Stavvy's World - #127 - Maddy Smith

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Starting point is 00:01:15 What's up? That's good. What's up Stavi? Whoa, you're in full... How you doing? Yeah, what is... Before the pod? Yeah, this seems great. Mike's turned on, how you doing? I see you. I see you in spa, you, you inspire me.

Starting point is 00:01:26 You inspire me. You're full wild in out mode. You're off the clock, Maddie, relax. Hey, listen, I see that little red light on the camera. I say, I gotta bring some meat. Play a beat for her letter freestyle. Yeah, let's get a little freestyle. Letter freestyle roast jokes.

Starting point is 00:01:44 We in Stavi's world. I'm gonna hurl. I'm a little girl. That's all I got. That's good. Did you audition for Wild N Out? I never did. OK, I know a lot of people went through that.

Starting point is 00:01:57 That's so funny to have, like, because you know, you talk to people who have, like, I got so close to SNL, and it, like, ruins their lives. It's like, I got so close to SNL and it like ruins their lives. It's like, imagine it's like wilding out. It's like, if only it was me that could have said, Nick Cannon busts all the time and has a bunch of kids. If only it was me who pulled out a condom and was like, need one of these.

Starting point is 00:02:18 God damn it. Why didn't I think about, I'm losing it. Why didn't I call that guy gay? Why did I tell that white person that they don't season their food? I'm pissed at myself right now. There's six things you need to say. It's a drop down menu. It's a literal drop down menu.

Starting point is 00:02:39 It's like a multiple choice fucking test. I'm like, flat ass. You would put your dick in my mouth. Right, right, right. Call the cops on a barbecue. That's what they say. Oh, yes. That's a big one. Can you back that ass up? I'm like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:02:56 Yeah. Yeah, that is interesting. It's like when Fox News hires a liberal to make fun of them, you're basically wilding out. You're like, we need the palest white girl you've ever seen in your life. Whiteest girl in the world to point out how we are always late. I've been here for hours, Nick.

Starting point is 00:03:18 Where's the rest of the crew? Because in my church, we start on time. Yeah, you have to pretend you go to church to have jokes about how different white church is. I have to pretend I cook. I go to church. Got to pretend. Sneakers. I got to pretend I like sneakers.

Starting point is 00:03:39 I don't care about that. Of course. But if you wear dirty sneakers around black people, it came over. Oh, forget about it. Hey, come on, I know about that. Yeah, you know. I do know about that. It is true, though.

Starting point is 00:03:51 That is what... It is funny because to me that's like, oh, I have to just go to high school for the rest of my life? Yeah. Wilding Out just feels like the high school cafeteria. It really does, doesn't it? And you know what? That's funny when you are 14 years old, but it's like there's 48 year old guys doing that level of humor.

Starting point is 00:04:10 It is pretty crazy how old everyone is. Everyone is old as shit. I've been on for seven, every single season the EP is like, we're getting rid of people. Yeah. Cause I don't want to, I don't want to work with 40 year olds on MTV. Same season, over and over. Carlos Miller, Chico Bean. Kick him out the classroom. You have eight baby mamas. And we're doing nursery rhymes. Yeah, it's like how fucking Ric Flair wrestled till he was 80 years old. Wild N Out is just gonna go the way of Paul Hogan.

Starting point is 00:04:40 Yeah, it is. Old people. Well, that is, it's not, the idea idea that while that would continue to be like would continue to capture the youth Right insane. It's just gonna age. Yeah with the nothing ever stays fresh and relevant No, it's like, you know, I said I was trying to do like Gen Z humor. Yeah Wild out is yeah, they want to think they're for the youth but therefore the old head Yeah, well like wild now is almost like Gen X. Yeah, how does Nick can't like he's already? I think to them the youth is Millennials like I'll get people

Starting point is 00:05:14 Yeah, which is like that's us Yeah, I think Nick is 40 and then I'll have people come to my they just think this is what how white people is They think you're 18 Well, yeah white people look like shit, right? Yeah, the young white people are horrible, right? Yeah, it's like yeah's 40. Yeah, yeah. I think he's, is he older than 40? I don't know. Look at that.

Starting point is 00:05:49 Do a little fucking, would it kill you to do some producing eldest? It's funny, I was thinking the same thing. For Christ's sake. And we can't see it. You don't even have us up. Yeah, we don't even have the desk down. You fucking idiot. 44, 44.

Starting point is 00:05:58 Okay. 1984, 1980, that's tough. And then let's look up the cutoff for the Generations. Yeah, he might be a, might be Gen X right? Yeah Wow 244 he's the oldest possible millennial That's tough. He's really close. Yeah, it is tough. You know what they just started

Starting point is 00:06:20 This is a generation not only so Z is basically Z's almost done Z's cooked Z's almost done alpha is right around the corner and now baby's born this year or generation beta I saw that like I thought I just had a nephew. He's the first baby. He's the Nick Cannon of betas Jen beta he literally was born in January of this year Literally was born in January of this year Shout out to my boy beta sucks. That's like cook. I know right away cook I know how did X get cool like Gen X the lamest people of all time Like got really the biggest fucking dorks like whatever you want to say about boomers. They were fucking they didn't have to worry about AIDS They were doing ass. They would like yeah drugs. They were fucking they didn't have to worry about AIDS. They were doing ass They would like yeah drugs. They would go to like, you know Woodstock

Starting point is 00:07:09 My mom's my mom's mom was like you you would you you you're so pretty if only we're a little thinner Yeah, that's the biggest thing that boomers took from us is like they were or at least like the especially the free love boomers Yeah, is it like you didn't have anyone to rebel you couldn't be cool if your mom like sucked off Jimi Hendrix You know what I mean? Yeah, he was always gonna be cool. My mom's a huge deadhead What do you think she did on nitrous Yeah, yeah, so Jen X To me they're the most like yeah, you'll see it online Well cuz they didn't have the internet, but they did have AIDS

Starting point is 00:08:05 They were scared to fuck and they couldn't like look shit up, right? They're just hanging around watching VHS is together very I guess that's why they like had raves Yeah, I guess I would go to warehouses and like, you know, yeah, whatever but yeah, Jen said raves and studio or yeah 90s I guess it was Gen X like night like 90s Yeah, 90s. I guess it was Gen X like night like 90s Like if you're Gen X were you like 20 in the 90s? I guess I don't fucking know eldest producing We're gonna 1965 to 1980 Okay, yeah something like that word 20 in the 90s some of them like the people who were like fucking up at Woodstock 99

Starting point is 00:08:44 Yes, exactly, exactly. And that's a perfect example. Yeah. Like it's like, oh, not like, first of all, get your own idea. Like it's like, oh, it's Woodstock, but it's like, okay, it's fucking Limp Bizkit. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:58 You think Limp Bizkit is like a cool thing to do drugs to in a field? Yeah. It's like, look. Limp Bizkit, Kid Rock. Yeah, that music has its place place and it's, you know, you play the like aggressive stuff when you're like trying to psych yourself up to beat your wife. Like when you're too much of a coward to do it naturally, you got to get the kid rock flowing to kind of and then shadow box a little bit. And then, you know, you play their ballads

Starting point is 00:09:24 afterwards to apologize for slapping your wife. to kind of, and then shadow box a little bit, and then you play their ballads afterwards to apologize for slapping your wife. I did it because I'm afraid of losing you. Yeah. I put your picture away. I say it changed my ways. I will say, what's up 99? Like, punks in the 90s gotta be the scariest group of people

Starting point is 00:09:45 Everyone's talking about like black teenagers on a train and a 90s punk. Yeah with like a low short Well, they were on trains, right? They were like on like like crust punk type. Yeah, they weren't Yeah, I feel like they are trains. I mean like the they were on like the true locomotives They were on trains. I mean like the, they were on like the true locomotives. Yes. Like steam engines. They were on steam. The shitty, like what hobos used to do.

Starting point is 00:10:09 Yeah. I feel like those like kinda disaffected punks. Like kinda punks who just like love pain. Right. Like you like, you like, they're like jumping off a roof after school, like doing flips off a roof. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so cool.

Starting point is 00:10:24 Yeah. Yeah. What are they, what are cool. Yeah. Yeah, what are they like? What were those types of punks bands that they listened to? Because I want to say Green Day, but that's not right at all. But similar, but there was more like Limp Bizkit. And then what was like Limp Bizkit? OK, we're talking new metal, NU metal. NU, yeah, NU metal. Yes, that's a good point.

Starting point is 00:10:48 Corn fans, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, because briefly. Slipknot or something. See, what happened, that almost, that was like how all white trash acts black. Like that for us, there was a blip where it was like it almost got them to act in a scary type of way. Yeah. Like there was a blip where it was like it almost like got them to act in a scary type of way

Starting point is 00:11:06 Yeah, yeah like there was a lot of people that I remember from that time frame that like when they were like 14, yeah, like gave up Acting like stealing black culture and they were like kind of scary for like scary years Yeah, and then they were like went right back and got no excel. Yeah, you know, and then it was like the And then they were like went right back and got for Excel. Yeah, you know, and then it was like the The throwback Jersey era. Yeah couple years later. They're wearing like Y2K kind of like throwback Jersey Second yes, at least in Baltimore. It might be different in more white place I remember the touch into the acting white. Yeah Brendan's actually perfect.

Starting point is 00:11:45 He's perfect because he'll be like, I went back to rock and then I did back in the black. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, exactly. Well, he's also perfect because he had the most privileged suburban Long Island life. Yeah. Brendan's never had any fucking. He has no adversity except not getting pussy. It's awesome.

Starting point is 00:12:04 That's the only thing. and he acts like that. And he does. Yeah, yeah, he does now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Back in the day. Those wounds don't heal, Maddie. No, I know.

Starting point is 00:12:14 It's tough for a guy with clear eyelashes. Yeah, yeah. It's not the easiest. I know. I look at Sagalow and I'm like, thank God I got famous. If that's, I'm like, thank god I got famous I'm like fuck he's still talking about the friend zone. That would have been me bro Talking about how fucking girls put you in the friend zone at 40 years old and I'm like good Thank you for the podcast fame. Thank you

Starting point is 00:12:41 Thank you for making mentally will him and all mentally ill women on the internet fans of every podcast I've done. I love you girls. I love my new girls. Gals, you're the best. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I should probably say that. No, let's bleep her name out. Yeah, bleep her out. Yeah, no, it is so fucking funny. But yes, it's funny because it's like cuz then think of segala

Starting point is 00:13:08 But if he was abused those kids are scary. Yes Like he segals like fuck you bitch mom. Yeah, and then and those kids like fuck you Sagal is like fuck you bitch mom yeah, and then and those kids like fuck you A straight punch, and then they're like time to find the gay kid in my class Someone's gonna pay for this And it's the type of ethnicity that doesn't have backup in my class or the gay one and that's who's getting the you know Oh, yeah, she kicked out the soul. There's like a random Indian kid in your like shitty white school or if there's a gay kid. Yes, and that's no backup Yeah, anyone who does not have a community. Yeah. Yeah, like they weren't gonna make a rate those kids aren't making race wars That's when he's getting big up.

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Starting point is 00:14:27 We got auras on deck. I'm actually a little perturbed because I already got my mom an aura last year. I already got my grandma an aura. I'm screwed, the pooch is screwed for me. I have to give her a worse gift because we all know the Aura Frame's the number one gift. You just put all the cherished memory she has

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Starting point is 00:15:07 you don't gotta put that stuff on it. For your mom, put picture of you, your significant other. One of your hobbies if you're one of our fans who, you know, doesn't have a significant other. Maybe a nice piece of pottery you made. Look, it's not my job to tell you what to put on the frame for your mom. It's my job to tell you to buy it, she's gonna your mom. It's my job to tell you to buy it.

