Stavvy's World - #116 - Adam Ray

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

Adam Ray joins the pod for a special LA edition to discuss the most famous Michaels, meeting Kendall Gill as a fat child, his reverence for Oprah, short-circuiting as Dr. Phil, post-show rituals, farting, and much more. Adam and Stav help callers including a woman in college who's frustrating by the fact that guys her age can't hold a conversation, and a guy whose mom lied about his uncle stealing her inheritance. Watch Adam Ray's Netflix special Adam Ray Is Dr. Phil UNLEASHED: https://www.netflix.com/title/81944995 See Adam Ray live!! Buy tix at https://adamraycomedy.com/ Follow Adam Ray on social media:  https://www.instagram.com/adamraycomedy/ https://www.youtube.com/@adamraycomedy   https://www.tiktok.com/@adamraycomedy   https://www.facebook.com/AdamRayComedy/ Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Get the shaving products that always deliver from Harry’s. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at https://www.harrys.com/STAVVY Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com! https://www.booking.com/  🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Wapa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavvy's World 904-800, Stav. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have returned to beautiful Los Angeles. We are here doing the Sunny LA Hollywood Halkia series, where we, I flew Elvis out, ripped him from his family, so that on short notice, so that we could get

a couple of our favorites that we don't get to see in New York, and we are continuing that today with our buddy Adam Ray. My man. Thanks for coming, dude. God, I love a good bump. Nice bump, dude. Never done Coke, though. Never done Coke. Let me just get that out of the way, yeah. My man. Thanks for coming, dude. God, I love a good bump. Nice bump, dude. Never done Coke though.

Let me just get that out of the way. Never done Coke. Yeah. People keep asking me at shows, cause you know, like you're so, I think it's just high energy on stage. Not so, but I'm always like Coke energy. Like I'm always like, I feel like, you know,

eight Capri Suns in an hour energy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I also don't know what full, I mean, I've only been around a few people ever that I could tell they were on like full on who were the same names? Oops, that was the full name. I tried to come up with a joke name at the end.

We'll bleep. We'll bleep. And Jeff Samsonite. The real guy, the guy who fucking started the luggage company. You got it. Wow. The heir to the Samsonite. That's the real guy. The guy who fucking started the luggage company? You got it. Wow. The heir to the Samsonite luggage company. Huge coke head. What do you think all those briefcases were for?

Mints? Dental dams? Nope. Coke. No cocaine for young Adam Ray, huh? Nothing. No coke, but I love a good, I mean, dude, I, this past week was a lot of drinking. Right. And it's February. So, you know, this past week. Yeah, so it's Black History Month.

Yeah. So I tried to. This past February, you, February, you had a great time. So yeah, we were up to some cool stuff this past week. I was, I was, man. All this stuff, man. Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day, President's Day. President's Day.

Martin Luther King Day. No, that's January. That's January. Which feels like a Feb month, though. And not because of the Black History thing. It just feels like there are probably some holidays that get lost in the shuffle like that. Well, maybe that's why I've had it.

You hear a lot of complaining, Black History Month's the shortest month. Just wondering where we're going with that. Why is it still a hear a lot of complaining, Black History Month's the shortest month. Just wondering where you're going with that. MLK. MLK. Why is it still a holiday? I was like, where's he going with this? MLK Day, you could kind of argue, should count towards Black History Month.

Yes, pretty big one. You know, you get an extra one. They should make it the last day of January, so it's one continuous. I'd be okay with that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Although, it is nice to have that. It is funny because you you think like oh

MLK day was created to honor an American hero and it turns out like a lot of the times It's just like what the people who have great jobs already Like it's like a lot of rich people. Yes, we work at fucking Google now. They get ooh, maybe we'll go skiing We have that Monday off. It's like fucking, you know, it's turned into just sort of, because only good ass companies, like fewer and fewer people get every holiday, I guess the federal government gets it off.

They get all, yeah. I mean, look, we don't take Hanukkah off, and I'm speaking for most Jews. All right, let's relax. You get a lot of holidays that I would not, I would not go, Jews don't get enough holidays. Let me finish my Hebrew rent. you get a lot of holidays that I would not, I would not go Jews don't get enough holidays.

If there's one group that can't really talk about fucking holidays, I think it's you. Can we just get one Sukkot off? Everyone's like, and this is the marker where I turned it off. Is Sukkot the one, which one is Jewish Halloween? You don't have to do this, which one's Jewish Halloween? You don't have to do this. Which one's Jewish Halloween? Jewish Halloween is Purim.

Purim. I love that I knew what you meant. Yeah, you know what I mean? Also Jewish Halloween sounds better than Purim. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But we, Passover's probably the most fun because it's the most, that's just really like, you know, there's a story and there's a lot of symbolism,

but it's really like a, let's have a fucking party. There's different versions. There's the sit down, go through the story and there's, you know, kids do a part and it's all this, you know, and then it takes four hours or there's the, let's do the abridged. Yeah, it's a cold read. We might as well read season four, episode six

from Entourage. And just have one guy go, hey, turtle, why aren't you getting any more pussy tonight? Why? Do you think Jesus had a turtle? Which one of the 12 apostles was turtle? Look up the names of the 12. The TV's off, Eldis. You fucking idiot.

You idiot, dude. You're embarrassing me in front of Adam, Eldis. What are you doing, man? I swear to God. We flew you all the way out here on Southwest Sea Group just so you can fuck up the tube. That's his fault. I told him to set an alarm to check in. It's not my fault he got Sea Group. Bro, and if you get into Sea Group you might as well just sign up for Narnia.com and make a profile. Because you are now a member of the Bottom of the barrel crew. C Group is wild, dude. C Group's tough to get by, especially as a fat man.

Have you ever had somebody massage your spot where you're like C98 and they come up with like, oh hey, are you C95 or C96? And you're like, hey Doug, we're both sitting on the fucking wing, man. What are you doing right now? Yeah, yeah. At the end, it's like, look, it on the fucking wing, man. Yeah. What are you doing right now? Yeah, yeah. At the end, it's like, look, it's a middle seat, man. It's a middle seat or maybe not even, or you're standby for the next flight.

Right, right, right. Yeah, but check. Thank God I'm not. I'm out of Southwest, thank the Lord. It's now a Burbank to AZ if JSX is too much or unavailable, because it still is so easy. Or Burbank to Vegas, it's 40 minutes and it's just, is too much or unavailable because it still is so easy. Or Burbank to Vegas, it's 40 minutes and it's just,

there's 90 flights a day. But. Actually that's not true, yeah, because we definitely actually did fly Southwest on a lot of weird regional, like Detroit to Dallas or some weird shit, you know what I mean? It was one of my first jokes,

I talked about buying a airplane ticket while I was super banked. It was probably my second year in the smoking weed. And first year in the stand-up. Four years old. And dad blew it on my face and said, I'll see you when you're 22. And not a joke. And he goes, I go, I got it because it was a confirmation code. I wish she's like, she's like, I'm gonna read back to you. B is in boy, K is in kaleidoscope, P is in Peter. Read it back to me.

I go, all right, B is in. That's what I would do in the joke. That's way more laughter than I would get. And then I go, K is in Ku Klux Klan. And then I go, and P is in pneumonia. And then that would get a decent laugh. And then I would say, I go, I got so baked that I bought a round trip ticket from LAX to Burbank.

And then I didn't know that you couldn't do a regional joke outside of LA. So I went to some festival in Utah and did it. I remember being like, I'm gonna close with this. I'm only doing seven. It's my first fest, but I'm a year in. Dude, festival, a year in. Okay.

Comedy festivals, AKA pyramid scheme. Like, they just, they would charge you to fucking apply. Oh, I don't think I made any money. I think I got a hotel for four days, and put no drinks for free. Shout out to Keith Stubbs and the Rocky Mountain laugh-off. 2007. Yeah, they put you up. Wow, the Rocky Mountain laugh off. 2007. Yeah, they put you up.

Wow, the Rocky Mountain laugh off, dude. Stop flexing on us, dude. I bring you here, you fucking just fucking brag right in front of my face. I was also on the season premiere of According to Jim in 2007. Who'd you play in that? The Waterboy.

Nice. Dropped two bottles of Sparklets during the live taping and delayed things for 45 minutes. I had to walk in with two things on my shoulders and I walked in and I had to go, hey Jim, boy, I was like a good Christian boy and Jim Belushi was trying to get Courtney Thorne Smith, he was writing like sexy letters to her from me because their marriage was in shambles. Right.

In a sitcom relationship. Yeah, she was hot too. She was. She was coming from Melrose Place right into Belushi's pants. Wow. Yeah, and so, and that show, by the way, was on the air for eight years.

Belushi had a nice little check off that. Nice run, dude. And he, I remember I was walking up when I left real quick and I was like, Jim, man, thanks man, it's my first TV gig, thanks for being cool. He's smoking a stogie because I had knocked on his door and in my head I was like, I'm just gonna go say thanks for being cool man and knock on the door, by the way like four times,

because it just didn't open. Should have just taken the hit. Hey, he doesn't want to talk to the guest star man. Opens the door and he goes, huh? And we're on the phone, I go, thanks for making my first day great man, he goes, all right. So not a dick, just not, you know, in my head, I'm like, you'll invite me in for a cognac. Of course. We'll talk about John. Yeah. Hey, Jim, want to come in?

I'm sure this has never happened to you, but I'm a young comedian who wants to talk about your more talented dead brother. Would you like to do that? I really, that's fucking awesome. Still a couple of Chewy bars from crafty if You look at a Taiwan off wait no so then so I dropped I had to walk great career those guys He was been in the early soon I loved him in fucking man or no no thief. He's so good in thief. You've seen it not Michael man

No early Michael man. It's He's so good in Thief. You ever seen it? No. Michael Mann? No. Early Michael Mann? Awesome. James Kahn is playing a thief? Dude, it's a great movie.

OK, cool. If you like Michael Mann, you'd like it. And Belushi's in there. Yeah, Belushi's great. Michael Mann's great. Didn't Michael Mann do the new Turtles? No. No, that was Michael Bay.

Yeah. How often does that happen? Michael Bay and Michael Mann. Constantly confused. Michael Mann. I'm going to host that show. Michael or Michael? We, constantly confused. Michael Mann, Michael Bay. Michael or Michael? We take all, all right, real quick game.

Quick. Rank who you think the most famous Michaels are. I want five, in no particular order. Give me five of the most famous Michaels. Jackson Jordan, right off the bat. Great. In one and two. Yeah, you can rank those.

Still might be Tyson. Wow, especially can rank those. Still might be Tyson. Wow. Especially after his impressive. He's in the zeitgeist that now happened, you know, at this point three months ago, four months ago, something like that. Ha ha ha ha. But it's still hanging on here in February.

It's still on the tip of everyone's lips. I heard he's going to fight Orlando Jones, the old 7-Up guy. Next. Yeah. Isn't that his name? Yeah. I believe so, yes. Okay, that's three mics right off the fucking bat. Uh... Could throw a few your way if you're...

Yeah, who else would be? I'm trying to think of Act... I mean, Keaton. Keaton? Maybe, but... I mean, this is a big drop off in terms... And I love Michael Keaton, but these are three of the most famous guys of all time. It doesn't sound like you do, because you're not willing to put them on a list of five mics.

Are we talking about who we like or who we think is the most famous? You're right. I said top five mics of all time. All right. It was Rapaportive? No. Rapaportive? Okay, Keaton before Rapaport.

It's the name of my memoir, actually. Keaton before Rapaport. My favorite. Rappaport. OK, Keaton before Rappaport. That's the name of my memoir, actually. Keaton before Rappaport. Michael McDonald. Yeah. Bolton. Bolton.

Wow. I'd go McDonald before Bolton, which is the follow up to Keaton before Rappaport. But Bolton had a higher peak, maybe. This is awesome podcasting. And I love it, by the way. I'm not saying that could change. Sorry if I took us down a road love it by the way. I'm not saying that can change. Sorry if I took us down a road that is a little dusty. I want to be very

clear. I am going to keep us on this road. Because now I need to know. And by the way, don't look it up, Eldis. We're going to do this the old fashioned way. Michael's. Okay. You don't got to tell me to not pull up something in time. That's true. That's where you're best at. Your best producing skill not jumping on it and moving the show along. Real sidebar, what's a better song to get slippery with? Taking it to the streets or butterfly kisses. Taking it to the streets. That's the correct answer.

