Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Tasteful Sarcasm & Things That Are Blue - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 27, 2025

Spit Hit for Feb 27th, 2025:On today’s show, we discuss hairy backs, feathery insults, and vitamin piles. Then, play along and see if you can beat this week’s winner of ‘Man of the People’. Then stick around till the end as we draft things that are blue. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. The thermometer maxed out. That was so bad. I didn't mind it. It was different and we needed a little bit of different. I had no volume. I didn't realize when I go that low I lose all force.

Yeah you don't have force down there. Not singing in the baritone section, Andy? I guess. You know Barry White? No. I'm dreaming. Very nice. Singing.

Welcome into the Spitballers. Would you rather man up the people back today? And then we are drafting things that are blue. We are drafting things that are blue. This will be the best or the worst. It'll be a good time. I'm drafting Andy's spirit today. Nice, I am not blue, Jason.

Oh, that's great, that's great. Yellow? No, not yellow. Nobody. And red is angry, right? Oh yeah. Yo, for sure. Green is jealous. Or disgust. So yellow is cowardly.

Yep. So is that all the colors? Blue is sad. Yeah, blue is sad. Now, in your head, when you picture a chicken... So far so good? I can do that. What color are the feathers of that brown chicken my chickens are white right both are acceptable answers but why is it that we like yellow and chicken mean the same mean the same thing when a chicken is not yellow yes that's it there the beaks are yellow okay okay there is a a tiny tiny portion of the chicken that is sort of... That is really cowardly. I mean, maybe the color in the chicken, those aren't necessarily together, right? Yeah.

No. I don't think that... The yellow doesn't come into... When you call someone yellow, you're calling them a chicken. No. I mean, you're calling them... I think you're just calling them cowardly. Yeah.

When you call someone chicken, you're calling them cowardly. When you call someone yellow, you're calling them cowardly. Thank you. I don't, you're calling them cowardly. When you call someone yellow, you're calling them cowardly. I don't think you're, even though those both can be used as synonyms, one is not referring to the chicken. 100%, 100%. Yeah. Oh, no, baby chickens are yellow.

No, that's true. That's true too. Yeah, baby chicks. And they are so cowardly. I forgot. Yeah, they won't do nothing. I forgot about the peeps. They won't cross the road.

That's what it's referring to. Welcome in. People are just shouting, the baby chickens are yellow. That's probably true. Let's get it going. Would you rather? Al Borland is normally black. Because of his soul slash clothing. Yes.

But today he's going to do a presentation for a timeshare. I'm blue. He's got a nice blue polo. Very professional. Oh man, so pro. Are we doing his year end review today? Yeah, what's going on? Why are you in a polo? Yeah, what is happening?

And more so, why are you all the way buttoned up in the polo? Oh, yeah That's a medium fair question that extra button there. Why is your hat backwards while you're wearing a pole? Whoa, buddy party in a polo. Okay, we're fixing him right now. Why are you here Al? Why you got all that arm hair I Don't know Okay, yeah Yeah, why you got all that arm hair? I? Don't know okay. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done. I'm done attack. No. I've had a little bit of a I don't know what to do The growths were your arm here with the like I've been I got you're going to wolf No, but I mean, what do you do in life?

I use you sit back and you relax and wait cuz they throw that things had to certain direction my friend Well, I'm just saying that's going Yeah, no that's going up your arm And that's going right to your back. Now see I I'm already at the part where when I shave my neck I slide over and grab a little bit of the Okay, a little bit of the back. Yeah, yeah does anyone in this room have the hairy back? I've got a hairy back. Do you not well not like do you do you do you maintain it? I tried to maintain it Yeah, it's more neck. What is that? I guess it's not so much,

but it's like top of the back a little bit. Okay, upper back. Top of the back to you. Top of the back. That's what I heard. Top of the back to you. It's almost better to fully commit. How's your hair every morning?

So stupid. It's almost better to like have a fully, like having speckles of back hair is even more. Like the hair sweater? Yeah, exactly. Like my hair, it looks worse on my back because it's just like at the top versus someone that's got that full back here. Yeah, insulating just a thick main. Yeah, yeah, they're like really

into that. Yeah, they bought that at Macy's put that on. Not enough for you out. You're not really thick back there. No, not too bad. Okay, top of the back, little bitch. Top of the back to you. Top of the back to you. Top of the back. James from Patreon, would you rather live in a world where no one but you understood sarcasm

or live in a world where everyone was sarcastic all of the time? Oh man. Oh. I feel like we did this one, but we must not have. Oh, did we? I don't know, but I- I probably just read it and didn't ask it one time if I it was in last week's talk

I don't think my fault my fault if if I lived in a world where no one understood sarcasm I Would be the world's biggest jerk. Yeah, like that I mean, there's not a person alive who would even remotely be willing to be near me because yeah I'm just sarcastic all the time my kids like when when I had young children, you know three four years old They learned real quick What sarcasm was daddy doesn't actually hate you? But then they could they bring their friends over and I'll say something and in fact, I think the best example is actually owls kid Your young child it was there was a

Switch that finally went off after about six months of him being around us. It was like that's a joke, right? Like I know this was a joke and then he liked us This is a world where people do understand sarcasm and sarcasm can still make you into a jerk. Like there are people that don't have a taste for it at all or you know how it goes, you're sarcastic and then you can be like that way too much. And then I've had people, I can still remember being in high school

and I used to run the newspaper because that was a big thing. Were you like the editor? I was the editor in chief. What? Yeah. I was actually co-editor in chief with another guy and we both- Okay, so you weren't the editor.

