Start With A Win - Personal Development Makes the Difference with Jon Cheplak

Episode Date: December 30, 2020

In this episode of the Start With A Win podcast, Adam talks with his good friend and coach, Jon Cheplak. Jon shares his perspective on the ways people have or have not been putting in the work to become emotionally intelligent and emotionally mature during the crazy year that has been 2020 and provides some concrete advice for getting started on this work in 2021. He reiterates that every human emotion and response is rooted in either love or fear, which is not bad if you embrace them. He says that while the perception is that leaders are stoic, confident, self-aware, and intentional, most of the leadership originates from fear and the proper relationship with it. This dichotomy between power and trust is counterintuitive, but viewing fear as an opportunity for courage changes the whole narrative.Among many other things, 2020 has magnified dramas and traumas, putting a spotlight on those who have not dealt with them appropriately. You can’t do anything about past experiences, but you can draw positive lessons from them. You can apply every positive lesson to future experiences to ensure the past hurts and hangups have not been wasted. The most effective leaders have a handle on their pasts, and they are authentic in talking about what they have learned and reaching out for help when they need it. This ability to manage your emotions and find success through them is the foundation of emotional maturity—essential to personal and professional development. Come back for the conclusion of our interview with Jon during the next episode!Connect with Jon:https://cheplaklive.com/https://www.instagram.com/cheplaklive/?hl=enhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/cheplak-live/id934537153 https://www.linkedin.com/in/joncheplakConnect with Adam:https://www.startwithawin.com/ https://www.facebook.com/REMAXAdamContoshttps://twitter.com/REMAXAdamContos https://www.instagram.com/REMAXadamcontos/ Leave us a voicemail:888-581-4430

Every day is filled with choices. You're here because you're choosing to start with a win. Get ready to be inspired, learn something new, and connect with the win nation. I'm coming to you from Denver, Colorado, CEO of Remax Adam Contos here with Start With A Win. I'm kind of all warmed up after that little dancing episode. How are you, Mark? I'm doing so good. If you're not watching us on YouTube, you need to go onto YouTube so you can see this and subscribe so you get all this extra dancing and stuff you don't see on the audio version. This is definitely not like, you know, some professional dancer on. Yeah. We can't be America's Got Talent or something like that. Adam and Mark.

Don't do what we're doing. So, uh, Hey, Mark, I, speaking of, um, don't do what we're doing. There's a lot of stuff you need to be doing right now with the new year coming up. So we brought on my coach and one of the most amazing human beings that I know, Coach John Cheplak. Let's bring him into the show. How are you doing, brother? Awesome. It is my privilege to hang out with you guys today. Well, this is kind of fun, my friend.

I mean, you and I have been working together for quite some time, not just in the industry, but personally, as friends in the industry, but personally as friends. Well, let me just say this. You've beat me up in the gym a few times as well, but we're good friends. Full disclosure, you and I, this is not a stranger interview here. So we're going to dig deep today. What do you think about that, my friend? I think it's awesome. It's where we go every day, man. I love it. I love it. So John, let's jump right into this. This is the end of 2020. We're in like the last two days of 2020 when this episode is released. And maybe people are listening to it

later on, but it's been a little crazy. And I mean, there's been a lot of challenges in a lot of people's lives. I mean, just to jump right into this hardcore coaching piece to get better. I mean, what did you see in 2020 that really kind of punched people in the gut? Well, I saw outside of no matter what, I mean, 54 years on this planet myself, I've had all kinds of experiences and there's going to continue to be new experiences. And the experience or the dramas or traumas of our life, they're the most dramatic ones because they're right now. But how quickly we can forget, this has lingered a little bit. But here's what I've observed is I've observed with no judgment because there was a point in time in my life too when I wasn't equipped,

