Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Running in Jeans & Movies That Make You Cry - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Spit Hit for March 24, 2022: Have you ever just needed a good cry? Then this episode is for you! We are drafting movies that make you cry. Actual tears may or may not be shed during the recording of... this show. But don’t worry, we also dive into some really funny topics such as: carpet in the kitchen, waterbeds, resting angry face, running in jeans, Jason’s skiing story, and a whole lot more! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Spit wads, when it comes to fitness, you got to keep things fresh because that really helps you stay motivated. And that's what our friends at Peloton are doing. Peloton is pushing you further with so much new. We're talking about the Peloton Bike, the Peloton Bike Plus, with new classes, new music, and new ways to keep your workouts fun and motivating. Just a little humble brag here, Jason. I just hit my 78-week streak.
Starting point is 00:00:27 Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Seriously? On the Peloton app, that's right. I have been rolling. That's why you're looking so good, Mike. Rolling with my Peloton bike. Plus, I love it. There's a new playlist every single day,
Starting point is 00:00:39 riding with these riders who actually, they truly motivate you. You find someone you connect with, and I'm not joking. When I say a ride with Alex Toussaint, you leave the bike on fire and absolutely ready to take on the day and take on your life. They just added boxing to the app. They have new artist series, music selections, like an Encanto ride. If you're getting down with you
Starting point is 00:01:05 know bruno we don't we don't talk yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's right whatever but i love my peloton bike plus i'm on this thing all the time and i highly suggest you join the crew visit onepeloton.com to learn more that's o-n-e-p-e-l-o-O-N.com. Spitwads, my daughter and I were just talking about we need to do a draft about us crying. Yes. About things that make us cry. Me and you, brother. Me and me, yes. And lo and behold, I told her, I said, we've already done that.
Starting point is 00:01:40 Movies that make you cry. Like, I don't know, Cinderella. Well, take it. No spoilers. No spoilers. One spoiler. One spoiler. Don't judge me. that movies that make you cry like i don't know cinderella well take it take no spoilers no no one spoiler one spoiler don't judge me uh there is a lot of great stuff in this episode come with us run with jeans with us and enjoy the show what happens when three buffoons give life advice explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve it's the spitballers podcast with andy mike and
Starting point is 00:02:17 jason oh i'm getting recorded. Double time here. It's a behind the scenes action. Was that a whisper scat? It was a whisper scat. Just, you know, I'm trying to be like the cool cat, you know? He's trying to lower his risk, which, well done.
Starting point is 00:02:39 And, yeah, I got some behind the scenes because I wanted the spit wads out there to be able to understand. What am I hearing? It just keeps going. Yeah, it's beautiful music. I want them to be able to just see. You've got to fade out appropriately, man. That's how bros do it. I wanted them to be able to see how much you were not wanting to do that.
Starting point is 00:02:59 I very much did not want to do it. Because I got video of you banging your forehead into your microphone four or five times. It's a privilege. It's ridiculous, man, because you're over here. I'm hitting my head on my microphone. And then you come out with magic. That's pretty good. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I enjoyed it thoroughly. But did you ever stop and consider maybe the only reason magic came was due to the blows to the head on the microphone? Oh, I see. That's how I prepped myself. That's how you got the idea? Yeah. That has not worked for Antonio Brown. All right.
Starting point is 00:03:31 We're moving on. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, SpitballersPod.com is the website, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube. You know where to go. And on Apple Podcasts, you can subscribe. You can review the show. We're trying to rebrand your Monday. We're trying to improve the chores around the house.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Mowing the lawn. You know what? People mow the lawn on a Monday? Better with the spit. I feel like that's a Saturday thing. Yes, because people also can listen to the show anytime they want, Mike. But if they're mowing the lawn on a Monday, they put it off. So now the grass is extra long.
Starting point is 00:04:05 And pro tip, if you want this is extra long. Yeah, exactly. And pro tip, if you want this show on Friday, jointhespit.com early access. Jointhespit.com? Do we have that website? Actually, that does work. You can go to jointhespit.com, and it does forward to the correct location. Oh, that's a behind-the-scenes. That's true. It actually works.
Starting point is 00:04:21 Feel back the curtain. We had a big argument when we were starting between whether jointhespit.com was good or horrific. And we landed on spitballerspod.com and then click become a spitwad. But the cat's out of the bag. You can join the spit. Me and Owl. The spit's out of the bag. Me and Owl were very much on the join the spit side.
Starting point is 00:04:39 I'm on that side. Well, now everyone is. Yeah, everyone. All right. We're getting into reviews. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Lafayette. Gridiron 7, the best New Year's resolution, five stars. I'd only listened to this show a time or two,
Starting point is 00:05:00 as I'm an avid listener of their other podcasts, Fantasy Footballers, and decided that my New Year's resolution was to listen to more podcasts. Well, that's quite the resolution. I want to get my life better. I got to listen to more podcasts. I think you can pull it off. Well, let's see how it went. Well, after almost one month of listening to this podcast,
Starting point is 00:05:19 I've learned two things. First, I can finally keep a New Year's resolution. Nice. Make them easy, people. Set the bar low. My New Year's resolution is to eat a lot of candy. Second, these guys are so funny that I've listened to every single Spitballers episode in less than three and a half weeks.
Starting point is 00:05:38 Holy crap. That's a lot. There's no way one of those wasn't mowing the lawn, by the way. Yeah. Great podcast by a great group of guys. Thank you, Lafayette Gridiron. And I have to imagine those were three of the best weeks of his life. Certainly.
Starting point is 00:05:54 Oh, yes, absolutely. I think he had to be doing nothing else. The amount of time. We need to do this math here. How many weeks, how many hours per day? If you're going three and a half weeks, we got about 80 something shows. Let's call it 80 hours.
Starting point is 00:06:09 I mean, that's a lot. It's like four shows a day. That's a lot of spitballers. Good for you, Lafayette. Oh, there's more coming. We've got a whole show to do. Would you rather? Michael from Twitter, would you rather have a carpeted kitchen
Starting point is 00:06:29 or a carpeted bathroom for the rest of your life? It's the simple atrocities that are the worst. It is the simple atrocities of life. I can barely handle the fact that we have to talk about this and debate this because you don't like the idea of a carpeted bathroom and those exist i know and i had a buddy of mine growing up who i did a couple overnights at the house and he had a carpeted bathroom come on i'm this is no joke he had a car not only did he have a carpeted bathroom, but they had an undersized little kitty toilet seat. Al Borland knows what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:07:10 In the carpeted bathroom? In the carpeted bathroom. But look, nothing puts me on tilt like a carpeted bathroom. Nothing. I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's you shower. I am clean. And I know this sounds ridiculous, but it's you shower. I am clean.
Starting point is 00:07:31 I've now spent five to ten minutes because I'm not a water waster like Jason over here. But I'm clean. The second my feet touch a carpeted floor coming out of the shower, I'm instantly dirty again. Really? From head to toe. It's just my feet touching. It doesn't matter. I'm upside down, and I am filthy, and I'm covered in bacteria. And my skin is crawling just thinking about it happening.
