Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Toilet Plumes & Animals That Would Crush on a Dating Show - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

On this completely unhinged episode, things go completely off the rails in the most hilarious way. We follow up a great Would You Rather with a new Decisions of Extreme Importance segment before wrapping up with an Animals That Would Crush on a Dating Show Draft.  Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. A true classic. I didn't really, I didn't like it at all. I thought I liked it, but no, you're right. I hated it. I hated it. I hated it. I thought I was going to get into like a Trump thing. Hold on. No, I hated it. Oh, yeah. No, I love it. I'm back. I'm so back. Oh, man, big change.

I feel like you did better last week, but. Oh, you shut up, Jason. This is okay. Oh, because I was, I was your Patsy. The people love this part of the show. and there's that part that just happened yes yes they don't know what's going to happen and there is a host on this show who is trying to ruin it for it's not me for everyone i put a lot of it's not me as as al boarlin said a for effort f for execution but a for effort you know what i mean no i i hear you and i want i want the spitwads to know we all three of us care very much about you we are grateful for your for you listening two thirds two thirds if me ruining or getting rid of the scat

upsets anyone Dave told us Jason It's already been known, man Okay, hypothetically If it does though If they're not just using their words But it's true I don't care

I don't care So Spitwads I don't care about you Is your seat really low today Jason You look real short He's almost 44 You look very short shrinking. Yeah, it was low.

Thanks, Mike. I should have let it go the whole show. If only we had producers, you know, checking cameras in the show. You look tiny. Maybe, you know what? Today, I'd be a little lower. There you go. There you go. The feel wow. Okay, you're way down there. Okay, that looks wonderful. That's great. That's what real life looks like. I'm not that much shorter.

5-7, right? 5-9, sorry. 5-11. Oh. And a true 5-11, which is rare because everyone that's 5-11 says they're six foot. And you know what? You're not 5-10? No. But people who are 5-10 who say they're 5-11, that's exactly what they say. It is maybe what they say. I have a

doctor's receipt. A doctor's receipt. Look at this receipt from my doctor. I just went to the doctor. Shoes on? No, shoes off. 5-11. Shoes off. 145. I need a note that shoes were off. Oh, welcome in one and all. I'm more uncomfortable with how low he is in his chair

right now. It's not comfortable to my legs. He is. Yeah. I don't think that's true, man. It's not comfy. Would you, he's got both arms resting. Oh, Josh says Jason is 10,000% 510. What do you say? I say, let's make a $100 bet. He won't do that. Oh, let's do it. A measurement. Shoes on? No, no, no, no. No. Shoes off. 511.

On the dot. One, you could do that right now. One millimeter under and you lose. One millimeter. Of course. okay that's how measurement works fine because i know i'm 511 get a tape measure but we got to get one those things that goes down on the head so you know for sure okay i don't want your eyeballs being like it with a tail hand tape measure alborland i'll do it if you guys yeah uh you and owl are the same height so if you back to back that is 5-9 good looks like it yes i know this is the best start ever on the podcast you don't get to see it but he is just a head poking out above his laptop right now on the video product it is just

ahead. Today I am a child. I mean, you look like a child. And you know what? I'm going to do this whole show like a kid. Okay. We have Would You Rather? We are drafting animals that would crush it on a dating show today. And we have a new segment

Decisions of Extreme Importance that will break out. And we're going to have a good time. The two of us and our little baby boyfriend. Yeah, Jason. Here we go. Would you rather? Reggie from Patreon. Hey guys.

My toddler and I love the show. Well, thanks for listening. Reggie. What was so funny either? Jason, we were just talking about toddlers. Okay, okay. Jason being a toddler, I got it. Would you rather have a toddler touch all your food before you eat it?

Because the toddler's hands are so dirty. That is disgusting. Or would you rather have a toddler drink from all your drinks before you drink them, which is also disgusting because they spit back half of what they are sipping. They are both gross. Make no mistake. Yeah. However, one of those locations

on a toddler is so much dirtier. So much more filthy and nasty and disgusting. Between the hands and the mouth, it is clearly the hands. Because a doo-doo? Everything.

Well, the hands go into the mouth. All the time. All the time, yeah. For a toddler. But that cleans it. Does it? No, that's dog rules. I think, I think some of that applies.

I don't think it does. There's got to be some cleaning in your mouth. I think all the bacteria goes into the, I can't be looking down at you, Jason. This is, yeah, this is so terrible. We may need you. You need you. You win. Wait, no, we got a solution.

Oh, yeah. Come on down, guys. Yeah, let's all lower our chairs. Okay, now that we've done that. Oh, man. You can't. How am I taller than you right now? How low did you get in your chair?

We've got different chairs, bro. I cannot handle this. Hey, Mike, how are you doing? So when the toddler puts their hands in the mouth, that bacteria is still in the mouth. But for how long? Not for as long as it's on your hands. There's no way that if you, like, you know. Then explain gingivitis.

Okay, certain bacteria can hang around your mouth longer. Guys, you are killing me so, so softly. Yeah, I'm going lower. I tried to go lower. The microphone didn't go lower. Yeah, this is as low as I can go. What is happening? I have no idea.

Oh, my classic episode 341 stuff. Yeah, look, the drinking one is better than the fingers. Dude, that's so backwashed. I know it's really bad. I know it's really bad. The backwash is at least 80% of what you're drinking. The problem is it's not just backwash, actually. It's going to be like slobbery on the actual rim of the drinks.

Yeah, but that one I can wipe off. That's not a problem. Yep. All right. So I'm going, I'm going the fingers or worse. I'll have him drink before. I'm doing a little bit of research here because I do think it's important

on a show like this to teach and educate people about mouth bacteria. And I'm just wondering if you put something dirty in your mouth, the bacteria from that object, like, how long does it stay in your mouth? Does your mouth sanitize stuff? That's what I'm... It's got bacteria in there, right? So, well... A good bacteria?

Let's see here. Yeah, so saliva constantly flushes the mouth, diluting and washing away microbes within minutes to hours. So... Mineral no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. You do not get to say something like minutes to hours? I mean, it's not... It's not minutes to years.

Days to months. Minutes to hours is a pretty bit. I mean, if you said minutes to an hour, that would have been okay, but hours. Okay. How about this? How long can you hold a plank? Anywhere from minutes to hours. Yeah.

How long can you hold a plank? Minutes to hours. Oh, okay. All right. That was a good counter argument. Thank you. Okay. Counter this.

