Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Texas Tea Transactions & Furniture for a House - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 11, 2025

Spit Hit for Sept 11th, 2025:On this episode of Spitballers, we channel our inner mechanics before realizing we have none, dive into the competitive world of Highway to Spell and then argue the finer qualities of furniture in a best furniture for a house draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. What was the beginning of that? I mean, I was, I was distracted. I wasn't paying any attention to your scat. All I heard was a bird dying? Least favorite. That's my least favorite.

Oh, man. You know, it was, I think the last time I scatted, I tried to whistle. And I didn't hear anything. And I wanted to make sure I heard something. Did you hear it? I heard. We all heard. Death.

Hey. It was a, I did. I brought a bird. is no longer with us. I commend you going for it because you can't you can't find new magic if you're not willing to try something. That's right. Fail fast. Yes.

And you did. It's kind of like all the history of like health and medicine going back hundreds of years. Like some people tried stuff and they died. It was poison, right? You don't know which plants to eat except for some people ate plants that were no good. And out of that, good plants were found. And so I'm working the process. We are the same.

We are the hunter-gatherers of the New Age. You figure out the right part of that puffer fish. Thank you. Welcome in one and all. Al Borland in the house today. How you doing, Al? I'm doing good. We've got Would You Rather, Highway to Spell, and we are drafting furniture for a house.

And I told Jason, no, he's just. a good draft. It's a good draft because... TBD? Here's what's happening. Okay. I'm just picturing the three of us, we bought three houses. They're next to each other. Right. And there's a furniture store, and they only got one of everything. You know what I mean?

And we've taken turns. Picking what we want for the house. Yeah. And you don't get... And honestly, I think draft the number one is... I mean, I'm going to get one item I really need, but it's going to be a long wait. There's a big two. I think there's like a big four. Is there? I think so. Oh, crap, I've got to go look at my list.

So, yeah, we'll be drafting furniture for a house and the other people, they don't get it. If you take it, they don't get it. But we'll kick it off with some, would you rather? Would you rather? Sydney from Patreon says, Would you rather have to wear swimming flippers, swimming flippers, or high heels, all day while at work? Okay.

I don't know if you two gentlemen have recently walked in flippers. It's been a while, but they are extremely difficult to move around. I mean, I know that I'm not saying I would. just rock a pair of pumps and be great in those high heels and be able to dance. You got the cabs. But I know that basically I have to walk backwards if I'm in flippers. Yeah, that is a pro tip. Yeah.

I had never used them except for last summer is when I used them for the first time. Snorkeling? Snorkeling. And I can't tell you how incompetent I was. from about one foot of water out to the beach made of sand trying to cross that small space

with onlookers I gave up, sat in the water, took them off. I just gave up and anybody that tries, here's a pro tip, don't put them on before you're in the water. Like go a foot deep, two feet deep, put them on there

because you trying to go a couple of feet in flippers, it doesn't work. That was what, so I was snorkeling a couple years ago, went on a family cruise and, you know, go to the shack where you rent the equipment and we put on the flippers right there. And it's probably, it's probably like 200 feet of beach down to the snorkel area. That's a long way. Yeah, there's a pretty big beach, lots of, you know, rows and rows and rows of, you know, beach chairs and people and I feel like it was six or seven hours to make it to the water. Yeah.

It was impossible to, but then when you're in the water, those things are unbelievable. I get it, fish. You're doing some good work with these fins. If you wear high heels and you go to the bathroom, I'm thinking like you're walking across the the hallway um i'm i'm i can't i can't control myself here um talk about the high heels jason well my calves would look real real nice you you have uh some voluptuous calves yeah my calves have had to carry around a lot of excess weight and and they're always working out they're always working out it's like every day i'm working out um it i don't need exercise i don't need to

go to a gym or do a sporting event. I just got to like walk to the car. Stand. When, okay, real question. When you, uh, you've been a Svelterman at points in your life. Were your calves? Like, did you have big calves when you were, I did. I did.

I always, I always had, genetically have big calves. When did you first notice your oversized calves? High school? It was, it was a long time ago. Like, were you looking in a mirror and you're like, hmm, I just, I got some powerful calves. I, I, I was actually told. I was, because you don't see your calves very often. No, doesn't your.

father have nice calves too? I do not know. I thought you told me that. I thought you inherited them from your father. I've never talked to you about my father's calves. I promise. I'm pretty sure you were telling me all about Papa Ron's calves. I think you did. There's no way. I think you got your calves

Gene from old Ron. No, I do not. So you don't know a thing about his calves. I know that he doesn't have a lot of hair on his calves. That's about it. Yeah, that's Papa Josh, do. Okay. I don't have a ton of experience in the high heels Have you ever worn a pair of high heels? I'm sure I've thrown them on.

Really? Just as good. Can you walk in him? Can I do this? How? I mean, I'm saying it functionally. Like, I wear size 13 shoe. I have never come across a pair of high heels I could ever fit in.

Yeah, they weren't going to be a pair fitted for my foot because it's like throw on a wife's pair or I'm. Well, if you were a kid, you could have put on your mom's high heels. Because your feet are smaller when you're a kid. I don't really think. The year on fire. In fact, most of them is smaller. Arms are smaller.

Children are tinier versions of what they'll grow to be. Thanks. I never should have found this picture. Go on, Mike. So you think you've tried them out? I just don't. I'm sure I have at some point. There's no way I can walk in them.

