Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Tall People Problems & The Worst Exercises - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Spit Hit for November 3rd, 2022: We’re rich! Or are we? On today’s show, we talk about winning a lottery jackpot and the ramifications that come along with that. We also discuss having an unlimited free meal pass to our favorite fast food restaurant, creating our own theme park, and our most cherished possessions. Finally, we cool-down with a draft everyone can rally behind - Worst Exercises! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads on today's spit hit. We are tackling some really important problems like winning the lottery massive problem problems with being too tall, maybe too beautiful, real big real world problems. And of course, if you want to talk about problems today's today's draft might be the most important thing that we're drafting the worst exercises. And I can tell you right now from my life, exercising is one of my biggest problems. It should be yours too. Enjoy the show. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Hey, get ready. Let's get sweaty. Come on.

Okay. Sure. I'll be honest. That was not a stat, but it was kind of funny it was a little bit a little bit it was i had a good rhyme i appreciated that i was confident in my plan uh execution from the beginning was off so we we had to uh pivot. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast, Andy, Mike, and Jason. But we stuck the landing. Yeah, I mean, it's...

One or more feet. Let's get sweaty, everybody. Let's get sweaty. Would you rather Situation Room, a spectacular sweaty draft on today's show. We'll put it that way. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod. How's everybody doing this fine afternoon?

Pretty well. It's another afternoon. Al Borland, how are you doing? I'm fantastic. Okay. All right. We're in good shape. We may proceed as scheduled.

I'm excited for the draft because even though this was like a late addition we didn't know what we were drafting until recently before the show but you know it's really nice when I can draft things I hate just absolutely despise and explain why they're terrible

the nice thing about this one is Jason I actually think that you will get people will rally behind our hatred in this draft The nice thing about this one is, Jason, I actually think that you will get... Jason could go 50 rounds. People will rally behind our hatred in this draft. Yeah, we'll keep you in suspense, even though I'm sure it's in the show title. All right, let's do some Would You Rather. Would You Rather.

Brian from the website, would you rather have one random meeting or appointment canceled every week or one random bill canceled every month? Huh? Okay, so. Wait. So you're saying. Huh? You can get out of a meeting once a week. Oh, okay.

Or you can get out of paying a bill once a month. But here's the thing. I see. So this is a good thing to get it canceled. You once a week. Oh, okay. Or you can get out of paying a bill once a month. But here's the thing. I see. So this is a good thing to get it canceled. You're saying like I want. Like the random bill cancel. That sounds fantastic. Spin the wheel.

Maybe my water bill is out or maybe my mortgage. My mortgage for the month wiped out. I don't have to pay it. Here's the problem with if it's a random meeting or appointment, I am still getting ready for that appointment. How much advance notice do I have that the random meeting is canceled? You've got to give me a couple days. No, if it's a meeting that you don't want to attend,

you'll be happy that you got dressed and got ready and then it got canceled. No, you're not. I mean, you're happy that the meeting is gone, but you're still – How dressed up do you get for that dentist appointment i put pants on all right and you'll be sad to have to take them off yes absolutely i mean look we're doing an important show right now back to back you know podcast awards comedy podcast of the year and i don't have pants on i haven't gotten ready for this is not important enough or necessary enough for me to put pants on. So Mike is right that when you have these meetings, I'm going to have to, you know,

and not just shorts, like an important meeting. I'm going full pants and that's a nightmare. But I see a different problem with this question. The different problem is that like when your bill gets canceled, right? Like, oh, you don't have to pay this month. Well, that I mean, I feel like that's wiped out. But when your meeting gets canceled, it's just pushed back, right? Like you're still, now you've got double meetings next week with the meeting you didn't want.

I got it. And the other thing. Okay, go ahead. The other thing is, like, I don't know about you guys, but almost all bills, I will venture to say all of my bills are monthly. So this is like, you know what I mean? Like, or one a month. I only have one bill a month for all these different things. That's great.

I've got it figured out for you, Jason, because I'll equate this to something I know you wish was canceled all the time. Now, we are mired in a less event driven moment in history. However, I know from your lifestyle pre pandemic that you had many a child birthday party to attend. These happened nearly every single week of your life. And it was almost impossible to understand how many friends your kids have or relatives you have. This was, would you say three

or more three a month over under on average I would say over um because there's more well I mean I'm not positive but I think there are more than more than three Saturdays a month and so Saturday was a birthday party ever I think I had like 30 Saturdays in a row with a birthday party and i hate that my kids are social and would you double your mortgage payment to uh to eliminate those permanently i think i would triple it um yeah our kids dad has to work so you can't go to a party that's right oh man that being said i can't i mean i, I guess I don't. So the birthday party, that's legit. But having a bill canceled every month, that's like I got a raise.

It seems so much better. Let me ask you this. Would you rather get a raise and have to attend all your meetings, which you usually already do? Or would you rather keep the same salary and skip a meeting i i think i agree with your logic and i would i would take the random bill canceled it would be fun if it was a like a dial where you like you know you pull the lever and it randomly you know you hope you get the mortgage but you could also get the the hulu bill or the netflix bill and you're like no dang it that's still 10 bucks. Yeah.

Get out of here with that nonsense. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not going to a meeting for 10 bucks times money, Mike. Oh, I'm glad I don't have a lot of meetings. That's that.

That would suck. All right. I'll officially take the, uh, I'm taking the bill, the bill. Yeah, me too.

Hayden from the website with a would you rather question. Would you rather live in a place that is 28 degrees year round or 110 degrees year round? And that is Fahrenheit for our international listeners. This is hot or cold? It's just hot or cold. I'm doing the math just off the top of my head because, of course, I know that the formula for Fahrenheit to Celsius is Fahrenheit minus 32 times 5 over 9. Of course, I know that.

Yeah, of course. So 28 Fahrenheit is negative 2 Celsius. And what's the other temperature? 110. 110 degrees. Beep, bop, boop, beep, bop, beep, beep. That's 43 celsius just for our bonjour listeners

I'll take 43 can I get 43 Fahrenheit it's hard to associate the 28 degrees year round with have you ever been in that oh yeah

28's not that bad here's what I'm saying is when I think 28 degrees I generally think it's snowing outside Have you ever been in that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. 28's not that bad. 28. Here's what I'm saying is when I think 28 degrees, I generally think it's snowing outside. Where have you experienced 28? I mean, last week I was up north in- And it was sub-freezing? It was 17 degrees outside. What? Wait, no.

