Stavvy's World - #100 - Sam Morril and Rachel Feinstein

Episode Date: October 28, 2024

Sam Morril and Rachel Feinstein return to the pod for the momentous 100th episode!! Sam and Rachel discuss Diddy's legal woes, Rachel's hilarious exes, Sam's deadbeat dad, toddlers' tantrums, unromantic love notes from men, and much more. Sam, Rachel and Stav help callers including a woman whose boyfriend wants a chest freezer in their tiny studio apartment, and a few caller updates to celebrate episode 100. Watch LET'S START A CULT in theaters now!! Get your tickets at https://stavvy.biz/movie See Sam Morril live: punchup.live/sammorril/ Follow Sam Morril: https://www.sammorril.com/ https://www.instagram.com/sammorril/ https://twitter.com/sammorril https://www.youtube.com/user/smorril/ Watch Rachel Feinstein's special BIG GUY on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81691534 See Rachel Feinstein live: punchup.live/rachel-feinstein Follow Rachel Feinstein: https://rachel-feinstein.com/ https://instagram.com/rachelfeinstein_ https://twitter.com/rachelfeinstein https://www.youtube.com/user/RachelFeinstein Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Hey Torontonians, recycling is more than a routine. It's a vital responsibility. By

recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use and greenhouse gas emissions, and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling rate is important and impactful. Let's work together and make a difference, because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling, visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. Welcome everybody to episode 100 of Stavisworld. We have an incredible episode with two favorite Sam and Rachel coming up right now. But first, I got to tell you, we are in theaters, baby. Let's start a cult my movie

I co-wrote it. I star in it. Please go see it if you haven't we're in a ton of theaters We should I think we're in over a hundred theaters as of this release of this podcast. We have it here somewhere I'll just will put it in post you get it Please right now go to stavi.biz slash movies Slash movie check and see if it's playing near you. And if it is, please go see the movie. It's under 90 minutes. It's a stupid comedy, vulgar, dumb jokes.

If you love this podcast, if you love what I do, you're going to love the movie. And it would mean a lot if you checked it out. Now, please do that. And without further ado, let's start episode 100, baby. Let's start episode 100, baby. Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stav's World. 904...3...what the...why don't you have the fucking thing up? 800. 904, 800, Stav. It's episode 100.

I still don't know the... episode 100, I still don't know the number by heart and which which is kind of insane a hundred episodes Sam was actually you were episode number one I told you I didn't want to be on with him he brings my brand down yeah you were about this with Chad already. Yeah, me too, won't stick. I'm dead. Bulletproof male. Come back, baby. Won't stick is great. Look at allocation with no legs.

You had your chance. There was six months in 2019 where it might have worked. But we skated. But Harvey went down Harvey died for everyone's sins he's sort of like molester Jesus Harvey and Epstein You're right every other rapist has a fucking shrine for him We need diversity right?

Even the Illuminati have diversity quotas. They're like, all right, we need one black rapist as well. Not just, not just. I was just saying, like, with all the baby oil thing for Diddy, there was like the thousand bottle thing. And then they're like, oh, maybe you got it at Costco. And even Costco was like, he didn't get it. Yeah. Like they put out a press release.

Yeah. We don't sell baby oil. Yeah. Wasn't us. Oh, sorry. What I saw, by the way, a lot of the headlines about Diddy are amazing. One of them was, Diddy has new troubles or something. Troubles?

I'm a mass rager. Yeah, that's such amazing, like, oh, he's going, rough patch. It's just a little rough patch. He's like feeling down today. Yeah, he is going down. He needs to be on St. John's ward. I'm like what the fuck? All you need is a little zinc and a good night's rest diddy. His troubles grown. And you'll be right as rain. Yeah he really was a super villain huh? Just living, you're just allowed to live that way for a while. What's amazing is that you called him a mensch What did you mean by that? That was all we'll see I don't know I consider every Yiddish word a curse Anything Jewish group people find negative

Right, right, right, I thought I was being very After it all came out you texted me underrated genius. Yeah, Eldis is really distraught because he looked up to a producer that worked with a very fat, talented man who Eldis was planning to have me taken down like biggie this was playing to become the podcast puppy hopefully eldest doesn't outlive you I actually was a huge puffy fan when I was a little kid I remember that I would literally go to eldest's house and I? I had the Godzilla soundtrack in a Cine like David Bowie song he did on it The Matthew Broderick Godzilla

Elton was a huge fan, we listened to the soundtrack that video where it's the Led Zeppelin sample Oh yeah, it was Led Zeppelin By the way, Robert Plant, Underage Women as well Yeah, yeah, I mean every Every musician, everyone we like Every musician until I guess maybe six months ago

and even then it's like like it's probably they were just molested the new crop yeah yes yes somebody actually had this take like it a comment they were like well let's wait till more allegations come out I'm like come on like there's like there's like a hundred and twenty where there's smoke there's like a hundred and twenty lawsuits. Where there's smoke, there's rape. Yeah, that guy, whoever said that is looking. My grandma told me that when I was in the room. She really didn't want you to smoke cigarettes. The Marlboro man.

You can be anything you want. Follow all your dreams. Where there's smoke, there's rape. I love that everyone's like the tapes are going to blow your mind. I'm like, no's smoke there's rape. I love that everyone's like the tapes are gonna blow your mind. I'm like, no, we're expecting rape. I think I know. I don't think it's gonna shock us that much. I think I know, yeah.

Blow your mind is what they say about a summer blockbuster. Godzilla, dude. That's one of my favorite movies. Come with me, dude. That was a banger. Oh man, yeah. Bad Boy for Life. That was, banger. Oh man, yeah. Bad Boy For Life. That was, I remember when Brady and Gronk had like their big comeback. They came back to like bad. It was like, you know, uh, bad. Bad boys for life. Yeah.

Bom bom. That was a cool fucking riff. Is Mace going crazy? Have you been, have you been keeping tabs with him at all? Mace is actually, he has a podcast with Cam Rod. I know, that's what I'm saying. That looks fucking awesome. But has he been saying anything? Wait, was Mace involved in the Diddy thing? Cause that's my walk up music. I know that's what I'm saying. That looks fucking awesome I think but has he been saying anything because that's my walk-up music Feels so good

This is awesome Harlem world great album. Yeah, you were a big Mace fan as a child I was great. It feels so good incredible song. Yeah. Yeah, it's a good one But yeah, I was just wondering if he's been I wonder if he's been saying anything about all the diddy stuff for if he's Waiting. I don't think he's come out saying anything specific I think I saw a clipper like Cameron and him were talking about it and they were like just making jokes, but he was Yeah, well keep tabs on it folks. This is we're just covering the diddy stuff except probably by now He's been killed in jail by the time this episode By now Hillary Clinton's fingerprints are being wiped off his jail cell as we speak

Man yeah, that is that he really did have a crazy Crazy super really skated by he was at the DNC. Yeah. I mean he just fully was on the island. It's crazy. Yeah, it is insane. He got away with it. We're just, everyone's just allowed to be a pedophile.

He's like, and no one gives a fuck. It's insane. I will say one thing about Diddy though, he was a great dad. Yeah, didn't he, aren't people saying his son is his protege? Was like his rape protege? Really? Yeah. I saw one TikTok. I shouldn't say that. I don't even know who his son is, but God can you imagine? It's like cat's cradle but instead of cats they're just raping.

Yeah, they're just like they're just oiling up Meek Mill in a Miami mansion Poor me damn. Yeah poor me that poor That poor man, man. He just I think Meek Mill's life was he wished on a he did like a monkey Paul wish to I want to fuck Nicki Minaj and then he and it happened and then everything else Drake Humiliated him did he probably did some? untoward things with him yeah it is it isn't I bet you a lot of like there's probably guys out there who want everything silenced so that people don't know that they were like you know work worked over by Diddy I bet you there's probably like some like

macho dudes they're like the records must remain sealed I don't want them to know and I won't even speculate change up my Spotify playlist JLo is like been completely silent and also posting a lot to like Make a statement it's just like her doing like a horror crawl like I'm back again. She's smart. She needs to continue whatever's going on with Ben Affleck because that's so funny that people like who cares? Who cares if she was accomplished to sex crimes in the two in the 90s? I just saw a New York Post thing. It said Ben Affleck dies beard amidst divorce woes. I'm like you're talking about just let the guy walk. Yeah He's dying as he's not in a good place dying your beard is a next-level divorce guy move

Fucking He just always looks so Furious, I just love how he slams a car door every time. Yeah, I mean he's a man who was Made to be divorced like as a baby It was like this baby will thrive as a divorced 50 year old millionaire He will like that's just what a monkey Paul wish to he gets an Academy Award He gets to fuck all these actresses, but he will never be happy. Yeah, that's his monkey. I love him He's so he and he makes such great stuff

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Yeah, he's going to blow all your money and dump some dumb casino. Was there the first, who was the first one of like, cause I feel like you were, every like childhood story that I hear about you is like, you were just such a pure dumb soul. Yeah. That you were just, that the world just like,

you had no preparation for like people being mean to you. You know what I mean people being mean to you. You know what I mean? Yeah. You just seemed nice. Was there like a, when you get to New York and you're, and I also love the little detail that, didn't you live, who were your roommates?

It was a hilarious roommate situation. Well, I moved with, I was roommates with Sherrod. I was roommates, I moved with a guy in his band called Dick Sister, so I was like the Yoko Ono and Dick Sister. Dick Sister. Sherrod and Dick Sister, that's awesome. I lived with a band called Dick Sister. So I was like the Yoko Ono and Dick Sister. Sherrod and Dick Sister. That's awesome.

I live with a band called Mongrel Bitch and it was like a studio apartment. That's incredible. It was just the lead singer of Mongrel Bitch. It was on the top bunk and I was on the bottom and I would come in like at like three in the morning, like I'd kick off my boots, like a fucking gross slut. It was her and her daughter.

And she'd be like, mommy, who's that? You live in a studio apartment with a family? The slut and her daughter, it was her and her daughter. And she'd be like, mommy, who's that? Yeah. You live in a studio apartment with a family? The woman and her daughter. Oh my God. And then I met a Bengali family on the Greyhound after Dick's sister dumped me. And I moved in with them.

This is the saddest start to a memoir right there. This is incredible. I know. I know and it's all completely true. Like there's not an aspect of it I'm exaggerating at all. And it was the guy who faked that he was in the service? Oh yeah, I did date a guy for a while that pretended to be in the war in Iraq.

Yeah. Yeah. Still with balance. Hold on, hold on. This is so much better than I was just, I was just remembering Sherrod. I thought that was gonna be good. I didn't realize there's like eight weird living situations.

So you get off the Greyhound bus from Montgomery County, Maryland, and you get to New York. What's the first living situation? Was Dick Sister. I moved with Dick Sister. Were you dating someone in the band? Yeah, I was dating the lead singer,

and then he dumped me. Of Dick Sister, yes. And he kept like redumping me, like the dumps weren't taking. I just kept being like, that's me again. You're on the phone with your parents, dick sisters is gonna be big. You understand. I'm riding this train all the way to the top. And my mom had like no follow up questions because she's just that's how liberal she is she was just outside in a dashiki We started dating

Dick sister has some diddy stuff going on did sister I was 17 when I moved to New York. This, this, I met a family on the gray, a woman I was weeping after being freshly dumped by Dick sister and this woman had to catch up on your algebra homework. You were, you were sad. You helped them file for social security benefits and you were trying to get the quadratic equation down and some Indian guy helped you with it and he was like, come live with my family. Kelly tapped you. He was like, come live with my family. Kelly tapped you. He was like, you should come to this party.

It's a good time. I will say, I keep, I want to hear more details, but I will just make a quick aside that you're the best example of how good positive thinking can be for a person. Cause what you're describing is horrific. Everything you've said is horrific. You just have such a, like you would be fine to be a traumatized useless person in society, but because you have a positive outlook, it really is awesome. Look at Rachel, guys. I mean, I'm not well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right at the second half of this pod, it was just her crying. She's like, oh yeah, by the way, I'm out. Just weeping. Yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm clearly on. Well, yeah, I found a guy on the street who was like, he was like a construction worker,

and I thought he looked like Paul Newman. I was like, oh, he's hot. And I was with Marina Franklin, actually, and she was like, he's your type, like looks like Paul Newman, and he's like red-eyed and drunk. He was like, hey baby, let me lick that pussy. I'm gonna give this a shot. Wow, he's your type, like, just like calling him in. And he's like red-eyed and drunk. He was like, hey, baby, let me lick that pussy. He's like, I'm going to give this a shot.

Wow, it's cool hand Luke. Oh my god. It's Butch Cassidy. He pretended that he was like back from a war. So it was just on the street, truly. Like you just saw a guy. Outside stand up New York. Okay, nice.

