Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Saliva Palms & Things That Are Red - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 20, 2024

Spit Hit for June 20th, 2024: On this episode, hear all about Jason’s most recent self-diagnosis. We also discuss the splash zone in a Broadway theatre, being invincible-ish, and a well-known poem that has the world duped. We close it down with a draft of things that are red. Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Smittballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. I do not know what you've been told, but Badingi! And now you know. What you've been told. Welcome in one and all the Spitballers Podcast episode 238. Too many. Shout out to my Badinges out there.

Wee-oo. Would you rather? What's the difference? And we are drafting things that are red on today's show. Oh, it's about to get heated. I love my list. I really do We are excited to have you with us if you would like to contribute your valuable thoughts to this show your ideas

For drafts for segments, whatever the case may be You can join the spit comm support the podcast that hopefully brings you joy once a week twice a a week, and become a part of our community. Jointhespit.com. Excited to get going today. You guys doing well? Doing all right. The voice is a little low. The lungs are a little full.

And. That's gross. It's only been two months though. Yeah, yeah, no, this is who I am now. Moving forward forever. What's the difference between Jason and a person with emphysema? Trick question.

I have emphysema. Have you ever thought, maybe this is one of those things where if you take up heavy smoking, you go. It'll solve it, it'll cure my. It'll go, yeah. I mean, solve the problem with the problem. The smoke will clear it out. That's a great idea, guys.

Thank you so much. Just, you know, trying to help, Al. I mean, I don't know if you would recommend that. I know you're not a doctor. Definitely not. Okay, don't smoke kids. Don't smoke kids. All right.

I thought he was definitely not a doctor, because that's true. That's also true. Don't go to medical school, kids. I don't know much about it. Emphysema? No, tuberculosis. Is there a chance I have the TB?

Oh, well if you do, then I'm feeling very vulnerable at this moment. That's true. Because you've been coughing all over me for months. Very contagious, right? It is. Okay, so then we're probably okay. One of the top symptoms of TB is weight loss. Oh no, yes, certainly no TB. However, I am

now interested in getting TB. I think that that could be pretty cool for me. What is your secret? I'm on the TB diet. Some people do the TB12, I just do TB. Wow, I'm on the Doc Holiday Diet. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Alright Spencer from the website, in an office setting, would you rather have free Keurig coffee available or a Starbucks in the lobby, but you have to pay for it. It's a very simple office question.

So this is, this is a very bougie question. How snooty are you about your coffee? The answer is not super, but snooty enough that, uh, Keurig hashtag, not a sponsor of this podcast. Hashtag probably never going to be not after this segment of it's very much the Gildan of, of coffee. Yeah, it is coffee flavored water. Yes.

Yeah. Which really, well, that's what coffee is at its foundation. Coffee is in fact coffee flavored water, but they're just like lightly flavored water. Why are we still doing Keurig? Why is this still happening? It's very simple. It's successful in America because we like things quick and easy. Yes, which it is both of those. It is quick and easy. And I believe that you're, I think people adjust to it. So if you get, what happens is you get the Keurig.

You start the Keurig and you're excited about your new technology. That excitement hides the taste for about two weeks. And then by the time the taste matters, you are acclimated to the dirt water. And so at that point in time, your inner routine, it's so easy. And they have so many different varieties. You go to the store and it's like, ooh, creme brulee and caramel flavored and maple. And they have some teas. And they're

decorated nicely. I was so, so excited. Cause look, I am a middle-aged American, and that means I had a curing machine at one point in my life. We all have. I was so excited when I got that thing. Andy is totally like, man, I'm going to wake up. I don't have to do like, I don't have to pre-program anything. I don't have to scoop the grounds in. I don't have to crush. I just put this little pot in here and it gives me fresh fuel, fuel fuel water and you're just super excited about it and then you realize you're not having a good time. See for me, I had a Keurig because again, middle-aged Americans. Yeah, it was a requirement for my HOA.

Right, so I got a Keurig, I would participate in the drinking of this, their water. And it was fine. There's probably a lot of Keurig drinkers listening right now. Yeah, but here's the thing. Well, they kind of know, but they might not know, Mike, because I didn't know. I didn't know. They're still hypnotized?

Until I got duped, a little bit duped, sold, just a really cool coffee machine that grounds the beans. It's like Keurig but it's like fresh grounds every single time and so I got one of those machines. I was like that's pretty cool and then I tasted coffee for the first time. I was like whoa coffee is actually good. What was I drinking? It certainly wasn't coffee. Keurig's original marketing plan was to do one of those like the Pepsi challenge type of things,

except for they did it over a thousand people and not one person chose the Keurig cup over the real coffee. I'm going to the Starbucks and I'm paying is the answer to this question. Yeah, unfortunately I'm losing half my paycheck here to Starbucks. I'm still intimidated.

By Starbucks? By ordering Starbucks. You just need one go-to and you're fine. I guess in this world. You can practice with us. We'll pretend we work there. Can I get a Venti? Oh, oh, step one. Do not let big Starbucks push you around.