What? No. Yeah, man. No. Yeah. This is normal. The whole freezing thing, you know, when people are like, oh, this is freezing weather. Freezing isn't- And you're like, oh, this is freezing weather. Freezing isn't that cold.

It is 35 degrees there right now. Yeah, I mean, I think 28 degrees. Like, both of these are uncomfortable, right? I'm not going to want to hang out outside at 110. We live in Arizona in the United States. It's the worst, and it's 110 all the time and for at least half the year it feels like and that's a nightmare my i had to turn on the ac in my house two days ago me too i did too what was that about uh just in case you're listening some

other time of the year it is the middle of january it is the middle of january and we had to make sure we had to switch our ac units back on because it was like this is untenable guys i painted my mailbox and i got a sunburn all right that's what happened in the middle of january but if this like part of this the 28 degrees has been like snow sloshy that type of thing. But just the temperature, 28 degrees, if it's not super windy, if it feels like 28, I'm picking that one. I can go do stuff outside. I can go for a hike. I can ride a bicycle.

I can go work on the yard. Like in Arizona, there's this certain part of the year, and we're kind of in it, to be honest, where it just- Because it's a day and we're in and this day it's it's like life giving when you can work outside or your kids can play outside or I can sit out front and watch them ride their bikes. I, you know, I think 28 degrees is my vote. Yeah, because you want to know what the kids can do. They can put a jacket on. You know, like you can you can you can find a way to go outside and play in 28-degree weather.

There's not enough clothes to take off in 110-degree weather. That's just not – you can't get cool enough. You can't wear ice packs. Where's the tech? People made the technology to warm up. That's caveman technology, man. They're like, I'm cold. I'm going to put an animal fur on my body.

And we haven't been able to figure out clothing technology. Air-conditioned t-shirts? I have the internet in my pocket. You're telling me we can't figure out how to cool down? I will tell you this. I don't like the cold. Like, I'm a tall man. I have long arms, long legs.

It takes a long time for my blood. What does that have to do with the cold? It's circulation. If you have long extremities, you have worse circulation. So you're telling me that taller people are colder? Yeah, my toes and fingers. This is not rocket science here. Yes, it clearly is. What are you doing? This is not rocket science here. Yes, it clearly is.

What are you doing? This is not a thing, Andy. This is normal. This is not a thing where tall people get colder. Does it take my blood longer to get to the tips of my toes than it does your toes? You bet it does. No, because your blood is always in your toes and in your fingers. It's moving at all times.

It's not like you've got to wait. It pumps from your heart. You do have to wait. For oxygen, not for temperature of your blood. It's not like your blood goes to your heart, warms up, and then goes to the rest of your body. Okay, look.

I'm a tall man. I'm so cold up here. Hands and feet being cold, fingers being numb. That happens when you're taller. Clearly, you don't understand that. But my whole point of bringing this up was I bought some. You talk about the technology. I bought some gloves for up north.

Bro, you plug them into the wall, and they got eight hours of heat in your fingers. It's pretty cool. I'm having a hard time moving on um from the assertion that tall long people have colder extremities what about what about um people that just have poor circulation like do they and they're not tall like you got that's possible too right so okay i feel like that's if you've got good circulation and you're tall you're fine i think it's just a matter of circulation correct and mine is worse because i'm tall okay that's that's what we need to look into do tall people have worse circulation what's interesting about this is no matter what if it's if it's 110 if it's 28 i know that that jay moore is is strolling around outside with his shirt off

so i'm in my boxers bro i'm taking that garbage out i don't know why jason i don't know why you care either way because you're you're shirtless well i care because i get so hot at all times my child i'm i'm tucking him into bed. This is like three nights ago. He literally, you know, we're doing hugs, kisses, prayers. And he turns to me and says, Dad, why are you always so hot? I was like, that's a great question. I don't know the answer, but I am always on fire.

It's because you're so short, Jason. Oh, that is the issue. The blood moves too fast. It builds up friction, and friction is heat. It's not rocket science. That makes sense. So we've solved it. Why don't we segregate geographies by height

so that people can live in their proper climate? Did you not know that Yao Ming used to wear a sweater on the court all the time? That's common knowledge. My favorite part is I swear I saw the light on Andy's face changing colors because he was Googling. He was trying to find something to back him up. He never came back to us with any information. Tell me I'm wrong, Andy.

I found some Reddit, but Reddit's not a good enough source to bring up on the air. Tallpeopleproblems.com. So you're telling me I may have circulation issues unrelated to my height? Is that what you're telling me? That's right. You might want to go to the doctor. You might get your cholesterol under control. Oh, my goodness.

Well, look, I think I'm going with the cold weather. I think I got the tech for that. I can take off layers. What's funny is I used to go on snow trips as a kid, and it's really cold. Now, Mike has never comprehended anything colder than about 30 degrees, apparently. But when it gets really cold. I'm sure I've been in it. It's just I can't tell you when.

I remember you go and you do sledding and stuff. you win i remember you go you know you go and you do sledding and stuff i would be wearing a t-shirt in shorts by by an hour in because you were so you're moving around you're totally fine as long as it's not windy cold and windy that's where it gets pretty devilish we you know we took a family trip last year up north and we went sledding and at like a sledding park where you have to carry these tubes all the way up the side of the mountain i mean there's and then and then you go down it's fun and we bundled up because you know we're from warm climate we think we're going to antarctica and we we were in snow bibs and ski boots and gloves and layers and by the end of that thing i'm wearing a bib with just a

t-shirt underneath i look like the weirdest dressed man of all time, and I am sweating my butt off. I know how entertaining this episode must be for 90% of the U.S. that actually has normal cold weather. By the way, at that sledding park, Jason, where most of the employees are really short. I mean, how else would they stay warm? They have to. Jason, have you ever pitted out of like a a snow jacket uh oh yeah all right i'm voting cold everybody voting cold here we live in arizona i think we want the change i have to throw away all my leather jackets uh

francisco on patreon has a would you rather question. Would you rather have a black card to any single fast food place of your choice? So I'm assuming that means free food forever, unlimited. Gold card. Okay. It's pretty cool. So this is an unlimited food card, a black card to any single fast food restaurant. But one meal. One meal per day.

