Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Raw Chicken Snacks & Ice Cream Truck Favorites - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 31, 2022

Spit Hit for March 31, 2022: YUMMAYY! Find out all about Jason’s new revolutionary business plan on today’s podcast. We also discuss Andy’s fighter pilot name, riding tigers, and a competition for the laziest animals. This episode will have you cold & bothered. Speaking of cold, we put this episode away with a draft of our favorite ice cream truck treats! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads. Today's spit hit episode is an absolute home run. It's great. Tell me about it. You're going to love it. Why? Because we talk about riding tigers. End of story.

And a lot of other things. I would ride a tiger so well. Yeah, the tiger would come complaining. All right. That is what we. Is this a fat joke? No, no, no. Wait for the show, Jason.

Wait for this fine spit spit-hit episode. Enjoy. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Ice cream's what I need, put it in my belly, please. Yummy.

Yeah. The yummy set that thing on fire. That was fantastic. You were pouring a trail of gasoline, which could do nothing but smell really bad, and then Yummy just lit the powder keg.

Nothing blew up. Well, we've got a very special ice cream related draft today, and I get the first pick. And yeah, ice cream is delicious. I don't know if you guys were aware but it is spectacular one of the top inventions i will say this like i i will never ever love ice cream the way that that andy loves ice cream but we've all been stuck at home like i have i've committed

myself i'm working out five to six times a week that's trouble but it's trouble for us too we're gonna get back into the studio no no no no no no no no no no no no because i have i have met the devil i have looked him in the eye and it's whoever invented that edible cookie dough stuff oh you've been oh we're fine all right we're fine now We're fine now. Look, I am on the Jason Moore fat and shredded life routine right now. Like, I'm getting stronger everywhere, and the belly just keeps getting more jiggly. This is how we create an offensive line. You and me, Mike. We're fat and shredded.

Edible cookie dough is the cat's pajamas man you know what i never had anything better than this you know how you grew up and you couldn't eat uh cookie dough because raw right yeah now the incredible invention of edible cookie dough is changing waistlines everywhere and oh yes but i think what changed is just people stopped caring about the raw. They're like, yeah, you can eat raw eggs. We haven't changed a dang thing. They took that out. There's no raw eggs in there. No, they're just buying the toll house tube,

and then they just put it in a new jar. They squirt it in a bucket and say, you can eat this now. Printing money. You know, it is kind of funny how we uh we grow up afraid of certain things like i can tell you this genuinely i have never had cookie dough in my life you want to know why because i've i've been afraid of getting sick because my mom wouldn't let me have cookie dough and when i touch if i touch raw chicken i wash my hands at least five times yeah that's what i'm saying so minimum but but cookie dough raw cookie dough brings people

joy so at what point is one sickness in a million worth a million people's joy i'm telling you right the risk percentage has to be considered i'm i'm coming out with a new business it's raw chicken it's now you can eat it it's gonna be so good so good. Oh, no, it won't. Oh, it's so tender. That's not one we need. So tender. Everybody's been wanting to do it. Do you like your meat with the consistency of snot? Check this out.

Raw chicken. Raw chicken in a can. Chicken is so far and away the worst meat that exists because you i i don't know how wizards do it but you can't cook it right you can't because when you cook chicken you have to destroy it you have to get like i'm so i'm like you mike i'm so paranoid with raw chicken washing my hands you gotta so it's always overcooked always if we make chicken at home it is always always always overcooked because better to err on the side of caution but like i remember when my my wife's younger brother who was basically a teenager worked at olive garden you know what they put him in charge of cooking chicken chicken

oh no 100 and i'm like dude i would not trust chicken that that guy is cooking but he's apparently doing it better than we are because he doesn't care. I'm telling you, raw chicken is the next big thing. That's what I mean. The next big thing. Wouldn't you rather enjoy chicken for five consecutive years, nice, juicy, well-cooked chicken, and then get sick once than to have overcooked chicken every single time? I don't know, man.

Can I ask a question? I don't know how bad salmonella is, to be honest. That's what I was going to ask. Will salmonella kill me? Well, in that case, that changes the equation quite a bit. We have all had the sickness where you get the stomach bug, and whatever you ate last, that's what comes out, and you never eat it again.

Yes. It's not even that food's fault, but it was the food that came out, so it is that food's fault. The last Big Mac I had was 10 years ago. Yes. Again. Yes. It's not even that food's fault, but it was the food that came out. So it is that food's fault. The last Big Mac I had was 10 years ago. Yes. With bad mayo. Exactly. With bad mayo.

And I threw all of it up, and I will never touch it again. That would be so good for me. That would be so good. If you could get food poisoning from certain foods. If all drive-thrus would give me one case of food poisoning, that would be really healthy. You can find us on Twitter, by the way, at SpitballersPod. Appreciate each and every one of the Spitwads sending in your questions,

being a part of our community. We love you. We hope you're doing very well during this crazy time of life. And we've got a great show today. If you're watching already on YouTube, which is youtube.com slash spitballers, you will have an idea of what our draft is going to be. Jason's background is...

All of my picks. Yeah, it's beautiful. We're going to do an ice cream truck draft today. We've got a review. We've got Would You Rather. We've got the Situation Room. Very excited to get into it. Jason, are you prepared to read this review?

