Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Passive Gas & The Best Fruit Candies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 28, 2022

Spit Hit for November 28th, 2022: Dragon slayer, dragon rider, or dragon? Choose your adventure! We also talk about tracking our gas emissions, network sitcoms, and some out of this world news stories. We close this episode down with a delicious draft of the best fruit candies. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

spit wads well well well here we are another holiday season oh oh oh merry thanksgiving happy new year whatever holiday it is right now happy mother's day we are celebrating it with our families my stomach hurts so bad jason is obviously eating regardless of what holiday it is still eating hot dogs to celebrate the fourth of j July. Ah, so delicious, this Thanksgiving, Christmas season. Look, we are with our families this week. We've got a spit hit for you. We love you. I'm so full.

And we hope you enjoy it. How do you throw up? Take care. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the worst. It was the worst one I've ever heard. I'm going to be honest with you. I felt really good at the beginning.

And when you're going the miles per hour that I was headed. How many miles per hour was that? It was 182 miles per hour. And the wheels, one of the wheels comes off. Just one. That's all you need. When you're traveling at that rate of a speed. Okay.

And a wheel comes off. And this was no back wheel. This was a front passenger wheel that came off and i i went off the cliff clara's clara's in the ravine my friends that was the worst scat that was the equivalent of projectile vomiting a scat i will say this i don't know because we are we're remote recording and the internet does funny compression stuff to the audio. So I saw Jason's face doing things, but it just sounded like this. Squeak, tick, ick.

I heard fragments of it. My local recording heard the exact same thing, Mike. Yeah, I think that was the actual scat. I think the scat you heard was the scat that was i'm on it's like i don't know i think i heard a lifesavers is that is that accurate uh sometimes there's hot streaks and sometimes there's cold streaks i'm on uh i'm on a two run cold streak of sometimes there's bearish markets bullish markets It doesn't go up all the time. Sometimes you got to go down before the stock can go up. Welcome in to the show, the Spitballers Podcast.

Andy Holloway, Jason Moore, Mike, the Fantasy Hitman, right? At SpitballersPod on Twitter. Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod if you want to follow us over there. Today's segments, we have Would You Rather? Is this real life in a uh deliciously colorful draft for you very excited appreciate everybody leaving their reviews my personal favorite i realized what my favorite reviews are my favorite reviews are the ones that come through where because they listen to the show they're unable to function in some normal way of life.

Ah, yes. They're either not able to function at work because people look at them funny. They can't put their makeup on because we'll ruin their makeup because they're crying. Or... You don't want to listen to this at school. No.

Best case scenario, you're working out and there's an injury. I mean, at that point in time, we know we've done our job. Yeah, there should be like a don't operate heavy machinery warning label. But the truth is, like Andy is sharing, those are what we really look forward to. We look forward to the catastrophes and the accidents. Have you knocked down a building while listening to the Spitballers podcast? We'll feature you.

Yes, that's what I'm getting at. I want you to attempt some dangerous stuff and see if you can hold's what i that's what i'm getting at i want you to attempt some dangerous stuff and see if you can hold it together on today's show that's the next like al borland is uh concerned al are you doing all right there i am fantastic is that for disclaimer purposes you just want to make sure we don't get sued yes sir my job to regulate our liability nobody's been sued for being too funny. That's never happened before. Yeah, but nobody's ever knocked down a building by being too funny. Yeah, that's on Mike. That's

Mike directly. Have you ever crashed a public bus because we were so hilarious? Oh no. I want the tightrope walker. I want the next big, you know, going from one building to the next. The next tightrope walker doing their big national thing,

the hook that they have to go with is I will listen to the Spitballers podcast while being between these buildings. That's what we need. I want a guy who swims with sharks to be listening to this under the water. A lawyer commercial? Were you injured jumping 20 cars on a motorcycle while listening to the Spitballers podcast? Call Lerner and Rowe.

Oh, it is the best reviews we get. So thank you so much for leaving them on Apple Podcasts, supporting the show, subscribing. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather? Would you rather question from Simon off the website. Would you rather be roommates? Can you say?

No, I know what you're. Yeah. What? Oh. That was rough. That was terrible. Would you rather be roommates with Dwight Schrute or Sheldon Cooper? be roommates with Dwight Schrute or

Sheldon Cooper? I ain't never seen that show. I have to preface this with I have watched and I get it. When you talk about it, people get really angry. I think I've seen two or three seasons of The Office.

I at least understand the question of Dwight Schrute. Sheldon Cooper is now... That's the Big Bang. That's Big Bang, right? Yes. People watch that show? I've never watched that show.

This is an irrelevant question. Here's what blows my mind. We can talk about a whole... They made a big problem. People watch it. I know they do. No, you're told people do. And here's what I want to talk about. I know they do. No, you're told people do. And here's what I want to talk about.

I want to talk about CBS. Okay, because we watch football. That's part of our full-time jobs is being fantasy football analysts on the side to this. And whenever I'm watching these live games on CBS, they always have these shows. Number one watched. Millions. And I'm like these live games on CBS, they always have these shows. Number one watched millions. And I'm like, that's a lie. There's no way that these shows on CBS are the number one watch shows. There's zero chance they're using some crazy metric farms where it's like the number one watch show.

You know, with there's you got to look for some small, fine print there. Who watches CBS television shows right now? Mike, you're telling me there are warehouses full of people where they're all forced to tune into CBS. No one's watching. It's just a building in Alaska where there are hundreds of thousands of TVs tuned into CBS. Are they all tuned TVs? They have to be, right? Oh, yeah.

They are the oldest. The big backs? Yeah, only turn dial to get this thing on. It makes the boom when it powers up. Look, this question's an impossible one. This one's more just a discussion on that show. I know I've talked to people that like that show and have watched it. Are we too old?

Probably. Did you defriend them immediately? There's no way we're too old there's we're the time but we don't watch network sitcoms what's the last network sitcom you've watched oh man yeah that might be it that's just great uh parks and rec office community those are all that far is anyone watching what a show right now a network sitcom is anyone watching any right now network no no what year is it so somebody watches network sitcom somebody has to maybe that's maybe that's it the bar has just has gotten so low to be the number one you just need like 12 people watching like

once again we are the number one people watch big bang in droves there was 14 this week easily doubling number two boy that we pulled in a baker's dozen this week fellas i'll go with dwight shrewd the only one i know yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna go with dwight shrewd as well because the one thing i know is that jim while being annoyed by Dwight Schrute, Jim has a lot of fun with and at the expense of Dwight Schrute. So I will happily play Jim here. The things I know about Sheldon are all from commercials. I believe there is a Bazinga. Am I accurate on that?

We're shrugging our shoulders. I believe that is correct. And I know that there are commercials for a younger version of him where he's... Young Sheldon. He seems even less... Oh, that's tied in. Young Sheldon's tied in. Yeah, yes.

Yes. Yes. This is how much people love this character. I think. Right? I did not know they were connected. Jason, it's connected, right? I can only assume because there's only two Sheldons that I've ever heard of.

One is in Big Bang and one is the Young Sheldon. I don't know. This is ridiculous. All I know is it was supposed to be a smart person show. I watched one episode and it was like, okay, they have no idea what they're talking about. This is really stupid. Oh, man, you are bodying some network TV today. Sorry.

They need to be body. It's too dumb. Look, first of all, we're going to get so much trash for this based on the ratings. We're going to get so much trash for this. All 12 of them. Yeah.

