Spitballers Comedy Podcast - The Air of Our Forefathers & Places to Visit to Get Sick - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: January 15, 2026

Spit Hit for Jan 15th, 2026:On this hilarious episode, we discuss the tough choices when it comes to water flavored water, the worlds greatest discoveries and how Jason would peak on 5000 calories a day. Then we wrap things up with a places to go if you want to get sick draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. It's great. Dom, dom, dom, ding-a-de-boom-boom. You did it. Oh, my goodness, the courage of this man. Dude, yes. I was full eyes closed, just vibing.

Oh. And then you opened your eyes. open to a lovely surprise. Oh, the people. I don't know what you're talking about. The people are going to be so excited to see the new you. I don't. It just felt like the right time people have asked to see the broken tooth. And I had the scat.

And it's cross-promotion. That's one way to make the scat not scary. You know what I mean? Distract from it. Who cares what comes out of your mouth? Because at that point, it's more about what's missing from your mouth. And so I didn't hear the scat. No, no, I just heard my giggles.

For those that are just spitballer fans, maybe you don't follow the fantasy footballers, I knocked a tooth out of my mouth. And I've been hiding it from the public doing like man stuff. Yeah, karate. It was karate. On a motorcycle. I was. Karate with a jump.

on a motorcycle. I drove by an alleyway and I saw a woman getting her purse. Her purse was being robbed and I left off the motorcycle. Tooth first. Left it running. Hit him right with the front right tooth. Yeah. Well, that's where he got me.

I got him with the rest of it. I got him with the karate moves and then he got me in the tooth. And then I was like. Did she get her purse? No. Oh, man. No. That was my prize.

I took the purse. Imagine if you could be that accurate with a strike. To de-tooth somebody? There's no bruising on your mouth. Like your lips are fine. Usually if it's a punch. It's makeup. There's other residual damage.

No, there's tons of bruising. I would think that's got to be. And got one tooth. That's got to be like a one-finger punch. You know what I mean? But that's dangerous for your digits, but, you know? Yeah. It's dangerous for teeth.

Look, I'm working. The tooth is a work in progress. So I'm going to get a new one. Just haven't found the right donor. And I'm still, you know, if you got one, that's nice. I might be interested. Did you put it immediately on ice? I do have the tooth.

Because aren't you had to keep it? Aren't you supposed to do that? Not with a tooth. No, I think that's like an organ. Yeah. I know I know that, but I put finger or something. Okay. I have the tooth.

So not also your tooth? When I try to buy a new one from somebody, I need it to match. So I had to keep the original. Yeah, that makes sense. Oh, Papa Josh is saying put it in milk. I knew there was something floating around. Just because Papa Josh said it doesn't make it right. It ain't that the truth.

I'm not saying it's right, but I'm saying that in the back of my head, there was some protocol that is back there. Tooth milk protocol. It's the calcium of the milk. Yeah, that's probably what it is. Keeps it safe. somebody wanted somebody to do that a long time ago and then we did it for hundreds of years. I'm looking into this.

Don't teeth like hold up. Like, I mean, when you lose your tooth and put it under the pillow for the tooth fairy, you can look at your children's teeth like a decade later. You can have like a necklace of like alligator teeth. They didn't disintegrate. Yeah. And then then like it's just. I don't put that in milk.

Like if you exhumed someone, they're just bones and teeth. Yeah. I don't think you need to milk this tooth. I think we have figured this out. Would you rather? that's a great question and we are drafting places to go if you want to get sick.

I've got a handful of those. Yeah, so that'll be fun. At Spitballerspot on Twitter. If you want to check it out over there, spitballerspot.com is the website. Thank you for telling your friends and family about this show. But not this specific show. Don't tell them about

this episode. 294. It's going to be a hit. The tooth episode. So, yes. Let's begin. Would you rather? Lars from X says, Would you rather only drink still?

Unflavored water. Water. Or never be able to drink. I mean, right? Just for clarity, this is just all. Dude, I was running it through my brain. And I'm like, I'm missing something. It's just water.

Because this is very specific to describe a water. Well, the opposite would be like moving flavored water, right? Right, like sparkling. Which is, or never be able to drink. Wait. Or never be able to drink still water. What is this question, Al? Would you rather only drink still water?

Almas lunch put together this dock. Or never be able to drink still water. Oh, man, that's going to be real tough. That's going to be really tough to answer. So let's think about this. Would you rather only drink still, unfavored water, or never be able to drink still water? Oh, wait, okay.

Oh, no. Mike's getting there. I'm going, I'm going, we. I'll let you work through this. We made it there, everybody. So this is basically, would you rather have to always drink carbonated water or always drink still water? Or just, no, it's just drink. Drink whatever you want.

Drink water or only still unflavored water. From now on, write them like you, like you explain them later. But if you drink whatever you want, then you can't drink just plain water. You can't go to a drinking fountain to get a drink. That's fine. That one. Gotcha. Oh, see, I'm.

But no, I'm reading this is like it's, you get only water, plain water, or you, it's like milk and sodas. Yeah. Yeah. That is what it is. Anything else. All right. But we're all on the same page now. We made it.

If you choose the everything else, then you cannot have regular water again. That's fine. I don't, I, we're all fine without it. Really? Yeah. That's like 90% of what I drink is just plain water? Just plain water. Just plain water.

Just plain water. I can't stand the carbonated water. You don't like coffee? That... You don't like milk? I like coffee. I like coffee. I like juice.

Gatorade. I like juice. I like all that stuff. But still, if you just put them all together, 90% of total volume is just water. That's, I mean... You mean in those things? Yeah. Yeah.

No, no, not as the main ingredient in those things. I'm saying if you take all the liquid that I drink, 90% of that is just the plain still unflavored water. That's abnormal. You think so? For a lot of people, yeah. But definitely in this office. I don't know how y'all don't just go around burping. But this place drinks more sparkling water than any, I mean, I have to imagine than most places.

It's like everyone here is addicted to sparkling water. Yeah, it's good. It's awful. What? I hate sparkling. It's awful. I remember the, you don't like it? No, I don't.

Well, okay. Wait, what? I didn't know this. First of all. I thought you were on board for. what we order in the office. So I'm sorry that we aren't. Now, is your water very still and unflavored?

Yes. That's all you drink. Today is hot. Hot still unflavored water. According to Matt, who orders our food, he says he has to order five cases of LaCroix a week. Well, there's where our money's going. That's figured it out.

You know how cheap regular water is? Pretty cheap. Yeah. Well, it depends. Are you coming out of the tap? Don't pretend like you're coming out of the tap. You made us... I'm going to Mountain Spring, baby.

