Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Rock, Paper, Scissors & The Best Onomatopoeia - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: October 13, 2022

Spit Hit for October 13th, 2022: We are back with another LIAR,LIAR! segment today! Is today the day? We also discuss bad tattoos, becoming a raindrop, and starring in a terrible movie. Then, Jason gets out some pent up aggression as we draft overrated actors and actresses! Re-brand your Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, Spitwads, we have a very, very special episode for you today. A spit hit with the return of Highway to Spell, Jason's very favorite segment because he's such a good speller. And we also discuss human extinction, ancient royalty, arm wrestling, and we end the show with a boom. You don't want to miss it. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. The barbark, the moo-moo, cock-a-dock-a-doodle, come on! Oh, yeah!

Oh, I see what you did there. Even though at the very beginning I was thrown off. At the very beginning, Mike, I was like, what is he doing? There were some sounds that weren't familiar. I was in. I'm in. You got me jacked up. That was a great one.

I was not ready for this show. I was not ready, and I am in. There we go. I closed my eyes to just, I wanted to take it all in. Did you feel like you were at a farm? You're a cockamamie in there? You may have gotten a cockle-dockle-doo-doo. The best part is that you closed it as strong as you opened it.

And that's hard to do. So congratulations, Mike. That was outstanding. The heart was pitter-pattering. I knew what I had to do. I wasn't sure if I could execute. You don't even know how many times i've had a plan i've begun it and i can't get to the second line properly i understand you you have one shot like people out there we don't we don't practice you don't take multiple shots you don't go oh give me a give me a run through here like no you go and you get what you get i mean if you've listened to the show more than, say, this episode,

you already know that. Yeah, you know that because Al Borland spilled water all over me last episode and we just kept going. We didn't stop. This might as well be live every single time you listen to it. That's dangerous. Well, certainly. All right.

We have Would You Rather on today, Spitballers. well certainly all right we have would you rather on today's spitballers we have highway to spell making its regrettable regrettable return to the show and we have a fabulous draft for you as well thank you so much for supporting the show yeah spitballerspod.com is the website i support this show i do i think it's a great great show yeah are you subscribed following on apple podcast following and look my wife is a spitwad like officially we we literally support you contribute to i contribute to myself interesting true story do you give yourself an allowance as well at the around the Oh, I blow right through that. Okay.

Not saving this week. No. Moving over to this bucket. Let's get into it. Would you rather? Tyler from the website, if you had to compete for your life, would you rather compete at rock, paper, scissors, or arm wrestling? Really?

Really? Okay. Okay. Now, who is this competition against? Because that's going to make a pretty big difference here. You don't know? You just got to choose your game. Oh, man. big difference here you don't know you just got to choose your game oh man so do i jason should be very confident in the rock paper scissors game i you are an outstanding rock paper scissors

player thank you for not making me say that because i would have um and you're a hundred percent right you're very good i am very good at rock, paper, scissors. But at the same time, you know, look, it's luck. It's mostly luck, right? My question was going to be simple for you, Jason. How do you cheat at it? Because I know you do to win. Well, there's psychology that if you were on my level, you could comprehend. It doesn't work on a one shot.

You got to go two out of three. You go a little bit late. Is that what it is? You're a little bit of a late. I have watched the documentary. They have a documentary? They have a documentary because there is, of course, it's a game. That means that there is a national championship.

There is a championship. Jason, have you ever thought about entering the rock, paper, scissor championship? I would love to be called. I don't know if they're still going on. Do they call the winner the Rochambeau champ? I don't remember that part. Because then I'm in. I don't know.

I'm sure Al is looking it up furiously right now. Well, I'm sure that there are mathematical equations. There are. When somebody gives you rock two times in a row, then the percentage chances they go here. Like, do the national champions memorize those percentages like a game of blackjack? There's definitely probabilities and just human psychologies.

I've heard the most basic one is we have a tendency as humans humans so whatever i throw out most likely like if i'm not really thinking about it i will be prone to throwing out the thing that would have beat my previous hand so if i throw scissors probability says i'm gonna throw a rock on my on my next throw do you believe jason that you are as good at rock, paper, scissors against a stranger as you are someone you know? No. So would you ask them questions beforehand like, hmm, what's your favorite color? Well, it's really about them knowing me.

I want them to know me because I've got to read what they are reading. Do you lie? Do I lie about who? No, I want them to know exactly who I am so that they think they know where i'm going do you drop on some subtle hints like you're like yeah i was a geology major in high school i'm all about that rock life no i i don't i don't take it you know my favorite music is what percent okay now let's let's let's explore the other side of this question

the arm wrestling let's not what percentage of the population do you think you could beat at arm wrestling? I don't know. Most of the women. Sure. I mean, I would say that. I doubt it. I mean, are kids open to this? You've got to go 18.

Why can I throw a football so much farther than you guys, but I can't beat you in arm wrestling? That's actually a leverage. It's the same thing as like. Leverage hurts me. Even if I was an average bisexual man. Bisexual. Even if I was an average, my arm length would be, I feel like that would be bad for arm wrestling.

Or is that good? No, I have no idea. But for throwing a football, I think that's good. I mean, I feel like the distance between my elbow and the end of my finger is longer than both of you guys. Correct. Yeah, more than likely. We get a measurement here? This is simply reminding me, so I will ask you guys, if you experienced this growing up, did you ever arm wrestle your dad?

Certainly. I'm sure I did. Did you ever beat your dad? Certainly not. No. Oh, man. Did you do that? You're darn right.

Recently? No, this was like- How is he still alive? Is that when he bought his bicycle? I'm gone from the earth. I'm disappearing from the face of the planet. I mean, I own his house now. That's like part of the deal.

But no, it was like. Was this after his shoulder surgery? No, this was toward the end of high school. And I was getting my workout on. I was decently fit at one point. And we just got to the point where I'm like, oh, this is happening. Wait, did you provoke it or him? That part I don't remember.