There's no way you can walk around in flippers. but none I feel like in a stationary position if I'm just sitting at a desk how are you going to drive well okay well it's just at work it's just at work it's just if I'm sitting at a desk I am way more uncomfortable wearing high heels at the desk because they collapse your toes and everything I know like I know that women want to get them off the whole point of putting them on is like I can't wait to get them off later that is the purpose yes now I'm I'm curious right now keep your feet exactly where they are okay right now you didn't even think about it you're just

just naturally where you sit yeah how far away from the the bottom of the table are you right now like four inches i'm in flipper length yeah flipper length your flippers are going to run into that right so yeah now you're going to have to scooch back off the mic scoot your legs back if you're in flippers i don't think it's going to be as comfortable as you think i don't think it's going to be comfortable. I would be, I'd just saying I'd think I'd handle it better without the toes crunched. It's hard for me to think of wearing flippers on them not being

wet. I guess these are dry. Yeah, they would be dry. Hmm. Now, you've got to get that. If I worked at like the YMCA for the pool, that'd be nice. You got to get the insert then. Because if you're just, if it's dry on just your feet, you're getting blistered up.

Although you might get blistered up in high heels. I'm taking the high heels. I'm taking the high heels. I'm taking the heel. Yeah, I'm taking the high heels. And I'm going to start painting my toes. I'm going to look good in these things. Aaron from the website, once per day, would you rather have the ability to be transported anywhere you want to go by looking at a picture of the location? Or, would you rather have the ability to materialize anything you want by looking at a picture of the item? So up to $1,000. Oh, I like that. Okay, smart. Man, because usually that is the loophole for these type of questions. It's just like, let me look at that gold. bar. Now, Al, I can only...

How about this? A thousand dollars in cash. Sure, I guess I don't have to exchange it. So you make 365K through this method. Where do we even take gold? The gold store. No, where do you? Where do you take gold?

If you have a bar of gold, weird. We can take it to a pawn shop. Yeah, but your pawn shop's not giving you the dollar for dollar with worth of the gold. No, they're not. I said pretty much. Not, yes. They have pretty much meant almost.

I don't, I think. they're going to be trying to give you. No, it's got to be way under. Because then. No, the price of gold is, I mean, wherever you take gold, you just weigh it and give you money. I'm asking, where do you take it? I'm not a genius. I'm seeing pawn shops and jewelers.

Yeah. Yeah, they'll buy the gold. You're never going to get dollar for dollar what it's worth because, you know. Well, that it's not worth it. That's not the value of gold. Right? If you can't get dollar of dollar or whatever the current rate of gold is, This is a great point.

And that is not the current rate of gold. Can you take it to a bank? We do have several gold exchanges nearby us as well. Okay. That's the answer then. I have to imagine that when you go there, the guy's in suspenders. He's from 1800s. He still lives a certain way.

You sure look funny there, fella. Come on in with your gold. I'll take it once I put the rest on the tree. That's a big block. But here's a, I see one major problem. with the transported one. Yeah? How do I get back?

The next day? All right, that's easy. I have solved your problem. Wait, wait, wait. What did I miss from the question here? Because I had the same question. Because it's once per day, you can be, once per day you have teleportation as long as you have a photograph.

No, but I guess my point and what I thought Andy was saying is like, let's say I pull up a cool photograph on this here laptop that I'm working on right now. I'm like, oh, Hawaii. Yeah. Boom. Well, now I'm in Hawaii. Yeah. You need a photo.

I need a photo to get back. I don't have a photo of here. No, you don't have to find something like, you didn't know finding like a photo of Phoenix. Oh, wait, I got a lot of photos on my phone. My phone comes with me, right?

Yes. All right, I'm fine. This isn't the Terminator. You're not showing up naked. You can't. You can't pop somewhere for lunch, though, and come back. It's a one-day trip minimum. Yes.

But then if you can make anything appear up to $1,000, but maybe not thinking of it through the monetary lens, is there a huge benefit to being able to pull out a picture of something and have it every day? Oh, man. You could obviously pull out a picture of a, I don't know, like a $1,000 steak dinner, and then every night you pull that picture out and you just make it appear.

Yeah, food and money are kind of the only thing's kind of, coming to my mind. Now, if I looked at a picture of like son's tickets. As long as they're $1,000, you're good. Yeah, but I guess would I get the ones in the picture that are probably like outdated? Oh, that's a good question. You need someone to snap a pick of today's tickets. Right, and then I've got to get in before they do.

Yeah, or the ticket master is going to say, sir, these tickets have been used. What if you had to draw the pictures? You didn't have to find the pictures. if it if it if it if it was materialized as the drawing then I would be creating horror in this world just just awful awful but like if you were trans like trying to transport to another place like if I said Jason you need to go to France quickly just draw a quick picture of you you know of France okay I'm on it yeah France is easy because of the Eiffel Tower the Eiffel Tower yeah that one is easy yeah well he ends up in Vegas that is that is that is

a danger that you run. I'm thinking if you draw them, it's kind of wild because you could end up in a different place. Or what if you just drew a picture of a meadow with trees? You wouldn't know where you'd show up, right? I'm looking at Jason's drawing. I don't, I think he's drawing a draft. He just got scared of his own picture.

Oh, you know, no, don't. I'm not turning it around. But, um, I, I get scared because, uh, at the end. Yeah, the drawing a tower can go wrong. All right. So, which one are you taking? Which one are you taking? I'm taking the materialization of objects.

I'm going to have so much food and money. 365K? Basically, yeah. Brent from the website. Oh, which one are you doing, Mike? I'm taking the... I want to transport. I'm doing the trip.

Yeah. Brent from the website, which vehicle maintenance task would you rather have to do it yourself? Change your own oil or rotate your own tires. Do I get the tools needed? Yeah, of course. So I could take the lug nuts off with like a powered lugnought? No, you got to use a torque rent. Yeah, I knew you were going to do that.

Okay. And then for the oil, I imagine I'm crawling under the car. I don't get a cool jiffy-lube oil basement. Yeah, can you crawl? This is going to sound. You're in your garage. This is going to sound bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

Let's go. Bad, bad, because I don't know the answer to it. But do you have to be up on a lift to get under the car for an oil change, or do you just go under the car normal? You could just go under your car. Some of them. I mean, if you, there's going to be like, if you have a low riding car, It's not going to work out.

