Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Stunnin’ Randos & Fictional Devices You Wish Were Real - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 7, 2025

This one goes off the rails quickly and it’s a ride you don’t want to miss. From a hilarious Would You Rather to a great round of Man of the People, it’s a laugh filled episode til the end! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. We needed a classic because Jason's ruining the show. I let this one go. No mute buttons. Everyone out there needs to know it was all Jason's fault. My scat last week, no one over know. It was actually, it was probably gonna be pretty good.

Did you ever listen to it, Al? I did, yeah, you can still hear it bleed through the other mics, that's where I left it. Some people heard it a little bit. So people got a little taste of it. But it was, I mean, that was probably the best ever. It was a banger. It was definitely the best one ever

as far as how it barely came through. But Mike, thanks for bringing us back. You're welcome. Welcome back, one and all. Is this really episode 321? It is. Blast off. 321.

Would you rather man of the people and we are drafting fictional devices we wish were real. So that'll be fun. We already eliminated the Elder Wand, Jason. It must be a device. I know you wanted to draft Harry Potter. I really wanted the invisibility cloak. Maybe one day we'll do magical things

that we wish were real. Yeah, I was surprised. I mean, I guess it is inherently like a device seems mechanical or electronical, but I didn't think it had to be. And then I looked up the definition of device, which must be mechanical or electronical. We all learn. We all learn stuff.

Electronical. Is that what he said? He double-dabbed on it too. Did he say electronical? Electronical. That is such a great word. We all know what it means. Yeah. Just combine some things. That's fine. But we're happy to be with you once again. You can follow the show over on XSatSpitballersPod. Please subscribe, review the show.

That's a great band name. Electronical? Yeah. That is not bad. Yeah. It's my new EDM side project. What type of parts would one put into an electronical device? I mean, you know all of the parts.

Yeah. Mostly metal. Mostly metal parts, for sure. All right, let's kick it off. Would you rather? Well, our first would you rather question comes in from Buck over on Patreon. Would you rather be immune to blunt force trauma or piercing injuries? This is not something I've examined before. I haven't really given it consideration. So piercing injuries would be bullets, arrows, spears.

Is a bullet considered a piercing? Yeah. Yeah, it is, for sure. I get what you're saying because it's not like... You're thinking pierce being a point. Yeah. But they have points. Yeah, they do.

They're kind of rounded points. They're like miniature flying metal spears. They're definitely made to pierce. Yeah. I imagine that the spirit of the question is like, be immune to punches and bats and blunt force. Oh, I get that, but I don't care what the spirit of. I have just questions now.

OK. Let's say I throw a spear at you. It's got a tip. It's got a sharp thing on it that's piercing. I throw a spear. I take that off. It's just the wood stick. That's a blunt force. That's correct. Depends if it pierces you. a spear, I take that off, it's just the wood stick. Right.

That's a blunt force. That's correct. Depends if it pierces you. I mean really, I think it does. No it does, Andy's actually right, it completely just depends. Would it break the skin? If it breaks the skin, it was a piercing object.

But you can get hit so hard by blunt force that you break the skin. Yes. If it breaks the skin, it can't go in. That's the way this works. Blunt force trauma, you're immune to car accidents, right? Some as long as you don't get impaled. Oh, there's gonna be a little impaling Oh, yeah, that's what I mean. Well in the glass Like if there's any can we expand piercing injuries to so is that impalements to anything that leaves like a puncture wound?

Yeah, okay. Yeah Blow darts then that were real trouble is a cannonball. Oh Good question like no, I know someone in a cannonball back in the Civil War that thing went right right through. Yeah Yeah, but that's not piercing. It's not so why I thought but it would make sure the skin It definitely punctures the skin. It takes the organs out to it takes it all out I mean, I don't think a bowling bowling ball. I don't think a Cannonball is piercing. Man, I'll shake it.

It's not that's not a piercing. No, no, I have to have. I mean, it has to have some like a point to it. Now, it can't just be so strong that. What's the point? It's blunt. If it's blunt, it gets in the blunt area. It's sharp if it's in the piercing area. All right. So which one one are you more afraid of

in your current life? Yeah, I was gonna say, which is most likely, I'm more afraid of what will kill me. Yes. So I would imagine that blunt force trauma I'm more afraid of than piercing injury. No, wait, wait, you. Well, I'm so confused,

because we were on the track together, and then you jumped off. I did? The roller coaster. Yeah, because you're afraid of what's going to kill you. Yeah, blunt force trauma. No, the piercing's going to kill you more than the blunt force trauma.

But what am I more exposed to on a regular basis? I'm more likely to fall and hit my head or get in a car accident that crushes my body, blunt force trauma, than I am to be shot. Well, I would agree that the likelihood, the frequency, is my body blunt force trauma, then I am to be shot. Well I would agree that the likelihood, the frequency, the frequency of a blunt force trauma is greater than the frequency of a piercing. This is why I feel like the piercing is going to kill you.

You're going to walk away from the blunt force trauma. No, no, no. Toe stubs are a thing of the past, boys. What is? Toe stubs. Oh, toe stubs. Oh man, Jason and I were on a... Oh did you guys... We were out of town. Oh, toe stubs. Oh man. That's Blumfist. Jason and I were on a...

Oh, did you guys... We were out of town. No, he was, we were out of town. So, look, I'm in a hotel room. It's new. It's a new land. It's a new map. I'm not mapped out.

I don't know what's going on here. Oh man. Bad one. I get it. Immediate. Immediate bruise. I could just watch my toe and it's like... Just wilting in front of your face. The collar just instantly went in man. It was there's no devastating

More humorous in my head than when someone's alone and hurting themselves something about them having to deal with that I saw a woman There was a video the other day where she tripped in her driveway. She took a tumble and She's on audio on a nest camp and she just sprawls out like a starfish afterwards and she's like, oh, she's like, world just run me over. Like, it was so funny, it was so funny. But yeah, I'm more likely to, look, I'm not gonna fall and hit my head as I get older.