He kind of brought a man. He was really hot. Nothing good ever happens here. It's a rough club. Yeah. You barked in a guy and then dated him. That's awesome. Yeah, he was like, I just got back from a war and I was like,

it's kind of hot, you know, and then the next day he came out and watched my show and I bombed so violently. And I was like, oh, this guy's never going to want to see me again. And he met me at the bar. And I mean, it was like a violent like an emergency bomb where you feel like you need to be lifted out of the space. Oh no, you're just sweating. Yeah, I hate that shit. I meet him at the bar and he was like, I got something to tell you. He knew it was the right moment. He's like, I was never in the war. You bombed so bad. It excused his stealing valor. He was like, me and this person are equals.

She's so unfunny that she will accept that I lied about serving in Desert Storm. He started he started not walking with a limp anymore The limp wasn't real Was better than me because he had an apartment he was like sure Yeah, and he was always sorry, which is very hot to me. So he was always like, I don't know. And number two, he's like, I don't really work at a construction site.

I just, I just got this hat somewhere. And I've been standing on the corner. I had to do despicable things to a member of the village people for this hat. But I knew it would help me get impressionable teenagers on the street. Fuck, you're impressed he didn't have a bunk bed as an adult. I was. That's all it took for me. It was literally a person that had an apartment. And I was like, oh, they're above me.

Like, he was shit-faced. Every night would end at Austin and Port Authority bar and him just glaring at some- Port Authority? Those are some good bars around there actually. Okay, alright, alright. You could die. Alright, I take it back. I forgot I'm dealing with an alcoholic. Hey, shout out- shout out Rudy. Hey, this guy sounds alright! Rudy's gonna get a free hot dog with every round. Oh yeah, that is- that place is cool.

44th and 9th. Now hot dogs got me in! All our vices. Men that are back for us drinking food in a row. All right, so we all need to just start hanging out at Rudy's. That's where... I used to call AA, like, the hotline, every day. And I'd be like, you don't understand.

He's an alcoholic. They're like, yeah, yeah, he has to call. I mean, he's never going to understand. He's an alcoholic. They're like, yeah, yeah, he has to call. I mean, he's never gonna call. He thinks shots are the problem. It didn't even occur to me that I shouldn't be calling AA every day to get him sober. How many drinks are we talking in front of you?

Oh my God, can you imagine? I can't even imagine. I mean, at a certain point, he was just kind of rocking and falling forward. And then he would glare at some woman at the bar. Like he was always starting beef with somebody. And I'm like, this would be some old 65-year-old divorced somebody. I'm like, maybe some old 65 year old divorce lady.

I'm like, what beef could you possibly have with Virginia? Like he's like, ah. He was accusing me of like not having his back. He's like, never back me up. Never fucking back me up in a conflict. What the fuck? And how, so wait, so this is, this, I need the chronology. You literally do need to write a memoir.

This is fascinating. really should the chronology is you're how old and how old is he now at that point? I was at our a dick sister and I had already followed dick sisters over. Yes, you're living with the Bengali The early years post dick sister in the prime of the Bengali family Yes, and where were you living like in Queens? And I was, and I met him, yeah, I guess I was about 23. And then he was like 33 and I moved in with him right after he told me that he wasn't really fresh from a war.

I was like, let me give him a circus. Yeah. Jesus Christ, that's amazing. I'm gonna guess the Bengali family lived in Queens? They did. They lived in Woodhaven, Queens. And you needed to be in the city. Yeah.

You needed to fuck for shelter in Manhattan. It was kind of part of it. Yeah. Well, he lived closer to the city. He lived in West New York, so he had to take a bus like right over that chain bus. Oh my God. Yeah. I know he's a soldier. He lived in the city. York so he had to take a bus like I Can't believe my luck

Did he kind of look like Paul Newman or was that just? Yes, he was very hot. He was probably hot, yeah. He was jacked and he would just come home just fucking red-eyed, just full of lies. I was sifting through garbage. I'm like, this is liquor. This is like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, babe, I'm not fighting with you tonight.

I'm not taking the bait. That's what I said. He's just reliving whatever divorce he just went through. He like is fully going through his first marriage Stumble to the apartment like you can't keep doing this None of your rhetorical I Once right before he passed out you are drunk Chris. He's like I'm not drunk I'm not taking the fucking bit. I softly fell forward into the carpet That's fucking incredible

Your nose is broken I'm not doing you keep tabs on him. Have you seen where he's been? He'd um message to me a few times But I'm not I've not talked to him in many, many, many years. I mean, it would be, Dave Justgow invited him to his football pool, because he thinks it's funny to invite every guy that I've ever broken up with to his football pool. So I know he's still in Dave's court. Whenever I leave someone, Dave's like, well, I hurt his side. I'm like, fuck you, Dave!

That's such a bizarre technique to just, like, befriend your friend's exes. He's fucking with her. He's fucking with her. Dave's hilarious. Dave is very funny. Yeah. I mean, yeah, he does.

He thinks it's funny to ask them all to be in his pool. No, all in his pool, by the way. Even Chris's brother is in his pool. Yeah. He's like, he made some good points. And I'm like, wait, on the left? This is so long ago. Yeah, I know.

He's still in his pool, like for many, many years. Yeah. He keeps in touch with all of them. What the fuck? That's awesome. Yeah, like my ex had cheated on me with a bartender. He's like, he was actually really sweet when he explained what happened to me.

He got blown, and I caught him. How'd you catch it? I like walked into the bar. I'm like, he got blown and I caught him. How'd you catch him? I like walked into the bar. He was like finishing up a bar job. Wait, you guys were at the bar together? Yes. And he popped back? No, I came into like check on him. Oh, okay.

I had a feeling he was up to things. But you put him. By the way, I told him. And he just finished? He just finished. He's having a bad time like, not tonight, honey. Yeah, I'm not taking the bait. And I told my mom all this, by the way.

My mom, who's like a bleeding heart liberal. Anybody that's not white, she always sides with him over me. I thought he was white. He was Puerto Rican, this guy. And I go, mom, I was like, he got a blowjob. And my mom was like, well, you don't understand. It's their culture. And she's racist.

She's so liberal, she's racist racist Hispanics can't help themselves. They're kind of closer to animals than a white man That is crazy you walked in on a blowjob that is some dark shit finishing it up up. That's the worst part. Hey, honey! He blows up bad, but him just coming is so much worse. So much worse. Meanwhile, my mom was like, you need to have some compassion. His mother was incarcerated at one point. I love the guys you're picking by the way. It's not good. Your mom raised you to be so open-minded that you made horrible horrible choices. Yes and she always always always will side with the guy. Unless he's glistening white and then he's the devil as far as Karen's concerned.

Interesting, very interesting. Yeah she's always like try to bring in the childhood when you think about it. I'm like, what? What the fuck is his childhood? Yeah. The game sucks off. Well, you know, maybe, you know, as a kid, he put his dick in Play-Doh every time he had apple juice. And that's kind of like going to the bar when you're a kid And you know were you sucking his cock at the bar?

Cuz if not he needed that and maybe you're being selfish That's so fucking funny. God damn. What a run. That is a crazy Walk-in. Mm-hmm mid-dicks Pulling his pants up like I didn't see the act, like I just saw him kind of, you know, tidying afterwards. Right, right, right. And he tried to tell me some sort of tale. Maybe he didn't finish that. In that case I feel for him. In some ways I am shocked. Like, so just let me get this clear, you guys went to the bar together?

No, I went to the bar to see what was going on. Oh, so you knew he was at the bar coming home and I came there and you like came out of the bathroom with another young lady yeah okay okay cuz if you were to let's all yeah put two and two together if you were at the bar and he somehow managed to negotiate a blowjob while there with someone else I would have to begrudgingly respect him more than I felt sorry for you. That's fair. Because that would have been an insane move.

And I would have, I don't even understand how... Like I remember one time I was, I was riding my bike in Baltimore and there were like guys in jail, like they take them out to like do community service, like clean up the park or whatever. And they're hitting on women. And they're in jail, they're actively in jail. And they're like, women. And they're in jail, they're actively in jail. And they're like, I'll be home soon. You know, like trying to get pussy from jail six months in the future.

And I'm like too shy to talk to them as a free man. You know what I mean? And I'm like, I really wish I had some guys, you know. But they have nothing to lose. That's why they're doing that. And a lot of them date. Those guys aren't getting me too. Yeah, that's true. That's true. You know, we're in a yellow jumpsuit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Yeah. I don't remember the color. And a lot of women do date guys in prison and they like and they have multiple girlfriends.

It's like they have one. That's awesome. They have to fill up their whole connoisseur account. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. You need some ramen. You need some Laffy Taffy. Yeah. Yeah. get your gum. Yeah Yeah, we've all seen those docs. So are these serial killers have women like waiting for them. Yeah, that's another thing though That's like they're so crazy like that. That's a woman. That's insane You know, that's a specific kind of like but there's prison dating like I remember you go Mackey and I went on that as like A goof and then we like we were like look at these fucking and then we're like, there's hot chicks And I went on that as like a goof and then we like we were like look at these fucking and then we're like There's hot chicks

Come on with theft yeah, whatever oh, there's a felony because it was a diamond ring I don't fucking care no if I could I'd be like the Robin Hood a pussy and take it away from you know these prisoners right right right Thank you. That's a noble... Scientist. That's a noble call. If you're working to reverse global warming, we'll transport you.

We'll do a switcheroo right in between. There should be programs for the most dangerous people and the most heroic people. Like potential school shooter pussy program, scientist pussy program, you know? Help everyone out. Yeah, interesting. I'm thinking, you know, maybe we do a charity show. Town Hall, we get some comics together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And these would be, who's blowing them, you think, professionals? Yeah, we need some pros in there. Oh yeah, which pros? That's true.

Pro bono. I just would feel bad kind of tricking women into sucking off school shooters. No, no, no, we don't trick them. Yeah Call me a bleeding heart whatever you want to say I just would feel bad Yeah, someone's projecting here, Dick sister. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I Could have been a little more definitive about that Man in yeah, I'm sorry. I just I'm that's so so you get I just to keep going the chronology real fast This guy's out this Paul Newman's out or you break up with him Whatever is that when you move in with the family in the studio apartment the single mother and the daughter

I think that was actually Yeah, I think that I don don't know if that was immediately after, it might've been like one or two before. I mean, the trauma starts to blend in. Sure, sure, sure. But I think it was before actually that I was in. And then I, because I remember when I left him, I remember I asked him, I was very direct.

Well, he, I said to him, I was like, you know, he said his biggest regret in life was not being in the military and I said, you deserve to be with somebody that doesn't think that's hilarious That is so funny cuz I don't respect people you know in the military But I really don't respect someone who wishes he was in the military and couldn't do it the dumbest guys of all time Bill Hicks bit where he's like I support the war. I just I just don't support the troops Yeah

Yeah, but also like what also almost offended me more than him being a code red emergency Alcoholic was that he like his movie choices were so Give us some examples. He loved it movie, I don't know what it's called, but it's about The Rock and his niece, and he kept watching it again and again and like repitching it. The Rock? Yeah, and it was like, some of it,

I think it's The Rock hangs out with his niece, and he's like, no, he's- Is he a football player? I kind of remember, he's like in a ballet costume or something. Yeah, and he's like, no, but he's really big and she's tiny, and then they're doing stuff together. I'm like, yeah, I understand it.

It's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The game plan, does he, sorry, sorry. I think it's called the game plan maybe. Does he play a quarterback? It's his daughter. Yeah, that's it. That's it. He's like, but look, she's really little. When he's like forced to do stuff with her.

Wait, really? This is crazy. This is a children's movie. He watched this almost every day. I walked in. 146 mil worldwide. This is a hit right here. I have seen this.

He would just sit on our couch chain-smoking Marlboro Reds watching the game children's movies By the way, how does he have fucking shell shock and he never served like this? Something like yeah, what if I'd never left and my daughter still talked to me. That's what this is Acting like I didn't understand the irony. He's like she's tiny but he's huge I'm more than mr. Nanny man What's the what's the tooth fairy movies in there one Maybe that's maybe that's it. Is that with Vin? Is that with the rock?

movies where like you bought a hash and oh my god, yes he loves this, he watched this too. Wait what? Everything you say sounds fake Rachel. 17% of the tomatoes. Yeah and it's 100% true. My brothers were like, they were so disturbed by me. They were like this, you can't, like you must dump him before this family wedding. Because he would glare at my brothers too, he just got so drunk. He would glare and he was like glares at me the whole night Incredible rocking yeah, yeah, and then he'd be like you're not gonna my back Did your did your brothers did they stay local? Did they leave?

What was their? No, they were in, they were stayed in Bethesda where I grew up. I know my older brother now, he was living in Brooklyn for a while, but now he's in LA and my younger brother is still in Maryland in Bethesda. Gotcha.

