Spitballers Comedy Podcast - Violent Games & Things That Are Black - Spit Hits! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 22, 2025

Spit Hit for May 22nd, 2025:On today’s show, we do some bad impressions and discuss things like sonic boom farts, becoming an instant piano man, and magic sphincters. Then we finish the show off with a draft of the worst movies. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast!Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast:Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.comFollow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPodFollow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPodSubscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike and Jason. B-A-D-I-n-g-y budingy that's how you spell budingy I'm gonna make a note budingy oh welcome into the spitballers podcast. One and all. Buddingy. It's a funny word. Yeah, you know.

Episode 262, Mike. Just got to spelling your finishing word. Welcome in, would you rather man of the people and a draft on today's show? As usual. I think I'm the, and a draft on today's show, as usual. I think I'm the, I think I like Man of the People the least. Of the least. Of the games? Of the games.

Oh. Not because the game isn't fun and the listeners like it, but because. Because you suck at it? It stresses me out, the button pushing. So yeah, maybe I do. Maybe I'm not good. I enjoy it very much. I like it a lot.

It's really fun to play. And ironically, and I'm not just saying this because- I'm great at button pushing. Because it's the opposite of what you said. But I think my favorite part is just we get to smash the button. Oh, okay. You like that there's an interactive component? Yeah. And I get to hit some

Yeah, you can follow the show over on the artist formerly known as Twitter. That's so angry at spitballers pod Imagine if you could just hit something during highway to spell how much better that would be Okay, now we're talking. Okay. Yeah, that's not too bad Thank you for listening. Thank you for listening, thank you for supporting, thank you for subscribing. We appreciate y'all. Hopefully we make your week a little bit better. Let's get it going.

Would you rather? Would you rather? Josh from Patreon says, would you rather have to go skydiving from 15,000 feet high? So that's a little ways up there, Mike. Which is, I think, just going off of what I did, mine was about a mile, so I was in the 5,000.

5,280. Yeah, I was in the 5,000. Oh, you did one. Yeah, yeah, so this going up to 15,000, that's, do you need a mask for that one? No, I don't think so. Planes are up at like 30. Yeah, but I'm... Like the big planes. So I think 15 is like in a... It's a good skydiving range, I think.

Can you skydive from 15,000 feet? Perfect. The 15,000 foot skydive is the marathon of free fall. Okay. Okay, so it basically gives you like 70 seconds. That's nice. But you don't need a breathing mask. No, it does not appear so.

So how many seconds do you get of freefalling? 70? 70 seconds. So Mike, did you get about 15 to 20? Yeah, not a ton. Or, so you can skydive 15,000 feet up in the sky, or you can scuba dive 100 feet below the surface. Okay. Now, help me understand why this question isn't just you want to skydive or scuba dive.

Well, I think they're both pretty extreme. I don't look at the 15,000 as anything that dissuades me from a 5,000 or 10,000 or a like it's? Then you know it is skydiving it sounds like it's like the best version of skydiving from my extensive And also like a hundred feet down is not that far down. That's what I was thinking. It's like it's not In scuba terms, I don't think that that's very far that sounds pretty far to me no I think you got tons of light up there. You're not down in any darkness. Any dive past 60 feet is considered deep diving. There you go. I'm just looking at these zones where the sunlight is. That's what it is to me. If I'm going into the darkness, that's more frightening. And there's tons of sun up there. It's not about darkness. It's about how far do I have to go up if something goes wrong.

Really? So you'd be, it's almost like a panic, claustrophobia feeling that you might have. You're like, what do I do now? Yeah, and you can't just, I don't know what the depth is that you can go down to. And if something goes wrong, you can just. Distance from safety. Yeah, you can go down to and if something goes wrong, you can just. Distance from safety.

Yeah, you can just shoot up and not worry about getting the bends or anything. At 100 feet, you can't just go right up. Now would you rather skydive with some scuba gear or scuba dive with a parachute? It led me to the next question of which is safer, skydiving or scuba diving? It's got to be skydiving.

It is skydiving. Yeah, scuba diving, stuff can go wrong just if you do it right. If your oxygen tank is full and you just go up too quickly, you can die. There's animals under there that could just kill you. Yeah, I can't not remember the last time a skydiver was picked off by an eagle. Right? Yes. This is my sky!

It has to have happened, right? No, I don't think so. No, not like, not attacked. If someone hit a bird on the way down, that would be the- It seems like it has to have happened. It has to have happened. Randy Johnson hit a bird with a baseball. Birds have hit plane engines.

Birds have been in the sky for years. I mean, when they're just flying, they're not expecting someone to fly past them at terminal velocity. I guess that's- Whoa, Jerry! What was that? I'm guessing those birds don't make it. Oh, no. I would think not. Certainly not if it's me scared. I actually what's funny is like I just saw a hang glider that was flying and a full-on eagle just came up right next to it and they were like flying at the exact same he could reach out and touch it and it eventually landed on the uh I've seen that did you see see that? Yeah. It landed on one of the things he was holding onto.