Nope. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Mooshlo from the United States of America. Five stars makes life worth living. I am 26 years old, and i've only listened to two podcasts my entire life the fantasy footballer since 2017 and now this one jason all right is my spirit animal nice mike's laugh makes my upper cheeks go north every time and andy is literally the grandfather i've always wanted that every episode feels like hours

and makes the whole work day feel like minutes thanks to these hilarious dudes and keep on making people's lives better i have a question now for the group because we all we all just accept that north is up right correct yeah yes but but actually when you're talking about directions so moosh lau when they're listening to this podcast do they are they like a compass so their cheeks actually point north they go due north yes to the north pole yeah so you know a lot of people bring a compass when they're going camping. He brings a laugh track from you. He brings the Spitballers podcast. Follow your cheeks.

That's what we've always said. Oh, no. Follow your cheeks. Just follow your cheeks. That's what we... We really appreciate... We said don't follow Jason's cheeks. No.

Follow your own cheeks. Follow your own cheeks. We appreciate the review, all of the reviews for the show, subscribing, spreading the word about this podcast to bring a little bit of humor, fun, nonsense to your life. They all support the show. We really appreciate it. Let's get into it. Would you rather?

I'll just say this, and I'm sitting here. We're recording from our homes today and we have different backgrounds Jason has an ice cream truck background I've never felt more cool in my entire life than the way you've never looked cooler my man I am in a fighter jet

right now I've got my buddies behind me here we go off the top of your head Andrew Holloway you're flying a fighter jet. What's your code name? Oh, my code name? Give it to us. We got Maverick.

We got Goose. G-Pop. G-Pop. G-Pop. Is that Grandfather Pop? That's right, but a little cooler. That's the hip Granddad. I just got the Grandfather compliment, so I'm going go I'm G-pop flying my F-16

What up with my G-pop Alright you sit off the top of my head Alright Wow Hey that's not bad That's also my favorite type of music I listen to G-pop Yeah it's new

That's Greenland pop music No it's elderly Elderly rap Sounds like G yeah it's new it's new that's green uh greenland pop music uh no it's it's it's elderly elderly rap yeah sounds like gatorade's new soda g-pop g-pop yeah i would drink it oh i would drink the heck out of that it's got to be healthy if gatorade made soda it's healthy soda it's gatorade 100 healthy you guys are still under the illusion that a drink with 9,000 grams of sugar is good for you? Look, it's got what plants crave. Oh, gosh. Be like Mike. Can I ask you another question, Andy?

Is Michael Jordan or LeBron James, are these supreme athletes healthy? Great question. Great question. It's mostly from what the sugar content they're bringing in. I want to be like Mike. That's why we focus on the, They visit ice cream trucks as well. All right, here's our first would you rather question. Comes in from Max.

Max is an official Spitwad, which you can be as well. It's spitballerspod.com. Click the become a Spitwad button. He says, would you rather have your car always be locked and have to get in and out through your trunk or your car is always unlocked and windows down at all times everywhere you go? So you have to live windows down all the time. Okay. See, I was perusing the show, Doc, before we started. And I read this basically as,

would you rather like your, your car's locked. You, you have to enter through the trunk or you have to enter through the window. I like that question better. Well, that's an easy one. You're taking the window.

Certainly. Are you? Yes. Because why wouldn't you either? Jason, can you get in through the window that's a very rude question that is it is a very fair question it is a very trunk isn't gonna be better fair question thank you i think i think i believe i can yeah i think i can i think i can this is a

this is a was that mind over matter With a lubricant, you could probably. Just give me some Crisco. I'd be right in there. Every time he gets in the car, Jason, what are you doing? Gotta lube up. Gotta lube up. I gotta get out of it. Do you go feet first or do you dive in head first?

Ooh, that's a good question too. What's the better momentum situation? If you had a stepladder, you'd go feet first. That's way better step ladder coming from you put a step ladder in your trunk so every time you want to get in your car you open the trunk you take the step ladder out then you uh climb up the step ladder get in feet first and then drive away and you gotta buy a new step ladder i got i got a hundred step ladders in the trunk so because i probably can't bring that in through the window no no you can't no

chance not if you need a stepladder to get a foot into your window there's no are you what are you driving around in here i'm just saying a car i can't get in you gotta get first you can't get your foot up to the window of a car no way it's not about the first foot it's about the second foot i've seen people they grab the roof and then they double foot into the window. If you can go feet first, you look way cooler than diving head first. Look, Andy thinks he can go feet first into a car. We've got to get a video of Andy going feet first. A feet first attempt.

You've seen my legs. I could walk in like a casual walk. Oh, this is great. Right in the front door. The confidence is going to be shattered. Can an ostrich go feet first into a car? Yeah, they can. I don't know.

Well, an ostrich has got a bit of a rotund situation once they get the two feet in. If I was going feet first into a car, the only way that would work is if my hands are on the ground and i'm backing in trying to like scoot up that's it there's no other choice all right you're going wheelbarrow yes yes well getting back to this first question what was the actual climbing in the trunk would be convenient for parking in very tight spots. But it's also thoroughly embarrassing. That's a fair point. You have to climb in your trunk every time? Yeah. This is a multiple row situation.

