Spitballers Comedy Podcast - The Bird Gang & Things That Make You Feel Self Conscious - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 12, 2026

Spit Hit for February 12th, 2026:Don’t miss this week’s hilarious episode. We talk the fear of tunnels, get mixed up with Andy’s ladder analogy, talk way too many birds and wrap things up with a Things that Make You Feel Self Conscious draft. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Blab-a-blap. Oh, no, don't look at my face. All right. I get it. All right. Check that one off. Don't look at my face.

That is, I'm assuming you're missing a tooth as well. Me, I would never Things that make you feel self-conscious. Have you heard of my dental care routine? Oh, yeah. He says they're going nowhere. You do nothing. Well, he goes nowhere.

He doesn't go to a dentist, but he destroys his teeth and gums with... No, I destroy bacteria. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You nuke your mouth. Yeah, yeah. So the only thing that can live is gums and teeth. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this is referring to your usage. of the water pick at the highest level. Yeah. And annihilating. I mean, I can't get that thing past a three. I can't, man. I'm trying to find an engineer who will take off the restrictor plates so I could crank this thing up to 11. Hook it up to a gas power and have to pull the.

Now, Jason, here's a question. Does that the fact that you've heard Mike's levels on the water pick and you're a three, does that make you feel insecure? It's also inferior. Jeremy's level 10 as well. I don't get insecure. How about self-conscious? Oh, self-conscious? A little bit.

Yeah, because today we are drafting things that make you feel self-conscious. I just thought I'd bring that up. Yeah. I'll bring up lots of things that might make you feel self-conscious. I wonder what your 101 is going to be, Andy. Me too. Me too. Would you rather and is this real life on today's show?

happy to have you with us. Al Borland in the building wearing a matching hat. Do we run the Ducers cams over here? Yes, sir. It's a full Ducer's alley today. I don't know the last time that's happened for spitballs. Oh, look at that.

You got a Falcon and an owl and a bald guy. Yeah. Try to figure out who's who. Falcon, like, he just started smirking the second I threw the camera. That's all he does, man. He's the other, a minute ago, I walked out into the front. room in this office. What was he doing? Smirking. In order to start smirking, he had the gall to tell me that I smirked first. You did start it. No, I don't start the smirk, man. I smirk because of your smirk.

What's going on in that brain? You are the first smirk of every room. I think he sees the world in cartoon. Is he just walked around like la la la la la la. He's living life. And then you're like, hey Matt, he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Sorry. I was just singing. the smurfs again. So we have two birds and a bald guy and Ducers Allen? I guess. What's the baldest bird? Bald eagle, man. What are you talking about? What's the baldest bird?

I mean, I guess you could go. It's technical though. You would have to go like a vulture. A vulture. But there is a bald eagle which, whoop. Yeah. I mean, a vulture might be like more akin to pop a job. A vulture is one of the ugliest birds. Yeah. It's disgusting. And it's like makes me feel you want to. It's like the bird that doesn't bathe.

It doesn't make me feel self-conscious, but it makes me feel uncomfortable. Sure. The vulture? Oh, yeah. Oh, very much so. And it doesn't have any control of being made that way. It just lost the creation lottery. Well, no, it's actually, that's beneficial.

Being ugly? No, because they don't have the stuff on their head because they eat dead carcass. So I thought it was a disease prevention thing. So you're saying that Josh's looks may have. some peripheral benefit as well. Yeah, he won't get covered in disease when he's bottom feeding. Oh, man. I mean, feel free to weigh in here, Josh. He doesn't get sick according to him. No, yeah. That's the secret. He's just like a vulture. The vulture. The falcon and the owl, oh, man. Oh, boy. What is this show? I do not condone this, by the way. Yeah, I was going to say,

we will not have, no one will hear this show because none of those three guys are going to edit it after we're done. Let's kick it off with some would you rather. Would you rather? All right. Josh from X says, would you rather be overflowing with talent, ability, or skill? Okay.

So I was out of the office. This is a plant. I'm just going to admit this question is a plant because of a conversation that shouldn't be a conversation. This is like a, what's the difference question? But here it is. So what happened yesterday was that, that here in the office, we play pickleball.

And when I say we, I mean, the three of us and now. Yeah. And when you say play, I want it clear, we dominate. Okay. Yeah, we're very so good at it. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And then we have the noob crew. And that's like the vulture and the falcon.

Yeah. And they play pickabon. They're learning. And they're getting better. Solid three of us. but that's that's a devastating pickleball joke for the yeah if you don't know if you got the 3 o joke you're one of us now mike you were not here no this is an opportunity for a fresh clean slate can't wait and al you can jump in if i misrepresent any of what transpired but we got well i was

saying how did it go on saturday they play this they play on saturday the the new crew as they call themselves and they get guys together and they're playing pickleball and they've been playing a lot. And Papa Josh's phrase, and that's why this question is a plant, was that he has so much talent at Pickleball. He just

can't place it where he wants to place it. Yeah, I believe the direct quote was something just like this. I, the that was Matt and I have the same problem that our talent is just so much better than our ability

to place the ball where we want. Okay. And we were trying to work through that. And we're like, wait, wait, wait, your talent is much better than your ability to do it. Make a no sense. Yeah, what was your reaction to that? Because. So, I don't want to muddy the well.

I mean, I can see the conversation of like what exactly is, what is talent? Is talent you just, is it like the ceiling that you are born with just like your DNA? some people like I was I was encoded with just a I have a musical talent yep it was just easier but I have then I had to hone it and be taught things and work on it and then it became you know a craft or I guess in this an ability yeah did you have to develop inability to harness your talent yes so you had to learn how to play a guitar yeah you have to learn the the finger dexterity you would say you were a talented guitarist before you could play the guitar right See, that's where it's hard It's not hard How could you be That's a talented guitar If you can't play the guitar

You can't play the guitar You cannot say I'm really talented at the guitar Okay, you know I'm really talented at the guitar Yeah, yeah Okay, I'm on that side You could say like I've got a proclivity to music

You know, I'm, I'm a talented I've got talented I've got a good of year I've got talented music You know what I mean And maybe maybe what popa Josh Should have said is like You know, I'm athletic

I'm athletically talented I just don't have the ability A pickleball But you say the phrase is I have athletic ability. It's not I I don't say I have athletic talent. Which would be accurate. Now, this was a fun debate we had all day yesterday. Now, this question specifically, which would you rather be

overflowing with? I mean, I feel like I've got plenty of wasted talent. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of use an example like, I feel like I have some natural talent. I was bringing up like 20 years ago in basketball. but I didn't want to put in the work to make the talent into anything. Right. So I didn't have the discipline to fulfill my potential.

If you have the ability that automatically comes with talent, right? That's how I feel. If I've got the ability to dominate on a basketball court, then I will be a talented basketball player. Yeah, I agree. But now, so where's ability versus skill in this question? The same. How could you be over?

