Stavvy's World - #115 - Will Sasso

Episode Date: February 10, 2025

The great Will Sasso joins the pod to discuss growing up in Canada, connecting with his Italian roots, Stav's favorite episode of Law & Order SVU, skipping school to become an actor, his first acting gig, his favorite John Candy scene, and much more. Will and Stav help callers including a widower who's in love with his dead wife's poly cousin, and a woman whose dad sent her mom an incriminating video that he claims to be AI. Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50off and use code STAVVY50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Exclusive $20-off Carver Mat at AuraFrames.com. Use code STAVVY at checkout to save. Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy #chubbiespod  Follow Will Sasso on social media: https://www.instagram.com/willsasso/ https://www.facebook.com/willsasso Check out Will Sasso's podcast Dudesy: https://www.dudesypod.com/ 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Bettering your business takes working with the best. With the James Hardy Alliance, you gain access to leads, training, networking, and support from the number one brand of siding in North America. Achieve new levels of success by joining the James Hardy Alliance today. Hopa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're in Los Angeles, part of the Stove's World Takes LA, Hollywood Halkia series, where we get some of our favorites that live over here

and we are pumped to have Will Sasso on the couch. Will, thanks for being here. You don't understand, Elders is so starstruck. We both are, but he doesn't give a fuck about anyone. We were huge, mad TV guys. about anyone. We were huge mad TV guys Oh Cheers huge TV guys as fat little children. You know what I mean? Just fucking Being very small and being like I caught the tail in the Farley and then they took my fat guy on TV away Yeah, very soon after yeah, who's coming around the bend man TV always had a fat guy

Yeah, just come around the bend man TV always had a fat guy Show and it's like we need a new warm body no must be a fat Yeah, and you were fighting shit back in the day. I was good Yeah, no seeing you alive really helps me I don't got many Many of the guys I looked up to I'm like alright, I'm sasso still kicking. Maybe I can turn it around That's fucking great You know, it's interesting. Look, I'm a fan. I'm happy to be here. I'm stoked. We've been going back and forth a little bit on IG and I haven't been through New York and it was in a while. So

it's been one of those things where I'm like, you know, had I been there, I would have hit you up. But I'm so happy to be sitting with you. And I feel like there's so many things that we kind of just, you know, have in common, not just because the business but also you know I don't know we'll get it but your background and your yeah the immigrant parents Mediterranean yeah that was another thing that shocked me because I was obviously just a like a fan growing up but then fought like like becoming friends on Instagram and seeing your stories where you're in Italy and you're not doing the typical I'm gonna eat eat, from all the East Coast Italians I know,

they're like, I'm Italian, and they might have an aval at the end. They're not, they're like, they don't speak, they say they're Italian, you know what I mean? They're eating chicken par, they're eating like deep fried chicken par. And then I see you, who just- There's no fucking, you don't put chicken with pasta.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see you and you just seem like a white guy, no disrespect. I don't know, you know, I just, you know, Canadian, I suppose, but you and you just seem like a white guy. No disrespect. I don't know you know I just You know a Canadian I suppose but still I'm like that's what makes you way whiter Which makes you way whiter and then you're speaking fucking Italian. You're like really speaking it that you're like I'm with my nonna Italian lady I'm like what the fuck sasso is truly ethnic and he's been hiding it the whole time? It's awesome. My parents were this big and brown.

It's true. And they immigrated from Napoli in 66. My brother and sister, my sister was a toddler, my brother was a newborn. And then I came out 10 years later or whatever. The mistake. And then, but yeah, the old man brought aunts and uncles. He was the only one who spoke English.

He was in restaurants all over Europe and blah, blah, blah. And waiter, maitre d' and so yeah, the bulk of the family is back there. So I do have this Neapolitan like thing where my upbringing was extremely Neapolitan. Truly like old world shit. Like nobody spoke English in the house type of stuff. And you were at least the youngest one,

so they were probably a little, by the time you came around, they'd been in Canada for like a decade it sounds like. My mom was, my mom, like a lot of women really, the housewives and mothers that stayed home while their husbands went out and worked in the 60s and 70s, they watched Sesame Street, they watched soap operas, and they learned how to speak.

So yeah, my mom had the most adorable little broken English accent. Love that. And yeah, the old man prided himself on being able to speak better English. Right, wow. Just talking like this. That I'm not familiar with. Every Greek person I grew up with actively hated America.

They hated being here. My dad still, like, we, like, I hung out with my dad, I put real FaceTime with him in for a while. We were kind of on the rocks for a while. And I'm like, surely I've imagined how bad his English is. And then we fucking, he's just trying to order something at a restaurant. It's not even like a conversation.

It's like, it was to be fair, Korean barbecue. So it's like a double language barrier. Bulgogi is a hard word for anybody. But he still couldn't even like make pleasantries with the waiter, but I respect that. Your dad was like, look, we're here. This is a better place than Italy. We're having a better life here.

Yeah, he'd always romanticized coming out to the States or Canada. No, no, my father's father was a chef. And so he used to go over to Chicago and New York and cook. Oh wow. But he didn't have papers. It was always under the table or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Maybe a little, you should spice that story up. You cooked for Al Capone. Yeah, yeah. The timing's right, right? Cooked for your grandfather. Yeah, cooked for Al Capone. And it was my grandfather was like, hey, this untreated syphilis is gonna make your balls melt off the side of your leg.

Wow, use a condom. Yeah. And he's like, what is this fucking off the boat whop no? Fuck you. And then if he'd only listen to you, we'd still have Al Capone around today. Yeah, we'd still have Al Capone. And yeah, so they sent, so Capone sent my grandfather back and he told my dad, like, check out the immigration to Canada because they really relaxed it in the 60s.

We had a massive influx of, you know, a lot of Greeks, Italians, Portuguese, coming into Canada, a lot in Toronto. But the old man had sort of the sort of loose promise of a job at the Hotel Vancouver in Vancouver, because he had this resume that had been all over Europe, and he was a real hotelier. So your dad and your grandfather.

No, my grandfather stayed back and they were all over there. But they were both chefs? No, my granddad was a chef, my father fancies himself a chef, but was waiter and maitre d'. Gotcha, gotcha. And so yeah, so he came over and yeah, like I said, I had cousins and uncles and aunts.

So it was this thing like, you know, I mean, there's whatever, you know, and the immigrant experience, like being the children of immigrants, the fucking shit, the gnarly sort of stuff that's still, you know, they grew up during World War II. They do things like, you know, whatever, there's hundreds of stories, but we were at the beach every weekend in Vancouver

and not like the good beach where you have to pay for parking. Of course not. Like off the rock jetty that the ferry terminal is out at the end of, you just park the cars along the freeway. And shit like, again, so many things, but like stuff that, going back to Napoli,

I'm like, oh, this is great, because we're doing shit like, you know, Zionino, my Uncle John would take like a chicken wire fence and like bring it, and what's that for? And pile up rocks, and then we're all going clam digging and picking mussels and shit. And then just they're all over the, you know, the chicken wire with the fire underneath

and just lemon and. Beautiful dude. And you're there until midnight. Just hanging out, that's awesome. So was there any like, you're the baby of this Italian family, right? Was there any like pressure on you to be, did they want you to, what did your siblings do?

Did they have that traditional immigrant you gotta fuckin' succeed, gotta be a lawyer type shit? Or did they want you? No, no, they, I mean my parents were really like, do whatever the fuck you want, but love it. So my brother and sister both, yeah, no one's in show business. And my brother's in real estate,

my sister is in interpreter services. And sort of, you know, really big inspiration for the immigrant story and finding interpreter services of which there are so many in Canada because the government gives a shit about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Figure it out in America. They don't really fucking care.

You mean an interpreter will come to the DMV and help me? That's hilarious. Maybe not. Dude, I didn't even consider that being possible. Yeah, isn't that wild? Because the whole thing, especially in America, it's like that you all, the oldest kid is the interpreter. Like I truly like would like trans,

I would like fill out paperwork from this time I was like 12 years old. You were the oldest? I was the interpreter. Like I truly like would like trans, I would like fill out paperwork from this time I was like 12 years old. You were the oldest? I was the oldest. Okay. And you have brothers, right? Two younger brothers. Okay, wow, that's wild.

Yeah, yeah. So for me, it was definitely the like, and again, I guess it sounds like a very, it sounds like a cheerier immigration with your family. You know what I mean? When did your folks come over? In the eighties. Okay.

So they came, what happened was my mom's side of the family, you know what I mean? When did your folks come over? In the 80s. Okay. So they came, what happened was my mom's side of the family, they had moved in the 70s when my mom was younger, and she hated it. She like, her dad just took a job, and this is like, this is how Greek men behaved back then. He just like got offered a job in America. He was in Greece. Some guy at a coffee house like got a sick job in America. He was in Greece. Some guy at a coffee house got a sick job in America

for you, and he's like, I'll take it. No, like, let me see what my wife and 20 and 17 year old daughters think about this. She's like, gals, we're moving to America. And so she came back, she went back to Greece the second she could. I guess, actually maybe they moved when she was maybe 19. And she came back when she went back to Greece the second she could. I guess, actually maybe they moved when she was maybe 19 and she came back when she was like 21,

met my dad in Athens. They decided to come visit in 1981. Like they were like, we're gonna go for a year, save some money in America, come back to Greece. Just never came back. So it was like this weird. That's, yeah, I hear you. It was like this weird,

there was no like the American dream. There was like. Wow. And the was like this weird, it was like this weird, there was no like, the American dream. There was like, and the way my dad looked at it was like, we're stuck in America. Truly, my dad was like, not only that, I mean obviously he wanted to do it, but as soon as shit started going bad, he was like, my fucking bitch in-laws

trapped me in America. Like that's, my dad has completely rewritten history where it's like it was never his idea to come to America. Meanwhile He's still like we would have been better off Fine everyone in my generation does not have a job in the financial collapse It's like everyone had ten years of the worst like it was just it is you cannot argue that we would have been better off But he still is like I fucked up so bad He like apologizes to me that we didn't grow up in Greece. I'm like my life's fucking awesome, dude

Sure, we were in Greece. I would be struggling to find big and tall clothing I would be I would be doing like the level of comedy in Greece is like sub Telemundo Yeah, I would be fucking yeah, I would be like putting blackface on and chasing a midget around on television. That's what I'd be trying to do. That would be my career in comedy. But it's just like, so it's fun to hear a positive immigrant story. Or you might have been like a guy with like a, you know, like some big olive field who's

like the funniest, that guy's the funniest. I might have had a great life. I had some sunlight picking olives. I think about it. Nice tan wife. Right. Nothing wrong with that. The quality of life, of course, in the Mediterranean, and all

they do is drink olive oil. They just hang out. Yeah. And yeah, they're all just sun kissed and happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's of course, it's very different. I think about it a lot. Like just being there in the spring,

like seeing guys that like on the street, like friends of the family and people I got along with. There was one dude who delivers water on a scooter. He's like this bigger dude. Love that. And he's got like the scooter, you know, he's a big guy and the scooter's like dropped because of him. And then he's got this fucking rat trap on the back

with like tons of water and it's like. Just going up a mountain with no guard rails. Yeah, just like a cobble, something up and down stairs and shit. And he's like, and the guy couldn't be more chill. I see him and we're in the area that literally my mom and her siblings grew up in, that one of my aunts is still in the old place that they grew up in. And it's that romantic, like, Innopoli right behind like the Piazza del Pueblicito with It's just with the clotheslines going back and forth.

It's very Italian, very Napolitan. And this guy's just, when I was leaving town, like I'm walking down that street and my wife and I and we're going back to the thing, we're going to drive to Rome and then get out of there and we're leaving the family and it's gnarly and we're a little bit misty. And this guy, hey, stop the the four? Do you hear me?

I'm like, this fucking guy, they are so joyful there to be doing whatever. And he's got this like little garage kind of corner store, with just provisions and water. Totally. Couldn't be more chill. And I look at that guy and go, I don't know, maybe. His life is better.

That is the actual, damn dude, maybe my dad is right. No, we've still been miserable because we have his genes and DNA. That's the thing, it's like wherever we would have been, we wouldn't have been good. But the Greek life is, and Italian, whatever, it's like there is something so nice about, because the whole American thing

is you have to fucking, if you work hard as fuck and get enough money, you can like, what, take time off to go on the beach that this guy just goes to. Like I can get, I can, if I work really fucking hard, I can take two months off and live in Greece and like take a walk in the same street. And like, yeah, if this guy, like,

even the people in the generation that had no, their jobs weren't that great. It's like, they work a little bit, they fucking have coffee, they go to the fucking beach. Like, I truly, my cousin in Greece, that motherfucker has a sick life. And he actually is an actor, weirdly. Like, he's, my cousin in Greece, that motherfucker has a sick life. And he actually is an actor, weirdly. Like, he's gotten into comedy.

He's found one of the weird only comedy jobs in Greece that was not too far off from what I described earlier about what my, the level of comedy I would be doing. But hey, yeah, he's funny, he's good at it, whatever. Time of his life, dude. He would just go, he would just like work at a bar for three months and come back with less money. But he was just on vacation,

just like he was basically just paying his way for a vacation. And there is the philosophical thing of like, work hard as shit to be able to go on vacations that people with less money just have that quality of life. And it's like, maybe that's it. Maybe that actually is it. It is, that is it.