You know what I mean? Yeah, you got to climb through the car. With the original question is always leave your vehicle unlocked. Always leave your windows down. That is like, I don't, that doesn't bother me for one second there's not the oh here's the air conditioning well it doesn't say that you have to drive with them down right yeah you got to have them down at all times at all times driving at all times everywhere you're not worried about my cd collection getting stolen i'm worried about driving without air conditioning oh cd thieves

you were the worst people ever that's definitely had one copy of music anymore uh i think cd thieves have uh they've left they've they've gone out of business what do people even break in and steal anymore what can they steal from you the car i think that would be the car that would be the real issue the main thing that what what what do people even steal around cars uh there's no need to lock this thing yeah i i don't have anything inside of it it's perfectly safe if this means you can't even steal cars anymore can you of course they can you could not very easily yeah old cars but not new cars have got all the double protections and engine stops and all that stuff. Al, are you still with us? I'm here.

Okay. You were accused of stealing a car once, right? I was, yes. My own car broke down in a parking lot, and I was trying to fix it. Broke down in a parking lot and I was trying to fix it. And I was approached by a gentleman that wanted to make sure that his girlfriend knew exactly how tough he was. Oh, put him in a body bag. For sure.

Anyway, yeah, he accused me of stealing my own car and he was trying to fight me about it. Now, you were probably in all black clothing. I was. Did you have a screwdriver? Were you trying to break into the actual vehicle? well i wasn't trying to break into it i was in it but the ignition would not turn and so yes i was using tools to try and turn my key in the ignition okay well that makes a lot more sense it's not like you just so you kind of were trying to steal your own car no no but behold owl brings up a great point the three of us the spitballers we're in a parking lot yeah it we're just oh well we won't put the three of us together so we are

three grown men we have no one to impress we have no spouse to be like oh this this is the time i look super tough no we the three of us are together in a parking lot it looks like someone is breaking into a car do we what's our first step what's our plan of attack here are we really approaching this person or are we simply calling the police no if it's all three of us we approach and we say hey you need a hand yeah i'll be in the back i would okay i think i would start with a hey hey buddy what's what's going on that's that would be my approach yeah yeah okay okay i'll be in the back i would okay i think i would start with a hey hey buddy what's what's going on that's that would be my approach yeah yeah okay okay i'll be the robber jason jason let's role play i'm i'm the robber you you're doing what you think we should do approaching

i'll be behind you jason all right hey uh hey buddy what's oh what's up man oh man my my car broke down i'm trying to get it uh working oh cool see you later that's it but i did my civic duty that's 100 100 what would happen yeah that's exactly right because what yeah but this dude took the approach you want to tell me what's going on here bro the intimidation intent was at a 12. Are you seriously risking your life? License and registration, please. Some complete stranger's car and you have no idea what's going on? Does this bad guy have a weapon?

What are you doing? The hope is that the, hey, buddy, what's going on, makes him run. Yeah. That's the hope. Like you go, hey, buddy. Someone sees you. He gets out of here. That's it. You couldn't, Al, you couldn't convince this guy that it was your car, though, right?

Isn't that the problem? You didn't have a way to convince him? Eventually, yeah, I did. I got my papers out just to diffuse the situation and send this guy on his way. Then he took the cuffs off you at the end? He let me out of the headlock, yeah. All right, I'm officially going to go with the climbing in the trunk. I need my air conditioning in Arizona.

That's my final answer. 100%. We're in Arizona. You still get your AC. The windows are just down. But the windows are down. And the system is up, man. I've never really gone that route.

I've always tried to save the planet. G-Pa, get it done. That's interesting. I didn't think about that. If the air conditioning is going at all times with the windows down in Arizona. It'd be better. Oh, you've never done that? It would only help at stoplights.

It would not help you while you're driving. You've never done the jacuzzi pool situation in your car where the hot air is blown, but the cold air is blown? No. Oh, it's invigorating. I feel like this is Mike's shower situation where you always make fun of Jason for taking, wasting all the possible water of the world in these 45 minute showers. Because Jason takes out the reservoirs in two showers. Somehow I feel like you're wasting gas or something running the air with the windows down. Is that right? You probably, no, you probably are.

Yeah, you definitely are wasting. But you're going in through the trunk looking ridiculous. I looking ridiculous yeah i'm going windows down i'm going windows down once you said you get air air conditioning still going on deuces up phoebe from twitter would you rather send an innocent man to prison or let a guilty man go free so we're getting heavy we're getting heavy but do you know what kind of show this is? I fly fighter jets, so I'm qualified here. This is 100% easy.

Oh, come on. Now you can assume the crime is a violent crime punishable by 10 plus years. So we need to assume it's a serious crime. Is it so easy now, Mr. Look, I'm not saying there's like one answer is good and one answer is bad. But if I've got to forgive, like, let a man free and have unfortunate grace and a lack of justice by comparison to Miss Justice.

This guy kicked your wife in the face. Mr. Mr. Justice or Miss Justice? Miss Justice. Not the dude, the girl. Miss Justice. Mr. Justice is the guy I rolled up on Owl Board.

Injustice? Is that what you were looking for? Yes, that's what I was looking for. Injustice. Not Mrs. Justice. Not Mrs. Justice. She has a cousin. Her cousin, Injustice.

I'm letting the guy go free. I can't put an innocent man in jail for 10 years now i get it and that's my answer too but that guilty man will probably do it again well you are well maybe well i know no lesson learned right it's a violent crime you're setting a violent criminal free the likelihood that they you know another innocent person is hurt by them is i don't know maybe i don't know i think generally if a murderer has the enough uh wherewithal to say like they're evil enough to murder then they're told no big deal i'm pretty sure that their next action is like cool they're going with the i totally got away with this the first

time well yeah that's how it works i mean if you don't have a consequence hopefully someone gets a question from phoebe from twitter they have to set me free okay let me ask you this then jason okay your answer change if the violent criminal that you set free is guaranteed to kill another person? Yes. Would you still? Yes. Would it change the answer? Because that innocent person is still in jail.

