Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Plumbing Problems & The Best Veggies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Spit Hit for February 17, 2022: Today’s show is packed full of laughs. We debate important choices like: poison belly button darts vs. corrosive acid spit and cooking naked vs. peeing barefoot. We also have a question from a listener that could land Andy in some hot water with the wifey. We close this show out with a draft of The Best Veggies. And yes, we know that is an oxymoron. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit Wads kick off 2022 with a better checking account with no monthly fees. Chime, an award-winning app and debit card, has no overdraft fees, foreign transaction fees, monthly fees, or service fees. With over 60,000 fee-free in-network ATMs at many locations like Walgreens, 7-Eleven, CVS, you can access your money when you need it, where you need it. You can also send money to anyone even if they aren't even on Chime, fee-free for you and no cash-out fees for them. Make your first good decision of the new year. Join over 10 million people using Chime.

Sign-up takes only two minutes. It doesn't affect your credit score. Get started at Chime.com slash Ballers. That's Chime.com slash Ballers. Banking services provided by a debit card issued by the bank corp bank or stride bank in a member's fdic get fee free transactions at any money pass atm in a 7-eleven location or any all point or visa plus alliance atm otherwise out of network atm withdrawal fees may apply sometimes pay anyone instant transfers can be delayed the recipient

must use a valid debit card or be a CHIME member to claim funds. Spayboards on today's show. Those classic age-old questions are answered. Talking about things like, I don't know, poison belly button darts versus corrosive acid spit. Oh, you know, cooking naked versus peeing barefoot. Just run of the mill stuff that everybody is asking themselves. Do not miss a moment. Make sure you subscribe and tell your friends.

Enjoy the show. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Yes! Okay, so here's, I want to give a review there because I actually think that was a great skat. You came in hot.

You still got the Badingi in there, which is your trademark at this point, but it wasn't just a Badingi. That was just a solid skat. I'm very impressed. I changed my direction at the last second, too, for what it's worth. I did not have any of that prepared in my mind.

I was going to do a little potato, potato, tomato, tomato joke with what we've got going on on today's show. But instead, you're like, I'm going to take the path more traveled. Well, the Badingi is the exclamation point on a newly created sentence. But you need to, I mean, I want to really. How do we not have a shirt, a Badingi shirt? I would have. Just Andy shouting Badingi.

I never would have brought it today, but you guys said it 400 times before the show, and I just felt like I would let you down. No, but the world needs to know, how do you feel? Because it was fully organic. This wasn't like a bunch of writers in a room with a sitcom where like this this character has to have a trademark they got to have a catchphrase but you created your own and your catchphrase is in fact badingy how does that make you feel how do you you feel about that? In the grand scheme of life, pretty bad.

But in the context of this show alone, really good. It's all relative. Like on this show, I'm feeling pretty cozy with the Bedingi. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. That's the first time that phrase has ever been uttered in the world. By a human being in the history of the world. We've done it. It feels great.

Would you rather, Jason explains, that's a great question and a draft today jason just found out that he's doing a jason explains today yes i did and well congratulations to the listeners they're gonna learn a lot i was gonna say it really doesn't matter if you're surprised by the fact that segment exists because you'll be surprised by the topic regardless. Not really, Andy. I have studied at length nearly every possible outcome. It's like a Jeopardy. Yes, knowledge base. Someone that goes on Jeopardy. They spend a lot of time studying every possible topic category.

I'm prepped. I'm ready for this. Yeah, because you've seen the studies. Exactly, Mike. I saw that bouncing around this week on twitter the old i've seen the studies to sound smart comment at spitballers pod on twitter send us your draft ideas send us your would you rather questions whatever segment ideas you have al borland would love to hear them al what is your twitter handle i think that's really where I would like them to connect with ideas. What is your handle?

At Producer Borland. That's easy. That's easy. You'll see him pop up. He looks like an owl. The website, spitballerspod.com. You can click the Become a Spitwad button. Support the show. A big thank you to all of our Spitwads out there. The community is growing and is awesome. You guys

are great. We appreciate you. Yeah. well said. Well said. I was actually doing a spittoon, but I guess bedingy is kind of the sound that a spittoon makes anyways. It's the sound my spittoon would make.

It is. That's meta. What just happened? Ridiculous. Alright, let's do some Would You Rather. What just happened? Ridiculous. All right, let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather?

All right. Our first question comes in from Jared on Patreon, one of our Spitwild supporters. And by the way, today's draft is disgusting. Let me just say that. Oh, it's awesome. I genuinely thought this was awesome. This is a great draft. I can't wait for it.

I'm just not happy to have the first pick in this draft. There's some reverse psychology going on from Jason, and I don't like it. I'm tilting. All right, Jared wants to know, would you rather know how to play one song on every instrument or know how to play every song on one instrument? Okay, a jack of all trades or a master of one? on every instrument or know how to play every song on one instrument? Okay. A jack of all trades or a master of one.

I feel a little bad that I don't... I'm just kind of indifferent on this question. What? How could you be indifferent about... This is 100... I don't even have to think about this. I mean, it would be every song on one instrument. That would be my answer.

What? Yeah. I'm with Mike here. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I heard you wrong because I was instrument. That would be my answer. What? Yeah. I'm with Mike here. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I heard you wrong because I was reading it at the exact same time. Yes. It's every song on one instrument.

I'm not with Mike here. That way I could take, like, I want to be the guy on the piano or the guy on the guitar that can take requests and play every single song that everybody ever asks. I mean, that would be cool. But the fact that I, the other one feels like a parlor trick. It's like, now watch me play something on this. And that's 100% what it is. And now I can't,

I'm not claiming, I'm like, I can play like a Beethoven symphony on every instrument. But when you learn how to play just a couple instruments and you understand how music works you can play like hot crust buns i can play that on any instrument you give me

i'll be able to figure out how to play one song it doesn't make it good i mean like i can make the instrument do something but to be a master of one instrument is like that is that is everything you you will go from it a guitar player to a maestro you are now you get that title maestro plus plus you you if you're in the other boat and i'll let jason way in but if you're in the other boat here comes chopsticks you finish the one even if it's even if it's a good song if if you play it well, then somebody goes, give me another. And you go, ooh. And it's just one. What if it's like.

I got nothing else. What if it's just like, call me maybe. Or some terrible one hit wonder pop song. Give me a bassoon. Look, here comes more Carly Rae Jepsen. Call me maybe. You guys are, you have this so wrong. Can you fix this? Correct us. you have this so wrong can you fix this

you have this so first of all we're not playing hot cross buns but sure it's just a regular song right i'm not a master give me the song give me the song uh more than words by extreme okay okay i picked that because that's the only song that i know how to play on the guitar i can play super jazz you could do that on a flute no i mean i mean here's but that's the only song that I know how to play on the guitar. It could be super jazz. You could do that on a flute. No. I mean, but here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't want my career to be as a pianist or as a guitar player.