I'm sure I did. There's a difference. There's the kid coming at his dad, and then there's the dad going like, you're still not stronger than me. All right, let's go, son. But either way, the father still believes that they're going to win. Well, yeah. They should.

None of my children. They can't turn it down. That's for sure. The father can't be like, I'm out. My children will never beat me at arm wrestling. It's impossible. You will never arm wrestle them once they get to an even questionable state. That's right.

Now, here's my question. I know your father is a very healthy man. You talk about that. Very good eater, exercises a lot. Did that start at that loss? Was he an extremely obese, lazy man prior to that loss? No, no. He was already healthy.

He's more of a body weight guy, though. Interesting. While I was hitting the iron, getting jacked. If either of my sons grow up and beat me in arm wrestling, I'm just done. Let me ask you a question. Look over there. You're just gone. They never see you again.

Smoke bomb. Is there something to be said about, like, there's sprinters and there's marathoners. Sure. Like, there's sprinters and there's marathoners. Sure. And you imagine if you arm wrestle somebody and you win quickly or you lose quickly, you would imagine the same result is going to happen from the second and the third and the fourth time. I would imagine so, yes. But is there a level of endurance?

What I lack in bisexual talents, can I make up for in like... I don't think so. Yeah. Endurance? No, I don't think so. Not you. You specifically, no. I don't think you could.

This show's going real bad for me lately. Last couple of episodes have been bad. I don't know which one to take. No, that's not a word, Al. I'm making that word up. Just so you're aware. It's for a comedic value. That makes me feel better.

I've never heard that before. No, bisexual is not a word. It is today. It's a dangerous word. Well, it's a spelling show. As we've said, if I say a word and you know exactly what I mean, that's a word. Get out of my face here. It's not actually recognized by Webster.

I don't care. Someone made up words at some point. There is a slang term. A bisexual is a person, usually male, who defines himself by the size of his biceps. Okay, so I've already brought my wife up. I don't want to wear extra small t-shirts, which Andy is wearing an extra small t-shirt. This is a terrible episode.

Before this episode started, I told you guys I hated this shirt so much. Thank you. Thank you, Mike. Oh, man. This is not a good day. Can we move on?

I mean, this is a long time on this question. Paper, rock, scissors, randomness over what I got. I think I'm going to take the arm wrestling because I want it to be my fault if I lose. I want to be like, you know what? I didn't deserve. The way you treat paper, rock, scissors, it would be your fault if you lost. The way that you try to treat it is pure skill. You're right.

I'd win. I take paper, rock, scissors. Mike? I'll go paper, rock, scissors, it would be your fault if you lost. The way that you try to treat it is pure skill. You're right. I'd win. I take paper, rock, scissors. Mike? I'll go paper, rock, scissors. Quinn from Patreon, would you rather human extinction come via alien invasion or an AI takeover? So we're going extinct either way. There's no saving the planet.

So basically the question is, which one is the bandaid? Which one is the ripping it off? Which one hurts less? That's what I'm talking about. Just like get it over with. I have my answer. Yeah, I think I want the aliens. Ooh.

I think I want the robots. I want the robots. If you're talking about, hopefully my leaving the earth is painless or at least quick. It won't be painless, but they're robots. They don't feel, right? Exactly. So they are simply executing a job where an alien, if they are truly a superior race of being

and they have better technology and things like that, but they are warriors. They haven't transcended to become fully peaceful they're here to take over the earth i think they're gonna do some terrible things to people yeah i agree they're they're gonna they're gonna be monsters whereas robots will be just just get it done terminate wipe the terminator didn't torture anybody what a great title mike for like a robot takeover. See, my thought was you guys brought up some good points,

but the robots will eventually, like we're going to fight them. Then they're going to usurp us, but it will be like just above us and we'll be wiped out. Whereas the aliens could come in with super weapons we've never. Exactly. Aliens could be so far more progressed than we are that it's just boom shakalaka yeah they push a button near our planet

and we all just vaporize and we make that sound we still have gas in us we're saving that one for the draft so you're going robot an alien should be an intelligent life form with some level of I need a bigger shirt

I need a bigger shirt somebody I need a bigger shirt. Somebody help me. Our YouTubes are doing... It's shrinking right now. Real well these last few weeks. Get this man a hoodie. And an alien, do you think you could, like, not negotiate, but, you know, maybe convince him to keep you around as, like, a pet?

No, because I think what would happen is you would be a slave at that, but you'd be complete subjugation. No, I get that, but maybe. Mike wants to fetch. Maybe I could be like a dog for the alien. All right. How is that better than extinction? I love my dogs.

I guarantee you at some point in your life, you've gone, man, dogs have good. That's a good life. This is a good life that my dog has right now. They lay around. Sometimes they play. They get fed. They take naps all the time. You're a good dog owner, Mike.

Yes. Because I look at my dogs and I think, man, they have a terrible life. Oh, okay. Shoot, I got to feed them. When was the last time I fed this dog? Well, then maybe my dog karma will save me from the aliens. Here's some information. Is that Siri?

Apparently Siri's going off on my watch. Yeah, I do think that the absence of any kind of emotion in robots would be helpful. Because you're dying either way. It's bad either way. because you're dying either way it's bad either way the worst case scenario is if you have you know evil motives in addition and i think that the aliens could have that won't robots focus on efficiency and they'll be like we should keep their bodies like kind of alive to harvest some organs and stuff wouldn't they i don't think they actually will though i guess they don't need the organs Yeah they don't really have a need for anything

What if they're like hey some aliens may come and we can sell them these organs Because like the matrix They turn us into batteries And it's like really With all these future robots You're trying to tell me that You couldn't develop a better battery I just feel like robots will waste

And that could be painful Robots what? They won't be feel like robots will waste, and that could be painful. Robots? What? They won't be wasteful. Oh, yes. They'll be excellent and efficient, which means that there's a chance that it's painful. That's all I'm saying. It's going to be painful either way, but just quick. They won't be... Neither

one, I suppose, will probably be very empathetic. Like, try to take care of you quickly. But the odds are higher that... Yes, for the robot that's that the aliens would be no no no well why is a robot empathetic a robot cannot be empathetic or angry you can't no it is indifferent to your suffering sorry i meant just more of you you take the empathy i don't know i'll roll the dice that it's just gonna to be fast. Sergio from Patreon says, would you rather be royalty 2,000 years ago or an average person today?

