Spitballers Comedy Podcast - The Brown Lung & Places To Have Calories Not Count - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 12, 2024

Spit Hit for Dec 12th, 2024: On today’s show, we discuss competition vs cooperation. We also discuss re-downloading apps in between uses and being banned from drive thru windows. We then get into some ‘Highway to Spell’ as Mike tries to defend his back-to-back win streak. Can he do it? Lastly, we close it down with a draft of places to have calories not count.Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Rumbly, rumbly, let me see you tootsie roll, badingi! What was the first word? Rumbly! Rumbly? Rumbalo! Is this like a rumbly in your tumbly? You betcha!

Oh, okay. Alright. It was like you forgot how to music. I was so afraid of starting too late. Oh, you started way too early. I know, I know, I know. You forgot how to music. I did. Um, let me see you to the left. It's not a butterfly. It's a tootsie roll. Welcome into the Spitballers

podcast. This is episode 226 Al. Is that true? That is correct. That's a lot. That's a lot. Too many probably. But here we are. Andy, Mike, and Jason, the Spitballers Podcast. Would you rather on the show today? That's great. Highway to Spell! That is not great. And then we are drafting the best places to have calories not count. We're back to great. Which I'm very interested where this draft is gonna go. I am both happy I have the first pick because I have my sights set on something, but also sad because there are so many places that I want and I don't have to wait for you guys to make some picks.

And so it should be really fun. I'm saying like, I started thinking about this and I was more macro and then the list became a little more micro and I was like, oh, there's some places you can go with this. So that's what we got going on. Let's get it started. Would you rather? Olivia from Patreon said, would you rather? Olivia from Patreon said, would you rather have to live in a world where everything has to be a competition. Okay. So like life right now.

I was going to say, is that already what we're doing? Yeah. Or a world where everything is a cooperative effort. Oh, that's nice. That was a twist I didn't see coming. I thought it was like, this was a friendship. Let me ask you a question. And I know we're all very competitive.

It's one of our many great qualities. Yeah. Um, but does a lifetime of cooperative efforts become boring? Yeah. Because that's where I went right away, is I thought maybe so much cooperation would eventually become boring. Yeah. Because that's where I went right away. Is I thought maybe so much cooperation

would eventually become in and of itself mundane and boring. But... But it would be productive and it would be friendly and happy and I mean I would obviously be the best at it. Now here's what's funny is I cooperated way better than you.

Is there an argument to be made that competition could be more productive than cooperation? Because in cooperating, everybody's doing kind of the same thing, and there isn't really necessarily the individual motivation. It's almost like a capitalism argument of like, hey, if ever.

Innovation doesn't come out of the socialist cooperation. Right, so is this a situation where because we're so competitive and everyone is competitive, that everyone in all walks of life are trying to do better and not just skate by? There'll be winners and losers in a competition world. Yeah, so the hard part is I can see that argument, but then there is a level of toxicity that comes with competition. So losers say? No, I'm saying as someone who is competitive. Well, I'll switch this over to Jason Moore. Okay. Legendary in his competitive nature, but also living by any means necessary, which doesn't mean I'm better than you.

But it means I win. It means that you are worse than me, and you being worse, maybe I have something to do with it. Maybe the leg of your chair got a little bit sawed. Oh man, how did that happen? Oh no. So I'm standing, you're not. The second world is a better world. Yes, definitely. Because if it's a cooperative effort, no one loses. So maybe by maybe some arbiter outside of it all can look at it and say, well, you're not as innovative, you don't have as many things. But in the world of cooperation, everyone is happy.

Now, how innovative? What is the difference between a cooperative world and the world we have now not being hyperbolic, like, oh, well, no one gets along. No, we run a business, right. And we all were cooperating. We are cooperative. We're running in the same direction. I feel like a lot of organizations of businesses and even families are I mean,, I you know, I think there's a lot of cooperation It doesn't have to be an individual so a group But so what what do you think the difference is between what life?

Actually is and what this question from Olivia is saying like where everything is a cooperative effort. What what is that gap? What does that look like? I think I think we live in a world that has both all the time. Certainly. And so because of that, some things that should be cooperative become competitive, some things that should be competitive, become cooperative. And so it is so so really, this this question is, would you rather live in a world without competition, or in a world without cooperation?

You know, I'm saying, just, just, it came if you're saying everything has to be a competition then that would imply that they're... But that implies that they are opposites to one another in which case I don't know if they always are. Right? Like competition doesn't have to be entire... Like basketball games you play with your team there's a competition there but you're also cooperating. Yeah, but in this world, a competitive world, in this hypothetical situation, everyone on your team's trying to score. Yeah, they want the box sheet.

They're just competing. That's my rebound! They're boxing out their own teammates. Yeah, okay, hyper competitive world. I'm just blocking Mike when he shoots on my team. Nope, that's my bucket. That's fair, that's fair. All right, I'm gonna go with the second one then.

I'll take the cooperative world. Yeah, let's hold hands. I'm with you. I took it before you guys. Well, okay, but my hand grip strength was fantastic. No, you gripped it harder, yeah. Berger in from the website. Would you rather have to redownload every app

anytime you wanna use it? Oof it or have to go to the gas station every time you need to go to the bath. Why. Why are like all of our questions now like hey would you rather do this or you got to take a dump in a pit of spikes. Why. Why is it always where I'm going to the bathroom. Well that's a big part of who we are. Every would you rather question is a different way to go to the bathroom. Well, I'm saying it's like, Hey, would you rather poop out a second story window or have a thousand dollars every day? Um, so would you rather have to re download every app every time you want to use it? This is, I have lived this life, it's called TikTok. Okay, because I delete TikTok from my phone.

