Start With A Win - Why Being Vulnerable Makes You a Better Leader / Tony Martignetti

Episode Date: June 18, 2025

⚡️FREE RESOURCE: 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵'𝘴 𝘞𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘓𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱?  ➡︎ https://adamcontos.com/myleadershipWant weekly leadership content? Go here ➡︎ https://adamcontos.comIn this insightful episode of Start With a Win, host Adam Contos welcomes leadership advisor and author Tony Martignetti for a deeply human conversation on unlocking true leadership potential. With a compelling mix of personal storytelling, artistic reflection, and seasoned business insight, Tony peels back the layers of what makes a leader truly impactful. From his unexpected path to leadership to the emotional undercurrents of the three C’s in his book, this episode dives beneath surface-level strategy into the heart of authentic influence. If you're ready to rethink what it means to lead—and to lead well—this conversation will challenge and inspire you in unexpected ways.Tony Martignetti is a trusted advisor, coach, experience creator, author, podcast host, and speaker. He brings together over 25 years of business and management experience, formal training, and extreme curiosity to elevate leaders and equip them with the tools to navigate through change and unlock their true potential. He loves guiding people to find clarity in their lives, so they are energized, fully present, and unstoppable. When leaders unlock their potential and lead from a place of inspired purpose, they impact and inspire everyone around them. He has dedicated himself to helping people live inspired lives.00:00 Intro01:40 Forcing yourself into a role that doesn't fit you?04:55 My guests shared with me a gift, so I needed to pass them on!06:06 Why does the brain remember things in threes or fives, the three C’s?12:40 The biggest failure in leadership today!  15:34 Ability to expand our attention span is not possible.  17:52 Why are leaders hiding? 23:19 Leadership wisdom….25:05 Sharpen your saw…  https://www.ipurposepartners.com/https://linktr.ee/inspiredcoachhttps://www.linkedin.com/in/tonymartignett1/===========================Subscribe and Listen to the Start With a Win Podcast HERE:📱 ===========================YT ➡︎ https://www.youtube.com/@AdamContosCEOApple ➡︎ https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/start-with-a-win/id1438598347Spotify ➡︎ https://open.spotify.com/show/4w1qmb90KZOKoisbwj6cqT===========================Connect with Adam:===========================Website ➡︎ https://adamcontos.com/Facebook  ➡︎ https://facebook.com/AdamContosCEOTwitter  ➡︎ https://twitter.com/AdamContosCEOInstagram  ➡︎ https://instagram.com/adamcontosceo/#adamcontos #startwithawin #leadershipfactory

Don't be afraid to show vulnerability. And I know that seems to be like the top of mind these days, but vulnerability is a gateway to connection. And allowing ourselves to show more of ourselves allows other people to bring themselves into the game too. And I think that's really what we're aiming for. And I think that's what I see most in leaders. Welcome to Start With A Win,

where we unpack leadership, personal growth and development, and how to build a better business. Let's go! Coming to you from Area 15 Ventures and Start With a Win headquarters, it's Adam Kontos with Start With a Win. We're joined by Tony Martinetti, a leadership advisor, coach and author with over 25 years of experience in business and leadership, especially in the life sciences and tech industries. He's not just talking the talk. Tony has been featured in publications like Forbes and Fast Company.

He is also the host of the virtual Campfire podcast and author of Climbing the Right Mountain and Campfire Lessons for Leaders, which explore the power of personal stories and how to move forward from them. Now let's dive into how Tony's insights can help you unlock your true leadership potential. Tony, welcome to Start with a Win.

It's great to be here. I'm so thrilled to be on this conversation, Adam. Awesome. And we're going to obviously dig into a bunch of leadership. I mean, you've written books about leadership. You consult, you coach, you speak. You've got a great deal of history and leadership. But it's fascinating where you started getting into this,

because it really took me a little bit off guard when I saw that you are massively creative. Because a lot of leaders are so much more structured and don't get outside of that framework. But you're an artist also. Take us back in history real quick and tell us how you got into leadership and I mean you've been doing things like glass blowing and things like that. I mean take us through

you know what brought you to the point you're at today. Yeah I mean it's one of those things that I've tapped into recently about this. We need to own different parts of who we are and oftentimes we force ourselves into fitting into a role. And that's what I did for most of my life. So I, you know, my early beginnings were as the artists, and potentially going to become an architect, or what have you. And then I found myself, you know, being advised by others, you should go and become a doctor. And I'm like, Okay, oh, so, you know go and become a doctor. And I'm like, okay.