You weren't the editor. Much less impressive. No, you're right. We both were really sarcastic with the writing staff and we thought we were hilarious. And then- Usually sarcastic people think they are. They do. And then unfortunately we had to have a little heart to heart.

Then you went to the complaint box. They came- It was overflowing. They needed to have, yeah, it was overflowing with the level of sarcasm that we were delivering that we thought was an incredible management style. Yeah. But we had to fix that.

So I'm just saying, like, this is a world where you already- But did you fix it? We tried. Okay, all right. That's impressive. In front of them, we tried, yeah. Now the alternative, living in a world where everyone is sarcastic all the time.

The first one sounds really, really bad to me because I am very sarcastic. My family is very sarcastic. But the second, where everyone is sarcastic. That is anarchy. That is an unlivable life. There's no way to communicate. No, we talk to our kids like, you can't always be sarcastic. You just can't always, you come off as a jerk. If you're just always sarcastic, you have to

know when to use sarcasm and when to not. Tasteful sarcasm Thank you. You got to use it when it's not expected if it's expected One it's not funny and to you're a jerk and it's delivery too You might not be made for sarcasm if you can't deliver it in a good way That's true. Then you're just accidentally saying mean things with no inflection, right? Yeah nice time Mm-hmm. No nice tie That's what you went to that is what I went to you were you were a part of that just now welcome

In the history of this office. No one has ever come in here with a tie on Well, maybe Al with that polo. Oh, yeah, he's on his way next week starts dressing up. Yeah, I think we all agree on this. Yeah, you can't. Steve from the website, would you rather know every fact in the encyclopedia or know every word in the dictionary?

So I expect that there's some crossover for both. Let me ask a question to set us up, and you guys give your answer. OK. Let's pretend you're the person that knows every word in the dictionary. So you have a wonderful assortment of choices when you're speaking, right? Yeah. Every synonym you could ever have for every sentence and word. Well, this is a thesaurus. This is not a dictionary. Same difference. If you know the dictionary, you know all the words. Yeah, for sure.

So you can use a bunch of words that people don't know to describe things with words that they do know. Right. Now, what is the advantage of that? Is it a pleasurable thing to explain to people how smart you are all the time? Is that a pleasurable thing? I don't think it is about explaining the words you use. You don't want to explain them. You want to simply gloss over the natural use of these words so that people go, wow, that dude's smart. I don't even know what he said.

You don't explain it. If you explain it, now you're kind of mean-spirited or hoity-toity. So you'll just say, hey, I had a busy day at work. I was being very fastidious and completed all of my tajs. And then you just move on from that conversation. My vocab is just grandiloquent. Yes, it is. Yes, it is grandiloquent. Definitely stumble over it.

Now, are you able to pronounce the words that you know? Or is this example from Mike here, like, we've got to we got to work through it. Live? I mean this really is just about having a good vocabulary. I'd rather have the facts man. Of course we'd rather have the facts because facts are fun. I am just fine with my current vocabulary. I don't pretend that I have you know the world's best vocabulary. I'm not illiterate, but I just got a normal- Those are the only two.

Yep, that's it. You listening at home, you and me, we probably have about the same vocabulary. Wherever you are at, we probably are near each other, and it is just fine. I live my life just fine. Those people have the calendar. The tear off. Oh, the daily. Yeah, learn a new word every day.

And still we're near each other. I just don't think there's a huge advantage. Ironically, the facts are like the sarcasm. You got to know when to drop those in because if you become the guy that always says the actually, or the little known fact, like if I were to say, you know when you call somebody yellow This word originally applies to birds that literally have a yellow belly like the yellow-bellied Sap sucker from there it came to mean an insult for cowards. Would that have been informative or obnoxious? I like I liked it actually I actually learned a lot there. Yeah, so yellow is the belly

Yeah, the yellow belly yellow belly. Yeah. The yellow belly. Yellow belly. And it's the yellow belly of what specifically? Birds that have a yellow belly. So like the yellow bellied sap sucker. But it has nothing to do with a chicken. Keep that in mind. A sap sucker is a bird? Yellow belly, that's another thing you'd say. Right? bellied yeah yeah yellow bellied absolutely I mean aren't you just repeating yourself then? looks like a looks like a woodpecker oh like a yellow belly yellow belly yeah that's good we need to get back to old-school insults man I do those were the ones that brought

about the gunfights yeah the like Norm Mac, Norm MacDonald, that was like, his whole shtick is using old timey language. Conan O'Brien does a lot too. I find it sensational. Yeah, we need to get back into that. Was it all bird related? What's a cod swallow? Look, when you had no technology, why were you out there bird watching? You're just looking around for insults? Why're why you're a yellow-bellied no saying you're in her

codfish everything revolved around watching birds oh that's what the world used to yes and so you just you you got your terminology you got your enjoyment your insults it's all from birds you yellow-bellied that's why I mean there's bird compliments there's bird insults what What are the bird compliments? It's the word. Oh, bird's the word. Yeah. Haven't you heard? I have heard that. I'm looking at some old-timey insults here and one of the first things I see is chicken-hearted. Oh, that can't be good. It's all bird-related. Cowardly, again. There were a lot of cowardly people back in the day. I mean there were only a few core insults It was either they were they were cowardly or probably weak. Yeah, we're like

Of ill repute although we've got an eagle eye Eagle eye that's a compliment. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I was trying to find the compliments and they're all bird related All right, we're going with the fact one? Yeah, I want to know everything. Spencer from the website, would you rather freeze to death in a blizzard or die of dehydration lost in a desert? Okay. Well, we're hitting hard here.