My answer is still yes? No, my answer would change. Oh, okay. I mean, either way, an innocent person is getting hurt. One is being put in jail for 10 years. The other is being murdered. So, yes, I'm going to go ahead. That's like saying, saying would you rather have a if you see a random guy on the street would you rather kill him or put him in jail i'm gonna go ahead and put him in jail that is exactly what that's like so um yeah i mean i guess you an innocent person going to

prison is about the saddest thing that i can imagine in this world, to be honest with you. It's pretty close. Because you lose your life for no reason. Like the Tiger King. I guess I hope. Wait, I'm only two episodes in, man. Spoiler alert. It's not a spoiler.

Hold on. Is the Tiger King in jail? You know in episode one what happens. That he's in jail? No, you don't. You don't know spoilers hold on hold on is the tiger king in jail one you know in episode one what that he's in jail no you don't you don't know everything oh you just ruined the she's in jail no not the tiger king the first episode the first moment of the first episode is him calling on a jail phone yes thank you isn't that i don't remember that moment i don't remember the very beginning of yeah okay i was i was worried that i gave I don't remember that moment. That's not a spoiler. I don't remember the very beginning of... Yeah, okay. I was worried that I gave a legit spoiler here, but that's how the show opens. Anyway, digressing here.

I will let the innocent man... So let's talk about the Tiger King. I will let the innocent man go free. I will let the guilty man go free and hope he doesn't kill somebody else. Yes. Hold on. Is the Tiger King innocent? What did he do?

Stop it. Stop it. All right. Mike, do you want to weigh in here? You haven't yet. Oh, I will send the innocent man to jail. I'm hoping that it's Jason Moore.

Okay. Not so innocent after all. I'll send Al to jail for breaking into his own car. All right. Chase from the website. Would you rather have your current knowledge doubled or your current net worth tripled oh my i'm 36 years old now i feel like if you gave me double knowledge that would be very useful i think that's what i would that's my default i i'm like i'm not saying i know a bunch but i know that double what i currently have would be helpful

well you you understand exponentials yes g pop figured it out yes wouldn't you make more money having double the knowledge or at least i don't know jason what what's your what's the baseline what are you starting at well yeah what's. Do you get addition and subtraction at that point? I'm going to know multiplication. I'm going to know my whole times table. I'm going to know misjustice. Misjustice? You've got to take the...

The thing is, this question is dumb because if your net worth is not great, let's say collectively, your net worth is, you know, you've got some debt on your house and you've got a car, but you've got some money in the bank. Tripled is still pretty good. Okay, what if you're worth $1,000? Triple is like, okay okay that's nothing but it's a very subjective question i'm saying that if you're worth a million dollars now

tripling that is worth three million dollars but you don't really need it let me change let me change the money would you rather this is a perfect alteration would you rather have your current knowledge doubled or your current salary tripled? How about that? Ooh. How about that? Your salary goes up. So then it's, you know, you're guaranteed to have a significant jump. I'm going to take the salary in that case.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Because I don't need the knowledge. If my salary is tripled, I'm doing fine just where I'm at. You'd rather just be because you know with great knowledge comes great responsibility is that exactly that just comes many cans of peaches yeah oh there is uh more money more problem side of this as well yeah you didn't think of that yeah um if you had knowledge you wouldn't know exactly i'm i'm taking i'm taking double knowledge i'll just put in another

alteration i'm sorry he said or your current weight halved oh oh man my current i think this is a very targeted this was targeted to one man who's sitting in front of an ice cream truck i don't know i man i can't say i i think if i halved my weight i would be i would be malnourished would you for a time what would you be jason 125 i'm too okay yeah that you'd be too small i don't want to be 125 i'm but what if you could eat what could you eat if you're 125 and for how long could you eat that way but you're acting like you're acting like that changes what could i eat if i'm 250 like i can i can do this right now brother imagine i got triple salary what couldn't i eat what oh my it all comes back to what can Jason eat. I'm taking double knowledge.

With the staying at home, I mean, I don't know. I've been diving into science and documentaries. The whole family went out in the backyard, and we watched the space station go over us. And just watching that glowing dot go through the sky, I don't know. It was a weird moment of me like, I don't know very many things. You'd like to know more. I would like to know more. Okay. Yeah, that's fair.

I think I would go the knowledge route because I do think it would pay dividends in generating revenue for myself later on. Think of how many grammar errors you could correct. Oh, you'd be that guy congratulations yeah it all comes back to that guy you know where to put apostrophes and semicolons you know where to put commas the more capitalization the more you know the more you know what you don't know does that make sense oh my problems i will How do you know that? More knowledge, more problems. I will take my ignorance. I am perfectly content with my level of intelligence.

Triple my salary. I'm doing good. All right. All right. Doing well. This man does good. Yes. Whoops.