All 12 people are going to unfollow us on Twitter. Yeah. I mean, what's amazing to me is any time. Yes. Okay. It is a spinoff. Yeah.

That show was watched by so many dozens of people that they made a prequel for it what is happening but what you know what that was there's another show the one that had two and a half men you remember that oh yeah yeah that sounds like a cbs show that oh that was that was definitely cbs that was the previous one of this and it was i was told that they make millions per episode and it's the most popular show on on the world. That show I actually did tune in once or twice. Okay. You did it. This is not for me.

I am always amazed at when you have the successful real sitcom that we know of, like Seinfeld, whatever. Back when TV was actually good. Friends was a popular sitcom, right? We are old curmudgeons. Dang, we are. This isn't being old curmudgeony. We're new hotness.

We've cut the cables. Yeah, we're right in between. We don't watch YouTube all day long, so we're somewhere in between. But those shows, the amount of money they make in syndication the rest of their lives and the fact that they could turn the dial at any moment like if tomorrow friends wanted to come back for a season do you know how much money they would make oh netflix would pay them a kajillion dollars to come just to come back and do one season

so you can turn a money dial anytime you want. I did a quick Google most popular network sitcom. So Brooklyn Nine-Nine did come up as number one. Then there was The Neighborhood, Man with a Plan, Superstore. Look, I've seen a thousand commercials for Superstore. I've never met someone in my life who's watched that show. Have you guys ever watched Superstore? What if they start playing the shows in the commercials and you don't actually, the show never comes out. You just get like one minute of the show at a time.

You finish the plot by the time. Are they counting that? Are they counting that towards ratings? Is that what CBS is doing? The most watched commercials ever. Because I watch all the football games. All right, I'll move on. Brayden from Patreon.

Would you rather get one cent every time you blinked or $100 everyety blink every time you fart come on oh come on that's way too much you gotta lower that you gotta lower that yeah that's not a fair threshold for me because i can just let them rip i mean can you jason's on no seriously i know i know we make the joke that you're on command with the farts but if you had an hour how much money would you make that's all i want to know an hour and this is my goal yeah i yes it's your goal i could make two grand yeah that sounds about right i think two grand sounds you can get some peds so you could in an hour you can make two grand so like you you 14,400 to 19,200 times a day. Wait, is that information? How many times is a human blink?

That's information, yes. That's what I just said. So what did you say, like 15,000? I would call it 16,000 times a day on average. For the blink? For the blink. Or for the toots, for Jason's toots. That's only $160.

But you don't have to do any work. Right, but I... But you just got to fart twice a day. Cutting off a hot toot is a work now? That's a pleasure. Yeah, I don't have to do any work. Not only is it relieving, but it's maximizing my... I'm working for my family here. I am bettering the education of my children because I ate Chipotle.

I'm going to give you 10 cents every blink. 10 cents a blink would get you $1,600 a day. You got to drop it. You got to go 10 cents per blink. You're going to fart 16 times per day? Because you got... What if you forget to commit? Like, I know I don't fart 16 times a day.

What kind of farts are you having where you could just forget a fart away? No, Mike. How many times a day do you fart on average? I don't know. 16 or less. day what kind of farts are you having where like you could just forget a fart away no mike how many times a day do you fart on average i honestly i don't know 16 or less probably less probably i'm gonna take the over for myself well we'll take the over for you um but i mean you got that's what you gotta you gotta change these prices you gotta go 10 cents a point that's what I did. Or $10 a fart. Well, in that case, it's easy. I'm going to make $1,600 passive income a day if I'm blinking at $0.10 each.

I'm still stuck on this. How are you telling me that your farts are not passive? It's called passing gas. It's passive. Passive gas. Passive money. It's not called passing gas because it's passive. Itive gas. Passive money. That's fair point. It's not called passing gas because it's passive. It's because it's passing from the inside to the outside.

It's not called passive gas, Mike. I mean, nice try, but I got to hold you accountable there. Here's my commitment. Here's my commitment to the show. I'm going to make a commitment. And I will. Are you going to keep a log? I'm going to try to keep a log.

I am going to. Not of the logs, but I'm going to try to count and log. I'm going to... Not of the logs, but I'm going to try to count and keep a number for the next show. This is going to be hard to remember. Oh, no way. But I'm going to try... You're not keeping a fart log. I'm not going to write it down,

but I'm just going to remember the number. Have one of those little clickers in your hand. Yes, I'm going to have a little clicker. Like when someone comes in the store, they click another person. I'm ordering to have a little clicker. When someone comes in the store, they click another person. I'm ordering one of those right now. I think it's a worthwhile investment. So you want to know whether you're over 16 a day.

I have to be over 16. You might be over 16 an hour. That's what I was going to say. If I get going on a stretch. If I get going on a run. I'm warming up. Look, Al Borland can confirm this we've we've been around each other uh enough in on vacations where uh when when i get going watch out people all right um

hot roller tonight yeah well i just look here's the thing but i don't need a new pair of shoes it would change the equation when you know how you're in like back. You know, you're back in company. You're with people. And sometimes you might wait. And maybe you don't get that money back. Because what I'm saying. Yeah.

You have to make that decision. You've just lost hundreds of dollars. Because instead of multiples. You might have one. You've just consolidated into one. Yeah. You're're gonna have to be free all right all right my my metal hand tally counter four digit i hope four digits is enough should arrive tomorrow you hope four digits is enough you're gonna put it in your pocket and

you're gonna you're gonna click it every time and we're gonna get a total and yes oh unbelievable great all right uh carrie from twitter would you rather be a dragon slayer a dragon rider i see it in andy's face or a dragon yeah i told him i read through the questions and i said there is a question in here that I am so excited to answer. And Andy's face perked up immediately. Immediately. Is this because of our story? Yes, of course. I wasn't necessarily going to bring up our story, which is triumphant.

But it's for such a small section that most of our audience would not get it. But what we do get is, would you rather be the one, or do you want to be in Reign of Fire? You want to be Matthew McConaughey slaying the dragon, a dragon rider, which, I mean, what, like Game of Thrones? Like Hiccup. Yeah, you're a Targaryen. You're Hiccup.

Sure, you're Hiccup. Yes, yes. Or you get a Targaryen. You're a hiccup. Sure, you're a hiccup. Yes, yes. Or you get to be the dragon. Now, see, I think being the dragon is, I'm going to say, it's a lonely existence. You are. I'm going to. Yeah, I agree with that. You are someone who can morph into a dragon.

Oh, bro. I mean, that makes it too easy. Yeah, that does make it too easy. Does it? Let's leave it. Because if you're a lonely dragon, you're still a dragon. But look, if you morph into a dragon and you're flying around burning and eating people's villages, they're not going to be very happy about it.

People are going to be coming after you. But they're not going to. You can get away if you can morph. You could be like, just fly around the corner and then be like, where'd that dragon go? Or. I saw him fly that way. You could

always eat the people too if they were giving you bits. Sure you could. There's nothing. That's what dragons do. If I could morph I'm definitely a dragon. So I think we gotta have the ups and the downs of being a dragon. You don't just get all the pros and none of the cons.

A dragon rider means you're friends with that dragon. Yeah. You ever read Aragorn, the book? No. I don't do reading. That was a movie too, right? They eventually made a movie too. Yeah.