Enzymes and antibodies in saliva actively kill or neutralized bacteria. So dogs, mouth and human's mouth aren't that different. They're pretty clean. I go back to my point then how does ginger vitus works? I'm on it. Then how does I mean, I don't spell ginger. Oh, that's impossible. It should be how does gingeritis work? Well, first,

how do you spell ginger vitus? Both the dog's mouth and the human mouth have tons of different bacteria. They're not the same. The dog mouth thing, that's such baloney. It's mostly baloney. They have different bacteria than we do. They are butt lickers. Yeah. That is baloney. Which a toddler is a buttlicker too. A toddler is a butt licker through their hands. They're

not licking butts like dogs but they're touching butts. Right. And then they're licking fingers. So what's your answer so I can move on to the next question? I definitely will take the backwash over there. Their hands are beyond... But here's the thing. Here's the thing. When their hands

touch your food, I can pretend that it didn't happen. When I am drinking the backwash... You see the floaty thing in your drink? I know exactly what is going on. It's a good point. Your carbonation has been diluted.

It's a good point. I'm taking the hands. I'll deal with the repercussions. I think both of them you are getting sick. I think your odds of getting sicker or probably come with hand stuff. I agree. That's the sicker part.

But it is called hand-foot mouth. Hand-foot mouth. Yeah, it doesn't help us. It's not hand-foot. Yeah, but that's the disease. That's not where it comes from. Where does it come from? Now tell this story, Papa Josh.

Do you want to share this story? It's gross, man. Yeah, my wife and I went to a restaurant, and we were having a drink or two. She gets to the bottom of her drink, and there is a chewed piece of gum stuck to the bottom. Hold on, hold on, hold it. Time out.

What liquid is this? This is alcohol. No, no. You asked? I don't think that was his question. I'm like, is this a clear? liquid? Is this like, like, if it's a water, I'm going to see the piece of gum. If it is a Coca-Cola classic, I might not see the gum. Yeah, how visible was the gum? It was not like,

it wasn't clear. It was like a mixed drink. So this wasn't her gum. No, it was absolutely not her gum. That's pretty gross. It's pretty gross. Well, you said it was alcohol. She might have forgot she had the gum. I mean, at least it was clean, right? Yeah, no, it's good. Oh, yeah, the alcohol would clean the gum. You can spit and you can put as much gum from somebody else in the bottom of an alcohol glass. Yeah, and you're fine. And you're fine. And you're fine. And you're fine. All right, moving on. Justin from the website, would you rather never be allowed

to use your phone in a bathroom or never be allowed to use any radio music or audio at all while in the car? Oh, that one's easy. That is very, very easy. You have to have the car stuff. Have to have the car stuff.

Do you ever do the silent drive? Yeah, an occasional silent drive. I like a silent drive. It can be a really nice reprieve, just time to think. There's value to that. You think I just, I shut everything off. I don't even, when I get home, I'm like, I don't know how I got here.

That's probably a dangerous drive. No, I'm such a good driver. Not when you're turning every mental faculty off and not remembering how you got home. He's in a flow state. He's in a flow, he's just like. Yeah, I'm probably the best driver possible during that state. Maybe. Maybe.

But look, the bathroom is just time situation here. I can read a book. Yeah, it really is. miss reading books in the bathroom. We've all lived, we're old enough. It's another bacteria situation, though, ain't it? Yeah, somehow poop particles get on your toothbrush when they're... Did you guys grow up where, like, by our bathroom, there was always a magazine rack, and there were magazines and stuff that you could grab, and everybody's pooping while grabbing these magazines, and nobody cared. Well, because you're grabbing it before you poop. I mean, and you're pooping while

you hold it, which I know... That's... What kind of, I don't know what kind of pooping you're doing while I'm holding the magazine. I think particles emit. I think there's some invisible particles that come up. Yeah, but I've seen the Mythbusters where they hide the toothbrush far away from the toilet and they're like, hey, guess what? There's still poop particles on your toothbrush. So I'm learning this right now. You said that and I was like, ah, it's an old wives tale. Right. And I was like, I mean, so I look it up. Poop is everywhere. Toothbrushes and bathrooms get contaminated with poop particles from the toilet plume is what it's called. You don't want to see the black light plume. My plume is magnificent.

You're telling me. Nobody plumes like I do. You're telling me that when we take a dump ski and we flush that dump ski. Yeah. You're pluming. Poop particles are going wherever they want. The whole bathroom? The truth about a good too is you should probably clean, get up, close that thing, and then.

And dive. And then out of the room. No, you should have your toilet lid down before you flush. You know when you're in a fire, hot air rises, what does the plume do? Oh, it's skyrockets. It goes to the sky. Dude, that's something. Do you crawl, the army crawl out of the bathroom?

Would that be the best? For maximum non-exposure, yeah. I don't know if I've said this on this show before or not. Are you immune to your own plume? No, no, you can smell a plume. Well, you could smell it. No, this is a good question. Are you, is it your own bacteria?

If it's, hold on, hold on. Sorry. I know you had something you were going with there, but I just wondered. It's like you like smelling your own farts, right? Of course. But like, You already had the plum. I don't like smelling your farts.

The plume was. It's already in you. Yeah. So now it's just coming back home. It's not a big deal. It's like welcome home. Anything that leaves you can't hurt you coming back in. 100%.

That has to be a true. That has to be true. That has to be true. And that's why you drink your own urine. I know. Yeah. Because it's sterile and I like the taste. Yeah, anyways, getting back to a little bit more serious matter.

Right, no, back to the plumes. I do a sauna in the morning, usually. It's a dry sauna, and I fart in there a lot. Oh, that's gross. I have never once in my life smell to fart in that sauna. Why? Because it goes down with the moisture? go down. How hot is a

fart? Because I'm in a 200 degree sauna and hot air rises. You never sweat your fart in a sauna. No. And a hot air rises. So when I fart, does that fall to the floor? Does that mean you can fart in public saunas? With no rat. 100%. 100%. Everyone in there's farting and no one knows? It doesn't matter. Except for the guy that falls on the ground and takes one breath

down down to the bottom. Jeffrey, don't go down there. He drops his phone and he goes down there and finds the earth. You are. hot is a fart. Okay, we're, we're scientifically blowing my mind right now, dude. Yeah, the internal body temperature, it's about 100 degrees. So, I'm in a

200 degree sauna. I don't think of a 100 degree, yeah, your, it feels. Your plumes are maybe 1, 105. 105 max. And so in a 200 degrees sauna, what if I run hot? That thing's going if you've got a, if you've got 107? Maybe. That's not going to handle. I mean, that's going straight to the floor. You could have a fart vent at the very bottom and that would let the fart. It would 100% work.

Now, I want to get back to the point where you have painted a disgusting picture of you and a son of farting all the time. That in and of itself. I get the morning farts. That's just... You get the afternoon and the evenings. I am a very farty person.