I wasn't armed, I had not stepped in through the doorways of true personal development. This was a year that allowed people to visit their deepest of waters. You know, one of the things that you and I talk about more than any business strategy or tactic or anything is we discuss emotional intelligence, emotional maturity, interpersonal work, because what we both recognize and probably what we get along so well is that the transaction isn't what this is all about. It's about a human experience. And so what I discovered is people that had not really done that deeper work and then the people that had, and here's how it showed up. It's the way people showed up emotionally or did not show up emotionally and how it had a ripple effect through their personal

lives and their businesses they were leading out. While understanding that each and every one of us has different circumstances as things show up. But we really all got exposed and got to learn a lot about people. Ouch. I mean, you're right. Look at all this emotion going on. And I mean, you've said it to me quite a few times. I've talked to you about different circumstances, different situations. And a lot of times you just throw one word out there. And that word is fear. And you work from a position of you always call it, I'm a witness, not a judge. And so many times people in society judge each other and they throw emotion at each other by doing so, as opposed to just

observing without judgment, being the witness. But you single out fear a lot as one of the things that drags people down. And we've had a lot of that thrown at us in 2020. And we need to get past that in order to really succeed in 2021. What advice do you have for people to move beyond? Well, the first thing that I would share with people, and it's a reminder that there are only two emotions. There's love and fear and everything has its duality. But as you encounter fear, the quote that we've heard many times before,

that which we resist will persist. Well, we resist that thing we're afraid of. It's not going away. And so the first thing is embrace it. And the second thing to do is to take a look at the fact that if you really looked behind the curtain, you went to deeper levels of high performers. They have probably, and this may sound funny to people, they have more fear than people they outperform. But what they do is they constantly step through the doorway, they embrace it, and they see it as opportunity. They see it as everything that I want is on the other side of this experience. What they also do though

too is they go to granular levels and the reason that they have been able to grow where other people may get stuck is they discovered that their control was actually rooted in fear. And control is what typically is the cap on an organization, right? Trust equals capacity, right? And anything that we are trying to control is based in fear, yet power lies in what we no longer try to control. So it's all those different layers. And as you and I both know, in our conversations and the leaders that are friends of ours that are with Remax is they pierce through that and visit that more than they do a system, a process, a technology, or a lead gen portal. No, it's funny about what you're saying here.

Not funny, but I mean, deadly serious, I guess. That's right. You've got these, there's all these counterintuitive aspects to leadership. And you're rolling in there and you're like, you almost kind of created the dichotomy between power and trust and control and trust and things like that. Because you're right. You look at these leaders that you and I talk to on a daily basis, and none of them try to take control. It's interesting. They don't try to take control. They're not trying to manage situations. They're leading people through transparency and love. And that's what creates that power.

So we've got all these people that are trying to take control in society, control in whatever aspects of their life. And all they're doing is giving up their ability to succeed, right? Yes, they are. And it has to do with, again, it comes back to trust equals capacity, right? You look at those dynamics, trust equals capacity, control versus fear. And when they actually get out of the way, our good pal, Justin Haver is the greatest example of it. Great guy. Yeah, right. Runs a great operation, one of the best operators out there. And, and someone met him in New York, um, another one of our peers. And, and he texted me from New York and his first meeting of Justin, he said, you know, the first thing that he did is he didn't run up to me and

tell me all the things that he's doing right. What he wanted to share with me as I was complimenting him was the areas where he feels he can get better and where he needs more support and of the people that he continues to invest in around him that are better than him. So letting go of control, which, you know, obviously to let go of control, fear is not governing you, governing him as a leader. And then what happens is it allows a leader to operate in that space of love, not from a kumbaya, but there's two emotions. There's love and fear. People are not magnetized to fear. They're magnetized to love. And obviously, we see what the result is there with leaders that get that.

