your wife cut you with a straw no no this one is um wait how are you going to tell us about it you're not even going to say you want to know how i got these scars yeah okay guys you want to know how I got these scars? Yes, I do. So I, oh man, got a new hose reel. Okay. You got, it comes with the- Sounds pretty manly.

Yeah, it comes in a box. Actually, I had to install the hose in the box. Wait, it comes in like a cardboard box? No, no, no, no. Like a fancy wicker, you know, outside. You reel this hose- A basket. In a, well, it's a full box it's got a lid

so that it kind of encloses hides the ugly hose like lattice yeah yeah um and so i'm i'm cranking the hose the handle you know and i'm holding the box on on the on the side and I take that hose handle and I just quickly shred my thumb. And that's how I got these scars. I think I don't want to ask people how I got these scars because then they might go, yeah, I want to know and then I'll be like, it's not a good story at all. All right, so you're going with my pleasure. That's right. It sounds like the pleasure was everyone's.

Yeah, the pleasure was all yours. All right. Are we allowed to move on now? Yes, we are. Hey, Spitwads, you might have some big events coming up, maybe a wedding, maybe something else going on, and the cost of attending a huge event, that can add up. The flights, the hotels, the gifts, and then you get to the part where you got to look sharp. You got to look right. You got to show up at the wedding and look like you

actually put some effort into it, maybe. You got to check out Indochino. Custom-fitted suits from Indochino are great. They've been partners with us for a long time. It's actually what I wore to Judge Giamatti's wedding celebration. And it's custom fitted, so you look good. You can put that on, get all those pictures taken at the event, and create those priceless memories. And it doesn't cost you a fortune, so you've got all those other expenses. This doesn't have to be one of the big ones. My favorite part of the Indochino suit, that interior liner. I got like a solar system on the inside of it. Every

suit is made to order exact measurements. You can customize every detail. They've even got tuxedos starting at $579. You don't need to go rent one for that price. You can buy it and then you got it for years and years to come for those big events. RSVP, knowing you've got the perfect look all wedding season long from Indochino, go to Indochino.com and use the code BALLERS to get 10% off any purchase of $3.99 or more. That's I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O.com, promo code BALLERS. Highway to Spell. All righty, it's time to spell some words i am on a hot streak i think i have two two straight wins in this three straight i don't know oh that's great that relieves two straight so much pressure uh so okay i'm not going on a streak oh honestly nothing to lose

there is only pressure on andy here And we all expect him to win. Let's begin. Who starts? Is it me? Yes. Okay, go for it. All right, we're starting with sixth grade. Here's your word.

Whoa, take it easy. Disagreement. Okay, okay. I got that one. Yeah, that's easy. Yeah, I got that one. Let me give that another go. Really? Well, I just want to Yeah, I got that one. Let me give that another go. Really?

Well, I just want to make sure I write it right. Well, that makes sense. That's what we're trying to do. If you write it right. D-I-S-A-G-R-E-E-M-E-N-T. Disagreement. Okay. I had a moment there where an extra G seemed like it might want to jump into the mix.

But then I wrote that down and it looks G. Yeah, I looked wrong. Is Judge Giamatti around? Is he back here? Judge, can I ask that you keep a close eye on the owl? I feel like I give him a lot of grief over that scat. I don't want him choosing. No, I'm on team now.

So we should talk. My man, team producer. Let's tie all the words into what happened earlier. So I would say that disagreement. We had a decent-sized disagreement about how much he plagiarized that scat. Well used in a sentence. Mike's turn. All right, Mike, your sixth-grade level word.

Excitement. Excitement. Okay. Please use that in a sentence. Excitement. E-X-t-e-m-e-n-t there was a lot of excitement when we discovered owl had stolen his opening scat yeah yeah that's good oh that was correct oh no oh all right i'm ready for this word. All right, Jason. Your sixth grade level word. Iontophoresis. Yeah.

Okay. A-I-N-T-E-P-H-E-R-O-U-S. Antiphoresis. How did you not? You could have just shoved it right in his face. Google that one. All right, Jason. I don't think I could Google that one.