Yeah, this is a tough question. Freezing to death is going to be my choice. Yeah, for sure. Because I think you go to sleep. You do. But before that point. I think you probably go to sleep the other way too. The death either way.

You're going to get a long. Yeah, you're going to tuck it out. But if you are freezing to death, there is definitely a span where, like, think of the coldest you've ever been. where it's it's painful. You can't move. Your jaw is just going clickety clack and you there's nothing you could do to stop it and realize that it's not cold comparatively to freezing to death. Yeah. What did you find? I mean I I Googled old timey insults. Oh, here we go.

And Popinjay is one of the top ones. I told you, man. Which means you're vain. If you're a Popinjay, you're vain. Really? It all comes back to the birds. This is incredible. Yeah, for the birds.

There's another bird. Oh my gosh, that's another one. Wow. Sorry, sorry, you were speaking about something. Just saying how cold, to be at that point where you're staring Jack Frost in the face and you're about to. You're numb though, you're numb.

Eventually, but not immediately. But are you out of your mind before you're in pain? No, definitely not. Are you? No, you're going to be in pain for a while. You're probably out of your mind more in the dehydration, in the desert, as far as just completely hallucinating. And maybe at that point, you don't even realize what's going on. I want to be found in intact.

Yeah. Perfectly preserved like a wooly mammoth. And maybe someone will bring me back to life later. Honestly, that was the loophole of this question from the get-go. The get-go is one of these, I still have the belief that someone can bring me back. I have been cryogenically frozen in this blizzard. But it's not cryo-frozen. You're just regular frozen.

They'll figure it out. It's not cold enough. Hold on, rewind, are you telling me that there's a specific type of extra cold? I believe so. So, man, we learn a lot on this podcast. Not necessarily. Man, I learned nothing on this podcast.

I think that there is a temperature which will kill you, but then when they're doing the cryofreezing, it's even colder, because it has to be a certain temperature to preserve. Are you sure about that? Frozen's frozen, bro. No, I'm not frozen.

I'm not sure about that. I'm not positive about it. I think if you're frozen, they find the woolly mammoths in the ice. I mean, they get preserved. But theyoths in the ice. I mean, they get preserved. But they're in the ice. They're not on, like if you just get frozen on the top, I mean, something very specific had to have happened.

If I get frozen in Antarctica, it's not defrosting me anytime soon. I don't think it's cold enough, though. Yes, it's cold enough. I don't think so. You're telling me that if I got frozen in the exact South Pole, that in 100 years you don't think so. You're telling me that if I got frozen in the exact South Pole, that in a hundred years you don't find me fully intact, they

find people I never saw all the time, their whole bodies. I think you're gonna be intact, but I am actually doing a lot of research over here. You rare white throated wood creeper. Mike seems like he might be right here. Obviously you can be frozen and kept more intact when you're in The cold but whether you can bring me back. Oh, that was Andy Holloway, right? Look at look at what's frozen guy. If only he were more frozen. He could be is Cryonics is the low temperature freezing and it says usually at negative 196 degrees celsius.

Oh that's cold. That's real cold. That's not gonna be your run of the mill, I'm in a blizzard cold. Right. What's a blizzard? South Pole's around negative 60 celsius. Okay, well. This is negative 196.

I think it's preserving me. This is negative 196 degrees celsius. Maybe I'll lose my fingerprints, you crimson back sunbird. All I care about is my brain. I don't need my fingerprints. I need you to be able to put my brain in some put it in that machine over there and say start her up. Start it up. That's all they do it. That is you. You make it up. Are you making the financial cryo commitment? No, thank you. No?

No. What about just the head? Because sometimes it's cheaper to do just the head. People do that. Oh, that's why I would choose just the head. I mean, why would I spend... I want the machine. Yeah, that's a good point.

Yeah, you'd upgrade the deluxe model on the way back. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I hope... This should give you... Like, it should be random draw on the body on the way out. If you don't pay up... It should cost more to have just the head.

Because if you are doing the whole body, that means when you come back, you're gonna have this whole body. And it's like, I want to be gone long enough where you can bring me back and put me in an upgraded model. It should be like $100,000 to save the head and $10,000 to save the body. So some people just save the body, no head. And then they put them together. I will be someone else's body. I Won't know it

Or would you know I don't know I don't know no you wouldn't Okay, I I still think I want the blizzard ice still think I want the Blizzard. I still think you want the Blizzard. Oh, nice. Thank you. I mean, that's probably the way to go because eventually you get the sleepy. When you are dehydrating out of existence, what exactly happens? I mean, is your organs start stopping?

Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of gasping. I know that. I know I have, like, read about the process of dying from dehydration. Do you turn into, like, jerky? It is. Well, I mean, that is the other thing. So the actual dying process, much worse in dehydration. It is an excruciating, awful death. Whereas freezing to death, you're going to end up going to sleep first. But what happens to the skin, both are kind of burning and feel uncomfortable. But if you're out in a desert, dying of dehydration, you're

literally just burning your you. I mean, that sounds awful. I know what it's like being be in the Arizona sun for 10 minutes and if I'm out there until death do us part, goodness gracious, I mean, sunburns are not fun, you know? Yeah. And for sunburn reasons, I'm gonna die in a blizzard. Yeah, you like being cold more than hot. I do. So if you're gonna die one of those ways,

die in your element. Absolutely. Mike, final answer? Yeah, I'll being cold more than hot. So if you're gonna die one of those ways, die in your element. Absolutely. Mike, final answer? Yeah, I'll take the blizzard. Wow, we're all in agreement here. We got time for another one, Al? Yeah, let's do one more. Which one should I do?

I haven't read them yet. Let's go with the third one, or the fourth one. Oh man. Mallory, which speech limitation would you rather have? Never ask questions, only make statements. Never make statements, only ask questions. What do you think? Thoughts?

Personality kind of. I feel like Mike's gonna never ask questions, only make statements because asking questions necessitates someone else talking. You know what I mean? That if that means you or you can't Say I don't want to talk to you Is that a statement can you please leave versus please leave? Oh That's a kind way. Is that I think there's I think there's ways to get around it

If you never ask questions, you can never learn anything, right? I don't unless you say tell me the definition of that word No, I mean the way that you say things you have like Like it so I like this is a cup and then the person will go well No, that's not if if they needed to be correct you're saying if it wasn't a cup Yeah You could make statements that then can that be correct or you can say them in a way that saying I'm not exactly sure My confidence level in this statement is not enough to be in the form of a question

So so you're getting around the questions by basically making incorrect statements or yes so Someone you know is ill and you would usually say hey, so if someone you know is ill, and you would usually say, hey, how you feeling? You say, you feel well. And then they go, no, I actually am really sick. Oh, okay. Tell me about that.

Oh, you have the flu. And then they say, no. No, you can't. Right, you can say you have the flu. Yeah, that's a statement. And then they'll say, no, you can't. Right? You can say you have the flu. Yeah, that's a statement. And then they'll say no. I don't know. No, I clearly have sunburn.

But the confidence meter in your voice was more of a question. I was trying to figure out if you were pulled over by a police officer and you were trying to determine what you did wrong, how you would do it. OK, let's go. Sir? License and registration.

OK. Do you know why I pulled you over? No. Would you like, would you? I, I, he's supposed to be trying to figure it out. Yeah. But honestly his, I was trying to not make it easy on him, but the next words out of my mouth were the answer to my own question. So it actually worked. It worked really, really well because I was going to tell him what he did wrong but he took off. Yeah I got away free. You got away. No I'm hopping in my job or and we're going. Not not in this world of statements. The cop was so confused just like you got me. See you later. He asked no questions. He must be innocent. I mean that now do the

other direction of you can only ask questions but you've been pulled over. What was I doing wrong? You're going to lead to you're going to be in some trouble. You're going to be like license and registration. You're like, do you know why I pulled you over? Why did you pull me over? You were speeding. Why was I speeding? Yeah, you could only- Why do you think I was speeding? I was speeding?

Yes, you were speeding. I feel like that's good. Are you gonna give me a ticket? There was an old improv game where you could only talk in questions. Oh, really? It was very hard. That seems very difficult. But it got very funny.

I think it would be a fun way to live. But now imagine we're single and we've got to go to the dating scene. Okay. You have to be able to ask questions. Congrats dating scene. I mean, right. No, I mean, it's a big deal. Ring the bell. But you can only ask questions. But yeah, wouldn't you rather be you know questions on a date than only yeah statements like learn about someone else versus just like Tell them what's up. You just you're telling oh, I've got a degree It's I'm six foot two But you would also be making statements about the other person yours look nice tonight

Yeah, but you would you'd sound like a clown. Yeah, like a know-it-all. Alright, let's move on. Man of the People. I'm still not sure I like this game yet. Oh, I love this game. Depending on whether I win. I like it when my buzzer works. It's got fresh batteries in there for you. Yeah, you did pretty well with your buzzer not working last time. Three points for the first answer, two for the second, one for any other correct answer.

That is correct. Seven rounds. Last round is worth double the points. Alright, Al. Alright, here we go. Name a fear parents have for their child when they move out of the house. Dying. Mine's green. I go first. That is the number three answer.

Oh, come on! Die? All right, keep an eye on your buzzers. Oh. Ha ha ha. Mike's first. Drugs, alcohol. That is the number two answer.

Oh, baby. The number one's still out there for you, Andy. Make sure you buzz in,. I thought then alright Andy um Three two why'd you buzz in one accident? Safety well is a number four answer so we'll give you one point for that one answer was finances Uh, I yeah, and then coming back home was the number five. Their finances and them living. Come on. It's just what they worry about the most. Oh, worry about. Okay. That makes

sense. Not a lot of people the second they move out, drop dead. Well, no, I'm just I was putting myself in that situation. I know for sure. You've been worried about them dying. 100% move the way for college for college, you know, I went to U of A. If my kids go to U of A a couple hours away, that would be my worry. They might be dead? Just like they're, like, I don't care if they're financially, like, go waste your money, whatever. I don't want you to. Be more responsible, yada yada.