Now let's stay on task. Now if it's just Michael's and it doesn't doesn't be real guys, I would argue Michael Corleone Mm-hmm is more famous of a concept as a guy Can they be fictional because if so, I'm going Michael Corleone and if we're going fictional Michaels I'm gonna have to throw Michaels arts and crafts in there And I'm not sponsored by him yet And I'm not sponsored by him yet. Bing, what an a ding noise. Okay.

Yeah, that's not bad. Okay, so that's the five. The actor one, there's probably way more than we're even thinking about. Elders Look Up Five most famous Michael Smith. Oh my God, here we go. I got one for you. Wait, don't. J-Fox.

Michael J-Fox. Good one. I went and saw the Back to the Future musical, The Story Gets Better, about a month and a half ago. And it made me go back and watch the movie. And man, he's just one of the best, dude. And then it made me want to go, oh, I should watch Life with Mikey. Then I should watch Greed.

Do you ever see that? I've never seen Greed. It's a wild 80s movie. That's one of those like big ensemble cast. I'm gonna say like Amanda Pizza. There's a lot of biggers. They're all basically, Phil Hartman I believe is in it, and they're all fighting over the grandpa that's about to

die and leave a ton of money. And so it's all like wild, crazy, it's like Rat Race, but you see Rat Race? Love Rat Race. It's like Rat Race, but they're fighting over grandpa's money. Love it, yeah, yeah. But no Seth Green or Mr. Bean. Okay, well then you lost me, no Mr. Bean.

I love Rat Race, he's just doing Mr. Bean. Yeah. But it's not a Mr. Bean movie. No. That should not, oh Michael Phelps, I'm a fucking piece of shit. Michael Douglas, that was a huge oversight. I can't believe you left me out the list. By the way, never tried a Michael Douglas before.

That wasn't bad. Fresh, coming in, taking a three, no warmup. That's not bad, dude. Okay, here we go. Michael Kane, yeah. Okay, Michael Schumacher, maybe not for us, but in the world, probably. Fuck Bloomberg.

No, gotta let him off. I'm going, I would, with no disrespect to Michael's arts and crafts, I would put Michael Phelps up there. Yeah. Because the Olympics is such a global thing. And he's got the most Olympic of course, come on. Well, I know I have to give a quick story for my boy Norm.

We were at the Super Bowl, and we got into that Shaq Carnival Cruise, Jamba Jews party, whatever. More bragging. It was, no, it was, by the way, we definitely got denied multiple times with our wristbands before we actually got in. So hold your thought.

Put your pants back on. The Shaq Carnival Cruz at the Super Bowl sounds fun. It was wild. Chain smokers were there, I think, or guys that looked like them. And Phillips walks by and my buddy Norma says like, I just gotta go say something to him. Cuz we're in an area where, I don't think he was going to a way more private area. But at least we were in the beginning area that was like, all right, you're not.

You might catch him. Yeah, and so Norm goes up and goes, he goes, hey Mike, sorry, I wish I could remember where Norm is from. He goes Michael or not goes. Hey Mike cuz hey, sorry, but you know, I got it We should remember where norms from and and in in Baltimore and he goes, you know, we went to I think same high schoolers There's group of the same street or house and they fucking house a hand job from the same babysitter Whatever the story was town both molested by the same. Yes. That's what it was Every story's gotta be told at some point Just a prequel to King Before Ravaport.

That's a great question. If you got molested by the same woman as an Olympian, would you bring it up as a fun fact? Or what do you think? I think maybe to your closest friends. Funny dude, comedy's awesome. Cause that's such a funny, like would you bring it up? Would you go, hey Mike, did we grow up in the same place?

Oh cool man, I'm not done. We actually both got fingered by the same man. No, no, no, no, no. That you don't bring up. Oh that you don't bring up. If it's a woman, then you have a little more gray area. Let me finish my story. Yeah, okay.

A man with tits. Oh, okay. Well still a man, sorry. Okay, all right, Joe Rogan. A woman with a dick, I'm listening, but a man with tits. You know? Anyway, to the bride and groom. Boy, that was the weirdest speech.

Does this guy even know the couple? Um, by the way, I would love to see you in that movie where it's like, it's like a wedding crashers type movie and I'd want you to be in the whole thing. And I think you would because I think the direct, but you, like, you know, those opening, I think in wedding crashes, even had it or where, or maybe it's old school, where, where somebody's giving a speech, right yeah anyway you just be will be great in that part but no so he goes up and he goes Mike same area blah blah blah and

he goes it's Michael wow now look I don't like to share these stories you know what bleep that out Michael Phel, the friend of the program. Is he? He's from Baltimore. Yeah. I was going to follow up with, I never am too savvy and privy to the world of the biz and life to not judge anything off of one experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So no one came back and was bombed. But we can also take that out. No, no, I'm kidding. We're not taking it out. I'm joking. Oh, OK, cool. Thank you, Phelps. No. Hey, hey, hey, take that out. No, I'm kidding. I'm gonna take it out

Is he really a friend of the program I let me were he's a home Baltimore awesome, you know, I Were both Ravens guys, you know, it was to his norm was just so it's one of those things Can I tell you something? Yeah, I get it fully Yeah as they like, you know like to be you're like all right, I'm at Shaq's party. No fucking drunken idiot from Baltimore is coming up to me. I mean, how much has that happened? He's just trying to fucking unwind. He's like, dude, you want to talk about, I used to get fucking, you ever go to pasta mistas in Towson? He's like, I am the most decorated Olympian of all time. Yeah. I have gold medals. You think I'm eating marinara?

I have experienced things you can't even dream of. When he got busted for pot, that made me so happy. Greg Geraldo, RIP, my favorite comic, had an amazing joke about it where he was like, Michael Phelps, you know, got busted for marijuana. And you know, it's on kids of every value. He was like, you can't smoke a little weed and be the best swimmer of all time.

You know? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, what's that sound? My favorite noise, folks, the Shopify ching ching. Somebody just purchased something on the stavi.biz store. Before we had Shopify, we were in the dark ages. I was selling merch out of my trunk. I didn't keep statistics.

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Surprise. Spoiler alert. Didn't DJ? He was big in the DJ. He might have at some point, but we were, I mean, it was one of those, it was a big campground type situation. A lot of booths, a lot of, you know, little bars and carnival games and stuff.

It was cool. It was cool to go be, I've been to one Superbowl when my Seahawks played the Broncos in 2013 and routed them in New York when it was, we were heavily unfavored. Yeah Everybody was like Peyton. There's no way the fucking Papa John air. I remember that. Yeah I remember going to that game like my friend. No, no, I remember like going to a Super Bowl party Oh, yeah and being like

Here we go. Actually a Peter Moose house eldest a friend of the program Peter Moose a different guy from Baltimore That's not even close to winning gold medals, but it But whose house I used to get high in all the time We were just fucking setting up shop he has this huge projector and it's a fucking laffer But that's a good one to go to as a sea as a Seahawks fan huge It was a an overwhelming sea of orange And so we're like but I kept seeing seeing Hawk fans in the streets in Times Square the whole weekend everywhere. Doing a weekend of shows at Gotham. And then a friend of ours, a friend of mine from college let her folks had an apartment in Manhattan that was just

like they had for family and friends and they got some cash. And so we stayed there. My buddy Brad Williams is a diehard Broncos fan. So we said at the beginning of the season, if our teams go, because they were both looking pretty good, then we're going to go. And lo and behold, and then two of my buddies from Seattle went. So I have this great picture of all three of us. Because once it was, I think, 19-0, I think it was. It was crazy.

At half, or no, 15-0. That's right. And then Brad's like, all right, one score, we'll back in it. And then Percy Harvin runs it back. And I have this picture of Brad looking sad off into the distance like this and me going with him in it. And I remember, and I showed it to him, he goes, you know, if you post that at seven years bad luck, you can't ever post that Midgets look sad at Super Bowls. That's such a good, cause he was, he was such a good sport because he was like, this sucks. He's like, but it's not even a game.

So he's like, it's not even fun now. Yeah, it's not, you can't even. And we made it fun, but like, you know, losing, yeah, I mean, fuck the way that. Winning, that must have felt great though. I mean, unbelievable. So that first snap. You wanna see your team route another team.

I think so, yeah. I mean, yeah, all the people. You don't wanna be close. You don't wanna be like, yeah, fuck you. But all the people that watched were like, it was such a boring super-opening. I was like, it was unbelievable. We just kept scoring.

And that first snap that went over Peyton's head, the whole place went nuts. And that's when it was like, oh, there's a ton of Seattle people here. There's my fucking fourth grade teacher. There's my stepdad's best friend. There's the guy that gave, that dated my mom for three months and gave me a saxophone with a wet reed

that I think he found off the freeway because he was trying to buy my love and impress my mom and get me to go from clarinet to sax which wasn't even his call because I never said I had an interest in the saxophone. He just pushed Kenny G on me. Oh wow. He was there huh? Yeah, Howard. Howard was there.

I have a problem with saying full names of people from my past. We'll believe it. No, no. Fuck him. Keep it. Keep it. Did it work out with Howard and your mom?

No, she's now with George. Shout out. She's now with George. George is second dad. I don't even say stepdad. I introduce him as dad now. Wow. I did it once.

How does your biological father feel about that? I go, I came out of this guy's balls. To the bride and groom. This guy, I was in his jizz. That's not true at all. Imagine your kid getting to that point to where like, maybe if we have kids, your son wants to be a comedian

and that's his style of humor and you're out and about and you're like, I do like that he's always throwing darts. He's always putting up shots, but he's just bad at reading the room. I would not like a son like that. Me neither. That would actually be my biggest. Fear.

My biggest, yeah. Well, getting stabbed in the middle of the night, that's big too. I would rather have a wildly mentally ill son than like an open mic or they can't turn it off. That to me would hurt me. Like if my son had to be hospitalized, I'd be like, well, fucking, we're gonna get you on the right meds, dude.

We're gonna free his eye. But if he's in the green room, and he's doing his act to other comedians, pretending it's just something he thought of, I would rather, I would be like, you are not my son. Get a real job, quit comedy, or you're not allowed to come to fucking Thanksgiving. We'll be right back. You're not allowed to come to fucking Thanksgiving

That is also like man and he's like but I live with you Legitimately, no, you don't legitimately that is funny. What what kind of child I and I you know I'm obviously joking you come to Thanksgiving whatever but that is literally I'm obviously joking, it'd come to Thanksgiving, whatever, but that is literally the biggest nightmare scenario. We all have our own, the way an old school immigrant dad doesn't want a gay artist, you know what I mean? Like a sandwich artist or like a? I would say any kind, yeah. You can be gay but not work at Subway.

Who is that? Anyway, you get the point. I tried to, I thought this and I thought that and I just met in the middle for neither one. Nothing wrong with that, dude. It's okay. But yeah, they don't want a gay artist. Well, you know what I'm saying, like there's different versions of who, what would disappoint you the most? Like the classic internet thing of gay son, thought daughter. Neither one

of those would bother me. I would love a gay son. Fuck yeah. My daughter's thrown it around. Good for her. I don't fucking care as long as she's being treated well. You know what I mean? With thought daughter, what do you mean by that? Thought, as in like a slut. Oh right, gotcha.

You know what I mean? I have heard that term, but I said I know the deaf. Yes. It means slutty daughter. Thought? Thought, yes, means kind of like ho. I was thinking it meant like thick and stout, like maybe like a butch.

It's very bizarre because the actual etymology is that ho over there, it's an acronym that just became its own word. Very interesting linguistic phenomenon. Listen. But anyway, having said that, that wouldn't bother, neither one of those would bother me. Okay, cool.

In fact, I would love a gay child in our family. I would love if you had a gay son, Eldis. I would love if, you know, someone like a fun little gay guy. Yeah. Awesome. Dancing, singing, doing magic. Yeah. You know, always, you know, just keeping you up to date on like the latest tea and goss.