Okay, because I remember climbing under a car and changing the oil when I was like 17 with my dad teaching me. But I haven't done it since. Mm-hmm. And I couldn't remember if it was up on those like drive-up step type of things. But those things freak me out, man. Yeah, you'll probably want to jack up the front end and put it on some jacks. Is that what you do? Yeah.

Do you change your own oil? No, no way. That's what I would do. Does any genuine question? Yes, they do. Yes, they do. Genuine, like, under 50 years old. Under 50 years old, people still change their own oil.

There are people that love cars, and I've heard... You saved tons of money doing that. Yeah, and I've heard it's very easy. I mean, it's like, because I've... You drain the oil, right? I'm not a car guy, dumb, and I don't know, but you basically just go, you unscrew a cap, let the oil come out, close it, and then put more oil in. Yeah, it replace your filter while you're in there.

Yeah, yeah, yes. The oil filter is underneath, right? Yeah. Is there an oil filter? Is it in the oil filter down below or is it in the engine block area? It's down below. I could access it from under the air filters in the engine. I thought he was upcharged to me in the air filter.

Papa Josh is ashamed of us right now. I couldn't be more lost right now. We're asking basic car questions. We drive electric vehicles. I'm just going to say that out loud. Yeah, but I drove an oil car for a long time. And I didn't. And I didn't change my oil.

The people at the jiffy loob or wherever, they do magical things. And they do magical things. And then they show up and they're like, hey, you're going to have to give us more money because there's this other stuff that these three fixed. You change your own oil? I do not, but I know how. Yeah. You only get half credit then.

And you get no credit. You don't change your own oil. Yeah, don't be ashamed of us. I know how to write a book. I've never written one. I don't get half credit for writing a book. You get no credit. you either do it or you don't do it you're making a strong case that was a wonderful you case uh yeah

so knowing how to do something is like that makes you the the authority if anything it makes you worse for not doing it who right i have an excuse why i don't change my own you're actually lazy i have we don't know how no idea also i do know that i would break it i promise no matter what? I would break it and then that car would explode. I could rotate tires. I know how. I've replaced tires. It would take so long. Here's another important question. But I know how. That's just moving the tires, right? Just like rotating them one spot. There's no like nothing else to that. Do you. I think you usually go front to the back, back to the front and then cross what side of the car they were. Now the problem is that's 20 lug nuts I got to take off and put on. Yeah. That's

annoying. Oh, that's super annoying. The job of changing your oil is way shorter. And you've got to jack the car up multiple different times. You need multiple jacks don't you? Well, you can. Because you've got to be able to move. Well, you just do one at a time. Oh, no. How? Yeah. No, you need jack stands. So you jack it up, put the stands under it. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Really changing the oil is a better

job. I just don't know how to do it. It's not hard. You just find a little thing underneath and twist it. Okay. So if I find anything. You have to dispose of the oil properly. That was my next question. I remember that. Where? The garbage can. Oh, boo. Yeah, boo. I would kill the seals. I would never do that. I would never do that. I'm just saying that's what stupid people do. They would fill up. Okay, so where do smart people take it?

Well, they take it to the oil yards. The same place as the gold. Yeah. I can tell you right now, I have no clue where you can properly dispose of oil. I will tell. Anyone, the people. Can you take it to a car auto zone? Like one of those? Josh says yes. They'll take it. What do they do with it? They throw them a car. They throw it in the bottles and sell it back.

Like the people who want your gold, that's got to be the same people who want your oil. Yeah, they're looking for, oh, some black gold. Resources. Texas tea. Now, I've never heard Texas tea before. You never watched Beverly Hills? I heard black gold, but I've never heard Texas tea. Now, I'm rich.

when Look what they brought Molly So the oil This is just turned into automotive 101 There are people We're teaching people That are out there

That are shaking their head This is not for us So the oil gets dirtied In the car Yeah because it runs through Of course it runs through Why can't we just Can we clean the oil up

We can't Why not It's just too dirty Oil is itself Extremely dirty Yeah Wait, Chase is trying to read some off the internet, and that's the nugget he brings? You could have chose anything else.

It's very dirty. In its natural state, it's already dirty. It's crude. Right, yes. Why can't we re-refine it? Well, that's where the Autozo takes it to the refinery. We all know this. Like, we're, apparently...

It's spent, Mike. The oil is. spend it's done its work at someday we will run out of oil the earth at some day at someday yeah and why can't we just clean it up you know maybe you should get going on that no because i don't know i will not be able to help anyone i see i just have the oil loses its viscosity over time it breaks down okay you know look it doesn't function as well as a lubricant at that point right Right. Why can't we thicken it up?

You got to just put some soap in it. Just put some butter. Yeah. I think I'm. This has been. Okay. Now, the three of us. I know my answer to the question.

I am trading my car in. That is the answer to my question. Wait, I got to rotate the tires. I'm going to go get a new car. Being crushed by a car is like a top five fear. Yeah. Because that's happened. Top five for you?

It's up there with like elevators. Oh, the falling? Yeah, but like when you're midway through the door. Oh, really? That's my fear. You're afraid of getting crushed? My fear is as I start walking in or out of the elevator, the elevator goes down. And so then I'm just like, do you move rapidly and we just haven't noticed that you like, when you get to the elevator door, you are like, I'm quick to commit?

He dives? I don't physically. change my behavior but I do mentally think about it every single crossing of the plane. What movie did you watch you shouldn't have watched? I don't know. My irrational elevators, if I ever have anything in my hand

and I'm crossing over, I have a 50% chance that I'm going to drop my item into the into the small. Into the crevoss of the elevator and that thing is gone forever. It's the stupidest thing, but I think about it all the time. And now you will too. When he's got an important file. Yeah.

