Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Spicy Blood & Things That Make You Smile - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

Spit Hit for February 19th, 2024: Who is this week’s Man of the People? Find out on this episode! We also talk about living in a haunted house, piercing your nose, and eating butter straight up. We close it down with a draft of things that make us smile! Don’t miss it! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Womp, bop, a-doop-bop, a-dink-a-dink-a-boo-bop. Womp, bam, boom. it was it was really the tone like the note sequence there at the end that was good i liked it the best i can get is to think of the first couple moments right and the rest has to happen naturally but i'm not too disappointed there i've done a lot worse oh yeah that's very that's and you will true yeah in the future yeah welcome into the spitballers podcast andy making jason back with you al borland what's up spitwads is here is this the uh first or second show since his demise this is the second okay did you um

you recovered from that disappointment i know you heard from your own mother and i did yeah she hasn't talked to me since okay telling me she was disappointed in me but i'm gonna be back better than ever okay yeah some changes coming to the game it's gonna say i don't know did we talk about this on the show that as soon the the, the moment that show was done, he's like, there's new rules happening next time. Oh, yeah. He was so upset. It was so great.

He wins like, what, 50 straight times or whatever. We finally beat him in Liar Liar. And he's like, I got to change the rules now. Now, speaking of rules, today we have a draft of things that make us smile i assume the one-on-one for all of us is just beating owl at liar liar yeah that's probably just too good i did be drafted i did smile a lot i mean it was it's become part of his identity the undefeated nature and we ruined when you steal it from him yeah it's like a horcrux or something. You know, we killed it. It did feel good to take a piece of who he is and smashed it on the ground. Well, Jason said it.

We're drafting things to make you smile today. We have Man of the People on the show, which is one of our newer segments, and Would You Rather, but first, a review. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Eric Rupp from the United States Five Stars. Spitballers podcast fuels local man to accomplish a 13-mile run. I have been faithfully listening to the Spitballers with my wife for over three years, but have never taken the time to show my appreciation in the form of a review.

Shame on you. Yeah. Well, they did it now, though. Oh, well my appreciation in the form of a review. Shame on you. Yeah. Well, this past weekend. Well, they did it now, though, so. Oh, well, then thank you for your great review. Shame off you. Shame off you. This past weekend, I ran my first ever half marathon

and listened to the Spitballers for the entire two-hour ordeal. The laughing going on in my brain completely masked the excruciating and overwhelming pain in my legs. I can't explain it, but the race was over before I knew it. Jason, Mike, and Andy, I just want you to know that the participation medal I received is not my medal, but our medal. You're darn right it is. Couldn't have done it without you. I feel like it should be, like, he should have said your medal.

Like, it should be our medal instead of instead like because we participated yeah but i'm saying he's still taking part of this medal for himself so you're saying the three of us send us that medal that is what i'm saying okay yeah have you guys ever done any distance racing andy have you ever done any distance racing yes i have what's the longest one you've ever done? I don't recall it at all. It was like grade school cross country. It's actually ironic because I was

very much in cross country. So I laughed and then I realized, what? Wait, I did a lot of distance running. But as an adult, you've never done like a 10K? No, not even one of those walking ones for charity. I don't do the laps. You know, they say you wouldn't be caught dead doing something.

I would be caught dead doing that, so I don't want to mess around. Not with these knees. All right, we are moving on. Would you rather? Would you rather live in a haunted house or in the middle of the wilderness? Okay. I just shared recently that I had asked for some podcast recommendations on Twitter for a long drive home that I was doing by myself to an empty house.

So I like true crime podcasts. And so somebody recommended these spooky stories. And by the time I got home, I was quite afraid of both the wilderness and my house. Really? Yes. It gets worse. I believe you heard noises.

All right. Well. Oh, yeah. You got to tell the whole story. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Yeah. I don't know anything about this. If there's Nest Cam footage of what took place in my house that night.

You just swatting at bees that aren't there? Well, I got home, and it was dark, and I had listened to two hours of stories that were- What kind? Are these supernatural? No, no, no. These are real things that have happened, but they're like- Bad, bad things. Dark.

Okay. I qualify it as dark mysterious scary that has happened in the forest in real well one of them was somebody that was basically a hiker okay and they had run across some people on the pacific coast trail and then these people followed him on this trail in the remote wilderness found his campsite multiple times in the middle of the night stole his food there were footprints around the camp but he didn't wake up and then gets followed for miles and miles and miles and uh escapes and survived but other stories sounds like i don't need other stories they didn't escape mike they didn't escape i read you i believe you i got home and i started hearing

things and i definitely had the moment in the house. Look, hello. Yeah. Who is it? I may have said the sentence and I'm, I am not joking and I'm so embarrassed to say this, but I might've said the sentence. Oh my God. Oh yes.