So when you are... I mean, you can't bring your phone in there, right? I bring my phone in there, but I can only be on it for about the first five minutes. And then there is a... Overheating? Yeah, it'll overheat. You've been to the beach with a phone. Oh, yeah.

And you just watch your screens like... dark dark dark I can't see it in and then eventually it gives you the notification that says your phone is overheated it'll turn on later yeah so I the first five minutes I'm on the phone and you're in there for how long 20 and then I put it over there's a little vent on the side it must be a fart vent I'm learning this now so there's a fart vent on my sauna download of the side and I just put the phone over by the fart vent and my glasses over there and it cools it off yeah and then it's always fine but it's absorbed so just to be clear it's my phone is absorbing all my morning parts

your phone is by the vent i'm now realizing i am putting my phone right in my vent path my fart path is your phone is littered absorbing constant farts nonstop andy oh my gosh don't smell that guy's phone oh man where did we go i don't know but i feel like i learned so much in that tiny segment it's a i mean it makes sense it's scientifically why you can't can't smell your fart. Actually makes sense. So if you did smell it, you would be having a 200 degree fart. Oh my gosh. It's impossible. If that happened, you'd be like, get to the hospital to smell a fart in a sauna. I think it's impossible. If the sauna's odd enough.

Unless you were standing on your head. Well, oh yeah, you're doing a handstand. Oh, I got to try that. I got to see how quick it gets to me. You can do a handstand? With a wall. Yeah. Really? Like my legs up on a wall? Yeah. You could do it too. The picture of him, it's a small sauny. For science. Now, the real question is, his wife walks out, he's upside down, he's butt-naked. He's going to flip, and the towels is going to go, funk.

And you're going to go, oh, no. And you create a little tint for science. And your shame is just everywhere. The real question is, I am not sure if I can fart upside down. That's something I don't know. I've never done it. Oh, you've got to be able to do that. There's only one way to find out.

I would say the easiest way to fart upside down is diving in a pool and seeing if you can pull. But you're just not going to stay there that long. No, that's not a good barrier. It's not controlled because then you have pressure of being underwater. You've got to be in a regular air situation. This is why when you fart underwater, it smells so bad, so quick. It's concentrated. Well, the water's cold.

So the hot air is, it's rocketing off. Yes. So no borrowing Jason's phone. I got it. Oh, gosh. You want to see my phone? No. Nope.

Renee Here, hold this for a second No, okay No, Renee from Patreon How's the smell? I think it smells okay It's been a long time since the morning of sauna. After last week's great

salt and pepper debates, okay, we did talk about the fact there's very few foods Oh, which people need pepper. Which ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, you did the poll. I put out multiple pepper poles. Right.

And the first one was just do you regularly use a pepper shaker at a restaurant which was extremely low low it was like in the 30s yeah 20 30% of people now I said it was going to be 6040 that yes and it was more of the opposite but I thought you I thought your poll was do you use the salt and pepper shakers not just the pepper no okay that makes more because if I'm not I don't care about salt everybody uses salt yes and then I said okay specifically if you go to a restaurant for eggs do you regularly use the pepper shaker

but it only went into the 60 percentile which means we don't we don't need the pepper shakers at every single table the people the pepper people you can ask for your pepper shaker it's taking up too much space well Renee writes in and says after the great debate I'm curious would you rather never be able to use any condiments again of any kind

or be forced to use some sign of condiment on everything you eat, even desserts. I mean, this is not specific enough, Renee. You need to tell me exactly what kind of condiment I'm going to need to use on all these objects. If it's mayonnaise, then, yeah, we're in a big... I think it's user choice. It's user choice. You basically just have to put a little bit of salt on everything.

That's fine. Salt's good on ice cream. Salt is great on desserts. And you know what else is fine on desserts? Little cinnamon. A little cinnamon and sugar. Nothing wrong with that. But what are you going to put cinnamon on your your cheeseburger?

No. I'm going to put whatever I want. I'm a cheese burger. This is, I get, I have to use condiments in general. Oh, I thought it was just one. Maybe I'm misunderstanding it. It seems like it's either everything you use any condiments or be forced to use some sort.

Oh, no, you're right. You're right, you got it. Basically, every time you have to add a condiment or you never get to add a condiment. Then I'm, of course, of course I'm going to take condiments. Yeah, I would take condiments. If you tell me it's like one specific, like, Like, if it's garlic powder, and I got to put it on everything, I think that's going to be a problem with all desserts, if my cereal, things like, like anything in that cat, any dairy category. Are you using a, I'm thinking exclusively at restaurants right now. Are you using a condiment that often?

Yeah. I mean, yes, for sure. Because I have a sauce. Salt is a condiment? I think so. It seems like the wrong word. But condiment, I mean, like ketchup, between ketchup and ranch, just between those two alone. Yeah. Okay, that's fair. That is probably half of my meals. But that's all like side dipping choices, right?

Yeah. Or like dressings. Is it dressing a condiment? If it's on a salad, no. So it wouldn't count? No, I don't think so. I don't think that's a condom. Interesting.

So you're saying, you can't get a Caesar salad. You can't get a side of ranch then. No, you, that's a condom. Can't get an extra side of dressing. Right. No, it's whatever comes on, though. On-tremixed. Oh. A lot of places they don't come pre-mixed, so you would be without it then. I don't think restaurants come pre-n't pre-mixed. Like, if you order it to go. No, I mean, some do. What? What restaurant do you go to?

Did I get a salad? Did they bring you a salad? Yes. Almost all of them. What? What are a liar? What are a liar? What restaurant are you? Mike, unfortunately, Jason's more correct here. What?

They don't bring Unless it's a side salad Sometimes that will come dry But most other places don't Okay, well let me think through it So I guess Olive Garden mixes it at the table Yeah, it's mixed in an olive garden Hardly a restaurant, guys

I agree Hey, when you're there your family Yeah, no I know What's your mother from? I just barely if you have to be family To ingest what is being put on the table Olive Garden We would love your

Sponsorship for up this Well, two-thirds of us do enjoy the whole of great. So I guess, okay, so like a Caesar salad. Some of us don't like touring Italy. Go on. The Italians are so furious right now. A Caesar salad, yes. That is definitely mixed in.

Wait, is it? Yes, yes. You've never had a Caesar salad. Cesar are pretty generally mixed in. You are used to eating salads at lunch very often where we order it to go. Yeah, that is true. Of course, you are pouring it on. Josh, Josh is saying very few salads have them mixed in.

No offense, Josh. Josh, bro, I have worked at more restaurants than all you guys combined. Oh, my gosh. You last worked at a restaurant 30 years ago. Man, I worked at many. Things don't change. They do not because people want different amounts of dressing. Let me ask you this.