I hope now you think about what happen if that elevator drop all you're halfway through. I've thought about that. I mean, is it taking just your face off? I've got to be honest. I'm not that worried about it. I feel like my reaction time would be good enough. You think if it starts to go down, you'll be like, I'm going to hop in or out, hopefully. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yeah. I can land a plane, so. Yeah, well, there you go. We can all believe what we want. Um, but yeah, just so, just, you know, we're obviously slightly undereducated in the car department, but you guys don't change in oil. Is that what I heard. over there?

Yeah, so we're all the same. We're all the same manliness. All right, where am I? Do I move on, Al, or do we keep talking? Let's do one more. Chris from the website, is that right? Would you rather have to hand write a greeting card to your coworkers for every single calendar holiday? So Arbor Day, Black Friday, Columbus Day, etc.

Apparently those are on the calendar. Does Black Friday actually get on the calendar? No. I know Arbor Day does. Does anyone know what Arbor Day is? No. Of course we do. What is it? No, you know what it is.

What is it? Are you being, you're just joke. Jason doesn't know either. I do. No, he's typing. Don't you dare. No. I know what it is.

Is it related to the city of Ann Arbor? No. Is it related to Harbor without the H? No. I don't know what it is. It's trees. Yeah. Arborers?

Arborists. Arborists. Why are we setting a dayside for trees? I mean, I always thought it was, so. Where's botanist day? Here's what's really funny. The flowers. I always thought that Arbor Day or whatever was related to the sea.

Did you really? But I just realized that that's only because of Arbor. Which is not that word. And I just thought like, oh, I'm going to. I thought Mike was 100% trolling me. Dock at the arbor. It seemed like the kind of guy who knew a good tree holiday. I don't. I do now.

Yeah. So listen, you got to write a handwritten card to each co-worker on every single calendar holiday or give your child an overly elaborate participation trophy every time they fail at something. What is this question? This is a rough one. Sports, bad grade, poor performance, and a talent show. So you've got to give them a trophy. Where do I source these trophies from? I am absolutely 100% writing. No. Oh, okay. No. No way.

I am going to write out every single employee, every single holiday, a handwritten card, and I'll make it 15 pages to avoid giving. That many participation trophies? For when they fail at something. Because... You imagine when that child hits 18 and they go to work? They're not going to be very happy. Here's my point, is that when you fail, you know you fail.

fail okay you the the kid knows if he has a bad game a bad performance messes up the lines in a show gets an F on a test it's an F on a test whatever like they aren't oblivious to it you know you oh you did great they're gonna they they know they didn't and so I feel like celebrating their failures in that way that's gonna one you're gonna have you're gonna have that kid in some therapy when they're kids an adult and two it's just mean i feel like that's too patronizing to my own children see i read it the other way that we were giving them the trophy that said like congratulations on your terrible grades i i kind of thought the same thing too i just i feel like it's highlighting their failures in a way that oh it definitely and i don't want to do that uh because

the only way they can get that trophy is to fail it's a trophy either way It's a win, win. This is just too, this is too fresh for me. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Oh, no.

Child failure? Maybe. Oh, no. Oh, no. I can't even, I can't even, I can't even this one. Can we talk in riddles? We could talk in riddles. So something happened.

I'm guessing you didn't give the trophy. Once upon a time, a father, not me, had a child not. Who knows? Well, it can't be yours. No, no, it could be any gender or age. Super fail at something. Super fail. It was one of the most brutal experiences of this father's life.

Of that father's life. And don't highlight. Okay. Let's just, let's just, uh, that's actually one of the hardest things as a parent to do is to be quiet. Oh, yeah. When you want to fix a problem. Zip it up and let's move and move on.

All right. I guess we'll... Next segment. We'll do the move on part. Highway to Spell. Oh, get the trophies ready. Oh, yeah. I will have a super participation trophy here.

All right, Al. Back to Highway to Spell. All right, Andy, you are our returning champ. We'll start with you. So you can give me a trophy for that one. There you go. T.R. We start in fifth grade.

and here is your fifth grade level word. Division. Division. Division. D-I-V-I-S-I-O-N. Division. Unimpressed. Yeah.

All right. Mike, here is your fifth grade level word. Increase. Increase. I-N-C-R-E-A-S-E. Too easy. Yeah. All right.

Look, he wouldn't start in fifth grade. We are in fifth grade. You wouldn't start in fifth grade if you didn't have to. If we got further, we could start further ahead. All right. Make it easy. Actually, make it hard, so I've got a reason I spell it wrong. All right, Jason, here is your fifth grade level word.

Mammel. Oh. Oh, shoot. Oh, shoot. Oh, no. Hold on. Let me, all right, they can't be that. A couple different options, huh? Yeah.

All right. Well, see you guys later. M-A-M-E-L. he's gone oh for real he's got to be gone oh man man i was hoping if i gave him a second he might correct himself oh you gave him a moment yeah oh man oh my gosh josh could you grab his trophy a l yeah a l oh yeah yeah yeah out in fifth grade okay you know what's funny is right before the show he loves the segment i hate the segment right before the show i told jeremy i was like give me a word like cats he's like yeah i'll try to do that i know you would never do that you've

got your own things he gave you a man but then afterwards i thought actually that's the worst the worst is when you get an easy word you can't spell and let me be clear that just happens that was an easy word i should be able to spell that is not something i should go out on so uh Some things are reptiles. Some things are my mouths. Look, the, the good news is, it's like, I'm done, baby. It is. This thing is over for me.

I'm not entirely sure that wasn't intentional. Oh, no. Yeah, that's what I should start doing. Keep him in. No, that's up to his key competition. This is easy. You make, cash prize. We'll keep him in.

All right. All right. All right. Are we keeping him in? Here's the out. No, he's still in. All right. Oh, he is?

Yeah, I'm keeping him in. Just for consolation? Yeah. All right. His competitions kept him in. All right. Andy, here's your sixth grade level word. Nationality.

That's a long one. Nationality. Not hard. Yeah, no. N-A-T-I-O-N-A-L-T-Y nationality. M-M-L. All right, Mike, here is your sixth-grade level word. Tomato.