Do you think people fall into fear then? I mean, it seems like when they get lost, so many people, they get that open loop. And you talk about the open loop a lot and how it, you know, so much, you know, kind of click baity type marketing, news, press, media, things like that. They open this loop and they try to build this fear following. Do you think people look at that and they go, it's easier to fall into fear than it is to rise into love? Or I mean, how do people end up moving backwards then? A hundred percent. This takes us right back to where we started because the discovery that we had in 2020 is we've found who has cleaned up the things from the past that are bad

experiences, dramas or traumas. What 2020 did is it brought forward dramas or traumas. See, it's not really this experience. People go back to a prior moment of fear. People go back to a prior moment of uncertainty. So although we've had some things that can create fear, by no means minimizing that, but there's an experience that's back in people's story. And what we found out is the people that didn't take that story as a lesson, a classroom to sit in and evolve through. Whereas you've got people to say, that's my history. That was my classroom. Oh, I'm back in another moment of fear. Because no matter what happens that has to do with a fear, a drama or a trauma, it can be totally different from a past experience. But if someone has not gone through and cleansed that experience

and seen it for what it was from a positive versus this is my story I'm going to lean on, it's like a virus and maybe not a great way to put it. Good timing on that one, buddy. Boy, I walked right into that. But think about it, a virus in a computer. Right, right. The computer's running slow what's wrong at the worst possible time it crashes right well it's the same thing with stuff from the past bad experiences where we didn't you know where i look at i tell people i have an unfair advantage because i went through some some experiences myself and walked through them and i faced them so when now I have a bridge that, you know, that's built to take me when we encounter the uncertainty, the unknown that we've been encountered with and still somewhat, right?

Listen, I've got a bridge that's built back to a past experience. I've got this. I know how to walk through it, attach to my daily process and detach from the outcome, control the controllables, and let go of the uncontrollables. So you lean on that hard past in order to get through it. Yeah, our futures and our past. It's another cliche. There's a reason the windshield's bigger than the rear view mirror. and my response to that is of course because you've got to look real closely at a laser beam it's a smaller snapshot than than the windshield and when you look real closely all those lessons are back there and you need to bring them forward whereas what people do is they dismiss it kind of like they dismiss why is my computer running slow

see a lot of times that's why we need a coach that's why i have coaches i have a third party observer who can see that my computer is running slow and that if i don't fix that virus in the background it's going to crash when i step into an arena an an environment, an opportunity that I haven't been in before because there's that instability I haven't taken care of. Do you think it's hard to make that change? How do you build that confidence to go from, okay, my computer's running slow. I need to run an antivirus in it, or I'm trying to drive forward and look in the rear view mirror. I'm going to crash into things. There's always a catalyst out there. In fact, right now, as this episode is coming out, the catalyst is the calendar is going to flip.

There's going to be a new year ahead. It's really not even a tangible thing, but it doesn't have to be a tangible thing in order for you to decide to personally make that change, is it? No. Here's the scary part of it. First of all, change comes down to typically pain tolerance. personally make that change, is it? No. And, you know, here's the scary part of it is, first of all, change comes down to typically pain tolerance. You know, whether you call it a catalyst, whether you call it pain, however you want to frame it. Alan Deutschman's book, Change or Die. I mean, amazing studies that they did on cancer patients and heart patients, and they compared it to someone doing their job.

Kind of rough. So what if you were faced with, if you don't do your job, you're going to die? Well, let us compare it to someone who goes into the oncologist or goes into the heart surgeon and says, listen, you better change this or you're going to die. And they've proven in that comparison that 95% of people won't make that change. They go within one year, they go back to the habits. So what does it take to make it happen? A, it is either hopefully you've had enough pain or you don't want to experience it anymore. And I'm not saying we want to inflict pain on people, but, but experiences that haven't worked something that can be a catalyst. But here's what I found, Adam, I think that ultimately does it is, is that borrowed belief. And it's that, that finding and identifying with someone, if you're in a place of fear, go ask someone. First of all, you've got to