Mike, you're a musician. You grew up wanting to be on a stage. Yeah, and look at me now. Which makes me feel good about my choice by the way that the musician agrees with me be on a stage but you wanted to be in a band right like right you want to be a rock star and so yeah being a master of one thing has purpose there but i think it would what you just talked about a minute ago as musician i i have no musical ability instrument ability at all outside of more than words by Extreme

on a Guitar. And really, it's only a single part of it. That's still fine. That's still pretty good. But the knowledge of many instruments to me is far more exciting because this isn't something I want to have be a career or even a desire to be like a super hobby of mine. But I think being able to pick up any instrument in the world and play a song would impress everyone.

I'm all about the parlor trick life. Give me. Now, I got to follow up with this question. I can see you choosing that one for sure. I got to follow up with this question. Jason, how many different instruments are you finding when you go visit somebody's house? Look.

Take piano and guitar out of this equation. What instruments are you seeing? Oh, look at that violin on the wall. That is the big problem with this. It's like, okay, how many? I mean, maybe a drum set. You go over. Oh, there's a drummer.

Maybe that one's out there. And then you got the bass. It's not, oh, there's a drummer. Maybe that one's out there. And then you got the bass. It's not a guitar. It's a bass. The great news is you can play more than words on the drums, Jason, because there's no drums, right? So now I already in real life can play more than

words on two different instruments. Maybe I read this question wrong, but I was actually reading it as you can play one song on every instrument but it doesn't necessarily have to be the same song right each instrument you can play a song so does that make a difference to you at all if if every instrument you could play a different song it's a little bit different it makes it look if you're if you're in a place where there are multiple instruments and you're going from one to the next playing different songs, that is super impressive.

That could be cool for a concert if you set them all out and then you went from one song to the next song on a different instrument. You could get away with that. But wait a minute. People would be like, he's a maestro. They might think you're a maestro. If you could play 10 instruments, 10 different songs, you could be maestro. you're a maestro if you could play 10 instruments 10 different songs you could be maestro would you rather everyone think of you as a maestro or be a maestro but nobody knows it i'd rather everybody think of me as maestro i'm gonna be honest i i figured it out art and this is the look i know

this is not gonna land so i'm really hoping Producer Borland is in my camp. Do you guys know the classical masterpiece Peter and the Wolf? I've heard of it. Yeah, I mean, I've heard of it. Not off the top of the dome. The Bowie song? The what? Bowie? No, no, not Bowie.

You would know it if you heard it. Well, you are right, right mike you said this isn't gonna land i know but i know that look here the best part is i know that two people out there listening are like oh heck yeah i know that's my maestro it's it's an orchestra piece and i'm just saying like if you could play that one piece but but play all the individual parts that might be pretty when i first heard this question, I knew I wanted to be able to play one song on every instrument, but walking through it, I'm lying.

You have to play one instrument the best because there just aren't enough instruments. Because literally, okay, I could play a whole song on a trumpet. Nobody wants to hear me play. You know what I mean? Like, a trumpet is a piece of a band and maybe a solo moment, but I don't want to listen to a whole song on a trumpet. How many instruments do you want to hear a whole song on one instrument?

Here's what I got. A violin, a piano, a guitar. See, I don't know if I want to hear a whole song on a violin. Maybe. A violin is great. A saxophone. A violin is a sensational instrument. A saxophone.

Thank you. But like, if, you know, I mean, I'm not going to get out there in a tuba. Oh, man. No, there are. A tuba. And play a song. Like, whoa. Was that more than words?

All right. We got to move on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm finishing. right we gotta move on hold on hold on hold on finish it in the uh in a go from the website yeah that's the that's the conclusion it's all i ever need for you to i want you i want you singing it in between you're setting up the nose i take a breath from the tuba. More than words. Would you rather be able to shoot tranquilizer darts out of your belly button or... Oh, okay.

I'm listening. This is quite a question here. I'm listening. This one's getting wild. Shoot tranquilizer darts out of your belly button or have corrosive acid spit. Now, I presume that this corrosive...ive yeah it doesn't burn you jason yes i mean it doesn't burn your mouth at least if you spit on your leg you might hurt yourself is this uh 100 of the time because if i if i can shoot trink darts out my belly button i'm choosing when this happens but yeah but it's

not happening on accident but i'm saying oops my bad i am so sorry you're gonna wake up just fine but like sometimes you gotta spit you know like i'm not i'm yeah and you got to be careful in this situation because you've got acid for spit. Yeah. Can you? Maybe I'm overthinking things. Classic Mike. This is bad for your dentist. This is bad for your dentist. I mean, practicality is what you got to think about here.

How often have I needed a trank dart in my life? I would say zero times so far. Now, I'm still holding out hope that I need to use a trank at some point. I mean, I'm honestly thinking like I've never had a confrontation with a grizzly bear, so that's out. I haven't been in a fight where I'd like to trank Jason, but I would like to

if I was in a fight. But my acid spit seems like more often used. You might need to dissolve something or you might need to cut something apart that is made of metal and you're spit. Okay, hold on. What happens if you're bleeding on your arm?

And we all do it. We all lick it. You put the wound right in your mouth. Have you just damaged yourself further? Yeah, you probably have. I feel like this question needs 100 immunity you have to be immune your body okay to to your body because otherwise you know you can't do that that being said i'm go ahead i'm going trank dart here because i do feel like the applications they're more infrequent.

You're not going to use this a lot. But when you need a trank dart. I don't know, man. I just thought of something. Let's say I'm out camping, right? And a wild pack of boards coming. I don't have my spear. What am I going to do? Trank darts.

No, no. But check this out, man. Let's say, as we've done with the fantasy footballers, we gotta go on a road trip. Peace out. I'm going to sleep, because I'm shooting myself. Oh, you're tranking yourself.

I'm shooting myself with the trank dart. I would like to be able to trank myself, actually. I would do it every night. It's time for sleep. I'm out. Do you just lay down and then shoot it straight up? No, you shoot it right in your arm, Jason. You lay on your back.

It's not hard. You shoot it up and you turn over and it lands on your booty. Yeah. That's how you do it. That's the ticket. Boop. Your room is just littered with tranquilizers. Here's the thing.

Sometimes I'm thinking of Breaking Bad. If you're a serial murderer or something, you might need to dispose of a body, but that would be really slow if it was just like... You got to fill a bathtub up with your spit? All right. I got rid of one of his fingers. I need something sour, so I start salivating here.

Yeah. Some lemon candy. What a weird question. What a weird one. What a weird one. Final answer then. Mike is taking the trank darts. I'm taking the trank darts.

