Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Scuba Surfing & The Best Disaster Movies - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 3, 2023

Spit Hit for August 2nd, 2023: On today’s show, we grab a bull by the horns, discuss the repercussions of being stranded on top of a ferris wheel, and learning to surf. We then head into ‘The Situation Room’ where we talk about our fathers and planning the perfect vacation. Things really get messy as we close things down with a draft of the best disaster movies. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh no, mama, look up, I'm a goner! Oh no! Oh no, mama! Oh man. That was just horrifically bad. You didn't like it?

I mean, it caught me by surprise. I didn't have enough variance in my tone. Yeah. I felt that. I could feel that. I didn't believe it. It wasn't believable. Yeah, it's called scatting, not shouting. That was just one. No, that was definitely called shouting. Oh, you're saying it was supposed to.

Okay, I'm tracking that. Al is saying, was I going for a mama? There was a mama in there. Yeah. I said, were you trying to rhyme Ghana with mama? No, I'm a goner. Yeah, I was. Yeah, I was.

Oh, okay. See, I wouldn't. I said, oh, no, mama. Look up. I'm a goner. Ah. It ties in with the show. No, no.

The tie-in was immediate. I knew what you were doing. Okay, all right. See, the problem is Jason started last week with, oh, no, the tie-in was immediate. I knew what you were doing. Oh, okay, all right. See, the problem is Jason started last week with, oh, no, here we go, something along those lines. It was very similar. Well, stay tuned next week. Oh, no.

When you're facing a disaster of epic proportions, don't you look for your mama? Yeah, I think that's very common. For comfort. Very, very common. We're drafting the best disaster movies on today's show. Yeah, baby. We've got Would You Rather and The Situation Room as well.

Jason is kind of known. I mean, Mike as well. Yes. Oh, how dare you? Yeah, Mike is right there with me. We are hand in hand. We are Thelma and Louise. You don't care what actors, production company teams' budgets.

If it's got the end-of-the-world plot line, if there's a crevice that can open up, an acid rain that can fall, a meteor that can glide into another meteor and hit the earth. A landmark that's destroyed. A wave the size of... Oh, how many feet? How many feet is this wave? Because that's why you're getting me hot and

bothered i want that 300 feet and and it doesn't matter if the plot's got holes it doesn't matter who's if who cares i'm watching the movie you're in watching it for the destruction and the destruction alone i the the bigger the crazier theer, the more outrageous and outlandish I am in. What's amazing is that if you combine disaster movie, the genre. Sure. With The Rock in it. Yeah. Like he has a money printing like mathematics there, right?

Like he could be. be yes he could be in consecutive 50 consecutive disaster movies 100 and he would make 50 million a movie for the rest of his life if you want to decide i and many would watch 50 of those in a row yeah i mean there's definitely the disaster genre it bleeds over like monster alien zombie nat like just natural weather i mean it it's it's a uh it's an amorphous movie genre but yes like all of the all of the new rock movies no matter what is going on in there it's not just an action movie there's like massive destruction happening in the rock movies and just behind the rock is john cena just oh don't do that don't do that to the cleaning up all the roles that they want to pay down a

little bit and get the budget rock yeah that's that's when they're like yeah budget rock they this is a comedy movie who's not funny let's get john cena he's doing better. He is. Honestly. He's doing better. Honestly, he is doing better. Yes. I've seen him in a couple of things recently where I was not cringing like crazy. But you could see a disaster movie with him. Oh, heck yeah, man. Put John Cena. You got me.

Hold on. Hold on. Does Mount Rushmore get exploded? Yeah. Yeah. Then I'm in. Then give me John Cena. I mean, I'll take anyone.

You started with John Cusack. I mean, if that's good enough. I started at the bottom. Yeah, then I'm in. Well, what's coming up? Disaster movie draft. I have the first pick. It's an interesting draft.

At SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com is the website. You can become a Spitwad, support the show. Thank you for subscribing, reviewing. You can review on Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, and we love you when you leave us a nice review. You know what you can't do on Apple or Spotify, though? Let's tell your friends.

You got to do that in the real. They might have a share button. In the real. Do that. Wait. I think they probably got it. Okay, well then. Hit that share button. Yeah, share it. Let's move on. They might have a share button. In the real. Do they? Wait. Oh, they do? They probably got a share button. Okay, well then. Hit that share button.

Yeah, share it. Let's move on. Don't be a square. And share. Would you rather. And you're mad at my scat. Don't be a square. Oh, mama.

Kyle from Twitter. Would you rather get stuck for four hours on top of a Ferris wheel or four hours in an elevator? Interesting. Okay. So it's heights versus claustrophobia. And potential heights. Yeah, and there's some heights built in there. Yeah, but you don't know.

I mean, it doesn't- You probably do. You know when you're looking over there and you're on floor 42. But that matters to you? Well, yeah, because here's the problem is in both situations, something has gone wrong. You know, when you're looking over there and you're on floor 42. But that matters to you? Well, yeah, because here's the problem is in both situations, something has gone wrong. And in the book of things that have gone wrong for this, one of the chapters is it falls for both of them. Yeah, all right. See, I was thinking more of like you're afraid of heights.

And it's not that you're afraid of heights. When you're in an elevator, nobody who's afraid of heights is scared to get in an elevator. Yes, they are. No. Yes, they are. Absolutely. In a high-rise building, yes.

It's not like a glass elevator. No, it doesn't matter. There's overlap. Yeah. And here's the thing. I don't believe you. You put the elevator on the ground, you tell me this is on the ground floor,

I'll take eight hours in the elevator over a four on top of that Ferris wheel. That makes sense. That makes sense because the threat of- The threat of falling. The imminent doom of falling is certainly scary. But my point is that you're- Can you not connect what I'm saying here where there's a difference between-

I thought you just connected what we were saying. No, I thought we made a breakthrough but listen listen i'm saying there's a difference at least in my head of when you are afraid of heights like there's a fear of the height versus a fear of the of the impending doom of a long fall. I'm not afraid of heights. Someone that is not afraid of heights still would not want to be on the 42nd floor. And that's not because of a fear of heights. You know what I'm saying? It's because they know that

if they fall from that height, they die. But that's not... You know what I'm saying? No, we're going to move on. Never. So the thing is, if I'm at the top of an elevator and a top floor and it could fall straight down, the top of a Ferris wheel, that would be bad. But in my head, the disaster that is waiting to happen

is only that it comes off and starts rolling. That's the only possible bad thing. The only thing that can happen is the main axle falls off. It's not a cart detaching. Correct. It's the whole entire wheel starts going. That's right. The wheel rolls down the city.

