Start With A Win - Uncovering The Recipe for Happiness

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Becky Morrison is a mom, wife, and lawyer turned Happiness Coach. Her mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they establish what matters most to them and develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. She is the author of The Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters. People and processes are at the heart of the work that she has done for the last 20+ years in corporations, law firms—as both a lawyer and administrator—and small businesses. Now she’s using that experience coupled with her own journey to help people supercharge their success and happiness by finding clarity, taking the next steps in their career, overcoming overwhelm, going from idea to action, and stepping into their authentic leadership presence.Becky tells the story of her transition from a successful, busy lawyer and mom to building a life for her and her family and her happiness. She shares how a life-threatening pregnancy loss led to a wake-up call that would change the course of her life.As a fellow high achiever, Becky often coaches people who struggle with the fact that they have every type of success they could want but are still waiting for the moment when they are happy with their life. Through this coaching, she has developed The Recipe of Happiness, which is to do more of what matters to you and less of the rest. It’s a simple recipe, but it’s not always easy to execute. She shares about the three things get in the way: the authenticity gap, the execution gap, and the emotional energy gap.Becky believes in the importance of stepping into your authentic self. We have so much coming at us, and we’re moving so quickly, we are really disconnected from who we are at our core. We’re not sure what actually matters to us, because we’re being told by social media and the world what should matter to us. So Becky shares two ways to get to the core of our authentic selves:Get clear on the season you’re in, because what matters most to you will shift with your seasons of life. Dial into what brings you joy by making a list of simple things that make you happy and evaluating why those things bring you joy.One of the biggest obstacles in this process is fear and overwhelm. And overcoming that obstacle starts with saying and naming the story of your fear and overwhelm. Sit down with someone and talk about why you’re feeling afraid and overwhelm. More of than not, it’s not true fear—it’s really that you’re just a human with a nervous system that does not like changeEpisode Links:UntangleHappiness.comThe Happiness Recipe: A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters: https://amzn.to/2ZMFxaQOrder your copy of Start With A Win: Tools and Lessons to Create Personal and Business Success:https://www.startwithawin.com/bookConnect with Adam:https://www.startwithawin.com/https://www.facebook.com/REMAXAdamContoshttps://twitter.com/REMAXAdamContoshttps://www.instagram.com/REMAXadamcontos/ Leave us a voicemail:888-581-4430

Welcome to Start With A Win, where we give you the tools and lessons you need to create business and personal success. Are you ready? Let's do this. And coming to you from Denver, Colorado, home of Remax World Headquarters, Adam Canto, CEO here with Start With A Win. Producer Mark, did you start with a win, buddy? Oh yeah. Yeah. I started with a win and I'm so happy. I love that. Yeah. Thank you. Well, I'm glad you're happy. Why are you happy? You know, life is great. You know, the weather's changing. It's getting like that kiss of fall is starting to happen like in the early mornings and stuff, which I absolutely love. Just so energizing. And we have an amazing guest on our show this afternoon. We actually have a happiness coach on our show here. So let me introduce our amazing guest,

Becky Morrison, a mom, a wife, a lawyer turned happiness coach. I'm interested to hear that story. Becky's mission is to spread joy. She believes most people can live happier, easier lives if they establish what matters most to them and develop a plan to do more of that and less of the rest. So she wrote an amazing book about all of this process. She worked in a law firm as a lawyer and administrator and small business. And now she's using all of this to help people be more happy. So Becky's book is The Happiness Recipe, A Powerful Guide to Living What Matters. So Becky, welcome to Start With a Win. Glad to see you here. I am glad to be here. Thanks for having me.

Of course. I have to ask, do people ever ask you if you're happy? Does that happen a lot to you? I mean, maybe. Well, I hope so. Yeah. You probably have a lot of people seek you out. And you learned a lot, obviously, about how to be happy, how not to be happy, whatever, with your backstory. And it kind of defines how people define success. They want to be a high achiever. You were a

high achiever, a prominent lawyer. So a lot of times happiness is missing in these things. Did you realize something was missing and we're not happy or something like that? I mean, how did we make this transition from going, I want to be an attorney to I want to be a happiness coach? What was that moment? So let me tell you a quick story. And it starts like this. It is a Tuesday evening, approximately 15 and a half years ago. And I find myself at around 830 at night, sitting on the floor of the bathroom. And I've got the cordless phone clipped to the back of my pants. And I've got the toilet seat cover closed. And I've got the cordless phone clipped to the back of my pants. And I've got the toilet seat cover closed and I've got my notebook on the toilet seat cover. And I've got expert reports