Okay. So there are definitely some pros and cons of being royalty 2,000 years ago. So do I want to be royalty for about 35 years before I die at the hand of somebody else or a disease? That's a big maybe making it to 35. Right. Because there's no rules.

Can I have a certain amount of time guaranteed to me 2,000 years ago, Al? No, 35 years. Oh, gosh. That's very generous. Yeah, I mean, look. So I'd be dead already. Well, no, you get 35 years from now. Right now we're starting.

Oh, really? Yeah, sure. So from some... that's not bad so he like now he's generous i'm the king right because it's not just about longevity it's about the the quality of life like is it better yeah you know right now i could turn my lights on with alexa and i don't know go to the bathroom in a toilet with plumbing. You know, kings were peeing in pots, pooping in pots. Yeah, you're taking a dump down the old stone chute. You had somebody that would come and clean it for you.

I don't know that I would enjoy that more than just my toilet cleaning it for me. And that's a problem for me. Like, yeah, I have people who I have given no choice to, and all they do is they shovel my poop. Yeah. The poop people. It's incredible power, Mike. I can't live that life.

I think you would live just fine. I don't think so. I mean, you have ultimate power control riches. Yeah, you want that? Do you actually want that? Just for 35 years. It's a legitimate question. Do you actually want that? Do you want

complete 100% power and control? And no, all those people hate you. I want it like an experiment. I don't want it like I'm thriving for it or striving for it now. You want to really see what kind of person you are?

Will you be a benevolent ruler? I want to play the video game. You know how we all play the video game different than we do real life? Oh, yes. We've all played Sims or games like that where you do things that you wouldn't be proud of as a real ruler. Right. I want that.

I wouldn't mind that experience. Okay. Okay. That would be a tough decision. There's only so many kings. Right. And I feel like I am the king of my household right now. You know, royalty in my home.

So with the Alexa, the electricity, the plumbing, I have to take modernity. I have to. Iity. I have to. I don't think I could. The vaccine? You think you got 35 more years right now? More likely than 35 more years back then. I just, I am not cut out for the hard life.

The leeches to treatment life? Yeah, that's not, you know. Dysentery every other weekend? No, I'm going to need everything first rate, first world, and... Back then, you would be able to... You'd just give those diseases to your servants. Really? You'd be able to avoid it.

Yeah, you could just say, hey, you get dysentery for me. I don't think that sounds worse. I am king of the germs. You get 35 years. It's clear you're not going to die from dysentery. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know if I get 35 years from here. You'll be an average person

today. Modernity. Mike? I will choose today. I'm taking today. I'm not going back 2,000 years ago. Whatever, I'll be the king 2,000 years ago. Enjoy your candles. I just want to try taking over some countries. Yeah, but he doesn't have to light the candles. Yeah, but as soon as the sun is down, you're like, well, can't see. In fact, I can execute people for not lighting them.

That's true. And that's the power he's looking for. That's the power I'm looking for here. All right. Here's my promise. I will alternate years. Odd years, I'm an evil king. Even years, I'm a good king.

Okay. So my people kind of stay on their toes. Yeah, or they- Is it a good year or bad? Well, you're right. The end of an even year is going to go poorly for you, Andy. Yeah, fair enough. We figured out his code.

And I would make appropriate size clothing. I'd have my servants make appropriate size row huge row because you'll be freezing due to no heat. That's right. Ernie from the website, which video game company would you rather erase from human history? Oh no. Along with all their creations.

You think we know these? I do a Activision rockstar Ubisoft. I don't know these enough to know. Well, Rockstar is Red Dead and GTA is all the sports, the major sports franchises for a long time. Except EA is my easy answer. Really? Yes. They EA.

I'm not sure what EA has done good for video games. This whole Madden, now we're talking to like the super sports nerds, but the Madden Monopoly has ruined football games. They don't have to make the game better. They just make another game and they know that everyone's going to buy it. I'm going to buy it. My son wants to buy it. They made, according to this, all the Dragon Age games.

They made the Battlefront games, the Star Wars games. They published. That's theirs now. That's theirs. Okay. BioWare belongs to EA. Mass Effect? It's gone.

I could take it. Mass Effect's great. I could take it. How dare you? I can't get rid of Rockstar. No. They're the easiest keep of all. Red Dead is in.

What has Activision done? NBA Jam. Call of Duty. Oh, okay. Call of Duty can go away. Yeah, let's get rid of that. Although losing NBA Jam would stink. NFL Blitz. Can I just bring this up for a second so people understand?

I hate first-person shooters. I hate them. And I hate them for one reason, and that's it, Andy. That's it. I spawn and die. That's the only two things I can do. Have you played Spawn and Die by EA? Man, I'd be good at that.

You just have to pay a little bit more and you're good at it. I mean, this was like a decade ago. Before I even had children, when I still had time to play video games, and I was terrible at first-person shooters. I just could not. Most people change, and they're like how good they are at games, and you've always sucked at that. I've always sucked at that.

You want to know what it is, though? I've played with you. We played some Overwatch together. You suck because you're, like, afraid constantly. Yeah, it's terrifying. You play like there's a bee in your room. Yes. Yes, I do.

That's exactly right. And you haven't even been in the room, but you knew it. I watched your character. Yes. He plays like there's a bee. You were in the room. We all tried to play that game together. And Jason's like, oh, you want to tell somebody what to do.