I have deleted it so many times. I've certainly had a week where it was every day. Where it's like, nope, nope, I'm done, I'm getting sucked in, I am deleting this, but then the next time I go to the bathroom out the window, I'm like, I'm sitting here I'll put out the window. I need I need to get tick tock read down I got my first question here is so I got to read download every app in my on LTE Am I on your unreal 5g like the 5g that works which I was gonna say or am I on it? You're living in the real world where you sometimes have one, you sometimes have the other. The real world is we live in a 5G ultra-wide band

that says you have the fastest speeds, except what they mean is your phone doesn't work. It's ultra-weak band. Yes. Yeah, the W. You live in the world. There's just some cross-promo problems. It's weak.

Yeah, sometimes. It's just, which. So that's a factor. That is a factor, but the biggest problem for me... The world would be such a better place. Right, because you use... If the apps deleted themselves after you're done. You would use your phone a lot less.

And the reason I would use my phone a lot less is not necessarily signal strength, because I think most places that I'm at in the world where I'm on my phone, I'm on WiFi. So internet is, you know... Not if you're in this gas station taking a dump. Well, it's one or the other. I'm not gonna be in that gas station

if I got the phone problem. My issue is logging in. I don't want to log in to, when you delete an app and you re-download it, you have to, you know. You don't like logging in? I just, I don't remember every password of every app that I've used, you know, every single time.

Then you have to forget password, the whole song and dance of it. And then when you go to your email to check the password, well that's, you gotta download that. So now it's a whole thing, now by the time you get in, that email that you finally accessed, it's expired. Oh my gosh, every time you close them,

you can't go back and forth. Can I, quick detour, by the way, because you talked about you got your own Wi-Fi a lot of times. Now you go to other places. Maybe it's a coffee shop, wherever it is. And sometimes you have dead zones. And so you're trying to connect to a Wi-Fi network that you can find on your phone.

Does anybody have a problem if a place has a guest network that requires a password is there like do I have a personal issue with it yeah I mean like to me if you put the word guest in your Wi-Fi networks name and I click it I should be able to get on to it yeah but they don't want all those Wi-Fi freeloaders I think when you see clock in their network you don't know the password when you click on it it's a real letdown if I see the word guest and it's locked, then I start looking around for the password.

Because it's probably displayed somewhere in that building on the table or something. But it is funny. They're so protective of their internet access. No, you need to come in. And there's customers only. You better spend two dollars here or you don't get our internet.

That costs us nothing more when you join it. Exactly. It's not a problem for anybody. It is very strange why certain businesses go with that model. Now the other option here, other than the very difficult and very problematic download every app every time you wanna use it.

Well the downloading and the gas station is a problem too. Yeah. I mean the gas station situation. I don't look, you make me go number one in a gas station all the time. You can hold your breath. Yeah. But in number two is a huge problem. You are actively getting yourself ill.

Am I the only one who does that? When you're like, you know, you're going in, it's going to be rough. So you just before you go to, no, I've done it, you know, you're going in it's gonna be rough. Yeah No, I've done that 100% especially if it's just a pee which it's always just because I would never go in for a poop Yeah, no, I've certainly been there But the problem is when you run out of air because then you feel like you're breathing it deep down into your lungs You know, you're like I can make it I can make it I can't and then it's like Let me take it all in So it's a gamble. It is a gamble that when you lose, you're ruining some, some lungs because you know, yeah, the recesses of your lungs down. Someone else's. It's poop.

It's poop lung. Now here's the problem. I was always told that if you breathe in through your nose, the brown lung, the brown lung, that's rough. When you breathe in through your nose the brown lung Brown lung that's rough When you breathe in through your nose you filter when you breathe in through your mouth you don't know is that but your nose is What smells is that so when you make the choice? But I'm making the choice to smell the the poo to filter better than doing the mouth breathing Which I will throw the the nose hairs. It's it. But does it filter the nose hairs? It's the whole process. Or is it like, is it the... You definitely filter better with your nose.

But why? Because of the cilia. What is that? I thought that was a disease where you couldn't have the ciliacs. I think it's cilia or something like that. Is that mucus related? Nasal filtration system.

Your nose? Yeah, hair and cilia, he's right. Okay, but what is cilia? Hair and cilia, tiny hair-like structures. Yeah, they're hair-like structures. Your hair and your hair kind of things. They are. But we're on a never-ending quest.

Why do you think you make boogers, Mike? Boogers are the stuff. Because of the mucus. And the stuff that gets caught by the filtration. But I'm saying, we're on, as humans, we're on a never-ending quest to get rid of that filtration system. Right.

Because nose hairs are the worst. We're talking about the deep, the deep Celia hairs. No, but I mean, I've heard that it's much healthier. Like if you sleep at night and you mouth breathe, it's very bad for you. I've heard. And part of that is you're not getting the best. By the elitist nose breathers.

Yeah. By big nose. Yeah, we're enjoying ourselves over here. But. Must be a good life. But I've made the choice actively to breathe through the nose and suffer the smell consequences. But you gotta go real slow. Oh yeah. The slower you to breathe through the nose and suffer the smell consequences. But you gotta go real slow.

Oh yeah. The slower you breathe in through the nose, you don't get as a... You're not moving past my cilia. You're coming right, just like... Pfft. I caught all of you. Yes, thank you.

Look, in this situation, you've to you've got to take the the app Yeah, so it'll be better for me It will be better for all of us now the one issue that I didn't think about at first is the multitasking Essentially, I don't I don't know how big a stickler This question is but if you're extremely so that means if I'm using an app and I go back to the app I was using a minute ago, I have to, it's gone. Yeah. As soon as you leave, you cannot multitask.