Your real word. Fair enough. What does that word mean? Oh, I don't know. I closed that one You're a real word What does that word mean? I can use it in a sentence His scat was antipheresis When it comes to Being original A technique of introducing Ionic medicinal compounds into the body Through the skin by applying a local

Electric current Medicine through current? Introducing ionic medicinal compounds into the body through the skin by applying a local electric current. Medicine through current? Apparently. All right. So what's his real word? That's cool. Good job, doctors. Combination.

Okay. These are the ones where it's like you get this wrong. Soup's embarrassing. C-O-B. C-O-B. C-O-M-B-I-N-A-T-I-O-N. Combination. There was a combination of words that were read from someone else's submission used as a scat.

Well done. Well done. We're doing good. This is a good time for everybody, all four of us. All right. Andy, your seventh grade level word. Admittance. Uh-oh.

It's getting tough. Uh-oh. Admittance. A-D-M-I-T-T-A-N-C-E. Admittance. Oh, I would have got it right. Yes. Smartest man alive.

I probably would have. Al Borland would not receive his admittance to harvard if they knew he was a guilty he was guilty of plagiarism all right guys the gag's getting old oh man it's just begun i think you just warmed it back up all right mike your seventh grade level word vigorously oh boy oh no oh no no i've got it written and it don't look right oh no there's no i think i've got this no way mike is scrambling vigorously to figure this one out where does the you go i've got some shots there There's some shots in here. Uh, is that one of yours on your board here? It is one. It is my leading candidate. Oh good. You're leading. Yeah. All right. Unfortunately there's more than one candidate for this word. Yeah. Same here V-I-G-O-R-O-U-S-L-Y.

Vigorously. Anybody else want to try? Oh, that's how I would have done it. All right. You got us. Owl searched vigorously through the reviews to find a scat of use. All right. We're back to Jason's seventh grade word.

That is correct. My hands are so sweaty. Yeah, I don't like what my heart is doing right now. All right, Jason. Here you go. Pheasant. Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh, no. The problem is when I get this wrong, I'm going to be so wrong. Oh, no. Remember how you spelled vacuum? Yeah, I got that one right. I did. I had a couple wrong. I'm glad to say my word.

Oh, my gosh. There are multiple candidates on my board. Can I get the country of origin? Middle English. Oh, okay. Well, in that case, it's number two pheasant you are sweating actually it's middle english from old french via latin from greek okay so it is that helps a lot okay p-h-e-s-a-n-t no chance no no chance okay that felt bad i went No chance. No. No chance. Okay.

That felt bad. I went with an F. That's what I went with first. It is P-H-E-A-S-A-N-T. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Did you really write an F? I did.

Well, that would have been a shameful... You've not used pheasant a lot in a sentence, have you? I have not. Well, how would you use that in a sentence? Only a pheasant would plagiarize a scat. Alright, so it's down to the two of us. Yes, it is.

And into 8th grade we go? Correct. Oh, I'm so happy to be out. You're sweaty. Yeah, it's what I do. Alright, Andy, your 8th grade level word is... Penitentiary. Ooh. Well, that's not thing. Penitentiary. Ooh. Well, that's not great.

Pen. Oh, boy. Oh, my. Penitentiary? All right. I got it. I think I would have this one. What? Penitentiary.

No way. I'm going to go with my first guess. P-E-N-I-T-E-N-T-I-A-R-Y. Ooh. Oh! I would. From downtown! The I-A-R-Y at the end?

Yeah. I just had the A-R-Y. Oh, you got to go with your first shot. But my first shot was wrong. Well, you are a different case. Please use it in a sentence. different case please use it in a sentence we considered this offense to be worthy of a stay in a penitentiary all right mike you pronounce the i on that one you said it did it can i hear that word again you can in a moment gotta go backwards go backwards. Penitentiary.

Well, that's not how you say it. Penitentiary. Yeah. Penitentiary. Penitentiary. All right. I don't hear that. All right, Mike, your eighth grade level word.

That's a tough one. Disbursement. You got that one. You got that one. Okay, disbursement d-i-s-p-e-r-s-m-e-n-t yeah is it an a no i i think it's did you miss an e did he miss give it a go jason uh d-i-s-p-e-r-S-E-M-E-N-T? No. You guys are all getting it wrong. Is there an A in there? Nope.