Starting point is 00:15:25 She's going to love it. Or has a great deal for Mother's Day for a limited time. Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting our frames.com to get thirty five dollars off plus free shipping on their best selling Carver Mat Frame. That's a U R a frames dot com promo code Stavi S.T.A. VVY. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply Fuck yeah, that's cool in high school. I was pretty good. I had pretty good grades. I cuz I like wanted like I really the whole read the way like

Starting point is 00:15:59 Comedy is essentially craving Acceptance from strangers. Yeah,, I got so much positive attention from having good grades. For being like a smart, like, in my family, it was like, that was like, I was better than my stupid brothers. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, oh, these fucking morons,

Starting point is 00:16:18 I'm number one. I'm number one! And there was like a contest, like, Greek, I went to a Greek school too after after regular school, which was horrible After school I had to go I had to go lay a couple hours like three times a week But it would suck dick, but and they did language or history language history. It was language and history Yeah, exactly and because it was like, you know American Greeks being like war kids are gonna still be like, you know, American Greeks being like, well, our kids are gonna still be Greek, you know?

Starting point is 00:16:46 And I just happen to speak better Greek. Like my parents just don't, my dad just doesn't know English the way like some people's parents do. And so I spoke Greek from like, that was my first language and so I was just better at it. But there was a, every year they did like a valedictorian every year.

Starting point is 00:17:02 And so I was like, I'm gonna fucking win. And then some bitch came from Greece of course which doesn't count this is that's not fair to me and I was fucking pissed that I literally was like recount that we need a recount I was complaining the Greek Americans we can be born on this soil yeah good on a good old American soil but I just loved getting any kind of positive attention when you're like a little-ass kid. And I remember being like, I don't care about,

Starting point is 00:17:29 like I remember my mom like truly, there was a moment where she had no idea, she was like, I don't understand what I'm up against here. Where I was like, I don't care about school. I was like yelling, I was like, I just wanna be the best. I was like, I wish I didn't care. And she saw me having like a freak out. I'm like yelling I was like I just want to be the best yeah I was like I wish I didn't care and she saw me having like a freakout oh yeah I'm like nine years old I don't want to study I want to go play PlayStation pretty when everyone is in the age.

Starting point is 00:17:56 and then you discover cheating when you're in like yeah okay oh nice I'll just fucking take the answer What about you I yeah, yeah, I was pretty good my sister's she's four years older. She's like smart. She's like one of those She's three I was always like smart naturally smart, but they were like When my parents got divorced my mom stopped like parenting and then they were both she hit that she was like Let's get back to the Grateful Dead It was like engineer after engineer And was immediately, it was like engineer after engineer that she was dating.

Starting point is 00:18:45 Wow, engineer. And so she was dating for financial security? Is that why she went for engineers? I really think she was like, or do you think they were building- You know when you get out of a relationship and you're like, woo, dating's kinda fun, even though it's not.

Starting point is 00:18:55 But why an engineer? I think it was the combo of like, in her eHarmony profile, she required Grateful Dead as an interest. Right, oh yeah. And I think- Right, only nerd required grateful dead right only nerds New York engineer boomers music scene live music people there's a big overlap between okay the engineers and the live music scene they were you think she

Starting point is 00:19:17 wanted them to build fuck machines for her yeah I do maybe like they engineer like a kind of yeah He can leave and she can get fucked Good girl I think she was I mean she never likes her her boyfriends really right right right always over them. Yeah, short-circuited She's always like popping off for no reason love that yeah, yeah, so this is what at what age that we're talking that they split when I was 13 And she brought her first boyfriend home when I was 14 Wow, but when they broke up when they divorced they were like was separating temporarily oh Yeah Mom got right to it

Starting point is 00:20:03 Right to separating Mom got right to it Bruce home Bruce classic Not even stepdad, but just boyfriend mom's boyfriend Bruce Bruce. Yeah, so fucking nasty You fucking suck. You made us white trash for no reason I gotta tell people who Bruce is Why a guy with a jean jacket is picking me up 2003 Honda Accord come on bumper stickers all over her boyfriend's cars, co-exist. You fucking loser. That's so fucking funny.

Starting point is 00:20:52 So weird. Oh my God. So yeah, my mom like kind of dropped off when I was middle and high school. So they would be like, I don't understand, Emily was such a good, easy kid. But the doctors to my parents would be like, she's just really smart and unusual.

Starting point is 00:21:06 Most kids are gonna be fucking around. But then my parents were like, Madeline is too much. But I was like, normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're just like, I don't have supervision. I'm 13, at maybe the most crucial age, like after infancy, 13 is when you really gotta be looking around, because a kid can go some

Starting point is 00:21:26 Interesting ways there and deep heat on film Hang out too late with musical theater people Instead of trying to suck a clearly gay guys dick in hindsight Sucking dick for a guy to pretend to be straight Yeah, he he's a guy who does love his parents and doesn't want his dad to know he's gay So he's gonna give it the old college try with Maddie Dad to know he's gay so he's gonna give it the old college try with Maddie That's fucking hilarious oh that's interesting cuz it's like yeah So and then I guess I guess pops didn't get to separating that quickly did it take did it hit him harder?

Starting point is 00:22:30 He's he he was hit hard then he roamed around for a couple years Then I he started dating a woman at his job Ruining his life. I think I might have told you about it before. That's all right He made a woman named Trish. We're let you know what yes Well give us the cliff notes. This is also we're gonna we've kept you locked behind patreon before so you know you get to be on the Second patreon jail just worked out that way Well, we had a great episode with you and Jordan Jordan was realizing she got in real time Yes, and we had it kind of felt rude to put that on YouTube

Starting point is 00:23:14 Like we wanted to put that out, but it's like damn. She's literally going through it on the couch It was a hilarious episode Please sign up on Patreon. She was but she yeah her mom was like, did you piss him off? She literally realized that her tutor, that was like eight years older than her, was not a good guy. But the mom was like, come on over. Yeah, totally. There was like, she had no sub- yeah, her mom was all over the place. By the first call on that episode. She was just fully withdrawn You had a sex crime happen you fucking loser

Starting point is 00:23:56 And probably change the entire course of your life You know your fucking life is tough now? You're succeeding but you're not happy no matter how many little dogs you fucking buy? What do you think that's about? It's about the tuna who put a dick in your ass. She's like, no, it's because of my own OCD. Oh, fuck. It's because of my own OCD Okay, I have a friend who was tell me

Starting point is 00:24:38 You know you just realized stuff later on of course my friend said she's Bosnian. Okay, she's talking already tough Yep, already know I feel like the age of consent is 11 She's in like high school she went to high school in Manhattan, Bosnia, probably. Exactly. She's in high school. She went to high school in Manhattan. And then she told her history teacher, she's 15. She's like, my cousin just got married. She's 12. And the teacher goes, damn, I should move to Bosnia. Even as a joke, as an educator, that's a joke you make

Starting point is 00:25:02 with your friends. We can make that joke with the cameras off yes but a teacher to a student nice you got me thinking yeah like like the only thing it's interesting to be a person that just really abides by the laws the That's like, look, the second they change the law, I'm in there. But, you know, yeah. Yeah, that's fucking wild. Whole areas.

Starting point is 00:25:34 I know it is funny to think about, like, just go through your past and just how many people felt unfathomably old to you when you're a kid. Yeah. And they were like 23 years old. They were like 25. Yeah, you're like this this old hat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I still remember. I still wonder what our what that teacher we were in love with when we were in second grade. Remember that student teacher? Yeah. She was probably like 20 years old. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Like we were like 17. About like 24 or something. So she's probably in range,, she's definitely knows my mom yeah I do love those like little kid ass crushes where it's like you don't you don't know what fucking is

Starting point is 00:26:15 It's not it's not sexual, but it is romantic Yeah, you're like I want to kiss her on the lips and like hold her hand. Honestly the most romantic a man has ever They're basically lesbians you like a little lesbian Writing valentine's I literally like wrote poems. Poems. Yeah, to get rejected. Can you come over? I'm allergic to latex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm allergic to latex.

Starting point is 00:26:52 I'm vegan, so lambskin won't work either. Yeah, sorry. Yeah, and oh, fuck, I just realized I gotta be up at 5 a.m. tomorrow. You better leave. It's just for me. Now. Yeah. Bye. You better leave. It's just for me. Oh now

Starting point is 00:27:20 I would I wouldn't give for just one more moment one glance at those lips as they part The blue of your eyes. Now you're like, where can I come? Where can I come? Ohhhh. So what's going on? Are you like seeing anybody? Oh we? We? Oh we're friends.

Starting point is 00:27:38 Shit. Fuck dude. Did not see that coming. Come on dude. You're being weird. I love that though. I love how see that coming. Come on, dude. You're being weird. You're so weird. I love that though. I love how weird you are. You're so weird. Hold on, wait a second.

Starting point is 00:27:50 Yeah, just wait until the refractory period ends and then they're like, oh actually, yeah, you're cool. They always do that. They always wait. They're like, hey, missing you. Or the opposite, I've been with guys who are trying to court me relationship-wise.

Starting point is 00:28:12 I like you, I like you, I like you. Then I ended up, it ends up not working or whatever. A few months later, they throw a Hail Mary text that's something filthy. Like, man, I wish you didn't stop talking to me, I would've fucked the shit out of you. Wow, out of nowhere, just a nice person. Out of nowhere, just going through their contacts, horny.

Starting point is 00:28:29 Oh, I forgot my money. Oh yeah, why not? I mean, she's not gonna fuck me. What's she gonna do, not fuck me more? Yeah. What's she gonna do, fuck me less than zero? Yeah, so, here you go. Let me see those tits you fucking whore,

Starting point is 00:28:42 I knew you secretly wanted it. Send? Just playing PlayStation? Yeah. It's just me like, send that copy and paste that to five women that rejected him and he's like. I wish you didn't reject me. I would have put my cock in your mouth. Yeah. Hopefully a guy they actually loved destroyed them and now they're feeling so bad about themselves that they're willing to fuck me as a form of self-flagellation. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:29:08 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if not, I'm gonna keep Red Dead Redemption rolling. Yeah. Hey, are you guys there? Yeah. Cool.

Starting point is 00:29:18 Yeah. Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah, that Hail Mary's hilarious. You cannot, fellas, don't do that. It's hilarious It's never last text was like yes before I totally get it. Yeah, we're in different places right now If anything changes reach out, you know, I still would love to see Wicked. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, something like, we still gotta do that Peyton set.

Starting point is 00:29:47 Yeah. You know, and then like three months later, like, tits? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Show me that hole, whore. Yeah. Up tonight? Up, yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:02 That is fucking wild. Freak show. Yeah, you gotta stick with whatever you start with. Or you can gradually... You can't put that dog down. Or gradually keep hitting them up. Like, kinda lightly. The light hit up, whatever, trying to like... But it's the immediate, like,

Starting point is 00:30:26 the crazy vibe shift. Yeah. You can't do it. It's never gonna work. Yeah. It's never gonna work. Or nice, nice, nice, nice, and then you're like, is that, and then they're like, slut. Yeah, that's, that's classic stuff. That's like, come on, dude. Damn. That's like, not even, like, I actually respect the Hail Mary more than that. Me too. Because that's like, well, That's like 90 like I actually respect the Hail Mary more than that me too. Is that like well It's like they've done the math. They know the Hail Mary is probably not gonna work Yeah, like instead of this 1% chance of pussy How about a hundred percent chance of making myself feel better by calling someone a whore? Yeah

Starting point is 00:31:02 100% and you know what feels good for them? I get messages all the time. They call me a whore slut, fucking cocksucker. It's crazy. I'm like a little lady. I'm at home, I'm like, oh I'm trying this New York Times recipe. I'm like, a little intellectual playing the piano and I open my phone, spread it wider.

Starting point is 00:31:24 I'm like dude, would you talk to Maya Angelou like that? Come on, little lady, whatever. But I don't know, I guess, if you make, it's the hard thing where it's like, you know how Amy Schumer got, Amy Schumer one time someone came up to her and was like roasted her on a video and she was like don't do that.

Starting point is 00:31:44 Like what's allowed, what's, I don't do that yeah like what's what's allowed what's I don't know like you very confused what's allowed because like I say a lot of jokes so I'm like no no it's strangers asking to see your pussy it's not allowed let's just then you've been gaslit by society so much yeah maybe it's me yeah well what we'll think about what kind of comedy are you putting out there? And my comedy is like, I hate men. It's not, if you watch the whole set, it's not, you know. But even if you were, it's like, they don't know you. They don't know you personally.