Wait, what was the one where Sean Connery was the dragon? Dragon Heart. Yeah. I am the last one. Jason, did you see Dragonheart? I'm sure I did. I don't remember it, but yes. That was when CGI was just getting beta tested.

It was so bad. I mean, I remember, yeah, exactly what Andy's saying. It was like, CGI is coming in more and more into movies, but it's not good enough to be realistic, so you just cringe every time that the main character is on the screen it's also sean connery as a dragon i can't think of a worse voice on the last one yeah it's like it's me name's dragon i know which one i don't want to be d dragon her name's dragon i know which one i don't want to be i don't want to be a dragon slayer get off my own like i feel like there's a good dragon slayer you get if okay

that's what you mean you're heralded eaten i'm gonna lose the dragon it's not dragon food you're dragon slayer you are a hero you're you have a really good chance you have a high probability of killing dragons and if you lived in a world where there were dragons actually flying around yeah a dragon slayer is going to be among the top dragon careers let's say i have a 90 chance of victory i ain't taking that 10 chance of death are you kidding me no way the fame and the fortune to be a dragon slayer for a minute until you're dead i'm definitely riding the dragon that's my final answer i think i would be the dragon rider as well i'm friends with a dragon i get the benefit of flying where i want to go he'll probably defend me i'm on a dragon ride how fast are your commutes you know what i mean you can it's like having your

own helicopter except you can land anywhere yeah i'd like to i'd like to land their dragon just exactly burns it open and you'd be the coolest like you know you get a nice new car and everyone's heads are turning like oh man oh you're driving a what's that a 98 corvette oh that's pretty cool have you seen my dragon? He can blow fire. But here, we gotta stop. How much fire does your Corvette blow? We gotta stop for a minute because I know you guys are

worried your story might not be that great for people. I can tell you as an innocent third party who has never participated, your story is amazing. Okay. Mike and I used to play a massive multiplayer online role-playing game.

People know the game, Andy. Called World of Warcraft. And so Mike and I, we spent... This was back when we decided to try to rekindle our love for this game as we worked at Jason's old company. We both started playing. We spent like two weeks, and all we were trying to do was get this dragon mount

where you could carry. You turn into the dragon, and you could carry somebody on your back. That's all we wanted. This was the hardest thing to get. And we spent real life money. We spent real money trying to get this thing. So that in a video game, we could turn into a dragon. Exactly.

That's how cool dragons are. What did you do with this amazing power? So obviously, once you become a dragon, you need to use and harness that power for good. Or, or, so we, what we did is we, this game, you know, there are a lot of new players that join

the game, and they're in new starting areas, and they're brand new, innocent little players. And Mike and I, both as dragons, we flew to those new lands, and we wanted to welcome the new players of the game. And so what we did, and new players, they can't turn into a dragon. They don't have a mount. They can't even get around. Of course they can't turn into dragons. We are all powerful beings in the world of Warcraft. All they can do is walk around.

So we came up with a little business. We were the dragon riders. Or I'm sorry, dragon, what are we called? Taxis, dragon taxis. So we said we would give these new players free rides on our backs because we were dragons. Now, here was the catch. We'd pick them up, and they'd be real excited they'd be like oh my

gosh i can't believe you're doing this this is so cool and they forgot the cardinal rule of life nothing is free nothing everything has a cost and essentially once we got them up in the air where they were helpless we would fly over very dangerous parts of this world. And then we would drop them. Hold on. The best part to me is that I would, in the chat, start proclaiming, oh no, something has gone wrong. I'm going down.

I've lost control. We're going down. Thank you for flying Air Dragon. We would always thank them at the end and say, thank you for your business. After we dropped them into the top of a volcano. All you would do is take all these players from one side of the map to the other and drop them to their deaths halfway through for your own amusement.

And that is what video games are made for. We laughed more at doing that than I think I can. That's the hardest i think i've laughed in my life so it was a spectacular time and we are awful people all right let's move segment of the is this real life and we each have a story from the real world the other two have not even heard it we're going to share it with one another and surprise each other with what's happening in the world today and i can tell you i am so excited about my story oh well kick it off my man because i saw my story in a in a show it was science fiction it was pretend

it was in an episode of black mirror okay any of you either either of you ever watched that show i've seen a handful i've seen a few seasons of it yeah so generally black mirror covers science fiction types of futurism and uh technology that isn't it doesn't go well and something doesn't really go well much like you thinking you got a free ride on the back of a dragon. Never trust a dragon. Never trust a dragon in a video game. Microsoft patent shows plans to revive dead loved ones as chatbots. No.

What? Okay, I know the episode you're talking about. No. What? Okay, I know the episode you're talking about. Microsoft has been granted a patent that would allow the company to make chatbots using the personal information of deceased people. Now, let me fill this in for you and the implications I want to talk about. Because we have machine learning that's available now. Algorithms and computer machine learning systems that can take information and do better than a human can on compiling it and putting it together. The concept is that you would feed a computer information. We've done podcasts for five years.

You feed the computer all of the voice lines that Mike has ever said. You feed the computer every picture of Mike that he's ever taken. You feed the computer every interest that Mike has ever had, every note he's ever written, every school assignment he's ever done. You fill in the gaps and the computer builds a completely AI version of Mike that a person can then, when Mike's gone. Look, this sounds rad. This sounds horrifying.

When Mike's gone, you can interact with Mike again. I will never die. And you can, and here's the thing. Did you guys ever hear about Kanye West, what he gave Kim Kardashian for her birthday? The hologram of her father, right? The hologram of her father who had been two-box style. Who's deceased. Yes. And it was a three-minute hologram of her father the hologram of her father who had been two bucks style who's deceased yes and it was a three minute hologram that spoke they had they had replicated the voice

it was a message that he made for her about her becoming a mom and raising the kids and what a wonderful entrepreneur she was but we are getting to the point with technology now. This is not good. Now, I'm not saying it's good. This is not good. But this is, they even included in the patent the notion of 2D or 3D models of the specific people being generated. This is not good. Oh, this is not good. I mean, there are a million ways this goes wrong. Well, certainly.

And they're all highlighted in Terminator. But what do you think of that this is this is kind of crazy would you use it would you i would not let me ask you the truth let me ask you real quick like i've had most of my uh i have one grandmother that's still living i my other grandparents are deceased and um i miss them If you could listen to a little hologram of your grandpa on the tabletop, would you do that? I loved my grandparents dearly. That is not the problem. The problem is not my grandparents.

The problem is when you start getting into, like, my spouse or if something happened to my parents. That's where I think things start getting off the rails. Okay, what if it couldn't talk? What if it was just a hologram? Would you want to be able to have that on display like a photo? Yeah, I mean, that's a memory. To see and remember people? Yes, yes, because that's, I mean, you have videos. What if once a day it talked to you?

I would run. Once a day it said, oh, hey, hey there. But i'm not pretending that that person is still alive and i'm like trying to continue on interacting with them instead of going through the whole process of what if your grandpa was really wise and then you had a problem like mike you're trying to figure out what to do with a job decision wouldn't you want to ask the hologram of your wise grandpa like your wise grandpa is always going to say the same thing, which is buy stock in Microsoft. That's all that these deceased people are going to be telling you. I hear the Xbox is looking really good.

I mean, nonstop propaganda. And you're going to buy it. Hook, line, and sinker. Oh, man. You know who I like? That Bill Gates. He's a number one. All right. Mike, what I like? That Bill Gates. Oh, my gosh. He's a number one. All right.