I'm not gonna break my hip when I hit the ground. I mean, yes, you're gonna fall and hit your head. It's just not gonna hurt. You're immune to it. Right, so it's not. That doesn't mean you can't fall. It's like it's nothing happened though. I mean, you might as well, it's like I'm standing up.

So I can jump out of an airplane. I don't know, man. And as long as I don't hit, if I hit the- You go into a tree. If I hit the concrete, you're fine. I'm totally cool, but if I happen to fall into like, oh, some branches. Some sharp digs, yeah, some pointy branches,

I got a big problem. Yeah, what about gravel? Gravel would be a real problem, right? Yeah, what's the ruling on gravel? If you're falling into gravel, you're piercing all over. You're probably dead, but dude, jump in the ocean. Oh yeah. Like tons of skydives into the ocean you're fine. Yeah you can't drown.

Unless you land on a swordfish. A swordfish was breaching at the exact moment. Just what are the chances? I think if you jumped out of a plane into the middle of the ocean your blunt force trauma, which would kill you normally Yeah You'll still die Really? Yeah from being in the middle of the ocean. Oh Well, that's clearly it's planned out to be a super stunt Jason. Oh, so you got boats nearby

I'm not just booking a flight to London and feeling see you later Check this out. Now. I was trying to think if there's an advantage to like, if you can't be shot, like, is that like a huge advantage for like being a superhero? Or is it more of an advantage than the blunt force? If I could just walk through the worst neighborhood in the world, but people could just come beat me up with a bat.

Yeah, I still think the danger is being pierced. Like, if you got in a car accident, right? If you got in a car accident and nothing pierced you, like today, without these superpowers, you're probably not dead, but you're probably you're going to be injured, but you're probably OK. No, you weigh off on this. Most people die from head injuries. Yeah, it's like you hit your head on the wheel, which we have airbags now, but you're probably okay. I think the majority. No, you weigh off on this. Most people die from like head injuries.

Yeah, it's like you hit your head on the wheel, which we have airbags now, but you can hit your head on the side window. I think in the- People are getting decapitated in all these accidents. I think they're getting crushed and pieces of car are coming into them. If I am, if I'm packing, I've got weapons and I can't be pierced by bullets, that's a good place to be. Yeah. Because I can open fire on anybody. They can't be pierced by bullets that's a good place to be yeah because I can open fire on anybody they can't open fire on me now I like this

creative thinking right so I could be like a cool superhero that where does an it shoots and kills everybody you could be Deadpool that this is literally no good Deadpool just regenerates well sure but I'm saying he's immune to it and he shoots he's not immune though You know why with Mike man? What is the definition of immune? Is it like it would be feel pain? No, he doesn't feel pain, but like he can have pretty close to immune Mike But you can get your limbs removed Then I'll go back. Oh, they do grow that's That's not immunity. I mean- That is not immunity.

That is immunity. You can't- No. Immune is Superman. Papa Josh, you got thoughts on this? The bullet comes in, the bullet comes into his eyeball, it crushes and falls. That's not what immunity is. Papa Josh.

Mike is 100% right now. Thank you, Josh. No. You're not- if your arm can be chopped off and it takes weeks to grow back, that's not immunity. Thank you. That's a good point. And in Deadpool 2, he gets the little baby body.

It's invincibility. If you want to say you're invincible. Protection or exemption from something. Deadpool has protection from... It's just protection. It's not the way that you would define immunity, but yeah, he's immune to bullets. The way that the word defines immunity, it doesn't exactly work. You should be using invincible.

Yes. Invincible means that you're not gonna die. I think we're exact opposite. Invincible is what Mike's saying Superman is. Superman is invincible. He is 100% invincible. Nothing can harm him. I've always defined invincible as living.

Like you're invincible from death. I think we don't know the meaning of words. I think we know. Invincible means too powerful to be defeated or overcome. If you get shot and the bullet goes into your body, but it's not going to kill you, but it still damages your body for a short period of time, you are not immune.

Immune is like you can drink. You're certainly not invincible. Correct. Yeah, you are not immune. Immune is like, you can drink. You're certainly not invincible. Correct, yeah, you're not invincible either. But immune, you know, like you can drink the poison. Are you saying you think immune is more powerful than invincibility? No, I'm not. No, invincibility is the top tier one.

Yes. Okay. That's what Mike is saying, like, what's the difference between? So yeah, the blunt what's the difference between? So yeah, the blunt force or the piercing, which one you want? I'm going blunt force. Yeah, me too.

I'm going piercing. Chris from the website, would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious condition? Which would you rather suddenly become? Okay, that makes way more sense. We're back to questions on immunity. Which? Which would you rather suddenly, wait. Okay, okay.

Someone read it properly. Which would you rather suddenly become? A contagious, infectious, no, no, no. Which would you rather suddenly become a contagious, infectious condition? Yep. That's a terrible sentence. That's what you just read and you read it so confidently.

Yeah, it is a bad sentence. Do it again because I still didn't know. You could have said which of these would you rather... Talk to Chris, but it says which would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious condition? Colorblindness or dyslexia? It needs to say which of the following or which of... You have to let people know there's something coming or would you rather colorblindness or dyslexia become a contagious?

infectious that were issue So you would occasionally acquire it just like the common cold and it would last seven to ten days, okay So dyslexia or colorblindness the premise of this question is fantastic the wording terrible. Yeah, and the options Subpart so you like we could have had some really more severe things that become contagious But colorblind or dyslexia you can catch them for about seven to ten days Someone tell me what dyslexia really dyslexia means that you scramble upwards and your letter So when you're reading you might read the second word before the first or with N words, certain letters listed around it becomes very difficult.