Starting point is 00:32:16 It's like, and like somebody coming up and roasting you or like somebody coming up in like your private time, like putting a camera on you, never. Right? Like like they shouldn't do that under the context of ticket ticket performer and even though like if you get famous like I feel bad people are truly famous yeah cuz it's like they don't have a moment to themselves you know and it's like okay you can be like that's they should expect that it's like yeah but you could also not be a piece

Starting point is 00:32:43 of shit oh great you can even just kind of like there's people who I saw fucking Keith for Sutherland I didn't stop him and go dude lost boys through 24. You're the man brother want to get a fucking bruski And girlfriend loves you Stand right there. Can you sign this dude? Yeah, it it's like, be like, hey, what's up? Quick, what's up? But it's just like, yeah, you don't deserve to be, even, like, that's the thing, even too much positive attention

Starting point is 00:33:14 for people that are just trying to like, if you're like super famous, that could probably wear you down. No one should just get negative attention for no reason. That's fucking rude. Like, what if someone did that to, you shouldn should just get negative attention for no reason. That's fucking rude. Right. Like what if someone did that to you, you shouldn't just go up to someone and be like you're a fucking piece of shit.

Starting point is 00:33:30 It's rude. But then especially when we get to like sexually explicit shit, it's like no, that's like no, there's no argument there at all. Okay, word. All right, I wasn't sure. But I'm really, it took me like years to be like, I think this is weird. I think this is kind of weird. And yeah, I mean, I am on Wildin' Out like, Nick, put your, I'll let you put your Canon

Starting point is 00:33:55 in me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's definitely, I mean, it's definitely like maybe a black dude thing. Not just, but definitely, you know. I'm trying to like, you're probably fetishized on that show, too Yeah, there's people who are like oh, this is the one white girl Yeah, what I have a relationship with yeah, you know where it's like I mean anytime people are familiar with you from something they do there is a sense of familiarity

Starting point is 00:34:17 Oh, yeah, they everyone thinks they know you yeah podcasting is truly Yeah, yeah, it's like they they'll like come up to me and like say something that I like, dude I have no, I don't respect podcasting. I said a joke eight years ago, I don't remember that man. They're like, yeah right dude. Why are you a fucking bitch dude, you're so fake in real life. It's like, I'm sorry man.

Starting point is 00:34:41 But I do like when people are like, it feels good when people are like, I love, like cause I you put shit out there. Yeah, you want people to like yeah You don't want to yeah, it does feel good But it's like give me a pound. Yeah, that's it. Hey big fan big fan that feels that's the best That's the best one of all yeah, but yeah, I mean luckily I don't get very sexually harassed or if I do it's welcome. Do you know girls DMing you? I'll get some DMs Yeah, I mean I'll get gay guys too. Yeah But yeah, I would you know be interesting to get on Wild and Out maybe get some black girls the enemy for a change

Starting point is 00:35:15 Yeah, I'll be nice. Yeah, you know that'd be fun exactly because it is like I said like I did You know most of my high school beating off was to black girls. Yeah, that my that's all your classmates yeah yeah what a fuck the people you're in school with right so many other means yeah it's like you know maybe I need maybe I do need to audition for wild maybe yeah you know maybe this is the year yeah yeah you could do like a collab with angel Reese or something sure from Baltimore she is Baltimore perfect yeah boom as I'm it sounds like I'm her type I think She is? She is from Baltimore. Cool. Perfect. Boom. It sounds like I'm her type. I think she was like, I need to date a basketball player that's over 6'8".

Starting point is 00:35:50 Oh yeah. So it sounds like she's kind of... She would be. She's also like... She wouldn't? What? 15 years? 20 years younger than me? Yeah. No, not 20. It's sick as fuck. Not 20. We're not in Bosnia. Yeah. Was she 23 years old then? Probably so. Yeah, you know fuck it. I went to Baltimore this weekend

Starting point is 00:36:08 I'm gonna goobies. Oh you were at the goobies. How'd you feel? Do you like it? No new backdrop? Yeah They went art deco they always New green room like beige wall. Yeah, I love that they were like we need to change something and it's not the name Magoo Yeah, I love that they were like we need to change something and it's not the name Magoobies Yeah, the backdrop the backdrop I hate when people take their old-school backdrops away Yeah, yeah, I like them not to be too sanitized. Although I do like it. It's pretty it does look pretty good I actually did some shows there over Chris like Christmas break. It's not as pretty Yeah, I got I want my goal is to get them to put a bathroom in the green room. And I want it named the Stavrosakis Memorial Bathroom.

Starting point is 00:36:50 Okay, word. Perfect. I want a bronze. I think you deserve a memorial bathroom. And everyone has to call it that every time they go to the bathroom. Hey, where are you? I'm in the Stavrosakis Memorial Bathroom. You know folks, when I, in my home in Baltimore, overrun by bugs, millipedes, centipedes,

Starting point is 00:37:12 roaches, you name it, until I found out about Pesty. Pesty's do-it-yourself pet control. They give you the same products the pros use at a quarter of the cost. We're cutting out middlemen here folks. Their kit makes it so easy it only takes a few minutes to apply. The only pest that I have running around is my Albanian producer now that I have Pesti. Other pest control companies charge over $800 per year, but with Pesti you can get started at just $35 per treatment with a customized plan based on your location, bugs, and climate.

Starting point is 00:37:45 Ah, it was easy to get started. The kit just comes right in. A little spray, a little mixing bag. Gloves, all the instructions you need. Pet and kid friendly, you're gonna love it. I loved it. Like I said, the only pest that's now at my home, the one I let in willingly,

Starting point is 00:38:03 he's holding the camera right now. Now is the time to protect your home from bugs with Pesti. Go to Pesti, P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash Stavi, for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash Stavi, for an extra 10% off. Yeah, it is so funny. There's just the desperation of a man who's been,

Starting point is 00:38:25 like I have definitely been there being like, there's some key to, I just have to unlock it. If I send the perfect message, I can fuck this woman. And it's like, if you're doing that, it's over, fellas. Just take it from all of us. We've all been there. It's never gonna happen. Move forward. Leave's never gonna. It's never gonna happen move move forward. Yeah

Starting point is 00:38:47 Leave with some dignity. That's all I can tell you Lee cuz those texts are there and that's why ghosting exists also Yes, it's like yeah, it's like you've bought when you feel the vibes not going your way You can make one last stand one valiant last stand, but if you get canceled on a couple times in a row yeah Don't eat cooked. I remember when I first moved to New York I wanted a date with a girl and it was shockingly pretty good like I had no self-esteem It's like when you first moved to New York you have no self-esteem. Oh, yeah, I was on dates left and right brutal fucking dudes blackout Yeah, and I definitely fucked some atrocious women that I in hindsight

Starting point is 00:39:27 it was like I wanted nothing to do but I was like yeah this girl was cool she was like she was like half Greek we had like we had like a little something going and again you know when you're on date you're like I can't believe I and she was hot I was like I can't believe I'm doing well like this is crazy waiting for the big drop. I'm like what's gonna happen? Yeah, which hey, hey bring it on she looked like that. Yes, Trance love it As long as your dick was littler than mine Now that I'm thinking would be kind of tough, but maybe the hormones shrinked it. I don't know how that works I don't know what they do do the hormones ring it. I know what if they make it bigger

Starting point is 00:40:11 Estrogen plumps up your lips. I know It does shrink oh interesting without tea in your system Oh, he makes your cock hard Yeah, well I did have some I did have some blood tests come back and I am on the lower end of the normal range of tea Oh, so oh boy. Maybe I need a teammate Maybe I need to get on that Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah, now I'm fucking badass. He's clearly on tea. It's crazy I've never seen a man a man more on testosterone in my life. And like he went from like noob to Albanian?

Starting point is 00:40:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for real. It's so fucking pathetic. These guys, it's like why can't nerds just be, it's like you, I can't believe we're losing, I can't believe our overlords are fucking dork losers. I can't believe our overlords are dork losers. It's like in the medieval times great warriors would come through. Alexander the Great would come through a village.

Starting point is 00:41:14 His soldiers would behead your priest. They would all fuck everyone. They would take whatever they wanted. These guys are just like stealing your data slowly. But they're just like getting jacked in a fake way getting jacked They'll probably have a standing army soon like like, you know, I think more people should go Luigi mode And when that starts to happen when when they start taking this taking out CEOs that are ruining our lives They're gonna start getting their own armies. They're gonna have militias. We're gonna be fucked, honestly.

Starting point is 00:41:45 But if enough Luigi's are out there, maybe we can stop this. We can stem the tide. I think there could be. People are feeling pretty anarchist right now. Like if you have a terminal disease... Yeah, take one for the team. I'm not gonna tell you what to do for the record. I'm not suggesting anything. Doctor says you have a few months. I got eyes on.

Starting point is 00:42:12 Just something to think about. I'm not even gonna tell you what. Yeah. But just something to think about. Who would you? Okay, doctor says you have to think about, well, obviously, you know, take your meds and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:21 But think, reflect. How do you want the world to look when you go? okay who would you who would you pin well I don't know maybe that president of sag How dare you make a distinction between non-union and union work? It's all the same! Too many years on Wild and Out! Over it! Over it! Yeah, I'm killing Sag. Wow, Nick Cannon doesn't have a union shop?

Starting point is 00:42:56 I'm scared. I'm shocked. Yeah, stay scared. Isn't the president of Sag Fran Drescher? Yeah, it is, I think, right? So of SAG Fran Drescher? Yeah it is I think right? So you would be Fran Drescher. Boom. Down with one. Ow my god! Ow! Yeah it's her. Yeah it is. Cool. Salute to Fran. She's too sexy for me to keep. It's hot. I know. Girl outfits back in the day the nanny honestly definitely I watched a lot of that was randomly a sitcom I watched a lot as a kid and yeah and in hindsight it's like I wanted to fuck this yeah if I could only share a sunset with you nanny you were myanny. I would listen no matter what.

Starting point is 00:43:46 Yeah, I mean, loud, annoying girls that dress stupid. I love that. Sign me the fuck up. Sign me up. Very intriguing to me. Ah, intriguing to you. Are you fully straight? What are we working with?

Starting point is 00:44:02 Would you fuck one of these chicks? I hooked up with a couple and, nah, pass. are we working with? Yeah? Couple and just just not Vagina I was like feels like my vagina It is the most open-minded thing to just be like, yeah, I fucked a couple, it wasn't for me. Yeah. It's like, everybody acts like it's insane to do some gay shit, like, you know? I feel like, if you're on the world,

Starting point is 00:44:34 on the earth for 80, 90 years. You're not gonna do any gay shit. You're not gonna do any gay shit. No one's gonna kill you. Well, I mean, depends where you are, but. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, we're getting to that point again. But like, I don't know, humanity? We should just be like fucking and sucking each other off

Starting point is 00:44:49 like just to see what's up. Every like, I mean, ancient societies were sucking and fucking. They had, they probably didn't have like, you know, they had some version of like people that were in between genders. You know what I mean? Yeah, they definitely did.

Starting point is 00:45:03 There's came in drawings of like, like a RuPaul kinda Dylan Mulvaney. Yeah. Definitely has always been around. And there like there was like you know there's some like Native Native like Native American and like where there was like a tight there they basically had like a question mark gender. Yes. Where it's like a dude who's kind of right like a woman. Yeah. And it's like a dude who's kind of like a woman. Yeah. And they're like you don't go hunting. You chill with the chicks. You chill with the chicks. And Albania has that type of like lesbian. The burnesha. The burnesha. It's a guy. It's a guy.

Starting point is 00:45:37 It's chicks that dress like guys. It's the opposite. Yeah they butch it up. Burnesha. Yeah it's like it's like women who basically present as men Like you know in terms of like social function or like your classic Yeah, like masked lesbian. It's it's usually your classic stud It's usually like not a man in the family to like protect Okay, somebody's got to step up like they're you know, someone's got a butch up. Look at these ladies Yeah, these ladies. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:06 Damn. Or these fellas, whatever. Love that. I would not mind visiting the Balkans someday. Yeah. Tangle with a Burnesha? Hello. Would you like to get your pussy eaten by a Burnesha?