Mike, what you got? All right. We all have made it through 2020. You know, 2021, we're hoping it's a fresh new start. But 2020, not the best year in all of humanity. And let me ask you this, fellas. Was there ever a time in 2020 where you just wanted to scream? You wanted to just unleash a primordial from the depths of inside and just scream it out?

I'll go as far as to say I certainly did. Well, apparently a feller named Chris Gallmer, he created a type of avant-garde art project where he has set up a phone number for people to call in and just unleash fury upon this phone so that everyone could get involved in it. They're going to archive it. They're going to turn it into this art project. Screams of

2020? But it's just a metaphor, just something of an act of service that this man has created for the rest of the world that you just call up. No one is there. It's not a manned telephone,

but you just scream and it records it and it helps you get it out but wait you can do this without that i know but then you're not a part of something is this an art a part of the collective so at the end is he going to display all these screams in some museum where you walk in it's just terrifying of thousands of screams like what is the end goal here i know that you can check back after your recording and you can find your scream i don't know what his the grand purpose is i think it might just be the purpose might be to just be just artists are so dumb sometimes um just look i'm an artist too so i understand and i created this app called a voice memo and it's on your i've put it on your phone already yeah but how do i how do i get in

on your voice memo you can't listen to my scream on this can you i think i can if not on your voice memos i don't know how to hack your iPhone. All right. Well, that's weird. Yeah, I mean, okay. Now, the segment is called Is This Real Life? And I feel like that's weird and not real life. Andy's is literally not real life. But mine is real life. As as in i can see this happening and it's not good

the article headline is confused jealous wife stabs husband after seeing her younger self in old photos and this is what happened oh she thought she was catching her husband with photographs of him with younger women oh no and she stabbed him multiple times no and then in the end after she was arrested found out it was her they were old photos but she was she looked so different wait but wasn't he younger in the photos i was gonna say men and women don't wonderfully they we don't always age the same it's not fair at all but this is real life where she caught she found on his cell phone and here's the funniest part is that these were these were old photos that he had digitized and brought to his cell phone so he could see memories of his wonderful wife.

He did this wonderful thing and then she found it. This is why I said... Stabbed him. Stabbed him. And stabbed him. Oh, no. This is why I've said, and Al, you can attest to this. I've said this a million times

you've got to be darn sure before you stab someone yes it's an important yeah i mean i would even say to this the spit wads out there yeah just make sure you're right before the stabbing always you want to double check you need a you need a party of three you need some checks and balances you got to turn both dials on the submarine before you can start stabbing people you want to know what the nuclear keys yeah exactly i this reminds me of like i feel like there's gonna be a it's you it's you honey there's gonna be a sister article the next time we do this, which is confused, jealous wife stabs husband after he cheats on her in a dream.

Because that's, you know what I mean? Like, the wife wakes up, she's like, you cheated on me last night in my dream. I did nothing. I did not do it. I'm just, I'm looking for the poor guy. Poor fella. That is.

How do you apologize for that one? Like, oh, I am so sorry. am so sorry man sorry about the stabbing my bad well and let me ask you this you survived didn't he didn't do anything wrong he did he did survive no he did nothing wrong he did nothing wrong is that the end kind of that relationship at that point i mean he likes her so much he's got pictures of their they're like and they've been together for quite a while if she's looking that much can you forgive your wife for stabbing you because she thought you cheated on her with yourself i've forgiven my wife for stabbing me many times so i would say i i have it within me usually it's some kind of um makeshift shank device.

Not a knife that she stabs me with. We're going to talk about the straw, aren't we? I have a permanent scar on my hand from when she stabbed me with a straw from Sonic. Those straws are legit. That was going to be my point. Imagine the party stories. You wish it was a knife like have I ever shown you this scar it's like it's like the joker you want to know how I got these

scars yeah Leanna come on come over here I can tell him tell him why you stabbed me tell him about the time you saw pictures of yourself on my phone and it made you real mad. Not again. Oh, Frank. I got them good. I don't know why they're Southerners. Well, Frank and Leanna are just a couple of hoots. Yeah. That is a ridiculous real-life story. Wow. Yeah, people are...

They do unexpected things. Stay safe. Gosh, she must have aged horribly she couldn't tell she look i'm gonna say she's added a few lbs she's not proud of uh based on really being jealous of that photo and she's probably a beautiful young woman oh yeah yeah i mean wow shocking oh and that would be the worst and you know the worst part is you're with this gal and she's hideous. All right. Let's do a delicious draft.

The Spitballers Draft. All right. Our draft today is the best fruit candies. We've done chocolate candies before we've not done fruit candies and that made the fruit candies feel very insecure about themselves and we decided to return i'm a big fan big fan of fruit i like fruit candies far more than chocolate candy i do as well you andy mostly but i am addicted to a ridiculous candy right now that is chocolate i've fallen in love with hugs i don't even wait a hug is that's like the kiss that's a hershey kiss with something in it that's

the white chocolate outside swirl hershey kiss all of a sudden because i like white chocolate i know you guys don't like white chocolate i love white okay that's just me i hate it mike hates it it's terrible and i like so i like the white chocolate And I like, so I like the white chocolate Reese's cups. I like the white chocolate Kit Kats. I like white chocolate anything. And then I was like, oh yeah, these hugs exist. I remember when these were new in 1991. And now I'm like buying them by the bags because they're great.

But yeah, fruit candies are awesome. I love fruit candies. I thought that the only thing that Hershey's Kisses do anymore is just make Christmas commercials. They do. People don't buy them anymore. I didn't think they bought them either, but then when I went to buy the hugs, I saw dark chocolate kisses. I saw caramel filled kisses.

I saw all sorts. I saw cookies and cream kisses. I've seen it all. There's a whole world of Hershey's out there that's still getting purchased. Fruit candies. Jason has the first pick. There are lots. There are a lot of fruit candies. So many. There are so many that I love. I first pick there are lots I mean there are a lot of fruit candies so

many and there's so many that I love um I feel like there are two big players though in the fruit candy market and they're you know this is a long draft we're going to get to all of our down home favorites but with the 101 I feel an obligation to take take a big dog take a coke or a pepsi if you will um and so out of the two big players in my opinion i think one is the clear better option and i'm gonna be snacking on some starburst okay i mean that's the classic wait are you actually are you opening starburst right i have some starburst right here that i shall be eating not a a sponsor. Not a sponsor. Not yet. But delicious. They are the one on one. And of course I got... Is that original over there?

Oh, it's all reds, my man. It's all reds and pinks. All reds and pinks, my man. When they started making it like this, I mean, who wants the other colors? Yeah, I think we've talked about this before, that orange and yellow, they're fine.

If they're there, I'm going to eat them. I want orange in there. I don't want yellow in there. But would you rather have all of them and you have to have the yellow or just the red and pink? No, I'd rather have red and pink. Exactly. Now, with this draft, since we're at the top,

does he get all Starbursts or do you get to draft? Okay, he gets all Starbursts. That's what I figured. You don't get tropical Starbursts. I don't want to do that either. I want to just do main themes. And you want to know what I'm really addicted to lately. The berry ones are the best Starbursts. They're not as good

by any stretch as an OG Starburst, but they're so easy to eat that it makes up for it. It's the little mini Starburst in a bag. Dude but they're so easy to eat that it makes up for it's the the little mini starburst in a bag dude they're they're made with like a wax because you don't wrap them up they're made with like a weird flavor but you could just eat so many so fast well that's true do you know what he's talking about mike i do not i do they make like they make Starbursts in a bag that are not wrapped individually, and they're all put in there, and then they have to use some other type of chemical.