But the second he starts doing open mics. Damn. Gay or straight, you're out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, there's no mics. I don't see color, but I do hear bad punch lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just not being able to turn it off,

that's the worst guy of all time. We all know those guys. There's still those guys. I mean, man, where was I recently? Florida, a kid I I like do a guest spot that just hit me up online and. You're the greatest guy of all time, dude. I do that all the time, dude.

I do it too much. You have to stop doing that. I know. I know. I know. This is an intervention for you, dude. We're not even doing a podcast. I've heard you did this and I wanted to bring it up slowly.

And now it's like, all right, Adam, no more. I'm open to change. No more opening your DM requests. I'm being like, I'm a huge fan. I've been doing comedy three and a half months. Sometimes three and a half minutes. And I'm like, you're ready. Come to the DC Improv tonight.

You're hosting and featuring. Great club. Great club. I did a weekend there once and we closed it out. You know, obviously staff is great. Legendary club. Good hang after if you're into that. Sometimes just staying in the green room and hot boxing that for three, four hours. One night.

Shout out to Antoine. Shout out to Antoine. Man, we sat in the main showroom though and put on Mitch Hedberg's album they recorded there and hotboxed the main room with cocktails and it was awesome. That's awesome. And I had somehow brought it up because I was talking about when I first, I'd say a year before I started stand up in 07, in 06, I was driving from LA. I went to school out here. So I drive to Loughlin, Nevada where my dad was living, working at the VA clinic.

And I went to Amoeba Music and bought just a bunch of comedy CDs to listen to. Cause I was like, oh, I think I wanna do this. But I was just really, I was into it as a fan. And then I don't know if it was like, I was in that same zone. Yeah, I don't know if I was doing it to study or whatever. I just was like, I wanna just listen to a bunch.

And that was kind of my intro into getting some enthusiasm for it. And I had a Seinfeld thing and then Ray Romano's Carnegie Hall one, Robin Williams, Geraldo obviously, a Regan one, a Gaffigan one, a bunch of David Cross ones. Bigger and blacker-er? Yep, yes.

Cat Williams one. And then, who was I just talking about? Oh, Sinbad one, by the way, who's unbelievable. The Hedberg, you're talking about Hedberg. Hedberg, and Hedberg was one. And it was that one from DC. And so then we brought it up and he was like, let's put it on.

And I was like, I didn't even fucking think of that. It was just a cool comedy thing to go, like you forget that. And also, you know, once you get to your headlines, your weekend, you have a little bit more and not that it's like, well, I can't believe he got to decide what to put on the fucking CD player. Oh, hey, you guys wait. Wow.

This guy did an hour of stand up twice and you know what he wanted to do? Throw on more stand up with the waitstaff who was just trying to get home Like yeah, we can yeah, we can throw it on Adam play your cards right you too can piss off a whole bunch of people I'm sorry for you for not as much money No, I'm sure they were having a great time. No they were I yeah, I'm pretty good about no I'm fucking with you the greatest guy had a good time Relax don't fuck No, I'm fucking with you. You're the greatest guy of all time. They had a good time. Relax. Don't fucking start... Shut the camera down!

Don't have a fucking panic attack, man. Pod's going good. Get him some coke. I was fully kidding. I literally know that way, staff. Get him a briefcase. Call Sam Sam tonight. They all had a great time. Oh my God, dude. That's fucking... So, okay, we've made a couple of allusions. So what is the family situation? Your dad's at the VA clinic.

My dad was there, yeah. My dad was a doctor. He was a cardiovascular surgeon when I was young. Oh wow. And then he and my mom split and then he stopped doing that. He started with his new family. They moved to Kwajalein off the South Pacific. And then they moved to Taos, New Mexico,

then Chelan, Washington, then Arizona. Was he in the Army? Now, with Polly Shore, yeah. And he... Was he like a fucking... No, he was a doctor for the... I mean, open-heart surgeon, right? Gotcha. So he could swing his dick around and go wherever he wanted, basically. Pretty much, yeah.

And then... Which was away from you, it sounds like. Yes. Yeah. So I never got taught how to do that. Yeah. Because it was gone. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I heard of the South Pacific and his new family, which is a wild phrase for a fucking divorce. Not if you were raised in Lake Forest Park, Washington.

Yeah, does that have to move? A lot of dads are like, all right, mulligan. I'm calling this one a mulligan. I'm going to get a 10 years younger wife or maybe a slightly less fat son. Oh my God. Yeah, he upgraded for sure on that front. Because I have seen you were a chubby boy, which I love.

Oh, real, real. Yeah, man, I just, you know, and that kid never goes away. But yeah, I was, what picture did you see? The one with me and Kendall Gill? I don't know. The one at the Sonic's game? There's a picture, if you look it up. Adam Ray, Kendall Gill. And my mom, she was like, dad's gone.

Let's go to the Sonic's game. I was like, great. Swap. And we go down early to watch the pregame, the warmups. There it is. First one. I look like a lesbian. I'm already a Venice beach pullover. You look like Jimmy Kimmel's lesbian daughter. That's Sharon Kimmel.

Wait, scroll down to the hands. Wait, scroll down to the hands. Scroll down to the hands. He's holding your index finger? What the fuck? How to grasp is that? People have photoshopped that with prom backgrounds for the last five years. That's awesome. What a good guy Kendall Gill is, huh? A buddy of mine got a cameo from me for my birthday last year and then sent him the picture and he's commented on it a few times. That's awesome.

And he's like just with, wow. Wow, and then it's like, get this, take this down. Yeah, take this down, take this down, take this down. Somebody call a tech junkie, take this down. Your lips are glistening too, that's interesting. Yeah, that's a Burt's beeswax. The light is hitting them just right. You honestly look like you could have turned into a very handsome woman in this picture.

Thank you. Yeah. I said the shirt, by the way, it's so probably hot in that arena and I'm like, just more layers. Hide these titties. Hide these titties. By the way, that's the slogan when you are a young boy like that. Hide these titties. Who are you talking to, man?

You're talking to two very fat children. Swam in the pool with my shirt on for, man, up until I met you and we swam in the pool. That was the first time I took it off. This year at Fully Loaded? That was awesome. That was a good time. I can't believe that's where we met. That is crazy.

Isn't that crazy? Like I feel like we're hanging right now, like we've been, you know, known each other for a while, but that's, you know, that's how this goes sometimes. It happens, yeah. But that was wild because it was, you know, those shows, there's always a hang after. Some are just, they're all cool. That one was just exceptional because it was like pool.

It was a fucking pool. The indoor, outdoor part of it, and like just drinks and weed being brought to you, and like, you know well being in a pool late night after the show is just not a normal thing Right just us in your head. You're like did pool after a show is gonna be fucking bitches around it was literally me and you Like we had to yell for more people to come in After a while I was like so anyway, that's what my dad left That's what I was going to do in the gym and I was like get in the pool I was like, so anyway, that's when my dad left. That day I was in According to Jim,

and I was just like, Kirk, get out of the pool. We truly were on a date. It would have been a really cute two 16-year-olds on a date at a party, go off to the side and make a connection. It's our two sons in the movie about you and I having two comedian sons, after we've talked about it on a podcast that we never want that to happen. And the opening scene is them meeting at a party.

That's cute, man. Write it up. Elders, you transcribing all this? Yeah. Great. I got Chad GPT working on the script as we speak. Wonderful. Wow. I mean, you ain't lying, man. That's a real... It's not crazy. That's someone's... People have got to already be doing that, right? Yeah, but it's... But it's also you can't...

It's gonna be bad. Yeah. You know, folks, I wasn't always this uber-talented, comedic genius you see before you. I used to bomb a lot. Not every joke used to deliver. Some might argue a lot of my jokes still don't deliver. Quiet. It doesn't matter what you think.

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He'll pitch me movies sometimes. He's like, yo, it's Sandra Bullock, Denzel. They're on the moon. Is that him? There he is, baby. He's a fucking hot guy. He's smashing your sis? Yeah, my sister's getting fucked like Dirty.

Dirty's fucking putting his hat to the side and getting all up in those guts. You know the hat stays on when he fucks your sister, right? At first, we were definitely like, he was new, it was new sheriff in town. It was like uncle versus stepdad. And then, and now he's like, he was new, it was new sheriff in town, it was like uncle versus stepdad. And then, and now he's like, you know, we're the greatest and he's big sports comedy, also the grind.

I think I used to joke too when we first met, I was like, yeah, he's in the Bloods and the Crips. And he, all the song titles I would say were like, passive aggressive, aggressive passive, where they were like, there were, you know, two on the nose about what was happening behind closed doors. It was like, is this my life? Should I stick it out?

Hashtag marriage. Watch your back, Adam. Just all these songs that were just making me afraid to go see him live. But what's crazy is he's really good and he's almost got like a white DMX to him. Shout out to Dirty. I brought him up on a... White DMX, interesting.

Yeah. Good for you, man. You're a loving brother-in-law. Yeah, but it's also... I remember when I first started doing jokes about him, he was like, he's like, yo, man, you got shit with someone else. Yeah. And I was like, I have been given a fucking...

Come on, Dertay. Like, how many comedians have a white rapper brother-in-law that's not Eminem? I have to talk about you. That's awesome. So how many siblings do you have? So I grew up with just my sis, and then when folks split, they had two more with, she already had one. So three half-brothers, and then my stepdad

has a daughter and son. But they're all, I don't even, again, it's like, saying half at this point, you're like, I'm close with all of them. So just, but, so I guess six. Obviously you love your sister more, but yeah, the other way. Obviously, look, one, there's a guy

that's just gonna shoot everybody. You go like dive in front of one person. It's the dumb and dumber, okay, kill him. She touched my leg. We played him this time. That might be, there's so many quotable lines in that movie, but that one is like, just the fucking how quickly Jim Carrey. Yeah, kill him. Kill him, dude.

I mean, they turn on each other. It's so, I mean, that movie's the best. It's my favorite movie of all time. That's a great, that's a very good choice. I love you. I went around saying that for a bit and then people were like, drama or comedy? And then I, the first time that follow-up was thrown my way, I go, yeah.

Good for you. I'm going to pick one. Good for you. I was tired of being in conversations at parties where people were like, what's your favorite movie? And I was like, you've seen As Good as It Gets with Craig Kinnear. As Good as It Gets.

Which is also my favorite. But it's not my favorite. That's the one that you're like, all right, I need to be taken seriously. I can't be dumb and dumber. What is a Greg Kinnear classic? Siri, what's a Greg Kinnear classic? Where does Greg Kinnear play a caricature of a homosexual? What movie is that? That's right. What movie is that? That's right. Yeah, and Jack, oh that's right, Jack Newsome's like, we don't sell gay here. Yeah, yeah.

Remember? He drops a couple hard F's. Oh he does. He does. Take your little gay dog and back to the P.F. Chang's where he sucks your dick. I'm gonna fuck Helen Hun in the back of a Porsche. Or at least I'm gonna die trying. Hey, where's your black art friend?

Is he still black? I haven't seen the movie, but. I just rewatched it a couple years ago. That's not far off from what it is. It's not subtle. What a wild, and that was a, not Nancy Meyers. He won an Oscar for it. Jack won the best actor.

Which is fucking crazy. That was like the biggest movie of the year when they came out when I Re-watched it. I was like am I crazy like this is I think I want to say Kinnear won best supporting actor and I think Helen Hunt won best supporting. No, they swept it off that they swept award It was huge. I remember was a huge movie, but I didn't for OCD people too Really? He was OCD or something? I don't know, I'm just making small talk.

That probably was part of it too. He was OCD then. Oh, I don't remember that. Ah, fuck, I fucked up. I fucked it up. I'm supposed to be the host. And I've lost my position of authority on the program by not knowing it was about OCD.

That's fucking hilarious. But you know, I think that's a great point because no one, why can't, and you're right, I am guilty of this and I've dedicated my life to comedy, but even I, when I think of my favorite movies, in my like top four, I don't think about putting, I almost see them as separate, like oh these are good movies like you know me like heat

Fucking I don't fucking know it's late before time good. Yeah good fellows. Land before time six Airbud nine But you're right, why don't I fucking why don't I fucking give comedy its due diligence? Cuz your the industry doesn't. Dumb and Dumber is a great choice. I've always said Dumb and Dumber is my favorite too. Fucking relax. You've got to be kidding me. You know I have.

