Spitballers Comedy Podcast - We Know History & Best Dipping Sauces - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 6, 2026

The Spitballers return for another hilarious episode! A brand new, can’t miss segment is introduced and brings the laughs. Would You Rather goes off the rails like always, and we wrap things up with a draft of the Best Dipping Sauces. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on X: x.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore on realistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the spitballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, man, oh man, that started okay. I don't know about that ending. Welcome to the spitballers. It was like you quit. know what happened. I think the whole time I was thinking I was going to do something with like a trumpet

and it just never happened. Well, you did a trumpet with your fingers. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. If you watch the video. Guys, I have so much scat fatigue right now. You were doing a trumpet with my fingers, but then nothing ever came. If you were listening to the audio, you have no idea. What does the trumpet sound like, Andy? Yeah, and that's not what you were doing.

That's like playing my words. Yeah. Look, I've scatted over 1,000 times in a row. You have done a lot later. And just so you know out there, it's over. I've finally paid off my debts. And it's not over because I got Mike to do my next one. Yes.

Ridiculous. Spitballers episode three. Scatting is very lucrative. 62. Episode 362. Is it warm in here? 362? So we are free away?

Yeah, 362. We are rapidly. approaching, you could listen to a spittballers a day for a year. Assuming it's not. It's too much. Leap year. It's too much. We have a new segment. Especially on a leap year, right? Yeah, that's 364.

No, leap year's more. Do you know what a leap year is? Is it more? Oh, no. Oh, no. We've learned things here. This is an educational show. What happens? Jason, what happens on leap year? Yeah, okay, February goes to 29. I see the direction. it is more days, not fewer. I was thinking that leap years had a fewer day.

It's amazing because we have a new segment today called We Know History. Oh, and we do. We do. We've always known history, and we've known it by the dates. It's all about the dates. And so we're going to jump into that new segment today. But you also know, you know, time as well. Time, calendars, days, geography, spelling.

It's kind of like this. My wheelhouse is... Metals. Well, I mean, I had been joking, Andy. I'm not really an expert on those other things. But if you want to bring up medals. Right, we're right. That is something you would never joke about.

That is legit. I am a metal expert. You thought when he said leap, you're, it was shorter. It leaps a day. I didn't. It leaps over a day. Think much. I just had a thought.

Would you rather, we know history and we are drafting the best dipping sauces on today's. Sources and fixings on today's. on today's episode. We'll start with some would you rather. Would you rather? Would you rather be able to understand what your dog is thinking or have your dog understand everything that you are saying? Okay.

I read the first part of this. And the first part, I was like, oh, my gosh, no, I don't want to know what my dog is thinking. He's going to tell me, he's going to tell me how unhappy. he is. No. There's the potential. No, you treat your dogs right and they're so happy. There's the potential that I don't treat my dogs right in their opinion.

I treat my kids right and I know the kids grow up thinking I wish I was treated better. I've seen my dog's tail. Obviously the IQ of a dog is lower and it might be okay with what I've done to it. But I leave, you know what I mean? What have you done to you? I mean, he literally doesn't have one of the dogs he had. Yeah, because it pooped and beef. I got rid of it.

I mean, it's a dog. My worry about knowing what the dog's thinking has to do with being disappointed with the level of, with the lack of intelligence. Oh. Of what's actually happening. Oh, man. Of you? No, of the dog.

No, what happens now is that we all see our dogs and we just, we just view them through rose-colored glasses. Everything they're doing is good-natured and fun and they love you. And you think that they're just in love with you. Because they're the best. I'm just worried that if I am, like, if I know what they're. brains thinking. If their thoughts are basically like the...

It smells good. It smells good. I smell something. I smell something. I see something. Eat that thing. Yeah. Eat that thing.

There's a lot of eat that thing. For sure. But what's funny is... Should I eat it? So I read the first half of this and I didn't read the second half. I was like, I do not want to understand what my dog is thinking. I wish he could understand what I'm thinking. Yeah.

And then that was the second half of the question. Of course. I want him to know what I'm thinking. I want to be able to explain to him all the rules of this house and have him obey. Yeah, like, don't eat that. You think the difference between the dog? The rules are eat that and don't eat that. You think a dog would follow all the rules if he knew what they really were?

I think I could, I think I could explain like, American bad boy. Talk about potty training, right? I think sometimes dogs are confused. They don't understand. They don't know for sure. I mean, clearly, because pepper was fine once he left your house. You don't think she knew what she was doing when she pooped on your pillow every night.

She knew she wasn't allowed to do that. she definitely knew I mean hers were hers were legitimately vindictive if we left her alone for a while

it was a revenge turd it was a revenge turd every time that dog was sending us a message but at the same time I do think that there are better dogs out there than that evil little monster

how is pepper doing she's perfect she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me outside of my wife and kid and me I mean you gave her to I'm above pepper You could say the dog, Jeremy, we all know.

Yeah. My dogs are the best thing that's ever happened to me. Yeah, I feel like there's just, I think I'd rather have the dog understand what I'm saying. Yes. You could teach it better. You can train it better. You could do cool tricks. Never come into our master bedroom at this time.

Yeah. Exactly. You can't set ground rules. Where does your dog sleep, Andy? With, he's always in my son's bedroom. Okay. My Our old dog used to sleep under our bed

My hunter Army crawled under the bed every night Tiny dog That's awesome Not tiny enough That sounds great He kind of outgrew it to where he was really squeezing in there Well my 110 pound monster of a dog

On the bed? Your bed? Recently Oh very recently That's not okay Has decided that But it's only during the fall of sleep period Of the sleep

Because you wake up every morning and he's not there he's not on the bed it is only when it's only when you need when you need when you need to be comfortable and like whatever amount of cover you have or blanket when he lays down that's all you get that's that's what you get you can't move it no because he's 110 pounds and when you try and move him he literally lays into you more dead weight he knows exactly what he's doing could you imagine like let's say you're going to sleep you and your other in bed undercoverage and then someone

just puts a 110 pound barbell on your bed yeah yeah I can actually that would suck it's not the best but no matter what you do the barbell doesn't leave the bed no just moves around oh man that's a nightmare that's funny you got it's the best dog he rules you got to get this dog

knowing how sweet it is to be with kids because like my youngest has to sleep with sugar one of our two dogs every night that is part of That's how ours. That's why Nathan takes the dog every night. Yeah, and so it's like, that's great because I like it for the dog. I like it for the kid and I like it for me. My dogs are not allowed on my bed.

