Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Spit Hits: Tasteful Sarcasm & Things That Are Blue - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

Spit Hit for December 7th, 2023: On today’s show, we discuss hairy backs, feathery insults, and vitamin piles. Then, play along and see if you can beat this week’s winner of ‘Man of the People���. Then stick around till the end as we draft things that are blue. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. The thermometer maxed out. That was so bad. I didn't mind it. It was different, and we needed a little bit of different. I had no volume.

I didn't realize when I go that low, I lose all force. Yeah, you don't have force down there. Not singing in the baritone section, Andy? I guess not. No Barry White. No. I'm dreaming. Very nice. Welcome into the Spitballers.

Would you rather man of the people back today? And then we are drafting things that are blue. We are drafting things that are blue. This will be the best or the worst. It'll be a good time. I'm drafting Andy's spirit today. Nice. I am not blue, Jason.

Oh, that's great. That's great. I am. Yellow? No, not yellow. Nobody. And red is angry, right? Oh, yeah.

Oh, for sure. Green is jealous. Or disgust. So green is jealous or disgust yellow is is uh cowardly yep yes so uh is that all the colors blue is sad yeah blue is sad now like in in your head right when you picture a chicken so far so good what color do that what color are the feathers of that brown chicken my white chicken my chickens are white right both are acceptable answers but why is it that we like yellow and chicken mean the same mean the same thing when a chicken is not yellow yes that they're the beaks are yellow okay okay there is a uh a tiny tiny portion of the chicken that is sort of really cowardly

i mean maybe the the color and the chicken those aren't necessarily together right yeah no i don't think yellow doesn't come into when you call someone yellow you're calling them a chicken no i think you're just calling them cowardly when you call someone chicken you're calling them cowardly when you call someone yellow you're calling them cowardly. When you call someone yellow, you're calling them cowardly. I don't think you're... Even though those both can be used as synonyms, one is not referring to the chicken. 100%. 100%.

Yeah. Oh, no, baby chickens are yellow. No, that's... That's true, too. Yeah, baby chicks... And they are so cowardly. Yeah, they won't do nothing. I forgot about the peeps.

They won't cross the road. Peeps, that's what it's referring to. Welcome in. People are just shouting, the baby chickens are yellow. That's probably true. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Al Borland is normally black because of his soul slash clothing.

Yes. But today, he's going to do a presentation for a timeshare. I'm blue. He's got a nice blue polo. Very professional. Oh, man. Are we doing his year-end review today? Yeah.

Why are you in a polo? Yeah. What is happening? And more so, why are you all the way Why are you in a polo? Yeah, what is happening? And more so, why are you all the way buttoned up in the polo? Oh, yeah. That's a medium. That's a fair question. That extra button there.

And why is your hat backwards while you're wearing a polo? Whoa, buddy. Yeah, you can't party in a polo. There you go. We're fixing him right now. Why are you here, Al? All right. Yeah. Why you got all that arm hair?

I don't know. Okay. Yeah, I've had. I'm done attacking you. No, I've had a little bit of a, I don't know what to do. A growth spurt in your arm hair? Like, I've been, I got pretty hairy arms. Are you going full wolf?

No, but I mean, what do you do in life? You sit back and you relax and wait, because that thing's headed a certain direction, my friend. Well, I'm just saying it is. Yeah, no, that's going up your arm, and that's going right to your back. Well, see, I'm already at the part where when I shave my neck, I slide over and grab a little bit of the back. Yeah. Does anyone in this room have the hairy back?

I've got a hairy back. Do you? Well, not like. Do you maintain it? I try to maintain it. Yeah, it's more neck. What is that? I guess it's not so much, but it's like top of the back a little bit.

Upper back. Top of the back to you. Top of the back. That's what I heard. Top of the back to you. It's almost better to fully commit. How's your hairy mornings? It's almost better to like have a fully, like having speckles of back hair is even more...

Like the hair sweater? Yeah, exactly. Like my hair, it looks worse on my back because it's just like at the top versus someone that's got that full back hair yeah insulating just a thick mane yeah yeah they're like really into this yeah they bought that at macy's put that on not not for you al you're not really thick back there no not too bad okay top of the back little top of the back to you. Top of the back.

James from Patreon, would you rather live in a world where no one but you understood sarcasm or live in a world where everyone was sarcastic all of the time? Oh, man. I feel like we did this one, but we must not have. Oh, did we? I don't know, but I- I probably just read it and didn't ask it one time if i it was in last week's doc i don't i don't think my fault my fault if if i lived in a world where no one

understood sarcasm i would be the world's biggest jerk yeah like that i mean there's not a person alive who would even remotely be willing to be near me because yeah i'm just sarcastic all the time my kids like when when i had young children you know three four years old they learned real quick what sarcasm was daddy doesn't actually hate you um but then they could they bring their friends over and i'll say something. And in fact, I think the best example is actually owls kid. Uh, your young child, it was,

there was a, a switch that finally went off after about six months of him being around us. It was like, that's a joke, right? Like I know this was a joke. And then he liked us. This is a world where people do understand sarcasm and sarcasm can still make you into a jerk.