I've been saying that my whole life. Your favorite movie or your favorite comedy? Favorite movie. I've just been watching it since like... Stop trying to impress Adam dude. I have. You can ask anyone who knows me. I'm not sucking Adam's cock here. You are dude. Not with that attitude. You gotta believe in yourself.

No, it's true. You actually, that is true. You, I watched Dumb and Dumber at your house. You introduced me to it. I admit all of this, yes. I watched it from so young. Every single year I like rewatched it. Like you just notice a new joke that you never wrote before. No, it's incredible. It's incredible like I grew with that Well, there's I mean, you know, they've constantly been trying they just got what comedy into the Grammy You know shuffle but Yeah, there's no reason Eddie Murphy for nutty professor should have won something for that love that

I know they won makeup for it. I believe yeah But that's wild I know they won makeup for it, I believe. Yeah. But that's wild. It's one of the reasons that made me start wanting to fuck around and even with like playing characters and stuff because I was so... I don't remember if it was the first stand-up I saw.

You saw the clumps, you're like... You moved to tears. You're like... I know what I want to do for the rest of my life. First of all, stop looking like all of them. Well, just look up the year Nutty Professor came out and let's see who won the Oscars. And let's decide if he deserved it more than whoever won or whoever was nominated. Not the original 1963, you fucking dunce. Here we go. Because I remember this was huge.

When Dave Chappelle, I remember Chappelle was ranking on Jada Pinkett. Yeah. 1996. I want to say that's Jerry Maguire year. Braveheart is a banger. Let's look up who got best actor. That's probably Mel for Braveheart, right? Pacino for Son of a Woman? No.

Oh, that's hilarious. Cage for leaving Las Vegas? In 96 was Cage for leaving Las Vegas? Oh damn, yeah. That's better than... That's not even close. Let's see who was nominated. Yeah, who was nominated. It's not looking good for you, man.

Leaving Las Vegas was awesome. Oh, you mean... Yeah, but Eddie Murphy played his mom and his grandma. Yeah he farted at six different people. Did fucking Nick Cage do that? Oh my god. Why are you looking up bloody professor who any Oscars? Is that what you mean? Wait, because they didn't win something? Oh, no. They won like makeup, right? No, they did. I'm just checking. No, no. But see who was nominated for best actor in 1996.

Nick Cage is just a... I hope he never stops showing up at everything. Yeah. I don't think he will. Yeah. He loves acting, dude. And he seems to be frivolous with his money. Who do we got? Anthony Hopkins for Nixon. Oh, and Nixon. Richard Dreyfus for...

Mr. Holland's Opus. Yeah. Massimo. You don't like Holland's Opus? Sorry. Wait, who the fuck is Massimo Tracy? Il Postino, the postman? No, there's always one movie like that

that everyone's like, what the fuck is this? And I don't know Dead Man Walking Sean Penn. I don't know that movie. No Anyway, who gives a fuck crazy? Yeah, Sean Penn on a nice little run where he was like after he won for I am Sam and then he got Remember that he won for I am Sam. Yeah, no he did We played the guy with Down syndrome and Michelle Pfeiffer was like. He won for that? Michelle Pfeiffer was like, you know if you weren't so fucking slow,

I'd suck your dick. I'd suck that little fucking. And then he pulled out his fucking donkey. Yeah and then she was like, I changed my mind. I changed my mind. And then credits. Yeah, I see where all these extra,

the extra cells didn't go to your brain, they went through this fucking hog. He won? That's fucking nuts. Oh oh 2001 I won't even do the impression because it feels like yeah you know that's fucking hilarious damn dude how's your movie doing all right you know it's been out since October it's now February it's going fine it might be on Hulu by now, hopefully. Great. If not, take this part out, Elvis.

Was the experience cool? Yeah, it was fucking... Not to get all Billy Bush on you, but... No, it was cool. It was cool. I, you know, I fucking liked it. I'd like to be in a movie. You will. So, you know, we gotta take questions first, but I just... So, just walk me through a little more of Fat Little Adam.

When did you stop being fat? So, my grandpa said, you know, you can't wear sweatpants in your Bar Mitzvah. That was fucked up. And that definitely, you could have just said, don't get seconds tonight. Yeah. Or chew slower, I don't know.

Yeah. And so, then I just, you know. So Barman says we're talking 13. 13, 95 and you know, I'm glad I went to, being the fat kid was how I became the funny kid because eventually I started, I didn't know I was fat until you get, I was such a happy-go-lucky kid that unless people were making fun or

saying things, that's a, when you get signs from the outside world, that's when you're like, oh, maybe I do need to shave a few off until like my, you know, friend's dad would be like, hey, what are you doing sucking on that Pop-Tart? You got time for a titty fuck? I'd be like, I actually don't, Dan, but you're letting me know I might have a problem. So circle gets a square, right? So, but then I had some good friends finally like throwing some Hail Marys on first down and I was like, fuck man, this sucks. And then I was so active that I just stopped eating bullshit, stopped dipping fucking meatballs in Cool Whip

and just eating pasta and salads for I don't know two months I lost probably 40 pounds in two months and it was sixth grade into seventh grade oh wow and when a fat kid loses any weight it spreads like wild fire. I remember I was at the sixth grade party and my teacher Mrs. Greenland who was also a big gal and her last name was Greenland and she threw shade on me for being big. Wow. A fat teacher made fun of a fat child? Yeah. She well, here's what she said. She goes, we're at the sixth grade party and there's snacks galore, right?

Sixth grade. You graduate in sixth grade. They're like, dude, somebody goes, dude, in 20 years, you can put on Mitch Hedberg at the DC Improv. Everyone was like, dude, like life rules, we're going to be seventh graders soon. And then every snack food, right? And we're all doing like potato sack races and fucking, you know, all the bullshit. And I remember I walk in

and there's three moms in there and my teacher and the mom chaperones. And I remember I just said, Hey guys, Pam, Susan, Barb. And I was looking around, they're like watching me like, who, what's he gonna eat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably gonna wrap that pizza around the Kit Kat.

And I'm just like, and then I kind of pick up a celery stick and I hear them go, What's he going to eat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's probably going to wrap that pizza around the KitKat. And I'm just like, and I kind of pick up a celery stick, and I hear them go, and I was like, and I was like, and then Miss Greenling goes, I'll never forget this. What a wild thing to say. But Ray, there's pizza right there. I'm not even joking, dude. I wish I was joking.

What a wild thing to say. I was like, are you OK? Are you feeling OK? a wild thing to say. It's like, are you okay? Are you feeling okay? There's pizza right there. There's pizza right there. That's awesome. And I was just like, and I remember hearing that and being like, immediately embarrassed,

and immediately just being like, cause I was like, is that okay to say to a kid? And then I was like, but I just scrambled in with it. And then I just go, oh yeah, I go, no, I just, you know, starting slow, starting with the carrots, or I'm gonna go for the pizza. Like some fucking dumb joke to be like, you're making it weird for me right now.

Did you want the celery? Would you just feel, did you just feel judged by the ladies looking at you? What was going on there? Why didn't you have the pizza? I wanted the pizza. Yeah, you wanted the pizza. I wanted the pizza, but I couldn't wear sweatpants in my mormon.

Yeah, I see, I see. And then, yeah, but I was, that's where I got to be the funny kid, because then, like, I think that's why I started chasing comedy, because I, you know, I wasn't trying to do it, but I like to impersonate friends. And I'd prank call certain buddies from class with other buddies, because I could mimic their voice as well and I would recite Ace Ventura was

another one of my favorite movies and I would memorize monologues from it and do them on the bus to my friends just to make them laugh I just like how this I don't know even why I thought to do that no dude I did that with Night at the Roxbury I had I had I had lines of dialogue I did them as like as if that was just... And that was my like, here's something to get some pussy. And of course I didn't. I mean, no chance.

But I remember that. How many Chris Catan monologues have you gotten anybody late? Maybe a few. Maybe some Mr. Peepers lines. If you really commit to the mango act outs maybe. Yeah, yeah. You're so... Very interesting. Yeah, so then they started...

So then people were looking at me as a funny kid and not fat kid. So then I was like, oh, I just got to keep doing this because A, it's just changing the narrative on how people are treating me and also it was just, you know, like we're doing now. It just feels... It's just the best. And did that come with a font of new confidence without being fat? Yeah, yeah, I mean,

Did you get your little prick touched? More, say it again. Did you get your little prick touched? Finally, dude, yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah, and we've had a good run, man. We've had a good run. Because I do think as a man who stayed fat until right now,

and probably will be for quite some time, unfortunately, I always thought like, damn, what if I just wasn't fat during high school? Would someone have sucked me off? Wow. If you were like the... And not even like the hot football guy. No. Yeah, I know. Just a regular Joe not even like the hot football guy, just like a, yeah, I know. Just a regular Joe.

I definitely thought about that too, yeah. And I thought about it in fifth grade. No, but even, well, I've even said to the guy, I mean, I was also, my confidence, maybe a little bit more, but not really until high school because I just was, I think still with a fat kid mindset. So I was just like, I didn't know how to be cool. And also the cool kids, there was a kid named Jesse Mose, RIP, I could say his full name.

Okay, he's dead, yeah. Yeah, fuck him. Bro, it's wild the amount of people from my past that are dead. Oh, interesting, coincidence? But he... Who's the one, who's the one fucking link connecting them all?

No, no, yeah, hilarious. He would always wear a wife beater. Who's the one who's the one fucking link connecting them all? Yeah hilarious There he would always wear a wife beater respect and he would he was about six three six four and Really sweet fucking guy and he like I think at one point in my childhood We lived in the similar cul-de-sac so I'd see him at the bus a lot and he always had I don't know if he had Um a leg condition or something, but he always had a weird walk. Like he just, there was a, it was, his shoulders were just up really high. He had like, it was big shoulders and like tiny waist, but he just, I think he always smoked cigarettes for as long as I knew him. He always had somewhat of a facial hair situation and the wife beater and like chain wallet and just a lot. And I remember

hearing like Jessie Mosay, fucks. And first of all, his name is Jesse mosaic dude. Yeah, that's a fuck. That's a pussy getters name. Thank you And so I remember always that whole got mosaic the other night He went mo crazy mosey Z on it He would say that So I'm gonna eat that pussy mosaic style Is what we would say pertaining to be be Jesse to the girls that he was hooking up with. In hopes they would just fuck us by sounding like him. And he...

His legs might not work but that tongue does. I don't know what he had going on. But... And may he rest in peace. I said fuck him earlier. He's rested fine dude. He was head of Bangarang City in seventh grade. Respect.

And so he, yeah he would do it. So it threw me off though, cause I was like oh he's getting laid, but he walks like Gumby. Yeah. And so I just was like I don't know. Now I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Cause I was like oh that's,

but that was kind of for a little bit was my like, okay, be like that. Be like Mosé. Be like Mosé. And did it work for you or no? No, I don't think I... I didn't have the body for the wife beater. I didn't have the legs or the calves for the strut.

And I didn't have... I had some facial hair early on, but... But yeah, it was... I'd say probably high school is when I... When I started doing plays, When I started doing plays, I quit football to play Danny Zuko in Greece. And then I got to make out with a senior at a party. And I was like, whoa. Yeah. But again, had I had any confidence and any sort of like, you know, I would have,

I'm sure to this day she was like, why didn't you try to like even pick my shirt off? Yeah, yeah, you could have been in Finger Pop City. That happened to me too actually once, one of the first times I hooked up with a girl, I just didn't even consider touching her pussy because I was like, well I'm not allowed. I'm not a guy who gets pussy, I have to just touch her tits. And then the next day she was like,

Oh my God, it's just. Like literally I didn't have the self self-esteem a girl was kissing me yeah and I was just like I'm in high school and I'm like wow definitely could have fucking got my dick sucked it is yeah it is one I didn't believe in myself totally but that's but also that's a through line in my whole life and I remember like later on even when I was fucked I remember this one time which is the this girl that I was hooking up with in Baltimore, it was my first year of actually getting to,

and this happens when I'm 23, right? It took me that long to actually fuck anyone except a long-term girlfriend. And I remember being, a girl literally had my dick in her mouth, and I was like, I wonder if she likes me. I literally had that thought. I was like, does she even like me?