be humble, vulnerable, and transparent. It's a trait of all of the top leaders I work with. If you don't have that, then you're just not going to get through the fear factor. You can force your way through it. Forcing your way through it doesn't cause you to grow through it, so it's sustainable. So what you need to do is you need to go seek people that are doing more than you or where you want to be and ask them point blank. Tell me about the scariest experience in business. Tell me about the scariest experience in life that you went through. Tell me about your self-doubts. Tell me about your imposter syndrome because every top performer that operates from integrity experiences that. And what we have found in our group, the inner circle,

right, is it's the number one thing. We all gather on a Sunday and my coaching calls go through the weekends. Wow, I'm not alone. It's the most important thing. And so find someone who's doing what you want to be doing or is being that human being you strive to be or is performing at a level you want to perform and ask them point blank. Don't say, how'd you do it? That's easy. Ask them, what did you have to trudge through? What was the most challenging experience? What were your fears and frustrations? And listen closely to it and then identify. And I'll tell you, if you listen closely to that story, you're going to find relatability, find relatability with someone

who's doing more, but you've got to be humble, vulnerable, and transparent and let people know I'm in a place of fear. I'm stuck. Were you ever there? Amazing. It's a very revealing feeling when you go through that. I mean, first of all, you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, and then you also feel like you've just lifted it off. I tell people this one real quick, Adam. I tell them, but here's the bad news. I have an unfair advantage. I was forced into it because I went through my trials of 20 plus years of alcoholism where I hit that rock bottom. So it was out there. So I guess I have an unfair advantage, but I got to see the freedom that you get when it's out there and that people will meet you where you're at as long as you show some willingness. So these people are not alone. Anybody who's going through failure ever.

I mean, the first thing you feel like is loneliness, right? I mean, you just you feel like you're existing just by yourself and the world is stacked up against you. But the reality is everybody's going through this. I mean, you and I both go through making or taking control of this beast every single day. And, and we just, we harness it instead of let the thing destroy us, but people let it destroy them. So, I mean, it's, it's fascinating. This is not about necessarily business or success or whatever, but the results of it lead to successful business, successful life, but people have to feel wholesome and okay with themselves. Is that, I mean, that seems like it's always the best place to start is go do something for yourself, right?

It's everything. Because if you reverse engineer this thing, we talk about from a sales perspective, buying or selling a home is one of the highest level of emotional experiences that human beings have. So are we selling them a home or are we managing their emotions through the process? Yeah. And then, well, guess what though? That starts at leadership. And you look at, and again, with the many leaders that are under you worldwide, and then some of our close friends,

I'll tell you, the best leaders are just like this because they manage their emotions. Because the people you lead mirror you, and then it trickles down to, listen, we've all got ours. We're the most overtrained industry on the planet. I mean, we've got scripts. You can get every dialogue. You can get every objection handler. But it doesn't matter if you can't manage your emotions when you're with the consumer,

and especially as a leader. There's amazing leaders right now that might be hearing this, that they're doing everything correct tactically, and they're educated and brilliant, but they're struggling. I'll guarantee you it's an emotional thing. It's interesting because you could see the most stoic leader in an office or on a zoom call or whatever. And then they hang up and they go home at night and they pour themselves a drink and they sit there and cry. They're hurting. And a lot of people are hurting. I was talking to Kelly, my wife this morning, and she was talking about different people that she was aware of that, oh my gosh, this is just beating the hell out of them. And I said, why? And she said, because they're letting it. And it was interesting. I said, well, what happens when

they take control of that? When they look at that, she goes, they find happiness and happiness leads to success because you don't find, you know, you might find somebody who's done things in business, but they're freaking miserable. But the greatest leaders out there are holistically successful, right? I mean, they, I look at you, John, you get up super early in the morning. I text you from the gym. You text me from the gym. You know, I'm there at like four 30 or whatever. And people are like, you're nuts. I go, no, I'm happy. And then I go, they go, you're, you're an anomaly. I go call my friend, John. He's there too. And our buddy, Michael Hearn and Todd Abrams call our buddies, right? That's it. I mean, you know, you're, what are you? 52? 54.