But I don't, like, I don't want you to be more responsible, yada yada, but I don't like, I care if they die. Like if they're out and make a mistake and end up in, you know, you said like an accident, that's my worry. That was why that was my pick is I would actually be like my son is turning 14. Okay. He's that close to driving like I'm much more afraid of him driving than I am of him moving out. The problem with the world is like why I'm concerned about their being dead is because we have cell phones. When I call, yes, I call people because texting can take forever, whatever.

But I call people, like my wife, and if she doesn't answer and it goes to voicemail I assume that my wife has died. Right. Right. So once my children move out and they will certainly be ducking my calls. Oh yeah. Because we all duck calls from our parents from time to time. So it will be. They're dead.

It will be on a daily basis that I think that my children have passed away. That's funny. That's funny. Oh man that's Oh, man. That's so true. I can't wait for this. This is about to happen. Oh, they're dead. All right. Round two. Kids, answer the phone when your parents call. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Round two. If a group of senior citizens formed a punk rock band,

what might their songs gripe about? Being old? That is... The number four answer. Oh man. Alright, keep an eye on those buttons. Oh, I got in number two. Uh, I'm gonna say their body pain.

That's the number six answer. What?! Oh man, you suck at this game! And I will, uh, once again be last to the buzzer. Young people! That is the number one answer. Yeah. Of course.

The medicine and healthcare being number two. Yeah. There you go. I was going to go with my hip, but I thought that would be too specific. It was probably too specific. The irony- I can't wait to complain about the young people more. The irony of-

I've already started. If you have old people in a punk rock band complaining about the youths, that's funny. That would be quite the bit. That's a pretty good question. I've never heard one that nuanced. Go on to round three. So what was number three? Number three was dentures. Okay, so you could have gotten specific apparently. And five was fixed income. Yeah, that's fair. All right. Take that, granny. On to round three.

Name something a child might never do if they were not forced to. I have buzzed in first, and I'm going to go with- How are you so fast? I don't know, man. Cheating. I'm going to go with brush their teeth. Oh, that's got to be it. That is the number one answer.

Yeah. Cheating I'm gonna go with brush their teeth. Oh, that's got that is the number one answer. Yeah My sons would never sorry boys, but I would never brush your teeth I mean like when my daughter would she does she wakes up to brush her teeth what even when they say they've brushed waiting on This buzzer. They still have not brushed their teeth. No, they just went and lied about it That it's so frustrating. Go ahead go ahead. Eat their vegetables. That is the number two answer. Oh man. Keep. You want to get on the board though. I'm trying to entertain the people. No I know I was totally. I don't want to be last for the third straight time. Let's go clean their room. That is the number six answer. Doesn't matter.

Still worth the same. It's worth the point. Very good, very good. Brush their teeth was definitely the one that came to mind. Brush their teeth, eat their vegetables, school and homework, bathing. Yeah, that would have been my number two. Going to sleep and then cleaning their room.

Just general hygiene. Can I just check in with you guys? Oh yeah, let's do it. If you remind your kids to do one of those things that we've said, do your kids forget it in under 10 seconds? Oh, I can't remind them. Like I feel like I would have to yell at them to do it, the reminder does not work.

I would almost have to like put chains around them and pull them into the bathroom to do, like I asked them, take your vitamins. Okay, they say okay, that's a, brush your teeth. Okay, I will. Liars! Did you have vitamins as a kid? Yeah. I had vitamins and they were so awful. Oh, but you had to take them? You didn't get the Flintstones? No, these were not Flintstones. They were supermans. They sound pretty good. They were not though. They were terrible. And I would...

You faked it? I would take the vitamin. Because when you're young, you don't think things through all the way. And I had like this, you know, like my dresser basically. And I would throw the vitamin behind the dresser. No you did not. Oh yeah. Behind the dresser?

Yeah. I'm sure that was never. In the drawer back behind. Back behind. Ever found. And. How many vitamins were back there? A lot. Oh, my god.

And then come one day, it's, oh, hey, let's rearrange your room. Oh, no. Were you scared at the moment? Did you know? You forgot, I'm sure. I had not put it two and two together on this one until it was, whoa, who put all that stuff there? Someone spilled the bottle.

Oh, man. But they're all half chewed up. Oh, man. There's rabbits down here and they're full of vitamins. Oh, that's funny. Healthy little rabbits. So I get, when kids don't wanna take the vitamins, I get it. Yeah, tell me me no, just be honest son. Just go man. I'm totally not gonna do that. Peace

Yeah, did you brush teeth? Nope not gonna Don't tell me you're gonna do it all right when you remind them like hey we heard old people they complain about the dentures a lot Yeah Hey, we heard old people, they complain about the dentures a lot. Yeah. Fourth round. All right, after three rounds, we got Mike at four, Jason at five, Andy at six. Oh, man. Here is the fourth round. Aside from animals, name something that people hunt for. Well, I shouldn't have hit that button.

Three, two, one. Bargains. That is the number one answer. Oh, man. Oh, man the number one answer. Oh man. Oh man, that's good. Thank goodness. Wait, what? It went yellow.

I hit it. I'm going to say work for jobs. That is the number five answer. Oh, like job hunting. Yeah, that's good. Number five? That is correct. What are the other ones?

Okay, buzz in. Nope, give them a countdown. Three. Two. Trump. Trump. Trump. Trump. That is correct. Uh, what are you, what are the other ones? Okay, buzz in. Nope, give them the countdown. Three, uh, two, one. Truffles. Yes!