Starting point is 00:07:51 I remember the last time we were looking to move, and we were looking at different houses. You'd go in a house, and it would have a carpeted bathroom. No! And I mean, I literally think to myself, okay, first of all, if we get this house, we have to redo the bathroom. You need to hire a shaman to come in and release the demons. Second, the person who we're getting this house from was
Starting point is 00:08:13 a nightmare of a human. Yes! Thank you. Because if you can stand... If there's a carpeted bathroom, that has to be a house in which there was just a room that someone added a toilet to. No! They used a carpet bathroom. This cannot be on purpose. Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:27 Oh, 100%. But look, my problem with the carpeted bathroom isn't the I get out and I step on carpet and I'm dirty because look, if you have carpet, you're going to eventually step on it and get dirty by that logic. I don't really care. What I care about is there's so much water that gets everywhere all the time. The shower, the bath. Who's to say you're going to hit
Starting point is 00:08:50 your mark every time you go to the bathroom as well? You're getting moist carpet, wet pads, nasty, mildewy, moldy just awfulness. so that's my that's my issue with it 100%
Starting point is 00:09:10 it's just disgusting i i'm so far though i'm to the point of like i'm ocd about the bath mat if the bath mat is too thick and spongy and carpet like if. We're learning about Mike today. I get flashbacks about stepping onto a carpet out of the shower. Because I can't relate to the idea that the carpet is just inherently dirty. But we don't wear shoes in our house either. So I don't know if that changes things. But here's what I do remember. Have you ever had the carpeted bathroom experience?
Starting point is 00:09:43 Here's my experience. When I grew up, our house, every single toilet had a U-shaped little mat. Yes. And sometimes it was kind of a high pile, almost shag-like. So you'd be standing on carpet while you are sitting. Sitting? Standing? So you're sitting on the carpet? There's a problem.
Starting point is 00:10:02 You're sitting on the toilet. Your feet are on the... You are missing. What do you call that, though? What do you call where your feet are if you're sitting? You would still're sitting on the carpet? You're sitting on the toilet. Your feet are on the... What do you call that, though? What do you call where your feet are if you're sitting? You would still say sitting, right? It's a bathroom mat. Let's not get lost here.
Starting point is 00:10:13 That's a bathroom mat, but that's the one that goes around the toilet, not the one that goes under... Yes, I had that, too. Okay. And that's not a problem. Those are nice. Those seem to have fallen out, though.
Starting point is 00:10:21 I don't see those around anymore. Where you move from floor to carpet. Like, why do you need a little bit, a little bitsky of carpet right underneath the toilet? That's warmth. I don't want cold feet. Oh, really? Oh, 100%. No, that makes some sense.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Like, you know, we don't have that in front of the toilet where I shower in the mornings. And I pretty much either take the clothes off and then lay them down. And I put my feet on that because it's cold. I don't want cold feet. Wait, you step on your clothes? My dirty clothes that I took off so that I don't have to step on cold tile. Wait, what? What's wrong with that?
Starting point is 00:10:52 No, I get what he's saying. Before the shower. Not like I come out and use it as like. How cold are your floors, man? Look, I demand. Are these ice blocks? I demand the feeling of perfection. You do.
Starting point is 00:11:07 You really do. And we could open that whole can of worms. Now, here's the thing. He needs infinite hot water. We're talking 40 minutes worth. Yeah, it's a tankless water heater or bust. But getting lost in all this, both places are going to get something on it. Bad something on it.
Starting point is 00:11:26 So would you rather it be primarily water or primarily spaghetti sauce? I will take the carpeted bathroom because you're going to be replacing your carpeted kitchen every other week. I mean, that is just going to be – do you know how many things have hit the kitchen floor? I mean – My dogs make sure it's a lot of things the bowl you leave a bowl of cereal on my counter you're gonna get in trouble because i
Starting point is 00:11:50 know what the dogs are doing and one spill you're not getting a you know you're gonna spend the whole night cleaning up your pile of spaghetti and that carpet's gonna be ruined i don't like milk carpets no i've been against milk carpets for years. I am much too. No, my chagrin. I'm taking the carpet of bathroom. I enjoy your fecal carpet. Enjoy your spaghetti. That's fine.
Starting point is 00:12:13 I can handle a stain. What I can't handle is getting out of the shower. Oh, my gosh. I really think people come over because this is weird. All right. Your master. Hold on. People come over to your house. There you go. I've never been to your master bedroom. Wait, hold on. People come over to your house?
Starting point is 00:12:25 Yeah, there you go. I've never been to your master bathroom, and you can hide the carpet in there, but I've been in your kitchen, Mike. I'm going to be like, what is this multicolored carpet? That's food. It's art. Al, I need to know something because we are sitting here where I think Mike has some sort of psychological damage from a carpeted bathroom. Are you in that same boat?
Starting point is 00:12:46 Which one would you take? I think I'd have to take the bathroom, but they're both awful. Here's what I know. If I have a carpeted bathroom in my master bathroom, it's just me and my wife. No one else is going to come. But if it's the kitchen, everybody's in the kitchen. So does it change if it's a guest bath? No, it doesn't change. No, because I don't use the guest, everybody's in the kitchen. So does it change if it's a guest bath? No, it doesn't change.
Starting point is 00:13:06 No, because I don't use the guest bath. It's for them. It's just not for everybody. Here's the one thing I know. We've got a large enough audience. Sorry about the carpet. People will be listening. I am positive.
Starting point is 00:13:18 People will be listening who have a carpeted bathroom. Oh, send me a picture. Please send me a picture. This could be revelatory. This could either be something where it's like, I didn't realize how bad that was. Get a hold of yourself and call a flooring company or do it yourself. You know, a little DIY project. It's like 100 square feet.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Just rip it up and go with cement. Sealed concrete. Absolutely better. And that's what would happen. That would make you feel less dirty, Mike? Oh, 100. The sealed concrete? 100,000%.
Starting point is 00:13:46 So you're exposing the foundation of your home. Without a doubt, that's better. Thank you. That would be living the life of luxury. As the termites come climbing up through the floor. The termites don't eat the concrete. Climbing up through the concrete. There's some cracks.
Starting point is 00:14:03 You've got to get your foundations checked. Concrete termites? Climbing up through the concrete. There's some cracks. You got to get your foundations checked. Concrete termites? I'm just saying up through the foundation. It happens. Help. Yep. Help me. Now, I want to see the pictures if anybody has a carpeted kitchen.
Starting point is 00:14:21 Oh, my God. It does not exist. $100 if you live in a carpeted kitchen oh my god does not exist 100 if you live in a carpeted kitchen you have a white carpeted oh did you have any friends oh we yes i already know who you're talking about the white carpet people yes that make if you take your shoes off i mean that is like no like i had a a friend it wasn't a great friend so i've only been to their house a couple of times when i was growing up but they had a room you couldn't go in you were you were not allowed to go into this room because it had a white carpet for some reason and you're like what is growing up i would like to pay to make this room off limits here's here's 200 square feet in our home we just don't use it and
Starting point is 00:15:02 it's right in the middle this i mean it would be very convenient if i could travel through it i would save three turns in a hallway but no you don't get to go into this room what are you doing that's for pictures that's for pictures from the outside growing up i had my parents went out no you didn't have no i didn't have white carpet my parents went out and they bought this super, super expensive, fancy. This was like, we call it our rich phase, which was like two weeks. It was like two weeks. Because you bought this thing?
Starting point is 00:15:35 Where they went out and they bought this super fancy, beautiful. Dining table? White couch. White cloth couch. It was like a microfiber. That was the ugliest couch you've ever seen in your life because if you ever came over to my house covered in blankets and sheets because you can't get anything on it.
Starting point is 00:15:51 So it's like literally if we got the couch from the goodwill, we could have made it look the same because at all times, Thanksgiving it's covered in sheets because you can't get anything on the white couch. And I'm like, why did you use it? Never. Well, we used it all the time, but we never saw the white part. He's putting on like a chemical suit, one of those hazmat suits to sit on it.