You made us order like alkalined water. Yeah. I am a pretty big water snob, but I still don't. Yeah, mine's probably way more expensive than yours. My Mountain Valley spring glass bottled water. Ours is sewer reclaimed water. They just put some bubbles in it. You guys drink energy drinks.

I never drink an energy drink. So that's part of your diet. Yeah, that is. That is. I can't imagine taking the water-only approach on this one. But imagine the health benefits. it would be, yeah, that'd be really Because I'm pretty good

sure that in all your sparkling waters that have the light flavors, y'all drink in metal. Does he get to have cereal with milk in this hypothesis? Yeah, he just can't drink it at the end. Oh, okay, that's fair. That's harsh, it's harsh, but fair.

He'll have to use a big spoon for once. No, I think he has to use a fork. No, no, you may douse. I can eat the milk. You may douse the cereal in the milk. That's fine, but you don't get a little, tips of it. That's drinking. Oh, that is drinking. That's not drinking. No, I'm eating. If I'm taking a bite of cereal, you don't say I'm drinking that milk. You can not take, you have to have a certain

proportion of cereal on the spoon. Yeah, that's fair because I would try to loophole this. I would get one little cereal and try to drink the milk. Big old spoon. Yeah, you would. Try to get the most absorbent cereals. Man, there's a lot of other drinks besides water. The more I think about it. Yeah. Are you sure you want to be on the still water side? but boring go but what happens to your health if you literally can never drink regular water nothing i don't drink water okay so and i'm fine but your teeth fall out who do there's so much calcium and water oh man um okay i guess we're all taking me al you said that too i didn't even see that uh oh my gosh all right i guess i'll go with you guys

I'll drink all the other stuff. We're not trying to bully you into it, man. If you want to lead the water brigade, you can. You know what? This feels like the CD land Jalen water. I'm sticking to my guts. I'm taking my mountain spring still water. All right.

All right. Still water. Yeah. is actually water. Yeah. And then people are like, oh, it makes you go pee. I thought it was the caffeine. Yeah, caffeine.

It does not dehydrate. Water. So, coffee does not dehydrate you. You pee a bunch afterwards because you just drank multiple glasses of water. Okay. So Coca-Cola. It hydrates. Nice.

Yes. Okay. I'm going to need that. I'm not saying as well as other stuff. Also, I've heard from milk hydrates. Very well. Amund Ross St. Brown's father. I don't know if you saw this clip.

Yes. We were talking about it today. Superstar NFL wide receiver whose father, correct me if I'm wrong. Mr. Universe two times. Mr. Universe two times in a row? It was it in a row? I don't know.

Mr. World three times. You know what? I don't even care if it's in a row. Two time. And this guy is on here trying to tell his superstar NFL son that at half time, he should drink a Coca-Cola. Not Gatorade. Coke.

Yeah. And he's like, I'm telling you. And so. And then they're like, you think I'm crazy. Try it. Yeah. He's like, next time you're not. not feeling great.

Drink a Coca-Cola. See how you feel. So this guy, I'm back in. You're back in on Coca-Cola. It's good enough for him. Mike from Patreon writes in, would you rather live in a world that had, that never discovered fire?

Seems like a problem. Or a world that never discovered the wheel. Seems like a much bigger problem. So we just like rolling around on triangles. Nah, man. Yeah, we can skip. I mean, here's a deal. Wait, wait, wait.

Are you on, you're on the team wheel? I'm on the team wheel I'm on my gosh Look Goodbye combustion Yeah I don't drive a combustion engine What's the wheel for The the motor

Where does the metal come from That you build your All of your like energy batteries Are you telling me they need fire To make the metal I thought you knew everything Wait a minute You're a fraud

No no no no no hold on This isn't just Where are they getting the metal from the metal tree. They're getting from the earth. Ladies and gentlemen, mine in the metal. The mask has been removed. He doesn't know everything about metal. I know all the things that are made out of metal, Mike.

That's true. That's what I know. He doesn't know how. I don't know how they're made. I know what they're made of. Okay. Metal. Come on. I just, I mean, the wheel, I'm not saying it's not important.

But, I mean, we'd be all driving around right now. We'd be in, like, tank vehicles. Yeah, it's going to say, you can still have a good tread, right? You can have a tread, that ain't, I mean, I guess there's some wheels at the front and back of that. Yeah, how do you think the tread moves over? They're going through wheels. Don't try to act like you know what you're talking about now. I think we could, we could put triangles in there and make it happen.

Obviously, if we never, squares. You need fire, brother. If we never found fire, maybe we're all dead. Okay, that's, if we, if we, if. I think that is, it's more likely that humans would not have made it if we didn't find fire. For sure. But then the advancement of civilizations more to the wheel. That's what I'm saying.

Because if we, if we survived past fire, then, you know, we can, we can heat our homes. We can heat our electric stove and cook. And we could do everything without fire nowadays. How are you providing the energy to light your home? Nuclear energy? Water. Wind? I feel like fire is...

Solar? There's a few opt. Just fire. Fire is energy. But that was a part of our industrial progress. Right. But I'm seeing if we made it past that. Every town just has a 50-acre fire running at all times.

We're power in the town with this giant bonfire. I mean, that was... You can't progress to those other things without the fire stage. Yes, I agree with that. Yeah, I mean, I will, it's an interesting question because if you're saying would you rather live in a world that never discovered fire, which is how it's worded, then you're saying you're probably dead. And you probably didn't progress to existence. So I would rather live in the world that had fire because I would be alive. However, if the question was more like which one would you turn it off today?

If you turn it off today. I guess I can be convinced. I would rather turn off the fire and keep the wheel. Yeah, I understand that because, like you said, we've progressed now, right? We don't need to burn coal and gas. We have different ways of heating things. Yeah. Okay.

But now, so would fire not exist at all? No, it would exist, but we can't harness it. So it's still burned down forest and stuff? Yeah, so light you can still set things on fire. Okay. I don't want to talk. I don't want to talk about this one anymore. We were just looking, oh, we'd say, how did that exist?

I wish we could harness that. Imagine. As he's on his unicycle, right down the street, living life to the fullest. Luque, man, I'm all about to wheels. I'm adding one more. To be clear, one more than a unicycle is quadro. Just to be clear. What is happening?

I was going, I was adding one to the four pack, but a quadro is a four. four-packed. I was that a quintro? A quintro. That's what I'd be rolling down. Luke from the website on a long-distance drive, would you rather automatically get to your destination in halftime? Okay.

Sounds great. Or whenever you see a vehicle on the road in front of you, your own vehicle automatically teleports to a safe distance in front of that car. Interesting. How close do you got to get? I guess it don't matter. They got to be in sight. That's it.

That's it? Oh, well, then. That's like transportation. That's like instant transportation. I don't drive anywhere where I don't see cars. I don't, you know what I mean? Like when's the last time you've been on a road and you don't see a car ahead of you? I'm thinking more of like when you're on the 10 going to California.