Starting point is 00:46:15 I bet she doesn't. Yeah, see. She's sucking on that thing. Keep the sound and just blur out what Maddie was doing. Let that go. Let it be to everyone's imagination. Oh, Miss Nina. Yeah, so, but, so yeah, anyway, I guess, would you give it another go for Prime Fringe, Resher? Yeah, I mean, uh, sure. Yeah, but not- I would pull, I would pull through, but-

Starting point is 00:46:51 But it's not your thing. It's just so hot, she's hot too, but the idea of like, sliding my hand into her panting- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Doesn't really, like, makes me sink in my head. I'm like, can't wait for this to end. Yeah. But if I see a hot dude, and I think about putting my, I'm like, yeah! Right, nice. Let's get, let's honk on that prick. Yeah, it's more of hot dude. I think about putting my I'm like right nice. Let's get the hunk on that prick Yeah, it's more of an indifferent sure vibe about the chicks so even if they were hot as hell you just be indifferent

Starting point is 00:47:13 Yeah, you would get indifferent. I think I would still be aroused mm-hmm, but I wouldn't be like excited like touching her parts Well, I also think like women are just visually more Stimulate yeah, they can like because what you just said for me and a hot guy does not, I'm not like, well if a guy's hot enough, it's at least stimulating, even though I don't wanna grab his cock. I just don't want to do that. Yeah, but the female figure is just.

Starting point is 00:47:37 Fran Drescher back in the day, 90s Fran Drescher. With some fucking, some highlighter pink sequin. Get in there dude, come on. Yeah, the sequin Getting there. Come on. Yeah little sunglasses skirt there's an episode where I think Costanza is like a guest star and he dates her briefly and I cling on to those pictures I love looking at the pictures of her see eldest pull them up I mean, it's like you didn't think this was gonna come up it's I was saying it he's just friend dress her nanny hoping one of these pictures is what I was talking

Starting point is 00:48:16 about friend dress your nanny and what the fuck is his name she does kinda look like sarah squirm a little bit lets relax bruh sarah does not look like friend dress just because they dress stupid doesn't mean she looks like and i love sarah but

Starting point is 00:48:40 sorry i didn't mean to you know what you're probably right yeah yeah it's right there, he still doesn't know we told him what to Google Like this is and the other one go, but the other one where he's wearing glass sunglasses That's me dude. That's you that's that's like that's what I want to be like me and who's your crush these days I don't know I'm open to developing one Who's your crush these days? I don't know. I'm open to developing one. Some Fran Drescher style type bitch.

Starting point is 00:49:06 That's what I want. That's exactly on my vision board right there, man. That's... although is he playing a blind guy? Yeah, it looks like it, right? I thought he had sunglasses because he was cool, but I guess he's playing a blind guy. But we can look at it. I mean, the dog indicates that maybe it's a blind thing. Well, either way, I don't want to go blind,

Starting point is 00:49:22 but I would like to end up with a woman with hair like this. Yeah. Who's like, like, Fran Drescher and then also Well either way I don't want to go blind but I would like to end up with a woman with hair like this Yeah, who's like like Fred just in any and then also? Good God Marissa tome and yeah, my cousin Vinny. Oh that might be her outfits fire and her attitude Yeah, yeah, and she like turns around She's like you stupid yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, I just yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I just want my sexy my sexy You know attitude wife to be chewing gum at me so loud pissed off cuz I brought home the wrong can of tomatoes

Starting point is 00:49:54 Yeah, that's all I fucking told what I'm dreaming of pissed off hot wife Yeah, what did you say? Yeah? nothing Yeah, what did you say? Yeah? Nothing You gotta watch a Nora stop that's like two hours of that I do have to see a nori you're right and that girl's so Hot too. She's that's a hot bitch. Yeah, I love a hot white bitch. Who you like is she like something else, too Yeah, yeah, got a little some going on. Yeah, but I looked at I haven't seen a normal I'm like what what style of woman do I?

Starting point is 00:50:27 I'm just doing research. I think she's just like a Jewish girl from LA. Yeah, Mikey Madison still fine Very hot good actor too, but also, you know fine So I'd be a good actor if I was hot as shit Makes a difference. Everything seems really easy when you're hot as fuck. Summer? Summer when you're hot? Summer when you're sexy? Yeah, seems great.

Starting point is 00:50:53 You just wear barely any clothes. Seems great. Yeah, totally. Bikini. Uh-huh. I gotta think about where all my parts are gonna sit. Right, and the pale must be hard in the summer. What's the most tan you could possibly get like I don't like it goes from like I

Starting point is 00:51:10 mean that's red and then freckles you just freckle I guess there's times where I get so many freckles that it kind of ends up looking like a little orangey sure sure but no tanning so I look like shit on the beach you can't get tanner than this is what you're saying correct yeah that's crazy like this my stomach's're saying? Correct, yeah. That's crazy. Like this. Like my stomach's like this. And then on the beach it's like 10 minutes in burning. It sucks. It sucks.

Starting point is 00:51:32 I'm pale and pale is not attractive. Yeah. And then the winter time is like a... There's definitely a, you know, pale can be attractive but it's like summer is not pale time. No it's not. It's gotta be fall. It's very jarring. It's like you gotta not pale time. No, it's not. It's gotta be full. Very during. When it's, it's like,

Starting point is 00:51:46 you gotta kind of match your color palette. Yeah, you do. When the leaves are falling, that's when you're. I'm like. Yeah. That's when stock is up. But. That's when you gotta attract one of these fellas.

Starting point is 00:51:55 I gotta get like, you got tan coat, ankle boots. Totally, totally, totally. Browns, reds, oranges. And then, yeah, you know how people like go Somewhere warm for like the winter you need to do the opposite. Yeah go somewhere We're saying you gotta go to Australia in the fucking summer. Yeah, go through the winter over there Russia Hang out there come back here in the winter just do full 100% winter. Yeah year-round I'm assuming was so is your family like is your parents like Irish or where the fuck? Scottish Irish dad my dad grew up on a dairy farm whoa Irish that's kids 12 kids 12 kids on a dairy

Starting point is 00:52:35 Yeah, where I'm saying Buffalo. Yeah, sorry. Sorry is gonna come out in like April I don't know what you're talking about Braves didn't just lose to the Buffalo Pills Come see the dreamboat tour which is in them we're in the middle of it right now right now Yeah, we actually should start plugging the tour more I just realized we've been recording all the episodes for it and we have it plugged at one time Once it starts officially, it has already begun Started back in February 21st in Wheatland boy those shows were magic

Starting point is 00:53:21 Bakersfield was fucking Yeah, Bakersfield was fucking that one. Yeah, that one's looking rough. You know, yes, fuck, we can't plug it because it's probably already happened. But yeah, no one's buying tickets to fucking Bakersfield. But whatever. Fuck that town. I don't give a fuck about Bakersfield. L.A. has all those random little towns around it. Yeah. What are we doing?

Starting point is 00:53:39 Yeah, we did too much around. And I'm I'm open to talk about it because it's passed now. And, you know, all those other shows, except other shows except Baker fields were great as we all remember Damn dairy farm with that many motherfuckers. That's crazy. Oh, yeah, they were like my dad We have to wake up go out work go to school. What did he do? What did he end up doing first job actual job? Trucking management Managing truck drivers at FedEx and Freight, like freight. I see. Logistics. Logistics, operations management. Yeah. He worked on a dock when he was like 19. Gotcha. And then

Starting point is 00:54:16 his dad died and then I think he was like, he wanted to be a history teacher and then he was like, look out of it. So he just worked at FedEx for 50 years. Damn. FedEx for 50 years and then your mom ruined his life and then another lady ruined his life? Did he ever get it back? Now he's single, retired, he tried to date, but someone ghosted him, he got really pissed.

Starting point is 00:54:40 Oh no. Your dad's like, show me that fucking pussy bitch. Yes, yes, yes. Fucking. No, your dad's like yeah show me that fucking Do you want to take this dick or no you canceled on me a lot you can't take you to Cheesecake Factory He's retired yeah, my mom based yeah, my dad's not I mean he has no retirement plan He has no money. What's his job? He's a carpenter. He's really good He's actually insanely talented, but he was always bad at business and just had no retirement plan other than like We get and like he didn't believe in comedy at all I remember when I called him he caught what when I was graduating college

Starting point is 00:55:23 I got a call and he would like never call me. Yeah, and he was like I told my mom I was like hey, by the way, don't expect me to get a job. Yeah, like I'm doing comedy Like I'm gonna be like like you're your hopes and dreams. Yeah into America. Yeah are not coming So I was like don't fuck it literally that was essentially the conversation I was like get off my dick. I'm not getting a job Yeah, I'm gonna like work part-time and then do open mics, but I didn't tell my dad that because you know I didn't feel like it Because you know, he's not exactly the easiest guy in the world, especially back then you couldn't have a conversation with him and so he calls me and I'm like hello and I just hear like us just like a

Starting point is 00:56:05 Like a long sigh and I'm like hello and I just hear like just like a Like a long sigh and I'm like hello, yeah, and he's like dad and he's like your mom tells me you're gonna do comedy And I was like, oh, yeah Part of me for some reason part of me is like Hopeful in that moment. I don't know why yeah always just want you guys do your funny Yeah, yeah, yeah, cuz my dad was look my dad was look generally that is pretty funny. Yeah His family's like my aunt is funny then they have very ball. It's very ball. Busty. Yeah They're just like yeah, or they were like he's my grandfather was a construction worker And it was just like we were poor people in Athens

Starting point is 00:56:42 Yeah, and they were just like, you know, that blue collar, ball-busting shit. And he was like, he also would like do theater. Like my dad like acted in like community theater and stuff. And like he was pretty funny. And so part of me is like, cause sometimes you hear about people who their parents like like living through them vicariously. And I'm like, maybe my dad finally,

Starting point is 00:57:01 even though he never showed any hint of ever being positive or believing in me or being supportive of anything other than me getting a job that would help him pay his debt off, maybe finally he's like, you know what son, I'm glad we stayed in America, you get to do what you love. I think being creative is important. Yeah, yeah, it's very important. And yeah, I mean, my dad would like complain about how we weren't in Greece in the middle of the Greek financial crisis.

Starting point is 00:57:31 Right. He'd be like, if only we were there. I'm like, they have no, what are you talking about? Yeah, if we were there, this wouldn't be happening. Like, what do you mean? We'd be fucking so poor. Yeah. And he was just like, and I was like, yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:43 I was like, yeah, I am. And he's like, and then all I hear is another And he hangs up I was like that was the way I remember where I was like outside. I was getting out of my car Yeah in my like little you know on off-campus apartment. Yeah, yeah, no no I was like I was like 21 Okay, so I'm going 22. Yeah still in college Yeah, yeah, still in college. Hilarious. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:07 Because I quit comedy, I started when I was 19 and then I stopped and took it seriously, took school seriously for a couple years. And so this is when I started again and I was like, I can't do this bullshit. I got it. And then they kind of thought like, oh, he got that out of his system a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like thought like, oh, he got that out of his system a little bit.

Starting point is 00:58:25 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, oh, actually, I tried this sucks dick. And so that's when I got that call. But so he like, so his goal, all his plan was that one of us get successful. I did get successful, but now it's like, I don't know, he's fucking weird.