Like there are people that don't have a taste for it at all. Or, you know, you know how it goes. You're sarcastic and then you can be like that way too much. Yes. And then and then I've had people I can still remember being in high school and I used to run the newspaper because that was a big thing. Were you like the editor? I was editor-in-chief yeah what and uh i was actually co-editor-in-chiefs with another guy and we both you weren't you weren't the much no you're right and we both were really sarcastic with the writing staff and we thought we were hilarious and then usually

sarcastic people think they are. And they do. And then unfortunately, we had to have a little heart-to-heart. Then you went to the complaint box. It was overflowing. It was overflowing with the level of sarcasm that we were delivering that we thought was an incredible management style. Yeah. But we had to fix that.

So I'm just saying this is a world where you already- But did you fix it? We tried. Okay. All right. That's impressive. In front of them, we tried. Yeah.

Now, the alternative, living in a world where everyone is sarcastic all the time. The first one sounds really, really bad to me because I am very sarcastic. My family is very sarcastic. But the second, where everyone is sarcastic, that is anarchy. That is an unlivable life. There's no way to communicate. No, we talk to our kids like, you can't always be sarcastic. You just can't always.

You come off as a jerk. If you're just always sarcastic, you have to know when to use sarcasm and when to not. Tasteful sarcasm. Thank you. You when to use sarcasm and when to not. Tasteful sarcasm. Thank you. You got to use it when it's not expected. If it's expected, one, it's not funny, and two, you're a jerk. And it's delivery, too. You might not be made for sarcasm.

If you can't deliver it in a good way, then you're just accidentally saying mean things with no inflection, right? Yeah. Nice tie. Mm-hmm. No. Nice tie? I don't know. true then you're just accidentally saying mean things with no inflection right yeah nice tie no nice tie that's what you went to that is what i went to you were you were a part of that just now welcome in the history of this office no one has ever come in here with a tie on well maybe al with that polo oh yeah he's on his way next week starts dressing up yeah I think we all agree on this Steve from the website would you rather know every fact in the encyclopedia

or know every word in the dictionary so I expect that there's some crossover for both let me ask a question to set us up and you guys give your answer let's pretend you're the person that knows every word in the dictionary. So you have a wonderful assortment of choices when you're speaking, right? Yeah.

Every synonym you could ever have for every sentence and word. Well, this is a thesaurus. This is not a dictionary. Same difference. If you know the dictionary, you know all the words. Yeah, for sure so you can use a bunch of words that people don't know to describe things about you know with words that they do know right now what is the advantage of that is it is it a pleasurable thing to explain

to people how smart you are all the time is that a pleasurable thing i don't think it is about explaining the words you use you don't want to explain them you want to simply gloss over the natural use of these words so that people go wow that dude's smart i don't even know what he said and you don't explain it if you explain it now you're you're kind of mean-spirited or hoity-toity so you'll just say like hey i had a busy day at work i was being very fastidious and completed all right and then you just move on from that conversation my vocab is just grand look went yes it is yeah yes it is great definitely stumble over

it now are you able to pronounce the words that you know or is this example for mike you're like we we gotta we gotta work through it um live the i mean this really is just about having a good vocabulary i'd rather have the facts man of course we'd rather have the facts because back roads are fun i am just fine with my current vocabulary i don't pretend that i have you have the world's best vocabulary. I'm not illiterate, but I just got a normal- Those are the only two. Yep, that's it. You listening at home, you and me, we probably have about the same vocabulary. Wherever you are at, we probably are near each other, and it is just fine.

I live my life just fine. Those people have the calendar. The daily- Yeah, learn a new word every day. And still we're near each other. I just don't think there's a huge advantage. Ironically, the facts are like this sarcasm. You got to know when to drop those in because if you become the guy that always says the actually or the little known fact.

Little known fact. Like if I were to say, you know, when you call somebody yellow, this word originally applies to birds that literally have a yellow belly, like the yellow-bellied sapsucker. From there it came to mean an insult for cowards. Would that have been informative or obnoxious? I liked it, actually. I actually learned a lot there. Yeah, so yellow is the belly.

Yeah. The yellow belly. Yellow belly. And belly yeah the yellow belly yellow belly and it's the yellow belly of of what specifically uh birds that have a yellow belly so like like the yellow bellied sap sucker but it has nothing to do with a chicken keep that in mind a sap sucker is a bird yellow belly that's another thing you'd say right yeah you yellow-bellied yeah absolutely I'm calling you guys repeating yourself that looks like a looks like a woodpecker oh like a yellow belly yellow belly yeah that's good we need to get back to old school insults man I do those were the those are the ones that brought about the gunfights. Yeah, like Norm MacDonald.

No good. His whole shtick is using old-timey language. Conan O'Brien does a lot, too. I find it sensational. Yeah, we need to get back into that. Was it all bird-related? What's a cod swallow? Look, when you had no technology, you're out there bird-watching.

You're just looking around for insults? Why're why you're a yellow-bellied no saying you're entertaining fish everything revolved around watching birds oh that's what the world used to yes and so you just you you got your terminology you got your enjoyment your insults it's all from birds you yellow-bellied that's why i mean there's bird compliments there's bird insults what are the bird it's the word yeah birds the word yeah haven't you heard i have heard that i'm looking at some old-timey insults here and one of the first things i see is chicken hearted oh that can't be good it's all bird related cowardly again so there were a lot of cowardly people back in the day i mean there were only a few core insults.