Oh, I know I'd get that one wrong. Tomato, T-O-M-A-T-O? Oh, I did the pause to give you freaked out. A little bit, he did. I put an E on that sucker. I was, yeah, I didn't know if I was Dan Quailing or not. If there's, if it's tomatoes, is it, oh, yeah. You had an E-S.

Okay, all right. There's grounds for your foolishness. No, you're not. All right, so is Jason giving a sixth grade a shot? Here's your sixth grade level. word hate you all sponge oh man oh come on is that like tongue or oh no sponge oh come on let's yeah please i got two here that can't be right that can't be right sponge oh man why did you bring me back there's one spelling i really am rooting for here

Yeah, me too. S-P-O-N-G-E. Oh, I'm the smartest man alive. I did write first. Did you put you? Oh, yeah. No. Oh, would you in there?

My first attempt was a spung. Spong. G-U-E. Spong. Spong. All right. Man, I am not a smart man. Yeah.

All right. Moving on to seventh grade. Andy, here's your seventh grade level word. Boundary. Oh. B-O-U-N-D-A-R-Y boundary. For the record, I have spelled every single one of Andy's super easy words, super easily. For the record, we've spelled yours very easily as well.

That is my bell. That is fair. My bell. All right. Mike, here is your seventh grade level word. Concentrate. Oh, come on. Yeah.

Ain't no thing. O-N-C-E-R-A-T-R-A-T-E. Was the fist pump? Was it for me or for you? That's for me. You spelled it how I had it written down, and I just assume you're smarter than me. All right, Jason, here is your seventh-grade-level word. Fascinating.

Oh, goodness. Yes. Yes. I think that one's easy. F-A-N-A-T-I-N-G. Oh, look at this guy. You were, you went right to it. You were pretty fast and fascinating on that one.

That's quick. That was really. Boston. That was funny. All right. Let's do it. All right. We're in eighth grade.

Andy, here's your word. Interrogate. Oh, no. Well, that's, I started. Um, uh-oh. There are six R's on that. Uh, yeah, that's, um. Tell me when to stop.

There's a chance I get this wrong. Say win. I-N-T-E-R-R-O-G-A-T-E interrogate. Oh! I was a little shaky. I started writing it with double T's in T-T-R-E-R-I-G. You know what I mean? It looked wrong, though.

All right, Mike, here is your eighth-grade level word. Camillion. Oh, no. Yeah, that's... Oh, no. Oh, no. I don't like how mine looks... I've got my...

written down and that is not how you spell it. Camelion C-H-A-M-E-L-E-O-N Hey, that is that how I had it written down. That's right. That's right. Way to fight through. Change your colors. Very nice. What's the H doing in there? Yeah. What's it doing in there? You know what? It's doing nothing. It's doing whatever it does for chlorine. For the record, collectively, we've been brilliant. You know what I mean?

Like only one out of so many. The group is passing. The group is doing great, guys. All right, Jason, here is your 8th grade level word. Semester. I feel like it's too easy. I got to, I'm going to make a mistake because... Well, you're out, so you're in good shape. That's fair. I'm playing for the consolation.

S-E-M-E-S-T-E-R. Okay, that feels like a fourth grade letter. So does M-M-M-M-M-L, please. Well, all right, moving on to ninth grade. How far did we get last time, by the way? I believe. I think you graduated. No, he didn't graduate.

He got to 12th grade and failed there. So I've still got quite a ways to go. But this might be the best. The group has ever done. Yeah. Yeah, we have. Jason got out of the grade. I mean, I did.

I didn't get out in the worst you could do. But, you know, that was so long ago. We are in high school boys. Andy, here is your ninth grade level word. Chastise. That guy did not pronounce that. Let's try this one. Chastise.

Well, C-H-A-S-T-I-S-E, chastise. All right. Tell me that's not a Z. Did you really have Z in there? You worked to Z? The first time I wrote it and it didn't look right. Okay, all right. That's the real.

I did, I needed not forget. Did you get chastised correctly? I did get chastised correctly. I've gotten all yours correctly. I don't want to, I don't want to forget that I did put an E on tomato. Right. Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't just.

M-M-M-M-L. All right, Mike, here is your ninth grade-level word. Turbulance. All right. Turb. I see some issues. Wait, what on? Is there any sneaky guys in here?

Yeah. Turb. I think you're done. Am I? T-U-R-B-U-L-E-N-C-E. Yeah, mine is so stupid. I just, you guys were freaking me out. Well, because he, uh...

I put tourbulance. Oh, you are? It was a tour. Oh, you did? Yeah. And you had L-A-N-C-E. Oh, did I? Okay.

Well, let's not talk about that. Don't tell the people. Jason. Tour e-blens. Tour abelans. All right, Jason. Here's your ninth grade level word. He's missed three so far for the record.

Exaggeration. Four. Yep. Yep. I'm not even. Exaggeration? I think I'll miss this one Yeah, I think I'll miss this one too

Alright, here we go First try E-X-A-G-G-E-R-A-T-I-O-N Oh, Nailed it, baby Wait, well, cut letter doubled G Yeah, two Gs

Okay, I didn't have any Gs Exadryption I think I went with a T But I'm not you All right, I'm still alive Sophomore That is correct To 10th grade, here is your word, Andy

sacrilegious uh-oh yeah you get about halfway through you're going to wait a minute sacrilegious there are some options I'm just going to go with my first gut here I think it's wrong

S-A-C-R-E-L-I-G-I-G-I-O-U-S sacrilegious Oh is it you both thought it was all right We both wrote one letter off. We both wrote identical. What letter?

Sacrilegious. How would I have been one? Is it before? As in like I missed one, messed up one letter? Or I missed a letter. One letter was incorrect. Oh, it's the I, right? Yes, S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-I-O-U-S.