Starting point is 00:16:12 So they didn't even get fancy, cool, modern, trendy blankets for it? No, it was like what we had. Like the sheets? Literally bed sheets. Spare sheets? Spare bed sheets is what was draped over our super expensive couch to keep it clean. This is something we don't. So that it looked good.
Starting point is 00:16:28 We don't deal with this, though. There used to always be a room of the house. We had a dining table. It was a nice dining table. I lived in that house for 10 years. I got to eat at that dining table. Everything's giving. That's the end.
Starting point is 00:16:43 So 10 times. Yeah, or Christmas, I guess, as well. But you just, if you as a kid thought about taking your cereal into the dining room and sitting at that table, that was just not even, that table was not for cereal. And our parents wonder why we have so many issues. It's on you, parents. You had an entire room that we couldn't go in.
Starting point is 00:17:04 What is that? We wanted to go in. And then, I mean, were an entire room that we couldn't go in. What is that? We wanted to go in. And then were you allowed in the parents' room? No. So now there's two rooms you can't go into. I tried to bring that rule back. It has not gone over well. I would love to institute that rule.
Starting point is 00:17:19 I told my wife, I go, when I was a kid, we weren't allowed in our parents' room. So can we do that now? And she's like, well, you've got like 10 years of precedent you've set. And I'm like, yeah, but we can get it going right now. It's off limits. Were you allowed in, Jim? And then I set the video games up in there. I was allowed in, but I didn't go in for fear of anything.
Starting point is 00:17:41 Oh, OK. That's the grown-up room. I snuck in one time and changed the waterbed settings. Your parents had a waterbed? Oh, you betcha. What settings did it have? We had a waterbed. Temperature. What? You can change your waterbed temperature.
Starting point is 00:17:56 That's a fancy waterbed. I've never heard of this. Mr. Richie Rich over here. We had five rooms I couldn't go in. They couldn't sleep in the bed that night. I was in big trouble. Too hot or too cold? I don't even remember't sleep in the bed that night, and I was in big trouble. Ooh, too hot or too cold? I don't even remember, man, but I turned that dial, and I was like a space captain of my... Your water ship?
Starting point is 00:18:12 Yeah, man, it was cool. Like, back then, tech was... Sure, was water beds. Tech was water beds. And for the younger listeners out there, people used to have beds... Thank you....full full of water and that's what they slept and not just kind of popular like these things swept the nation imagine a baggie that was then filled with water and that's what you slept on until inevitably it broke and
Starting point is 00:18:41 flooded the room which is why there are no more water beds because it's idiotic and stupid. There was a phase of this country that were water beds and there was a futon phase. Oh, yeah. Where futons were all the rage. Both of them fell out of favor. You always see those commercials. For the traditional bed bed. We're going back to the basics.
Starting point is 00:19:01 Yeah. We're going to change our beds into beds. You always see the commercials where it's like you put a glass of wine to the basics. Yeah. We're going to change our beds into beds. You always see the commercials where it's like- I wanted to go with the lava bed. You put a glass of wine on the bed, and then you- Right. And then you jump on the other side, and that one's not moving. The water bed was-
Starting point is 00:19:16 If you moved- We've seen it. An inch, you're disrupting- The whole ecosystem. It's a perpetual motion machine. They say it can't exist. A waterbed was that. You've seen the giant blob thing at summer camp where someone sits on the end of the blob
Starting point is 00:19:33 and then someone else jumps onto the other edge of the blob and launches the person into the air. That's a waterbed. If you touch the corner of that bed with your pinky, there would be a wave that hits the other corner of the bed it's the butterfly wings that's right okay what how did we get here i don't know i don't know max from the website would you rather have every every now i can't read it i was reading it and jeremy jumped in the dock and just covered it up good job i touched nothing you absolutely did no i see your if you put your name says What happens is if you put your cursor there, your name pops up, and it says Jeremy Grantham is a cursor. What if I do that?
Starting point is 00:20:11 Just covered it. I could delete it. Mike has now deleted the cursor. All right, let's bring the question back. Would you rather – and now Mike's cursor is in the way. I'm not even kidding. All right. Get your cursors away from this question.
Starting point is 00:20:26 Are we good? We're good Would you rather have everything you say be nice But have a mean tone Okay so my normal life Yeah I was going to say Mike me Or a mean thing to say but in a nice tone So if you Super passive aggressive
Starting point is 00:20:41 Mind you it's written as to be a mean thing to say But we'll just let that go. Max. I think this is tough. Well, at the end of the day, I'm curious. How important is it to say mean things in your life is the question to me. I'm curious if the person who is saying things that are mean, if they come across as nice, does this mean is are we to interpret this as people view that person as nice no it's it's super passive aggressive then that's just a double
Starting point is 00:21:11 negative that's like right like one of these you can say well what he said wasn't actually mean i just think he's kind of grumpy the other one is like well he's mean and he's a jerk the way he delivers it like i'd rather a mean person be mean than a mean person be, like, all passive aggressive. You're like, oh, man, you're looking fat today. Yeah, that's, I don't know how to respond to that. I don't even think you said it nice right there. That was super nice for Mike. Oh, for Mike it was.
Starting point is 00:21:37 Give me a shot. Give me something mean in a nice tone. Okay. Hey, man, you still don't have a home? How's that? That's pretty good that's pretty good sarcastic to me because i can't hear any of them is nice all right your turn andy let's hear it what i have to say something nice something nice something mean in a nice tone hey you look like you gained a whole bunch of extra weight yeah that's the worst you just sound like a mean mean person so now mike has what's called resting angry face this is a scientific condition well yes well documented when you add
Starting point is 00:22:14 the beard and the tattoos to the natural resting angry face you just come across as either mean or angry or at at the best like your, your pinnacle is just grumpy. Sure. Like, oh, he's just grumpy. He's not mean to me or he doesn't hate me. He's just a grumpy guy. That's the best case. Like if you don't know.
Starting point is 00:22:34 So when I used to run our former company, Broken Bowl Game Studios, I got multiple complaints from different people in the company saying how. Yeah, I had to testify to HR on Mike's behalf. Yeah, how Mike was mad at them or was mean to them. And when I would investigate, I'm like, wait, they said I was mean to them? Yes, because the way you answer is like one word with your mean face.
Starting point is 00:23:01 And so it's like, it seems like you're a real jerk. And then I would investigate. These people don't appreciate being concise. I was like, I don't think he did anything wrong. And then you're not. Let me ask you a simple question. Have you ever contorted yourself for the good of others, Mike? Yes.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Okay. It hurt. It hurt like heck. Oh, how's the weather? Yes, I have had to do it. All so uh it's exhausting it's exhausting would you rather have everything you say be nice but have a mean tone i think that ultimately i have to go that way well welcome to the party yeah yeah it's hard to do like like just the same way that it when you say something mean in nice tone, it doesn't come across that way. I don't know if you could say something really nice in a mean tone.
Starting point is 00:23:51 How does that look? It's like, what? You've been working out, Andy? You're looking like you lost weight. Hey, hey. Here's your paycheck. Also, we added benefits. Yeah, that's weird. but I'll take it.