Starting point is 00:58:44 He doesn't like, he's like. He like you say like dreamboat tour no I mean he came to a show for the first time he said it was good yeah but he's like ah what do you say he was like my he brought like some people with him I was walking into the green room after so he's like my son is fucking crazy man and. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I like censored myself. Right. Because it was the family show. Are you ever hooking up with a young lady? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:11 I didn't do the getting, I didn't do the, there's some, there's some sex work material in there. There's some stuff about there, about our family that I just skipped. Oh yeah, no way. Yeah, I always. And, but so I don't know whatever so like yeah

Starting point is 00:59:25 They're my dad is like he wants to retire, but I don't know how the fuck he's going to who knows you gave your family money I don't mean yeah, I mean I fucking I paid for their divorce essentially Like I bought him out of the house your parents got divorced after when you're in they got divorced They got divorced last year. They did. Yeah, what the hell happened I mean what should have happened right there. Just like okay fine. Yeah Yeah, it's like I think my mom finally was like it's really my mom should have stood up for herself years ago And then my dad was like what I thought I'm grandfathered in yeah, I made it. Yeah, I made it past. We're too fucking old I made it past we're too fucking old

Starting point is 01:00:10 My parents wanted to kill you know hate each other my whole life. Yeah, that's literally his thought process But yeah, I mean, you know a lot of my fucking friend. Anyway, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, so but it's what you know on some level. It's like I guess weirdly they did they did get the American dream backwards yeah it's like they failed they failed so much that it created a situation where like I had to become I became an artistic yeah and I and I somehow comedy for the money yeah yeah yeah it's like how did that happen I was so it was the producers where like we fucked up so bad. We've made a yeah, we were yeah We had such a bad family dynamic that it created a comedian a successful comedian Turn around and take care of the divorce. Yeah, take care of the divorce Having a place paying for both of your homes, but whatever man

Starting point is 01:01:00 Normal stuff. It's like stop people want to know why you're never home Normal stuff man, it's all good. Your brother's like, stop, people wanna know why you're never home. Yeah, truly, it's like, why don't you visit? It's like, oh, two weeks of the holidays and I wanted to fucking hang myself. Yeah, literally. Ah, it's a beautiful spring day here in Pittsburgh

Starting point is 01:01:21 where we have rented a little home on a day off and on my day off from the tour you know what I want you know what I'm cursing eldest for not making sure was in my hand right now so I could chug it and be refreshed a nice cold twisted tea I've been dabbling a little bit the sober years over I've been having a nice time let's say on my days off and big part of that formula is twisted tea get a little peach get a little raspberry I'm a flavor boy. I'm a little I'm a little slutty boy for flavors. That's just me Whatever you whatever kind of flavor you want what you need to know is this is a delicious goes down smooth

Starting point is 01:01:57 Brewed with real iced tea bevy Perfect for these spring days perfect for the summer days if you're watching this months later. Perfect for the winter, who are we kidding? It's not temperature dependent, you fucks. Just drink a twisted tea. Ice cold. Drink it lukewarm for all I give a fuck. It's important you drink it though, because it is a wonderful beverage. 5% alcohol by volume. Just the good shit. So what I'm gonna need you to do, you know? I need you motherfuckers to do right now grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it to understand Keep it twisted and keep it twisted Anyway, so yeah, clearly I got it all figured out

Starting point is 01:02:38 I'm the kind of guy that's ready to fucking give advice and you too, man I think what's clear is that both of us are people in their mid-30s that are happy with their lives on top of it despite Despite, you know reasonable success. We're very happy Go ahead l this place a couple fucking calls here In the mid in the midway point is there anything you would like to plug? You'll be fully lesbian Everything you said something gonna do. I'll probably be a different dender by the time this comes out. You'll be fully lesbian. I'll be canceled. You'll take back everything you said.

Starting point is 01:03:28 Something will happen. I'll be fully a bushara or whatever it is. Yeah, maddysmithocommedy.com. Come see me live. I was doing shows. Love it. So Maddy Smith, Instagram podcast called Mad House. Love it.

Starting point is 01:03:39 Thanks. All right, I'll just hit us up. Gabby, Elvis, guest, advise me. So 10 years ago in my mid-20s, Alright, I'll just hit us up Bobby all this guest Advise me. So ten years ago in my mid 20s. I befriended a co-worker a guy I became really good friends He's a great friend and for the first eightish years he never got flirtatious with me, but maybe two years ago He started saying pretty forward things all the time Like the line of this bar is too long want to go to go back to mine and hook up or I change my bed sheets. Pretty forward, I agree.

Starting point is 01:04:08 Change my bed sheets, want to go roll around? It's awesome to be like the line is too long. Want to suck my dick? It's taking too long to get a gin and tonic. Maybe you could, maybe I could fuck you. Wait for the restaurant is pretty long. You could eat my ass. I love them. Just saying it out loud.

Starting point is 01:04:29 Go ahead, Elders. Like, the line at this bar is too long. Want to go back to mine and hook up? Or I change my bed sheet to want to go roll around in them? Or he could call me hot and I would brush it off because I was thinking he was just being silly. Brush it off? But a couple times I was like, there's a chance I'm gonna,

Starting point is 01:04:45 imagine you're at someone I know and trust, why not? So a few times I reciprocated with flirty touching, but he would always move away. So nothing ever happened. And eventually I asked him, like, what was going on here? What is this weird pattern we're in? And he said that he's just saying words and I'm the one actually touching, so he's not flirting.

Starting point is 01:05:06 I am. And he's never been attracted to me, only sees me as a friend. I think it's hilarious. I'd think otherwise. And the next two times we hung out, he brought this up again to say, you know I never flirt with you, right? Which is a point I would never concede to him because I'm not insane. So my question is, from your POV, what is

Starting point is 01:05:26 this behavior? Do you think it's... I don't know what it is. What is going on here? And do you think it's an overreaction to maybe distance myself, cut off contact a little? Because I'm frankly kind of weirded out by this gaslighting reaction he had to this. Thank you guys. Yeah, I mean, this is insane. Cut it off. Like, he's a... what's my read on this? I think he's a coward, clearly.

Starting point is 01:05:51 He's a coward. Maybe he is, like, I... Like... Is he fully, like, was he throwing it out there? Like, maybe he, I don't know's definitely he's a coward, right? Definitely, because like as soon as you were like, you even would fuck it. You're like, hey, let's see. Yes. Like you even were like, hey, he's my friend.

Starting point is 01:06:13 Yeah, we get along well. Why not? Right. And the fact that he backs away, it's one thing. Now it's possible he he didn't. He didn't think it through. It's kind of like DMing someone cold and being like, well, they're never going to DM me back so I can be wild. They're never going to call me out. Yeah, exactly.

Starting point is 01:06:34 I'm not flirting. Yeah, yeah. It's like, whoa, you're being a weird bitch. You do comedy. I should be able to say this shit to you. It's kind of that exactly where it's like, you touched me. You're the flirt. I reject you. You want me? Yeah, you it's like very similar. Yeah, I wasn't you touched me. You're the flirt, right? I reject you me. Yeah, yeah, you want me weirdo. Yeah, I

Starting point is 01:06:51 Would say just cut off don't I think cut off because one read of it is he didn't think it was possible Right and then me and then maybe he actually doesn't want to for some reason Whether that's being scared whether whether that's being like, I'm actually not attracted to you, I just wanted to like. Say shit. Maybe he was doing it for his self esteem is the least charitable read of like, he's kind of using you as like, you know,

Starting point is 01:07:17 the way like, you know, like going to a gay, people would make that joke about going to a gay bar for compliments like leading on like a gay friend You're like whatever maybe just using you for self-esteem And then this is even a shittier version of that where part of it is putting you down for just reacting normally. Yeah, you know But self-esteem, but either way, it's not good not good Yeah, and you're not overreacting because it's very fucking strange to be like After eight years. Yes, you know, that's a good point Yeah, you know each other for a while and then it's also like, you know what you took him up on it

Starting point is 01:07:57 You're like, hey fuck it. Let's see where this goes. Yeah, she gave him a little flirty touch back. So He's a yeah, you got to get out of there because I don't this is there's no good thing that comes of this. What would be the thing you have a friend you're still confused or you date and he's like a piece of shit. Yeah I mean I guess best case scenario is he still does want to hook up with you he's just that much of a coward. Yeah. You're gonna have to do everything and he's gonna maintain plausible deniability along the way. This was this was never his idea. Yeah, and yeah, that's not some reason

Starting point is 01:08:28 He's gonna stay by yeah, you came on to me You might be fucking dating for a year and then he just like breaks up and said well This wasn't really my thing you wanted it. There's just something strange here, and I think at the very least He does not value you enough. Yeah is my general read It's interesting she said they're like platonic friends for eight years and he started like being very forthright for like two years Yeah I wonder if he was just a fucking loser for a long time and he just learned how to like get pussy in the last year Or something well, maybe he like started trying to chip away at her two years ago

Starting point is 01:09:02 But then he's like actually been fucking like recently, so he's like, eh, you know, I know how to fuck now, so I don't need to like hang around like my platonic friend who I secretly did want to fuck for like a decade. I wanted to fuck her, now I feel like I'm better than her, and now I'm so embarrassed that at any point I was trying to fuck her that I'm trying to gaslight her into thinking she's the one that wanted to fuck me all right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean this sounds a lot like he's on chapter one of like Pua shit. It's like he watched one the introductory video of how to neg women Yeah, he hasn't finished. It feels like it feels like what do I do when they actually want to fuck you? You're a bitch

Starting point is 01:09:49 I'm scared you've daddy issues Just started listening to Andrew Tate yeah, yeah, yeah this sucks. Yeah, this guy's gotta go I don't hang out with him anymore. You're you you're right in your read of him. I believe agreed What else we got, Eld? Hey, Sabi, long time listener, first time caller. See you guys. Just seeing if you guys did figure me out some problems, I guess.

Starting point is 01:10:17 I have this girl that I just met, and we've been dating for like three months now. He was actually active before before I'm assuming, but he told me she's never had anybody make her cum. So I made her finish. And now she's expecting me to do it every time. Like expecting it, you need to do it every time. Fuck.

Starting point is 01:10:39 And it's like cool, but if I'm not doing it, I should have done that. She'd pump chum. Just like every time. Do you bust every time, man? So how could I explain to her that? Bruh. This is crazy, dude.

Starting point is 01:10:53 This guy's hilarious. Have a good one. Dude, not every time. It's one thing if you, it's one thing if it's like, look, it's hard to make her come, like I'm trying my best But I can't get it to happen, but you're just like I could do it, but come on every time

Starting point is 01:11:13 If you're some kind of freak who gets his dick sucked without busting and they can go about his day Yeah, which I weirdly have friends like that Who like they just want to fuck a little bit? Yeah, they like women who they've never been able to come yeah like that's insane That's insane for a guy to behave that way is insane, but like Like now is every missing something like it's just like I guess he's unless it takes forever It takes like and she's got 90 minutes standing next to her bed like for yeah three hours Yeah, he's got an icy shoulder

Starting point is 01:11:47 And she's like keep going keep going keep going yeah, yeah, yeah, but to me but also like that sort of long that taking long can be help Shortens if you're in a relationship, and they keep you figure it out. Yeah exactly. It's like you figure out a rhythm speeds up It's like look I get hopeful we're going to do benefit of the down say we're missing something Yeah, like otherwise hilarious character guy who doesn't think women should come every Like because okay, I will say I have been with I Dated or not even date whatever I knew a person. It doesn't matter. I just want to be a person

Starting point is 01:12:23 I just want to be general here. I just want to be general here I did okay, you know, I did date somebody back in the day, right? And this is like in Baltimore even like this is what I was like younger and it was like I had something similar happen Where she was like no one's ever made me come and I will say it was a true ordeal Yeah, it really was like a over hour like it what I literally had a shore, a sore shoulder, I'm eating pussy many very different types of ways. And it's like and I can feel her like it's like that the most teasing thing in the world is like when a girl is about to bust for 40 minutes, when it's like, when you're like,

Starting point is 01:13:05 you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like, nice, we're getting close. And then it's like, fuck, and I just fucking threw it into turbo mode, my jaw's getting sore. I literally like, I fail because of fatigue. You know, where I'm like, I cannot keep this up, I am not strong enough to keep like,

Starting point is 01:13:24 I literally can't do this, I'm too fat to cannot keep this up. I am not strong enough to keep, like, I literally can't do this. I'm too fat to be able to eat pussy and finger at the same time for a long time. My tits get in the way, you know? And so, like, so if that's the case, but at the same time it's like. And if that's the case, you can toss a vibrator in. Yeah, get a vibrator in the mix, like, you know, exactly.

Starting point is 01:13:42 Like, that's the other thing, it's like, I think what she's saying is, if you guys are having a proper fuck sesh which when your first start three months in it's like You get a lot of like fucking is like the centerpiece of a new relationship three months in it's like all you're thinking Exactly, and it's like you are having these long like even weekends where you're just like laying in bed And you might fuck for a while and then like you don't start your day Yeah, like like this is the part where fucking takes, you know center stage center. It's like lesbians And so and so like yeah, basically when you're having a proper fuck sesh She's got a bust every time now if it's if it's some kind of like, yeah, basically when you're having a proper fuck sesh, she's got a bust every time.