In fact, we got a couch for the foot of our bed. For the dog? For the dogs, which they have now ruined. I mean, that couch. With dumps? No, no dumps. My two dogs are potty trained or else I would have gotten rid of them. Jeremy would have them.

Yeah. And they'd be potty trained. No. For some reason, this is a thing with golden doodles. this is a thing that's like, I know it's common and awful. I love golden doodles. I love our golden doodles. But one of our two dogs gets an ear infection every week.

I mean, it's like he lives. It's not common in my house. He lives with an ear infection. What are you putting in the dog's ears? Usually medicine. Like little alcohol pads and everything we could do to clean it. But it smells disgusting. And he lays on this bed all night or on this couch.

And I just, I want to. Smelly dogs. I want to burn that couch. Listen, Spitwads, if you need a couch and are in the Phoenix area, boy, do I have a couch for you. Oh, I'll take in that. I'm sure you can clean it up. I've tried. He'll re-ssell it.

I bought a scent cleaner for dogs. Just a liar. Would you rather only be able to whisper while indoors or only be able to yell while outdoors? Whisper well in doors. Everyone says that whispering is worse for your vocal cords. Have you heard this before? Yes, it is. Like if you were losing your voice, it's harder on your vocal cords.

If you're losing your voice, sometimes you're tempted to whisper to protect your voice. It's actually doing more damage to your voice. At least that's the, that's what they say. Yeah, I mean, my kids are in musical theater. You know, I grew up as an actor went to, you know, college for that. And that's widely taught at the very least, whether it strains them more than soft speaking. It's true. Yeah.

I mean, because your mind. The vocal cords are a muscle. It causes them to have inflammation and reduces vibration, which can lead to fatigue and damage. Talk softly. Yeah, well, I mean, if... Vocal rest is great to not talk at all, but whispering is more difficult.

However... If we're not like this, I know Mike doesn't like this because he hates when I whisper. Yeah, it's really, really bad. That's the misophonia or whatever it's called. Yeah, you have it. And I'm so sorry, I'm doing this, too. Oh, my God, I'm going to kill you. I know what I'm doing to you.

But it wasn't my fault. I'll put this in the show. Don't. Stop it. I couldn't do my job. He's taking it took his ears. Okay. I can't do it, man.

I'm sorry. I'm a little sorry. I'm mostly very entertained. I wish people could understand. It's creepy. My nails on a chalkboard. My body hurts inside out what it's going on. That being shit.

he wasn't in your ears right now, if you guys were just sitting next to each other, would it still bother you whispering? Yes. Okay. Really? Yeah. Do you think somebody would understand, like, if you could only whisper indoors, would people just accept that you can't talk as much? Yeah. Like, I feel like the need to speak, like, for life.

Let's say, let me change the question. Would you rather be able to not speak indoors? Wait. I'm going to mess this up. My point is, is what's more important, being able to speak indoors or outdoors. That's the question. I feel like outdoors is the more consequential situation where you're interacting with strangers.

Indoorse people, you could write them a note, people understand what you're talking about. The vast, vast majority of my life is indoors. The vast majority of my communication is indoors. In the entirety of my job, which is speaking, is indoors. Now that's a solid point. So it's definitely indoors over outdoors. Let's take this outside.

Is, what if you got pulled over, Being in a... You'd be yelling at the car. I was going to ask, is being in a car indoors? Yes, I think it's indoors. If you have a roof over your head. No, me and L. There are...

Okay, okay, okay, let me ask you this. There are... Let me ask you this. You are inside the doors. They call that... Yeah, and what do they have on... Would you say it's a four-something vehicle? So indoors needs to be...

A door. Indors is in a house. What if I... It's a building. What if I have a mobile home? Yeah, great question. Is it a drive? Is it actively driving?

Okay. If I'm actively moving from one place to another, I'm not in a building. Okay, so you're not indoors in an airplane. You're outdoors. Because you're moving. Is that what you're trying to pretend to say here? You nonsensical. I think it's a combination with square footage and building.

Okay. So if I'm in a small plane, a Sessna, now I'm outdoors. Is that what you're saying? You nonsensical. What if you are in a mobile home, like, you know, like a trailer? I don't think you're outdoors. But it's literally on top of a semi that is being transported. I don't think you're out.

I see what you're saying. He's got no wheels of its own. Right. Look, you're not outdoors in a plane. You're just not indoors in a house or a building. You're saying you're not indoors or outdoors if you're in a plane. If a tornado catches you while you're in your car on a freeway, is it catching you indoors? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't understand. A tornado can handle a house, no problem. I don't know what we're saying here. Yeah, if a tornado took my house up, like Dorothy, would you say she was indoors? Yeah, she was indoors. It was a house. She's moving, though.

What if Dorothy was in a car? She wasn't moving until the tornado came. I know, but once the tornado's coming, you're saying she's outdoors though? She was caught in a tornado at that point. Wasn't she in the barn? No, she's in the house. Don't be an idiot. It's a whole big thing.

I just saw the whole thing. Does she wake up in the barn? No, she wakes up in the house. There's no barn. There's a barn. Before she gets in the house, there's a barn. She falls in the pig pen. That house is swirling up in that tornado.

What do you think lands on the wicked witch and kills her? The barn? I guess it's the house. The pig pin. No, I didn't think it was the pig pen. I'm not an idiot. I just thought it was the barn. Anyway, speaking of idiots, let's talk about this.