Oh wow. So, you know, I was a smart kid and I've always been smart. And at least that's the way that people saw me. So I went pre-med and then realized that although I do enjoy the sciences, it just wasn't really me. And so although that part of me was excited about the idea

of becoming a radiologist, a doctor, I ended up switching into the business side of biotech. And that's what became my life for almost 25 years. And I worked in finance and strategy roles for a number of years. And I kind of stuffed my creative side down deep inside until I decided something was missing. People would always say to me, there's something about you that's different. I would be like, yeah, whatever.

But this is what I get paid to do. I get paid to analyze, to think numbers, to tell the number story and ultimately I realized that that missing piece was what I needed to spend more time focusing on. Wow, that's amazing. I love how, you know, and fundamentally it seems like, you know, you're using your whole brain. We've got left brain people, right brain people. Tony is a whole brain guy. So I'm sure it really helps with strategizing and connecting with the people that you lead and actually uncovering a lot of those emotional intelligence aspects of leadership.

Because that's ultimately what it is, it's the art and science of leadership. Exactly. So I think there's something about that, which is as I got into the, the aspects of, you know, leaping out of the corporate world, and I'm happy to share that, that part of the journey. But one of the things I realized is that people used to always say there's, you know, your

perspective is very unique. It's an expansive perspective, because I've got my mind in very different worlds. And it doesn't mean I'm in the clouds. It means that I just have a very unique perspective. Wow. And I want to get into your book, Campfire Lessons for Leaders. It came out in December 2023.

And I mean, it's got a ton of five star reviews. And it's hard to get five star reviews on leadership books, frankly. I mean, a lot of people are very critical of how leadership operates and the ideas behind it. So ultimately, why did you write that book? And what was in your heart behind the passion to do so? Yeah, it was really a hard choice for me to do it.

But I felt the call because of the fact that I had been on this journey to talking with so many amazing people in my podcast, The Virtual Campfire. What I realized is that they had shared with me a gift. I felt almost like I had a responsibility to pass that on in a meaningful way. And so I decided to do is look back in, you know, at over 200 interviews and start thinking about what is it that they were trying to tell me about themselves?

What were those lessons that they were teaching me that I needed to kind of bring together into something that was more powerful to pass on? And that's where I saw that almost a responsibility to do so, which is not easy because I also wanted to make sure I did it in a way that was respecting them, honoring them, because a lot of the stories were very personal.

Yeah. Totally. In the book, Campfire Lessons for Leaders, you have this concept called the three Cs. And I love this concept. Obviously, for everybody that doesn't know, the human brain thinks in some odd ways. We love threes and fives.

And it's easiest for us to remember those for some reason. Maybe it's because we have five fingers. I don't know. But the reality is, when we think about threes or fives, we seem to remember them, and we can apply them better. And that's one of the things I liked about Tony's book here. And these three C's begin with connection. Tell me, what do the three C's mean,

and why did you start with connection here? Yeah. I mean, one of the things that I realized almost after the fact, you start to write, you start to put things into paper and you realize what is the most important aspect of this book and the things that I'm putting together is that it's about connecting to our story, connecting to ourselves first and foremost. And when we do that, it starts to create this sense of connection to others.

And that's what ultimately the goal is, right? The more we understand ourselves, the more we're connected to who we are, then we can create an outward move, which is how do I bring that out into other people, you know, into how I work with other people. And so connection is so critical, but it's way beyond the, oh, okay, I'm out there networking and you know, creating more, you know, connection points on my LinkedIn profile.