We do know from movies that it would roll. It would never fall over. It's a Ferris wheel. Yes, it would just roll no matter how windy. There's nothing that could ever make that fall. They engineer them that way for safety. I think I would. So this is a clear and easy.

You've got a nice view. Okay, I need some more definition on the Ferris wheel here because there are, there's many different types of cages where I've been in complete open air. Cages where, like, it's a low back. There was a particular family vacation. Those are scary. Which this is like a legendary story in the Wright household. Back when I was a child, we went.

We were traveling around, and we all decided, let's go on this Ferris wheel. And somehow me and my father got put in a car in our own one, and we were terrified like just absolutely rinky yes yeah like not put together right yeah there was something that was slightly off and i mean we're just like head buried in our laps not looking out waiting for it to end but meanwhile my mom and my sister are like spinning their car around, taking photos. And so we've had to explain to them how our particular car was extra dangerous. Yeah.

I wanted to hear what you were saying, Jay. Oh, did I? Oh, you're trying to figure out what the- Well, like the car, is it open like that, like a low back? Or is it a full, is it a cage? I mean, that's a whole nother, it's tough because the cages are the bigger wheels. Yes, you're a hundred higher up. In which case, is it scarier on a smaller wheel with an open cart or a big wheel with a closed cart?

Oh, that's a good question. Question within a question. Man. We need to pick the scariest and put it into this main question. Okay, we need to pick the scariest for both. I think the scariest is the closed cart, but like five stories up. Yeah, I mean, the Disneyland California Adventures

Ferris wheel is terrifying when you're at the top. It is my wife and daughter. There is nothing that brings me greater joy than their terror on that ride. They are not happy.

Do you guys go on the swingies? So if you're not familiar ladies gentlemen disneyland uh they have static carts where it just goes around like a regular ferris wheel still swings like a little a little bit but then they have some that are on a track so these things roll back and forth uh from the momentum they get from going around the the the whatever the circle we have always been in the non-swinging, which actually goes higher. Right, because you're at the tippy top. When you peak, it's higher.

That's a lot of fun to watch their fear. They agree to go on it every time? Not every time, no. It's like a once in every three or four trip I can convince them to go on. It's been a while. But your actual danger is more significant in that one. Every three or four trip, I can convince them to go on. It's been a while.

But your actual danger is more significant in that one. Because even though you're enclosed, that enclosure is not going to help you if you fall that height. Whereas on a smaller Ferris wheel, you could climb down. Yeah, okay. Maybe. You can climb out. We've really gotten deep into this. So here's the reality. It's just a matter of view.

That's it. If you are afraid of heights, and I am not speaking to people afraid of falling to their death. Same people. Everyone is afraid of falling to their death. Not everyone is afraid of heights. Not the same people. I will go to my grave on this hill.

I will die here. When do you feel afraid of falling to your death? Would you agree that everyone is afraid of falling to their death? As a broad, non-active fear, yes, but not at every moment. When you go to the Grand Canyon, not everybody there is afraid of falling to their death on that exact moment. But there are plenty of people that are afraid of heights at that moment, right? Yes.

So there are two different people. No, they're afraid of heights because they're afraid of falling to their death. If you're on the top of the Ferris wheel, everyone is afraid of falling to their death, but not everyone is simply afraid of the view. The view when you're up there. It's too beautiful. The sunrise.

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills. No, no, no. This is easy. I will submit to your opinion if you answer this one question for me. I will. I will. What fear do people that are afraid of heights have? Fear of heights?

Is there an official name for it? No. I'm asking you what are are afraid of heights have? Fear of heights? Is there an official name for it? No, I'm asking you, what are they afraid of? They are afraid of being up high. And why? Because of the fear of falling, I'm sure. Now we're back to the beginning. People who don't have a fear of heights still would be afraid of falling to their death.

Not in that moment moment they're not that's the point you're not they're on top okay your wife and your daughter are on top of a ferris wheel you see terror in them you're not terrified right why because we're two different types of people so you're not afraid to fall into your death i am 100 afraid of falling to my death i'm just not 100 afraid of falling to my death at that moment. That's my point. Is that at that moment you're not. So not everybody is. But those with a fear of height. I don't know what we're arguing about anymore.

Those with a fear of height would be fine in the elevator versus they would not be okay on a Ferris wheel. Right? Because. I can say that people with fear of heights are afraid of going up into a high elevator. But compare these two, because that's the question. People with a fear of heights would feel much better, even if it's the 40th floor, on an elevator

than in an open Ferris wheel where they see their height. I can agree with that. Potentially, yeah. That's my point. Neat point. Yeah. Thank you. We've been arguing. That's my point. Neat point. Yeah. Thank you. We've been arguing for 20 minutes for you to make that point.

I feel like I was there in the beginning. I was there in the beginning. You guys just got there. What was the original question? The question is, would you rather be stuck in an elevator broken down for four hours or on a Ferris wheel broken down for four hours? And let's say you're at the top floor or the top of the Ferris wheel. I'm going to take the elevator because I believe it's been inspected more recently.

Final answer. You can walk around in there at least a little bit. I feel like they're just – people build Ferris wheels, and I just don't know what the whole maintenance of Ferris wheels process is globally. I'm going to take the Ferris wheel because I am too gassy. Four hours in an elevator. What's your fear of farts? Yeah, that would be my biggest fear. I got to be able to let it out at some point in time.

And if I'm in that elevator, unless I'm by myself. If I'm by myself, I'd take the elevator. But with other people, I've got to take the Ferris wheel. Mike, final answer? I feel like if you were in the elevator, you would take it upon yourself as a challenge of how farty can i make this elevator oh man when that elevator opens and the rescuers come they wouldn't need a gas mask my friend it wasn't me it wasn't me i'm all by myself man some other guy was sitting here before me was that you um i will take oh both are just awful for me

one one argument for the elevator is best case scenario the doors open when you get rescued and you walk off with the the ferris wheel best case scenario is you're riding that thing back down to the bottom or no no you're getting on a ladder yeah that's best case for you no that's no i mean oh sorry yeah i was thinking just worst case. Yeah, I know what you're saying. People have been stuck on the top. You could add in the top of a roller coaster where it stops at the peak, and people have had to get rescued off of that.