It was either they were cowardly or probably weak. Yeah, or like of ill repute. Oh, we've got an eagle eye. Eagle eye? That's a compliment. Yeah. I was trying to find the compliments in there. They're all bird related.

All right, we're going with the fact one. Yeah, I want to know everything. Spencer from the website, would you rather freeze to death in a blizzard or die of dehydration lost in a desert? Okay. Well, we're hitting hard here. Yeah, this is a tough question. Freezing to death is going to be my choice. Yeah, for sure.

Because I think you go to sleep. You do. But before that point. I think you probably go to sleep the other way, too. The death either way. Yeah, you're going to get a long. You're going to get a real tuckered out. But if you are freezing to death, there is definitely a span where,

like, think of the coldest you've ever been, where it's painful, you can't move your jaw is just going clickety-clack and you there's nothing you could do to stop it and realize that it's not cold comparatively to freezing to death yeah hold. What did you find? I mean, I Googled old timey insults. Oh, here we go. And Poppin J is one of the top ones. I told you, man. Which means you're vain. If you're a Poppin J, you're vain.

Really? It all comes back to the birds. This is incredible. For the birds. There's another phrase. Oh, my gosh. That's another one. Wow. Sorry. Sorry.. Oh, my gosh. That's another one. Wow.

Sorry. Sorry. You were speaking about something. Just say how cold. To be at that point where you're staring Jack Frost in the face and you're about to. You're numb, though. You're numb. Eventually, but not immediately.

But are you out of your mind before you're in pain? No. Definitely not. No. You're before you're in pain? No, definitely not. No, you're going to be in pain for a while. You're probably out of your mind more in the dehydration in the desert as far as just completely hallucinating, and maybe at that point you don't even realize what's going on. I want to be found in intact yeah perfectly preserved like a woolly mammoth and maybe someone will bring me back to life later honestly that was

the loophole of this question from the get-go the get-go is one of these i still have the belief that someone can bring me back uh i have been uh cryogenically frozen in this blizzard but it's not cryo frozen you're just regular frozen they'll figure. But it's not cryo-frozen. You're just regular frozen. They'll figure it out. It's not cold enough. Hold on. Rewind. Are you telling me that there's a specific type of extra cold?

I believe so. So, man, we learn a lot on this podcast. Not necessarily. Man, I learn nothing on this podcast. I think that there is a temperature which will kill you, but then when they're doing the cryo-freezing, it's even colder because it has to be a certain temperature to preserve. Are you sure about that?

Frozen's frozen, bro. No, I'm not frozen. I'm not sure about that. I'm not positive about it. I think if you're frozen, they find the woolly mammoths in the ice. They get preserved. Theyoths in the ice. I mean, they get preserved. But they're in the ice. They're not on.

Like, if you just get frozen on the top, I mean, something very specific had to have happened. If I get frozen in Antarctica, it's not defrosting me anytime soon. I don't think it's cold enough, though. Yes, it's cold enough. I don't think so. You're telling me that if I got frozen in the exact South Pole, that in 100 years you don't find me fully intact? They find people on Everest all the time, their whole bodies.

I think you're going to be intact, but I am actually doing a lot of research over here. You rare, white-throated wood creeper. Mike seems like he might be right here. Obviously, you can be frozen and kept more intact when you're in the cold, but whether you can bring me back or not. Oh, that was Andy Holloway. Right.

Look at that frozen guy. If only he were more frozen, he could be is. Cryonics is the low temperature freezing, and it says usually at negative 196 degrees Celsiuselsius oh that's cold that's that's real cold that's not gonna be your run of the mill i'm uh in a blizzard cold right what's a blizzard south south pole is around negative 60 celsius okay well okay this is negative i think it's preserving me this is a negative 196 degrees Celsius. Maybe I'll lose my fingerprints, you crimson-backed sunbird. All I care about is my brain.

I don't need my fingerprints. I need you to be able to put my brain in something, put it in that machine over there, and say, start her up. Start it up. That's how they do it, too. That is, yeah. Are you making the financial cryo commitment uh no thank you no no i what about just the head because sometimes it's cheaper to do

just the head people do that oh that's what i would choose just the head i mean why would i spend i want that's a good point yeah you'd you'd upgrade the deluxe model on the way back absolutely i mean i i hope to give you like it should be random draw on the body on the way out if you don't pay up it should cost more to have just the head because if you are doing the whole body that means when you come back you're gonna have this whole body and it's like i want to be gone long enough where you can bring me back and put me in an upgraded model it should be like a hundred thousand to save the head and 10,000 to save the body. So some people just save the body, no head. And then they put them together.

I will be someone else's body. I won't know it. Or would you know it? I don't know. I don't know. No, you wouldn't. Okay. I still think I want the blizzard. I still think you want the blizzard ice still think you want the blizzard nice thank you i mean

that's probably the way to go because eventually you do you get the sleepy like when you are dehydrating out of existence like what what exactly happens i mean like it's just you your organs start stopping and yeah i mean there's a lot of gasping i know that i know i mean like it's just you your organs start stopping and yeah i mean there's a lot of gasping i know that i know i have like read about the process of dying from dehydration you turn into like jerky it is well you're i mean that is the other thing so the the actual dying process much worse in dehydration it is a uh an excruciating, awful death, whereas freezing to death, you're going to end up going to sleep first. But what happens to the skin? Both are kind of burning and feel uncomfortable.