One meal per day for life or twelve thousand dollars cash right now that here's something you know here's something that's stupid i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna peel back i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna i'm gonna peel back the curtain here um you know we we deal with uh sponsors we deal with uh food sponsors we do at at times and you know they pay for advertisements and they want us to endorse their products and they'll send us you know some some uh gift cards and and here's the reality we are always disproportionately thrilled about free product than we are about the money that is worth so much more especially especially mike oh i'm i'm right there with him like if this was if this was a meal

card for only one year not for life but for one year versus twelve thousand dollars i feel like i take the meal card because it's just cool i can't buy that which mind you i did the math while you were talking about that, despite the fact you said you'd do it for one year. If every meal, if it's a $10 fast food meal, you've got 1,200 meals for $12,000, right? I mean, that's the basic math of it. So 1,200 meals is 3.2 years worth of meals.

That's if I ate every single day. That's if you ate every day. What if it's once a week? At some point, you're going to be down to once a week. 23 years. 23 years. Give me that card, baby. It's going to pay off in 24 years.

Jason is completely right, though. We will be dealing with sponsors making us monetary deals. And if Mike can't get their product, which is probably like $38 or something, for free, that's a turnoff for Mike. He wants the free value. Look, I don't lie. If you hear me talk about a product in a read and I say, I love the product, you know I'm telling you the truth?

Because I got it. Would you rather be special than rich? Is that a would you rather? Ooh, yeah. I mean, because you feel like you pulled a gold card out. You're special, right? That's exactly what it is. The special nature of special treatment is just one.

It's always been one of my absolute favorite things. Walk into a Starbucks and they just have your drink ready and it's free and you just grab it and you walk out. That sounds pretty nice. Yeah, I remember I stayed at a hotel once where they knew who I was because I had tweeted something that I was staying there and were verified and super famous um what is it hold on i've never heard this story really yeah you you were at a hotel yeah my wife and i a couple years back we took a staycation and you put it out on socials that you were there and you were so important on social media that they saw it that they that they saw it and they filled our room with chocolates and wine like complimentary with a note.

What? And let me just tell you something. That's awesome. There's no part of me that was like, oh, please, you shouldn't. I'm like, this is, I got to tweet more places. It's fantastic. I got a table once and I really liked it. What is happening?

Oh, yeah. Now, listen, Mike makes plenty of money I got a table once and I really liked it. What is happening? Now listen, Mike makes plenty of money. And right now Mike would rather have one table a little bit sooner than any of that money. He feels left out. I am not unleashing the power of social media apparently. Hey man, like I said, it was one time, and it felt really cool. So, Spitwads, give someone in your life special treatment. Go above and beyond because of who they are, because it feels so great. Pay that service forward, and especially to the three of us.

So when you come into contact or you know where we are, real special treatment, just real, you know, a list stuff at producer Borland on Twitter. He would like, he would like more followers in case he is eligible for some of this someday.

All right, Sarah from Twitter. Would you rather win a $100 or I'm sorry, $100 million lottery. That's a lot million lottery and have it announced on national TV or a $50 million lottery and only people that know about it are the people you choose to tell? That is an awesome question. Awesome question. Because practically, what's the difference between $50 and $ 100 million in the way you live your life i know it's 50 million dollars but it's no i get what you're saying now

for the sake of the philosophical argument here we have to say that if you win the 100 million dollars you you actually receiving 100 versus 50 because i know if you win the 100 million dollars you're probably getting 50 yeah you're saying double double the actual net here right let's just say that are not a part of this you actually get 100 or you get you get 50 right and i will say this it would it would kind of stink to have everyone know that you've got 100 million dollars not just for being hit up but like just for how you're thought of and everybody knows every single person you went to school with, every family member, every employee, employer. Okay, let me ask you this.

How do you feel now that everyone knows that you wield your social media like a weapon so that people will fill your hotel rooms with chocolates? Now, to be clear, I did not wield it. I just simply said we're going to go stay at a staycation here. Yeah, wink, wink. Tag. Did you tag how else are they gonna see it um what's funny is i love chocolate tag what's funny is i use

my social media 10 times less than either of you two than either of you two like i don't i don't yeah i don't use it for that much. But that was my one moment. Circling back to the question on money. Let me ask you this. How many people in your life, let's say you received infinity money. You got a billion dollars

and you wanted to give a million dollars to those people who meant the most to you. How many people could you come up with that are really important and you would oh to give that money to yes really important to you i would say matter a lot i honestly think i if i had unlimited money to give away i bet i i bet there'd be 40 to 50 people pretty quick but you don't have unlimited money you have no but jason gave the hypothetical my point is i feel like you'd be like seven for me. I'm not giving it to people I knew in high school.

But it's like family. Your point is smart here. Because let's say you have the $100 million. And everybody knows. But then you could be more generous with the money. Because you've got more of it to give away. And I don't mean that from the real pious, oh, I'd be so generous. You legitimately could give a lot more.

Exactly. All my family members would get money. All of my friends that are- You just said you could come up with 40 people. Yeah, I think so. Give 40 of them a million dollars. Say, you will never get another dollar from me. Here's $1 million.

And at the end of that, you've got 10 million- Like 40 prenuptial agreements with all of your friends. Exactly. And at the end of that, you've got 10 million more than the 50 million. That's true. Now everybody knows, but they all love you because you made them a millionaire my dad used to work at this office park where the lady right below him actually won 106 million dollars in the arizona lottery really wow yeah did she quit she quit instantaneously he never saw her again he congratulated her and never saw her again. He congratulated her and never saw her face

ever again. The real question is, did she go back to that job? Because I know like almost everybody who wins the lottery, they go bankrupt or they lose it all. The people who play the lottery have the financial discipline of the people that would go broke with the lottery.

That's fair. Unfortunately. All right. I guess. Look, I'm taking the $100 million. I'm taking the $100. Yeah. So, I mean, I guess it's.

I'm not concerned about. I'm not concerned about the national presence. Because, I mean. But if you have the 50, you're cutting your money in half, and you can tell whoever you want. You can tell nobody. Here's the thing, Mike. I feel like with the way the news cycles and the way that I am able to treat those around me if they are coming at me with any disrespect. And I'm like, okay, see you later.

