Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Stunnin’ Randos & Fictional Devices You Wish Were Real - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Spit Hit for Dec 25th, 2025:This one goes off the rails quickly and it’s a ride you don’t want to miss. From a hilarious Would You Rather to a great round of Man of the People, it’s a laugh filled episode til the end! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. We needed a classic, because Jason's ruining the show. I let this one go Oh no mute buttons Everyone out there needs to know

It was all Jason's fault My scat last week No one over no It was actually It was probably gonna be pretty good Did you ever listen to it Al I did yeah you can still hear it bleed through the other mics That's where I left it

So people got a little taste of it But it was I mean that was probably the best ever It was a banger It was definitely the best one ever As far as how it barely came through But Mike, thanks for bringing us back. You're welcome. Welcome back, one and all.

Is this really episode three, two, one? It is. Blast off. Three, two, one. Would you rather man of the people? And we are drafting fictional devices we wish were real. So that'll be fun. We already eliminated the elder one, Jason.

It must be a device. I know you wanted to draft Harry Potter. I really wanted the invisibility cloak. Maybe one day we'll do like magical. things that we wish were real. Yeah, I was surprised, like, I mean, I guess it is inherently like a device seems mechanical or electronical, but I didn't, I didn't think it had to be. And then I looked up the definition of device, which must be mechanical or electronical.

We all learn. We all learn stuff. Electronical. Is that what he said? He doubled down on it. Did he say electronic? Electronical. That is such a great word.

We all know what it means. Yeah. We just combine some things. That's fine. But we're happy to be with you once again. You can follow the show over on X at Spitballers Pod. Please subscribe, review the show. That's a great band name.

Electronical? Yeah. That is not bad. Yeah. It's my new EDM side project. What type of parts would one put into an electrical device? I mean, you know all of the parts. Yeah.

Well, mostly metal. Mostly metal parts for sure. All right. let's kick it off Would You Rather Well our first Would You Rather question comes in from Buck over on Patreon

Would you rather be immune To blunt force trauma Hmm Or piercing injuries This is not something I've examined before I haven't really given it consideration So Piercing injuries

Getting hit with a bat Bullets arrow arrows is a spears is a bullet considered a piercing yeah

yeah that is for sure I get what you're saying because it's not like you're thinking pierce being a point yeah but they have points yeah they do they're kind of rounded points

they're like miniature flying metal spears they're definitely made to pierce I imagine that the spirit of the question is like be immune to punches and bats

I get that but I don't I don't care what the spirit of. I have just questions now. Okay. Let's say I throw a spear at you. It's got a tip. It's got a sharp thing on it. It's piercing.

I throw a spear. I take that off. It's just the wood stick. Right. That's a blunt force. Depends if it pierces you. I mean, really? I think it does.

No, it does. Andy's actually right. It completely just depends. Would it break the skin? If it breaks the skin, it was a piercing object. But you can get hit so hard by blunt. force that you break the skin. Yes.

If it breaks the skin, it can't go in. That's the way this works. Bluntforst trauma, you're immune to car accidents, right? Some. As long as you don't get impaled. Oh, there's going to be a little impaling on that. Yeah, that's what I mean. Well, and the glass?

Like, if there's any shards. Can we expand piercing injuries to, so is that impalments too? Anything that leaves like a puncture wound, yes. Okay. Yeah. Blow darts then. That were in real trouble. Is a cannon ball.

Oh, good question. Because if you hit someone in a cannonball back in the Civil War, that thing went right through. Yeah. Yeah, but that's not piercing. It's not? Why? I thought it would puncture the skin. It definitely punctures the skin.

It takes the organs out, too. It takes it all out. I mean, I don't think a bowling ball. I don't think a cannonball is piercing. Man, I don't know. Al's shaking his head. That's not a piercing. No.

No, I have to have, I mean, it has to have some, like, a point to it. It can't just be so strong that it's. What's the point? It's blunt. If it's blunt, it fits in the blunt area. If it's sharp, it fits in the piercing area. All right. So which one are you more afraid of in your current life?

Yeah, I was going to say, which is most likely? I'm more afraid of what will kill me. Yes. So I would imagine that blunt force trauma I'm more afraid of than piercing injury. No, wait. Wait, you. I'm so confused because we were on the track together and then you jumped off. I did?

The roller coaster. Yeah, because you're afraid. of what's going to kill you. Yeah, blunt force trauma. No, the piercing's going to kill you more than the blunt force trauma. But what am I more exposed to on a regular basis? I'm more likely to fall and hit my head or get in a car accident that crushes in my body, blunt force trauma, then I am to be shot.

Well, I would agree that the likelihood, the frequency, the frequency of a blunt force trauma is greater than the frequency of a piercing. This is why I feel like the piercing is going to kill you. You're going to walk away from the blunt force trauma. Stubbs are a thing of the past, boys. What is? To stubs. Oh, toe stubs.

Oh, man. That's Blum first. Jason and I were on a... Oh, did you guys... We were out of town. No, he was saying, we were out of town. So, look, I'm in a hotel room. It's a new, it's a new land.

It's a new map. I'm not mapped out. I don't know what's going on here. Oh, man. Bad one. I get it immediate. Immediate bruise. Like, I could just watch my toe and it's like...