That's so stupid. Ironically, I wrote it with an E and an A and neither looked right. And it's an I. It is weird because religious is with an E. But not sacrilegious. What? that's I'm going to look that up that feels sacrilegious

to be honest you can vet me if I'm incorrect we can blame Miriam Webster I spelled more than that letter wrong because I had said didn't I say did I say EG I oh US oh okay yeah well you're right

all right according to the internet you're right so what we're saying is the word religious and the word sacrilegious which just says a prefix put onto it you change the way No, no, no, no, no. The word is sacrilege. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, that makes more sense.

All right. Andy, you are not dead until one of these guys fails. Jason failed already. I'm still in it. Oh, no. I'm going to win this. I'm going to win this thing. All right, Mike, here is your 10th grade level word. Indomitable. indomitable

indom indomitable not an everyday word for you Mike no there's a snowman there is a snowman domit able

you see if this one helps indomitable it's about the same hmm indomitable indomitable I-n-d-o-m-I-N-A-T-A-B-L-E no if that was right i am so far gone

just out of curiosity what do you got i n d o m i d a b l e jason was way closer it's still wrong though it's a table at the end instead of dable so that exchange that t uh d for a t and you would have had it right so now if i get my word right you're the winner all right okay yeah here's your 10th grade level word please be cats delineate okay well you guys are back in it no make it end i can't i can't say that one again delineate yeah there's no hope delineate there's the eyes and the ease could all be stopped for instance mike could not delineate between an a or jason could not

delineate between an a or an e all right d l i n i a t spell that one more time i'm sorry D-E-L-I-N-I-A-T-E. One letter off again. D-E-L-I-N-E-A-T-E. Every single E and every single I could have swapped places for me. So we lost. We have no winner this week. Now we're going to go on.

I'm out. All right, me and Mike then. All right, last round. Here you go. Andy, here's your 11th grade level word. Bragadocio. What? Bragadocio?

Yeah. That's a spell from Harry Potter. That's not a word, man. Gagadocio? It makes you compliment the other person. I mean, I don't know how many G's are in this thing. B-R-A-G-G-A-D-O-C-I-O. Come on.

That's the word? Perfect. Perfect. All right. Mike, here is your 11th grade-level word. A severate. A severate. correct play it again a severate x did i lose not yet a accederate

i don't know what the word is a severate a severate a severate d r e t ove all right oh yeah andy wins that's how you throw baby wow i you were close mike um with the x yeah let's let's draft i'm such a proud winner. The Spitballers Draft. That's the first time, like, as a sophomore level word, I don't, I've never heard either of those words before.

You've never heard braggadocio? I've never heard, I've heard, I've heard, I've heard, I've heard, but what is the braggadocio? Is that a, is that a person who brags? Yeah, that's a, do you have a definition for braggadocio? I was just pulled that out. It's a, it's boastful or arrogant. behavior is being a braggadocio they were brash and full of braggadocio wow that's a weird word

and then his was like a different oh i don't know what word he was all right we are drafting furniture for a house furniture for a house and uh if if one of us picks it the other lives their life without it in that house it was tough i have a favorite piece of furniture well that's good because you get the first pick but it's not my pick oh oh i know what it's I need flexibility from my furniture. If I'm going to be living without some of these items you pick and I have the number one pick, I have to have something that is multi-purpose in value. So you know what I'm taking.

It's a couch. Yep. I'm taking the couch. Couch was my 101. I could sleep on a couch. I watch TV on a couch. I can just sit casually on a couch. A couch does so many things.

It does many things. Couch is probably the 101. It's my 102, but it's really. Yeah. I mean, it's a wonderful. man you can you can eat on a couch it's very multifunctional okay okay uh the couch would have been my first pick and i will follow it up with a bed dang it dang it i was really hoping that that would come to me as of right now jason has

nowhere to rest his head oh man where did you think i was going i just hoped you were going to like you said there's a big four there is but No, there's not. No, there's not. But you can't sleep on two of them. You get two picks right now. I know, and I get the two of the four, but I want to go to bed. And I can't.

Yeah, you can't. Then it's not a big pick. Yeah, no couch for you. No bed for you. In hindsight, there's a one, there's, there's a top two. There's a top two. There's a top two. Yeah, thank you.

Okay. Well, darn it. Man, that really stinks for me. I'm going to have a hard time sleeping. Um, but I won't have a hard time eating. Yeah. I'm going to take the table and chairs. So that's your two picks?

No, that's, that's what we, we talked about this beforehand, like the dining room table. I did not participate in any conversation. We, we talked before. I mean, we can open it up to Al, but we did say that we thought if you got a dining table, you got the chairs. Yeah, you get like. That's a set. Ooh, it is a dining set. Okay, I get a dining set.

That's my piece of furniture. I mean, you buy them together at the store. I think it's fair. what you want you want to you're going to draft just a dining chair i i don't know i'm just saying that those are two completely different pieces of how can be the final ruler on it but let me know if i'm allowed to draft as one thing that the dining room let multiple pieces of furniture the dining room table i'd like to go back and draft a bedroom set because you buy them all together all right al mike is putting up quite the fight al gets to rule here i'm going to allow it yeah

Oh, man. That's nonsense. We did talk about it before the show. Not with me. Should we specify it as a, I mean, there are different types of, yes. There's like a small table and chairs and then there's a dining table. Are they the same? The dining room table chairs.

Okay, the big one. Yeah. Six chairs, minimal. Yeah, I'm getting eight. Okay. I also get the leaf extenders. Yes, I do, Mike. That's right.

So you've got a place. And I've got it all the way out. I can lay on this table. It's hard. but I can lay on it. So you've got a place to eat. I've got a place to eat. And you could lay on it if you needed to.

Yes. Which seems like an option right now. I mean, you can't lay on the floor. The floor and the dining table are probably, I'll take the floor. I don't want. No risk of falling. Bugs to get me quite as easy. You know, they got to climb up now.