You'll have some stretches where you won't see people. A few, but not very long. Not very long, especially when I'm zooming ahead to the next one. Yeah, you would be, even if it was like get within 100 yards, you'd be stepping on the gas full speed. I mean, it would really be like. You couldn't get into a wreck and with the person in front of you. It would be three o'clock. in the morning is the only time that I am driving

at a normal pace when there's no cars on the road. Otherwise, this is borderline just straight teleportation. It's hard to argue with that. I mean, just test it out. If you're listening to your car right now, what's in front of you? Cars, I promise. I'm right.

Take a picture. Prove me wrong. It's not going to happen. You see one. Okay. So, I mean, I don't think this is a strong debate. I think television. I think teleportation is our answer. Yes, instant teleportation. I don't want to get stuck in another conversation like last week

with the half the money or twice the money. Whoops. Yeah, we've messed that one. Al, should we move on or do we have time for one more? Let's do one more. Tara from Patreon, would you rather only need three hours of sleep every night to feel fully refreshed and perform optimally? Ooh, which would be awesome.

Yeah. Or be able to maintain a healthy weight. Wait. Wait, was that a weight? Don't finish this question or immediate answer? I think it's a little bit of a... Yeah, let's hear... Or be able to maintain a healthy weight eating anywhere from 500 to 5,000 calories a day.

Oh, brother. I mean... Can you handle the 5K cap? Oh, I can handle the 5K cap, yes. However, hold on, hold on, hold on. Oh, no, you would not get the extra time on that side of things. The 5K cap. I was just thinking if you stay up and you only need three hours, you're going to eat more.

So in that world, you will eat more because you're up 21. of 24 hours. So I will, I will gain even more with all this extra time on my hands. What does a 5,000 calorie day look like? Tuesday. That means Wednesday. Thursday. I can keep going. I can name all of them. All the days that end in and why. I mean, here's the thing. I know this because somewhat recently I've started like tracking my food, tracking my calories. And there are so many things that are really surprise because I feel like I know what a normal meal is. You know, I know if I'm going to get the Chipotle burrito and I'm going to have it as a burrito. I'm going to add the guacamole and all that.

It's going to be like a 1,300, 300 calorie meal. But it's the, there's a lot of hidden calories in things, especially drinks and all sorts of things where you think, oh, this looks like a healthy breakfast. This is a healthiest breakfast. And then you go and you actually track calories. You're like, that was also over a thousand calories for one meal. And so you're eating. Happens a lot with things like cereal where you get like a calorie count on two cups, but you have a bowl. Yeah, or go to what I mean? You know, serving size nonsense. Yeah.

And then serving size two thimbles. You know, you go to a restaurant, almost everything in a restaurant's over a thousand calories, if they're being honest. You know, over in Europe, they just have out on the front of the packaging has been mandated by the government. It's just graded like A through F on how nutritionally healthy it is for you. So you can see the food and instantly decide instead of having to read, like a complicated label.

Interesting. Like A through F. A through F. And then it skips to U.S.A. And then it's like, right, right. There's A through F and then there's USA. But you got to smuggle that over because that's not legal. We're talking like, so like the potato chips and.

Or is that just, that's an F? I mean, it varies, but yeah. I mean, depends on the oils and the contents. It is really funny. The insane law differences in what we're allowed to eat in the U.S. Sure. Most of the world. You know, we were talking at lunch the other day about how fruit loops are made in America.

Oh, yeah. They're made here. And then the rest of the world's fruit loops, they're also made here. But they're totally different because it's illegal. No artificial colors. They're more bland looking so we don't buy them. Right. Because we like shiny things.

I did take a look. Looked disgusting. Yeah. This is... Looked old and faded. If you're up, they look faded. I think that was probably the problem is like, that's old fruit loops. Right.

Yeah. Like if they had all. always looked like that. It would not be a problem. That's true. We've been trained to delicious processing. And it's hard to undo that. The 5,000 calories, if you go that route, are you healthy? I know you said a healthy weight, but are you healthy? I think so. I think for this magical question, yeah.

For this magical question? The three hours of sleep is so tempting. It sounded so great. You feel refreshed. You don't get like, you know. I can have eight hours of sleep. and feel awful. But that's probably because I'm not in a healthy weight. Normally on the 5,000 calorie days, you go to sleep and feel awful. No, you don't have to only sleep three hours, right?

It's just saying that if you log three, then you're going to feel refreshed. Have you moved beyond the desire to have more hours in your day, Mike? Oh, it's just if you're honestly. Because for like 20 years we live, we're like, oh, man, I wish I could stay up like I used to. Now are you just totally content not staying up? Not at all. I just, I'm not every single day. I'm going to want to have 21 hours.

hours where I'm awake. I did wonder if there were like mental ramifications of that, but I'm trusting that there aren't because you feel so refreshed. Like you're jamming eight to 10 hours of sleep into three hours. You wake up refreshed. So like, I don't know, you go to bed at like two in the morning, wake up at five? You got all that time. You obviously, though, in this situation are going to be awake during more darkness, right?

Like you're only skipping three hours of the dark every day. Can I sleep longer if I want? Now, Jason, there's no chance that in the three hours of sleep you would use the extra time for like exercise and health? Dude, let me tell you this. I've tried for long periods of time the exercise and 2,000 calorie diet, and I can't maintain a healthy weight. So yeah, no, no chance.

Give me sub 5,000 healthy weight. That's so tempting. 5,000 calories means big time snacks. So I'm watching that TV at night. Yeah, you want to say hello to ice cream again, Andy? Oh, I do. Yeah, I do. Mike, what are you going with?

You can play video games again with this three hours of sleep. That is very, there's a lot of things you could do. But 5,000? Matt's saying if you get the 5,000 galleries, you can finally have one crumble cookie. If you can borrow from the next day. Yeah, one crumble. I guess I'm taking the calories. Man, would it be one of those things where if you take this deal and you ever accidentally hit 5,001?

Did you believe instantly? And you're like. Like Nutty Professor? The paranoia that you would have. All your overages, they're all stored up, and then it all comes. I think you just explode. That's a good movie. That's a good movie.

All right, we're going to take a break, come back with that. That's a great question. That's a great question. All right, Cartman from Patreon writes in and says, who would win in a fight? Between the teenage mutant ninja turtles and the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. Oh, baby. So this is the most. wildly ironic question ever,

because I typed both of those into the Google trends this morning to try to pinpoint when the peak of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and the Power Rangers was. When was the Power Ranger one? It was a little bit later. Yeah, that's what I thought.

I think it was 96 for turtles, believe it or not, which seems late. That was the peak? It was the peak for them being included in the vernacular of society. So I think you've got to have some ground rules here first. no megazord. Okay, that's fine because that was all, that was.