But like they, no, they were very appalled. My brother says that he remembers, he was working in New York for a while. He remembers I used to call him at work all the time with just like the craziest situations. Like I'd be like, I need you to pick me up from this guy's hat. Like it was all like something dangerous there. It would be dangerous or just the dumbest shit he'd ever need to be bothered at work.

I never had a bank account, so I had to write all my checks over to him. So I'm like, maybe at Citibank. Like you didn't have a bank account. And what? What? Now this checks out. This checks out. And I just like I didn't get a bank account until I was like 30 or something.

And I was like, every day I would just meet my brother at Pfizer and he'd be like, Jesus Rachel, right? And then I'd write all my checks over to him. And he would just give you cash? Yeah, and he would give me cash. I don't know, I'm starting to side with the Paul Newman guy. I know, we are only hearing one side. Maybe Cheskow's right know we are only hearing one side. Maybe just cows, right? We are only getting one side. He said I called him up once at

work and I was like, where's Wisconsin? And he's like, Rachel, like look at him out. And why? And I was like, I have to go there tomorrow. It's probably like a road gig. And I was like of all the questions because whenever he's like I always picked up because I knew it'd be. Wait, why do you have to call it? Why can't you just go to a website to book a ticket why do you have to call him I didn't I don't not sure I called my brother to ask where Wisconsin the layers of stupidity involved in yeah we're very they're fascinating to me that's awesome yeah but I remember I

was just living in the moment I respect that I do remember like feeling like maps and I still feel like this are kind of confusing. Yeah, I'm with you. I did once. I don't have that much spatial awareness. I can't make fun of you that hard because I did once, I did a gig years ago with Joe List and I booked us, we were like co-headline,

like it must have been like 2010 or 11 and it was a casino run and I think I accidentally booked us in Michigan and we were supposed to be in Wisconsin or something. And I booked us a ticket on the wrong day and then they prorated the gig and joe's like did you just fuck me i don't i'm like yeah i i'm gonna fuck an idiot so oh my god wrong city yeah and then also on that gig he was like uh we're splitting the driving right because it was like 30 hours of driving i was like you got it and then he saw me driving he was like i'm driving this whole fucking i hate. I hate you so much. I think I've heard of the Joe. This is a story I do have both sides of.

Yeah, yeah. Joe has complained about me. And let me be the first to say, he's 100% right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is all my fault. He to this day is pissed off. He's still angry about it. He just had a baby and he's still like scowling every once in a while about me driving. Yeah, like if it just if any kind of road stories come up any driving immediately he'll tell that story. It was midnight. I can't drive either if it makes like not at all. Yeah, like it like and I'm like I'll drive like I have a license but I'm like I'll drive but I'll kill us. Yeah, yeah. You know we just get stuck somewhere and we were like fuck one of us might have to drive. Yeah, we were on a road gig. Yeah, we were in a road Yeah, we were in a Niagara Falls

And the plane was delayed so bad that my girlfriend's like are you gonna get back like what is surely like Whoever you're with can drive you back, and I'm like looking at Rachel like I was like ready to be like fuck it. I'll drive us cuz I can like I'm not good, but I Confidence goes a long way I drove a few blocks the other day. I feel good. Wow She was like you're gonna die. God damn it. Yeah, but that's not a short drive. It was a hot six hours Yeah, we were but we were in baltby. Oh not baltimore fucking buffalo. We just uh crossed over Wait, did you have to drive or no? No, we waited a couple hours. They took off on this plane

It was like ground and just the delays kept getting longer and he's like we might have to drive and I was like I hit a ups truck like I can't I told my mom's Pontiac lamans Wow, yeah, Pontiac lamans. Well. Pontiac Lamans? Well yeah I'm not name dropping. I crashed my parents car once. Isn't that the Lamans? Isn't that the class you take when someone's pregnant? Lamans. Yeah. I think. Like the breathing. Is that it or no? Yes it is. Lamans. But my mom's, all our cars were used and we bought them so many times over because my mom would just be really obsessed with the mechanics. She'd be like, did I tell you Salvador has an autistic son? He's the reason I'm not going to college. She just would get really obsessed with him. They were like re-raping my parents. Howie doesn't know how to change a tire. Jews aren't good with it. We're. We're not good with maintenance work.

Remember when I was asking you recently about hanging a picture and you was like, I call my doorman. No, I did hang my pictures up, but there was a couple that was like, I don't wanna fucking, I just paid a guy to do it. He's like, you call maintenance, I think he said that's what you call maintenance for.

Get to hand it. That really is the most like born in Manhattan. Lived in Manhattan your whole life. I'm worthless dude. Generous though, he tip him well. But he wouldn't come up so he would have a man come up serious for a year. And that would kill him.

My Jewish powers are getting weaker. Oh fuck. They'd be like, here you go. They're like, you gotta let go of it! This is like the end of Lord of the Rings. Awww! Hey Torontonians, recycling is more than a routine. It's a vital responsibility. By recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use and greenhouse gas emissions,

and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling rate is important and impactful. Let's work together and make a difference difference because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling, visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. Calling the doorman to hang a picture is unbelievable. It's rock star.

I do. I do feel like I need to start learning some handy skills. My dad, my also my father is a carpenter and he was a very handy guy. And I think there was an element of like, I'm not learning any of my dad's bullshit. Like an element of rebellion to me not doing any of that. But now I'm like embarrassed. And I have a friend who also grew up not handy at all.

And then he's like, he's become, like he likes it, he takes an interest in it. Like if we have a minor plumbing thing, he'll be like, you know what, I'm just gonna gonna like he'll like spend all day on YouTube and learn shit I'm like I would love to have those skills But going through the process of acquiring them seems like the worst thing of all And you do feel Satisfaction when it's done, dude

I literally like fucking put a one of those Brita filters that you put on the sink, and all I do is like unscrew the like thing with like, I don't know, pliers. I like how he doesn't have any of the words available. He's like, all I did was the thing and put it in the thing. I don't think it's pliers. And then I was like, am I a man? I think it's something other than pliers,

but it's a pliers-like device. And I had to fucking yank it and I was like Some fucking I'm Tim the tool man I'm the most handyman that's ever lived pliers Yeah, I'm a fucking handyman, yeah, I mean my husband does all of that stuff all day. He's handy, he's like a real man. I mean he rebuilt our whole house.

Classic man, yeah. But here's the problem, but yeah, I mean he's an emotional desert, but he's like, he goes, we're re-insulating the house when we moved in, and so I'm so Jewish that I was like, oh when, like on Thursday? I didn't know that means gutting a house. Oh wow.

I was like, oh that'll be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it was just like two firemen over and we had no walls and I was living there with like a toddler. I'm like, you gutted my fucking house. Yeah. I'm like, just go to therapy. He just doesn't want to be so. See that's the problem.

That's the guys like me. Like I can't fix shit, but I can tell who you, like who has narcissistic personality disorder. I've got that skill down. Yeah, very useful. I'll diagnose people. I'm like, ehh, I don've got that skill down. Yeah, very useful. I'll diagnose me, though. I don't know about that guy. In a zombie scenario, I'm not very helpful. I don't like that guy. I think he's a narcissist. That's interesting. Do zombies lose all neuroses? I guess they're just operating on a very base level.

Yeah, no, I'm not useful at all. It's just brainstems. It's just brainstems. They're like sleepwalking. Thereing room for like a lot of fear Yeah, there's no zombies feeling posture syndrome I was a vegetarian when I was alive. Yeah, I mean we have like we have like backup generators You know, but I mean my husband's you have a real house. only said I love you I think once actually said it maybe twice I mean the first time I keep thinking she's using hyperbole for jokes but it's like this is like troubling

that's the awesome part of Rachel stories a couple of times I mean this is this is the way he said it the first time he got me a dozen roses we've been dating for like four and a half months I'm like when is this is the way he said it the first time he got me a dozen roses We've been dating for like four and a half months. I'm like, what is this dick gonna say? I love you What the fuck Valentine's Day he gives me the roses. There's a card inside. I open it up and it says roses Fastest way to say I love you sides fucking Anthony put that in there in the fire, from the fire house or whatever. So I'm like, so.

I will say, I'm bad at cards too though. Like I did get my girlfriend a card because we went to Greece and I got her a card with a sunset of Greece that said, you suck my weenie and Santorini. Which I thought was pretty good, but she did not laugh at all. That's pretty good.

It's a rough card, I guess. That's high risk, high reward, man. I enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Yeah, I guess that's what you want her to give you. Like, in a perfect world, she's like, I sucked your weenie in Santorini. You would laugh really hard if you got that, but yeah. I liked it the first, he said, love you and like in an obscene riddle

Your your little carders like it's in there somewhere Yeah, and then he said Anthony for the firehouse put it in there, you know, so Anthony's now involved in this So the first time he ever told you he loved you Anthony kind of helped and was present exactly He's like, I don't even know what was there. So I'm like, okay, so now I'm like back at square one Yeah, so we so do you? He's like, okay, so now I'm like back at square one. I'm like, so wait, so do you? And he's like, yeah, course, course, course. Even after he proposed to me, I was like, what made you know? Like I'm just digging for any fucking gram of just anything.

Like it's really, I'm just making a cake with no ingredients. You're like your mom. Yeah. It's like your mom really interrogating a minority who's clearly guilty of something and just trying to find a reason why he's not. Like that's a year like that.

That is such a perfect person. Wow, that is fucking, that is good. Genius. That is really good. Yeah, I was like, so when did you first know? You know, he goes, I mean, it'll be fun, you know? We'll get a house, we'll get a mower. I'm like, I asked you what, what?

A mower? I said, we'll get a lawn mower, we'll get a house, you know? I'm like, you're just talking about like, like things you want to buy with. Yes, appliances, I asked you what? A mower? I said, we'll get a lawn mower, get a house, you know? I'm like, you're just talking about like things you want to buy. Appliances, I love that. That's the package of life I'm on, which got a wife and a mower, and you're as good as any wife I could have got, I guess. He thinks he's playing The Sims.

It's ridiculous. That is fucking... I vow to never put you in the swimming pool and then take out the ladder so that you cannot get out and that you eventually drown like to do sometimes on the sims I vowed to never build a house and then take out all the doors and then set it on fire Does this look nice the other day goes denim. I'm like I'm like, yeah, you can't scream out of fabric. Sometimes have you ever loved me? I'll be like 3% spandex Rayon blend

Sometimes I wonder if like there is like especially it's like athletes or Firefighters just like even cops or whoever's around a group of guys. That's all my ex-boyfriends come back. Yeah, interesting. Jesus Christ. Yeah, yeah. That's so funny, because I was gonna say all that type of, like sometimes I wonder, it's like,

the people they actually love are their boys. You know what, and sometimes I felt that way about myself, where it's like, I have always lived with my best friends. Like even, you know, even the place in Baltimore I got with a buddy because I'm only there half the time, he's there half the time, but it's like, there's a level of emotional immaturity where you're like,

I like women, but I'm still fundamentally scared of opening up to them, but I can open up to my guys in this specific way. Now I'd love to have a woman in my life. And so in my head I'm like, there's like a somewhere between teenage boy and grown man where you're like, maybe I can love my friends but fuck a woman.

You know what I mean? Maybe there's. Exactly, exactly my husband. He's never had a female friend in his life. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. We found a job that's like almost like a play date. It's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just hanging out with the boys.

Even your job, unless it gets like bad, is kind of fun. Yeah. Oh, they love it. And not to mention, like, they and like at the firehouse, like they undo everything I've accomplished with them in 24 hours. Yeah. So yeah, just like sitting there smoking fat sticks, undo everything I've accomplished with them in 24 hours. Just sitting there smoking fat sticks, listening to like every conspiracy theory that's been edited into a YouTube video. Oh, hell yeah.

He comes home so much worse. Half of them are divorced too, so they're like furious at women. Every other firefighter is divorced. Every time he comes home, he's like, guess who got a divorce? And I'm like, fuck, I'm gonna be even more of a dick today. Yeah, like he always definitely thinks I'm like up to things, and also I'm like,

he's been told by many people that women are suspicious or something. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, no, he's not, there's no, yeah, he's, I No, he's not. There's no... Yeah. I mean, there's no emotional anything. That's good, and this is the best relationship you've ever been in. That's what Alan Lefler would say.

You know what? I'm starting to think that guy's running a real scam. Because all my friends' lives are not going that good, and we all see him. I gotta f... I just fucking Venmo that motherfucker a nice fat stack. I'm going to ask for it back. Um, yeah, I mean, I guess at some point you're like, all right,

get a mower, get a husband, you know, at a certain point it's all like shopping. You know, yeah, yeah. And that's what he likes to talk about too. Like he'll be like the other day, like he was like, guess who got a Mazda? Finnegans got a Mazda. And I'm like, that's not a story. And he was just like, he waited like I was going to care about this. He's like, brand new motor, one and go.