Yeah, that's fair. That's awful. And obviously you keep the main apps, like your phone and your messaging. Right, your text messaging and stuff, so that's the only app I will use. I'll still take that though. I'm not, I would, I would, the only other- Payment, payment would be a problem. Oh, gotta download Venmo again.

The only other way I could survive if every bathroom had to be in like a gas station restroom, which means all of my number twos, I would have to build a battery powered system where I could carry in my bidet every time. I'm going into circle K, I open the door, I've got a bidet in one hand, a big battery back up in the other. Don't mind me, just gotta take a dump.

The good news is your seat will be warm. Yes. Yeah, you technically, you could multitask with multiple phones. Ooh. How many phones? You're gonna look like one of those guys. Hold on.

At least two stuck together so you could flip back and forth between the two. New question. Okay. How many you can look like one of those guys hold on at least two stuck together so you can flip back and do Way back and forth between the two new question, okay, okay? You can only have other than other than the standard of the phone the text message you can only have One app on a phone a phone can only have one app and you download it once you can't delete it and get a different one You can only choose one extra app on your phone, period. That's all you get. How many phones do you carry?

How many apps do you absolutely need? One phone for email, for sure. So I need my email app. Okay. Slack. Is the Photos app just part of it? Yeah, that's built in. Yeah, I mean for us, it would be one for Slack.

You'd have to have Slack. Yeah. So there's two phones. So do you have any us it would be one for Slack. You'd have to have Slack. Yeah. So there's two phones. So do you have any social media? Are you caring about third phone? I think I have a third for Twitter. Yeah, I have a Twitter. So I have a Trifone.

I only have the, I can email off my computer when I get home. That's probably healthy. Or use the default email app, which usually. Oh, but I get that one? Yeah, but it's on the phone. Yeah, two phones. Two phones.

So you would go Slack and then social media. I think so. I think that's then social media. I think so. I think that's the right one. I'm just curious if I have to have a Sudoku phone. I don't know, I might need a Sudoku phone. So. You still a heavy user? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, Mike from the website, would you rather always have to park in the farthest parking spot anytime you go to the store? No drop-offs. Or never be able to use a drive-through again? Well, I'm walking. It's an easy one for old me.

Do you ever, have you ever made the decision to park further to enjoy the walk? To enjoy the walk? Did you hear the joke? No, of course. On a nice day you've never parked further to enjoy the walk? No. Have you ever enjoyed walking?

No. I've enjoyed the weather outside and I would love to sit down and enjoy, you know. So if you lived on the boardwalk like in California you wouldn't go for a strolls? I would put a beach chair on that sand and I would love the wind and the salty air. I gotta get you into walking. Distance walking. Jason would be nine bodying down his, yeah, exactly. Give me, give me a nice scooter or at least some wheelies. Oh man. If I had wheelies, I would eat it. You and Healy's would be sensation. It would be seriously good content. That would be a social media winner.

I don't know how many times I would fall trying to use Heelys, but it would definitely be more than zero. All right, Mike, would you take the drive-through or the furthest parking spot? I don't mind the far parking spots. I'll have, so like, We may have talked about this before, but who cares? When it comes to searching for a parking spot... Yeah, are you a hunter or are you a find whatever?

No, I'm a gatherer. When it comes to the parking spot, if I see one, that's it. That's about how I do it. That's all I need. I don't need to... The amount of time you waste. It's called hunt and regret. Going up and down the aisles looking for a spot.

You could already be, oh Jason is a hunter. It's so, I'm both, I am both, I'm both. But here's what happens. If I make the choice to pass it up and hunt, then I'm pot committed. Okay, yes. What's the beginning? Arts, you know, you're like I already passed. I already made the choice. I'm a hunter So I'm circling back again. So again and again as soon as you pat like your camo hat goes on

Orange put in the eye paint. Do you do the you do the claim? Do you claim with a signal or whatever? So I do what do we what what just the turn signal? Yeah, different like waiting for a family a family's go into their car. They get to their car I put the turn signal on and I will wait how long you wait. We got it someone behind not very long I stress out. I feel so guilty. I don't I don't do the thing where I'm like, I'm staying here No matter what girl around me, right? No, I you know, I I'm not a big confrontation guy. So I I just always feel like Alright, you can take it. I'm out of here. I did hear that

Recently, they've passed some legislation because there used to be rules in Cities where if you built retail and things of that nature, there always had to be a certain amount of parking spots considered in the city planning, right? You have to have enough parking lots and parking spots for what's going to be there. In some cities, I would imagine. You can't do that in LA's and New York's. Yeah, yeah.

So I mean, within whatever city rules, that's always been a part of it. But now they're starting to pass laws to eliminate that. Because parking lots contribute a lot to the heat in the city, and the pollution, and the warmth of the city. So they started removing that. So I'm just wondering, like the practicality of like, they eliminate parking lots. How, what are you supposed to do?

Public transport. Oh, it is you supposed to do? Public transport. Oh, it is to move public transport forward. Which would certainly help. I mean there's like Arizona, our public transport is close to non-existent. It doesn't work here. Well there's a lot of cities that are like sprawled out. Yeah, that's why I'm saying it doesn't work here

because everything is so far away. Public transport in New York works because everything's within like six blocks. Or you just get on the subway and stuff. A lot of people don't even have a car. I feel like here you'd have to just build like a bunch of like huge parking lots in different places and then people Uber from them to the place that they're going. Like a parking go? Yeah, yeah. Anyways, I am going to, I'm going to enjoy the walk in the farthest parking spot. That's fine. And then enjoy the drive-through. Yes sir. All right. Go ahead. Drive-through question. How many cars in the drive-through

line does it take for you to say I'm gonna go in? It's a good question. Yeah it's usually gonna be about six. Oh, six is not a lot. So like cars, so there's the speaker. Right, right, and cars past the speaker. And the overflow coming out. Four. Four?