You're outdoors in a car. It's literally indoors, indoors, meaning inside of doors. You're inside a car. And there's car doors. You're not indoors. You are inside of doors. You're in doors.

There's a roof. There's a roof. There's a floor. There's doors. There's two to four doors. How are you not indoors? So if you're caught in a car in the middle of a blizzard, you're like, oh, man, don't worry about it. Thank goodness I'm indoors.

Yes. Thank goodness I'm indoors. Do you know how much it would suck right now to be outdoors? You're protected because I'm indoors. You're inside. I'm not saying you're not inside. You can be inside without being indoors. Where you been?

Oh, I'll realize. I've been dying on the vine. Be realized. I'm still in your camp, but I don't have a solid... You can be inside without being indoors. This is what you're telling me? Yes. You can be inside without being indoors.

I understand completely the childish thought that if you are inside a car, well, of course you're not indoors. Because that means a building or whatever. And that's... But then once you work... through it. No, I got one for you. You're like, no, I guess I am indoors. No, no, I got one for you.

If you go to that, uh, the outdoor zoo up in Barisona and you drive through it or you go to one of those like Christmas light things that you drive through, are you going to an indoor event? I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I would be traveling. Ooh! Through an outdoor event.

I mean, that's the same as a plane. Oh, what do you do it? I don't, I don't think that. You're traveling through an outdoor event. I'm traveling through the air in a plane. I am still indoors. Because my house can't travel. You think you still have a problem?

You still have a problem with Winnebago's in mobile homes. You're on the losing side of this. If you have more than three feet above your head and then there's a roof, you're indoors. Okay. Winnebagoes can count. So you have to have, so this is vertical space to. Above your head. Okay.

So it's like Victor Wemagnan can't be indoors. Also, my upstairs is eight feet. Oh, no. You're inside. I already knew you were indoors in your house, dork. No, no, but your rules just told him he's out. Downstairs, I'm indoors. Upstairs, I'm outside.

And like I said, Victor, Wemignana, Yama, never been inside. Yeah. I guess only in the room. You can have more than two categories. You can be outdoors. You can be indoors. You could be in a car. Yes.

In a plane. Thank you. Those can all be different categories. That's right. You're in a plane when you're in a plane. not indoors. I agree. If you were in the middle of a plane flying through a thunderstorm,

you wouldn't be like, after you got there, you'd be like, big goodness, I was indoors during that storm. The only way it works is if your car has one door, because then you're just indoor, which is also a- Would you rather? That's the moon where the Ewarks live. Correct.

Would you rather have a magical toolbox that always has exactly the tool you need instantly? Oh my gosh, yes. That would be so helpful. Yes, my tool. are spread about my house. I have things to say about this. Or a magical battery drawer that always has the exact batteries you need instantly. I don't care about that. That's not hard. I have a battery drawer. It's fine. Batteries are expensive. The only problem with batteries is the stupid circle batteries.

Oh, those are the worst. I'm going to tell you something. Why is there 15 sizes? Well, that's a problem of it. And real quick, to stay on the circle battery. What is with the new packaging? I don't know if you guys... Oh, it's impossible to get into? It's impenetrable. It's impenetra. unbelievable. It's practically indoors. These packages, you need them for like your car keyfab. That's like the thing I needed for the most. And I think to myself, I hope you have a blowtorchor. Yeah, I can't put this in my

car glove box because if I'm, if I need it there, impossible. I need that magic toolbox to open up to get like. I don't have a chainsaw. There are, and they advertise it like this is a, oh, it's a child. Easy open. It's the most impossible thing I've ever opened a mind. Are they lying? Can children get in? Oh, no. Adults, children, nobody could get in. I'm telling you right now, I own at least four of every tool that exists because I can't find them. Because of children.

Because of children, because my son uses the workshop and I work in a different space. And it's like, in the moment that you need a tool, it is as far from where you need it as possible. I know the worst thing is you know you have it. and you just walk from side to side of your house while you're indoors and you're looking for this tool and you know you own it and now you're stuck with do I go to Home Depot and buy a second one of these to try to because I need the tool or keep searching for this and you just call I get to the point where I just start calling family members I'm like

where did you put it right you would you I blame this I'd be like Caleb where did you put the thing I didn't do it because there's no way I didn't place it back in the right spot what I know is that that toolbox would sick. If I have, say, a plumber or an AC guy or a pool guy or a gardener or anybody that has to do some work in my house, I will find out a couple weeks later how many of my tools they clearly stole. They had to have stolen all my tools because I can't find any my... People are stealing your tools? I have to assume so. Only because, I mean, I would never lose. I would never lose every day of my life my drill. My drill, I can't find it no matter what.

The first person that admits just like a full tool set that all has built in tracking. Yes. And then all of my workers are off the hook. I mean, you could, you know, he's been suing his workers for days. I mean, if you wanted, you could air tag all your tools. Workers. It's freaking workers. Let's not lose sight of that. But let's, you know. I'm not the only person that tires, plumbers, or AC guys. We don't call them our workers, brother. We don't.

We don't have our staff. We don't have them on retainer, Jason. Where do they live for you? They're not in your, they're not in the, they're not in the area for the work. They don't live there. Oh, okay. No, they're not on retainer, brother. We all have our workers. Our workers. Good.

Night. All right. Perfect time to move on. And that's what we're doing right about now. What time is it? Game time. You don't even hear it anymore. No, he doesn't. No, he doesn't. You don't hear the words you say. I kind of do. Oh, man. I don't. I so. Jason meet reality. I think I've gotten to a place where I'm a little bit more honest. and open. And I shouldn't be at that way. Yeah, you got to shut it down. I got to go back.

We are introducing. I'm the every man. You're the every man. That's what people think. We all have subscriptions for our bed, right? Who doesn't? You all should. We're playing a new game called We Know History.