I'm taking the trank darts. All right. We're all just tranking each other. Yeah. We all have it. We're not getting much done, because as soon as we see each other, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Brooks from Patreon, would you rather have a resting angry face or an over-the-top super cheesy grin on every photo taken of you?

I'm attacked. All your photos are angry face, Mike, or super cheesy grin person. Look, man, I got a resting angry face. What makes a grin cheesy? What makes it go from a smile to a cheesy grin? What does that term mean? So we have in the right household, ours is different than what Jason's doing on the YouTube, which is youtube.com slash spitballers if you want to see what he's doing.

We have this thing called the Christmas smile. I don't know how it got its name. The lore is lost in the history of rights, but it is the biggest smile you can do. It is wide open mouth. And you are trying to show as much teeth as you possibly can. And when you see the smile you're like it's not like a a joker it's not over the top joker smile of like well maybe he's smiling

because he's an insane it's no it's just this person is clearly disingenuously happy in this photo right now disingenuously happy yes that's what that's what the christmas smile is all about yeah i mean look this is basically saying would you these are outliers in both extremes right on on one hand you're saying people look at you and they think you're maybe mean or unhappy or grouchy and And on the other hand, they go, Oh, you know, whatever cheesy is because it's relative, it would always be cheesy to whoever's viewing it. That person is probably a little bit annoying in, in like in a two chipper fake type of way that these are the preconceived judgments that you're going to give this person.

But if I have to choose one of those outliers i would rather someone think about me as like too over the top happy just photos i'm reading it now this is photos and okay look this is a perfect time to bring this up because we're an open family here on the spitballers podcast. This is in photos. I just talked about the Christmas smile. Al Borland, in every photo I have ever seen on Facebook, is doing the Christmas smile. And we don't judge him negatively for it. That's true.

He's just doing it. I feel like you just did judge me negatively. We did just judge him negatively for it. You're not wrong, though. I do do the open mouth, cheesy smile in every photo ever taken of me. Yes, you do. We have a friend that always does the slightly more seductive smile on accident. No matter what picture.

Is that me? Well, you did do that as well. And it's exactly, it's when you tilt your head a little too a little too forward oh man i don't i do not like it it's a head tilt issue and too much tilt too much tilt all right i don't like it yeah jason's last fantasy footballer's picture was a little more seductive than we wanted it to be then he wanted then he wanted it to be here's the thing i don't have a resting angry face right mike you do i don't i the thing i don't have a resting angry face right mike you do i don't i don't i don't know what it's like did you say i do as though that was a

surprise no he's well aware well aware of it look what okay which we all got our things let me let me uh frame the question this way what's more likely to get you a meeting in uh hr the arresting angry face with a cheesy grin as your former boss mike i could tell you it is a resting angry face because everybody thought you were so mad at them at all he's so people came to me and said is mike mad at me and i said no i had to have conversations with others and with Mike about it. I'm like, my bad, guys. My bad. He just looks angry.

It's just my face. It's just my darn face. I will say this. I remember there was one family photo session. You know how you always get family. Every year you got one or two family photo sessions. And every couple of years you get extended extended family in it you get these big gatherings yada yada yada this is a long time ago probably like 10 years ago there was one family photo

session where I was look I you don't want to be around me that day that was a bad day it was partly because of the photos I was an angry. I was a very, it was apparent. I don't have a normal resting angry face, but in those photos, dude, I look like, I mean, it is not a photo. I would much rather look cheesy than look like how I was in those photos, which is just a super angry, mean guy in the family that's like is the family okay because this i mean i look just monstrous because i was i'm picking the i want to be cheesy and happy and over the top of people can be annoyed by me it's yeah all right uh let's go to one more

dustin from twitter would you rather always have to cook naked or go to the bathroom barefoot well this is easy yeah i don't cook enough to mike's would be naked all day long that's what i'm saying like i don't look great news everybody i don't need to invest in pants or underpants. Or shirts. I have a confession. Or socks. I have a confession. Oh, we're an open family here. I just said it. Let's hear it.

I love being naked. I just love it. And it's true. And I'm telling you. I take it all back. I'm just saying. No. Dad's making pancakes again yes no it's i'm just saying like

when sometimes when the the kids are all asleep and you know i'm just free so now i get to i get to cook and have a nice time the problem is is the amount of meals. Meals are in the daytime a lot. I'm not going to be daytime naked. That's outlandish. I mean, I would want to be. Let's say this. What is wrong with you? No, here's really what the confession is.

When my children go off to college and grow up and they're gone, I don't know that I will ever wear clothes. I just... I'm in the privacy of my own house so that's look i'm taking there are things that we do in life that affect others jason well here's here's the thing when you when you're when you don't have clothes on you you often see yourself in the mirror wearing no clothes and you go wearing nothing and you go huh that's unfortunate i'm not in the best shape of my life huh well what you don't know about this future when his kids are all moved away is his blinds are closed the lights are off he's naked but it's dark it's dark inside the blinds are closed the lights are on and i'm

living my best life i'm not going to allow you to speak anymore about anything other than a new a new topic spit wads how about you experience full plates and full wallets with America's Best Value Meal Kit? I'm talking about every plate. Every plate delivers pre-portioned ingredients, easy-to-follow recipe cards right to your door so you can spend less time prepping and cooking and spend more time enjoying good food. I just made an every plate meal last night. It was chef's kiss

delish. While most meal kits come with a premium price tag, every plate offers tasty dinners that won't break the bank. You can choose between seven recipes that change each week. Swap out your proteins, your veggies, your sides to your liking. Work smarter, not harder. Let EveryPlate plan, shop, deliver everything you need. Think of it this way. One meal from EveryPlate is about the same price as one cup of coffee. This is the way to do it. EveryPlate cuts out the trips to the grocery store. You're going to love it. You could try EveryPlate for just $1.79 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com and entering the code BALLERS179. Again, you can try EveryPlate for just $1.79 per meal by going to EveryPlate.com and entering code BALLERS179.

Ballers 179. Jason explains in 60 seconds. Please be clothing. Owl. All right, Jason, you have 60 seconds to explain. Teach us. Oh, gosh. Indoor plumbing.

Oh, this is great. I'm actually an expert at indoor plumbing. Thank goodness. So indoor plumbing, which originally started with aqueducts and the creation of a downhill water source that could allow water to pipe upward into a home, that's where it originally started. Now, in the modern day, you have cities that gigantic uh water factories that have machines that pump the water so that it's pressurized and so indoor plumbing has allowed water to come into your home and um what it does so the ad the invention of the toilet right was a big deal because outhouses had

no plumbing to them they were just basically holes in the ground so as soon as we got water inside we thought oh you want to know what i can do in this water i can poop and pee in it and let it carry my poop and pee away and that was really the genesis of why indoor plumbing was necessary that was secondary to that were showers um here's the other thing that you need to know about indoor plumbing oh good um is that water pressure is based on the height of the water source so if your water source this is why you see water towers that are elevated when you go oh yeah yeah yeah the towers themselves are elevated yeah yeah yeah we don't have them here but the midwest has

water towers yeah they lift the towers up. Old timey. Now it's all pressurized with machines. Bad water pressure in the Midwest. But what is important here is that the water pressure has allowed us, as a race, to wash our poop and pee away. Okay. That's true. It's really everything you need to know about indoor plumbing. It's everything I needed to know in 60 seconds, that's for sure.