So reading challenges, like reading challenges. Yes, you basically can't see the world of color or you are a poor reader and I don't do reading. So this is, you know what doesn't? Not according to Mike. This is a lie, footballers. Not according to Mike. This is all a facade.

This is all a trick. Oh no. This is a trick. Not according to Mike! Mr. Jason, I go hiking in the mornings. I'm getting exposed! We were just, I just mentioned the trip. I didn't even know this was going to come up. We're on the aeroplane.

He just told me about this. And I'm listening to some music. I'm vibing out. I look over. My compadre over here has pulled out a book and I'm like, Oh, that's, that's new. That's like, I wonder what he's reading. And it seems to be a, some sort of a fantasy. It's Mistborn. It's like, Oh my gosh, I just assumed it was some health book. So he's just reading real books. He's a reader. He's reading fiction strictly for pleasure. Tell him the big part. Tell

him the special part. The book comes out and apparently the light wasn't enough for Jason. So he pulls out the little horseshoe book light. Yeah, which are nice. Those are nice. Those are really nice. They're really nice. Around the neck. With the dual. I don't just say the charade is up. All right. Well, if we're getting exposed here, I was at I was a cabin yesterday I'm out in the morning reading out by the campfire. I was gonna bring that up if you didn't I took a I took a Bubble bath and I'm reading in the bathtub. Yes, I'm reading all the time literally asking the group that was with us for bookmark recommendations the group that was with us for bookmark recommendations. If we had any bookmarks we would have... Dang it!

Hold on! A piece of paper, man! This will be fine! I want to confirm what I just heard. Not a book recommendation. No! Correct. A bookmark. We saw him dog-ear the corner of his pages and we were giving him a hard time and asked him if he'd ever heard of bookmarks, but then it went down the road of he was on Amazon looking for, of course, but he wanted the

best bookmark. You need to go buy a bookmark? I wanted something special. I wanted the best bookmark that exists. He's into books now, Mike. Listen. So what's the best? That feels like a draft. When the world, when a person, we'll call him Jason, Spends his 20s and 30s in a public outcry against hiking, reading, mornings, all of these things. Healthy food. All of the above. And it all at 40 whatever turns to... And you still think you're that person, not

realizing that you're really into reading. Yeah, you just said you don't I'm not a reader It's cool, man That's your fictional character. Yeah also sorry What is wrong? What does the world find so wrong with just bend in the corner of a page? Yeah, I mean those those guys gave me a really hard time It's not the end of the world, man. But also, you could rip off the corner of any piece of paper and use it as bookmark.

I'm not looking to like, personally, I'm not going to eBay this book when I'm done with it, or take it to a bookstore and sell it. I don't care if the book. Do people ask, and you got it up for sale on eBay, like, was this book dog-eared? Mm. How many dog-ears in a book do you want is the question.

Because those will start to appear when you're closing the book. You'll start to see like 20 apps. And then that book's like, I am a well-read book. Yeah. You want a weathered, you know, used book. I want a couple of pages that were clearly wet at some point. some point some coffee stay whether it's from tears or a bath, right? All bookmarks no matter which you find on the internet and how much they cost will all be some thin piece of material

Between the pages you're reading not entirely true There are thickest bookmark. There are some bookmarks that attach to the book itself and then hold the pages. The little leather thing. Yeah, okay. But what we concluded was why don't all books come with the ribbon that the Bible has? Just build in the ribbon. Why? Oh, that's cost.

It wasn't cost him a penny per book. I mean, shell out. charge me five extra pennies Do you not remember the story of like when the airlines like we removed an olive from our salads and we've just saved Hundreds of thousands of dollars. We're not putting these and the ribbons wouldn't be up to snub. Hold on. Hold on Hold on these penny ribbons Jeremy Mr. Attacking our new our friend over here who's bettering his life Reading and you're like you're not doing it right Right? What is what is going on here? Why I don't think I attacked him It was a group effort. Yeah

Well, what was it was more of it was more of just a noticing that he dog-eared it and then then it became the Discussion of readers of defacing a nice book. It was okay. Yeah defacing. Why are you defacing your book? Feel really bad Defacing a nice book. It was a good thing. Why are you defacing your book? Take that spine Yeah, I mean I feel like I'd rather dog ear like a paperback than a hardcover was it hard. It was a hardcover Yeah, I wouldn't want a dog. Okay a hardcover not coming with the ribbon now Yes, yeah Our heart back come with a ribbon. 100%.

Or optional rib. You should be able to click. Yeah. And pick your color. Does it have a jacket on it? That's your bookmark. Oh, those are too thick. Wait, you didn't take the jacket off?

Take that dust cover and throw that thing in the garbage. You didn't take that thing off? Throw that thing in the old trash bin. OK, I will. I'm going to deface the heck out of this book. Plus, you'll notice that when you take the dust cover off, it'll look much nicer on your shelf, which you have to be building now. Yeah I know the library is in progress. What are we doing with these dust covers? They're so obnoxious, they look, the cover of the book looks so much better. It's plastic on the couch. Save the money on the dust cover. Put a ribbon in. There's no place to put the bio of the author without a dust cover. Oh, like a page in the book? You won't know!

You can't do that! Where do we write? Where do we write words? No, Josh, it's not the book. It is. It's not the book. So do you leave it on while you're reading? Yeah.

And then you move the inner cover to be where you're... That's stupid. You tuck the cover into the page that you finished. I've seen that and that's- You're fired. It's fine, but when you've got to, this book is pretty thick. Yeah, it won't stretch.