I need a volume to play first person shooters. I'd be great. I'd just be normal speed. All right. One more. Sam from Twitter. Would you rather have all of your books be paperback or e-books or audio books? All your books.

All the books. I'm going to be old man here. I am so not an e-book guy. Okay. So I'm out on e-books. Now, audio books are great. Yeah, I completely agree with you. That's the easy get rid of for me. So I'm between

the audio books, which are great, and paper books, which are great, but e-books are terrible. I hate... First of all, if it's on an iPad or something that doesn't have like that e-paper screen, my eyes are bleeding. But have you ever kindled?

No, I've kindled. No, I've never owned a Kindle specifically. Because they look very different. There's one benefit for e-books. Can you think of it? There's one benefit. You have all your books in one spot. It's searching.

I guess two benefits if you say that. But I like the physical book. So I'm going to go with that. The paper? Yeah, paper. How many books are you reading these days? Like four or five. A year?

No, just right now. You're reading four or five books right now? Yeah. I do not understand these people. How do you read four books at the same time? Bookmarks. Well, I understand how to find my place, but I'm saying. How do you read four books at the same time? Bookmarks. Well, I understand how to find my place, but I'm saying, how do you jump back and forth? And how is there not something inside of you that says-

They can't be the same genre. You're saying, I must complete this book before I move on to my next task. I have made no promises that I will complete any of these books. I have only done the part that's easy. When is the last time you have finished a book? Ooh, is that a better question? That's a good question. And I don't know.

It's been a while. It's probably because you're trying to read five books at the same time. Have you considered finishing a book before opening another one? No, I have not. Okay, that might increase your book completion. Do you double fist? Oh, double reading? Just jump back and forth between the two.

I get two of the same, and I hold them in both arms. I'm taking audiobooks. Audiobooks are really, really great. Yeah, they are outstanding. I don't have to read. But you can zone out on them, because the context in which you use audiobooks a lot of times are areas where you zone out. You could be driving.

Something could get you talking to someone. You get a phone call and you don't, you know, you could lose a little bit of it. Tell you what the dangerous is about that is have you ever done the audio book while you're going to sleep? Oh, yeah. Say goodbye. Eight chapters. Where was I? You have no idea.

Well, I guess I'm hitting this back 15 seconds. They need sleep detectors on those. That would be so smart. Well, they could put a timer on, but you still, how far back do I go? Yeah, that gets stressful. That's like the sleep timer on the TV. I like setting it up, but I'm like, what if this goes off right before I want it to go off? Yeah, I'm going to go paper books here.

Because right now I'm reading Harry Potter to Isaac, my youngest. It's been a fun little thing we're doing every night. I couldn't do that. I like to be able to highlight it, too. Yeah, mark it up. Can't mark up an audio book. That's fair. We can try.

I'm going old man with you, Andy. All right. Paper. Mike, you going audio yes okay can i guess skip to the draft no i'm sorry well we can do this we can take a quick break and then come back to your favorite segment okay spit once let's talk about indochino and let's talk about style and style. Well, it's not math. All right. There's not a correct answer for every single person.

You got to find what's right for you. I just recently went to a school gala. That's right. I'm that sophisticated. I went to a gala. I wore my Indochino suit. It was perfectly formed to my frame. I'm a very tall gentleman. If I just bought a suit off the rack, it would not make any sense. It would be very wide on me. The shoulders would be messed up. We've been fans of Indochina for so long because they make it super easy. You can design a look that suits you perfectly from the fabric to the cut. You can shop their made-for-you suits. They start at just $449, and premium fitted shirts start at just $89. Look, you can fine-tune every single detail, like the lining. I made a custom lining. It looks like a nebula. I can open up my jacket,

and you're in outer space. That's right. Get a premium personalized wardrobe without spending a fortune, and you can design that perfect suit with Indochino. To get $50 off any purchase of $3.99 or more, use that promo code BALLERS at Indochino.com. That's I-N-D-O-C-H-I-N-O.com, promo code BALLERS. Highway to Spell. Can we skip to the draft it's just shrinking it's just shrinking on me is it shrinking or are you getting a little bigger i had some candy um highway to spell is back again i don't like it because i'm afraid we've only done it once. Well, I didn't like it. It was very stressful.

It's stressful. It's stressful because... I don't want to be the... If you guys are the idiot first, I'm fine being an idiot. Right. Yes, that's right. Don't be the first idiot.

That's this game. I'm going to make life easy on you two gentlemen. Good. All right, Al, what are we in for today? We are going to start at fifth grade

just to get the prime the pump, and then we're going to jump to seventh grade please we better be prime who's first andy is oh you know well then all right tiny shirt t-i-n-y go ahead what's my first word your uh fifth grade level i might fail right here imagine okay. Okay. All right. Imagine. I-M-A-G-I-N-E. Imagine. Perfect. Woo!

Okay. That makes it so much worse. I'm freaking out over here. Good. We'll save you. So Mike's up. Your fifth grade level word? Give it to me.

Favorite. Favorite. Favorite. F-A-V-O-R-I-T-E. Favorite. Correct. Please be kind. The word kind? I think you can handle this.

Here you go. Please no. Chemical. Oh, come on. That's way harder. You always give him the easy ones. Hip Hop Anonymous. All right.

It's C-H-E-M-I-C-A-L. Chemical. All right. You guys are all smarter than a frisbee. We did it. It's C-H-E-M-I-C-A-L. Chemical. All right. You guys are all smarter than a fifth grader. We did it. It's all found money now. Take that, fifth graders. That's right.

Okay. We're up to seventh grade? We're going to jump to seventh here. All right. Play along with us. My hand is legitimately shaking. Look at this. My hand is legitimately shaking.

What's worse, the scat or spelling these words? I think spelling these words because I'm going to look so foolish. You did all right last time all right here you go andy seventh grade word immobilize uh standby all right i've got it i've got it i've got how i wrote it. How did you go? I like that the example sentence I have here says, Fear had immobilized him. Yeah, that's fair.