Okay, so you're overflowing with ability or you're overflowing with skill? Those are the same thing to me. Because, like, just bring it back to the conversation of Josh saying he has the talent, but he can't get the ball where he wants it to go. No, to me, that's skill. That is a skill-based issue. Mm-hmm. If you, so.

That's not ability, to me, that's not an, that's not ability. Is the ability just the ability to, like, move your arms? Yeah, ability. In pickleball? Might be. Like, because you're not, like, you're not missing an arm. Right. You have the ability.

I have the ability. to hit every shot. I just don't. Now, you don't have the ability to dunk a basketball. Right. Correct. Or the skill,

do you have the skill to dunk a basketball? I think so. I think I do have the skill to dunk a basketball. I just don't have the ability. Do you have the talent to dunk a basketball? No, sir.

No. So you're one-third? How many trampolines do that? Get this man on a trampoline and he'll have the ability because he has the skill. Okay, so we actually did break down the difference to an ability and skill,

and I think I'd rather have the skill than the ability. Eventually, skill wins out. Like there's certain games or competition where it's just a raw talent and ability can beat out somebody with skill. Which does Tiger Woods have the most of? That is.

In his heyday, you're saying. Yeah. Tiger Woods at the peak. That's a real old reference right now to be like, let's just bring up the best athlete. It's funny because I feel like Tiger Woods is this example of a solo. Like he comes up because golf is by yourself. And he was the best for so long

at one thing by yourself. So does he have more talent, ability, or skill? Man. Oh, man. Because the ability would be like how far can you drive? I'm going to put that into ability. But skill is like the, can you hit the drive straight? Can you argue all your putting?

All of your, I'm going to go, I'll go skill. I think I go skill. Oh, but skill is the, was the dominant. That's walking me into Josh being right. But, well, and I don't want that. He's a, he's a vulture. But I will say, if you take the example of Michael Phelps, who was a one solo sport, you know, the famous swimmer, gold medal,

whatever, that feels like its ability. Because his dominant was a physical ability. He had like, you know, 17 foot feet. So, but that makes me think that like maybe Josh was right a little bit because. But he said ability. No, he said he had said talent. He said he has tons of talent. But not the ability to put it there.

Oh, it should have been skill. He doesn't have the ability. He doesn't have the ability. Oh, we did it. We did it. Yeah. So he was wrong. And you're still wrong.

You vulture. Matt from Patreon, would you rather be 6'4 and slim, but constantly have a persistent backache. What is this? Or be five foot. This is a vanity question. And a little chubby, but feel great. And I know my answer.

We all know our answer. Are we all the same? I'm six four, man. Yeah, I'm six four. I'm six four and a little slim. I look great. I got a back problem. I'm not in the best shape.

I got back pain right now. Yeah, that's fine. But look at me. Look at how great this is. I mean, I would, I mean, it's not even a close question. No, it's not. It wouldn't take, like, I mean, five foot is the biggest problem. Jay, your five, five, five?

How tall are you? I'm five 11. Five 11. Five 11. Little chubby, feel great. Or six four. Six four. Yes.

That's what. Hold on, hold on. Six four slim and a backache. Six four slim or sorry. A little chubby. Chubby. And you feel great. Ooh.

That one I'm going to. I think I'd go chubby too. I'll go a little chubby at six. Yeah. Where is the height different? Yeah, I know. Is it, is it just like if you're at, okay, I'm six feet, that's fine? Yeah.

Is that the, no, Mark you never, I want to be at least six two. He had the talent ticket to six feet. He didn't have the ability. Six two to six four that range. So you're saying if it, if the official offer from the wizard is six one, you're a little chubby, but you feel greater six four slim, slim you have a back egg. I got a bag egg. Oh, man.

Man. Yeah. I always, so I literally think sometimes this isn't a common thought, but it is not, and it is not something that has never been really, really, really thought through by me. There's been multiple times where I actually stop and think what it must feel like, what it must, what the psychological reality would be like for people who are taller than everyone around them. You know, for the most part, that might even be you two. You guys are both six to or taller.

And, you know, it's like you, you physically look down on people. Yes. You are physically superior. Yes. Yes. I mean, that's how it feels. But I'm like, there's got to be some psychology that comes along with that that's like, makes you feel good. Because I will tell you this on the other side.

You guys aren't used to this. You're not hanging around NBA teams. But like, I'll be in a group where it's just a bunch of alphas. And it's like everyone is 6-2 to 6-4. There's five or six guys. And I'm standing there. And I'm going to tell you, I feel a little self-conscious. I don't feel self-conscious.

I feel like a loser. The good news is, Jay. Do you stand on your dippy-toes? Oh, you know. While that's going on, you don't have to feel bad because we don't notice you. Yeah, you don't see me. We see right over. Yeah, I know.

I know. I just hide in plain sight. I have to say this because you're right. Because here's why you're right. It's not because it's because I'm so used to be in taller than everybody I'm around or equal. Tall or equal. That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm 6.3.

So I'm either equal or taller than everybody I'm around. What is the average height? I'm going to look it up. It's not. I think I'm technically tall. It's like 510 for men. Average height, this is very well health, which is the first response. Oh, it's clearly.

That sounds great. The average height of an American man is 5.9. Okay, so it's the size of an owl. The reason I'm bringing it up is because I don't go around, walking around thinking like I'm superior. I'm just always taller. I just am superior. I just am always taller. I don't have to think it if I am.

But listen, this is the whole point of what I'm saying. If I do end up in a situation, like we'll go to a conference and there'll be one guy or two guys that's taller than me, it changes everything. Yeah, the power dynamic. The power dynamic completely changes. So it does exist. I'm naive to it when I am taller than everybody else. You don't realize that you already are winning the power dynamic. I mean, looking up at somebody is a bad feeling.

It sucks, man. It sucks when you're around people that are all taller than you. What is the power structure of this room right now? Right now, I think all three of us are clearly superior to the producers. Like genuinely. Because we're physically taller? Physically taller. And then all the other stuff.

But what's the order of the producer? producers in like, you know. Oh, that is true. In power. In power. I'm 5.9. 510. Oh, I'm at the bottom. It's not even worth saying, guys. It's too shameful.

Now, I mean. This thing I had nothing to do with. I was going to say like Falcon, like you, you have no control over it. You're speaking from the opposite position of us. Like, is this ringing? true to you? Yeah. Yeah, you know.

Okay. Look, I'm just, at least when the draft is coming up, things I'm not self-conscious about being short. Yeah. I don't know what that's like. 6-2. Is it bad guys? Is it bad guys?

Is that the line? 6-2, a little chubby, I'll take that. If I feel good, a 6-2, a little chubby. Back-8. Now, would it inversely work? Like if I told you 6-2, a little chubby, no back-8, but you could be 6-8? No, I think.