Yeah, you're going to contaminate the flavors. No, you don't, because they've put them in some sort of scientific shell that keeps them apart from each other. That's basically like they dip them in candle wax, and then they put them inside of the bag, and they make them miniature. I think they're almost always miniaturized and they're very convenient but they really do taste different to me not to Jason I'm always fascinated

Starburst not that candy is good for you but it's always fun to look at the nutritional wrapper of a Starburst versus like other candies and it's like holy crap Starburst versus other candies, and it's like, holy crap, Starbursts are not good for you. Really?

Yeah. If I remember right, it's like they're really, really high in fat content. Hmm. I can't recall off the top of my head. Jason would be sharing his thoughts on it, but he's eating. For every six pieces, I can handle that. No problemo. All right. Starburst

is the 101 to me in the fruit category. That's fine. In fact, I think if you take... If you leave me with the one I don't want here, Mike, I'll be sad because I'll have to take it. But we'll see. What's the number two? I only want the

sour version of it. Isn't Andy up? Yes, but we know what the 102. We know what Andy is thinking about. I'm not up. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. This is literally, just so you know, Andy, this is our 135th episode. And the order has pretty much been established from a long time ago.

Who did the scat on the last show? I did, right? No, I did. Oh, I am way off. The clock is going backwards in my head. So I'm up. Yeah. I'm taking Sour Patch Kids.

See, that's a problem. I know. That is not fair. I wanted it so bad. It's so good. They're just so delicious. The watermelon. The watermelon are the best. It's so good. They're just so delicious. The watermelon. The watermelon are the best.

Oh, stop it with your watermelon propaganda. Actually, the regular- The Starburst watermelon. No. Oh, he's got Sour Patch Kids right on hand. How many candies do you have in front of you right now? He's got all the candies. He's got all of them.

Mike, I'm with you. It's not- The fact that you just want the reds and the pinks, and then you just want the watermelons. Stop. Variety is part of what makes it good. I'm elitist, okay? I want the all-stars. You can have the crappy players on the team.

Watermelon is triple A. Get out of here. The major leagues is the Sour Patch Kids. I agree. I agree. Anyway, Sour Patch Kids, I'm sorry. That's the best one outside of Starburst. Ridiculous. The watermelons.

Get out of here. That's garbage. So, Mike, I don't have to worry about it now. You do not have to worry about it. And I mean, it carries so much name recognition and power, I may just have to take it. I figured I was getting Sour Patch Kids here on the turn, and we talked about it

before the show because I wanted to know. I was getting Sour Patch Kids here on the turn, and we talked about it before the show because I wanted to know. I was like, where are fruit snacks fitting into this category? And it was discussed before the show that fruit snacks are 100% acceptable in this because fruit snacks are, in fact, candies just called fruit snacks wink wink they're super good for you these aren't candy this is just a snack it's a fruit snack you know what you know what a fruit snack is an apple an apple or a banana or an oars that is a fruit snack you want to know what the difference between a fruit snack and the Sour Patch Kids watermelon I'm eating? Sour stuff on the outside.

That's it. No, no, no. It's condensed sugar into a form. How do you not agree with that? Because fruit snacks straight up suck compared to candy. That's why. Fruit snacks are made with a lack of a density to them. It's like saying, hey, give me a gummy bear, but make it taste worse. That's what a fruit snack is.

It's something your mom would be like, no, you can't have candy after school, but you can go have a fruit snack. Oh, Mom, do I have to? Yeah, you do have to have a fruit snack, son. And that's all marketing. That's the only difference is somehow Mom and Dad got tricked back in the day that fruit snacks were okay. They got your mom, Andy.

I'm sorry to tell you so anyways good so anyway well okay well then i'll give you my first pick and you can tell me that it is not as good because when you talk i haven't taken my first one yet i thought you just took fruit snacks no no no no i'm saying that category of fruit snacks is allowed oh all right okay and i needed to just declare that to the listener before i launched into my my first pick because when you have fruit candy and fruit snacks mixed together i agree that starburst is very powerful but i will take gushers i will take gushers as my first pick because it is not only the best fruit snack but when you are weighing it in comparison to gushers

and other things like that or i'm to Gushers and other things like that, or I'm sorry, to Starburst and other things like that, I'm going to grab me a pack of Gushers. First of all, look, we agree on a lot of things. We disagree on a lot of things, Mike. If you had all the fruit candies to pick from and your first pick is to go for some Gushers, I'm shocked. I am shocked. Let me tell you why. Let me tell you why candy is better. Okay, why? All the fruit candies to pick from, and your first pick is to go for some Gushers. I'm shocked. I am shocked. Let me tell you why candy's better.

Okay, why? Because I just looked up some of them Welch's fruit snacks that you see people hand it out, right? Sure. 11 grams of sugar. You want to go get yourself a bag of the Sour Patch Kids? 23 grams. Per serving? Yeah, that's the difference.

Well, what's the size of the serving? No, no, no, no no the bag the bag a bag of this and a bag of that you so gushers you would reach for gushers over any other fruit i would i would reach for gushers before i took starburst before i took sour patch to each to each their own now i would one you don't ever get enough though do that why don't they make a candy bag style for gushers, like a movie theater Gusher bag? Because when you get a Gusher, you might as well eat the box. It's because of how they stick together. Because they stick together, it's acceptable when there's like eight of them in this little bag. And you're like, oh, that's cute.

If you had a giant bag and there's like 40 of them together and you just have this baseball now of Gushers, that's the reason. Because Gushers are awesome because Gushers are awesome. Gushers are delicious. They are fantastic. But there's something wrong with them, and we all know it. You open it up, you're like, should I separate these? Do I just eat them all at once?

I love them. They're certainly down on the list, but I'm not going to disparage Gushers. Well, I appreciate that, Jason. They are my number one pick. I will say this. No, no, no. I will agree that there's some philosophical differences in how you choose candy. Some people want to eat a lot of something.

Some people want something that's super, super sweet. If you have a hard candy, you're going to be sucking that candy for a long time. Sure. You have a fruit snack. You might be wanting to eat a lot of it. You know, a lifesaver is a hard candy. I think it's different on what, like if you're going to go watch a movie,

do you want to eat a lot of something or do you just, you can get over sugared. Sure. Can't you? I mean, you're not going to. Yes. I'm not going to eat five bags of sour patch kids i'd go they'd be insane gushers when i open a pack of gushers they are gone in under eight

seconds i agree with that yeah and that is that is the problem and i've never in my adult life taken one pack of gushers ever yeah it's unacceptable it's one of the things you're most proud of gushers i only take two packs packs at a minimum, or it's not worth doing. And we're talking about this like this wasn't a money-making scheme by the people that make Gushers. They know what they're doing. You're like, why don't I get more Gushers? Like, because you're going to have to buy another box of Gushers, you dummy. No, it was so smart.

And we know you'll do it. They're in such small bags that moms thought they could have them for after school snacks. Here's a teeny bag of sweet things. All right. All right. Yeah, you got another pick. I got the Gushers. I know what the next pick is in terms of popularity.