You order small, medium, large. Oh, am I allowed to do that? Oh yeah, oh, they can take that sizing system and shove it. Get that crap out of my life. Because I sizing system and shove it. I can tell you right now. I have no idea what size I just ordered. That's like I literally don't know. I would have guessed the middle. No, Al would know. He goes there for all the time. They do have a Trenta that's bigger than the venti. Oh, what? They have a Trenta now? Yeah, that's new. They have an extra large. Oh man, that's new. Yeah. You're making this up. A very large? Oh man, that's new. Yeah, you're making this up. A very large. No, I mean you could be. Just go and trust me, they're reasonable

people usually. I'm gonna say, can I get one about this big, show them on my hands, and I would like coffee in that? Thank you. Yeah, I mean that's uh- If I just order- Now do you know- Are they gonna come back after I say I'd like a cup of coffee in there? They're gonna be like- Do you want room for a cream? That's what they're gonna say. Yeah, I mean that's a- If I just order- Now do you know- Are they gonna come back after I say I'd like a cup of coffee and they're gonna be like- Do you want room for a cream? That's what they're gonna say. Well no, that's fine, but are there different types of regular coffee?

First they will ask you what kind of a roast you want. Yeah, oh my gosh, I don't know. House roast. That's what I say? No, I don't know. So- Just go with light roast. Surprise me, say that.

So, dark roast is the coffeeest of the coffee. They really do have a Trenta That's new I empty used to be the big one So it's me short tall grande venti Trenta get out of here goodness gracious I print money with my dumb names I think my move is to go to the counter and say I'd like a Medium black coffee and then turn my back. Yes, just oh earbuds earbuds and turn my back and take two steps away from the counter.

And then they need to figure out what I have ordered. But here, I'm helping you right now, Jason, because the dark roast is the strongest of the flavor. But I believe, now maybe I'm wrong and I've been living a lime a whole life, but the blonde roast or the lighter roast has more caffeine. Really?

Yeah. I think people associate the darker with- Yeah, I don't think a blonde roast has more caffeine. I think so, because I think it burns it out. I thought they had a- I'll find out. Yeah. First of all, this-

Fact check me on this. This Trenta size is 31 ounces, and this is a widow maker. I mean, there's no business. You do not need 31 ounces of coffee. Your heart doesn't need this. That's like three cups of coffee into, yeah, that's no business. You do not need 31 ounces of coffee. Your heart doesn't need this. That's like three cups of coffee into, I, yeah, that's all right, actually. Yeah, I was, yeah, I don't think that's too much.

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go with the Keurig, just for my embarrassment. Michael from Patreon has a very difficult question for me to. You know what's funny? Hold on, hold on, we gotta find out about this caffeine thing. cafe yeah we got to find that out and also I'd like to put ourselves on blast okay because we run a company yeah we have an office sure and we have a curate here do you have a kid this is because we live this is America so I'm just saying yeah maybe we should start talking to Starbucks about adding

a counter here in the lobby to pay for people to pay for? Yeah. Okay, that's fine. Yeah, they'll move into any building you want as long as people pay for it. All right, turns out caffeine, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if it's dark or blonde, but blonde roast is the way to go. Doesn't depend on roasting time. Okay, Michael from Patreon,

would you rather salivate too much or too little? Oh no. It's just a great question. This might be the best question we've ever been asked. It's so obvious if you're listening, the negatives of both. Yeah. I mean, I can say this. I have salivated too little.

Yes. I have never salivated too much. Oh, you haven't? No. How do you get it going? You just have saliva running out of your mouth? No, it's not running out of your mouth, but it's just an uncomfortable amount

where you have to keep swallowing in the middle of talking. I feel like- I've never been drinking my saliva like that. I feel like I would be drooling as I speak. I'd be drooling. Now, I've spilled on the pillow before. That's just drooling. That's not producing too much saliva.

But the fact that I'm having to... It's terrible. I've had it happen a couple times, like when we're doing a show and I'm like, I feel like I can't get an entire sentence out. You can't get your salivation under control? No, it's just completely out of control. But however, cotton mouth is itself, it is a big problem. Your lips start turn all white when you get bad dry mouth it is a nightmare I've been on

medications before that just gave me the most TV stream your TV it was like yes my tuberculosis meds I mean when you get extreme dry mouth it is the worst you feel like you can't Move your lips, and you're just everything has that sound so that he have stick that Awful I think I have to get extra saliva here because there's also a benefit to salivate saliva is necessary Wait, what do you mean? There's a benefit? Well, it's part of your digestive system. It helps break down food. What the right amount is. Well, sure, but none doesn't help.

Yeah, wouldn't a lack of saliva inhibit the digestive process? I guess if you're permanently dry mouth. Because I'm thinking of the only times I've really gotten dry mouth is when I'm in a public speaking situation, where somehow the nerves, not like our show though, but like when I'm speaking by myself on a stage, that's when I've noticed it. The time when you really don't want it. Right, when you really really don't want it. It is a strange thing. But if you didn't have it all the time then you would not be able

to break your food down properly so I'm going extra. The fact of like why do our bodies betray us like this? You know I this is something that I have to do I have to go talk to these people and why is my body making it as difficult as possible to just Physically do it. I'm already dealing with anxiety. It's the brain-body combo. It's just Butterflies in your stomach stuff. Hey, why wouldn't your brain be like got you. Yeah. I'm going to give you extra adrenaline. So much saliva. Don't you worry because you know, like if you're looking at just spitting all over the stage, just afters, but primal stuff, right? Fight or flight. Yeah. And apparently our bodies are saying that flight is or, either of these responses, we can do them better if our mouths are dry.

Why is that a response? Okay, I see what you're saying. It's a weird one. We suppress your hunger so you're not hungry during a high anxiety situation. You don't have to go to the bathroom. These are great things, but if I'm running- But also you got no saliva. If I am running I need some... my mouth is already gonna dry out because I'm running and breathing hard. Help me out body. What is it doing instead is the real question. Oh it's dunking on you. It moves it to your hands. You get sweaty hands. Yeah that just hates us. We got to reroute.