Starting point is 00:24:06 I'll take that one. No, you got it. All right, we're going to move on. For most of us, learning a second language in high school wasn't exactly a high point of our academic careers. That was my deficiency. I was a senior in Andy's freshman Spanish class. I hated it so much that I dropped out. But Babbel is here to teach you a new language the way that you're supposed to learn it. There are 10 million subscribers. There is an addictively fun the perfect way to learn a language on the go. And unlike your
Starting point is 00:24:45 stupid high school class or your college class, they're teaching you things that are relevant for conversations. They have over 100 language experts. These aren't like the AI lesson plans that other companies use. Their teaching method has been scientifically proven to be effective. And with Babbel, you could choose from 14 different languages, Spanish, French, Italian, German, more. They have a speech recognition technology to help you improve your pronunciation and your accent. There are so many ways to learn with Babbel, games, videos, stories, live classes. You're going to love it.
Starting point is 00:25:18 Start learning your new language with Babbel. Right now, if you purchase a three-month Babbel subscription, you're going to get an additional three months for free that's six months for the price of three just go to babble.com and use the promo code ballers like i did that's b-a-b-b-e-l.com code ballers babble it's language That's a great question. All right. This one comes in from somebody named Beeroni. That's like beer and pepperoni mixed together. I would say macaroni. That's some indigestion.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Beer-battered macaroni. Is that a thing? This is a spit wad from Patreon. It's got to be a thing. I'd eat it. At what point does a jog become a run? Oh, because we need to. Jason said he's been thinking about thinking about running.
Starting point is 00:26:12 Our resident running expert. Actually, this is. Oh, come on. No, this is a really good time to announce. So I've had a personal trainer for the last year and a half. I know. Shocking. Based on body.
Starting point is 00:26:27 But, you know. Has he ever told you, like, don't tell people that I'm your personal trainer? Yeah, once or twice. Or it's not me, it's you? He just says you're allowed to say you have one, but don't say Dre. Oh! But, so he's moving locations and I'm not going with him and so the running is going to have to happen soon or that's the update the update the update is I have finally started
Starting point is 00:26:56 considering considering being forced into running and so I think that might now that seems a little bit almost like a step back from your previous status. Right, because I used to have a trainer and wanted to run. Right. Now I have no trainer and might run. Okay. I'm probably not going to run. Have you been to a running store yet?
Starting point is 00:27:17 Well, I have an awesome pair of running shoes. That's true. Okay, so you already have the shoes. We've already shared that. I have really good running shoes. It's one of those stores you go to. You're so close. Where you go to it.
Starting point is 00:27:28 You have literally everything you need. And they are running. They measure your foot and they video you. Yeah, unnecessary. And they never tell you the price of the shoe. You just eventually. I did it once. You eventually go, okay, I'll take those.
Starting point is 00:27:40 And then you get up to the register and they're like, that'll be $283. And you're like, what am I doing? I went to one of those walking stores i was like maybe i need some custom insoles or something they did the whole process it was fascinating it was neat cool technology they introduced me to their three-step plan it was over 800 it's unbelievable it was like for it was you have to get three sets of insoles this one's's for if you play sports. This one's for walking around. This one's for, like, light work. You need all three packs. These ones just sit in your closet.
Starting point is 00:28:09 These are more closet insoles to keep things filled out in there. Does anybody actually do the three-step plan? Like, is this something that they sell? Or do they just start there, and then they go, well, I guess you can get the one pair for $600. Right. What a deal. But I honestly believe that because I bought those expensive shoes like two years ago,
Starting point is 00:28:30 I am so much closer to running because I think that my feet will be protected by them. They better as heck be. Yeah. I mean, that's really what shoes do. So, Jason, when does a jog become a run? A jog becomes a run. When's the last time you went for a jog are you going to take up jogging or running that's the real great question okay so that's that actually leads into the answer to this question because if i start running i'm not
Starting point is 00:28:56 i'm starting jogging okay like if i were to go out and run today i'm not running would your feet be see i'm curious about this question is it about the amount of distance that you cover per stride? Because that could be a definition that switches it over. Or is it distance off the ground? I think it's energy exerted. I really think that, I mean, I know the difference between a jog and a run. And it's when you're pushing yourself versus letting your body's momentum just kind of naturally carry it in an easy gait. Like, you know, when you're jogging is when you're easily not walking.
Starting point is 00:29:28 Jogging is easily not walking. Running is difficultly not walking. I feel like jogging is pretending to run, but someone could walk faster than you jog. Jogging is something that you do when you're a runner, but you don't want people to see you walking because you're tired., but you don't want people to see you walking because you're tired. Oh, I'm still running. Because I've run before.
Starting point is 00:29:51 I've gotten into some running habits. And by habit, I mean like 10 to 12 days. And when you run, you get tired. Shocker, right? By the way, Jason, I don't know if you knew that. So consider that with your decision making. When you run, you're going to get tired. And it shocked me too. But
Starting point is 00:30:05 when it happened, it made me want to begin walking, which is a different type of movement. But then when cars would drive by, I would move into more of a jogging. You were being shamed by a drive-by? For sure. Look, if I'm wearing the right shoes, the right clothes, I've got
Starting point is 00:30:21 all the equipment. I've got the iPod. I almost said ipad that's a problem you got the arm strap i had the arm strap if someone's driving by and they see me walking what am i i'm not a runner at that point yeah that's that's pretty embarrassing that's why i plan to start in jeans i'm gonna start uh my running in blue jeans so that when they see me and i'm walking they'll say why is that man sweating so much while he's walking? Nice running shoes, Jean, man. Here's the problem.
Starting point is 00:30:48 Because then when they see you actually running in your jeans, they'll say, there goes a criminal. That man has stolen something because no one runs in jeans. People are constantly going to pull up to Jason when he's jean running and be like, can I take you somewhere? Are you okay? Like, where's your car? Did you leave your car back there? All right.
Starting point is 00:31:07 I'm going to announce this right here. I'm going to speak it out. Turn it into reality. Let's let's go before the next spitballers episode. I will go on a run before the next spitballers episode. You know, that's a week just so you're aware. We're not taking next week off? No.
Starting point is 00:31:26 I'll probably be dead. I'm going to go on record then. Okay. Before the next Spitballers episode, Jason will have Ubered back from the second half of his run. Just kind of to piggyback, funny story. I mean, years and years ago, before we had children, I actually had a bit of a running phase as well, and I tried to get my wife into running.
Starting point is 00:31:51 And the only way I was able to get her to run is a mile away from us. There was a Sonic. Yeah. That was like the carrot on the end of the one mile. We would run to Sonic, eat ice cream, and then walk back. Which, I mean, objectively speaking, is better than driving to Sonic to eat ice cream and then driving back. Yeah, that's what I thought. Yeah, those are net zero situations there, I guess.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Although probably not net zero. My favorite part of that is we run there, we eat ice cream, we walk back. Because you ate ice cream. You can't run a mile after you had ice cream at Sonic. How many times did you do this? More or less than five times? More. Wow.
Starting point is 00:32:35 I have a Sonic about a mile away. So now I've got a game plan. There you go, man. Go get a slush. Maybe this will be my IG post. Me running. all right we're going one more great question here uh al you've previewed these should i go with the second one or the third one what do you think go with the third one all right brandy from twitter says uh what is something that you've never done but would like to try i know what mine is i've got some
Starting point is 00:33:02 softball answers here i'll try to think of a big one. I've never, ever gone skiing or snowboarding. That seems like a very easy thing to be able to try out. My tailbone will never forget the one time I went snowboarding. That's why I've been so hesitant. I feel like I'm out of my physical prime, so I can only hurt more things. It's like skateboarding. Yeah, I fall on skateboards. Well, that's not my answer for this, but it's like
Starting point is 00:33:25 one of those things of what's something you wish you could do? I wish I could skateboard, but it's too late. I'm too big now. I can't take all the falls at this size and learn how to do it. This is like the answer is just jump a fence.