There's no fight. They can't combine. They can't do their normal stuff. Is that what you're saying? No, no, the Power Rangers are excellent. What he's saying? No, no. They are excellent hand-to-hand combat warriors. I'm just saying.

Wait, they don't even have the regular swords? How are they, how are the turtles competing at all? This is the nonsense like Superman versus Batman. Like, okay, if we really allow Superman to use all of his powers to the fullest, Batman stands a 0.0% chance. So, do you know the lore of these two universes? Like, have the turtles ever really been hurt? Oh, yeah, dude, the turtles are, do you not know the last Ronan?

I know nothing. So the last Ronan. I don't even know what you said. The Last Ronan is a story. I think it's getting turned into a movie right now, but it's, there's only one left. They died? Three of the brothers got taken out. What?

Which one lived? I think it's, I think it's rap. Spoiler. walked right into that one, Mike. What? That is a really funny idea. Like, spoiler trap. And then just shame people.

Do you hear this guy? He just told us what happened to the movie. What happened at the end of the sixth Harry Potter movie again? And then just, yoink. So you want to take away what makes them then? No. I'm saying that if you put, if you put them into giant vehicles, then you just have to step on the turtles and it's over.

Yeah, they're making a R-rated teenage mutant ninja turtles. Whoa. For grown-ups. Yeah, they're like, the problem is these new kids that have come along don't care about these turtles, but these old people. Yeah, we still love them right. They still love their turtles. Like Mike is trying to find a way that he could take the teenage mutant ninja turtles. Like, that's what he's doing right now because he realizes that the mighty morph of power rangers would completely decimate the teenage mutant ninja turtles.

If it was just their world's existing, they would dominate them. Why did they, but here's a point though. The people with fighter jets will beat the people who are just running around on the ground. With size. And a big stick. Now, the Power Rangers, though, they always seemed to need the Megasort. But never started with it. That's what I mean.

They never win with the regular Zords. They're always like, oh, let's do it. And then they're like. No, they are. They're always winning the fight against their. That week's Big Bad, but then Rita, I think that was her name. She throws her staff down and then the monster grows 20x in size. So that's when they have to call out.

If they would have just called the Zords out at the beginning. But that's what I'm saying. If they, if they called the Zords out of the beginning, there's no, there's no like struggle. They just, they just stomp them. It's the Superman versus Batman. So why didn't they start with that? They never, nobody ever starts with the best. Because the episode would be two seconds.

That's the problem. They needed to make it 30 minutes. Okay. So what is your vote then? The Power Rangers? No, I'm taking the Teenage Mutuals, fan. They're awesome. Power Rangers were for nerds.

No way. Wouldn't be caught dead taking the Power Rangers. Did you not have Power Rangers? They were a little bit below our age group. Yeah, it was liking the Power Rangers was a little shameful. Yes. It's because we were just a year. And I'm older than you.

No, I was right on the car. cause brother. I was, oh, I was out, I was one leg out. Yeah. And obviously by my take,

I was both legs out. I was like, that's, that's for, you missed out. That's for babies. That's for little kid nerds. So we're all taking the turtles.

Yeah. For shame. Gabby from the website, theoretically, if one, if one were to think of the absolute perfect name for a new pet. But then that pet. What?

Tragically passes away after a week. What is this question? What, um, when I, get a replacement, can I name it the same pet name? Is that the question? Did I get that right out? Yeah. So you name your pet. The pet has a tragic accident. You get a new pet. Can you, but you like the name. We were pretty close. My family is pretty close to this situation. Oh, really? Yeah. Because we got a pet.

My wife had begged and begged and begged and begged for a dog. We bought an Italian greyhound when they were first married. We named it Marley. Okay. It was amazing. It was an amazing amazing dog. We brought it home. I went to the bathroom. While I'm going to the bathroom, I hear a yelp. Within an hour of being home, this dog broke it's late. We don't know how. Been there. We don't know. Yeah, that happened to you. My gosh. People think we are going, we're monsters. I don't know how it happened. I think he jumped off the couch or something. We were newlyweds. We had no money. This dog needed thousands of dollars of surgery. So obviously, we just threw it over the fence.

No, that is not true at all. That was a joke. We just gave it back. It was plan B. We gave it right back to the breeder that we had bought it from, and they got the surgery for the dog, but the dog was gone. Honey, they'll take them back. Get that off the ladder.

Yeah. So, so, like, we went from, like, this, we had this horrible experience, and within 24 hours it was gone. Now, would I have ever named a new dog Marley? No way. Really? Just bad. No way.

Bad luck? Bad luck. Huh. Bad mojo. Yeah, I'm not gonna like, it's not, you're not the second Marley. No, you delete the first Marley. That never happened? Like that never happened.

Would you be willing to, now if time passed, is that make it easier? I think so. We had a Barclay. All of our animal names are just old Phoenix Suns players. It was spelled like Marley. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Mine was Barclay for a reason. And Barclay was a great dog.

And I don't know. Isn't there something? Like if you got a new dog today? If I got a new dog after the current round of dogs I have now, I could see naming it Barkley. Not Barclay the second, though? No, that's an homage. But you had a round in between. Right, right.

It wasn't Barclay to Barclay. Right. I don't think you can go Barclay to Barclay. No. I think you got to go Barclay. New name. Leave time for that, you know, for the- Get a little dog, hate that dog, give that dog to Al.

Right. Then Barclay. And then Barclay. Yeah. How is Pepper doing? She's great, man. She's such a good dog. Oh.

She's peeing when you're not looking. Mike, any final thoughts on this one? No, I think we nailed it. Sean from Patreon, if only using one stove burner, which is your go-to? I like that is if only. Like we aren't all just using one stove-burner. Yeah, I've never used more than one at one time. I got my goat.

You have to have a go-to burner, right? I've got- Chef Jason. I've got my- I've got two go-toes. It just depends on if it's a pan or a pot. Really? My pots are on the right. My pans are on the left.

Oh, man. So it's like I'm going for the closest, furthest out, that burner. It gives you the most area. So the closest to you. Just say like front left or front right. Yeah, front left and front right. Okay. Jason's has nine burners.

Keep that in mind. Yeah, I guess on a four-pack of burners, that doesn't really. He had to say closest. to you because some are far from him. That's what that means. No. I never consider any of my burners far from me. Do you have burners you can't reach?

They're harder to reach, but I can reach them. I'm a grown man. I'm just, I was more talking left to right. Left to right. I got. Do you have like a slide ladder to go to your other burners? Oh, like one of those libraries? Yeah.