Oh, I could not wait for this. To crush this game. We know history is a game. It's very simple. You can play along at home. We're all going to have our own thoughts on legitimate objective history. This is going to be amazing. Al Borland has put together a three-round battle now. This first time we're playing this game, we're going to have a little warm-up round and then play our three rounds.

But it's very easy. It's simply, I'm going to read four events that have happened in history, and we're going to put them in order. I just want to hear Jason play this game. And so take your little notepad out. So our little warm-up round is going to be these four events. This is a warm-up. This is a warm-up. And for everyone that you get in the correct slot, you get one point.

If you get all four in the correct slots, you get five points total. Yeah. So I assume I'm getting five every time. So our little warm-up round is going to be event number one, the moon landing. Okay. Event number two, the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Okay. Oh, no.

Yeah, okay. That's... Event number three, the Wright Brothers First Flight. Okay. Oh, no. And then event number four, the American Civil War begins. Okay. I know the Declaration of Independence has to be before the Civil War.

So are we just doing this one as a group? This is a little, I mean, this one's done. It's declaration, Civil War, Wright Brothers Moonland. I completely agree. Lock it in. He gave us a layup. Yeah, this is the warm. Because it's the warm up.

Five points for everybody. All right. Easy peasy. We know history. Yes. That's right. Yeah, we do. You ready for the real events?

Now everybody's back to zero points. This is the first time we've ever done this game. There is a piece of me that hopes that each round is this easy and it's the worst game ever. There's a chance. I think you're about to struggle. The only thing I'll say is that because we're each competing against each other, we should probably not ruminate too much over the microphone. We should kind of put it down on a, you know what I mean?

Lock in our answers. I'll read the four dates. But I don't want to try to solve it together. I want the people at home to be able to play along. Sure. So round one. Round one are four events, the resignation of Richard Nixon. The first Super Bowl ever.

The release of the movie The Godfather. Okay. Oh, that's, okay. Godfather versus Nixon. I don't know what you're Nixon was. And the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you right now, if you said Nixon and Kennedy, who was first, I'm, I am barely.

I told you. You were about to struggle. Oh, no. So I have, I do have my concerns here. Wait, so are your, is your list in a different order than mine? Yes. Yes. He randomized the list so that what we see on the screen are different for all of us.

So that every time we open our show doc, we see different orders so that there's no. So I can't write the number down. That's what I was doing. I got to write words down. So the resignation of Richard Nixon, the first Super Bowl, the release of the Godfather, and the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I have my order locked. I have what I'm going to go with.

I don't think it's all right. Shoot, I thought the Super Bowl would be first for sure, but now I'm realizing it's like Super Bowl 50 or 60. So it's like I would assume 50 or 60 years ago. Well, I mean, uh, oh my gosh. So you got two presidential events. Oh, this is tough. We got to lock them in, though, guys. We got three rounds.

The Super Bowl is really a problem. Super Bowl, the assassination of John F. Kennedy, the resignation of Richard Nixon, and the release of the Godfather. I am officially locked. Guys, I have my doubts on one pairing. I am so excited for Super Bowl. 51, 6, something like that. I'm looking for someone who's got the real number.

Yeah, no. Does anyone have the real number? That's a little bit of a cheat code, Mike. I'm sorry. I'm just talking to my friends. Yeah, no big deal. Oh, my gosh. All right, let's say this.

Since I started the first round, I'm going to lock in and say it the first round. But you guys need to be locked, right? Are you going to give me whether I'm right or wrong right away? Sure. Or do you want us to all reveal and then you tell us the final truth? That's up to you. Yeah, let's do that way. Let's talk through it among the ones.

When you give me your answers, give me from earliest to most recent. I think the earliest event is the Super Bowl. Okay. I think the second event is the assassination of John F. Kennedy. I think the third event is Nixon. I think the fourth event is Godfather, which is I held up my sign. Me and Mike have the same thing. Now, Jason, you lock yours in.

No, I do not have the same thing. thing. All right. You locked them. Tell the truth. I will tell the truth. Mine goes J. FK first.

Okay. Super Bowl second. It might be. It could be. Godfather. That could be right. I'm just going to be right. Hey,

you got JFK and Nixon in the right order. I'm proud of that. I am proud of that. We know history. We are starting this off. Andy and Mike with zero. Oh no. Yes.

Jason with five. Oh, I'm the smartest man. alive! Yes! You guys are such dummies! I am shocked. We, this should be called I know history.

Why are we calling us? Why are we calling this? We know history. This should be I know. Jason knows history. When I saw Jason's list, I started to get scared because I started thinking, I didn't know what to do with the Super Bowl.

I started thinking Super Bowl is like 50-something years. What the heck am I thinking? Because like Kennedy's in freaking 60s. Yeah. And the Super Bowl is only 50-something years. We're idiots. Yeah. So we had Kennedy and 63.

Super Bowl 67, Godfather in 72, and Nixon in 74. But let's see if we can redeem it. Here's the problem. You get one wrong. Yep. You get them all wrong. You do. You could.

Not necessarily, but yeah. Yeah, pretty natural. All right, here we go. Round number two, Jason with a commanding lead. Oh, goodness. The debut. This one looks fun. The debut of the show Friends.

Okay. The release of Super Mario 64. This is impossible. 64. Okay. The release of Jurassic Park. Okay. And the debut of SpongeBob Square Pants.

Wow. Friends. I've got mine written down. Super Mario 64. I've got mine written down. Andy, you went first. I'm willing to. I'll go.

Let us just lock in real quick. So for those playing at home, Jurassic Park. Wait. The release of Jerr- I'm not giving my answer. Okay, I got you. This is what my order is on my screen. The release of Jurassic Park, the debut. of SpongeBob Squarepants, the debut of Friends, the release of Super Mario 64.

I do, I do have my, I have mine locked in. Mike's going to be the first one to reveal. Jason just needs to lock. And then we will see if we can catch up to the dominating force of history, Jason Randall Moore. One of us is scoring zero points in this entire game. I mean, this is tough. Okay, I got my own. Go ahead, Mike.