I-M-M-O-B-I-L-I-Z-E. Immobilized. Correct. All right. For the record, Mike and I would have gotten that correct. It is for the record. Yes, for the record. All right.

Mike, your seventh grade word? Guarantee. Guarantee. Okay. A guarantee. I'm out on this one. All right. Guarantee. Guarantee. Okay. I guarantee I'm out on this one. All right. Guarantee. All right.

G-U-A-R-A-N-T-E-E. Guarantee. I guarantee that's correct. You are correct. Oh, Jason, you got it. I would have had it right. The old guarantee. He's trying to get partial credit for each of our words in case he fails his word.

You see right through me. All right, Jason, your seventh grade word. Adequate. Am I adequate? Oh, man. I don't know. That's not right. Oh, gosh.

Oh, my goodness. I'm writing it, but I'm not sure I got it. All right. You guys talk while I figure this out. Do you think Jason is adequate for the task? Oh, my gosh. There's no way. I'm looking at what I wrote.

No, I'm wrong. You know how you write a word and you're like, that's not right. I don't know this one. Adequate? All right. Give it a go. It's time to go. He's writing again.

Can I hear it used in a sentence? Ours are so different. This office is pretty adequate for my needs. Yeah. There's no. All right. I've got. Okay.

A.D. Nailed it. A.D.E.Q. U.A.T-E. Oh, man. That is correct. No way! Okay.

I'm the smartest man alive! I had it wrong. I had it wrong on the second letter. Wait, what? In my head, it was a T. Oh, that's funny. You thought it was adequate? In my head, it was a T. Oh, that's funny. So here. You thought it was adequate?

In my head, that's all I could see. And I knew it was wrong. You would have been super dumb. Wait, were you? Did you spell it right? No, I didn't. So I would have won on that? Well, you would have if we were all competing on the same word.

I had it A-D-A. I had everything the same, but A-D-A. A dacwit? Wow. I wouldn't have pronounced it a dacquit I am so real quick since we're talking about spelling and you thought it was you know

you had the weirdest one I've ever heard I knew it was wrong well here's what's crazy we're doing a draft after this which I can't wait for because it's not this right and we're drafting the best onomatopoeia and I can't tell you when I saw this draft and I saw it spelled out, my mind was blown because if you told us to spell the word onomatopoeia,

that's easy because it's on-a-mo-na-p-e-a. Right, it's onomatopoeia. When I saw a T in the middle of this word. There's a T in there? Onomatopoeia? It's a tomato. There's a tomato in the middle. That blew my There's a T in there? Yeah. Onomatopoeia? It's a tomato. There's a tomato in the middle. That blew my mind.

All right. Onomatopoeia. All right. We got to go to the next one. I thought you were going to get eliminated there, Jason. I'm disappointed. Very proud. All right.

Give it to me. All right. Andy, your eighth grade level word. Gulp. Amateur. I don't like his pronunciation. Yeah. All right.

Amateur. All right. A-M-A-T-E-U-R. That is correct. Very nice. All right. Amateur. All right. A-M-A-T-E-U-R. That is correct. Very nice. Very nice. Very nicely done. That was much easier than adequate.

You mean adequate? Yes. All right, Mike, your eighth grade level word. Haphazard. Oh. Wait, is there a trick in here? Haphazard. H-A-P-H-a-z-a-r-d that is correct oh all right i would have spelled both of those right let's go here you go jason anecdote

anecdote yeah i think we're supposed to be making a sentence. And like, I'll give you a funny little anecdote when I spell anecdote. A-N-E-C-D-O-T-E. Anecdote. That is correct. Oh, yeah, baby. We're in high school now. Is that what's happening? You have just graduated eighth grade. That's a huge accomplishment at this point. All right, baby. We're in high school now. Is that what's happening? You have just graduated eighth grade.

Congratulations. That's a huge accomplishment at this point. All right, Andy, your ninth grade level word. Vengeance. Oh. V-E-N-G-E-A-N-C-E. Vengeance is mine. That's what I got.

Well done. All right. did you have that wrong Jason there's an A in the middle of that word it's vengeance it's one of those fancy words I no longer feel bad about getting adequate alright Mike your 9th grade level word

fluorescent okay Mike said your ninth grade level word fluorescent okay mike's face said mike said uh i think i got that one i this is i'm gonna circle the problem yeah okay fluorescent let me see yours jason fluorescent as they look f l o r e-N-T. I am sorry. That is incorrect. F-L-U-O-R. And other than that, you had it correct.

Yeah, the U was... Oh, man. I knew I was 50-50 there. Wow. I would have got it wrong. I put the U in mine. However, I went S-C-E-N-T. It is only C?

No, there's an S. S-C-E-N-T. Oh, then I nailed it. You got it right. All right. So Mike's the first eliminator? I'm out. He is.

Oh, my goodness. Jason, me and you. You won the first time, right? Keep in mind, Jason, if you get this wrong, Andy wins. Keep that in mind. Here is your ninth grade level word. Wait, if I get this wrong, he wins. Because he already won this round.

Because he's alive. Oh, thank you for the update. Camouflage. Camouflage? I've never heard of this word can you please it's a new type of candy uh say that again please camouflage that's the stupidest person of all time uh aluminium camouflage um i gotta try and spell it yeah i'm a little worried about mine because i think there's a sneak uh this is good don't forget the flodge don't forget the flodge one one more time share bear camouflage okay i'm pretty confident i got it um i'm pretty confident i don't well you get you got to give it up uh put it all on the line all right here we go camouflage c-a-m-o flodge

um all right okay okay he's got four versions on his path four written down which one looks right oh man these these are wrong camouflage it's so stupid it's camouflage dude um camouflage c-a-m-o-f-l-a this suspense is killing me oh is it you or is it a g i'm gonna go Is it U or is it a G? I'm going to go... G-E. You got the last part correct. There was a U that you missed in the middle.

