Start With A Win - Relationships

Episode Date: December 21, 2018

On this episode of the Start with a Win podcast, our topic is relationships and their impacts on our world. Relationships are the basis for everything we do, and everything we do impacts our relationships, either by building up and investing in them or by losing from them. If you do not invest enough in your “relationship bank”, you wins will be minimal or nonexistent and you will not be able to reach your potential, no matter how hard you try.Dale Carnegie talked about the power of positive affirmation and giving honest and sincere appreciation to those around you. That is a lost art, especially at work. Showing appreciation to your employees or coworkers and giving them the recognition they deserve costs nothing, but people tend to lock it away like it costs everything they have. Those who find true success in their relationships are intentional about appreciating and engaging with their community, and they find that those things are often reciprocated back to them. Though it might not be an immediate reciprocity, the idea of paying it forward can have a powerful effect on society when it catches on. By giving unconditionally and letting go of the desire for instant gratification, we can accomplish anything.Your challenge after listening to this episode is to go do something great for somebody today.Links:“How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie - https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1544402926&sr=8-3&keywords=how+to+win+friends+and+influence+people+by+dale+carnegieGiftology by John Ruhlin - https://www.amazon.com/Giftology-Increase-Referrals-Strengthen-Retention/dp/1732095604/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1544402989&sr=8-2&keywords=giftology+john+ruhlin Connect with Adam:https://www.startwithawin.com/https://www.facebook.com/adamcontosREMAXCEO/https://twitter.com/REMAXAdamContoshttps://www.instagram.com/REMAXadamcontos/

Atop of the 12th floor of the RE-MAX World Headquarters, you're listening to Start With a Win with CEO Adam Kantos. Hello everybody, Adam Kantos here, atop of the 12th floor, RE-MAX World Headquarters in Denver, Colorado, with me here, Producer Mark. How are you, Mark? Hey-o! Fantastic. Awesome.

So good. Did you start with a win today? I always start with a win. When I'm working with you, Adam, I'm like, I better be starting with a win today. We're recording today. You wake up and you go, oh man. It's on.

It is on. That's right. Remember that saying, it's on like Donkey Kong? It is, yeah. Let's do this like Brutus because we ain't new to this. I have no idea where those came from. You know, they're just little little sayings. Exactly. You know, it's their wins, their happiness, right? Happiness in a saying. There is happiness in a saying. There absolutely is. So what are

we talking about today? Hey, we're going to talk about relationships. Okay. Relationships. I'm not talking about like my daughter's, you know, friends and weird high school relationships. I'm talking about interpersonal human interaction. How do you build relationships? What do they mean? Things like that.

I always talk about when I start with a win when I'm driving to the office or whatever, and I mentioned this on a few different podcasts. yeah, I got to wave at people. I just love it. And we talked about smiling at people. The cool thing about smiles. That's right. You never run out of them. That's right. But that's all relationship currency, right? And there's more to it though. And there's a level deeper and a level deeper and a level deeper. And it's something that if you don't invest in, you will end up losing from. Okay. You can be the smartest person in the world. You're going to do all sorts of cool stuff. But if you're not willing to invest in relationships with other people, I'll tell you, your wins are going to be minimized or non-existent. Because the fact is, we live in a world where

you interact with other human beings. And there are intrinsic needs of those other human beings. And if you don't recognize that and contribute to that, then shame on you. You're not going to reach your potential. Yeah. Let's talk about that, okay? Yeah. I think that's very valuable. You know, a book long, long ago, Andrew Carnegie wrote a book, How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a classic. Totally is. For any of you listeners out there, if you have not read that book, read it. It is truly one of those fundamental principles of life when it comes to everything from getting

yeses in conversations and working towards a yes, a positive affirmation, whatever, all the way to this principle that I think really, really affects us today. It's actually principle number two in the book, and that's give honest and sincere appreciation. That's important. We have to appreciate each other. And the reason for that is it's one of those hierarchical needs of ourselves, some recognition and appreciation. And that's one of two things that people can give themselves, personal attention and appreciation. Yeah, that's huge. And I think too, when you make other people feel good, it makes you feel good. Totally. It does. It's contagious, right? Yeah. It's super contagious. If you go through life showing appreciation to other people and recognizing them for great things that they've done, it opens the door to life, to love, to laughter, to happiness. It's really fascinating