That's not what it is. We have to make sure we're thinking about it on a very deep level. How are we creating connections that matter that are going to move the needle in my life and theirs? Yeah. It's it's interesting you say that because we we can never build trust without connection. Yeah, yeah. And obviously trust is the currency in relationships. And it's really

the currency in leadership as well because you're not going to follow somebody you don't trust. So I love the second C also, compassion. Just talking to you, Tony, you can tell you're really a compassionate guy. I mean, you care, you deliver your feelings with your words, and you're very soft spoken, yet you land a heavy impact in how you deliver your feelings with your words, and you're very soft spoken, yet you land a heavy impact

in how you deliver your messaging. Why did you pick compassion as the second C? When it comes down to it, compassion is the only way we're going to be able to allow ourselves into other people's lives. If we're just coming in, and we're heavy handed, and we're just saying, OK, you're doing this as a leader, I'm coming to you and saying,

do this because I'm asking you to do it and that's it. That's not going to allow ourselves to really understand people. So we have to have compassion. We have to be able to understand where are people, how are we receiving them? And I think before I get too far along on the others, it's also about understanding ourselves,

the compassion for ourselves and saying, look, I'm gonna mess up and that's okay. And sometimes I'm gonna have bad days and I have to be compassionate with myself. This is an area that I've also started to lean into very heavily with, you know, my own way of navigating, we have to have self love, which sounds so

creepy, I know, but we have to love ourselves in. And it's hard to do that, especially when you start to feel like, gosh, I'm not knocking out of the park on certain things. And we have to say, if we don't love ourselves, if we don't have that self connection, it's hard for us to do anything that is going to help other people get where they need to go. Have you noticed so many people when they talk about leadership, they're quick to criticize leaders for the same thing that they should be criticizing themselves for? So true. We've got to put the mirror up, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's crazy. I would you equate this to emotional intelligence? I mean, you hear emotional intelligence

so much in leadership. How do you how does compassion relate to that? 100% I mean, there is a big compassion is a big part of emotional intelligence. When you think about that, you know, emotional intelligence has like there's two ends of the spectrum on emotional intelligence. It's an internal move, but it's an external move too. So you can't have emotional intelligence be just about how am I aware of myself? How am I managing my stress? And how am I expressing myself? But it's also about how

am I problem solving with others? How am I creating relationships with others? And there's an inside outside move for sure when it comes to emotions. And compassion is a big part of that whole circle of emotional intelligence. I'm visualizing the emotional intelligence circle, so I apologize. Oh, no worries. Visual thinker. Yeah, artist.

The third C, curiosity. Yes. Why'd you put that one in there? Well, yeah, I mean, when you think about it, curiosity is about really keeping things open. I mean, we need to be able to question our own beliefs about what we think is right. One of the things I always think about when it comes to curiosity is I think of Adam Grant and one of his most recent books, not the latest book, but the book before that, which

is about really having an open mind. And now I can't remember the name of the book, which is now driving me nuts. But his book has us really questioning, you know, what, what do we, when we hold on to ideas too strongly, then we're never going to be able to get very far. So we have to question our own beliefs in what we think. So think again is what it's called, thank you. Think again, yeah.

Yes, and I think there's an element of curiosity which is allowing us to lean into things that other people are sharing with us. Now, why are they sharing that with us? What is the thing that's the next question that's gonna lead us to where we're going to go next with that conversation. I love that. You've made me come up with some really deep questions here,

listening to what you're talking about. And you've interviewed hundreds of leaders in your research and on your podcast and such. What's the biggest failure you're seeing in leadership today? Yeah, it's staying at the surface. There's this desire to not go deep because they're afraid that they're going to reveal more of themselves

in this process. And that's the very thing we need to do. Staying at the surface in terms of our questioning with other people and not just talking about strategy stuff. I'm talking about the ability to dive deep into getting to know people. Don't be afraid to show vulnerability. And I know that seems to be like the top of mind these days, but vulnerability is a gateway to connection and allowing ourselves to show more of ourselves allows other people to bring themselves into the game too.

And I think that's really what we're aiming for. And I think that's what I see most in leaders. If I were to add a second one to that is the inability to slow down, to create space. We don't need more time, we need more space. And then what I mean by that is that we need to be able to have space to say, what's really happening these days? What do I need to focus my time and energy on? And how can I think bigger?