Yes! That is surprisingly not on the board. Oh man. That's the best answer I've ever heard. Truffles. Truffles. Don't they need pigs to do that? Yes. They need pigs to hunt for truffles.

Anything they snout around for. Oh, that's a good one. Easter eggs, lost keys, and dates. That was amazing. Truffles. Okay. Oh boy. I couldn't get the pig out of my head.

I mean, I had nothing popping into my head. I just didn't want to be last for one time. So you hit the buzzer without even having an idea. For the first time, I was like, I can't be last. one time. So you hit the buzzer without even having nothing for the first time I was like, I can't be last. Okay. Well, you're dominating right now nine to six four All right. Here's the fifth round name an activity. You often feel sleepy while doing Jason three It's the number six answer.

Oh, I squeaked one out. Literally one. Keep an eye on those buttons. I'm watching. Reading. That is the number one answer. Of course. Yeah, baby.

That's so, yeah, baby. Sleepy while doing, okay. Three. Watch TV. That is the number three answer. All right. Woof. Okay.

Good job, Mike. Got some ground there. Driving being the number two answer. You. Woof. Good job, Mike. Got some ground there. Driving being the number two answer. You really redeemed your truffle pick. Driving is a good one, yeah. Truffles. That's good.

Alright, after five rounds, we got Jason and Mike tied at seven, Andy at ten. I'm back. I'll blow this. Don't worry. Give me a second. I'm back. I'll blow this. Don't worry. Give me a second. I lost my list. Sorry. That's okay.

You are just a... Make sure you reset the buttons. Rufus fronted parakeet. All right. Here we go. Name something a hotel guest calls the front desk to ask about. A wake-up call. That is the number three answer. Keep an eye on those

buttons. Yes! I got it. Late checkout. That is the number four answer. What? That's my number one answer. What you got, Mike? Room service. Yeah. That is the number one answer. Yeah, whatever the thing is. You don't call the front desk for room service, you call room service. Yeah. That's the stupidest answer room service? Yeah, stupid I would say towels towels has got to be number two Listen to towels is the number two. He boy over here. Yeah, boozy boy I don't he say he calls the room service. Yeah, you don't call the front. I mean, he's technically right There's a room service button on the phone. Yes, and not just on bougie phone. That's a motel six They don't have room service. Yeah, but I call the front

Not at the Motel 6. They don't have room service. When you call the front desk for room service they'll say, no we don't have some. The question wasn't do they have it. Go to McDonald's. Oh that's so stupid. Yeah. I feel pretty good. I'm kind of with you, Jay.

I appreciate it. Well the people are with me. We're going into round seven which scores are doubled. It's anybody's game. Jason's at eight. Mike is at ten. Andy is at eight. Mike is at 10. Andy is at 11. Name something you see or hear that reminds you of an ex.

That reminds you of an ex? Yeah, like an ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Are you serious? Not the letter? Three. Uh, Valentine's day. That is not on the board. Okay, read the question. I genuinely was about to answer train tracks. That, I was deceived.

You were deceived. Like those, the crossing. What makes you think of the letter X? No, of an X. It's a shape. It's dark and hell is hot. I legit was about to answer that. Alright, I'll read it again. What did you think of an ex?

Name something you see or hear that reminds you of an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Your song. That is the number one answer. Eat it! Eat it! You did not say girlfriend or boyfriend when you first asked. But he said ex and you buzzed in. No, he ended the sentence. You got even more information after you had buzzed in

Jason Is irrelevant so I'm gonna go with a movie number four answer What a terrible last question terrible ruin the integrity of the whole Now real quick Answers for the other one if I were to buzz in, I would say treasure map. Yep, yep, thank you. Which has to be the number one answer.

Mike, do you have any answers for? Sesame Street. OK, there we go. Good answers, good answers. Wow, all right, we are moving. The honest truth is I heard exactly what you heard. And that's why I stalled it was like and my brain finally went oh EX that's my fault that's on me all right we ended

with Jason at 10 Andy at 11 Mike at 16 yeah the truffle shuffle baby is today's man of the people Hey! A trouble shot. A trouble shot. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we're drafting things that are blue. Hey, Al, will you stop this button from blinking in front of me, please?

Things that are blue. Lots to choose from. I'm gonna go with tried and true. Wait, you got the 101? I got the 101.. I mean I think there's two one on one to be honest with you. But I got to go with the one that I think it's a leader of the pack. It's what people think about when they think about the color blue. And we're going with the sky. I feel 65. This guy this guy is blue. Yes. When I look up I see a blue sky. This guy was the clear one on one. That was my third. That was my third favorite. There's two. I was your third. You've

got you've got a couple opportunities to get yours. So my mind is blown. So when someone says blue sky, isn't the first thing you think of is it was on the I mean, it's obviously on my list, but no, there's other things that I think are better. All right, Mike. Not necessarily the first thing. Okay, you're up. I got the sky Okay, I'll take the ocean the ocean There yeah, that was all right on a personal level I kind of wanted to take the ocean like I just like the ocean you should have there's more sky than ocean That's what I've always said

And that's a fact. Yeah, is that true? And that's a fact yeah, is that true? Whole world of sky well, I mean the sky quarters ocean. Yeah, nice one. I think the What I can't wait to hear this yeah, where are we going depth of the bottom of the ocean? Okay, so like the versus the no atmosphere versus the atmosphere when it's no longer blue I think is is deeper than I think the well deeper than the right, but once you go deep enough in the ocean There's no light, so it's just longer blue, I think is deeper than, I think the ocean is deeper than the. Right, but once you go deep enough in the ocean, there's no light, so it's just pitch black. Okay.