Just wilting in front of your face. The caller just instantly. went in, man. It was devastating. There's nothing more humorous in my head than when someone's alone and hurting themselves. Something about them having to deal with that. I saw a woman, there was a video the other day where she tripped in her driveway. She took a tumble and she's on audio on a Ness camp and she just sprawls out like a starfish afterwards. And she's like, oh, she's like, world just run me over. Like it was so funny. It was so funny. But, but yeah, I'm more likely to, look, I'm not going to fall and hit my head as I get older.

I'm not going to break my hip when I hit the ground. I mean, yes, you're going to fall and hit your head. It's just not going to hurt. You're immune to it. Right. So it doesn't mean you can't fall. It's like it's nothing happened, though. I mean, you might as well.

It's like I'm standing up. So I can jump out of an airplane. Ooh. I don't know, man. And as long as I don't hit, if I hit the, like if I hit the concrete, if I hit the concrete, you're fine. I'm totally cool, but if I happen to fall into, like, oh, some branches. Some sharp digs, yeah, some pointy branches.

I got a big problem. Yeah, what about gravel? Gravel would be a real problem, right? Yeah, what's the ruling on gravel? If you're falling into gravel, you're piercing all over. You're probably dead. But, dude, jump in the ocean. Oh, yeah.

Tons of skydives into the ocean, you're fine. Yeah, you can't drown. Unless you land on a swordfish. A shortfish was breaching at the exact moment. Just water the chances. I think if you I think if you jumped out of a plane into the middle of the ocean

your blunt force trauma which would kill you normally yeah you'll still die really yeah from being in the middle of the ocean oh well that's true clearly it's planned out to be a super stunt Jason

so you got boats nearby I'm not just booking a flight to London and feel like see you later check this out now I was trying to think if there's an advantage to like if you can't be shot like

is that like a huge advantage for like being a superhero or is it more of an advantage of the blunt force Trump like if I could just walk through the worst neighborhood in the world but people could just come

beat me up with a bat yeah I still I still think the danger is being pierced like if you got in a car accident right if you got in a car accident and nothing pierced you

like today without these superpowers right you're you're probably, not that it's a, but you're probably, you're going to be injured, you know, but you're probably okay. No, you're way off on this. Most people die from like, yeah, it's like you hit your head on the wheel, which we have airbags now, but you can hit your head on the side window. Yeah. I think in the people are getting decapitated in all these accidents. I think they're getting crushed and pieces of car are coming into them. If I have, if I am, if I'm packing,

I've got weapons and I can't be pierced by bullets. That's a good place to be. Yeah. Because I can open fire on anybody. They can't open fire on me. Now I like this creative thinking. Right? So I could be like a cool superhero that... Where does an... That shoots and kills everybody.

The bad guys. So you could be Deadpool. This is literally... No, because Deadpool just regenerates. Well, sure, but I'm saying he's immune to it and he shoots people. He's not immune, though. He is immune. Don't fight with Mike, man.

What do you mean he's not? What is the definition of immune? Amune? Is it like it would bounce off you? Does he feel pain? No, he doesn't feel. feel pain but like he can have pretty close to immune Mike but you can get your limbs removed and then they grow back oh they do grow back that's not immunity I mean that is not immunity

you can't you cannot immune is Superman Papa Josh the ball comes in the ball comes into his eyeball it crushes and that's not what immunity is yes it is Mike is 100% thank you Josh you're not you if you if you if your arm could be chopped off and it takes weeks to grow back that's not immunity thank you that's a good point And in, like, in the, in Deadpool 2, he gets the little baby body. It's invincibility, if you want to say you're invincible. Protection or exemption from something. Like, Deadpool has protection from, it's just protection.

It's not the way, the way that you would define immunity. But yeah, he's immune to the word defines immunity. It doesn't exactly word. You should be using invincible. Yes. Invincible means that you're not going to die. I think we're exact opposite. Invincible is what Mike's saying Superman is.

Superman is invincible. he is 100% invincible nothing can I've always defined invincible as living like you're invincible from death I think we don't know the meaning of words invincible means too powerful to be defeated or overcome if you get shot

and the bullet goes into your body but it's not going to kill you but it still damages your body for a short period of time you are not immune immune is like you can You're certainly not invincible Correct Yeah you're not invincible either

But immune you know like you can You can drink the poison Are you saying you think immune is more powerful Than invincibility? No Invincibility is Invincibility is the top tier one Yes

Okay That's what Mike is saying like What's the difference Between So yeah The Blunt Force or the piercing Which one you want? I'm going

I'm going blunt force I'm going piercing. Chris from the website would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious condition Which would you rather? Okay That makes way more sense. We're back to Questions on Immunity. Which

Which would you rather suddenly Wait. Okay. Okay. Someone read it properly. Which would you rather suddenly become A contagious Infectious? No. No. No. Which would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious condition.

Oh, that's a terrible sentence. That's what you just read and you read it so confidently. Yeah, it's a bad sentence. Do it again because I still didn't know. You could have said which of these would you rather? Talk to Chris, but it says which would you rather suddenly become a contagious infectious condition? It should colorblindness or dyslexia.

It needs to say like which of the following or which of, you have to let people know there's something coming up. Or would you rather colorblindness or dyslexia become a contagious. become a contagious infectious infection condition. So you would occasionally acquire it, just like the common cold, and it would last seven to ten days. Okay.

So dyslexia or colorblindness. The premise of this question is fantastic. The wording terrible. Yeah. And the options subpar. So you can. Like we could have had some really more severe things that become contagious.