Oh, he's really embarrassed. This is so good. Come on out and we can work this out. Oh no. No, this isn't't real i didn't even know that oh my goodness come on out that's the best thing that's ever happened on this show forget beating alan liar liar come on out and we can work this out yes i'm just picturing instead of like a baseball bat andy grabbed

his checkbook he's just like come on out we can work this out i could uh i have more things from that story i can't even tell you oh man but but i say all that whole backstory you know this question haunted house middle of the wilderness um they're both terrible i don't look i'm not i don't believe in haunting and ghosts and stuff like that. So I think the house, I could intellectually, the danger, I would wash it away. Whereas in the wilderness,

there really is danger that really could be there. I believe you just shared a story that says, no, you couldn't. If doors are opening and closing in the other room it was the ice maker by the way oh man so that was did you work something out yeah we worked it out i mean i unplugged that sucker if it's a haunted house i'm i'm assuming that you know the lore of the house or not just like go there it It's haunted. They're like, no, they're gonna, they're gonna,

they're gonna spin a, a real story. Yeah. You're saying like someone died there. They're going to, yes. That's the room where she died. That's the,

the terrible things that have happened in that house repeatedly generations. And then you have to stay there. I mean, but you have a roof, which is a really nice thing compared to being in the middle of the wilderness. What I am afraid of, You have a roof, which is a really nice thing compared to being in the middle of the wilderness. With no roof. What I am afraid of far more than ghosts or just awful evil things happening in my house is like spiders and stuff and like bugs. Oh, the haunted house is full of spiders.

More than the wilderness? The wilderness is full of spiders more than the wilderness the wilderness is full of spiders too this is they're both they're in this is spider versus spider yeah you got to remove them from the equation are spiders more more ferocious in the wilderness or in the house like when they've got a home well they're more ferocious in the wilderness than in the haunted house because in the haunted house agree you got other stuff to like you got bigger fish to fry yeah You're not worried about a black widow. Yeah. I mean, he would be, but yeah.

Well, yeah, but then when the poltergeist shows up, you got a bigger problem. Oh, my goodness. Which one would you go with? I think I'm going to have to go with the haunted house because I can work it out with him. Yeah. Make him a deal. Maybe bring him back. I really did that. I'm going it out with them. Yeah, make them a deal. Maybe bring them back. I really did that.

I'm going haunted house as well. I don't want either of these, but I would rather have a house than... I'm guessing if you're in the middle of the wilderness, you at least get a tent, right? Sure. I mean, you get some shelter. With a teeny tiny open spider door at the bottom.

Spiders can get in any tent. Why can they get into anything, regardless of whether or not it's physically possible? I think they are the only true ghost that exists. Okay. Now, Jason, I know you're an easy scare. Does it make a difference one way or the other if this haunted house is like a Halloween haunted house? So it's not actually supernatural, but there's people jumping out trying to scare you all day. No, I don't think that would make a difference.

Well, I get to sleep, right? Yeah. Yeah, then no, I think this is fine. I would also assume that this haunted house, it's probably in the middle of a normal neighborhood. That's part of the story, right? Like, that's... Very big front yard, though.

Exactly. Because the front yard of a haunted house is always gigantic. Rot iron gate. Because you have to walk up to the door. The walk to the door. If it's not scary, that's not a haunted house. That's fair. Mike, what are you doing?

I'm probably going with the wilderness. How come there's no haunted apartments? You know what I mean? Like, there's I don't think there's ever been like a haunted condo. Because haunted bungalow. Because we systematically remove the number 13 from buildings. I mean, the apartments, maybe they have the 13th. But it's just like bringing up the fact that we as art,

where we are in our civilization and a society, that when they build a high-rise hotel, they don't put a 13th floor in there. When we all know there's a 13th floor because that's how counting works. It's just you go from 12 to 14. It's not number 13. You're saying this is built in superstition. Yeah, what are we doing? Probably the same thing we do with Santa Claus, Mike.