because so many times, particularly in business, in jobs, people don't show appreciation to each other, to their employees. If you're an employee, you might sit there and think, I can't remember the last time my boss has said, thank you, I appreciate you. Isn't that weird? Yeah, it is. I mean, it's kind of sad at the same time. It's funny. I was thinking, where do you go and see that? And like, if you turn on the news, do you see people appreciating people very much? No. No, it's weird. Yeah. It's one of those things, one of those currencies that costs nothing, but we lock away like it's worth everything. Right. So why not give it out? Yeah. So what

do you think are some scenarios or places or ways that you can show that? It's interesting. I was looking at some of our top producing REMAX agents, just kind of reading some of their social media posts, because we have some of these discussion groups where we talk about how do you build business? Let's take business, for example. Let's say a real estate agent's contribution into society and their community. Because real estate is a community-based activity, community-based business, where you become part of the community. You're basically introducing people to the community and in the community as obviously a place for them to live and for them to develop their families, enjoy life, things like that. And I found that that is a key part of sales, particularly in real estate and in small business in the community, because the majority of business is small business and it's community-based.

It's interesting. Those that you find successful are those that go out and give to the community. Those that go out and appreciate the members of the community and share that appreciation with them. And it might be anything from, let's say you have, you open your doors to your small business and you have a chili cooking contest, or you have an art show, or you have a classic car rally or something like that around your business, or maybe you just have some sort of a walk for cancer, something like that. But you're appreciating all those people, their lives, their contributions to society, their loved ones. But you're appreciating all those people, their lives, their contributions to society, their loved ones, and you share that with them. And you know what that does? It builds a reciprocity. You're not asking for anything in return, but just human

nature dictates that they're going to appreciate you appreciating them, and they're going to reciprocate that. It's kind of like depositing into a bank account, appreciation bank account. Oh, I like that. You're just depositing, making those deposits. You totally are. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it compounds too. So it's like compounding interest in the appreciation bank account. There you go. There you go. All right. We can have the appreciation bank. There you go. I love it. First national appreciation bank. So it just, you know, you're absolutely correct, Mark. It's the more you give in life, the more you get in life. Isn't that weird? That is weird. It's so true. It's amazing. You know, think when you get out on an elevator that's full of people,

what if you give appreciation on the elevator? And I, I've tried this. I can specifically remember in Vegas getting on an elevator and this guy had some really cool shoes. Now, I'm not one to just go around and go, hey, Mark, those are sweet shoes. And maybe I am. I don't know, but I used to not be. But I understand the value of doing that. I didn't want anything back, and I didn't get anything back. But I got a smile, and I got on the elevator. I'm like, dude, those are sweet shoes. He's like, thanks. Shook my hand. And I'm like, wow, that was cool. And what did that give you? You don't know, right? You don't know. Did that little stress reduction, that little instance of interpersonal appreciation, did that buy you another day of life? That's a weird question, isn't it? Yeah, that is a weird question.

It possibly could have. It quite possibly could have. A micro appreciation gives you a whole nother day of life. There you go. Yeah. I mean, if you think of it that way, you're investing in your future. You're investing in your future life. Right. So it's the same as I was in San Francisco and I was in line at Starbucks and there's this little lady behind me, just a sweet old thing. I think she was probably like 80, 85, kind of working her way through the line. I'll buy my coffee and I'll buy hers also. And she goes, no, you won't. Like, why not?

She goes, because I want to buy yours. Seriously? She goes, yeah, I've earned my money and I can prove it. I'm like, I'm not questioning that. I'm just trying to do something nice for somebody. She goes, me too. I go, okay, well, touche. I will let you do something nice

for me then and she bought me a cup you know i was like i got a regular drip coffee or whatever nothing fancy vente yeah like the double super espresso kappa jama mama type deal there and you go uh you know there's 12 for a cup of coffee yes no it was a regular cup of coffee but it was so cool yeah because when i said i was gonna her coffee, her face lit up. She's like, hi. You know, one of those things. I mean, that was just priceless. Priceless. Yeah. There is that trend of people, when you go to the drive-thru of people paying for the person behind them. I don't know if you ever heard of that. Yeah. Pay it forward. Yeah. That happened to me one time. And it's interesting because it happened to me. I then in turn, next time I went to the Starbucks drive-thru, I then because it happened to me. I then in turn, next time I went