Uh-huh. Yeah. He's got uppers, lowers, backs and fronts, lefts and right. It's really, it's just a board with. in front of the stove and I just used the stove to roll. Ever since I had kids, I have not put a single pot on a front burner. Really? Because I have this paranoid ever since they were little that they could reach your hand up and pull a pot dam.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why I've always used, I always use a back burner. Wow, I'm always on the front. I don't care which one. Interesting. Mine is, I think mine's five. I'm trying to remember exactly. But I have one.

Oh, it's number five? Yeah, it's the middle one because it's under the microwave vents. Oh, you want better drafting? Yeah. Yeah. So when, like when something's smoking or steaming a little bit too much. I use that one all the time. Those other ones.

Al, uh, they're shiny clean. Do you want to weigh in? I'm front right all the time. I don't think I've ever used a back burner. That is my default is front right. Sometimes if I'm lazy and I'm getting one for the reason. I wonder why that is. Is that, so the phrase.

I'm going to put something on the back burner. Is that because we're like, I don't really want to think about it. I'm not going to deal with it right now. I'm done cooking it and I moved it back. I'm putting it into the burner that no one wants to use. You put it to the burner that is you're going to put it on a simmer. Like one of my back burners is a smaller burner. It's meant to be like I'm over a 40 back burner.

I've cooked this. So I'm going to move it to a back burner. I would think that if you were right-handed just for simmering? You bet. You bet he does. Several of them. Do your other burners? simmer? They do.

So one can only sit. I don't know. Why would you need one that only swims? I didn't make. He bought it from a waffle house. It's the whole back grill. I would think that if you're right-handed, you'd want your pot to be on the front left so that you have like, you can stand in the middle of the stove and stir better. That makes sense. Is that me as a weird? I have counterfeited to both sides. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I think the reason I usually go to the front right is because I want to. the handle on the right. I'm left-handed. Yeah, see? You want the handle going all over the counter, not taking over more burner space. I need all those burners. You better start, you know, stirring with the wrong hand. When I start using all my burners, I'll keep the handle placement in mind. I mean, anytime, I mean, unless you're making just, no, even if I make it spaghetti, I use multiple burners, what are you

using one burner for? What? I mean, I'm just saying any meal that you're cooking. I have, unless you're heating up like. If I, if I'm, I have to use more than two burners, I am in a full panic attack. I've never used more than one. Don't ever do it. Because I find it hard to keep up with one. Yeah. It's, look, it is terrifying.

Mike thinks he's a full-on chap. He's just got the two. Well, it's like sometimes you're trying to do a meal and there's just so many different parts and you're just running around like a crazy person and then everything is on fire. Vicki from X says how long do you have to wait before you stop letting people walk in front of you in front of your car in a busy parking lot so we've all done it we pull up let's say you go through that front area at our Target or Walmart

Oh Target is Why is with why is Target so much worse than all the other places Because it's popular Yeah that's all it is No no no more people go to Walmart Yeah there's two entrances there's not two entrances at Target is that what it is building it wrong They need multiple entrances to help mitigate.

I feel like there's never, there's always a stream of people. Every once in a while. You can't cross in front of a target. Yeah, you make the decision like, sometimes I go into a parking lot that has a target. And I'm like, I need to go to that other store down the way. I'm like, you're going to the back. I'm like, do I go up front and try to go by the front? No way.

It's a gamble. It's like I could get there so much faster if I get insanely lucky. Nobody in that line of people that have to cross knows about the people before them. Right. Well, they all feel like they're the first ones that deserve to not be run over. But in truth, you know, the question is talking about like you're the driver, how long do you wait before you stop letting people walk? The answer is forever, buddy. You can try to creep.

Yeah, you have. But it's tough. Well, you've got to do the creep where you then look up like, oh, I didn't see you and you do the wave. And then they go, go on and you go, oh, yes, sir. And you drive. Could you hold a stop sign on a stick out the window? And like eventually you're like, and, yeah, it's my turn. Which we try to use this podcast for for positive social movement.

Yeah. And look, if you, this is my philosophy. If I come out of a store and there's a car pulling up, 100% of the time, if I will wave. Oh, do you wave the car? I will wave that car through because it is a simple matter of efficiency. How long do I wait for that car to drive by? half a second, maybe a full second, how long to wait for me to walk past them? And that's assuming I give them the courtesy of I'm going to actually move at a not a slow walking speed.

It's way longer. Just let the car go. What if the double wave happens? I love. That's fine. Yeah, I mean, you'll have to figure that. Mike, I love what you're saying here. Practicality and logic have to come into place.

I'm going to add one more wrinkle to that. Okay, so obviously the car should go first. It's just more efficient. Yeah. You need to flip that on its head in bad weather people. In Arizona, it is so hot in the summer, that person walking, I'm in air conditioning. That per, you go, you go get to that car. Okay.

I will wait. If you're in, if you're in Detroit and it's snowing and your car is nice and toasty, come on. Get that guy to his car. I can add that in. So a weather clause. Yeah, a weather clause. Otherwise, yeah. And then if the person is, if.

There's a big stream of people, and they are walking. You are not allowed to say, time's up. I do feel like a pet peeve is, in general, I'm going to wave. I mean, you wave to the pedestrian. But sometimes pedestrians will walk in a manner that makes me think that they think that a car would not hurt them. Right. Because they're going at a speed and pace and not acknowledging the imminent death

that I could bring them. When you don't acknowledge a car, it's so rude. When I'm the driver and I'm like, they're just not even looking and they're just, I'm like, you know what that one is? That one is the, that's when you're driving down the aisle to park.

And the people go into their car. Oh my God. In the dead center of, with the car in the dead center of the aisle. And you're behind them. And they don't pay attention. It's, it's foul.

I think you are. And I'm, I'm not sure about this, but I think you can actually, you can hit them a little bit. You can give them a tap? I think you can give them a tap. Just like a little flat tire. Boom on the. But it's so long as you say flat tire.

You have to scream it out the window. Yeah. Gotcha. Those people are like, I want to throw something at them. Yeah. Walking in the middle of a street is so strong. As is like when things are busier, the driving in the middle of the street. because when you pull up, you know, I have to turn left.

I can't because this car is just in the middle of the road. So you have to wave that car on. If you let me go in front of you, you're a car and you're waving me in front of you, I made this promise my entire, I get into a light jog. Oh, for sure. I like, unless I'm with a kid that I need to usher, I will light jog for you. Yeah. That's my level of respect for you.

Combing courtesy. Yeah. Now, I won't sprint anymore, but I'll light jog. You can't sprint. No. A sprint would be highly suspicious. You go, you just walked out of Target and you take off running.

That would be really funny. I'm being respectful. All right, all right. It is time to draft after this quick break. The Spitballers draft. Well, today's draft is places to go if you want to get sick. So there are places that you go to that are, you know, we are recording this show a few years after the COVID pandemic. And everyone became acutely aware of how germs spread for the first time in their lives.