What should be there. And it's just not happening. Like I said, when it comes up, I'll say, yeah, I would have taken the sour variant of it, but I'm not getting there. I know where you're going. Which means I get it, I'll say, yeah, I would have taken the sour variant of it, but I'm not getting into it. I know where you're going. Which means I get it, I guess. But I guess I'm just a fruit snack kid, so I'm going to follow up my gushers. And if you want to eat something a long time, Andy, what if you had a foot? What if you had a foot's worth of fruit, my friend,

and I will take a fruit by the foot? I am so shocked that all of your go-to candies are fruit snacks. Yeah. Now, wait a minute. So here's what's shocking me. I can't believe it. I understand what both of you are saying in the sense that it's surprising with all the candy of the world that you're going to the snack aisle versus the candy aisle here. Right.

That's where I'm at. It's just a different aisle, man. It's still the same stuff, but it's better. Why are we calling Gushers and Fruit by the Foot fruit snacks? Those are not fruit snacks. Neither one is a fruit snack. Like, fruit snacks are their own thing, man. We all know what fruit snacks are.

Well, they're on the fruit snacks aisle, man. They're on the fruit snacks aisle. I'm shocked because I know you like other candies, Well, they're on the fruit snacks aisle, man. They're on the fruit snacks aisle. I'm shocked because I know you like other candies, and I know we wouldn't have drafted these, so you're being strategically stupid because you could take all the fruit snacks at the end of the draft if you wanted. Nope.

I'm just living. I'm being real. I'm exposing myself to the audience. I'm saying I would take a fruit by the foot. Hey, you know what? There is no Fortnite pandering happening over here. No a fruit by the foot. You know what? There is no Fortnite pandering happening over here. There isn't. Which, you know what, Mike?

Here's the problem I have now. It's my pick. Yeah. Enjoy it. No one wants it. I'm in a bit of a pickle because there's no way Jason doesn't take it. You're darn right. And if Jason takes it and he combines it with Starburst, he wins the draft. You're darn right. It's very possible.

So I'm going to have to take it. I'm taking Skittles. Okay, there it is. It's off the board. I will throw this out there. There are... Jason, that flavor is the best flavor. Wild berry Skittles is the best flavor of Skittles.

You just opened it. Now, tropical Skittles are great, too. And sour Skittles are great. Sour Skittles... Here's the problem with sour Skittles and he just opened it. Now, tropical Skittles are great too and sour Skittles are great. Sour Skittles. Here's the problem with sour Skittles is I like to eat them and I get all the sour off and I chew them up and then I I don't want to

take those down. I've eaten bags of sour Skittles where I just chew on them and then I spit them out like sunflower seeds. What? Yeah. That's ridiculous. Mike is living in his own place and he's owning up to it.

And that's okay. Skittles. I'm my own thing. He's his own thing. I used to buy Skittles every day in grade school. Really? 50 cents for a bag of Skittles. But the wild berry ones.

I didn't like the OG because I don't want no lemon. Get the lemon out of my life. Lemon was like, somebody's like, oh, crap. We probably have to put something yellow in here. You want to do banana? No, banana is too expensive. You want to do, what else is yellow? Oh, there ain't nothing.

Let's do a lemon. Have you guys ever had stale Skittles? Oh, you're talking about rocks? Are you talking about rocks? Yeah, because that's what I literally just ate. I was trying to work through about three Skittles since the last time I spoke. Chip a tooth. Those things were not good, and I'm so happy I did not draft them because they deserve the garbage can.

Shame on you, Wildberry Skittles. Yeah, I mean, they don't last forever, man. You did something wrong in the past by having that bag still there. I mean, honestly, I don't think I've ever had stale Skittles before. They're always great. I didn't think it was possible. Before you went to the movies as a kid, my mom would take us to the dollar store to get candy. And when you go to the dollar store to get candy

to smuggle into the movie theater, that's the one risk you take. The dollar store candy, that expiration date, it's a little different than the $35 candy in the movie theater. So you're playing with some fire with the team. Giving you the old manager special. Yeah, yeah.

Sure, we've got some of these. Where'd they come from? Oh, don't ask any questions. All right, Jason, you're up with two picks. I am taking what over the last couple of years is my absolute favorite candy. Like, it's unbelievable. However, it's lesser known. It's not like Skittles or Starburst. It's not like a super commonplace, even Sour Patch Kids.

But if you've had these, you're like, oh, dang, that's the new hotness. And I'm talking about Sweet Tart Ropes. Dude, I would. Okay, this is legit. I had no idea Jason was going to say that. Sweet Tart Ropes have become the greatest candy. They are the best candy. That I have ever had in my entire life.

And here is my story. My wife and I, we subscribe to one of the food services, or meal kits. Jason has eaten every one of the candies he's picked. He has, and he is making a correct decision. So a meal kit delivery service, all of a sudden I open it up, and I assume it's a promotional item because it is Sweet Tart Ropes Wonder Woman Edition,

and it's Tropical Punch. I don't even like Tropical Punch, generally speaking, for a flavor. I would never pick it. But they're there. I'm making the dinners. One thing leads to another. I'm going to try this candy out, and I take a bite, and I'm like, holy crap, this is the best candy I take a bite, and I'm like, holy crap.

This is the best candy I've ever had in my entire life. So what's inside of that rope? It's like a cream. Magic. It's cream? It's weird because it's harder than a cream. Now, that's not a Twizzler flavor, though, right? Because I hate Twizzlers.

No, no, no, no. I can't believe that you know about these, Jason. Do I need to Amazon myself trying some of these? Yes, you do. There is nobody in the world who's had these. Like, if you've had them, you go, oh, yeah, this is the best candy I've ever had. I got the votes. But I know that it's not super common, but it will be.

I mean, our kids are going to grow up. Do I want the Rope's Bites or do I want just the one flavor? Both are good. Both are really good. I will say this. The Rope's Bites have a tendency to be a little bit? Both are good. Both are really good. I will say this. The Ropes Bites have a tendency to be a little bit more stale, but they're both great. But you get different flavors in the Ropes Bites.

The answer is you should be ordering both. Get it all, my man. You should be ordering both. I promise you will not be disappointed. We can stop the draft because Jason took the best candy. Really? Really. When you eat these, Andy, you'll be like,

oh, that's something different. Not a spot. Look, sweetheart, you are getting so much air time right now. My mind is being blown. That's why my mind, I'm seriously freaking out right now because it's on my list of things to mention when the draft is done. I can get it from Amazon by tonight at 5 p.m. Congratulations, Andy.

Treat yourself, my friend. All right. It's on the way. All right. So those sweet tart ropes. I can't believe you knew about them. They are so good. Well, I'll let you know.

I'll let you know in five hours. Yeah. And I will say this. They're not the only ropes that are good because- Oh, Twizzlers suck so bad. Sour Punch Straws. Yes. If I'm going sour, like Sour Patch Kids I love, but Sour Patch Kids Watermelons are

the greater one. But Sour Punch Straws are so good. And if I want something sour, I would rather have the straw than the kids. They are much much much better than the Sour Patch Kids I agree with you really you think they're better than Sour Patch Kids yes the problem is availability

you only get one flavor with them too that does not matter you give me those Sour Green Apple those are great and I'm living my best life the problem is availability like Sour I don't know if you guys this is a weird thing that I've noticed. Like, the rise of Sour Patch Kids. You know, I mean, those weren't around when we were young.