for a trial that we're doing spread out around me. And I've got a toddler in the bathtub. And I found myself there because it was one of those days where I had, at the time, my husband was working in counterterrorism and something in the world had exploded. And he, we had already agreed as between us that his mission would take precedence over what I had going on. And so I had childcare duty and work duty. And I had two thoughts in that moment in super quick succession. The first thought was like, who says you can't do it all? I'm a literally a superwoman. Look at me, I'm here, I'm killing it. Like I'm here with my kid, but I'm also present and working on this, you know, expert prepping our expert for for testimony. And like, I am a rock star. And then not even a breath later, I had the thought, and I'm exhausted. And I'm not sure I'm

happy. And so that was probably the first of a series of things that happened to me over the course of nine months that really woke me up to the narrative that I had been brought up with, which was go to school, get the good grades, get the good job, get the right title, make the money, then you will be happy, was not it for me. And that I really needed to figure out what it was that I was going to do to build a life that would work for me and for my family and for my happiness. I think that, I mean, first of all, thank you for sharing that. But I think that sounds like a lot of what most of society goes through when they, they go head down until they burn out. And, and yeah, you're a hundred percent right. And I mean, we're, we're living in a, in a world right now where a lot of people are, at least I'm finding in the work that I'm doing and the clients that I'm seeing, a lot of people are very close to that burnout edge, right? They've done exactly what I just described in that bathtub moment and tried to take it all on at once. And it's a lot and it's too much and they're burnt out.

That aha moment you had, thankfully it was an aha moment and not a, and I'm sure there was a lot of emotion or, you know, some displaced depression or something like that going on there. And a lot of personal challenges. I mean, that's heavy on your heart when you're sitting there looking at your toddler going, I'm not feeling good inside of my skin. Yeah. And when I say it was just the beginning, let me be clear. Like I wish that I could have then had that moment and said, okay, that's it. Like I'm awake, let me figure it out. But you know, that's not how life goes. And so from there, I encountered a series of other challenges, including a life-threatening pregnancy loss. And they say, when you're looking death in the face, your life flashes before your eyes. And my experience very

much was that what flashed before my eyes was conference rooms and conference calls. And that was truly the wake up, right? Like that was truly the moment to say, wait a minute, wait a minute. Like you've already had these thoughts about really, is this the life for me? And then you're looking down like, what is my legacy? What am I leaving behind? What is my story? And it's conference rooms and conference calls. Something has to give. Wow. That is certainly an eyeener there. I'm sure you've heard a lot of eye-openers or heard a lot of very difficult to hear stories from different people that have pushed them to different edges in their life or in their relationships or in their careers, things like that. And I mean, obviously, you thought something

has to change. So you wrote a book, you came up with a concept called the happiness recipe, and then wrote it into your book, the happiness recipe, a powerful guide to living what matters. I mean, tell us about that journey going from Okay, now I've come up with a solution. Or how did you come up with a solution to the fact that you weren't happy at that time? That just doesn't flash in front of your face, does it? No. I mean, so there's 15 years between that bathtub moment and that pregnancy loss that I described to when I wrote my book.

And that's 15 years of navigating a career as a mother and a wife and figuring out how to do it in a way that was as thoughtful and as balanced and as priority aligned as it could be. And I didn't appreciate how different that was than what a lot of people do until I started coaching people a couple years ago. And what I found is, you know, I naturally gravitated toward coaching other high achievers, other people who've had lots of on paper success. And what I found was that we were often coaching through issues of exactly that I I've done a lot. And I've, you know, checked a lot of boxes, I've got the title, I've got the bank account, I've got the family, I've got the house, and I'm not feeling it. Like, do I just wait? Does it come when I retire? Like, where's the

happiness? I thought I was going to be happy when I had all this success. And so I really stopped to think about sort of my life and how I had traveled through it. And then what tools I was using in my coaching practice. And that's where the happiness recipe was born. And the concept is actually super duper simple. The idea is that the recipe for maximum happiness is just to do more of what matters to you, and less of the rest. But simple doesn't mean easy to execute, right? And what I've identified is there's sort of three things that get in the way of us making that happen. And the first I call the authenticity gap. And it's, do we even know what matters most to us?

Are we clear on our priorities? Are we clear on who we are? Are we connected to self? And then are we willing to claim that? The second thing is the obvious one. It's the execution. Once we know what matters to us, we're doers in this world. And we like to jump right to doing it. And so how do we align?