I'm like, do you know your audience? There's a real supply and demand issue with this. What's the, what does he, what's the, what's a firefighter dad like with a little girl? That must be pretty cute. No, he's obsessed with my daughter. That's how I knew that he he held my daughter from my arms. And that's when I knew I'd have to get that little bitch back now.

Just you again become the villain. We're like, she stole my man right out from under me. Everything I'd ever asked him to do, he did when I had a daughter. I was like, you need to stop drinking. As soon as I gave him a daughter, I'd be like, you got to come home when you get off work. He races home now, you know, like so yeah, I do know he has the capacity for love That's right, you're the most emotionally healthy person in the onus podcast somehow I'll just actually do it fine over there. I watch him gently encouraging her, like a low roll.

He's got tears coming down my face. Showing her grace. She's doing like a spin in her princess nightgown. He's like, you're beautiful just the way you are. And I'm just like, you said I was denim. He's walking, I love you. You're like, what the fuck? Just one.

Can I piss real quick? Yeah, go for it. Take a little piss break. This freaking guy and his little ass bladder, you know what I'm saying? He did? Are we still rolling? Yeah, we can roll, who cares? He did when Frankie was throwing a tantrum. He loves being a dad completely like inseparable

the two of them but like he doesn't have obviously the emotional instincts so Frankie is throwing a tantrum on the floor at the top of her lungs screaming and I was like listen when a kid throws a tantrum just don't engage wait for it to end don't make I the same thing I do with you. Basically, you're screaming about Biden's inflation. You know, when I used to chase you on a beach when you were drunk, screaming about George Washington,

I should have just how he's rolling in his grave with his mouth full of slave teeth. So like that's what you do. You just ignore it. You know, so like I go, don't wait for it to be done. There's no engaging. So Frankie, but he can't stand to see her sad.

Me like, you know, fuck. Yeah. Like, so he, she's in the middle of a tantrum screaming at the top of her lungs. And I was just telling Sam this, screaming at the top of her lungs. And he goes, so do you want a dog? I'm like, you don't!

Oh my God. Offer a girl a dog when they're like kicking you in the chest having a tantrum. Yeah. I asked him for a dog before. And he's like, I thought schedules, it's not a good idea. Yeah. I was, my mom was telling me, it's funny the stuff you like hear about yourself as a like just off, parents just like mention random things.

She said I was always like, I was a really great like baby, but I would just have out of nowhere insane tantrums that I would just fuck it. And I was like, you know what? That really makes sense. Do you have a mouth? Do you have anger? I get, I think it's like when I would have like panic attacks.

I think I was having panic attacks as a baby because I will I would and I have anger problems too but I would just I definitely feel shit. I definitely freak out and I think as you grow up you learn to just like you know just fucking be like this sucks dick and just like whatever. I thought you were going to say surround yourself with weak people who have to deal with your anger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You just learned to spit on your Albanian producer and say it's his fault. And you'd be like, you better fucking,

the edit better be ready in a fucking hour. I swear to fucking God, it's gonna post. I definitely have anger problems too. Like I don't realize it until like, cause it's all in here, but I feel it dude. Yeah, it'll be moments where I'm like, you see it on like, you know, travel hiccups and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give me a fucking break. Of course, of course. I've never seen you really lose it. No. I've never seen you scream. I've seen you be really mad at other people and I'm always like, here's how insecure I am. I'm always like so flattered that he's never been that angry. Yeah.

I'm like, oh my God, he's so much more angry at the travel agent than he is. Travel agent? What is this, 1992? I don't have a travel agent. Well, Rachel just got a bank account. She doesn't know you can get fucking, doesn't know you can get airplane tickets online yet either. What's Expedia?

I'm just a pair of kids and I don't know. Hello, travel agent, where's Wisconsin? I just did this for a phone, by the way. I'm doing the same thing now. I know, it is embarrassing. Kids, you just have to do this now. Or you look like a fucking old piece of shit. It is so...

What makes you angry? What do you scream about? And do you scream? I don't know. Are you just angry? No, no. I just think it was just interesting to hear that anecdote because it makes so much sense

because I definitely sometimes feel like, it's interesting to hear about it when you were a baby before all your family's neuroses got to you. I always assumed the anger stuff was because my dad had an anger problem and it's like learned behavior, which it definitely is partially. But she was saying like, I would have tantrums

that I was like so small. And I do think it's just because I definitely feel that where there's some shit happens and I'm like, I'm useless for like 10 minutes to a half hour sometimes. And I'm like, I can't imagine a baby feeling that way. Like how much you would fucking, it would, you know, a baby would freak out. It's like your life's awesome.

And then all of a sudden you're like, I'm fucking dying. And you're like, you don't even know what death, you just feel so bad. You go from watching Big Bird to being like, ah, fuck! What would your parents do when you would melt down like that? I don't know, I think you just kinda have to ride it out. Look at me, it's like a Diane Sawyer over here.

I don't think, I don't think, I'll say this, whatever it was, it wasn't the right thing. Yeah. Because I definitely didn't learn how to regulate my emotions, I don't think. Do you think whatever it was it wasn't the right thing Yeah, I'm not a regulate my emotions You know my parents used to do and by the way, my mom is a therapist My brother was always bright red and throwing like a never-ending tantrum. Just remember looking at him Like I'm gonna take some space from that guy My mom would just put him in the backyard She was just like, oh, we are throwing a tantrum,

get him in the backyard. And then we just put him back there and shut the door. And our back, our neighbor behind us used to bring him back to my mom and like bang on the door and be like, Karen, come on. And she'd be like, oh, Jesus, David.

He's having a tantrum, put him in the hot car for a while, see what happens. Damn, that is fucking hilarious. He was just always like in a diaper, bright red in our backyard. Until Bruce Baum came up and banged on the door. He's like, Karen, she's like, I'm making potatoes, Bruce.

I need seven freaking minutes. Like, no, she didn't feel bad about it at all. You're getting your daughter a dog when she has a tantrum. You went the other way with it. Yeah, he made your son a dog. Thank God, I was like, we're not son a dog. Thank God. I was like He's whether digging bones putting him in the backyard to calm himself down. He's peeing he's lifting his leg up Yeah now to come he has to be wearing a collar

What kind of baby were you Sammy I was you know, my mom I was a fucking so funny I was was raised by a single mom for the first few years, so I was like her everything. She was on top of everything. But I just did gigs in Europe and I'm in, I did a gig in Sweden and apparently my godfather lives in Sweden. He's like a much older man. Interesting. And I was like, he's like very, my mom's like he can't, obviously he wants tickets to the show. She's like, I think that would be a little too much for Johan. Wow. Who the fuck is this guy? A friend of my mom's, but it's like, I'm like, yeah, I do have a joke about coming in sinks right now.

I should probably, he's like a posh Swedish man. But I was like, man, that would have been my life if my mom died. I just would have been raised by like a gay Swedish man. I was like, it would have been a different life. You don't know him that much at all? I know him a little bit, but he's just like a very like I get his newsletter Your mom's an artist right yeah, I was an art guy. I don't know what his job is actually

He's like it's some sort of like important job. I don't know him well. That's the thing, but he's a very Godfather yeah, isn't that kind of weird? Jews had godfathers. I guess we did, I don't know. Yeah, like right? I told my mom, I was like, so if you died, I would have been raised in Sweden? She's like, yeah. I'm like, you didn't think that's weird?

Are you sure he wasn't just your mom's ex-boyfriend? No, he's gay. Oh, he's gay, right, right. Yeah, but he, no, my mom was a super protective. It's funny you're talking about like kids being raised because I have a half brother I've never met. So I think about like that nature nurture shit. When you're talking about, kids being raised because I have a half brother I've never met so I think about like that nature nurture yeah you know your siblings but like I was like I wonder if he's similar to me and he's

in California somewhere have you ever interacted with them or no no I floated it to my biological father once and I was like yeah I wonder if we should meet some time he goes yeah you know I brought it up to him he didn't seem to bite and I was like all right I'm gonna drop that forever. Yeah, maybe he's a lot more in common with dad than I realized. It's like a little more successful. By the way, your biological father joke is like one of my favorite jokes.

Great joke, really worth it. When somebody asks if he has a good relationship with his biology, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't refer to him as my biological father if we had a great... Also one of my favorite, probably most traumatizing to you stories about your father, biological father is when Sam told me that... You guys hooked up. You lived with him for a while. You saw him drunk, shitting on a street corner.

You're like, that's my guy. He looked like Judd Hirsch and she was like, I could make this work. Yeah. He does sound like my son. No, I will say, I know he was a terrible father. And I do feel empathy for him. But he was a great lay. And that's why.

What, are you talking about the note in the deposit box? OK, yes. It's one of the funniest things I've ever heard. She has the funniest thing ever. I'd love to hear this. He told me that when he finally confronted his dad or something about basically abandoning him in his earlier years, his dad was like,

there's a note in a deposit box that'll explain everything at the bank. I'm like, this isn't a fucking spy movie. I know, I know. It's not The Hunt for Red October. By the way, it was a paragraph and a half. Yeah. I was like, you didn't really get to much here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, I kind of found the chick with bigger tits you know what I get it yeah he's like there's it'll explain everything yeah do that you can't by the way you can't tell your kid that like there's seven more years till he's gonna read that no how about be a father yeah. He's like there's a wacky map that'll explain everything. Yeah, yeah. You have to fucking do it upside down, hold it under a black light. It's untraceable. It's just clues. National treasure. What does that say? I got bored. It sounded pretty fucking annoying to be a dad

One minute you're all dogging the next minute. You got to raise a fucking baby. No, thanks Actually went and did you expect it to be something like no, No, you know, you just, it's just curious. Whenever I... it's funny, a lot of people reach out to me about this stuff because they have... it's such a normal thing now. The nuclear family is like not even normal, but all the time people reach out and they'll be like, what should I expect? I'm like, nothing. Nothing, yeah. Nothing. Just if you do it, if you're curious about and you know if you have health if he is health stuff Right. I'm like, oh cool. You also gave me prostate problems. Yeah He had like prostate cancer and stuff. He's he's still a lot terrible people live forever. They really do Stress is the worst thing for you and deadbeat dads don't have a lot

of stress. No, no. They're never up late, you know what I mean? Yeah, you just say, oh, child support payment. I don't think so. No, not for me. Like, if you're the kind of guy that the guilt of abandoning a baby won't get to you, you're probably not, too many things probably don't stress you out.

Yeah, yeah. You're never gonna have that moment, right, when you think like, oh, I'll confront him, it'll all come out. Like, yeah, that wasn't like an emergency. That's like a movie thing. Or it's like, even think about your siblings. Like, you have a very good relationship with your siblings. I mean, you're really close with your siblings. But I think like most times when you see in a movie,

when people are just like, you know, they're like finishing each other's sentences, brother and sister, I'm like, that's... When I talk to my brother and sister, it's like there'll be like an awkward silence here and there. It's just not real. Sure, yeah, absolutely absolutely and did you did you? Explain my dating history, and I'm like and and when did you first feel frightened? Well if you'd like Rachel we can take your expertise to our If you'd like Rachel we can take your expertise to our car Last time I was on here with Vita I feel like we got one of the most epic ones of all we got some great ones

That was an epic one that was a dead cut. I'm not a deadbeat, but it was like a guy should I yeah? Yeah, should I get back it? Yeah, so let's see what we got. Let's see what I'll just cooked up for us My guess is not anything that good nothing as good as What do we got? Hey Torontonians, recycling is more than a routine. It's a vital responsibility. By recycling properly, you help conserve resources, reduce energy use in greenhouse gas emissions, and protect the environment. Toronto's Blue Bin Recycling Program ensures the majority of the right items are recovered and transformed into new products. Recycling right is important and impactful.

Let's work together and make a difference, because small actions lead to big change. For more tips on recycling, visit toronto.ca slash recycle right. Hey, Stavi, eldest and guest or guest, first time caller, but long time listener and patron for the water. Oh, very nice. I just called in with a question, but I just wanted to kind of give a bit more details and maybe talk about it a little bit more.

But it just ended in a relationship with a woman that I've been dating for the last year and a half who had some pretty intense mental health. Let me handle this one, guys. And I had a pretty hard time getting past this. I had to end it to preserve myself. Jesus Christ. She was kind of lashing out and hurting me

and wanting to control me. But it's hard because you love someone and you understand where a lot of the problems come from and they've had a pretty really hard life. Rachel's mom's school of thought. Originated or whatever. You love someone, you understand, and it's really hard, at least for me, not to have a lot of regrets about what I could have done, what we could have done differently. I'm going to go see a therapist. Jesus, this man is fucking traumatized. I had to move past dating someone with you know

there's Some like incredibly great moments like so many high highs, but the lows were like really hard And also just you know in addition it's for the last year and a half I've been having by far the best sex in my life Yeah, and there it is. Well, I mean obviously, of course. The more lithium the better the sex. It's for the last year and a half. I've been having by far the best sex in my life For the last year and a half I've been having by far the best sex in my life. That's what the real beautiful attractive Sexy horny awesome woman. This is awesome who I just and is a relationship with

Yeah, so morning awesome woman who I just ended a relationship with yeah so yeah any advice would be helpful because I'm I'm really going through it right now and I'm doing everything in my power not to you know text her and ask for her back hilarious thank you appreciate it yeah love to hear back. Thanks. Chemically imbalanced women are for one night stands, not long term stands. In terms of calling her back, make bogey your screensaver on your phone. Look at it, be fucking strong. Don't call her back. Yeah, hell yeah. What do you think?

