Stavvy's World - #129 - Nick Turani and Big Cat

Episode Date: May 19, 2025

Barstool’s Nick Turani and Big Cat join the pod for a special road edition, graciously hosted at the Barstool offices in Chicago, to discuss the really important reason that Stav was late to do Pardon My Take the day before, Big Cat’s sprinting wipeout, Nick’s secret heritage, why Big Cat would never cheat, the most noble way a widower could honor his late wife’s memory, and much more. Big Cat, Nick, and Stav help callers including a man whose wife fell for a $25,000 scam, and a guy whose dad made his girlfriend uncomfortable with a fatphobic joke. Follow Nick Turani on social media: https://x.com/nickturani https://www.instagram.com/nickturani Follow Big Cat on social media: https://x.com/BarstoolBigCat https://www.instagram.com/barstoolbigcat https://www.tiktok.com/@_barstoolbigcat Check out The Yak and Pardon My Take: https://www.youtube.com/@BarstoolYak https://www.youtube.com/@PardonMyTakePodcast  Get 20% off Chubbies with the code STAVVYSWORLD at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod Visit https://www.thuma.co/ to get $100 off your first bed purchase. Get $5 off your next Magic Spoon order at https://magicspoon.com/stavvy Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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We are in Barstool, Chicago, HQ. We got, you know, we got our boys Nick Tarani, Big Cat, Danny Dickamdown Cats. Oh, damn. Not me. You got the wrong guy. You were like the earliest on record for small dick guy. Oh yeah, yeah. Very small dick. Oh really? Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

You're a big guy too. You'd be ruined if that came out that it was like average. Yeah. No, I just remember being this kid being like, it's gonna get bigger, right? It just didn't. It never hits the spurt. Yeah I was like the sixth grader who was six feet tall and then ended up six feet tall.

Fuck. I'm with you, bro, except five-seven. Is that better, though? Because people don't expect you to have a big dick. True, true, true. Yes, height-wise, yes. Yeah. No, dick to height-wise better.

I think, societally, if you're going to have a small dick, you might as well be six feet tall. Yeah, I mean, being six feet tall is way easier. Yeah, but then the disappointment of when you show the small dick. Right, right, right. Is that why you've just been in one relationship? Yeah, I mean, wife, a wife.

You had that one relationship. That's a funny way to say it. Well, you know, since I've known you, basically. Like, I remember when we first met years ago, Barst, you know, you guys were just like this, it's like a blog full of, like, you know, since I've known you. Yeah, yeah. Like, I remember when we first met years ago, Barst, you know, you guys were just like this, it's like a blog full of like, you know, sex predators or whatever. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Nothing has changed, by the way. We just hired new ones. Have you met Nicky Smokes? Yeah. The way they do it is different. It was like a blog of morons who gamble, got multi, got like $40 million to move into like,

I'm building in Manhattan. Because I like your guys' stuff and it was fun, you know. You went to the original office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I remember like, you know, and you guys would do like, the biggest tits of FSU. Oh yeah.

You know what I mean? And then I was like, this is pretty fun. I like, I'll read something, they'll say something problematic on their dumb blog. You'll see some tits. And then like, you're hitting me up, you're like come to the office and you just have like Manhattan

in the middle of the fucking business district. It's like your company Someone gave us a lot of money. And then you became the only like media company that makes any money somehow. That was hysterical. That doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't make any sense because it is true like there's been countless like blogs that have gone under, layoffs from ESPN, it doesn't make any sense because it is true. Like, there's been countless, like, blogs that have gone under. Yeah. Like, layoffs from ESPN.

It's like, those guys are still doing it? Yeah. And so when I met you, I was like, oh, this is like some piece of shit who just moved from, you know, I guess you moved from Chicago to New York. And I just figured you were all, you guys were like dirtbags who were like, you know, using this, at the time, what I assumed was temporary clout to get as much pussy as possible. Yeah.