to the Starbucks drive-thru, I then paid for someone behind me. I'll never meet that person. I'll never, you know, see if they really appreciate it, but man, it felt so amazing. Like, yeah, you know what? Get that car. I'll put that car behind me as bill on mine as well. And I got it. Yeah. It feels great. You know, it's weird though, is what did that do for society that day where let's say that five people in line did that. Let's just say for instance, five people did that do for society that day? Where let's say that five people in line did that. Let's just say, for instance, five people did that. Somebody ultimately is going to go, granted, they shouldn't be in a Starbucks drive-thru line at this point,

but they're like, this is my last five bucks for the day. And they look in their mirror and there's like 12 kids in a car, and they're like, I might not be doing that. But that may stop it. Who knows? I'm just what-iffing here. But you've got five people that have a smile on their face when they roll out of that Starbucks. Did that change something

that day when it comes to how the world turns and the universe and things like that? It might have. Did it make somebody call up a loved one and say, I love you, or I'm sorry, or I appreciate you, or something like that? Or did it change how they operated at work that day? It's like the butterfly effect, you know? Totally is. Yeah. Butterfly flaps its wings on the other side of the world. That's right. What happens? What happens?

Yeah. When you think about that, as far as doing something that's really good and the effect that it makes in a positive way, it seems like there's nothing that we couldn't do together, right? That's it. We can do things together. Yeah. You know what you got to have? You got to have the best of intentions. You got to give unconditionally.

And I'm not saying, you know, go out and hand somebody your bank account. I'm saying do something nice for people and don't expect anything in return. Yeah. That's how relationships work. Relationships are not 50-50. They're 100-0. And you got to be willing to give and not expect to get. But if you give, give, give, hey, who knows? At some point, like you said, that bank account, it repays you.

Right. And if nothing else, just through that gratification you get, that's a stress reducer. It puts positive things in your brain. If somebody has an addiction or a mental illness or whatever it might be, does that make them view that particular part of their life differently where it helps them through those things? It quite possibly could. Puts different chemicals in your brain. It's good overall. Yeah, I think it's awesome. Hey, I want to talk to you a little bit about a book I've been reading. Okay. It kind of, it falls right into this. So this book is called Giftology by John Rulon. Okay. I'm a big reader. Big reader. And it's funny because I actually received this book as a gift from a friend of mine. I came to the office. There was this really cool black box

sitting at my desk. I'm like, oh, what is that? It was fancy. And then I opened the black box, had a red lining in it, looked like red velvet. And there was a black leather bag sitting in that box. And I'm going, this is just getting better and better. So I pick up the black leather bag and I look in there and there's this book, Giftology. And I'm thinking, this is brilliant. Yeah. Amazing. And the book is fantastic. It really talks about why do you gift things? What do you gift? How do you gift? The difference between just being gratuitous and really being personal and the factors of influence and why people do what they do for those that care about them versus those that never care about them or that they don't even know about.

So it's just amazing to look at the power of gifting. It doesn't have to be something big. You could walk up to somebody and give them a piece of gum or a cup of coffee or a high five. Or every now and then on YouTube, you see somebody handing out free hugs. Yeah. Isn't that cool? Yeah. Super cool. Yeah. So I recommend the book Giftology, John Rulon. We need to start putting out Amazon links to these things. Yeah. We might do that on the podcast like Amazon links to these things. Yeah. We might do that on the podcast. In the show notes. Yeah.

And just think if everybody started giving unconditionally to each other, how much more wealth we would all have in our lives, how much more love, how much more appreciation, how many more smiles there would be out there. It would lessen the problems of the world today. Yeah. Powerful message. Simple.

Yeah. Powerful. So Mark, just in closing here, go do something of the world today. Yeah. Powerful message. Simple. Yeah. Powerful. So, Mark, just in closing here, go do something great for somebody today. Go smile. Go compliment. Go appreciate. Go give a gift. It doesn't have to be big. It can be something small. Somebody's in the line at Starbucks or wherever. Go do something nice for somebody. And just you think of how great that would be and how much that could change the world. I love it. Boom. There you go. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much for joining us today. Make sure to head over

to startwithawin.com to get more great content. Please subscribe and rate the show on iTunes or wherever you get your podcasts. Follow Adam on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. And remember, start with a win.