Start With A Win - Overcoming Other People’s Opinions

Episode Date: January 29, 2020

The topic of this episode of Start with a Win is the fear of people’s opinions and how this fear can hold you back from what you are capable of achieving. Everyone lives with some level of this fear, from being self-conscious of your appearance to a fear of public speaking to a hesitancy to be vulnerable. What you might not realize is that this fear of judgment is ingrained in your brain as a survival instinct as old as the earliest humans. When our ancestors assumed their roles in society as hunters and gatherers, they were aware that what they brought back to their communities at the end of each day made the difference between nourishment and starvation.Today, our fear of judgment from others is not a matter of life and death, but the genetic makeup of our brains does not accept this idea outright. In order to break free of this fear that is holding you back, it is important to have a level of self-awareness that releases you from this life and death mentality. Recognizing that stepping up on that stage or publishing that video on your social media profile will not cause you or those around you to starve is crucial to being able to get your message out there. Sure – it is scary to put yourself out there, but the more you practice and the more positive feedback you receive, the more confident you will feel in doing what you need to do. Smile through your presentation, learn from your mistakes, and have faith that people will listen to what you have to say without judging you as a person, and you will be fine.Links:“The Alter Ego Effect”: https://www.amazon.com/Alter-Ego-Effect-Identities-Transform/dp/0062838636 Connect with Adam:https://www.startwithawin.com/ https://www.facebook.com/REMAXAdamContoshttps://twitter.com/REMAXAdamContos https://www.instagram.com/REMAXadamcontos/ Leave us a voicemail:888-581-4430

Hey Mark. Hey Adam. Do you know what causes people to not do something? Uh, no. It's a fear. Do you know what the fear is? It's not like the boogeyman. Do you know what it is? No. Other people's opinions. Well, let's talk about that. Every day is filled with choices. You're here because you're choosing to start with a win. Get ready to be inspired, learn something new, and connect with the win nation. And top of the 12th floor, Remax World Headquarters. CEO Adam Contos here with Start With A Win. and producer Mark is in studio. How are you doing, buddy?

I am doing fantastic. I love it. I got a question for you. Yeah. Are you afraid of other people's opinions? You know, when you ask that question, it makes me think, and I look back at some of the things I did or have or haven't done, and I think sometimes I don't do something because I'm afraid that someone might judge it or knock it. Isn't that weird? Because it's not a physical thing.

There's nothing that's going to cause you harm necessarily. There's not somebody standing there with a sledgehammer going, okay, if you screw this up, I'm going to smack your foot. They're judging you. People are looking at you, judging you with their feelings, with their opinion, and that doesn't physically harm you. So what is there to be afraid of, right? I don't know what is there to be afraid of. It's a tough concept to wrap your head around. Yeah, it is. So let's talk about this a little bit on today's show, okay? Yeah, I think that's good. So picture this.

Win Nation, you are standing backstage. There are 1,000 people in a room, and you have to go out and talk and introduce yourself to these 1,000 people, and your palm starts sweating, you're pacing, your stomach is doing somersaults. Why? We have this fear of speaking in front of other people for no other reason than we're afraid of their opinion, right? Yeah. When you take a step back and you look at it that way, you go, well, that's kind of silly.

Yeah. I mean, it seems like you could overcome that easily. You can, but people would rather donate an organ than get on stage in front of a group of people. Speaking public. Exactly. And all we're combating here is really interestingly, a genetic piece in our mind where, picture this, you're part of the village back in the days when we lived in the cave, and you go out to hunt. And you have, you know, you've got survival. You've got to go find something to bring back to eat. And if you don't, you're going to be judged.

You're going to be judged, and then people may starve. So I don't think we've ever broken free from that, from our genetics. Yeah, it's like hardwired in our subconscious, like the lizard brain. Yeah, it's like hardwired in our subconscious, like the lizard brain. Yeah, totally is. So how do we get over this? Because, I mean, I have to get up on stage.

I mean, you were a performer in a band traveling and performing in front of people. I speak about podcasting. I mean, all that stuff. Yeah, exactly. I mean, that's the business you and I are in is getting in front of people. So the people out there that are listening to this and WinNation, they're in business. And interestingly enough, what is driving business now is being in front of the customers more than ever.

You're not anymore a product or service. You are you delivering that product or service, and people are fearful of the judgment that comes from their potential customer base. For example, you have to put out a video about your business. You become incredibly vulnerable in doing that, right? Yeah, and you have a whole group on Facebook, right, that you guys talk constantly about putting out videos and putting yourself out there. Totally. It's interesting. And you get in front of a group of people,

group of business people, and you say, raise your hand if you're putting out video on a regular basis in your business in order to connect yourself with your customers. And you'll get some that raise their hand and they're proud of it. And you get others who are sitting on their hand to hide it as much as they possibly can. It's because of the fear. So then how do we combat that fear? How do we push through that? It's practice more than anything. I mean, you just got to do it. You got to know nobody's judging you or maybe do it and send it to somebody that you say, hey, I'm going to send this to you. Can you give me some feedback? Somebody that really cares about you

so they're not going to really dump on you over it and build up your confidence a little. Because, I mean, all reality, let's just face it. The first time you do this, it's probably not going to be that great. But that's okay. Because everybody thinks it's okay. I mean, it's awesome to be flawsome, right?