Cause they have an actual, they have actual community too. Like truly they know people, they still live, they're around it and it's like, that's why my goal is to for real be a three months in Greece guy. Really? Yeah. Good for you. Yeah, but it's still, we're still a ways away,

but it's like, you know, kind of what I'm saying is like, shit goes good for another, you know, five, 10 years. Yeah. I started just fucking late summer, early fall. Don't even fucking try and find me. I love it. I'm on the fucking beach, baby. I'm all for it, man.

Yeah. This trip in particular was like a sort of a thing where my wife was like, we should really consider. Yeah, dude. And we're, you know, we're, you know, it's like, it's like, whatever, we're, it's like thinking, but we don't have kids, but we're trying for kids and stuff. So, I got a few years on.

That might even be a better reason. Yeah, well, like you might actually wanna have kids there. But also like they need to. Smart move younger wife, by the way. Cheers, thank you. You know? I appreciate it. Yeah, you being like, I'm thinking about it. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm thinking about it. You gotta get a younger wife to be able to do that. Yeah. So I, you know, she's like, and she's, you know, from Northern California and Irish, you know, so she's like, but she took to the whole Italian thing and also did her DNA and has a grandfather who's Greek.

So a great grandfather. She's always talking about it. She's like, I want to go back there and see someone who's like, I'm like, you're not going to find some Irish looking. There's not going to be some lady who looks like you. This guy's DNA has been bleached out. Yeah, absolutely. This guy's not. There's not going to be some lady who looks... This guy's DNA has been bleached out. Yeah, absolutely. This guy, it's not, it's not.

There's not gonna be someone there who looks like Jennifer Connelly. No, no, no. Serving you squid. But so she's like, you know, we have kids, they need to know about this side and they need to blah, blah, blah. And maybe we could figure out,

you know, like get a place for a little bit, you know, like that sort of thing. Because truly, like in your cousin and the family back there, they do live incredible lives. They live a better life. They're happy. It's not even close. Yeah, we're going to the beach with, you know,

and it was really nice, because it reminded me of like childhood, because, you know, later on, everyone goes their separate ways. Not my aunts and uncles and all them, you know, my mom and dad and everything. They were all very tight, but the cousins, we don't do a good job of keeping together.

But over there they sure fucking do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we go to this beach and it's like, I look around and we're all just like, sit here, sit there, like thing, in our fucking chairs and everyone's sitting together and people are bringing baked pastas and stuff like this and just like stuffing buns full of portadela and stuff.

Yeah, and just like hanging out and then just going into the water and thing and you lose track of time and let's go get gelato and everyone's happy. Oh, the day is perfect. And my family, we have, my uncle has just had untreated diabetes that he has not slowed him down one bit.

He looks worse every time I see him, but boy oh boy does that motherfucker know where to eat. And it was like having a much less charming Anthony Bourdain in the family. That's the cool thing about when you go over there, it's like they just know shit. They actually talk, they have like, and we would just, anywhere we were,

they would take us to a beach and he would like route it to like a specific restaurant and it's just like, he doesn't have fucking Yelp, Google, any of that shit. He's just like, I heard a guy makes Incredible Goat here, so we're gonna go check it out. He was always fucking right. That's fucking great I did yeah, it's it's a it is fucking awesome folks. You know me you know I'm trying to get about my nutrition

All right last year. I took the whole gear trying to lose weight. We're doing Stavi gets ripped over on the YouTube channel It's a struggle for me to stay Healthy get shed some pounds I gained that I lost some weight the beginning year And then I gained some back during the holidays and while we were filming tires Before this tour started I got right now as we're praying for the tour. I needed to set myself straight Okay, break my bad habits that happened with me. Thanks to factor meals. They're so easy You know not we were using factor meals around here before they were a sponsor. I tried a bunch of stuff to try and get easy meals that come prepared. No fucking cooking,

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We're going to have the factors ready to go in that bus's fridge and we got something to heat up as we're as we're traveling as we're as we're bringing great mirth and joy to the people. If you want to be like me and Bigeldo working working in the booth right now, eat smart with Factor. Get started at FactorMeals.com slash Stavi50off and use code Stavi50off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. That's code Stavi50off at FactorMeals.com slash Stavi50off, S-T-A-V-V-Y-5-0-O-F-FF to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. But and did you see said most of your families over there, did you have relatives here too or in Canada?

Yeah, yeah, they they I had a couple. Yeah, the old man was like, again, it was sort of his thing. So there was two sets of, like an aunt and uncle and an aunt and uncle. And then my uncle John was 19 and he married my aunt Kathy, who was a Canadian girl. And there were already six kids were already born. Yeah, wow. That came over from, like my brother and sister were older, and four of my other cousins, if I'm not mistaken, were born there, and then, you know, whatever,

like five or six more were born in Canada. So you guys got to, got to replacing the population fast. Yeah, and the Italians would come over, and we would go there, and yeah, so it was a very, it was nice, you know, growing up. Sorry, did you have like, because we always had Greek school. Did they have anything like that? Or you just learned Italian in the house or?

I mean, they never made you go to after school? No, no, no. That's nice. So we, yeah, we just kind of learned, yeah, just, I mean, I just kind of, and I speak kind of a broken, I don't have a huge vocabulary, and I don't speak good Italian. I only speak really Neapolitan, Neapolitan dialect,

which, you know, those regional things are very different from one another. So in Rome, people are like, what are you trying to say? Who is this hillbilly? Yeah, yeah. That's really, yeah, because that's another thing that's

super fascinating about immigrant shit is like, a lot of the Greek I speak is like frozen in carbonite from the 1980s. My parents came in the 80s. Yeah. I mean, you definitely experienced this with Albanian, right? They speak like an old, like a, you kind of speak

like formal old Albanian. When I hear like Albanians in the North speaking, like I don't understand it at all. It's crazy. And it's similar with like, you know, I feel like Kosovars have like a thick accent too. And like, Whenever you say Kosovar, it sounds like a slur because of the little Albanian hate you put on it. Let's, we also like to ask our guests will what do you know about Albanians? Did they have any over in Vancouver? I had no idea that you would call someone from Albania in a Albania No, he he's talking about Kosovars, okay, so far he's coming already forgot

That's how little he respects Albania. I know nothing about... Interesting. Sorry. That's good. That's fascinating because Albanians, I guess, didn't make it to Canada. No. Yeah, I guess not. They made it to Italy though. I got family in Italy.

That is true. Because it's close. It's in Albania right there. A lot of Albanians like fled to Italy in like the 70s or 80s or something. They were mad when they were found out it wasn't still fascist. They're like, what the fuck is this? I heard there's gonna be a cool racist paradise. Now I'm the one who's at the bottom of the social hierarchy. This sucks.

Interesting. I guess it's an East Coast thing. I bet you they have them in Toronto. That's the other thing about, I do feel like there are, I feel like there's probably Albanians, but just, cause they're all over the, they're on, actually my Lyft driver was telling me

they got Albanians here, which I didn't know. Interesting. LA having Albanians, I didn't. I haven't heard too much about Albanians in LA, but I bet, we're everywhere, man. Yeah. We're right under your nose. Speaking of our heroes, wasn't John Belushi Albanian? That's a hard one. Unfortunately, I do have to cede that to Eldis. And that really is a sore subject in terms of our Greek versus Albanian supremacy, which is a huge...

Greek people are very racist towards Albanians traditionally. And that's our fun little thing we like to keep alive here on Stary's World. We like to keep old world, white on white, regional racism, Balkan racism. That's a great joke. Yeah. Uh-oh. My old man was like best friends with a Greek guy

that he worked with who came over, Andy Dukas, his name was Dukas. And he was great, you know, he looked like, yeah, he was like, you know, he's a Danny DeVito type looking, you know, little guy with chest hair and chains, the whole nine. And yeah, it was fucking, he was so awesome. Cause my old man was very, you know,

he's a very quiet guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was only when Andy would call the house or come over, he would call the house or come over, he would call the house and he'd, you know, you'd answer the phone, hey, good morning! Hi, Mr. Dukes. Hey, your father's is home.

Yeah. And, you know, and the old man would come over to the phone, hey, good morning! That was like, they were with that. And yeah, when those guys would get together, it was like, yeah, it was fucking Uzo and, you know, Anisett and just fucking, you know, with the, they go in the yard and they don't wear shorts in the yard.

They just pull their slacks up to here to get some. And their shirts all the way undone. And they both worked at Hotel Vancouver. Love it. They were great. That's a nice little romance right there. Yeah, it was awesome. And we would go to like Greek weddings

because of his family. And then I remember the Greek word for sit is katsi. And that means cock in Italian. Oh really? Katsi, katsi, hey katsi dura. So which which is you don't say that in the house So everyone's like How come no one's upset? How come no one's getting slapped across the room for saying

Hey, that's cock, that's good to know Well, we say cazzo, but cazzo Still, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, is that, cazzo. We say, but, caz. Still. Ogaz. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that where ugaz comes from? I think ugaz is ogaz, like my dick, like, you know, like fuck, yeah, right, my dick. Gabagool, basically.

It's like a bastardization. Of capicola. Of capicola, yeah. Italians say capicola. Yeah, yeah, there we go. We got a real Italian here for us. Yeah, when they say gabagool, you know, but whatever. Italians, look, the whole like Italian American thing, look, again. Italian here. Yeah when they say Gaba ghoul, you know, but whatever Italians

Look the whole like Italian American thing. Yes. Look again. No the episode What I'm sorry to cut you off but the episode of Sopranos where they go to Italy one of the funniest I don't know if you haven't seen it. Can I can I let me admit something awful here? Yeah I and it's very interesting that you bring up the Sopranos. I'm on episode two. Wow. I've never watched the Sopranos. Just got around to it. Then you did that great sketch. The Sopranos edited for TV.

It was so fucking funny. We did a lot of Sopranos. Yeah, we did, yeah, where they can't. Where they can't, oh, it's like. They push. You can't even say, you know, what the fuck? Motherfuck. But yeah, it's weird.

Yeah, I never watched it, because I kinda, back at Mad TV, you get like research tapes, you go and I watched the, I guess I watched the pilot back in the day, because that's all there was to research the impression. And then did the impression, and this is even more embarrassing than not watching, my reason, I just remember early on,

like everyone going, oh, that fucking show's amazing. I'm like, I know, I know, I bet it's incredible. I fucking, I love James Gamblefield. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's incredible, and Edie Falco, and you know, it's like, for sure, they're just killers. And I just can't watch it, why? This is so dumb, this is such an actor-y fucking thing.

Because this is really, it's a stupid selfish actor thing. Unburden yourself. Maybe someone will call in with this kind of problem. I was doing an impression and I, but I'll be like, I know I would, every time I would watch it, I would go, should have done that. He does that, not this.

And I see plenty. For your impression. Right, so I see plenty of people that do a much better James Gandolfini, and it's like, oh yeah, no, he's more in the nose, I should have been more. Or whatever. Interesting. So that's just enough for me for half a second to go,

yeah, I'll watch it. And then 20 years goes by. It just would have annoyed you to catch things you didn't nail in your impression. Is that what it is? Yeah, but maybe not for the past, ooh, I don't know, 18 years. Yeah!

Like, I could've, like, what am I doing? You could even say, like, it would've made you better at the impression. Well, yeah, but then it's over, and then you're done with ManTV, and then you're never doing it again, and yeah. So, literally, that's like a weird thing. It's like, yeah. Well, dude

Yeah, same reason I stopped listening to Limp Bizkit and I feel like I robbed myself because I did a Fred Durst impression I'm like, ooh, I didn't get the nuances. Yeah Greatest American works of art. Yeah, and I'm soprano. Yeah No, of course. I listen to Limp Bizkit non-stop I'm not missing out on Limp. But I'm really not. Yeah, sorry to, I gotta watch it. I'm sorry.

I think you're going to love, there is an arc where they go to Italy. That sounds insane. And it's, I think it was, I think what you were about to say is what that episode is, where the whole Italian American thing that we're getting at. See, it's interesting, yeah.

And we're watching it now, and it was one of those things where my wife's like, what the fuck, like we have to. But yeah, I feel like, and whatever, I guess, I don't know if this is a slur, but the Italians, the Italians in New York. I love it, I love sowing discord among your ranks. This is my plan, divide. Divide and conquer.

But in many ways, in many ways, they're way more Italian than me because they have the family together. And whatever, I think that Italian Americans are, you know, they have a pride there unto themselves that is extremely Italian. It's very family and it's okay that they're cooking chicken parmesan

and there's no such fucking thing but The parmesan the parmesan first of all you guys egg with the parmesan to what is that? No parmigiano that's it comes from so and a lot of eggplant parmigiano, you know, like maybe Barely any cheese just a little just a little sprinkling little something a little something. But you do fry it, right? Yeah, yeah, you got to fry it down, sweat it down. Come on, don't fuck it. I was about to have a heart attack. If eggplant parm was it fried?

Because I love a nice fried eggplant, fried zucchini. That's nice. See, that's the thing about Mediterranean, guys raised Mediterranean like you and me. I do feel like maybe this is different from a lot of the Italian Americans and, you know, sort of Mediterranean's that are, you know, in New York and shit or whatever for generations. We love breezy vegetables. Love it.