And then you're like, no, I'm like engaged to like a woman who's got a real job. Yeah, it doesn't make sense. I was like, what's going on here? Yeah. Why are you doing this? It's very, I was telling you this last night, Stav, like the coming home, now with three kids, coming home with the problems of barstool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is like, my wife would be like, you know, running around with three kids, coming home with the problems of Barstool, is like, my wife will be like,

you know, running around with three kids has a real job, and she'll be like, how was your day? And they'll be like, I fucking choked at mini golf again. I choked at mini golf. I'm depressed, like I don't wanna talk to anyone. I don't wanna play with the kids right now, because the mini golf game has fucked me up. I played too much with my adult male friends.

I'm all tuckered out from, I was in a ball pit with another 41 year old. That's why I can't be in one with my adult male friends. I'm all tuckered out from being... I was in a ball pit with another 41-year-old. That's why I can't be in one with my child. I'll come home and bitch about a case race. Like, the stress. The best was during COVID, when, like, the world was shut down and everyone was high stress, and, like, we had a kid.

And all this shit was going on, and it was... I was doing Dugs, the video game. I was playing NCAA 2014, and, like and game days in my house was like... She legit had to be a real coach's wife. Where I was like, don't talk to me. I'm prepping for Baylor this afternoon. I've got my finest offensive minds drawing up plays. I can't go over shapes and colors with our son

I have to fucking think about this out route. Yeah, that's so awesome But yeah, Nick the best part about barstool is we'll be able to hire very talented people Nick being the most talented That's not true. No, that's the most what else can you do? No, I can't dance. I can't sing Like I'm like a I'm like a fucker. I'm like a five point five Yeah, you're and that would you guys say you have similar? Have you ever seen your dicks in the same room? No.

Oh, you've seen my dick? No, no, no. You've described it enough where I could probably fully sketch artist it. We did a blind measurement on, yeah. We did a composite of our show. Really? Yeah.

A composite dick? 6.2? See, now there's like the composite man, and it just ends up being a Chinese dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same thing. Yeah, it's a Chinese dick. No, the sketch artist is like, oh, man.

Who did this? What was our 6.2? 6.2.3, but I think some people lied. Well, so 6.2.3, yeah. So we did a we everyone honor system blindly did it wrote it down put it in a bucket so no one could figure it out but then we like I was trying to get everybody somebody stole the bucket yeah and I just said right away I was like I'm five and a half like nice how are we

at six point two three yeah I cut on there, he's probably got a hog. Titus has the biggest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His officer's got a hog. No, I cut like that top plain area of the groin trying to push the ruler more. Oh, yeah. Getting to the roots. You know when you're like, that counts. Oh yeah, when you're in like sixth grade and you take a plastic ruler from like,

from science class. Push as hard, yeah. Push as hard as you can. You're stabbing your pubes, you're like, ah. Oh dude, you gotta do the push. You absolutely havebing your pubes. You're like, ah. Oh, dude, you got to do the push. You absolutely have to do the push. I love that, though. I guess I'm going to just understanding you

as a man, Big Cat, the little cock, you had everything else. You were smart. I'm trying to prove something, getting pussy with a little dick, that maybe if I fuck enough, I wasn't a loser in high school and my dick will just be good. But you just admitted dick's a loss, let's cut this and let's get a nice wife, let's build a family and let's become a captain of industry. And also, I mean I've said this, this is a crass thing to say but I'll say it. Oh god no.

I would never cheat on my wife because I come too fast. Yeah. Like, I always do the calculation in my head and I'm like, 45 seconds to ruin my entire life. Yeah. Like, if I fuck like a porn star, I, you know, like, then it's totally different. But it's like, I, so I got the bad combo of both. Right.

So as soon as I found a woman who's like, this is okay, you have other things that you're bringing to the table, I'm like, great, you're my wife. No, that's beautiful. I mean, that is smart. But you are a realist in that. You allow your brain to supersede

the reality of your little dickie busting fast. Because plenty of men have ruined their lives to nut quick. Correct, and you can't have it all. This is my way of God being like, you don't get it all. It was Patino, they wrote a real article about that. 15 seconds. Yeah. That is awesome.

Went on to coach the Greek national team. That was kind of, I think, that was big for us. In the interview process to be the Greek national team, have you ever embarrassingly cheated on your wife in a restaurant? That's a must. That's a must. They have to check. He checked it off.