C-A-M-O-U-F-L-A-G-E. I feel much better about that because I never would have seen it. Did you write that down? Did you have it correct? Nope. Oh, that sucks. I only had to spell mine right. I wasn't sure if the pronunciation was going to make you throw a D in at the end.

On one of my versions I wrote down, I did have a D. That is true. Camouflage. Camouflage. All right. I feel like we all did pretty well. I'm proud of myself. On my way to spell. Time to draft.

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funds depends on payer. Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. See Chime.com slash Spot me. Chime was the 2021 number one most downloaded banking app in the United States, according to Apptopia. The Spitballers Draft. Well, Jason mentioned that we are drafting the best onomatopoeia words, which is a way of saying words that sound like that's words that are sound words that are sound. Yeah.

It sounds like the meaning of the word. That's where I was going. Yeah. And that's why I opened it up simply like, well, to give one away, bark. Bark is the sound that a dog makes yes great now i've got him now i've got to come up with another one on my list well you whatever all right this is such a bizarre draft i don't know if there's any strategy here of i have no idea clear 101 yeah well i i mean i have a clear 101 but I don't even know if it'll be on people's lists or not.

It is, this word can be used for many things, an impact, an explosion. John Madden loved this word. Okay. Going with boom. Tough act to connect. Boom. Now you went with boom. You did not go with the variant kaboom.

Correct. I took boom. Okay. Just boom. All right. Kabo you went with boom. You did not go with the variant kaboom. Correct. I took boom. Okay. Just boom. All right. Kaboom came along later. Boom. Flavacol.

Is kaboom the baby of boom? I think that's the grandpa. Yeah. I think kaboom is actually a larger explosion. Right. Because you're getting two sounds. Kaboom. Okay.

Instead of just boom. In which way? Not kerplow. That's different. don't tread on my potential words here uh andy all right so i'm looking here um and i'm so i'm gonna take one that is not very fun but are you going functional it's functional i use it all the time i haven't actually seen this on a list like i was looking up lists of onomatopoeia but i still think this is and i think you guys will agree this word sounds like the meaning of the word okay which makes it onomatopoeia onomatopoeia um meh meh meh like you know what i mean like we said all the time we we whenever we're talking

about a player we don't like man what's it's a it's a it's a word to describe like sub-average yeah you're just kind of like exhaling the meh yeah well i i love that pick great job jason all right so you're going with is that is that an onomatopoeia? It feels like it's skirting the rules a little bit, but it does. Does it? See, because you don't really like, isn't that the sound of what it means?

Like, meh. I don't know. I feel like you're ruining the draft. I mean, I'll, I'll accept the verdict if that's not onomatopoeia. Can you see it in a comic book?

Doing something. They're closing a door, and the door closes going, meh. No, I cannot. You punch someone in the face, and the action says, meh. Wait, is that the litmus test for onomatopoeia? It's a pretty good one. Is it a comic book? It's not everything, but it's

I think a good baseline. I will say this. I'm looking at a list of like 700 of them, and they all belong in a comic book. You want to make a pivot? Huh. Maybe I will. All right. We can get this going. We've got boom. Now what do you got?

All right. I will pivot to... Look, I'm getting paid over here. Cha-ching, baby. That's a great. See, there you go. That's a good one. Yeah. Is that a good pick?

Yeah, that's a great pick. Yeah. I would have gone with cha-ching, but. Really? Cha-ching. Cha-ching? Yeah. Cha-ching.

How do you say it? We're amateurs at this, Mike. You're a pro. How would you guys say it? Cha-ching. You go cha-ching. How do you say it? We're amateurs at this, Mike. You're a pro. How would you guys say it? Cha-ching. It's definitely both, but I don't know what I say now. Yeah. Ka-ching.

I think I say cha-ching. Cha-ching. To be clear, this is when you're opening a register. That's a cash register. It's the sound of money. I would go cha-ching. Yeah, I would go cha-ching. But ka-ching. Yeah, I would go cha-ching. But cha-ching makes sense too.

Cha-ching would be if I was dropping a coin into a pile of coins. Okay. Oh. So cha-ching involves dollars. That's right. It involves the money drawer. It's more lucrative. It's the money drawer.

Okay. Cha-ching. Did we do this? We're there. You got a pick here? And you did draft Cha-Ching. Yes. Nice one.

I have no idea what my pick is. Okay. My first pick, I will go with, I want a word that is entertaining. Right? Sure. Onomatopoeia can be very fun and funny. Yeah. So I will go with the word that I think just makes you kind of laugh and it's funny and you imagine funny things.

And that is splat. Oh, that's a great word. That's a good one. Splat's a good one. Splat the cat. I'm going with splat. Something hits the countertop and it goes splat. I'm also realizing something because you could have gone with curse splat.

You're just throwing the cur in front of all of them. I know, but I'm pretty- You got ka-boom, ka-ching, curse splat. Someone came along and threw a bunch of- It doesn't work. If you can't put cur in front of it, it's not onomatopoeia. All right, my second pick is,

it's another fun sound. And there are a variety in this category, but this is the best one. Why didn't you take it first? Well, I mean, the best of this category. My first pick was Splat. My second pick is Vroom. Oh, man. You were waiting for Vroom to come back?

Yeah. Vroom, baby. Come, Vroom. Vroom. I can see that in the comic book. Car goes Vroom. Yeah, car goes Vroom to come back? Yeah. Vroom, baby. Come, Vroom. Vroom. I can see that in the comic book. Car goes Vroom. Yeah, car goes Vroom. They used to anyways.

Now they go whiz. All right. All right. So I've got, I better write these down. I'm going to forget my own picks. I've got Splat and Vroom. I was really hoping for Vroom. Really?