That would be the worst. That's not good because you're just there for an hour, and at any moment it could just drop over the top. How does that not catch you off guard? I'm taking, I guess I'll take the elevator. All right, Stuart wants to know, simple question, would you rather learn to surf or skateboard? Surf?

You can't even hear the question. Stuart! Yeah, because you can't hear the name Stuart without saying it like that. Get the desert in. Would you rather learn to surf or learn to skateboard? Oh, great question. Yes. Only one of these.

You have the potential to be eaten by sharks. But I will take surfing. I want to be in the ocean every day. For sure. It's got to be surfing. You're going to fall. Stuart the surfer. You're going to fall in both of these scenarios.

Let me fall onto water instead of onto cement. Right? Like, that's it for me. It's not just falling onto water, though. Like, you're falling into water, and then you have the incredible force of nature holding you under, oftentimes pushing you into the rocks and things that are under the water. I'm not saying it's not more dangerous. Sharks are weird.

I'm not worried about the sharks. I'm worried about coral. Everybody has a fear of sharks. Okay, now we can agree. The murder machines in the ocean. Water can turn you up. Oh, I mean, water is definitely dangerous. I mean, you could just straight up drown.

But honestly, I mean, water's definitely dangerous. I mean, you could just straight up drown, but I honestly, I would love to surf. I wish I could surf. Yeah, it seems like a lot of fun. Probably less skin cancer if you're doing the skateboarding. I don't mean you're out in the sun. You're skateboarding inside? Yeah, you got a shady place? I don't skateboard topless.

I mean, I imagine I'm surfing topless. Oh, usually you're in like a... A wetsuit. All right. Like a scuba suit. Maybe it's safer though. A scuba suit. A scuba suit.

Oh, man. I want you going out there with the... Just the whole gear. You got your flippers on. I ain't going to drown if I fall. No getting me, Coral. You can't get churned up. You'll be able to breathe underwater.

Yeah, well, I'll never get up on the surfboard either. You're a genius. Those flippers. I'm calling it now. The picture for this episode needs to be Jason plus scuba suit on surfboard, hanging 10. So the thing, I would love to surf as well, but that requires that you're in the ocean or whatever, a surf park.

Skateboarding you can do- Anywhere. Pretty much anywhere unless the man's trying to shut you down. Right. There's just so many more opportunities for skateboarding. To be fair, the man would also shut down all surfing in those same locations. If they have to. The man could control the ocean.

Yeah. I mean, skateboarding, you can skateboard to work. Yeah. You can skateboard around. There is a lot more functional, practical use to skateboarding. There is no functional, practical use to surfing. You're not using that as a method of transportation. What's your favorite skating trick, Jason?

Ollie. Okay. Just jumping? That's the only one I know. I didn't know which one you'd go with. I am so proud of myself for having one. That was good. That was quick. I didn't know which one you'd go with. I am so proud of myself for having one. That was good. That was quick.

Have you ever tried to ollie? I have never been on a skateboard. Okay. Well, it's a little too late. Yes. Yes, it is. I have not. Don't hear what I'm not saying.

I have tried to get on a skateboard. It's not too late for surfing though, right? No. No, you could do it. to get on a skateboard. It's not too late for surfing though, right? No, you could do it. What I was going to bring up about, and Ollie is, maybe it's just me, but I'm watching people skateboard.

You slam the back of the skateboard down and then you jump. But what you don't realize when you're not a skateboarder is you're slamming it down and then you're using your other foot to pick the skateboard up off the ground. And once you're trying to comprehend that these people are doing that maneuver, like how is anybody doing this? This seems impossible. This is an impossible thing where a surfboard, I just stand up.

I stand up on it, which is very difficult. I'm not minimizing it, but I stand on a big board. Or the other one, people are like doing this incredible gymnast move with their feet. Okay. Coordination level? Yes. I don't know.

Your balance is going to be needed for both. Yeah. You got to have some good leg muscles. But I really, like I do want to learn how to surf in my life. Like from this point on at my decrepit age already i would love to learn to surf it comes down to this like what's cooler surfing surfing or skateboarding what's cool probably surfing man i think it's skateboarding no way yeah they're both cool nobody looks at surfers and who's the most famous surfer you know oh i don't know i don't know who's the most famous

skateboarder you know that's fair name a surfing video surfing video game, Mike, because I can name Tony Hawk, pro skater. Yeah, they made one. I believe it was Matt Kelly. Is that his name? Yeah, exactly. They tried. The same people that made Tony Hawk tried to make surfing, but it wasn't cool. Okay.

You got me on the celebrity. Final answer is surfing for all of us. No, I'm taking skateboarding. Okay. All right. One more would taking skateboarding. Okay. All right. One more would you rather there? Okay. Carson from the website.

Would you rather literally grab a bull by the horns? Oh, man. Or literally put your foot in your mouth? What? How much of my foot? This is not a question at all. Who in the world would choose the bull by the horns? What happens to you right after you do that?

You ride a bull. Yes. It rides you. That's how you get on the bull. You grab the horns and you hoist yourself up from the horns. Where does that phrase come from? Grab a bull by the horns. So that's like when you're confronting yes somebody

and you're like just just yes exactly there's a challenge in front of you and you're gonna tackle it and all i could think of is is dodgeball the painting yeah it's like let's grab the bull by the horns it's metaphorical but it really what i really happened so and then the foot in your mouth thing i mean that's to be a real flexibility issue. Yeah, there is a flexibility issue. All right. We're going to put her out here. I'm a little scared.

Have you ever bit your toenail? Absolutely. Yes. Okay. All right. I wasn't sure if people were going to try and pretend that they haven't tried that. Not toenail. Not toenail.

But like, you know. Like a bunion? I never do one at a time. What are you biting? Like the little skin by the toenail. The little, like I had like a little piece of skin. Oh, you're worried about a little ingrown? Hanging off from the.