This is not... It's awesome that you think Humphrey Bogart is what... That was the most confusing part. That's a man's man right man. He'll remind you. They cost a block. You're like, no, you don't fucking you don't let her go. Yeah. By the way, he said it with no explanation. Yeah. I only got it because we're such good friends, but that's an insane thing to tell a man in 2024. Followed by the most insightful paragraph ever. That's such a classic Sam.

Like every one of his texts is just like he's either screaming about the Knicks. Costa Blanca was epic. I'm so holding on to a lot of anger at my dad. What a power forward right there. Yeah, just print out the

screenplay of Gone with the Wind and read that and just every time you want to fuck this girl. I mean, yeah, dude I mean how many times can you wake up with a hand blender pointed at your nuts before you realize it's time to fucking call it It's done. I don't know what to tell you brother. This is gonna be hard. You know what this is It's it's literally like giving up drugs you were this is a this is a rush someone this hot and good at fucking

You and but bad for you. It's literally like you're detoxing off a fucking drug It's like any breakup times ten no contact Get get your mind off it. Maybe you're not ready to seriously date You might need to just focus see your friends do other shit but like jack off a lot jack off a lot around in your bed right now looking up the most haunting thing you should be putting up middle school numbers right now these are full nut texts the fucking sack gotta clear the gotta empty the clip do not empty the clip empty the clip brother Gotta clear the, gotta empty the clip. Do not empty the clip. Gotta empty the clip, brother.

Scream Thug Life and empty the clip. Yeah, get the nuts clear, get the mind clear. Because these are, you're horny. I mean, of course I'm sure you miss the good times too. I'm not trying to minimize a relationship. No, he truly doesn't. Good times were fucking. You know what I mean?

Yeah. No, I do think that if you want to, I would say give her a call. Just find out what that first critical traumatic incident was for her and see if you can take her to your therapist. That always works. When I was with a guy that put like spyware on my phone and I was like, can you talk to my therapist with me?

Yes. I talked a lot of shit about that guy that he apparently heard. I'm not sure about it. I was like, that guy's a fucking tool. Glad to know he's got anger problems. Hello, Sam. I had to set him and say, he was like so,

like every male friend that I had, he was so obsessively jealous with that I had to like set him up on these dates with him. So I was like, hey Sam, we go have a drink with my boyfriend Yeah, I was really pumped for that man date. Oh my gosh, she's like please it would mean a lot to me so he's not suspicious of you. You're out of your mind. And I did it. I agree. Rachel used so much friendship capital on that. That's insane.

Oh dude, she owed big time for that. And he got, I watched this dude have like eight Jamesons on the rocks. Yeah. And then he hugged me for way too long and I was like, I don't like this guy. He's like, alright Sam, I wanna go check, talk to the bartender real quick. Like, you just stay here. Good hanging though, man. By the way, it wasn't my idea, it was his.

I just didn't want a black guy. He's like, yeah, I'll do a sit down with Sam. I'm like, this ain't the Sopranos motherfucker. I don't want to talk to you, I don't like you. That's crazy. I did a straight up friendship with Rachel. Yeah, every time I would get to him, I was writing a pilot at the time,

and every time I would get to the pilot offices, it was like, he was just sitting outside just with this wild look in his eyes. Oh my God. He was shaking with anger. Yeah, if he was shaking with rage, Soder, Janis would be like, Hey, your boyfriend's on the steps again. Oh my god.

He was shaking with rage. It was a scary day. And every time he would always fake a panic attack, like to like, he would always be like, for sympathy. I need you. Or he'd be like one time he was like, I had a heart attack. I mean, you don't have a heart attack. You just don't like that I'm editing in a room with two other men in it

He was I was in that room too. Remember that now let me ask you this because with women that insane Pussy's incredible a guy like that doesn't seem like he'd be good at fucking. It's pretty good. Hey, what? Well, I take it back Right now he's like I'm right back Fire fighter husband has one big crypto loss like I'm right back. I'm in the game In the game her fire husband has one big crypto loss, and I'm back No, I mean yeah stay far away from this yes I gotta get out of the gray in the sack no everyone knows that sure and sometimes I actually believe at a certain point you're never gonna fix yourself

No one's gonna You're never fully gonna fix what's wrong with you. And sometimes the ideal is that your mental illnesses align in a perfect way where you're good for each other. Because you're not gonna find somebody fully healthy. You're not gonna be super healthy ever. So, but this is not that at all.

There might be somebody out there for her. There's definitely somebody out there for her there's definitely somewhere out somebody out there for you but you got to stay away they're just it's just classic breakup rules man there's no secret they're not there's no easier way to get through it just because the girl was hot yeah and if you left something in her house or something just try to be an adult about it just be like no no don't even get it just feel like I left the hair in your sink so maybe I could just come in and just chill for like three to four days.

We'll meet at a neutral location, like Cancun. And all of a sudden, it's gone. No, no contact at all. Yes, yes, yes. It will only get worse, and it never gets better. I've dragged every one of these guys to a therapist. And I'm saying, I've done that too. It doesn't make a dent.

I did one where we did a couple of therapists once and I was like she just rattled off all the shit she like hates about me and I was like well you know I'm not happy either. And she looked like yeah I mean clearly this is a two sided relationship but she was like how dare he have problems. Oh that's that was helpful. two sided relationship. She was like, how dare he have problems? Oh, that's that was helpful. Yeah, yeah. I could tell he was a moment where he was like, yeah, this is. Yeah, there was like, well, I'm I'm getting paid for this whole hour,

but we could stop right now. Yeah. Yeah. I'm paying to listen to this. Whenever Sam stated like crazy women, I will say so whenever Sam's dated. He finally got the coolest fucking girlfriend ever, who's the best hang. For sure, she's awesome. She's actually like, yeah, there's no, the easiest person, the coolest fucking, every

girl before her, I mean like a lot of the, sorry, let me get less specific. Let's just say Sam's had a type. I will say that Sam is, but he's such a comic that even when he's in the middle of complaining, he'll be like, that's funny, right? Like, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some might call that a mental illness. Sam would be like.

Yeah, you're not in therapy. I don't think he was to be like, is there anything there? Yeah. Hey, did you record this? Can I listen back? Sam, would you have an impression of this girl he was once dating like years ago, scream crying. It was one of the funniest impressions I've ever heard.

He's like, I've been up all night. And I was like, what happened? What was she doing? He was like, just screaming. He was like, ah! That was tough. He's like, she screams for like six hours in a row, but it is funny.

Like. But I might get 90 seconds out of that. I might get a nice chunk. All right. Yeah, the fucking night terrors are fun. That's a fun one. I used to be, I used to have nights. Did you really?

I used to fucking get up and walk around and shit. Me and my brothers would like scream and I didn't feel, I don't know what the fuck it was. I didn't have like nightmares. I just would like be like, ah! And I would be fine. It was so weird. Really?

And when did it stop? I don't know. I guess, I mean, I never, it wasn't a problem in college. So I can only assume by then. So all you and both your brothers had night terrors? Yeah. And you just wake up in the middle of the night screaming at the top of your lungs. Somebody would be screaming. Yeah. I don't think I've had it, but I mean, she had, I've dated a couple of night terrors. A couple? Yeah. It's very strange. Statistically that's insane.

It is crazy. And also, by the way, both white girls in the suburbs, they didn't fucking serve in NAMM. Yeah. Just screaming like crazy. Yeah, interesting. Well, anyway man, just, you know, if you need any more information,

yeah, just hit her up. Who gives a fuck? Next question. Hey, Dobby, hey,is. Hope I can get some advice for some of these newly back out on the dating market. And it's been a couple years I was, you know, feeling with some sickness and I don't know, back ready to go though, back ready to start dating. And I've noticed that people just refuse to wear condoms anymore. Like, condoms are gone.

What happened? I don't know about that. It feels like every time, you know, you get to that point with a dude, he's like surprised that I'm like, okay, where's the condom? People are like, that's kind of wild.

And then there's like a... Uh-huh. Condom. Uh-huh. And I don't know if that's like a, like, I don't know, an evolution in things in the last couple of years, but I just got done being sick. What are you bringing Darwin into this?

I'm like not out here trying to catch anything. I mean, I guess I could get on crap, I don't know, but the biggest thing is I'm in Texas. Oh, what the fuck? I couldn't even leave the state or they'd like send someone after me, you know, like it's just not the time or place. You don't have to explain why you want to wear condoms with strangers I don't know people I've got some kind of Pollyanna now up here like I don't know lower my expectations No, what do you think or if I you know, how do I? here Expectations

No, what do you think or if I you know? how do I not sound like a complete idiot asking people to Cover up before we fuck. I don't know Confidently I Know I know it's like what it would we time machine a 17 year old Rachel Feinstein What do we time machine a 17 year old Rachel Feinstein? As road comics I think Stavi and I were always down to wrap it up of course Well, it's also like this decision. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

I love this. She's like am I being Pollyanna about this. It's like, no, you're not not, well, fucking, you're still, like, this is crazy. No, you just have to, what Rachel said is correct, you have to have a little more self-respect and a little more self-esteem. Maybe you're like, you're getting back out there so you feel a little, you know, you're feeling a little insecure, whatever, but it is insanely reasonable,

it's like beyond reasonable for you to be a where's a condom No, yeah, you'll otherwise would be teeming with a cocktail of diseases Yeah, can't cuz yeah, you can't if the guy that doesn't want to wear a condom is the guy that needs to wear Yeah, and the gentleman that you know will wear a condom, but if you don't make him, you know, that's a good guy He will if you don't make him you know that's a good guy he will if you don't insist he's just like kind of taking his cues from you that's a cool guy you don't have to worry about him he's awesome he's fun what's that girl at mill for two hours you're on birth control I trust you no no much at least 12 hours

But yeah, no, this is this is just such a clear and simple you are fully in the right You shouldn't like you should not raw dog unless you feel unless you really know someone you feel and every person You you don't even have to I've been in relationships where we wear Conn's because someone was off birth like brother birth control is fucking them up and so and yes was that one of the most devastating things I've ever been there too yes but you know like a hero I persevered but thank you Elvis but yeah truly the other thing to also keep in mind here is that like, you have, these guys really wanna fuck.

When it's getting to the point where it's condoms are coming out, if you're just like, you have to wear a condom or we don't fuck, then they probably will cave. It's like a restaurant with a dress code. You can't come in without the blazer. Throw it on. And also, yeah, I just think you need to, you just have to, and it's a screening process too of like anyone who's gonna be like,

I don't wanna wear a condom, is not someone you wanna fuck. You know what I mean? Who you raise a kid with. Yeah. No, I don't want to. So yeah. I love that they're gaslighting her. This extent is wild too. She's like, I guess I'm some kind of Pollyanna. I don't know that you need to start name calling. It's pretty simple. Yeah. Same rules for a country club. Same rules for your dick. If

you need a crested blazer to get in. Yeah, I mean, come on. Like this is a Missouri, there's some states you gotta make sure to wrap it up. And I guess maybe just you have to have condoms. But still, it's like, I just think this is a bigger issue of if someone, like, if someone doesn't, if you say, yeah, get a condom, and they react negatively at all, that's a huge red flag

that's the Guy for why I had the opposite feeling where I dated this guy for a while and like I I've only had sex like inside of relationships, you know So usually I'm used to them just kind of like bothering me until they're like fine They just get in a relationship just cuz they want to get latest Fine I want to be inside you. Where do I sign? But I remember this one guy like we kept going out and he was like, and they just kept forgetting a condom, you know, like it wouldn't be time. And at this point, I'm like, does he want to get laid?

Like to me, I thought it was the opposite. I was like, something strange. I'm like, is he gay? Like, how could he forget a condom this many times? Right. And he was like, oh, you know, I guess we can't hook up because I forgot a condom. He should have. And then he's like,'s like yeah or maybe we can by the way he was a cop so I'm like he brought his gun everywhere a lot of unnecessary situations

yeah yeah yeah like I'm like we're at like a rom-com you have your gun in your belt you can remember a condom bitch yeah yeah for sure that's crazy that's. That's crazy. That's insane. So yeah, you're fully in the right here. Make them wear condoms. And don't date or fuck anyone that will really... that really doesn't want to fucking wear a condom. That's the problem. What else, buddy? Here's one.