We just embrace some things and, you know. You go be on floor 13. I have no problem being on floor 13. Have you seen people, the zodiac signs and everything? I mean, people are still crazy, Mike. Right, but we, like most public, when

people are like, well, here's a zodiac thing, you're like, eh, no thank you. But for some well, here's a Zodiac thing, you're like, eh, no, thank you. But for some reason, this is accepted wildly in culture that we need to not have a 13th floor. You're saying you'd stay on floor 13? Yeah. You'd walk under a ladder to get there. I got something to tell you. You ever been on the 14th floor?

You stayed on the 13th floor. Ooh, okay. So it's just, yeah, but the ghost didn't know that that's why i thought it was 14 that's what it is where's the dang 13th floor we keep going up and down all right uh would you rather have to shave your head or pierce your nose interesting also if you did a nose piercing let's just get this out of the way right what would it be what would we individually go with like what would your choice be because you've got the outer rims that you could go with like a very simple you could go bar or or you could go

like a single like jewel or you could go the middle of the nose with more of the uh the like the horseshoe like a bull yeah yeah any of the i feel like is there one that's more intimidating because i don't know the bull is far more aggressive i think the bull is the one i would go with if you know i don't want like the diamond stud i like a diamond stud but i don't think i could rock that um i don't want like a big bar so what about a spike instead of a diamond stud? Just one spike coming out of one side of your nose? I've never seen that.

Well- No, you could definitely do that. You could do it. Could you do it in the middle and it'd be like a rhino horn? I don't know if you can pierce that. Probably not. Well, you could pierce anything, really. That's what they say. Well, I mean, you've seen skin piercings, right?

That is true. Where you just pinch a little bit of your skin you go right through and then you have a you put a piece of jewelry in you got you have your ears pierced mike i do any anything else uh yeah i have uh i used to have the cartilage piercing did you you have the upper that hurt oh that hurt like the dickens man uh i've've thought many, many times about going to get my nose pierced. But what would you go with? Yeah, this is informative. I think I would just do the one nostril.

Okay. Like a ring on one nostril? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little loop. Yeah, you get to change it out, but I would probably rock the hoop for a while. He's going hoop. I'm going bull horseshoe. Yeah, nice.

I'm thinking I'm going like the big bone. Oh, okay. Very nice. It would hurt a lot. Yeah. That's going to take time. Honestly, how I did the ear, because it's your cartilage, that is like, that's what scares me away from the nose piercing,

because it's cartilage again. And it's. It hurts to think about it. It pops. You can hear the. It's real. Yes. The tearing it's cartilage again. Ooh. And it's. It hurts to think about it. It pops. You can hear the. It's real. Yes. The tearing of the cartilage.

You hear it go through and it hurts. And then the healing process is like weeks. My wife has a ton of piercings in her ear, like up top, down below, wherever. And then, but like one of them is supposed to, it's like helps with her migraines. Did you know this? I did not. There's like a certain cartilage that you can pierce that can help with migraines. I mean, with all reflexology and all that certain stuff.

I don't know. The other one is to shave your head. Yeah, that's the one I'm going with. I've done that too. I've done that. You've done the full shave? Oh, yeah. Really?

Yeah. Like full bald. What's the shape situation up there? I mean, it's a- Is it pretty good? It's large. It's big. It's big. It's large, but it is a, as far as just saying.

Do you look like Humpty Dumpty? No. Okay. It's not egg. As far as the aesthetic shape of the head, large, but it's a good shape. Like a Megamind? Yeah, a Megamind situation. I've gone from like a full, full, full head of hair and and then didn't even tell my wife I was doing it.

I just sent her a picture of the sink with all my hair in it. And she's like, what did you do? Sometimes I just shave my head. I shaved my head a couple years ago for a Halloween costume. I consider shaving my head all the time. Whenever I see photographs of me what about the mirror uh no the mirror i can hide it enough i can it's like when i when i see it from a uh an angle i'm not used to and i go oh i could use more hair and then i think i should shave it but every time i've shaved it i think uh three times in my life. And each time it's such a shock.