Starting point is 00:33:41 I've never done it. I'm looking forward to trying it. I've gone skiing once and I am going skiing in two weeks what two weeks from now we have a ski trip planned you've never ladies and gentlemen big announcement there will be two more episodes of the spitballers podcast no i have gone once i went uh around the turn of the century when I was in better shape and we went skiing. And we had a really good time. I was getting a little bit better. I'm still
Starting point is 00:34:12 on the easy hills. I'm not going up to anything fancy, but I'm getting my speed up and so we're done. We're done with the day and this is the final day and everyone's heading back into the what do they call that? The lodge. The lodge. Which was awesome. That's the best part is skiing the lodge is incredible so they all go back i'm like i want to take one more you're going out mike not not yet not today i've already been out yeah i
Starting point is 00:34:37 just got i just got in um you're going lodging i want to go lodging that's what i want yes i want to sip on drinks by a fire while other people ski. While you hold your snowboard. Oh, you've got to have skis in hand. And by the end of the day, you're like, man, my tailbone feels great. So anyways, so I said, I want one more pass down this mountain. Yeah. And I went up.
Starting point is 00:34:59 I hadn't fallen once the whole time. And I am picking up. I go a little higher. I'm picking up the most speed i've had and way off in the distance i see it i see it so far in advance i'm going straight down and this i don't know chubby 13 year old why you gotta start with chubby well you gotta understand he he had the weight okay he had this is important right he's he's got say he's sturdy he's okay a sturdy big boy good good for him anyways he's he's riding sideways across this mountain like he's not going down at all he's just going he's blaming the fat
Starting point is 00:35:36 kid i mean it was i feel like it was his fault but anyways so this chubster's going left to right and so i'm coming down the mountain, and I see him, and I'm trying to get ahead of him, but then he speeds up going sideways. Well, you know how momentum works. Well, right. Well, no, he was going sideways. Sideways. He was going across the mountain, like getting in everybody's way.
Starting point is 00:36:00 So I'm like, okay. It's important he's not skinny because Jason could have avoided a skinny person is what he's getting to. I don't want to smash this kid. And end him. I decide to go. Because what happens when Chubby meets Chubby? So I turn to the right and I'm going to go behind him.
Starting point is 00:36:17 And when I do that, the kid slows down. So he's a brat. And I clip the back of his ski. Oh, video. And I tumbled down this mountain a hundred times. You know that kid was laughing. My goggles, the glasses broke out of the goggle. One ski was 45 yards up the mountain.
Starting point is 00:36:40 I had no idea where I was at. I mean, 100% concussion probability here. And someone eventually brought me my ski. Because you know how momentum works. the mountain i had no idea where i was at i mean 100 concussion probability here and someone eventually brought me my momentum works and so i i finally get back to the lodge and i walk in just covered in snow no no one of the one of the sides of my goggles out like holding my skis and i don't remember rest. So you're going back in a couple weeks? Two weeks. What are your thoughts on estate planning out of totally unrelated curiosity?
Starting point is 00:37:11 I have a trust now, so we should be okay. Okay, excellent. That was funny. We should draft something now. That's not funny. Spetwads, you might have heard me talk about indochino the custom tailored suits i have yeah well right you're you're a part of the podcast you may have heard me talk about look they're great i love them i love my indochino suit i moved um with within this year and it turns
Starting point is 00:37:41 out so i needed my suit i lost it i lost it in the move i had and i didn't know until like the day i needed a suit so i had to go get a suit off the rack oh no i looked ridiculous it fit like it was a stupid jack if you have a jacket like a giant bed sheet exactly if you have bought a jacket from uh some you know mall. We won't name them. We're not going to name them, but you look stupid. Get an Indochino. They are perfectly tailored suits, jackets, chinos. They measure you. You can measure yourself at home, or you can stop by any of their actual locations
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Starting point is 00:39:19 Look, the mental picture of you just careening down this mountain, no understanding of where your body is, whether you've broken yourself, walking back into the lodge is like, yeah, I took another run at it. I've seen the lodgers who are perfectly fine. What this had to look like to everyone else on the mountain, because this wasn't like, oh, I fell down.
Starting point is 00:39:41 This was like, I did 40 cartwheels. It was like... How'd the kidels. You know, it's like. How'd the kid do? He was laughing. I have no idea. I have no idea. If I'm that kid and I see this guy up the hill that's doing everything he can to avoid me and still clips the back of my skis and he goes rolling down the mountain. Yeah, he got out of there. He's like, oh, now he's going fast.
Starting point is 00:40:03 Oh, my gosh. That's really good. All right. He's like, oh, now he's going fast. Oh, my gosh. That's really good. All right, here's our draft today. I don't even feel like I can transition into it. This is such a terrible idea. We blame Al Borland for this. Because this can go a couple directions. We are drafting best movies for a good cry.
Starting point is 00:40:22 best movies for a good cry. Now, as has been documented by whatever, a thousand podcasts between this and the Fantasy Footballers, Jason and I turn into blubbering monster beast men. I'm a bit of a crier. And I am too, for like movies get me. And honestly, you know, it's my stupid children's fault because before I had kids, I could watch any movie and just iron face. So do you cry because you relate as, like, a parent in the movies?
Starting point is 00:40:52 Yes. Yeah, so, like, different things get me now. It's because you're older. You can relate to more things. Back then it was like, unless somebody tells a really sad tale about me playing video games. I'm old and weak now. Yeah, back then it was like the main character dies. I'm never going to die.
Starting point is 00:41:07 This doesn't even relate to me. Now it relates a little bit more. What's weird for me is... Four skiing movies for Jason. The 80s were good for ski movies. They were, man. Ski Patrol? That was fantastic.
Starting point is 00:41:24 I tend to cry at happy movies like okay you're a happy crier but i have a little bit of that i'll cry at both uh but the the ones that are inappropriate are the like the ones where it's like nobody else is crying that's where you look over to jason i'm like oh my gosh the kid did it he did it um And I'm crying. He freed Willie. I bawled. Oh, free Willie's your first pick? Too sad. I cry at music more than I do at movies.
Starting point is 00:41:52 Yeah, music is. Believe it or not. Yeah, you'll see from my list, usually it's father-son or animal related. Okay. That's what devastates me. For sure. Like I said, I don't know which way this draft is going to go. It could end up with me just weeping.
Starting point is 00:42:08 I don't know if that will be funny for people. Hopefully it is. It'll be funny for me. If they made movies with carpeted bathrooms, Mike would also cry. No, that's a horror movie. Okay. Jason, you get the first pick in this draft. Congrats.
Starting point is 00:42:22 Yeah, this is not the one I want the first pick because these are so subjective i don't think there's a clear one-on-one here movie i've most recently cried to a lot would be cinderella live action it was amazing what cinderella true story i cried when the dad died of course but i also cried this is this is probably the worst of my life when she came out of that blue dress that blue dress was beautiful man i was like oh my goodness now you fully understand how easily jason cries i was like that's i because i i was i was crying for the costume designer i was like oh you've done it girl are you sure but i'm pretty sure not cgi'd oh yeah listen i i assume because i bet my life on it, that you also cried this past weekend when your daughter taught some kids a dance routine.
Starting point is 00:43:11 I'm not a tear up. And she was in a pretty dress. No shame. A princess dress. It was no Cinderella dress. It was no Cinderella dress. Right. I mean, on a dress.