Four, four. Oh, that's not a lot. Four beyond the speaker and I'm out. Unless it's Saladin Go. Then it's like 25, because that's the fastest drive. It scares me. I don't know how they have everything ready when you ask for it custom.

They already know you're showing up. They got a crystal ball. They got the minority report people in the pool. Yeah. They're like, oh, salad incoming. I get to the drive-through window, and they hand me the bag, and they say, you're late. And I'm like, that's scary.

You're like, oh, can I also get this? It would be really reasonable. It's your drink. You're like, oh, can I also get this? It would be really reasonable. If you drink, you're like, oh, I didn't even order the drink. If they had cameras that recognized the cars that were in the line and pull up your most recent order on their screen already. Oh, man. I mean, that's easy.

That's easy stuff nowadays. He will probably, and then make custom suggestions. Sir, last time you got two of these burgers, are you not that hungry? You just drive up to the board and they show you your order and say, you want this? Yeah. Well, move on.

That would be more convenient. Give me my regular that you know I have. Oh, man. That's dangerous. But the shame at some drive throughs. This was your last order. Don't show that to everyone. Would you like six pies again? That wasn't me. That wasn't me.

That wasn't me. Sir, do you want to see the footage? I'll hand them out. I'll pay it forward. Just, yeah, that's fine. I'll put them on the table. I, uh, I, there's one situation where I will wait in the line infinitely. When I'm starving. No, because I will normally make fun of people that are in the super long line. Like, what are you doing? That's insane. There's one situation I will normally make fun of people that are in the super long line. Like, what are you doing?

That's insane. There's one situation I will get stuck in, and that is if I've told somebody I'm going to get that place for them and like, I'll be like, But you won't just go inside and get that place for them? Not if it looks like it's super packed inside too. If I'm pot committed to a place, like I texted my dad the other day, I was like, you want some Raising Canes? At that point, he's given me his order. Now I have to

get Raising Canes, no matter what the long line is, so I'm stuck. So there are two places here in the valley, one obviously, I don't know how National Raising Canes is. Raising Canes is one of those places where the drive-through line is insane, and you walk inside, you'll have your food in 30 seconds. Oh, will you? I should always go inside? Oh, there's no, nobody, nobody goes inside. So you just get it immediately.

The other place is Starbucks in the morning. In the morning, the Starbucks line is- Oh, cause they're all staying in the car. No one wants to go in. 50 cars long. If you walk in, you just walk right up to the counter and order. Hot tips, hot tips.

Al, how are you doing? Doing great. Thanks for asking. Do we want to do one more or move on? I think Jason's itching to get into Highway to Spar. Good Lord. Now, let's do that then. Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Me Undies. Holiday season is officially upon us and Me Undies, my go-to brand for unbelievable comfort, has you covered with everything you need to be your coziest self. From lounge pants to hoodies, sweats, and onesies,

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holiday deals and savings all month long, go to meundies.com slash ballers. Enter promo code ballers. That's meundies dot com slash ballers code ballers me on DS comfort from the outside in let's do it highway to spell cat I want you to give me I want you to give me extra credit out because I You did you did it I didn't see that drop up at the in my top row of drops Oh cool, and I found it in the part where you throw me out of the bus over here Yeah, I just I just want you to give me credit for not canceling the show. Good job, Andy We're making up for owls mistake. So we're doing highway to spell Mike is apparently the back-to-back champ

I don't have any recollection of that nor do I I have one at one recollection. Are you? Oh, don't do that. So wait, the rule is who goes first on these ones. We usually do any Mike Jason Okay. All right. Let's do it. All right We're gonna start at fifth grade Andy your fifth grade level. We're I've been on a bad street guys. The panic attack is oh, yeah We're back. I'm sweating. Andy, your fifth grade level word. I've been on a bad streak. Guys, the panic attack is on, yeah. We're back. I'm sweating. All right, here you go. This is where. Necessary.

Oh gosh. Oh man. That's a fifth grade word? I got it. That's what they say. I have to go with the first thing I write down. N-E-C-E-S-S-A-R-Y, necessary. Oh baby.

I had it, and that was easy. You had it quick. You had it quick. I totally had it guys don't even worry about it. You went two C's didn't you? I went two C's. It was necessary for me to go with my first gut instinct. I hate when I know one of your guys's. Yeah because you know you might not know your own. Yeah. Was there also one S? No. Okay there's two S's. All right. Yeah. Yeah I mean I yeah. Defending champ definitely had it. No. Okay, there's two S's. Yes. All right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I, yeah. Defending champ definitely had it. Yeah.

All right, defending champ. Mike, here is your fifth grade level word. Ah. Daughter. Okay. This is a silly one, but daughter. D-A-U-G-H-T-E-R. Why?

Why? Why is it spelled like that? I don't know, but it's's okay. Give me another easy one. Dauk. Dauk. Dauk. I think you're gonna be alright Jason. Here's your fifth grade level word. Crystal. Ooh. Okay, I think I got this. Don't underthink it. I am gonna underthink it. I'm just going fast. C-R-Y-S-T-A-L. Alright, we did it! We are fifth graders! Let's graduate! Crystal! Alright, we have graduated onto the sixth grade. Andy, here is your sixth grade level word.

Contagious. Uh oh. Oh man, I'm feeling good today. C-O-N-T-A-G-I-O-U-S. Contagious. All right. OK. We're rocking.

Did we start younger? Is that what we did today? We did. He's just telling us that they're pretty. We usually start in seventh, I think. Yeah. That's what it feels like. It feels like these are.

He doesn't want us to cancel the segment. Yeah. We're not starting with free throws here. We're starting with some layups. Yeah. All right, Mike, here is your sixth grade level word. Requirement. Okay, look.