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everything you search for, everything you buy. Take your privacy back with a brand that's rated 4.6 out of 5 on Trustpilot. Go to IPVanish.com slash ballers. Use the promo code ballers and claim your 70% savings. That's IPVanish, V-A-N-I-S-H.com slash ballers and claim your 70 savings that's ip vanish v-a-n-i-s-h dot com slash ballers the situation realm it feels like it's been a while since we've been in the situation room oh i am prepared for this first question i am i have not read them so we will find out whether i'm prepared hayden from the website you have the opportunity to take home an animal from the zoo for a week and then return it koala what animal do you take home and why mike wants to cuddle for a week with a koala have you seen a koala i know you're obsessed with them oh my goodness like dude all they do is sleep oh no

no no they do more than sleep they they just they eat slowly they also eat leaves yes oh koalas are the best like i i don't know if you guys have experienced uh the instagram feed look i'm really old i'm new to the instagram game i get it but like once you start looking at certain things it shows you other things of that and apparently i found some koalas so my my ig feed is just full of koalas man and i am living my best life right now it is so great so many koalas koalas usually sleep between 18 to 22 hours a day jason you have a problem holding a napping super cute animal i don't have a problem with it but i can do better that's my concern too i could do better okay let's hear it sloth

because that's the same thing a sloth is not the same as a koala. I can do better on taking a slower animal. It's not nearly as cute as a koala. It's uglier. Oh, you're wrong. Sloths are the cutest animal on the planet. Oh, no. You can prove it with science that the koala is much better than a sloth.

A sloth sleeps between 15 and 18 hours per day. I get an extra three hours on you, buddy. Sucker. Look, he can't run away from me. He can't get away. Our koala's not getting away from me either. You psychos, take something of great utility. I am getting a tiger.

I'm putting a saddle on it, and I'm riding it around the neighborhood for seven days. So Andy's dead. You want night elf over here? I might as well be. I want something I can show off. I don't want to cuddle with an animal for a week. I have to return it.

I need something I can ride. Something that can kill you. See, my worry was an elephant. Give me an elephant. I'm going to take an alligator because, uh, because the elephant can't

kill you first of all i can put a muzzle on any of these animals and ride them around no you cannot it's a tiger muzzle a tiger and a friend of mine could do it al al borland could help me out here that's that's fair point if anyone could put a muzzle on a tiger, it's Al Borland. Look, I need something big. No, yes. Andy trying to ride a tiger. Hold on. Do I get a koala in this video? Sure.

I got a sloth. Here, let me substitute your koala that you want with a stuffed animal. You will not get much of a different outcome, Mike, between the two. That's a really good point. The fact that Jason condemned your koala to the degree that he did to then go to an uglier slot that sleeps the same amount of time

but is far less unique. I've got far less unique. You guys are insane. No, by definition, koalas live in one place. Sloths live in more than one place. That's not the definition of what makes something unique.

I think rarity is involved with uniqueness. Well, you're crushing my daughter's heart. I wonder if anybody has ever done any koala versus sloth. Yeah, here's what pops up when I search for koala versus sloth. Laziest animal competition. That's what just came up. Which animal? Battle for the la competition. That's what just came up. Which animal? Battle for the laziest.

That's what comes up. I'm riding it, Tiger. All right. Second one. The rowdy one from Patreon writes in, says, The spitballers must deliver an emergency State of the Union address to the American people that the world is coming to an end in 24 hours. Oh, no.

Who's writing the speech? Who's delivering the speech? And who's doing the sign language? All right. So I think we can all agree that Jason Moore is delivering the speech. I agree with that. Yes, he would be delivering it. Yeah, I could put on my actor hat.

He could put a certain spin on the world ending in 24 hours that would be beneficial and you don't want me doing the sign language because no no no no no no no no no no interpretive dance and like i i fancy myself like i could i could write a decent speech but i also think i could crush on the sign language. You're a world-renowned air guitarist, so I think you could pull off. I'm a performing artist. I can get up there. Out of time. To be fair, I don't speak any sign language.

Well, to be fair, I think I don't. Nobody speaks any sign language, Mike. Hold on. Well, that's a, I think I don't. Nobody speaks any sign language, Mike. Hold on. Well, that's a great question. What do you call it? That is a great question. You don't speak sign language, though. But what do you call it, then? You un-communicate it.

Okay. I don't communicate. Well, thank you for the correction. I think that's fair. I appreciate it because you are 100% right. I could communicate through my body even without knowing what the actual official language was. I could get the point across, I think.

Which means I'm writing, although Jason was a pantomime once, so would that mean that he could- Oh my goodness, we forgot about the mime award. Yeah, but you realize that pantomime is a very different thing than sign language. Those are not the same. Yeah, I've been told that Alboran says they call it signing. So you just call it signing instead of speaking.

Okay, okay, fair. Thank you. Thank you, Alboran. And I actually did take a sign language class for like two times. Really? I know the alphabet. Yeah, because when when we grew up you know they offered that no some friends of mine were part of a sign language group they were learning it oh that's fantastic and then i i'm like all right i'll do that but i wasn't cut out for it that was like me in spanish class i wasn't cut out i was like really this is hard i like jason's like i can't handle this spanish thing but miming that's something i can get behind that's right so uh but

i'm i'm fine with that plan i can i can write something up it'll probably be a little overly pessimistic jason can put put his spin on it and then then Mike. Ladies and gentlemen. I know you've heard 24 hours, but actually the clock is ticking right now. It's more like 12 hours. It's going to feel more like a handful. Really. So, yeah. There you go. Torino from Patreon.

Your local wizard has returned. It's been a while, by the way. But every neighborhood has a local wizard. Of course. And he or she has returned. He is not quite feeling himself. And for the first time ever, there is no catch. He grants you the ability to be a fly on the wall for any meeting or boardroom discussion.