Yeah. Love it. That's what's saving you and I. It's just breezy vegetables. And it's olive oil. Clean and... Yeah. It's not deep fried. And it's olive oil. Clean and, yeah.

It's not deep fried, you have to flip it. Yep. You know what I mean? If you have to flip your vegetables, that shouldn't even count as fried. That's not submerged. If the oil does not submerge it, it's fucking, might as well be steamed,

as far as I'm concerned. Well, and now it's so funny that it's like, everything you hear is like, oh, olive oil is great for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah and And yeah, and I'm like, okay good. That's why my heart didn't explode. Yeah, I was 18. So yeah Yeah, were you always you were a chubster from the jump? Yeah you love. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, there was there's definitely a moment. I'd probably I was kind of chubby and then like second third grade. Never looked back from there.

We hit the ground running in second and third grade. I believe you were about the same, Eldis, is that correct? Did you have a moment where you... I don't know. When did I get pretty fat? You're not as fat now as you... You had fatter times in your life for sure. Maybe when I was a kid. As a kid you were fatter for sure.

But I don't know, I feel like I've always just been like tall, fat, goofy like my whole life pretty much. Yes, that is true. How long have you guys known each other? Oh, literally kindergarten. Kindergarten, pre-k. That's awesome. Pre-k we weren't friends. I didn't like the cut of his jib in pre-k but by kindergarten.

He didn't like his beard of his jib and no okay, but I was in the yard. You didn't like it It was he was the one I've said it before but he was the only person was like more foreign and Poorer than me and it was like me being like an elitist American who's like who's this fucking refugee? That's all Albania. I'm too fucking good to hang out with this. This cocksucker doesn't have Nintendo. What does he have to offer me? But very quickly, Elders's family were a bunch of winners. They got themselves internet before my family. I had to go over to his house to sort of not even watch porn, but just like pull up bikini pictures of like Foxy Brown and we would be like nice.

A Cindy Margolis picture that takes like all night to download. And watch like MTV, they had cable before, cause my family didn't get cable, the reason we got cable at all was because satellite TV could get Greek stuff and that wasn't until second or third grade so for most, when I was a little kid we didn't have anything cool. Eldis had cable.

Guys had the multicultural channels and all that. They were trying to assimilate it. No, no, they didn't. They had straight up American cool shit. The stuff I wasn't allowed to look at. Oh, I see. Oh, you were watching a lot of great. I had the only, we got the most basic cable in third grade

because it came with the three Greek channels. And my dad would watch that. And so we got like, actually that's when I got Comedy Central and you know was watching like Stand half-hour specials and be like a snobby like as a kid. This is how much of a little fucking prick I was I would watch it and be like I could do better Would be literally ten years old and be like

kind of lazy. Just so such a fucking dickhead. But yeah, when I was like, you know, seven, if I wanted to go watch MTV, had to go to Elders' apartment. That's wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Did you always know you wanted to be a comedian?

I think, I think on some level, I mean, we did like school plays from the time we were like second grade and like, I mean we did like school plays from the time we were like second grade and like I liked performing. I was always a fucking little fucking attention whore like from being a bait, like I would play the little fake guitar in front of everybody with my mom and have her friends over.

They have video of me shushing, another baby is trying to sing and I'm like, ah, ah, ah, ah, it's kind of my time right now. That's awesome. I'm like, back to the drums, pal. That's freaking tremendous. I was a fucking asshole. I was a diva, as a fucking three year old.

But yeah, I was always sort of like, and then I definitely did have the immigrant guilt stuff of, no, you have to get us out of debt. You have to be a lawyer. And I like tested well. I was good at standardized tests. I think my parents mistakenly thought that man. I was like a genius.

My mom, over, I don't know if your mom was like this, the O believes in you too much. Sure. Like thinks I'm smarter than I am by an order of magnitude. Well, I think that has a lot to do with, you know, it's interesting being an immigrant, when my folks came over, I feel like, my brother and sister are nine and 11 years older than me.

And I feel like by the time they were, they're like 12, 13, they know way more than their parents do about the Canadian experience and being a North America and an English speaking society and in the West, you know. And I think that has a lot to do with it. I think that, and maybe it's specific to the time, but I think it applies in the 70s and also the 80s

that it's like, oh, you know, this kid knows the way things work in a way that I just don't. They've been in the system and savvy, so there is sort of this thing that the parents look at the kids and go, you know how to get moving here, right, like you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can figure this out.

Yeah, and this test must mean a lot because they give it to you. Right, right, right. So that must mean it's important. Right, right, right. Yeah, you know, I don't know. I feel like by the time I was around, because I was the youngest, they were kind of like.

I mean, yeah, 10 years younger is hilarious. It was, yeah, it was a different upbringing. You were fully not planned at all. No, no, no, no. And we had a buddy who had a kind of a similar situation, immigrant, immigrant, and then just like, Pops helped himself to one too many strokes, and out comes their little brother, that's you, man.

That was a little too much hanging out with his Greek friend at a wedding. That was a little too much woozo. A little too much woozo. Yeah, it's just, it's good in the coffee. Yeah. We're having coffee. Yeah, I feel just if it's good in the coffee. Yeah. We're having coffee. Yeah, I feel like later on, they were different parents.

It was probably extremely stressful, I know it was, for them. And then when I came around, it was kinda like, what, I'm a fuckin' fat white boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for the pasta, this is great. I'm a big fat, goofy white boy. Yeah, and it's like- And you must have been like the mascot of your family.

You were the baby, you know what I mean? And I was a goof. My mom's hilarious, she's a very funny person and her side of the family is very funny, very animated, always singing, laughing, dancing. They're just the whole, you know, and my dad's side not so much, but I definitely took after my mom's side.

And I was a class clown and all that shit, and was just like, what I can do? And I feel like, this is why I ask, because I do feel like a lot of it is like, I'm gonna do this, right? And I used to watch movies and go like, oh, here's my idols, they're fucking amazing. But the guy who, that guy who's way down the call sheet,

the guy who has a run-in with your hero, I can do that. I can do that for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put me in one scene. Yeah. Let me be the weird guy. I recently played a fat weirdo on a bus

that the hot leaves of a romantic comedy run into. That was like, that's the kind of shit that's like perfect. Let me annoy two like, like, you know, like 20 something actors by being like, you know, by cursing it like some beautiful boy and girl. You know what I mean? Like that's the kind of stuff we're, you know, perfect for. And you feel like, and you kind of as a performer, you're kind of like, what? That's what people are going to remember, right?

Yeah. And they're going to be like, oh yeah, there was this scene where the fucking guy gives the two people shit. I didn't care for them anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I always say that my dream, you know, like as a kid, if I could even just be the guy who's like,

you can't park here! I always, that's my God who's like you can't park here Yeah, so anything about that has been Way too fortunate. Yeah. Yeah folks You know I like many people out there love photographs and there's no place I like to display my photographs more than the wonderful Aura frame, this one here, the Carver matte frame. You know, it was named Wirecutter's number one digital picture frame,

and for good reason, it's easy to set up. You can see here I have a beautiful photograph of myself in Milwaukee, an eldest modeling former tour merch. Here's a picture of me and my dear friends Michael Michael and Brendan as we're dressed up as green characters for the last Halloween's episode. Just my most cherished memories as you can tell. You know my family my little brother just had a, here's AI, Donald Trump and Joe Biden smoking kush together. And it's loading more photos.

Me as a child, Susan Sarandon with her fat breasts out. Look, I'm a specific kind of guy, you're a specific kind of person. You put whatever the fuck you want on your aura frame, I put whatever the fuck I want on mine, okay? And do, yeah, we look, Greece, oh, and do yeah, we look grease. Oh, it's beautiful Here's the best part. It comes with unlimited storage You put whatever you want whatever you want you put it on there

Just get a free aura app and the Wi-Fi connection put as many photos as you want up there and right now you can save on The perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting all our frames comm For a limited time listeners can get $20 off their best-selling Carver matte frame, this one right here, with code STAVI. That's AuraFrames, A-U-R-A-Frames.com, promo code STAVI. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

Awesome. So it was like always acting and stuff. Yeah. You came up through like, I'm going to guess improv stuff. Mostly just straight up acting. Really? Yeah. That's awesome. So in Vancouver, they shoot a lot of stuff and they still do, of course, they shoot a lot of stuff, and they still do, of course.

They shoot a lot of stuff now, and they did back then too. So I always wanted to be an actor. I saw it's a very predictable list of like, John Candy is my idol. Yes, of course. He's the man. And then from there, a very predictable list from all the SCTV and Saturday Night Live and on down and Monty Python and all of it and in Living Color and Kids in the Hall. But I really as a little guy was like watching

Candy and Akroyd and Belushi and Levy and all of them and just being like, this is in Cleese and everyone. And this is what I wanna do. And then- That's awesome, dude. But I, there was, you know, I'd gotten to the plays and shit in high school and elementary school and doing all that and was really like, this is the only thing I want to do.

Yes, yes, yes. And then, you know, 14, 15, I started, you know, kind of just crashing some auditions downtown and there was enough going on. That's awesome, yeah, yeah. We had a magazine, like just the paper, the Georgia straight, and you go in the back, and here's some things.

And I would literally, I would take the bus downtown, because I was in a little, you know, sort of little enclave out there, farming and fishing town, like 30 minutes out. And I would take the bus and go to some audition and then, you know, and then get fucking fries and gravy somewhere and be out of money. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then go walk into the Hotel Vancouver where the old man was working in the lobby lounge back then. And I go, dad, dad. And he's like, hey, William, what are you doing here? Am I on? You know, it's like, this is, it's school time. Yeah. And I'm like.

So you would cut? Yeah. To go audition? Oh, fuck yeah. I never, I never did any of that. And never got it like, oh, he has a thing. My parents didn't know about it. And then I go, I had an audition.

Dad, I had an audition for the season. Ma gumma audition. What audition? What is it? Audition. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like, I need, you know, season. Mah gumma audition. What audition? What is it? Audition. And I'm like, I need, you know, a buck 50 to get, okay, don't tell your mom, okay. And like later, and then I started booking some stuff

and I was fortunate enough to start working at like 15, 16. And then, you know, you're supposed to go to school while you're on set. And I just didn't do, I didn't tell the fucking school. Then you know you're supposed to go to school while you're on set. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just didn't do, I didn't tell the fucking school. I just was gone for a week. You were just truant. And then I would come back and they go, where was Willie?

And it's like, I was doing a TV show. I love that. And they're like, oh. What was the first thing, do you remember like the first? Yeah, the first thing I did was I did three episodes of this show called this I fucking I it's just such a canadian It's such early 90s canadiana to me. Yeah, it was a show called neon rider Love it and the pitch of this show was there's this michael landon type this guy was shitty knight rider canadian knight rider. Oh, uh, That would be way cooler.

Okay, okay, okay. No, this was about a guy played by Winston Record, Rest In Peace, was an actor who sort of had this kind of, oh, if we're looking at it, yeah, here we are. There he is. And Neon Rider was a show about this guy who had a ranch. And he would come down to the city and pick up teens that, yeah, no, stay with me.

He would get kids that are at youth no parents that's right at risk youth no one would miss them precisely exactly but he would go the other way. Wow. Because what he would do is he would bring them up to the ranch the social workers would be like, here's this kid, he's got this problem or whatever, and he'd take them up to the ranch and make them fucking bale hay and do all these things and they'd have little sessions and talk and this and that and then the kids would get it.

And by the end they hugged their parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a scared straight program. Yeah, like a nice Canadian where you ride horses and then you're good. Fully written by a child molester, just trying to put that idea out in the public. Just to get around. Just trying to put the idea into the zeitgeist. Yeah. Hey, if a guy's taking 14 year olds with a with a drug addict mom up to the ranch. He's doing good He just wants him to raise a barn and learn about themselves. He wants them to learn about the value of a hard day's work

That's it. He's not trying to suck them off. No, no Definitely not Like a lot of shows in Canada probably got some government funding because it's about something good It's like hey, we should be doing this in real life too. Let me take these kids. Let them talk to children. Were you an at-risk teen then? I was like one of the kids.

I was a kleptomaniac. Hell yeah. And that was my thing. That's awesome, dude. I guess I just assumed, because you're a great comedic, I mean, obviously you're a good actor, but it's interesting that you approach it straight from just acting, because you're a great comedic, I mean obviously you're a good actor, but it's interesting that you approach it

straight from just acting, because you're so funny. I mean truly so funny and so like, I would have assumed improv because you're quick and you're so good at like character work, but I guess that's just by being a good actor who is funny, you can just Do that it's kind of it's kind of like almost like oh like it is kind of yeah like candy or like that's all It's cool to yeah, that's awesome

You were just like you would did you want to be dramatic or no you wanted to do comedy stuff I I wanted to do both like I really like I love I love comedy and I kind of You know, I always wanted to be on love comedy and I kind of, I always wanted to be on Stand Up Live when I was a kid, that whole thing. You? I just wanted, I honestly wanted to do stand up. Really?

That's great. Yeah, I mean, I kind of, I was, the first thing was just because you don't know stand ups exist when you're little, it was the same stuff. The same fat guys, we watched the same fat guys were like, I want wanna be John Candy, I wanna be Chris Farley. Yeah, but then when I saw Stand Up,

something did click. That's great. Where I was like, wait, this, and I still feel that now, where I've been lucky to do a little acting this year. Congrats on your movie, buddy. Oh, thanks, dude. Appreciate it.