And so if you get into the middle, it's, yeah. Yeah, that won't stretch. Doesn't work. Yeah. This discussion is spectacular. I'd rather be colorblind for seven to 10 days, by the way. Oh yeah. I'd rather be dyslexic.

I can live without colors for a little while. Oh, I'd rather be dyslexic. But what about your books? I can put without colors for a little while. Oh, I'd rather be dyslexic. But what about your books? I can put on Audible for a week. Okay. I'll listen. Good job, guys. This has been something special.

We'll take a break. We'll come back with Man of the People. ["Man of the People Theme"] You know, before we jump into Man of the people, I'm just thinking about this. Like Jason, you know, everybody's midlife crisis is different. You know, my science teacher in grade school, his was a Mazda Miata. You know? I'm just, I don't know what man I'm going to be in a couple of years is the real thing. That's the point I'm bringing up because I'm already entering that phase. I'm like coming out of it. You're coming out of it

I'm going right in he said Jason said 41 was his toughest year. Yeah, 41 I just turned 41 so far. It sucked Yeah, sorry because you're like you came face to face with the demons and but now you're changing it. I doubt it I think I think I just know I think it just I felt old yeah yeah and fat and broken and now you're working on it man that's what I'm saying so you know we'll get there there is a bug in my water cup that refuses to leave. In your water?

Yeah, just hanging out right by the... If anybody's on YouTube, about five minutes ago, Jason was staring into this cup, and I could not figure out what was going on. Oh, one of those little gnat-type bugs? Yeah. But it didn't go in the water. It didn't go in the water.

So I don't know if I can drink this or not, but it was hanging out there for a long time. That's another question. The, what is your response? So say that- If a bug went in the water? Say that the tiny little net goes in the water. Are you, like, I can't drink this. I was, I'm currently planning on not drinking

any more of that water. Okay. Even now. Even now, like, I don't wanna- You don't pluck and sip? No, not unless, not unless the- Would you pluck and sip? Not unless the liquid is valuable. I would not pluck and sip? No, not unless the liquid is valuable.

I would not pluck and sip unless I saw it go in. Like if I didn't know if it was there for like days or something. How old is your drink? That's a really good question. You don't have water next to your bed? In a bottle. Like in a thermos.

Okay, your thermos. What do you have next to your bed? I've got a bottle of water. I have a, you know thermos. What do you have next year, but I've got a bottle of water. I have You know you've got a bucket. No when you go to baseball games. They give you the like souvenir cups Yeah, yeah, yeah I collect those and all I use them for is water glasses by my bed if I mean theoretically I can use that for a couple nights I could drink half of it. There's enough water for the next night. Yeah, I'm getting Like a layer of no there ain't not covered there is dust

There can be dust, if I fight up and if I see the bug go in it's fine But otherwise if I see a floating bug, I'm not plucking it. I'm refilling how big of a bug Does so you watching the bug go in how big is the bug have to be before you're like, nope, I can't yeah I mean, it's gotta be super tiny. Like a regular fly, like a real, like. Like a house fly is too big. A house fly is too big. Yeah, house, because they're also covered in.

And they're nasty. They're covered in doo-doo. Yeah. But like a bumblebee goes in. Oh, good question. Parishes in that water. Bumble? Bumble.

Bumble, I'm not sipping that water. Honeybee. Maybe. Wait, what's the difference? The bumblebee's got. A bumblebee's different than a honeybee? What's the difference? Bumblebee's got the fuzzy butt? The bumblebee's got a- A bumblebee's different than a honeybee? What's the difference? Bumblebee's got the fuzzy butt.

The bumblebees are huge, man. Wait, I thought a bumblebee is just the- If it was the same, it would be called a bee. It wouldn't be called a bumblebee. I thought we just shortened it, and we don't always have to say bumblebee, we just call them bee. No, no, no, man.

It's a type of bee. Have you not seen those big old bumblebees flying around? Those are the big ones are like the carpenter bees. Bumblebees are just the black and yellow regular bees. Isn't that what a normal bee is? No, a honeybee is not fuzzy. Honeybees aren't fuzzy. No, they're sleek death machines.

No, they got a little bit of fuzz. Because they got to get the pollen on them. Mike is correct correct bumblebees are cute. Yes, honey bees are monsters Yes, but bumblebees are much bigger. They are yeah, but they look friendlier. They look way Cuddly and they're more round less sleek The sleekness of a honeybee is made for war a Bumblebee which is funny, I want these names replaced. Bumblebee's a cruiser. Hmm.

I mean, bumble's a goofy name. It's the right name for that. I'm a bumbling bee. Bumblebees are genuinely cute. Like, which came first? What are the ones we see flying around in Arizona that are giant? You're talking about the big black.

It's usually a dune bug, but if it's a bee, I think it's a carpenter bee. That's what I've always called those big huge black ones They're like three inches. That's what I've always said was a bumblebee. That's not no that's incorrect What are the giant big black bees? No, not a wasp. It's the carpenter be We know what a wasp is! You are no longer employed! A wasp is an angry looking bee. So Josh, you're on my side? It's a carpenter bee, it's the drones. Come on, fire today, boy.

No, you're not right. Is it a pigeon? We do have big black bumblebees as well. Oh, carpenter bee does look right. Wait, there's big black bumblebees? Yeah. Are they snuggly? Oh They're not snub. I'm so sorry. No, they're not they don't have like a little fur coat Yeah

All right, man are the people I hit this button and we start and we stop talking about these bombas Melanopagus Jason, do you need some water? Are you gonna be all all right? I would love a drink. Matt would love to get that for you. You're hired temporarily to get me a drink. He gets you a drink. He walks it out here on camera. You slap him in the face for saying wasps, and then he can leave. OK.