Here's just a little something to reflect on. It being the hundredth episode and all. Okay. Ssabi, baby. It's Steve Deldin. And, uh, yeah. Ssabi, quick question. I've watched a lot of your shows. I'm curious, uh, what is a question in hindsight that you've answered that you would answer differently now. Like do you regret any advice that you've said out there? I mean, for me to regret a quite regret advice I've given, I would have to remember literally

any episode you've ever done. So yes, there definitely is things I've answered wrong but I don't know and I'll never re-listen to an episode of this podcast ever that is a promise for me but yeah I'm sure there's things I've said that are fucking stupid or more importantly there's probably like jokes I've regretted not making that makes more sense but I don't you know I I feel like whenever something is serious we we tend to be like Go to a lawyer or go to a doctor You know what I mean? Like if something's really fucked up. We're like

We will answer this because it's still funny, but go to whatever go to the right people So, I don't know. I don't know. Just do you have any any thoughts? Did you seeing as you're the only one who knew this question was coming? Did you maybe prepare something, or you just want to kind of see what I came up with? I just want to see what came to your mind. Nice, man. I don't really have any thoughts either.

Awesome producing, dude. Thank you. That's awesome. Maybe you could have had some examples or something, but no. You just want me to improvise this completely with no warning. Go back to, it's the 100th episode that free episode, but it's actually 200 episodes So you want me to just pull something out of 200 episode once I once told a guy to That was kind of similar the first call we did today where he was like

He just was like dating a toxic girl was like the biggest titties. He's ever I remember that making his life Hell I remember that and I kind of said like fuck it who cares just like reach out to her And you and I forget what the guess was we you guys were like very against it. Yes, and I guess I'd probably regret that Get like a bit bigger of a laugh When you go for the laugh, but it is someone's life Just doesn't land in this point I always thought you were like this like just this sweet husband counterfeit family man was abusive that you should go back to them this is only

out outlet to be a misogynist pig I mean he was making them sound like really they sounded awesome and believe me I'd love to fuck the lady The ladies described me on a love to fuck but no he would basically what we told them was hey man You got the fucker for a little bit. It's over. Yeah enjoy They were hypothetical Yeah, but it's better in the mind's eye. Yeah, but it's like a book you picture these tits. They were hypothetical tits. Yeah, but it's better in the mind's eye. Yeah, but it's like a book.

You picture the tits you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. From your head, you're like, it's me. Wow, that's a cool pair. Aw, thanks for teaching me about life. No worries. I feel like we do this every time you're on. We teach you some element of how fucked up.

I know, I always feel like Sandy from Grease when I'm on here. I'm like, what's polyamorous? What does that mean? All right, what else, Eldy? Hey, Scobby. I've been a listener for a long time, huge fan. Anyway, so I'm just wondering, my boyfriend's living in here

to my studio apartment because he likes, at a certain job, job his lease is ending he wants to see if he gets another job somewhere else that he really wants before he like times under lease in the area we live in now and the goal is to eventually move in together and get engaged in all this stuff but we're fighting because he wants to I have a 585 square foot apartment in the middle of the city, densely populated area, and he needs to bring a test freezer. I said, what furniture do you need? And today he just goes, oh, well, all I need is my test freezer.

This is 12 to 16 square feet. I don't even know what that is. It's like a big ass... That's on my electric... Like when you have like... It's like a stepdad basement freezer. They when you have like a stepdad like basement freezer I'm eating shit. Yeah, well those big white freezers Yeah, I mean, maybe it's not as big 12 to 16 feet still pretty big 12 feet is actually he's a serial killer

He's gonna make a suit out of her skin. Yeah Just something for my limbs This is 12 to 16 per feet and It's gonna suck up my electricity Which isn't even the problem. The problem is I have nowhere to put it I was like where am I gonna put your chest freezer and he said it can go next to the couch And I was like, I don't really want a giant freezer next to my house And he's like you it's not even big like I don't understand why you're upset at all

Basically, like I'm crazy and I said I have a freezer above my fridge. He said, it's not enough because I put too much stuff in it. I thought I'll clear myself out. He said, No, I need my needs. Whatever. What? This is ridiculous. I'm like, can you take it to your aunt and uncle's house? He's done that before. They've held on to it for him. Not a big deal. And you're like, No, I need like, access to my meat. And I'm like well We could put your meat in my freezer and then when we need to go get more

We'll go to your aunt uncle's house. They are an hour and a half away, but we visit frequently and he was like no We have to like have the meat in the freezer The chest freezer that is in your studio apartment next to your couch This is coming after he looked at me the other day and said we need to move my couch into storage and put a clothing rack in. And so just not have a couch so that he had room for his clothes.

My lease was up in December. And I'm like, well I can clear out half my closet for you, which is the only closet, so I also would only be getting half of the closet. And so I'm thinking. This is so New York. This is fucking insane. And he said, I'm like, where are we gonna sit down? We're gonna watch TV. He said well we'll just actually switch the Whole apartment round basically and then we can just watch TV from bed

Or something. I don't know. You need a break up with the last guy right now. This guy sucks. Yeah. Yes. This guy's atrocious This is insane. What are you fucking talking about? It's a studio apartment, it's your apartment. Yeah, he's crashing with you for a couple of months. He doesn't get to fucking rearrange everything. You're doing him the fucking favor. Sorry, go ahead. This is the first big apartment I've lived in in New York.

And my girlfriend has moved so much of her fucking shoes in there. And I'm like, I'm feeling smothered in a three bedroom. So I can't imagine how the fuck smothered you feel. You can't let him, I can't imagine how the fuck smothered you feel. You can't let him do it. It's your place. And meats? Are you fucking kidding me?

His meats is that's an amazing I need to have access to my meats is an incredible sentence. And the idea is he's gonna he's there let's finish it before we get in because I don't think there's that much more. Or something. I don't know. It's just he's like making it kind of difficult And so I guess am I crazy or is he crazy? I mean his family's very rural And so they grew up in the middle of like the woods or whatever and they didn't have internet I guess it made him kind of weird or something

But I grew up in like New York City and why would you need a test freezer? Yeah, you don't I just don't get it Anyway, am I crazy? He doesn't think it's a problem at all. He's confused that I'm confused not a minute. Thank you No, he's gaslighting him. And so yeah, I mean what I don't understand here is The plan if that is the plan right? He's gonna crash with her for a couple months I think he finds another job that he might get also, you don't get to demands when you're unemployed either. Yeah. And I mean, I get it.

It's like, it's not like, you know, she said the plan is to move in together, get engaged. So it's like, they are talking about the future. So it's a little more than like him crashing with her, but it's also very inconsiderate of him. He's coming to take over her space, and so she can't really be like, it's my apartment, because I guess this is step one to them

sort of moving in together. But he's telling her not to have a couch. I agree. And a clothing rack. I agree, I agree, no, no. The couch thing is fucking crazy. I mean, the chest thing is crazy. What, are you gonna like go into one of her jackets while you watch TV?

You need fucking furniture and he's like we can watch it from the fucking from the bed It's like you don't want to live in a hotel room. You want to fucking like you want to have your own space Yeah, that's crazy. This is this is a fuck. He's dead. This is the biggest cause of breakups I think in New York is is rent being so insane that you move in too soon Mm-hmm, and you're like, I can't you're making me crazy. Yeah, I'm in a prison cell. Yeah Yeah, and that's he's really trying to turn this into a prison cell. I mean Yeah, it starts with the chest freezer then what next he needs this fucking you know benchpress in there too I know chest freezers a man. It's a

fucking studio apartment you can't have that man you just can't yeah I want a bigger fucking kitchen I can't have it it's a fucking New York apartment. And the fact that he's bringing in a clothing rack to me I mean I'm sure I'll get shit for saying this but no straight man. There we go. I'm sorry yeah Yeah, larger issue Bring my ring Trace Yeah, it kind of turns all the way around in this straight again Because you know gay guys need they need like active robes. They're doing so much sex It's not a velvet robe is really a more of a plush naked thing It's more of a hang out gay guys need a robe material that can be very easily washed.

A waffle robe, if you will. I won't come without my necklace tree. That's a lot of meat, too. That's kind of great. I mean, he is being ridiculous because if this is so important to him, then this can't be the plan. If this is so important to him then he needs to sublet a, or do a long-term rental of a place where he has more space. If the plan is studio apartment, you have to live in a studio apartment. You can't have your fucking weird suburban style of living

in a studio apartment. You have to just accept that that's what you're doing. And if he wants to save money that's fine, but it's like, that's the downside. And so, I don't know. This is weird because this would be so frustrating if someone just is not willing to budge. You know, if he's like, like I can't. If somebody said that, dude, if you wanted to put a fucking chest freezer here, I'd be like,

what the fuck are you talking about? And yeah, this is a three-bedroom. Oh, dude. I like so conscious with space Just growing up in Manhattan like any like people would get me like gifts and I'd be like fuck you I'm gonna put this might you know Until until this apartment for years someone gives you like my mom would get me a thing I'd be like what was what am I supposed to put that? Sculpture yeah, it's like a fuck you when someone gives you shit when you love them in the head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is, it's aggressive. Yeah. It's just aggressive. And if this is the, and by the way, if this is why you break up, then you weren't supposed to be together. For sure, that's what I was going for.

Imagine telling this story to anybody. It was between me and a test freezer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he chose the test freezer. I believe it's chest freezer. Chest, I'm sorry. I never heard of this, by the way. These are the ways to get protein, too.

If you're like some workout guy, have a fucking protein shake for two months. But she said he's rural. I feel like they might have access to some farm meats or something crazy. For sure, they're probably good quality meats. I get that. But I also get the desire.

But I have, like in Baltimore. I do have a chest freezer I have shit in there and I fuck it. There's more space. There's less space here But it's like I can't live that way here because I'm in fucking New York. I'm in a pretty big freezer is what is like just a freezer It's just okay. Look at you. It's like a giant it's one of those Yeah, like it's literally what serial killers put body parts in that It's probably one of those like you know Put that put cushions. Oh my god

Yeah, and then put that your couch. Yeah, make this your couch not a bad. We solved it I mean, okay if we actually want to try some level of fucking If we actually want to try some level of fucking compromise here, you could get heat. She says he's a 15 foot. That's insane. But I have there's a five cubic foot one where you could almost use it like like a fucking you put like a blanket over it and you fucking use it as an end table or some shit like that. Yeah, there's maybe something you can get a smaller freezer, but there in no way can this motherfucker bring in a 15 cubic foot. That's crazy. That's fucking nuts. I mean if this is your couch he will have room for his tiaras. So anyway good luck. It's insane. It's a weird one. Yeah it's truly a crazy thing.

Hey, Stav. Elvis. Esteemed guest. I have a question regarding basically the relationship with my father. Hmm. That's a good question. Growing up, I was super attached to him. He was my favorite guy in the world. You know, he would always do stuff. Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to him. He's my favorite guy in the world. You know, he can always do stuff. Wait, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to play that one. Okay, nice, man. Now I'm invested. Yeah, fuck you, Elders.

Uh, of course it's fun. This guy's listening and he's so excited we're about to help. And now we're like, now fuck that. Honestly, Elders, a beautiful way to commemorate episode 100. Just to stupid fuck Well, we can listen to it, okay great with me and my brother he was Just the coolest guy

Well, hey, I mean my mom got divorced And when I was 11, it's a little bit up 11 it's not gonna be good and just stopped all contact with me come to find out later because he's done some legal trouble and was running from the wall ten years go by his dad we're not made on my mind I'm 21 pops back up in my life promises he's always gonna be around wants to be just the dad to me and I'm like great cool I missed you like this is all I wanted for the last 10 years damn things are going good but then I get my girlfriend, the woman I was dating that time, pregnant and a kid comes out and I'm like I gotta be in this kid's life. I have to be, I'm sorry, I left out,

I was supposed to move with him before I got her pregnant. And so obviously I'm not gonna move with him, he's upset. He's gonna be roommates with his dead dad. Things kinda taper off and they think he'd be excited because he has a grandchild now, but obviously he doesn't care. That's interesting. And so, time goes by, keeps in contact. I ended up marrying

said woman, she's not my wife. We have another kid. She also had a kid from the previous relationship. And so I have three beautiful kids, a lovely wife, things are going good. That's awesome. But he calls less and less and I've literally only talked to him once on the phone this entire year. And I want to have a relationship with him but I don't feel like I should be the one to reach out. So I'm just wondering what advice you would give if any advice or if I should try to contact them or just drop them out of my life and just move on.