I'm taking the $100 million. Yeah, because let's say you got the $50. Let's say you got $50 million, Mike. Let me ask you a question. In three years' time, from the time you received the $50 million, what is your house like? What does your home look like is it maybe a really really nice home right because okay okay then all your family's gonna they don't need to know you won the lottery they're like whoa this dude's balling like yeah

they're all gonna know you're rich you're not i mean the only way that 50 million makes sense here is if you take it and you just, look, this goes to retirement. I'm not touching it. And live your life the exact same way, in which case, take no money. I feel like if I have $100 million, I'm moving, and then I'm telling my family, like, hey, come visit me in Montana. And they're like, well, where do you live? I'm like, no, I own Montana now.

I bought the state. Land was cheap. Because that's how much this state is worth, and now it's all mine. I think it costs more than $100 million now. For Montana? For the whole state, yeah. It's pretty big. What, like $101?

Yeah, it's not much more. Well, I mean, there's a lot of, aren't there some moose up there? I think that's all Canada. That's all Canada? Yeah. They make sure they don't come think that's all Canada. That's all Canada. They don't come down south of the border. That's right. It's like how saguaros only grow in Arizona.

Right. Moose only exist in Canada. You almost said meese. The only moose up there. You almost said meese. I might or might not have. Let's move. Mooses. Let's move on.

The Situation Realm. have let's move let's move on the situation realm what is the situation okay i googled how much money is montana worth and the first number that shows up is 100 million dollars that's the first thing i see it's bold 100 million and then i and then i look i'm like wow this is great and then i look and that's joe montana there you go and just in case you wanted to know how much montana is worth i own joe yeah just come on you want to play now yeah yes that's you just buy them just for catch help my son you know play catch whenever he wants that reminds me of what was it parks and rec where they have like rick smith's just on on retainer or something or that that loves oh my goodness okay into the Situation Room we go. Josh from Patreon.

All right. This is a big one. I have not read this yet, so prepare yourself. You three are given a $2 billion budget. What's with all the money questions? I love it. Look, man, money and poop. That's what this show is about.

$2 billion budget to create a theme park. Each of you is in charge of a different aspect of the park. One is in charge of food options, another in charge of rides, and the other in charge of events, shows, parades, holidays, fireworks, etc. You have also been given permission to use inspiration from any music, sport, TV, book, or movie in your theme park. What would you call your park? you have also been given permission to use inspiration from any music sport tv book or movie in your theme park what would you call your park who would be in charge of each aspect and what will be your park's headlining features do you guys have any park gentlemen any uh you

know uh mascots i can't think of the right we're just intellectual properties that you feel like they're there's not a theme park representation of this and it there should be well i i used to i mean my wife and i we were at disneyland one day and we bought a sketch pad of paper and sat down and for hours we drew a theme park for harry potter because it didn't exist yet you hold on you were at disneyland we were in the park you were inside the park and you're like how should we spend our time with this 500 ticket that we bought and you sat down and you sketched in a sketch pad we were inspired by there are holes in this story well the holes in the story are this is pre-kids we could do anything we went to disneyland like every five weeks we could do whatever we want i mean we practically

lived there but uh you know that's what i wanted to build and i feel like i haven't been to the one in florida i've been to the one in california but goodness gracious it's not good enough it's just it does not there needs to be a harry potter harry Potter park, not just like you're going to Universal Studios and then there's like these three things. I feel like you can't do Harry Potter. You got to go someone else. It has to be a timeless IP because you can't have it expire, right?

You have to have something that, like the Star Wars stuff makes sense because that's lived for decades and decades. And Marvel certainly would fit that bill. That kind of stuff could last forever. I would have said Nintendo, but they've apparently built a Nintendo Land over in Japan. That's a good idea. It looks awesome.

But that's the right thought process there. Yeah, it's not open yet, so I think we can still latch on to something like that. We get ours open first. But that won't attract so many people. There are so many people that are are unaware what about just video games could you do like a video game or music or like a theme that is just a a wider genre than i think you could do a video game i got how about how about this how about we do something that is on the

disneyland scale but it's an outer space theme park. I mean, just that theme. I don't think there's anything that's been, you know, Elon Musk is obviously part of the investment group that's donated the $2 billion. You can have different planets for different areas. Okay. Oh, yeah. You visit the entire solar system?

Yeah. You've got different, the whole no gravity and spaceships fits in with all the themes of the theme park on the the the comet roller coaster yeah oh dude an anti-gravity ride would be great you could do some great vr stuff now jason what kind of foods are you uh looking for in outer space well i the one thing i do know about outer space moon pies food oh moon pies that's that's good but you know when you look at astronauts and how they eat in outer space i i'm confident they need churros so right um that is the clear space churros space churros but here's the deal yeah you gotta you

gotta like these are churros that's right there's an extra h no it, they're going to be star-o's because they're going to be in the shape of a star. Oh, okay. The star will... Yeah, yeah, no, I can put it together. You know how a churro right now is like an asterisk if you look at it from the side? You know what I mean? Are you following me? Yeah, the shape of a star.

Oh, you're just making that up. Oh, if you look at it like barrel down? Barrel down, because that's how it's made. I was like, Jason, it's a line. It's a stick. But I'm saying that line would be squirted out as a star. And so it's totally different. Staros would be the main attraction.

What, the main attraction of the park, these Staros? They're going to be good. Mike, you have to be advanced. I know you did some of the live touring at the trip. Yeah, I don't mind. I think I know rides, but I think I could handle the events. I'll consult you on rides all the time, but me and you both know we're not going to have enough rides to make people throw up

because both of us can't ride those, so Jason's going to have to help with those. Yeah, I was going to say, Andy doing rides is a little bit worrisome because they're going to be looking out. This ride hits five miles an hour. They're going to be real gentle. You're going to be if you fall out, just get up and walk and catch up to your tram. It's like a roller coaster, but at, you know, moon gravity. So it goes a little slower. That's his theme for all rides. Well, I mean, look at our space kit goes fast. it's like a roller coaster but at you know moon gravity so it goes a little slower every that's

his theme for all rides well i mean look at outer space you can't go as fast why aren't there any sound effects no sound in space guys let me ask you down let me ask you on the on the the the topic of the shows the events yes so i would love to be put in charge of that because my job is over i don't have any um i hate them all i hate parades i hate the wasted time i mean there's like some you know big spectacles i like the fireworks show i put some but how do you two feel about events at theme parks because to me they are the only advantage to them is quick go ride rides while all these stupid people watch the parade. I 100% agree with you. When it comes to the parade, I'll do it.