All right, deal. Deal. Man of the people. I wouldn't even feel bad. You're not supposed to slap your employees, but this is fine. No, he said wasps when we were talking about bees. Like we didn't know what a wasp was. A pigeon. Do you know how smart we are? Very. I don't know what a wasp is. Mike is still digging into these bumblebees. Well, a carpenter bee versus the black bumblebee, they look real similar. Yeah, man. So what do we got here?

And is one worse? We have both here. Oh, that's great. We also got those tarantulas on. You can just come right on camera and get your slap. Come on in. Get your slap. Whoopsh! There you go. I

for let the record show, I did slap him. And I also made him spill the dirty nasty water all over our water. To be be clear that water never had a bug in it Maybe the bugs were just near it the bug was near it. I don't know I saw I don't know if he was drinking He's all right man of the people drinking my water They got a spit take out of it. Oh my gosh. Oh It's the bug is the bug juice the bug juice. He's covered in water. That's the end of Matt. We'll see you later, bud

All right, we're playing man of the people al Borland has gone out and surveyed Thousands of people you're fired. This show is just a hundred people wild. Oh man shirt is Okay, and that's that's dirty that's dirty bug water. That's bug water. He would call it a wasp. We'll be dead soon. Yeah, wasp water. He thought a wasp went in there. He was wasping that drink. Oh my gosh. All right, Al, I'm gonna let you keep talk or start talking. Tell us what we're doing. Jason is the current reigning man of the people. Whoo. That doesn't seem right. We surveyed a hundred people. Top six answers are on the the board if you get the number one answer you get three points if you

Get the second answer you get two points, and if you get any other answer you get one point The seventh round is worth double the points all right. Let's do it Oh, man first not a question for this guy neither name a reason why a child can't wait to grow up No school. No school is the number six answer. I'm on the board barely. Get that shmoney. Have a job is the number three answer. Oh number two. We're both only one point. So phrase it for me again just so I'm- Name a reason why a child can't wait to grow up. Three, two- Get married. Romance is the number five answer.

Okay, well we all barely got there. Tell us the true answer. Drive is the number one answer. Oh shoot. Move out, number two answer. Okay. And the only other one you missed is no rules. I was gonna say no bill

Oh, no, I got bad news. Yeah, brother kids You got a lot more rules and they're worse The very first thing I did when I moved out Was I broke the rule and I bought a bin of red vines going I can eat as many as I want One hour later. I was throwing up in the toilet. All right, let's go. For me, it was binge watching MTV. Oh, yeah.

I was not allowed to watch that in my house. As much as you want. All right, you guys all tied with one point there. Next question, name an instrument that you'd need to be really coordinated to play. I'm going to go violin. Violin is the number four answer. Drums. Ah, that was what I was going to say. I think that's the right answer, but it camein is the number four answer.

Drums. Ah, that was what I was gonna say. I think that's the right answer, but it came in at the number two answer. Stop talking to idiots then. Yeah. Please survey better people. What was the question? Now what is it worded?

Name an instrument that you'd need to be really coordinated to play. Oh, you did the trick. Three, two, saxophone. That is the number six answer. I'm on the board. Yeah, you can guess. Piano. That is the number one answer. I'm on the board. Yeah, you can guess. Piano.

That is the number one answer. Yeah, that's wrong. You've got to be way more coordinated to play the drums than the piano. Drums, you need. I feel like piano is a good answer, though. Two hands? It's fine.

They just need to swap, drums and piano. But for drums, you need to be able to independently operate all four limbs. It's not just your fingies. Well, you got to use the feet all four limbs. It's not just your fingies. Well, you gotta use the feet pedals too. It's, that's three. This is, I'm telling you. I use both feet.

It is nothing like playing the drums. Okay, all right, well, you got- Mike plays both, so. You still got more points. Yes. All right, we got Mike at three, Andy and Jason at two. The next question is, name a famous movie monster you might see in a black and white film.

King Kong. That is the number two answer. Godzilla. That is the number one answer. Shoot. Read the question again, please. Name a famous movie monster you might see in black and white film

Dracula that is the number four answer. Okay number three will on the board Yeah, you guys are doing great number three was Frankenstein. Yeah, and then mummy and werewolf were five and six I'm not gonna lie to you. I would have swapped one and two King Kong God's always the first name that came to mind, but then when I was thinking black and white I was like no That's more King Kong. Yeah. All right, but I'm glad that it wasn't. They fight each other though, right? Sometimes. We made them, the Americans.

We made them do it? They don't actually exist. Is King Kong our Godzilla? I don't know. I feel like, I mean, they're different because Godzilla is more of a, it was the warning about nuclear war, where King Kong is just a monster

who comes in and climbs buildings. And grabs the. Yeah, he takes damsels up to the top. All right, three rounds down, four to go. Reminder, last round is worth double. He's our Bowser. Our current reigning champion is on top with five points.

You two have four. Name something college roommates might argue about. The cleanliness of the room. Cleaning is the number one answer. Yeah. Money, the bill, what a rent. However they're gonna say it. Money is the number three answer. Wow. Parties, people there. Which answer? I mean, I'm sorry. I'll get, music is on the board, but I don't know if that's really parties. That's the closest thing.

Yes, parties because it's talking about like loud and things like that. That is the number five answer. You guys missed the number two answer, which was food. Are you about food? Like people eating each other's food in the refrigerator. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait, hold on.

Bills? That was number three. That one I was surprised about, because I didn't think roommates of an apartment versus a dorm. You said dorm, right? Just college roommates. So when I was my college roommates, I lived in an apartment.

OK. I was thinking of dorms. We both went dorms, but you're right. The rent that no one's paying is just in your tuition. All right, we're all on the board every time. We got Andy with seven, Jason with six, Mike with five. Saving up for round seven, guys. Yeah, smart.