And there are places that you're like taking a chance a little bit that you think about it in the back of your head. So the worst place is to go if you want to get sick. I'm thrilled to have the number one. Real. I feel real. I think there's like two really strong picks. I agree. Oh, yeah.

I mean, for me, this is a clear 101. It seems like you're about 50-50 right now. Yep. But it's the airplane airport. 100% it's the airport. Yeah, I mean, the airport is people will not disrupt their travel plans. Jason, you just went on a trip. You said the woman was dying beside you.

So this was insane. I just came back. We were in this airport. it's a busy airport because they all are and there is a lady in a striped sweater we'll call her the lady in the striped sweater she's why would you call her that she's wearing a striped sweater okay all right but just you know you know just for anonymity sake here and she's coughing and hacking so much that me and my family decide to change which side of the airport we're standing on. And I'm not, I'm not a germaphobe. No, you're not. I'm really, I'm one who doesn't care. You normally

don't think about it. I don't think about it. But this lady was dying. And the thing is, is it wasn't like, oh, she had something in her throat, two or three coughs, whatever. She have a mask? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Okay, sorry, sorry. She had a striped sweater. What was the, the, the, the coughing situation? Was it into an elbow? Oh, no, no, no, no. I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up. straight out no come on I promise you

now she was facing a wall okay I think that was her protection I think that was her protection for people she was like over by a store facing a wall just coughing at it and I think maybe she covered one or two of seven thousand

it lasted so long I mean we were there way before we needed our airplane so then she leaves she goes to the bathroom somewhere else our gates down the other side we go you know two gates down we load up we get in i've got one seat next to me one there's one seat in the world and who comes in the lady in the striped sweater and plops right down next to me and right behind me was my family

and i immediately i was like shot back because we were all they knew it they saw and it was like oh my gosh what are the odds so yeah that was that was fun the airport so i'm i'm about to have all of the diseases. Yeah, no, and you've given them to me right here before. Mike, you are up. We will go with school. Okay. That is, see, I'll let it go.

Because I wasn't sure if this needed to be a combo pick. But I'm going to say, because it's school, the second that your children go to an elementary school, your house is now just infested. Oh, for sure. I mean, it spreads in cycles. I mean, I have on my list, kindergarten classroom. Yes. But that's just because that's where it begins.

Right. There are, yeah, there are a few places that you can go to where they're going to send a note home about what's happening with sickness. And schools, they'll do that. And it's just like, we'd like you to know, you're probably getting sick soon. And you get these like, I understand they need to be anonymous, but it's always just so strange. I'm like, your child was may or may not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah. And you're like, wait. What do you mean?

You're not sending this home for. not exposed. It's just such a terrible letter. It's the striped sweater. They should just send that note home every day. They should send home. Every day they should send home one saying, hey, your kid might or might not have been exposed to blah, blah, blah

today. Because it's true every single day. They should name the kid. Also, kids are filthy. They should be like, they should be like, Jimmy. Tom Thompson, uh, he's the sick one. Send all letters to him. Um, I agree that's a great pick, Mike. that is not what I thought you said there were two I'm afraid you're gonna and I and I got it look I mean you go where the sicknesses are yeah the hospital I had written emergency rooms sure that's in the hospital yeah I mean I don't feel like the hospital's dangerous I feel like the emergency rooms they're different well the hospital that I know and by that I mean every hospital I've ever seen in my life includes an emergency room so I'm I will get both it's inside the hospital

fine. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, that's, even if you don't get sick, you feel like you did. You're afraid of it. You're walking the halls. You know, I don't walk most of the other places that have just a, you know, a hand sanitizer on the wall and hit up four of them, you know, per trip. But if I'm in a hospital, I'm like, oh, there's another one. Let me go ahead.

Hospitals are weird because they, you know that they're actively trying to keep things clean. Like they keep it really cold. There are hand sanitizers and they clean all the time. And yet, if you go to an emergency room, all active cases of problems. Yeah. Or like, I guess, I don't know, if the ER doesn't split it, but I'm thinking of like when you go to the kid doctor and it's like. Oh, in the sick room. Yeah.

There's two different doors and except then you open the door and you're just looking right at the person in the face. You're like, you go five steps that way because that's the sick room. This is like. And here's the well side. Yeah. Jeremy and I. Didn't you tell me we're all breathing the germs? Dude, Jeremy knows exactly what I'm going to say.

Jeremy and I were on a, we're on a ship, and they had a casino. Spaceship? Why didn't you just say cruise ship? Because I figured that might be someone's pick, and I didn't want to talk about it. But yes, that is why I said that. I can't pick it. Anyways, and we're in the casino, and there's a smoking area and a non-smoking area. This is a very small casino.

It's literally, it's not a joke. It's literally this table's smoking, the one next to us, our table's nonsmoking. There's nothing in the weight. No barrier. The dude one foot from me is smoking. He's allowed. It's like, what? Do you know how smoke works? Because I am in the smoking section. He's two feet from me.

And the way their air filtration system worked, it just blew all the smoke to the non-smoking table. And their table was free to get it out of here. Yeah. It's gross. Okay, so I am up. I got the hospital. I got my second pick here. And I'm going to go with one that's a little bit more niche.

but it's always like when I walk into one of these I honestly feel like sometimes I hold my breath and that is a crammed elevator when you are when you're on an elevator that is full of people I just feel like I'm I'm breathing all of what you're breathing out there's no way we're making it to the next destination hold your breath that's it yeah I'm either getting sick or I'm smelling farts yeah I have yeah

Like the whole time? I've tried. It just depends on how many floors. Like driving through a tunnel? Yeah, yeah. Oh, always do that. Who here holds their breath when you go through a tunnel? Everybody does that, Jason.

Yeah, everyone does that. I just didn't know. I didn't know if that was a universal thing. It has to be. It has to be because everyone in here did. Our forefathers, they made it a decree. Mike, you have elementary school. You have another pick.

So, oh, man, I'm between two. I am going to go. I'm going to take a concert. It was high on my list. You're jammed together. Yeah, and especially, I mean, the way that we used to do concerts, now if your concert does not have a chair designated for me, don't invite me to your concert.

That's rule number one. But back what we used to do, it was all standing. Oh, yeah. It was, everyone was, I mean, there was at least eight, other people that their sweat was on you at any given point during the night. Did you mosh? I didn't go into the actual pits, but I would be down there like trying not to get thrown into the

mosh pit, but you're just, you're getting crushed on all sides. It is disgusting. Concerts are one of the few things that like temperature regulation. It's impossible. Yeah, it doesn't happen. They try their best. Plus concerts are outside. They're in the humidity.