How do we live in a priority aligned way where we're aligning our action, our resources, our time, our capacity to what matters most to us. But the middle gap, I call the emotional energy gap. And that's the one that I think gets missed a lot. And it's the mindset gap. It's do we have the supportive beliefs, feelings, practices that will allow us to shift from the way we're living today to the way that we want to be living, which is in a priority alignment manner. So that's it in a nutshell. Interesting. I mean, it's, it's fascinating to hear that. And if, uh, to all the listeners out there, if you didn't really wrap your, your head around that, hit rewind and listen to it again, because it, it, I mean, it's, it, what was just said here is really, really deep and very important.

But I want to unpack the first part of this. You discuss the importance of stepping into your authentic self. Yes. And being willing to share your desires with the world. How does this contribute to personal happiness? And what advice would you offer to someone unsure of how to do so? Yeah, I mean, what I'm finding more than I expected in my work is that because we have so much coming at us and because we're always moving so quickly, we are really disconnected from who we are at our core. We get disconnected from self in a very real and constant way, and we don't even realize it. And what the net result of that is that we aren't even sure what actually matters to us. We've actually just bought into all the messages we're hearing from social

media, from our friends, from the people around us, from the world about what success and happiness should look like and when we should have it versus really being tuned into what it is that makes us tick. And so I hope that that makes clear why connecting with who you really are and what really matters to you might matter to your happiness, because when we are disconnected from who we are, we're not chasing the right things. In terms of sort of advice I would give to somebody who's not sure where to start, I have two things I'd like to offer. The first is one concept that I talk about in my book and one concept that I find really important in my own life is really getting clear on the season that you're in. So, you know, I said happiness is doing more of what matters to you and less of the rest.

And I know you're a parent, Adam, and I'm betting the day that your first child was born, what really mattered to you most shifted a little bit. That's a season, right? Something changed in your life that changed what mattered and how you wanted to spend your time and where you wanted to put your resources. And oftentimes we walk through life and we're not cognizant of those shifts and seasons that are happening. And a great example of this is March 2020, the world flips upside down. And I talked to so many people throughout the course of the first six months of that pandemic time who were still trying to hit old targets, old goals, live old priorities. They hadn't stopped to acknowledge that the entire framework,

the entire container, the entire season had changed. So the first step is really to get clear on where you're sitting today and what's in your life. And then the second step that I think is important to connecting with your authentic self is to really dial into what brings you joy. And I know it's going to sound maybe a little crazy, but there's a lot of people who I ask, what makes you happy? And they don't have an answer. And so if you are that person, I don't want you to feel bad about it. You're not alone. And you do know what makes you happy. You just have to dig a little bit and really ask yourself the question and dig into the micro stuff that makes you happy. So make a list of a few things that really bring you joy.

And they can be simple things. Don't judge what comes up. If wearing a cozy sweatshirt and curling up in bed with a good book makes you happy, write it down. If looking at a sunset makes you happy, write it down. If a hug from a friend makes you happy, write it down. It doesn't have to be big. And the reason I want you to make a list is because I want you then to take those things

on that list and I want you to dig a little bit deeper. What about that thing brings you joy? What is it about the curling up with a book and the comfy sweatshirt that brings you joy? Is it the quiet? Is it learning something new? Is it reading? Is it being alone? Is it being warm? What just what is it? And then I want you to keep asking that question two or three or maybe even five more times till you can get down to the essence of where that joy comes from. The reason to do that is then you have a menu of all of the essential sources of your joy that you can use every day to bring a little bit more happiness and to be a little bit

more connected with what makes you tick. So that's a lot of information that I just threw at you. But those are my suggestions. That's fascinating though, because when you think about it, people overcomplicate being happy. I mean, just so much. So, and you just went through, I'm sitting there listening to the list going, Oh, those things make me happy. And, but I, you forget about those things when you hit one of those, uh, major obstacles in life that cause you to not be happy, when you feel like

you're under that avalanche of work and overwhelm and things like that. I guess the two biggest things that really prevent people from achieving or being happy in life are fear and overwhelm. And when we step out of those, which they're easy to step out of. They're just not easy to step out of you because you feel like you're stuck in them. Yep. Absolutely. This brings me to my next question then, Becky. You talk about getting to those places, but there are obstacles to getting to those places. People revert to social media or turn on the news or throw on some Netflix show or whatever. And so much of this stuff is fear-based or overwhelm-based because that causes, I mean, that's the drug in society is throw fear at people, throw overwhelm at people because then they feel helpless and they

have to go back for more. So what do you see are ways that people can overcome the obstacles to achieving this? How do you break out of that rut that you're in? I like your recipe, but how do you get yourself to that point? I mean, so there's not one specific answer, right? Because what drives that fear and that overwhelm is going to be different for different people. But I think it starts with this, I think it actually starts with saying, naming the story of your fear and overwhelm, actually telling the story of it actually writing it down, or sitting down with a friend or sitting down with a coach or a mentor or a leader in your organization and having a conversation about why you're feeling afraid or overwhelmed.