Cuticle. It's not the cuticle. I thought cuticle was at the bottom of the nail. Yeah, it is. I've bit the toenail. I mean, it's been years. Decades even. Yeah, thankfully. Because the foot no longer reaches the nail. Yeah, it is. I've bit the toenail. I mean, it's been years. Decades even. Yeah, thankfully.

Because the foot no longer reaches the nail. It was more of an option as a child. If you said- Convenience. If you said you get $1 million to put your big toe in your mouth, I believe I would have zero dollars. Oh, you can't do it. I don't know.

Can I give you a couple weeks? Oh, absolutely. I could do it. I don't know. Can I give you a couple weeks? Oh, absolutely. I could do it in a couple weeks for sure. As long as you dislocate his knee. No, I just need to stretch. Got to hit the yoga. Stretch, do some yoga, maybe lose a couple LBs. How many feet away are you right now from doing this?

There's one way to find out. Oh, okay. Okay. Are you actually going to go for it? Okay. I'm far. Okay. So, wait, are you actually going to go for it? Okay. I'm so far. I am far away. All right, you're about eight inches.

No, that was a foot. I could not do this. If you gave me a couple weeks, I have found out that there is no amount of time. How injured are you now? Actually, I got a good stretch. I feel like my back is a little limber. It is famous. Jason and I are very famous for our lack of hamstring flexibility.

When we used to work out together, we would be openly mocked. Yeah, my legs are about three and a half feet. My hamstring is about six inches. Didn't we make this joke? Imagine you have spent your whole life being insulted for your hamstring, and you go to the doctor one day, they're looking things over, and they're like, sir, you do not have them. Right.

I would be thrilled. I love finding problems. We're business owners. We've run websites and video games in the past. I love finding broken things because it means you get to fix it so i which brings us to al al yes uh have you did you ever bite your toenails as a child i have not give it a go i cannot when you were a kid and you had to do the uh i guess i don't i guess i'm just making an assumption but we had a like a mandated fitness test yep that you had to do in pe where

it's like can you do a pull up? Can you run the mile? I was talking about this yesterday. Not a joke. And there was the can you touch your toes? Yep. They'd put your feet on the box and then you'd put your hands up and you'd try to stretch. There was something called I remember I made president something.

There was a ranking. You could touch your toes? No. I cheated the heck off of that one thing. What? Oh yeah baby. And you got an award? And I got an award because I crushed everything else. I could do the mile. I could do the pull-ups.

I could do everything else. But I knew that the toes were a problem. And I'd cheat. Oh, my knees were so bent. I mean, I wasn't. Nobody was paying enough attention because. No one was holding your knees down? No one was holding my knees.

You got an athletic award. Yeah. That you cheated on. Yeah, and I would do it again. And from that moment in time, he knew cheating was the way. That was the beginning. I never could. I could never touch my toes even as a child. I was just talking about those tests, though, yesterday with my brother-in-law.

Do they still do that? I don't know. I don't think so. They don't care about the fitness of our children anymore. But I just remember being so young and how many pull-ups I could do when I was a third, fourth grader and weighed nothing. And pull-ups were like, you do 20 of them. Yeah.

Now I look at two like, wow. You do that and like how many sit-ups you could do? Yeah. It's like, I'll just do this all day. Oh, I know. It was awesome. Like, wait, I'll just do this all day. Oh, I know. It was awesome. Like, wait, how long? 60 seconds?

Okay, I did 200. But like, I mean, you're not even tired. Man, it's so good to be a kid. All right. We moving on? Let's move on. I guess we didn't choose the bull or the foot that's right there was a question well yeah because a bull is going to try and kill you yeah i'm putting i can't put my foot

in the mouth so you're on the you're a dead man yeah i'm impaled the situation realm all right The Situation Realm. All right, another Andy on Twitter said this. Your local wizard has granted the three of you a wish to use. Thank you, local wizard. The only catch is that you all have to wish for the same thing for it to be granted without knowing what the other two wish for. Oh! What do you pick to get your wish granted?

This is easy easy write it down i mean like we don't have to like have the like verbatim syntax right you just like the general idea i mean mine's slightly narrower pretty verbatim i think we can get there i i really think we can get so we're all writing it down right now now this would not necessarily be my answer without this situation but where we're trying to make sure that we're all writing it down right now. Now, this would not necessarily be my answer without this situation, but we're trying to make sure that we're all in it together and we all get this. This is like a game show where it's like if you all answer the same question, you get it. Isn't that like the honeymoon show?

Yeah, something like that. Newlyweds. Thank you. That's just like us three. We should go on the newlyweds. Let's reveal to make sure we all get the prize. Okay, make sure you put it at your camera. All right.

One, two, three. Infinite money, infinite money. Crap, I wrote $1 million. What are you doing? Come on, Andrew. $1 million would have been what I wrote. What kind of bad wish is that? Well, we don't get nothing now.

We get nothing because you're a cheapskate. I was trying to go with what the most common answer was, that well we don't get nothing we get nothing because you're a cheapskate i just thought i was trying to go with what the most common answer was and al just said he would put one million dollars i mean infinite money infinite money one million dollars one of those is real stupid but go buy a yacht andy oh you can't you only have a million dollars i'm aware that infinite is more than one million are you aware how wishes work? I'm trying to, I was trying to hit the same one. Al and I would have hit.

Yeah. But that was very funny because you had the exact same answer. Because it's right there. I mean, okay. Infinite money. You got us this time, wizard. Dang it. Next time we'll be back.

All right. Well, I mean. That was Next time we'll be back. All right. Well, I mean. That was the shortest question of all time. That was a great experiment. Nothing. But you would have put him. Is Brooksie here? He is.

Brooks. Yeah. What would you have written down? Well, infinite money, of course. Yeah. All right. That's right. Guess you can swap me out.

Brooks wouldn't need to write that. I mean, he doesn't wish for what he already has. Right. That's true. He just writes nothing? Yes, that would be his wish. To completely ruin it? I'm good here.

All right. Matt from Patreon writes in this situation for us. Says, Papa Skids. Okay, that's my dad. Yes. For those that are new to the show. Nicknamed Papa Skids. The pastor, which is- I assume that's my father. That's your father, Mike. my dad. Yes. For those that are new to the show. His nickname, Papa Skids. The pastor, which is...

I assume that's my father. That's your father, Mike. And Ron... Ron, which is my father. And Ron. Your father's actual name. Right. Well, because I told the story of...