Okay, what is the word? D-I-S-B-U-R-S-E-M-E-S-T. That makes perfect sense, and yet we all wrote a P. Yep. Disperse? Oh, distribution. Yes, okay. Yeah, you just disperse. You don't say disperse.

Disperse the crowd. It's disperse. Disperse the crowd. It's disperse the crowd. Oh, my gosh. That's also stupid. That's when you steal all the purses. No, no, no, Jason. Mike was stupid. We were not stupid.

That's right. I didn't get that wrong. Disbursement. I win again. You do win again. Oh, my goodness. Off to the draft we go. the draft we go the spitballers draft unbelievable disperse me dispersed a few hard words there disbursement man you don't say disbursement though do you know because that's so stupid

english is so stupid disperse the crowd It's a soft B Well I know that now Dispersement Look a B and a P They're not He pronounced the B Just flip them around a little bit And it's similar

Do it one more time Dispersement Yeah that's a B Oh it is Are we We're doing another Dad jokes draft Yep part three

Part three of the dad You can go back and find the the old ones i assume do you do you know what episodes they were i can get those all right well update us later on we have had a lot of shows all right so jason has the first oh you do oh i do that's funny i uh okay um all right well that's easy because I'm going to take a great one that really fits the show. You found a plagiarizer joke? Did you steal it? I was just Googling those.

No, no, it's a good poop joke. Oh, excellent. I mean, we're taking it up to Classyville. What did the poop say to the fart? We're already off to that. It's already won. What did the poop say to the fart? What're already off to that. It's already won. What did the poop say to the fart? What?

You blew me away. The setup was so much better than the punchline. It really was. The punchline was all right, but when you get to start with, what did the poop say to the fart? Yeah, but it's also just, it's true. That's so disappointing. You blew me away.

All right. What did the poop say to the fart? You should have stopped the joke right there. That is it. I am finished. All right. I've got one for you guys. I wrote that myself.

Did you? Did you really? For sure. Okay. Congrats. You're a pro. A pro's pro. What did the horse say when he fell down no oh that was you you got this is that's literally my first joke oh man jason do you know the answer

this uh nay i don't uh what did the horse say when he fell down help i've fallen and i can't giddy up oh man yeah it's so good it's a good joke that was literally your first one huh literally my first joke sorry for ruining your joke that's okay with my dang it that's funny well i mean i it's rare to steal somebody else's pick yes uh yes i did all right two jokes for my i i get back to back jokes here. Clearly, I have to choose. Any other horse jokes? I have to choose accordingly.

Jason. Yes. Why did the restaurant hire a pig? Why? He was good at bacon. I like it. I like it. Okay.

It's simple. it is very simple Dad Jokes episode 1 was episode 110 part 2 was episode 122 so it's been a while ooh we went back to the well

quick alright alright Mike you got one more Andy yeah can a kangaroo jump higher

than the Empire State Building no of course the Empire State Building? No. Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump. Yeah. I saw where that was going from the get-go. Oh, man. That's right up my alley.

All right. I am back up. I'm going to help us out here. Guys, what do you call... Jason, what do you call an anti-vax nanny? Tell me. Mrs. Doubt-Pfizer. Okay.

I heard Al laughing back there. Nice. A nice vax joke. I love it. Oh, well there. Okay. Nice. A nice Vax joke. I love it. Oh, well done. Yeah. Yeah.

I just watched Mrs. Doubtfizer the other day. Oh. I cried like a baby, man. Yeah, being a dad. I haven't seen that movie in 20 plus years. Yeah, me either. And then this was the first time I watched it from the perspective of a grown up. Oh, that's rough stuff. Way to bring it there, buddy.

You were Mrs. Doubtfizer, not me. All right. Look, this was this. This is here. This is a good one. All right. Did you write this one? What does the fart say to the poop?

Yes. Okay. Mike. Yeah. What is the least spoken language in the world? What is the least spoken language in the world? What is the least spoken language in the world? I don't know. Sign language.