Yeah. They're like, OK, you're hired. It's awesome to have how fast you know it'd be in a deposition. That's like in the, that's probably in the Library of Congress somewhere. It is. We should write a play about Rick Pitino nutting quick. So that way it goes in like the- A courtroom drama.

Yeah, and get it to be a good enough work of fiction that they put it in the Library of Congress. And it's forever there. Then he nuts fast. He's just a sensual guy. Do you think you're as successful with a big dick? There's no way. No, definitely not. Definitely not.

Yeah, I would have different energy and I would just be like, because I have confidence, but at the end of the day, there's still that. Sure. Yeah, at the end of the day, you's still that. Sure. Yeah, yeah, at the end of the day, you're like the head of a multimillion dollar office. Like, it's hilarious. Like, they just didn't have the right equipment here.

And you just come in, you're like, let's go, fellas. Mike's, let's go. And like three guys who, you know, didn't graduate college didn't really. Dumbest people have clothes. You don't understand how dumb the two people that were fixing the legs were. No, I get it. I can feel it. And it's interesting to know that

I'm like, there's no company that's like, what we do here at Stop Baby Enterprises, you couldn't scale it up. You actually have done it. You hire your idiot friends who don't know the job. And you've just built a business out of it. And I'm like, oh, maybe we could, Elders, maybe we could scale something. I think we could, man. I'm ready to move square into middle management walking around the office of the coffee oh you would be the best just patrolling people getting shit off your desk never accomplishing anything yeah just kind of ready for it that's that's the name of the game here we have

I mean Hank who I've is probably like the closest person I've known him since he's 19 years old he's the producer the the game here. We have, I mean, Hank, who is probably like the closest person I've known him since he's 19 years old, he's the producer of the number one sports podcast. And we found his old resume once. He lied on it up and down, had like 15 different misspellings. He went to college for a month. Yeah, respect. And he's a big fucking tech.

Like, if he went to ESPN, they'd try to pick his brain and be like, how'd you do it? They're trying to poach Hank, a fucking community college dropout. You should send him off just to try to get poached. It's crazy. And then, I mean, Nick got here because, I mean, he basically lived the plot of Parasite. Oh, really? You were sneaking in a guy's house?

KB parasited us. Yeah, me and him were fromB parasited us. Yeah. Me and him were from the same little neighborhood. Yeah. You guys, I did your show. Yeah. It was very funny, but you are from like, just the, I mean, it sounded horrific. Yeah, yeah.

It was bad. Where was it? Wheeling, West Virginia. Wheeling, yes. I'm from Bethlehem, West Virginia, outside of Wheeling, but yeah. Yeah, yeah. Not great. And we hired KB, and then KB was like, I got this other guy.

And then they also got another guy, Maresh. Like, they just bring their friends. Maresh? Yeah, he's not from Wheeling. Yeah, I was gonna say there's no way. No chance Maresh was out of this thing. That's beautiful though. Your hiring process is to hire the strangest looking humans and then have them like manning tech.

Yeah. Rather than being in front of a camera. That's smart though. You get the fucked up looking guys behind the camera near like some football player. They would like kill themselves to shake their hands. That's how it works. It is funny to just see the guys in the background like shaking like they're girls meeting like, you know,

Justin Bieber in his prime. It's like just some D lineman and like the fattest guy with the worst hair you've ever seen in your life. It's like crying Like how did you get a job here? It's like well, I'm 200 pounds overweight and Dave saw a video of me Yeah, he saw me doing I was doing this tik-tok series where I chug a bottle of Pepto-Bismol Every day for a month to see if it could stop my diarrhea. It didn't by the way And they just saw that a bar so they thought I'd be a natural fit.

That's the next Barstool superstar. It's beautiful, it really is. We are, and it's, the beauty of Barstool is like, they're, Nick, I don't count Nick in this, because Nick's very funny and talented. But we do have 20, 30 people that like, if they didn't work at Barstool, I think they'd be homeless. Yeah. I don't know what they would do.