But if you're out in a desert dying of dehydration, you're literally just burning. I mean, that sounds awful. I know what it's like to be in the Arizona sun for 10 minutes. And if I'm out there until death do us part, goodness gracious. I mean, sunburns are not fun, you know? Yeah. And for sunburn reasons, I'm going to die in the blizzard. Yeah, you like being cold more than hot.

I do. So if you're going to die one of those ways, die in your element. Absolutely. Mike, final answer? Yeah, I'll take the blizzard.. I do. So if you're going to die one of those ways, die in your element. Absolutely. Mike, final answer? Yeah, I'll take the blizzard. Wow, we're all in agreement here. We got time for another one, Al? Yeah, let's do one more.

Which one should I do? I haven't read them yet. Let's go with the third one, or the fourth one, I'm sorry. Oh, man. Valerie, which speech limitation would you rather have never ask questions only make statements never make statements only ask questions what do you think thoughts the personality kind of i feel like mike's gonna never ask questions only make statements because asking questions necessitates someone else talking. You know what I mean?

That means you can't say, I don't want to talk to you. Because that is a statement. Can you please leave versus please leave? Oh, that's a kind way. Yeah, I think there's ways to get around it. If you never ask questions, you can never learn anything, right? I don't. Unless you say, tell me the definition of that word.

No, I mean, the way that you say things, you have like, this is a cup. And then the person will go, well, no, that's not, if they needed to be corrected. You're saying if it wasn't a cup. Yeah, you could make statements that then can then be corrected. Or you could say them in a way that saying, I'm not exactly sure. My confidence level in this statement is not enough to be in the form of a question. So you're getting around the questions by basically making incorrect statements or.

Yes. So if someone you know is ill and you would usually say, hey, how are you feeling? You say, you feel well. And then they go, no, I actually am really sick. Tell me about that. Oh, you have the flu. And then they say, no. No, you can't.

Right? You can say you have the flu. Yeah, that's a statement. And then they'll say, no, No, you can't. Right? You can say you have the flu. Yeah, that's a statement. And then they'll say, no. I don't know. I clearly have sunburn. But the confidence meter in your voice was more of a question. I was trying to figure out if you were pulled over by a police officer and you were trying

to determine what you did wrong, how you would do it. Okay, let's go. License and registration. Yeah. Okay. Do you know why I pulled you over? No. You were speeding.

You lost. You lost copper. He's supposed to be trying to figure it out. Yeah, but honestly, I was trying to not make it easy on him, but the next words out of my mouth were the answer to my own question. So it actually worked. so it actually perfect world it worked really really well because i was gonna tell him what he did wrong but he took off yeah i gotta wait for you you gotta wait no i'm hopping in my topper and we're going not not in this world of statements the cop was so confused just like

you got me see you later he asked no questions he must be innocent i mean that now do the the other direction of you can only ask questions but you've been pulled over what was i doing you're gonna lead to you're gonna be in some trouble yeah you're gonna be like license and registration you're like do you know why i pulled you over? Why did you pull me over? You were speeding. Why was I speeding? Why do you think I was speeding? I was speeding? Yes, you were speeding.

Are you going to give me a ticket? There was an old improv game where you could only talk in questions. Oh, really? It was very hard. That seems very difficult. But it got very funny. I think it would be a a fun way to live but now imagine we're single and we've got to go to the dating scene

okay you have to be able to ask questions congrats dating scene i mean right no i mean it's a big deal uh ring the bell but you can only ask questions but yeah wouldn't you rather be are you doing questions on a date than only say statements? Like learn about someone else versus just like tell them what's up. You're just telling. Oh, I've got a degree. It's on six foot two. But you would also be making statements about the other person.

You look nice tonight. But you would sound like a clown. clown yeah like a no-no all right let's move on man of the people i'm still not sure I like this game yet. Oh, I love this game. Depending on whether I win. I like it when my buzzer works. It's got fresh batteries in there for you. You did pretty well with your buzzer not working last time. Three points for the first answer, two for the second,

one for any other correct answer. That is correct. Seven rounds. Last round is worth double the points. All right, Al. All right, here we go. Name a fear parents have for their child when they move out of the points. All right, Al. All right, here we go. Name a fear parents have for their child when they move out of the house.

Dying. Mine's green. I went first. That is the number three answer. Oh, come on. Dying. All right, keep an eye on your buzzers. Drugs, alcohol.

That is the number two answer. Oh, baby. The number one's still out there for you, Andy. Make sure you buzz in, Bo. I buzzed in. All right, Andy. Three, two. Why'd you buzz in?

One. Accident. Safety is the number four answer, so we'll give you one point for that the number one answer was finances yeah that makes sense coming back home was the number five answer they care more about their finances than them living

come on it's just what they worry about the most worry about okay that makes sense not a lot of people the second they move out drop dead I was putting myself in that situation i know for sure you'd be worried about them dying 100 percent and my kids moved away for college you know i went i went to uh u of a if my kids uh go to u of a a couple hours away

um that'd be my worry they might be dead just they're like, I don't care if they're financially like go waste your money, whatever. I don't want you to be more responsible, yada, yada. But I don't like I care if they die. Like if they're out and make a mistake and end up in, you know, you said like an accident. That's my worry. That was why that was my pick is I would actually be like my son is turning 14. Okay. He's that close to driving.