Some salesmen got into all the theaters. But all of a sudden, it was like this brand new candy is now a mainstay in candies. It's weird how it feels like candy is a hard market to infiltrate, but Sour Patch Kids, they did a fantastic job. I'm not even surprised now that Jason pulls out another pack of whatever we're talking about. That is incredible. Where's your fruit by the foot, bro?

It's in the kitchen. You were not prepared. I'm going to go with the candy now that – oh, wait, Jason, do you have another pick? No, he took it. In a while. That's two straws. In a while. That's right. Yeah. I'm going to go with the candy that I think I've chosen

as my movie theater fruit candy more often than any other candy in the last 10 years. And it's actually Mike and Ike's. I love Mike and Ike's. Now, I don't like the straight up normal flavor of that either, but they make some delicious berry flavors.

I like the texture. The Mega Mix. Oh, the Mega Mix is legitimate. Yeah, the Mega Mix. Mike and Ike's are so incredibly good. Now, you can get the bad draw. Oh, my gosh. He's got some.

He's got Mike and Ike's right there. And what flavor is that? The Mega Mix? Oh, of course it's the Mega Mix. I mean, come on. Okay, talk to me about the Mega Mix. I don't know what it is. Talk to Mike about it.

Let's introduce him to the Mega Mix. All right. Well, the Mega Mix, you've got strawberry, banana. You've got grape soda. You've got mango. You've got watermelon. You've got blue raspberry. You've got peach.

You've got pineapple, banana, which I'm a big banana fan. And there's several bananas. Kiwi banana. Paradise Punch. Oh, they're mixing the tropical, the berry one, and the regular all into that mix. That's a little too mega. No. Now, that's a candy that you get more quantity of that candy.

You don't have to unwrap it. And you get tons of it. And it's delicious. In my younger life, I had made the decision I do not like Mike and Ike's. Bad decision. That was a bad day. I stand by it. I feel good about it.

But Mike and Ike's are the exact same thing as the pink and the whites. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's the same people. Get off my lawn, Good and Plenty. No. You can just. But it's the same shape and it's the same texture. It's different.

No. Good and Plenty's are smaller, pill size. Mike and Ike's are larger. I don't know. I need a side-by-side live. And the Good and Plenty's are candy. They're candy coated. I'm telling...

Here, Mike, go to Amazon right now and order yourself some Barry Mike and Ike's for tonight. I would rather die than order Mike and Ikes. I told you I decided I'm not eating them. Just because you decided doesn't mean you were right. If you thought they were good in Pliny's, they're wrong. Let me talk to Mike for a second. Okay, go ahead.

Because I was with you, Mike. I decided as a young boy I don't like Mike and Ikes. They were stupid. I didn't like them. Because they're bad. Yeah, 100%. Never liked them. And my wife started buying them, and I told her, I don't like them. They were stupid. I didn't like that. Because they're bad. Yeah, 100%. Never liked them. And my wife started buying them. And I told her, I don't like them. They're stupid. Get out of here

with your stupid Mike and Ikes. And then eventually, I don't know what happened, probably due to it having sugar and me being fat, I was like, I'm going to try these. And so I had some and I was like, oh, these are real good. Why didn't anybody ever tell me about Mike and Ikes? And based on the sweet tart ropes, the sour punch straws, I'm just telling you, Mike and Ikes are pretty good. You got to try them out. All right. Well, you knew about the sweet tart ropes,

so that does move you up a ring or two. I couldn't talk him into it. No, because you don't know about the sweet tart ropes, man. You're not in that club. I just spent $20 on them to get them here tonight. Come on, man. Yes, and after you eat them, you'll say, why would I ever eat Mike and Ikes when I can eat sweet tart ropes?

Why not both? I will take your word for that when you try some Mike and Ikes, because you decided that they were little licorice good and plenties, which is the kind of candy my grandmother's grandmother thought kind of sucked. So is it the same company that makes both? No. It has to be. Eventually it is because there's like one company that makes all these companies.

There's like three, right? Good and Plenty, Mars. Is bad and stupid. Yes. I mean, who wants Little Licorice covered that's before they knew they how to make candy they like oh what can we do we need something uh black licorice sure all right mike you're back up all right so with with my first pick here i get i will bookend it i get to close out my draft uh i will be, Al Borland says it's different companies.

So you're basically completely wrong in every way. That's all. You're wrong in every way. He's educating us. Good and Plenty's are Hershey and Mike and Ike's are Just Born. What's the Hot Tamale one? There's another one that's just like... That's true. Hot Tamale's are like Mike and Ike's more than

Good and Plenty's. And those are made by Just Born as well. The same as Mike and Ike. Makes sense. Use the same molds. Okay. That's what I always thought about good and plenty. And they also make Peeps, just so you know. Well, Peeps suck.

But anyway, move on. All right. So I will book in. I get to close on my draft. I get to take this. I figure this is far more up the. Cheese snacks. the realm of candies and they figured it out

because just like Starburst figured it out like here's the best flavor and they made a fruit variant of this candy and I will take Cherry Lifesavers because Cherry Lifesavers are the best of the bunch best of the fruit bunch I don't know why they sell the fruit packs of Lifesavers are the best of the bunch, best of the fruit bunch.

I don't know why they sell the fruit packs of Lifesavers because there's like coconut and like other trash in there. I don't know why they sell Lifesavers. They're so stupid. Honestly, if I had drafted Lifesavers, you would have buried me under the old man hat. You're darn right. Yeah, but I drafted cherry Lifesavers.

That might be more old man than anything else. A cherry hard candy. I'm not saying they're not good. They're very good. Lifesavers are great. I was staying away from them because my grandpa already drafted them. Yeah, see? You're worried. You're worried about your own personal brand. I'm over

here just letting people know who I am. You're flying. You're flying. It's not just to worry about his brand. It's also the fact that Andy knows that there are really good candies in existence. And Cherry Lifesavers is not. I'm looking at my list in hand. I don't see anything that needs to go above a Cherry Lifesaver. Not on your list.

I agree. But like all of Andy and I's. Oh, man. All right. What's your last and final pick? But like all of Andean eyes. Oh, man. All right. Why are we surprised that Mike's dessert takes today as opposed to the other hundred plus drafts that we've done? Why are we shocked, Jason? I'm shocked because we've had such agreement on the sweet tart ropes and the

sour punch straws. I'm starting to feel ashamed of myself. Honestly. We have done things like this with candy so much in Sour Punch straws. And I've always been the last with my last time through. I always take Sour Punch straws because they're one of my favorite candies and no one ever gives. I've never received any feedback. I figured you that was not even close to your radar, but you ended up drafting them.

So that kind of hosed me a little bit. So what I took cherry lifesavers all right with my last pick like i can get some name power but i don't i feel like there are so many other good fruit candies available right now so don't mess up i feel like we have really we're already to the bottom of the barrel here with fruit candies. My desk says we are not. Well, yeah, you have Mike and Ike people over there. Now, to be clear, you've never had a Mike and Ike before, right? No, to be clear, I had one, but it was a long time ago. I was seven years old.

It was pink and it was licorice. I was at the age when every piece of candy is supposed to be delicious and I ate Mike and X and I said, these are bad. You ate good and plenty. 100% ate good and plenty. Oh man. Maybe. I wish we were in studio and this could be a taste testing episode. That would be perfect.