That's awesome. It was really cool to see. Thank you, man. Because you are, and look, I have a great respect for standup, and maybe we have similar philosophies about it or views. I do feel like, because people go, oh, you're funny, you stand up, and it's like, no,

these are different passions. Forget about completely different arts. Yes, yes, yes. But these are also different passions, and I watch what comedians do and the time you put in to get a joke. It doesn't matter how, well, it's like, it doesn't matter how great you are

at standup and you are great at standup. Cheers, come on. Come on. No, hey you. Stop. Yeah, you know. But no, it's incredible to see the discipline of it. Oh, thank you.

Of going and working around the country. Yeah, I mean, I see it's bullshit. Stand up, let me stop you right there. It's pretty easy. That's what I've learned acting is like, I used to think acting was bullshit. And it's like, and it sort of is. It could be tricky.

I think it's like, here's what I will say. I think you could be 80%, you get to 80%. You could be not bad at acting pretty easy. To be good at it's very hard, I think. To get like the above percentile, stand up is the fucking easiest. Like it's hard to get good at it. Once you're there, you're on autopilot, brother.

You are, because you're fucking funny. I appreciate that. I feel like, and. You are, because you're fucking funny. I appreciate that. And this is really, let me just, this is gonna be very blunt. I feel like your art form has been under siege for years. Whenever standup gets hot, everyone's like, yeah, me too. Absolutely.

Because all you need is a microphone. It's like, there's's barrier to cross with acting or with true True, true with even being in a band or fucking playing sports and shit But it's like I feel like everyone thinks they can not everyone but people, you know A lot of sociopaths more of them can be getting a stand-up. Whereas in in, you know acting or or you know Some of these other pursuits that are creative, it's a little harder. The barrier of entry is there.

And I think that that makes it even more special when someone is like, oh no, this is a great standup. I'm not just laughing because this is a fucking funny person. But what I mean by you going around everywhere and doing the stuff, it's like, I'll listen to stand-ups talk about, oh, that joke doesn't work. Forget about this club or that club or whatever,

but regionally, you understand, which I'm fascinated by, oh, don't try that there. Well, I am interested in, actually, for this tour, I really wanna be more like this next special, because the last special I felt like I did kinda quick because I just wanted to get a Netflix special. Everything I'd done had been on the internet, but this tour is going to go everywhere.

And I even am trying to figure out international stuff because I really want to put the material through its paces. Like it's cool to put it everywhere and see exactly what you're talking about. Like, how does it do here? How does it do there? And try and figure out, try and make it as airtight as I can, and I think it's fun.

Like to me it is fun, as much as I don't respect it artistically, I love doing it. I just love doing it, I think it's a good time. And it is honestly like an easier, like logistical life once you get used to the travel, which I guess is very hard to get used to now that I'm saying it out loud Yeah, that's all um the travel but but but anyway who cares look stand up You're right about the under siege thing because it's Even when it's not hot

it's the only the problem with the art form is like, anyone who can get people in a room can say they're a standup because, and it's not even when it's hot, it's like, you know, may he rest in peace, Dustin Diamond is the perfect example of like, it would be like, what's this guy just is doing this cause he's broke and it was not good,

you know what I mean? Like, and now it's like, if you can get people in a room, like I almost feel like stand up is, I just do it because I love it, but you have to kind of pop from other shit. Because no one really cares about stand up. They won't see you because you're stand up. You have to kind of like do podcasts, do clips.

Well you guys now, watching the hustle, I mean it's incredible. It has become too much of a job, unfortunately. Well, I look at podcasting as a, there's so many positives and negatives and I love it, but it's like, it is kinda like, I do kinda feel like, man, you know, well I'm having a great time, here we are doing one.

But it's like, in my opinion, it does suck a little bit that standups have to do that in order to get, and that people, because audiences out there, it's just we're all conditioned now to that's where we find funny people is on podcasts. And some people will even be like, he's funnier on podcasts, and it's like, yeah, maybe you prefer it,

but it's like, it's just a completely different thing. Totally. It is, you know, it is funny, but who would have thought that this is how shit went? But who cares? Well, let's get back to, I wanted to ask you, since we're talking about acting, I want to ask you about a specific performance you gave.

And this is my buddy, my buddy, Nick Mullin. We watched this together and he was fast, we were both fascinated by it. But I want to talk about, remember the Law and Order episode you did? Oh, jeez. You guys watched that? We love that dude. Oh no. No, no, no.

I fucking, I wanted to ask you about it because it was fucking awesome. You were like, were you trying to do like, and I'm not sure, like it felt like you were having a lot of fun on that, on that, on that Law and Order. And you were like, I am going to play this. Like you were over the top in an awesome way. You were like, well, I'm going to be a mad TV character in Law and Order because it was like,

didn't you like fuck your daughter or something? Or what was that? No, my daughter had been abused by her music teacher. My daughter was a teenager and is being, you know, fucking having a thing with her music teacher. And then, spoiler alert, at the end of the episode, you find out that my wife had always, and that that's not my daughter.

Wow. His daughter. Oh right, I remember somebody was fucking his own daughter. Right. You were the victim. Right. So at the end of it, he's completely, and I just remember like, I'm like,

trying to get at him in the precinct, and like you got Mariska Hargitay and Ice T holding you back, and you know what I'm saying? It was awesome, because it was like, you gave Law and Order the subtlety it deserved, you know what I mean? It was like, it was so, you were clearly having an awesome time.

I hope I'm not disrespecting you. I hope you understand that I enjoyed it, and I thought it was like, you were clearly having an awesome time. I hope I'm not disrespecting you. I hope you understand that I enjoyed it and I thought it was hilarious. I appreciate it. Because it felt like you were doing it on purpose. You know what I mean? Because you are a good actor who, you know what I mean?

It's like a ridiculous thing and it was funny to see someone be like, I'm going to match this writing. Instead of pretending I'm doing Shakespeare that a lot of people do, you're like, I'm going to match this writing. Instead of pretending I'm doing Shakespeare that a lot of people do, you're like, I am gonna be going, you're like biting your fucking fist. Oh, I'm crying in the courthouse, in the court like, dude, but like, okay, but those are, I'm crying.

You are, you really were, I'm crying. You are, you really were, I know. So, you know, look, here's the thing, it's funny. I guess I'm just asking about your philosophy going into that. I appreciate it. Because I would, yeah, I just, I loved that performance. Sometimes I feel like my career has two lanes. Yes. Because I like being, I like doing extremely, you know,

goofy, absurdist shit. Yeah, yeah. And then on the other hand, I really love acting. I like doing extremely goofy, absurdist shit. And then on the other hand, I really love acting. And I love finding, I love doing dramatic stuff. Anytime I get to do it, like, you know, I've done movies where it's like, it's like totally, and series where it's like completely serious, and I love it, and I love playing the heavy,

and I love playing characters heavy and I love characters that are all far-reaching like a guy who's like just completely victimized and sad and finding that and I really am an acting dork with that sort of stuff. So it's cool but there are to what you're saying and that's very funny to hear that you and your pal Nick Moen are watching that that episode. Sitting there watching that, smoked out. I think we did a whole episode of Come Town about it. I think we were just hanging out and we watched it. I can't believe I missed that one. Yeah, I don't know where it is.

Either we did or we talked about it between episodes, but I remember very vividly just how awesome that episode was. It's like, there are times where I'm like, and this is to what you're saying, there are times where I'm doing something extremely serious and I'll be like, there are people watching this going, I can't, I can't, you're not, that's not. And I know that, but there are other people

who don't know the other side of things and they go like, yeah, that's what would happen, I guess. Right, right, right. And their partner might be like, that's the fucking guy from the stupid, or what, mad TV? You see, you did Fred Durst. And now, like, how are you taking this serious? So there's always a thing where I'm sort of checking in

with myself, but I cannot, I can not, that will never, and this is the fucking, this is even more embarrassing than the reason I haven't watched Sopranos. I will never, I can never, I can never sacrifice a character for a personal reason like that. Like, oh, I'm doing it sort of wink, wink on the hair. No, I do approach, I approach every single, because what I really dig about acting is playing,

I really love the fantasy of it and playing completely different people. As a kid, that's why I dug Sound Alive and stuff. I was like, these are the most fortunate performers in the world because they get to play five, six, seven different people in one episode. So I really do sink into the, it's funny, I do. I feel like I have two things, you know?

But I still think, I still think, I'd say it's as a performance, because it would remind me of is like how Sandler in Punch Jungle of it was like, this is if Billy Madison was a real guy. It almost was. This is if a Will Sasso like Mad TV character was a real guy who got ultra cucked and his daughter got molested all in one. This is how that guy would react and it was fascinating from that perspective. I just loved it, I just wanted to. No, I appreciate it and I'm happy that you enjoyed it

in any way that you did, believe me. I'm not saying, I'm not like, cause that, look, it's sort of like those Simpsons memes You see where it's like when they do the 3d art of like this what they look like is a real person Yeah, you don't want to see it. You don't want to think about your own. You don't want to hear it Dissected your face this way is that you're saying like the Adam Sandler thing of like yeah, he's a fantastic fucking yes, yes, like Adam Sandler's Adam Sandler when you think of that you're like

Oh, he's fucking hilarious and an incredible canon of movies and some of the funniest shit you've ever fucking seen and now it's great That he's you know performing live again and doing all that shit special was great yeah, and it's like but at the same time I love watching him as a fucking actor love it and Watching and it to me it comes back to like John Candy thing. One of the reasons he's my hero is like, you know, Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is my favorite movie. So fucking good. It's incredible. So good.

And as a kid you're watching it as a broad studio comedy. And you're watching, and it's like, you know, those aren't pillows and the car's on fire and all that shit. But when you get a little older and you realize, oh, this is a movie about loneliness. Totally. This is about a very lonely man. If that movie came out anywhere in the last,

I would say 15 years, he wins an Oscar for best supporting actor or best actor. I think you're probably right, yeah. 100%. That is an incredible performance and you're right, it is like, I mean those movies really were, that was, they really had lightning in a bottle when it's like John Hughes, John Candy, Steve Martin. I mean what they put together and then when you hear about that movie

and it was like, the thing I love, tight, 90 minute movie. But it was, the first cut's like three hours. Yeah, I've heard about this. And it's like the editing of that is like so, that's like so, that makes you understand how much goes into it because like they, that performance was always there and they found like such a stirring performance

that was also so fucking hilarious. But yeah, that guy, you watch it now and we watched it like last, what's like six months ago. He really was like, it's a sad guy that you know. And you know that guy who's just overly friendly and it's just a, yeah, great. It's a beautiful type and it's like, that for me was like,

I think there were things that I watched as a kid. That movie came out when I was 12 and I just remember loving it immediately. And also there's my hero, John Candy, doing this movie. Every movie that he was in, it was like, had to see it and I loved it. The thing about that though, and it's the magic of John Hughes and John Candy together,

and then Steve Martin is just playing it straight. Great straight man, yeah. No, you said you were going home, what are you doing here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just not afraid to play it straight, has a couple of like goofy moments, couple tiny ones, where he sort of sounds like Steve Martin.

You stole it, he stole it. But the rest of it is, but it's still hilarious because they're playing it real. They're playing the situations real. I really got off on that as a kid and was like, that to me is, that's what I love. That illusion of creating character that by the end of 90 minutes, you're like, I know this guy.

And even as a kid, the real incredible thing is it could capture the imagination of a little kid. And then now, as a grown ass man, I'm watching it going, I'll still pick up tiny things. Like my favorite part of the movie is, and these are the things that you just go like, does he know how, did he know how, like did he know that, that he was doing that?

Or is it just so inherent to the, or is he just so deep in the character that it is what it is and it's just magic? Because there's one part where they're in that hotel with the two single beds, and they're drinking the little airplane vodkas. Is this a good combination? No, like the Doritos and the tequila and stuff.

Get these off the bed or I'm going to kick them off. And then they start talking about, I'm afraid to look at my ass, I've got those turtle marks on my ass. And they're laughing. And I'm afraid to look at my ass, I got those straddle marks on my ass. And they're laughing and Candy goes into the bathroom and they're laughing and they're giggling back and forth and they're drunk and Steve Martin goes, why do I feel like I'm in summer camp?

And Candy's laughing in the bathroom and he goes, and he opens the door, a crack, and just goes, ah, ah, and closes it. And I'm like, as a kid, whatever, as an adult I watch him and go like, he needs to share the same oxygen as that guy. He needs to be in the room with him. He is so fucking lonely.

Yeah, he wanted to share that laugh. He couldn't just like, he wanted to be present in the moment for that exchange. He couldn't just enjoy it. He needed to like, be a part, an active part of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, anyway, that's the kind of shit that. I of it. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like Anyway, that's the kind of shit that I love it, dude. No, that's awesome. Yeah, I mean I just fucking I just I never thought about it

Artistically, I literally just wanted to be a buffoon. I just Wanted to stand up and get pussy to be completely honest with you You know, what's the closest way for me to get sucked off? Yeah but you gotta do some law and order so you can get really play some... I would love it if anyone's listening. If anyone's listening please, please cast Stavi as a... well you should be like my kid brother who's like fucking does the same gets in the same shit They should do that character as it should be like fat comedian Hamlet where it's like we all play that role it becomes I literally want to do a stage production of that script of law and order Everyone everyone has to Everyone has to do the fucking roll. Everyone has to, everyone. Fat Hamlet. Everyone has to do the fucking roll.