The only other thing I would add just as a tip. This isn't something you need to know, but as a tip, don't fix indoor plumbing problems yourself. Okay. Call a professional. That's good advice at the end of that. Even though I feel educated enough to do it at this point, I won't attempt it thanks to that caution.

It ends up on a good note but i had a situation with my plumbing with my shower where the handle started to get a little bit sketchy of like you couldn't sometimes it didn't turn the water off and things came to a head on thanksgiving when the shower would not turn off so you just have a full running shower this is the shower funny guess whose phone rang that day i didn't get there yet, man. You were going to get the credit. Take it easy. All right, carry on. So my shower is just full blast, pumping out all my hot water. It's on Thanksgiving Day. We're supposed to be leaving for Thanksgiving lunch slash dinner, whatever you want to call it, and it's Thanksgiving. What do you do?

We had to turn the water off to the entire house and then owl borland got a phone call could have called jason too he would have let you know why that's happening i would have stayed in the shower jason jason would have told me he'd be like you should uh i got a great idea i'm like you should call jeremy yes that's what i would have said do you actually turn your shower off at all j or do you let it run all the time because you take the road it's just on 24 no i turn it off at bedtime when i go to bed i turn it off but when i get up i turn it on i get in i want i mean what happens if i have to get in a shower and it's not warm yet. You know what I mean?

It makes a lot of sense, too, with being naked all the time. That's great. All right. Man, if you were nude all the time, just jump in and out. In and out. In and out. It's so healthy for the environment. Let's move on.

That's a great question. What Jason doesn't know is all of his water at his house, it's a closed loop. So he's been showering in the same water for a long time. Oh, like the recycled air in the car? You've been showering in the same water for a long time, bro. That's not good. That is not good. That explains the sickness.

That explains a lot. All right. That's a great question time. Tiffany from twitter has a question for us what is one food that you will never be able to get yourself to eat and why never be able to get yourself to eat two of them come to mind for me are you both gonna say sweet potatoes oh it's disgusting and course, no, because here's the thing with sweet potatoes. I do try them from time to time. It's like I hated guacamole. It was the most disgusting thing I could think of.

It was one of the only foods in my life where I would say, not only do I not like it, but I don't understand how others could like people who like it. Yeah. Well, it was like, you know, I get it. I'll taste something. I don't like this, but I get how people could like it. Salt and vinegar chips. They're not my favorite, but I totally get how people could love it. Oh, man, they're so good.

Exactly, and I get that. But with guacamole, it's like it looks disgusting. Its texture is disgusting. It tastes disgusting. And then one day I found out guacamole is the best thing on the planet because I kept trying it over and over. Sweet potatoes could do that someday. Like baseball.

Yeah. Oh baseball. Yeah. Oh, come on. You almost got me to say yes there. I'm learning more and more about Jason from this show and life that if you don't like something, if it's not your thing, it's completely, you demonize it instantaneously. Just demonic things. Yes. Baseball, sweet potatoes yeah so um

no but the the last one the battlestar galactica where you oh the doctor who doctor who people and herds yeah they're totally but battlestar people oh they're awesome outstanding citizens absolutely no you see right through me um Baseball is the guacamole of sports. No, baseball is the eggplant of sports. Oh, nice. That's a great call. That's the one. That's a great call.

Because eggplant's texture when cooked is snot good. It's not good. It is snot good. It's disgusting. And when you bread it and put Parmesan and you put... What are you... It's just like spaghetti. No.

It's like disgusting snot-filled spaghetti. Eggplant is disgusting, and I will never, ever like it. I think I could not eat anchovies, to be honest with you. That's a good one. I've never tried them, but the thought of it grosses me out. Yeah. Because they're like full fish, right? Beets are awful.

Beets are bad. That was the other one on my list. Bad beets. They're nice. They're mostly bad. What I will say about anchovies is for the vast majority of my life, I had a very strict, For the vast majority of my life, I had a very strict, nothing from the ocean, two to four legs. If they got them and they're animals, I'm probably going to eat them.

That rules out a lot of the things from the ocean, such as oversized insects like lobsters and crabs. I don't know if people realize what they actually are, but you shrink those things way down and it's just a bug. That's fair. So it's insane that people are like, yeah, I want to eat that. They're delicious. But I eventually moved. I always hear crickets get a bad name in terms of eating food. So maybe bugs are underrated.

I hear that a good fried cricket is yeah is fine um what are those uh cicada the really really annoying bugs yeah i've never called it that but i know what you're talking about yeah you've done what do you call it a cicada is that what you said jace i mean to go to the tape jason what did i say you said cicada oh okay oh i thought you said it with a z i thought he said the cicada and i was like oh that's new sounds delicious whatever it's a really annoying bug but people eat them you know so back to the point is uh i had this rule and then one day i was just like i'm going for it man i'm I'm trying sushi. And it was rough. I'm not going to lie.

The first time I ate sushi, the texture, everything was like I had this mental block of the second it went in my mouth. Raw. Raw. I wanted to project it out. But we got there. We got there. Sushi, it's great. So good.

And now, like, I full on eat the sashimi. Like, I will just pick up a raw piece of fish and i will eat it and i will never ever ever eat mushrooms those things freaking suck they are the worst they taste bad what a great question the texture of them is terrible everything about mush and i have given mushrooms i've given them their fair shake like uh people love uh pepperoni mushroom pizza i have tried multiple times and i just cannot get behind it the worst there were two foods that when i was growing up i just couldn't understand how people liked one was guacamole the other was mushrooms because it's like it's literally my man

every mushroom i've ever eaten was on accident. It tastes like rubber. And I've gotten over that. It was not on purpose. I've gotten over that. I can have a cream of mushroom soup. If mushrooms are on my pizza, I'm not taking them off. I'll eat it.

But they're not. Why? Why are we doing this? They're just a rubbery piece. She adds them to every burger that she gets if she can. She loves mushrooms. But why? She's a psychopath.