I'm like, you're getting fucking blown. The guy at the strip club that gets the dancers first and last name dude, Candy Johnson is really cool Yeah, I know what I mean, I'm sure they Appreciate and they being gals for any guy trying to make it happen like to be a little more trepidatious as far as like Not like but then I don't know, on the flip side, there's probably always girls that are like, why don't you fucking try to do something? I'm clearly in this room with you. But totally, it was just a cowardice thing. It was like, and I was horny. I was just like, I didn't believe in myself more than I was horny, which was a crazy amount of being horny. What a wild thing.

It took a while. It is wild. Like... Low self-esteem in a very specific way. I know they'll have exactly what I'm looking for. You know, the operation here at Stavi's World has gotten pretty big. I have a friend of mine that helps me book all my travel, but I was once a one-man band, and I was on booking.com constantly. I was doing these little, you know, these little tours.

I would just get in my horrible car, drive from city to city, and with booking.com, I would find nice, affordable hotels or vacation spots that worked for me near where I was performing. It was always great. And it wasn't just business. I booked a beautiful little hotel on the beach in LA, in Malibu, as a matter of fact. Last year when I wanted to just blow off a little steam.

Always a great experience. You're going to love it if you use Booking.com. I think you should. I really think you should, because no matter who you are, Booking.com helps you find the stay that's ridiculously right for you. You know, you might be a scumbag.

You might stay and trash your places than me. Booking.com's got it for you. You classier than me? They got it for you too. Are you somewhere in the middle? You Goldilocks between trashy and high class, no matter what you want, booking.com's got it. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.com,

booking.yeah. My nieces are now 15 and I just took them to see Wicking when I was in town last weekend. And yeah, we sang out loud. No, we didn't. One person did and somebody said, shut up. About four rows back and it was awesome. Not very loud, but just like, shut up, shut up, shut up.

That's fucking crazy. I mean, it's been in theaters for a while and you just took them to see it. It is February after all, but I guess you don't love your inches that much. It's still in theaters. And by theaters I meant, all right, so I have this like, friend that's got a screening room, name's Diddy and he invited us over for a movie night basically. It's every other week we watch a movie. We watched Dumb and Dumber first night. We watched Getting Even with Dad, which heavy chase and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Oh, I have seen that one. We watched. That's what he's like a Boy Scout or whatever. And then we watched, fuck, what's that Tim Allen movie where he's a dad? They go to summer camp. Yes. Look it up for me.

Tim Allen's summer camp movie. But isn't that the one where the kid's like, sort of like a bootleg George of the Jungle? Jungle to jungle. The kid lives in the jungle. See, jungle to jungle. Yeah, the kid lives in the jungle jungle jungle Oh man of the house was Jonathan Taylor Thomas and what was getting even with dad? Did JTT have a fucking Polly Shore kid movie run? He might have getting me with dad. Oh, I didn't see this one This is Ted Danson McCauley Culkin. I don't even know about oh

man of the house, I remember You know the house not to be confused with House Guest with Sinbad and Phil Harman. Yep, that is true. Yeah, Tim Allen, Jungle to Jungle was Tim Allen and the kid was like a white kid living in Nigeria. It was basically George of the Jungle, what if George of the Jungle's dad was Tim Allen. And I remember there's a scene. Great pitch.

There's a scene in that. We'll buy it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry, we'll buy it. there's a scene in that. We'll buy it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry, we'll buy it. Yeah, he definitely did that. There was a scene where he explains like the concept of obligation as something you don't wanna do.

That really stuck with me. And he hurt his son's feelings by saying he had to do it because he's obligated or something like that. Oh wow. You know what I'm saying? I remember. So he broke down. I remember specific lines from jungle to jungle and I think it was like, maybe it was because, hmm.

You can't host a podcast. This sounds familiar. This back and forth seems familiar with my relationship to my father. By the way. Except there's no reconciliation at the end in my life. This doesn't get neatly wrapped up 12 minutes after they have an argument.

We just kind of live with this until hopefully he dies. Hopefully I don't die before him. By the way, were you just doing a constant rotation of trying to get girls to sleep with you by doing Chris Kattan monologues and quotes from Jungle to Jungle? And you're like, what am I doing wrong? Netflix and chill come over, we're gonna throw on jungle to jungle. What's that? You ever wonder what would George the Jungle look like if Tim Allen was the dad?

No? Cool, we're gonna start it. You're about to now, bitch. You're about to now. You're about to now, now zip. Wait, Martin Short? Wait, was Martin Short in it? I don't fucking know, dude.

I guess he was. That's the kid, Sam Huntington. That's the kid, man, what's Short in it? I don't fucking know, dude. Yeah. I guess he was. That's the kid, Sam Huntington. That's the kid, man. What's he doing now? Who knows? Who knows, man? And just like Tim Allen was a father figure to this child, it's up to us to be father figures to my listeners.

I'm into it. And so it's time for us to be dads here and really let these fucking, help these, our young children. Okay. Who do we have here? I'll just, let's see. Hey, Stobby.

I got a bit of a weird one here. So my grandfather passed away in October of last year. My mom's dad, 93. All right, P. After he passed, my mom gave me this, you know, big soft story about how my uncle, her brother managed to get her inheritance through like power of attorney or whatever. Now his uncle was kind of like a second father to me growing up. He was very involved in my childhood, probably more than my actual father, to be honest. Anyway, a

couple months later, I went through a pretty bad breakup and my uncle called me up to see if there was anything you do to help me and Wasn't in a good place. I kind of snapped at him and basically laid my mom's accusations Oh a few days later. He reached out to me again showing me the legal paperwork Which proved that my mom was lying about the whole thing the inheritance So I've since reconciled things with my uncle. I apologized to him. Holy shit. We're cool again.

He's a great guy. But when I tried to confront my mom on this, she was basically like, oh, I don't know how you would get the idea that your uncle stole my inheritance, but I'm sorry if I did anything to make you think that. What? Now I remember this conversation well.

She explicitly said that. Not only to me, but she did this whole song and dance routine with my brother and my sister. Oh my God. You have corroborating witnesses? My siblings and I think that this might be coming more from her husband who's just, you know, a really strange bitch of a guy. Sure. None of us like, we think he might be trying to get some money or isolate her from the rest of the family like I don't know. But the thing is my mom and I have had a really good relationship forever and now I just can't get past this thing. It's put like such a damper on our relationship anytime I try to talk to her. It's just awkward and we just don't talk about it. So I don't know what do I do here? Do I just let it go? Try to move on?

Act like everything is normal? Do I try to confront her about it again? Am I a bad son? Like, what's your take here? Anyway, thanks, stop, bye. What are you fucking talking? My mom's trying to gaslight me. Am I being unreasonable?

She's trying to gaslight me in a way that almost sabotaged my relationship with the best person in my family, it sounds like. This arsonist tried to burn down my childhood home with my pets inside. Should I send him Venmo money for gas? He's trying to leave town. I mean dude, that's fucking nuts and the fact that she would behave that way is really crazy. And I mean, I guess her new husband is a different, that's a variable that's interesting,

because if this is the work of that guy, then you can't, like, that's the thing that gives me pause, because otherwise what I would say is, this is such a huge fundamental thing, such a crazy lie that I would personally have a really hard time moving past this. I would literally this to me is worth sitting your mother down and being like I remember you said this you both my brother and sister remember this, it caused a problem with my, you know, with your brother, my uncle.

It was unfair of you to do that. It almost caused a serious problem in our family. It's making, I don't understand why you would do that. We have such a good relationship. This is so unlike you. And even come at it from a point of like, I am worried about you, that you, this is that uncharacteristic.

Come at it from that perspective. And if she won't admit it, dude, that's the kind of thing where you're like, I am worried about you, this is that uncharacteristic. Come at it from that perspective. And if she won't admit it, dude, that's the kind of thing where you're like, okay, well listen, I know what happened, and when you're ready to talk about it, reach out to me, but until then, I don't think we can talk. And I know that's crazy, I know that sounds extreme, but like, this is crazy and extreme.

And the only thing that would give me pause is if you think her fucking husband is being abusive and trying to cut her off from her family, you might be playing directly into his hands, but you still have to have the conversation and at least let it play out a little bit. Right. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know. That's what it sounds like to me. I had a big problem in my family with like, there was a lot of like, pretending shit was okay, or pretending things weren't problems. And what's really helped us all get, have a better relationship is like, I really had those tough conversations.

I was like, I'm not pretending this shit anymore. Like we can talk when you admit what has happened. And I will say it was very difficult. And I even, I've been open about on the show, like I had a tough relationship with my dad and we didn't speak for years, but we reconciled after we had real conversations and we're better off for it now, we have an actual,

and your mom, this sounds like a different thing though, this sounds like one strange thing that I would try and get to the bottom of, but you can't be living in a fucking lie, you don't want those closest to you fucking gaslighting you. She has to admit what's going on here, I think. She won't. Yeah.

And I missed maybe one detail. The, it was the, who was, so new boyfriend is involved. We don't even know if it's new boyfriend or her husband. New husband. New husband. But we don't know how new the guy is. And he didn't really specify how that guy or if he's new boyfriend or her husband. New husband. Or a new husband. But we don't know how new the guy is. He didn't really specify how that guy or if he's involved,

but it sounds like he's just kind of a dickhead in general. Yeah. Just got back up. Yeah. Bummer, man. Guy sounds like he's going through it, and he's, you know. Look, I think there's a website called mom.com where you can basically submit for a new mom. So I don't want to say...

Have you ever seen... What was that movie called? Where they go shopping for moms? What? That's another like childhood classic. Do you know the one I was talking about? Was this another movie you quoted to get fucking laid in middle school? But it is in the like, right in the like, right in that type of movie of the... Is it Mr. Mom with Hulk Hogan or... No, no, but it is in the like right in the like Right in that type of movie of the is it mr.

Mom with Hulk Hogan or no actually Belushi's mommy market the mommy try that one unless that's a porno It definitely is I think it's the mommy market Trading mom or maybe it's trading mom. I don't fucking know. Whatever. There's a movie where you could go buy a mom Oh my god, dude, the 90s was a wild time for cinema Yeah, yeah, but that was in the like child You know the child cinema. That's the my girl girl. It is it is the my girl girl Okay, anyway Go to mom.com

Best of luck. Yeah, I mean, that's what I gotta say bro. That's fucking weird. That's fucking crazy. That's a very, very articulately conveyed that story. It sounds like you got, you're not gonna, I would maybe take mom to like a P.F. Chang, sit her down and go, what's going on? What's going on, exactly.

I'm not even gonna entertain this lie. I know you're lying. Yes. So can you tell, what's going on? What's going on, exactly. I'm not even going to entertain this lie. I know you're lying. So can you tell me what's happening here? And then you just hope that she's in a place where she wants to just drop her guard and open up shop. But if not, you know, mom.com. You can try and seduce her new husband.

You can try and suck his cock. That's what I was going to say. Get video of you sucking his cock. And be like, is this the guy you want? That will make her jealous, and then she'll open up. Is this the guy you want? That will make her jealous and then she'll open up. Is this the guy you wanna throw it all away for, you dumb bitch? Dumb bitch.

I'm not gonna call you mom. Just DB. So you have three really good options. Yeah. What else we got? Yeah, whatever we got. Why you doing dog, Elvis and Dex? I have a weird situation in my house.

I've known my wife 10 years, you know, living back and forth with them, living back and forth with her parents. And now we own the place. We allowed them to stay in our house until they retire. And this year they retire. And he has other plans of coming back whenever he chooses. We just had another baby and we need that space. And my wife wants to wait.

I don't wanna piss her off but at the same time, I need to get them the hell out at the same time. So I don't know which way you would handle it to be the nicest way. It's one of those conversations you may must be had but it's hard to have. Thank you. So basically this guy's saying his in-laws

have crashed with him for 10 years? Yeah, no, he's been with his wife for 10 years. Oh. Living back and forth with her parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now they own the place and they allow them to stay at their house until they retire. Now this is interesting, was it their house

that you bought from them? Yeah. Cause that blurs the lines a little bit here. He might feel entitled to it because it's like, well we fucking gave you a steal on the thing and maybe legally you own it. Now if. But they're like, but where are the ones

who hung up that piece of art? Yeah. He's like, well it's my art now, you twat. That's right. That's right. Check the fucking paperwork. That's my Montel Jordan hugging Magic Johnson laminated photo that I got from Spencer's Gifts.