But colorblind or dyslexia. You can catch them for about seven to ten days. Someone tell me what dyslexia really is. Dyslexia means that you scramble upwards and or letters. So when you're reading, you might read the second word before the first or within words, certain letters. So reading challenges. It becomes very difficult. Like reading challenges. Yes. You basically can't see the world of color or you are a poor reader. And I don't do reading.

So this is, you know what does it? Not according to Mike. This is a lie. Not according to Mike. This is all a facade. This is all a trick. Oh, no. This is a trick. Mr. Jason, I go hiking in the mornings.

I'm getting exposed. We were just... I just mentioned a trip. I didn't even know this was going to come up. We're on the aeroplane. And I'm listening to some music. I'm vibing out. I look over.

My compadre over here has pulled out a book. And I'm like, oh, that's cool. That's cool. I wonder what he's reading. And it seems to be some sort of a fantasy. It's mist born. It's like, yeah. Oh, my gosh.

I just assumed it was some health book. So he's just reading real books. No, he is reading. He's a reader. He is reading fiction strictly for pleasure. Tell him, tell him the big part. Tell him the special part. The book comes out. And apparently the light wasn't enough for Jason. So he pulls out the little horseshoe book light. Yeah, which are nice. Those are nice. They're really nice. Around the neck. With the duel, I don't just say, the charade is up.

All right. Well, if we're fully, if we're getting exposed to your, I was at, I was a, cabin yesterday. I'm out in the morning, reading out by the campfire. I was going to bring that up if you didn't. I took a bubble bath and I'm reading in the bathtub yesterday. I'm reading all the time. He was literally asking the group that was with us for bookmark recommendations. If we had any bookmarks we were out. Hold on. Hold on. A piece of paper, man. Is it be fine? I want to confirm what I just heard. Not a book recommendation. No. Correct. A book mark. We saw him dogier the corner of his pages and we were giving him a hard time and asked him if he'd ever heard of bookmarks. But then it went down the road of he was on

Amazon looking for. Of course. But he wanted the best. Do you need to go buy a bookmark? I wanted something special. I wanted the best bookmark that exists. He's into books now, Mike, listen. So what's the best? That feels like a draft. When the world, when a person, we'll call him Jason, spends his 20s and 30s. Yeah. In a in a public outcry against hiking. reading mornings all of these things healthy food

all of the above and it all at 40 whatever turns to and like you still think you're that person not realizing that you're like yeah you just said you don't I'm not a reader it's cool man that's your fictional character

yeah also sorry what's wrong what is wrong what is the world find so wrong with just bend in the corner of a page What's wrong with this? I mean, those guys gave me a really hard time. It's not the end of the world, man.

But also, you could rip off the corner of any piece of paper and use it as bookmarked. I'm not looking to like, like, personally, I'm not going to eBay this book when I'm done with it, you know, or take it to a bookstore and sell it. Like, I don't care if the. And do people ask them, like, you got it up for sale on eBay? Like, was this book dog ear? How many dog ears in a book do you want is the question? Because those will, they'll start to appear when you're closing the book. You'll start to see like a 20.

And then that book's like, I am a well-read book. Yeah. You want a weathered, you know, used book. I want a couple of pages that were clearly wet at some point. Some coffee stays. Whether it's from tears or a bath. Right. All bookmarks, no matter which you find on the internet and how much they cost,

will all be some thin piece of material between the pages. you're reading. Not entirely true. There are... There are some bookmarks that attach to the book itself and then hold the little leather thing. Yeah, okay. But what we concluded was why don't all books come with the ribbon that, like,

the Bible has? Like, just build in the ribbon. Oh, that's... Cost. Yeah, that's what... It wasn't cost him a penny per book? I mean, shell out. Charge me five extra pennies.

Do you not remember the story of, like, when the... airlines like we removed an olive from our salads and we've just saved hundreds of thousands of dollars we're now putting these and the ribbons wouldn't be up to snub but hold hold you got these pinny ribbons jeremy mr attacking our new our friend over here who's bettering his life reading and you're like you're not doing it right what is what is going on here why i don't think i attacked him it was it was a group effort yeah well what was it was more of it was more of just a noticing that he dog-eared it and then then it became the he was discussion of

of defacing a nice book. It was a group of... Why are you defacing your book? It made me feel really bad. Take that spine. Yeah, I mean, I feel like I'd rather dog ear like a paperback than a hardcover. Was it hardcover? It was a hardcover.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to dogg with that. A hardcover not coming with the ribbon. Now we can talk. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. A hardback should come with a ribbon. A hardcover should come with a ribbon. 100%. Or optional rib.

You should be able to click. Yeah. And pick your color Does it have a jacket on it? Yeah, that's your bookmark. Oh, those are too thick. You didn't take the jacket off? Take that dust cover, throw that thing in the garbage.

I haven't taken that thing in the old, the trash bin. Okay, I will. I'm going to deface the heck out of this book. Plus, you'll notice that when you take the dust cover off, it'll look much nicer on your shelf, which you have to be building now. Yeah, I know. The library is in progress. What are we doing with these dust covers?

They're so obnoxious. They look, the cover of the book looks so much better. It's sales. It's plastic on the couch. Save the money on the dust cover. Put a ribbon in. There's no place to put the bio of the author without a dust cover. Oh, you won't know.

You can't do that. Where do we write? Where do we write words? No, Josh's book. It's not the book, because it is. It's not the book. So do you leave it on while you're reading? Yeah.