That would have been fantastic. Alright, let's shut it down. Let's redo it. Alright, I will take man. One of them is right, I will take... Man. One of them is just... I like it a lot, but it's just too close to Fruit by the Foot.

So I don't think I could take it. But I will also take Airheads. Airheads. All right. That was going to be my next pick. Oh, we finally did it. I got one that you like. I love Airheads.

Yeah, Airheads. Those things are fantastic. Airheads are fantastic. Uh, airheads are, are very good. So, uh, with my last pick,

then I will go with a different one that I reached for very often, perhaps underrated by some. I love fruit candies. I've tried them all. Mentos are amazing. Mentos are delicious. I've never had a fruit Mentos. Mentos fruit are super underrated because they're not common.

Really? Yeah, they're actually real good. Yeah, they're outstanding. So I will go with Mentos to close it out. Fruit Mentos. Just a little peek behind the curtain. So we use Slack to communicate during the show to make sure we're all on point here. I take airheads.

Al Borland immediately says that airheads are wax. And our friend Brian, who is not – he's nowhere near us. He's not listening to this show. But he was in our chat within 10 seconds to defend the honor of airheads. So thank you, Brian, for having my back. He's got some alert. Airheads defend alert. Must defend airheads so thank you brian for having my back he's got some alert airheads defend alert yeah defend airheads that's um all right so i've got the final pick of the draft here i'm going to take a candy that i absolutely love that i know is polarizing and i look there's

a lot of things that oh no are polarizing that i understand i go It has more than four letters, right? Yes, but I would say most of these candies do. What candy has fewer than four letters? Let Jason finish, and then I'll explain the one I was afraid he was going to have. Oh, you were afraid I was going to go with Dots. Yes, I was. I was very afraid. I love Dots, and this I understand to be polarizing. Yeah, my wife loves Dots.

Is that your pick? No, it's not. In fact, it was going to be my pick, but I let fate decide. I opened the box of dots. I tried a dot, and I said, if it's stale, because that's a big problem with dots, I'm not going to pick it. And you said, this sucks. Why would I eat these? And it did.

But I'm telling you, when you get fresh ones, they're super good. But instead, I'm going with a candy that is polarizing. It shouldn't be. It's just outstanding. It's nothing but great. It's one of my absolute favorites. And some stupid people say they don't like it. I'm going with Swedish Fish, baby.

That's my wife's favorite candy in the land. Yeah, I mean, this deserves to be up there with everybody's favorite candy, and I don't understand how people cannot like Swedish Fish when it just tastes delicious. It's always a good texture. It's perfect. Look, let me tell you a Swedish fish story. Okay? You met one?

I grew up. Swedish fish were my favorite candy on the planet. Okay. I think that they're delicious. The flavor, it's unique. It's got a special little unique flavor to it. Jason's eating them right now. Quick question, Jason. Were all these candies on hand or did you prepare for this

episode? I mostly prepared. I plead the fifth. I plead the fifth. All right. One of the first things I did when I moved out of my house, moved out of my parents' house, was I got my own townhouse. And when you have your own place, you can get what you

want. You can eat what you want, right? I'm eating cookies for dinner, mom, and you can't stop me. Basically, it was that. I bought more Swedish fish than is acceptable. And I bought more red vines than is acceptable. And one night, I ate a lot of both of them and I puked my guts out. Oh, no. You ate enough candy to puke. I ate enough Swedish Fish to where I threw it all up, and from that moment on, I have not had another single Swedish Fish. Because from that...

You know how you can have a food destroyed by one bad experience? Swedish Fish were destroyed by that. But I did puke a lot of blood. Yeah, thanks. I didn't need the vomit to know that Swedish Fish should not be eaten. All right. Since that was a long and exciting draft mike has gushers fruit by the foot cherry lifesavers and airheads did you get did you guys figure out the uh the other fruit snack that's

like fruit by the foot that i wanted to draft um yeah it's the it's i mean it's just the sheet roll-ups yeah yeah, fruit roll-ups. You don't know what candy is. That's what I figured out during this draft. Jason has Starburst Sweet Tart Ropes, which I'll be getting soon. Sour Punch Straws and Swedish Fish. I have Sour Patch Kids Skittles, Mike and Ike's, and Fruit Mentos. I just like that I was willing to try the Sweet Tart Ropes,

and Mike wasn't willing to try Mike and Ike's for me. I can't believe that Jason took sweet tart ropes with his second pick. Andy, that should tell you everything. Why do you think I bought them? Jason knows a thing or two about a thing or two. In this world, Jason loves candy, and Jason loves winning these drafts at all costs. He will throw a family member under the bus to win a Spitballers draft. And yet he was willing to take Sweetheart's ropes with his second pick.

It's good analysis. Dots suck, so that was going to be one of my comments. Jolly Ranchers. I like. Old classic. Old classic. They're on my list i like jolly high shoes have you had high shoes high shoes are good mambas mambas are good mambas i always prefer the the chewy versus the hard um we didn't we didn't get with any gummy bears or gummy worms

but those are classics yeah yeah because they're fine and then what i need to know what are the what is the the the consensus feeling here on this show about now and laters dangerous yeah but delicious okay i think i just i feel exactly the same way i can't i think i just have too much respect for my teeth yeah to like it that's all it is you know when you're a kid and you've got teeth you're gonna lose go go after it you know enjoy them i've had now and laters and it mind you it was when the the sun and moon lined up at the exact same time wait yeah there you go there was an eclipse and i've had it we're like day one now and laters you got

them right off the box maybe right off of the assembly line because that's how they're put together uh and they are soft enough to where you get the flavor and the chewing and they don't pull all your teeth out that is possible that i've had it happen one time nobody believes me i didn't take any pictures but it did happen um but i think that wraps it up that's a lot of fruit candies al are there any that we forgot that are like your favorites uh give me some gummy worms all right all right you like good and plenty's because they suck at all they suck okay yeah i anybody who ordered look there are certain candies if people went to the store and they bought them on the way out the fbi should haul you away and send you off to

an island i mean if you're somebody buying good and plenty's please don't listen to this show please don't do it i would just go appreciate you you know find know, find another podcast. Find another podcast. Go find the Werther's Original People and get on with your life. All right. I'd rather eat a caramel than a good plenty. Let's say goodbye. What did we learn today? I learned that Mike does not know what candy is.

Yeah, I was going to say that Mike does not know what fruit snacks are either. But I will go with I learned that CBS will not be sponsoring our podcast in the future. Oh, man. All right, Mike, did you learn anything today? You learned that Mike and Ike's aren't good in Plenty's. I know you learned that. Yeah. learn anything today you learn that mike and ike's aren't good in plenties i know you learned that i yeah that i mean if i learned anything it is is definitely that two companies make those candies even though they are both similar in size texture and uh dare i say deliciousness oh no both are not good oh no okay we've got a lot we've all got ways that we can grow in our in our candy knowledge i'm

gonna grow tonight with those sweet tart ropes. I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to grow whiter with all the candy on my desk. We're all going to grow with sweet tart ropes, my man. That's right. All right, gummy worms coming in from Al. All right, that'll do it for today's episode of the Spitballers Podcast. Once again, thank you for listening, supporting.

Let us know how we're wrong on YouTube, if you'd like, on Twitter. And we'll listen for a minute, and then we'll do another show. No, we won't. But thanks for listening. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. We'll see you next time.