And he like petted the bird. What? I don't know, it was a vulture or an eagle? It was one of those, big difference. I think I've seen what video you're talking about. So skydiving does seem... It also seems like the better way, like if something goes wrong and you die, I'd rather be skydiving as well.

Just a cur splat? I'd rather a skydiving as well. Just a curtsplat? I'd rather a curtsplat than I would glug glug. So it is, I'm looking into this. It is much, much more unlikely than you think that a skydiver hits a bird because usually you open your parachute basically. Where birds are? No, right.

Like, like. Ah. When you're free falling. Oh. You're high enough where there aren't birds there where they can't get out of your way. That actually makes sense. If you've got a parachute.

Birds aren't at 15,000. Right. Right. But you know, then. That's where the asteroids are. Anybody ever been hit by an asteroid while skydiving Now that's a good question How did he die skydiving? Oh man, shootin open. Yeah. No, no, no you got me here

Yeah, I think the conclusion here is I'm going to skydive yeah, I'm gonna skydive. I have zero interest in scuba diving. I mean the inverse of the dangerous creatures is that there are cool creatures to see. So like when you're skydiving you're not seeing cool creatures. When you're under the scoop, when you're scuba-ing, you could see cool animals. I don't think I'd want to. You'd be too afraid. I'll be afraid of all of them be like what a beautiful swallowed by a whale Yeah, I Honestly, I I don't think I would ever go scuba diving. It sounds like a straight-up Nightmare, it sounds great Mike you're cool with that. Yeah, I've the only reason I've never scuba dived is I'm just, I am afraid of the ears.

I can't swim. The ears popping out. I don't have great ears of just going down in the ocean five feet. Going to the bottom of a pool doesn't feel good. Yeah, exactly. And I know they've said, yeah, you do the thing where you close your nose or whatever and blow and pop them open.

That's what you do? Yeah. I just don't trust it. And I don't want to invest the money and the time and get down there and be like, nope, I can't do this. Can I ask one more skydiving question? Yes. Do you get two shoots?

Do they send you down with, do you got a backup? I think you do. Yeah, you have an emergency shoot. And would you have to cut away your first one? I believe so. I believe that's how it works. You can do both. I mean, there's one like your main shoot doesn't open,

so you pull the emergency shoot. Or you pull the main shoot, and it gets all tangled. And then, yeah, you would release it. I really hope it's not cut away get the knife out, start sawing that first parachute off shoot! If your chute didn't open God forbid yeah and you had time to get into a posture to hit the ground right right right no it's a question we've all thought about what posture

like because you because what's going through my head at that point is into a posture to hit the ground. Right, right, right. No, it's a question we've all thought about. What posture? Because what's going through my head at that point is I've heard stories about the one in a million guy that lives. See, it's funny, because I think I go pencil dive head down. Oh, you're not. You just want to. I don't want to remember this. You're not going to do a flying.

I don't want to remember this. You're not going to do a flying squirrel? Like get the, did you start stretching the shirt out? No, no. The flying squirrel belly flop where you grab your legs behind you. To try to like... No, I'm not doing that. One, I don't know if I can.

I like how none of us... I can tell you our posture. Our posture will be screaming as our bodies are floating all over each other, just tumbling through the sky. Are you supposed to go? Cannonball? I don't think you're supposed to. It's called asteroid at that point.

I think you're probably supposed to go surface area, right? Yeah, I would have thought feet first. No. I'll just blow my legs up and maybe I'll be a teeny bit of, I'd be aiming for a tree, I'll tell you that. Yes, you are supposed to do that. I'll be like trying to, I'll try you know the wingsuit where they get a little bit

of horizontal movement feel like a little horizontal movement would help yeah take the speed down. Definitely would. Yeah you want to slow yourself. You want to slow yourself you know cup your hands try to slow yourself down. Cup your hands? That's totally true. Wait this is a real. You're saying I thought there was a joke I think you're an aerodynamic. Yes the microscopic difference of two cupped hands The aerodynamics of going down it makes a big quick I just went real fast real slow real fast

cup Scientists how did he survive? You're never gonna believe this. He cupped his hand, so it slowed him. They got these giant parachutes and he's like... I got big hands. You better hope you have like a red solo cup with you. You won't even hit the ground.

So, here's the thing. I just went to the indoor skydiving. Did you really? Yeah, a couple weeks ago. Oh, nice. Took the family, we went indoor skydiving and it was amazing. It was fun?

Oh, first of all, super fun. I would do it every single day. I've always looked at it and go, I don't know if it's fun. Same thing. Same thing, yep, me too. We've bypassed, we've driven by that building a bunch. I've been like.

Have you been there, Al? I have not, no. Yeah, it is so much fun. When he cupped his hands, he hit the roof. No, I mean, all the joking aside, the difference between cupping your hands and not cupping your hands was crazy. Like, obviously, you know, I'm not falling from the sky.

You're going straight down at one of those, right? Yeah, I mean, in there, it's like the difference between cupping your hands and having your arms and legs out versus just having them in a little bit and not cupping your hands is like, I'm gonna hit the floor. You've done the research. Or I'm going to float.