I don't have time, you know, space, then how can I do that? Right? I love that. That resonates with me so much. I used to be a SWAT team commander. I led a team of 25 SWAT officers. And everybody tried to rush through everything. And we had a saying, and that was slow down to speed up.

What does that mean to you in business leadership? Slow down to speed up? Do you think that's pertinent? More than you know. I mean, and it's something that I learn every day. You know, the slow down to speed up is really about, you know, allowing yourself, especially in stressful times, to look at things from the perspective of what decisions need to be made or not be made in this very moment. Slowing down allows us to see better, yeah? It actually reminds me of something I often share with people, expand your vision, narrow your focus.

When you're expanding your vision, it's about stepping away from the wall that you're running into oftentimes because you're in a pattern of go, go, go, go, go, do, do, do. But when we stop, slow time down, we can get expansive. We can see more opportunities, see more potential avenues. And then we can act in what's most important, the narrowing down and focusing on what's most essential. We can't do that if we're on the go, go, go, go, go. Yeah?

I love that. Do you think we try to get too much done in a day? Yeah. Yeah. I read something recently that you can't expand, our attention is fixed, right? Our ability to expand our attention span as humans is not possible.

But what we can do is we can create systems that allow us to create a capacity to do more things if we need to, but it's all about leveraging our time in a better way. So we can get more done, but it's about leveraging the power of people being able to use systems and technologies that allow us to get that done, not by using our attention to get more attention, if you will. I love that. That takes me to a thought that I've, I mean, I think I have this in my book also, but it's, I've heard this time and time again, and that is busy as an excuse, productive is intentional. Yes. Yes. I could, I want to like, you know, like that a million times right now, because that's so

true. I mean, do leaders should not be making excuses. right now, because that's so true. Leaders should not be making excuses. Is that an incorrect statement, or do you agree with that? 100% agree. I mean, we're all guilty of that. We fall in that trap all the time, because oftentimes we're just like, oh, why didn't I get that thing done?

Or why am I so busy? And the reality is, we've done this to ourselves. I think we've, we have a hard time, you know, being able to, we need to be more intentional about the way we're designing our, our time and focus. And I think ultimately, what we're trying to do is, in-to-day basis, we need to be able to create the path to getting the right things done. And I think intention is what we need to be able to connect to as leaders. All right, Tony. I mean, I love the intentionality here. One of the things that I see leaders intentionally doing is hiding from the people that they

lead. It's like, I didn't have time to go talk to people. I didn't have time to tell a story to my business. And I know you're really big on the storytelling aspect, but it seems like leaders are hiding instead of leading a lot. Do you see that occur? I know it happened during COVID. I saw it a lot during COVID.

But we're not in COVID anymore, folks. I mean, that's like years ago now. How can we be more present and make less excuses and be more intentional with our presence? It seems to me like that's what the employees and our customers are asking for. Is that what you're hearing? Absolutely.

And I think you said making excuses and saying, oh, I'm busy or they're traveling. And because of their schedule, you said, making excuses and saying, I'm busy or they're traveling and because of their schedule, people then start saying, okay, well, we have leaders who are just not available to us. And so therefore, they just feel a disconnect. And we don't want to feel disconnected. And does that mean you have to be 100% available all the time everywhere? No. It just means that you have to be 100% available all the time everywhere? No. It just means that you have to create moments when people can feel and see you. And when I say feel, it means like they will, you want people to feel who you are.

They want to, you want them to know that your presence is, is palpable and it's, it's really something that is real. And that might be the small things of like just showing up and saying hello to people. You know, one of the things I remember very clearly, and this is not to be naming names, but I worked for a very big company early in my career. And there was a separate elevator for the CEO.

Really? Yes. And you know, that does not send a good signal. No. When you when you realize that the CEO does not want to interact with the people in, you know, in the company. And then fast forward many years later, and worked for another big company, and the CEO would come down to my office. And this time, I'm still a very junior person for the most part. And he would ask me questions and say,

Hey, how things going on that X, you know, that report or how things going with that, you know, collaboration. And I'm, you know, answering these questions for this person who is like, way, way ahead of me in terms of career path, but he's asking me questions and just stopping by for 10 minutes or five minutes. And that little interaction tells me he doesn't see me as just as little nothing. He saw me as a human and he did these kind of interactions with people like the janitor and not to say janitors, everyone was treated as an equal. And I think that is wonderful. Those interactions, they speak volumes.