Ah, there it is. We got there. All right. That was a good question, and we're going to come back to some of these topics in our draft. Alan from Patreon, what is one thing you absolutely refuse to spend a lot of money on, even though everyone around you does? Oh, my goodness. This is a fantastic question i don't

know i'm sure al have you thought about this one at all uh the first thing that came to mind and you'll have to tell the story but is a garbage disposal well that was i feel so out of the loop with this story no this story is that i i may may have brought up in mixed company that I don't think my wife has ever actually used a garbage disposal. And it was said in a tongue-in-cheek way where no matter what house we've ever been at, I am stuck. Like, you know the trap? This is indoor plumbing. Everything's coming full circle. You got a stinky drain.

You know the drain trap will catch food in it if you don't use the disposal to cut the food up. If you just pour food into your sink, you will then have food that gets stuck in your trap. So it's kind of a running... It's not a joke, but I don't know what it is. A running jab? I am watching a grown man bury himself alive right now and it's so great

it's one of the i mean 14 years happily married is one of those things three feet that has always been a problem is i teach her you should probably grind the food up so i don't have to dig it out instead of being able to watch tv tonight oh no i've had to clean the trap out like a million times but this became a thing where her only wait no no okay no go ahead ask any question you want pause the story right here yeah define cleaning out the trap this is like yes this is a 45 minute commitment to going under the sink removing everything under the sink this is removed this is pipe removal. This is taking the trap out, dump all the food into a bucket,

everything smells like mushrooms, and then you're in a... My mind is exploding right now. I've done that at least 10 times. I've never even considered doing that. No, I've never done it either. This is why I'm much more like Al than you think. Okay,, continue. So here's the reason why we're wondering whether or not it is, as Andy claims, the wife's inability to use the garbage disposal properly, or as the wife claims, a really bad garbage disposal.

She was scrambling and decided to blame me for not spending up on a garbage disposal. Here's the thing. Okay. Okay. The other side. See, even if you're rich, even if you have the best garbage disposal, Here's the thing. Okay, okay. The other side. See, even if you're rich, even if you have the best garbage disposal, you still have to press the on button. That's all I'm saying. You do have to push the on button to use it, but here's the thing.

The garbage disposal, since I know everything about indoor plumbing, it has a very small hole that leads to the trap. You can't get big food through there. That's why when you put food in your sink, it will back up until you use the garbage disposal. It just can't get through until you use it. Math checks out. But there are foods you're not supposed to put in there. Sure, and maybe that's the problem.

Like chicken skins and fish skins. Yeah, but you were also saying you didn't use a lemon and a lime and those are common things that you put in a garbage disposal i think we all agree hold on is crazy i have i i thought that lemons and rinds and stuff were supposed to go down there they are i have been told recently that that is actually bad for the garbage disposal i know i know it it makes it it cleans the scent up and makes a fresh kitchen but i've i have heard that rinds are not proper to go down the garbage anyways i've spent up i've spent down i've been in four houses and uh i think that that

is not in the category of things that I wouldn't. I'd be willing to spend money on the sink. What do they call it? The insinkerator or something like that? I mean, we're talking the big boy. Just incinerates the food right there. Yeah, it'll blow it apart. I will say this.

In one of my houses, the kitchen, the garbage disposal, it went out. It flooded everything. It was a giant disaster. And this was, I'm sure, just like stock, whatever. Whoever built the house, they put this cheap piece of crap in there. I went out. I got myself. You spend up?

I got a serious garbage disposal. And this thing kicks so much butt, man. It's so worth the money. I could have taken a human. I could have taken a full-grown man and just dropped him right in, and it would have been gone. He would have evaporated into a million pieces. You don't need that saliva.

Is there something, though, that, like... I feel like this is a question for one of our other employees, Papa Josh, you know, but it would be like all things. Is there something that jumps in your mind, Jay, that you will not spend money on? I have racked my brain here to find something I won't spend money on that other people do. And I can't think of one thing. I'm usually more the opposite. I am less of a frugal person and more of a try to get the best of a wagyu man. I'm more of a wagyu steak type of man.

Oh, he connected you on pronunciation. Yeah, I mean, look, if it's into the body, barbecue, barbecue. Yes. Bougie Jason. That's darn right. It's guilty as charged. I know things that you have to spend up on. We've talked about that.

No cheaping out on toilet paper. Mike, have you moved up to Albuquerque tuna? Look, I did. I moved up, and the honest truth is I moved back down. Come on. So there's an answer. I moved back down. I think this is the way it's funny

i just had this conversation with my wife because she's like we're putting the groceries in do you want which one do you want and i think you're a chunk you're a chunk light man i think it the albacore is like white meat and i'm And I'm a dark meat guy. It's juicier. It's got better flavor. It's not dry. I was shocked by how much I disliked the albacore compared to what I was raised on. Yeah, I totally know what you mean.

Yes, okay. Wait, I'm paying an extra dollar for the white meat? I felt like an idiot. I buy albacore every time. But Mike also mixes his with like Easy Mac. Oh, heck yeah. It's another confession time. And this is not my

confession. In fact, I'm very disappointed to confess that my wife now every time that we have in the last two months, which is twice made SpaghettiOs, she chooses to put cottage cheese on it because of Mike's disgusting habits. So, literally, she prefers SpaghettiOs with cottage cheese now.

And I think we're going to get through it. I think we're going to stay. I mean, we're 15 years in. You will because soon you, too, will be adding the cottage cheese. I threw a dollop on again the other day, because I had to try it. She kept saying, I'm like, all right, I'll try it again. No way is it better. No planet is it better.

Yeah. She moved up the hierarchy. So next is tuna and easy look i don't want it to be easy mac it's just easier that's why it's called easy mac if i can get a properly made blue box and go tuna into the blue box oh chef's kiss just right into the box? Do you eat it out of the box? Come on, come on. Don't do this. Don't straw man me. All right.

Let's go to one more here. Hugh from the website. If you were thrown back in time 2,000 years, how would you take advantage of your modern day knowledge? Indoor plumbing would be immediately installed. My aqueducts would be coming downhill. My water would be raised up. Why are these uphill aqueducts would be coming downhill uh my water would be raised up why are these uphill aqueducts not working that's what they said that was their problem 2000 years ago medicine medicine comes to mind the idea the idea of modern i mean i don't know

you're asking me practically to tell you how here was my real answer like i started to go through it like man i i got it i got it and then the answer is i just die i i die because i can't google anything i don't know what information i actually have to offer i can't build fire i can't make penicillin you don't even know you could take your sink apart i mean at at the end of the day- Yeah, I can't turn on my- My medical knowledge- I can't turn on the disposal? My medical knowledge would help me to stop people from doing wrong things to me more than it would help me medicating myself in the right way.