I'll sit down because I know that my kids really like it. But it's a situation where, generally speaking, grandpa goes and claims a spot for the parade two hours before the stupid thing begins. And I know he's doing that because he just wants to get away from my children and sit down and rest for a while, which I respect it. But you also to get that spot to get the prime spot, you have to go sit there hours early. And it's it's absolutely ridiculous.

So I'm with you. Parades are out. Here's what I'll say, because when I the last time I was at Disneyland, we also went to like it wasn't Six Flags. It was another one of the big theme parks there. Knott's Berry Farm time I was at Disneyland, we also went to like, it wasn't Six Flags. It was another one of the big theme parks there. Knott's Berry Farm? I was. It was Knott's Berry Farm, which has tremendous rides.

It's huge scale. Incredible jelly. I think that all those things you're talking about, Jason, that are dumb and that I agree. I don't congregate for them. I think they're doing more than you think they're doing for the atmosphere of the park. I think it's like a restaurant with a perfectly clean bathroom. You don't know why you like that restaurant so much, but it's playing a part. And the atmosphere of having a parade going by or dances happening or people meeting characters,

I think it's just part of the romanticism that makes you go, you know what, Disneyland is just a little bit better than everything else okay low budget low budget for the parade low budget's fine we can invest our money into the starro development but but i do love i love a good show and i like when they they're like okay there's the show is at 130 and i know because there's multiples a day i only have to go there 20 minutes early or 15 minutes early. I can get a pretty good spot, and I go, and I know that the show is going to be incredible. The entertainers are going to be top-notch.

The technology involved in the show is going to blow my mind. So I'm all for shows. I'm just not a huge parade guy. Yeah, sure. I like it. The parade is fun if you're sitting. I like to eat during the parade. Be at one of those restaurants right next to it so you're doing more than just watching a parade. I like to eat during the rides.

This could be something we introduce. That's next level. You know how usually you can't bring- You sell the Staros as you're clicking forward in the cart. Usually you can't bring food on the rides. Not at my park. Not at my park. Not at my park. That is an ultimate high-pressure sales situation.

Hurry, hurry, hurry. If you're going up the incline for the roller coaster, imagine someone's like, you want one of these churros? You better make up your mind. And you better eat it before you start going down. You've got 10 seconds to say yes to this star oh all right mr musk come and invest yes i like it all right the next situation before we get into our draft uh we'll do one more becca from patreon says you are awoken in the middle of the night to the smell of smoke and you quickly realize your

house is in flames oh my there's a problem that's scary you quickly get your family and all of your pets to safety you have time to run back in and grab three things what are they oh good you know this is this is actually top of mind because uh we we were up north in a cabin that we may you know we may have may have burned the fire a little bit and madfield with some smoke and there was a moment of hey, do we have a battle plan if we ever have this place catch on fire? What do you run back in for? Everybody's safe.

The pets are safe. I mean, the laptop? The laptop was honestly one of the first things I thought of. Me too, but isn't everything on the cloud? I mean, it's all on the cloud. Is it just for value? No, I don't think so. I mean, I guess you're right, though.

I mean, most stuff is probably safe. Yeah, and you'll have, let's assume you'll have home insurance here to replace the items. So I think this is like, what can you not lose? Are there valuables? Do we have that

like you know people would run in for photo albums in the past yes yeah my wife would 100 the first thing that she would grab would be uh photograph hard drives uh for me my valuable like people grabbing jewelry are you getting a guitar i'm grabbing my grab my most valuable pair of sneakers, my man. Oh, yeah. That's funny. I am a collector. I have some shoes that have accrued certain value, and they're just not available. So I would grab my highest pair.

No, that makes sense. That makes complete sense and sounds so horrible. Like, I got to get my sneakers. No, but that's basically grabbing money out of your house. I mean, with those shoes that you have. I have like a little chest with like all the birth certificates and social security cards. That's the thing I'd be going for. That's number one.

Yeah. Because you don't want to have to go down to the office to re-get social security cards and the birth certificates and all that stuff. So yeah, I'm getting the files, the, the, the,

you know, out of the file cabinet, if you will. Yeah. Outside of that. Al, what about you? You got something special that we need to know about and we could,

we could break in and steal. Which tool is Al Borland saving? Man, that is tough. I'm going to have to give that some thought. I, I just can't think of anything that I own. That's irreplaceable. Um, is owl born and saving man that is tough i'm gonna have to give that some thought i i just can't think of anything that i own that's irreplaceable um like photos and stuff are

all in the cloud i don't know offhand my whole life our lives are just in the cloud man we can really have our homes burned down now so long as everybody's safe that's true like there's not like outside of those documents i can't think of anything that like irreplaceable and there's not like outside of those documents i can't think of anything that like irreplaceable and there's values in them it's fireproof i'm good right i'll just get it at the end i'll grab uh uh some of my video game collection here i've i've uh been downsizing it into like just a giant cd jacket so i can grab it i can grab one of them and get most okay all right these are all the games that you don't play, right? Oh, that's right.

I will never, ever play them again. But you'll have them. They're yours, Mike. That's right. And you will never take them away from me. Hey, Al, should we do one more situation, or should we jump into the draft? Let's draft. All right.

The Spitballers Draft. All all right we are drafting mike has the first pick we are drafting the worst exercises the worst exercises all of them and this is where i said jason wants to go 50 rounds maybe um look Look, there are definitely some bad exercises out there. Some worse than others. There are drafts where the first pick is the best place to be and then you have these ones like right

in the middle. It's not that there's no value to the first pick. I just believe strongly that there are two easy picks at the top that makes me feel a lot of pressure and I don't Jason has the second pick

and I don't know which one he would go man I think I know what I'm going with but I would be surprised if it's yours oh so I'll do it. Oh, man. I'm tilting with the 101.