Oh, my. Anywhere on earth. Company, government agency whatever which would you most want to listen to wow so i feel like there's only one answer i know i do too and i'm trying to find another one because we're all going to say you'd like to be a fly on the wall inside of like the oval office or something how are you not in the oval office that's that's the you're in the room where it happened it happens yeah that's the room i know that's got to be the answer so i'm trying to what are more significant conversations to even hear oh man i let's go to the ice cream truck man jason moore what do you got for us i think there

are i don't you know i don't want to make everything come back to money but there are ways to profit on this big time you can be in some boardrooms get some inside you know so where are you going maximize your profit right now okay you where the local wizard says you're doing it right now where are you going man i feel like if i'm gonna bet on you're wasting too much time local wizard's very impatient upset all right i'm gonna be in the uh i'm gonna be in the boeing i'm gonna be in the boeing okay corporate office i want to see you know how how's our company outlook really uh behind the scenes they got anything hot should i buy should

i sell that's where i'm all right boeing very nice there was a time when like maybe being part of steve jobs uh product creation rooms would have been an interesting fun place to be in from that perspective someone might say like tesla someone might say jeff bezos and amazon but those aren't getting me the level of insight that the Oval Office would provide. Speaking of Apple, do you guys feel like Tim Cook just lives in a room full of stuffed animals? Koala bears? A bunch of koalas. You're talking about koalas?

He might have real koalas. He's got the money to do it. No, I've never thought that, Mike. I have never thought that. i have never thought are you thinking it now i'm picturing it for sure i don't i don't know what that's i don't know what living in a room with stuffed animals says about a person i don't even know what it means i feel like it's good soft very gentle gentle yeah yeah he's been very gentle with innovation, so I agree with that. Yeah. He would have the sloth.

Technological slam. He would have the sloth as his stuffed animal of choice. He's been gentle and slow. That's great. Yeah. Well, now that we're done bashing Tim Cook for no reason. For no reason. Whatsoever.

By the spitballers, Tim Cook. Oh, my goodness. Al, are we allowed to draft now? Yeah, let's get into it. All right, let's do it. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting items from an ice cream truck.

Oh, fantastic. And so for many of us, maybe this means transporting yourself in time a little bit. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I live in the wrong neighborhood. But ice cream trucks don't come around like they used to. You live in the wrong neighborhood because ice cream. Do you guys have them cruising through all the time? Every week. Every day.

Not just all the time. Every week. Every day. Not just all the time. We are all quarantined and he's still coming up every day. Every single day. Every day. And my daughter comes and she grabs money. She's like, I hear the ice cream truck. I'm like, we're not letting you go to the ice cream truck right now. I am living that life every day.

My kids, they hear the music and like, let's go to the ice cream truck. And we can't do that, man. Like, I'm sorry, ice cream truck guy, but I'm not going out there. That guy doesn't even have ice cream in the truck. It's just a car playing that music just to upset people. Okay, here's the video we need. Since you both have the ice cream truck coming around each and every day, apparently, why don't you grab a fishing pole, deliver the money with the the fishing pole get the ice cream on the other end of the fishing pole

and i want to see you pull this off in quarantine i don't have a fishing pole and well that's really gonna be that's gonna be a great i got get a broom i have a hockey stick yeah i get a hockey stick just put some double-sided tape around the edge of that. Oh, yeah. The quarantine ice cream man. All right. I have the first pick. I'm not sure it's the best place to be, but I wouldn't be myself if I didn't draft my favorite item without question from an ice cream truck,

and that is the Strawberry Shortcake Bar. The Strawberry Shortcake Bar is my very favorite. If I see that anywhere, it is what i purchase it is um one part nostalgic 15 parts delicious i'm going strawberry shortcake that the thing about that bar that's so good is that it's always soft it doesn't matter every every whatever chemicals they put in that to make it the exact right texture you you can have it in a freezer that's way too cold and everything else is icy if you put a gallon of ice cream in there good luck scooping it out and you pull that strawberry shortcake bar and you just chew gently into it it's so wonderful it is i am one part happy one part sad that you took that because uh uh the happy

would you have taken it the happy part is i would have taken it and i would have been just speaking out of my butt for about 30 seconds why it's such a great pick because i know everyone loves it i don't think i've ever had a single strawberry shortcake bar. Oh, so this would have been a press. You would have done it for the popularity. For the votes. Yeah. Yeah.

So great news. Great news. I get to pick with my heart and I also get to pick for the votes. So I will take the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ice cream with the gumball eyes, which that was my number two pick, Mike. I guess we don't have to. That is an outstanding pick. We don't have to say they have gumball eyes because they all have gumball eyes. One is just shaped like a Ninja Turtle, and Ninja Turtles are the best.

So that's what I got. Oh, until that one's melted, and then it's a monster. They all turn into monsters, James. Every time I open the package, package it doesn't look anything like it i'm disappointed because i really wanted that to come back that is that is there was a zero percent chance it was coming i thought maybe i liked it no one else did but apparently i'm not alone there so uh strawberry shortcake i took first mike went with the ninja turtle gumball uh because here's delicious amazing but here's the thing about it it doesn't matter

how it tastes it's ninja turtles yeah you're just getting pop culture yes yeah all right it's great all right first first things first uh this works any day of the week but it's especially great on tuesdays i'm taking a choco taco ch Choco Tacos are so good. I could eat them a lot. I have a problem with, because I always get the strawberry shortcake, I haven't explored some of the other items the way I need to. I feel like Choco Taco is on my bucket list of priorities for the remainder of my life. Wait, hold on.