All right. And, hmm, man, there were a top two. that is so clear now uh okay i'm gonna take hmm all right okay nope

all right uh i will draft one of the two things i'm looking at here very soon oh my gosh oh no i won't okay i can't oh this this is the worst

i'm going to take a recliner because I don't think it comes back to me and I've got to be able to get sleep. That's my favorite. Yeah, I knew. That's the favorite. But the couch is so much more versatile. Yeah, so if I didn't draft that now,

there's two other things that I kind of wanted more than that, but I've got to be able to go sleep. You at recliner would have been my next pick. Yeah, I knew it wasn't coming back. So, all right, I got the dining room table and the recliner. Here's a quick recliner survey. Do you prefer the, like, mechanical? recliner with the lever that's all one fell swoop or do you prefer a like a automated push a

button in it with a motorized recliner versus I mechanical might have been the wrong word like analog analog yeah physical I find that the analogs are just so much more comfortable even though they don't give you as much more comfortable yeah like once you're reclined it's just because you're not sitting on the motor I don't know what it is interesting all the never would have all the new high-tech, you know, motorized. You could put it at any angle. They're almost all motorized now. They don't go to like the same degree back. They don't lay back enough.

And they're usually not as cushy. I thought you'd complain about the speed of recline. That's my biggest complaint. Sometimes you can get a slow motor. Yes, that's also pretty boring. But I go analog on that. All right. Mike, you are back up.

You have a bed. You're sleeping well. I do. And guess what? You get the mattress with it. Excellent. Because it's a piece of furniture and it comes with it. The mattress comes.

See? Otherwise, you just got it. which technically doesn't. It doesn't. But this is not going to the store. This is just like an item in the house. I am not above a mattress on the ground. I spent many years with a mattress on the ground. Me too.

College was mattress on the ground. Yeah. It's fantastic. All right. Now my second pick here. And I get, okay, so I got the bed. I need a place to put.

Which stuff do I need to have a place to put? I will take. I'll go with the, I'm going to take the entertainment center. I'm going to take the area, the area for my, for my television. Terrible pick. Television is not a piece of furniture. I think we're, we're going to go with that. Correct.

Television is not a piece of furniture. So you don't have one. I mean, the age. So you have an entertainment center you could look at. The age of the entertainment center was 1990s. I mean, they were big, bulky, oak, and had cutouts everywhere. And you could only fit a TV in it. when it fits inside the entertainment center.

You want to know what my entertainment center does? Your entertainment center is a wall. My entertainment, no, I have an entertainment center. It sits underneath the TV. Yeah, that's what I'm drafting. Yeah, no, I know. I'm not box. You would, listen.

I will never box my television in. That is, you've got a future proof this thing. My television's on the wall. Okay. I have an entertainment center underneath. There are zero things inside the entertainment center. What? There's nothing in it.

Oh, I totally get it. That's the same how it is for a lot of my TVs. Where's everyone's stuff, though? the TV. You've got like a Roku or an Apple TV that's just plugged into the... Sometimes my wife will put a blanket inside the opening doors of the empty entertainment center. I'm just saying the age of the entertainment center is dead and it's terrible big.

Mm, good Bobby. Oh, okay. I don't know where your Xbox is going. That's a strong point. It's a strong point. That's a good place. It's just going to be there with the wires running up? Had you opened up your argument with game console station in the entertainment center?

I didn't think I needed to do that. hadn't really thought about that it's a strong counterpoint ours is in the other room entertainment center is a good place for it i have multiple entertainment centers full of so many game systems so wait do i pick twice now yes you do i will go with the i'm going to go with the coffee table all right i mean it's a perfect combo with my couch i no it's only you could draft that right only you like literally we could if we draft coffee table is on my list no it's on my list too. But you have to have a couch. My feet. I put my feet on it. You're going to put it by your bed? Yeah. What good is a coffee table without a couch? It kind of ended up that way with

the couch pick. I ended up with coffee table. That's where I'm eating my meals. Yeah. And that's just fine. I'm comfortable there. It's great. Yeah. Wreck your back. Huh? You're sleeping on the couch? You're binning over eating on a coffee table. That's true. Although they do have the ones. I got the ones that lift up. Is that what you got? I don't know. I don't know. My third pick here, I'm going to go with the inferior substitute

for my favorite pick, the recliner. Because I don't get a recliner. So I get a oversized beanbag. I'm taking. It was the last thing I put on my list realizing that that was, who doesn't want to fall over into a beanbag

that holds adults? And to be clear, I'm not drafting a child's beanbag. No, you're drafting a love sack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A big boy bean bag. And I'm taking. I'm a big boy. I'm a big boy.

I need a bean bag. Plus, if you want to pretend to be a turtle, you can climb underneath it. That is a great point. Did you guys have the bean bag as a children? Oh, dude. Jay, you didn't have a bean bag? I lived a turtle life all the time. It was a great place to go and hide.

I love my beanbag. Beanbag's a great. It was great. It was very comfortable. Was it a big boy beanbag? No, it was a big boy beanbag. No, it was a little boy bean bag. All right.

I already confirmed this with the judges. And I will, it's, it's an inferior product, but it's just the same. I couldn't get a couch. So I will take a love seat. Wow. Interesting. The judge said yes on that, huh? Yeah, because I said, is a love seat a couch?

He said, no, because I am firmly. That's a couch. That's definitely. no it's not so just a two-person couch there's a there's a sofa idiot but there's a sofa and then there's and there's a love seat wow that is okay well that's my thought as well Papa Josh I disagree I think it's part of a couch it's part of a couch okay okay okay you can't sleep on a love seat no you definitely cannot okay I mean I look we're we're we're on a very professional show drafting furniture I don't care that much okay all right we can let them

have a love seat all right you can have it but it it needs to to be very, very clear. If you try to lay down on that thing and take a nap, your feet are up. Super uncomfortable. It's a love seat is two people. He's got a bed. Oh, that's right. This is for my television where I watch my properly stored video game unit.