Yes. That it just looks horrifically terrible. And you didn't give yourself enough time to normalize it. At the end, it started to become normal and I didn't mind as much. But then you're like growing your hair back out. And so let me ask you a question because you are a man who likes his beard. Yes. and so let me ask you a question because you you're a man who likes his beard yes if you had a choice right now between shaving the top of your head and keeping your beard forever yeah that's

this is the easiest question of all time or you get a full head of hair but you can never grow but you can never grow a beard full see what i'm oh i'm not i'm not no amateur here with the would you rather that is quite the hosting job you're doing um full head of hair like yeah yeah head of any everything you've ever wanted up there okay like you look that i'm definitely keeping the beard you look like us yeah then i'm keeping the beard because uh oh you're keeping the beard oh yeah this does not come with weight loss no yeah so the beard is like necessary the top of my head isn't fat do you think that there's a chance that you are overestimating the impact your beard is making to the perception of your weight i can uh both in my own heart say no and

see al borland vigorously shaking his head no we've seen me without a beard. Whoops. You agree with this? He looks better with a beard. Well, I'm not saying it better, but... He needs the beard. Yeah, there you go. Okay. All right. Just like I need my beard.

Uh-huh. Yeah, that's like... I mean... It's like one alcoholic telling the other one they need their drinks. The beard is really an ultimate crutch for the fellas it's like it's so great you're like i would like to remove half of my face so it doesn't matter what my jawline looks like it doesn't matter what my chin looks like why don't you just wear a mask it's well you're not socially acceptable yet okay all right have you had the nightmare where you

accidentally shaved your beard off? Ooh. No, I haven't accidentally shaved it off. The closest thing that has happened with that was a haircut where on the back of my head, it went up accidentally like three inches of just bald spot. And so then you've got the hairline that stops like three inches. Really? Did you just stick with it? It's the worst. I mean,

you took the whole thing up, right? Oh, you have to. Yeah. All right. Well, um,

let's, let's ask one more. Do we have time for one more of these? We got time for one more. Would you rather eat five tablespoons of straight butter? Yes. Or straight Buffalo sauce. Well,

that's, that's, that one's over for me it's butter i love butter butter's basically like ice cream you do love butter and you genuinely could and might already eat it by itself i don't know when you put the amount of butter on something that you do it'll be nauseating for five tablespoons tablespoons the big one right yeah we need we need to get out of this world of tablespoons and teaspoons. I mean, that is the world we live in.

One's for the table, one's for your tea. Got it. No, no, no. We're not going back to that conversation. But, like, top of your head, I'm not going to ask this to Andy. This is not the chef. You keep quiet over there. Okay.

How many teaspoons in a tablespoon? I think two, maybe. I don't know. I have no idea. Exactly. Jason, do you actually know? I believe it is three or close to three. It is exactly three.

Okay. Well, that's good. I'm impressed with you. This is dumb. And how many, what's next? Tablespoon goes into what? Cup? Do you start talking like a quarter of a cup?

Is this a long-winded way to get us to metric? Is this the goal here? You see right through me yeah the metric system is so superior not in my country we've got things like yards and feet i think this butter though has to be the just cut off the stick not like melted butter and it's fine okay that's how he wants it for me that's far more disgusting. Is that because it would just be like the mouthful of mayonnaise type of thing? Yeah. Okay. I'm going butter.

I think it would be harder if it was cold. Like if you had to like chew it. Chew it. You know, if it was the stick of butter still, but like what's left out. I think I would enjoy eating a stick of butter on a popsicle stick. Like lick by lick. I genuinely think you would if it was cold oh yeah yeah some of that carry gold um okay so alternatively i need a

sponsor alternatively just straight buffalo sauce i like the flavor but i'm i'm a pretty big baby with spice right and other things and so i would i don't think i could handle that i could handle butter my body knows what to do with it i don't think my body would know what to do with five tablespoons of straight buffalo what's what's interesting is over the course of like wings you probably do that i'm sure i'm eating way more than five tablespoons of buffalo sauce, and it's delicious. And you can put them down. But the thought of five tablespoons worth of buffalo sauce just going right into the stomach acid feels like a really, really bad time.

I actually think that one's the easier one, though, to get down. Oh, yeah, because it's a liquid. Yeah. Just drink it. It's just later. The later would be worse. Well, it's not even that much later. No. It's going to be Yeah. Just drink it. It's just later. The later would be worse. Well, it's not even that much later. No.

It's going to be uncomfortable. It's going to run through you quick. Yeah, through the entire ride. What does that do to your bloodstream? You know how whatever we eat or drink- I don't drink a lot. It's like I feel like I'd have spice blood. Oh, man.

You're saying like if a vampire rolled through? Exactly. You think I got ice cream running through my veins? Like, blood. Oh, man. You're saying like if a vampire rolled through? Exactly. You think I got ice cream running through my veins? Like, ah, blah, blah. You're like, oh, buffalo spicy. Yo, delicious. I don't think it's going to go straight into your blood stream. Maybe I'm wrong.