You might've framed it, but I... But I picked it out. I had the eye. I knew it would fit over the mantle. And you got a cheap fucking, by the way, if you don't think I know that's the cheapest fucking frame at Michael's, you're out of your mind, bitch. So basically, now the fact that you just had another baby,

you need the space, that's something where, and your wife wants to wait, dude, like, it's hard. Because I think the way you do it is talk about the baby and be like, hey, man. I think so. We had this conversation, like, you know, this was the plan. Is there anything we can do to help you? Like, what was his plan when they retired?

Right. Um, you don't want to sound angry, I don't think. No. You want to sound like, hey, you know, we really could use a space. Is there something we could do? We're all family here. It sounds like maybe they even did help you out, right? Like, I don't know the specifics, but maybe you do kind of owe them one. Them going back on their word is fucking annoying, don't get me wrong.

But you also want to think of this in the grand scheme of your family. You might be legally, technically right, but that's not gonna make your life easier. You know what I mean? What are you gonna fucking evict them? You're gonna evict your fucking father-in-law? You're not gonna do that, right? So they kinda have you by the balls in a weird way. It's annoying, but you have to tread a little lightly.

And I don't know, I guess I would get your wife a little more on board. Because if it's you versus your in-laws plus your wife, that's a tough battle. You need your wife aligned with you here. And you need to come up probably first with a plan with your wife, and then as a united front go to your in-laws.

Because otherwise he could just, and I hear it in his voice, he's pissed. He wants to fucking DJ Jazzy Jeff, throw him out, fresh print style right now. But you can't do that, bro. You have to kind of help them come up with a plan and it's gonna take longer than you like. That's just reality.

Well, and reality, Stavros, is what we all struggle to recognize but also realize. And I talk about that in my book, We've Got Issues. Scroll up for me again so I can read the top. Adam, are you okay? This is Dr. Phil Stavros. Just stick to the script, play along for a minute. Choosing to do a fun little comedy bit.

He's having a stroke. Well, my strokes are daytime talk shows. He can't stop. Some people stroke out, act like Ricky Lake, act like Dr. Phil McGrath. Check out my Netflix special. Dr. Phil is only streaming on Netflix right now. Check it out. It is good.

Now look, if you're living with your folks, things aren't going according to plan. Let's start there. Now you're waiting for them to retire from what? Driving the bus? Working for Delta Airlines? Do they make the applesauce at Panera? Either way, you're living with a couple of deadbeats. And I know they're your wife's parents.

I know she lived in his jizz at some point. Right. We all did. We all lived in jizz. Right. Even the guy who wrote jungle to jungle came from jizz. But what I think the main move and the main idea here is you got another baby coming and that's too many. Uh, you can overstay your welcome and it's time for the parents to recognize that it's baby's day out and it's daddy's day in. Does that make sense? So Rick Moran has shrunk his kids on accident.

I think this guy would love to shrunk the in-laws on purpose and put them inside of a used condom and leave them underneath the bed at a La Quinta in Rancho Cucamonga, we'll be right back. Best of luck to you. Good luck. Shrinking them is not a bad actually option, Dr. Phil, that's true. Hit them with the shrink ray. Hit them with the shrink ray.

They take up less space. You put them in a little Barbie dollhouse. Yes, you put them in a Barbie dollhouse and they do as many cars as you want as many toasters Ten bedroom. Yeah, I mean like, you know multiple bath Get the pool going the Matt Damon movie shrinking, right? That's oh no. I know what you're talking about Was that the soundtrack to mr. Hollins opus Vietnamese food food for lunch

and it's wrecked our gut. Somewhere Richard Dreyfus goes, he's a young deaf boy learning how to play the oboe. Let's just say the fact that I could even do that without fearing anything slipping out of my ass, big sign of progress. I heard it through the chair,

which is the original title to I heard it through the grapevine. But also that sounded like it was... Downsizing. Yeah. It's not shrinking. The Matt Damon movie. I believe it's called downsizing. It's... It's...

It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's...

It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's...

It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's...

It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... It's... We're in Minneapolis, Minnesota at the Orpheum Theater. March 6th, we're taking over Detroit, Michigan, baby, at the world famous Fox Theater. March 8th, we're getting our passports and buttholes stamped in Toronto, Canada, as we take over Meridian Hall. March 13th and 14th, we're at the Majestic Theater

in Dallas, Texas, yee-haw! March 16th, it's St. Patty's Day weekend, and we are in Chicago, Illinois, at the Chicago Theater. March 27th, we're in Boston, Massachusetts, right next to Fenway Park at MGM Music Hall. March 30th we're at the Cobb Energy Center in Atlanta, Georgia. April 6th we're in the Heart of Country in Nashville, Tennessee at the New Pinnacle Theater. April 19th we're at Bass Hall in Austin, Texas. June 1st we're in Kansas City at the Midland Theater. June 6th we're at the Key Bank Street Theater in Cleveland, Ohio.

June 8th we're in Indianapolis, Indiana at the Marat Theater. June 19th we're in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania at Heinz Hall. Then we pop over to Atlantic City on June 21st for a Dr. Phil Live at the Tropicana Showroom at Tropicana Atlantic City. The Dr. Phil Live tour closes out on July 12th in Reno, Nevada at the Grand Theatre at Grand Sierra Resort and Casino. Don't you fucking miss out on all the fun we're having, so grab your tickets at AdamRayComedy.com. Shave your head, your back, your pussy, and your crack. We'll be right back.

Next question, Eldis. Oh, shit. Hey, Todd, Eldis. Whoever's there. How's it going? Yeah. So interesting one for you guys. I've been married now since 27. I love my wife. She's fantastic.

She's honestly way, way, way too good for me. She's a Brazilian dying piece PhD. I'm a cop. I do all right at it, but you know but there's really not much of a comparison there. And early in our relationship, I probably pushed the limits and I'll be honestly also straightforward before I go into the story. This is a thousand percent hypocritical. What the fuck is he saying?

He's saying, he's getting to it, but he's saying what he's about to say is hypocritical early on in his relationship and he's going to go into it. Being a hypocrite, I just want maybe some advice on how to cope with this. So my wife and I have been dating, what is this, like eight years now, seven years almost, since 2017. And at first I kind of took advantage of the fact that I You know, I used to part a lot. I used to eat a lot of protein. I have stinky farts Sometimes just you know regular ones whatever and my wife

Girlfriend at the time and then into white foot. She never really did that in front of me She thought it's funny when I did it, but she was either too shy or, just like, she wasn't comfortable doing it. Good producing power. Fast forward, then it all drastically changed, and now my parts have taken a tremendous step back in quality, quantity, everything, and with her big BBL, natural, big Brazilian butt, she rips just the most

unbelievable sounding parts. They never stink, but my god, do they sound good? Just like a, no offense, like one of you guys made him. Like a big fat guy made him. That's what they sound like. No offense. You could have just said a big fat guy. You don't have to say he was me or Elvis. Also, what's with the no offense and then full offense? Yeah.

Hey man, I don't want to kill you, but I'm going to shoot you in the face. All right. Primo farts. And I hate it. In a way, it's like, moralizing, because I can't create anything like that. She's a master. All right. making those things for the for only me to hear no one else has ever heard them maybe some of her friends but yeah she and I'll wake up and sometimes the first thing I hear after my alarm goes off is just her ripping a huge one and I know it's payback she won't stop I can't I can't get mad at her. But I just don't like it.

Any advice for me guys would be greatly appreciated. Love the podcast. Love you guys. Come back to Portland one of these days. Yeah, Portland is a high protein diet. And also a lot of BBLs. I like that he's like, look, he didn't even say I love her. He's like, I love her ass.

So I don't want to break up with her. And the ass is where the problem comes from. It's the solution and the problem. It's a Greek tragedy. It's a Greek tragedy. She, I mean, look, let's in the classic game of sound or smell, what would you prefer? You gotta pick. I mean, to me, and I don't know, I'd have to be faced with this, but like, this sounds

like it could even be kind of funny. They don't smell. Now, of course, if she does it constantly, it might be like, like even if I get annoyed, it's like, it's like, all right, if we're, if we're on the road, we rip them like who gives a fuck, but we know like, we're not prudes about it, obviously. No, that might've been shit. Damn. Yeah, no, not risking that one.

I gotta hold that back. There's definitely also something to be said about him saying that the alarm clock will go off and that like he'll snooze and then like she'll rip one and then like that's. That's what wakes you up. Like that. So it would have been great if he included, if he had, you know. A wave file. Yeah, captured something. But because then it begs the question,

how is it quality over quantity? Is it like, is she dropping four before 9 AM? And he's like, it's too much? Or is it like, when she does, it's Hiroshima? Right, right, right, right. Yeah, that's interesting. How often, he says, how much is she farting? And it's like, he says he can't get mad at her,

she says she won't stop. Has he had a conversation? Has he been like, hey, I mean look, at a certain point you have to reap what you sow here. That's what you get, like look, when I'm with the boys, I let them fly. Yeah. When I've been dating, now look,

it's not like I've never farted in front of someone I'm dating, but I do, as much as you call me old-fashioned Maybe I'm a gentleman. I'll fart on my own podcast that Hundreds of thousands of people will listen to and see but I wouldn't for I'd go to the balcony and rip one if I'm with my Girl, you know what I'm saying? So this is intimacy alive as long as you can. He started this though. You did start That's what I'm saying. He's kind of fun. You and your chicken You know, check chick China, the Chinese chicken wraps, you know, and she, and you're,

you started to kind of be like, hey, sorry, I have to feed my body. And if my body responds this way, I'm on a high protein diet. I have to get my macros. Keto is not for everyone. And I get that, babe. And you and your BBL and your silent but deadly farts

can just chill. So I don't know, dude. I mean, you can have a convo. Here's the thing. You started it. You're in the wrong. Yes. The only thing I can think of is you just have to,

this has to be a open negotiation where you have no standing here. No. And you're gonna have to use some relationship capital to be like, is there something I can do? Can I help out? Like all I ask, take down the farts a little bit. What is she eating?

That's another great question. What is she eating? Is it good for her? Because you know, everybody farts. Sure. But this, but you know, there shouldn't be, yeah, I don't know. Also I don't know, wear a screen mask to sleep. I don't know, you know,

if you just wanna completely cover up. But how many a day I would like to know, and what is she eating? And I think you could really get to the root of what's going on. Yeah, let's figure this out. I'm a little worried about her diet. Has she been eating a lot of protein?

Do you wanna make it a fight fire with fire thing? And I wouldn't suggest that. I wouldn't suggest getting more back into farting. Yeah, how do we know this guy didn't push his eating habits on her and he was like, you need to fucking figure it out because you don't work out or you whatever. And he was like, you need to start eating fucking avocado and peanut butter jelly sandwiches

because they're high in protein. And she was like, I don't like, I'm actually allergic to peanut butter. He's like, well then fucking, I'm outta here. Okay, okay, I'll do it. And then she, now her asshole is just not adjusting. And so, and then he's putting it on her. Like there's, part of me thinks that's happening.

Where he pushed his lifestyle on her because she- You brought her into this. You brought her in. And now he's like, and now her butt can't even fucking handle the fucking, improv stuff, but she's, you know, but you get what I'm saying. Yeah, we got it, man.

He's trying to act like he had nothing to do with it. Yes, I fear this is, you are, this is just something you caused, and now you're dealing with it, and now if you wanna walk it back, you're going to have to make other sacrifices within the relationship. Maybe she loves farting. Maybe she thinks you think it's funny because you farted so much. Maybe she doesn't know you're finding it a little off-putting.