Okay. All right. Or play, I should say. Mine's in my wall, apparently. All right. So you got a love seat. That was a sneaky smart pick then. Jason, two picks left. Now, to my understanding, you only had two items on your list, which were taken by Mike and I

so I don't know what your last two will be I'm going to take the the office desk so that you know you know oh a desk is another way to put it right yeah like yeah a desk a desk an office desk I mean what do you know you're a desk a desk

you got like a computer chair and you put your laptop oh wait a minute oh the chairs came with my dining room table I get the office desk a chair baby this is what the setup was office desk a chair, baby. Look, I've got all the chairs. It's wild west. I've got all the chairs. Hey, you get your sofa. I don't know about the chair coming with the desk. I'm going to make him use a dining chair at his desk. Okay. Well, thankfully, I'll go up a dining chair. I've got 10 of them now. That we can do. I just elongated my dining room table, so I've got 10 and I'm taking one of them

over in my office desk. But they ain't got no wheels. All right, so you got a desk. I, incredibly, I stupidly didn't put desk on my list. I don't know what I was thinking. Okay. And now my last one here don't need a desk when you have a couch no I'm in good shape um that's actually uh as you have yours I was just going to tell the story of how like

yeah I have a desk don't call me Shirley now that you know I've got my desk you can tell your story Do you want to know if I have a desk? I was just... You have a desk? I do.

Nice. Oh, man. It's a nice L shape. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Is it in a corner? It is in a corner. Very nice use of space, Mike.

Go on, Andy. What was your story? I'm pulling the story back. Go on. We have to get through this draft. It was going to be a heck of a story. Let me tell you. I can't wait to hear your story.

Afterwards, tell me the story about your desk. I got a desk, too, you know. You do? What does it look like? It's just not an L. All right. Oh, man. They call that an I. All right.

For my... Well, technically every desk is an L. It's just a lowercase L. I did think that right after I said I. I'm like lowercase L is really the desk. Him and his letters, though. All right. Your final pick.

You have a dining table and 600 chairs, a recliner and a desk. and um and i'm going to take uh patio furniture which one no man no no you're not this is why i knew i hate it dude i shouldn't let you shut him down he played me before the draft he knew he knew it was horsecraft all of it all right i'll take a massage chair oh that's that's a good pick That's where I thought he was going instead of beanbag.

That's a great pick. How did you not lead with that? Well, because I figured honestly you guys would forget that one from your list. It's not on my list. I got a massage chair. I love it. So I'm taking a massage chair as my final fourth piece of furniture in the house. That one's fun.

My last pick, I'll just go practical. I have a bed, so I need a nightstand. Makes sense. Got to have somewhere to put the CPAP. Am I right? I hear you, Mike. Oh, my gosh. I mean, here's the problem.

Wait, hold that. The CPAP has to sit on the nightstand? Yeah, you can't just put it on the bed or on the floor. I don't use a CPAP, Chase. Sure you don't, Mike. We all do. I hear you. Who amongst us doesn't use a CPAP.

Yeah, I mean, you've got a tube that connects to your face. I know, but I don't know. We don't have them. I would have imagined it sits right on the floor right next to the bed. Where the nightstand is? I put it on the floor? Under the nightstand. No, the tube is.

We don't know where our, the colostomy bags. Dude, it's going on the hit. What about the bed pan? Like, oh, you can drive bedpan. So your entire nightstand then is just a machine on it. Well, mine is not, but yes, a lot of times it would be that way. I've got like a little drawer that comes out that the, that the CPAP goes on. Here's the, here's a.

Do they make little rolly devices for him? I don't know, I should look that up. Like a little table that they can wheel it in. I think Mike thinks the CPAP is way bigger than it is. I have no idea. Like an iron lung? They're not huge machines. You put them in entertainment centers.

That's the only thing you can do with an entertainment center. I don't know how big it is. I don't know how it works. Is there water involved? There is. I had, I had a pick, a fourth pick, and it was genius. And I have forgotten it. Yes.

I thought about it. I got into my story that you didn't let me finish. And now I don't remember what the pick was. To be fair, you personally pulled the story. We were very excited. Well, what about tell the story now and maybe you'll remember it? The story was going to be the student. I hate you.

No, but no. We know he's acting because he doesn't. have his CPAP machine. I guess what I have to take is a side table for my couch. I don't have another choice here because I had a genius pick. Sounds like a nightstand to me. They're different heights. They're different heights?

Yes, absolutely. Yes. Nightstands and side tables are different heights. Lower? The nightstand is generally a different height. You got a coffee table. You really did not need a side table. He needs all the surfaces.

I just want my living room. I don't want, I don't want this. Okay, can I change it? Sure. No, yeah, sure. All right, I want, I want an accent chair. Okay, okay. I'm taking an accent chair.

Like one of those really, really cool looking but uncomfortable. You don't, never use it. It looks like I'd sit there and ponder. I need a chair I can ponder in. Yeah, but it looks that way, but you don't because it's uncomfortable. But everyone who comes to your house is like, that's an important. That's a nice chair. Yes, yes, thank you.

They sit down and this guy must think three seconds. This guy thinks. That's right. This guy thinks. All right. Wow. What a draft. Maybe I'll remember the object that I needed.

I love that. So Jeremy put in a proper end table can be anywhere from 20 to 20 or 4 inches tall. Standard nightstands measure. They start at 23 inches. They go to 28. It's like there's a number where it could be both. That's fair. They could be.

Just have 24 inch. Some people got, they need probably like a taller nightstand for the bed for the tall. Okay. We're done. What did we learn today? Mammel! I learned how to spell Mammal. I learned that we can't clean oil.

No. No, we can't. That I solved every problem of the world. And I learned, I'll add something in. I learned that I'm not giving Jason any room in these drafts. Give a man an inch. He'll take six miles and six chair. Goodbye, everybody.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.