The restaurants you go to that you were working at, Josh, if you were to look them up on Yelp, how many of the dollar signs would be next to? Yeah. Two? Doubtful. Do they do one and a half? Let me ask this. Who here eats at the most restaurants? What do we think?

Jason. Out? Out? Out or Ian? No, out. Goes to a restaurant. Jason. It is, I promise you.

I don't bring my demon children to a restaurant. I promise you, if you add up everyone else in this room, we're about equal. I either cook or we're going out. Those are the most options for everyone. one in the United States of America. Yeah, that did sound pretty normal. Either I make the food or I go out and I get the food. I don't want to sound special or anything, but it's one of those two

things. But I either do one of these only options for food. Okay, you're ordering half of your meals. Are you not? Like ordering it in? Yes, ordering it in. Half is low. There you go. So you're not making or going out to a restaurant. I'm saying I am hand cooking or I'm going out to a restaurant. He does go out more than us. Okay. And,

Believe it or not, I like ordering salads. And they all, they all come with dressing on it. What kind of salad you ordering? Caesar is probably most common. Okay. Cobb is probably the next. Okay. And then chopped.

The chopped salad's great. Those are, those are the three. You don't want to know what salad I'm not ordering? The wedge? Because it is. Oh, the wedge is garbage. What are you doing? What is?

That's not even a salad. I can't eat it. Here's your head of lettuce. Let me splash some out. Oh, Borland said it's underrated. Wedge salads are great. You're so stupid. You like to pre.

Why do you even pay for? for it. Why don't you just go to the garden? No, but you pay twice for it. You pay twice. A wedge salad is like a fancy thing. There's a really nice speakeasy hidden restaurant that I don't know if you've been there, Mike. I know. We've both enjoyed it. They have a very expensive, very fancy kind of wedge salad. What makes it fancy? It's, it's Romaine. It's not like the, it's not the, It's not the iceberg wedge. So the, I just, and they roast it. This is legit, not a joke.

It's just saying, what makes a wedge salad fancy? They roast it on an open flame. Okay, okay. They do some stuff with it. But then they give it to you. I've ordered this before. And it's, dude, it's a heteroleus. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't need, I, you should never need a knife to eat a salad. That's the rule. If I need a knife, it's not a salad. That's not bad. Why do you like the wedge? You just want to take a big old bite? I don't know. They're just enjoyable.

Are you a wrette and fresh and good? Okay. All right. Look. We're done talking about this. Also, every time I order a salad of the restaurant, I have to specify that I want dressing on the side. Because I like my dressing on the side, but it will come mixed in if I don't. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, I was going to say, sometimes you're saying it and they're just like, yeah, sure, sir, we'll do that because they were already going to do it. All right. We do have to move on. We're going to take a break, and we've got a new segment. Decisions of extreme importance. All right. New segment, decisions of extreme importance. We are going to bring up some topics,

and we're going to, at the same time, share our opinion on them. And if we agree, we will dogpile on anybody that disagrees with us. Because they're so stupid. Because they obviously get the wrong way to live life. Or if we disagree, we will dog pile on one another or try to persuade or try to argue with the producers, whatever. We'll just see. The first one here is the comment, socks should go on before pants.

This is worded very specifically. It is, and I'm going to take it at its word. Sox should go on before pants, yes or no. Do we have to write it down? Oh, man. So we've got to take this at its word as in like, I don't like that. Sox should go on before pants.

Yes or no? Yes or no. Three, two, one. Yes. Oh, I thought we were holding it up. I thought you were telling me that we were going to do a three to one. It's a podcast. Just say it with me. Okay.

Three, two, one. Yes. Yes. No. Yes. You're a no. I'm a no. It's a should. I get what you're saying, because the toenails are going to be safer putting on the pants when you got the socks on. What about your toenails? Yeah, that part is pretty weird, man. What did you just say? I was more thinking about the size of the ankle holes. I don't want to pull up my pants leg to put socks on. This is all about the toenails, brothers. Oh my God. Okay. This is let let me talk to the people for a second. I came up with this segment idea because Jason went haywire about magnets.

a few weeks ago he went sideways on magnets and I said there must be something out there now I didn't necessarily think Jason would be the weird one in every situation so far so good on that but and then I will toenails I don't know but I'm going to peel the curtain back even further Andy has had this idea two times because apparently we have done this segment

before it did something similar it got lost to the history of time and then Andy had the same exact idea What about this, guys? And we're like, what a great idea. So look, hold on. But we're back. We're back to the part where at no point that I think this question would come to toenails. This is blowing my mind.

This is should. This is should. Yes, yes. And should is because of toenails. What is going on with your toenails? All right, hold on. Let me ask the question. I'm going to pull the whole crowd here, including deucers.

Okay. Have you ever put your pants on without socks on and had your toenail snag along the way on the pants? I knew you were going to say this. This is the craziest thing. heard in my life. Have I ever had that happen? You've never had that happen? My toenails, I've had that. Snagging? Of course I've had that. Wait, you have? Yes. How long are you letting these dogs grow? I mean, when they get too long, I clip them. I don't. Dosters. Are you, do you snagged your snaggle toes in there? I have not had a toenail snagged.

Jeremy? I, I trim my toenails. I take offense to the way you said that, but I'm just saying I know how long your fingernails get. You do have the longest fingernails in the office. That is true. But they're finally kept. And if he was putting sweaters on all day, he'd have a real problem. But we're talking about pants. I've never had a toenail.

You never had a toenail snack on a page. So you are 100% protecting your pants from toenail snags. How about you cut your toenails? You're animal, you wild beast? You've never had a sock snag of toenail? Yeah. It's the same thing. I think it's possible for a brief moment, but not in a way that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, it's the same thing. That's why we're saying, should socks go on before pants? Are you now on Team Snag the toes is the reason why? No. No, no, no. No. My reason why is because the pants alonis, sometimes when you got to pull them up because you're wearing the fun long socks. Yes.

I'm still on the no side. Have you ever tried trimming them? I trim my toenails every two weeks. Wait, do you really have... I drink a lot of milk. Do you have a schedule? No, I just, it's about every two weeks I just trim them when they're long and that's when you

That's when I trim them too I've got one. Not enough. I've got a problem You said it should go weekly? I'm saying that if you're snagging your feet on your pants You're a wild beast and should cut them more often No, let me ask you that. I have a problem with my fourth toe of My fourth toe in particular if the toenail

You're talking pinky. No, no, no, not your fourth. No, my fourth my ring finger toe. Okay, well If I wore rings on my toes. Yes, the big toe counts. He was showing us with his hand, and I thought thumb and four fingers. Which one's your fourth finger? This is a fourth finger. Maybe Jason's got more toes.