You had to have something that was locked in here, didn't you? There's two franchise quarterbacks on the board, and I'm trying to figure out which one do I actually want. See, here's the thing. My list is very personal. It's not like what are the worst. It's which ones do I actually want. See, here's the thing. My list is very personal. It's not like what are the worst. It's which ones do I despise and hate the most. I've got some on my list that people are going to love. It might be their favorite thing.

And I'm saying get out of here with that stupid healthy crap. What is funny is it is very personal because Jason and I, we used to work out together. And it was amazing how certain exercises for certain people were not possible for them. It was like Jason would dominate something that I would struggle at and vice versa on something else where it was just like, I remember your feet were on fire due to one certain exercise that made no sense. My feet just they were so hot. And I think it's because of the weight that I put on them. It really wasn't fair to my feet, but, you know. All right, Mike.

Win some, you lose some. Okay, and I've narrowed it down, so the last thing I'll say is the hardest part is, I know what the number one pick is for me, but I feel like that's the, if there's any chance that one pick somehow made it back, that would be the one. But I'm just going to take it. It's the absolute. It's the worst, man. It is the worst.

Burpees. Burpees are by far the worst freaking thing that you could possibly do. They work you out like a mug, man. This thing handles your body, but they are the worst. When you get three into the burpees and you have to go to 20 and you know that you're never going to make it. I put that at the bottom of my list because that's a universally despised exercise. Because it's the worst. Because it's the worst, but it's also the best in the sense of what it does for you.

For those unaware, a burpee is when you basically start standing and you go down into basically a plank where you put your feet behind you. You drop down, you do a push up, and you jump. Alright, so I'm up. My gamble

did not pay off, but I went with my heart. So I feel good. It would have been picked before it came back to you. Here's one that... up oh so my gamble my gamble did not pay off but i went with my heart so i feel all right i feel good it would have been picked before it came back to you here's one that so you'll see a theme in a lot of my picks it's things that make me look stupid it's things that i can't do well and there is nothing more humiliating especially if you're in a room full of people that can do this. I took a kickboxing class once, and this was the warm-up. The warm-up with all of these great athletes in the room. The warm-up was just, hey, go grab that jump rope.

And everybody's going to start doing these. They're barely jumping. They're not jumping. They're like, I don't even understand how the jump rope is going underneath their feet. And here's me like, one, two, I hit my feet. And then, yes, and then I can get like five or six before I hit my feet. And then at the end of this thing, I am dead. I'm like, this was a great workout.

I'll see you guys next time. But it's humiliating if you can't jump rope like the expert jump ropers and you must have loved doing jump rope with me jason oh i did because honestly i was the expert i mean that with impunity i mean that was you you and me next to each other i'm i'm taking jump off my list i feel great about myself and i am an expert well i thought i would get people thing it's circulation issues yes what's the rope the rope is too small because you're tall well and the worst part was is like when you're working out with a trainer and he tells you to go do jump rope you're on display as it's like a person

without rhythm or tone trying to sing. And then it starts to get into your head. Yeah, you keep hitting your feet over and over again. And they're like, are you so stupid? Are you the stupidest? So that's a good pick, Jason. It makes sense. It was on my list. I am worse than you amazingly at jump rope.

All right. Well, look, I get the 101 at the third pick which it's called running yep that was that was my other pick i mean it's like walking only way worse you have to run it's you're not doing anything competitive you're not doing anything exciting i mean it's even worse on a treadmill i mean i've done, bought the treadmill before, probably twice. Oh, yeah, I'm going to do it. No, it's running. It's so stupid.

I hate it. Running is the one-on-one. It is absolutely. Like, the two worst is jump rope and running. But jump rope is so much more specific to me. But I am so jealous of people that love to run. Yeah. People love to run.

Like, there are people that that's their, like, me time. They just go out. They're all called liars. They're all called healthy is what they're called. Yeah, that's true. You ever seen, like, an overweight person with. Bad knees. You ever seen an overweight person with, you know, a running addiction or, like, you know, they just.

I just can't stop running. I run every morning at 6. AM your, if you run every morning, you're healthy. I don't care what else you do in your life. That's true. You're a healthy person. Yeah. Yeah.

But yeah, running, running is, it's terrible. And, and I've, I've gone through the running spells in my life. And honestly, it's, it's just too easy to cheat at if you're a running like you're starting to run by just by not running by not running you start walking you can just start walking you don't have to go as fast you don't have to push yourself like i don't know there's something about it where i'm just not entertained so uh we'll go with running for the first pick the second pick is much more difficult now um and i guess i i guess i'm'll go with running for the first pick. The second pick is much more difficult now. And I guess I'm going to go with like full-on legit sit-ups.

I think they're stupid. I think they make no sense. I'm pretty sure they're terrible for your back, and they fatigue you, and I'm not sure that they're really the key to getting abs. I think doing little crunches and stuff makes sense but full on sit ups I think that's a bad exercise. And I

can't do a lot of them. I have crunches. I could if I wanted to but because they're stupid I don't do them. I have crunches on my list. Ab workouts when you have a bit of a belly um become extra difficult because there's something in the way like shoe ties have you ever done shoe ties oh is that an

extra that's an exercise for me tying your shoes that's a nightmare i'll draft that um yeah i mean it that just that's the worst when you're like do these sit-ups it's like i can't something's in the way um all right so i'm on the clock you are okay okay um all right i'm gonna go with another one that looks stupid uh that makes me look stupid what makes me look weak here's the the thing i have really strong legs. I can jump. Those things are working out nonstop. I can squat.

If I go to one of those squatting machines, exactly, Mike. I mean, look, those legs have a lot of weight on them. And so my legs are really strong. If I go to one of those machines where I can squat or the bench press for your legs. The leg press? The leg press, which is probably well-named. The bench press for your legs. You mean the leg press?

Yes, I do. I can dominate that thing. I feel impressive. I feel like if people were watching, they'd be like, whoa, that guy can really leg press. That's what they say. But a wall sit. Oh, no, it's on my list. Me too.

Like the wall squats. Yes, I can sit with no weight, none whatsoever, on a wall, and 30 seconds in, I look like I'm doing nothing. I should be able to sit there forever. And my legs are on fire i am going to die soon there's no way i'm making it to 45 seconds and all i'm doing is sitting on a stinking wall with no weights that's stupid i hate it in every ounce of my body they are the worst they they make you feel so incredibly weak yeah you can get the shakes on the wall squats real quick. Oh, you can.