And then you move the inner cover to be where you're, that's stupid. You tuck the cover into the page that you finished. No, I've seen that and that's, that's, it's fine. It's fine. but when you've got a, this book is pretty thick. Yeah, it won't stretch. It's, yeah. Yeah, that won't stretch.

It doesn't work. Yeah. This is, this discussion is spectacular. I'd rather be colorblind for seven to ten days, by the way. I'd rather be dyslexic. I can live without colors for a little while. Oh, I'd rather be dyslexic. But what about your books?

Yeah. I can put on Audible for a week. Okay. I'll listen. Good job, guys. This has been something special. We'll take a break. We'll come back with Man of the People.

You know, before we jump into man of the people, I'm just thinking about this. Like Jason, you know, everybody's midlife crisis is different. You know, my science teacher in grade school, his was a Mazda Miata. You know, I'm just, I don't know what, man, I'm going to be in a couple of years is the real thing. That's the point I'm bringing up because I'm already entering that phase. I'm coming out of it. You're coming out of it. I'm going right in.

He said, Jason said 41 was his toughest year. Yeah, 41 was the worst year. I just turned 41. So far it sucked. Yeah. Sorry about that. Because you came face to face with the demons and, but now you're changing it. I doubt it.

I think, uh, I think I just felt, I think it just, I felt old. Yeah. Yeah. And fat and broken. And now you're working on it, man. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. So, you know.

We'll get there. Dude, there is a bug in my water cup that refuses to leave. In your water? Yeah, just hanging out, like right by the, if anybody's on YouTube about five minutes ago, Jason was staring into this cup and I could not figure out what was going on. Oh, one of those little gnat-type bugs. Yeah. But it didn't go in the water.

It didn't go in the water. So I don't know if I can drink this or not, but that's, I mean, it was hanging out there for a long time. That's another question. the what is your response so say that a bug went in the water say that the tiny little that goes in the water are you uh like i can't i was i was full i'm currently planning i not drinking any more of that water okay even now even now like i don't want to you don't pluck and sip no not unless not unless the would you pluck and sip i would not unless the liquid is valuable i would not pluck and sip unless i saw it go in like if i if i didn't know if it was there for like

days or something. Oh, how old is your drink? That's a really good question. You don't have water next to your bed? In a bottle. Like in a thermos. Okay, your thermos. What do you have next to your bed?

I've got a bottle of water. So I have, you know, when you got a bucket? No, when you go to baseball games, they give you the like souvenir cups. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I collect those and all I use them for is water glasses by my bed. If, I mean, theoretically, I can use that for a couple nights. I could drink half of it. There's enough water for the next night.

Yeah, I'm getting handshake. He's got a layer of dust on there. It's not covered. There is dust. Gross. There can be dust, but if I, if I, and if I, and if I see the bug go in, it's fine. But otherwise, it could have been there for a week. If I see a floating bug, I'm not plucking it.

I'm refilling. How big of a bug does, so you're watching the bug go in? How big does the bug have to be before you're like, nope, I can't? Yeah, I mean, it's got to be super tiny. Like a regular fly, like a real, like a house fly is too big. Yeah, because they're also covered in. They're covered in doo-doo, but like a bumblebee goes in. Oh, good question.

Parishes in that water. Bumble? Bumble? Bumble, I'm not sipping that water. Honeybee. Maybe. Wait, what's the different? The bumblebee's got a bumblebee is different than a honeybee?

Bumblebees got the fuzzy butt. The bumblebees are huge, man. Wait, that's, I thought a bumblebee is just the- If it was the same, it would be called a bee. It wouldn't be called a bumblebee. I thought we just shorten it, and we don't always have to say bumblebee. We just call a bee. No.

No, no, man. It's a type of bee. Have you not seen those big old bumblebees flying around? They're not. Those are the big ones are like the carpenter bees. But they're fuzzies. Isn't that what a normal bee is? No, a honeybee's not fuzzy.

Honeybees aren't fuzzy. No, they're sleek death machines. No, they got a little bit of fuzz. Not like a bumble. They got to get the pollen on them. Mike is correct. Bumble bees are cute. Yes.

Honey bees are monsters. Yes. But bumble bees are much bigger. They all. are a little bit better. They look way friendly. They look cuddly. And they're more round.

Less sleek. The sleekness of a honey bee is made for war. A bumblebee, which is funny. I want these names replaced. Bumblebee's a cruiser. Hmm. I mean, bumble's a goofy name. It's the right name for that.

Bumble b. Bumble bees are genuinely cute. Like, which came first? What are the ones we see flying around in Arizona that are giant? You're talking about the big black bug, but if it's a bee, it's a, I think it's a carpenter bee. That's what I've always called us. Those big huge black ones that are like three inches. That's what I've always said was a bumblebee.

That's not a bumblebee. No, that's incorrect. What are the giant big black bees guys? No, not a wasp. It's the carpenter bee. Matt wrote wasps? You're fired. We know what a wasp is.

You are no longer employed. A wasp is an angry, angry looking bee. So, Josh, you're on my wife. my side. It's a carpenter bee. It's the drones. I'm on fire today, boy. No, no, you're not right. Is it a pigeon? We do have, we do have big black bumblebees as well. Oh, Carpenter B does look right. We wait, there's, there's big black bumblebeeth? Yeah. Are they snugly? They're not snuggly. I'm so sorry. No, they're not. They do have like a little fur coat, but then their butt is smooth. Yeah. All right, man of the people, I hit this button and we start and we stop talking about

It's a bumbus melanopagus. Jason, do you need some water? Are you going to be all right? I would love a drink. Matt would love to get that for you. You're hired temporarily to get me a drink. He gets you a drink. He walks it out here on camera.