Six, four, you look at that as like, you're not a freak. Outside of, outside of playing, I pick outside of playing basketball. See, but no, but that's what tall guys have to do. You're like, I'm tall. And you're like, well, six, well, that person, that's a freak. That's a freak of nature. That's weird. They're weird.

You're too tall. You want to be like my height. Yep, yep. I'm tall. I'm the perfect height. I stopped. I stopped at an. Appropriate hide.

Like, what six, eight is, I mean, now you're like, no, no, no, I'm talking about. It's a freak. No, I'm talking about the difficulties of just life. Yeah, life is not. It does affect you. Dude, I went and, I mean, I get, like, I don't think of myself as tall. I'm just like, I'm six foot, but I guess that's a little bit over average. I did over the weekend.

I'm, I'm, I'm almost six one, but I'm one of the guys who I'm like, I don't round up. I think I'm, I got a six. I got a 6-4 at the doctor's office for the first time in my life. You're growing? You're growing boy? I think I'm going up. You just got good posture now. I think I'm second puberty.

And Mike, you are 6-1. You have to be. You have made me feel like I am lying when I say I'm 5-11. And then I have measured myself barefoot on 5-11, like on the dot. And there's no way you're not two inches tall. I'll take it. But I just, I went, I was out of town, had to get in an Uber. and I don't remember what kind of car it was,

but just for the example, I'll say essentially like a geometro type of car where, oh, this is a problem. When I sit in the back, if I'm actually sitting upright, my head is hitting the roof of the car and I'm six foot to six one.

Like if you're six eight. Yeah, you're not getting in there. That's a different kind of life, man. All right. Well, we sorted that out.

Really a lot to unpack later on. Rob, from the website, would you rather have to crawl 100 yards through an extremely narrow cave? You can barely squeeze through or spin the night in a large natural underground cavern so dark that you cannot see the hand in front of your face. 100% the second one.

That's a long time to be in pitch darkness, man. But I think, don't people pay for that? Like, to go on like a darkness retreat? Yeah, and what do you think? But not in a cave, man. What do you think of those people? I think those people are probably 6-8, Mike. Because they're freaks.

No, I have a very important question to help me decide. Am I guaranteed to get through the 100 yards? Yes. Then no problem. This is not a death symptom. Then I'm doing that because if I know, the problem with the narrow passageway in the claustrophobia is not, will I make it through?

It is, am I going to get stuck? Let me, let me, let me, rephrase. You are going to get through. You this isn't, you won't die there, but you do not know that. You can't, you can't go in knowing the future. There's got to be, like, there's got to be the element of I have to get through this. Not, not like, oh, I already know I get through this. I mean, you can get hurt. Says you have to crawl 100 yards so you can. I mean, you're forgetting this underground cavern, Jason, filled with potential unviewable. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. They're there.

No, they're... Catures? Bats are there. Bears are there. Spiders are there. No, spiders, bro. You don't get to take them out. There ain't no spiders in my cave.

Because you can't see them? I can't see them. They're not there. When they crawl on you, they will be. Because you know where I will see them in my little tiny crawl space. It's going to be right next to me because I got no room to breathe. There's probably not a lot of spiders in caves, are there? There's spiders everywhere.

If I was a spider, though, I would chill in a cave. Really? Yeah, I'd love that. What's the amount of, yeah, what are the amount of insects? Oh, that's true. There's probably not because you've got to eat something. Their food source is not about. You would just be in there being the food for the bats.

That's not good. There might not be a lot of spiders in caves. Bad bats are super chill. Yeah, it's funny because I think most people would, if the question was just, would you rather be in a cave that has a lot of spiders or be in a cave that has a lot of bats? I think most people would say, give me the spiders. I mean, you think that people are that scared of bats?

Now, breaking news, there's a thousand species of caves. spiders. So that makes sense because I've heard cave spider before. I have heard that. Shut up. Shut your stupid mouth up. They have to be larger, right? No, there are anybody. No way. They're tiny. They're microscopic. All over the world other than Antarctica. So if you want to go to like. Oh, that sounds like my kind of cave. It's your kind of cave. Cold and no spiders. Sign me up. No spiders in your crawl space. Guaranteed. Oh, there we go. There, that's what we needed.

You jerk. I, I have a place where the short people do better. Yeah, but not the fat people. Okay, and this is really the actual issue. I think, you know, I'm not going to know if I'm going to get stuck in there, but I know I will get stuck before my friends. You can put as much Vaseline on before you go down the hundred. I don't think I'd want a Vaseline.

Very long that will not help you. A hundred yards. So that's a, that's a whole. football field. When I watch someone go into one of these type of little sliver caves on a video on YouTube, and they just get

their feet to disappear. I can barely breathe. Right. No, I, that freaks me out, but it's the fear of getting stuck. And if you say that that's staying there, I'm probably staying in the cavern. I think I'm taking the, I think

this is the first question I've ever answered where I'm choosing spiders. I really think I would rather have the freedom of space and, you know, I can't see them. Obviously, I can feel them. Like, do you sleep on the ground then? Um, where else would you sleep? I'm going to sleep in the air. Very fair the way I put that. I mean, did you, I guess I was thinking would you, would you sleep? Yeah, I think, no, I think over 24 hours, I could stay up. It might be a great sleep. Pitch black, cold? Dude, and you're deleting hours, right?

I mean, if you sleep for 10, now you're only in that cave for 14. If you hear a sound, one sound, in that cave in pitch black, that's going to be tough. It will. But, hello? Who is that? How, okay, so this crawl, this crawl space, I mean, I imagine you're, like, it's like your toes are the only thing kind of able to put. you through toes and fingies yeah how long does that even take 100 yards a hundred yards crawling like that while scratching against walls how long does that take me or jasons just i mean it's hours

hours yeah yeah that's going to take you hours and uh i mean there's so many things that hyperventilating because you're afraid of the air and all the like the claustrophobia of it i think i'm going to turn that down i i i think i am somewhat claustrophobic like i don't have a fear of it that i ever think of because I but I think that's just because I don't think of being an enclosed space but it's like like it was an elevator doesn't choke your care no not at all not the slightest phone booth no not at all casket yeah I would freak out I would freak out yeah really yeah if it's in

closed like that like honestly I about a phone booth that is like blacked out what about that might be a water smart oh those actually do there you go okay there you got a little bit a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of the claustrophobia. Damon from Patreon, with no prior experience or in, Mike, you never answered that last question. Oh, I'm going to Cape.

Okay, we're all in the cave. The people that go in the, it's a weird. In the crawl space is, that's a different level of fear for it. Let me, let me do a little, I have a brain idea here. A little pivot question for that last one.

If you had to climb a thousand feet down on a ladder in a tube or a thousand up in a tube and come back, which would you rather do? Oh, that's okay. Do you know what I'm saying? I don't understand what you're saying because I feel like

down a tube is called a slide. No, no, no, no, not a tube, sorry. You're forced to climb a ladder down. You're on a ladder inside a tube. Yeah, I just meant like a... It's enclosed so there is the feeling of claustrophobia. Like a straight down drilling tube is what I meant. So you got a ladder down a thousand feet

or you go up one of those 1,000 feet. And you have to go down all the way, touch the bottom or touch the top, and then come back. Well, then you're doing both. Yeah, it's irrelevant. So one of them is. Which one will you want to do first? No, it's not irrelevant.

It's irrelevant. It is not. You're doing up and you're doing down. Oh, yeah, you are. Yeah. I guess I was thinking one was fear of heights and one was fear of being buried, but they're the same because if you're at the top of the thousand people.

He's chucking. There he is. Why do I alter the show doc? He's just works through it. I think the question. Did you understand what I was getting at? The question of just climbing down. Just going up or climbing down, I think, is that's a, it doesn't even have to be in a tube.

I feel like I'd rather climb up. I feel that too. I think it's easier to climb down. But you've got to look. Yeah. But I feel like climbing up, I'm not going to slip. For some reason, I feel like going down, I have a bigger potential to, like, like, I'm like have my foot slip when I'm reaching down. The falcon makes a good point. Um, if you're going down

every step you get more relief. If you're going up, every step is less. It's more fear. anxiety for height. Yeah, because you're going higher. Oh. Yeah. But every step down, you feel like you're one step closer to being done. Yeah, but I mean, you could argue well then to get started, you feel so high. It's the same thing. You're going to be at the same height either. Never should have asked. All right. Damon from Patreon with no price. experience, no prior experience or instruction at all, would you rather have to try and pilot a hot air balloon or hang glide off a cliff? Wow. That's not even close to me.

Really? I'm not even close. I'm trying to think through. Are you kidding me? No. A hot air balloon, the essence of a hot air balloon is, it's the eore of adrenaline. It is so slow. Like, it's just hot air and the less hot.

hot it gets, the slower you go down. Like, everything's about, the other one, I'm leaping off a cliff with what I imagine is oversized origami that could go at any direction and just send me down to the ground. I would say, but there is a part of, like, like, hang gliding. I think the starting is, like, I'll be able to figure that out because it's just go as fast as you can, down the hill, and eventually physics will take over and you'll start gliding. You're not going off a cliff? I guess I can go off a cliff.

I've seen the people go where it's not just a drop off, but it's like a hill. Yeah, yeah, that would be nicer. Running off a hill. Yeah. So, and then when it comes to landing, I have far more control. Like, I'll figure out how to steer, and I just, I have to find a very empty area for the landing. But where the hot air balloon is like, I think I'm going to land over there. But now all of a sudden, my, my balloon is getting pushed to, like, houses or power lines.

Now, the power lines concerning, not sure that, like, if you're hand gliding, how do you know you're not going down in power lines? You can just have, how do you have better control? Yeah, but what about your loft, your lift? Like, when you start hang gliding, when do you start going down? I think immediately. Right off the bat. Gravity works. Like, you're not, you're not getting lift.

You're just, you're just floating. You're slowly falling. You're a paper airplane. I think you're gliding down. It's the launch that scares me there. And you're saying that the landing scares you. on the other one. Yeah. Also, if you look at the height difference, it's almost like gliding. You're not hang gliding at the height that you're going in a hot air balloon. How dumb am I today?

Don't worry about it. You're doing great. Pretty like five out of ten, six out of ten? You're six three, bro. Nothing matters. That's not matter, cheers. Yeah. It's a real six three question. When you have a bad day, Mike, do you put your head on the pillow at the end of the day and you're just like, I'm going to wake up tomorrow. I'm going to be tall? I do. Like my feet kind of hang off the mattress. There's only one reason this is happening. Oh, man. You ever had that happen, Jay?

Your feet kind of hang up. Just get a smaller mattress. I get in my son's bed. He gets a kid's bed to feel huge. All right. What's your final answer on that one? Oh, man. That is, I think I'm going to go hang gliding.

I think I would I think in the end it's interesting I think in the end I would succeed I think I would be able to do it in the hot air balloon I'm guessing there's a whole lot more practice to when to let the hot air out and how to it's funny I was about to say I think that they don't know what they're doing at all they might and the truth is they may not know they're pulling a trigger when they want the hot air and then the rest of it is just like when it's hang gliding it's As soon as I'm in the air, I will just be immediately where, where am I landing? With the hot air balloon, it's, well, I got to go up for a little bit here and then it's, okay, now what's going on? I would imagine in the rules here, you got to go to normal hot air balloon height. Yeah. It's not like, oh, here we go. Oh, I got three feet of a lot. So you guys are both hand gliding.

Yeah. I'm taking the hot air. And I'm taking a break and we'll be back with some more spitballers. All right. We have found some stories in the news lately, and this is the opportunity for us to share them with one another. Some things that are, well, they are somehow real life. And we can't believe it. So would one of you guys like to begin this segment? I can kick it off. I can kick it off. My story is not elaborate or long or detailed. It's just unnecessary. Okay. The headline is Florida police tell people to stop taking selfies with depressed black bear. So what? What?

The Florida police had to. It was a sad bear? There was a sad bear who was on the side of a road and apparently became a social media thing to go take selfies. People were just going and taking selfies? Black bear. It's still a bear. Oh, yeah. Well, black bears.

This is so humans. This is so social media. Pretty Florida, guys. Yeah, I mean, in Arizona, we've got a place we go up north that's nice. And I believe it was about a year ago that there was a black bear ate a dude. Yeah. Yeah, because it's a bear. He ate them up good, not depressed after that either.

Nice PSA here for all listening. Black bears can eat you. Yeah. and if they do your debt, okay, you're not going to... One of side effects of being eaten alive is death. Correct. A lot of people hear, oh, I mean alive, they think they live.

No. They're not how that works. But there, yes, there, um, so there was some interesting, uh, quotes. So apparently this, this, uh, bear was depressed. And so they put out this statement trying to tell people to, to, to stop taking selfies with a bear. First of all, if a bear's moody, stay away.

Yeah. But there was a couple... He'll just gum you. There was a couple things that... So depressed. Oh, he's depressed because he hasn't lost his teeth? No, he's just doesn't not put up the effort.

You can't gum someone when you've got bear teeth. There's just... Oh, man. Oh, man. He's out of here. He's quit the show. That's a 6-5 comment, man. You're not calling up for that one.

Well, he's depressed, so he's just going to gum you. Oh, I didn't know I wasn't gupping you. Why is there all that? his blood because you got bear teeth my goodness here was one of my favorite parts in reading this article when they put out this I don't know if it was

a press release or whatever it was but the it said you know we're trying to stop people from taking selfies with the bear is clearly not in the mood for pictures the bear is wind is a bear in the mood the bear has shown signs of

stress this is my favorite part it described you won't believe it It described the large male bear at, quote, stressed, depressed, lemon zest. Lemon zest? What? Wait, what? That was a quote from the police? Yes, stressed, depressed, lemon zest.

That was how the bear is feeling. What's happening in Florida? Yeah, that's a while. Is that a phrase? Is that a phrase I just am not familiar with? It rhymes. You know, I'm feeling a little stressed, depressed, lemon zest. But lemon zest sounds like you're not depressed.

No, not at all. I got like a good, zesty. I'm, you know. That's a, I mean, apparently they sell stickers with that on it. Oh, is this. So maybe it is a phrase. Maybe the police is like, they're just. What?

Is it the opposite of easy, peasy, lemon squeezy? I guess so. I guess so. Depressed, dressed and lemon zest. But, uh, yeah, so just PSA. How do they know? Don't mess with bears, man. How do they know that bear's depressed?

I don't. I see some of the pictures. It legitimately looks like a very depressed bear. Maybe that's just his face. Is it just sitting there? It's just sitting by a tree on the side of the road. I do that with people. I do that with people.

Yeah, if I see a person out there. If they're depressed. If they're depressed, I go get a quick selfie with them. For sure, for the social. Mike, go ahead. All right. Mine, I'll go. So the headline is Vermont lawmaker apologizes for repeatedly pouring water into her colleagues back.

What? Wait. We are not getting political. here, but we just, we know in, look, in politics, two sides that may not get along. And this is a level of petty that, is this on different sides? Yes. Oh, yes. Good. It is a level of petty that I am admiring greatly. And guys, it went on for five months. Oh, my goodness. Gracious. You're telling, oh my gosh.

So there's a representative who for over the course of five months is constantly finding water in their bag. Oh my gosh. And another elected representative had been for five months pouring water in their bag? It took them five months, but they finally set up a sting operation, set the camera up. The representative felt they knew who it was. Oh, my God. I mean, there can't be too many options, but yeah, they, they caught the culprit on camera. And then they were forced to apologize.

Forced to apologize. Yeah. But I'm trying to. I'm sure that was real sincere. The part that I love is just like when they're explaining how terrible is like for five months, I went through this. And then they added, like, she had a choice every time she did it to poor. Like, that's a way to think about it. They had a choice every time to pour water into your bag over five months.

Awesome. But, I mean, for one, how do you keep, that's quite a bit. That's quite a bit of water. That's unbelievable. I'm saying like the being so locked into, I'm going to keep this bit going up. I'm going to pour water into someone's bag. And this is going on. And these are elected government officials.

Oh my gosh. This is great. This is, it literally feels like councilman jam, you know, from parks and Right. Like, you got jam. You got jam. That is awesome. That is so cool. There are levels of petty and things you can do that are just not,

they don't rise to the place of illegal. Right. Yeah, that's not illegal. Like she was forced to apologize. Like, she got, she got the better into the deal. I'm not, I'm not going to lie to you. I think it's awesome. I do.

I'm sitting here thinking who's got bags around. our office that I could just start a little, just a little bit of, so little that you're not sure was it just, was it a real humid day? Why is all my stuff a little wet? But, wow, I didn't, I want to try and find the apology because that has to be something special. I apologize for over the past five months. I hope it was a forced press conference. Like, you have to apologize in person. No written, no written, you know, little chat GPT created apology. You have to go up and apologize specifically. My story is just, there's a lot of bad stories out there. And this one is just the opposite. It's just pretty much go Google the picture.

Okay. The, the headline says Texas family. So we already know how Florida people treat their animals, right? Yeah. Get selfies. Texas family saves orphaned baby bird. It was a baby owl. Although baby owls are terrifying looking. By wrapping it in a tortilla. Oh. Dele-lish.

I mean, Texas, there you go. They found a Mississippi kite owl. You need a tiny blanket. Was worried that it was getting cold, and so they swaddled it in a warm tortilla. They warmed the tortilla? It was a warm tortilla, and it is all they had, according to Katie who saved the owl.

And this became quite a popular heartwarming story. And I don't know why you only had a warm tortilla. Yeah, if you only have a tortilla, it's not warm. There's like, oh, I got a tortilla in the back of the car. Otherwise, how did you warm this tortilla? So apparently now it's quite the viral sensation. They're selling T-shirts with the word tortillas save lives in this Texas this town. And they say, quote, never, and I mean never underestimate the power of a tortilla.

But you'll want to look at the picture of this little teeny adorable baby barn owl wrapped up in a warm swaddling tortilla. I'm pretty sure they sell burrito blankets. Like you can buy bird ridos. Maybe we need a new one, but you could buy a blanket that's like I'm so afraid. You didn't post the picture? He said to Google it, Jason. He gave clear instructions. for the people. Lights already seen it. Yeah, I'm on, I'm on top of this.

What do I go? Just tortilla. I'm pretty sure bird and tortilla would start you on the right track. Okay. But yes, if you need a, what is that, a palate cleanser of sorts.

Yes, to feel good. Take a look at that. All right, we are taking a break. Back with our draft. The spitballers draft. Unfortunately,

Katie later ate the bird. Yeah. I thought it was a bird rito. Yeah. I just thought it was just a regular. Regular. Regular burrito. Jeremy did share the picture with Jason, who is internet illiterate.

And then Jason's responses looks awful. It's a nice heartwarming story. It's a nice story, but the... No, it's not cute. You can't look at this thing. You're telling me, if you were cold. I know, a strange hypothetical. You wouldn't want to be swaddled in a warm tortilla you could eat?

The tortilla is cute. The baby owls not. That's food and comfort. Man, I think a tortilla is one of the cuter foods. Okay. I can see that. They make the tortilla blankets. Have you seen those?

Yeah. We own one. And we have a tortilla beach towel. You have multiple of a tortilla. Is the beach towel still rectangular? Nope. It's a giant circle. So you're a pretty big tortilla fan.

I am. And Josh is now posting baby owl pictures. It's not the worst one. They're monsters. There's ones that look like humans. Find that photo. Baby owls are disgusting. All right.

Let's do our draft. The draft is things that make you feel self-conscious. So we all have things that make us feel self-conscious. Hypothetically, the height that you are. Yeah. Hypothetically. Yeah. Oh, we found it.

Mike is. So, yeah, there are some pictures. Don't look at baby Al standing up. Yeah. That's for sure. That is. On their hindquarters because they're from another planet. All right.

On to the draft, gentlemen. Mike, you have the first picked. I do. Things that make you feel self-conscious. So we are men of a certain age. We are in the middle of our lives. We're not as felt as we used to be. You have metabolism as a young one.

I miss it. Yeah, it's the worst. But part of that is now making sure my shirts are the appropriate size. And when your shirt is two days, too tight around the midsection, you are uncomfortable the entire day. It's all I can think about is how do I, how do I get a little bit of breathing room here? You got to squeat, you got to do the suck the gut in all day. You could do it for 10, 30 seconds at a time, but when you're like walking around all day with, you know, this is normal, it hurts.

So shirts that are the wrong size? Yep, shirt too tight. That's a good pick? I'm I'm super happy that you did not take there's there's one that like this was when we talked about like oh originally it was activities that that make you self-conscious or however we're going to name this but no matter what it was there's one thing that comes to mind that's like oh I I I am super self-conscious there super duper doper doper doper super self-conscious and I think I always will be it's the gym going to the gym maybe it's not for everybody some people you know are great

that doesn't change over time the amount of times you go no I mean the level of self-conscious 100% same level of self-conscious every time because I mean like I don't want to use a machine when other people are like say two machines away oh you want distance okay I want perfect privacy I don't want I'm doing it I am doing everything wrong yeah I understand I look like I don't belong you know I what if somebody called you out on doing it wrong would you pretend like you knew no would you be like, yeah, I know I'm just trying something for it. No, I'd be like, oh, oh, oh, yeah, sorry. I'd probably apologize.

You'd run. Just run out. Just like, leave me allowed. Do you know what it took for me to get out of my truck? I was just trying to give some advice. But going to the gym, I feel very self-conscious. Okay, that's a good pick. Go to the gym in a shirt that's too tight.

Oh, actually, actually. So, yeah, I've been going to the gym recently, and laundry had not been done for a while. We moved, and so we're very behind. I had basically one T-shirt left I could choose from. Oh, you got to go in a stinky shirt. I should have. Yeah. Because, unfortunately, it was the same day I decided to do a movement.

I mean, this is all my fault, my fault. But I was grabbing some dumbbells and, like, lifting them up. Okay. Doing like a shoulder. Oh, so you got the leather shirt just like one inch too short. So my belly's hanging out each time. And I, it's just a little peek-a-boo. I'm telling you the truth.

And one. Yeah, that's it. And two. I'm telling you the truth. Two is enough. Every single one of these things, I'm like not going all the way up, but it's still a little bit. And I usually do four sets. I quit after three.

I was like, yeah, okay. Hey, you got to three. Yeah. Now was the mirror straight in front of you? Right in front of me. I'm standing in front of a mirror just looking at my belly pop out over and over and over. Wait, is that the best motivation for the gym? Maybe.

A little peekaboo belly or wait and never go back. Oh, that's good. My number one pick here will be, I think it's one of the negative effects of being so tall, but I'm going with dancing. Dancing? Yeah, I, we have a tall family. We all look the same, like weirdo albirds. It's like birds dancing around with too many limbs and too long of limbs.

Dancing in absence is something you have to do uninhibited. I am not a super uninhibited guy. So like you have to let go to dance well, I think. Yeah, you got to be committed. If you just half dance, like luckily I don't have to dance that much. I feel like weddings are the one time you dance and you can get lost in a sea of people looking stupid. So that's kind of fun. And I've actually enjoyed it.

but if I had to dance, you'd start self-conscious. Especially when you can't dance. Which I do fit into that category. Yeah, you don't, you can't insult me with what I already know. How do I feel so? I'm going to throw this one out there because Mike,

Mike mentioned being at this stage of life. And I am, I am going to go with something that I'm going to call it being a cool dad. Okay. You're self-conscious. Because what I'm noticing is all my kids have friends that are older now. So then when I interact with my kids, when they have their friends there, I am the old dad. Yes. And that makes me feel self-conscious because I am not cool. No matter what I do,

no matter what I say, I am, your dad is here. So I, I am. Your dad is here. So I, I, I I find that to be the new found, like, interesting. Trying to be, like, these kids, no matter what I say to my kids' friends, I am not cool. Really? Yeah.

Oh. And neither are you. And that is what your reaction. No. You just think you are. Yeah, I don't think you're right. You don't remember being a teenager and your dad or someone else's

dad showed up and you're just like, loser. For sure. For sure I did. But I also remember the dads was like, that's a cool dad. Oh, you,

Sure. My best friend had a cool dad. That guy was so funny. I love that guy. You're that guy. I'm that guy. Look, guilty is charged. Don't be around us together. You'll feel a little self-conscious, Andy. Sure. Might take you more time. Yeah. Jason, you're back on the clock. All right. I am on the clock and I started giggling because I knew where I'm going here with my next pick because it was the clear number two thing I thought of. Like, oh yeah, I'm uncomfortable in the gym and I'm uncomfortable when we'll call it we'll call it swimming in public i don't care if it's we'll call it the actual thing well no like the beach or a or a or a water park or you know it comes in many forms but it's basically like i and this is what made me giggle because it's like the shirt problem yeah i can't

do wet clothes it's it's a uh you have a sense you have a sense I have a sensory thing. Like I. So you have to choose. No, I don't have to choose. There is no choice. It's no shirt. I'm topless.

And which is what, you know, that's how you refer to a man with a top on. Yeah. Topless. And so I go topless when I go swimming. I go topless when I go to the beach. And I go topless when I go to the water park. The sensory thing with the wet clothes is more powerful than the way more. Self-consciousness of being top.

Way more powerful. But yeah. So that's where I feel. That's what I feel. You know, Mike, you're sucking in your gut because your shirt's a little tight. Bro. I don't have a shirt. Take that.

That's the worst. All right. Mike, you are back on the clock two picks. All right. I've tried to think of, you know, some moments where you're just really like, ooh. And I had one recent, whatever, the last year or so. but calling someone the wrong name is oh yeah is just a moment that's such a good pick that and guys I had one oh no I've I've it hurts me to hear that I went for it oh yes you knew you're like I'm

it was it was because it was I could have met him the date met him the night before oh no so on the the very next day went for handshake and I'm like I'm doing it was how wrong were you oh not even. It was Samsonite levels. It was just like, hey, Dave, and he's like, that's not my name. It's Roger. He said that's not my name? And I was like, I was really confident it was your name. And then

I just, I wilted into a puddle. At least you met him the day before. Yeah, it wasn't a long term. My next pick was going to be, and I can't pick it now because it's too close, but it was running into people I don't remember. Okay, yeah, yeah. Which is that, you know, when it's

like someone that you've, you should know this person or whatever and you're like, I don't know, at least for you as like, oh, you just met him. But yeah, whenever you don't know someone's name, that's so uncomfortable. I did that for the first time in a long time recently and I had the same mental choice where I'm like,

I don't need to go in there and say his name, but I know it's Nick. And then Daniel corrected me. That's 100% because I was like, no fear. This will be so impressive when I remember your name. That was what was going through my mind. It's like, this guy is going to be like, oh, that's pretty cool.

You remember my name? And I did not. Okay, so I've got that one. I'm going to go with one that. Let me find it. So this is like, we get multiple people involved. This isn't just yourself. But, you know, you're in whatever, you're in a situation where you're in close contact with someone.

And then like, your hands or your feet accidentally? touch. What? What happened to you? You're like standing next to someone in your hands. And your hands accidentally touch and both people immediately freak out. That is not happened to me very much. It's not often. Oh, no, no, it's not all the time. But when it does, it's debilitating. Like, it is, it is so embarrassing because now you're stuck. I did not mean to touch you. You're stuck next to this person that your hands accidentally touched and you feel like you've invaded each other's privacy. I love the nuance of that pick.

Oh, my gosh. Al doesn't even know how to type that into our showdown. I just accidentally touching hands is the way I wrote it down. All right. Because it's it's so surprising and jarring and uncomfortable. You're like, oh, I didn't mean to do that. That was not me trying to hold your hand. All right, Jason, you got another pick.

Oh, that's funny. That's so funny. Um, so for me, things that I feel self-conscious about or make me very uncomfortable is, like, being a Karen. So, okay, whether it's, whether it's like complaining about food. Yes. Or a product. You're saying like, you don't want to come off. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, like the confrontation. Like, I'm, when, when you push me past my limit in confrontation, watch out. I'm fantastic. No holds bar. But in general, regular stuff. The food I don't like or whatever. You don't confront because you don't want to be a camera.

Correct. I get so self-conscious of. And when you say food, you mean like. Like at a restaurant. Someone brings something out. Or your wife brings you something out. Yeah. So you just suffer.

Yeah, I just suffer because I'm too self-conscious of coming across. coming across like that guy. Yeah, yeah, I get it. So instead of being happy, I just avoid it. Yeah. I eat my oversalted food. Now, can I bring up a story? Yeah, I don't know what story should bring up.

You just had to recently suffer for two and a half hours in the bay. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my goodness. Now, it's not exactly, you wouldn't have been a Karen, but did you not want to disrupt the trip? Is that kind of why you? you didn't say anything. Yeah. So does Mike know what I'm talking about?

Yeah. So I went to San Diego with the family and we had a kayaking excursion. And these kayaks were not the kayaks where there's like a little foothole to put your feet. This was the kayak where you sit on top. You sit on top of the thing and your feet are, you know, you're at a 90 degree angle, your body and your legs. My belly don't work that way. Okay. So I, that's like putting on your socks.

I can't do it. We've established this. That's hold my breath. And so I've got to put my feet where my feet can't go. And I can't hardly breathe. I am in massive pain the second I sit down. And I'm like, and so, and I've got my littlest son in front of me. So I'm weighing this thing down in the back.

He's up in the front. He's not going to help. It's a shared kayak. It's a shared kayak. And so we, I mean, I. But you're up like a speedboat? This took me about one second to know this ain't for me. Instantly.

Instantly. We start going out and I'm already ready to go back. I'm like thinking about going back. How long was that trip? Two hours. Two hours. I am still sore. My abs.

I was basically doing a crunch for two hours. And I didn't go back. But that was a confrontation. That was just like, I don't know. I didn't want to take it from my son. You weren't going to have to confront anybody about that. But it would have. It would have been embarrassing to be like, yeah, I can't do it.

I care. Coy, oh, sir, what, what's going on? What's wrong? I see, I can't sit up. You ever try to put your socks on? All right, my, is it me? Yeah, yeah, you're up for two. My final two.

I need a clothing one. You guys have clothing ones. It's underdressing or overdressing. Yeah, he's on my list. Under or over. Both are horrible. Different feeling. when you're overdressed, you feel like a dork.

When you're underdressed, you feel like you didn't care. Which one's worse? Over. Under. Oh, you know what? Hold on. Hold on. I think under is worse.

Under is worse, yes. You can't. Over, you can make a joke and be like, yeah, I just wanted to, you know. And it, yeah, you're right. You look good. Yes. And the other one, you're like, these are my jeans. Like basketball shorts to the funeral, huh?

Yeah, yeah. So that is. I went to this little story. Have you had? This just happened like last week. My wife and I went to dinner with her with my in-laws. And apparently this place was really, really fancy. And I didn't know.

I was in shorts and a polo at home. And I'm told like, oh, you can't, you're not wearing that. You have to at least wear jeans or whatever. Some pants. And yeah, some pants. So I dress nice. Button up. Pants.

dress shoes. Oh, this is going to be good. Dress shoes, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I walk in, I had never been to this place before. I walk in. We got there a little bit later. And I, the second I walk in, I turn and I go, thank goodness.

Thank goodness that I changed. I would have felt so bad. Oh, really? It was fancy. It was so fancy. Oh, you made the right call. I thought you were going to say you walked in. Everybody's in polos and shorts.

No, we get taken to. our booth where my in-laws were waiting. He's in a he's in an underarmor workout. He's not like, I was like, he didn't get the bimbo. So you got to be both in, see both ends of it.

Yeah. So that was funny. All right. I will book into my trying to be a cool dad to way earlier when I was a parent. But there's not much that feels more self-conscious than when you're small, child is acting up or throwing a giant fit in public. Public meltdown? Because you just feel like you want to write, like hand a personal apology to every

individual piece person witnessing this or run the other direction. I just look around and say, where's this kid's parents? Yeah. No, that would be the better play. Because like we've all had kids when we were growing up or when they were growing up where they had a meltdown in a store or scream their faces off. And you're just like, can't I survive? get this child home. But you feel

like everyone's judging you. Yeah. Well, and they are because like I pride myself a little bit on not being judgmental. I feel like I'm a very non-judgmental person. And there's never been one time in my life that the true kid meltdown is not being severely judged by me. You know what I'm there? I'm like what's, oh, come on. You can't control your

child. I mean, it's just like the natural. You must be a terrible parents. So it's like, yeah, you are being judged. Once I went through a few meltdowns that actually put me, it swung the pendulum so far, that in like on a plane or anywhere. I was just like I wanted to be the only person sympathizing with the parents because I know everybody else is judging them. And because I went through it, I was like, I've been there. I know this is, this two shall pass. Once you do go through that, you become more empathetic. Yeah.

You feel bad for him. All right, Jason. What else makes you feel self-conscious? bad breath, man. Bad breath is the worst because you can't smell it, but you can think it. You know, you can't smell your own bad breath. And you're like, oh, I've been talking a lot today.

I haven't drank water. I don't know, I don't know what it is. Maybe I drank too much water. Maybe I haven't talked enough today. I don't know what it is. But then it's like, once you get that in your head, which is a good thing to have in your head, right? Like you don't want to be oblivious to it either.

But it's like, I mean, now I'm like, I'm not talking directly. I'm trying to like talk off to their shoulder. Yeah, you're doing like weird hands to deflects the breast. Just out of self-conscious. Yeah, just out of self-consciousness. That's like, that might be like the number one most common self-conscious of like, oh, it's my breast. I mean, I heard a, I was listening to a talk show where people call them with their problems.

And this woman calls in and she's got a fiancee and everything about it. Everything is amazing. He cares for her. He loves her. supports her all this stuff they've been engaged for like two years they're getting ready to get married she hit she she she can't figure out how to tell him how bad his breath stinks like because there's no way that's the halitosis there's no way to politely tell a person their breath stinks nope i get mad every time my wife says it and it's you're mad at her for

telling you the truth absolutely and thank you and i always tell her like you got to always tell me he's like you say i got to tell you i don't be out i don't have i don't have and be happy about it. How dare you? No, give me a mint. Perhaps some binocles. All right. So having Bradbred, that is a good one.

Mike, you can wrap it up. It is parking. Just parking. Parking the car. Because there are so many instances where just pure panic and being so self-concure. can take over your body. That helps you park better, right? Oh, yeah.

When you start immediately going into an anxiety attack. That's funny. Which my children know I am a terrible parker. My wife knows, lets me know constantly. I didn't even know you were a terrible park. It is a fear of mine. And like we have. Do you go out beyond the cars now?

Have you done that? I will bypass a closer tight spot. To find an easier place to park in. 100% will do that. And we have like, so are the mall that's close to us, our shopping mall, there is a section of it. I don't know if you guys know what section I'm talking about. Is it a parking horror? It's down by the movie theater.

I don't know what they did to these spots because these spots are the exact size of a car. There is no margin at all. And you get into this area where like Christmas time starts coming up. it's good Lord. It is like you will like finding a spot is very difficult. So someone like if you just find the one spot, there's definitely a line behind me. 100%.

So you got to nail it. And there's people, there's people that are on my tail and I have to make this in and not, and I'd be like, well, I got a three point. This is everybody. I'm so sorry. Hold on.

When you got to throw that thing in reverse. Oh, man. That's when the self-conscious is like, you hate me. Yeah. You hate me. You can. You can hate me.

You are a pathetic loser. You ever pulled into a spot, thought you nailed it, decided that the best thing to do would be the straight now, backed out a little bit. A person was waiting thinking you're coming out of the spot for them. And then you just pull right back in the spot and get out. I've had that happen. And then they look at you like, I thought that was a spot. I mean, like backing into a spot, good Lord, just take my life away from me.

So I don't have to deal with this. The cameras have made that. Easier. You're not backing in anytime soon, huh? It's, are you a left or right? You have a smaller taller taller. I can't believe this is difficult. Left is way easier, right?

For all of you? I can park left. I can't park right. I think so. I don't think it makes a difference. No, there's a big difference. It feels like a monstrous difference in being able to read it. And then I'll have.

I want to know what the left or right from the deucer. Do you know? Do you think about it? If you park left or right, which would you prefer? I have no issues, parking at all. So I don't understand this. Yeah, I'm going to see. I'm pretty bad at parking.

Yeah, my man. No preference. No preferences. No preferences. And then like my, I'll be so psyched out about my parking. So like when I go to back out my car, it's like I will, I will, if I have. the option, I will always back out to the right. Hmm. Like, I

do it. It's just parking is is a real bugaboo for me. That's funny. Yeah, for some reason for me, turning left into a spot feels like the easiest parking ever. Because you have the gauge down. Yeah, I have it perfectly down. You're just closer.

Like you're on the left side of the It's like the geometry doesn't work the same. I think what it is is once you the right side feels like I got to swing way out and then go in. Maybe what happened was this was something that you experienced early on as a driver. And so now 90% of the time you are parking to the left and you get no practice going to the right. Maybe you just need to tell yourself I can only park to the right. I'm pretty sure.

I'm teaching my son to drive right now. I'm pretty sure I told them right was harder. I'm pretty sure I told him like verbatim like this is more difficult. Extra ones on my list before we close things down. I had like if you have a pimple on your face starting a story and realizing it's not going to land but having to finish it. Oh, that's terrible.

And the last other one was showing up late. I am the most punctual or early person. I mean, I frequently think I'm late to things and am the first one there, including this morning. Yeah, yeah, I've got spelling. That one makes me feel real self-conscious. So every highway to spell your, you know. Like, I don't want people looking at my Google history,

but it's not because of some bad searches, some wrongs. It's just for mischief. It's just for misguess. It's just, I just type in the word and let Google tell me, did you mean this? Yes, I did. Google, thank you very much. Oh, your spelling only gets, it only gets worse over time with Google.

Yeah, with Google. When I can right click and fix, I don't need to know how to spell. karaoke. Oh, that's a good one. Not the best singer. Returning an item to a store. Oh my gosh. Wait, that one is wild to me.

That's, I can't do it. That falls into your same one of like. Yeah, it's the confrontation. You're a Karen if you return something. A hundred percent. I feel so bad. I don't want to deal with. I don't think you've returned very much at all.

I haven't. I remember you've had some big items delivered and it was like, hmm. Maybe I just throw them out. Yeah. Give them away. I have literally. bought something that was decent, like a nice thing,

and then it was wrong or I needed to return it. And my fear of returning things, I took it to Goodwill. Oh, my gosh. I returned it to Goodwill. Give me the internal monologue of the employee of the shop that you're returning it to. When I walk up, they're thinking, I got to not accept this item return. This is going to hurt my... We got to put up a fight for the company.

This is going to hurt my story. score. This guy I did even buy it at this location. That type of stuff. He thinks I'm going to get one over on it. A long time ago, I was a manager of Best Buy, and I know, like, you got to fight these things, whatever. And so I feel like that's, that's been there. Also, playing VR. That's fair. Because I know how stupid I look to the outside world. I had when you can't stop sneezing.

Okay. How about when you can't stop hiccabing? I do. I had sneezing slash hiccups as well. when you trip like that yeah yeah just tripping me oh man

I do know how to walk actually and like not getting a joke oh yeah to be the only one who doesn't know

what's going on and you're just you're like that's a good one like am I am I dumb like why don't I understand

what's going on right now that is a good one oh I also had trying an accent or an impression and failing a

what's did we learn today? A bad impression feels really bad. Yeah, I learned that Mike, uh, Mike can't park. I learned that I'm going to start looking for bags I can pour some water in for a long period of time. That's funny. Uh, and I learned that it, the reason we feel superior is just because I'm taller. Because you are. That's got to be DNA. You know what I mean? Yeah. Just I'm, my body knows that I'm better than you. Bill. Built different. Thank you for listening, everybody. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com.