He has enormous hands. I mean, the biggest hands you ever did see. For that small area, that makes sense. So I just wanna hands you ever did see for that small area that makes sense So I just want to visit. I just want to picture you this thing doesn't open and he just goes into full Cup mode I got this Amazing can you cup your feet not normally no because you'd need to cup it backwards backwards. It'd be tough. You'd need to, because the top of your foot.

What if you did like a crab walk pose, and then you could put your balls down and your feet down? Yeah. What amazes me is how many people had to die to get us to the modern day parachutes and planes. Yeah. Like a lot of people tried their own inventions, and that was the end of it. You realize someone like... There was a first person. There was the end of it. You realize someone like...

There was a first person. There was a first. Yes. There was a first person that was like, I'm gonna do it. Yeah. I'm gonna do it. I know.

I am going to jump out of this plane with this bag. And you know how when you get confident, I've read about this, like the first parachute guy, like he just jumped off the top of a tower with his parachute. For real? Yeah. And it worked.

No. No, no, no. Oh, that story was not good. No, that was the end. But like when you're an inventor, you have so much confidence in your invention that it just, you want to try it. Okay, so when I was talking about the first,

I meant the first one that did it, like succeeded. Oh, and succeeded and it worked. Yeah, he was the first that didn't. Okay, well. Emory from the website, would you rather be gluten-free or dairy-free the rest of your life? Oh. I gotta have that wheat, brother. You gotta have the baked goods over the ice cream and the cheese. Yeah, I think so. I think I could go dairy-free.

I've done both of these for extended periods of time I can tell you that dairy free is worse For me, but I'm a lover of cheese milk ice cream. I love all those things, too It was worse for me to go dairy free. I am now very proud to say I am fully dairy and fully gluten Proud of you, bud. Yeah. So is this extra chin. Thank you for eating dairy. I wouldn't exist.

I'm back, baby. Without you. Now, you can combine them, and that is the ultimate dessert. That is the pizookie. That is the the ice cream cookie. That is the pie with pie ala mode. So you've done both of these. Yeah. You did not like the ice cream cookie. That is the pie with pie ala mode. So you've done both of these. Yeah You did not like the dairy as much you didn't like Removing the dairy as much as removing the gluten

But which more impactful which one was easier? Like the alternatives the easier one was to get off of dairy Yeah, because bread is what my assumption was. Because bread is in a lot more stuff than dairy is. Like some form of gluten is in a lot more things. So you're right. For me it was like I disproportionately love cereal. I disproportionately love ice cream and cheese.

And like even, you know what some people like serve burgers without cheese? I find that to be a ghastly experience. A hamburger? Yeah, they're called hamburgers. And sometimes you'll go and there's just order, there are restaurants that have special burgers on the menu and you don't even think

that they don't come with cheese. And I'm like, this is vomit, this is horrible. If something is called a burger, like you don't specify ham or cheese. You presume cheese. If you say burger, that has cheese on it. Yeah sure Oh for sure a burger. Yeah burger has cheese cuz I what I'm doing is I'm using the short word Now we're saving time I was wondering I was like why is it called a hamburger there's no ham

You know you call cheeseburger cheeseburg believe it was Originated in Hamburg. Yeah, you're right. All right. I looked it up Hamburg Germany. And so you just got a hamburger They did that good work So, I mean Jason are you sticking with are you going dairy free to keep your baked goods to keep your breads man? I I I would do my health would be so much better if I went gluten free versus dairy free because I don't have, I don't have like a crazy hankering for dairy. Yes, I like cheese. Oh, because you wouldn't be tempted. Yeah, yeah. It's, but I don't eat that stuff like crazy. I eat gluten like it's water that I cannot live without.

I just need it. Every time I've gone gluten free, I've lost 15 pounds instantaneously. Exactly my point. Instantaneously because it stops you from eating everything delicious. Yeah, because you can't have bread. Yeah.

You can't have baked goods. Goodbye donuts. You can't have delicious things. Mike, which one are you gonna go for? I have, I guess, technically been gluten free because of eating like a year long stint with keto. And you do, man. I'm gonna all cut the gluten out, because I agree. Keep that ice cream.

Well, just eat the cheese. And it seems like it was the gluten types of things like the bread that really made you feel bad. Okay. And tired. I'm gonna switch, I'm gonna get rid of the gluten. Okay. I'm gonna be with you guys, basically just go keto.

Yeah, yeah you would be and you'd be fine. Alicia from Twitter, would you rather have to wear every shirt inside out or every pair of pants backwards? Okay, so if I wore every shirt inside out, I'm basically just wearing black t-shirts. Yeah, but you're, so then you'll be seams out. Seams out. Well, let me tell you something that I did the other day. Okay. I put my undies on backwards.

Oh, so you have the little flappy was in the back the flap was in the back the the butt was in the front front butt as we call it and I'm telling you, you know, I pulled them up with extreme confidence. Okay, this wasn't You know, there was no doubt I've never put my underwear on backwards before. So I just assumed this wasn't my first time. And I pulled them up and it is unwearable. It feels... Okay, so backwards.