Okay, no leeches. Yeah, no leeches or no, yeah, that ceremony where you put that blood on me is not good. Let's not do that. I i'm from the future i know that that's not gonna work out i am not about trying to make that life better my life 2 000 years ago look it sucks okay i'm living in a hut or you know walk i don't have shoes i don't know what it's like but it's not the comfort i live in now so here's what i do i go jason's concerned about i go find shoes i think it's a pretty big concern if you don't have them um i go find the absolute smartest men alive on the planet and i tell them things that i know to be true i tell them about a squared

i tell them that the world is round. And I agree. Equals C squared. I got that one on lockdown. You know what I mean? Like I tell them that the world is absolutely round and I can prove it by mapping the stars. And all I'm doing because I can't map the stars. No, no, no, no, no.

Jason just got burned at the stake as a witch. No, no, no. You can't prove anything. That's my point that's why i started by saying i'm gonna go find the smartest brightest minds in the world at that time and i'm gonna go tell them i'm smarter than them i'm gonna make them solve it for me but i'm gonna tell them i'll you know here's here's what i know to be true do you know i want to see if you can find it and then i get credit in the history books for creating all of those things.

I would start digging for oil, I think, maybe, or gold. Do you guys know where any gold was found? That'd be where I'd head 2,000 years ago before somebody found it. I don't know where gold is. I don't know. Dig for gold? I don't know where it's at. San Francisco?

You'd have to adjust your lifestyle a little bit, Jay jay jason i'm gonna test your knowledge here okay who figured out that uh we went around the sun instead of instead of the sun who figured that out i no i didn't ask you andy galileo uh i don't know there's i don't know there's copernicus it's copernicus okay i shouldn't do you know when that was shoot was it more than 2 000 years ago no uh that was 500 exactly you weren't you were not getting what you think you're getting 2 000 years ago it took a long time no no no there's no science 2 000 years ago yes because science is i hit things with a rock and they die you want to buy a donkey which says as advanced as they got you're you're crazy you're crazy there were great minds back is your goal though just to to put a bow on it is your go is your goal then to

spark the intellectuals of 2000 years ago to give them a head start is that the goal that was you think you could give them a head start i want to give them a i want to give them a head start but solely for my credit i want my name in the history but look aristotle was taught by jason right aristotle was taught by plato and plato gets a lot of credit for what Aristotle's done. I'm going to get credit for teaching Plato, and Aristotle and Plato, they're from my coaching tree. It's all about credit. It's all about your coaching tree.

Well, there's no comfort back there, so I got to get in the history books. All right. Fair enough. Yeah. Maybe that's the key. You go back 2,000 years, get as many things named after you as possible. Exactly right. Discover. That's new lakes. Lakes many things named after you as possible. Exactly right. Discover.

That's new lakes. Lakes could be named after you. Monuments. That'll work. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. Oxymoronic draft today. We're drafting the best vegetables.

Oh, are you kidding me? No, I am not kidding you. Vegetables are abhorrent and unlikely to be my first choice in a meal. That being said, I'm taking potatoes as the number one pick. Oh, man, we got right into it.

Yeah, you can mash them, you can smash them, you can fry them. Jason's face says there was a glint of hope in his life that that potatoes would not bypass just one of us but two of us shame on you no look potatoes are the one-on-one i mean they're clearly the best vegetable but a lot of people argue whether potatoes are vegetables people say that potatoes aren't vegetables which is stupid because they are i mean they mean, they're a root vegetable. But, you know, whenever you bring up like, oh, potatoes are my favorite vegetable, everyone's going to be like, it's not a vegetable.

It's a starch. Right. It is a starch. Also, you have a potato field as your background on YouTube, right? Yeah. I really wanted it because I thought maybe you guys wouldn't think of it as a vegetable. We actually talked about it before the show because I needed to clarify that they would let it be a vegetable. Yeah, maybe if you showed up on time.

I was here on the minute. All right. Mike is on the clock. I have potatoes, potatoes, potatoes. All right. And I have time. I've had time to prepare it, and I still don't know what the second best vegetable is.

I'm crazy? Oh, there's just... Jason thinks there's a guaranteed number two? Here's what I know. I know that most vegetables suck, and I know that some are great. And so it's just so easy to go get those great veggies. Well, look, the honest truth is i'm stuck between two so maybe maybe that boosts your confidence in my vegetable knowledge because one of these is a delightful treat all right both of

these are a delightful raw treat one of them though i don't really like it as much cooked which is yeah usually it can be strange for vegetables but but i'm gonna take it i i think it's the 102 i'm gonna take like i gotta i gotta improve the eyesight i gotta make my eyes better legend has legend has told is that still true no it's it's very not true it's just what you tell the kids so that they'll eat them, but they're good. I like it. If you give me some dill dip, carrots,

I will take carrots as the second thing. You don't like cooked carrots? I don't. Nobody likes cooked. I like cooked carrots. What? Here's my problem with uncooked carrots. They take 45 minutes to chew on

until you're done chewing. I think I get baby carrots, man, or the carrot chips. You need to work out your jaw. You got a mandible problem. Neither of you understand that raw vegetables take a long time. I've been through this on this show. There are cell walls in plants that

are harder to break down. Not for these molars. Nearly every vegetable is better raw than cooked. Not all. Obviously, your potatoes. No, thank you. Green beans are better cooked.

I mean, are you kidding me? Well, look. You're a clown right now. You're a clown. I am only talking. Who's drafting green beans? Get that crap out of my face. I am only talking about vegetables that are commonly eaten both ways, right?

Like, nobody eats green beans without cooking them. Okay, I get you. But for every vegetable that you cook or eat raw, it's always better raw. Give me some spinach. I don't think there's a lot of vegetables that are like that. Give me some spinach on a sandwich. It's great. You cook it and turn it into mushy.

You will not. We'll talk more about it. All right. Because I don't want to spoil any vegetables here. All right. I mean, I do. I hate vegetables. Either one of these could have been the one I want.

I'm so happy right now. First of all, I'm taking the most delicious vegetable. Now, granted, potatoes turn into a delicious meal, but that's not the potato I'm eating. That's the butter and the sour cream and the all the cheese things that make it great and the oil fried i want potatoes but i'm gonna take uh corn to start sweet corn is the best i can have it on the cob i can have it out of a can there's no i've never had bad corn i don't like it in a can, man. I like it on a cob. Oh, I prefer it on a cob. I love it in a can. I mean, I can't remember ever having bad corn.

I have it with Parmesan and it's salty. Oh, that's great. I have it just with butter and it's sweet. Oh, that's great. I have it on my mashed potatoes. Corn on a cob is great. A cob or the cob. Corn is great.

Yeah. All right. But corn, very cob. Corn is great. Yeah. All right. But corn, very similar to potatoes, is not helping. What's funny about those vegetables is it's a vegetable. I totally get it. But it's not good for you. There's no nutritional value. It's going out the way it came in.

I mean, we all know. It's not good for you. It's not. That's not good, especially because we cover them. But that's like the salad that has 600 calories or the ranch dressing on it. I mean, we ruin our vegetables and then say that we feel good about eating them. All right. And the other one, which I actually believe is the best vegetable.