You slap him in the face for saying wasps and then he can leave. Okay. All right. Deal. Man of the people. I wouldn't even feel bad. You're not supposed to slap your employees, but this is fine. No, he said wasps when we were talking about bees.

Like we didn't know what a wasp a pigeon. Do you know how smart we are? Very. I don't know what a walk. Mike is still digging into these bumblebees. Well, Carpenterbee versus the black bumblebee. They look real similar. Yeah, man.

So what do we got here? And is one worse? We have both here. Oh, that's great. I don't see that. That's great. We also got those tarantial hog. You can just come right on camera and get your slap.

Come on in. Get your slap. Get your slap. There you go. I let the record show I did slap him and I also made him

spill the dirty nasty water all over water To be clear that water never had a bug in it Maybe The bugs were just near it The bug was near it

But I don't know if he was drinking He's not Man of the people Matt's drinking my water though I just get you to spit Take out a spit take out of it Oh my gosh

Yeah Oh my gosh Oh It's the bug It's the bug juice. The bug juice. He's covered in water. That's the end of Matt.

We'll see you later, bud. All right, we're playing man of the people. Al Borland has gone out and surveyed thousands of people. You're fired. This show is just 100 people. Wild. Oh, man. His shirt is covered in water.

Okay. And that's dirty, that's dirty bug water. He would call it a wash. He would be dead soon. Yeah, wasp water. He was a wasp in that drink. Oh, my gosh. All right, Al, I'm going to let you keep.

keep talk, or start talking. Tell us what we're doing. Jason is the current reigning man of the people. That doesn't seem right. We surveyed 100 people. Top six answers are on the board. If you get the number one answer, you get three points. If you get the second answer, you get two points.

And if you get any other answer, you get one point. The seventh round is worth double the points. All right. Let's do it. Oh, man. First question. Not awake enough for this guys. Me neither.

Name a reason why a child can't wait to grow up. No school. No school is the number six answers I'm on the board barely Get that shmoney Have a job is the number three answer Oh number two Yeah we're both only one point

So phrase it for me again just so I'm Name a reason why a child can't wait to grow up Three Get married Romance is the number five answer Okay well we all we all Tell us the true answer Drive is the number one answer

Oh, shoot. Okay. Move out number two answer. Okay. And the only other one you missed is no rules. I was going to say no bills. No rules. I got bad news, kids.

You got rules, brother. Kids. You got a lot more rules. And they're worse. The very first thing I did when I moved out was I broke the rule and I bought a bin of red vines going, I can eat as many as I want. One hour later, I was throwing up in the toilet. All right. For me, it was binge watching MTV.

TV. I was not allowed to watch that in my house. As much as you want. All right. You guys all tied with one point there. Next question. Name an instrument that you'd need to be really coordinated to play. I'm going to go violin. Violin is the number four answer. Drums. I think that's the right answer, but it came in at the number two answer. Okay. Stop talking to idiots then. Please survey better people. What was the question? How is it worded? Name an instrument that you'd need to be really coordinated. to play. Oh, you did the track. Two. Saxophone. That is the number six.

I guess. I'm on the board. Yeah, you can guess. Piano. That is the number one answer. Yeah, that's wrong. You've got to be way more coordinated to play the drums than a piano. Drums, you need.

I feel like piano is a good answer, though. It's, it's fine. They just need to swap drums and piano. But for drums, you need to be able to independently operate all four limbs. It's not just your fingies. Well, piano is. You got to use a pedal. Petals, too.

It's, that's three. This is, that's three limbs. I'm telling you. I use both. It is nothing like playing the drums. Okay. All right. Well, you, Mike plays both.

You still got most more points. Yes. All right, we got Mike at three, Andy and Jason at two. The next question is, name a famous movie monster you might see in a black and white film. King Kong. That is the number two answer. Ooh. Godzilla.

That is the number one answer. Yeah, shoot. Read the question again, please. Name a famous movie monster. I just wanted to make sure it was monster. Black and white film. Dracula? That is the number four answer.

Okay. Number three was on the border. Yeah, you guys are doing great. Number three was Frankenstein, and then Mummy and Werewolf were five and six. I'm not going to lie to you. I would have swapped one and two. King Kong? Godzilla was the first name that came to mind, but then when I was thinking black and why,

I was like, no, that's more King Kong. Yeah. All right. But I'm glad that it wasn't. They fight each other, though, right? sometimes we made them the Americans we made them do it they don't actually exist is king Kong

are Godzilla uh I don't know feel like I mean they're they're different because Godzilla is more of a it was the warning about nuclear war where king Kong is just a monster who comes in and climbs buildings and grabs uh yeah he takes

damsels yeah all right to the top all right three rounds down four to go reminder last round is our double our current raining champion is on top with five points. You two have four. Name something college roommates might argue about. The cleanliness of the room. Cleaning is the number one answer. Yeah. Money. The bill, what a rent. However they're going to say it. Money is the number three answered. Wow. Parties, people there? Which answer? I mean, I'm sorry. I'll get.