I was. I love drafts like this where you're like of all the sounds you're like man that one that was the only one i could come up with um so i didn't i this was the first one on my list because i think it was the best but i couldn't take it with my last pick because of your first pick it was very similar you went boom oh no i'm going bang that's a gun okay you know you got the little the little flag that that's a comic book word of all of them yeah bang bang bang yeah ka-ching that's his two i don't know all right mike you're back you don't have room though all right well i was i was set up

on this turn to go with room in this pick so at least I know one of them. This Bedingi one? I legitimately thought about doing my last pick, do I just take Bedingi? Oh, man. But I'm going to take the sound. It is the sound of light things, like a cloud might make this sound.

A smoke bomb might make this sound. You can pronounce it funny ways, but in the written word, it is simply poof. Oh. But you can hit it with a poof. Okay. Poof. There was another sound.

There was another onomatopoeia that came to mind. Mike is just exhaling air all over me. I'm poofing. There's a few sounds for clouds that came to mind. Ooh. Okay. Maybe one will be my pick. We'll see.

Okay. Well, now I have boom and poof, which were the first two words that I wrote. That sounds like my fart. Boom. Poof. Those can be fart sound as well. Most of these can. So just to, since we're halfway through, I think it's more entertaining to read them.

Mike has boom and poof. Jason has cha-ching and bang. And I have splat and vroom. And now we're on to the third and fourth rounds. Alright. Now this is where we're up against it here. Do I need some

function? Oh no, I know what I know. This is traditionally, just so you know, the hardest part of an onomatopoeia draft. Right here. The third pick. Well known. We all know what the first few of an onomatopoeia draft. Right here. The third pick. Well known. We all know what the first few sounds are going to be. Everybody knows.

All right. I will take another action sound. Man. Although I guess all. They're all action sounds. All onomatopoeia would be an action of some kind. I will take the sound of something entering water. I'm going to take splash. Oh,

splash is a great one. Splash. Splash is a steal in the third round. Also, also a, a, a smash hit movie starring, uh,

Tom Hanks. I don't remember. Oh yeah. I loved that. That was Tom Hanks. And, uh, Oh, I can't remember. No, no, it wasn't Goldie Hawn. Ooh, we. I loved that. That was Tom Hanks. Oh, I can't remember

her name. Not Goldie Hawn. No. No, it wasn't Goldie Hawn. Oh, we got to vet this. No, we don't. It was Daryl Hanna. There it is. It's a little too old for us. Yeah, that's why I was I don't remember Daryl Hanna. But, yeah.

Alright. Splash. I'm happy. Steal of the round. So far. Here'm happy. Steal of the round so far. Here we go. Best pick of the third round. Jason, how are we doing over there? I'm doing all right. I'm doing okie dokie. I'm looking for some words.

How are you looking? Because, you know, my list is endless over here. He doesn't want another meh. He doesn't want to make that mistake. Here's the actual problem. The actual problem is I have another Matt. I have one that I believe is one that I can't buy. Can you put it in the comic action?

Yes, you could put it in a comic book. I definitely think you could put it in a comic book. So we'll see because I think it passes that list. He's going to fail again. I might. But I think I'm going to fail. But I'm going to go. Shoot your shot. Shooter's going to fail again. I might. But I think I'm going to fail. But I'm going to go. Shoot your shot.

Shooter's going to shoot. Bang. Bang, bang. I am going... Look, if I'm flying in on that, you know, into the lake on that rope swing, you know what I'm doing on my way? Whee! Is that...

What's the rule? What's the verdict? That's not a word. That's something that people say yeah isn't you having a hard time wait can people say we could say things that aren't words but i'm saying like no no it's not if you put it in a comic book what it what goodness gracious how is this so difficult if you put it in the comic book what is making the sound we besides a very delighted person besides a person what's making the sound bark except for the dog but it's it's not a human

it's not a word all right i don't know i don't think we i don't think we's an onomatopoeia i don't think so either oh my goodness this is never all right well like if you open a door i guess you could i don't know i'm trying to help you here man i appreciate it but i'll pivot again i want all the words i'm gonna i'm gonna use as many wrong words as i can and i want credit for them uh at the end of this that's it in the draft just give them all six that's yes exactly i will need them um i guess since i look i love like there's there's's many sounds that the zip line would make while you are going down it if you need some help. No, I really...

I think I... Here's what I want that I can't have. I want emotion. That's my meh and my wee. That's where I'm getting thrown off here. But we're drafting on a monopia. Look, and I will, but I want both, and I'm getting both by my strategy of taking whatever I want. This could be one that counts, and then we're the fools.

I am seeing it on lists of onomatopoeia words. Oh, well, looks like I didn't come up with it. Let it go through. I just don't know what it describes other than what you say. I think that's what it's describing, right? No, I mean, if you scream, you can scream anything. Banana. Yeah, see, that doesn't work.

It doesn't work. All right, well, that's fine. I'll go with a different one. Is we a word you would write in a book? Because that's what it would come down to to me. Because it is a word made from a sound is there a little piggy in the book little piggy goes we yeah he goes all the way home yeah uh it's it's i don't know i don't know what to do i know this is this is we should only do drafts of things

we know uh i feel like i i'm all right final word Al, and then he either keeps it or he moves on. He can keep it if he wants. Oh, baby. Okay. Send it through. All right, back to me. My final two picks. What do you got?

You got splat. I've got splat and I've got vroom. Oh, you got vroom. And sometimes your vroom makes a sound. If you make a mistake on the road, and sometimes it goes crash. Ooh, okay. So I'm going with crash as my third pick.

Very car-centric over there. Well, my fourth pick isn't. My fourth pick, it's going to take you right into the old bathroom. Because when you're in the old bathroom. Splash? Flush? Well, no, I mean, look, a lot of these would work in the bathroom, but I'm going with plop.

Oh. I'm going with plop. And that works with a kerplop. Yeah. It does work with a kerplop. So we're okay there. So my entire list is now splat, vroom, crash, and plop. Plop is an excellent pick.