Oh, that's so fucking good. We should look into that. We should look into doing a stage production of it. We would be so fortunate to have, I mean, even though now he's, what he's done is incredible, but your pal, Ethan Supplee. He's the man. Just the man. And what he's done is, I love Ethan. I'm so in awe of what he's done. But yeah, Ethan's gotta go. If we can be so

fortunate to have a wonderful actor like Paul Walter Hauser. Everyone go through Josh Gass. Maybe Joshie will do it. We'll figure it out. Just play that one. Because we'd all have a fucking take on it. And be like yeah that, that was, yeah, Paul Walter Hauser's a killer. Have you seen Stavi's fucking? Go see him at the Pasadena Playhouse. It's fucking out of control. You know, like, everyone's gonna have a take on it.

Yes, yes. That's fucking great. That's Shakespeare, that's gonna be, we'll do that, but look, for the time, we gotta fucking, we gotta guide some people. Hey, hey, about Stake and Shakespeare. That's gonna be, we'll do that. But look, for the time, we gotta fucking... Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, about Stake and Shakespeare. Hey, alright everybody. Hey, we're having a good time on the podcast. Now you're warmed up, brother. Now you're ready to give some fucking advice. Alright, Elvis, now let's turn the mics on. Now we got the intro rips going.

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Once again, that's Coach Stavi. You're gonna love what Chubbies has for you. I guarantee it. This is correct. We need you to fucking, to guide some of our lost, our lost souls that have called in here, Will. So play us a couple calls here, Eldis. Hey Stavi,, Eldis.

Hey, Stavi, hey, Eldis. I know you guys won't be getting to this call for probably a month or two after I ask it. So I won't worry about that, other than to say I am still a fan of both of you. You're both fantastic, and hello, beautiful guests as well. Stavi, my question is related to your background having immigrant parents.

My girlfriend's parents are both first generation off the boat immigrants. Her dad barely speaks English. In fact, it sounds a lot like your dad and the difference being that her parents are still together. So, their marriage sounds a lot like what your parents dealt with as well.

I love this girl very much. We've been together for probably at this point just about three years. And I really want to ask her to marry me. I want to also kind of like ask slash let her parents know that that's something I want to do. Her mom and I have a great relationship and her dad kind of sees me as like a pleasant little foreigner that his daughter brings around and you know he knows we're together and all that but we don't interact very much and I guess what I'm asking is is there any way that

I would go about connecting with these people beyond just kind of like the typical saying in English I love your daughter very much I am willing to try you know learning Polish for that. I've tried learning a bit of it, but could advise it hard. So yeah, any advice would be super appreciated. Love to pod, have been a huge fan forever and come back to Toronto and hope to see you soon. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Eldit, you're a legend. Don't listen to him

Albania, I'm sure is you know, only a two out of ten not not a zero out of ten. All right. Thank you guys Wow, okay. Well, hey, we're the dreamboat tour coming to toronto We're gonna be there in april. I think eldest is that right april or may some shit like that? um Interesting. Okay. So we got a we got there in April, I think. All this, is that right? April or May, some shit like that. Interesting, okay. So we got a guy who's trying to impress a potential Balkan father-in-law. Ask for a hand in, basically he's trying to, he wants advice on how to connect

and he wants advice on essentially like asking for the daughter's hand in marriage, I suppose. So connecting with immigrant in-laws is very interesting because I've always, I've never, obviously we're all on the opposite side of that. And we're, for me, any woman I dated, my parents automatically, I feel like my mom liked them more just because they wanted me to have a girlfriend. They're like, this is great. Just have get married, have grandchildren, get me grandchildren. My mom's pretty easy to win over and my dad was never like,

I guess dad and daughter stuff is different than like son stuff. But I would say food. I would say try to learn. Look nowadays is cooking these tik-tok You know cooking tik-toks and you're since the pandemic You know everyone's cooking everything I would really I in my pay like this Yeah, bring something over and and they're in Toronto, which is you know, it's a foodie kind of place I'm sure they're there. You know, I have friends that are Polish, they're super into their sausages and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're fucking, what are their little? Pierogies. Pierogies, yes. So I would, honestly, I would, if there's a, this might be a huge insult though, if you bring food, cause you don't bring food and you and I know this. Yeah, imagine bringing your mom spaghetti. Or my mom fucking, my mom a Greek thing.

I think maybe taking an interest in it, wanting to cook with them. I love your pierogies. I wanna cook, you know what I mean? Can we cook? Or like, but to see the thing is the mom. I can tell by the sound of this guy's voice that he'd fuck up pierogies, so forget that.

But he also, the mom is not a problem here, right? This is stuff that's gonna, the mom is the mom. I can tell by the sound of this guy's voice that he'd fuck up pierogies, so forget that. But he also, the mom is not a problem here, right? This is stuff that's gonna, the mom is gonna love. How do you win a tough immigrant dad over when you're the guy? Because for me, it's like any woman I'm with, I'm like, don't worry about my fucking dad. Yeah, yeah. You're fine. Who gives a fuck?

But if it's flipped, that is harder. You know what I mean? It doesn't sound like he's too adverse to this guy being around. He said he's the amusing little foreigner. Pleasant foreigner. Pleasant foreigner. Fuck it, I don't know.

Yeah. Sometimes I... This might just be universal, like how do you get a father-in-law to like you? It might not be immigrant stuff at all. So you're both married men. Have you dealt with any, what did you do with your wife and, did you ask for a hand?

Were you the same age as her father? No, exactly. You guys went to high school together? So it was an easy conversation. Yeah. No, you know, yeah, my wife's been in LA for a long time and stuff. And we were kind of like, yeah, we're doing-

Not traditionalists. We're doing our fucking thing. were kind of like, yeah, we're not traditionalists. We're doing our fucking thing. It wasn't like, yeah, that would not be a situation where I would, let's just say, give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not, and that's maybe unfair. But I know what you're saying. Particular situation, you know, her grandmother,

who was the, who we just lost a couple years ago, was the, oh, she was so sweet. And that was someone that I really, yeah, was like, talked to about. You had to talk about, oh, that's good. I love your granddaughter so much and she's going to be in very good hands. And there was a thing there, there was a thing there, which was very nice. Because I do believe that you need the family's blessing. My wife had my parents blessing like crazy, they loved her.

So that was very, that was really wonderful to have. And it is very important. But I think so long as you do you, young man, and just ask the fucking guy, worst case scenario he says no, and you do it anyway. And you do it anyway, and that's the thing, here's the issue, he smells your weakness. He smells how scared you are of him.

And the thing he will respect the most is just being like, sitting him down in a way that I'm gonna guess you never have. You know what I mean? Like you've always been a soft boy that's hung around the kitchen with the mom and had coffee with her. You've never like gone and had beers in the garage with her Polish dad or whatever.

And you just have to do, I mean, that's one of these kind of hard things in life that you just fucking, you just do it, man. I didn't know what a husband and father who'd been, again, you know, cucked by the music teacher who's also come to find out the father of his daughter. I have no frame of reference there. But you dive in, you dive in, you trust the writing.

That's right. The show's been on the air for 23 fucking years for a reason. So you are the guy. You walk in there, you are the guy, get him in the backyard, pull your slacks up, get some sun, unbutton your shirt a little bit, and pretend you're the, you know, you are the John Wayne of getting cucked by the music teacher. There's something to that too, because immigrant dads, they didn't come up in societies where it was okay to express your emotions as a man. But I feel like even saying, I want to marry your daughter and just sitting them down, talking them out, I bet that will open up a wellspring of old world, my daughter's getting married pride,

and you will see like something click in him a little where, you know, you'll just see a little expression in his face. And it's a sign of, these guys love being respected. Old world dads love when someone bows down and respects them. And they, he's gonna love that you're like, you're ceremonially asking for his daughter's hand in marriage.

You know what I mean? And go for it. Throw that Hail Mary of that. Put yourself in his shoes and go, I see it the same way you with your wife, my hopefully lovely mother-in-law, you guys made a relationship out of this, and I really admire that.

So that when he says no, it'll be, you will have known that you threw everything out there. Yes. Yeah, you'll be fine. I think you're probably fine. I mean, he's also Polish. Also bring a bottle of liquor.

All those old fucking immigrant dads love getting boozed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Prime the pump with like a nice gift a little bit. but it's the holidays. I mean, it's not anymore It's January. Yeah, but uh, you know, hopefully you already got him a nice gift like do it for next Christmas Do right now what you want to do fill your bathtub with potatoes and grain And start fermenting that homemade Polish fucking rot gut and bring that to him. He'll love that. In a green bottle, he'll go like,

whoa, this fucking kid makes his own piss. Yes. You know? My own potato moonshine. Yeah. Good luck little buddy. We're rooting for you. Yeah.

Damn, you ask for a hand in marriage? I'll just you sit down and have the formal ask. I did not. I kinda had a conversation with her mom couple years before that. Couple years? A year, a year. My man took his time.

You really are a piece of shit. Her mom's just waiting like, hmm. So any news? Just calling her every fucking month. No, not really. But technically no, I did not ask. Well, he's gotten into podcast producing. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Well, he's gotten into podcast producing Holy shit, oh Oh my god, I'm not even Los Angeles anymore. Oh, it's time to do something It's time to keep it twisted. Holy shit. Oh JP you're not will Sasso. Whoa, we all love. No, no, no, no. Fucking idiot. That's for a different one. JP, you're not fucking Will Sasso.

We kept it so twisted. You became, Will Sasso became a different guy and I was transported to New York City. We all love Will Sasso, but I'm feeling too twisted. Too motherfucking ass twisted. Had to cut in. Oh man it's time. Eldis we're in the twisted zone. We're in the twisted zone. It's very similar to the cheek zone except you get even more twisted here. Um, it's, we, we were transported because, you know, it's February 10th, which is one day away from me. I've been sober for a whole year.

In two days, I'll be sipping one of these delicious beverages. That's right. But for now, I have to satiate myself with Keep it to it keeping it motherfucking twisted with the twisted ass motherfucking question of the week Birthday one day before stops birthday edition and it's eldest is birthday edition Eldest, what twisted motherfucking birthday question do you have for us? We have a really, someone going through a really fucked up twisted scenario. Okay, let's see what we got.

Hi, Skaavi. Longtime listener, religious listener, publisher, fucking Patreon subscriber, sorry. I have a stupid question, but it has been bugging me. So I've been living with my dear friend and roommate for the past three years. And we're great match as roommates, we're buddies, love and the death. I have noticed over the last three years of living with them, they've had the same shampoo, conditioner, and body wash bottles in the shower the whole time. Very twisted. And I'm like, and it's funny because the bottles are,

they're transparent, so I can see that like the social bubbles in those bottles has not really moved much since we've lived together. And it's like this person is very clean. Like they shower every day. They smell good. They're not at this point. All I can think is like, are they using my shampoo? Like, I don't know.

Um, and if they are like, do I I say something like it's not like I'm like flying through my soap, but I'm kind of like I Don't know it's weird. I'm like what? What's going on here? Anyways, you probably won't answer this one. This is kind of a silly one Thank you. Not only will we answer it well first of, let me just say your roommate is suspected of keeping it. Keep it twisted. Keeping it much too twisted. Okay.

Now look, that's misdemeanor. We are in a misdemeanor twisted court right now. Felonies only. It's not. It's not. It's not felony keeping it twisted. It's not, you know fucking fucking your ex's grandma You know, but this is a level and I'm just wondering our ring by definition is not twisted

But if you're committing a minor crime Showering that is tweaking being a very twisted and yet you're doing a clean that Showering and bathing it's so it's almost like this, almost this symbolic, you're cleansing yourself. And it's a baptism of sorts every time you shower. And to just say, not only am I not gonna accept this ritual cleansing, I'm going to steal during it. That's why people who beat off in the shower is weird. It's like, come on, jacking off into the shower.

If you sin during your baptism, you go to purgatory forever oh that's actually not bad that's a good loophole yeah cuz that way hell you don't get the you have to go to hell sin as much as you want in life I wish I had known that I was beating off during my own that would be keeping it twisted yeah as a baby jay the priest look at JP and he's like well that young man, you know what he's doing He's gonna do about it twist So, okay birthday edition We used to be roommates. I had a bottle of Pert plus for years. Are you calling me out here eldest?

I was about to say Feel like I usually had nicer shampoo than you. Interesting. Oh, I see what's going on here. On your birthday, you decided to use a, to kind of get a question that's not that twisted to accuse me of a fucking crime. I just hired a fiverr worker and emailed them the script and said bring this up on the podcast. And by the way, my roommate not only is using my shampoo, but I also, I suspect him of taking

two to three spoonfuls of my Ben and Jerry's cookie dough ice cream and smoking a little bit of my weed. And he cooked a meal and you seven pots and they've been in the sink for five days I kind of assumed he'll have them cleaned up every day I come home from work but I think he bought a flashlight on my Amazon Prime every time I come home from work he's on the couch I could just tell he's been here most of the day But he still hasn't cleaned the pots and pans from when he wanted to make zucchini fritters If I could have rigged up some cameras in this town

That would have been a great documentary is It's like just sealed footage of us. Like before, you know, before like, we're talking, this is like right when Come Town is starting. This is so long ago. But you know, I think I've kept it twisted in the way the call is describing with. It was a two way twisted stream when we were roommates. So whatever, but that's very interesting.