Yep. She might think you love it. That's the other thing. Have we tried communicating here? Have you tried having a convo? I don't think he has. I think he's feeling alpha'd on some, that's another thing. He's feeling alpha'd because her farts are fucking more powerful. Wow. And. Called out. Shots fired. I really believe it. And so try

having a convo and if not be like, all right, look, I really don't like this. I'm sorry, I'm a hippie. Even say that to your wife. It's like, look, I know. It's hypocritical. I get it. But I just find it a little off-putting Maybe from now on we'll both Kind of take down how often we're far look if you're we is clutch We is super clutch you might need to start farting more again Matching her and be like you know what I think this has gotten out of hand. We need to pull it back That's that's actually not bad. That's a great idea.

That's actually not bad. All right, I figured it out at the end. By the way, whoever smelt the Delta, never forget that. That's true. That's a great point, even if it's two people. And whoever heard it, you know. Turd it. Yep.

Whoever heard it actually shit. They didn't even fart. All right, let's do a couple more here. This is Stavi's world, LA after dark also. This might be the latest one. On East Coast time, it's midnight right now. Let's see what we got here, LD. Hi, Stavi.

My name is Linda. And my sister and I are having a debate because I started dating a man and I'm 21. And the man I have started dating is 34. So my sister thinks that he's way too old for me and that I'm insane. And I feel like I really like him. I think he's very nice. He treats me very nicely. He takes me out on nice dates. And like he has like a good job. And he doesn't want to have kids for like 10 years still even though he's already 34 and I don't want to have kids so I'm like in my 30s so and I also feel like we align politically we align and like our beliefs about spirituality and our general outlook on life. And I feel like if all of those things align,

she's like, oh, go to the Magareles. It doesn't matter that much. I don't want to wear the hat. Talking, being a 34 year old, talking about spirituality with a 21 year old. Oh, yeah, he is not pumped. Hysterical, dude. Or he's, yeah, whatever. It's just such a funny guy to be like, tell me about.

He's like, so do you feel the spirit within you? Let me ask you something. Do you think we created wind? And if not, why do we get to enjoy it without understanding once it came? But I think the heart and the mind are more powerful than we realize. And I think actually the heart is the most powerful tool because if you watch Captain Planet, he was the element that got the least amount of attention.

She's like, what's Captain Planet? And he goes, I'm out of here. How do you again? Oh yeah, you probably want to watch The Wiggles or Hannah Montana. Eat my ass. Let's finish our friend's call here. What else do you have to say on this?

All of those things align. That's nice. Age doesn't matter that much. And my sister thinks hardline cannot happen. There's no way a 21-year and a 34 year old should be together. And so, and I really trust my sister's opinion. So, um, I'm hoping you guys can mediate between us. Like, do you think he's too much older than me 100% all the time?

Or do you think there are situations where it could make sense? Okay. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Yeah, this is interesting. I mean, I definitely see where your sister's coming from. Yeah. It's not even the, okay, 13 years is the difference, right? Yes. And that's sizable, but it's not crazy. To me, the bigger thing is 21.

If you are even 23, 24, like 21 is like you're just out of college. It's like you do have a little bit of... You're still in college. Yeah, you're probably still in college, right? Like you still have a little bit of like becoming an adult that maybe you should do

and not a serious relationship type of thing. Now at the same time, if this guy treats you really well, like look, I would say if there was a hint of any problems whatsoever, you definitely should get out of it. I suppose there's situations, but you know, at a certain point you just have to be like, I don't know, is it a little,

I see where your sister's coming from, I guess. And it is the like, you're just kind of relatively young. There is something funny about telling a 21 year old girl you're dating like, yeah, I don't think I want to have kids until I'm 45. That's what I'm saying. And look, can it work? Sure. Speaking as an emotionally immature 35 year old that dates girls in their 20s, I know that this can work, you know what I mean?

But it's like the guy, I don't know, it's kind of what his deal is. Does he seriously want to date you? That's another thing It seems like they've been kind of they've been having very serious conversations. He seems to be right open to it How did you meet is a good question. He was my TA He was my professor. Well that yeah that type of shit I I would like to know the meetup because I do know a few people that have this situation and it You know ages a number but also like if they're, sometimes the guy maybe is like, you said like less mature

and she's maybe more mature. There's, I, you know, I feel like even when I was 21, I knew people that I was like, fuck, you feel like you're 40. Yeah. So there's always people that, everyone's a product of their environment and sometimes opposites can attract

and sometimes opposites are opposites. You know what I'm saying? I remember in high school, I went to high school with a girl and then in college I ran into her and she was like five, six, and she was dating a guy that was like six, six, and he was fucking roided out.

And he was definitely like fucking just, he was like a bodybuilder type guy. And every other sentence was like, and then fucking chicken, chicken parm, and then fucking you got to want it and you're getting abs and his abs had pecs and his fucking tits had abs and he was just yoked and he had so much testosterone going through his body. The only thing that they fucking had in common is they both, you know, love to eat protein,

right? Right. And so they, but they, but yeah, but they, so, but they, but they, but they, but they like, when I saw them out and about after hearing about them, I was like, yeah, I mean, like if she's, you know, if they break up, it's gonna be because he threw the fridge in her head, but like, but they also, you know, but they also, when I saw them live, I was like, that's a wildly awesome couple.

Yeah. Like they were really, and so to each his own, I think that your sister, like you said, is right. But- I do think there's something also- Meet the guy. Definitely go out of your way. 34, and you can always do the, it could be worse. 44 would be wild.

13 is, for whatever reason, doesn't, again, she's on the younger side, but 34- To me it's purely because she's just, like honestly, at some point it's like, is it a little strange? Sure, but at a certain point it's gonna be like, whatever, consenting adults can do whatever the fuck they want, but I guess the thing, if I were your sister, what I would be worried about is like,

you think this guy, you don't have a lot of experience, like dating, different, you know, whatever. You think you and this guy, you don't have a lot of experience, like dating different, you know, whatever. You think you and this guy, you've had these deep conversations, whatever, like I hear this and I'm like, is this guy just telling this girl what she wants to hear? Is this like a, you know what I mean? Does he have, what are his intentions? That's why you gotta suss him out.

You gotta sooner than later have him meet the fam. Oh, interesting, meet the fam. Maybe not the whole fam, maybe like cool cousins or like, you know, Matthew Mark or something, you know? But even like, what do your friends say? And look, at the end of the day, this is also an age where it's like, look, just try some shit out.

If he treats you nicely, you already started dating him. It's like, are you just gonna break up with him? Cause you're like, well, just gonna break up with him? Because you're like, well, my sister told me I shouldn't do this. You're already in the relationship. I'd love to know also the sister's dating history and past and current situation.

Is she just like, it's not gonna work out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I told you it's never gonna work out. Trust me, when I was 20, I dated a 60 year old. That's when I started smoking and now I'm 40, but. But here's the thing, the one thing that gives me some alarm bells here too is like, this girl seems very enamored by this guy.

Totally. And like, she's talking about kids? Like she's 21, you know what I mean? Like, the fact they've had the conversation about kids to me is like, either this guy is really, you know, serious, maybe he's a sweet guy, whatever, who knows, or he's just kind of weirdly sick. Like, is he, is she getting love bombed a little bit?

Is she, is he like, I'm in it, baby, like, you're special, you're not like those other 21 year olds, you know what I mean? Like, what's this guy's dating history? I'd be very interested to know about. Does he do this with 21 year olds? Yes. And, but at the end of the day, you're in this relationship, as long as he's treating you nicely,

here's what'll happen. It'll either continue and you are against the odds, a couple that kind of, it worked out, or you'll break up with him and you'll learn something about yourself one way or the other. This isn't like, should I start, should I go out with a 34 year old, I'm 21? It's, I'm already in a relationship. If it was, should I go out with him? Maybe it's a different answer, but you're already in the relationship.

He's treating you well. The second there's any reason not to, maybe get out of it. But, you know, maybe look at the relationship with a more critical eye than just like, you know, because of what your sister's saying, than just being like, oh, this is great. She's looking at the age gap and she needs to, the sister needs to see from her sister's standpoint, how many wieners have you seen and been through already?

Because maybe she's just like, fuck, I've been going at it hard since I was 17, four years of whatever. And she's like, I would love a real relationship. And then maybe this guy on the same token is doing that. Or maybe he hasn't actually, maybe he's been dating people where he's, and whether they're of that age or older, where he's just like, I fucking, I'm not connecting. And for whatever reason, they're of that age or older where he's just like, I fucking am not connecting. And for whatever reason they're connecting. But I would definitely want to see what he looks like and what his job looks like. Because there's probably some, you know, stability. Yeah, well, that's the other thing. It's like, what does she, what do you want out of this?

What does she want, dude? Maybe she's like, I wanna be a mom in 10 years, but I also wanna just like be a yoga instructor. And he's like, do it, I'll take care of you want to just like be a yoga instructor and he's like do it I'll take care of you. Right. That's the other thing. It's like look Do you just want to have like you're talking about I don't have kids on my 30 Who knows you'll be with this person if you're having a good time right now. Yeah live in the now What else gonna you're gonna be? Okay

It's either this guy you're gonna be in a weird relationship with a 23 year old that you you know You're also gonna break up with it sir. Like I hate to break it to you, this probably ain't your husband, statistically, right? Statistically, yeah. Statistically speaking, it's like, it's not a, but you're already in the relationship and just be more cognizant of things and like, you know, maybe take your sister's word in terms of like,

analyzing the relationship, but you know, whatever, you're already in it now. You're in it. You're in it, baby. All right, what do you think? I'll just say something fun to go out on here. Adam, thanks for fucking coming, dude. What a blast, dude.

You're the man. Yeah, this was a real treat. And anything to plug, you know, it's February. What's coming up for you? Adam Ray is Dr. Phil unleashed on Netflix. But we have a huge Dr. Phil Live theater tour that we've been pumping around the country. Love it, love it.

These shows are selling out left and right. They're all available at adamraycomedy.com, as well as all my stand updates. My special is called Like and Subscribe. You can get on my YouTube channel, youtube.com slash adamraycomedy, where you can also get all the Dr. Phil Live shows that happen on the road and at the Comedy Store. We just had one come out that was the holiday show with Jay Leno,

who was his first time back at the comedy store in 30 years. Wayne Brady, Jaleel White, Harry Mack, Rob Riggle, Brad Williams and Tony Hawk. That's at youtube.com slash Adam Ray Comedy. My podcast about last night. And that's it. I love it. Go look at all that stuff you fucking pieces of shit. This guy rocks man. Oh and the picture of me and Kendall Gill is on a few hoodies on AdamRayCowmey.com. It says quick fat. I need that. I need that. I'll get you one.

Alright Eldiz what do we got here? Hey I have a question. Hey, um, I have a question. Um, okay. Basically, I don't know what's wrong with me or men. I'm a young woman, you know, I'm in college. I dated lots of men, you know, in my life. And I feel like, I don't know if it's something that I'm doing or if men are just, men don't know how to talk. But I feel like no guy I've ever dated has known how to carry a conversation. Pause this. And like, if I stop talking, there'll just be.

And this is sort of why the 21 year old dates a 34 year old. That's another hard reality here, right? Perfectly aligned colors. Because I remember, by the way, I remember being 21 and blowing it with hot 21 year olds. Yeah, you were like, have you seen Jungle to Jungle? And they dated a 30 year old. Yeah, I'm like, oh yeah, I'm quoting Night at the Roxbury.

It's not working. But also we are not fully formed individuals yet. So we don't even know, we don't know enough about anything to know how, like what we should even be. And we don't know also that we should be asking them questions. So we're probably trying to bring up our own shit. So it's like a lot of like, how's the food? Oh, it's really good.

I've never had mashed potatoes before. Yeah. Yeah, you know. Nice. Nice. I like butter on my mashed potatoes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, oh my God.

Oh my God, this is exactly. And then five minutes of silence and then like, what'd you say? Oh nothing. Oh I thought you were, sounded like you burped, which is cool by the way, I'm into that. You know what I'm not into? Queefs. She's like cool.

Oh fuck. Yeah, I don't know. So, but this is awesome. This is like a perfect one to have right after the, cause like, I remember being, I don't know. So, but this is awesome. This is like a perfect one to have right after the, because like, I remember being, I mean, there is a reason why young women do date older men. It's because like, yeah, when you're a 21 year old guy, you're kind of a fucking idiot.