You do. You're required. It's a requirement. You're going to have the shakes here in about 20 seconds. Yeah. Okay. Just keep going. You're like, no.

No, I'm done. All right. I have two picks. I might need to find some more exercises. I was really upset with how all of the things that we're picking are also on my list. And I'm like, oh, my list is starting to

dwindle. Well, there is a reason that there is a day, an exercise day when you go to the gym and everyone hates it. And people want to skip it. It's notorious. You hate leg day day and there is a reason people hate leg day because working out your leg

or legs is awful so i'm gonna because it's unrewarding right no because at the end of it you don't see a dude with big legs you know he's wearing jeans it's like okay you you know and there's it's like just put my chicken legs in there give me some big biceps we're changing things society is changing people are starting to respect the quads and the and the hamies and the glutes a little my time my time is coming it is jason just you got skies out thighs out man you gotta get those short shorts gotta get tiny shorts and big shirts just the biggest biggest i'm just gonna start parachute shirt you can find and the tiniest shorts i'll basically look like i did when i was

when i was a kid wearing my dad's shirt to bed that's that's but with the best calves ever look at look at these hammies all right so i'm gonna start with uh my number one uh least favorite leg exercises i will go with the lunges uh where you're going down one i'm terrible at it i like i don't know how people are like they get their knee to the ground i'm off balance all the time falling over i feel like i'm gonna over. I got these weights in my hand. It sucks. Lunges are the... I could do unweighted lunges

and I feel like I'm going to fall over. I hate it. Anytime there's an exercise like... Because I was thinking unweighted lunges. When there's an exercise and there's no weight involved and you're just lunging forward, you should be able to do that.

And yet after a few, it's like this is not working. So, all right. All right. Okay. So lunges. And now do I just double up? Do I just keep going with leg day?

So I'm going to go. Oh, man. Which one do I despise more? I'll just follow it up. I'm going to keep the legs going. I'm just going to take plain old squats. Plain old squats. They, you, I will say like when you're done with squats there, it is rewarding.

Like it, I don't, I can't imagine that anyone on this show, we're not going to say, you know what I hate doing bicep curls and bench press because after it's done, you're like, check, check out what I'm working with over here. Cause I'm, I'm nice and swole. But squats, I do feel accomplished when I'm done. But when I am doing squats and you're at eight and you got to get to 10, it is just a terrible feeling. I know that every blood vessel in my neck and my face looks like it's about to just just rain red all over this gym so i'm taking squats all right i loved squats we would do goblet squats when andy and i worked out together with

with a trainer and i'd hold an 80 pounder and squat and i feel like i could do that forever i and those are i like is that when uh like you're just holding the one weight see yeah those are fine i'm actually i'm okay with those but when you're just holding the one weight? See, those are fine. I'm actually okay with those. But when you're doing a barbell squat or you're holding the two dumbbells, it feels bad. Yeah, so here's the thing. My legs are strong. That's what we don't want as men generally.

I mean, not that we don't want strong legs. I want strong legs. Right, but my upper body is not as strong as my lower. I want to flip the script because the next thing I'm taking, like when Andy and I are, we're working out together, right? You know, and we're doing the squats. I've got a super heavy weight. He doesn't.

But when we flip the script and we got to do pull-ups. I think it's not fair because I always have extra weight to pull up. And here's some scrawny, unmuscular, weak-armed, 160-pound guy who can just do pull-ups for days. I like pull-ups a lot. And I'm 260, and I'm like, I don't. You have a built-in a negative handicap built i can me i don't know if i could do one but i think i could do one no i can't no now that i think about it no way i cannot do a pull-up i could do like a like a curl you know when you're when you're reverse grip a chin up but a pull-up you know with your hands facing outwards i do not believe

i can get one as of this moment. Which means that when we were doing pull-ups, either one of us, because we're now grown men and not like, I used to be able to do like literally 20 pull-ups as an eighth grader. But now you have like a band underneath you and it's like daddy's holding you up going,

all right, can you get something on the top shelf? It's called the embarrassment band and um and he would put a thicker bland on this guy but what is super oh yeah those bands they were they were not happy with me they were stretched to their limits and here's the most embarrassing part like that then propels you up right it goes down and the the energy goes back up and i still couldn't get to the top of that sucker with these bands it was probably the most embarrassing thing whenever we had to do that in in a room full of people it's like oh man i need like six bands oh Oh my goodness. Okay. Well, that one's good.

That's funny. I will say this. I don't know if I can draft it, but anything that has a level of complex... Look, when you're working out, you're sweating. The blood flow... Circulation. Talk about circulation problems. It's really difficult for you as a tall person.

As a tall person. You're not thinking straight so whenever we would be given like more complicated maneuvers anything that means like i have to follow a rhythm i've got i guess the jump ropes like it but we used to do like ladders on the ground and you'd be putting your feet through in different orders a speed ladder oh an agility ladder and those were always sat out front of this workout facility where the physical therapy people are. And they're waiting to go to their treatments, and they're just watching me butcher.

We put on a show. Oh, we put on a show. We got to the point where they were enjoying it. If you're a PT, if you're a trainer, do you have premium pricing? The only difference between the workout is you're not in the front room where everybody is. You're in the back in a private room,

but you charge double the amount for the premium suite just so you don't have to be ashamed. I'll pay it. All right. I don't have any more leaders of the pack. You guys have made some great draft picks here. So I will go with, Mike, when you brought up the legs, I started thinking about leg extensions.

Okay. And I don't think my knees really like that very much. So the good old-fashioned leg press? No, not the press. I'm talking about when your knees are bent and you put the legs in between the two pads and you lift your knees up and down. Oh, the

quad machine. Yeah, it's a leg extension, but it's not. Leg extension, yes. It's a leg extension machine. And so I will draft that one because I am fairly certain that is not good on any of your knee tendons or patella tendons or anything like that. That machine makes you feel good.