I think it might be more of like a, it's not a hatred, but maybe more like a punked situation, where they're like, oh dude, check this out. I'm gonna get them so good. It goes to your hands. Sweaty palms, saliva palms. Saliva palms. Oh man, the next time I shake someone with sweaty hands,

oh no. They're spitting on next time I shake someone with sweaty hands, Yeah. I'll now know. They're spittin' on you. I am shaking their saliva hands. That's right. Have you guys, I know you're both Hamilton fans, the musical. Yeah, yes. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Tell me that you guys picked up on the King Henry. Oh yes, oh yeah, yeah. The Disney one, the King Henry. Oh yes. Oh yeah yeah. The Disney one. The Disney version. Well I saw it in New York as well and even from a distance you can tell. Oh no he's the opposite. Oh is he firing away? This dude's salivacious. He's got so much saliva. Is it flying all over? It is everywhere. When you you project I mean it's it is a Real problem. Yes, it is a real problem and I recommend the balcony seats You need there you need to wear some sort of like there is a splash zone up front. Oh

When you go in if you're in that orchestra area seeing Shamu, yeah, But he was a great performer. Great job. I'm a big fan. But congrats on all that saliva. Maybe for that kind of a show you want to go home with a little. Sell it on eBay. Kevin from the website, would you rather every time you try to say I'm sorry, the words oopsie doopsie come out, oopsie doopsie. Or every time you try to say thank you, the words whoop, there it is, come out.

I think there's something really cute about an oopsie doopsie. And I'm sorry, I mean, if you say oopsie doopsie, it kinda means the same thing. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I mean, it's cute in a small sorry scenario. Right.

Any big sorry scenario, you are in trouble. Let's say you legitimately wrong somebody that requires you to now go to them and apologize. And you walk in and you've done something significant to them and you walk in the room and you look them in the eye and you say, listen, oopsie doopsie. Honey, honey, I've had an affair. Oopsie doopsieie I don't think your

voice has to inflict like that it could it can be a real son oh let me try that let me try a yeah honey I had an affair apologizing to Al for the push-up stuff. Oh, genuinely, Al, I know I put you on blast, but... oopsie-doopsie. Yeah. No, it doesn't work. How'd that feel? That doesn't work, man.

We're not saying that it's... I don't accept. It is not optimal. No, your response is, whoop, there it is. Right. I'm saying that whoop, there it is does not... It doesn't correlate. No. No. No, we need a different phrase for thank you.

Well, it kind of does, right? Like, hey, here I'm going to give you that loan you asked for, you know what I mean? Here's that thousand dollars to get you by. Thank you. Whoop, there it is! That's pretty cool. This is a weird one. I'm replacing the Chick-fil-A people.

My pleasure. My pleasure with the Chick-fil-A people are hitting pleasure. My pleasure with the Chick-fil-A people are hitting you with a whoop, there it is. That's so much better. That's actually nice. Yeah, all right, that would be kind of fun. Now if you switched it to Boom Shaka Laka. That's better.

That's, you know. I guess these are both pretty intense. I, I. Oopsy doopsy though. Oopsy doopsy. now that I've gone through the Actual experience of trying to say it both ways. I would put that inflection on everything Oh Yeah, but you got to put the hands up like

See on that on your loss. Oh, that's bad. Yeah, I'm still taking it I'm still taking oopsie doopsy doopsy on that on your loss oh that's bad yeah I'm still taking it I'm still taking oopsie doopsy because I most apologies are usually more mild I don't you know I'm a man who apologizes for the mistakes I make if I parent and I realize I made a mistake I'm gonna say oopsie doopsy Wow Wow yeah and'll say, they probably won't say whoop, there it is after an oopsie doopsie. Um, I guess I'm going to have to go with the whoop. There it is. I'm taking the oopsie doopsie. All right. Should we do one more move on? Let's do one more. All right. Vivian Frank from Patreon, one of our supporters says, if you were an NFL player, would you rather win a single Super Bowl in your career or never go to a bowl game but be inducted to the Hall of Fame? I'm confused by this

question. So this means you're an average NFL player. What does it mean never go to a bowl game? You don't go to a Super Bowl. Yeah. Okay that's a collegiate phrase there. They did say Super Bowl and then never go to a bowl game. Basically would you rather be Dan Marino? Would you rather be Dan Marino? You never won a championship, but you are a Hall of Famer considered one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time or you're a forgettable I mean There's a million NFL players who've won a championship won a Super Bowl that we don't even know the names of and right do NFL stuff for a living. Yeah, it's tough because the

In essence if you are a Hall of Fame player you also played for many years to accomplish that, which means you have many years of disappointment. It's not just like, like you could win a single Super Bowl title in your career, you could play three years. So you've won one in three, and then you, you know, you ride off into the sunset. You have to necessarily play a bunch of years

to make the Hall of Fame. But I think I'm gonna go with that one. I mean, I think I want. Great go with that one. I think I want greatness. I want the years of success and greatness and reverence of me as a player versus just having won a Super Bowl as I mean, I might as well be a bench player. Could have been. 100%. If you're answering anything but Hall of Fame, you are a liar. You are a straight up like, oh, it's a team sport. I

want to win the highest championship. It's not about me. Yes, it is. Yes, it is about you. Because you know what? At the end it is. After your career is over, when you're a Hall of Famer, you're still a part of that game.

You're still going to ceremonies. You're still important, but what, you got a ring somewhere and no one knows who you are? It's a fancy ring. So as of the class of- You're gonna end up having to sell it. Yeah, of 2023, that class, there will be 371 people in the NFL Hall of Fame. So that is a much lower number than people who have won a Super Bowl.