Starting point is 01:14:26 Now, if it's if it's some kind of like, you know, 12 minute situation, but that's only if again, that's us giving you the charitable read. But if it just means you don't feel like eating pussy for, let's say, 11 minutes, 11. Yeah. Come on, dude, you got to suck it up. Like, so unless there's some kind of like real hour long situation here, then then like, okay, we can give you some grace here. But it's like even that is like you got when it's a full sesh, you got to do your best.

Starting point is 01:14:57 And then if it's a quickie, then yeah, you could be like, look, I'm trying my hardest over here, but I can't make you bust every time. Sorry, we don't have all the time. This is still kind of early, though, to be doing this kind of shit. Like I have thought about like I like you. And what you said is true, too, where it's like you start dating someone and you figure out. I feel like the first three months I'm in, I'm in the exploratory phase of like, how do I make this person come? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:15:23 Then after that, then you have and then it's like, and then even after you're like, nice, I you have and then it's like and then even after you're like nice I'm doing and then it's like it honestly takes should take a while after that for you not to want to make them come right and it's another thing to be like the clocks take like you're trying your hardest it's like we got to be at work yeah I'm just gonna fuck you real fast and the clock's ticking it's been a half hour You gotta leave I'm gonna nutty or that's okay with you, right? That's different than being from the beginning not even giving it the old college try, you know So like seeing your girlfriend's coming as like yeah great. I made her come

Starting point is 01:16:00 I'm the first like doesn't think when someone a girl told me I made you do I made her cum. Like that's the thing, when a girl's told me. After all the cumming I made you do. Yeah. After you've cummed five times in your life from intercourse. I don't know. Thanks to me. Just seems, you know.

Starting point is 01:16:13 That should also make you feel cool. Like it does make me feel unreasonably cool when a girl's told me that. Yeah, right? Where it's like. Or when you. I think you should be pumped. You should be pumped and you should still

Starting point is 01:16:22 be in the halo phase of it. You're not in the like, this is taking up too much of my time phase again unless we're missing something But I don't think we are like the what sex is he's probably assuming That it's guys not every time we if you're using If you're used to sex taking four minutes, yeah And you're like, I don't wanna take 25 minutes with foreplay, then you have no case. But if you're like, I'm used to sex taking

Starting point is 01:16:53 10 to 25 minutes, and now it's taking one hour to two hours, there's a little more gray area there, but still, I do feel like you're a little early to be looking for, to get out of the, you're, you're not in like long-term relationship zone where it's like, let's get the vibrator out. Let's do it. All right. I put hard boiled eggs in. We have seven minutes before they're done. Let's go. Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh Ravens. Just kind of like, yeah, unenthusiastically choking her like... She's like, making her hand tighter.

Starting point is 01:17:49 Please, stop! You're not there yet, buddy. You're not there yet. So fuck with fervor for a while. I would also consider like maybe some non-sex surprise comes where you're just like or fingering eating out and no sex Yeah, you come you don't sure sex later, and there's no pressure You can sex you want to keep the ledger? Yes Yes As you possibly can come for a cum if you want to bank a couple nuts

Starting point is 01:18:18 Thank you want to make a couple quick nuts yeah bank a couple book with nuts, but you yeah, dude I can't like it should be equal man. Like that's the whole point. Sometimes look, some, some ladies are tough busts. I get that. But if you have the means, you should keep it equal. I'm I offended by his last. How do I explain that to her? I know. Like she doesn't get something. Yeah. She's too stupid to get it. How do I knock this in her silly little head?

Starting point is 01:18:49 You're not coming every time Come on man get to the get busting get to making ladies bust yeah, you've got to make a bus they're gonna be We're a nicer. Absolutely. Yeah, we're a pro bust fucking podcast here Yeah, your life is better if you make the person you're dating bus I'm telling you I have got I got the hook up with a girl who did not like me had huge tits I was good at eating pussy. She was like she was like it was awesome I felt I totally felt like purely objectified Yeah for eating pussy and she just clearly like we went on one day I could tell she was like whatever but she was kind of freaky

Starting point is 01:19:27 She's like I'm still gonna fuck the guy and then her tone really changed when I ate her pussy Wow And it was like I respect you. It was awesome. It was awesome Yeah, that felt like you don't want that all the time. You don't want to feel like yeah a piece of you know But you know when you're a fat you've grown up fat as shit too, and it's like. And you're getting praised for eating. And then Eve, yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:19:49 Yeah. She's like, wow. The way you worked that mouth. It was really the first time. It's important, man, it felt good. Yeah, it is. I just, I feel like sucking a good D, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta write them

Starting point is 01:20:04 in the palm of your hands. I feel like sucking a good D. You've got to write them in the palm of your hands. I literally remember... Guys are so nice. There are four women who can ask me for anything. Really? Four? Because there's like four types of head. Yes. That it's like, if I get this head again, whatever you need.

Starting point is 01:20:18 What are some specialties of these DJs? Or it just depends on the gal and how it fixes in with the girl. And it's one of them had like a wild, almost like tornado technique of like, there was like an air vacuum that took place. She like, sucked it away where it was like, it was hand, mouth or a weird, when the mouth comes off, it was like a weird vacuum

Starting point is 01:20:43 for a second. You go,... back on. But it was incredible. And then more than anything, it's just persistence and a nice, a nice suck and jerk at the same time. Oh, yeah, suck and jerk a little. And you got to be like, oh, my God, I love this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:58 I don't even need that. I just need the technical ability. I'm no fool, I know. See the thing is, you don't need, that's one of those show don't tells. Yeah. Somebody talking about loving how much they're sucking dick, they're overdoing it. Right, right.

Starting point is 01:21:16 Somebody who loves sucking dick so much, they don't even have a moment to spare. Yeah, you gotta suck dick. Because they're greedily sucking dick. Right, they don't even have, like people are talking about eye contact, don't even have like people talk about eye contact Don't even look at me. Yeah focus on give me like one second So yeah, good luck you gotta bust

Starting point is 01:21:39 Like if she breaks up with you for the future you gotta you gotta make and get your technique better. It's all yeah. Yeah If she breaks up with you for the future, you gotta make her not. And get your technique better. It's all good. Yeah, yeah. Stop by Sherwin-Williams and get 30% off select paints and stains May 2nd through the 12th. It's the perfect time to transform your space with color.

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Starting point is 01:22:12 See store for details. All right. Next question, Elders. Hi, Scott. I am a new time listener, longtime hater. Just kidding. Funny girl. I recently, in August, I am a new time listener, long time hater. Just kidding. Funny girl. I recently in August got out of a year long relationship

Starting point is 01:22:30 with this guy who I was in love with. Like we were gonna get married. I'm 25, he's 30. We had a house together. We like renovated this house. We did electrical work together. In a year? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:44 Loved his family. we were all really close. How did you get this close in a year? And he just kind of ended up not being what I needed and had a lot of issues there and so I left and it like really hurt and it really sucked. Of course. But I had enough love for myself and for him that I didn't want to go to hate him.

Starting point is 01:23:03 Sure. And so I saw that the things that you were doing, he was doing you was over months trying to fix and it wasn't getting better. Anyway, so I leave him and he's like all, you know, up about it is he was not handling it well. And like a month later this girl that I know who has the same name as me

Starting point is 01:23:25 We like look like curly brown hair brown eyes like literally He was just like an older version of me. He moved her into the house that I helped build respect Okay, we got another one of these laying around somewhere. You, with the brown curly hair. Yeah, so this is your spot. That's so fucking funny. These are photos that look like you. Yeah, I mean, we've all, I literally have done similar things

Starting point is 01:23:55 where I'm like, you date someone who looks like somebody, you're not over, and then you're like, oh, this is a different person. Yeah. Like, you're like, oh, this will be great. It's just like, it'll just be like whoever. And then you go on a date and they're like, you're not acting like she acted.

Starting point is 01:24:10 Yeah, wait a second. This sucks. Fucking you's not that fun. You just kinda look like her. Yeah, this sucks actually. You're being rude. Yeah. Go ahead, Alvis.

Starting point is 01:24:24 I helped build. And then they both thought the need to be like, I promise nothing's going on. Who cares? And now they're dating. He broke up with them. And this is like one of my old friends. So what?

Starting point is 01:24:38 And a month after I left him. And everyone's telling me like that to not be upset about it and to get over it and like whatever but I'm like No, actually I am kind of that's crazy because like was it all a lie. Did you actually love me? Broke up with ya The new one doesn't complain yeah Allergic to orgasm Yeah. The new one doesn't complain. Yeah. She actually is allergic to organs. Yeah. My doctor says I'm not allowed to

Starting point is 01:25:11 have them. Will you marry me? Yeah. Then you go back to being an eight year old. If you find a woman who doesn't want to come, you're like, oh oh my heart Okay, I guess we'll let her get through this but like yeah Just yeah, whatever let her get it. Yeah, you can be upset, but also you did your thing. Yeah

Starting point is 01:25:44 Let's see what else we got did all of I did you actually love me? Are you just gonna continue to look for me and every woman you see relax? Yeah, so what do you how do you think I should respond or react? And I don't know if I ever will I'm not upset about that. Anyways, just wanted to know, thank you, love you, bye. You can be upset, obviously. Yeah, you can have feelings. Anyone, no, of course. And look, whenever you break up with someone afterwards, like, it sucks when they first start dating somebody.

Starting point is 01:26:15 Sucks. Even if you're like, we were never gonna be good together. Yeah. But it's like, you can't help that. There's natural jealousies. Look at that, my ex from years ago got married. I said You're supposed to be still like like crying over me This whole time you were building it Wow

Starting point is 01:26:38 Yeah news to me you're a fucking piece of sad But like you but you have to also own like I did that yeah And the feelings you're feeling before you broke up were real exactly exactly and it's like look and also it's like you also You get even a little less ability to be upset when you broke up like yeah If somebody breaks up with you and says this isn't gonna work Yeah And then one month later starts dating a friend of yours that looks exactly like you then you'd be like what the fuck you said we get you just psycho you know like but none of this was it all re was it ever real was right ever you can't have those

Starting point is 01:27:13 you cut him off you you broke up he probably asked himself that when you cut him off yeah and yeah exactly exactly it's like he and he's you know maybe though this will last maybe it won't but ultimately this is not a your fucking business Right the legs and when you break up with somebody you can't be fucking looking at who they start dating Yeah, you gotta you gotta look Being your being like kind of a friend of yours it that's fucked up. Maybe maybe there's some anger towards the friend Yeah, anything it's this person was a friend, that's where I would have some anger. But the guy, you can't be mad about them moving on

Starting point is 01:27:49 when you broke up with them. You just can't. And you can't police how they move on. Yeah, and you lived in a house with him, he's gonna have someone else in that house. Yeah, exactly, what did you think was gonna happen? I know the house that you built, but also it's like, let this be a lesson too.

Starting point is 01:28:01 You said you dated this one for one year. And you're renovating with him? You're doing doing electrical you're doing duct work in that fucking house. You know his family Enough to love them in a year. That's not just caulking. Yeah, you're talking with this fucking guy You're fucking picking out tile and shit. That's great in one year. That's yeah, that is fucking nuts I gotta say I say like don't look block block for sure, sure you're so squarely in the block Zone of a breakup. Yeah that you shouldn't even have this information

Starting point is 01:28:33 Yeah, you should be blocked and you should tell all your friends. I blocked them. So don't even yeah, I don't want to know about it I'm moving forward whatever we don't have to gossip about it. You're right This might be some small-town shit where it's like everybody knows everybody So it's like the talk of the town or at least the talk of her friend group Yeah, which is like that's the nice thing about being in a big city where it's like you can live in the same city as your Ex in New York. Yeah You break up with them that day and that night you can get dick Absolutely, and maybe that's another thing go get a little dick get some dick yeah let this wash over you yeah also how sure is she

Starting point is 01:29:10 that he's like looking for her in other women like maybe a curly hair girl like sucked his dick awesome in high school and she's like his maybe like in her third attempt to recreate that's a great point right it could be someone else who's the I love yeah you're not the fucking inciting curly-haired brown-eyed girl Potentially yeah, that's the only don't get a little look we all don't get high and mighty Everyone on this pod say they would fuck Fran Drescher Yeah So it's not you ho

Starting point is 01:29:38 It's not you at all Yeah, sorry sometimes you need tough love from your pals Yeah, and we're giving it to you Yeah, biatch, but you're doing good. You see it was it was mature of you to get out of it when you knew it didn't work Yeah, that's a good instinct, but don't and you can be upset Definitely don't do anything. Definitely don't engage Don't this is over block live your life. You'll be okay anything you'll say you regret Absolutely, absolutely Hey stop it live your life, you'll be okay. Anything you'll say you regret. Absolutely. One million percent. Absolutely.