No, no, no, no, no, no, it is not. And you know it. You know it's, move on. You know it to be true. Move on. What is happening today? And my fourth finger, like my toenail, just the way that my feet are shaped, if we're like doing like an athletic activity, like pickleball.

Yeah. If it's too long, it will dig into my third toe. If it's too sharp. If it's just, if it's too long. It's an inward turn, but what I... Is that what you got going on? Like an inward bend? Yeah, maybe a little bit of it.

But my toenails are such a consistency that I can grip and rip and rip. Oh, you don't even make the trim. I can rip my toenail right off. What in the... Yeah. What did you just say with your mouth? Yeah. You do not rip your toenail off.

No, my... I mean, his socks are blood red. My, nope, nope, it's not a problem. You rip it not a problem. Like, it's... perforated? This is not every toe. Just the one toe. I'm saying it's a pre-cut. You know, I'd say everything

about my big toe. I can get a little, I can crack and rip it. Causes a little bit of pain. Oh my gosh. How did you discover this? At one point. Hold on Josh. You're with me? Yes. I'm with you too. I've done it too. I thought I lived alone on this island and I was just being, I was exposing myself to Jason has taken his headphones off.

He is leaving the podcast. I think he's grossed out. He's out of here. He is. He's grossed out. I thought that this was a me only. No, no, no. I've got some toes that have worked out that way.

They're thin enough. Yeah. That you can put a tiny little Jason is having a full conversation. He's with the producers now. He'd like to produce the show. I can't sit next to you guys. You're disgusting monsters. Okay.

No wonder you're snagging your toes. Hold on. Guess what? You need to go to a podiatrist. The majority has shown up. The majority of freaks. Nope, nope, the majority of this room. I'll put out a poll.

You monsters. You're tearing your toenail off. You ever made a mistake on that, though, and gotten a little... Have I ever? Of course. But that's the point. Don't do it. You've never cut your toenails too short?

No. You are a bold-faced liar. I'm a little bit lying. Yeah, you can make a mistake either way. I just, I thought I was the only one, because, it's like you thought you had a perfectly cut toe nail no no I didn't think I was no this I thought it was weird

I didn't think it was perfect not the big toe though yeah Jeremy anything but the big toe it's like if you have to you can you can crack it and rip it off and it's clean yeah it's perfectly clean oh my gosh it's a great tear it is grossing me out a little bit and I've done it but it does make when you think of ripping a toenail

okay okay calcium boy you're you're telling me this is the craziest thing that has ever come to light on this podcast ever this is mind-blowingly disgusting you've never ripped a toenail off of course not like not even not that hard if you paid me a thousand dollars to try it i i mean you'd probably have to go to a million dollars to get me to i would have so much money if that were it's just you just kind of craft the end and rip the rest yeah what you don't know these these things your toenails know where to go yeah they don't They know exactly where to rip.

Oh, my gosh. You guys are gripping and rip it, baby. I mean, that is so beyond acceptable. Josh wants us to clarify. Of course, I'm not ripping the entire nail off. Obviously. I am ripping it to the perfect point. Like, when I cut my toenails, I would be perfect.

I'm probably 85% too short. Really? Oh, always. That's a toenail trimmer problem. No, it's a me problem where I'm like, this is too long. He's using dog trimmers. Yeah, you should see the big toe. The big toe is a problem.

The other ones, though, paper thin. All right. For Jason's sake, we'll move on. Dishwasher, it should load. Okay. Oh, here we go. Should be loaded forks upwards. Dishwasher should be loaded forks upwards.

I've got my answer written down. Three, two, one, yes. Absolutely not. All right, Mike and I are lock, stock, and barrel. Absolutely not. Absolutely not. not. You're wrong.

What do you load your knives top up to? You're wrong. You're wrong. Yeah. What do you do with your knives, Jay? I put him,

mine has three, mine has three trays and I put it on the tiny top tray. Of course you have three trays. What do you mean three trays? There's a tiny tray that comes out at the very top. What about before you were rich? What did you do with the normal? No,

I would put those, I would put those, hold on, hold on. Hold on. What are we even describing with this dishwasher? So if you open the dishwasher and you got your bottom rack and you got your top rack. Yeah.

And then there is a dishwasherwasher and you got your top rack. Yeah. a small little rack that is at the very top. There's a middle. There's a silverware only rack. It's for small items that, you know, no, no. That does not exist. There's a top rack. There's strong opinions here. Some people think up because

what? You want the water to run down after it cleans the top and not be on the I mean, to me it's a matter of, it feels like they fit better if it's down. You also don't want them to, you don't want the spines of the fork to end up going down through the bottom. them. And here's how I know it should be up. Here's how I know it should be up. Hey, never had that happen. We've just established I've got the nicest of the dishwashers. Yeah, we have.

My dishwasher, where the, where the silverware goes, it has actual spacers to basically space each silverware apart. Start talking like a normal person. No one has any idea what you're talking about. Yeah, there's no need to talk about your dishwasher from space. My point is, You literally can't put it down. If you're supposed to put them fork-side down, then my dishwasher is lying. So you just like to grab them all with your hands, like grab all the faces of the forks and the spoons.

The part that goes in your mouth, you're just grabbing that with your grubby dirty hands. No, I grab it underneath that. Oh, you reach down into the basket. No, they stand up out of the basket, and I grab them under the head and lift it up. No, you don't. How short are your for?

You get a little... You got little tiny baby forks? You get germs on the bottom of those heads. Do your children ever unload the dishwasher? Unfortunately not. But you and I can both complain about that, okay? Because they need to get to work. No, they need to go...

So so far, Mike and I are... Because we're rational. It's also way easier to throw them in there that way. It is easier to throw them in there that way. No, then they all kind of like get... Yeah, that one I don't know. I mean, it's really... Quick and easy, because the four prongs grab the bottom.

Forks up. What do you guys do back there in producers, Alley? I go tines up. Yeah, I'm tines up too. What did you just say what word? Tines. Tines? That's the little parts of the fork.

The part you stab your food with. You both knew that word? No, the tines. It's like, what tine is it? It's 12 o'clock. Yeah. All right. Next question.

I thought they were the prongs. They're not prongs. They're tines. What are prongs? It's tines, 100%. What are prongs then? Josh has worked at 30 restaurants. Prongs are only for like tridents.

What are prongs? A prong. Beside what are prongs? Oh, man. Everybody. Each of two or more projecting points at the end of a fork. Okay, so what are tines? So a pair of tines is a prong.