I think we're on there. I'm good on fifth. No way Mike misses this one. Hmm, R-E-Q-U-I-R-E-M-E-N-T. All right, yeah. Yeah, take that. You met the requirement, Mike. Can we take a second to have the Spivvods recognize Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, word surround oh okay oh wait oh I think you're good right okay oh man you're good you're good buddy okay it looks feels wrong when I write it oh man oh key dokey surround that that should be an easy one. Yeah, I thought this was going to be so simple. Okay.

S-U-R-R-O-U-N-D. Oh my god. It felt so wrong when I wrote R-R-O-U. So did we beat the game? Yeah, we won. You have gotten to 7th grade. Where we normally start. Junior high. Go on. Alright, Andy, your 7th grade level word? Innocence. Innocence? Oh man.

I-N-N-O-C-E-N-C-E. Innocence. Oh god. I would have been out. You're in a delay. I went S-E-E. You did? Okay.

You went S-E-E? At the end. Like since, like six since? Yeah. Sixth innocence. Yes, yep. Whoops. All right, all right.

Mike? I mean, I went C. Time for junior high. All right, Mike, your seventh grade level words. Make it stop. Havoc. Havoc? Oh, that's easy.

H-A-V-O-C? Okay, no. Oh, I would have missed it. An extra V or what? No, I put a K on the end of that thing. H-A-V-O-C-K. Like a hammock? Yeah.

Didn't you say that's so easy? That's so easy. It was so easy. And honestly, when you stopped it, see, I was waiting for a boner. I couldn't believe you stopped it. See, what an idiot. And when that bell happened to tell you you were right, I fell real, real dumb. So you would have been wrong on both seventh grade words.

Yeah, but not this one. Al, let me have it. I think you'll be all right. Here's your seventh grade level word. Commotion. What? I don't want to do it. Oh, there's no way.

Holy crap. This is impossible. Comotion? Comotion. Comotion. Okay. I just went with this movement on the commode. Como-ge.

All right. See, that's why our questions all have the bathroom. All right. C-O-M-M-O-T-I-O-N. Yeah! Oh! We are one grade from high school. One more round.

Let's get to high school. You guys are crushing it. That's nine straight, by the way. I predict somebody's gonna be out here in eighth grade. Andy, we're gonna start with you. Here's your eighth grade level word. Chandelier. Come on, man.

Oh, man, what I wrote down cannot be right. It is impossible. I just have to go with, I'm going to stick with the same process. The first thing I write down. C-H-A-N-D-E-L-I-E-R. Oh my gosh! It's an E? It's not Shando? No, it ain't no Shando-lier. Shando-lorian. I know I wrote the whole thing right, but then I added an e at the end. Yeah in the leery So I gotta stop one letter earlier that's and I would be just stop tacking it on don't put a K at the end I can't believe I got it. We're thrilled. We're sure it's not an oh

I got it. I'm thrilled. We're sure it's not an O? Miriam Webster says it's not an O. All right, Mike, here is your eighth grade level word. Catastrophe. Catastrophe, huh? Catastrophe. If Jason gets this one right, I will be so impressed. Oh, I got this one right let me see catastrophe see a t a s t r o p h e Oh work we're on catastrophe and Jason got it yeah we're one we're one away from high school oh together all the other side in middle school I do think you guys are gonna get there Jason here's your eighth grade level word amnesty wait was that embassy or amnesty? Amnesty. You got this. That's an easy one.

Why does he get all these? Don't forget the Q. Hip-hop anonymous? Amnesty. A-M-N-E-S-T-Y. Okay. That was an easy one. Now at this point, if we flame out, we've done enough, right?

I mean, that's 12 straight successful. We're like a boring podcast now, how good we are. I don't know that we've ever gotten to high school together. You haven't? I don't believe you have. No. Here is your ninth grade level word. Gruesome. Well I'm gonna, this is the first one I'm having to write twice to make sure. Gruesome, G-R-U-E-S-O-M-E. Wow. That E snuck out of nowhere. That middle E. That came out of the bushes. What did you go with?

Same as you. You were both wrong. G-R-U-S-O-M-E, okay. We're getting the right words for our individual takes here. He's changing the grade levels for each person. All right, Mike, here's your ninth grade level words. It's freshman year, man.

Ambiguous. Oh no. Oh no. The ending's a good time. Ambig... I think you'll get there. I think I've got there. Yeah, I think you did. There's no way. That's not... There's a bunch of letters in it. I think you'll get there. I think I've got there. Yeah, I think you did.

There's no way. That's not. There's a bunch of letters in it. I know that. It's a good time to remind you that you are defending your back to back champion. Oh no. Wait. I have two very different options.

Okay. That's all right. One looks maybe correct. Okay, whatever. Ambiguous. That is the word! A-M-B-I-G. This is weird. It's fun. I-O-U-S. No, no!

Jason has it right from what I can tell. What is it? U-O-U-S? U-O-U-S. U-O-ambig-u, I guess that makes sense. Wow, so Jason. Mine's ambiguous. You wanna go to sophomore? Ambiguous.

You wanna go to sophomore year with me, Jason? I do, but let's find out if the teachers will allow it. Yep, TBD, here is your ninth grade level word. Insufficient. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh oh. Uh oh. And so... Will your previous schooling be insufficient?

I think you got this one. Honestly, I started putting a... There's a sneaky letter in there. Uh oh. I had one of these thought processes had a pH in there and I don't think that's right. You got a pH in there? Nope, nope, not anymore. Alright, insufficient.

Phosphorus? He's not sure. Insufficient. I-N-S-O. Wait! Wait! Is it you? I knew it, Sooties, you said insufficient when you were telling me that. Wait a minute! Wait, you're telling me insufficient does not start with an I? No, it doesn't have an O.