It feels... You knew right away because of comfort. Oh yeah, you pull them up and you went, oh, what's happening? Why are you touching me like this? It was super uncomfortable. It was like putting a right shoe on your left foot Interesting. Yeah, I mean I've got like, you know, they're like trunks. They're yeah. Yeah trunk boxer briefs. Yeah, but they

It felt it felt Wrong like on a moral level Wrong like on a moral level Moral level My butt's where my Buddy look at me goodness So there's the moral component we hadn't considered. Yeah in in I mean inset out shirts are uncomfortable It depends on the shirt the material your buttons are your your buttons are on the inside. Yeah, you can't sir polo

As is like maybe your I do wear a lot of polos the collar the collar would be on the inside Can't do graphic shirts. You're not gonna want that Itchy thing on the inside. Yeah, so basically that that sucks and that's that seems so much more like I see people's shirts more than their shorts What would you feel? Like what if I saw somebody in a backwards shirt or I mean backwards pants or inside out? Yeah, that's where I was going I think the backers pants you look way more ridiculous way more ridiculous if Someone has a shirt inside out. you just think they don't know.

There's a huge risk to the backwards pants. Because if somebody thinks they're playing some funny business and they're going to give you a little booty slap, that ain't going to work. Yeah, but I think they'd see your face. Yeah, I'm very confused. Are you inferring that someone would go to would just look only at your pants? I'm going to you in the body in this office would think it's real funny to slap me on the butt Yeah, but but my butt isn't really there right, but we've they hit me, but your body's over your body You know I know that they know it's a joke. We as you look stupid

Okay, this is like if you saw somebody wearing their pants backwards... You hit them in the crotch. I thought you meant the slapper would get confused. No, they wouldn't legitimately be confused. They would think it's a gag. It would also be, I think like the boxers, it would be incredibly uncomfortable. Yeah, that was my point in the whole story. I don't think you could do backwards pants. The shape of the pants is, like it's made to fit your butt in the back.

We have an oven mitt in this studio that the the the knuckle like whatever you call it like where the knuckles should be to to use the glove. It's not where your knuckle is and I feel like that's how it would feel. It feels so bad to use this glove. I feel like that's how it would feel so bad to use this glove I feel like that's how it would be wearing pants backwards like like the the The pivot parts of the pants. Okay, I see what you're saying. You feel wrong when you walk. Yeah, I Feel look I feel like you could get away with the the shirt inside out Like it's just that's your thing you certainly could that means my fashion statement you've worn some bad ratty shirts that look like you should turn that inside out you're like this is cool it's like yeah you pull it off so all right Phoenix from patreon which lifetime discount would you rather have

25% off all your groceries forever 50% off all your transportation forever. Okay. Or 80% off all paper books or paper items. So Jay, would you rather have 50% off transportation or 25% off groceries? Right. Because I don't want nothing off of something I don't buy. Okay, 100% off all of our books. Free books for life. Okay, so% off all of our books. Free books for life. Okay, so let's just talk groceries or travel. If someone gave you free books right now, you would not go to the bookstore to grab

some. I gotta go get them too? They're not delivered? No, I'm not going there. Give me a break. You're seeing the gas prices. Then I'm throwing in free admission to any museum in the world. Yeah, that's fine.

On top of that for you, Jay. All right, so let's get down to brass tacks here. We got two options. One is food and one is transportation. Now the food, much more common occurrence, but usually cheaper. Right? Like, you know, my travel expenses... When you go, yes. You know, aren't quite as frequent. But it's just transportation. So this is just your... But I mean, so like, I guess your gas is 50% off, your...

What about when I buy a car in this? Like, if I'm going to purchase a vehicle, this is... Sure. Do I get... I'll say yes cuz that that's transportation I get 50% off all cars. Heck. Yeah, why not? That one suit makes that super easy to take the car. Yeah. Yeah I mean that wasn't the spirit of it the spirit of it was like paying for transportation of any kind So plane flights and all that right because otherwise my new job is just flipping cars. Oh gosh By the car and turn around sell it tomorrow Hmm I still think I want the transportation though like if it's

like plane flights I mean cruises Oh Is that considered I mean you're moving the whole you're're being transported. Man, I'm gonna, I'm Mr. Loophole, but I don't consider that, that's a vacation. Like the plane flight to get to the cruise is travel. I don't know. Al, where do you land on that? I know you're a cruiser. I had put in the slack,

I think cruises would be transportation. Oh man. No, only one way cruises. Yeah, so now- You cannot come back to the same port you be transportation. Oh man. No, only one way cruises. Yeah, so now- You cannot come back to the same port you left from. Oh perfect. So you get 50% off to cruise to the Mediterranean and then you get 50% off your flight home.

You can, that's fine. If you split them up across different things that don't return to the same destination, yes, that's fine. But airplanes, you usually get round trip, that counts, right? Well, it's two different planes that's oh okay I see what yeah yeah yeah that's great that's great the groceries like I don't know what I feel like I'd have to work to make the 50% off transportation net me more money in my life than the groceries one would.