It's Ron Moore, and in roll call, you know, he would be more Ron. Yes. Oh, yeah, and you pooped your pants in his car. That's true. Papa Skids, the pastor, and Ron are now the new hosts of this podcast. What segments of the show do you think that they would nail? And what segments do you think would be difficult?

Oh. How many episodes do you think before they would be calling it quits? It would be the most awkward podcast ever. Oh, man. I think my dad could give it a go. I think he would have a good time. Yeah. And I don't think he would quit.

I think he would go until the ratings forced the quit. Your dad knows how to podcast. Yeah, my dad could do it. I mean, he's called the pastor because he's been a pastor his entire career. What a good nickname. Well, you know, sometimes. He's called the pastor because he butchers pigs for a living. He's a butcher, so they call him the pastor.

They put him out to pastor. My dad's nickname is the worst on this here. I'm saying, like, my dad has public speaking ability, and during that he's done many interviews. He could roll with pretty much whatever. Yeah, he has experience. I wonder if my father would never make eye contact with either. He'd be looking around at things to kind of improve.

He might be adjusting the chair. He might get a wrench out. I think he would just be looking at ways to fix something. I think the would you rather would be their bread and butter. Okay. Because the nice thing about the would you rather is you've got two choices. You know what I mean? Sure.

It's kind of right there for you. Yeah. I wouldn't want to get them into a big fear of heights discussion. Oh, that's for experts. That's advanced level podcast. Well, my dad could tell the story of us in the Ferris wheel from his perspective. At least I was a child. He was a grown man.

I'm wondering if he had shown a little bit more courage, maybe you wouldn't have been scared in the moment. Maybe. We'll never know. Was he just constantly saying this thing's about to fall apart? Yeah, he was in a worse way than I was. I wonder which one could spell the best. I don't know if my dad's got that on lockdown.

And Jason's spelling, he probably got taught by his father, so I'm not sure. How's Ron with spelling? I would assume. That's W-R-O-N, Ron. Ron. I promise you he's 100 times better speller than I am. I don't know if he's good or not, but still better.

Now, this is my chance to remind you that I am the reigning champion right now. That is true. It is interesting trying to think through this question. How little we truly know about our fathers. Like, there's so much mystery there. Is there? Yes. Okay.

Which means how little our children know about our... And that's the way that it will remain. Alec from Patreon, you're on a beach vacation in an all-inclusive resort. Delightful. Where you have five full days heck yeah how many days should have some kind of activity planned how many okays should be completely open what a great realistic awesome question that i am passionate about this is not a spitballer's question no this is this is just a real alec is planning a vacation and wants us who is alec

oh okay alec from from this is more life advice yes this is life advice alec you've come to the right place maximum two days of planned oh preparation excursions whatever you want to call them two days i, is the right amount. Now, do you front load them? No, no, no. Because you want to relax at the end? Whenever there's a two and a three situation, I think it's pretty easy to go on, off, on, off, on.

So I would go relax, excursion, relax, excursion, and relax. Start and end your vacation with a nice relaxation. And in the middle, you got a couple events, a couple things to do. I might go activities, relax, activities, relax, relax, and double down on the relaxing to end due to low energy. Can you handle, like, this is not a tech, like, just personality-wise, are you cool with, like, three straight days of just all we're going to do is we're going to go to the beach and we're just going to lay here. Great question.

Because that's not for everybody. I'm cool with three unplanned days, but that would still include things. Is that improv? Like, yeah, you go grab a meal you get some ice cream well you walk okay but not not not seeing you know every site that this tourist place wants me to see and planning everything in advance okay let's take that a step further you're you're uh you're at this resort oh yeah it's all inclusive it's all inclusive everything's there your your relaxation they have a daycare your relaxation day absolutely the kids are taken care of your relaxation day

is oh this is a good question kick your feet up have some drinks have some meals at mealtime relax on your bed just do nothing no event at all It's just chilling in great location with all expenses paid and all the food and drink you want. That's your relaxation day. How many days in a row can you do just that, which is basically nothing? You are doing nothing. Two. Before I do something, yeah. What's your number, Mike?

Four. I think I'm something. Yeah. What's your number, Mike? Four. I think I'm 27. I don't think I could make it a full month. Not a full February. No, not a full February, but I could do 27. And at the end of the month, I would really need some kind of activity. Yeah. I saw that one come.

Maybe not that many days, but that'd be super awesome. That's a lot of days. I could do it. I promise. Okay. All right. Now, genuinely, I want to ask a deeper question. many days but that'd be super that's a lot of days i could do it i promise okay all right now genuinely i want to ask a deeper question before we move into the dress because look i'll be the first to admit like leisure has been somewhat redefined through the technological age okay so a lot of people for better or worse and i see it in my own kids especially the 13 year old

they associate i'm i need to chill out for a bit i need to wind down i need to relax for a second with plopping on a chair and going to the phone sure swiping the stories watching the youtube videos checking the emails right, they're associated with winding down. Whereas obviously we didn't have phones in our pockets 20 years ago. So could you be completely content on those 27 days

you remove the technology and be just as happy? Yes. How much sleeping? I think I might be happier. I wouldn't think I would be happier going in, especially day one. But I think it's time. That means no television as well. What?

Televisions aren't in my pocket. I thought this was a pocket problem. No, I'm out. What are you talking about? I've got to have my stories. The fact that you patinated TV shows. It's a little gross. It's a little shows. It's a little gross. It's a little gross.

It's a little gross. Spit wads, try it at home. Call them your stories. You'll love it. You'll love it. Don't do it. Come along for the ride. You got stories.

I got stories. You got pet names for all sorts of things. Yeah. Which, look, more power to you alone by yourself. What do you do? I'm asking a real question what do you do on those relaxing days if you've got no tv no phone what are your activities because you can't nap the whole day right and be happy probably what do you do are you reading a book probably not probably not book on a beach book is i think books where i go as the next probably. What do you do? Are you reading a book? Probably not. Book on a Beach. I think book's where I go as the next.