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So like, it's just funny to think about what even was, I'm just curious about Wheeling, and just by having the name Tarani, were you just the most ethnic guy there? Yeah dude I was black. You guys were considered a minority? Definitely. Are you Italian? What's going on? I mean the name is Italian. Albanian. No! Wait you're not Italian? No we have an Albanian. Are you serious? I am still trading. You snuck a fucking Albanian on my show. Yeah dude, you're still trading. I'm not Italian brother. What the fuck? Yeah, dude, it was your Albanian. I'm Albanian, brother. What the fuck?

Yeah, man, I'm so sorry. You motherfucker, dude. I cannot believe... Dude, that's crazy. Oh, I'm fucking outnumbered by Albanians on my own show? Say it loud and proud, Nick. This is a devastating reveal. My grandma, every girlfriend I ever had from high school, her first question was,

Are they Greek? Wouldn't allow it. Wouldn't allow it. That's awesome. Oh, that's rich. Yeah, try and make it go the other way. Nice try. Wait, is this like historical beef?

I'm not familiar with this. I mean, dude, that's so beautiful. This is great, because we actually do like to ask, do you know any Albanians on the show? So that'll be good to get your perspective too. But yes, it's intra-European, Balkan interracism, where Greeks consider themselves the top of the food chain. But they're all exactly the same. Why are Greeks the top of the food chain?

They were the first to pass. They were the first, but we perfected it. We moved on, we got it out of our system, all right? 300 year phase. It was just a little phase. It was just a little phase. You fucking sit all day philosophizing, you're going to need to blow off some steam somehow. They didn't have PlayStation back then. They didn't have stuff. It's the next best thing.

They tried some kooky stuff, did it for three or 400 years, and then they stopped. But I don't know, I just think the, you know, we just, just the region we have the best, we have the best tourism, we have, like our economy is the strong, like here's how bad Albania's economy is. Greece, in the middle of it, like, generationally the worst economy, like people who are between the ages of like, like 45 and 25 just don't get to work. Like they work like, like my cousin was unemployed for a decade. You know what I mean? Was he like enjoying himself?

Like, sneaking to that country to work. That's true. Sneaking to that country because there's more opportunity there. He was enjoying himself by the way. He was getting pussy. He was just like working at bars. He was like a grown man working at like tourists like It's scumbag behavior. He's working at the equivalent of like the Jersey Shore

Like the shitty like margaritaville dude He's he's like a is a metal he was like at a metal bar at like an island for like, you know 20 year old Australians, okay he was just living in a tent laying and just couldn't speak English and just like somehow getting women back to his tent and just you know He would leave to work for the summer and he would have to call his father for He didn't have money to buy a ticket back to Athens You have to call his retired father in the's in the red after working all summer.

And he would take like a boat ride. Dude, he would take like, there's like an easy jet that's like, you know, fast jet that you could get from the island to Athens in like, you know, four hours, right? A little expensive. This fucking guy would take like a cargo ship. It would take him 24 hours. A snow wave. He would literally, he would get the cheapest ticket ever.

It was a beautiful life. But we have to return to this. I didn't know we had a crypto Albanian on the podcast. Albania's flag, though, is badass. It's a cool two-headed... Even I give them that. It is awesome. It's a good flag. The double eagle's good. Red and black.

It does look sinister. It's red and black, double eagle. It looks badass. It does look sinister. Yeah, you could compare it to other eagle. Like that. It looks sinister. Yeah, you could compare it to other things. That's exactly. You're not getting in the EU. That's tough. Yeah, you're gonna have to change that if you want to get in the EU. But it is. I'll tell you this on like Bronx mafia guys. Right. It looks cool

tattooed on their forearm. Right. That's on the back of Eliza Dushku. Yeah. Oh, really? Yeah. She has a double eagle tramp stamp. Yeah. On the back of Eliza Dushku. Yeah, oh really? She has that? She has a double eagle tramp stamp? Yeah, on the back of her neck I think. I think Dushku's got it dude. Dushku is Albanian, that is a problem. I have run up against that in these types of discussions. Who's the most famous Albanian besides Dushku? Nadu. Nadu, Jeff Nadu, yeah. What the fuck is Jeff Nadu? He's a guy who's worked for Barstool multiple different times. Dude, he's like looking at him's like looking at like those magic eyes like you can't comprehend what you're seeing. He's a guy who's worked for Barstool multiple different times. Dude, he's like, looking at him's like looking at like those magic eyes, like you can't comprehend what you're seeing.