Like I'm much more afraid of him driving than I am of him moving out. The problem with the world is like why I'm concerned about their being dead is because we have cell phones. And when I call some, yes, I call people and it's people because texting can take forever, whatever. But I call people, like my wife, and if she doesn't answer and it goes to voicemail, I assume that my wife has died. Right. Right. So once my children move out, and they will certainly be ducking my calls. Oh, yeah.

Because we all duck calls from our parents from time to time. So it will be on a daily basis that I think that my children have passed away. That's funny. That's funny. That's so true. This is about to happen. Nope, they're dead. All right, round two. Kids, answer the phone when your parents call.

Yeah. All right. Round two. If a group of senior citizens formed a punk rock band, what might their songs gripe about? Being old? That is the number four answer. Oh, man. All right, keep an eye on those buttons. Oh, I got in number two.

I'm going to say their body pain. That's the number six answer. What? Oh, man. You suck at this game. And I will, once again, be last to the buzzer. Young people. That is the number one answer.

Yeah. Of course. The medicine and healthcare being number two. Yeah. There you go. I was going to go with my hip, but I thought that would be too specific. It was probably too specific. I can't wait to complain about the young people more.

I've already started. If you have old people in a punk rock band complaining about the youths. That's funny. That would be quite the bit. That's a pretty good question. I've never heard one that nuanced. Go on to round three. So what was number three?

Number three was dentures. Okay, so you could have gotten specific, apparently. And five was fixed income. Yeah, that's fair. All right. Take that, granny. On to round three. Name something a child might never do if they were not forced to.

I have buzzed in first, and I'm going to go with... How are you so fast? I have buzzed in first. How are you so fast? I don't know, man. Cheating. I'm going to go with brush their teeth. That is the number one answer. Yeah. My sons would never.

Sorry, boys, but you would never brush your teeth. My daughter would. She does. She wakes up, she brushes her teeth. What? Even when they say they've brushed their teeth. I'm brushed on this buzzer, they still have not brushed their teeth. No, they just went and lied about it. I mean, it's like that.

It's so frustrating. Go ahead. Go ahead. Eat their vegetables. That is the number two answer. Oh, man. Keep. You want to get on the board, though?

I'm trying to entertain the people. No, I know. I was totally. I don't want to be last for the third straight time uh let's go clean their room that is the number six answer doesn't matter still worth the step it's worth the point very good very good brush their teeth was definitely the one that came to mind brush their teeth eat their vegetables uh school and homework uh bathing yeah that would have been my number two. Going to sleep and then cleaning. Just general hygiene. Can I just check in with you guys?

Oh, yeah, let's do it. If you remind your kids to do one of those things that we've said, do your kids forget it in under 10 seconds? Oh, I can't remind them. I have to yell at them to do it, though. Reminder does not work. I would almost have to put chains around them and pull them into the bathroom to do...

I asked them, take your vitamins. Okay. They say okay. That's a fresher teeth. Okay, I will. Liars. Did you have vitamins as a kid? Yeah.

I had vitamins and they were so awful. Oh, but you had to take them? You didn't get the Flintstones? No, these were not Flintstones. They they were supermans and sound pretty good they were not though they were terrible and i would so i would you fake i would take the vitamin and this because when you're young you don't think things through all the way and i had like this you you know, like my dresser, basically. And I would throw the vitamin behind the dresser. No, you did not. Oh, yeah.

Behind the dresser? Yeah. I'm sure that was never. In the drawer or back behind? Back behind. Ever found. How many vitamins were back there? A lot.

And then come one day, it's, oh, hey, let's rearrange your room. Oh, no. Were you scared of the moment? Did you know? You forgot, I'm sure. I had not put it two and two together on this one until it was, whoa, who put all those back there? Someone spilled a bottle.

Oh, man. But they're all chewed up. Oh, man. There's rabbits down here, and they're full of vitamins. Oh, that's funny. Healthy little rabbits. So I get it. When kids don't want to take the vitamins, I get it.

Yeah, tell me. No, just be honest, son. Just go, nah, I'm totally not going to do that. Peace. Yeah, did you brush your teeth? Nope, not gonna. I mean, just be honest. Don't tell me you're gonna do it all right when you

remind them like hey we heard old people they complain about the dentures a lot yeah uh fourth round all right after three rounds we got mike at four jason at five andy at six oh man here is the fourth round aside from animals name something that people hunt for well i shouldn't have hit that three two bargains that is the number one answer oh man oh man that's good thank goodness wait what oh it went yellow i hit it uh i'm gonna say work for. That is the number five answer. Oh, like job hunting. Yeah, that's good. Number five? That is correct.

What are the other ones? I got to buzz in. Okay, buzz in. Nope. Let's give them the countdown. Three, two, one. Truffles. Yes. Yes.

That is surprisingly not on the board. Oh, man. That's the best answer I've ever heard. Truffles. Truffles. yes yes that is surprisingly not on the board don't they need pigs to do that pigs to hunt for truffles oh that's a good one uh easter eggs lost keys and dates that was amazing oh boy i couldn't get the pig out of my head. I mean, I had nothing popping into my head. I just didn't want to be last for one time. So you hit the buzzer without even having an idea. For the first time, I was like, I can't be last.