So my instinct to this question is mind your business. Okay. Because I had, I don't. Okay, because we do respect the twisted. That's the problem with the, when your call gets selected for the twisted ass motherfucking question of the week, we tend to side with the twisted individual. Yeah.

And your roommate is keeping it twisted here. Keeping it delightfully twisted. I also had a really annoying roommate one time who was a piece of shit. He was like a medical student and he was just a completely pampered mama's boy. And he had like, he had Kiehl's body wash in the shower and I had whatever fucked up thing

I was buying from the bodega. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Okay, I was stealing some of the teals body wash, but microscopic amounts, and he said to us, me and my other roommate, my good friend, this long ass text, like a very fucking annoying text to get, like someone's been using my body wash, and it's very expensive, and it's like, okay, fine,

but also how do you know that? Yeah, well you marked it. There were no visible marks, so I was like, are you taking a picture of this shit every time you use it? Yeah, he might have been. The humiliating behavior. Yeah, that's, and I can see, like there is a way to steal a little shampoo here and there,

and that's okay. You charge that to the game. Yep. I will say actually, this person is slob, I actually, I changed my mind. I'm not on their team because this is behavior that you sort of expect a little bit here and there. They're keeping it twisted is one thing, but you can't be

sloppy when you keep it twisted. Your shampoo bottles cannot be clear if you're stealing somebody shampoo like I have there is still I think I threw away about the bottle shampoo. First of all, when I grew my hair out during the pandemic, remember you were you were gone by then when I was growing my hair out. But I remember my roommate, our friend, our good friend, the elusive and mysterious big P that when he came home and he saw there was shampoo that I put shampoo in our shared shower, he started laughing his dick off because I would I was like bald, you know, I'd been bald

Since we were 22 and then at 34 or what a 33 whatever he was like I grew my hair out in the pandemic Uh, but i've had I had a bottle of green pert plus that you couldn't see through Laying there for four years. And that was beautiful. That's all the plausible deniability you need. Like if you're this guy, you get Perth, you get a fucking thing, an Irish Spring body wash. You put it there, or you put one fucked up bar,

you know what I mean? The bottle you had was like the old branding. Yeah, they've changed graphic designers. That's completely different now. It's a vintage. So we're saying it is weird. You can ask, you can be like, or you know what you really do?

You run out of soap. Because that would happen to me. I would stop stealing when they got too close to the end, you know? Then it got dire. Then I was just taking pure water showers and that's brutal stuff. Just moving the sweat around? Because yeah, because this is the twisted ass motherfucking question, usually you would say ask them, they're your boy, it's a little weird Who cares but since it's the twisted ass motherfucking question of the week we say get twisted back or

If it if you really wanna keep it twisted you put some nair in your fucking shampoo You really wanna keep it twisted. That's how you find out once and for all. That's how you find out once and for all. You put a fucking decoy, but it doesn't sound like she even wants to do that. We're just giving you twisted options. So, run out. Take your shampoo and conditioner,

squeeze it into like plastic bags, and leave like the empty bottles in there. Oh, true. And see if they, and then you have your own stash. Yeah, just have your own stash. You know, I don't know about this putting shit in bottle Holy fuck that was twisted

Well, maybe we shouldn't be telling Well, this is a spot this is merely the twisted ass motherfucking. This is just the thing we like to do. It's just organically emergent. Because we love twisted tea so much, JP. These were the shoes I was wearing already. I was wearing this hat. I was in this city when this episode started.

So there you have it. That's how you're going to keep it fucking twisted. And don't forget's how you're gonna keep it fucking twisted And don't forget if you want to keep it twisted you could either there's no better beverage to keep it twisted than a delicious twisted tea from our friends at twisted tea Keep it twisted. All right. Well What did you think of that will that's fucking fucking great. What else we got little buddy? What else we got here? Hey, Stavi.

I'm just calling in to the problem that I have is I'm still in love with the person that I'm supposed to be friends with. Short story. I am a widower and it is my wife's cousin. So we kind of like trauma bonded together and then things accelerated into a intimate relationship. You fucked her. But she is Polly.

That ain't the problem. It's not on her side. You fucking weirdo. I can't freak out about it cause it's all new to me. I've only ever been monogamous and- The Polly thing is the problem? ...to stay from. What the fuck? This is that Polly Shore movie where he has to, the,

it's like the younger brother has to marry the widow. Do you remember that one? No. There's like a weird Pauly Shore movie, I think. Anyway, keep playing this call. So this guy, wow, okay. That threw me for a loop. I thought for sure he was like,

I have feelings for this woman, but she's my, may she rest in peace. This man has moved on with his dead wife's cousin very interesting move okay all right not judging here just kind of call me off guard just call me off guard let's see what else he's got let's go back a little bit. He decided to stay friends and I have been I kind of had a little freak out about it because it's all new to me. I've only ever been monogamous. And so we decided to stay friends. And I have been experimenting with the poly lifestyle. And I am enjoying it, which is really annoying because now I'm realizing that I freaked out

when I shouldn't have. Um, but like we're back at being in a good place as friends, so I'm just wondering, should I just kind of like chalk it up as a loss and just continue being friends or like shoot my shot again because I really fucking love this woman still. Oh man, hold on. Yeah, that's about it.

So the fact that, I'm sorry, the fact that it's his deceased wife's cousin is actually immaterial to this question. It doesn't matter at all. It has not come up since the beginning of the call. It's just color. I thought that was going to be the whole point of this. But this is... Okay, let's just take that out because I am finding it too funny otherwise and weird.

This just shows you how resilient a man is. He deals with the most intense tragedy possible, but if there's a lady with big tits that'll suck him off at the funeral, he's moving on and now he's getting into the poly lifestyle. It really, it really is like no judgment. I'm sure it's a complicated experience to go through with the cousin. But it's just funny. But it's like, man, imagine being the wife listening to this voicemail from up in heaven. Yeah, it's like, what? This is your problem? Yeah. Not even a little bit of, you didn't at the end say, and of course,

obviously there's a little guilt involved here. There's none of that. You know, yeah, no, again, no, no judgment, I suppose. But this is, I'm going to put myself in the in the I'm gonna put myself in the shoes of anyone who any one of your close friends or definitely family right right in the future right it has to listen to the answer to so how do you guys get together so and I was sitting here going, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh. So, my advice would be to stop it. Get out.

I think right away, even the part that he, like you said, cares very little about, that his deceased wife, his family, with even just the Pauly thing, but that at the top of it. How is the Pau poly thing his big problem? But now he's into the poly thing Now he's into the poly thing by accident

Okay, let's actually give this guy some fucking Let's stop laughing at him and give him some tough talking to Okay Where do you get these f***ing powers? I mean this one's awesome Dude, when I see your calls I'm just like And I'm watching it going And then you hit me up like hey man I'm in like... And I'm watching it going, and then you hit me up,

like, hey, man, I'm in town, you do the podcast, and we'll come back, yeah, fuck yeah. And my first thought is like, oh, whenever I watch the show, I'm like, don't give advice to that, like, you're a fucking actor, a comedian or something. You can't help this person. But now I'm sitting here going, we gotta help this fucking guy.

We can save this man, dude. Okay, I think it is very, very possible that you might not even really understand what's going on emotionally for yourself right now, right? Like, let's give him some credit and just even say he might be too fucking stupid to understand how sad he is and how the ways grief is taking place.

Because here's the thing. Let's throw the, okay, let's start one by one. Trauma bonded, you both went out, you know, whatever grief is weird. Essentially, you in a tumultuous emotional time in your life, hooked up with somebody that you both sought comfort from each other, right? See, and now you're trying to fuck her again. Why don't you just chalk that up to, hey, it was a fucking weird time. It was a fucking weird time. And maybe your freak out had a little bit to do with that.

Maybe you did, it wasn't the fact that you wanted to be in a monogamous relationship with your dead wife's cousin, it was the fact that maybe on some emotional level you were freaking out about it, right? So hey, we'll give you the pass for fucking her, pal. Good, you're absolved. Done, done and done. And you know what, you wanna do some weird poly shit

while you're dealing with this? Great. But you can't fuck her again. That's fucking nuts. That's fucking nuts. You're out of your fucking mind, dude. And we're only saying this because we're your friends. But like, did you see how gobsmacked your thing made me? Do you understand how much weird shit we get on this fucking show? And how much this fucked me up? Please take that as an understanding of what's going on here. Obsolved, you fucked her once, who cares?

You're getting the poly shit great. And like, you both might not know what's going on here. You can't fuck. Move on. Fuck other women. Who gives a fuck? The second time is going to be exponentially. It's gonna be so weird. Way worse and is gonna come back to haunt you in ways that you can't even think of right now. I can't imagine them.

Yeah. You're in the situation and you clearly don't know what they are because you're calling Stavi to go, hey, help me sort this out. You have no idea what's coming for you. No, dude, no you do not. Please, run the other way. You got, yeah.

This is all, you know what? After the initial shock wore off, this is pretty easy. You good? Yeah, I'm good. This is a pretty easy thing. You had a weird hookup in a weird time, and now you move on. And her saying like, you're in a good place as friends,

that's good, that's good. Stay friends. She's not Polly She's just saying that Oh, I like all sorts of people he's like me too Yeah, yeah, so you're good man, keep it moving. Yeah, keep it moving fuck a bunch of like you're sad still You don't even understand it and just keep it moving keep it moving Wild stuff man. I mean man I mean that's yeah that was that was something oh man that was really something. We drama bonded and that's the last thing that came up. That's fucking nuts.

That's almost incestuous. I mean it's incestuous. It's emotional, familial, I mean they they're not blood related, so you can't, but that's, keep it moving. You gotta keep it moving. And it probably was probably a pretty nice nut or two. That's the other thing, it's probably, like fucked up shit just probably made his dick even harder on some level.

And that's, he's trying to tap into that, but that is over, that's over, you're right. The sheen is gone, the first, they might have fucked a few times, but it's like, that will never come back, brother. Please move, okay, play a card. Find other women whose cousins may have passed away, and see if that gets you going.

Start going to funerals. Yeah, there you go. Maybe you just wanna to fuck sad women. There you go. See if anybody in your past has died recently. Yeah. Go to a high school reunion. Anyway, keep going, Eldis.

Hi, Dobby. Longtime listener, first time caller. I was calling, and I love the show. I was calling because I had like kind of a weird incident happen with my family and I wanted to know how to support, I guess, my mom. So my mom got a WhatsApp message from my dad when he was in an Eastern European country by himself because he was going to go visit my brother in the UK and it was of what she described as AI porn but of him. And I felt weird because I was like why would someone be sending AI porn of my dad to my

mom and what does that mean? So she seemed to like just be really really stressed out and brushed it off as just a thing that didn't happen but like still seems pretty sad about the incident and I don't know like I guess I asked her like well what did the video look like and it didn't have audio and it was like 10 seconds and really really really still like still like the phone was still and I asked my boyfriend like oh do you think it's AI or do you think something funny is happening. Another thing for context is my dad has a very, very shitty phone. It basically is an Obama phone, but he just refuses to get anything better.

So it can be hacked pretty easy, and he only uses WhatsApp, and I don't know why. So I feel like he's just more prone to getting hacked, but the incident just made me feel weird. I don't know what it's about. So yeah, what would you do? What are your thoughts? It was just something really weird that happened. It just seems like-

What is she talking about? Not like my dad to do that. It's also weird cause it's like, I'm not gonna ask my mom to see it because I feel like if you if I were to see it I would know it's AI right away. But I that just puts me in a weird position. It's not like I can make like my friends or my boyfriend look at that either. But yeah appreciate your thoughts. Sorry if the call was long. Okay, love the show, love you all, bye.

Send it to stop. Honest, I would love to see it. We honestly would love to check out the AI pornography of your father. So this woman is saying her mom received a WhatsApp message from her dad while he was away in Europe and it was AI pornography. I assume of the dad holding his cock or some shit.

Yeah, she doesn't specify but maybe Jackie. She does not mention another woman or partner. No, she does not. Yeah, but which I would that seems like it would, like, and her mom said she brushed it off. Did she ask? Did she ask her husband, hey, what the fuck is this? Like, I don't get that. I mean, that's fucking nuts.

I kind of feel like mom has the right strategy here. Respect, yeah. Definitely just brush that off. Pretend it didn't happen. 100% bury that down. this dude is just didn't she say he was visiting her brother in the UK Right, which last time I checked is not in Eastern Europe. So now he's just in Eastern Europe With and there's some AI I'm assuming he was doing some sort of tour or stop or something. Yeah, that's what it was Yeah, but like could he have gotten hacked could somebody somebody have taken a picture from him and made AI pornography? Well, they don't want

money. They're not trying to blackmail him or anything. They used to do that, right? Where they would be like, they'd get you to jack off on cam and then they record it. Oh, and then they'd show you the video and be like, we're sending this to all your friends if you don't give us money. So is it possible that maybe it's not AI porn, maybe dad was beating off on FaceTime with somebody in Slovakia. Yes. And they sent it to everybody.