Starting point is 00:43:22 When she walked out, he's just like, no fairy godmother made that dress. All right. But I'm not taking that. I'm going to go with the sad route. There's only two movies. You can get that with your last pick if you need it. There are two movies that have literally destroyed me. Right.
Starting point is 00:43:36 Absolutely wrecked me. But one of these two, I don't think this is a vote getter. I don't think this is the clear one on one, but it is the clear one onon-one for me because if I watch this movie which I've watched probably four or five times in my life this is the only movie where I am sad four or five days later I can't recover with you I can't recover from the devastation of Legends of the Fall Legends of the fall is an unfathomably great and horrific movie where nothing goes right i mean it's sadness upon sadness upon horror and i i just i leave that movie depressed forever and i'm like that's three hours smart to watch that four or five times it sounds like the real it's great i mean it's a it's a it's a tale. I know one thing about the Legends of the Fall.
Starting point is 00:44:27 That Brad Pitt isn't. There is a devastatingly handsome young Brad Pitt, and he wears the cap, and he tips it, and the water splashes up in the air. That's what I know about that movie. I've never seen it. I had no idea it was so sad. Oh, you got it. Look, you like a sad movie.
Starting point is 00:44:44 You love movies. Genuinely, Legends of the Fall is a must watch. It will hold up. All right. It's a must watch. Put it on your list. All right. So you got Legends of the Fall.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Here's the problem that I brought up when this topic came up as our draft. I've cried at movies. I've cried at several movies. I might have cried at that movie. I've seen Legends of the Fall. Then you cried. I might have cried at that movie. I've seen Legends of the Fall. Then you cried. I probably did. But I don't remember.
Starting point is 00:45:09 Because I don't remember movies. So not only do I need to. You also don't remember stuff. Also stuff. But movies as well. We've got a gene in our family. We watch movies. We forget what happened.
Starting point is 00:45:18 Oh. So I have a limited amount of movies that I remember. And I cried with. Rewatch ability is fantastic for him. Yeah, but here's the thing. I love that you chose that movie because there's another movie that I really want to take, but I know Mike won't take it, which means I don't need to take it right now, which means I'm actually going to go with Up.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Okay. Because the singular scene in Up to start the movie is one of the saddest movie moments but in an endearing way which is the kind of sad that you kind of i don't know you wrap more of your emotions around the endearing sad moments and because it was sad with a sense of like happy right right? Like of this life lived. So Up is, that scene in Up is what I'm going to go with for my first pick. The first time that you at home watched Up,
Starting point is 00:46:14 think about the first time and then ask yourself, did I cry? The answer is? The answer is yes. You're a human. Are you a robot? Or B, no, I'm a robot. Because, I mean, you weren't expecting it like
Starting point is 00:46:27 you you know i can watch it now and not cry even though you sit down for a pixar movie and you're like you know a disney movie you're just like all right i'm here for oh how sweet they love each other oh that's real sweet that's real sweet speaking i mean speaking of pixar my first pick will be a pixar movie i get it. Because Pixar just punches you in the face. But they like to punch you in the face when you're laughing at a joke. And it's Toy Story 3. Of course. I knew that would be your pick. Because the scene
Starting point is 00:46:53 when they're going into the furnace. They're holding hands. Getting ready to die together. I can't even talk about it. This is a children's movie. This is a children's movie and they're holding hands going into the fire. Because those are my toys. Those are my toys that are going into the furnace. I grew up with them.
Starting point is 00:47:10 He's tearing up right now. I told you I can't talk about it. He's glossing over a little bit. I told you. You really are. This is a disaster of a draft. Oh, my gosh. Toy Story 3.
Starting point is 00:47:19 We just said we rebranded Mondays. We make chores more fun, and we are bringing up, at minimum, 12 sad moments from your life out there. Not one, not two. I want you to remember 12 times you've cried as a person today. That's my message to you. Here's 12 times you cried. I am glad we are laughing because that's the only thing stopping it.
Starting point is 00:47:42 Okay. You better go to your next pic quickly. Here's the thing about that. Where you also cried. Yes. When that movie came out and they all hold hands and they're going into the furnace. Stop talking about it. Knowing that they are going to their death, but at least they're together.
Starting point is 00:47:53 This was expected to be the end of the Toy Story series. Right. So this was how it ends. That does change a lot. And Pixar would do it. Pixar would say, we love these toys. We're putting them out to pasture. We're going to melt them down in the fire.
Starting point is 00:48:11 All right. Well, now you get to pick. We only have nine sad things left. So I think I know the movie you're going to take. Yeah. I know you won't take it. That you gambled. I want to take it.
Starting point is 00:48:22 Really? But I have no choice. But I got to stay with Pixar because they are the masters of emotional manipulation. I will take Inside Out. Yeah. Oh, you're talking about Bing Bong. I'm talking about Bing Bong. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:33 Because the last time I watched that with my children, I fully broke down. My children had to huddle around me and say, Dad, everything's going to be okay. Because I'm just weeping, thinking about Bing Bong. I'm a grown man right now. I do man stuff. And then I just cried forever. All right. Well, it's obviously a great pick.
Starting point is 00:48:58 He's had a lot so much. Because if you say any of these are bad picks, you're a robot. No, I just haven't seen the movie. So the movie that I'm going to go with now, and you knew it, it's Braveheart. Yep, it is on my list. Braveheart is not. It's not on your list? Not even on my list.
Starting point is 00:49:14 Braveheart has not only had. The end of Braveheart is a full tear fest, but Braveheart in and of itself has moments throughout that are weep fests. So there are at least like three moments in that movie. If you haven't seen Braveheart, and of itself has moments throughout that are weep fests. So there are at least three moments in that movie. If you haven't seen Braveheart, spoilers coming. Statue of limitations is over. He loses his wife at the beginning of that movie. His life at the end. It's a pretty rough life for William.
Starting point is 00:49:41 But then there's the speech. His speech is so inspiring in the middle of that movie that you get the happy cries. Yeah. Braveheart is in total, and I've watched it many, many times, and it doesn't grip you any less each time you see it.
Starting point is 00:49:55 And when a movie is, you brought up the different aspects, like Jason, you brought up Toy Story 3, you thought it was the end of the series. The Braveheart cries are based on the fact this is an epic. This movie's an epic.
Starting point is 00:50:07 It's so long. You've been with him this whole story, and it's sacrifice, like Bing Bong. Yep. There's a sacrifice element to not giving in. So Braveheart is actually my number one, but I knew it would come back to me, so I took the up route. Well, you took a gamble. I thought about taking it because –
Starting point is 00:50:23 And that's from you. You're not even the resident Braveheart lover. I just didn't want Jason to get it. Yeah, look, Braveheart is the best movie of all time. I definitely don't speak ill of the pick. It just wasn't on my list because I think... I'm shocked. I've seen it more than any movie, I think, in the history of movies.
Starting point is 00:50:42 I've probably watched it 50 or 60 times for a movie that's that long. That's insane. You've devoted three months of your life to Braveheart. By the way, I need to watch that tonight. Go on. Yeah, and so I don't get the tearfulness anymore over it. So it doesn't land for me, but still, great movie. I honestly don't like you anymore, but go on.
Starting point is 00:51:02 The second one, I wanted two coming into this draft. I'm going to get them both. Legends of the Fall. Nice. That one destroyed me. This one destroys me throughout the movie, but the end. Adam's Family. The end is unbelievable, and I've got a story to tell with it.