You're probably not wrong. All right, I'm going to go butter. Final answer. I'm taking, I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. All right, I'm going to go butter. Final answer. I'm taking... I'll go buffalo. I'll go butter. All right. Man of the people. Is that louder than it usually is, Al?

Yeah, it'll be fixed in post, so everybody else won't hear that but it was let me let me start that over that was a well volume yeah great drop yep yeah great job owl thanks i definitely my ears are not weirded out by that because it was so normal all right right. We are doing Man of the People. We've got our buzzers out here. Remind us how to play, Al. We're going to go seven rounds. That's what we do every time. All right. Never mind. We surveyed 100 people.

Top six answers are on the board. The first answer is worth three points. The second answer is worth two points. And if you get any other answer on the board, it's worth one point. Okay. Did I win last time? It's malfunctioning. Yeah, I don't know.

I believe you did win last time. Okay, hold on. We're getting there. Will you reset them? There we go. Perfect. So you got to have your hand on the table. Oh, okay.

Yeah. And just a reminder, Game Show Rules, last round is worth double. So we got three points for the top, two points for number two answer, and one point for just getting on the board. Yes, sir. All right. Let's hear it. All right.

The first one, name a Christmas show or movie that is on TV every year. Oh, darn it. A Christmas story. That is the number two answer. All right. I accept that. Oh, man. What's number one?

Keep an eye on your buttons. Oh, I got it. All right. I accept that. Oh, man. What's number one? Keep an eye on your buttons. Oh, I got it. Elf. That is not on the board. What? I assume that would not be on the board. That's not a classic. That is the stupidest thing.

You interviewed 100 stupid people. I didn't realize that. Oh, gosh. What do you go? Three. Home Alone. Two. That is the number five answer.

I couldn't think of the movie that's stupid. I'm guessing Grinch is number one. Grinch is number three. No, it's the old. What's the old movie? Rudolph. Oh, Rudolph. I was between Rudolph and Christmas Story.

So those are the top two. What's the... Is it It's a Wonderful Life? Yeah, yeah. That is also on the board. That is the number one. Okay, it's not number one? Elf is not on the board?

Yeah, you know who's also not on the board? Me. Yeah, that's right. All right, so we're starting off. Andy with two points. Mike with one. Jason with nothing. I'm going to reset your buttons.

Here we go. Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work. I am first. I will go construction. That is the number one answer. Yes. Keep an eye on those buttons. Name a job where it would be okay to yell at work.

An officer? Police officer is the number four answer. Okay. Unfortunately, that was the only remaining one in my brain. Well, you get to go in three, two, one. Teacher. That is the number three answer. What?

Got to keep them kids in line. All right, baby. We are saying not that they yell, but the question was that it's okay to yell? They got to get kids in line. Wow. Get over here, Timmy. You can yell without it being a mean yell. You can just raise your voice.

Like when you were doing the elf yelling a minute ago. Also, he read the question, and both Jason and I slapped the button. I had nothing in my head. I was just slapped. Oh, were you? I just slapped the button out of reflex. Okay. So you got to be careful with that.

Moving on to round number three. Wait, I'm flashing. Oh, there we go. Name something a slob might never clean. Their dishes. That's got to be the number one answer. No. No, it's a terrible.

That is the number three answer. It's a terrible answer. I hated it immediately. Name something a slob might never clean. I missed the button. You did. I'm going to go with the bathroom. Yeah. That's got to be number one. That is the number two answer.

Oh, baby. The number one answer still on the board. Jason, you have three. I will go with bedroom. That is the number one answer. That was also what I was going to guess first. Jason, you have three. I will go with bedroom. That is the number one answer. That was also what I was going to guess first. Oh, impressive. All right. Again, I hit the button. What's the score? We're three rounds in.

Brooks will give us an update here. Andy has five. Jason has six. Mike has three. What was that about being on the board, Mike? I'm on the board. I have three points. He keeps getting the number one answer that's the real problem all right round number four name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools no great peeing that is the number one answer yeah baby we're back all right

keep an eye on those buttons Name something that's forbidden in most public swimming pools. Skinny dipping. Yeah. That is the number four answer. Oh, man. Now, so I don't know. Well, I know what my answer is, but I just don't know if it's already ruled out because I would go pooping.