I would have to like actively travel more. Which is not a bad thing, it's just. We eat out too much for, like when I hear groceries, what I think of is food. I think of DoorDash or Uber. Yes, yeah. All your Instacart, I mean 25% off all groceries. I mean think about it, your groceries might cost what they cost a year ago that doesn't sound like that's

good but that's not worth I want I want the big bada boom I'm flying first class now you know what I mean what it's 50% off and that's still crazy expensive like 50% off first class is still way more than flying coach or business. Is first class more than double? Yes. Really? The coach? Yeah.

Yeah, very. More than double? Oh my gosh, yes. Yeah, especially if you're doing overseas flight, I mean, you're talking like $1,000 taking versus $10,000. First class is probably 4 to 6x. Wow. All coach. Man, and I am just safe so much

I am so disturbed that you don't know that It is utterly disturbing That that is not known because I know how many times you have flown on airplanes and didn't know. Yeah, okay, guilty. Moving on. Man of the People. All right, another edition of Man of the People, the button pushing extravaganza. All right. Three points for the first answer, two for the second,

one for any correct answer. How many rounds do we play, Al? We do seven, and the final round is worth double. And you've surveyed. You went out with your clipboard. I did. Thousands of people. I've talked to two people.

And you've surveyed them, and we are now competing. For the record, we've played this game in the past. I hope you surveyed different people because sometimes these answers are so stupid. They're silly. Have you guys ever done the the mall survey? I did it back in one time. One time. One time. Yeah. And then I learned my lesson. Yeah, me too. They like, they take you into some room and you're watching a video. Yep. And then like, here's a $5 Orange Julius. Pretty much. All right, let's do round one. Ironically, that's exactly how I got these answers.

Orange Julius. Yep. All right, here's the first one. Name a situation when it's better to ride a bike than take a taxi. Andy. Going to school. That is not on the board. Cool. Yeah, good start. Mike. Heavy traffic. Traffic jam is the number one answer. Yes! Jason? What? Five? Four? Three? Exercise. There you go, that's the number three answer.

Oh, yay! Good answer! Good answer! Not a lot of exercise on the taxi, huh? Oh man, I was struggling. I thought of the traffic right at the end, but after that I was like, I can't think of nothing. Traffic jam was number one, you have no money is number two.

Oh, okay. Want exercise number three, short distance and nice weather, we're rounding out the list. You better find all the people taking the taxis to school. All right, go on. I think we figured out why Andy hates this game. Yeah, it's because I suck at it. School?

All right, round two, name a musical instrument made out of wood. A guitar. Guitar is the number one answer. Yeah! Piano? Piano is not on the board. Oh, music man.

I guess. It's a good answer, I'll give him credit. Let me get my fail answer in there. Five. Violin. Four. That is the number two answer. A trumpet. We had guitar, violin, pipe slash flute, clarinet and oboe. A flute? Like I think they're thinking of like those pan flutes or hand pan flute? Oh, like a. Boop, boop, boop. You know what's funny is when I hit the button, the only instrument that came to mind was an oboe. So I was happy to hear that that was on the board.

Also, after I said guitar, I was just waiting, man, for you guys to be like, dude, that is not made out of wood. Oh, it is. Even electrics are made out of wood. Good to know. I already knew that. All right, through two rounds, we have Andy with two, Mike with three, Jason with four.

Oh, man. All right, here's round three. Name something- Reset us. Thank you. Name something you avoid doing, though you feel better after it's done. Oh, that's easy, daggummit. Chores? Yeah, yeah, chores. It says cleaning, but that's the number one answer. Yeah, yeah chores, it says cleaning,

but that's the number one answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good there. All right. Exercise. Oh yeah, that's a good answer. That's what I thought. Good answer. That's the number two answer. That's twice that I have won with exercise.

Five, four. No, I have an answer, but it three, two. I'm gonna say work. Yeah. That's a good answer. Yeah, that's a good answer. Not on the board. It's not on the board.

Is brush your teeth on the board? No, but shower is. All right. Shower, laundry, and paying bills. Hate this game. Oh yeah. You're surveying idiots. I think they're no one they're talking about.

I haven't had any problems over here. We surveyed Mike and Jason. All right. The next round. Name something you might see a lifeguard carrying. I don't know what those red things are called. Oh, too bad. Five. Four. A life jacket, then. I don't know what those red things are called. Oh too bad.

Five, four. A life jacket then. I'm gonna give it to you. It's life preserver. We all knew what you meant. Yeah the red thing. Alright that's the number two answer. A whistle. Whistle is the number one answer. You're doing it right it is. Really? Yeah they got a whistle at people. Andy, five, four... A towel. A towel is the number three answer.

That's a good answer! Yeah! Look at you! Number three in a group of three. Yeah! Woo! Alright, we got a nail biter. Through four rounds, we got Andy with three points, Mike with nine, Jason with eight.

Well, it's word bite nails at the top. All right, on to round five. Name something from her childhood that a woman might keep forever. Doll. Oh, that's a good answer. That is the number one answer. Jason.