This is my genuine, like I'm getting this here as the fourth one. I think this is the best vegetable. But you don't eat it by itself, usually, it's i know where you're going dang it man i love onions they are so versatile yeah you can eat them raw you can cook them you can have them uh you know caramelized on a burger they add so much to everything that i've ever eaten and i know some you guys are on top of your game today i don't like it we know i don't like i don't like it man corn and onions at the the turn this this is great yeah i know some people out there this the problem is onions isn't a boat getter because a lot of times people like they say they don't like yeah it's a device your

fate it's onions are divisive i don't want i feel like you can contort them to at least a way that somebody likes them you don't want them raw you like them cooked you don't like them caramelized you like them diced yeah i agree i feel like somebody like when they just see a menu item okay they would say no onion right they would get enchiladas no onion okay you're right no onion but they're stupid those are stupid people that the onions are my guacamole story. I didn't like onions in any way, shape, or form growing up. And then I go, oh, wait, I should put them on everything that I eat.

And that changed my life. I'm still mostly anti-white onions. That's okay. You'll grow up. Dice them, put them on a hot dog. Dice them, bro. Dice them. Look, I know they dice them at mcdonald's

and you put that crap on my mcdonald's burger and it makes it better straight in the garbage no hot garbage mcdonald's onion should not be what you're setting your standard for that is true that's like that's like i love pickles but mcdonald's pickles they're yeah mcdonald's none of those are real they're all fabricated in a laboratory. All right, Mike, if you take a certain pick here. I don't know if I'm taking it or not, but the other vegetable that I was in between with carrots, it's still on the board, and it's broccoli, man. I really like broccoli.

Broccoli is one of those rare treats treats if you could call it that but it's it's a rare treat i mean it's a rare it's a common not treat it's right it's a rare vegetable we had the whole discussion of cooked and raw broccoli raw great broccoli cooked it's still good it's great like i like broccoli on everything broccoli and cheese soup that's probably shout out to the cheese but oh yeah broccoli covered in cheese shout out to the cheese i love it i love it yeah but i i like broccoli i think it's a good pick it's a good pick and uh i i'm happy i going to go a couple of different directions here because I'm not a big fan of the mainstream veggies. I mean, the mainstream veggies, they're trying to rule your life, and I don't need them.

I have the kid veggies right now. Yeah. I'm going to throw – this one is like onions. You can't just eat it plain, but it is such a compliment. And it's garlic. I'm taking garlic. It's on my list it garlic is so garlic is great yeah so garlic vampires away garlic is outstanding and uh i don't remember the last time i made dinner that didn't use garlic like genuinely if it's a dinner there's some garlic salt garlic powder powder, garlic flavor. Garlic something?

Yeah. And I'm getting kind of hungry now. The second pick I'm going to take is an avocado. No! I'm taking the most spectacular avocado. An avocado is a fruit. Oh, yes. Oh, tell me. it's off the list it's got the seed on the inside

which would technically a pear shaped fruit would make it a fruit oh I'm so happy I felt the buffoon that I did not have an avocado on my list but it's because I knew inside dang it

I stand completely corrected that makes sense it's too good to be a vegetable it's yeah that's a good point i mean it's the seeds like i've i'm telling you i i'm under the impression that scientifically if the seeds are on the inside it's a fruit no you're right that's true and i didn't when i saw which is weird because the strawberry has them on the outside, but we're not going to get into that fight. I'll be honest with you. I saw it in a list of ranked vegetables and was like, oh my gosh, how did I forget avocado?

Yeah. And it's because it's a fruit, apparently. I had it on my list. It was what I wanted the most, and I'm so thrilled that you can't have it. Yeah. I wasn't an idiot. You were. Well, this is a humongous step down from, and I'm so thrilled that you can have it. Yeah, I wasn't an idiot. Well, this is a humongous step down from avocado. I'm taking spinach.

Oh, gross. Oh, no. Spinach is outstanding. Spinach is fantastic. Yeah, if you don't cook it. Spinach is the... No, it's fine. You can cook it. It's great.

You know the story? You know how all the kids' movies, when we were growing up, have the character that looks really... Home Alone has the neighbor that looks really evil, and then the kids eventually meet him and he's a real sweetheart? That is what... Oh, that's spinach. That's what spinach is.

You grow up with the stories of hating spinach, and then you go, oh, wow, spinach is way better than most of the mixed greens that you could possibly eat. I'd rather have a salad with spinach than I would iceberg. Yes, 100%. I'm with you. All right. Thank you, Mike. Because Jason was not.

I probably would have taken spinach. I am not with you. I would never be with you on such a bad take. Spinach is fine on a sandwich. End of list. Oh, spinach salad is the way to go. Plus Popeye. I mean, come on.

Yeah. Real modern day reference. Yeah. Have you had canned spinach before like Popeye? Speaking of a vegetable that is the neighbor from home alone. And I don't even know why it's set up. Why did we attack this and demonize this vegetable? Because you grow up and you go, you know what's great?

Brussels sprouts. They are outstanding. There are so many ways that you could prepare a Brussels sprout, and it's fantastic. I'm taking them. I understand, and they've become a little bit more mainstream. I'll be honest with you. I've tried my best, man. I've given them every shot I can. What? I can't take them. I just don honest with you. I've tried my best, man. I've given them every shot I can.

What? I can't take them. I just don't like them. They're no good. They are. I know Jason likes them. I hate to say it because you drafted it, but I do. If you cook them right, and that's the thing.

You can't eat them raw, and when you cook them, you can cook them wrong. You know what else can be really hard? A potato. If you can't eat them raw and when you cook they can be really hard like you can be too hard you know what else can be really hard a potato if you don't cook it all right so that's fine five hours to cook this potato uh yeah no it's it's i i respect the fact that people like them i just don't like them jason you have two final picks you have corn and onions so so far you're a real digestive treat go on alright so look I know one of them here I'm taking the superior leafy green I'm just taking lettuce

lettuce is great I think you have to define that iceberg yeah you'd have to take iceberg you're taking iceberg lettuce are you taking iceberg or romaine what are you taking that's what I'm asking you have i'd like to know lettuce i look i'm not gonna lie to you give him iceberg he doesn't know the difference no are you kidding me i don't know dude i'm a chef it's not that i i'm a chef it's not that i didn't know. It's that I was trying to sneak lettuce in as a category.

It's not. I know that, but I didn't think you'd catch me on it. I wanted both iceberg and romaine. Lettuce as just a phrase is great. I can't decide which one. I think I'm going to go romaine. Okay, good for you. Because usually the things that you're going to use it for, you know,

romaine is far more versatile. The only thing I really like, you know, iceberg lettuce in is when you're making, like, some shredded lettuce and you just want it for the crunch on a taco. Which you can just use ice cubes. They're the exact same. Sure. Same health benefits, too. I'll pivot to cabbage there.