Music is on the board, but I don't know if that's really parties. That's the closest thing. Parties because it's talking about loud and things like that. That is the number five answer. You guys missed the number two answer, which was food. They argue about food? Like people eating each other's food in the refrigerator. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But wait, hold on. Bills? That was number three. That one I was surprised for out because I didn't think like roommates of an apartment versus a... You said dorm, right? Just college roommates is the other. So when I was, my college roommates, It's, I lived in an apartment.

Okay. I was thinking of dorms. We both went dorms, but you're right on an apartment. It's like, what do you, the rent that no one's paying, it's just in your tuition. All right. We're all on the board every time. We got Andy with seven, Jason with six, Mike with five. Saving up for round seven, guys.

Yeah, smart. If you were stranded on a tropical island, name something you might have to eat. Oh, it's got to be a coconut. Coconut's number one answer. Yeah, you're never getting into that. There's nothing else you can eat. Fish. Seafood, number two answer.

Nice. A tropical island? Correct. Wild chickens. I love the confidence. Oh, yeah. Not on the board. Bananas?

Banana's number three, pineapples four. Bugs number five and berries number six. I want to go on that island, though, because there's a few. Yeah, it's called Hawaii. Yeah, let's get some wild chickens. There's wild chickens. Yeah. But I'm guessing that if you were on one of these islands, before you would take that chicken and murder and eat it, you'd probably grab the bananas or the berries.

Yeah. Well, no, because I got to keep up my gains. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Okay. It's fair. Need that protein. Yeah, smart.

You ain't catching no fish. All right, next round. How am I doing that? All right. Next round, name a word that begins with con. Concept. concept not on the board no that was too quick uh confetti

confetti not on the board uh concert that's a good answer that's a good answer concert not on the world shut out what are these words con artist was the only convict was number one con artist was number two contest contract construction and connect that one's kind of wild man

Is con artist a full word or is that a hyphen? So when I, when you were reading it, I thought con artist is perfect, but I was like, that's not a word. It's con space artist. Yeah, it's not a word. It doesn't keep people from saying the answer. That's true. It is just a survey answer. They said drums is number two.

Is this last round? This would be last round. Here we go. Coming in hot. So we currently have a tie. Andy and Jason with nine. Mike has five. I'm doomed.

It's not. looking good for you. Well, if you get the first answer, and you guys don't get an answer, then yeah, I win. Well, and if Wild Chickens is the answer to this one, you're good. You're all going to get on the board here. Sorry, Mike. All right, name a job that ends with the word guard. Security guard. That is the number two answer. Ooh, Andy, you have a chance? Three, two. I'm not, I'm not, neither of us have buzzed in. One. No, but you're not getting What do you mean? You have to buzz in in a time. No, you don't.

Yes, you do. Now when there's two people left. No, we could have all been sitting here. Yeah. You don't know this game. Oh, my gosh. Learn the rules. That's not true. Name a job that ends. We've never had this situation. I think in most game shows, Jason's right. We would be, you would have to, there you go. Lifeguard. Oh, that's a good answer. With enough time. Andy, so I got the number one asterisk. This was absolute nonsense. He does not deserve. Hold on, hold on. I wasn't on the clock. Hold on. Wild Guard

Wild guard Wild guard Not on the board We had lifeguard Security Guard Bodyguard Prison Guard National Guard

and crossing guard It actually I took a long time to think I thought you guys would all instantly have on there But that does

I won Make Andy this week Man of the people No way Too quick Jay Too quick All right We'll take a break

We'll draft He had enough time to Google it. Confetti. Confetti was my favorite answer for what it's worth. The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting fictional devices we wish were real fictional devices. And Jason, what do they have to be?

They have to be electronical. or mechanic Thank you So Mike you are The first pick in our devices You wish were real draft What are you going with? I imagine we'll be pretty top heavy here

With big ones so It's just which one So I'm going to It's time machine for me And I'm going to go with the Tartists Yeah As I think it's the most efficient

Doctor Who Like the yeah I didn't know what that one. Oh, yeah. It's the doctor who want, like... It's like bigger on the inside. And you can go any time or place you want to. Like, the DeLorean's awesome. But you're

reliant on a lot of stuff as we saw in the movies that chaos can happen. I feel like the DeLorean and you've got to get to 88. The DeLorean's kind of a weird answer because the real device there is Mr. Fusion. Right. Right. Well, it was the, just the flux capacitor,

I guess. Because of number one, number one doesn't have Mr. Fusion. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Jason has no idea. I know. You guys are talking like it's real. The time machine is not.

Well, what actually makes it work is the writing. But are we good with that? In the world of back to the future, we're talking about what makes it real. All right. Okay. So the TARDIS is the number one pick by Mike. Jason, you're on the clock. I'm going to go with the heart wants what the heart wants.

Good. Good for you. And this might not be the most popular, but it would be. incredible and I don't think enough credit is given in the Star Trek universe to the replicator. Oh, it's on my list. I mean, firmly. So I'm really disappointing because that's my number one pick. It's, it's unbelievable. The food machine. The food machine. Just make me any food perfect immediately right now from it's not. It's not. It's not. It rearranges some atomic, subatomic particles into anything that you want. Yeah. I mean, it just can't be

organic. You can. So you can, you can make electronicals? Like, you just You can't make a, you can't, like, make a person's arm or something like that. But you can make a machine. You could make... I mean, you can make a bio or a mechanical arm. If you need, like, a quick... Really? Yeah, like a computer mouse or something.

I don't Star Trek. When they... Because I have self-respect. Like, when they... It creates things from thin air. Watch it. Star Trek. Doing this draft, I realized...