Plop, plop. Yeah, honestly, I probably would have gone with Kerplop with this next pick. You should have gone with it over wheat. Look. We gave you many chances. I could have, but I'll let it slide. All right. I'm deciding between two here.

Which is also the sound of a Kerplop. Something sliding. All right. I'm between two here. Something sliding. All right. I'm between two here. You only get one. Don't worry, gentlemen. They're both on normal onomatopoeia lists. All right.

So this will just be against you if you disagree. But I'm going to go with something I love to do. Plop? You just took it. It's already been drafted what do I do even more than that I eat I chomp

that's right Mike put these chompers to work if I don't have eating in a draft then it's no draft of mine you could have gone with sizzle too yeah that's true could have gone with sizzle too oh yeah but that's that's true bang we chomp for jason mike you've got boom poof

splash oh you've got some uh i got some heavy hit you got some heavy they hit hard like boom yeah and then poof even poof is like it it's really fast. Yeah, it's got the heart attack sound. And the splash is really fast. You got nothing slow, Mike. Oof. You got nothing calm. That's true. I don't.

But onomatopoeia is not. You got no fizz, Mike. You got no fizz. Your fizz isn't going to slow me down. You got no taps. Oh, man. All right. Can I interest you in a meow?

Maybe a whoosh. Yeah, no one's taking an animal sound. How about a cock-a-doodle-doo? I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if that one counted. Yeah, absolutely. That does? That was the second one I was between, between cock-a-doodle-doo and chop. But you went wee.

Have you seen sounds that animal makes is also regional? What? They have accents? People don't think they make cock-a-doodle-doo? No, like other countries have different onomatopoeia for their animals. Oh, that makes more sense. I'll bet the cock-a-doodle-doo one is pretty close. Like in Europe, the bees, they all go zazz.

I'm telling you, it's weird. Al, see if you can find any French sounds for animals. I thought what you were saying was that like- Yes, they all say oui and bonjour. Bonjour doodle doo. Bonjour doodle doo. Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, moo. This is what we know about France.

Croissant, croissant. All right, Mike, you got one last pick I'm so I'm stuck if I want to like double dip cause there's some that are definitely hyphenated phrases and you need both of them so as that power

up my onomatopoeia then I'm getting a twofer and I'm just I just have one that's very, very simple. It's really up to you. I know, I'm just talking through my process right now, talking through my process.

I'm going to go with a classic here. Okay. I'm going to go with a classic. This one's been around since Andy was a king 2 000 years ago probably because to make sure that you keep time tick tock yes tick tock yes also it's also it's aggressive of you can you can tick tock in someone's face and they are they will not like it oh that's true even a social media at this point it is they. Oh, that's true. It's even a social media at this point. It is. They spell it wrong.

That's true. No, look, don't underestimate a hyphenated onomatopoeia. That is a sneaky pick right there. Cock-a-doodle-doo would have got it done. TikTok got it done. The other hyphenated, I don't even know if it's hyphenated, but you got to get both, is ding-dong. Ding-dong's solid.

Ding-dong's great. And I love chomping on ding dongs. Chocolate covered. Awesome. Great. Ho-hos and all sorts. Ding dongs and nutty bars. All sorts.

Yeah. Star crunch. Sure. Chomp, chomp. Chomp, chomp. I thought honk. Honk is a good one because that's a car and that's a goose. Honk, honk. You only need one word. Honk, honk honk is a good one because that's a car and it's a goose. You only need one word.

Honk honk. What do you mean? It's usually one word. No, I'm saying you're only drafting one. You couldn't draft honk honk. No. You just draft honk and say it twice. That's correct.

Could he draft beep beep? Maybe. Maybe. There's so many choices here. No one went toot. Oh, my gosh. I literally Googled fart on a monopia, and I couldn't find toot. You couldn't find toot?

Come on. I considered going just full Batman of boom, blam, pow, biff, sock. No, those would put the combo together. Yeah. See, there were no words. Here's where I'm disappointed in us. We didn't draft any words that are like nouns named after the sound that it makes. Like flip-flops are technically onomatopoeia.

Okay. You know, a sneeze is onomatopoeia. We didn't do any of those. But a sneeze is an action. Achoo is an onomatopoeia. Well, sure, but it's also a noun. The man... The man snows?

Use it as a noun, please. The sneeze was exiting down the road? Of a... Okay, okay, okay. I've got it. Spelling and words. Stop it. No, I was thinking like sneeze and cough, and I found these on... Spelling and words. Stop it. No, I was thinking like sneeze and cough.

And I found these on like cough is a cough drop. But it's still named after the cough. Okay. I mean, I have splash. And splash is the word for when water goes up in the air. Oh, my goodness. The less you know. All right. Oh my goodness. The less you know.

Alright, we are done. We're all dumber now. Boom, poof, splash, tick tock, cha-ching, bang, wee, chomp, splat, vroom, crash, plop. We done. What did we learn today? So much.

Jason doesn't know what onomatopoeia is. That's fair. That's fair. That's fair. I learned how to say camouflage for the first time. I've been saying it wrong all these years. Oh, so Owl did post, sorry, some other countries and the sound that their animals make. So you have a rooster. We have cock-a-doodle-doo here. If I'm reading this right, French would be co-co-ree-co?

That's what they sound like. Co-co-ree-co. Then you have pig. We have oink. And in French, it is, in fact, groin-groin. Groin-groin. Groin-groin. See?

They should have just gone with bonjour. It's probably pronounced differently. What did I learn today? I learned that I will never wear a white shirt this small ever again. Never going to happen. Is that your son's shirt? It is going to be very soon. So now I got this shirt for you.

Mike, did you give yours? Yeah, I learned that Jason doesn't know what onomatopoeia is. Jason, did you learn anything? You learned a lot today yeah I learned how to say camouflage and I learned that Andy doesn't listen to what we learned that is it for today's spitballers podcast catch you next time we made it thank you for listening

goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod.com you