I didn't know if like. Just answer, bro. Answer it. I can't see the board where it says like defecation. Okay. I'll go pooping. That is not on the board. Yeah. See, that's so stupid. Why if like to answer, bro. Answer it. I can't see the board where it says like defecation. Okay, I'll go pooping. That is not on the board. Yeah, see, that's so stupid. Why you got to answer?

The whole point is trying to figure out what's on the board. You can't ask if it's on the board ahead of time. Was the answer to Mike's just peeing, just urination? Just peeing. So these stupid hundred people still think you can poop in a pool. Got it. Because when he doesn't win he's so upset is the worst i get that it would be a problem but i don't think that it's not a common temptation

what were the other things a temptation yeah the other answers were diving cannonball diving uh oh so you knew some other yeah i did they just weren't as good as pooping eating tubes or rafts Yeah, I did. They just weren't as good as pooping. Eating tubes or rafts and wearing street clothes. Wait, in the pool? Like walking in with your regular clothes? You can take a dump in there, but you better take those clothes off.

No. In a proper bathing suit. No suits. No suits. All right, let's go. All right. The next round should be easy for you, so be quick on those buttons. Name a football bowl game. Rose Bowl.

That's the number two answer. Super Bowl. That is the number one answer. That feels like cheating. I was in the collegiate world. That's a collegiate bowl game. All right, Jason, what you got? Three, two, one.

I think we riffed on that one. All right. Yeah, so Jason got nothing. The other answers on the board were sugar bowl, cotton bowl, orange bowl, peach bowl. Okay. The Super Bowl, I still feel like it's cheating. It's a bowl, but it's super.

I guess. I really whiffed on the Rose Bowl there. It's a bowl, but it's super. I guess. I really whiffed on the Rose Bowl there. You did. Well, not as bad as Doritos. I feel like my button's not working. It's not. Let's try it real quick.

Hit your button, Jay. It's definitely not. There's no color on it. Yeah, this is why I'm third every time, because my button's not working. You should have made sure that your stuff was working. Look, Andy made it work. Maybe it did. Maybe I don't hit it so hard. All right, let's give this a go.

Name a U.S. state whose residents say y'all. Oh, did I go first? You do. Alabama. That's the number three answer. Oh, man. Name a U.S. state whose residents say y'all. Georgia.

Oh, good. That is the number two answer. I will go with Texas. That is the number one answer. Is it? Once again. First guess. Oh, it's Texas, huh?

I just feel like that's not true. You broke your button again. I think my button just keeps breaking. Not man of accuracy. Yeah. Not man of facts. All right. Jason, this is really.

How many points did Mike get there? I got two. Oh, man. And I got three for Super Bowl. Wait. You should have got two there. I should have got two there. I got the number one answer.

You should have gotten three. Oh, even better. There you go. You got three. You have to turn it on every time? All right. Yeah. Apparently I have to reset it every time.

I did. Brooks, give us an update on the score. I'll reset the buttons. Mike has taken the lead. He has 11 points. Andy and Jason have nine each. And this is the final round, correct? Oh, gosh.

Is this round seven? Hold on, hold on. I turned it off again. Do we need new batteries in there? Apparently. Do we have producers here? I don't know. That would be super.

Through the magic of Time Warp. Now I see why I'm not getting buzzed in ever, because my buzzer doesn't work. I mean, I'm still tied with Andy without a buzzer. Well, I'll take a look at that, but we're going to finish up here. I'll take a look at that. Jason, you will have the first pick here. We're good. It's working right now we're good we're good it's working right now okay great if it's working let's go it's not working i said now you didn't go name

someone the groom might not want at his bachelor party jason a brother-in-law that is not on the board oh man yeah good good thing you got that button working oh oh we were just both sitting there not pushing it mike hit it so gingerly golly all right go ahead his father that's a good answer that is the number five answer not well not great though and the question was name something that i'm sorry, someone the groom might not want at his bachelor party. Oh, I've got his fiance. Yep.

There it is. That is the number one answer. All right. So Andy won six points. Okay. Yep. That was the final round. All right.

Well, you were better when you were guessing from the third spot, Jason CBD. You were just letting us win. I would have got Super Bowl. We ended with Andy at 15. Mike at 12, Jason at 9. Dang it. All right. Asterix, asterix, Jason at 9, asterix. Certainly.

Thank you. All right. Time to draft. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting things that make you smile, which I think is a very fun draft. Well, nobody doesn't like smiling. We also need more things that make you blank drafts, I think. Things that make you go, hmm?