So you've never had a Choco Taco? Once or twice. Wow. Not saying it's not amazing. Just saying. Well, I'm pretty sure in about 30 minutes, the ice cream truck man's going to be rolling through. Yeah, if you can get it with the fishing pole, I'll pick it up from you.

Or you could cast the line over to my house and I will. Oh, I'll use the perfect cast. You could catch a lot of Jasons with a Choco Taco on the end of the lure. Like, if you just threw that in, you'd get Jason. So you got Choco Taco. Great pick. Got one more. All right.

I think there are better vote getters than this, but there's not actually a better item. So I'm going to draft with my belly here. I'm taking the chocolate chip cookie sandwich. Dang it, Jason. Oh, they're so good. I mean, this is getting a little hot and bothered over here. Hot and heavy. Cold and bothered.

Those things are nice. Getting a little cold and bothered those things are so so good so yeah i mean the the soft cookies on the outside the chocolate chips all the way around the ice cream on the inside and in the cookie itself fantastic great pick way to go jay yeah yeah it's good now i have to now is when I play the draft. What do I think that Andy Holloway is going to... That's right, because I got two picks coming. You are a wild card, man. I have no idea where you're going to go,

because I have two picks that I really, really want to get. Hmm. Because... Gosh. There's one. Just to make it harder on you, there is one that I really don't want you to take. So don't take it.

Oh, that makes it way easier for me. Look, I'm just going to keep the theme running. Oh, he's going more pop culture. I'll take Batman. Give me the Batman popsicle. Oh, man. So you want all your items to taste the exact same, just be different pop culture. I hope the next one is the Tweety Bird.

How dare you infer they taste the same? Sorry, different flavored gumballs? I mean, what's the difference? I don't think it's different flavored. I think it's just different colored. I think it's different colored gumballs. I take the red M&M. I take the yellow M&M.

I take offense to this. They taste so much different. Well, I am happy. They taste so much different. You did not. So much different. So much. All right.

I've got the strawberry shortcake. I've been scared with the four picks going off the board, but I'm very, very happy that i at least get the orange dream bar yeah the orange it's the orange creamsicle bar orange on the outside all right ice cream on the inside it says ice cream truck treat yeah perfectly certainly does there's a great pick it's still the nickel it's such a good flavor i mean it's just in in there's all sorts of desserts that have creamsicle and it doesn't get enough run as being a great combination that vanilla and orange oh it's such a good about yeah peanut butter and jelly but vanilla and orange

bomb and then i'm going to go with the ice cream truck classic i'm glad it's here for me it used to be one of the uh in the rotation as a kid and that is the push pop oh no that was the one i thought was coming back to me all right i mean there's it's one part novel i mean it's just neat you get to put you control how much you're eating it's it's beautiful wonderful when you said the orange cream, before you said the orange cream, I thought you were going with the orange push pop. Those things were so much better. What push pops? Who was on, when you bought a push pop?

Flintstones. Okay. I'm just making sure it was the same for you guys. We used to see Flintstones on the push pops. I remember that. Flintstones push pop is on my list. Okay. All right. So I feel good about these three. We used to see Flintstones on the push pops. I remember that. Flintstones push pop is on my list. Okay.

All right. So I feel good about these three. I've got the strawberry shortcake, the orange creamsicle dream bar, and I've got the push pop. I'm feeling fine and a little hungry. Do you guys know? Asking completely for a friend. What other pop culture gumball bars are there? I have them on my list.

I'm just curious what age people listen to this podcast because there's two very different picks. A young and an old pick? Yeah, there is a young and an old pick. That is for sure. I would go young since Andy is going to dominate the old. G-pop in the house. And what sucks is like I'm so committed through two picks of like this style of my draft. Now what do you do?

Because there's the one pick that I would actually take, but it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. I have to keep it going so i will take sonic the hedgehog oh my god i will take the sonic i will take the sonic the hedgehog bar and i will see if uh the old man pick returns to me or not okay so that's the young one that's yeah that's that's a clue for you jason all right okay well look you get to round out your draft now yes and i do mean round it out i do i i i don't think this is my favorite i really don't um i don't ever order this because there are better options but it's a classic of all classics i mean it is the quintessential movie ice cream man coming up issue.

And so I'm taking the bomb pop. Whatever you call it, the firecracker, the American red, white, blue popsicle. Yeah, I call it a bomb pop. Yeah. I've always called it a bomb pop. I mean, it sucks, but I call it a bomb pop. No, I don't disagree with you. It's not something I order.

In fact, I actually... Oh, he's going for boats. Yeah, well, I'm going for classic. But I actually love the Banana Fudge Bomb Pop. You ever had that one? That's the one I get all the time. Hold on, hold on. That's not a Bomb Pop.

A Bomb Pop is red, white, and blue. And a Bomb Pop is a Popsicle. between those two. One's a fudge pop, and a Bomb Pop is a popsicle. A fudge pop is not popsicle material. A Bomb Pop is America, my friend. It's the same brand. You don't get them all. It's the same shape. What are you, French?