Sometimes they get moved around. You're out there for hours. Like, you're just with. people on you. Well, and sometimes they're in small venues with a popular local band or something that's packed. And you are like sardines in a box of disease.

Yes. Good pick. Yeah, that would have been one of my two picks here. So I have the airplane airport combo for my first pick. I I mean, hopefully it counts. Is this the same thing as your school pick? I was going to go with the daycare. That's where I wasn't sure if it needed to be a combo. You guys can decide.

Do I need to get rid of that one? I was going to go daycare, but then I'm like, I don't know. But I'll allow it. It's fine. Okay. So, I mean, the daycare is where it begins. Yes. It's the incubator of all future disease.

Yes. So I will go to the daycare. The next one. They don't tend to wash our hands very well. Babies? No, and the employees, like a lot of them, they probably don't clean it very well either. Ooh, putting them on blast. I mean, take that daycare?

Maybe some employees. too. So I'll go daycare for the first one. The second one, this is going to be a weird pick, but I just had the experience of almost that whole, like you said at a concert, you're basically with people and you're almost crushed.

To me, that was Disneyland. Yes. To me, that was Disneyland. You're in lines. Amusement Park would have been my next thing. Yeah, I guess that would be better. But, like, you're just constantly jammed against people all day long.

Nobody cancels their trips to those things, just like they don't cancel their trips on the airport or on the airline. And I think one of the places, like, you can't really draft it because it's too universal, but I think lines are where you get sick. Like in the airport, it's not just standing around at the airport. Especially if you lick the people in front of you.

Yeah. It's when you're in the little runway thing, whatever that's called, where you're standing in that tunnel to board the plane and you're just... I want you to come up with the name. I feel like we can never think of the name for that thing. It's a on way. It's a something way.

It's a jet way. It's a jet way. I was... Is it a jet way? There we go. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. All right. But yeah, like in there or in security line.

It's like you're packed next to people and you're not moving. It's just kind of this stale area. And Papa Josh was bringing up the handrails in the line, 100%... Not just in line, but it's like, okay, if there's any... stairs and there's a rail. Your first move is you grab the rail for safety and then you go, oh no, what

have I done? There's 10,000 people. I really don't know how germs work and how long they last on the handrail. In Disneyland forever. Yeah, I've gotten sick at Disneyland before, so it had to be the pick. Mike, you were back up. Elementary school and a concert.

Yeah, so I knew I was hoping it would be a music part because I think that one just it's a double down of this one, but it's a sporting event. So just another Yeah. Just another disease factory

where you're sardined in. I mean, we all have chairs, but sort of you have a chair. You can show up to a game and make it in and be fine. But if that game goes down to the wire and everyone leaves at the same moment, yep. I've been in some like,

are we ever getting out of here moments waiting for escalator? You're talking like, I mean, what's a, It's an average football stadium, like 50, 60,000 people. Yeah, sure. So, I mean, that's just, it's a lot of open air. There's a lot of striped shirt wearing people in those places.

Referees? Yeah, yeah, sick referees. All right, so you went with the sporting event. Jason, you have a couple picks. All right. When I'm thinking about this, like, you know, this isn't necessarily where you are going to get sick, but this is where I feel like I'm going to get sick. Okay.

It's a public restroom. I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. You know, for a non-germophobe, you do have a few carve-outs in your contract. Yeah. And I'm talking specifically gas stations. Okay. Because they're, you know, I'm not talking like a, you go to a fancy dinner and you go to use their restroom, whatever.

It's clean. I'm talking about the, you all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, that's as a bathroom. That's as gross as he gets. I have an interesting question. Public bathroom related. Do you use the. toilet paper no waxy covered no that is disgusting does it does anyone in here use it no one

uses we're seeing a lot of people shaking because i mean i go i go clean cheek contact yeah me see i just don't know it's not going to get into my body touching my back on my leg the the the the sheet thing that goes on the seat has the flap where the where you know the oh i yeah i've had mishaps with the flap and the flap yeah i've tried it everyone's tried it once yeah and it's like just don't deal with this. This is not a, this is not, there's a reason why. He brings his own though. There's a reason why when you go to most of these places that have those things, they're empty. They stop putting those out like decades. That's a bit restocked to the 80s. Your butt cheeks can't get you sick. That's a fact. That's one of the, that. All right.

All right. Well, embroidery pillows I thought I was alone in that. No, no, no, so nobody in here uses it. Wow. We are gross. Yeah, we're all. All right. All right. I got one more pick. Is this my last pick? Okay, I'm going to go with something I think that is pretty common for the every person out there. I'm going to go with a small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows in a small lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards. That's where that's what I'm going to pick. Let me repeat that, Mike. A small musical theater that constantly has sold out shows on a small lobby that everyone hangs out in afterwards.

Are you just hypothetically speak? Are you putting a venue on blast? Yes. Yes. A local venue. In the city of Phoenix? No. No.

It's in. Anthem. Oh, it's in the city of Anthem. Yes. If you are looking. It's one of the musical theaters up in Anthem. I heard Jeremy just chuckling. Yeah.

So he is aware. Oh, it's. So you've been in this boat before? I've been in this boat 100 times. I'll be in this boat 100 more times. My children do. musical theater. They love this theater. It's a great theater. I saw your answer, Jeremy. You just deleted it.

But after the show, there's usually like 50 kids in the show, all their parents sold out, and then everyone goes out and waits at the lobby, and they all got to get photos. I've been in that lobby. That is a small lobby. It is a real problem because, I mean, imagine my small crowded elevator. That's what it is. Yeah, with more people. About 70 elevators could fit in that place. So are you trying to get out as fast as you can?

Like, are you trying to tell the kids like, say thanks to me. I'm trying to get into the lobby as slow as I can out of the lobby as fast as I can. Okay. Very, very nuanced answer for number four. Just, you know, what everyone can relate to. Not specific. Mike, you have another pick. All right.

For my final pick. I'm going to go. Maybe it's okay. but it seems like it's a problem every time you're in there. I will go with the subway. Yeah, it's on my list. Is it okay? Oh, for sure.

Is there something about it being underground that adds to it? Yes. Like, it's more sick things underground? Yes, because you know that the air that's there. Oh, it's like stagnant. The air that's not supposed to be there. No. Oh, yeah.

It's not fresh. You're under the ground. Yeah, it's just. They imported that air from up above. Yes. And then they just and then, but then they have to push it back there. They trapped it down there. That's right.

Same air from the first. dig. It's like the, once they dog the tunnel. Air of transportation. That air has been there and it just gets recycled through us. Yes. We are the filter. Are you breathing the same air as they breathe 50 years ago in the subway?

100%. Yeah. Old Ben Franklin. That was his air. So I mean, it's a little, it's an honor. Yeah, it's an honor to get Ben Franklin's sickness, but you're going to get it. But it is, it is an honor to breathe our forefather's air down in the subway. But it is sick.