Let me ask you this though, to change the question to make it more compelling. won a Super Bowl. Let me ask you this though, to change the question to make it more compelling. Would you rather win a single Super Bowl because of what you did in the Super Bowl, or be inducted into the Hall of Fame? Because there are players like David Tyree who never did a thing in the NFL,

but will be forever immortalized as the reason one of that they won that Super Bowl. I mean, that David Tyree catch for New York will go down in history forever. And he got a Super Bowl win and we know his name now? I am 100% taking the Hall of Fame. Yeah, I think I am. Oh yeah, baby.

That's a pretty special moment though. Oh for sure, and I didn't get that moment. But you didn't get a gold jacket. Yeah, you do get a ceremony for that. And you're part of a club. Jason would like to be part of a club. I love being a part of of a club. You are part of a club but if you make the play you're part of a television special every single year because every single year they're going to count down the best plays of all time and if you had one of

those plays that wins the Super Bowl it's going to be in there. It's a tough call. If I walked by David Tyree today, I would not know it. Sure. Because he would not be wearing a golden jacket. Right. I assume Dan Marino just always is wearing his golden jacket, right? He probably is. Yeah. I mean, what's the point of having a... He's kind of a... Not a great dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These things happen. The gold jacket changes you. If you have the gold jacket, how do you not

wear that all the time? Maybe it's too hot. So every now and then you have real heavy wool. I think of that with a master's jacket, too. If I win the green jacket, I'm wearing it. I'm wearing this thing every, I'm not only- Or making a duplicate, at least. Because they only wear it to like,

thus the ceremony where other people are getting their jackets. Cruise around in that thing all day. We should make those things bulletproof. Just a kevlar like a John Wick jacket? Yeah, double. I just want more utility. All right, let's move on. Spitwads, I don't know if any of you are like me, but I used to be a child.

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That's RocketMoney.com slash Ballers, RocketMoney.com slash Ballers. What's the difference between me and you? What's the difference between being invincible, indestructible, and unbeatable? Oh man. You can start with unbeatable because that's at a task or a game. I agree with that. And that's also what we are. We are unbeatable? Yes, yes, yes.

Just as a company, as competitors. We are unbeatable in our humbleness as well. That is 100% correct. However, with the TB you're suffering from, you are not invincible or indestructible. No, that will destroy me, but it's not a game, so it hasn't really beaten me. You can make the joke make the joke. What if it's the game of life and what if you eventually lose then you're beatable. Okay. Eventually. So far you're

losing. I am currently losing the battle of tuberculosis. Yes I am. Indestructible and invincible though, it's tough because to me this is, I almost feel like an invincible person never dies no matter what. But an indestructible person may die of old age but cannot be destroyed while they live. Does that make sense? I think that that's 100% it. If you're indestructible then, eventually the grim reaper comes, you have aged out. Does your body decompose? I doubt it. Or does it remain indestructible? That's a good question, Mike, and it's an important one.

I mean, indestructible is Bruce Willis, right, from the M. Night Shyland. Or, why do they call it unbroke? Wait, isn't the movie called, wait, is it called? Unbreakable? Unbreakable, yes. Unbreakable, yeah. Yeah, okay, should be called Indestructible, but we'll allow it.

But that is, you know, he's not gonna live forever. So Andy's right, invincible, invincible, like Superman doesn't age, right? But Superman's not invincible. That's true, he's got that kryptonite thing. He's what I think of when I think of invincible though. Oh man, is he indestructible? No.

He's mostly that, but he's not completely that. So if you're mostly that, can you make the claim that you are indestructible, even though you know. It's invincible with an asterisk. That's what Superman is. Yeah, I think he's. Read the fine print. Yeah, I think he's indestructible and invincible with an asterisk that's what Superman is yeah, I think he's redefined print Yeah, I think he's indestructible and invincible with me out here with Superman the Crip the kryptonite yes He's cool with it if he's on Krypton, but he's not cool with it if it comes to earth

That is he was born in Krypton, so is he just born in a big poison lake? No see that the problem is I? Think isn't it he he receives his superpower from the yellow Sun. Also known as our Sun. So he wasn't a Superman on Kryptonite? I don't think so. Okay that makes sense. So then when pieces of his home planet are around him he no no longer has the super powers. Now there's other colors of kryptonite though that I don't support those. I think I completely agree Andy. I don't believe in those.

You're the Superman guy, how are you not all over this? I think that they've gone too far. Kryptonite is green and when they added other colors it's ridiculous. So I think Mike's right here, it says that kryptonite affects Superman by interfering with the cells in their ability to metabolize solar radiation There you go There you go weaker due to the inability of his cells to process the radiation necessary to give him a superpower That's right spit wads. You are welcome and so now Jason generally picks Superman and things because he's invincible. That's right

I like the best and so do we have the no invincible superheroes then? Is there, yeah, I can think of one invincible superhero. Who's that? Doctor, what's his face, the blue dude? Doctor Manhattan? Yeah, Doctor Manhattan. Oh man, that's a deep cut that I don't even know. Yeah, that's Watchmen.

I don't think that we can bring up Doctor Manhattan on this podcast. We will be shut down immediately. Too nerdy. Let's move on. What's the difference between a throw, a toss, and a chuck? on this podcast, we will be shut down immediately. Too nerdy. Let's move on. What's the difference between a throw, a toss, and a chuck? So if I'm chucking something, that's easy to me.