Sure. Things that make you fart. I'll take that one. I mean, I don. Things that make you go, hmm? Sure. Things that make you fart. I mean, I don't care. First pick of the things that make you smile draft, which, look, I don't know if there's a 101 here. I've got mine. I think the 101s,

genuinely, are different for every person. Mike has one, but I don't think there's a universal. To me, what was my first instinct that I'm sticking with is laughter. Laughter makes you smile. Other people's laughter makes me smile. So I think laughter makes me smile the most. I do have contagious laughter on my, on my list, but I was with Mike in the beginning

of just laughter makes you smile i was like yeah you do usually smile when you laugh how do you uh how do you laugh without smiling it's really hard it makes you want to smile like genuinely try try it at home pause the show try to laugh without smiling hard to do all right that is pretty hard all right good pick uh didn't seem like it but go on it was just a little confusing but we got there all right my first pick things that make me smile a really big fart oh i've got that on my list an amazing fart because you wrote down an amazing fart that's what i wrote down an amazing fart absolutely what are the qualities of that make a fart amazing uh that guarantee timbre uh yeah nice word uh just i mean overall amplitude all right the releasing of when it when it when it's really one of those release

valve farts yeah like it catches you off guard you didn't know it was going to be that big and farts can just make you laugh anyways yes Yes. So you rip an amazing fart. Do that without smiling. Like, not happening. Okay. All right. We've got a fart. A really big fart.

A really big, amazing fart. This is not a note, too. I apologize. Thank you. Jason, you get two picks. Things that make you smile. Two picks. Well, I'm going to take the first one that came to my mind, which watching my kids be happy like oh sure you're boring but that's actually i can't not

smile when i see my kids like do something you know i took my daughter through those bars you're watching them in there i i took my daughter to a musical and you know whenever you watch their eyes like just light up and see something experience something it makes me smile and it makes the other dads go to sleep oh it's a good answer i have it on my list jason but i wasn't the one who said it so i will make fun of you a present um never no i will go another another really like highfalutin, nice, uh, sentimental, sentimental one. Uh, people falling.

I mean, yeah, it's hard. I mean, even if you don't laugh because you, you, you know, you can control it. It's not smiling as hard. People falling is just good fun. Okay. I like it. I remember once my grandmother who... Oh, no. God rest her soul after the fall.

Yeah, it was... She was the age of most great grandmothers at this time, so it was scary. Wow, okay. But it was one of those falls where it's like... No, you're laughing at your where it's like 15 yards. Oh, where they're stumbling forward trying to catch themselves? She missed a step, but that was the end of the steps. And then it just comes and happens behind her.

I just watched her run to fall over there. I mean, look, I'm smiling. And she was okay. After a couple surgeries. Alright, Mike, you are back on the clock. Alright. That's funny. I'll go

a more special one, but just a compliment from a stranger. Oh, okay. And then you just get a big smile like a creep. Do you smile when that happens? I mean, not to their face, but afterwards. You turn around and smile. Yeah, but afterwards, when you are not expecting a compliment from someone,

and especially at random, they're just like, oh, hey, wow, your hair looks great. You're like, oh. You smiling on the inside or you smiling on the outside? Thank you. I'm probably smiling on the outside, too you. I probably smiling on the outside too. Okay. All right.

That's good. It's a really nice thing. All right. Am I back on the clock? You are, you are for two of them. Oh, this is tough.

Uh, I'm going to go with ice cream. Ah, yes. Ice cream is, uh, is on my list. It genuinely makes me happy.

Like there are very, like, I like it more than you should. And then the second one, trying to play the game. What's coming back to me. I don't think you need to play the game. Winning. Oh, you did. Yeah. It was on my list. Was it just winning? It's at the top of my mind was mine was winning a fantasy football game, but I mean, it could go to anything. Winning is so much fun. It makes me smile.

Yes. Like that last game we played where I won. You did. That probably should have been the 101. Yeah. Well, I got it. Yeah, for competitive people like us, what is better than winning? Winning is so good.

Yeah. It feels great. About to have a bunch of it. We're going to play some pickleball later, so that's gonna be a blast we're yeah winning is my good um it's okay with my next pick it's very close to winning as there is an aspect of winning but it's a very specific kind it is being proven right oh yeah there uh you you said what what feels better than just winning? When you are right, it feels great. Unfortunately, that's a pick. Yeah.