Starting point is 00:51:16 It is Big Fish. Okay. It's on my list. Big Fish. It's on my list. The ending. Oh, my goodness. The ending to Big Fish.
Starting point is 00:51:23 Big Fish is just unbelievable. Yes. I mean, the ending to Big Fish. Big Fish is just unbelievable. Yes. I mean, the movie. Fantastic movie. Fantastic movie. Would you believe I've seen it and don't remember? I would believe it. I bet something sad happens.
Starting point is 00:51:35 You should watch Big Fish tonight. You shouldn't watch Braveheart. Watch Big Fish. Seriously, Big Fish is worth it. That's the sequel? Yes. To Braveheart? Big Fish, Braveheart 2.
Starting point is 00:51:43 Big Minnow, actually. it that's the sequel yes yeah big fish big minnow actually so my wife uh is not nearly the crier that i am she'll she'll tear up it no one is well that's true um i do this this is it's the same dichotomy in my house it's my wife is is perfectly fine and i'm and i am the wreck. Yeah. I have one memory of complete devastation to my wife. And it was, we were leaving Big Fish. Well, first of all, the end of the movie, credits rolling,
Starting point is 00:52:15 she's weeping. Like howling? We're talking shirt-soaked level of life. Okay, all right. Like she's gonna need napkins because she's so soaked in this movie theater right we get out to the lobby and she breaks down again she just can't handle it because i don't know if it's like the the father relationship i don't know what it is but
Starting point is 00:52:37 we finally get ourselves under control and she like this destroyed her soul and we leave we are in the parking lot looking for our car and for the third time she can't handle life and breaks down crying yes literally i i believe she has whether it's loss of family members or i i genuinely believe this was the most crying she's ever done in her life was from Big Fish and totally worth it because that movie is super sad at the end. So it was like a release for her. It was a beautiful release like I want. That's fantastic. I'm gonna watch that tonight. That's so good. Oh I've got another pick. You certainly do. That was a really long talk for one pick. All right so you're up. I've so I've got a couple movies here that I like,
Starting point is 00:53:25 but I'm going to play the game here because I think Mike will be taking this, and I want it because Mike is going more the children route. He's got two Pixar's. I've got two, like, older, grown-up-y movies. But Dog's Dying, Dog's Dying is hard. And Mar marley and me you are a terrible person marley because you're bringing it up i was gonna take it 100 yeah that was one of my picks marley and me is a movie that should never have been made a book why would they make this a movie book that should never have been made this is not okay hey. Hey, guys, you want to remember the worst day of your life?
Starting point is 00:54:08 You want to remember everything bad that ends horribly? Let's commemorate it with a book and a movie. So, yeah, Marley and Me. Yeah, it was my next pick. I enjoy these other two movies. They're phenomenal. Legends of the Fall, Big Fit. Marley and Me is a one and done.
Starting point is 00:54:24 I've seen it. I'm never seeing it again. You are correct. I've seen it. I'm never seeing it again. You are correct. You want me to avoid that one? Well, like I said, certain things trigger me. Animal things trigger me, and Marley and me is on the top
Starting point is 00:54:38 of the list. So Jason has Legends of the Fall, Big Fish, Marley and me. I have Up and Braveheart. Mike has Toy Story 3 and Inside Out. I have a dripping nose right now. I'm avoiding just big sniffles into the microphone like you wouldn't believe. I think I'm going to throw a wild card out there right now. Suicide Squad.
Starting point is 00:54:59 I think when you hear it, you will both say, oh, yeah. But I don't think it'll be on your list, but I'm taking it anyway. I have Up, I have Braveheart. I'm taking Green Mile. No, it's 100%. It's on my list. The end of Green Mile. Unconscionably sad. It's ridiculous, and Green Mile is like
Starting point is 00:55:17 one of those... Injustice mixed in with sadness. Injustice is one of the saddest things that you can witness. Yep. And the end of that movie is just really, really gut-wrenching. Yes. It's a fantastic movie. Just like this show.
Starting point is 00:55:34 We say we want this show to be gut-wrenching, soul-twisting sad. Welcome to Mondays. We're rebranding your Mondays. Man, I didn't realize you guys would be actually taking up my list before we had the show going. Oh, did we do it? No, I still have a few, but I said I've got 10 on my list, so I figured I had plenty.
Starting point is 00:55:53 But you guys are already taking my choices here. I know one of them. I got two left that I'm happy if either one of them get back to me. So do a bad job. All right. Well, we'll stick with animals animals and i have a similar story to yours i'm going to take i am legend and i'm not sure interesting i'm not sure i actually remember that movie i own it it's not like on dvd on laser disc well smith i am legend is not a sad movie
Starting point is 00:56:22 but there is a scene in the yeah there's a really sad where his dog turns into a zombie and he has to kill his dog and his dog who is the only the only I legit thought you were talking about when he like sacrifices himself at the end of the movie no I don't care about that I care about the dog all right and and I was I was dating I think I was dating my wife at the dating a dog at the time. Which made it really hit home. Well, I don't know the timeline. I don't know if I was early in marriage or if I was dating.
Starting point is 00:56:52 But I was at the point where it was like, I don't cry in movies. Because I'm a younger guy. I've got the... You don't relate. I've got stupid machismo thing. Well, no. I've got the thing going of like, guys don't cry at movies which is just absolute bullcrap garbage like it's cry at the movies it's great okay so so i'm silently weeping just praying that that that
Starting point is 00:57:18 my wife doesn't look over and see what's happening and then we're allergies are real bad in this theater but then the same thing we're driving home i'm not saying a single word and then we're allergies are real bad in this theater but then the same thing we're driving home i'm not saying a single word and then my my wife's like what's going on here and she's like are you thinking about the movie i'm like no she's like are you thinking about when the dog dies and then i just i lose it i absolutely lose it in the car. And she is like, not making fun of you, but, but just laughing at how ridiculous I am that this I'm, I'm gone.
Starting point is 00:57:50 The movie's done. I have left the movie theater and it is still haunting me. All right. So that's my first pick. Let me just say, I totally relate to when you're crying, but you don't like, you're not ashamed of crying,
Starting point is 00:58:03 but you still don't want to get caught. You still don't, you know, by the wife, like you don't, like, you're not ashamed of crying, but you still don't want to get caught. You still don't, you know, by the wife, like, you're just like, oh, I hope she doesn't look because maybe this isn't the time she's crying and I'm crying. Oh, you're going to be a big baby. I had, you guys know, during the Christmas season, a way too big of a Christmas tree. It's a really big Christmas tree. It's a nightmare. You cry putting it up.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Yeah. Well, I think of it as the cry tree. It's a nightmare. You cry putting it up. Yeah. Well, I think of it as the cry tree. And the reason is because where it was this year was like, so we've got an open living room from the kitchen. It's kind of in between the kitchen and the living room, but you can't see through it.
Starting point is 00:58:36 And whenever there was a show or something where it's the hiding, it's the hiding. I go right around and hide behind the tree and cry so I don't get caught crying. That happened like five times. I was going to say, the fact that in a small Christmas window, you had multiple times to use a crying tree tells people how often you cry. Quiet. I'll cry. That's genius.
Starting point is 00:59:00 I need a crying tree installed in my house immediately. People are going to have Christmas trees the whole year round to hide behind. It's rebranded. It's not the Christmas tree anymore. No, it's the crying tree, just like we rebrand Mondays. The crying day. All right, you got another pick here, Mike. Oh, all right.