You know what I mean? That's what's up. That could be it. No, I think you cracked it. That might be. This should be in a law and order. Yeah, we should get it. And I would say you have a brother,

you gotta ask your brother in the UK to look at this pornography and tell you what it is. Your brother can look at it. Your brother can look at it. It's different than being a girl looking at your dad's porn. Yes. If my dad sent my mom some weird thing, it would be my duty as the first born

to look at potentially my dad's hard cock. That would be something I'd have to do. And I would be praying it's AI. Now, the other funny possibility here is, your dad just learned about AI. You know how like a bunch of fucking ugly motherfuckers were doing the AI, what did I look like in high school thing and posting just a sexy version of them that never existed?

You know what I mean? Those like, do you remember that? Anyway, people were doing that a lot when AI first came out. It was like just a hot picture of them. Is it possible your dad is a horny man who loves your mother and just found out about AI, he put himself through a filter that makes his dick look harder and bigger

and is trying to jerk off with your mom? Like is it possible your dad took a weird shot at your mom when he's feeling horny off the fucking, off the fucking rocky? He's had fucking bathtub moonshine from the, you know, the old world and he's trying to get his wife to look at his hard cock, but it's not getting that hard so he throws a filter on it.

Is that possible? Nope. Yeah. It's the first one. Yeah, this isn't a Trump NFT. If he's not, he's not, it's not him dressed up as a fucking astronaut or a cowboy.

Yeah, it's just him with his dick out. It's just a guy with his dick out. That's what happened here. She sounds so sweet. You're right, you're so right. You're so affected by it. Also the fact that the mom is- It's not AI at all, you're so right.

It's not AI. It's not AI at all. But that's also an old head thing to do is to blame shit on AI. Technology. It's AI. My husband's not a weird pervert, it's AI. Yeah, just everything is, and he just blamed it all on AI.

The fact that the mom has said nothing about this and just seems kind of sad means that you might be new to knowing that your mom's ignored a lot of shit about your dad and it just makes her kind of sad. So I agree with the not wanting to make it worse and stuff, a lot of shit will come out in the wash and yeah, maybe just let it lie. You're so fucking right about that.

Who knows, Pops is on a, you're right, Pops on an Eastern European solo tour on his way to the UK. Last time I checked, there's plenty of direct flights till Heathrow. He doesn't really have to stop over in fucking Ukraine. Yeah, no, that's amazing. Oh yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to Montana. I got a layover in Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I have to go, yeah, so'm going to Montana, I got a layover in Chicago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I have to go, yeah, so there's a weird thing where you have to stop in Thailand for 48 hours on the way to the UK. Yeah. So, but the tickets are so cheap, I just gotta do it. Yeah, and I would consult with your brother. This is what brothers are for.

That's his, pornography is his realm, your dad's dick is his realm. He's gotta handle this for you. He's gotta be the one to do this. He's watched him piss in the woods over and over again. He'll be able to just, and he won't even have to look that long, he'll just be like, that's dad's hammer. That's not AI at all, he didn't enhance that.

Same color. I remember that freckle. Yeah, yeah. Yes, this is fascinating though, and please call in with a resolution if you have one. We were captivated by this. Damn, this is so sweet. Is it AI? She sounded so nice.

Yeah, you heard it in her voice. She's just like, she doesn't even want to entertain that it could be real. But it's so clearly real. Yeah yeah that's what threw me the whole for the whole first part I'm like what is she why is the word why is the word AI even in this I don't understand what she's talking about now I mean hack and AI are two of the most yes I got high guy and it's AI is like the we are gonna hear that every time like a Republican Senator gets caught

getting his dick sucked by a 17 year old boy. We are gonna hear about how he got hacked and it's AI for eternity, we're gonna hear that. All right, let's see what else we got. Some pretty good questions, elders. Good job producing so far. Tavi, hope you're doing well, you and your esteemed guest. I hope that your Albanian picks my question this time.

You're Albanian. I have been a problem man. So I've been working at this same job for a few years now. It's a nice little office job, I like it a lot. I have an intern who just actually ended their first an intern who just actually ended their first semester with our office and they're going to be potentially coming back. The thing is man I'm pretty sure that they're into me and like I'm not I mean I don't want to fuck up my job. I know that they're like basically done working with me. Come on, dude.

Wouldn't be that big of a deal. I don't know if I would get fired even if like, it turned out that we were doing anything beforehand. We haven't done anything. The thing is, they are. The fact that you're already thinking about legalities and trying to get the timing right. You know what you're doing is fucked up, man. The fact that you're trying to get the timeline straight for the prosecutor, that's already

a very bad sign. We'll hear you out, but you're on very thin ice. The thing is, they are so hot. It's insane. And on top of that, I'm pretty sure that they're into me. Like they always want to work with me on projects. They're always asking me if I want to do stuff with them as far as like work stuff. We've never hung out outside of work. But they're always trying to help me with stuff. And they email. They're acting all flirty and things like that. I've been trying to keep things very professional, but I would.

I would do it. I gotta say. So what do I do? I've been working here for about three years and it's like a half a decade some age gap so no issues there really I guess. I don't know. Would it be creepy? Would it seem weird? I don't want to really reach out to them to be like, hey, you want to hang or something like that but at the same time, I don't know, am I going to miss out on this opportunity? Love you, please help me out.

And if you could make this the twisted question. You know what, Elders, you fucked up. This should have been the twisted question of the week. You fucking idiot. This is the most this is an insane. Although I don't know if twisted tea would want to be associated with fucking a subordinate. Yeah.

Come on. But it is twisted. It is very twisted. Okay. I mean, dude, you know you can't fuck someone at the all. I mean, what are the more, what are the true moral implications here? Who really gives a fuck about fucking somebody in an office like

Whatever it happens all the time, but it's a terrible idea It's a bad idea how a lot of people do meet their yeah exactly that work I'm a little dubious of your reading of the situation to yes like it's like I don't know Are you sure oh the hot college student is really into you. But did he mention, did I hear it right, that you were saying he's five years, just five years older? That's not crazy, honestly. And he sounds pretty young himself.

He sounds pretty young. If this person's 20, he's 25 or 21, 26. It sounds like if he's like making it this big of a deal and isn't just like, yeah, I'm gonna fuck this. Yeah, a real scumbag would have, if they're 20, he would have been like, I could buy you booze, why don't you just fucking come to my apartment? And he would have fucking cornered them in a room. He seems really hung up on the fact that it's the power dynamic.

It's an intern. Yeah, I think you need to, this is the answer to every single one of these, is leave it alone. This is easy. I will say yes I will say you seem to like later later in life if they truly want to fuck you Right if they really a hundred percent if you are right and there is some kind of something going on Let it go. Maybe you run into them. Maybe on their last day They say something like,

oh, can I use you as a reference? And you exchange contact, like let them show actual interest instead of you thinking, well, obviously the hottest person in this office wants to fuck me, right? You might be wrong. Let things, and look, if you guys happen to,

if some connection is made when you are not When they're not your subordinate and you don't want to jeopardize your job Fine, but like anything you do while they work there seems like you're on you know, I Wouldn't make this move if I unless they were like It was very very apparent and even then, you probably shouldn't, but look, who am I to tell you you can't break a few rules to fuck somebody that's hot? I get that, I understand that.

You're the guy that has question and answers for an hour at the end of your fucking podcast. You're exactly the person, you're the only person he's gonna ask, unfortunately, so you better nail it. All right, I guess you're right, don't do it. No, don't do it! And also, he's like, oh, you might wanna stay at All right, I guess you're right. Don't do it. No, don't do it. And also he's like, I might want to stay at the job. No, you want your job.

You're just saying that. He wants his job. He's horny. A horny guy at work. The reality here is this man is insanely pussy starved. And he knows it's a bad idea. And he's like, that's how much you know he wants idea. And he's like, do I even, that's how much you know he wants to fuck.

He's like, do I even like my job? Yeah. It's like, he wants to fuck this person so bad. He's like, I don't even, is this industry even for me? So you're not thinking clearly. Yeah. You let it, you definitely don't make a move while they work there.

And then you let it go. And if something organic happens afterwards, when they show interest, and it's not just you reading the tea leaves, then it's up to you, man. That's a personal decision. But don't fuck your job up, because you need a nut.

Yeah. Unless it was a really bad job. I never fucked in the office. That's a really bad idea to get involved with anybody at work. Yeah. It's just, you don't shit where you eat. Did you ever have like a day job, office job,

or was it just right to neon rider and you were off, brother? Yeah, yeah. And that's definitely somewhere where you don't want to pick up, you know, when you're on Neon Rider, the show about the teens being a teen at that time myself. You don't want to pick up when you're on Neon Rider, the show about the teens being a teen at that time myself. You don't want to get involved

with any of the social workers. There's a couple of lovely women working on the show. All right, all right. Well, yeah, I think we did good. We stayed moral. Keep going, Elvis. Hey, Stobby. Called a few times. Huge fan of the show. Thank you so much for all you do and you and Elvis, of course. I'm just calling because I've been in a relationship for about 10 years now and

sometimes I struggle with the idea that we don't show love in the same way. He's very, like, I guess, affectionate and shows affection through words of affirmation and physical touch while I'm more of like an acts of service kind of girl. And I feel like sometimes we butt heads on, you know, if we're showing love and appreciation to each other in the right way. So I just wanted to see if you had any advice on kind of changing the mindset and making it to where you guys, the two people can kind of reach common ground in the way that you

show love to each other. Again, love the pod. Thank you so much. This is way cheaper than therapy. So you're the realest for this. That's right. That's just as helpful. Have a great day. Thanks so much. Bye. I mean, she solves the problem at the end of it by saying, this is way cheaper than

therapy. Go to therapy. Don't ask him or me. Like couples therapy. Active service kind of girl she says. That made me sad. This is a straight up couples therapy situation without question. You're so right. The great thing about couples therapy

is they were, even though you guys have been together for 10 years, a good therapist will be able to listen to two of you in a session and be like, I can't help you, which means break up. If I can't help you break up because this is that that's how easy it is. I don't even want another session. Yeah, break up. Well, they'll know empathize with this with this with this woman. That sounds rough. Well, so the idea basically is like her partner,

he's very touchy-feely, and she's more like, dude, I'd like you to do the dishes or something. I don't know if that's what active service boils down to. I believe active service meant that she looks at, and I may be wrong, because she used the term active service. I think she's using, this is a type of language of the, isn't it love language stuff? Is it? I think so.

Oh, okay, I've never heard of that. There's like gift giving, physical touch, right? Look up love languages. I thought she meant that her affection falls under the act of service sort of thing. No, no, no, I don't think that. I think she basically means the way she likes to receive love is by him doing nice things for her,

whereas he likes to just be cuddly and physical touch. I think it's different types of, yeah. Acts of services or love language means that someone feels most love when their partner actively does thoughtful things for them, like completing tasks, running errands, or performing small favors that make their lives easier. So okay, look.

Who doesn't like that? Right, I mean, that's the other thing. Look at all five love languages and they're all like awesome things. Like none of them are, click on all love languages there, Elders. There's that, it's the fucking, the five love languages to the right.

God, you're fucking, edit producing. Okay, acts of service, gifts, gift, thoughtful gifts, physical touch, quality time, words of affirmation. All those are fucking awesome. So I guess, but okay, I get it, whatever. She prefers, is the problem that you really have different love languages or would you be more affectionate? Someone you loved more like maybe that's you know, maybe I don't want to assume that but maybe that's true. Maybe it's not

Would he want to do shit for you like this thing even if he's not like I'm fucking lazy. I Don't like running errands for myself, but I in relationships It's something clicks for me and it feels good. I will so I will way more go out of my way to pick up, go to a store and get some for somebody I'm dating more so than if I would do it for myself. You know what I mean? Yeah.

So I don't know if you necessarily have to break up, but if you have you had these conversations, it's like, Hey, could you do this for me? I really appreciate this. And maybe it's a compromise thing of like, maybe you want to be a little more physically affectionate, maybe he does a little more stuff that you like, but it's like, this is relationship stuff 101 in terms of compromise.

Also 10 years in and each of them are only doing one of the five love languages. Right. You want it from us. You know what I mean? Do more of those. Do more of those. Also ten years in and each of them are only doing one of the five love languages You want from us? You know what I mean? Do more of those. At least get the three out of five And then see if you have some overlap before you call Stavi and be like fix this for me I've been in a relationship for ten years And he won't pick up my dry cleaning when I ask But yeah, I mean I do hate to be like, but it's like, have you just,

how do you reach common ground? You have the conversation, and not to be reductive, but if it's important enough to both of you, you'll just fucking do it. Like, unless there's little resentments that stop you, and that can definitely build up, and I hate to say it, but Will is right, this is cheaper than therapy and that's the issue here. You literally need to go and talk through these issues because you know, I have, you were again, you guys

are in long term relationships. This, does this seem, you know. Is it worth 150 bucks? Yeah. It's basically the calculation. Well I would say to her, she subscribed to the Patreon. Right. Because if she's not. Because. It's basically the calculation. Well, I would say to her, is she subscribe to the Patreon? Right. Because if she's not, we give even better advice there. The advice is so much better on the Patreon.