His name is Jeff Nadu. I love that. So wait, I'm about to drop my resume off here. You guys got a lot of help, baby. By the way, Elvis got here like an hour early, he's networking. He's never been prepared for anything in his life, but he comes here where they know they hire. He's like, I could fucking be, I could be VP here. Elvis, my only question is, can you, can you keep that sling on for the rest of your life?

Because then you're hired. We just got a one-armed guy. You got what it takes, man. My one-armed tour manager who has a problem being on time. He's perfect. I mean, he said when we started, he's like, I've never not recorded the video. I'm like but this is a podcast Elvis.

Oh fuck. So did your family come from Albania to West Virginia? Yeah. Wow. So like a lateral move? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Find the Albania of America. You want to be comfortable?

What years are this? So your grandparents come in like the, what, I guess, 70s, 60s? Yeah, probably the 60s. Wow. I didn't even know Albanians were doing that kind of immigration at the time. Must have been some sort of escape. But my grandma like hyped up my grandfather. She was like, we were very successful there.

We were very, very popular. And then I did the ancestry and I found out he was a pot boy. Which means he would just scrub pots, which I think is probably the highest level job you can have And those pots were what like for shitting probably? They definitely did not listen Albanian 60s no indoor plumbing no chance So they must have fled communism, I guess. Maybe so. You know? Yeah. A couple capitalist Albanians coming to West Virginia.

I haven't picked their brain about it because I've never really, I'm not proud of any, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a thing I... This is what America does. It just kind of flattens your ethnic identity. In your case, that's a good thing. You want to be baptized and just become just a regular white guy.

That's all I wanted. You know what I mean? You want to shake Albania just become just a regular white guy. That's all I wanted. You know what I mean? You want to shake Albania off if possible. But it is fascinating because it's like, that is so, that is the one, like coming from Albania in the 60s, West Virginia probably felt like paradise. Oh my God. You know what I mean? We're living the dream in Wheeling, West Virginia.

What did they do in Wheeling? Like what was their business in Wheeling? They had a general store in their house Wow? The Wild West yeah Like rope and Sarcans my dad lived in the upstairs and my grandma grandpa ran a general store No, we have bundles of hey, yeah, where else you gonna get Tylenol and fishing? That's fucking awesome dude, holy shit with Albania landlocked no they have some coastline yeah Yeah, it's it's kind of between like Greece. He show me all this beautiful coastline set against the mountains. I'll show you

about this part of Europe I'll show you nothing about this part of Europe. Oh, yeah That's nice big cat you could own that whole oh, yeah, you can make a bid right now Jared Kushner's trying to develop some shit They got a lot of coasts. Yeah, they're just gonna look at them. This is the plan B if they don't get Gaza They're like we're going to Albania. Yeah, we'll out somewhere equally as war-torn let's get it yeah yeah also has by the way I know you you were mentioning your trainer on the bus yes similar to Nick's straight dad straight dad straight Albanian dad that's an arrow yeah very straight he does a lot of work in San Francisco, but he's straight.

Like what is your, does he have any defining character? Cause we have a friend, our buddy Straight George, who everyone thinks he's gay. He's just a gentle, nice man with a kind of a larger mouth. I think that's part of it. Cause gay guys have like a, they have a twinkle in their eyes. True, like they really do. They seem happier. They have like a specific twinkle.

They have beautiful eyes. And some of them will have like a specific twinkle. They have beautiful eyes. And some of them will have like a RG3 has kind of gay mouth, you know, where it's like big and wet. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, is there a correlation to how wet the mouth is? I think because it kind of looks natural, like you're wearing lip gloss. Okay.