Yeah. I mean, that's it. It's awesome to be flawsome, right? Yeah. I mean, that's it. It's awesome to be flawsome. Show your flaws. Flawsome. Flawsome. Yeah. Flaw awesome.

Yeah. Flawsome. We're making up words today. That's right. That's the reality. And I'll be the first one to say, the first time I got on stage, first time I shot a video, and a lot of them to this point still are flawsome. Yeah.

You look at it and go, oh, that could have been way better. But the reality is you can't let other people's opinions stop you from delivering value, delivering your message, doing what you need to do and being you. Yeah. And I think the whole Flossom idea is the more that you do something, the more comfortable you get. I think when I first started performing, going out on stage, it was, my throat would close up, I'd be super nervous, but pushing through that pain, going to the other side and realizing, oh, you know, that wasn't as difficult or painful as I thought it was going to be. It gives you the confidence you need for the next time you do it, you know? And the way I always look at it is the idea of that reversal of desire, right? Like your initial desire is to protect yourself from harm

or from being judged, right? And so what we need to do is do the reversal of that, right? Push through that and do the opposite of what our lizard brain's telling us to do. It's kind of fun because really, you know what you're cultivating there? You're cultivating self-awareness. You're thinking about those things. You're thinking about that process. You're thinking about how it made you feel. Oh, my throat's tightening up. I'm breathing shallow. I'm nervous. I'm sweating. I'm pacing. Who knows what it is? But the reality is you need to recognize that and go, oh, okay, I'm being self-aware because these are my survival instincts kicking in, survival natural instincts, and go with it. And you know what the best thing to do before you go out on stage or in front of people or in front of a camera or whatever is? Smile. Smile and give that out.

Because people, when they see you smile, they want to smile too. We have those mirror neurons and they're thinking to themselves, this person's happy. I'm going to be happy. But if they see you nervous, they're going to be nervous. If they see you scared, they're going to be scared. And that's when we start judging is when we're scared. So just relax, smile, and be aware, self-aware, and be aware of the people you're going to talk to because you're there to share with them,

to be happy with them, to connect with them. So go out and counter the other people's opinions. Yeah. I think the other side of this too is releasing content, right? Like putting something out on the internet where maybe you've created it, but then that fear of being judged stops you from putting it out there. Right. Totally. And so I think pushing into that as well, saying, Hey, like, okay, I made this video. Now I'm going to put it on the internet. However it lands is fine. And I'm okay with that. And then I'm going to do it again and again and again. And, you know, and then you start seeing more and more success. So what are some resources then? I mean, you read a ton of books.

I love to read as well. What are some top resources that maybe people can access or connect with? It's so cool because when you ultimately break down how to overcome other people's opinions, it's kind of written into the fabric of all these different business books, of all these different ideas that are out there. Of course, you've got the book, The Alter Ego. This is like the newest book out there on this topic or idea. That book breaks down all the way to Martin Luther King Jr., who was afraid of other people's opinions, if you will, but wanted to deliver this powerful message, had glasses that he would put on

that changed him so that he was speaking from another person's perspective. So it wasn't him as a human being that feared other people's opinions. He had somebody out there delivering his message that allowed him to overcome that. I think a lot of professional athletes do that, where they become a superhero or something like that. That superhero is out there performing that way. And if that person has a bad game, so be it. You move on from there. You also have sales books where people go for the number of no's that they can come up with.

Because we know that if we just are counting no's, then a yes is going to come. And that no is somebody's opinion, which is okay because you're going and gathering those aggressively. There's so many different ways you can look at this, but ultimately what you're trying to do is overcome other people's opinions because that is the only hurdle that you face in personal growth, in business growth, in recruiting new customers, recruiting if you have a real estate office, a brokerage, recruiting agents. What are you afraid of? You're afraid that when you talk to them, their opinion is going to harm you, physically not going to harm you.

They're not going to punch you for talking to them about joining the office. Ultimately, you're afraid that they're going to judge you poorly. But what they're doing is they're taking a look at your community. They're looking at you as a person and trying to figure out, okay, is this person positive? That's what it's about. Giving them an opinion that you want them to have instead of letting them be judgmental in their opinions that they form about you. So ultimately, other people's opinions exist, but we can't fear other people's opinions. We need to go out there aggressively and change other people's opinions so they're not judgmental. They're giving. The only way to do that is for us to give as well. So don't be afraid of the faux pas, fear of other people's opinions. It's something to win with.

Thank you so much for listening to Start With A Win. If you'd like to ask Adam a question and potentially be on our next episode, give us a call and leave us a message at 888-581-4430. Don't forget to go on to iTunes and subscribe, write a review and rate the show. For more great content, follow Adam on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter. And remember, start with a win.