I chuck without consideration of where it's going. Well, I was gonna say your eyes are usually closed or- It can be, or you could be spinning? You've gotta be at the most looking through a squint. You can't chuck with your eyes just casually open if you're not doing this throw very good audio yes if you're not squinting or even eyes completely closed when you chuck something you ain't trying hard enough like if I'm taking chucking it if I take something

from you and I'm gonna chuck it I don't care where it's laying but hold on I just want it to be away from here Jason I think is implying that a chuck must have maximum power you got to have force with a chuck that's true do you oh you have to have force to chuck it yeah otherwise you're otherwise it's a toss yeah you're not chucking it well I feel like it you can't have like a light chuck can you toss overhanded no I don't think you can toss overhand. Like a toss to me is an underhand throw. No, you can have a toss with your kid

with a kind of like a overhand, soft overhand. That's a toss. Okay, so you can toss overhand. It must have a certain arc. But a toss is gentle. A toss is gentle, yes. A toss is light, yeah. A toss is...

A chuck is never light. No, no, you can't chuck something a short distance. One of the most... If it doesn't go far, you didn't chuck it, you just threw it. Just one of the more frustrating things that you can do to somebody, and they're doing it in prisons now,

have prisoners try to chuck feathers. It's infuriating. It's infuriating, because they don't go where they should go. But I would say that a chuck is kind of like, it a wild man's throw I mean you are it's like a punch to a haymaker yeah a throw has it's all yeah that's right and a throw is just there's velocity on a throw has to be overhand it has to be overhand and and I think there's some trajectory things here. Maybe. Because a fast softball pitch is not a throw.

It's a pitch. You wouldn't say it's a pitch? Throw that to me. Nobody's softballing it to you. No. Yeah, it's a pitch. It's a pitch. It's an underhand pitch.

It's not a chop. It's got its own thing. You've got to be overhand to throw. Sometimes a bad pitcher becomes a chucker. Yeah? Because they squint like Jason or close their eyes? Okay. So there you go. I think we did it. What's the difference between a symphony and orchestra and a band? This one troubles me because there are answers to this and I just might not know them.

So a symphony, obviously is there's a lot of people and their goal is to calmly put you to sleep They're the one that's true. Yeah. No, I thought the difference was the pit like ones above ground ones below ground The orchestra usually gotta be below a symphony You have to watch them because aren't like all the Mozart and Beethoven's those are symphonies. Yeah, cuz you see them Yeah, but I'm saying that they're not going to try and put you to sleep eventually Beethoven does put you to sleep sometimes they start hard but then they want to casually because they take you on an emotional ride oh defending the symphony an emotional ride to bed they eventually lay you down on some soft... That's a lullaby!

Well I mean, a symphony can play anything. They can put you to sleep with a lullaby or with Metallica. Are all symphonies and orchestras bands, but not all bands symphonies and orchestras? Or are none of these symphonies and orchestras bands? So I don't think that... Because they have too many things. I don't think that they're bands. Bands are cool. Like bands are you know something that's like

I'm in a band. Nobody would be in the symphony and be like I'm in a band. You know what I mean? Like it's just not cool. That part is true. That part is true. But I will stand up for the orchestra people of they, maybe they themselves are not cool. They can make things very cool though. Oh yeah. I mean if you take the orchestra out of a movie, like watch Star Wars, watch an Avengers movie without orchestral music and it will not land. It will look dumb.

Al, you are nodding at me. The above ground, below ground thing, you think there's some... Cause the orchestra has to go in a pit. No, I thought you were going a different route, so I was nodding in agreement, but then you went somewhere else. What was your route?

I think, and I could be wrong, but I've always been under the understanding that a symphony is a composition. Yes. And an orchestra is, like an orchestra would play a symphony. That's what I thought too, but then we were asked this question,

so I thought maybe I was wrong. I mean, we're obviously the authorities, so I would never. Yeah, I would go with us here. I would never actually. I think Owl is completely wrong. Can a band play a symphony? No. No.

Do you need a full orchestra? Yeah, you need a full orchestra to play a symphony, and a band is too cool to do that. That's the thing. Band doesn't want to put you to sleep. Band wants to wake you up, get you going, get you moving, get me in this mosh pit. Yeah, I mean, the garage, you're in a garage probably,

waking people up. You ever heard of a garage symphony? No. So for Jason, the symphony puts him to sleep, and the garage band wakes him up. That's right. I like the idea of a garage orchestra. A garage orchestra.

Where the neighbors are like, keep it down, you hooligans. Dun, dun, dun, dun. All right, let's do one more. Let's do another one of these. What is the difference between the other day, recently, and a while back? Okay.

Oh man. But let me give these to you in a use case. Okay. I went and saw the movie Avatar the other day. Yes. I saw the movie Avatar recently. Okay. I went and saw the movie Avatar a while back.

Okay, so it's obviously in that order of distance, right? Ooh, close. See, I reversed recently another day. Yeah, the other day to me is- A while back is the oldest. For sure, that's a while back. Yeah, because there's a condition there, while. Yeah, okay, so a while back would be the longest,

but then, like the other day though, it can be two days ago, it can be months ago. No, you cannot. How dare you. There's a three day statute in the limitation. Are you telling me all these years we've known you, you've been using the other day and you might have meant a few months ago? I'm saying, I will allow it.