Okay. Well, you're dominating right now. Nine to six to four. All right. Here's the fifth round. Name an activity you often feel sleepy while doing. Jason. Three. Oh, often feel sleepy while doing. Jason. Three.

Oh, shoot. Two. Eating. One. Oh, man. That's not on the board. It's the number six answer. Oh, I squeaked one out.

Literally one. Keep an eye on those buttons. I'm watching. Reading. That is the number one answer. Of course. That's so cool. Yeah, baby.

Sleepy while doing. Okay. Three. Watch TV. That is the number one answer. Of course. Yeah, baby. Sleepy while doing. Okay. Three. Watch TV. That is the number three answer. All right. Woof. Okay.

Good job, Mike. Got some ground there. Driving being the number two answer. Oh, yeah. You really redeemed your truffle pick. Driving is a good one. Yeah. Truffles.

That's good. All right. After five rounds, we got Jason and Mike tied at seven. Oh, I'm back, baby. Andy at ten. I'm back. I'll blow this. Don't worry.

Give me a second. I lost my list. Sorry. That's okay. You are just a... Make sure you reset the button. Rufus fronted parakeet. All right.

Here we go. Name something a hotel guest calls the front desk to ask about. A wake-up call. That is the number three answer. Keep an eye on those buttons. Yes! I got it. Late checkout.

That is the number four answer. What? That's my number one answer. What you got, Mike? Room service. That is the number four answer. What? That's my number one answer. What you got, Mike? Room service. Yeah. That is the number one answer.

Yeah, what am I thinking? You don't call the front desk for room service. You call room service. That's the stupidest answer I've ever heard. I would have said towels. Towels has got to be number two. Listen to Boozy. Towels is the number two answer. Boozy boy over here.

Yeah, Boozy boy. Who did he say he calls? The room service. Yeah, you don't call the front desk for room service. I mean, he's technically right. There's a room service button on the phone. And not just on bougie phones. Not at the Motel 6. They don't have room

service. When you call the front desk for room service, they'll say, no, we don't have some. The question wasn't do they have it? Go to McDonald's. Oh, that's so stupid. Alright. I feel pretty good. I'm kind of with you, Jay. I appreciate it. Well, the people are with me. We're going into round seven, which scores are doubled.

It's anybody's game. Jason's at eight. Mike is at 10. Andy is at 11. Oh, man. Name something you see or hear that reminds you of an ex. That reminds you of an ex? Yeah, like an ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Are you serious? Not the letter? Yes. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Are you serious? Not the letter? Yes. Three. Valentine's Day. That is not on the board.

Okay, read the question. I genuinely was about to answer train tracks. I was deceived. You weren't deceived. Like the crossing. What makes you think of the letter X? No, of an X. It's a shape.

It's dark and hell is hot? I legit was about to answer that. All right, I'll read it again. What makes you think of an X? Name something you see or hear that reminds you of an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Your song. That is the number one answer. Eat it.

That sucks. Eat it. You did not say girlfriend or boyfriend when you first asked, but he said X and you buzzed in and then you ended the sentence. You got even more information after you had buzzed in Jason, uh, is irrelevant. So I'm going to go with a movie. Number four answer. What a terrible last question. Terrible. Ruined the integrity of the whole podcast. Now, real quick, answers for the other one, if I were to buzz in, I would say treasure map.

Yep, yep. Thank you. Which has to be the number one answer. Mike, do you have any answers for? Sesame Street. Okay, there we go. Good answers, good answers. Wow. All right There we go. Good answers. Good answers. Wow.

All right. We are moving. The honest truth is I heard exactly what you heard. And that's why I stalled. It was like, and my brain finally went, oh, EX. That's my fault. That's on me. All right. We ended with Jason at 10, Andy at 11, Mike at 16.

Yeah, the truffle shuffle, baby. Mike is today's man of the people. Yay! The Spitballers Draft. All right, we're drafting things that are blue. Hey, Al, will you stop this button from blinking in front of me, please? Things that are blue. Lots to choose from.

I'm going to go with tried and true. Wait, you got the 101? I got the 101. I mean, I think there's two 101s, to be honest with you. But I got to go with the one that I think it's the leader of the pack. It's what people think about when they think about the color blue. And we're going with the sky. Eiffel 65. The sky is blue.

And when I look up, I see a blue sky. The sky was the clear 101. That was my third. That was my third favorite. Sky was your third? You've got a couple of opportunities to get yours. My mind is blown. So when someone says blue, sky isn't the first thing

you think of? It was on the... I mean, it's obviously on my list, but no, there's other Whoa, so when someone says blue, sky isn't the first thing you think of? It was on the, I mean, it's obviously on my list, but no, there's other things that I think are better. All right, Mike. It's not necessarily the first thing I think of. Okay. You're up. I got the sky. Okay, I'll take the ocean.

The ocean's number two. That was definitely there. Yep, that was. All right. On a personal level, I kind of wanted to take the ocean. Like, I just like the ocean. Oh, you should have. But there's more sky than ocean.

That's what I've always said. Is that true? That's a fact. Is that true, he says? Yeah, I just wondered. Whole world of sky? Well, I mean, the sky- Three quarters ocean?