Okay, I'm going Jurassic Park, the debut of Friends, Mario, 64 SpongeBob Square Pants. Okay. Jason, go ahead. I really don't like my... Are you writing these down now? Okay. Yep. I'm going Nintendo 64, Jurassic Park, Friends,

SpongeBob Square Pants. All right, my final answer is Jurassic Park first, Nintendo 64 second, Friends third, square pants. Okay, so we're very close. Four. Are we all square pants fourth? Yeah. Okay.

And that is correct. Okay. So no zeros. That's where it's. stops for Jason. Oh no. Oh no. Yeah. Hey, I got a point. Jason got one point. Andy got two points. He, he was correct about Jurassic Park and SpongeBob Squarepants. So I know, Jurassic was the first. Tell me Mike didn't get five. Oh, I did. Oh, I did. Mike got five points. Yeah, I did. I felt pretty good about that. I am less. So what was you, what was your order? Jurassic Park, Friends Mario 64

64. So I just, I just flipped the two middle. I, I had a couple different. thoughts on the order. I would have got one point no matter what. You should have. One point no matter what. Okay, so what is the current score? Six to five to two. That is correct.

That's gross. All right. Our final round, unless we want to do four. I'm going to leave. Oh, it's not going to be good. Round three. This is not going to be good. The California Gold Rush.

The invention of the telephone. Oh, my gosh. A hoi hoi. The election. I almost read electrocution. The election of Abraham Lincoln. What's going on over here, typeer? What are you typing?

Yeah, what do you type in? What are you typing? It's in slack. You can see what I just typed. Okay, okay, okay. All right. Let's making sure we're not doing a little Googling. The final one is the completion of the transcontinental railroad.

What? Come on. I. The California gold rush had to have been over the course of decades. Yeah, I assume we're talking like the beginning of it, right? Yeah, what is credited as the beginning. There's a very particular date associated with it, Jason, that you should know. I only know it if it is part of the 49ers.

That is, that is, in fact, the answer. But that gives me zero help. It doesn't matter because I don't know when any of these things were. Well, you get to lock in first. By the way, we might play, are we playing four rounds or are we playing three? That's up to you, boss. Let's go one more. I think we could do one more just for the fun of it and become behind.

The invention of the telephone, the California gold rush, completion of the transcontinental railroad, the election of Abraham Winkin. Dude, no way. I mean, this is wide open. Completion of the railroad. So this is like, so, so Jeremy, just to be clear, this is the beginning of the gold rush and the end of the railroad. Yeah, it's exactly what it says. That's tricky. Yeah, that's what it says.

says. It doesn't say the beginning of the California. Fair enough. What are your final for? I have nothing written down. I don't know. I don't know yet. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Let me get some answers down. The election. I know one that I think is before the other. That's where I'm at.

The invention of the telephone. Okay. That one I'm very confident. Oh, no. Hey, Jay, who invented the telephone? Or who's credited, I should say. Is it Alexander Graham Bell? Okay. Okay. Sorry to disappoint you, but we know history.

All right, we got to get some answers locked in. All right. Jason, you are first. I'll go first. Are you guys locked? I'm locked. Okay. Oh, hold on.

You'll get there, Mike. You know, I've got my answers down. They're just wrong. Yeah. Okay. I think that the word, the completion of the Transcontinental Railroad is, it's maybe it took longer than we thought. that last. I'm going to go the telephone first.

Uh-oh. Then the gold rush, uh, 49. Wait. Then, oh gosh. Then Abraham. Abraham Lincoln. That, oh my gosh. I mean, who knows? Who knows? Oh, no. Oh, what an idiot. Wait, when was Abraham Lincoln? Then the railroad. Then the railroad. Dude, I don't know. My, my, my first one is Lincoln. If you told me Abraham Lincoln was in 19.

19. 19. 15. Don't say 19. 17. No, no, no, no, no. What am I doing? Why is Ablee get third? All right, my. That's impossible. The one thing earlier I said is, it's not impossible. The one thing that I said earlier, we don't know, was that I am sure of one thing. And the only thing I wrote down was that the gold rush was before I bleak it.

That's got to be wrong. My four locked in. Lincoln first, gold rush second railroad third, telephone fourth. Is that you too, Mike? We are identical, Andy. So we're all or nothing. We're all or nothing. The telephone is not forth. Jason.

Yeah. You were correct when you said that the gold rush was before Abraham Lincoln. Oh, no. Oh, no. What? But you still ended up with no points. Oh. Oh, do we all have none?

No, Mike and Andy both got the last two correct. You got the first two wrong. So gold rush before Lincoln, huh? Yes, it was the gold rush. So the railway and the phone were the last two. too. You really duped me there. Gold Rush, Lincoln, railroad, uh, telephone. So is Gold Rush credited as 49? It's actually credited as 48. But 19. It's not the San Francisco 48.

1848. They rush. They rush. What? That's why I was so screwed up. Because I know that the telephone was around the turn of the century. And I'm like, well, you thought we were gold rush in 50 years ago? Oh, right. Yeah. No. Oh my gosh. That's stupid. We. No. History. All right, so give us the scores before our final round. Oh, my gosh.

I did think it was 1949. We got Mike with seven, Jason with six, Andy with four. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's anyone's game. No, no, I thought the game was done. No, no, no, we got one more round. We established before that last round that we're going for.

You told me before we started. It was three rounds. Pay attention, brother. We were saying it out loud. All right, round four. I don't care what you're saying. I won. The launch of Instagram.

Okay. the release of the PlayStation 2. Okay. The release of the first iPhone. Mm-hmm. And the debut of the office television show in the U.S. I am back to locking in first. I've got, I've got mine done.