Your list is Star Trek. They are the best of all the sci-fi cool stuff. Right. They did it the best. But, yeah, that, you know, when you, when you ask it for a dip, a dish it's putting it on a plate is making a plate it's the replicator's a great pick what do you do with that you just throw it away i mean how do they not just get overrun by plates every time you put everyone eats a brand new plate exists you put the plate right back into the machine and it rearranges the

particles for the next thing recycles forever um lightaber okay yeah yeah figure that one would happen um i didn't really want it to be my first pick i wanted to get into the replicator and start talking about it like I'm smart and you you picked it it's it's obviously a very popular one that you know will do well in the draft but I think like fictional devices you wish were real I don't wish the lightsaber was real that is that a lot of people do no no no I get there would be some big problems yeah there's big problems if a lightsaber's real yeah I'm going in the back of a lot of vaults you're telling you that you are going straight straight in um all right so uh you threw me off a little bit I thought I was very very safe

with the replicator. So I've got the lightsaber. I'm just going, heart ones. I'm going hoverboard back to the future. Yeah, baby. It's on my list. That's nice. You could pretend like we've made stuff like that. We haven't. We haven't made anything.

Yeah, the one that's out there is. They're all pretend, man. They're all, no. They're all like, oh, if you put it on a magnet floor. If you have a special track, then it doesn't work. As long as it can hover over everything but water, you're good. I feel like hoverboard lightsaber, and I have those. I'm using them at the same time. I'm the coolest dude ever.

You're just flying down, cutting walls in half. Yo, Biff. Come here. All right. Jason, you're back on the clock. That's a very different movie. It is. If you give Marty a lightsaber.

If you give him a lightsaber, he's going to be all right. All right. I would have taken this one first, but I felt like with your TARDIS. So I'm unfamiliar with Dr. Hu. This can go anywhere and any time. Yeah. So I could be like, I'm yesterday in China. Yeah.

So that's way better than what I'm about to pick. But I want the teleporter from Star Trek. It's still very cool. The fact that I could just like, you know, beam somewhere. That is still the device. That is the fictional device that I cannot wait to exist. And it will 100%. No, they go, beam me down.

They go energize. They never beam you down. Don't they do that? It energizes the one Jason's a big fan of. It's the word energizical. Yeah, so I'll take the teleportation is going to be so great. And will 100% exist. Yeah, yeah.

Jason has been so, it's so important to him that people know he was the one. I believe for the beginning. I believe we're going to teleport ourselves. We're not. It seems, I feel like you have to go wormhole teleportation. We can't do the disassemble your body, send your genetic code over and reassemble. Flu powder. I'm already there.

Where? Wherever I'm going. I'm not being disassembled and reassembled. Is anyone else confused? He's been drinking a lot. Okay, so I'm up? Yeah. Sick.

I'm going to take the, because I thought this was, I thought it would never make it back. Give me the Iron Man suit. Yeah, yeah. Because I will do almost all those things. I mean, I can fly. I can go to space. If I need to go to war, I can be a single man army. Very excited for that one.

And then. What slows you down in that suit, by the way? Having to pee. Like, that would be. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. It's built in there.

For sure. You can poop. If you go high enough, that's fine. It'll evaporate, you know, by the time it hits the ground. You're saying you pee in the suit. You're saying you're peeing out of the suit. That's right. I'm not going to pee in my suit.

If you go up too high and you're peeing out the suit, you've got a whole other freezing problem. People pee in scuba suits. Oh, you think it's really cold up there? Up in the air? Up in the atmosphere or space? Very cold. I'm not going to outer space and opening my suit. I'm just going, you know.

How high up are we going? A thousand feet. A thousand's fine. Oh, people. and see you're giving them way too much credit i am that's a good point um and then for my next pick uh let's see speaking of the heart wants uh from the movie up i will be taking all those balloons no i will be taking the talking dog call oh yeah so that my dog may speak to me oh that's a cool pick and me and my dogs i'm gonna know exactly what they want man the idea that you

your dogs and talking, then you get the collar on and they're just saying nothing. Oh, that's definitely what's happening. Treats, treats, treats, poop, poop, or way worse. They just tell you how free me. How sad they are. Oh, yeah. And you're like, I hate, I hate this life. I remember my siblings. And you know what? I would rapidly improve the life of my dog if he said that.

Because I don't want to be trapped in this house anymore. I'd like to leave and go out. And so you'd just let him go out the front door? No, I won't let him go out because you'll die. Yeah, I was going to say, you'd be like, no, I can't let you go. because you'll just die maybe maybe the frequency of walks increases okay okay but until he actually says that then no he can just sleep in the house what if what if you had a dog caller but it makes you speak in dog that's fine too he would understand you you wouldn't know what you're saying though right no i would but everyone else who was hearing me would hear bark bark bark

bark jason what star trek what star trek item are you picking uh the star trek item i am drafting is the phaser. Okay, he's going Star Trek again. You're just doing them full? I mean, look, they're awesome things. They're awesome things. So you don't want a lights there, would you want a phaser? Well, yeah, because I could set it to stun. Yeah. I mean, you're stunting Randos? Oh, yes. From, from the back, they won't know. Are you in my way? Yeah. Then, yeah, you're getting stunned. So you go on an elevator and when it opens up on the next floor, they're all laying on the ground. I don't think they fall over. They just kind of freeze. No, you fall over. you're stunned. Well, no, this is

this is very important. This ain't no Mr. Freeze machine. I don't know Star Trek enough to know that if you stun, they fall over. Yes. So it's like go to sleep. Yes. This is not like it's not freeze tag. I do you not know this, Jason. It's been a minute since I've been watching Star Trek. I grew up on it. Did they still use the phasers in next generation? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. They just shape different.