He was a pretty big subway guy, huh? Oh, huge. It was one of his favorite. Benjamin Franklin invented the subway. Really? Yes. That's something. The sandwich chain?

Right after the bifocals was the subway. These are new facts. You're telling me there's not plague in that air? That's a good segment idea. New facts. Oh, yeah, that's a good pick. That's a good pick. So, I mean, especially, like, I've been on not a ton of subways,

but it's like the New York one in particular. Why is there all that hot air down there? You want out as fast as possible. And I'm not talking just like you're hanging out. Like there's vents blasting hot air everywhere. What is going on? That must be how they move the subways. I mean, just lots of hot air.

Thermal power. I don't know. Fire. All right. I have to close this out. I got a lot of other things on the list. But I think I'm going to go with just the ones. where we've been in the situation that makes me feel the most uncomfortable,

which is we go to these like podcast conference events and we go to, and they always have these after parties or after events and they're always like, you know what would be awesome is how about everybody from the conference? Let's call it a couple hundred people. We're going to go, we got an after party. It's at the local, it's at Pete's local bar. So I'm taking a bar because everybody, they want to do the after party at the smallest bar. in the world. So if you go to a bar, not only can you not hear the people you're talking to, right?

So you got to shout and let all those germs out. Yeah, people are shouting. They're raising their voice. You can't see anything either. It's so dark in there. Nope. So you're, you can't see. You can't hear. And you can breathe only the air that is emitted from the other bodies around. Well, you're shaking a lot of hands. You're forgetting about that. That's true. That's true. So I'm going to close it out with the bar. I was deciding between the subway or a nightclub. Yeah. But I, I think the conference would have been it's been the better pick. I mean, if you have any, if you've had an occupation where you go to a conference,

how many of them do you come home sick from? At least one out of two. Yeah, that's pretty impossible not to. Because you do take a, but you take a plane to the conference? Yes, and everybody else is taking the plane. And then you take a subway to the conference center. Yeah. And then you compact all of our picks into one.

And then everyone shakes hands, the whole. Oh, yeah. Other ones that weren't drafted. public pool. Public pools online as well. I put Walmart. Just Walmart. Oh, yeah.

I just feel like it's a little easier to get sick there. I have a cruise ship, which we talked about. Movie theater? Do you feel like you get sick at a... Not anymore because they're empty. Oh, okay. I used to. Yesterday we got tickets to a movie theater.

There's almost nobody in the theater. Yeah. Except for four people directly next to us. And here's a real... No one moved? Well, let me... Is it a game of chicken? I need to ask this question.

Here's a great question. little extra content. I need to know what to do next time because we got there first. We have our two seats. Were these assigned seats? Yes. They're assigned seats because you buy them online. So we sat in our E5E6. And when you bought, the map did not show

they were sold. Yeah, we're not psychopaths. Okay. Tickets right next to someone? So we, it's us, E5E6, no one else in the theater. First four people come in. They sit directly next to us. So now there's six people sitting directly next to each other. what do I do? How big is the row?

We looked online and the row is, let's call it, 18 seats. Okay, so this isn't one of the smaller theaters where... No, no, no, no, there's plenty of room. After we get in there, we're like, uh, I don't like this. I want to sit, like, alone. Is there a gap? Is there a one-chair gap, at least? No, there's no chair gap.

Wait, wait, wait, okay, hold on. These people bought four tickets directly next to them. like you're sharing the armrest. Oh, he took it for most of the movie. Well, he established dominance. I didn't. I didn't establish it. Even though the armrest had my drink in it.

Wow. My drink's in the armrest. His elbows on the armrest. Pretty sure that makes it his drink. Did he take your drink? He could have, by all the rights and rules, he could have said this is my drink now. By rule of the old world. But what I was, this is my soda.

What I was dealing with was once a certain amount of time goes by, It becomes very awkward for me to then swing to the other side of my wife, which was open. We looked up while we're waiting from the movie. We looked up on our phone. Is the seat next to us sold so I could just go over there? And I didn't. You got to go to the bathroom and then get when you come back. That's what she said.

Oh, man. And I didn't do it. I enjoyed that movie with that guy wheeled hands the whole time. Going to the bathroom, that's a pretty good call. But the problem about the going to the bathroom is I had to come by. I had to go buy him on the way. back and to the way to the bathroom. So I would have had to walk by him past my seat.

Well, grab your drink out. And grab my drink out and go to the other side. You could have gone striped sweater. Oh, yeah. Just start hacking. Just start coughing and hacking. Make him move. I thought you mean switch my clothes.

So it looks like I'm a different person. I was like, wait, I put on an inverted sweater. I'm going to take that missing guy. Soda. It's just the first time. I've been in this theater all day. This looks like a nice. seat over here by this young lady.

I think at that point, while you're going to the bathroom, you should buy a soda to prove that you're a new person. You come in, look, I have a whole new soda here. I abandoned my other drink. Why would I buy a second soda? I told her that we need to pull the Jason more. What he would do? What's that?

Buy four seats. Yeah. I don't think these people would respect it. Maybe not. If you're going to pull a move of that shenanigan level, I have to believe that they purchased these tickets. They were elderly. Oh.

Which meant they were talking through the whole movie. They were given the commentary the whole time. Yeah, I think the coughing would have worked out real well. It was great because there was about a two-minute commercial of Megan the Stalian doing an Amazon Prime ad. And the whole thing gets over. How confused. Yeah. The whole thing gets over.

The lights, the preview comes down. and all I hear is this old lady go, why in the heck was she selling? It was amazing. All right. Other ones I put like a bus, right? Which is like the subway, the mall maybe. Yeah, I had the mall food court.

I feel like those places. Why just the food court? Yeah. I also have all you can eat buffets. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's like, have those died off since COVID? I think they're coming back. I hope.

It's an American tradition, man. I also put the county the fair. Like if you go to the fair. Because that food is not. Like even outside of the people, the food, you're probably 50-50 to get sick from that food. What did we learn today? I learned that people need to learn how to use more burners at the same time, man. We got to buy them first.

Well, you've got more than one. I do. I do. How do I use two burners if I'm making mac and cheese? Well, that's probably the only thing you use. Yeah. It is. Okay.

Mac and cheese, top ramen are one burner meals. Yeah. What did we learn today, America? We learned, let the car go. Yes. I didn't learn this because I already knew it, but you now know, let the car go. Yeah, and if the car lets you go, light job. Move it.

Definitely don't go extra slow. Yeah. And, well, four tickets in the movie theater, I guess. That's what I learned. Thank you for joining us on this episode of the Spitballers podcast. Tell your friends about the show. and we'll be back with you next week. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.