I'm not a hardcore reader. I have been at times in my life, so when I get back into it, you're like, oh yeah! I actually really like reading. I like diving into a fiction. I like learning stuff. Book on a Beach is fabulous. That's fabulous yeah i mean obviously

on this kind of a vacation you're not by yourself you're not stranded on an island you're you're with someone our wife our friend whoever the activity that comes to mind for me and i could this is something that like zipline it's so simple um but i could do this for hours hours and hours yeah let's hear this because I want to know the secret. It sounds so stupid. Throwing a ball. Okay. I can do – Wait, you just lay down and throw?

Oh, with someone. No, with someone. Just throwing a football. You're on the beach. Just throw a football. I could throw a football with someone with a friend for hours. Because you're talking and stuff? Yeah, you're just chatting and throwing.

I just love it. It's like my favorite activity. Shut up. Be quiet. Yeah, no talking. We're throwing. I just love it. It's like my favorite activity. Shut up. Be quiet. Yeah, no talking. We're throwing. Let's talk. Keep more throwing.

How long can your shoulder really hold up? Well, I can't throw that hard. You know what I mean? I'm not throwing 100 mile an hour fastball, so I think I could throw for a couple hours. Would this translate to like a Frisbee too? Like a Frisbee? Absolutely. Frisbee.

Boomerang. Boomerang. Well, that's when you're by yourself. But yeah, I really enjoy any kind of back and forth activity what about kite flying with a friend would you do that did you ever get into kite flying oh what that was no i'm laughing because nobody's ever asked me a question like that was so sincere that was really sincere that was like so sincere. That was really sincere. It was too sincere for kites. It was way too sincere for kites, Mike.

So inquisitive. I felt really like you were connecting with me. Oh, did you? So, Mike, the question is to you. That's why I asked you. But clearly you had a curious face. Has anyone? That's what I'm saying.

Like Mary Popppins they're like let's go fly a kite i mean i've flown i've flown oh oh break it in you got a kite phase yeah i did well you said that like hold on hold on like you want to make something of it like no but like recreational or were you getting like sport kites uh no no no competitive kiting just like just for fun you bought a nice kite and then you went to the park? Yeah. No details. We used to try to see how many spools we could get out.

Okay. Was it like a Batman kite? No. It was just a good flyer. I don't know. This was probably like 6th or 7th grade. I'm not taking nothing away from a kite flyer. A good flyer.

We took them out to the beach once when we went to the... Because you always got a breeze on the beach. Right. It's a good time. You just don't want to get your kite hitting other people. I just don't get it. I couldn't give two farts about flying a kite. It's kind of cool letting him go higher and higher.

It was fun. I haven't done it in decades. I feel like I would rather let a helium balloon go. It was like, oh, look. But I don't have to do nothing. I just, you know what I mean? It's like, that's the same as flying a kite to me is, look how high I got it. And then you're done.

You should see this guy going fishing. No string. That's right. Just dynamite, baby. I think we're done with that. Let's draft. The Spitballers draft. All right, we are drafting the best disaster movies,

which I will say I do enjoy. An end of the world, a disaster movie. I like the drama. I like it when they're character driven, intermixed. That's your number one mistake. Which you guys are more wave driven or atomic bomb driven. Yeah. Okay.

Which is fine. Like how many landmarks have been? Yeah. Because that's how I know. Well, look, my first pick does have one. I realized one thing earlier when we were talking about this at the start of the show. I realized my barometer for enjoyment of these movies, it would be a monetary value of destruction. Right.

Oh, like how much the net affected. How much money did they just destroy? How much will it cost to rebuild? Oh, like when they have bad hurricanes nowadays and they go, oh, it's going to be over five billion in damage. Exactly. And I got to have a T on that note. I got to have a trillion dollars in damage.

That's where I'm at. All right. I don't think there's a clear one-on-one. I really don't. I think there's some first rounders, though. Yes. And I'm just going to go with what I think is the most well-rounded, enjoyable, and that's Independence Day.

Yeah. That's probably what I would have taken. I mean, they blow up the White House, right? Yeah. So they have pretty awesome. They have that scene, which is amazing. It's got comedy in it. It's got it's a great it's got aliens.

It's got the speech, man. The Bill Pullman speech. We will not go quiet. That's right. No way. It's got Quaid in it. Up yards. So it's got it all did you ever see there's an alternate in the alternate where he's flying he's in a prop plane he's in a crop duster he's in a crop duster that's going

vertical i'm glad they pivoted into the f-16 or whatever uh the aliens just couldn't get it it's too fast but there was definitely a time when independence day was out i watched it a lot you know what i mean like you go back yeah i haven't seen it in a while i but i should i have seen it i saw i saw it like two years ago no okay no it was at it was at the house i live in now which i just moved there less than a year ago so it was in this last year has excellent has anyone seen the sequel with jeff goldblum yeah yes sequel yes unfortunately i have not i did see it yeah i must have seen it i think that's why i watched the first one and then i watched oh because you didn't want to be left out you know

you want to remember all the story i assume i watched the second one but i do not remember and that would have still been this year. All right. Independence Day is my first pick. And I'm thankful to go first today because I don't have a long list. I would have gone Independence Day. Now I don't. Now you feel like it's not worthy of this pick?

No, no, no, no. That's a great pick. I just think Jason and I, our taste is so close that I don't know which way he would go. Yeah, you both want infinite money. I have two. I have two here. Time to gamble. Yeah, I'll just go with one of a classic for me.

Obviously, it's not old, old, but this this is one of the ones that I saw as a youth in the movie theater that helped. It ignited my love of destruction and weather events. You got to go with Twister.

You got to go with Twister here. That's not where I thought you were going, actually. That's a great pick. I like it. Debris! But I'm so happy you went that way. Because there were two that I wanted. And I get them both, baby. Deep Impact, I'm taking first.

Really? Yes. The worst? The worst of the two? 100% the worst, yes. Yes, yes, yes. What? I know this sounds weird and wacky.

Deep impact? Yes. The other one is such a better movie. Way better movie. Yeah? 100 times better movie. Not as much destruction. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not as much destruction. You don't get the wave. They save it. I want destruction. You want the wave. I want it to hit. I want a deep impact. And this thing destroys everything.

Man, I remember being so resentful towards that movie because I felt like it was just copying the other one that came out. Which I'm sure will be drafted or might be drafted in the rest of this list. I withdraw my criticism. Oh, if this was like best movies or which yeah it's the best disaster movie to me this is the most disastrous movies um and i am taking the next one is day after tomorrow that was where i was torn yeah between that and twister yep day after tomorrow is exactly like really that that that would be my pick before Deep Impact. It hits them all.