You thought it was... I thought it was not! I thought he said it was an E-N! You thought it was insufficient? No, so he thought it was in-so-fishing. Right, right. So I- I'm so fishing. I spelled it I-N-S. I'm so fishing right now.

Well, it's in. It's insufficient. It is so- Why, you hit that button quick. It's I knew it. Okay, I would I am so I'm curious the rest FICI ENT there's two Fs Considering you work from a place with a pH, you got pretty close. Thank you. All right, Andy, you want to keep going?

See how far you can get? Sure, sure. I'll give them quick. Here's your 10th grade level word. Anachronism. All right. What? What does that even mean?

Anachronism is when something is out of- It's spider-related. No, it's an error in chronology. Yeah, it's out of order. A-N-A-C-R-O-N-I-S-M. Okay, you had it perfect except it's C-H. Oh, that makes sense, which is what I wrote the first time. Oh, shoulda got to that.

Dang it, well I won. Congratulations, we have a new champ. And we have a new draft. This holiday season, give your loved ones only the best from L.L.Bean. Let them wrap themselves in L.L.Bean's wide variety of sweaters. Choose from L.L.Bean's classics like their rag wool and cotton fisherman sweaters, crafted with exceptional materials like lamb's wool and premium cotton. They're the perfect way to stay cozy and warm all winter.

Give only the best gifts from LL Bean at Oakville Place, George and Mullenberry, and CF shops at Don Mills. The Spitballers Draft. We are drafting the best places to have calories not count at all. And the older I get, the more this dream seems like it would be amazing because there are consequences to indulging in this life and there are places that I either want to indulge and do anyways and pay the price.

And there's some places that are just perfect for it. Yeah. And so there's a ton of picks I really want. And so I'll be sad because you guys are gonna take a bunch of them. Yeah, there's a couple of places on my list where I know when I go there, I get something more responsible

and I don't want to do that Yes, so I would like to draft it and so there's a lot of qualifiers Mike was saying before the draft He didn't know how this one was gonna go, but I'm going to go with the place that I think is the most frequently Where I would want this superpower It's very simple. It would be an everyday thing, and it is the couch. Mmm. Yep.

The couch. And if you told me that I could have any of the other places or just a two-hour window of this place, I would still choose the couch as my number one pick. If you told me 8 p.m. to 10 p.m. every night. Snack Central. I could turn on the TV and not stop eating for two consecutive hours on the couch. It actually, I enjoy that so much. So the couch is my number one pick.

There are a number of really good picks. I am curious where you guys are going to go. Like that was, as I was going through the list, the couch is the last thing I put on my list because I was starting to realize Oh, maybe we just mean like a very specific place. Yeah, that's what that's more how I went Yeah, so the the cat I guess that would be good for all the football I mean I would know if I'm standing behind the couch those calories count. Yeah, we say the ground Like to lay on the ground. Oh, just my feet are on the ground, I just don't care.

No, that's a little too broad, Mike. I'm going to take the place that was designed for indulgence. I will take the buffet. Yes, it was on my list. It was on my list. They have everything you want. And often, I don't do buffets anymore. Number one, because there's the consequences of being just an old man eating too much at a buffet, but I don't get

my money's worth anymore. Right. That is a big part of it because you will feel sad that you didn't eat enough. Yeah, they're like, okay, well, you can get the buffet. That's $35. Yep. Well, now I have to force myself to eat $35 worth, and that will include feeling really, really crappy, for sure, afterwards. To get my money's worth, yeah. Yeah, so I don't even go anymore. Yeah.

But if my calories don't count. The buffet's a great pick. The buffet is a terrible pick because, terrible for me, because you took two of my options away. I had golden corral, and I had a Chinese food buffet So you just went like yeah You got all of them All all of Jason's 11 options were different buffets, right? He forgot the lobster buffet

All right, good pick. I think I think you're right about the money's worth thing too. I'm gonna start at a place You know Andy when you said kids buffet, that's like they're just stealing your money Yeah, cuz the kids don't have the room for it Well the kids when you order off of the menu the kids not even gonna finish what they're paying 29.99 of the $35 dessert part of the buffet to be fair to the restaurant the kids don't eat enough But they do take enough to the restaurant the kids don't eat enough but they do take enough you know what I mean like the restaurant still getting rid all that food even if they don't eat it you get two picks Jason I'm jealous I get two picks I know exactly

where I'm going here because you said this would be like an everyday thing and so I assumed you were taking McDonald's you got to be in the McDonald's but you can go to town sure I'll eat it in the drive-through. You gotta wait. I can't leave. Uh, but yes, I'm, I'm, I'm going to say that McDonald's absolutely, because anywhere in the world and you want me to go calorie free and to have no repercussions to be able to eat a Big Mac and another big and chicken nuggets and french fries galore reading us the menu to McDonald's Adam McFlurry absolutely you didn't even say the McRib well it's not always there Mike but that's I mean

that's assumed if it's there that's when my powers really kick in the gear right McRib season I wonder if I could buy a reserved table like at my local McDonald's and if I've got this superpower I can talk to the manager Or if you had this superpower, would you be a franchisee of McDonald's? Yeah, and I would put one in my home Brooks has a good point like they are the most easily available fast-food place so when you're traveling you will be able to I believe the I Think subway took over you got to. I believe the I think subway took over. You got to say that, Al. What? I just said, do you really have trouble finding a seat at McDonald's

that you need like this reserved table? That's fair. That's fair. It's always so packed in here. All right. The other one. And this is probably the most important because of who we are. The other one, and this is probably the most important because of who we are. And I mean we as in us. Do you mean like, are you talking like the United States

or the spit ballers? The footballers. The spit ballers, the footballers, it's the studio. It's right here. We do lunch every day. We order lunch every day. We order lunch every day. We have switched some of us to specifically eating these delivered tiny meals that are lower calorie.