54. You're in the best shape of your life. I'm 49. I'm in the best shape of my life. I mean, Michael Hearn, I think he's 52. Todd, what is he, 50? He's 50. Okay. But you look at it and people, I just got my blood work back today and it's all like, you should be 25 years old. I'm going, all right, score. I'm going for 24 next year. But I mean, the reality is all of this starts with your decision to make yourself right. Because that's what we see. Everybody lost their self in 2020, it seems like. 100% and a great example of it. I just recently with all my clients, I talked about the importance of 2021 and where you're going to go, but it doesn't matter where you're going to go unless you take care of your being. We've recently done, and now it's just kind of expected, the masterminds, which you've attended a number of them, now they don't even

ask what's going to go on in the one day or the two day. Well, what are we doing afterwards? Are we going to Lake Tahoe? Are we hiking Calgary? Are we going to Zion? I mean, because they're thirsty for it too. So I think the thing that I would share with everyone is create this condition for yourself personally, challenge yourself to become a whole human being. And I mean a whole human being experiential. I mean in your wellness. And then what happens is in your business, the person that is whole in experiences in life,

that is whole in their wellness, I'm going to tell you something. If that's the only change leaders make in 2021, tell Adam and I thank you for doubling your business. I can promise you. There you go. And John, this is a two-part podcast, by the way, for all of our listeners. And we've just taken, disassembled some of the biggest pressures that you're under in 2020, some of the biggest distractions, that weight that you've been carrying around this year. Maybe it's COVID. Maybe it's your business.

Maybe it's your relationships. Maybe it's just you're freaking miserable because you feel like you're stuck. But the reality is we've identified the fact that this is an emotion. It's an emotion. It's an emotion. And emotional control is that shovel that kind of digs you out of this whole thing because you feel like your feet are stuck. And John, I want to wrap up this first session of this episode with what kind of statement do you have for everybody to put this in their rear view? How do we take and realize, maybe it's an affirmation, maybe it's a quote, maybe it's a thought, maybe it's a Cheplakism. I've heard that used a lot. But what can you tell people at the end of this episode? And then we're going to dive into the

next one here right after the first of the year and tell people how to set their business up for massive success. What can you tell us to wrap up 2020, throw away the key and put that thing away? Awesome. So I'm going to do it in questions to ask yourself because self-reflection is the number one way you're going to learn because the people I know that are listening to this are fertile, highly competent minds. How am I going to create stability in what are unstable times? And you will endure, period. The other thing then, as you do, just a little exercise that I've used, because it's not just like I went through a time in my life where I transformed.

Hey, life happens to me too. Something that I shared with someone on a coaching call today, that's going to a great leader. And we spend probably 75% of our time on interpersonal stuff with the leaders I work with. And we do on the business side is as everything, if you're sitting in a spot and you're listening to this and into the future, and it's one of the greatest tools that was ever given sense to me um anytime you hit a drama a trauma a challenge or you're looking back on 2020 like like with conviction ask yourself this question

what is this here to teach me about me. What is it about this here in this current space and time is here to teach me about me. Every person that shows up in your life is for one reason, a teacher. Every experience that shows up in your life is a teacher. If you resist any part of that, it will persist. When you're open to it, you will evolve. Boom. I love that. I love that. I mean, when we look at life, everybody classifies things as wins and losses. You just said wins and learns, my friend. That's it. I mean, we learned a lot this past year. We learned a lot about our emotion. We learned a lot about, okay, what are the extremities that we can get to and in the places that we can go? A lot of people listening to this podcast have hit massive

business success in 2020. Some of them had their best year ever in their business after being shut down for two months. And you look at that and you go, dang, what did they do? Well, we're going to talk about that on the next episode of Start With A Win. My friend, John Cheplak, my coach, my mentor, my just my brother, my good friend. It's a pleasure to have you on, John. Let's say goodbye to these folks for one week and we will be back here to tell them how to kill it in 2021. Awesome. Thanks, brother. you