Well, it does work that quad. I will give you that. I mean, that is instant gratification if you look down and you can see your muscles. That's true. I have no leg muscles until I'm on the leg extension machine. Then I got some quads, man. And then you get off limping around. I love that machine. Okay. I do too. the leg extension machine then i got some quads man and then you get off limping around i love

i love that machine okay i do too you know it's one of those things where we love what we're good at and we hate what we can't do a la the pull-ups yeah and then uh i am with jason anything that makes you that is simultaneously difficult um not rewarding and makes you look stupid so i will go with a floor exercise of the supermans okay do you know where you're laying flat you're sniffing the floor to start with which is like the workout floor and then you're just extending back you look real dumb i mean you look you're attached by your pelvis you're attached by your pelvis. You're attached by your pelvis to the ground. You put your legs up and your arms up in the air, and then you just have to do reps like that while you sniff the ground.

So I will go with the supermans. Yeah, I mean, whenever you look stupid, it's embarrassing. And when you look stupid doing something that looks easy, it's worse. Andy, how flexible am I? On a scale of 1 to 10, you are a zero. That is correct. I am off the scale. In fact, when I used to be a great athlete, ran cross country, was on the basketball team,

I had to go get a physical so that I could join the basketball team. And I went to one of these places where they're doing like 300 physicals in a day. And it's kind of you just go from one curtain to the next. And each doctor or nurse, they just do one thing to someone over and over. And it was I lay flat on the table and they take they they grab my foot and they lift it up to see where my knee naturally bends, you know, to see where your hamstring tightness is. And eventually, as your foot gets higher, bend at your knee to see where your hamstring tightness is and eventually as your foot gets

higher bend at your knee no to see where when my leg is raised at what you know degree of my leg being raised that my knee naturally bends in and she gets about a foot up off the ground and my knee starts to bend and she thinks i'm lying she's like no no no she at first she thought like oh I didn't understand and then she explained it again and then she did it again and it it bent at the same place and she's like and then she didn't believe that that was my natural like I have my hamstrings if Jason was like taken to a laboratory he could discover that he doesn't have them yeah I think they're they're not there or they're half-sized. People are like, oh, touch your toes. I'm like, touch my knees is difficult.

Did you know you have used wash rags connecting your muscles? I did know that. And for those reasons, I am drafting something that I know is very popular among a lot of people. But if you put me in a yoga room, I am not am not having a good time i would pay i would pay for you to take some yoga i cannot do a position that you want me to do and this is supposed to be this relaxing meditative there's no possibility there's nothing relaxing about yoga what are the yoga is it's a brutalizing exercise yeah it's just's just. Look, that's for beautiful people.

You know, and I'm so happy for everyone that can successfully enjoy yoga. But you get that out of my life. Ain't happening. I'm super into Warrior 2. Is that a yoga? Yeah. That's the pose. Oh, the pose.

Yeah. Warrior 2. The hands go up. It's like a lunge. A lunge with your hands up. And that's it. You're like, I'm going to stay in Warrior 2 here. Oh, I could do pose. Yeah, warrior pose. The hands go up. It's like a lunge with your hands up, and that's it. You're like, I'm going to stay in warrior two here. Oh, I could do that.

I'm not shifting to no downward facing nothing. Back to warrior one. I'm like, but two, it's two. So it's way more important than your warrior one. Clearly, I'll be here doing important things while you're in warrior one. If I was doing yoga on one of those, you know how they have the mirror exercise machines? I'd want the mirror to go blurry for the whole yoga portion. Like, don't show me what I look like doing yoga,

falling over. It's called falling over. That's what yoga is. It's called tip me over. All right, Mike, final pick for you. Okay. My final pick. I'm down to, I've got two, I've got two that I like, to I've got two I've got two that I like but whatever I'll just close it out with this one it's another cardio one and this is one that is is interesting

oh was I talking about warrior one owl was I wrong yeah if the hands are over your head that's warrior one oh no my whole entire like an airplane my whole stick has fallen apart it's okay. It's a common mistake. Warrior one, warrior two, Mike.

You're all right. Well, yeah. First is the best. Second is the worst. That's right. Second is the first loser. This one, it's a cardio move. And the pieces just...

They never come together for me where either I feel like my cardio is strong enough where I can keep going, but somehow my upper body is not strong enough to hold or I can hold and the cardio is not strong enough. I will take mountain climbers because I loathe mountain climber cardio exercises. Yeah, no, that makes good sense. Mountain climbers are, that's where you're on the ground. That's where you're on the ground in a push-up position,

and then you just run your knees up to your chest. Oh, gross. I hate that. That's another one where it's like, ah, this belly's there. There's no room for the knees. I didn't want to be mean because Jason whooped me on most exercises, but mountain climbers were not one that he would defeat me on. No, no.

That's a good pick, Mike right spectacular the the only other one where i was like this really should be picked even though you would have to say the machine i guess to define it as an exercise but just you know what stairs stairs stairs are the absolute worst thing in the entire world. I've been in my life. I've been in and out of good shape. I've been in great physical shape before. Doesn't matter. As soon as you're in front of a flight of stairs, you get up to the top. Oh, that got the heart rate up.

I'm a little bit winded. It doesn't matter how good a shape you're in. Stairs are the worst. Stairs are the worst. On my undrafted list, I have inchworms which um i don't think people know that's where you're basically this you you go like almost like a push-up position and then you walk you oh you walk your legs you walk your legs into your hands it doesn't work if you don't have hamstrings. And when you don't have hamstrings, it don't work. And then dance videos. We should have taken the dance exercise videos.

Yeah, bear crawls also suck. It seemed like a little overload on the running, but sprinting sucks, too. Oh, jogging is the worst. Jogging, sprinting. Andy had just taken all variations of running. You know what I hate? Running, jogging, sprinting, and power walking. That's right.

All right, that'll do it for today's draft. One more thing. What did we learn today? Oh, I know what I learned. Yeah, did you learn that tall people get colder? No, that's not what I was going to go with but that i did learn that i was gonna say that no apparently northern arizona is just much colder than i ever ever imagined i learned that it's better to be special than rich on today's show be special get get a special uh treat from a

restaurant more than being able to buy it yourself all right that nike i'm available yeah yeah he will save your product from a burning building if if need be that'll do it for today's spitballers thank you so much for supporting us uh you can go to spitballerspod.com to learn more about how to be an official spitwad supporter of the show and we'll be back with another episode next week. Take care, everybody. Thank you. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.