Is that blue ocean? No. Well, it's still blue, there's just no light. Look, this is the things that are Navy blue. If a tree falls in the forest. All right, Jason, you said that, was that gonna be your 101? That would've been my 101, yeah, so.

All right, so what's this 102 that usurps the sky? Well, as someone who grew up with beautiful blue eyes eyes are my what would are my one on three now. So you're going with the eyes. That's a great pick. Thank you. Thank you. And then eyes are the best eyes. I wish I had them and I wish everyone I knew had them. And the color part of your eye is? Blue? No, no, no, the name of it. The iris? OK. I was just doing a check-in.

He was just trying to trap you on some eye questions. I just from time to time. Eye anatomy. He was going to get you. From time to time, checking in with Jason on these things, it turns into just very funny moments. OK. All right. Well, what's your second picture? Instead, he looked real smart. get you. From time to time checking in with Jason on these things, it turns into just very funny moments. Okay, all right. Well, what's your second pick here?

Instead, he looked real smart. Thank you, one out of six times. My second pick, now that the ocean and sky are gone. Yeah. But luckily you have every other blue thing in the world to choose from. Every other blue thing. And I can take any of them. As the game begins.

Yes, yes. So this is interesting because we're just drafting things that are blue. Yeah. Not necessarily my favorite or the best, just things that are blue. Yeah. And so at pick four I'm trying to figure out which game I'm playing of Am I trying my god am I trying to draft things that people are gonna like the draft is that are blue. That's all you gotta do man. That's all you gotta do. So I will say the first thing that came to mind when I heard things that are blue, it wasn't the sky or the ocean or eyes. Just blueberries. That's fine. That's a good fit. That's fine. That's a good pick. Good answer. Thank you. Yeah! There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah, the people love it.

Look, blueberries might be a bad pick in another draft, but in things that are blue draft, it's pretty good. Thank you. You were so concerned to go with blueberries. Yeah. Where do you think we're going here, man? We don't got secrets better than blueberries. I didn't know. I feel like I'm gonna be disappointed. Very high on my list. Okay. They're very blue. Yeah they're delicious. They're definitely blue. You can smash them up and you can stain other things. Yeah they're great. Great pick. But then when you do that I feel like you make things purple. Yeah that's true. That's true. Alright. Well. So terrible. Mike, good luck to you on the things that are blue draft. All right. Give me the ocean. I got the yeah, I'm starting off in a good place with the ocean.

Got a real powerhouse. And then I'm going to what you can't go about over there. Oh, man. Did you think of another blue thing? You you mentioned that he has the ocean these guys so I was thinking about what my team is and I got eyes and Berries and I thought oh, maybe I could just do all body Blueberries are fruit. I mean. Uh, uh. Yeah.

So that's what I was thinking about. He was trying to think of two more blue body parts. Yeah. OK, back to you, Mike. OK. Yeah, what you got there, Mike? I will take jeans. Oh, blue jeans.

Not on my list. Very good pick. Yeah, give me that blue jeans. Give me that denim. Give me that denim. That makes a lot of sense. Not on my list. No that's great. That's great. So you've got Ocean and then what do you got? Blue jeans. Yeah. And he's got berries. He's building a blue person. And I got this guy. Yeah. And I gotta come back here with I'm gonna go with look it popped into my head. I'm going with cookie monster. Oh Monsters my number two pick

No, very very nice super blue. Yeah, very blue. I'm one of the bluest and like Classic blue classic blue and then for my next pick. It's tough. I had eyes on the list I'm gonna go with the sapphire I'm gonna go with the pristine jewel the blue sapphire the blue That's a tremendous pick What you got there Mikey this draft is just just humming. It was moving right along Gonna have a little creativity. Yeah. And, uh, I guess a little bit. I like the cookie monster stole some of the thunder because I'm going with Sonic the Hedgehog. Oh, I like that. My blues got some attitude. Blue's got some. He goes very fast and running

shoes. The fastest of the blue things. So, okay, blue blur. We have gotten into characters, I see. We are drafting anything that's blue. It is blue, okay. It's not, there's no enveloping of it. There's no boundaries. Why are you in this box, man? No, join us. You don't need to just use body parts, man. I'm stepping out of the box. I might still draft the body part,

but when I was thinking of things that are blue the first the character that comes to mind specific to blue and I'm not saying it's any bluer or less blue than your cookie monster or whatever Mike just drafted I can't remember Sonic Sonic but when I think of blue I think of Smurfs the Smurfs okay they're all blue it's a bunch of blue characters. So I will take the Smurfs for things that are blue. And this was my fourth pick from the get go. I mean, this was- So Smurfs, I mean, I know we wanted you

to get outside of the box, but you did take the third character. Yeah, you were following. But you guys got a character? Yeah. Like idiots. I took a village of characters. You took a village of- With a body weight of about half a cookie monster.

OK. You want weight? You want something big? I do. Well, then I'm drafting your anus because it's blue. More body parts. More body parts. It was legitimately my next baby.