It is perfection. When it comes to I don't care about anything but destroying things. I mean, it's just... It's got

twisters, meteors, flash freeze stuff going on. Oh, snow's everywhere. Tidal waves. It's got all the big destroyers. They sat down at a writing table and said, all right, what are the major forces of destruction? And then they made a checklist and they got them all in. And we're going to get after it.

And then Tom Cruise, right? No. No, Cruise is not in that one. Oh, I was thinking of War of the Worlds. Yes. Who's in Day After Tomorrow? Quaid? Dennis Quaid.

Dennis Quaid. And Jake. And Jake. Yep. Jakey G. Okay. Now I remember it. Yeah.

Mike, back to you. A young Jakey G. Mm-hmm. All right. So I got Twister with my first pick. And I mean- This couldn't have gone better for me, by the way. I'm actually.

Your list is still intact. My list is intact. It's comfortable. I don't care what you take because I've got two picks. Oh, man. Then where do I go? With your heart, Mike. Well, I got to take.

It's the better asteroid film. I have to do it. This is for the people out there. I got to take Armageddon. Way better movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It was borderline number one pick for me.

They get you in the heart at the end and say what you want about the Aerosmith song. I still love it to this day. It's a good song and I will die on that hill. I will be right with you. Thank you. That was an amazing song. It's a good jam. And it added so much

to the movie. It's funny. Because I miss you baby. Thank you. It is one of my all time favorite movies. I love Armageddon. And again the only problem is just a few little pieces broke through and hit some buildings.

That's a great movie. Billy Bob Thornton's in that movie. Oh, it's star-studded. It's great. Alright, that would have been my pick, my next pick, but... See, I knew that one would not make it back. But I am... I hope one of these counts.

Now I'm panicking. No, we're fine. We're pretty loose with it. The Brady Bunch. Honestly, from a pure- We're pretty loose with it. All right, well, tell me. I think that I Am Legend is a disaster movie.

Yeah, I would agree. And it's one of my favorites of all time with Will Smith. Like that setting, the city's destroyed. There's only a couple people left. So I will go with... Have you seen it, Jason? Oh, I've seen it. I don't believe I like it.

You don't do a dog like that. Yeah, totally agree. It was Mercy Kill, right? Yes. So you do. The writers. Writers, you don't do a talk like that. So I think I Am Legend, which ironically, my first two movies are Will Smith movies.

In the disaster movie genre. Wild, wild west. Oh, no. I will not be taking that. So I will go with Titanic for the third one. Okay. Titanic is one of the greatest disasters that's ever

actually happened, so it's not hypothetical disaster. It's actual disaster. You probably drafted the only real disaster. I'm guessing. By the end of this list, I think you've got the only one that does actually happen. Which you're only allowed to

do if the boat's yay big. yes so independence day i am legend titanic are my three picks so far mike has twister and armageddon which are heavyweights i wish i had ended up with armageddon there and you would let it go through all right and like it's such a wide genre, and what do you look for in a particular movie? Oh, man. I have so many. I know, but that's what I mean. Narrowing it down of what I am looking for,

it changes from day to day. Like, what do I want destroyed right now? Yeah, moment to moment. I am going to go just, it's such a bad movie. That's fine. Mike, how much did they destroy? How much destruction? Everything. Yes. I've got to go with 2012. It's just, it's such a terrible, terrible movie. And yet everything is being destroyed you have woody harrelson up there as a wild man just sacrificing himself isn't there like a destruction where they're driving a car and the ground is like yes like the plane they're trying to take oh yes that's what it was

the plane is trying to take off and literally the world is collapsing beneath them it's so bad it's so stupid and yet there is so much destruction that has to be one of the worst movies it's so bad it's it's by if you look up disaster movie lists all over the place including imdb okay that is highest on the list with the lowest actual rating of the movie of all of them it is the oh it checks out it definitely checks out so um yeah not good not good at all all right uh you get oh man i just found a a dark horse uh jason your two picks your final two picks are up all right i am a little busy right now looking at up theten Tomatoes on 2012. How did we do?

Audience score 47. That's not bad. That's not too bad. The tomato meter is 39%. That's way higher than I thought it would be. The tomato meter should be in the 12 range, if nothing out of respect for 2012. The butt sniffy critics. I'm pretty shocked with that number.

All right. Nothing out of respect for 2012. The butt-sniffy critics. I'm pretty shocked with that number. All right. So when Armageddon and Deep Impact came out, it was one of those, like, they both came out at the same time. It was the Asteroid movie. Yeah, you know where I'm going. Which one? But here's the nice thing. Here's the nice thing.

So there was another pair that came out in the same time. It wasn't the Asteroid. It was the Volcano issue. So there was another pair that came out in the same time. It wasn't the asteroid. It was the volcano issue. And I'm taking the better movie in this one because they both had destruction. And I'm taking Dante's Peak. Okay. Dante's Peak.

Who was that? James Bond. Oh, that's right. It was James Bond. Pierce Brosnan. Yes, Pierce Brosnan. Oh, get out of here, Pierce Brosnan. It's James Bond. Yeah, no one would watch Pierce Brosnan. They were watching James Bond. It's get out of here, Pierce Brosnan. It's James Bond. Yeah, no one would watch Pierce Brosnan.

They were watching James Bond. It's like once you become president, they always call you president. Mr. Bond. So Dante's peak will be my first, and now... The scene that I always... So you have deep impact day after tomorrow on Dante's peak. They're all D names. Oh, maybe that can make my decision oh the the scene that

i always remember from dante's uh peak is just is the uh when like someone gets like their elbow blasted off by a by a chunk of the rock and then it zooms in on it is just sticking out yeah thank you somebody else remembered it yeah that, because that's the shock moment of the movie. That is the movie that's told the story of the frog that boils to death. If you put a frog in water and then slowly boil it, it'll stay in there and boil to death. If you drop a frog in hot water, it just jumps right out. I use that story all the time. It's a good story.