Yeah. Nice one. I think the- I can't wait to hear this. Yeah, where are we going? The depth of the bottom of the ocean okay so like versus the no atmosphere versus the atmosphere when it's no longer blue i think is is deeper than i think the ocean is deeper than the right but once you go deep enough in the ocean there's no light so it's

just pitch black okay is that blue ocean no well it's still still blue things that are navy if a tree falls in the forest all right jason you said that, was that going to be your 101? That would have been my 101, yes. What's this 102 that usurps the sky? Well, as someone who grew up with beautiful blue eyes, eyes are my 103 now. Okay. So are you going with eyes?

That's a great pick. Great pick. Thank you. Thank you. Blue eyes are the best eyes. I wish I had them the eyes? That's a great pick. Thank you. Blue eyes are the best eyes. I wish I had them and I wish everyone I knew had them. The color part of your eye is... Blue?

No, no, no. The name of it. The iris? He was just trying to trap you on some eye questions. Eye anatomy. He was going trying to trap you on some eye questions. Eye anatomy. He was going to get you. From time to time, checking in with Jason on these things, it turns into just very funny moments.

Okay. All right. Well, what's your second pick here? Instead, he looked real smart. Thank you. One out of six times. My second pick, now that the ocean and sky are gone. Yeah.

But luckily, you have every other blue thing in the world every other blue thing and i can take any of them as the game begins yes yes um so this is interesting because we're just drafting things that are blue yeah not necessarily my favorite or the best. Just things that are blue. And so, at pick four. Interesting. Look, I'm going to. How is this happening right now? I'm so confused. I'm trying to figure out which game I'm playing.

Am I trying to draft things that game i'm playing of am i trying my god am i trying to draft things that people are gonna like the draft is things that are blue that's all you gotta do man that's all you gotta do so i will say the first thing that came to mind when i heard things that Things that are blue. Okay. It wasn't the sky or the ocean or eyes. Just blueberries. That's fine. That's a good pick. Because they're blue. Thank you.

Yeah. There's nothing wrong with blueberries. Yeah, the people love it. Look, blueberries might be a bad pick in another draft, but in a things that are blue draft, it's pretty good. Thank you. You were so concerned to go with blueberries. Yeah. Where do you think we're going here, man? We don't got secrets better than blueberries. I didn't know. draft it's pretty good thank you you were so concerned to go with blueberries yeah where do

you think we're going here man we don't got secrets better than blueberries i didn't know i feel like i'm gonna be disappointed very high on my list okay delicious very blue they're yeah they're delicious they're i mean they're definitely blue you can smash them up and you can stain other things yeah they're great great pit but then when you do that, I feel like you make things purple. Yeah, that's true. That's true. All right. So terrible pick.

Mike, good luck to you on the things that are blue draft. All right. You got the ocean. I got the ocean. Yeah, I'm starting off in a good place with the ocean. Got a real powerhouse. And then I'm going to – what are you cackling about over there oh man did you think of another blue thing

you you you mentioned that he has the ocean he's so i was thinking about what my team is and i got eyes and berries and i thought, maybe I could just do all body parts. All berries? Oh, no. I realized I did not have all body parts. Some of my blueberries are fruit. Yeah. So that's what I was thinking about. He was trying to think of two more blue body parts.

Yeah. Okay. Back to you, Mike. Yeah. What you got there, Mike. I will take jeans. Oh not on my list. Very good. Give me that denim. That makes a lot of sense. Not on my list. No that's great. That's great. So you've got ocean and what do you got blue jeans. Yeah. And he's got I got blue berries building a blueans. He's got berries.

He's building a blue person. I've got the sky. I've got to come back here with... I'm going to go with... Look. It popped into my head. I'm going with Cookie Monster. Cookie Monster is my number two pick.

Very, very nice. Super blue. Very blue. One of the bluest. very nice. Super blue. Yeah, very blue. One of the bluest. And like classic blue. Classic blue. And then for my next pick, it's tough. I had eyes on the list.

I'm going to go with the sapphire. I'm going to go with the pristine jewel. The blue sapphire. The blue sapphire, yeah. That's a tremendous pick. What you got there, Mikey? This draft is just humming. It's moving tremendous pick. What you got there, Mikey? This draft is just humming. It's moving right along.

It's got to have a little creativity. Yeah, and I guess a little bit, I like the Cookie Monster. It stole some of the thunder because I'm going with Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, I like that pick. My blue's got some attitude. Your blue's got some, he goes very fast.

And running shoes. The fastest of the blue pig. My blue's got some attitude. Your blue's got some. He goes very fast. And running shoes. The fastest of the blue things. So, okay. The blue blur. We have gotten into characters, I see. We are drafting anything that's blue. It's not. There's no enveloping of it.

There's no boundaries. Why are you in this box, man? Join us. You don't need to just use body parts, man. I'm stepping out of the box um i i might still draft the body part but um when i was thinking of things that are blue the first the character that comes to mind specific to blue and i'm not saying it's any bluer or less blue than your cookie monster or whatever mike just drafted i I can't remember. Sonic. Sonic.

But when I think of blue, I think of Smurfs. The Smurfs are, they're all blue. It's a bunch of blue characters. So I will take the Smurfs for things that are blue. And this was my fourth pick from the get-go. I mean, this was. So Smurfs. I mean, I know we wanted you to get outside of the box, but you did take the third character.

Yeah, you were following. But we were leaving. You guys each got a character? Yeah. Like idiots. I took a village of characters. You took a village of- With the body weight of about half a cookie monster.