You know, so if you can give me an advice, that'd be great. Love your show. Thanks for everything. Bye. Interesting scenario. I mean, me personally, I would probably say it once. I'd be like, hey, this is what I would like with you. I have resentment towards you for the last 10 years. You dipped out of my life. But maybe we could start over. You do have a grand kid

now or three, I guess. And put the ball in his court. And if he rises to the occasion, great. If not not cut him you you have one chance to tell him and then but if you don't say it you kind of just blame yourself yes I fully because he might feel shame maybe for the for the time he's missed and not know how to get back in so if you give him that open door back yeah there's a lot of reasons I think shame pride you know maybe even anger yeah I mean like who knows what he's going There's a lot of different reasons why he would be stay just also just being the just kind of being immature and not wanting to be a

Grandfather you never know what these people sometimes people see it as like I'm too young to be a grandfather Like that's legitimate, you know if he had you young and you had your kids young he might be like, I'm fucking I'm not a grandfather. I might fuck up his like, the way he sees himself. There's a lot of different reasons, but I fully agree with you, Sam. You don't read, like, you also don't want to surrender to like pride if this is important to you, and if you think that by just being the bigger man

and offering that relationship once, but I agree with you, once. Like you don't wanna fuckin' overdo this. You don't wanna be constantly begging him for attention. And yeah, say what you want, you owe it to yourself, he might, that might be what he needs to hear and he might be in your kid's life, but I would say don't fuckin' hold your breath, right?

Like it's kinda what you were saying, we were having this conversation about like earlier about what to expect from a dad that leaves your life and then comes back in and it's like. If they're capable of doing that, they're capable of doing that shit again. Yeah, don't expect anything, honestly. Say what you want mostly for you,

but don't expect him to come around and like, yeah, that sucks, dude, if he's not gonna be in your kid's life as a grandfather but he wasn't, he partially wasn't in your life so. I see why Elvis didn't wanna pick this one. Yeah this one's not funny, it's a downer. If I were him maybe I wouldn't. Although I will say this guy should listen to

Gary Veeders podcast, Number One Dad. Which is incredible and fascinating. And Sam, also, your advice to Gary in that podcast is so interesting. And it's about Gary Veeder, whose dad, won't say too much, but left his life. And it's very interesting. Great podcast.

Loved it, he killed it. Gary's dad is a con man and a fucking insane character. And yeah, listen to that Listen to that fucking podcast and I don't know when does this come out? October 28th, it's October 28th now as we all know Let's start a cult is in theaters right now go fucking see it We got a start when we do ads we gotta fucking put it in. We gotta put this shit in. I keep forgetting to plug this movie that's only gonna be seen if I promote it.

There's no other, it's like there's a studio around it. That's how we built our whole careers, right? You promote shit. Specials, tours, that's... You're made for that, you know? Um, okay. Yeah, not a great call, kind of a downer. It was on the short list, cause I figured Sam would be a good one for that, but then I was like yeah

Maybe it's a little too long Pause this very dramatic. Well, the nice thing is it was reading that shit. Yeah The good news is we listened to it and it did kind of dip the momentum a little bit But it's good. Hey, we'll get it back right here with something good, won't we, Eldis? That's right. Javi, what's poppy? This is Rachel's Puerto Rican accent. I'm 29, I moved to San Diego with my girl.

She's dope as hell, she liked to love my life, married me in two weeks. Nice dude. Oh, fuck it, congrats. Pumped for that. But, okay, look, this is not, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen

to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen to the show, I listen It's how she liked to love my life. My she married me in two. Oh fuck it Congrats pump for that But okay. Look, this is not I listen to the show. Hello. Okay, these motherfuckers are crazy who call him

but My problem might seem small, but I think it's something that needs to be talked about right now Okay, and that is me and my girl. We are both About right now, okay, and that is me and my girl. We are both You know on the heavy side. We like to eat. I like to drink we like to drink but You know as bigger folks My girls on the zempi Yep, you started doing those and big and now it's like

Hella fucked up because I'll smoke and be drinking chilling And it would be time it should be time for us to Go drive to I don't know fucking Taco Bell or in an hour when we go out we get some pickle back sauce Oh, yeah, now we're faded and we're you know doing more of that and now you know I just feel like in that regard like of course at the end of the day. I'm happy. I'm happy for my girl This guy's awesome, but I just miss somebody having you know kind of that Validated man anyway much love I get this fully do

David man anyway much love I get this fully dude I Fully understand this this guy's a keeper this guy's so awesome. He's like. I love you the way you are He just wants to hold me back. Can we get fucked up and eat Taco Bell? Why are you eating healthy you fucking bitch? I love you. I want you in my life I've never dated a woman who lost weight while we were together so I can't I want you in my life, fat as shit. I've never dated a woman who lost weight while we were together, so I can't remember what I ate. Yeah, this is very interesting. I mean, you know, I guess the obvious thing to do here is maybe take the cue and join her. You can still be together in life, you know. This might be kind of nice man

Like I know you want to get Taco Bell, but it's like maybe you learn how to marinate some fucking flank steak and make your Own tacos. It's not that hard. I do that shit all the time like you know You could still smoke You know that but maybe not drink as much or do non-alcoholic stuff I get this feeling because your life is changing but This is also part of I think a serious relationship is like kind of growing together evolving together and You know, how old does he said he's in his mid or late 20s 29. Yeah, this is also the time no disrespect brother, but

29, yeah, this is also the time, no disrespect brother, but 30's the time when getting fucked up and eating Taco Bell all the time should probably end. It should become a nostalgic treat. Stop it, I aren't the people to deliver you this information. Yeah. Yeah.

Truly. Don't say. Should be a nostalgic little treat. I literally had to just shut myself off from the world for six months in Baltimore to not get fucked up and eat Taco Bell, so it's hard, I know it. But if you've got somebody in your life who's making positive changes,

I would say try and ride her wave a little bit, brother. Yeah, at a certain point in life you have to choose. There's a fork in the road and it's either a woman or a heart attack. Yeah. There's a fork in the road, you wanna pick a woman or a heart attack. There's a fork in the road. You want to pick up that fork and you want to stab some cheesy fiesta potatoes and eat those and tell your bitch to get packing with her new fucking skinny ass.

Yeah, I mean, this is a good problem to have. Yeah, like, yeah, like I love this girl and she might save my life. She's thicker than a snicker and she might save my life. Yeah, dude. So you can either do that or, I don't know, man, you know, if she lose too much weight, get yourself a new fat bitch. Also, you know, the fun thing is when you order in with someone who's doing this and the appetite.

Oh, no worse feeling though. I know, but like, they eat half their food and you're like, I gotta eat. That's true, that's true. But there's no worse feeling than throwing out an appetizer and everyone being like, you know, I don't think I'm gonna get an appetizer. I think I'm just gonna get the salad and you're like. Now you're forced to be like, well, I'm ordering it anyway.

Now they ship you over the charade of you not just eating the whole thing by yourself. You have to just be faced with it. Oh, I hate that. I had dinner with my friend, Roland Campos, in LA at this great Mexican spot, and he's a bigger guy. And he's like, he's like, he's like, oh, we got to get the nachos here. They're incredible. He's like, oh, cool, cool. He's like, he's like, all right, so nachos? Yeah, he's like, all right, two nachos. I was like, oh, okay.

Two nachos. Two is a great sport. I was like, I don't want to split them. He's like, no, no, no, you want your own. I was like, all right. two nachos. I was like, oh, okay. Two nachos. Two is a great fit. I was like, no, no, no, you want your own. I was like, all right. Honestly. That's an impulse bite. It was wild. It was wild.

How were the nachos? Amazing. Yeah. Salute Roland, he's the food guy. He loves his food. Oh yeah, I know Roland. You know Roland. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I've never heard his full name. I've never heard him, I've only heard him referred to as Roland. Oh, he's the best. Yeah, he is a food guy, he's a good guy. I always feel like, like I have a friend and she's like you know super skinny and I feel like she's always comparing our weights like and just like watching what I'm eating you know what I mean? And like I think about, I really like sweets so I like think about cupcakes when I should be having like more intelligent or complicated thoughts. Like I daydream about that kind of shit.

But then I feel like when somebody's watching you and you're eating it's the when I should be having more intelligent or complicated thoughts. Like I daydream about that kind of shit. But then I feel like when somebody's watching you when you're eating, it's the worst feeling. Like I've never really thought about it, because nobody in my family really had an eating disorder, but I feel like she looks. And she also made us compare weights, which my mom did the same thing, which was so benauchious.

Well, there goes your first point right out the window. What am I fucking talking about? Did somebody just close me like a box, actually? My mom was like, oh, this scale's broken. You try, step on. You're fucking kidding me. She's weighed 120 her whole life. She's always like, I just want to see if it's broken. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If you're a cow. What are your favorite? I dated a girl who gained a decent amount of weight while we were together, and I tried to turn it into positive. I'd be like, I think it's cool that everyone at the ice cream store knows your name. That's really, that's really, I'm happy for you. That's awesome.

Dude, legit, I've had it be in relationships, a problem where somebody I was dating when I was younger, she gained weight and I was like, nice. I was like, she's getting thicker. I was so on board, she was like, no, I don't need, I don't need you. I was like, I was like, cause. I was like, she's getting thicker. I was so on board. She was like, no, I don't need you. I was like, cause I'm unhealthy as fuck. So I was like, this is fucking awesome. I was basically this collar.

I'm like, hell yeah, I'm turning you into me and your tits are getting bigger. Yeah, fucking win-win. That is so true though. Women, you get bigger, you get the bigger tits, the bigger ass. It's not cool when dude, we have nothing that is cooler. There's no, but your dick gets smaller in fact.

Yeah, by comparison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's nothing, your dick should get a little fatter. That's where the great injustice is. That's why, you know, that's why, you know, feminism is needed. It has to balance that shit out. That's what, you know. You've lost a lot of weight, Sam. I've lost a little weight so far.

What did you do that you could maybe this guy, you can give this guy a chance? No, not really. That motherfucker's running his own business and having a family like a fucking bitch. He's not available. It's so lame when people get it together. He's not available to train me 24-7.

I had to take personal responsibility No, I just I legit was just in Baltimore and I was just Exercising and eating and cooking all my own meals and shit and it's actually I am feeling that cuz I'm back here now And the you know, we're Tire soon. I'm promoting the movie. I started doing stand-up again. So I went from having basically half a job, like I acted in some stuff this summer, but I didn't do anything else, to having four jobs and I'm stressed out,

I'm stress eating, I'm feeling it. I'm sticking with my exercise, but the hard part is doing it while you are back to normal. Anyone can pretty, if you could just take time and focus on it. So I'm trying to figure that part out now. I'm still thank God at the point where, you know, going crazy means eating two protein bars and a bag of popcorn and like a Halo top instead of like I love Halo, $80 worth of Chinese food.

So I'm still I'm trying to keep that at bay. But one thing that helped me that Jessica Kersen told me is like she lost worth of Chinese food. So I'm still, I'm trying to keep that at bay, but. One thing that helped me that Jessica Kersen told me is like she lost a lot of weight, she's a really funny comic. Yeah, Jessica knows. And she said pack a lot of stuff because we spend a lot of our lives on the road. And anybody's life, they're running around.

She's like pack a lot of stuff. So she packs like all kinds of snacks. Cause I love, I'm gonna run to that store I'm going to home, but if I'm out I'll get a snickers or a little pizza She said just have a ton of stuff with you. I know a good choice like nuts and stuff like that I literally I literally have been like Packing like we did the tires table read and I just fucking packed a lunch, and I was just funny Yeah, and I got to start doing that at clubs. That's the other thing I was sleeping I was having a yeah and I gotta start doing that at clubs that's

the other thing I was sleeping I was having a normal person schedule where I would like go to bed at like fucking you know 11 or midnight and wake up early as fuck and go on a nice morning walk and it's like now if you're up till two or three doing shows so whatever I have to figure it out but let's plunge back into some eating disorder talk though because I'd love to know your favorite sweets since you're saying you love sweets so much Rachel yeah we'll get to you too Sam. I love cupcakes and I love like vanilla ice cream with like a brownie with chocolate syrup on it and I love cakes with like layers on them like um red velvet cake anything where there's like

little extra treats. I'm like I took my dick, you guys didn't realize I was a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it. Yeah, no, I love sweets, yeah. So it's cake, your big cake. I love cake, but really like this. Cheesecake is. I eat everything in general. Like there's not many foods I don't like.

I can't think of a food I don't like. I'll eat anything. Like I like just, but I really think about cakes and sweets and I make my husband hide them from me if he gets it, cause I will eat all of it, absolutely all of it. Like I just got we made like I made these cinnamons with my daughter and then I just ate the icing last night and I was like you pig you fucking foul beast you fucking look at you you rat standing over a fucking garbage can just cupping icing into your face you know like so I put it it's so good I love icing. Like cream cheese ice cream. Oh my God. That's fucking good.