The other day has to be within the week. Otherwise it's more than a week. No, that's not the other day. You can't say the other, recently is within a week. No, no, no, that's not the other day. You can't say the other recently is within a week, week or two weeks. But recently could be that changes recently can like if you went to Hawaii last year, that's recently for going to Hawaii. Absolutely. But if you would never say the other day I went to Hawaii a year ago. But if you saw a TV show an episode and you said recently

it probably shouldn't count for last year. Correct. No recently is two weeks and I feel like when you say the other day you aren't exactly sure how long ago it was. If I say recently I can tell you when it happened. The other day better be within a month or I'm punching you in the face. 100%. I'm going to punch you. You said the other day this happened and that was two months ago. Oh I'm punching you in the face. You said the other day this happened and that was two months ago. Oh, I'm punching you in the face. You're getting knuckle sandwich. You can't because you won't be able to lock down exactly when it happened because I don't

know. You don't know. Yes. You used other day when you've forgotten when you've done something? Correct. That's a while back, my friend. What a monster. That's a while back.

No, a while back is I know this was like last year. I thought I knew him. like last year was a while back No, I mean you and I are in lockstep here Yeah, I just we clearly understand what the other day means. Nope and my inappropriate idea What the other day is well, I mean according to Mike we became friends with him the other day Oh, yeah the other day we the other day. I met him at a GDC conference. I don't remember exactly when it was the other day Yeah, you see how stupid that no, no when you when you brought up the friendship that one didn't sound good But when you said the conference when you said the conference that worked that was like ten years ago

That cannot be the other day Look, this one's tough. It could be the other because I don't was it ten years ago. Was it two? I don't know. Oh, you know is that it was a while back Yeah, I know it was a while back Yeah, why y'all I mean the spit wads you are you are with us and I apologize For Mike yes on this question. Yeah, but oopsie-doopsie One more should we draft? Let's draft. Alright, let's do it.

The Spitballers Draft. Alright, we are drafting things that are red. And I'm going to be honest with you, I don't know if I love having the first pick here. Oh, there's a big three. I feel like I have to make a selection that defines the number one overall pick because I don't, I have a lot of, you said there's a big three. There's a big three. Do you see a big three, Jason? I got a big two.

Look, both of you are not gonna have what I pick first, but what I'm picking first is most important. And I have to take it first, because there's things to look at that are red. And that's part of, we're drafting things that are red. Usually when something is red, it is because I'm looking at it, and I recognize that it's red.

But I am going to, I'm making my number one pick based on importance okay not just on how it looks or how it tastes because those are some pick options sure going on I need it to live I'm taking blood it's definitely one of the big two oh no no it is not I know it is it's number four on my list I'm taking blood okay so I made a good pick yes you made a great pick it's a good, it's number four on my list. It's number one. I'm taking blood. Okay, so I made a good pick according to Jason. Yes, you made a great pick. It's a good pick. It's just not in the big three.

Mike was gonna make that pick a while back. Mike, you are up. All right, so then part of the big, blood, it's a good pick. Yeah, it's pumping through my veins. It's fourth on my list, but when we are doing something that's saying, things that are red, we are, this is childish. We are being children right now, and you ask child what is red a fire truck a fire truck is red okay 100%

yeah I mean fire truck is on my life I just counted it's ninth on my no that's a big nine huh stupid yeah 14 on my list but it's not a bad pick it's not bad it's on our lists it's just bad for where you drafted it. There's a lot of, you know. I mean, clearly would have dropped to 14 or so. Yeah, you could have got that forever from now. That's fine. I mean, a fire truck's, I will admit as an adult,

a fire truck is still pretty cool. Yeah, of course it is. I think we become a little immune to it. But if you just, if you see one, you're like, that's pretty cool. Yeah. They got the sirens on. I don't mind the pick at all. All right a good pick. I look I got a big two One of them was blood. Yeah, the other is used to act like blood sometimes but as delicious as ketchup

Yeah, maybe Hold on. Let me I'm gonna go through my leg. Count it, count it. Uh, not there. Oh, what a dumb list either. Oh, we have two lists, two dumb lists and it's not on there. Ketchup is the go. We put Mike in defensive position and it's coming out for the rest of the draft. Yeah. Ketchup wasn't on my list. I didn't think about it, but it was it on your list. Al where, where in your list? It was on my list of round five. Round five pick? It was, no, it was around five. Oh, okay.

The five spot. All right. So ketchup. Ketchup is fantastic. I just like that blood and ketchup were so synonymous. Yeah. I mean. They're the one and two of red.

If you don't have blood, you got ketchup. Yeah. All right. Is that pumping through your veins? Ketchup is pumping through my veins. That could be a problem with the tuberculosis. Yeah, well the blood comes up when I cough, so've got the one and two things. Yeah, he beat All right, the next one here. I don't think is gonna be on your guys's list

At all. This isn't a badder like ketchup. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You guys have just awful lists, but My wife has been watching this new Netflix show that's like about collectibles. I don't remember the name and not a sponsor so you don't get a shout out. But it's really cool you know when you have a one-of-a-kind unique item that the entire world knows. It's unfathomably valuable. Fire trucks are everywhere. Yeah. Okay. You set up. You've done it. This one. There's one of one and I'm

taking the big man's suit. Give me Santa Claus's suit and I'm putting that thing up for auction because it is very valuable and he's coming from here on out every Christmas. All a mode. I have so many questions. There's a lot to dig through. Okay. And a suit is the second thing. So you're saying somebody owns the original the Santa does. Yes. And I am taking it from him, but what does this have to do with the Netflix show? It's a valuable collectible if you're if you're telling me I have I tell me there's a show that talks about collectibles And you thought we wouldn't understand

Value and collectibles without the Netflix show Well, I'm just saying that's been on my mind. I've been watching so the cool. I'm in a collectible I was a little confused. I got you. I thought you were saying someone on the show Has Santa suit. No, Santa has it. Okay, because I had some really bad bad bad things that I had to say Yeah, oh you went with ketchup and Santa suit. Yeah, the two picks You could have just said Santa Claus and I would have I would have accepted that as a very good answer He's not red his suit Cheeks are jolly. Yeah, that's true.