Yes. And it's like, kind of, yes. You're a complete fucking dumbass. And so anyway, keep going here. It's just so funny to get these calls back to back. And the girls are more, yeah, there's more emotionally and I think, just fully formed than we are at that age. Yeah, even though she sounds like she's not bringing a lock to the table

either. But like, no offense. But like, to quote the last color, no offense, but full offense. She at least is like, probably trying like, she's at least rambling like, you know, in this, she's probably like, she'll probably do a little monologue, a little soliloquy at the Cheesecake Fag. She'll give you something. She'll give you something and then he's giving nothing back.

Yeah. So she's probably like, wow, I know that I'm not fucking Jacques Cousteau, but wild reference, but like, Jacques Cousteau. But can I, can you? I know I'm not the guy to fuck it. I know I'm not Rick Steves.

Yeah. I know I don't know about deep Marianas trench ocean life I know I'm not finding giant squids or whatever Jacques Cousteau was doing but I'm sorry ask me about my hair All right, let's give it. Let's let's finish off. Maybe she's has something else going on here. I Feel like no guy I've ever dated has known how to carry a conversation And like if I stop talking, there will just be so much silence. And like, I don't know if I have,

I definitely am uncomfortable with silence and that's something I'm working on. But like with my friendships with women, like all my friendships, because I never have, I'm never friends with men. There's never rules in the conversation. You know, we bounce ideas off of each other. We talk about lots of stuff.

And I feel like when I'm hanging out with guys, like, I don't know, I get along with them enough to date them and you know, physically we get along great. But I feel like I end up becoming like almost a court jester or like, I feel like an ard war sometimes. Like I'm asking you so many weird questions trying to like keep the conversation moving like the amount of questions I have to ask is crazy and like I don't know I don't think they're

Bored of me because they keep coming around I think like I Mean, I don't know like I think maybe I'm a lesbian Am I just comparing like looking for something that doesn't exist, like, the level of connection I have with my female friendships, is that not realistic in a romantic relationship with a man? Like, I don't know, I just feel like men are not a caretaker. Pause it real quick. Imagine being, imagine all this and he's just sitting there going like this, right?

Yeah, yeah. No, I mean, yeah. I mean, yeah. Maybe Waro does mean, I have a friend that actually would really like you if you, but no, it's tough. It's tough. I mean, she's definitely talking like this on the dates and which is by the way, I again, appreciate this.

And she's definitely right because guys of that age are not bringing a lot to the table. But especially they don't know how to handle that because they're also it's a little overwhelming overwhelming for them Yeah, no and her her her cadence and maybe this is a little frustration too But like you can tell it's probably a fast talker And it's my you might be a kind of a hard person to keep up with there's blame on both sides I guess what we're saying, But I will say also this, I think probably they are a little intimidated.

Like again, when you're a 21 year old guy, you're like horny as hell, dumb as shit, still don't really understand women. Some of these guys might be legit like, they're just trying to not make a mistake, so you'll fuck them. Like they're just trying to like, I'm on the date, if I just don't fuck up, I might get jerked off. Like they're just like, I'm on the date, if I just don't fuck up, I might get jerked off.

And they're just not, they're not playing to win the game, they're playing not to lose, you know? So, I don't know, did you have more to talk about here, Eldis? I don't know if that's normal, I guess I'm just asking like, how much silence do you feel is okay? How much are you not talking when you're dating a woman? Is there supposed to be a lot of silence?

I don't know, I don't understand, that's all. She's awesome. I would know if she is. How annoying she is is so funny. I know, I'm really rooting for this girl, and if I, bad. See, here's the thing, she goes, how much, the fact that she hates silence

and then she, I don't think she took a breath in two minutes. So, like, you know, case in point, she's just like, the guy doesn't know, she'll give these like two minute monologues and then he's just like, like she'll go, so anyway, like, I just don't know, like I wanna like buy a car, but I don't have a job yet. And like, I think if I like save up my money, like I should get a summer job, but I don't wanna work job yet. I think if I save up my money, I should get a summer job,

but I don't wanna work during the summer, because summer's typically the most fun season of the year. I'm a big seasons girl, which is why I don't wanna move back home, because it's the East Coast, and you just get a lot of cold winters and hot summers, and I want more variation. I like the fall, I like scarves and sweaters and mittens,

oh my, and I like going to Starbucks and getting a pumpkin spice latte, and the bathrooms are always really clean, and I can shit my pants and go in there and they give me the bathroom code because they see them in my eyes and I just shit my pants. And so I just don't know, like, who are you voting for? And then he goes, I just found out who Third Eye Blind was.

And it's just like, oh my God, you're so quiet. Yeah, I mean, I do think that's certainly her, and I'm somebody like this too that's a little uncomfortable with silence sometimes. Like I'll try and fill the, you know, so much of like so many comedians are like that. But, or like I just have it in my head where it's like, you gotta be getting a laugh.

I know. Nine seconds have passed. Yes. Or you're at least not connecting with it. Like that's how I feel on a podcast, but like in real life, I just, when I'm having a conversation, I'm past that, but I feel on a podcast. But like in real life, I just, when I'm having a conversation, I'm past that, but I definitely was more like that. Listening is a big thing that I think young guys can,

should be the main thing they try to get better at. Because, and not only just for the sake of dating and trying to, you know, hook up with whatever you're doing, but for life, it's like such a acquired skillset, but also necessary for everything. Even like, you know, your mom's friends are coming over book club and you got, she wants you to meet them like fucking listen, like be, I mean, I remember like, I just, I was like, oh, fuck, I have mom by mom, I want to go play basketball, whatever,

just be here. And then I was like, all right, so I'm going to be here for 10 minutes. I want to like lock in with Kathy, Kathy Shibitz and fucking hear about her new macaroni salad recipe and then make a funny joke back so that she feels like she was seen in her and my mom, I did right by my mom and then I'm out. And also for crowd working and whatever, but like these guys need, she needs somebody that really gives a fuck. And that's, I mean, historically, and I can test this with my wife, it's like the times when I fucking,

sometimes she's just like, fuck, if you just put your phone down or whatever, all I want, I don't care about anything else, buy me this or that, just fucking, we just listen to my fucking story and I'm like, I'm so sorry. Yeah. Anyway, I turn that on to me, but yeah.

What the fuck did you say? I'm sorry. Oh, oh yeah. Wait. Yeah, no, that's true. Anyway. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Yeah, no, that's true. Anyway. Wait, wait, wait. Oh my God. I love you, dude. Great timing. Well, that's tonight's Doritos joke of the night. Do I wait real quick to quote Dumb and Dumber one more time? Yes, please. In the hot tub, remember? Yeah, Freda Felcher.

Wait, what happened? Harry, Some little filly break your heart? No, she was a French woman or whatever. And then he goes, yeah, she, I don't know. She just broke out of me out of the blue one day, sent me this John Deere letter, something about me not listening or whatever. I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention, but Jeff Daniel is just the best.

Crushing it, dude. Yeah, anyway. So good. Yeah, I mean, look, there's a couple things here. And this is also a good opportunity for our many male 21-year-old listeners, right? Got him. Bro, try and lock in, listen to something, repeat back,

repeat back something, and just be present. And it's so, I'm gonna say, the bar is pretty low. This girl, and another thing you have to understand for our friend here is like, okay, so you're attracted to these people, like physically it sounds like, and it's okay to go on a date and if the vibes aren't right you don't have to hook up with them.

You know what I mean? Like it sounds like you're just thinking like, well I like, I think this person's hot, we went on a date, we have some chemistry but it isn't talk enough. You can raise your standards a little bit so that you don't feel this sort of dejected in your dating life. And look, I'll be honest with you, you're finding out, it seems like you're graduating from, college is so easy because you don't even know your you're finding out it seems like you're graduating from College is so easy because you don't even know what you're doing yet Yeah, so dating is kind of easy for people where they're just like if you're like attractive people like date And they basically mean they just fuck whoever they think is hot

Yeah, and then it sounds like you're getting out of that you're maturing a little bit and realizing like huh This isn't that fun if I don't actually like the person yeah, right and that you might just be you're just hitting a level of maturity Here we are like oh I'm gonna start entering the point of my life where dating is a little bit more of a chore It's not like whoever I go out with I'm gonna have some fun because we're in college We'll get fucked up and suck each other off, and know, whatever, hit the dining hall at 2 a.m. Like now you're like, well that's okay, but I would really like it if he knew one thing

about my personal life. Yeah, do you know like maybe my third favorite color? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like and not just like where I got my bras at. Yeah. Which is the weirdest first question on a date. So it's okay for you to kind of raise your what you think is acceptable.

It's like, yeah, go, look, you're gonna start to date in a more grown up way, you're pretty young, and you're just gonna, if you go on a date and the guy's not fucking bringing it, you don't have to keep seeing them. You don't have to go on date number two. You don't have to date them, you know what I mean? Like, that's the reality.

And now you're understanding why people say dating is hard. We hear it in your voice and yeah, unfortunately it's true, you're not gonna click with a lot of people, you know what I mean? And- It's a numbers game. It is unfortunately a numbers game. And it's tough to realize when you are that age

where you just like, you want to be an adult or feel like you live, 21 is just that sweet spot of like, I'm an adult, I've lived 21 years. You actually don't know shit yet. But you think you do because it's the same thing. Like when you go from middle school to high school and even like, you know, twenties to thirties, you're just like, all right, now I've got to figure it out. But like you hear Oprah say all the time, you know, you know, you don't know.

Even if he's not Dr. Phil, he still respects Oprah. Well, everybody does, Todd Rose. Even Adam Ray, not just Dr. Phil, is going to quote Oprah. Well, one thing, Oprah, shut the fuck up for a second. All right, or I'm going to fucking bottle up one of your farts and sell it on eBay. What I do love about Oprah is that she fluctuates, not just in her weight, but in her demeanor, right? I remember I used to walk into her office and go, hey, I heard there's some tomato soup in the break room, and she'd throw a fucking Swiss army knife in my cock

And i'm like, all right, it's 10 a.m. Somewhere, right? but my point is Uh, you don't know what you don't know and you're too You know you can look splinter came up with the phrase calabunga, but he didn't use it until he Until look ain't on his first base, only if you brought a condom. But if you paid for the date and you open the door, then, you know, you know, then I think get up with the sun, go to bed with the moon, put your shoes on one at a time.

And if you, if you, you know, if you forget to, you know, take your pants off when you're taking a shit, maybe that's God's way of telling you it's time to start peeing out of your butt. That's so true. I think if you listen to yourself and quit trying to decide what you should do and do what you want to do, then that's when you do the do-mountain-do. Absolutely. I'll be right back. That is true.

What you want to do is fuck guys that listen to you. Yep. So that's what you got to start doing. Be right back. And that is true. What you wanna do is fuck guys that listen to you. So that's what you gotta start doing. Go find that. And by the way, you're in fucking college. It doesn't have to be a formal date. Go to a bar, whoever chats you up and you have a little bit of rapport, then maybe go on a date with him or even,

you know what I mean? And there also are guys that you don't like, I think that just from harkening back to that time, feeling like, oh, like that guy talked to me at the bar. Yeah, he's putting his best foot forward. It was the first chat. He's like trying to, you know, see if he can take things further. Like, you don't have to go somewhere with him that night or whatever, like fucking swap the number and figure it out. And then like, actually get on the phone. And like, I know that that's not a thing for their Snapchat and texting or FaceTiming, like, but like, I know that that's not a thing for their Snapchat and texting or FaceTime.

Like, but like, you know, again, like you said, there's so many fucking people. There's too many people. So there's really no reason you just have to be down to clown and be DFW down for whatever. That exactly. And you'll find someone who responds thoughtfully to your Nardor style questions and maybe maybe hits you with some Nardowar questions of his own. And put it on him. Maybe sometimes try this, go on that date and go,

so where are you from? And then if he gives you a one word answer, don't say anything for three and a half minutes. That would be fun. You said you're afraid of the silence, surrender to the silence. Surrender to the silence, a little exposure therapy was not gonna hurt you.

We're rooting for you. Get out there. Make some nice connections. That's gonna do it for us. Adam, thank you so much. I love you, baby. This was so fun. And we will talk to you guys next time.

Bye bye. Bye.