Jewelry? Jewelry is on the board. It's the number five answer. Yes, I'm the smartest. Mike, two and three are available to you. Five. Four. They're blanky?

Blanky was the number four answer. Okay, okay, we got a point. We got a point. There you go. I'll take it. The ones you missed are diary and pictures. Yeah, diary makes sense. Yeah.

All right, we won that round, Andy. Yeah, I know. You're catching up. We got two more rounds through five rounds. We got Andy with six, Mike with 10, Jason with nine. Andy's winning this with a double. Yeah, I was gonna say, keep in mind there's a double point last round, which is not this one.

Name a place where people hope not to have a baby seated near them. Oh, no. Oh no. Airplane. Airplane is the number one answer. Yeah, of course it is. Public transportation. Yeah, that is the number four answer. Okay. Bus.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking, bus. Okay, Jason. Fancy restaurant. Ooh. That is the number three answer. Yeah, that's a good one. That should be the number one answer. You bring your babies to a fancy restaurant, shame on you. Ooh. That is the number three answer. Yeah, that's a good one. That should be the number one answer. You bring your babies to a fancy restaurant,

shame on you. Yeah. The ones you missed were the number two, number two was movie, or movie theater. Yeah. And number five was church. Mm, okay. All right, we are through six rounds.

Andy seven, Mike 13, Jason 10. Reminder, this is the final round, and it is worth double. Name a specific object on which you might see the word caution. Tape. Tape is number two answer. Oh, come on.

A sign? A sign is the number one answer, road sign. Oh, shut it down. Oh, shit. Shut it down! Shut it down. No. Jay, you've got to get in here. Those are all.

That's all they am. T-shirt. A caution T-shirt. Yeah, the old caution T-shirt. A classic. That is not on the board. Oh, man. Wet floor, hot hot drink poisonous substance

Okay, of course this game's stupid for the record I beat Jason Game is so stupid we ended with I love this game Jason in last place with ten Andy right in the middle with 11 and Mike is the man of the people with 19 points wait What were the other caution answers wet floor hot drinks? Poisonous so the weight the wet floor sign. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah hot drinks I'd never seen the word caution on them. Well, yeah, I have Yeah, and then a poisonous yeah, like if you're buying a chemical that that is poisonous, okay All right, Jason usually It usually says poisonous.

I don't know that it says caution. Jason's caution. It says caution, poisonous. OK, that's fair enough. All right, ready to move on? Congrats, Mike. You dominated. I like the idea that you have to preface the word.

If something says poisonous, you're not like, oh, I should be scared of it. But we have to say caution. That's right. It is poisonous. Yeah. Goodness. The Spitballers Draft. Well, we've done some of these color drafts

before, things of different colors. Today we are drafting things that are the color black is that it that's not even a color right it is black considered a color I mean it is on this show yeah I think like scientifically you're like it's the absence of yeah so lots of options lots of fun ones but ultimately with the number one pick I am going to take... Black Holes. Yeah, that was the number one. That is the number one, right?

That is the number one. 100% top of the list. Delightful. And going with what you said, the absence of, really. I mean, you can't... Nothing escapes it. Yeah, the Black Hole is everything. Yeah. But nothing escapes.

Yes. Including light and radiation. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah, crap. Wait, I'm out! The only black thing in the world. It was the second pick.

I will, um, I mean, it's the piggyback of it. Oh, come on! I'm just going to take space. Yeah, so you get black holes. Yeah, well, I mean, no, because I would, if I had a- You get space without black holes. If I had a double pick, I would gonna take space. So you get black holes. Yeah. Well, I mean no cuz I was I would if I had it space without Black holes if I had a double pick I would have space and black. I mean now that it's gone Mike What I was going to the wire with was either answering black holes or the night sky Because I felt like which is space. Yes, it's the same thing as yes because I felt like looking up at the darkness was nice

Alright Jay, we we have some power house. Yeah, you do It's the same thing as space because I felt like looking up at the darkness was nice. Mm-hmm. All right, Jay. We have some powerhouse picks here. Okay. Yeah, you do. Now space, is space technically black? Yeah. Yeah, outer space is definitely black. Okay, so you don't get the planets or the black holes or the asteroids.

No, no. You just get the emptiness. The infinite nothingness. Yeah. I draft infinite nothingness like my heart. I just wanted to make if you people drew space on a piece of paper that it was black Well, if I if you drew space you would put some stuff in yeah to be fair if you draw a black hole You're gonna put a ring that yeah, you know that ring of light black black ring Yeah, okay

so I Got no cool stuff Okay, so I Got no cool stuff There's so many good things. There's a lot of things. I like you want some in space I wanted something in space and I now that's gone. So I'm gonna go In a completely different direction. You can take a black satellite. I'm gonna take things that are here on earth first pick Something that I don't wanna come across

in a fight, something I want, but I'm not willing to work to get it, a black belt in Jiu-Jitsu. Nice. Yeah, black belt was on my list. I was hoping to sneak that one. And then, my next highest one will probably be my fourth pick because there's no world where either of you guys

would take it. Yeah, wait on it. I dare you. I'm gonna hold off and I'm gonna take something I drink every morning, coffee. Yeah. A black cup of coffee. Yeah, you do drink black coffee, don't you?