Starting point is 01:30:08 Hey, stop it. Hey, Stavi, I have a question. I have something I guess I want some feedback on. Okay. We're here for you. So, one of the only times that a man has ever asked, has ever bought me a drink at a bar. He was blind. Oh no.

Starting point is 01:30:30 Terrible stats. And I was at the bar with my friend. You know, my friend like struck up a conversation with him like at the bar and yeah, he was like, oh, let me, let me like, you know, purchase the libations for these beautiful, these two young, beautiful women. And this is, this is the crazy part is like, okay,

Starting point is 01:30:55 this is like one of the only times I can remember from college being bought a drink at a bar was by a blind guy and his friend was there with him. I mean, that's a family guy joke. His friend was definitely saying to him like, dude, like you just bought two fat chicks like drinks like don't, you know, don't whatever. But I was like a muscular size 14 with like awesome tits and like a beautiful smile in college.

Starting point is 01:31:24 I mean now I really am like, you know, a true fatty. But then it was like, I don't know. I guess I'm just wondering like, are men really that fat phobic? I mean, yes. Unfortunately society. Do other men know that other men are fat phobic. Is that something that we're talking about? I just feel like I did not get as much play as I should have as a striking, you know, size 14 beauty. So yeah, that blind guy bought me drinks.

Starting point is 01:31:57 His friend told them that we were two fat chicks and not to go for it. It was just that one round. And his seeing eye dog was named Jamal. And the guy was white. Who named that dog Jamal? All right, let's relax. OK, yeah. Right.

Starting point is 01:32:13 Let's not. Right. This is part of the problem. Let's just stay on the thing. Let's not try and just we're mad at society. You start making calls and issues. Right. Jamal is a fine name. Who named issues right? Fucking dog yeah a black man Let's leave the dog out of this Yes, look I get that I get I mean I know you mean like I remember being looking at pictures of myself

Starting point is 01:32:40 Where I was like like in college like my whole whole life I've thought I was like too fat. Me too. You look at yourself in college and it's like, I was handsome, like I was not bad looking at all. Like I have fucked as an atrocious looking man. And if I had my confidence at that age, it's like I was, and so like, you know, I don't doubt that like, you know, you look at college you and you're like, yeah, what the fuck, I should have been getting a little dick and maybe you were maybe you were You know insecure in ways you shouldn't have been

Starting point is 01:33:08 our men fat phobic I mean a society incredibly I see more men lately come out and say I need a little cushion that's coming But you know guys when they say that they mean like tits and ass There are people Jamal probably was in terms of the dog They mean like tits and ass on a skinny girl. But not like a fully regular fat person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There are people... Jamal probably was in turn. From the dog? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:33:30 Jamal want that fat ass watch, dude. She's back on Wild N Out mode, folks. She's mad, he takes out a fucking dough patch. She's like, Jamal fat bitch. Jamal seein' that dog named Jamal. Trying to get in them cheeks. She takes out a fucking no patch That's good stuff um yeah What do you know we are guys what do you think guys like in every guy's kind of different? Yeah, I mean here's the thing. I do think there are people who are attracted to fat people

Starting point is 01:34:08 that because of the stigma won't admit it. There's definitely a thing of, there's a culture, especially young guys, where it's like, they're fucking women in a very gay way, where they're doing it to show their boys, and they're doing it to show their boys and they're doing it to like gain points amongst their male friends. Totally.

Starting point is 01:34:30 And there are people who are definitely attracted to bigger people that probably wouldn't do it or like even this example of like that guy was having a good time and it's like and probably it's not that he didn't wanna keep talking to you because he bought you some drinks, whatever. Like, it's just that he valued his friend's approval at that age more than he did, because it's not a sure thing he gets to fuck you. It's a coin flip whether he gets to fuck you or not.

Starting point is 01:35:01 But it's 100%, he scores points with Yeah, if he disses you or whatever, right? Oh, yeah true So like I think that happens a lot and I think you are right about you know about about like Unfortunately, yes fat people get treated worse and I'm I definitely I I'm all about acceptance and like, you know living your best life whatever but I also I I'm all about acceptance and like, you know, living your best life, whatever, but I also I just know that I've been treated better by people when I weighed less. Oh, yeah. When I weighed less, I know that it's like these are I'm in the perfect type of like like my life is very hilarious because it's like

Starting point is 01:35:37 some people treat me so like I am internet famous and I look like shit and I live in an immigrant community. And immigrants really don't fucking care about fat people. And so the swings of like politeness, customer service, the way people treat me goes from like, whoa, you're fucking, including like hot women to men, whatever. I get treated like insanely famous and like hot women to men, whatever right I get treated like fuck like Insanely famous and like I'm the man right and then I will go to a restaurant and like people will be like

Starting point is 01:36:14 They'll look at me the big like a waitress will be like Scared to like, you know what I mean? Like they'll just see the fattest bald weird bald fat Greek guy that they're like Yeah, disgust everyone in the restaurants like and so I know firsthand that like yeah Like I have I have cultivated a life where I get treated good and then even people who don't fuck with me It's like because of my personality I can talk my way into getting friends or whatever. Yeah, but There is no way around it Society treats you bad if you are a fat person and they don't think they can get anything out of you.

Starting point is 01:36:48 Oh great. Especially for women. Especially for women. And that's what sucks too is like there might be guys that are attracted to you but it's like then they might mistreat you because that like society just like you know that like that like let me see your fucking tits. Yeah. Like there's a meme going around where it's like It was just like, you know Talking to a man as a fat girl and it's just like a guy being like show me your nipples. We'll call you nipple It's like it's like hey, how you doing like matching on a dating app as a fat girl

Starting point is 01:37:16 It's like they see you as less than they just yeah, this is just truth, right? And I can girls and think like oh, they're they're so fat and they're so like self-empowered that they'd probably fuck. They'd probably fuck like crazy. Totally, totally. Because they've had to live in that fat body. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they had to own it.

Starting point is 01:37:33 They don't wanna just be taken out on a nice date like any other human being. They wanna come over and suck my dick. Yeah, they wanna fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what they say, they're good at sucking dicks, fat whores. Fat chicks.

Starting point is 01:37:47 So it's like, and look, I don't know what the, and this is just reality from your fat pal, Stavros, right? And like, you know, it's tough, it's just very tough. Like, you're treated worse. And so, if that's the feedback you're looking for, yes. Unfortunately, we're going to confirm your worst fears. Worse and so if that's the feedback you're looking for yes Unfortunately, we're going to confirm your worst Fears and that's not saying that's everybody right that's not saying that like everyone treats you that way, but it's like on balance It's just harder, and I totally feel for fat women because it's so much. You should be a fat guy

Starting point is 01:38:21 It's crazy when I was in college. I I was always like kind of like athletic growing up, probably how she was talking. Then I lost all this weight in college, like going down like 120 pounds. The guy started, first time in my life ever. Then gained it all back, for research obviously. Yeah, for this call. It was for sociology class.

Starting point is 01:38:41 And then no one looked at me, if anything they were were disgusted. It went from like, they were flocking to me, like, you're beautiful. I have to tell you you're beautiful. To like, right through me. That kind of shit? Crazy. I will say too, we talk about this all the time, how like, yeah, we look at pictures of ourselves in college

Starting point is 01:39:02 when we felt so fucking fat and now we're like, yeah Oh, wow, actually I would kill to get back to that Wait now and it's like well, you know the bottom line is like you were still in college when everyone was less fat and just looked better because they were like younger or whatever and you know in college if anything like just the unfair whatever dating standards are like amplified by like fucking 18 to 22 year olds That being said one day you're going to look back at pictures of yourself now Like 10 years down the line and be like oh what I would kill definitely

Starting point is 01:39:38 So you got to think like that and it's like you know Just feel just feel good about yourself now and like do whatever you can to gas yourself up a little. And that, just that alone will make like dating feel better and like, you know. Yeah. No, you're right. And I also wanna say this, and Maddie, your grandfather didn't because you were

Starting point is 01:39:57 a fat drunk in college. Thanks, I appreciate that. Right? So we'll let you stay on. But everyone who's not fat fat turn the podcast off right now Please if you're not fat, you got to give us a couple minutes here. Okay You got to lose a little weight a little It's a meeting this around non fat people. It's empowering feels good

Starting point is 01:40:18 It is no one should be treated bad because they're fat we agree on that agreed and definitely, like people who just got a genetic lottery and don't eat as much and don't like... Of course, it sucks that they exist. Sydney Sweeney exists and I do too. Well yeah, but it sucks that people feel superior because they just got, this isn't their issue, right? Right.

Starting point is 01:40:40 And it is unfair that it's such a, and it's and humans are so simple that it's a visible, they just look at it. And you just, anyone who's visibly different, and then they can, these people have nothing going on in their lives like, well, at least I'm not a fat piece of shit, at least they have willpower. Meanwhile, they have gonorrhea, they are cocaine addicts, whatever, like, yeah, exactly,

Starting point is 01:41:00 sending those, being pieces of shit. Also, there's other destructive ways. Whatever, right? It's unfortunate being fat is one of the things everyone feels superior to, because humans are base and ugly if we really get down to it. But, you just gotta lose a little weight.

Starting point is 01:41:17 And you can't feel sorry for yourself. Being like, what's the crux of this question? Why didn't I get more dick when I was hot? Why didn't I get more dick when I was hot, right? Why didn't I get more dick in college? It's like, you can't feel sorry for yourself. Society's unfair, but we still have to, we have to still swim in these waters. And it's not fair, whatever,

Starting point is 01:41:37 you're allowed to be fucking mad about it, but you also should lose a little weight. You'll feel better. And that's not, like, sometimes we overdo like, that's not say, like, sometimes we overdo the like, acceptance is one thing and not being treated bad is one thing, but I can tell you as a person

Starting point is 01:41:51 who has been fatter than I am now, I felt bad. Like physically bad. Like I just didn't, I felt unhealthy. And even now it's like, I'm working to lose weight because the older you get, the harder it is on like your joints everything your heart whatever and You'll just feel better. It's good for you. We're not saying you got a fucking you know have a drastic thing But no it just some steps get some water some water look look and feel a little better

Starting point is 01:42:19 And I really do mean feel is the important part of it, but unfortunately Losing weight does make you feel better. And like, you can't, I know, the deck is stacked against you, but you can only feel sorry for yourself so much, and you have to work hard, and you, you know, hopefully you'll find somebody who's supportive, hopefully you have friends

Starting point is 01:42:40 in your life who are supportive, because I've seen that too. I've seen people who just like, are the butt of their friend group as the fat person, right? Surround yourself around people who are helping you be the best version of yourself possible. That's striking beauty still there,

Starting point is 01:42:55 and like Elda said, you're gonna look at pictures of yourself now even if you do nothing, and be like, in the future, be like, fuck, why don't I look like that? But just, you'll feel better, promise you yeah you can do little steps at first just to feel a little movement totally water weigh yourself every day watch Stavi gets ripped watch Stavi gets ripped we have we have a fitness series where the person is incredibly fat and is making very slow progress okay watch that but anyway okay everybody's not fat

Starting point is 01:43:25 can come back in now. Hey you guys. What's up, don't worry about it. We'll pass talk. Don't worry about what we were talking about. It's not your business. It is not your business. All right, what else we got, Eldiz?