Are the French colors brown and yellow? Is that? They love their bananas in France. All right, so I've got a final pick here and i'm gonna go classic again i'm gonna go a little bit old man maybe this is but i don't think this is where you're going because you're because it doesn't have gumball i okay perfect perfect but uh the uh the drumstick the class you know okay it's the ice cream that's what i wanted really when i was saying i had like the pick that I would really take instead of committing to my draft, it was 1000% the drumstick.

I love drumsticks. They're great. There's so much variety now. You want them with nuts. You want them without. You want the little the fudge in the bottom of the cone. If it doesn't have the chocolate bottom, get that crap out of my face.

It's not the real thing. If it doesn't have the chocolate bottom, it's not the real thing. That's what the Michael Machine Man would say. Thank you. Thank you, Jason. Thank you. You're welcome.

I'm just glad we can agree on what a drumstick is and what it is not. Okay. I am thrilled with my draft. I am thrilled. I've got two of the classics. You are thrilled. I am am thrilled with my draft i am thrilled i've got two of the classics you are thrilled i am also thrilled with my draft because i will complete it with the old man pick tweety no no no i will not be taking tweety because i will be taking the pink panther okay

i remember that i remember that. I remember that bar. We all barely remember the pink. And just for the record, that is the oldest pick of this draft. I mean, that's the Werther's original of Ice Cream. That is the oldest. The Pink Panther pop. Pink Panther. I mean, my grandmother's grandmother loved that popsicle.

My grandmother's grandmother loved that popsicle. Don't even start on the music because the Pink Panther theme song is legit. And it just makes my pick better. I'll hand G-Pop off to you for this one. So, Al, will you run back their two drafts for me? Please read all my picks. Before I have my final pick here. Yeah, Jason has Choco Taco, Chocolate Chip Cookie Sandwich,

Bomb Pop, and Drumstick. It's very eclectic. It's all over the map. It doesn't make sense. Sure. Mike has the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles bar, the Batman bar, the Sonic the Hedgehog bar,

and the Pink Panther bar. Look, I have a... It's themed. It's themed. Thank thank you i hope people appreciate that yes you've got andy you have the strawberry shortcake bar orange creamsicle bar push pop and you're on the clock yeah and i'm going with the banana fudge pop the banana no it was it was already on my list jason so the banana fudge pop it is a classic ice cream truck tree you can't really get it anywhere else and it's the classic factor now fudge pop delicious but it's it's got its own

unique ice cream truck appeal so that's how i'm closing mine out so you're taking the banana fudge bomb pop it's not a bomb pop at all not even close a bomb pop is a pops Pop at all. Not even close. A Bomb Pop is a Popsicle. Okay. A fudge pop is not ice. Why don't you go take a look? The problem, Andy, is the channel, like, we have a Slack channel where we communicate between us and the producers, and the producers dropped in a picture of the original Bomb Pop banana fudge flavor. It's a strong argument against my contention however my point is that

a popsicle is made of ice a fudge pop is not made of a bunch of frozen flavored fruit ice right okay now jason changed his background to the bomb pop well i don't know what you're talking about you mean the the bomb the aforementioned bomb pop that is delicious and chocolate and banana. But here's, here's the way. Is this what you took? Cause if that's the original bond pop, Jason, then you didn't draft the red, white and blue bond. Yeah.

We've been over this. The original bomb pop sucks. Yes. It's just very patriotic. I got the bomb pop, but that's the brand. So you're getting an off brand. Here's the problem with the bomb pop, but that's the brand. So you're getting an off brand. Here's the problem with the bomb pop.

There is one day in the entire calendar that I'm eating a bomb pop. It's the 4th of July. That's the only day that I choose to choke that thing down. It's a popsicle. It's really just fine. I'm doing my best to be Smirch's picks, Andy. Get on board. Hey, I am happy to give all Bomb Pops to Jason if you want and change my pick.

I just think they're very different in consistency. Oh, very, very different. They are. One is delicious. One is stupid. Which one did you take? I took the stupid one. I took the famous classic. Which one is delicious, Jason?

The banana fudge is delicious. Literally, it's what I get every single time. Every single time the guy comes. And I got that with the last pick. The thing you love the most. Yes. You know what I get every time? I get the classic Pink Panther.

You know what you get? You get eight gun balls. Yeah, they don't sell that anymore. The Pink Panther is like the equivalent of the name brand medicine that finally its copyright ran out and went generic. It's done. It's had its time. It's been retired.

It was the OG, man. Do you have a Bullwinkle pop available? Oh, man. If they had a Rocky and Bullwinkle, I'd be all over it. Yeah, when you said old, I didn't think you meant that old. There are popsicles that come in black and white only, and he was going to draft them next. All right.

That is our draft. What did we learn today? What did we learn today? What did we learn today? I learned that the three of us would be very intimidating confronting someone breaking into a car. Sir, you doing all right? You doing all right? Okay, good. Need anything?

Can I help you with that? I got AAA, bro. You want some AAA? I learned that very soon a raw chicken will be consumable for the masses. Delicious. They'll sell it at the ice cream trucks. They'll start carrying it. That's right.

Oh, gross. I'll take the raw chicken pop. Salmonella pop. And I learned that Jason needs to invest in stepladders so that he may go in through his window. Disposable step ladders. That's right. Disposable step ladders. Oh, my goodness.

Al, did we forget any special ice cream treats or did we cover them all? I think you hit most of the favorites. All right. That's what matters. Goodbye, everybody. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.