Mike, you are back on the board. But you are right, not on my list, but that is an oversight. Santa Claus should have been on this list. It's a good pick. Yeah, that's a fantastic pick. It was a long way there, but I get it now. All right, well, I'm gonna continue on

with my big three for the children, and I will go with a stop sign. Okay. Stop sign. That was literally right next to fire trucks. I mean, fire truck doesn't have to obey. No, they do not because they're both red. Yes.

If you drive a red car, stop signs. Go right through. These are not for me. These are for green cars. All right. So we are back at. Yeah. I didn't have a whole spiel about stop

signs because they speak for themselves. I don't have to sell the pick stop sign. All right. I have blood. Very important. My second pick. There's a famous poem and it just says blank are red. Yeah. This is big three territory. Welcome in. I mean roses. Yes roses roses are red Everyone knows they are and watch out for the blue draft because violets No, I'm going with roses, I feel like I got a power to You do with blood and roses. Yeah, it's more purple. I don't know not according to the not according to the poem Yeah, and that's that's where I take my flower information That's probably why didn't we do a blue draft already? I don't think violets got picked

We did do one and I don't believe they got picked. Yeah, wait up cuz the dry lint That that that poem is really okay, you're illuminating some things that I've never thought about so they got the roses one, right? Yeah, they did are red and then we say violets are blue but it should be roses are red violets are violet that's the name of the color there is a color called violet and it's not blue why are you masquerading as blue I'm looking at a bunch of violets right now man what color are they purple is yeah they're not at all blue this poem is a fraud I think when it was written there were only a few colors that you could choose from colors have it they had to describe yet they didn't know purple they only had the red blue green RGB I mean that okay is a

massacre of a lie it's just it's just flat-out aoses are red, violets are not blue. Okay. All right, we are we're moving on. And now I have to make a third pick here. I think I'm not gonna it opens up I don't want to underestimate you guys as my opponents in the draft. And because I have one that I think could make it to the end. Whatever, I'm just gonna take it. I could go 10 rounds. Going the red Power Ranger.

Okay. I'm taking the red Power Ranger for my third pick in the draft. In part because Jason went character. He went with Santa Claus. Yes. And so I'm gonna go with the Power Ranger. I had thought about going with that one

because it's the red ranger. It's a very important. You're the one I was worried about. He is, I mean with that one because it's the Red Ranger, it's a very important. You're the one I was worried about. He is, I mean he's the leader of the group. Yeah. At least back when we watched. He's the only Power Ranger eligible for this draft. But the problem is you have to declare the Red one. You can't just say Power Ranger.

That's right, it's the Red one. That's why I kept him off my list. That was my issue. It's okay, it's okay stop sign. You're up. Yeah, but stop signs are clearly red. Yeah. The Ranger could be yellow, pink, I don't know. I don't know. Okay, I got you. Just saying. Yeah. Just trying to poke some holes here. Violets or blue? Let's go. I am really mad at that poem still. I'm just sitting over here just pretty angry. Just fuming. Are we even sure roses are red at this point?

I mean, I've bought pink. Not anymore. I've bought plenty of pink roses before. That's true. Roses aren't always red. Yeah, but then... Jayce's got a visceral anger to this poem. I'm pretty upset.

All right, so I have... This is my third pick. Yes, sir. Okay, and we're gonna move over into the food area. And I will take what I believe is, look, it is a royalty in the fruit family. And I will take the strawberry. Yeah, it's a good pick.

Strawberries are so good. I respect the pick. So, so good. The problem I have is it's not my favorite of the red fruits. But I feel like it belonged on the top. It is classic. It is absolute. It's the most red of the fruits, right?

When you think of red. Most red, I mean through and through, I guess. Is that what you're saying? Well, I'm just like, there's like the- It's got a bright, vibrant red to it, is what he's saying. Yeah, I'm saying there's other berries that are reddish. They're a little bit more maroon.

Yeah. I mean, you got mean, apples get pretty red. Yeah, but those ones suck. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that one. They're just not the best apple. And apples are like roses in many different colors. If you're strawberry. You're caring about the kind of like, you want like a dedicated,

Yes. Like that's why you can't get a stop sign of different color. right he Mike is going pure pure classic pure Red I'm not a pure line like I'm not I explained this yes I'm going with things that are awesome that are in the red family. They don't have to be perfectly red Yeah, you know I'm going together like saying things are associated with

Well, you don't think there's a lot of ketchup stains on that suit, there are, but you can't tell. Okay, then you should wear red more. Yeah, yeah. But then I'd be the Kool-Aid man, so I will. Which is an up for pick. That is up for pick. It's up for draft pick. I could go so many rounds here, it's ridiculous.

So like you know a lot of things that are red. Oh, yeah My knowledge color items is incredible But because I've got two picks, I mean I'll be shocked if you don't take I'm not gonna take anything that you think right now because I know the two things I'm gonna take and it's amazing You will you they're not going to be on your list. Because this is a list for me. This thing that you're not drafting, if you don't draft it, couldn't be more you. Okay, well we'll find out.