I do drink it black. Dang, that's a good pick. It was on my list too. Thanks. I thought both of those were gonna sneak through. But I guess when you don't have space, you just have to go somewhere. You don't drink your coffee black? No I have a splash of regular milk. And I know you... No creamer. I go creamer now. I've done black coffee but it's just... There's no point. It tastes

better when you put the... There's something scientifically that happens to the coffee. It's the sugar. Makes it taste better. It just seems like you can put the most imperceivable splash of milk. Not cream. Not sugar. I don't have any sugar at all in my drink. Milk has sugar in it. The smallest amount of milk will change the way the entire coffee tastes. Yeah, it feels less acidic. What sugar is it? Milk has sugar in it.

I drink lactose. Lactose has sugar in it? Does that mean if I drink- Glucose has sugars, sucrose, lactose, those are all- Does that mean if I drink lactate though that doesn't have lactose? Hold on! I guess we know what Mike learned today.

You're telling me that toast means sugar? Yeah. I mean, that's my understanding. Or os. I knew glucose and sucrose and stuff. I've never put together that lactose. The sugar naturally occurring in milk is called lactose. So if I drink lactaid that doesn't have lactose,

is there no sugar? They might add it so it tastes better. All right. But we're getting lost. All right. I think even milk has added sugar. Mike, you're back on the clock. Wait, so when people are lactose intolerant,

they just can't have sugar? Milk sugar. No, they can't have milk sugar. Milk sugar. Oh, man, that sucks. All right. I am going to take. Someday, someone will tell you what a diabetic is,

and you'll really have your mind blown. I am going to go, we don't really have them anymore and because now it's now they use the markers and stuff but back in my day we had the chalkboard. Wow that's your number two pick huh? That is my number two pick. The blackboard. The blackboard yes. Because you don't want one of those green ones. No, no, no, no. What get out of here? Not in the draft of black things. I'll take the green chalkboard. All right.

Space, blackboard, black belt, and black coffee for Jason. I have black holes and, man, number one, I'm gonna go with, what's gonna make it back? Because I have one more pick to make. I'm gonna take Black Widows. I'm gonna take the spiders. They're terrifying and yet intriguing.

And definitely. I think it would blow your mind to know it is on my list really yeah I would I would have considered drafting black widow spiders all right. They're Awesome, they're like I hate spider cool, but they're but they're scary. Yeah, they could straight-up kill you yeah They could do that. That's crazy I mean, you hear about this? You hear about poetry? For my third pick, I'm going to take limousine. Oh.

I'm going to take a limousine. A black limo. OK. Yeah, that's nice. Very fancy. Yeah. Mike, is your turn to? That's the end of that.

Very, very fancy. I'm going to go in honor. I have not yet been able to crack it open just yet, but the new Spider-Man video game came out. But I'm going to take Venom. OK. That's a good twist. He is one of the open the bad guys.

He's got a black outfit. Yeah, well it's really. Is it his body? It's actually an alien creature. It's the symbiote. And it fuses with you and then it goes on the outside. So he is. I knew we were getting the door.

Nerd alert. I knew we were getting the whole Wikipedia of venom right there. It's actually the guy, you're on the inside, but then you're covered by it. No, we get it. And then when you have like the powers, that's the alien. by it. No, we get it. And then when you have the powers, that's the alien. Got it.

And then it talks to you. OK. All right, Jason, you got two picks, thank goodness. All right. Please make them not. I will. I was surprised this came back to me, just because it's a very popular treat.

But I'm going to take chocolate. Well, your face is saying I always think of chocolate is brown yeah that's brown bro really yeah yeah I appreciate what you're trying to do but that's brown even Brooks says it's brown all right fine I feel like I let the coffee through because I know it's called black coffee but I always feel like it's oh my god no my coffee is that one's good cuz at least it says black coffee Hello coffee's brown to be clear

Coffee grounds yeah, they're brown no coffee grounds are a little bit darker No, my coffee is super black. I'm gonna take a picture of it tomorrow morning Your coffee is not black my coffee is absolutely there is no such thing as black coffee Black coffee is a thing. I mean black coffee is it's a way to describe coffee without cream in it oh my goodness you guys but no I mean it's a good pick chocolate is brown chocolate's brown that's fine I advise you to not Google what color is Go on, go on. You fools. Go on and, go ahead and select the UPS trucks. Ha ha ha ha ha. Uh.

Uh. Are you out of Things That Are Black? No, I'm not out of Things That Are Black. He's tilted now. I am tilted, because I thought that was going to be perfect, my coffee and my chocolate. No, we allowed, well, we allowed coffee, but not chocolate. I've got a great pick for you.

Oh, I've got plenty of good picks. I know my next two. The pick that I knew you guys would not take, and so it would come back. I love it. It's delicious. It's Fancy Boy. Taking caviar.