That's in a normal fork's a prong. A normal fork is two prongs. Two prongs. And four tines. Okay. Everybody in our tines. So we're talking nickels and pennies. Right.

Okay. Okay. It's all the same thing. Everybody in our entire office out there, not the ones in here. Does it the right way? So Jeremy is giving us a photo and he's like, I grab here. No, you don't. No, you do not meticulously grab with your index finger and thumb.

There's some. You grab with your whole hand. There's germ spillage up on the face. You go one fork at a time? No, you can grab multiple forks out. No, you can't. Oh, my gosh. I unload the dishwasher like every day.

Yes, I can't. Don't you tell me what I can't do. I think you've grown to not care if your germs are on there. Yeah, but I would like to, now I know this is mostly an audio podcast and even the video people can't see what I'm going to reference. So this is great for you guys. But for you two humans, look at that picture Jeremy just posted.

Yeah, I'm looking. That's what I'm talking about, how dishwashers have those little grates. I finally caught on. You managed to fight through those grades to put everything in. Yeah, there ain't no way. My thing is getting out of here. I'm an open basket. No, I close the basket, but obviously they're meant to go up

or they wouldn't put this thing on it. You can't put the force. They put that there to see if some suckers would do it. Yeah, they did. It's a test. Maybe they'll put them in this way. Oh, that thing is a test. Hey, I'm about cleanliness.

Not. Yeah. Do you wash your hands? You're about cleanliness, so you want all the dirty stuff to drain down. I just don't want to grab on to the foret. Oh, my gosh. We're doing on that. Do you wash your feet in the shower?

Of course, you don't. Because it washes, because the water goes down there. I do wash my feet in the shower. You don't. One time a month, I wash my feet. I'm like, it's been a while. You know how many farts you have on your feet? From the sauna, yeah.

He watches his feet as often as he trims his beast toenails that are snagging. Jeremy's right. Your feet are just sitting in a fog of fart. My sauna does have a, like a mat at the bottom. I should clean that. You should. Listen, that's covered in parts. Uh, next one.

Fartman. Karaoke is fun. Karaoke is fun. Yes or no? Karaoke is fun. Yes or no? No, no, no. No, no.

No, no. No, I need more time. Okay. I need more time. Yeah. Be true. Be true to yourself. Yeah, I mean, I have my answer.

I got my answer. This is very nuanced. Karaoke is fun. You get up to three letters. I'm writing my answer in very tiny letters. Okay. Karaoke is fun. Three, two, one.

No. Yes. Oh, Michael, Michael. Mike whispered yes. Jason, I said no. I was positive you'd say yes, Jason. Oh, man. I thought you loved karaoke.

I figured you've owned some karaoke machines. I have. I hate it. I hate karaoke. No. Really? If I could sing, I'd probably love it. But here's the thing.

Number one, you don't have to be able to sing to have fun doing karaoke. You do have to be at a grown-up party later in the night. And so here's why I say it's nuanced. because I've been to... So sober karaoke, you're not about. Is that what you're saying? That's what he's saying. I was trying to be more eloquent about it.

Okay, sorry. But it's like, I've been to a family bar and grill at 8 p.m. on a Friday night with my children, and full-blown karaoke is going. And you're like, this is a disaster. Okay. This is out of control. And so it is bad on a... level that I can't properly explain

unless you have cringe. Yes. Very cringe. Yes, the cringe. But in certain circumstances like, it can be so fun because you're like, because how often I mean, like, do you do you enjoy singing? Like just in general? I think, like, you're in your car. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's

good. No. Okay, so Jason's out. Oh, you're a zero? I thought you took like hour showers. I figure you sing in there. You never sing in the show? really sing in the shower you never sing in it you don't sing in your car not really i mean i i can say if i get something stuck in my head oh is that considered singing no because i am a rear singing but it's like but jeremy you were a liar if you say you don't like singing i do like you like karaoke too then that's a tough question oh yes it is no is i have had i have had some fun times yes but i think the i've also had some extremely cringe and embarrassing

Yeah, yeah, for yourself or for others? Both. Okay. Is the average karaoke, right? You can't, you can't have it both ways. Sometimes some things could be fun in certain situations and aren't fun in the average situation or the opposite. I think this, we've got to like average karaoke, like just generically speaking, getting a group together to sing songs from other artists without lyrics while you sing.

Well, you have the lyrics that are on this. Listen, listen, this is very easy to answer. You're at a party. Jason's having a party. It's Christmas time. Somebody goes, let's do some karaoke. What time is it? What do you, what time is it?

11.30 p.m. Fun. 10.30 p.m. We're warming up. Okay. We might be able to karaoke. Jason, I have seen you have a great time. That is true, but that was 1.30 a.m.

It was about 1.30 a.m. So then, so maybe that's the, that's the answer is everyone has their karaoke time. Okay. All right. I will admit. You're like karaoke before midnight. is not fun. Morning karaoke? Oh, next morning

karaoke. No, the next morning karaoke is fun. We are going to take a break and we've got a draft. Thank you for your answers. Today we are drafting animals that would crush it on a dating show. So that is a very, I mean, that's left up to your imagination a little bit. It is, but there is a clear 101. There's a clear 101, and it is a peacock.

Oh, there is a clear one o one. For me, it's a peacock. Has not been drafted yet, ladies and gentlemen. Flashy Feathers, ultimate show-off, dramatic entrance. The peacock is made to put it on display. To me, that's the one-on-one. I will agree. Now, I'm willing to be corrected by your pick.

No, I mean, I will agree that it's literally called peacocking. Right. That's a good counter argument for sure. Yeah, so I'm going to go with Peacog. That's the 101 for me. But Mike, I want to hear what you think the best dating show animal is. So Peacog, it was the first thing I wrote down. But then as I started thinking through it.

Yeah, there's a one-on-one for me, too. Of like, because, I mean, you know, think about the dating shows you have watched, which I'm going to rule out, you know, like, In most, in the dating shows, I think of, you don't get to see the person. But I'm going to take that part out of it. There's so many different ones. But it's like, when you're on these dating shows, which are very shallow, because, because it's, you know, you know, just all these, oh, I give, you know. What do you look like?

Yeah, I give these cool answers or you can see that I got a, I was in the back doing curls, so I got a good pump and like my shirt, my buttons are about. to explode because I'm so ripped, but it's like, okay, what's an animal, but what else do you look for in a dating show? Like, I want someone who looks good. I want someone who can protect me. Oh, don't take it. I'm probably not taking the one you're going to take, you're going to take, a skunk. What? A skunk. What did you just do with a skunk? Oh my gosh, this might be stupider than your toenail thing. Nope. Everybody in this room just went, what did you say? Yeah, exactly. Everyone driving was like, no, no, no. What? You're all saying that right now.