I've got my order now. I am. Hold on. I know what I'm doing. I'm just going to read them out again. Hold on, hold on. Okay. The release of the first iPhone, the release of the PlayStation 2,

the day. debut of the television show the office in the United States, and the launch of Instagram, the platform. Okay. I've got my list. We all got them locked? Yeah. Yep. I'm going PlayStation 2 as the first. Okay. I'm going. We're all going to get five here. I'm going iPhone second. Okay. Office third, Instagram 4th. I went IG 3rd. Oh, thank. What? Oh, so I get to win. Wait, I'm the same as Andy.

All right. Give me one of the, you at the exact same as Andy? Yes. Okay. Which is PS2 iPhone office Instagram. I was PS2 iPhone Instagram office. Mike could run away with it. No way. No way was Instagram. No way. All right.

Andy and Jason, you guys got two points. Oh, get out of here. I got five points. I was perfect. And Mike, you got one point, brother.

Oh, no. We both won. Oh, no. Do we tie? That's a tie for Jason and Mike. So what was the final order? We know history. That correct answer was PlayStation, the office, the iPhone, Instagram.

Okay. Wow. You messed one up, man. Thank goodness. I does it. I like, we all knew IG was after the iPhone. Yes. We knew.

We're amazing. I knew Instagram was last. That was the. This was that old? The assassination of Lincoln was between office and iPhone. We. And we used no history. I had an extra round in there, but we used it.

So we have no tiebreaker. So we end with Mike with eight, Jason with eight, and Andy. with six. Dude, just big winners over here. I mean, I feel like we know history so well. That first round, the five nothing shalacking we got. It was a beautiful thing. That was humbling.

Jason just knows history. Yeah. Amazing. We'll take a break. We'll draft. The spitballers draft. I don't know what you're laughing. We just realized that like Josh,

Josh posted that he was a gold rusher under Jason's timeline. I was laughing. I was laughing at Jeremy. So because I was typing a message in Slack and got yelled at like I was cheating. Well, because you were typing during a game. So I just quickly just as quick as I could try to finish and hit enter so you could see that I was not. Oh, your typo? Yes, Abraham.

I typed Abraham Lincoln. All right, we are drafting the best dipping sauces in the world. Souses. I've got the first pick. I'm thrilled to have it. The 101's easy. It's a clear 101. I mean, this is the go-to, no matter what it is.

It could be anything. Literally French fries, pizza, vegetables. Oh, and you give me a finely made house version of this, and you are just living large. I could drink it from a cup. I'm taking Ranch as the 101, the best dipping sauce known to man. So many dipping sauces start with rank. It's like, well, let's add something to Ranch and call it a different sauce.

So ranch is clutch. Ranch is my 101 for the best dipping sauces draft. Good luck, Mike. I would have been both of your 101's? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Easily. There is, the problem here is the game now.

Right. I feel like I have the easy 102, but I don't know if Jason's... I got two picks, brother. I can taste these souses. All right. I'm not even... I'm not even playing the game. I'm not even going to take a risk.

It sounds ridiculous by name, but it is, in fact, just what it is. If you roll through Culver's, and you're like, hey, give me some cheese sauce. It's, dude, cheese sauce.

I thought it would sneak all the way back. Oh, I couldn't risk it. So it could not risk it. Cheese sauce, baby. Underutilized? Oh, cheese sauce is, underavailable?

When you were like ranch, it goes with everything. I'm like cheese, there's some vegetables, I don't know, I'm not putting them in the cheese sauce. Cheese sauce is so versatile that like a lot of stuff's going in the cheese sauce. I mean, I'll dip a burger into ranch, but I'll dip a burger in the cheese sauce. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fries in a ranch,

I'll dip him into cheese sauce. Yep. Cheese sauce can go on a hot dog, can't go. I mean, ranch doesn't go on a hot dog. Oh, yes, it can. I mean, it can. It can. Yeah, but that's not normal. The versatility is there with cheese sauce. It's a great pick. I hope I disappointed you. You, you did not disappoint me in this fact that I was not going to take cheese sauce.

Okay, then I blew it. Yeah. I blew it. I could have free cheese sauce. You could have had free cheese sauce. And don't hear what I'm not saying. Cheese is just delicious overall. You put it in a sauce form, great.

But it would not have been the top. Honestly, I'm at a real crossroads here because I've got two different two packs. I'm literally between four picks. But two go together and I feel like two go together. I'm going to. I'm going to play the game. I'm positive one of these will come back because I don't think either of you guys like them. So I'm going to take...

Gold Rush. The 1949ers. I honestly would have... They were wearing poodle skirts just off of World War II doing the gold rush. Finally finding California. Doing the monster mash. They're traveling west to do the gold rush after World War II. That is so stupid.

We know history. You won the game, Jay. I won. Hey, you know history, dude. All right. We know history. Yes, we. All right, I'm just going to, I'm going to take two awesome sauces that are great to dip in. Ooh, awesome sauce. Great to cook with. I hate that phrase so much. I absolutely love both of these sauces. First, barbecue sauce. Barbecue sauce is. Oh, really? Yeah, barbecue sauce. Bbque sauce. You can dip your nuggies in there, but you can also cook with it. You can go. Go ahead and make ribs without barbecue sauce. It's the best dipping. So let's focus on dipping, not cooking. I barely remember to even put barbecue on my list.

It's solo. Oh, my gosh, you are an idiot. No. And then I will take... I mean, BBQ is a classic. You get it at any restaurant when you're asking for a dipping sauce. That's a good pick, Jay. It's just not wrong with it.

I like it, but now I'm questioning my whole dipping conundrum because this next... The name of the draft was. No, I know what the name of the draft is. is the name of the draft knot up on the back wall? We have a whole back wall. There's so much back wall. We have so much space. This back wall is so huge.

And you guys didn't do any prep or planning or production? You can put a donkey kick up, I bet. I bet you could donkey kick us in two seconds. I guess we're drafting Spitballers podcast. That's what it looks like to me. Wow. Sorry, I let you down. Thank you.