Starting point is 00:59:17 We'll be back with more Weeping Wednesdays soon. So this one will certainly not be a vote getter but i have i have recency bias because i just watched it just wept silently in my bed while my wife was sleeping guardians of the galaxy part two because and and like like it's not movies no i know your eyes are fine no i don't i'm trying to why I should cry. Like I said, there's certain things that trigger me. Carpets. Outer space.
Starting point is 00:59:50 No. That spaceship is so beautiful. Nebulas. Tree people. Baby tree people. No, at the end of the movie, he has to, one, he has to kill off his newfound father. But then he realizes that, and I can't even think of the character's name, but he realizes that the blue guy was actually his dad. And the dad sacrifices his life to save Star-Lord.
Starting point is 01:00:18 Are you not remembering how the movie ends? I didn't like number two very much. Okay, well, you need to watch it again for the ending so he he sacrifices his life to save his his basically adopted son and he and uh the thing that had happened to him is and he got kicked out of the ravagers like he was no longer allowed to be in his club yeah because he saved yes star lord as a kid and then the the ravagers find out what he has done, the sacrifice, and they come and they give him the actual Ravager funeral. Yondu.
Starting point is 01:00:49 Yondu. Thank you. Yondu. I couldn't think of his name. And then he gets the huge funeral at the end. After sacrificing for his son, I was like. I cried at the funeral. I cried at the funeral.
Starting point is 01:00:58 I remember that. Thank you. So it's not a vote-getter. People won't remember this scene. But once you do remember, you go, oh, yeah. I cried yeah i cried when that happened i did cry shouldn't be making this list but i still i cried a lot of things but um that's fine i'm happy i told you recency bias i just watched it and i just wait that means that the two movies that i wanted at least one of them is coming back to me what you got oh thank goodness jay yeah i'm So happy for you. People were worried.
Starting point is 01:01:25 Oh gosh, thank you. I was, I was worried. I was going to cry. Uh, I have up Braveheart Green Mile. I'm going to close it out with Shawshank Redemption.
Starting point is 01:01:31 And those are, uh, happier tears. Sure. Uh, there are two movies. I was, it was between Shawshank and it was actually between Les Mis.
Starting point is 01:01:41 Uh, okay. Okay. I get it. The truth is, is the times that I've really like les mis the movie okay versus like lame is the play and seeing that the movie the movie's the movie's fine russell crowe is terrible but the experience is great the experience is better you know like i related more to the the
Starting point is 01:01:59 actual live action but uh braveheart green mile shawshankshank Redemption, Oh, Andy Dufresne. And the way that that movie ended, another kind of epic thing, which is kind of funny to take right after Green Mile. Those feel very similar. They're very similar, and they came out at similar times. You got a prison thing going on. That's right, freedom. I cry for freedom.
Starting point is 01:02:21 With Braveheart, you got a trifecta there, my man. That's a good point. Wait, you weren't saying freedom because of Braveheart? I got a trifecta there, my man. That's a good point. Wait, you weren't saying freedom because of Braveheart? I was saying freedom. No, I wasn't. I was literally going to say, that's what he means, Mike. Like, you're Mike being the dummy because you wouldn't say freedom. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:39 So I'm going Shawshank Redemption. If Braveheart is my favorite movie of all time, Shawshank's in the top five. All right, so the top five. All right. So the two movies I was between, we talked about this beforehand. The Notebook, I think is like, I can't watch that without crying. And Mike, you're like, oh. No, that doesn't do it for me. Here's why it doesn't do it for me.
Starting point is 01:02:57 Wait, that has to do it for you. No, no, no. Here's why. Here's why. Here's why. Because don't they hold hands in the bed? Do you remember? It probably would now.
Starting point is 01:03:03 Do you remember when Mike earlier was saying he used to be a guys don't cry yeah yeah and i was when i'm married that was when the notebook came yep he i haven't seen it since don't because it's sad i mean it's good it's a it's a really good movie you know i'm you know it's good love story but that one's sad the other one that I'm debating between is My Girl, because when we were kids and we all watched that. He's testing the audience right now. He's testing the reactions to see if he wants any of these to stick. I'm going to go with what my initial reaction was.
Starting point is 01:03:35 When I first heard the pull, the three movies that came to mind were Legends of the Fall, Big Fish, and The Notebook. Right. So I will take The Notebook. So well played taking marlene me from me yes happy about that i mean i'm not happy i'm sad about that really uh a couple other honorable mentions i had end of moulin rouge land before time old yeller see i've never actually seen old yeller i know what fern grows oh gosh don't even that's it yeah that's it that's rough when i got on my list
Starting point is 01:04:05 uh have you guys ever seen the fountain i have never seen it oh wait that's the is that the super weird movie with yeah it's jackson it's uh yeah wolverine is in it yeah yeah and he's just trying to save his wife over and over and over i watched probably three quarters of that was like what the heck is going on and i i had mentioned to you, I have a movie on my list that I guarantee none of you have seen. Have you ever seen The Mist? Yes, I have. You've seen The Mist? Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:04:31 Really good movie. So you know the ending. Does it give you a good mist? I don't like the ending. Well, I actually, I'm not sure which ending I've seen. If I've seen like the theatrical or the director's cut. And so what happened at the end of the movie that you saw uh so the mist is uh it's a stephen king uh novel that could turn into a movie and there's like this weird mist that shows up and there's monsters
Starting point is 01:04:55 in it and people end up in a store it's just trying to survive it's been a long time but i believe they kill themselves at the end yes but do you know who else he do you know okay yeah yes like everyone in the car ends up ends up having to take a pact and then the guy runs out of bullets and then the mist is gone have you not seen that okay all right never mind that's sad jason has legends of the fall big fish mar, Marley and Me, The Notebook. Closes it out with The Notebook. Going for The Votebook, more like. Oh, nice one. Oh, The Notebook is 100% votes. The Notebook is probably the general number one for the polls.
Starting point is 01:05:33 I am not saying that it's not a vote-getter. I'm saying I didn't take that for The Vote. Yeah, but I called it The Votebook, so you did. All right. Up, Braveheart, Green Mile, Shawshank, Mike Wint, Toy Story 3, Inside Out, I Am Legend, and Guardians of the Galaxy 2. What did we learn today? I'm going to use this opportunity to make sure that our audience learns something else new today,
Starting point is 01:05:55 which is that Jason cried in public when he found out that Brooks was engaged, even though Brooks wasn't there. Oh, man, I cried a lot because I love those two people, and I was so happy for them, and that is true. Did you have your crying tree with you and available or no? No, we weren't. That's tough. That's what I learned. You just pull out a giant tree wherever you are at. I learned I need a tree in my house.
Starting point is 01:06:18 The problem with my Christmas tree is it goes in a corner. I can't possibly get behind this thing. You've got to be able to have it out a little bit. Just right in the middle of the room? Just go hide behind it and weep your eyes out. Nobody can see you. I learned today that there is some house that has a tiny toilet and carpeted bathroom. You know who you are.
Starting point is 01:06:37 If you're a realtor that lets someone put their house in the market with a carpeted bathroom, you should be fired. That's fair. You should be fired. That's a Fizzbow right there. Yeah. Get out. Mike, you got anything to finish this up with?
Starting point is 01:06:50 I said I need a tree. Oh, that's what you learned? Yeah. Okay. Good. Good lessons learned. A tree specifically that I can hide behind. I learned that.
Starting point is 01:06:58 You don't need a big tree. I learned we need a happy draft next week. Yes. I hope you enjoyed the tears and the laughter. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Yes. I hope you enjoyed the tears and the laughter. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. Goodbye.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.

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