That wouldn't have been on my list if I had a hundred. You're all saying that right now. But here's the thing. You want the one that farts the best. No. I'm going to crush. You want the smelliest, dude. What?

No. Explain this. Because a skunk, number one, like, if you... Happy Lapu? You remove those things. You're like, a skunk is actually a beautiful animal. It truly is. It's a cute animal.

It's a cute animal. Yes. And you know what they're, they're not just farting, Jason. They're spraying. They're spraying. as a means of defense. I can protect my date. Okay.

Not only do I look great. I'm taking a lion. Now, I too can protect my date, but I'm awesome. Lion v. Skunk spray? Not happening. I can't. One bite gobbled you gone. They won't be biting that.

They will not be biting that. You're telling me. What are we doing? I don't know, man. But the lion. A skunk? Was this on your radar, you guys back there in Ducers, Ellie? No, I'm going to, when you said you wanted to, because I'm the thinking man of the podcast.

When you told me there was a 101 that I missed out on, it wasn't skunk. Yeah, because you're not, you're not going deep enough. Okay. Oh, I got clause to protect. So you think that the, in this situation. My special feature is beautiful feathers. Yeah, my special feature is awesome alpha king of energy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, I got that bad boy vibe. Okay, I am a lion. But if you're talking about protecting, the content. You're a little smelly weasel. No, no, no, no. I'm not, I'm not a smelly weas. The contestant who is looking. I pepper spray people. Between us will be like, which one would protect me better?

The lion or the skunk? Yeah. Let me ask you how your muscles versus pepper spray? You are toast, brother. It's more of a poo spray. Okay, fine. Okay, poopoo spray. All right.

Okay, I'm moving on. You got a lion. You got a lion. You got another pick. Not everybody. We'll let the internet tell Mike the rest of the opinion. This is how I know this next one is great. Because to some people, and we don't know who the contestant is judging our contestants.

Right. Some people like a skunk. Yeah. And some people like a lion. You just can't know what you should be. So I'm going to say a chameleon would crush it. That's a great answer. You know what I mean?

They are a good answer. You're just going to contort to whatever is needed. Exactly. Man, you are perfect. You are exactly what I need. No matter who the person judging is. I look like what you want me to look like. Is it Camilla, would you come across as fake?

Only to a real smart person. Okay. So you're going to chameleon. Camelian and a lion. I say this and I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I cannot wait to hear what Mike chooses is. I can't believe. I can't decide.

I cannot wait. Especially with. But the lead up, the lead up. No, no, no. The lead up could have described 50 other animals. Nope. It's so easy. That described it better. And then you said skunk like, you lost your place online. And we're like, oh, shoot, what was I talking about? A skunk. All right. I cannot wait. Mike, you have a skunk already. You're impressing the ladies. Yep. With that. An eel. No, no, I'm not going to go with an eel. I'm going to go with an animal that, Oh, I can't wait.

That, you know, you, Andy, you, I'll say you can't wait. You say musk ox. Nope, no. You can't wait because you get it. Wait, what? I will get it? I can't wait because I get it. Okay.

Jason can't possibly get it. Uh-huh. Jeremy, I'm sorry. Jeremy, I'm sorry. I had to bring you in this. You can't possibly get it. It's a giraffe. It's a giraffe.

Oh, height. It's a giraffe. It's a height thing. Because height is dominant and supreme. It is great. No, that makes a lot more sense that smelly farts. I mean, I mean, No, a giraffe, a giraffe means.

That wasn't on my list. That's, that's, I know it's not on your list because you would have no idea what that means. My sister is a short king. My sister is an amazing person. She's tall. She will never, she won't date anybody. On a dating show, a giraffe, dominant. Dominant.

Yeah, giraffe's a good pick. That is a good pick. All right. I have a peacock. Doesn't even stink. No, it doesn't have to do anything. It just is there and it's tall. I'll take the tall one.

Which honestly, it's really. make noises, though, right? A giraffe? Because they don't have vocal court. They don't have vocal cords? They don't have vocal cords? No, they're the only animal that doesn't. Are you dropping a factoid?

Yeah, I think they're the only animal that doesn't have a vocal voice. I swear I've heard of sound. Please be true. I think that's true. It is not true. Oh, man. Oh, man. Indy was putting the think word in there

as like an outside chance. He knew this as a fact. I really did, man. Exactly. Oh, sweet mercy. It does say giraffes have the correct hardware to make vocal noises, but they just don't. Well, see, what's the difference? If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's helping.

They have vocal cords, but they don't vocalize. They just choose not to make sound? It sounds like I could be happy. They just do that neck fight thing? I get. I have a peacock. My second pick, look, I think part of these dating shows, is temptation not a big part of the dating show? Oh, it's a huge part of.

I need an animal with a track record of successful temptation. Yeah, sure. I'm going with a snake. Oh, okay, that's outside the box. I'm going with the snake. Slithery. I mean, it's usually the other way around. I mean, I am.

Usually they are the ones getting charmed. Well, snakes can be charmed later, yes. But in the O.G., in the beginning, the snake, in the beginning to the beginning, we're going to the beginning, the snake proved itself as a viable temptress or tempter. Oh, man. And we already know the woman's going. going for that. All right. So I'm

going with the snake. I didn't see a skunk or a snake getting drafted today. We've really flipped the script on that thing. Right? The snake. Oh, that's hilarious. So I'm going with the snake for the second pick. Okay. Okay. Third pick, I'm actually going wolf. Okay. Yeah. I'm going

bad boy with the soft side. The wolf. Sure. Like, they just feel like they got a cool voice. They're like the animal that's already wearing the leather jacket. And they're, They are, they're attractive. They're not like, like, you look at a coyote and it looks like a dirty, mangy-old skunk-looking thing. You look at a wolf and you're like, kind of majestic.

You leave skunks out of that. Yeah, I know, I know. But bad boy, soft. Skunk be pet a wolf. You know what I mean? Skunk. This 101 was a skunk. It was.

I stand by it. It would be the worst of everything. We could go 50 rounds and it's the worst one. Have you ever seen Bambi? Another great pick, Mike. That one would actually work well. not over a skunk no no no in the movie yes i've seen the movie baby yeah they're how cute is that skunk i couldn't smell that skunk because it was a cartoon what is the wolf in um bad guys

bad guys yeah that's how i'm picturing yeah george cluny of animals i like that yeah it's not george cluny it's a different that's uh i'm just saying he's got that type of like swag yeah yeah all right all right you're back you're back i think i get what you're saying al thank you um mike you've got a skunk in a draft uh you're smashing it on the dating Rockwell. Thank you. He's the Sam Rockwell. Thank you. Dude, Sam Rockwell's dope. Yeah. That guy's smooth. He is very... He's a big, bed wolf. He's no George Clooney. Yeah. You know, just like a tear down. Rockwell's great. I Rockwell would say, I'm no George Clooney. He would... We all admit that.