Also, our designer went home early. Okay, I am going to pivot here. I'm going to pivot. Oh, you're going to, pivot. I'm going to pivot. Probably because BBQ was such a bad pick. You need something to redeem it. I think, so I had these two grouped together, and you'll

know what one of them, I'm going to take one of the other group. I know what two you had. I know what two you had, and I'm going to take the second one. No, you're not. Yes, I am. Ah, darn. I should have, can I undo my barbecue? No. I'll take ketchup because ketchup is

the most classic dipping. Oh, no, I thought you were going to a different direction. Okay. All right. ketchup is what I would have taken over cheese sauce. The way you were talking, I thought maybe ketchup would come back to me. No, I'll take ketchup. Barbecue sauce and ketchup. I mean, genuinely, if you're dipping something. You don't need to talk about ketchup.

We all get it. You know what ketchup is? Yeah, we know what ketchup is. Okay. Let me start telling you. Ketchup is interesting because it is, it's an elite. It's up at the top, but it's like the older you get, the less you start using ketchup. I agree because you used

broader palate. It's very simple taste. Well, because like fries. Fries. Ranch. Fries can go fries and ketchup is fantastic, but it's like, are you putting your, are you dipping your chicken nuggets into ketchup anymore? Heck yeah. Hmm. Hmm. It's a kid at heart. I absolutely would. Okay. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it. I just,

that's so low on the list for dipping. Do you want to know, if I had chicken nuggets, you want to know what I would dip it in before ketchup? What's that? Barbecue sauce. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. underrated combo dip into barbecue then dip into ranch just saying oh yeah that is a dynamic duo i used to get so mad at my wife when she would do this she would ruin both sauces she's can cross-contaminated she's making she's just now you have two perfect sauces yeah that's really what's

happened now it's like yeah let's let's mix them up more all right pour half of this and a half of that mike you're back on the clock uh raisin cane sauce okay yeah raising raisin raisin case sauce goes on way more than you can possibly imagine. Like, people complain. So we'll peel back a curtain a little bit. Raising canes. It is not. It's not everywhere.

It is not. That's what's going to hurt you. We're most places now. We're like cap the states. Are we? Yeah. Look them up. We got to be in the, hold on producers.

We got cackling back there. What do we cack? I was working. Oh, look at that. Our graphic designer came back early. That is aerial capital. Capital letter aerial. What great work you've done on this video board.

I'm impressed. For about a minute before I got it. Mike, you were right. It was like in the middle of the wood beam just totally misplaced. Raising Cains is in 44 states. There we go. 900 location.

So raising Cains is number one, was a sponsor of our show at one time, not currently. It's super delicious. Yes. And the... We weren't paid to say that. And often, if anyone,

has complained. They're like, you know, the chicken's kind of bland, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, the entire point of the chicken is to get the sauce into my mouth. Yeah, it's a, it's a sauce spoon. The chicken is a sauce spoon. And no one, no one eats plain. Raising Canes chicken strips without the sauce. No, it's not done. That's part of the flavor. The, when you, that's like saying, I'm getting barbecue ribs. You don't have to order sauce. You don't, you don't go to raising Cades. I mean, we, order extra sauce, sure. But if you just order a meal, it comes with sauce. But here's the thing, it comes with one. And you're like, hey, I would like more of your, seven more please. I would like more of your raisin cane sauce. And they're like, we have to charge you for that. We got,

we got the fine upgraded, guys. Oh my gosh. Is that comic sands? Oh, that's comic sands. All caps. Sure is. Gross. Cool. Please all. I'm saying that the restaurant knows the value of their sauce so much that they're like, it's, it's not just, hey, can I get more ranch? And they go, oh, yeah, sure. Here you go. Here you go. No, they're like, no, we got to charge you because we can. Well, because it's the only reason you come here. No one has ever said in response to, oh, there's an extra charge for that. No one has said, oh, never mind then. I have two picks. I'm saying, get yourself, get yourself a double cheeseburger, put some raisin caseburger. What? Yeah. Oh, there's nothing wrong with that. Oh, brother, you can have a great time.

Because of Mike's pick and venturing into the fast food world, I am going to go Chick-fil-A. I thought when I said, I know what you're doing, I thought he was going to go with the both Chick-fil-A and raising candy sauce. I'm taking Chick-fil-A sauce. Which are two elite dipping sauces. It's sweeter. Thank you. It's been upgraded.

We're located. It's dipping sows. It's dips and sows. Thank you for the upgrade. Great work we can do. I sent you a little bit. I need you to upgrade it to my most recent. I need to, I need a verdict.

Is guacamole does it count as a dipping sauce? That's a dip. It's a dip. It's a dip. Dipping sauce. We've drafted. No, it's not a sauce. It doesn't count.

It's not a sauce. It's too thick. In that case. If it's a sauce, you don't want that guacamole. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's not what you're drafted.

We've all had that. I thought that we'd get vetoed. That's Taco Bell guacamole. And it's just, that's not guacamole. No, no, no, no, that's water. Saracha mayo. Oh, it's fine. That's fine.

That's fine. That's fine. So, it's fine. So rachia flavor is so unbelievably dynamically dynamic. It's outstanding. still underutilized, but I'm going to go with the Raising cane sauce and the Saracha mail. That's great. For my de-up and salses.

Which is- Thank you. We've upgraded to papyrus. What? Oh, my. Avatar. Yeah, and it's going off the top of the screen, which I really like. Oh, that's really nice. It's really nice touch from our designers.

This is our new back wall, guys. Can we tilt that to like a- we're kind of a top podcast, top production quality show. We get 13-degree angle to the right, please. Thank you. Mike, you're back on the clock. So I got cheese, I got canes. It's houses. It's not as versatile as those other ones, but it is, it's still a top tier.

There's one you have to take. I'll get there. This is your last pick? No, I got two more. Oh, you do. Okay, okay. You're trying to game me. My bad.