That's all I mean, yeah. All right, so you're going romaine lettuce. I've got some romaine lettuce, which is great. So, so far, I've pretty much cut. Yeah. I'm going to start working that into new sentences. Just right in the middle of them. He just casually throws out.

Look, I'm a chef. I'm a mechanic. Yeah. I'm a doctor. I can't fix a car, but I can make you a mean meal. All right. This last one is tough. I'm going to take.

Oh, man. Now. Okay. We need a ruling on this because I'm curious. Oh, great. Do we consider a pickle? Because it's a pickled cucumber. No.

No. Then I'm taking a cucumber. That's fine. That's a fruit a cucumber is a fruit oh my gosh oh get body i came in loving this draft i leave hating it are you kidding me mr al borland you're oh i'm so technical i was gonna say it if he didn't so all right let me and mostly because I lost avocado. Well, that's the thing.

I want to fight him on it, but we already got rid of avocado, so I'm dead to rights here. You still can go with eggplant. I know that's on your short list. I still believe a cucumber is not a vegetable. A cucumber is a vegetable, but I get the scientific rules of stupidity. I mean, there's scientific rules around potato. If you want cucumber, I think most people think of a cucumber as a vegetable. I'm comfortable with you having it.

I'm willing to change. If you want a cucumber. Mike? I'll allow it. Yes, I'm back, baby. I'll give it to you. I'm taking a cucumber then. When I think of eating a cucumber, I certainly don't think of eating a fruit.

Because it doesn't taste like fruit. No. Right. It's not not great it's just okay and that's what we're drafting is what is the best description of a cucumber ever it's just there it's just here's here's what a cucumber is gross like it's like celery it's kind of it's just it's just around cucumber to me is two things that i love one it is a chip for dip okay i love a cucumber in hummus or you know if i'm using this to dip something that is sure when you're out of carrots and broccoli yeah no i'm there like oh no cucumbers and hummus are way better than carrots and broccoli and hummus. You're a crazy person. Cucumbers.

That mush, that mushy bite. What kind of garbage cucumbers do you buy? And second is a pre-pickle, which you got to give a shout out. You're trying to sneak pickle. We're going to take this fruit away from you if you keep trying to wrap in. I'm just saying. I don't get grapes and raisins. Come on. I'm just saying.

I don't get grapes and raisins. Come on. The two best parts of a cucumber are using it basically as a fork for putting other delicious things on it, and it becomes a pickle. All right, Mike, you've got a final pick to make. You've got carrots, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts. You fellas know I love a good theme, so I opened up as a little kid. I grew up. I got the Brussels sprouts, and now I will keep with that theme of half kid, half adult. I'm making sure that my pee is the stinkiest.

Oh, yeah. I love asparagus. And I will take asparagus. Wow. Because asparagus gets a really bad rap, a really bad name. Because of its taste. Oh, God. Get out of here.

Asparagus is... It's better than Brussels sprouts. I'll give you that. Asparagus is actually very, very good. I absolutely should have taken that over cucumber. I love asparagus. It's great. My go-to meal is a steak.

I say Mr. Steak Dinner over here. Better be getting some asparagus. And the best vegetable to complement a steak is asparagus. So shame on me. Jason has corn, onions, romaine lettuce, and a cucumber. Mike has carrots, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, and asparagus. I have potatoes, garlic, spinach, and a final pick here. By the way, I'm a painter. And I think I'm going to go.

This is so tough. You can't say by the way, though. You just have to throw it out in regular conversation. I'm sorry. I'm learning. I'm a pilot. I'm a chef. I'm a chef.

Man, this is brutal. Because I have two. I can just disclose. I'm trying to decide between another great hummus carrier that I really enjoy or another garlic-like complement. And I'm worried that my vegetable. What's left on the carrier? Yeah, tell us.

Cauliflower. Oh, yeah. Cauliflower. Oh, yeah. Cauliflower. What's the other option here? That's great. I have a garlic-like vegetable addition, which

is ginger. And I'm trying to decide between the two. But I'm going to go cauliflower based on your reaction. Yeah, cauliflower. Cauliflower. That's the pick. Cauliflower is the one I'm going with. I'm a big ginger fan. I mean, I have broccoli. I don't know how I don't go with the killer combo of the broccoli and the cauliflower,

but it had to be done. Yeah. I prefer cauliflower to broccoli with hummus. Yeah, but cucumbers are the best. I think we all agree avocado was the best of all of these. What's funny is you said cucumber is, you don't think, it doesn't taste like a fruit. An avocado, I don't know what an avocado tastes like. It doesn't taste like a fruit or a vegetable.

It's just its own thing. It's its own thing, man. It's not my own thing. I'm a chef. I think the only thing on my list that did not get grabbed was, and I could be alone on here, on this one, but I like

peas. I like green peas. They're okay. This is usually mus peas. I like green peas. This is usually mushy. I like green beans. On the grill, green beans are so good. I love fresh green beans. Not like out of a can, but like the crispy. You're not thinking of them the right way, Mike.

Really good. I'm a chef, so we cook it up with red pepper flakes and some pearl onions. Garlic? Some garlic on there? Of course. They are so good. cook it up i'm a chef so we cook it up with right uh red pepper flakes and some pearl garlic some garlic on there oh yeah of course of course and they are so good they're like one of the only vegetables my children actually enjoy now barlin do you have any any uh great omissions no i'm not a big veggie fan but you got my the ones that i tolerate the best yeah no nobody's ever actually enjoyed vegetables and that's i think there's some healthy people out there that I would believe.

Nobody drafted peppers. Can you believe that? Yeah, because peppers are not. Also, technically, a fruit. I was going to say they were on my list. Nobody drafted apples. Nobody took apples. Nobody took oranges in this draft.

Would you have let me get a banana? No. Isn't a banana like isn't there like what did we learn today a banana is not a vegetable i learned that uh long ago aqueducts they used to keep trying to get the water to run uphill on them and they didn't realize to flip it until jason went back 2 000 years and told them downhill. Yeah, you're right. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. I learned that Mike's plumber is Al Borland.

I like it. Hey, to be fair, I just called him for the advice. I handled the actual action. Oh. He did. He said, what do I need? And I told him what tool to get and what part to get. He went to the hardware store, got them both, and got it fixed.

That's right. I learned something new. I had to pull a cartridge out the wall, and it felt like I was going to rip the entire pipe out. It was insanity. It wasn't so much that I learned it, but it was just reinforced that I'm surrounded by uncultured swine who don't know what Peter and the Wolf is. They need to catch up on their symphonies and orchestral arrangements. Can you play it for me real quick so I understand?

I cannot. I cannot do that for you. Look it up. Not with this music going, man. This is a good jam. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.