Starting point is 01:43:39 Here we go. Hi, Sabi, my name is Emily. Hello, Emily. I am a 36-year-old female. I'm calling in today about a little dilemma that I've been having as I talk to my friends about a guy that I've just started seeing. So we hooked—we've been on a couple of dates.

Starting point is 01:43:58 We hooked up for the first time. Really normal, wonderful guy. But has a Prince Albert piercing. Is that clock on the clock? Which I did not comment on at all. But as I've told friends about this, because this is the first of these I've ever encountered, there's been a lot of debate about what that means about him, what that says about him. And a lot of debate as well about if I should ask, like, was this a recent

Starting point is 01:44:34 thing? Why did you ask? And a lot of my friends have said that they think he was probably surprised that I didn't ask or didn't comment on it at all as though This is something that I see every day So just wanted to get your thoughts on Does this say anything about this human should I ask or inquire about it? What do we think? Thank you so much Love the show. Well, I mean, yeah, he's he was like he does want to be asked about you don't fucking pierce your cock. Yeah Because you want because you want to be keep everything low-key Yeah, he's clearly like proud, you know, he gets he probably gets off on

Starting point is 01:45:15 Being so like straight laced otherwise Yeah, and having a pen and then having a pierced egg and having like all her friends be like, yeah He loves this. He loves this and look what that says about says about him, he's a little bit of a freak. That's fine. Nothing crazy, like whatever. I've seen pierced titties. A plus. Fire.

Starting point is 01:45:34 But I've seen some pierced pussies, you know what I mean? Yeah, I've seen a little bit of that. Yeah, I don't think it says anything about him. I don't think it says he's a neo-Nazi or anything, skinheads, or weird. It just means he maybe had an edgy... I had a belly button ring once or anything skinhead. Yeah, it just means he maybe had an edgy. I had a belly button ring once Yeah, people said people would you know put their hands over and say who hurt you? No, that was a classic. I mean people of our age belly, but I did a lot

Starting point is 01:45:57 You know there that was definitely a thing going on everyone. Yeah a lot of beating off the belly button ring Yeah, totally seen Aguilera dirty. Yeah, you know, yeah. Oh fire Oh, yes. She was dirty in that. Yeah. Yeah You can ask and he wants he wants you to ask. Yeah sure. Oh that thing. Oh this whole thing College or yeah 20s Vegas trip of sorts. Yeah, I mean it's funny to ask about it, especially if you don't like trip of sorts. Yeah, I mean it's funny to ask about it, especially if you don't like the fact that you're cool with it, that's then it's totally fine to ask. You know what I mean? Yeah, and if you've seen it already, you can ask. Yeah. What's with that dip? Like if I see some shit like that, like a piercing or a pussy tattoo or some shit like that, I'll just, you, I do,

Starting point is 01:46:40 you just can't help but remark on it. There's like even a quick like that's awesome Yeah, I mean, I feel like that's probably the most like oh hell. Yeah, the most i've done But like it is funny to not have the immediate Like oh, you know what I mean? Like the fact that she's like fuck. I've had girls done that because i'm uncircumcised Not not because I have a fucking piercing, you know, so maybe you just need to be you to work on like Hit as soon as I bust you got to hit the bricks No, but but I've never gotten like actually there's been only like one real negative But yes still some people make comments about shit like that. It's a Prince Albert in some ways cuz it's like got a cape He's like he's like a Duke

Starting point is 01:47:36 Protective learn what is it? Who's roused me from my slumber? It's better be pussy and not jacking off again the hand again be quick about it okay if it's the hand be quick yeah you can ask there's nothing wrong about it don't it'd be weird to never bring it up right yeah that's crazy yeah and also't think he's going to be, why'd you ask about that? And also this sounds like you need to be a little more forthright because you're good at hiding your initial reaction to things. And that can be good in some situations.

Starting point is 01:48:20 I agree. Yeah, you should just say stuff. Just say stuff. The sooner something makes an impression on you, the sooner you say it, the more freeing you'll feel. Yeah, you're saying on it. And you're saying on something that easily you can say right out loud. Oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:33 So what happens if he does something else and for four weeks you and your friends, what would I do? Just say it. This is good. Yeah, it's good to get into a rhythm of just saying stuff. The dick piercing is a good like, um, test. It's a good, um, fuck, bellw good fuck bellwether. Whatever the fuck whatever the fuck Yeah, litmus. Yeah canary in the coal mine a lot of good stuff over still not what I'm looking for

Starting point is 01:48:54 But who cares I don't fucking care fuck this podcast fuck this fucking podcast All right, what do you think big L do you got one more for us here? Yeah, this is an update from an early episode with Mark Norman's first step. Okay. It was a guy who called in He was a 31 year old virgin. He was close to getting pussy, but the girl told him that She's like religious or something. She said this won't work and we shouldn't fuck because God doesn't want you to have sex right now. Word. Okay. So he has a little.

Starting point is 01:49:30 The fact that he didn't become a fucking mass shooter. Right. I'm shocked. A miracle. I'm shocked. I'm shocked. Go ahead. So let's see how our buddy is doing a few years later.

Starting point is 01:49:40 A few years later, let's see. Okay, let's see. Hey, stop it. This is. Sorry, didn't want to give my name. We can bleep it out, buddy. This is the 31-year-old Virgin Hose Halden on episode 14 with Mark Normand. And I'm 33 now.

Starting point is 01:49:59 By the way, pause this. I like that Eldis has no... This is how short term eldest producing does Mark Norman is gonna do an episode in like a week or two and like God forbid we fucking bring it all full circle How eldest is just every episode like? He's on the schedule we've talked about getting mark on God forbid you do a little thinking in advance eldest Anyway For mark sake you fucking moron like mark gives a fuck about this guy. It would just have been good to do the professionalism of the show but anyway

Starting point is 01:50:54 on episode 14 with mark normand and um i'm 33 now uh no longer a virgin I guess I kind of keep you guys advice but long story short I got God zoned I think was the term I used and you suggested that I go have some fun so I did and lost my virginity to a Peruvian girl very nice. Peruvian nice. I have to say I lived up to the hype. Lived up to the hype, getting pussy. He's like, you know what? Pussy checks out.

Starting point is 01:51:30 Yeah. Gotta say, it's good. Yeah. Yeah. I know sometimes you try something, and you're like, oh, so those people say. You know, I'd never seen the Godfather, and you know what?

Starting point is 01:51:40 People are right about it, man. It is fucking good. I got something good. It is good, yeah. That's man. It's fight is fucking good Yeah respect Unfortunately and this is the crazy part she did give me her piece No, no, no, no not beads Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooo about God okay okay that's pretty hilarious it is yeah anyways it was a bit prompted by another I got into another relationship after I got god-known that girl ended up getting impregnated by one of my coworkers after we broke up

Starting point is 01:52:46 but still pretty rough. This guy cannot catch a break. So a girl breaks up with him and gets oh my god that's so... This was the girl who got impregnated is not the God one right? It's a different one. Another relationship. It was another one. It was. That was the Purpies one. That would have been crazy. No this is a different girl that he dated. Yes after getting her Getting impregnated by one of my co-workers after we broke up, but still pretty rough So I guess my question for you is How should I handle that? I

Starting point is 01:53:22 Am busy guy so I can't I don't have time to listen to every single episode you put out so I'm gonna go ahead and shoot you and Eldis a Venmo over and hope Eldis if you have time email me or text me or Venmo me back and let me know which episode I'm on. Alright, thanks. Also I'll see you in Portland. Sorry. Oh, yeah, okay. If you're listening, I take payola No guarantee will play your call, but go ahead and Venmo me all you want Definitely can't hurt I have nothing to do with this for the record We just get a hundred like so is calm town getting back together Elders makes a thousand dollars. Yeah. So what's Nick Mullin like? Cause Elders wants to fucking eat a Chipotle for free. I'm like, hey Elders, the calls have gotten kind of weird

Starting point is 01:54:14 lately, he's in a fur coat, he's wearing diamonds. I don't know what you're talking about, man. I think they've been very engaged in calls. He's like a gilded cane. Okay, so what do we do about this? Dude, stay busy and keep meeting bitches. Yeah, he's not a big deal.

Starting point is 01:54:33 Is he talking about what he's supposed to do about his ex getting impregnated? Because he's like, this is my life now. I think just about all of it, he just doesn't know what to make with his bad virginity luck here

Starting point is 01:54:46 Which look it's tough, but you know that's a bad o for two to yeah Yeah, yeah, it ain't great. It ain't a great start Herpes no condom outbreak This is the problem with no no sex education this guy's going to fucking he's going to Catholic school, right? He doesn't know exactly yeah, they're all sinners like to you can't kill the column So then he gets proof herpes from Peruvian Yeah, that fucking South American strain that yeah fiery strain of her

Starting point is 01:55:22 That extra fiery strain of herpes. Fire herpes. Fire ants. Montezuma's Herp Venge. So, look dude, it's rough. You're getting your ass fucked here by life. That's okay. Happens to the best of us. But you've been fucked.

Starting point is 01:55:40 You've fucked. So that's good. You've got that out of your system. And look, herpes is not that big a deal. Honestly, we talked about this before. Now, did I just get my blood work back? I'm clean as a whistle. Oh, yeah. I want to you, motherfuckers.

Starting point is 01:55:52 But out of three. So yeah. Oh, that's true. One out of three. So look at me. Statistically, I'll just like I married. I will never take another STD test. I don't need to know what the results are. Neither does my, whatever I've got, she's got. Pass.

Starting point is 01:56:09 So, but yeah, JP has a great joke about it. It's like, and here's the other thing, if you're dating within the herpes community, you got access to some of the finest pussy pussy slingers out there That's the to quote to quote JP's joke. It's like, you know, the best chefs have burns on their You've just you've graduated to the next level of getting pussy if you stay within the herpes community and even if you don't, take your fucking pills. Take your pills, manage your outbreaks. Manage it, like it's totally fine.

Starting point is 01:56:52 People have partners that don't have herpes as long as they stay on their... Do you think he should tell everyone every time he fucks he has herpes or just manage his... You gotta tell people when you have herpes. You gotta be like... I think it's tougher Because like I like women have called in we're like look if You tell someone right before you're about to fuck having been in this situation, right?

Starting point is 01:57:16 I'm like making out with a girl. I'm sucking it. She's like by the way, I take my meds whatever I'm like, okay Take my meds whatever Yeah, like fight so it is harder for men I think We don't have that point of no return bow. Yeah, when you're digging hard, you're like, yeah Yeah, I've gotten a couple over-the-pants tugs I'm ready to go for sure But women appreciate more. Yeah you telling them up top. Well, you look here's the thing, dude We told you go out and have a little fun. But also you're a pretty wholesome guy There's nothing wrong with going on some dates, dating, dating with the intention of being in a relationship, whatever.

Starting point is 01:58:09 You got a nut off. You liked fucking. This is an obstacle. God did it. Yeah, if this is actually if I were you, I would just maybe dedicate my life to the church because God probably doesn't want you to fuck. Yeah, he's going to send another. If you immediately got herpes it's like yeah this was the first of the pestilence he sent your dick

Starting point is 01:58:28 this but it's next up Locus Yeah, AIDS bleeding. Yeah. So I'll definitely wrap it up in the future. Definitely wear some condoms and you know. Condom. What are you gonna do man? Hey, that's life. That's life.

Starting point is 01:59:01 Damn, that's a tough one brother, but we salute you sucks If only that fucking religious bitch would have given you a little pussy. I know cuz you know what sure was clean. Yeah Wasn't good, but it was clean. Yes, you know, what are you gonna do? Well, we feel for you and you know, you're on this episode. Yeah, so Yeah, well email you that's hysterical that is the guy who hasn't fucking till he's 31 So um obviously all if you just email me personally say what I mean how the shit works Let me know when you're back in Chicago All right, man, well good luck.

Starting point is 01:59:46 Maddie, thank you. This was great. You were so funny. Thanks for having me. Fire time as usual. Of course. Great time. Go see Maddie on the road. Follow her on Instagram. We'll plug all this stuff. We'll add links to it. And come see us on the road. We're in the dreamboat tour right now.

Starting point is 02:00:02 And we'll see you next time guys. Bye bye. Peace!

Stavvy's World - #127 - Maddy Smith

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