We had. We're not funding this. We had. We don't need it funded. There was a time where, what, 500 packages of delicious candy showed up for us from the that's true. I mean, shout out to sweet tart. Shout out to sweet tart ropes. And if you're out there again, we're out. We completed the task. We ate them all. They sent us an unimaginable amount of sweet tart ropes.

We took it down. Imagine a like a conference table at an office Five layers deep yeah across the whole table and we did it Finished and they were all as good as the first one today. Did you bring anything to the studio? I brought some cookies in you brought some cookie. Oh, so nice. It's sweet of you So what about a big is there a big bag of Tootsie Roll candy? This is like work. This is me. Your job. My job here. I'm going to be able to eat all of the things that everyone just so lovingly brings in, even though. And ships us. And yeah, and ships us and donates. I just like the idea that Jason's going to be like, he'll be at home at like nine at night. He wants

a snack and he's like crap. I gotta run to the office, cause I. I am fine, this is like how you said, if I get a two hour window, eight to 10, all I need is lunch time. Just lunch time at the office. That would change everything. I will devour snickerdoodle cookies. You have no idea how many snoodledoodles are going down in this gullet, I don't care where we order from,

we're also ordering from Noodles and Company. Get those noodles. But yeah, send us more ropes. I was concerned this one wasn't going to come back. I knew that buffet would not make it past my good friend over here. You enjoy your McDonald's. I'll enjoy all of them because my car is where my calories do not count. The car is where my calories do not count. Shoot. The car is a wonderful pick. Oh shoot.

I eat so much in my car. The car is one of the greatest places to eat, period. The car- You can get where you're going and you're eating? Tremendous. The car is a great pick. My car is, and this is unfortunate. This is something I hope to change. My car is a graveyard of rappers. The car

is a shame box for me. I mean, when my wife has not driven in my vehicle for two weeks and then she gets in. It usually goes something like, Jason, you should be ashamed. And that's really only because I didn't know she was driving this time or I would've thrown it all away. It's a real problem for me, daggum it. It's like a confessional. I will trade you all four of my picks for the car.

The car is an outstanding thing. The clear 101. Now you have an internal camera, right the car. The car is an outstanding thing. The clear 101. Now you have an internal camera, right? I mean, so somebody's watching you. Yeah, yeah. That's great. All right, my next two picks. One of them comes down to the enjoyment level

of when I eat lots of food at this place. And it's the movies. I'm gonna take the movie theaters. It would have been my next pick. I can't, I legitimately cannot go to the movies and not eat While I'm watching a movie it just is it's not fun. It's what am I doing here watching a show while I'm sitting in a chair Honestly turn the movie turn the movie off just give me the food Eat at a different place so I'm gonna go to the restaurant where everyone's a different place. So I'm going to go to the- But it's a restaurant where everyone's looking the same direction.

I'm going to movies. It's a good one. And then my next pick is another place that I, it gives purpose to attending these places. People want to go for other reasons. I don't. I want to go for the- Church. I want to go for the food.

And I'm going to say, and you guys can tell me if it has to be one pick or two, but I'm, I was going to say and you guys can tell me if it has to be one pick or two but I was gonna say theme parks slash the fair because if I'm eating all it amusement parks amusement parks amusement parks because yeah the fair is fried foods there's a great great pick at some point I hit the age where the reason I go to these places is to eat while my kids enjoy it. Mm-hmm. And I am always scoping for the next meal at these, the next stand, the next churro, the next Indian fried bread, whatever the case may be. No, you are 100%. That wasn't even my list and that's a huge oversight. I mean, the fare is like, that's legendary for just the garbagey, garbage food that you can eat.

That's right. Like, we've managed to fit 3,000 calories into the size of a quarter. I love it. You're like, yeah, I'll take five. Yeah, I'll wait in line for it. Oh, man, that's a tremendous pick. The car's still a legendary pick. All right.

It's done. And so it's funny that the- Mike's going out and taking his family dinner out into the car. They're all around the table He's like I'll be right back. Give me that plate This is a place that people like much like your amusement park They're going for a different reason you you go to this location to watch watch something happen, but I mean come on Like there's specific games where you don't even the game sucks. It's all about just getting the food. So I'm going to say the stadium.

Yep. Yep. Give me the, give me the, uh, what, what the, the, the cinnamon almond and or whatever the, the, the nuts, the hot toasted nuts. Give me the, give me, give me everything. The hot dogs, hot dogs, ice cream. I, I. I When I was gonna pick one, I was specifically gonna pick a baseball game just because it's longer So there'll be more food to be but the stadiums the right pick It's another thing that adds to the experience. You want to grab a yes Hamburger hot dogs soft drinks. Oh my gosh The amount of soft drinks you go through at a stadium and they keep coming up with these new things like that's how baseball has To get people to attend now.

Yeah. They're like, the eight foot hot dog. Yeah, they're like, check that we've covered it in mayonnaise. That's right. We're like, oh, OK. All right, great pick. All right, I got two picks coming up here. The first is very easy for me.

And that is the bed. Yeah, okay. Because I can do- You eat in your bed? Absolutely, because the bed is my couch. We- We have the bed that like raises up and like becomes a seat. So we watch a lot of our TV.

You sound like you might be like stuck there. No, no, but it's like we watch a lot of TV. Where you watch TV on the couch, we watch TV and are like, you know, the bed turns into a seating position, but I can get breakfast in bed. Because you're 75 years old. Yeah, maybe.