Oh, god, it's so gross. No, wait, what? Oh, it's so gross. Caviar is gross. Wait, wait, what? Oh, it's so gross. Caviar is- It's not good. It's gross. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yes. I don't believe that you guys have had caviar.

I have had caviar. There's no- At a very fancy place. You can't eat caviar and then think it's gross though. It's so good. It's disgusting. Is that just because you know what it is? No.

Is it a mental thing? No thing cuz it's not a flavor thing It no it was it was actually 100% the flavor thing you you're insane is let's pull this room Let's pull this room fancy boy over here and his caviar you guys in on caviar. I would never try it So I have no yeah, no you never had it. Okay. All right I was simply searching for a way to make the word caviar sound like the word fart So that's my opinion of the matter all right well I guess you told me way to come up with the answer So caviar I mean it's a good pick. Yeah, I'm in the limousine with me

It was what I thought of when you drafted limousine. I am going to, for my last one, I want a pitch black room while I am sleeping. That is a delight. So a dark room, like a dark. Pitch black, not just dark. Pitch black room, got it. On our honeymoon long ago,

we had an interior cabin on a cruise where there's no windows. And that room, you know how usually, like your room's dark, your eyes adjust. That room, you wake up from sleeping, you are in that room for five minutes, 10 minutes, you can't see the hand in front of your face. I don't think I've slept better in my life.

Pitch black room. So why not put the blackout blinds in your room? No, no, no, no, no. The alarm clocks had no LEDs. It was all analog. When you put blackout, like my old room had blackout curtains, there's still light in there. We have so many little things, an outlet here,

a little beeping red dot somewhere in the room. You gotta fix all that brother. Sure, maybe. That's easy. Well, you can't overcome these problems. Yeah. What's funny is I actually on Amazon they sell for like pennies. They sell these little like a page of darkening stickers and you can put them on any LEDs in your room, and it'll make them go away. Or make them super, super low. Like a little dot? It's a little dot of different shapes,

and you can put them on the light from your security system or something or whatever stuff. But yeah. So you slept better because it was so dark. Oh, it was incredible. Have you ever used an eye mask? I have, I do all the time. So darkness is your answer.

Is that right? A pitch black room. A pitch black room. Okay. Mike, you have another pick. Over a, not this summer, but a summer ago, I had the good fortune to go and visit Iceland. Oh, you went black sand.

I almost went this way. Iceland Beach. The black sand on an Iceland beach. Yeah. And with the black sand. Was it really cool? Fellas, you can't even describe how cool it is. Like, is that neat? It is. But it's just sand, right?

Like it's sand? No, it's because it's volcanic. But feeling-wise. Yeah, it's like really coarse sand. Does it hurt your feet? I didn't, it was very cold when we were there. So I was not shoeless on the beach. All right, it's a great pick.

But it is very, very cool seeing that matched up against everything else in Iceland. So black sand beach from Iceland. I knew you'd take that. It was on my list. But I haven't been there, and I felt like it was yours. I appreciate it. My final pick.

Andy, I just now saw it. I just now saw your message. I had DM Jason a pick he should have made. Oh, and you're so right. So we'll bring it up in a sec. Let me finish it and then we'll talk about what you missed. My final pick is inspired because Mike brought up Venom, which means my final pick is Batman. Okay. I'm taking Batman with my final pick

Black holes black widows black limo and Batman Mike has space a blackboard venom and black sand Jason has a black belt black coffee caviar in a pitch black room But Jason the pic that you wish you would have made what is that a black t-shirt? I mean, it's it's me It's my entire closet your avatar could just be a black t-shirt a black t-shirt And we would know oh that's Jason I feel like I should be allowed to undo my pitch black room and take black t-shirts it went undrafted

I'm fine with it. Yeah, I'm fine with it. That's my pick then. OK. On brand. All that talk about a pitch black roomie is throw it away. Who cares? I got too many LEDs. Get out of here. Black t-shirts.

Stupid pick. Black t-shirts. My honorable mentions that I did not bring up, I kind of thought about sunglasses, like black sunglasses. OK. All right. Black Mamba, the snake snake or black panthers. Yeah

You could have drafted fedoras Jason. Oh, I could have I would not ever have done that roads Cole ink those were a couple of Vinyl records I thought that would be full of remains on my list. I have vinyl records. I thought that would be on Andy's list. Oh, that's a great pick. And Black Friday. It's a great day.

I wrote that down too, but I was like, I didn't have the guts to take it. I do love a good Black Friday sale. I love a good sale. You didn't have the UPS trucks, though? No, Andrew. I did. All right.

That'll do it. Well, we got one more very important segment. What did we learn today? Come on, lactose. Milk sugar. Milk sugar. I learned that all guitars are made out of wood. And I learned that 100 feet down, which is pretty wussy,

in the scuba world is considered deep scuba. So that'll do it for today's show, bunch of in the scuba world. In the scuba world, it's considered deep scuba, so that'll do it for today's show, bunch of wussy scuba divers. Get down where you can't see and I'll be impressed. All right, thank you, Al, thank you, Judge. We'll be back with another one on Thursday. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com