If you were stranded on a tropical island, name something you might have to eat. Oh, it's got to be a coconut. Coconut's number one answer. Yeah, you're never getting into that. Yeah, there's nothing else you can eat. Fish. Seafood, number two answer.

Nice. On Tropical Island? Correct. Wild chickens. I love the confidence. Oh yeah. Not on the board. Bananas?

Bananas was number- That's what I said, yeah. Bananas, number three, pine. Oh, yeah. Not on the board. Bananas? Bananas was number three. That's what I would have said, yeah. Bananas, number three. Pineapples, four. Bugs, number five. And berries, number six. I want to go on that island, though, because there's a few. Yeah, it's called Hawaii.

Yeah, let's get some wild chickens. There's wild chickens there. Yeah. But I'm guessing that if you were on one of these islands, before you would take that chicken and murder and eat it you'd probably grab the bananas or the berries yeah well no cuz I got to keep up my gains oh that's true yeah okay need that protein yeah yeah smart you ain't catching no fish all right next round how am I doing that all right

next round name a word that begins with con. Concept. Concept not on the board. No! I was too quick! Confetti. Pfft. Ha ha ha ha! Confetti not on the board.

Dang it. Uh, concert. Oh, that's gonna be on there. That's a good answer, that's a good answer. Concert not on the board. Oh! Shut out! What are these words?

Con artist was the only... Convict was number one. Convict, yeah. Con artist was number two. Contest, contract, construction, and connect. That one's kind of wild, man. There's a lot of words. Is con artist a full word or is that a hyphen?

So when I... If that's a hyphen, you're gonna get that crap out of here. When you were reading it, I thought con artist is perfect, but I was like that's not a war on space artists Yeah, it's not a word. It doesn't keep people saying the answer. That's true. It is just a survey Yeah, they say drums is number two. Is this last round? This would be last round here we go Coming in hot so we currently have a tie Andy and Jason with nine Mike has five. I'm doomed It's not looking good for you. Well, if you get this round and you guys don't get an answer, then yeah, I win. Well, and if wild chickens is the answer to this one, you're, you're good. You're all going

to get on the board here. Sorry, Mike. All right. Name a job that ends with the word guard. Security guard. That is the number two answer. Ooh, Andy, you have a chance. Three. Two. I'm not, neither of us have buzzed in. One. Name. No, but you got, what do you mean?

You have to buzz in in a time. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Not when there's two people left. We could have all been sitting here. Yeah. You don't know this game. Oh my gosh.

Learn the rules. That's not true. Name a job that ends with. We've never had this situation. I think in most game shows, Jason's right. We would be, you would have to, there you go. Lifeguard. Oh, that's a good answer. With enough time. Andy got the number one answer. Asterix. Asterix. This was absolute nonsense. He does not deserve. Hold on, hold on. I wasn't on the clock. Hold on. Wild guard. Wild guard, not on the board. We had lifeguard, security guard, bodyguard, prison guard, national guard, and crossing guard.

It actually, I took a long time to think. I thought you guys would all instantly have it there, but that does- I won. Make Andy this week's man of the people. No way. Too quick, Jay, too quick. All right, we'll take a break, we'll draft.

You had enough time to Google it. Confetti, confetti was my favorite answer for what it's worth. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting fictional devices we wish were real fictional devices. And Jason, what do they have to be? They have to be electronical or mechanic. Thank you. So, Mike, you are the first pick in our devices. You wish were real draft. What are you going with? I imagine we'll be pretty top-heavy here with big ones. So, it's just which one. So, I'm gonna, it's

time machine for me and I'm gonna go with the Tardis. Yeah. As I think it's just which one. So it's Time Machine for me. And I'm going to go with the TARDIS, as I think it's the most efficient. Doctor Who. Like the, yeah, yeah, Doctor Who. I didn't know what that was. Oh, yeah, it's the Doctor Who one. It's like bigger on the inside.

And you can go any time or place you want to. Like, the DeLorean's awesome. But you're reliant on a lot of stuff as we saw in the movies that chaos can happen. I feel like the DeLorean is just- And you gotta get to 88. The DeLorean's kind of a weird answer because the real device there is Mr. Fusion.

Right. It was just the flux capacitor, I guess. Because in number one, number one doesn't have Mr. Fusion. Yeah, you're right, you're right. Jason has no idea. But the time machine is not quite. I know, but you guys are talking like it's real. The time machine is not.

Well, what actually makes it work is the writing. But are we good with that? In the world of Back to the Future, we're talking about what makes it real. All right. Okay, so the TARDIS is the number one pick by Mike. Jason, you're on the clock. I'm gonna go with,

the heart wants what the heart wants. Good good for you. And this might not be the most popular but it would be incredible and I don't think enough credit is given in the Star Trek universe to the replicator. Oh it's on my list. So I'm really disappointed because that's my number one pick. It's it's unbelievable machine the food machine Just make me any I think that's perfect immediately right now from it's not just food. No, it's not It's not what I arranged it rearranges some atomic sub atomic particles Oh anything that you want. Yeah, I mean just can't be organic you you can so you can you can make electronicals Like you just can't like a you can't like make a person's arm or something like that. You can... So you can make electronicals? Like you just can't make like a...

You can't like make a person's arm or something like that. But you can make a machine. I mean you can make a bio or a mechanical arm. If you need like a quick... Really? Yeah, like a computer mouse or something. I don't Star Trek. When they...

Because I have self respect. Like when they... It creates things from thin air. Watch. Star Trek. Doing this draft I realized... Your list is Star Trek? They are the best of all the sci-fi cool stuff.