So that one's easy. The inclining bed. Oh, the inclining bed is clutch. It's got one of those bars that you can put yourself on. It raises all the waves to stand me up. The bed is clutch. It's got one of those bars that you can put yourself on. It raises all the waves to stand me up. The bed is fantastic. The only problem there is crumbs in the bed.

You do eat in the bed a lot. Yeah, snacks. And do you have a little side dust buster for the? Little snacks in bed. All right, so you went with the bed. I would never have picked it because my couch is my couch. Yeah, your couch is your couch. My bed is your couch.

All right, so the last one here, I'm a little jealous of what Mike did, which is get variety with the car. I do love variety. So I'm going to go with food courts because that means I get sure a lot of cool places and it means that I can do what I always want to do that I don't ever do well I can do what I want to do which I don't always shame which I don't always do which is hit up several different places. You know, I want ice cream from the Dairy Queen slash Orange Julius.

You gotta get that Orange Julius, man. Yeah, baby. But it's like, I'm not gonna get my meal there. I want my meal somewhere else. But then, you know, gotta throw some orange chicken on the tray, so I'm gonna go around all the places. Food courts is a good pick. Delightful.

Food courts, when you have a family of five, are the worst invention in the entire world. Because I know I'm waiting in four lines minimum. Minimum. Because you can't, when you go to the one place, you don't have a choice. But when they see that this is their favorite restaurant, no, this is locked in.

You better go get that. It is the absolute worst. And it takes an hour just to eat. So shame on you food court people. And my last pick here. Big food court. Yeah. My last pick, they have food as well, but those liquid calories, they add up. Oh. Let's say the bar. You're taking the bar. I'm taking the bar. So smart. I mean, they have to add... Do calories, they come into play at the old bar? Oh, for sure. Oh, absolutely. Oh, remember your... Yeah, you'd always go with vodka soda versus the vodka tonic. Yeah, when it's keto, but I'm saying, they advertise, you know, like, oh, Miller Lite, it only has one more calorie and it's more like what if I didn't ever have to worry about my calories

You can get a real beer. Yes All right. That's a great pick. Yeah Let's wrap it up with the cheapest pick I've ever made Because I I've never done it But I know it's heralded for the food and I know that Jeremy could use this It was it was at the top my list. I can't believe Jason and take on a cruise ship. As soon as you made your net, this last pick, I was going to be on my list, but I've never been so I didn't want to take it from you. It felt like a great fourth cheap pick. Oh my goodness.

The cruise ship. The car in the cruise ship. Mike's in the car. I'm in the cruise ship. I've never been more disappointed in Jason. Well no so let me tell you why this happened. Let me tell you why this happened. This happened because I saw the draft completely. Double arches is why this happened. Because I saw the draft completely wrong. Let me read you my list coming in. McDonald's, Golden Corral, Raising Cane's, Chipotle, Dunkin Donuts, Domino's. I thought it was like places that we get free calories. So I'm on the fly here trying to think of like, oh, we're going more geographical, less restaurants to get free calories. Because I, man, am I upset with my,

the car and the cruise, that's my one and my two and I could have had it at one and two. Well Jason, you do get unlimited calories at McDonald's at work. That should not be underrated. In bed. The new couch. And at food courts.

Mike will be eating plenty at the buffets, in his car, at all stadiums and at the bar. Which is great. That was a nice final pick. I will be on my couch, I will be at the movies, I will be at amusement parks and I will be on a cruise ship for the first time eating. You know, I'm still worried I'll throw it all up on a cruise ship. But can they eventually make cruise ships large enough to where you wouldn't know that you're on the water? You don't know until you throw up. It's just subtle.

No, you don't. Owl tells us he doesn't know until he gets off the boat. Yeah, that's usually how it is. I've been on a cruise ship where you knew because it was choppy weather, but other than that most of the time you cannot tell that you're on the water unless you unless I mean you can look and see but you know you don't feel like it right well there you go until you sink were there any I was pretty much out of ideas my last one was gonna be like holiday tables you know the Thanksgiving table Christmas table I didn't know how to wrap them all together

I had let's see birthday parties the uh, the pantry. Oh, the shame pantry. Yes, sir. I mean, who amongst us hasn't done the, what am I going to eat? Well, you know what? I'm just going to open this bag of chips and I'll eat these chips in here while I figure out what I'm going to eat amongst us. Hasn't gone in and just shut the door behind them. Locked it from the inside. I'll hide in here for a minute. Turn the lights off. No one's in here. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Why are there night vision goggles in the pantry?

Any other pics that you guys had, or Al? No, my 101 and 102 were Disneyland and a cruise ship. Yeah, there you go. So you guys got both of those. Well, I did, yeah. Thank you. You can come hang out with me. Let's go. Your calories still count, mine don't. So you guys got both of those. Well, I did, yeah, thank you. You can come hang out with me. Let's go.

Your calories still count, I know. Sounds like a good time, man. All right, any other picks for you guys? Jason's just got a list of restaurants. You wanna know more restaurants that are delicious? I'll tell ya. I'll tell ya. What did we learn today?

I learned that when we really put our heads together, we can get into high school level education. Yeah, I was pretty proud of us. I learned that insufficient does indeed start with an I out of curiosity for a moment. I was convinced it started with an E. How would you spell sufficient? Would that have been different than insufficient? I only had one F. No, you had an O.

You went insufficient. Oh, really? I didn't even know where I went wrong. I just learned where I went wrong. I was just making sure you didn't spell sufficient. So-fish-ent. And I learned we should all probably cooperate a little bit more. Okay. Maybe.

And be the best. Yeah, I'll be the best at it. I'm gonna cooperate so hard. Thank you for tuning in to the Spitballers Podcast. Thank you for following the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you're listening, and we will catch you next time. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballers pod.com