No, I get that. Especially the higher and hotter the debate is. Yes. When an argument has ensued and then some research must be done and you were right. Oh, brother. that's the tops i think you're right about that um all right all right yeah okay two um all right for my first one i'm gonna go oh i'm between two here i already know what my last one is. So whichever one I don't pick here is not getting picked. I'm going to take the one that actually makes me involuntarily smile.

It's surprising. This will not be for everybody. This is a Jason Moore thing. Babies. Babies? Newborn babies. Dang it. It's on my list.

That's the one I couldn't decide whether to pick because I didn't want to take it. I don't see newborn babies super often. Like, you know, it's from time to time when I come across one. I had three of my own back in the day. And now that they've grown up, I just don't see babies. When I do, I just forget how tiny and cute they are. And when I hold them, I can't not smile around a baby. Like, I can't not smile.

If I am around a baby and I'm not smiling, I can't imagine how ugly that baby is. That baby, I hope it's not yours. If I'm around your baby not smiling. That's how you know. You're going to want to trade it in. Trade it in, for sure. All right, and my last one. Look, this is not a sponsor, even though it was a sponsor.

But it was the first. Well, technically, the second thing that came to my mind on my list. But when I think of things that genuinely just make me smile that I cannot do or see, or in this case, watch without smiling, it's Ted Lasso. I could not. I know it's so weird. Ted Lasso? So weird. Of all know it's so weird. Ted Lasso? So weird.

Of all the things that you could have selected in this draft. In the whole world. Ted Lasso? I can't watch. This guy, the elf? I can't watch Ted Lasso and not smile. I really, it's just one of those things where I would always talk to my wife about how I would catch myself in the middle of the episode.

Just big stupid grin on my face. Just just enjoying life huh yeah I'm not alone there you go what I mean I'm not alone at this table but yeah in the world it's it's a fun show it feels like a sponsor read it felt like a sponsor read doing it and the fact that they have actually now you could have just hypothetically you could have said funny television no but that doesn't make me smile like i mean funny television obviously when i laugh i smile and that's fine but genuinely i can't think of another uh you know single thing where it's just like because it's not laugh out loud funny i don't think that i watch that show and like crack up the way that i did with parks and rec or the office but it's just so like feel good happy smiley he's getting he's

making money right now he's making money i should reach out apple apple reach out so specific yeah i i love ted lasso brought to you by apple television yeah uh reach out out personally and pay for that one. Okay. Mike. All right, so this is my last pick here. Yep. I'm going to go with finding a lost item. Oh. You know, when you have lost something and it's just in the back of your head, and you're like, I don't know where this stupid thing is.

Starts consuming you. Perhaps you spend way too long looking for it. Or maybe you find it just later. And you go, ah-ha! Ah, there it is! And you smile and you're very happy. It is weird how sometimes you can just lose things that you have no business losing. I don't know how we do this.

you have no business losing. I don't know how we do this. Like the other day behind the couch, I reached back there and I found my complete series of Ted Lasso. Must have made you smile, Mike. Oh my goodness. What has happened on today's episode? Things that make you smile. My final choice is going to be sports.

Okay. Sports team success. Like your home team winning. You have to qualify it with success. Yeah. Your home team winning. It's just organic. An organic smile.

There is very little that happens completely outside of my personal life and my life bubble that can ruin a day like sports. You know what I mean? Like I can watch my sports team lose and I can be in a bad mood for a day. It just did not affect me. I did not participate in said event and I am actually upset and like I feel bad for my wife for my behavior. Right. So other considerations on the list. By the way, Al, you want to read our final picks here? Yeah, Andy, you have contagious laughter, ice cream, winning, and sports. Mike has a really big, amazing fart.

Thank you. A compliment from a stranger, being proven right, and finding a lost item. And Jason has watching my kids enjoy something watching people fall babies and ted lasso yeah great picks uh so weird man um practical jokes i don't know you know that one got left off because we didn't have enough picks meals in general i have fancy restaurants fancy restaurants make me smile and then crawling into bed after like a hard day oh sometimes i just i lay down on that bed and a smile comes over my face that i can't control i had uh you know showering after you're just you're like you're filthy and then you're finally that's a creepyepy smile. A little bit. What did we learn today?

Go ahead, Jason. I learned that people should send us medals for marathons that they run. I learned that Jason is working directly for Ted Lasso. I learned that Andy might believe in ghosts, even though he thinks he doesn't. We can work this out. Just come out. Nice and calm. I'll leave the house.

Take what you want, and then I'll come back in and watch my television show. Goodbye, everybody. Stay safe, everyone. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.