Right. They did it the best, but yeah, that, you know, when you ask it for a dish, it's putting it on a plate, it's making a plate. It's, the replicator's a great pick. What do you do with that plate? Do you just throw it away? I mean, how do they not just get overrun by plates?

Every time everyone eats a brand new plate exists from nothing. You put the plate right back into the machine, man. And it rearranges the particles for the next thing. Recycles forever. Light saber. Okay. Yeah, figure that one would happen.

I didn't really want it to be my first pick. I wanted to get into the replicator and start talking about it like I'm smart and you picked it. It's obviously a very popular one that will do well in the draft, but I think fictional devices you wish were real. I don't wish the lightsaber was real.

That is... A lot of people do. No, no, no, I get that. There would be some big problems. Yeah, there's big problems if a lightsaber's real. Yeah, I'm going in the back of a lot of vaults. I'm telling you that. Yes you are. Nothing stopping you. I'm going straight in. Alright so you threw me off a little bit. I thought I was very very safe with the replicator so I've got the lightsaber. Heart ones, heart ones. I'm going hoverboard

back to the future. Yeah baby. That's nice. You could pretend like we've made stuff like that. We haven't. We haven't made anything. Yeah, the one that's out there is... They're all pretend, man. They're all... No. They're all like, oh, if you put it on a magnet floor and you...

If you have a special track, then it doesn't work. As long as it can hover over everything but water, you're good. I feel like hoverboard lightsaber, and I have those, and I'm using them at the same time. I'm the Coolest dude ever You're just flying down cutting yo walls in half yo Biff come here all right Jason you're back on the clock. It's a very different movie. It is

Give him a lightsaber. He's gonna be all right all right I I Would have taken this one first, but I felt like with your TARDIS, so I'm unfamiliar with Doctor Who. This can go anywhere and anytime. Yeah. So I could be like, I'm yesterday in China. Yeah. So that's way better than what I'm about to pick.

But I want the teleporter from Star Trek. It's still very cool. The fact that I could just like you know Beam somewhere that is still the device that is the fictional device that I cannot wait to exist And it will say be me down percent. I know they go beam me down Scotty they never beam you down they do that Energize is the one Jason's a big fan of. That's the word? Energizical?

Yeah, so I'll take your teleportation. Teleportation is going to be so great, and will 100% exist. Yeah, yeah. And Jason has been so, it's so important to him that people know he was the one. Yeah. I believe from the beginning. Yes. I believe we're going to teleport ourselves.

That's right. We're not. It seems... I feel like you have to go wormhole teleportation. We can't do the disassemble your body, send your genetic code over and reassemble. Flu powder. I'm already there. Where? Wherever I'm going. I'm not there you're where wherever I'm going

I'm not I'm not And reassembled is anyone else? He's been drinking a lot Okay, so I'm up yeah Sick I'm gonna take the cuz I thought this was I thought it would never make it back. Give me the Iron Man suit Because I thought this was, I thought it would never make it back. Give me the Iron Man suit. Yeah, yeah. Because I will do almost all those things.

I mean, I can fly, I can go to space. If I need to go to war, I can be a single man army. Very excited for that one. And then- What slows you down in that suit, by the way? Having to pee. Like that would be- There's no way.

There's no way. It's built in. You can pee in there. For sure. You can have in a P like that would be. There's no way there's no way that is built in there for sure. You can poop and you go high enough. That's fine. It's like a little trap door. It'll evaporate. You know, by the time it hits the ground, you're saying you pee in the suit. You're saying you're being out of this. That's right. I'm not going to pee in my suit. If you go up to high and you're peeing out the suit, you got a whole nother freezing problem. People pee in scuba suits. Oh, you think it's really cold up there?

People pee in astronaut suits. Up in the air? Up in the atmosphere or space? Very cold? Well, I'm not going to outer space and opening my suit. I'm just going, you know. How high up are we going? 1,000 feet.

1,000's far. Oh, people can see. You're giving them way too much credit. Yeah, I am. That's a good point. And then for my next pick, let's see. Speaking of the heart wants, from the movie Up, I will be taking the talking dog collar.

So that my dog may speak to me. Oh, that's a cool pick. And me and my dogs, I'm going to know exactly what they want. Man, the idea that your dog may speak to me. Oh, that's a cool pick. And me and my dogs, I don't know exactly what they want. Man, the idea that your dog's been talking, then you get the collar on, and they're just saying nothing. Oh, that's definitely what's happened. Treats, treats, poop, poop, poop, treats, treats, poop, poop. Or way worse.

They just tell you how- Free me. How sad they are. Oh, yeah. It could be. You're like, I hate this life. I remember my siblings. And you know what? I hate this life. I remember my siblings. And you know what?

I would rapidly improve the life of my dog if he said that. Because I don't want to be trapped in this house anymore. I'd like to leave and go out. And so you'd just let him go out the front door? No, I wouldn't let him go out because he'll die. Yeah, I was going to say, you'd be like, no, I can't let you go because you'll just die. Maybe the frequency of walks increases.

But until he actually says that, then no, he can just sleep in the house. What if you had a dog caller, but it makes you speak in dog? That's fine too. He would understand you, you wouldn't know what you're saying though, right? No, I would, but everyone else who was hearing me

would hear bark, bark, bark. Jason, what Star Trek item are you picking? Bark, bark! The Star Trek item I am drafting is the phaser. Okay, he's going Star Trek again Just doing a full I mean look we're awesome in the room. They're awesome things I'm doing so you don't want a lightsaber. Would you want a phaser? Well? Yeah, because I decided to stun Yeah, I mean come on stunning randos? Oh, yes. From the back, they won't know. Are you in my way?

Yeah. Then yeah, you're getting stunned. So you go on an elevator, and when it opens up on the next floor, they're all laying on the ground except for you? I don't think they fall over. They just kind of freeze. No, you fall over if you're stunned.