That's great. Carrot cake. You ever eat it and then you look at the serving size behind you. You know, what the fuck do I want to look at nutritional value for icing? I have to pour something on top of it, otherwise I will take it out of the trash. No, no, no. I know. There's a soap is the key because trash is nothing. You poison yourself.

Trash is nothing. Yeah, like I have I actually have a joke. I have a joke Yeah, I'm doing this new hour, but I was like you don't think I've you don't think I've taken a banana peel off an egg roll before It's like you gotta put soap or like that's good Sometimes if I've been like if I have like a bag Like I took to the beach just put sand over in the trash to make it fucking sandy Sand is a great one stuff because it's really ruins the and sometimes I've tried to eat through even those experiences But there that'll stop you Okay, nice and your cheesecake guy. I like for candy. Rollo is my go-to

Truck stop. I love Rollo Hershey's cookies and cream fucking amazing. It is good It's the one Hershey's that actually that you can take to compete with better chocolates Yeah, cuz the Hershey's regular is like a fucking It's a boy, I won't that's disrespectful a hand job I'm not a thank you. I'm not a big snickers. It's's fine. It's solid. The ice cream ones are good. Do you like marshmallows? I feel like people hate marshmallows. I love a fucking marshmallow. Why are people against marshmallows?

You have like very like the Great Depression just ended tastes in desserts. You're like cupcakes and layered cakes and icing and marshmallows The technology Prison yeah The frosted pretzels those are oh, yeah, I'm a big chocolate covered pretzels guy. I like vanilla, but yeah Yeah, I also like for a meal cheese steak and pizza. Yes Absent class well cuz they do they have steak A meal, cheese steak, and pizza. Yes, absolutely classic. Wow. Nothing better than a cheese steak. Oh yeah, I mean that is a Maryland thing of the carry out that has pizza, wings,

and a cheese steak all at once. Whereas I feel like other parts of the country, it's like, I mean Philly has it too, but it's like pizza places sometimes, pizza places will not have. In New York they have like heroes I feel like. What's that? Heroes or calzones.

Not really, they don't, I don't think most. There's a couple by me that do that. I don't think most pizza places in New York they have like heroes I feel like. What's that? Heroes or calzones. Not really. They don't, I don't think most. There's a couple by me that do that. I don't think most pizza places in New York have sandwiches and like wings. We call them subs. Subs, yeah. By the way, I think there's like this crazy quiz,

a New York Times quiz that's called Where Do You Come From? It's fascinating and they can guess by all, like you basically, they ask you like nine questions and it's what term, one of them is what term do you use for like a footlong sandwich. Oh yeah yeah sub here heroes when they say in New York Yeah, and in Maryland is a fucking sub sub. Yeah, who says grinder? It's like Buffalo or Rochester up there have it like hoagie who does that hoagies Philly? Hmm. Yeah, and like some people have words for the night before Halloween like some people call shift right night or mischief night

Yeah, yes, but anyway people used to call it mischief night I never I was too good a boy For mischief night, but what's your favorite dinner? Dinner yeah, ah geez that's too hard last meal That would probably be Korean barbecue honestly cream barbecue story probably be just a very high end Korean barbecue. I like all the ads. We've done a book together. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love Korean barbecue. I'm due, I'm due for another one. I had it recently. I saw my buddies playing the band AJR and we saw them at the garden and we hit one of those. I think we've been to this place on 32nd. Yes. That's a fucking spot.

Have you ever been to Korea? I went there for a military tour. Best food I've ever had. I did a military tour, but I've ever I did I did a military tour But I only had one day off it was I was like I was super was like the summer before I moved here I was 25 or 24. I remember and who's me and Joe less. I'm like dude. I actually booked us in North Korea I want to go I really want to go back to Korea though I want to cry why that's my favorite trip of ever I trip I've ever been. I want to go back for sure. Alright, Elvis, you have something nice to take us out on here?

How about, I have a couple updates I kind of want to get into. Alright, it's the 100th episode. Let's do it. Hi, Stavi. Hi, Elvis. Hi, Guest. I am a returning caller, so I'm calling with an update and a new question.

Great. I am the girl whose sister's boyfriend was flirting with her. Oh yeah. I took your advice. Wow. I remember that. I talked to my sister. She was actually not entirely surprised.

Because apparently he had like made a couple three ways. Ha ha about fucking your girlfriend's sister and Thank God, but today So that's over. Good. That's done. Thank god. But I'm calling today because on the very first episode. It feels nice to hear our advice actually work. This is open and shut. Talk to your sister. That immediately ends to him breaking up with a dirtbag. So that feels good.

Yeah. And it wasn't even her sister having no idea she had had a sense she's like yes even just talking it was like the push she guys hear it loud this you don't have to listen to show just leave the voicemail and then go talk to the person the question is about and it will always saw you know solve your shit but anyway go ahead, Elvis. Thank God. But I'm calling today because on the very first episode of Fabio's World with Sam, you stated that Fabio's World was unapologetically anti-breast reduction. But on the episode where you read my question with Joe List, he was saying that he doesn't like long, sagging, big boobs with big nipples. Yeah, Joe really is a strange guy. I'll keep it real if you stop me at that.

Joe keeps talking about high heels in bed for Christ's sake. I know. He'd rather, he'd rather... Joe's got like, got into women through like, penthouse forums or something. What the hell is this? The fuck does he know about? He's still reading his porn magazine. Yeah.

He says he works by day, but at night she wants to be the pile drive. Alright. but at night she wanted to be the pile drive. All right. Like big boobs with big nipples. Sounds pretty cool. And I'll keep it real with you, Savi. That's what your girl is working with over here. Nothing wrong with that, sister.

Thought about getting a breast reduction. No, don't do it. Boo! Be wise. They lift, they make the nipples smaller, reduction The whole like it's improved For reference I'm like 511 like 170 and I wear like an ear and f-cup

This proportionally like an E or an S cup. So they've always been like disproportionately big for my body. Sounds pretty cool. I heard my girlfriend's plane crashed so if you want to hang sometime, that'd be cool. What is it? Honey, no! Oh god, I'm so vulnerable. This is crazy. So if I thought reduction, they would still be big. They wouldn't be too small or anything. But I feel like part of my identity is that I've always had big boobs. Ever since I've had boobs, you know, they've been big. So that would be kind of hard to let go but it's right you have a question That's absolutely right. Absolutely true. Gas thinks, the eldest thinks. Is size more important or is the shape, the perkiness, the nipple, the whole kind of package, is that more important? Love you guys. Love the pot test. Bye.

Well thank you again for calling in and we're glad the first question our first advice worked out now. Yes Philosophically, I can never go on record as in support of a breast reduction It's simply I can't my hands are tied here It would just politically it would just be it would cause a whole mess If I was ever on the record as pro breast reduction However, and we really. No, no, stop, no however, what are you doing? Just don't worry about what.

People will revolt. Don't listen to what Joe List says. He's out. Now. As a feminist, can I just say that, and I start all my sentences that way. Yes. Can I just say that it's called titty downsizing?

Yeah. Titty downsizing, we're so against. Now I am listening when you frame it as a titty improvement though. They're still gonna be fat remember. Yeah, and she's going for sturdiness. Yeah, I think there's something awesome about big-ass titty sloppy I mean fucking was just on our pilot over talking about how Her tits got so big during pregnancy that you get like a blue vein She goes it was disgusting and I was kind of like is that gross I kind of like that's pretty cool He's are like levies and Katrina. I'm like, it's not gonna hold. I agree. I agree

Yeah, I'm fully with you. That's fucking awesome You know what infuriates me is how as soon as she started talking about how massive her tits were, you guys both were gentle. Well, we started respecting her more. The voice is like, hmm, he's making the same noise as a psychoanalyst. Well, this is serious question. So show her some respect, God damn it. She has huge tits.

I will not have you talk down to her that way. These things need to be handled with care, Rachel. I don't think you understand. This is very important. You guys sound like the voice of Lube. Furious. Look, okay, so that's my... Philosophically, I can never be on the record. I also do have another opinion, which is your body's your,

you know, do whatever you want, your body your choice, so. It's a good tone of voice. It's like, ehh, like it's in quotes. Oh, yeah. But, you know, also, she said that these big tits are part of her identity. You don't want to change who you are. Be true to you. I agree with that. Think about that, you know, yeah, so true Sam Rachel

Do you have anything you'd like to say before covered in the children's books? I read to my daughter No kids too big Be true to you when it comes to having a fat rat. God damn the both of you. You want to stop crying? We'll get you some new tits. You hit turn 18, we'll get you the biggest tit you've ever seen. Nothing's too good for my sweetheart. What do you want baby doll? A fat rock with some nice, old, shiny taste. You're worth it. Remember that. You're fucking worth it. Your choice honey. You want a French Bulldog or some big juicy fun bags? What do you think?

I mean, I always say when you're trying to decide whether to downsize your rack or not, the first thing you do is to call stop. Discussion with your doctor. I guess it's going to be hard just kind of with no visuals. I guess that's kind of a big problem. A lot of rack left. And if we could play some softer piano music during this, she's still going to have whatever they play during the Oscars and in the

memoriam section I like playing while I'm talking about it. We need some DMs and please be gentle because remember I just lost my girlfriend. It could only just be described as a terrorist attack. So yeah, we'd love to know more. Yeah, I think like if you're making you uncomfortable And I'll let you guys finish coming while I finish Yeah, go ahead. I gotta take a little Boring bullshit

Why you guys order a pizza and empty your balls I'll discuss this operation or no your balls. I'll discuss this operation or no operation question. Yeah, I mean, if you're first of all, you still have a lot of rack left, which is what my grandma always said again, I keep coming back to my grandma. She was such a wise woman. She was. Rosalind Schneider, she really understood life. But no, I mean, if you still you still have a big rack, which is

part of your identity, which is another secondary chapter. That's another fucking special. But I feel like then just do whatever is most comfortable for you. And you guys can still come to her hypothetical titties. I guess so. Yeah. Two competing schools of thought. It's up to you to decide what you think is right. And we're rooting for you in those big old titties.

Another you have another update for us eldest yeah you know what up and all this this isn't really a question I just wanted to say thank you for calling everybody out for being a fucking coward when it comes to talking to women because that was definitely me and I took it to heart I was being a fucking coward forever and I was just like you know what? fuck it, stop being a bitch man and I've been talking to so many bitches lately

like, my life has literally turned around I think you only heard part of this I'm being serious like, I'm 20 turned around because of this. It sounds fucking retarded, but I'm being serious. Like, I'm 25 and I'm talking to a 44 year old bitch. Like, that is some shit out of my dreams. I never would have thought I could have done

that shit before, but I literally just stopped being a bitch and went for it. Like, fuck. Thank you stuff when it comes to struggling with my confidence you change the way I come up to every gash I see I point to my own dick, nod and wink. Fuck. You know, whatever it takes.

He's a young man, maybe he's a little rough around the edges right now, but we love to see a success story here at Stompy's World. Particularly one that, you know, leads to some milf pussy. So good for you, man. We love to hear it. That's awesome. I'm taking nothing but positives from this. Good luck with you and to your bitch as well

Wow, that's awesome. Is that the final one? Yep Well, uh, thank you guys for being on the episode and I want to say thank you to thanks for everybody for listening. 100 episodes, 200 if you count the Patreons. The podcast has actually been so much more successful than I thought it was going to be to be completely honest with you and more fun than I ever thought it was going to be. I did not really want to do the podcast when I started it. I'll be honest I just I just left come town. I had lost all my main source of income and I was like fuck We got to come up with something else. I'll this I can't pay you to make clips. I barely I'm fucking running out of money Podcasting sucks, but then we came up with this concept. It's been fun as shit. I get to talk to my friends

It's a it's always fun. I bring I have the funniest people who do it it's been awesome talking to you guys through your voice most of them through the live calls and Somehow two years later This become my favorite thing that I do and I don't think we're gonna fucking never stop to be honest It's just fun as shit to do. So thank you. Here's to a hundred more and We'll see you next week. Can I add one thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. New tour just went on sale. The Errors Tour. It's Sammy's new tour.

Love it. Check it out. All on my website. I'm heading 45 new cities. Hell yeah. You're on the bus, baby. I'm on the tour bus for the whole time. So literally, like pretty much, if I'm not coming to your city this round I'll be there in the fall But uh, yeah 2025 the errors tour Just to sound like Taylor Swift Some do can be like I got errors tour tickets and women like yay, and then they come to my show

Also watch my hour special on Netflix. It's called big guy or go to my page on PunchUpLive.com What is it? PunchUpLive.com? PunchUp.live.com.com. I'm on that too. Or Rachel-Freinstein.com to get tickets to see me on the road and I have to say a hundred episodes. It's amazing. That's them is no small cans. Big fat titties across the man is awesome thank you and thank you to eldest bad at his job but the number one producer in our hearts needs a little genus a pop all right we'll see you next week guys. Bye bye.