And so do those types of things and they will make a difference in how people see you and feel you. I love that. I'm a true believer that leaders lead, hiders hide. Yes. Leaders are not hiders. Yeah.

So it seems like we, leaders are afraid of the conflict that's created when people say, hey, Tony, I have a great idea for this new project. Cause everybody has a great idea for the business. Yeah. It's all their perspective. How does a leader deal with that, where you know that you have your plate is full? The number one thing a leader can do

is say no to distractions. And a lot of these things are distractions. But you still want to listen to your employees and make them feel heard without just casting them aside. I mean, you got to stay on the track. You got to work your system and your strategy and things like that. But you need to listen to the field.

How do we balance those things? Yeah, I mean, you can acknowledge when someone shares them with you and say, oh, I love that you're thinking this way. I love that you're kind of exploring these ideas. And let's keep that going. But you don't have to be like, oh, well, we're going to implement that tomorrow. Or hey, let's have a meeting about that, because I's keep that going. But you don't have to be like, oh, well, we're going to implement that tomorrow or like,

hey, let's have a meeting about that. Because I think that's brilliant. You know, it's more about encouraging without, you know, kind of like taking it and saying yes, or absolutely know you're an idiot kind of thing, you want to make sure that you're acknowledging that you hear them. And if, if you feel like there's a path for that to happen, be like, hey, look, you should connect with XYZ and let's see what happens without making promises.

Because you don't. Maybe a brilliant idea and you're like, oh. 100%. I hadn't thought of it that way. So you don't want to turn off that flow of ideas in your business. And every idea needs to still percolate further. You don't want to be like, oh, that's a brilliant idea. Let's go invest a billion dollars in that tomorrow. And then you've just bet the farm on that. You don't do that. So ultimately, it's about

letting people know that every idea needs needs time to continue to evolve. Wow. All right. So I get, I get to teach a lot of MBA students, executive MBA students, things like that about leadership. And it seems like everybody gets stuck in structure of, you know, I got to learn finance, I can learn economics, I can learn, you know, what's marketing, human resources, human capital management, things like that. But they don't get the key tips from key leaders very often. If you were in front of a classroom of MBA students and they're like, Tony, give us a bit of leadership wisdom.

What would you say to them? Yeah. I would say the biggest wisdom I would offer is to get really good at having meaningful conversations because they're the gateway to making an impact. Being able to intuit through those conversations what is important and what needs to be brought forward and what people are not saying in those conversations that need to be dug deeper

into. Through conversations, everything happens. That's the key to unlocking the door of everything in organization and beyond. So get really good at being in conversation with people and not just to get something, but to build something further from there. I love that. Tony Martinetti, leadership coach, leadership guru, I guess I could say. I mean, I don't know if you've ever been called a guru

before, but some incredible wisdom here, man. I mean, it's great to talk to you today. Also author of Campfire Lessons for Leaders. So make sure you check out Tony online at the virtual campfire podcast. Like and subscribe and leave him a five star review, please. We all appreciate that in the podcasting space. Check out Tony on LinkedIn.

He's got a ton of LinkedIn followers and a lot of great information on there. Tony, you've got a great social media presence. So it's kind of hard to miss you on social media. I love it. And also, Tony, I have a question I asked all the leaders on the show, and I look forward to hearing your answer on this because you've developed or you've dropped a lot of wisdom bombs on us today. But how do you start your day with a win?

Yes, I love this question because I think it's important to not only, you know, have a win by doing one thing, but to continue to sharpen that saw as you go throughout your journey in life, right? But my biggest win is always to start with a walk with my dogs. I have two dogs and to get out there and I see it as a double win. I usually listen to some audiobook and I get exercise and I'm spending time with my amazing dog. So that's a big win and I come back refreshed and feel ready to take on the day. I love it. I spend time with my dogs every morning also. It's an incredible time and they just bring so much joy to our lives. Tony Martinetti, we appreciate you for all you do to help develop leaders.

And thank you for starting with a win. you