Okay. You want weight? You want something big? I do. Well, then I'm drafting your anus because it's blue. More body parts. It was legitimately my next pick. Yes. You went with the planet, huh? Yeah, I went with the planet. You get the whole sky there too. You got the eyes, the berries, the Smurfs and Uranus. That's a good pick. Is that the bluest of the planets

there's a tie right I can't draft Neptune after you we would never chase somebody else's theme okay so I'm down I get grief for chasing the theme

but he took Sonic right after yeah because we took the two good ones that's ridiculous for chasing the theme. For chafing. But he took Sonic right after. Yeah, because we took the two good ones. That's ridiculous. I don't know. Last Man In is the most pathetic, I think. Yeah. Thank goodness I have so many. Two is a trend and three is a crowd.

All right, so I am. Mike's got the ocean. He's got jeans. He's got Sonic the Hedgehog. He does not have Uranus. No, he does not. I am torn here between three things. It's mine.

And I'm going to go. I got the berries in your anus. Doesn't take much to get this guy going. So what do you got there, Mike? What are you going with? I'm going to go. It's okay to go with the classic blue. What, just?

I'm just saying you don't have to. Like a crayon? I will take crayon. You don't have to outpace your anus is all I'm going to go. It's okay to go with the classic blue. What? I'm just saying you don't have to. Like a crayon? I will take crayon. You don't have to outpace your anus is all I'm saying. I'm going with high temperature flames. Oh. Okay. Yeah.

Like gas flame. When you see a blue flame, that means don't touch. When you see children, when you see any color flame, it means don't touch. I'm very confused about flames. Maybe you guys can figure this out. When I turn on my gas fire pit, when it starts and it's burning, it's blue. But then it gets really orange, and it's much warmer at that stage. It gets real red-hot orange.

Yeah, orange is not as hot as blue, right? That's why I'm a little confused. Maybe it's different with gas specifically. I don't know, yeah, or just the way that the heat dissipates. I didn't think. I thought, you know. I don't know. It says you get a blue gas flame with a hydrocarbon gas

when you have enough oxygen for complete combustion. Oh, I always thought it was hotter. When you do have enough oxygen for complete combustion oh i always thought it was hotter when you do have sufficient oxygen the gas flame appears blue because complete combustion creates enough energy to excite boring boring but it's gas uh okay so you went with the blue flame so i gotta finish this out sure look when you said you were going with something big i didn't realize it was gonna be uranus But that does make sense. That's something large. Huge. But I'm going to go with the blue whale.

Yeah. I can't get the ocean, but I might as well swim around in it with my blue whale. I didn't want to double up. Did you have two whales? Oh, you had the ocean. Yeah. I don't want the ocean. And then I have this whole theme. Four different blue whales.

Yeah, that completes my sky cookie monster sapphire with the blue whale. All right. What do I have? I don't have the list in front of me. So you have the ocean, jeans, Sonic the Hedgehog, and the high temperature flames. Yeah, I'm going to put Sonic. You might want to just go with blue flames there. Oh, yeah. It's debatable on the temperature.

Okay, blue flames. And Jason has eyes, blueberries, the Smurfs, and the planet Uranus. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Look, other things, I mean, there are mean there are a lot yeah oh there's a lot of blue things because it's blue i mean lakes but i feel like it was just the step yeah steps sister the poor step cousin step sister the poor man's ocean i had a different one on my list in case someone took ocean which was lagoon oh oh the blue lagoon very nice yeah i had uh cocks what was they got some blue in them if you needed more i had a ghost from pac-man when you eat the power pellet interesting

that's very nuanced ironically i had the best character of all the characters way better than cookie monster or sonic but wasn't a village so i took took Smurfs. But no, Aladdin or Genie? Aladdin is not blue. No, but the Genie. The Genie is the best Genie character. Yeah. And the monster from Monsters, Inc., right? Sully.

Sully. I had Dr. Manhattan. Oh, that's a good one. I also feel like just Waterfalls would have been a good pick. Sure. But you don't want to chase him. Shout out to Blue Man Group, too. Oh, yeah. Blue Man Group.

That's a good one. That's a good one. Very nice. I got cheese. Anything else? Oh, okay. I mean, it's not blue. It's a little...

It can be. But they call it blue cheese. It's a twist. If you leave it out long enough. And the Navi. The Navi from Avatar? From Avatar, yeah. Oh, relevant again.

Anything else we've forgotten? My waiver wires were Genie, Avatar, and Blue Man Group, so they all just got mentioned. Okay. Very nice, Al. Very nice. What did we learn today? What did we learn today? I learned that in long times past, the only thing that people did was look at birds for

joy and for anger. Yeah. I learned that we were drafting, or sorry, we were picking things that were related to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes. Mid-answer. And I learned that there's, Jason can't call the front desk for room service. Darn right.

I know the process. I kind of agree with that. I mean, there's a button that says room service. Yeah. And then there's a button that says front desk. Why would I call the front desk when I want room service? I don't know. Only if of agree with that. I mean, there's a button that says room service. Yeah. And then there's a button that says front desk. Why would I call the front desk when I want room service? I don't know. Only if they don't answer. Everyone agrees with me. Take care,

everybody. Hope you enjoyed the show. Tell your friends. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.