That's a great point, Eldis. But yeah, I don't know. I wonder if she feels smothered too. Because all this love language stuff, it's just like, I don't know. It's like, is he being too lovey dovey and annoying? It's like, is that what you mean? Not doing anything. Right.

Cause, cause you know, you know, I mean, whatever people in general, but women need someone to show up and, and you know, and, and I guess do these love language things, you know what I mean? Like, but like you gotta do you In partnership, you have to like, you show up for the other person because you are thinking of them and you love them and you know them and you know. And you wanna make their life easier.

You wanna make their life easier. And you just, and it should, it becomes hopefully second nature. Right, right. Ten years in. Yeah, it shouldn't be harder ten years in. Yeah. It should be, you should understand each other's rhythms

a little better. Yeah. And what this boils down to, if we take out the love language parlance, is like, this guy wants to fuck and you want him to do chores. It's turned into a fucking Tim Allen routine from the 80s.

Which is like, my wife won't blow me unless I do the dishes. It's like, I hate to fucking, again, let's cut through the love language stuff, but it's like acts of service versus physical affection. We can fucking read between the lines here. Is there a reason you don't want to be as affectionate? Is there a reason he doesn't wanna do stuff for you?

You gotta get to the bottom of that, I don't know. That's his, you know, and of course, that's as easy, that's as much as I can give you. I'm also a, you know, a bachelor, what can I say? It's been a while since I've never been in a 10 year relationship. The longest relationship I've been in has been like a couple years.

So I don't know what to tell you. But good luck out there. Go to therapy maybe, sorry. And I don't wanna tell you, really think about your relationship and see if it makes sense, but. I mean, it's better than that fucking polyamorous cousin bullshit.

You got that going for you. That is true, you're in a much better position than that guy. Yeah, not a freak show like that other guy. Like that fucking guy, that grief stricken son of a bitch who's fucking, the tragic loss of his wife re-f fucking melted his brain He's gotta get into vests and fucking multiple people

So I was talking about fluid bonding All right, LD. What else we got here? We're rolling. We got some great advice. Yeah Hey, I'll just sorry about that last voicemail. My phone died mid-voicemail. Anyways, I was hoping you could hook me up and tell that filthy Greek that you worked for about my problem. You're not speaking to Elders directly. You understand that, right? My problem is that I recently got up parole in California and moved up north to Oregon. And I haven't been with my family in some time. And they have lot of tiny dogs and my problem is that my mom's dog comes on me and they're a small breed which you know like stop dick which is big for a dog

but that's not the point here. I would just you know grab it by the scruff of the neck and throw it down, but it's so small, it just jumps on my chest and comes on me. And like, it's like, he just like, it's a dominant posture. And my mom thinks it's the funniest shit. And I'm just trying to go to school and live at the house and not be sexually assaulted uh, every single day like as soon as he comes out of my mom's room in the morning while I'm eating, uh, drinking my coffee uh, he charges downstairs, jumps onto my chest

and comes on me and kind of dares me to do anything about it because my mom will defend him and be like, oh no that's just my poor baby but the thing is, my stuffed panda that I've had my whole fucking entire life He raped when I was in prison he he be he just Threw it away before I got out Yeah, that's it that's it my mom's

Chance he gets and I don't know what to do kill it maybe come on in I'm not sure shouldn't have a good day and exalted guests take care is this real yeah feels fake it feels fake I wondered this when I say okay here's some walk me through your thought process here are some clues why I'm willing to entertain it. Okay. I have known small dogs that do get excitable. I don't know about coming, but I Googled it and apparently that is a thing sometimes. I've got two small dogs. I've never even heard of this. I have seen dogs that when you walk in the house, they like get excited and pee all over themselves. Sure. So I think it's like maybe a similar thing. Okay.

But here's another clue. What he's describing as his mom's reaction, like, oh, that's my baby. Haha. They laugh it off. I can see that too. I can't. I'll give you that. I can see like a dog owner like just being like, oh, that's just cute.

He's just a dog. He doesn't know any better. Especially when she's poured all her love into the dog while you were in prison. Well, this is my child now. And then the last clue I would say is, you know, he has a rough around the edges way of speaking. He's referring to this dog raping his stuffed animal in a way that, you know, I believe this guy's on parole whether or not this is real or not. Okay, all right, I guess, fine, Elvis. You've pleaded your case. That's my apology for letting this one slip through.

And you know what, I made fun of this guy for, this is what a mark you are, this guy fuckin', just addressed you directly and you were like, I'm gonna advocate for him. I'm going to make it so that we do answer his question. I'm happy for him that it seems like nothing this bad has happened, nothing even approaching his back has happened to him in prison. Right, right, right.

So he's like, this is the most traumatic thing that's happened to him. That's true. In terms of the jizz you're getting daily, it's much better to get Chihuahua come on your dickies at your mom's house, much better to get chihuahua come on your dickies at your mom's house than the fucking arsonists come on your chin on the top bunk. So all things considered, looking at that way. Ah! You know, make it a fun game.

See if you can just avoid the dog and get treats. Treats! How about this? He maybe's attracted to your scent, go work out in a shirt, get it real musky, and then put it on a stuffed animal and see if he fucks that stuffed animal. If he rapes your panda, which I'm sorry to hear about,

can you get him a different stuffed animal for him to fuck? Toss that into the house before you go in there and then enjoy your coffee. That's true. And watch it. Are there chihuahua pocket pussies? Is there some kind of, is there something for a thing to fuck? I think that's just what stuffed animals are. Yeah, essentially all of those are pet smart, or just they all have, why do they all have a little finger hole

in them that you, oh it's a. Oh, that's for snack pellets. Yeah, yeah, that's right. You hide the treat in there. Yeah, you could create, how about this? Let's get back to what you learned in prison, how they make those pussies out of sponges or whatever. Make him one of those, get a stuffed animal, cut out the ass, make him a tiny little dog prison pocket

pussy out of gloves and sponges and dial soap. And that way everybody's happy. I mean, there's just no way, this is just your crossed bear. I'm sorry, there's no way around this. I'm thinking like, and like I said, we got two little cute dogs. It's like, oh, they do this, they do that. One of our dogs is getting, Ronnie's like 13 now,

she's pissing inside a little bit, never used to do that. It's just, we deal with it. We love her through it. Oh, it's cute, Ronnie's like 13 now, she's pissing inside a little bit, never used to do that, it's just we deal with it. We love her through it. Oh, it's cute, it's cute. It pissed me off the first few times because she's very housebroken, and now all of a sudden she's, oh, she's old. It's cute that she did that.

So you got dogs coming on you. Dogs coming on you, he's threatened, there's masculine energy in the house. Yeah, it's a... He's putting it in the house. Yeah, it's putting you in your place. Yeah, you gotta, I think, unfortunately, and I hate to say this, I think you're the problem. Yeah, commit another crime. Yeah, yeah.

I know, get back to jail, man. You're saying yes. I think a better living arrangement. Yeah. The living with your mom getting jizzed on every day by her pooch. And there's no way to fucking fix this dog. Your mom won't hear of it. Yeah.

Isn't there a way to neuter the dog? That's true. Would they still be able to? I don't think they'd not if you neuter them. Yeah. It's not like a vasectomy. Apparently, it's mean to do to a dog. Like later on, it hurts not like a vasectomy. Apparently it's like mean to do to a dog like later on it hurts more or whatever but well hey the dogs coming on you.

Something's got to break. Something's got to give. Something's got to give. He seems very kind about it even though it's heavy. He doesn't even sound too upset. I mean I know he's upset. Sure. And he's like you said, using some pretty rough language

to describe what this cute little doggy is doing. So look man, create a little dog for him to fuck out of your shirt and a stuffed animal. Yeah. You'll be fine bro. Put it next to you. It sounds like he's coming on your chest while you're drinking coffee.

Yeah, what are you doing? Why are you lying down? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to be alert. You just have to be on your shit when you go to your mom's. I know you thought that was over for you, but it's not. What do you got, El? Do you got something nice for us to go out on here? What's up, stoppers? Long time,, just calling in. Made all these people talk about their relationship problems and thought I'd ask what your opinion is on someone who's 28 years old and has only ever been in a relationship with one woman and it wasn't even dating. Like, we met each other and then within a week or two, we were, uh, pretty serious.

We dated for awhile, but, uh, after we broke up, she was married for, she got married within like six months of us breaking up. So I don't know. I'm sorry, short. I'm 28 and, uh, don't really know how to get into the dating thing. So I hear you talk to the other people and see if we can get a unique situation in here. Have a great day. Interesting.

This sounds a little shy. That's okay. Yeah, sounds like a shy guy. Just a shy guy. Again, not really the kind of fun ones we like to go out on, Elvis. You maybe would've wanted to flip the order of these. Yeah, there's not.

A chihuahua nutting on a guy's chest, a lot funnier than this guy who just needs real cogent these. Yeah, there's not. A chihuahua nutting on a guy's chest, a lot funnier than this guy who just needs real cogent advice. Yeah. For us to provide this poor man who's only. There's no trauma bonding or doggie coming this one. Yeah. Yeah.

28, one relationship, that's not so bad, bro. That's not a big deal. It's really not a big deal at all. I mean, I've only been in like, I don't know, I guess like three real, three or four real relationships and one like, two very official official relationships, whatever. Now are you, is that the only girl you fucked?

That's a little different. Maybe, yeah. I think you would have mentioned that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To me it seems like he's, that's why I say, I believe this is just a person. A shy guy, yeah. You're going at your own pace and that's okay.

You'll find it, you're still young. You are, you know, like also he seems very daunted by dating. For sure. And just get online, do the online dating. There's lots of people and just take your practice talking. Well that's, that is what it is, is like, cause again, I, we've, you know, me and Elvis were fucking losers for much of our lives.

You could argue, some might argue we still are despite the success. But I know this feeling of being like, maybe I wasn't 28, but I was like 21, 22. And then even after that when I'm like 23, I got out where, and then even after that when I'm like 23, I got out of my first relationship in college, but before that, I was like fucking scared and I could like talk, and I could do everything until it got romantic and then I got scared. I was like that when I was a guy.

In my early 20s for sure, I was like not, I was just very, yeah, I was very timid when it came to, and you know. It's interesting, because it's like, you're talking about being like, oh yeah, you're a kid, you're class clown. You don't have to be completely adept at everything just because your peers are, and it's okay to go at your own pace.

Exactly, and hopefully that makes you feel better because it's like, yeah, both of us were probably like very outgoing, boisterous people that no one might have even assumed that was an issue. Like I remember friends of mine were like confused where I was like, when I, because I was never shy until it was like a girl I liked. Yeah.

And then I was like the shyest guy of all time. And all that was, was being scared of rejection. That's really what it boils down to. And maybe you're in that situation too. Maybe that's why you hit it off with a girl and you're immediately like, great, I'm dating her because I found one woman that makes me feel comfortable. Well said.

And so just brother, there's no secret here. There's, you know, the general advice we give everybody, if you're feeling bad about yourself, just try and make some improvements, not even for you know the shallow reasons but because whatever you do to when you feel like you're making progress you feel more confident in general so whatever that is you know dressing better losing weight exercising like you know whatever

whatever the fuck you want to do maybe that that'll help, but even if you don't do any of that shit, just start taking swings, bro. Start failing. Take some losses, and then eventually you will fucking win. Where you going, you gotta piss? I'm so clearly rapping on the episode, but no, go piss. Go piss.

I mean, hilarious stuff. I love eldest, man. You know, there's a good chance that this caller would maybe needed advice at which point they called in, but seeing these first three or four calls is now going, I got no problems. Yeah, yeah, he's checked out. I'm just a guy who's a little bit slow to the game.

Not a big deal at all. I agree with everything you're saying. Yeah, dude, just take, you should make it your goal to get rejected because then you will accidentally, someone will be into you. There's just, you gotta free yourself of the worry of getting rejected. That's all it is.

And that's like the fear of like, I remember again, being young and being scared of women who probably were all so nervous. And it's just like, they're just fucking people, man. And when you're a fucking no pussy getting loser, it doesn't feel that way. It can be fun throwing a few rejections in a row and going, hey, this ain't that big a deal, I can take it.

And you do learn a lot about yourself, and it's not supposed to work out with everybody. That's the fun thing about dating, is you should be able to see someone, meet them, whatever, have a date and realize, I don't really. This would be a nightmare. Yeah, I'm not really into this person, or they're not really into me,

and be able to understand that because you've had the experience to go, not everyone's for me. Certainly I'm not gonna be for everybody. You don't have to take it personally. But at 28 years of age, I don't think you're, I don't think, and the fact that he mentions his age, I think is something that's interesting.

And that's why, yeah, Stavi and I both saying, oh yeah, here's where we were in our early 20s, not far off. You're on your own schedule, it's not a big deal. Yeah, you'll be fine little buddy. Get out there, try and get sucked off a couple times, it'll eventually work for you. This, I gotta say, this cold brew and the bon-me I had

right before really running through me. So we gotta end this one quick. Will, thank you for fucking being on. I gotta hit that bathroom. I'll just just hit within seconds. So please stick around. You know, if you got stuff to do, I will take it personally if you leave,

but I gotta hit that bathroom. See you guys, talk to you next time.