No, get out of here. Thank you for the angle on that. Oh, that looks great. Oh, dude, that's wild. Oh, man. 13 degrees. Oh, that's pretty. 1990s.

Pretty hell. Cool kid. Hey, Kid Vid. I'm going to take it Buffalo. Oh, no, that was my next big. Yeah, I'll take Buffalo. It's not for everything, but the things that it is for, fantastic. So, originally, I was going to take barbecue sauce and buffalo sauce because they are outstanding.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I was going to take ketchup and mustard. Like, those were my two pairs, but what are you dipping into mustard? So, here's a thing. Okay, what else are you? No. French fries, corn dogs. You're chicken.

You're a freaking loser. If you could do, if you do both. Yes. Both. But you can't go mustard alone. Well, I was going to do the pair. I was going to do ketchup and mustard. What I loved it, my, probably my favorite.

Okay, Josh, you. We got to do. My. Yeah, pretzels. That's right. Favorite dipping sauce is better. Even more, even more than the ranch and ketchup, even though ranch is better. When I am eating, if it's a corn dog, a chicken nugget, a chicken strip, a French fry,

I want a pile of ketchup and a pile of mustard right next to each other. You've really talked about this a lot. I know you believe in that combo. It's a great combo. I'm not taking mustard. I am going to start. I've got two picks, right?

I will start. It's your final two. Yes. For reals. When we're looking at all the fast food sauce, is chick filet sauce. You're trying to like signature? Just what you go.

get when you get chicken nuggets, basically, at any place. I've got the barbecue sauce. Yeah, barbecue ranch. That's good. Ranch. Sarachamail. I feel like there's one missing and I do love it. It's so good. So I'm going to take sweet and sour. It's on my list. Sweet and sour sauce. And there's sweet and sour is so different. Because like McDonald's sweet and sour is nothing like a Chinese. I say that is not normal. That's not like a classic dip. No. It is a dip. Yeah, it's a classic McDonald's chicken. Try to have a little. Try to have an egg roll without sweet and sour sauce. Right. Yeah. That's true. Ridic.

But not every dip. Not every dip. Like your sweet sour chicken just gets covered in. You don't have like range chicken that's just covered in range dressing. Yeah. Anyways. You took it. Not yet.

Mm-hmm. And. And? I got a lot of, I got a lot of sauce. You got so, you wouldn't even believe. I've got.

You would not believe how many sauces I have. I'm looking. I'm looking for versatility because most of my sauces left are very, I've got a lot of. I've got a lot of. them. Not so versatile. There's a lot of non-versible sauces. Singular use case. Yeah, exactly. And most of those are more specific. This dude's take a mustard. I can, I can, I can smell it from here. Most of those are more specific

for seafood, which is even less popular. I don't like butter sauce? There's so many butter sauce. What your workers wouldn't give to have some seafood. Oh, they would never be allowed seafood. Get out of the house. Get back to your Get back to work Um Get out of the house All right

I'm going to take this Only because Mike has one pick left And I know how much he loves That's fine Go ahead Go ahead do it Do it

Do it Because then you are agreeing That it is the best sauce Do it I don't know what to pick your guys Let's like this candle This is a dream come true For Andy

I can sit here for 30 more minutes and not make a pick. Andy had a dream that I was in a lot. I did have a dream that Jason was in a draft and couldn't pick for 30 minutes. Mike fell asleep at the desk. I was going out of my mind. So yes, this is a lot like that dream. Make, oh, we're back to, we got impact. We got impact font on the bar.

I'm not going to take the one that I think Mike likes, because it's not as much of a dip. I'm going to take maranara. I'm going to take mariner. Dang it. That's a real salt. That's not on my list. What did I just write down? Mara fricking nara.

That's solid. I mean, gosh dang it. That was going to be my sneaky little last bit. Anything fried goes in mariner. It can be seafood. It could be calamari. That's a great pick. It can be cheese.

I'm so disappointed. Great pick. It can be bread. Why do you take so long to make a good pick? It took me a while to get there. All right, Mike. I was about to take a stupid one just to. Yeah, that's what I was going to take because I know Mike loves Thousand Island.

I'll close it out with honey mustard. I mean, I thought, Thousand Island is Mike's. Oh, man. I mean, Mike has taken Thousand Island and expanded it beyond its normal uses. Yeah. He loves it everywhere. I stretch the limits.

You know what I? His shampoo bottle is full of Thousand Island. Bro. Legit. Legit. I promise this, I do this now from Barrow's pizza. You know what I dip my pizza into?

Thousand Island. Thousand Island. Thousand Island. You, nobody likes Thousand Island more than Mike. No. That is true. Honey mustard. You knew that that's what I was going to take? Oh yeah, I knew. I knew. I feel like Honey mustard is a more versatile, more beloved dip. Honey mustard

sauce. The problem with that. The problem, and the reason I was not going to draft honey mustard mustard is because you, you already did. I mean, that's basically with Chick-fil-A sauces. Chick-fil-A sauce is a honey mustard sauce. It's like a honey mustard barbecue. Yeah, I mean, it's a comp. It makes me feel bad that you say that. Yeah, sorry. But that'll do it. Honorable mentions, I mean, there are a lot of sauces. Garlic I I always like a good garlic aioly. So good. Sweet chili sauce.

But then that's basically your saracha mayo. Yeah. Yeah. I had a cocktail sauce and tartar sauce. Blue cheese is a dip. Gross. I know people. People are strongly against it.

I'm going to blow cheese. What did we learn today? Jason. Jason knows. I know. Jason knows history. I know history. That's what I learned.

I learned that Jason knows history. He doesn't know about the goal. And I shouldn't talk about my workers. Yeah, that's for sure. There is a disconnect happening. Mike, did you learn anything today? No. All right.

Mike didn't learn anything. I learned that the gold rush was not in 1949. No, it wasn't like 10 years ago. All right. That is it for the spitballers. Goodbye. Good luck to all of you. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. Thank you.