Yeah, but I mean... I'm no Brad Pitt. Okay. You got me. Mike has a skunk and a giraffe. He's got another pick here, and I can't wait. We're going to go I'm going to need an aquarium Okay That's fine I'm going to take a dolphin

That's very high on my list I'm going to take a dolphin Very intelligent Any animal Where women already pay to like swim with you Sure Only women do that I would never ever

Obviously clearly in this dating scenario I have painted A woman is looking for the mate I mean, that's why the snake plays a key role here. Look, and dolphins, smooth. Yeah, they're very smooth. They are always smiling. You know what I mean? They got a permanent smile. Right. They're just their jokesters, man. They're fast. They're smart. They're smart. They, a shark comes around. Dolphins, no problem. All right. I'm going to take one that is often described as, I'm going to take one that is often described, like a description for a hunker. man. I'm going to take a stallion, baby. Okay.

You know what I mean? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stallion is the gym bro of the day. For sure, and they do well on those shows. Yeah, they do all right.

That dude's on trend. Yeah, he is. Nobody saddles me. You don't like these muscles? The stallion is definitely PEDs for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, like other stallions. very jealous of that stallion.

But I mean, it's good. It'll take you for a ride. I don't know if the Phillies are into that stallion. All right. So you got the stallion. You got the chameleon. You got the lion. One more animal that would crush it on a dating show. I'm going to get one that owns it. It says this is, this is, this is me time. It's loud. It's cocky. It's me time.

It's wake up early riser. Taking a rooster. Okay. Loud and cocky owns it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what you're saying. We all see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah.

So the roosters, what you got. Yeah. Stretts around like the main character. Yeah. No, he's got main character. He's got main character syndrome. And honestly, I have chickens. Like, what's great?

Roosters are crazy. Roosters are crazy. Like, one rooster for a flock of hens is all you need. They are used to, like, you can't have two roosters. Because they fight? They will fight. They'll have a cock fight. Right.

And they, like, They control the flock. It's really a natural crazy thing that happens. Dynamic in nature. Yeah. You already, again, proven. It's proven. Very much like lions.

Man, my team rocks. Lions, stallions, chameleons. Rooster. And a rooster. And a rooster. Mike, one more pick. Skunk, giraffe, dolphin. Don't forget, skunk.

And a fourth pick. Man. I got two. that I really want. A porcupine. A porcupine is legitimately on my list. Oh my gosh. I literally just asked Chad GPT,

what would be the worst animal for something like this. And that's what you got back? And I said porcupine. So I made that joke. And you're like, yeah, totally. That's a pretty good pick. That's, yeah. But I'm going.

Mike doesn't want to be cuddled. A slug. This is Mike's, like, subconscious way of saying doesn't want to be. Yeah. He's too close. So, like, if you get too close to me, I will spray you with fart spray. If you get to close to me, I will use my, my. I'm not joking.

So I just, I asked for one. It gave me three. Porcupine, mosquito, and skunk. Yeah. Those are the three you got back? So mosquito's still out there, Mike. Yeah. You've got, uh, you got one more pick.

I'm going to go with a moose. Wait, okay. Make the case for moose. What a big? A case, yeah, big, strong, very, very terrifying. Honestly, when the stallion's hanging out and then the moose walks in, she's picking the moose, dude. She's not going with the stallion. The stallion doesn't have any antlers, which is a problem.

Yes, that's a big problem. The moose could be too much. The moose could be too much. She could be, it'd be like, that's like, the moose is the equivalent of the big truck that's raised with the huge wheels. The issue is that the moose doesn't try. He's the monster truck. The moose is nonchalant about it. No one has ever made friends with a moose.

Moose are annery, angry, mean animals. They sound great. That is a good animal. I'm going to go with my final pick here. I have peacock, snake, wolf. I'm going to go bold, loud, confident, tropical. That's just my other pet. Tropical.

I'm going to go toucan. Oh, I was going to go parrot. Yeah, no, parrot was in there. Parrot is the better version of toucan. No, no, two cans, the more. No. If you saw both of them in nature, which one do you want to look at for longer.

The parrot? No, the toucan. No, parrots are a dime a dozen. The two con is fun. He's got a big old schnaz. You're like, what are you doing? You can't get some fruit loops? It's showy.

You know what? Which would you rather hang out with, Jay? I genuinely was 100% on your side, Andy. A toucan sounds more majestic, cool. And then I googled parrot versus toucan and I went to images. I had no idea how colorful these parrots are.

You get some macaws over there? are the most beautiful animals. I mean, a pair is way better. Which color are you? Are you blue yellow or are you red? I like the red. I like the red in there, but the blue yellow is pretty good. The two can is like...

Two cans are delightful. They're mostly just black and then they got a weird big schnaws. You know what I mean? Like some people are judging. They're going to say, that nose is too big for me. I mean, he knows what he's all about. He knows everything. Rhinoloplasty.

He knows everything. All right. I don't know if you guys have any, like, we're done with the draft. Thank goodness. But Parrott was on the list. I figured a parrot's a good listener, kind of active listening, talks the same thing back. Parents don't listen to nothing. They do the talk.

Well, they just say what you say. Oh, that's a good. Before you say it. No, after you say it because they just say what you say. Yeah. Look, oh. Man, a parrot would be great. I had a two-cambe.

I had a koala on there. Yeah, I had a koala on there. Flamingos on my list. tall fox oh yeah i mean that's a good one yeah it's a little foxy little slide what's the sexiest animal the sexiest animal are sharks like no no not sexy

they're very sleek they're all beat up they're war torn they need like braces though they really do no one wants those gap teeth i'm afraid of answering the question so never mind um all right all right we have we have no more did you guys have anything else you wanted to mentioned? Uh, cheetah. Cheetah? Okay, yeah, I can see that. I can see that. Octopus, great hugger. Oh, yeah, a lot of arms. Yeah, but kind of clingy. Oh, swish. What did we learn today? Way too much. I learned that my

farts fall in the sauna. Yeah, I learned that too. My phone is exceptionally dirty. I learned that Mike has a different view of skunks than I do. Yeah, I mean, pepper sprays a very powerful Aphrodisiate? No, deterrent. Okay. Protect her. So the biggest concern there is she wants to feel safe.

Yeah. No matter what the smell. And I'm beautiful. 46% of people rip their toenails off. I'm a... It's unbelievable. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you. Thank you.