Well, I know. This is very important. This ain't no Mr. Freeze machine. I don't know Star Trek enough to know that if you stone, they fall over? Yes. So they just go to sleep? Yes.

This is not like, it's not freeze tag. How do you not know this, Jason? It's been a minute since I've been watching Star Trek. I grew up on it. Did they still use the phasers in Next Generation? Yeah. Yeah. OK.

They just shaped different. More like a gun, I think. Oh, and less like a mouse? In OG, it was more like a remote control. I don't know. I see a YouTube. They typically fall unconscious and drop to the ground. That's because sometimes you'd be confused like, oh,

I hope that was on stun, because they fell over. If it was on kill. I see a video, Star Trek, 10 Things You Didn't Know About Phasers. I'm going to watch that. Well, you should. Yeah, I mean number one is if you stun someone they fall down.

I didn't know that. Am I back up? Yeah. Okay, let's have some fun. I'm going rocketeer jet pack. Yeah, yeah that's not very cool compared to my Iron Man suit but. You know what's funny is I have.

It was cool until I knew Iron Man. I had the rocket man jet pack on my. Rocket man? The rocket here. Give him some respect. Rocket cool. It's my new iron man. I had the rocket man jet pack on my rocket man the rocket here It's a great movie the the the Rocketeer jet pack on my list I didn't have the iron man because I felt like the iron man was like too much of a too much The jet pack but it's way better. Yeah also works with my Lightsaber which is

And then I'm actually gonna go into the video game universe here. I'm going the portal gun from the games. Yes. Portal, fabulous game. You better have some good sturdy legs. Just to be able to jump through it or? Well, yeah, I mean, no, like when you fall through it, if you come from the ceiling,

well, you get to choose where you're shooting that thing. Brothers, I gotta, But inertia still builds up. I gotta hoverboard under my feet. Well, I've got to... You get to choose where you're shooting that thing. Brothers, I got a... But inertia still builds up. I got a hoverboard under my feet. Oh, okay. I've got a jet pack if I'm coming down too fast. We're in good shape. Yeah, those are real...

They work together fantastically. All right, I was actually... The portal gun was potentially my next pick, but since you took it, I'm taking the holodeck. So I'm going four for four on the Star Trek here. Is that a device? Yes. All right.

Yeah, the holodeck is the most. He got serious. It's the coolest version of all. Let me show you these plants. The VR stuff. Because it's like the Ready Player One headset or whatever. Right. The version of all the VR stuff. It's like the Ready Player One headset or whatever. We pretty much, we don't have the Oasis or the Destination, but we've got the tech right now.

And it's weird, but in the hol is a room you know with right dimensions but then once they are in the holodeck and it changes now they can be they can walk forever well I mean if the floor is did you did you see that like cool treadmill that the Disney oh yeah where you can walk for yeah okay so I mean if the floor is that it It has to be. Then maybe, maybe we can get there. All right, with my final pick. I mean, I guess I have some overlap with the TARDIS,

but I will take the remote from Click. Is that a freeze remote? That is, well, it's the Adam Sandler. I don't remember. The Adam Sandler movie. Oh, it's like pausing? Imagine a television remote. Yeah.

And anything on the TV remote. So you could pause, you can rewind, you could turn people down. Okay. Which, oh man. Mute? Yeah, if I can mute the world. You can go straight to Netflix.

Is there a Netflix button on there? Yeah, obviously. Okay. But then your TV crashes. So Mike has the TARDIS, the Iron Man suit, a talking dog collar, and the remote. Jason has the replicated teleporter phaser and holodeck from Star Trek. I've got the lightsaber, hoverboard, jetpack, and portal gun. Some honorable mentions as we close this thing out.

I still have the shrink ray from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. I couldn't think of how practical that would be. Oh, I mean, the problem is how large it is. Yeah, it is big. But if you could actually shrink things, that would be- That would solve our, I mean the problem is how large it is. Yeah, it is big, but if you could actually shrink things Like that would be that would solve our world trash issues. It would be Unbelievable. I mean in hunger. Oh and the memory deletion Yeah, I have neural eyes are on you on there to just make people forget stuff the the grapple gun from Batman

I put on there. Oh that is I awesome. I spent my whole life being like, how does that work every time? You just fire it up into the sky. No matter what, it will hook onto something. It will find its destination, and it will bring you there. Jeremy, how do I shrink hunger? I make the food gigantic, Jeremy. Yeah, buddy.

Does it work both ways? This is from Blue Uptekids? Oh, yeah, that's a good point. It does both. It only does one. He makes a new machine in the second one? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, I guess I haven't seen it in a while. So wait, so in the first one, how do they come back?

That's a strong point. He might have figured out how to do both. He can only make tiny things regular size. I thought it only shrugged. I have no idea. Huh. Maybe you can do both. I mean, it's pretty it was out of control to be honest that was it was really barely hanging on Until the baseball diffused the beam. Yeah, and we're all right. I had a a pokeball Huh, just in case just in case you came upon a Problem, but it's like real animals, but if you could yeah you're just like. He's throwing out like a little kitten.

I'm just saying if it worked on anything that's alive. And I was just like, you gotta get out of here. You're going this ball. That's not magic. That's device. I had Cerebro. What is that? That's the X-Men.

That's put on, yeah, put on the little helmet and you can find anyone anywhere and see what's going on around the world. Okay, okay. Well, there you go. What did we learn today? I learned that electronical is not a word. We did not learn what invincible and immune means.

Yeah, and we still have to figure out this blunt force trauma verse piercing. Where's the line? Where's the line? If it blows a hole right through you, you're pierced. Yes, it's a problem. Strong enough. Is a lightsaber pierced? No. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.