Yes. You went with the planet, huh? Yeah, I went with the planet. You get the whole sky there, too. You got the eyes, the berries, the Smurfs, and Uranus. That's a good pick. Is that the bluest of the planets? There's a tie, right? I mean, Neptune's pretty blue, right?

I can't draft Neptune after you. No. No. Not after Uranus. No, we would never chase somebody else's theme. Exactly. Right, I mean that too. I'm pretty blue, right? I can't draft Neptune after you know We would never chase. Yeah, somebody else's theme exactly Okay, so I'm down. I get grief for did agree. Yeah for chasing the thief chafing, but he took Sonic right after Yeah, because we took the two good ones. That's ridiculous. I don't know last man in is the most pathetic. Yeah Thank goodness. I have so many two is a trend and three is a crowd All right, so I am Mike's got the ocean. He's got jeans. He's got Sonic the Hedgehog He does not have your anus. No, I am I am torn here between three things

It's mine Yeah, I'm gonna go They got the berries Doesn't take much to get this guy going So what do you got there Mike? What are you going? I'm gonna go. It's okay to go with the classic blue What just I'm just saying you don't like it. Look, you know, I will take You don't have to outpace your anus is all I'm saying. I'm going with high temperature flames. Oh Outpace Uranus is all I'm saying. I'm going with high temperature flames.

Oh. Okay. Yeah, when you see a gas flame. When you see a blue flame, that means don't touch. When you see, children, when you see any color flame, it means don't touch. So I'm very confused about flames. Maybe you guys can figure this out.

When I turn on my gas fire pit, my gas fire pit, when it starts and it's burning, it's blue. But then it gets really orange. And it's much warmer at that stage, right? It gets real red hot orange. Yeah, orange is not as hot as blue, right? That's why I'm a little confused. Maybe it's different with gas specifically.

I don't know, yeah. Or just the way that the heat dissipates. I didn't think, I with like gas specifically. I don't know. Yeah, or just the way that the heat dissipates. I didn't think, I thought, you know. I don't know. It says you get a blue gas flame when a hydrocarbon gas with a hydrocarbon gas when you have enough oxygen for complete combustion. Oh, I always thought it was hotter.

When you do have sufficient oxygen, the gas flame appears blue because complete combustion creates enough energy to excite, oh, boring. Boring, but it's gas. Okay, so you went with the blue flame. So I gotta finish this out? Sure. Look, when you said you were going with something big, I didn't realize it was gonna be Uranus. But that does make sense. Yeah. That's something large. Huge. But I'm gonna go with the blue whale. Yeah. I can't get the ocean, but I might as well swim around in it with my blue whale. I didn't want to double up. Did you have two whales? Oh, you had the ocean. Yeah, I don't get the ocean, but I might as well swim around in it with my blue whale. I didn't want to double up. Did you have two whales?

Oh, you had the ocean. Yeah, I don't want, I don't want the ocean. And then I have this whole theme. Four different blue whales. Uh, yeah, that completes my sky cookie monster, Sapphire with the blue whale. All right. What do I have? I don't have the list in front of me.

So you have the ocean genes, Sonic the Hedgehog and the high temperature flames Yeah, I'm gonna put my want to just go with blue flames there. Oh, yeah, blue baitable on the temperature. Okay blue flames And Jason has eyes Blueberries the Smurfs and the planet Uranus. Yeah Look other things I mean there are a lot. Yeah, oh, there's a lot of blue thing because it's blue I mean lakes, but I feel like it was just the step-sister. It's the poor. Step-cousin, step-sister?

It's the poor man's ocean. I had a different one on my list in case someone took ocean, which was lagoon. Oh. Oh, the blue lagoon. Very nice. Yeah. Peacocks.

What was it? They got some blue in them. If you needed more. I had a ghost from Pac-Man when you eat the power pellet. Interesting. That's very nuanced. Ironically, I had the best character of all the characters, way better than Cookie Monster or Sonic, but wasn't a village so I took Smurfs. But no, Aladdin? Or Genie? Aladdin is not blue. No, but the Genie. The Genie is the best Genie Yeah, and the monster from Monsters Inc right Sully Sully I had dr. Manhattan. Oh That's a good one. I also feel like just waterfalls would have been a good pick sure

Shout out to blue man group too. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. It's a good one very nice I got cheese anything else you oh, okay. I mean it's not blue It's a little it can they call it blue cheese. It's a twist. If you leave it out long enough. And the Navi. The Navi from Avatar? From Avatar, yeah. Oh, relevant again. Everything else we've forgotten? My waiver wires were Genie, Avatar, and Blue Man Group, so they all just got mentioned.

Okay, very nice, Al. Very nice. What did we learn today? What did we learn today? What did we learn today? I learned that in long times past, the only thing that people did was look at birds. For joy and for anger. Yeah, I learned that we were drafting, or sorry, we were picking things

that were related to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes. Mid-answer. And I learned that there's, Jason can't call the front desk for room service. Darn right, I know the process. I kind of agree with that. I mean, there's a button that says room service. And then there's a button that says front desk.

Why would I call the front desk when I want room service? I don't know. Only if they don't answer. Everyone agrees with me. Take care everybody. Hope you enjoyed the show. Tell your friends. Goodbye. Thanks don't answer. Everyone agrees with me. Take care everybody. Hope you enjoyed the show. Tell your friends. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.