It's a good analogy for life. So what's your final pick, Mr. Moore? Oh, man, I've got two that i love um but i've got to go the route of mike here i have got to go with terrible oh awful horrible movie that just i mean it checks more boxes than my day after tomorrow it's literally made to just have all of them and it's geostorm geostorm yes geostorm is awful i mean we put satellites in outer space so that we could control the weather and now we have every major weather catastrophe what could go wrong well i mean it's the best way to manufacture all of the natural disasters because you have human control over

nature in this movie and it is it is just ripe with destruction i don't think there's much of earth left uh and that's what i'm looking for in my destruction that'd be a big bill though there has to be some left so that they start to rebuild absolutely at a great cost. Gotta have that PayPal bill at the end. All right. Mike, you get your final pick here. Twister Armageddon 2012. All right. I'm going, this one's kind of out of left field here.

Because I don't know, when you hear the name of it, you're not like, oh, disaster movie. But then when you think about the movie, you're like, oh, yes, this was, in fact, a disaster movie. But it's, oh, disaster movie. But then when you think about the movie, like, oh, yes, this was in fact a disaster movie. Land before time. Oh, that's an emotional disastrous movie. No, but it is a child's movie. And I'm going with Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. Wow.

Where the machine building all the gigantic food, just destroying. I mean this this i'm so this has to be a jason moore special oh this isn't destruction this is glory this is i mean that's what that's my only issue don't send him this bill i mean there's donuts falling from the sky sure it's ruining the town but it's also delicious like if never in a million years would I have expected that. If the asteroid in Deep Impact was a cheeseburger, I'd be all about it. Just don't stop it. Yeah, just let it come through. I got this.

We don't need you, Bruce Willis. It's got it all. It's got the destruction. It's got the villain. The meatballs. Well, no, the actual mayor. And then you have the brilliant scientist saving the world. Mike always surprises us, doesn't he, Al?

He's always got a surprising pick in there. See, the thing is 2012 is just such a terrible, terrible movie. Yeah. Cloudy is actually good. It's a good movie, and I thought it was a unique spin on the disaster genre. It is, and I will go with the original Cloverfield for my final one. Okay. It was on my list.

It was so unique. There's several last picks that I have here, including, well, we'll get to some of our contenders. But I will go with Cloverfield because I remember just being, you know, you're kind of, it's a shaky camera. You're mesmerized by the perspective. You almost feel like you're there. Yeah. So I will close it out with Cloverfield. Some other ones that were still on the list.

I laughed really hard when I thought about Eight-Legged Freaks when I saw that on a list. Do you remember that movie? Yes. Of course not. Oh, no, you don't. No, you don't, Jason. Of course not.

That would be a disaster for you. I've said this before. I don't really get as freaked out with bad CGI spiders. Like giant ones. And especially giant. Bigger the better. Yeah, like if they're actually giant, like Harry Potter giant spider, it doesn't scare me because I know it's just fake.

Did you like Perfect Storm? Because that was on a lot of lists. It's fine. It's just the wave. I mean, the movie, who cares? But you've got a giant wave and that's pretty cool the only redeeming part of perfect storm is is which it's a it's a dark humor which that i'm i like dark humor is uh the scene of they're swimming like clooney and uh marky mark

they go down like the boat is sinking and they could easily swim. Spoiler alert. They could easily swim up to the top because Marky Mark swims up and George Clooney just makes this decision. He's like, no. And then he just slinks back into the shadows because he's the captain and has to go down with the boats. Why are you just vanishing into the shadows?

Swim up to the top. Live. Titanic did the same thing dude there's plenty of room on that door get on the door oh yes yeah he'd sink that door yeah he was water water love um go ahead war of the worlds yeah yeah that was the tom cruise one yes that was that one disappointed i didn't like the movie that's i was very excited and it did have a lot of destruction, but I didn't pick it because I didn't actually... You don't go to that movie for... You go to Geostorm for destruction. You don't care about the movie.

I went expecting a good movie, and it wasn't. Yeah. Contagion was on a lot of lists, which... Sure. It's a really good movie, but I just felt like I didn't want to give any credit to that movie. Yeah. Outbreak is better, but...

Would you have considered these two movies? Would you have considered the disaster movies? Gravity? I don't remember Gravity. Yeah, I think I would. Wait, is that the- That's the Sandra Bullock in space. Yes, okay, in space.

I would not. Okay. I didn't think so. And then The Road. Would you consider that? No. Well. That's tough, right?

Yeah, that one is- It's not way different than i am legend it's but in that the destructions happened already kind of yeah that's it's just you you have to fill in the the gaps yeah i do feel sad that san andreas went undrafted it's another bad movie with the rock yeah and a lot of destruction yeah that was in the last 20 years there's been a few of those. Any others, Mike? I mean, I had like Daylight on my list. If you remember that

jam with Sylvester Stallone where they get stuck in the... I don't remember that. They get stuck in the tunnel. I think it's the Lincoln Tunnel. Oh, yeah. Wait, does water come in there? Oh, they're in a tunnel underwater, Andy. What do you think happens? Okay. All right.

I've had that thought. The traffic clears and they walk out. I was actually terrified going through that tunnel. Yeah, tunnels are- Under the water. Tunnels are sneaky scary. Yeah. What's worse for you, a bridge or a tunnel?

A tunnel. Yeah, a tunnel is way worse for me. Sure. Yeah. Because you're already in the grave. Uh-huh. And they're just closing off the it's just, you're already in the grave. Uh-huh. And they're just closing off the entrance and exit. Pour the dirt.

There's legit no way out. I'm more claustrophobic in a tunnel than I am in an elevator. Yeah, tunnels are horrific. Because the exits are far away. The idea of the Tesla underground... Oh, the boring company. Yes, the boring company that's making these roadways underground. And I've seen some of the videos of those.

It's scary. Oh, my word. I'm not doing it. You can't get me in there. You need emergency exits every 15 feet. Yeah, and there's like no room for other cars. What if one car breaks down? I don't get it, but you won't catch me in that grave.

Okay. What did we learn today? I learned that everyone else here believes that everyone has a fear of heights. Also, I learned that I don't know what a fear of heights means. I learned that Mike's father has, he's wuss. Yes, and I learned definitively that skateboarding is cooler than surfing. I feel like you already knew that. All right, that'll do it for today, spitballers.

Thank you so much for supporting the show. Hope you had fun. Tell your friends, and we'll be back with a new episode next week. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.