More like a gun, I think. Oh, and less like a. Oh, gee. It was more like a remote. control. I don't know. I see a YouTube. They typically fall unconscious and drop to the ground. That's because sometimes you'd be confused like, oh, I hope that was on stun. Because they fell over. If it was on kill. If I see a video, Star Trek,

10 things you didn't know about phasers. I'm going to watch that. Well, you should. Yeah, I mean, number one is if you stun someone, they fall down. I didn't know that. Am I back up? Yeah. Okay. Let's have some fun. I'm going rocketeer jetpack.

Yeah. Yeah. That's not very cool compared to my Iron Man suit, but... You know what's funny is I have... It was cool until I knew Iron Man. I had the Rocket Man jetpack on my... Rocket Man? The Rocketeer... Give him some respect.

It's a great movie. The Rocketeer Jetpack on my list. I didn't have the Iron Man because I felt like the Iron Man was like too much of a vehicle. The jetpack device... But it's way better. Also works with my lightsaber, which is part of my goal. And then I'm actually going to go into the video game universe here. I'm going the portal gun from the...

Oh, nice. Yes. Portal. Fabulous game. You better have some good sturdy legs. Just to be able to jump through it or? Well, yeah. I mean, no, like when you fall through it, if you come from the ceiling.

Well, I've got to choose where you're shooting that thing. Brothers, I got a, I got an inertia still builds up. I got a hoverboard under my feet. Oh, okay. I've got a jet pack if I'm coming down too fast. We're in good shape. Yeah, those are real. They work together fantastically.

All right. I was actually, the portal gun was potentially my next pick. But since you took it, I'm taking the holodeck. So I'm going four for four on the Star Trek here. Yes. All right. Yeah, the holodeck is the most. He got serious.

It's the coolest version of all. Let me show you these plans. The VR stuff. Because like in, you know, it's like the ready player one headset. or whatever right you know we pretty much we don't have the we don't have the oasis or the you know the destination but we've got the tech right now and it's like it's weird but in the holodeck you go into a room and then all of a sudden the entire world changes people can come and i don't know how it i don't know how it happens because it's like in theory it is a a room you know with

dimensions but then once they are in the holodeck and it changes now they can be they can walk forever well i mean if if the floor is did you did you see that like cool treadmill that the Disney oh yeah where you can walk for it yeah okay so I mean if the floor is that it has to be then maybe maybe we can get there all right my with my final pick uh I mean I guess I have some overlap with the TARDIS but I will take the remote from click is that a freeze remote that it was the Adam I don't remember the Adam Sandler movie I mean imagine a pausing imagine a television remote yeah and anything on the TV remote

so you could pause, you can rewind, you could turn people down. Okay. Which, oh man. Mute? Yeah, if I can mute the world. You can go straight to Netflix. Is there a Netflix button on that? Yeah, yeah, obviously.

Okay. But then your TV crashes. So Mike has the TARDIS, the Iron Man suit, a talking dog color in the remote. Jason has the replicated teleporter phaser and holodeck from Star Trek. I've got the lightsaber hoverboard jetpack and portal gun. Some honorable mentions as we close this thing out. I still had the shrink ray from Honey. shrunk the kids. I couldn't think of how practical that would be. Oh, I mean, the problem is

how large it is. Yeah, it is big. But if you could actually shrink things, like, that would be that would solve our world trash issues. It would be unbelievable. I mean, in hunger. Oh, and the memory deletion device from men and black on there to just make people forget stuff. The grapple gun from Batman I put on there. Oh, that is awesome. I spent my whole life being like, how does that work every time. How does it, you just fire it up into the sky, no matter what, it will hook on to something. It will find its destination, and it will bring you there. Jeremy, how do I shrink

hunger? I make the food gigantic, Jeremy. Yeah, buddy. Does it work both this is from Blue Up the Kids? Oh, yeah, that's a good point. It does both. It only does one. He makes a new machine in the second one? Yeah. Really? Yeah. Oh, I guess I haven't seen it in a while. So wait, so in the first one, how

do they come back? That's a strong point. He might have figured out of a new book. He can only make tiny things regular size. I thought it only shrug. I have no idea. Maybe you can do both. I mean, it's pretty, it was out of control, to be honest.

That machine was really barely hanging on to functional. Until the baseball diffused the beam. Yeah. And we're all right. I had a, uh, a pokey ball. Huh. Just in case. Just in case you came upon a live Pokemon.

He's like capturing real animals. But if you could, yeah, if you're just like, he's throwing out like a little kitten. ain't if it worked on anything that's alive and I'm just like you get out of here you're going this ball

that's not magic that's device I had cerebral what is that that's the X-Men that's put on yeah put on the little helmet and you can

find anyone anywhere and see what's going on around the world okay okay well there you go what did we learn today I learned that

electronical is not a word we we did not learn what invincible and immune means. Yeah, and we still have to figure out this blunt force trauma verse piercing. Where's the line? Where's the line?

If it blows a hole right through you, you're pierced. Yes, it's a problem. Strong and a lightsaber pierce? No. No. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you.