Name it. Because what I find with my clients often is when they actually get it out of their head and into the world, they look at it and they say, gosh, it doesn't even make any sense. You know, it's not really that scary or it's not really that overwhelming. Or in fact, I'm not overwhelmed. I'm just a human in a body with a nervous system that does not want change. Well put. And that can be like that can be a huge. In fact, I don't have statistics or science to support this. But my guess is that a majority of the time, that's what's really going on,

is that your nervous system is rearing up to say, I know you might not be perfectly happy where you are, but I know how to keep you safe and alive where we are. So please, let's not change anything. Thank you very much. So true. I mean, given that, obviously, this affects our mindset, and we want to be happy and productive on a daily basis. I mean, that's really ultimately what you're driving towards is if your brain's in the right place and there's a smile on your face and that feeling in your heart of goodness, you're going to be more productive most likely. So, I mean, tell us how does this translate into your everyday life, your relationships, your job, things like that, the things that you're talking about here? I mean, how doesn't it, right? Like happiness is one of those, like, it's a little bit like water,

right? Unhappiness or happiness can sneak into every aspect of your life and either improve it or become a real issue or distraction. And so the more we can be intentional about how we're showing up in life, how we're making our choices, how we're attaching ourselves to our priorities, the more we can look for opportunities to inject joy, even into our imperfect existence, the better our life is. And so that requires a couple of things in a mindset sense, though, it requires a believing that you can do that, which not everyone believes, right? Because as you said, we like to overcomplicate things, we like to make it, you know, oh, I'll be happy. I mean, I can't tell you the number of people who are like, oh, I'll be happy. But I have to change

something radical in my life, I have to turn it upside down in order to find happiness. You do not. Absolutely. You can have more happiness today, by making little shifts in your life, which then prepare you to make whatever the next big change is in a way that you're not escaping your unhappiness, but you're actually building your future happiness. Great point. So Becky, I mean, this is fascinating. And I think I felt and heard from you, we have a choice and we have to be intentional with this. I mean, you specifically use the word intentional. I love what you have to say here. I know our audience wants to learn

more from you. I know you have a website. Where can they find you online and learn more about your business, your coaching and your book? So, I mean, the best place, as you said, is my website and it is untanglehappiness.com. And that is one-stop shopping. They can connect with me on social media through the links there. They can find other places where I've spoken. And of course, most importantly, they can find the book and they can learn about the coaching work that I do. Awesome. Becky, I have one final question for our amazing guests on the show. You've done so much to help so many people, but I want to know, how do you help yourself?

So Becky, how do you start your day with a win? So my answer to this might be a little bit non-traditional. One of the things that I have really enjoyed about being my own boss is that I get to decide how I use my time. And so as I thought about how I was going to answer this question, Adam, I was like, I feel like I should have a routine. But the reality is I don't. The one thing though, that I do consistently every single day is that I check in with myself and my energy so that I can point my world that day in a way that is going to both feed my soul and make me set me up for success. And I have the luxury of doing that

as my own boss. And so I can say, you know, today, I'm really feeling creative. And so today is the day that I want to write that I want to create content that I want to, you know, dream about the future versus today, I'm feeling really like process driven. And today is going to be a back office day. And so really having the freedom to check in again with my energy and where I am for today and use that to my advantage in terms of both happiness and results. Awesome. Becky Morrison, author, coach, mom, rockstar attorney in your past life, and really a happy person. It's so nice to have you on the show. Great to see you. Everybody, please check out Becky's book. Go to untanglehappiness.com and see what she has.

Some great tips and information there. And Becky, we appreciate you. And thank you for being on Start With A Win. Thank you, Adam. I appreciate you having me on. And thank you for listening to Start With A Win. If you'd like to ask Adam a question or tell us your Start With A Win story, give us a call.

Leave us a message at 888-581-4430. So go to startwithawin.com and, you know, until next time, start with a win.