Because it's silence. You don't speak it at all. Thank you for explaining the joke. Yes. That's what you got to do. You got to give a good explanation for a good joke. Wow. You got another one. We we're good these are great yeah okay okay where to turn now yeah do i go back to the well you should have closed that one

yeah i should have um okay andy yeah why does snoopg always carry an umbrella? That's my next joke Oh man For drizzle It's a good joke For drizzle Is it back to me? Yes Guys

I used to steal people's kitchen utensils used to steal I used to steal people's kitchen utensils but it really wasn't worth the whisk oh oh

oh ow that's a cringy one I like it wasn't worth the whisk yeah I don't know if that wasn't worth the whisk, guys. Yeah, I don't know if that joke was worth the whisk. You want another one? In a minute.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Where do we go? Where do we go from here? You got any poop jokes? I don't. Oh, I got several. Andy. Yeah, I'm right here

What does Minnie Mouse drive What does Minnie Mouse drive A minivan Oh no I mean the whisk joke was so good The whisk joke was so good We are at the bottom of this barrel. We are scraping the dad jokes here.

Look, man. Wow. They can't all be gems. I got a problem, Andy. Do you know what it is? Mike's back up. Oh, no. Mike, you get to do another.

Just skip it. Never. You're up. I will never. Never give up. Never surrender. All right. My clothes are here. My're up. I will never. Never give up. Never surrender. All right. My clothes are here.

My clothes are here. Okay. No. Never give up. Oh, yeah. Never surrender. Thank you. Thank you.

All right. My friend keeps saying, cheer up, man. It could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water. I know it means well. Okay. You came back and totally redeemed yourself. I like it.

I like it. Anybody got any more of them Bax jokes? Is this my last one? Yes. Are we going four? I know we've gone five rounds before. I don't have very many left. I'm fine with five.

As long as you don't take mine. I'd like five. That'd be good. Yeah, let's go. Let's go five. Listen, Mike, what is a cloud wear under his raincoat? What is a cloud wear under? What?

Under his raincoat. What is a cloud wear under his raincoat? I don't know. Thunderwear. Oh, okay. Okay. I figured it was an underwear joke. It was.

And I couldn't get to Thunderwear. You couldn't? I got to Underwear. I was like, it's going to be an underwear joke. Are you disappointed? I am really disappointed in myself. Man, I let myself down, but I'm going to redeem myself here. Fruit of the Moon? Was that a joke in there? i don't know okay all right uh andy all right how do you help a constipated

person oh good question jason how do you help you scare the poop out of them oh yeah Help is on the way. Help is on the way. I feel like the joke didn't use the word poop. Well, you know, family show. But you can make it your own. You can take these words and you can claim it as yours. Just change one word and, man, you got a killer. You got a killer joke there. All right.

So now I'm going up with one more. Close strong, man. Close strong. Close strong. Okay. Maybe we should have done three. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? Oh, my gosh.

I told you I had a lot of poop jokes. What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? Yeah. A salad diarrhea? Yeah. A salad shooter. Yeah. Okay. Oh, my God. You want to go eight?

No, we don't. Mike, what do you call a magic dog? You already know it. Jason, what do you call a magic dog? I do not know. A labracadabra door. Oh, it was on Mike's list. He's almost out. And I had come across that one. It wasn't on my list, but it's good.

Yeah, it's a labricadabra door. All right. Which of my terrible two jokes do I finish with? Jason. Yes? Why did the raisin go out with the prune? Why? Because he couldn't find a date.

Oh, gosh. Again! Again I should have got there. Man. Again. Again, I should have got there. Man. Okay. It was right there. We did it. All right.

We did it, everybody. We did it. Hey, guys, why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano? It was just so lovable. Goodness. What did the garlic do when he gets too hot? What did the garlic do when he gets too hot what did the garlic do when he gets too hot took all of its cloves off that's what i do and then the last one i had if you get cold just stand in a corner they're usually 90 degrees

all right okay well we've we're done with this show what did we learn today oh man uh we learned that owl is a serial what would you plagiarize yeah plagiarizer a klepto hmm uh i learned that uh it's a, a disbursement. Remains to be seen. And I learned for the first time that I am really bad at spelling. I got a lot of these words wrong. You're a sweaty speller. I'm a sweaty speller. You're a very sweaty speller.

S-W-E-E-T-Y. Sweetie. All right. Thank you for tuning in, listening. Thank you, Al, for being here with us. We'll try to do better next time we love you al goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers