Spitballers Comedy Podcast - The Brain King & Things We'd Like To Be Famous For - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

Spit Hit for Nov 27th, 2025:On this episode, we discuss working in a doggy daycare, having a pet otter, and some fun facts about sloth dookie. We also share some unbelievable news stories in ‘Is This Real Life?’. We wrap it up with a draft of things we would like to be famous for. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Okay, there we go. There we go. All right. We got there.

I tried to use my false. Well, you did. Very successful. Welcome in, one and all to the spitballers episode 310. I'm going to tell you a story, guys. I bought a new belt. Okay. And what was the, hold on, hold on.

You said back story. What's wrong with the old belt? It's just been a long, long time. It's just worn down, and it's just an old belt. It still fits. Okay, that was the question. I mean, what's the cause? Belts have this built-in mechanism, these little holes.

Yeah. And you can move them around so it's like the fatter, or skinny or whatever. But I wanted a new belt and there's this hot new belt. Oh, it's like the one. And it's like. There's a hot belt. And it's sweeping the nation? It's really nice.

It just clasped, unclasped. Like a seatbelt? You preset it to like your size. Okay. So it's a seatbelt. And then it's got a little, yeah, it's kind of like a seatbelt. It's got a little bit of. of small amount of stretch to it.

Right. A really small amount. All right. But it's a nice belt. But when you preset your belt size. Yeah. Pre-eating? If you preset, I mean, because it's not quick to adjust.

You just adjust it to where you want it. Right. And it takes a little time. And then you wear this belt and then you eat food at different amounts of time during the day. And you, it's like a warning system. Burr, bur. You ate too much ice cream. After lunch.

Yeah, I mean, there are plenty of times where the pants fit. The pants fit fine. And then those same pants is like, oh, that button's got to go. That button's got to come undone. So it's red alerting me right now because I had a little ice cream with lunch. Why don't you just give it a little click? Push that seatbelt button in. Relax, brother.

You want me to take it? Yeah, just eject that belly. Oh. There you. There it is. Beltzer. Such a good idea. Now, do your pants,

require that belt. Yeah. So the pants don't fit. Is that your interpretation of that? Oh, for sure. Yeah. Belts are fashion. Belts are not supposed to keep your pants on. If belts are keeping your pants on, your pants are the wrong size.

Well, I mean, I don't know about that. Because sometimes you just want it to fit a little bit nicer. I mean, the pants fit, but it's a little bit loose. Like, I feel like they'll slide down. Just a little bit. If you were on a trampoline. I could live the day without it. Would those pants come down?

Ooh, the trampoline test. I mean, the trampoline test is ridiculous, and maybe. I'm talking one of the small personal trampolines where you're doing quick bounces. They're not going to show off any of the goods. They're just going to slip. Okay. Well, I mean, not all the way down. Not all the way down.

Just like, like you're sagging. Like you're a lowrider. Cool kid from grade school. Just a belt early. Wasn't that the greatest trend ever? What, sagging? Yeah, it's just like, I'm too cool. I'm too cool for my pants to fit.

There was definitely a period of time where the sagging got out of control, like way out of control, where it was like below your knees. It was below your butt. It was below your butt. Oh, yeah. It was like, wait, I see all of your underwear and some leg, then your pants. The fashion that infringes movement is very comedic to me. It's just like, I want to look so cool that I am uncomfortable.

Like a belt. yeah yeah i mean you just had to eject i thought this was more practical it wasn't for the fashion i don't show off my belt all the time i'm not a big tuck in the shirt guy yeah so you don't need to wear a belt unless your pants don't fit i think belts are silly you don't wear belts ever no well you can't put a belt on sweatpants guys uh okay that's that's fair uh would you rather is this real life and we are drafting things you'd like to be famous for like you know inventing a really cool belt. Oh, yeah.

Pick it. That's what we're drafting on today's show. You can follow us. That's Pitballers Pod. Thank you for subscribing, following the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you're listening. And thank you, of course, for telling your friends and family about this podcast, new episodes every week.

We appreciate you. Would you rather? Van over on X says, would you rather work three? Down by the river. Yeah, we'd rather write three hours per day at a children's daycare or six hours per day at a doggy daycare. Okay. I think we went with a good time ratio here because I would much rather be hanging out with dogs all day.

I think you're wrong. What? So I love dogs. You know I'm a dog person. Yeah. Love dogs. I take my dogs to the groomer. They're golden doodles, so they don't shed.

They got to be groomed. They got to get haircuts. Yeah, they got to get haircuts. And when I go in there, there's all these cute dogs. It's like a caged list groomer. And there's all these wonderfully cute dogs. It's awesome. Love seeing them.

My dog enjoys it. But every now and then, including the last time I just went into this place. This was like two weeks ago. There was a yapper. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I mean, these people had to work, and this dog didn't stop. Right.

It's just, ah, ah, yeah, that's fair. Ah! That's real bad. Forever. Thank you for sharing. Yes, I wanted you to experience five seconds of it, because to pay my bill and get my dog took me three minutes, and that was about an hour too long. So I will then follow that up with.

You said, sometimes there's the app. Mm-hmm. I would venture. I guess here at children's daycare, there is always a crier at all points of the day. One, you can't kick a kid. Right. Right. Yeah. Maybe.

You can't kick a kid whereas legally, no. No, I know you're saying. You're saying there's cameras. I'm joking. Right. Right. So, the cameras went out for a split second. It's funny because I feel like... Cut back to child flying through air. I feel like there's a lot of people whose immediate reaction would be they'd much rather do the do the doggie daycare.

If you're like a, if you're six out of ten or higher on the dog person meter. I just feel like people love, that's why they go to dog parks. They like seeing other dogs and puppies and I'm a dog guy and I'm going to bring my dog with me. Well, and the best part is this is. I'm like a five out of ten dog person. So I would not choose the dog one. But the doggy daycare, it's not a groomer. This is going to be, you're just playing with dogs, keeping them entertained, maybe take them for a walk.

That's true. There is some good there. Also on the bad side of the children. is, and I'm going to assume here we're past diapers. We're not, we're not doing that. This is, I don't know. Most daycares, I don't think we would be changing diapers at a daycare. Probably past diapers. I don't know that you're past accidents, though.

No, you're not past accidents. No, that's fair. Although 100% of these dogs will have accidents. Well, that's more of a purpose. The germs, okay? Yeah. You're going to get sicker at the daycare in three hours than you will from the dogs. No, I don't catch fleas or dog diseases.

No, no, you don't. You have worms, though. What happens at a doggie daycare where, like, let's say there, how many dogs? Give me an amount. 20. 20 dogs. Where are they pooping? Do they know where to poop at the daycare?

Like, you bring 20 dogs to a daycare, and if you just let them be, even if they were all potty trained at home, what happens to their poop? What's a poop count? I would venture to guess that most dogs, like, once a dog is potty trained, like, it doesn't want to go there. If it takes a dump in the play area, it's like this dog had to go. You didn't let the dog go out. I mean, there's going to be, there's got to be a potty area. Yeah, well, for sure, there's a potty area. If there's not a potty area, I mean, that's pure anarchy.

That would be, there is not one doggy daycare place in the world that does not have a potty area. But the nice thing is that that potty area, that is prime potting area because all the smells of all these different dogs. Those dogs are going to want. Are you going to go out there too? I'm saying the dogs are clearly going to go to the bathroom there. That's also how I run my daycare that way. A potty area, yeah. There's a potty area.

It's outdoor. It's a piece of turf. Yeah. You're right. I mean, the first thing I thought of was you're going to get sick easily in three hours from all those kids. But it's half the time for the daycare. Three hours. So, Al, is this like, this is your job now?

Is that basically the premise you're like nine to five, but you're working every day at three hours or six hours? Correct. Yeah, I'm doing the kid one. Yeah, I'm doing the kid one as well. Guess how many episodes of TV that is? Three. Yeah. Yeah, and guess how many more episodes of TV you get versus the dogs? Three more episodes. Or one showing of Dunkirk to the kids. If you need to calm them down. I actually would, I would choose the kids. Scare them straight. I would choose the kids straight up. And I do like dogs, but I love kids. I enjoy. Like, I've never, you know, I've, I've, been in situations that's not my job but situations where i'm taking care of a group of kids for a couple hours i've never not enjoyed it um so even though i know that this was set up to be like oh that would be the worst i don't think i'd mind it hmm i agree that it would be the worst

but it's three hours i can three hours is that's no problem if there's a snack in there get the snack nap time snack oh i'm taking a juice box too oh yeah oh yeah oh Of what? Of course. Yeah, you don't get in on a juice box. Yeah, orange slice for you, orange slice for me. What is it one for you? Orange slice for you? Every kid.

Yes, every kid gets one, one. And then they just get in a line. 100%. Sir, your vitamin C is off the charts. Yarr enough from Patreon writes in. Would you rather have a sloth for a pet or an otter for a pet? You know, I get a little bit, and this is not, I mean, I'm not proud of this. I get the beaver otter world.

a little confused. Yeah, ferret. From, ferrette. Ferrette. Like, ferretts are, they're like otters, man. They're like land otters.

Oh, yeah, but you can't get those two confused. Well, the shape. What, they're long, skinny rodents. Yeah. They've got a Brought worst and a hot dog confused. They're mammals, right? But one is on land and one is in the ocean. That's why I call them land otters.

But you, that's fine. You could say they look. Otter versus a ferret, right? You cannot possibly confuse. a land animal and a sea animal. Well, they don't stay permanently in the water. They come out.

Okay, so two things. One, I So if I remove, if I'm removed water from the equation, I just had the And you've freed them in a room. And the two animals are just in a room. You'd be like, I know which is which. Okay. Let me tell you two things. One, first, 100%.

What? Two, the reason why is because I confuse otters and seals. And after Googling otters, um, that's a lot.

It's much more similar than I thought to a ferret because a seal, if you could confuse a seal and a parrot. So this whole time you were at the premise of it's a seal. I thought maybe it was a little smaller than a seal, but like pretty much a seal. So,

okay. I'm looking at. so much more sense. I'm looking at the chart of... The otters are so cute! I'm looking at the chart of weasel-like creatures here. And they're not far apart. Otters and weasels and ferrets are right next to each other on this chart of... Yeah, because they're the same thing. You know, it's the same chart where like badgers are in that chart. We don't need no stinking badgers. Like the top of it is the skunk family.

Do otters stink like ferrets? Nothing stinks like a ferret They're always washed off Yeah I was going to say They take a dip That's like a little mini bath All the time They're hopping in that water

They get out You're not gonna stink more After doing that Ferrets Wait or will you Yeah I don't know A wet dog Why does a dog

smell so bad when it's wet Like I can have a dog That doesn't stink It's not stinky It just I mean Yep It's fine

And then all of a sudden You put water on top of that dog and it is outrageously appalling the scent of a wet dog. Wet dog's pretty bad. So could that happen to an order? I don't know. I don't know if the fur is the same, you know, the coat. But listen, let's be clear about something.

Ferrets smell horrible. Ferrets were, they were created when someone pooped them out. That's what it was. Somebody pooped. The first. The first. The first. The first.

The first ferret was like a dump from a bigger animal? It was a bigger animal that dumped a ferret out and then it started running around. Could have been a seal. So I've got two pieces of information here on otters. First, yes, otters have a strong odor and can be smelly. Okay. So let's factor that in. Maybe all the weasels are smelly.

But fact two, when investigating the scent of otters, the problems, and the smells, otter poop, also known as spraints. Okay. Yeah. Sprint. I took a spraint. Yeah, it's my ankle You can't take a spraint because you're not an otter But an otter can take a spraint and that's its poop

Don't tell me what I can do Has a strong odor that some say smells like Violets or Jasmine tea Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, If you smell like poop to begin with, your poop comes out smelling good, if you smell good to begin with your poop smells bad Yeah, you like, my man's got the good smelling poops

They got the flowery sprained So you're hoping, just to be clear You got a pet otter You're hoping they take a dumb So it smells better. So it smells better in your house. He said, did you just make some Jasmine tea? No, that's my honor, man.

He just took a dog. That's my otter. He just laid one. He just pooped in your bed. You're welcome. I find this very difficult to believe. Dude, it's a spraint? A spraint.

Oh my gosh, it's the best Cologne name ever. Sprints. It smells like lavender. Violet and Jasmine tea. The odor may come from their diet of fish, crab, and other seafood. I wonder if I ate more seafood. I don't. I'm going to try it out, man.

I don't think if you lived exclusively out of those things, that it would change the aroma of your dump. Only one way to find out, Mike. For science. So this is otters versus sloths who are adorably, oh man. A slot, I might have one now. I would never know. Like, if you have a slot, you don't know.

That's, is it a sloth and a stuffed animal? Is there a difference between them? Like, they are, it sits there. They're awesome. They are. so cute and they make no sense as an animal. Like, you're telling me this thing is out in the wild and there's a predator that wants to eat a sloth and the sloth's like, you can't catch me.

People that want to argue for or against evolution. I mean, there are, the argument is sloths. There's no way this. There's no way this thing has evolved to a point where it has survived. like that was just put there because how could anything that wants to how could it exist it is literally in a jungle full of things that will kill it and god's like yeah throw one of these in there it won't be moving it won't be moving i don't understand how they're alive but i have an update on sloth smells oh they got to be smelly no sloths are not stinky in fact they don't have a strong odor at all they can't sweat because they don't build up a sweat sloths have a voles to avoid being detected by predators by not sweating and instead smelling like the jungle.

So all the other animals supposedly evolved to sprinting, running, evading and they're like, nah. Well, they also, they're going to evolve to sitting. They climb, sloths spend the majority of their time up in the canopy, coming down only one time per week to relieve themselves. So you want to talk about

you don't got to be picking up doggie doo-doo, you get a sloth, you got one cleanup per week. It's interesting that a slot that barely moves, that lives in a tree that is just hanging around, chooses to descend for their dump, not just Well, you don't want to poop where you sleep. No, but you should drop one out. Oh, wait, no.

What do you mean it's not poop? It's cropperolite. Sloth poop is called coprolite. Coprolite. That's a new beer. Look, some. A coprolite. A coprolite.

Oh, take two copper lights, please. It's just a glass of. Sloth dung When people are naming stuff What guy came along in is like We need his subname all the poos We can't just call it poop Every animal has to have their own poop name

Give me an animal Because I just googled what is sloth poop called Give me a seal What is? Since you thought it was a fair The sprint or whatever It's called scat All right so maybe we just found

The two animals You don't think a I almost said skunk A sloth Up in a tree You can just drop one Like a bird would drop one Why do they got to come down

Why can't they hang from the branch It's weird because everything I'm saying They do come down to poop The hanging rain is what I would call it Oh maybe it's because they hang upside down a lot You know what I mean like that's No you don't want that You don't want upside down

Oh upside down You ever seen a bat go of the bathroom No Is it spray? No they don't They turn Oh okay They turn right side out, but it takes a sloth too long.

He's like, oh no, oh no, it's coming. I'm going to scat my pants again. Oh, my God, copper light. Oh, yeah. I'm going to copper light. Have you ever had a copper ultra? Oh, low calorie. I, dude, the answer is the sloth.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. Also, as cute as an otter is, it is not nearly as cute as a sloth. Sloths are adorable from like a, you know, you know, like the, the, the just cute, they smile. Can we hurt you? I doubt it. Slowly?

Well, they can't hurt if quickly. If a sloth hurts you, that's on you, man. Right, because you would see it coming a mile away. Like, it's like a punch that's just, you just take one big step back. You know what I mean? Like, Rand. Um, okay. Tries to slap you.

It takes 20 minutes. Can sloths hurt you? Yes. Sloths can hurt you. Teeth claws grip. A sloth. grip can cause bruising or deeper injuries if they latch on to a person.

Again, I recommend the big step back. Oh, we got some bad news for you. Oh, no. Sloth poop is not called coprolite. Copperlight is fossilized feces of any kind. What? Yeah. You got AI. If you Google what is sloth poop called, then Google's

AI says it's called coprolite. The Smithsonian's National Museum of Natural History has a collection of fossilized sloth poop. But they're just referring to the fossilized poop so it's just regular googs oh googs you're letting me down i mean it's still cool that we got a name for fossilized poop all right thank you know glass half full type of guy right there all right um i know that means i can have copper yes you could copper light someday i just got

to save it for a while yeah how long does it take to become a fossil i'm on it nobody knows where's the best place to put it to fossilize i'm on it's think you we've got to wait and how but wouldn't it just go away is it poop biodegradable no it takes several thousand years right thousand years well this is according to google ai so probably 12 minutes i don't know i mean they have no idea oh all right um we'll take a break we'll come back with some is this real life This real life? Well, it is that time.

We've got a segment here where we're going to share three real life stories that we, you know, it's hard to believe. It's hard to believe. So who else to begin? Somebody want to volunteer? Mine's pretty short and sweet here, which the article does, that leaves me with some questions that they did not answer here. But look, we've all had a bad time on the judge.

go to work. Something goes wrong at said job. And now you have to spend the majority of your day doing something that you don't want to be doing. Well, a flight attendant on a flight from a Hong Kong to New York had to spend the 16 hour trip holding up a broken bathroom door. I have heard of this one. What? 16 hours? So the door came off at since in just three minutes after the plane left, the Hong Kong International Airport. And then the- We don't got no duct tape.

I don't know. That's what I'm saying. We're like, uh, what about the duct tape? No, let's use Dolores. You can't tape the door because the door needs to, the door needs to work and function, right? Oh, because there's only that bathroom. Right. Well, on an international fight, they're going to have more than one bathroom.

You lock the door with a person? that's what the thing you had to do and then what do you do like a three knock system when you're done? I got a lot of questions here but they're saying in this article that this flight attendant spent the entire 16 hours holding up the door. Oh so this thing

really came off the hands. Yeah. Oh yeah. This isn't just like the locking mechanism broke. This is correct. The door we can't lay this on the ground. We don't have a door anymore. Yeah, there's no. We can't lay this on the ground either. Yeah, where do we put this? Yeah, I guess you don't have a place to store a big door in a flight and it would be dangerous, right?

it would be dangerous. To have a loose door. A loose door is one of the biggest fears that I have. Turbulous. And the door. Tumbling through the cabin. Watch out for the door! It's like a beach ball at a party except it's a door.

Man, decapitated by flying bathroom door. Yeah, a door would be dangerous. I don't, they normally make you. Maybe that's why they held it, but 16 hours. 16 hours. You hope they tipped. I imagine this is just like put your back against it. It's not having a, yeah, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's,

I'm not holding it up. That's a long time. To lean against the wall? 16 hours? Well, it's a long flight. I mean, it's the long time to sit. The image is it says the flight attendant appear to be holding the door from behind as she sat in her seat for takeoff. So I'm imagining somehow her legs were able to hold it up, but still, 16 hours is, that's ridiculous.

This article writes all the jokes itself. It's a real article. It's from November 13th. and oh that's recent and I'm just going to read you the headline but then I'm going to read you the subheadline and then I'm going to read you the details wind blowing out of Uranus

makes it hard to probe NASA complains uh yep I get it a quote rare intense wind event may have messed up our opportunity to probe Uranus been there scientists have found that a rare wind event

during NASA's Voyager to flyby of Uranus in 1986 may have seriously messed with our understanding of the planet and while the jokes write themselves the research is very real

so remember when they were trying to push uranus I don't remember I would never have stood for that they made an effort

for a earnest I feel like that was there was a time period that we were all children cackling when we learned our solar system and then they're like no it's Uranus

and we're like no it's not it's not it's So, yeah, that's it. NASA was really complaining because they can't probe Uranus. How did they ever land on that name? You know what I mean? Like the first was there, was there a Mr. Uranus who found it?

Well, I think, you know, that they're all Roman gods, right? It's like Jupiter and Saturn and Neptune. I mean, you take the step forward. There was a Roman god named Uranus? Yes. He was a Greek god of the sky. guy, the father of the of the titans, the son and

the husband of Gaia. So wait. In Roman mythology, he was known. Yeah, he was the father. God of this guy and father of the Titans. Interesting. Wow. Yeah. And Uranus is actually where the Titans come out.

No. I was getting the ferret. I was getting to the A ferret. I was tying it in him with the ferret gives birds. It's okay. Jason, is this real life? All right. So we've all been to a place where maybe there's some pesky birds or something trying to steal your food, you know?

Like, hey, shoe, go away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the beginning of your, like, comedy line at the front of the comedy show? We can all relate, right? Andy will probably like this since he likes to kick dog. apparently. New Jersey man admits to decapitating Siegel after attempted to take fries from daughter. I mean... Wait, that's a disproportionate reaction. That is a little

dude, I do not want to marry that girl. Like, that dad, that dad has a little bit of an overreaction problem. So when I heard you say it, my first, I wasn't thinking Siegel when you said, give me that Freud back. I mean, a Siegel's a big. Big bird. I hate it. Oh, yeah. I would be super afraid to, like, handle a seagull to begin with, much less rip its head off.

I feel like I could rip the head off a pigeon if I had to. Push comes to shove. Like, just physically, much easier. Yeah, physically it would be. But, like, you're starting to get into a category of bird that does. Oh, you could, you could take a seagull. They're just more rambunctious. Do you twist?

To get the head? I think you're going to have to. I'm just trying to think technically speaking. Remember the old, the old, the Koolade things when we were a kid? Yeah, the twisting. Yeah, that's the Siegel's head. Yeah, you've got to twist that top. It's not going to be.

Okay. If they had made a juice drink with a little fake head on top and you had to pop the head off to drink, that'd have been great. And then it's cherry. What if? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So he, she took a fry, the bird took a fry and lost its life. Lost its life.

There's no report of whether the guy got the fry back. Is that illegal? Oh, yeah. It's illegal. He was released on a summons pleading a further court date. Yeah, he ripped the head off a bird. Of course, that's illegal. What do you mean, of course?

You can't just go around killing animals. No, you can't, like, but for just cause, self-defense. Where's the line, though? Your Honor. You could kill a spider or an ant-jason. No, you should kill a spider. You should kill a spider. So this man stood his ground against the seagull.

You're telling me I'm getting arrested if it was a pigeon? No, no one cares about pictures. Those are flying rats. you did a service. It's so weird that we judge the animal's worth by their visual aesthetic. It's true. A rat. I rip the head off a vulture.

I kill rats all the time. But there's rats at the cabin. We put rat traps out because I don't want rats in my cabin. And that's, you know, when you really think about it, that's crazy. I mean, it's a little crazy. It's a little crazy. It's a little. Because there's no guilt.

You know what I mean? And no one else cares because they all know how ugly it is. Right. And smelly, they bring disease. Yeah, pigeons, disease. Yeah, but I'll bet seagulls bring disease. They just aren't talked about it because they're beautiful. I wouldn't call them beautiful.

You wouldn't call a seagull beautiful? No. Seals are gorgeous. I don't think I've ever thought about it that way. You're confusing it with a goose. No, you're thinking of like a macaw parrots? You think there's seals again, don't you? No, seagull's a beautiful bird.

It's fine. Yeah, beautiful is reserved for the highest-tier bird. A seagull is like a sea, pigeon. It really is. I mean, I've not been annoyed with a bird more than a seagull in my life. Oh, seagulls can be annoying. Because seagulls will ruin your time at the

beach if you have any food or with you at all. Well, just rip its head off. I mean, that's apparently the move, but again, illegal. You will find yourself released on summons with a future court date. I am on a scale of 1 to 10, Mike, how beautiful

is a seagull? because Chad GBT, I said objectively rate the beauty of a seagull on a scale of 1 to 10. And it said. Artificial intelligence can objectively rate those things? Yes, it says objectively, I would rate the beauty of a sequel. Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm going to put my number at a three. I'm going to go 7.5.

Six out of 10. That's not bad. That's not bad. Six out of 10 is not beautiful. No, but that's on a scale of beautiful. Right. It's above average beauty. I guess that's true

How about a weasel? I'm not saying it's the most beautiful bird Yeah, exactly. How about a weasel? A weasel is rated 8 out of 10 What? Wiesels have sleek, slender bodies and a sense of elegance in their movement. Oh, actually, weasels are super cute. Wait, what? I did not realize that. So you can't rip their head off. No, no, no, no, no. This has been a very disturbing episode of the, you know, the spitball. Hey, uh, spitwads. I'm in on weasels. We, yeah, there's a good look. They've got bad, PR, you know, you weasel something.

Yeah, you know. Yeah, weasel is bad. Yeah, I think Frozen really hurt the the weasel family with Wesselton. Wesselton. Also, weasel poop is still SCAT. So SCAT is really, it's covered in a wide range. Now, what was the second animal?

What was the... Also, being a weasel predated that movie, but quite a bit. Yeah. Sure, that part did. But just the derogatory... Right. I mean, are you familiar with Roger Rabbit? I am familiar with Roger Rabbit. He was a bad guy. Roger Rabbit? No, the weasels. The weasels, yeah.

Yeah, weasels are like sneaky. Is it because they're small, slender body? They tend to weasel their way into places. Uh, less draft. The Spitballers Draft. All right, Al Borland has selected

a special draft for us today things we would like to be famous for so instead of our podcast right instead of this fine weasel based podcast very famous uh great a celebrities yeah so we we already but if if we had to be famous for something else right it would be whatever we're going to draft and you get the first pick i get the first pick i love having the first pick in this one um there are there are two that i really want and i think one is like a home run but I think it could I think it'll get back to me I think it could

I don't know what it will but I think it could The one that I want What the heart wants The heart wants what the heart wants It'd be to be an actor I grew up wanting to be an actor To you want to be famous as an actor

Yeah I went to you know acting directing Like that was where I was headed Until business life took over Yeah you quit Oh hey You know I'm gonna retire young Sam Jackson didn't start acting until he was like 60 And he made up for it

Yeah I'm gonna make up for it Now, I am DB, what, uh, I mean, you're, you're a, a very funny fella, were you hoping for, like, had you gone to the far enough into the path of like, I want to be a dramatic, serious method actor or I want to be, I want to do comedies. I really, really, really, really wanted to do both. Genuinely like, because I, I did a lot of, uh, like comedy improv. You're trying to Jim Carrey this thing. I wouldn't, I mean, I know Jim Carrey got into some serious things, but I think that he's not that great of an actor. I love Jim Carrey. Eternal Sunshine, baby.

See, that's the one I always hear about. I've never seen it. That's outrageous that you never see. Hold on. That's one of the best movies ever. Where is Jim Carrey in your pantheon? Top five for sure. And you haven't seen Eternal Sunshine?

So what happened was it was like whatever, whenever that came out. Perry and Winslet. Perfect. I missed it for a moment. And I've always felt like. And you've got a chance still. I can't go back. Yeah.

No, it's on digital. But do you think it's going to hold up? Yeah. Yeah, you'll be fine. Well, maybe I'll put. I'll put that on my to-do list. It's a story-driven movie. It's great.

So, actor, famous actor. Famous actor. World sexiest man. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. Yep, that's a good one. Yeah. I see why you would want that so much.

Yeah. No, it makes sense, right? Like the opposite of life. Right, like what you want. You want what you can. It's unachievable. Like, you still think you can be an actor, but I'm going with something, you know. That is true.

Most of the things are not achievable. But, you know, yeah, no, world sexiest man is my answer. It's the number one pick. Look, if Jason Kelsey can pop up as someone in the running. You never know, man. At this stage of his life. And this is not a knock on Jason Kelsey's aesthetic. Kind of is.

No, it's not. It's more of a Jason Kelsey former center for the Philadelphia Eagles. Like, this is not someone who is out there on people magazines. I mean, he is now, but like, you. Yeah, maybe. All right, so I'm up then? Yeah, you're up. All right, rock star, baby. Oh, yeah.

Let's start it off with the easy one. I put that one way low on my list because it belonged to you. How long could you make it before you drop dead? A while. A little while? I think like 80 years. I don't know. Some of them do.

They look like an old catcher's mitts, but they make it. I think I could do it. It's obviously far more difficult or easier now that you have children. And you're like, oh, man, got to hit the road. Yeah, got to make that money, kids. Another tour. You just got down with your tour. I got to go.

But the life on the road, I think I could do it. Yeah, I think I could do it. Give it a go. You're famous, man. You got to. The next one I'm going to go with, this has, this is a, I think, a newer thing for America in terms of people just becoming famous for it. Being rich. Oh, that was my, that was the one I wanted to come.

back. I had richest man in the world. You're just famous for having money. Yeah, because you know what I also have then? Yeah. Lots of money. It's a twofer. That's why I wanted I wanted that one so bad because of what it insinuates. I do

nothing except be rich. There are people that that's what they're famous for. Yes, I know. It is so dumb. Being rich. So things you'd like to be famous for. Well, they're rich. They're so rich. I know. know their name.

Yeah, that's, um, that's, that's a good answer. All right. I went with, uh, world sexiest man for the first. So I'm going to go ahead and, you know, I was about to say it. And now I'm playing the game of whether I can sneak it by Jason. So yeah, I can. So I'm going to go with, uh, famous athlete. Okay.

Famous athlete is the answer that I'm going to go with because that one is not getting by Jason. I will take the best athlete in the world and. famous for that because then I get to play a sport it's not just I'm not just not doing something I'm doing something at the highest level and I'm famous for next on my list would have been NBA player yeah so that that would have taken so if you got to pick your sport you get to be famous for any sport because I almost yeah yeah picked a sport if I had to pick one it's a little bit nuanced because it's like some are more I would do football because

the biggest sport oh okay I see football didn't even make my list because I'm like but yeah I don't want a concussion. Right. I just, two sport. I'll be a two sport athlete. Super famous. Yeah, like a Dion Sanders, Bo Jackson. And I, you know, baseball then.

And I will transcend sports. I'll be doing my own, like, you know, football jam movie. I'll be doing it all. I like it. I like it. You know, they're supposed to make a skate jam? I heard with Tony Hawk. It was like all but green lit and then it fell apart.

That is a tragedy. Yeah. Because skate jam? Yeah. That would have been awesome. All right. I will go with. Famous athlete, yeah.

All right. So I am up, and I get two picks. I'm going to go with, look, there's not many people on the planet. In fact, I would say maybe there is not a thing more famous on the planet than being the president of the United States. Yeah, the president's on my list. And that fits. The nice thing is that when I am president, both sides will come together because my platform, is one that you want.

My entire running platform is to give you what you want. And who doesn't want what they want? I'm curious. Were you ever, like, president of the student council? Not student council. Because you didn't give them. I didn't give them what they wanted. So you were president of what then?

I was president of the theater. People. President of the nerds? We were cool, man. We were super cool. But yes. So president. That makes sense. Famous for president. And then I guess since we, you know, this might be just too close to what we are already

famous for, but I'm going to take it anyways. I'm going to go stand-up comedy. Yeah, that is. Really? If I had not taken being rich, stand-up comedy would have been next to my list. It's great because. That's interesting. So you'd want to be famous for stand-up because you think people just think of you so

positively? It's just such a positive. And it's very, I mean, if we're talking fame here, it's solo. It's incredibly, yeah, it's like, you're a football player that you're famous, but like you put a helmet on. Whereas maybe if I was golf, maybe Tiger Woods, that's a bigger solo. So when you're a famous comedian, you make a lot of money, you're funny, and people adore you. People, you know what I mean? Like if people love comedians.

Some of them are more polarizing, but. Oh, sure. I mean, there's a few like, but you have your, your legends, right? And just the, it would be. so amazing and so rewarding. Like, we've done live shows for our football podcast, and we've all gotten a big laugh from a joke. And when you get a big laugh, holy crap, man.

That's feel pretty special. Dad is a drug. Oh, that's a drug. And so, like, if your entire job is just make people laugh. And when you're a top-tier stand-up comic, you literally just have to walk out because people are so excited. They're ready to laugh. And they're ready to laugh that you're just,

your presence is hilarious. And by the time you're there and you're a big time and you go out there, that crowd's already drunk. So it's easy. That's true. That's true. All right. I played the gamble and it wasn't a concern.

It came right back to me. Highest IQ in the world. Oh, the world's smartest man. If I was known, if I was famous for literally being smarter than everybody else, people will come to me trying to get my answer on all the things in the world. That's pretty cool. It's like being the brain king So you're really drafted things that are out of your reach

That's right That's right Okay I'm gonna be sexy and smart I'm gonna be the brain king Sir how shall we refer to you I'm the king of the brains You may call me the brain king I am the brain king

The brain king has exposed brain Oh for sure It's this crown The pulses Yes Oh my gosh I'm pretty sure the Brain King becomes the villain.

Oh, yeah. You know, we've figured out the name of this podcast. All right, Mike, two picks. So one of them, it's not, Brain King already taken. This, sorry, it's not as easy. Like, I don't even know how you would make it in, to be known for this because of where we are in history, unless you go solar system wide, but a famous explorer. Like a Lewis and Clark, someone, you, you are going.

Magellan. Yeah, yeah. You are going fearlessly because you don't know what's out there. You're going into a place of land that has, that to your knowledge, has never been visited or explored. And you're like, I'm going to go check this out. I'm willing to do it. One of the things on my list for, and I'll just lose it right here by bringing it up. And I don't know if you want to inherit it or just.

I know what my next pick is. Okay. Well, I was just going to say, like, Famous Explorer nowadays would be what I wrote down, which is space traveler. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I mean, it's a new frontier, right? Yeah, it's, it, I meant to me when I'm thinking Explorer, that's, that's kind of built in now because it's like, I can't go explore the United States.

We found the edge. We found all the edges. I feel like you can't explore anything. Like, we got pictures of, well, the ocean, jungle, rainforest, like. But it is weird that like, there was a whole, you know, what, 150 years ago, there's a whole group with people traveling west in the United States knowing not what was before each step. Yep. That's weird.

It is. You can't even comprehend it. It's wild. And that's like, that would be rewarding. That would be kind of special. And the other one, it's, I want to be the world's greatest and most accurate meteorologist. So you're famous for being an amazing meteorologist. I have never gotten a weather forecast wrong in my life.

Okay. Imagine the power. You would be the only one. Imagine if we actually hand someone who could do that, it'd be like three months. Ooh, I wouldn't go there. It's going to rain. And you're the only one that knows.

Of course. Everyone would tune in every day. You would be the most famous person. And you know how long I would work a day? Five minutes. Because you just know. No, I just, well, I just show up to the broadcast. I point at the green skin.

Then I'm like, I'll see you later. It's all in your hands. head. Nobody's thought about the gray sports almanac from back to the future, but it's only got weather reports for the next day. Yeah. Is there a betting market for weather?

All right. So I am the world sexiest man. I'm an athlete. I'm the world smartest man. And guess what? It's at plus 300. Sometimes you stumble into your last pick on accident. Things I'd like to be famous for.

I'm the king. Oh. I am the king. The king. I am the king. So like of England? Sure. Okay.

Or like, you know, anywhere. The king of anywhere. The king of anywhere. Yeah, I want to be famous for being the king. The king of England, sure. Okay. If you buy an island. Yeah.

Like, can you declare yourself a king? That's what I'm asking. Like, if you buy an island. Not if it's not sovereign. And you're like, I'm the king. And, okay, well, I go to an uncharted in Ireland. If you buy an island, can you separate it from? annex?

Yeah, what is the process of... What if I build an island? Of gaining sovereignty of land. I'm more just saying, like, does the world have to recognize me as a king? Can I be a king of a cruise ship? If it's my own ship on international waters? I think so. I could be the king.

That's not my answer, but the king, we'll go king of England since they still have one. I think you've got to be a captain if it's a cruise ship. I am just somewhat attracted to the regal. Yeah. I think the, it's more almost. going back in time a little bit to when that was a thing, but to be famous for being a king is kind of crazy. I'd be a merciful king.

I'd be a great king. Be the best king. I'd be the brain king. I took, I took president of the United States and you took a king of England and I will say this, while I will do amazing things far more valuable as the president of the United States and make everyone happy, the job would be way more fun

to be king. You know what I mean? Like if I, If you could really pick, like, would you want to be the king or the president? They're like, the king does nothing. The king does what he want. That's exactly. What is your job? Whatever I feel like doing today. My job is to do exactly what I want.

What's your job today, sir? Brunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very important. And in the, you know, the White House would be a really cool place to live, but I feel like a king's castle's way cooler, man. Oh, for sure. So, if you had a moat.

Is that how modernized? Is that castle like? Buckingham? Isn't that where it is? Yeah, is that like, I mean, that's all like, you got HVAC in there and stuff. Oh, for sure, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the king is not living without HVAC.

Okay. What kind of king is that? I'm just thinking, like, of all the things to retrofit, stone seems tough. But, Mike, or, uh, no, I'm done. Jason, you're, you're, you're, you're, living your dream. You're famous for those three things. And what's one more? Yeah, I mean, I'm looking.

I've got a list of things that, you know, are cool that I don't want, like an author. It's on my list. It's on my list. I'm not going to take that. Stephen King leads a pretty good life. Yeah, my dark horse pick that I'm not taking as well is just because this is another what the heart wants is voice, being famous for your voice. Think Morgan Freeman or the British.

But that's not your pick. That's not my pick. I'm going to go with a tech on. You got cut off, but it was just like Morgan Freeman or the British. The British guy. No, no, you stopped at the British. Well, all the British. Yeah, well, they're famous for their voice.

Yeah, yeah. But I'm going to go with a tech entrepreneur. So when you are one of the famous ones, you're, you know, you're. So you want to be like pale and just. Now, Steve Jobs. Devoid of any. I want to change the world. You know what I mean?

One divorce at a time. It's in addition to, I mean, I'm rich. I've done something that has changed. the technology that we've always looked decent in a black a turtleneck turtleneck yeah uh some of the uh we we finished up we've all got our four things to be famous for some of the final considerations on my list Nobel Prize um Olympic champion okay I've always thought Olympic champion is kind of special because you're like it was like Michael Phelps like you just I know you're working in another three years but it seems like you're only working more like eight weeks

every four years working extremely hard in between what about saving someone from a runaway train that's a little more I don't think people get famous from that but I would you can get like small town famous this implies that you would get famous sure so then in that if if if the implication no matter what equals extreme fame I would have I would have drafted

farting you know what I mean like if I'm famous like dude everyone knows that fart was so epic that he is famous worldwide I mean aren't the what what animal was that that had the good smell and farts? Oh, that's the... Is that the otter? The otter.

I mean, you want to get famous. Become an otter. Have rosy farts. You guys got any others? You're just of jasmine. No. You good. Good.

All right. What did we learn today? I learned that copper light is fossilized ducky. I learned that the smartest nanolive is also known as the brain king. And I learned that Jason has a tough time with otters and seals. was funny. You were like, how can you confuse a ferret in an order? Made no sense to me. One of them is the seal, you know? One of them is the size of a boat. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you.