I am pairing these two together. There are things I like a little bit better on my list, but since I got two back to back, I'm going with red wine and red meat. Oh yeah baby. Wine is on my list, meat was not. I'm going with red wine and red meat. Oh yeah baby. Wine is on my list, meat was not. Yeah, red wine was the one I'm talking about. Oh great.

So you were wrong that I didn't know. You know me so well. Honestly I should have taken red wine at three. Yeah, Red Ranger would have made it back. Yeah. To round 20. No, not round 20. Look, you've got to have a little, look I've got core

picks here. I needed some attitude. Yeah. Okay, so you took red wine, red meat. So you're, those are solid solids. Yeah, I'm done. Red wine, red meat, Santa's suit and ketchup. If you, that's a good list. You could probably pull off the whole ensemble there. Oh yeah, for sure. I could put that suit on suit on, get the little ketchup on the steak on the red meat with a glass of red wine. Oh man know what I'm doing tonight. Do you do the ketchup on the steak? I don't do ketchup on the steak but I don't think it's a I don't think it's not a faux pas. Mike you've got firetruck, stop sign and strawberry. See if you can lock down this final pick. All right. I... We did a blue... I cannot.

No, I... I resign from this draft. I am very envious that Jason knows so many red things and I do not. I know. Let me know if you need help. I have got a plethora of red items. I was going to say, we did a blue draft? So like that actually happened. We did, I think. That's something we did. Yeah. We did. Blue and green. Okay. So in the green draft, I remember I took an emotion in green and I'm going to do it again.

Oh wow. Because we gotta keep the trends going. So I will take anger. I am red with anger. Because anger is red. At that poem. Wow, okay. I was inspired with how angry we have gotten

with whoever wrote that. Firetruck, Slotime, Strawberry, Anger. I don't think Mother Goose wrote that one. Mother Goose, there were like six to eight colors when she was around. There were only three or four at that time. All right. I have Blood, Roses, a Red Power Ranger,

and now an infinite amount of options for my final pick. And. I'll bet you don't know as many as I do I just I don't know what to go with here I don't feel like anything's gonna have the impact that I wanted to have so I'm gonna go with lobster that's great I'm gonna take lobster just they literally call it gonna take lobster just to- They literally call it lobster red. Yeah, just to match your, if you're having some red meat, I need some lobster on the

plate. Although, what is the lobster color before it's cooked? Like black? Is it? Because they- Sometimes. This is Mr. Pure Bread over here. He wants things to stay red from the beginning to the end.

I generally do, but I don't mind this pick. I'm just, I know that they- It starts black. They really redden up when you- When you boil it, it turns- When you cook them alive. Yes, when you boil this animal alive, it turns red. But then when you put it on the plate,

you open it up and it's more like white. Oh, that's pretty funny. It's, look, I mean, I eat meat, and so I understand that there are These these animals are being you know prepared for me to eat but the idea of going into a Restaurant and then pointing at something in a tank you're like yeah that one. I'm gonna eat you I'm gonna eat you please go boil this alive for me That one that one is harder method Would you like it to be like, euthanized beforehand?

Plopped on the head and then boiled? Yeah, can we do that? I think sometimes that is done. They do, I was at a restaurant once that hangs all of their lobs here. Oh my gosh. It's just, it feels barbaric of us. Even though, look, and I get it. I get that my beef is probably not humanely handled

either. It's, yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's what we do. I'm going to eat some lobster. Yeah. Is that the final pick? That is. That's the final pick. Oh, or how much time do we have? I don't know if we've got enough time.

I know. Tell me the other things. Red crayons? There were a couple things I really wanted. I want to give them shout outs. The red Solo cups. I had that on my list. Those are a classic. I had that on my list, too. The red carpet. Roll that out. Yeah, that's cool.

Oh, you guys didn't think of that. See how smart I am? Yeah. Mars. Yeah. Mike, you love. Thought about the red planet. Yeah.

Those were the three I liked. What about Clifford? Clifford is on my list. He's on my list. It was a little too abstract for what I was going for, but I was just going to say wedding. Oh, the red wedding. Oh.

Yeah, it's a little abstract. Dorothy's slippers? Ooh. I almost went with redwood trees, but they're not red. But they're not red. They're just called red. They're reddish. If we're picking.

Reddish wood trees. Anger is not actually red, for the record. I think the stretch, I know Al would've shut it down. Lipstick, sports car, red velvet cake. Delicious. And then you got all the fruits that weren't mentioned. Apples. Yeah, thank goodness. Cherries and raspberries.

Where do you guys stand on Mario? He's red. I consider him red. I think that would've been a great pick. I do too, he's on my list. That would've been a great pick. I wasn't a hundred percent sure. If you just... Andy Reid. The amount of characters, Bruce Arians actually, is actually red. But if you go characters, there's so many. You got Spider-Man, Iron Man. Deadpool. Deadpool,

yeah. What did we learn today? I mean, I learned that. I mean, Jason knows a lot of red things. That's what I learned. You, you smart man. Yeah, thank you. I learned that the Roses of Red poem is a freaking lie. And you know what?

You probably aren't sweet. That's the poem. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. Wait, that's like the... That's like the most known, isn't it? That's how poem roses are red violets are blue sugar sweet, and so are you wait? That's like the that's like the most known isn't it? That's how I know I mean Does that most annoying is that the most known guys? I don't know it sounds right normally the last two lines are improv'd No, I'm pretty sure that's like the Og or yeah sure the class I learned that the the coffee caffeine is the same. Oh yeah, blonde rose, dark rose, they don't make a difference.

Keurig, if you're interested, contact our management team. Thanks for listening. Tell your friends about the podcast. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.