So it's sort of, it doesn't, right? You're just a guy who happens to have a moist mouth But your brain because of Western beauty standards finds that to be Reminiscent of like a woman's a nice woman's a natural lubricating think of as being gay Mustache yeah, yeah, you don't lead with the I would I would be fine in prison. Yeah Yeah, you don't lead with the I would die would be fine in prison. Yeah You would just go straight to sucking dick you know you don't think you try one you find the biggest guy Find the biggest guy you fucking sit him down you fucking take him you take him tip to nuts I usually everybody who's balls The I Damn. Oh, I thought that was on purpose. No, no, no, no. The, uh, I just had, like, memory hold this,

but I remember when you first did come to the Barstool office, we were actually talking about potentially putting, like, Come Town on Sirius. Yes. Yes. And I was like, I remember having a conversation with Dave. I was like, these guys are so fucking funny, but do you know what they say? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like these guys are so fucking funny, but do you know what they say? Yeah?

I don't know if serious would it wouldn't have even been that I mean serious you could say you could pretty much say whatever you Can't well, but you said other stuff. Yeah, we did no we took it We took it too far, but there was no way we were doing no If there if you put any more work on come town, it would have collapsed on itself Like we couldn't get we we did we had a highly successful podcast for years and we did not have like a recording schedule Like till three years in it would just be like fuck We haven't put out of like an episode in a while like she like we're getting close to it's been up almost a week Should we go to Nick's and record an episode and that would be like no, I'm playing PlayStation

You have to come here at like midnight. Or you know what I mean? It would be so stupid. Did you ever have like a brainstorming sesh? No. No, there was no. I do. There was.

Actually, early on we kind of like, we had like, we sort of had like sketches and that lasted like two. And ironically, as soon as we started like making money and we were just like, we didn't give a fuck anymore. I think we had given up on it being successful. It was kind of annoying work. And then it started picking up, and we were like,

well, I guess we have to keep doing this. But we're not going to work hard at it. You know what I mean? But yeah, I know that was very funny. That was basically a recruiting visit to Barstool. And I was like, this is fun. You came in your track suit, we watched funny that that was basically a recruiting visit. Yeah barstool and I was I was like this is fun suit. Yeah, watch some ball. We had a good time, but I was like there's no way We're doing anything else. Yeah, we can barely do two episodes. It would have yet to do a daily radio show

I mean dude, there was no way there was no fucking way that would have lasted a week. Yeah. Oh Don't mind me. I'm just sipping on that mud water, baby. Ooh. Delicioso. I love mud water, okay? It's a delicious blend. I'll be, here's the thing. I wasn't a coffee guy.

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Please show your support, please, I beg you on bended knee, and let them know we send you. Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with mud water, because life's too short for anything less than clean delicious energy. So I'm going to get back to your straight dad though, because like what other kind of straight stuff is he up to? Does he have a wife? That's kids? Yeah, appropriated twice.

He moved to San Francisco for four years without my mom. When I was in college. What was he doing? Working. What was his job? Never told me. Wait, come on. You don't know what your dad's job is?

It's pretty unclear. Like to this day, you couldn't guess? Yeah. Sales. Dude, I've learned now. I've never talked to my grandma about my heritage. I've never talked to my dad. Damn, I'm gonna get asked. You you kind of exist kind of in a bubble. I think it's just we don't know yourself

Yeah, you gotta look back. You gotta look back a little bit. Yeah, what if I find something? I don't want to find you will You absolutely yeah, for example. Yeah, like don't don't contact your you know, your dad's landlord in San Francisco No, don't ask him who who was in and out of that place place Don't ask for the hallway cam in front of your dad's door. You're not gonna like what you see But it is fascinating that he just moved he said come on you you don't you do like consult like nothing He he's the director of a law firm, but he's not an attorney Interesting that's I feel like though. That's a very like most people just don't really know what they're I feel like most people just don't really know what their dad does. They just don't know what their dad does. My dad, well see, that's the thing.

My dad was a carpenter. He had the kind of job that a baby understands. You know what I mean? So that was fun. I'd always be like, dad's a carpenter. He has a wood shop. I mean, he was up to some actually straight activities. I'm pretty sure he was just cheating out of his wood shop.

Which is like, imagine the type of woman that comes by and gives up pussy on a futon in an office Attached to a wood shop. Yeah, you're literally having a saw dust in your fucking pussy Like it's disgusting like once I had a I had my tire I had a flat tire that happened to be like right outside my dad's wood shop So I was like perfect. I pushed my like I was right outside my dad's wood shop. So I was like, perfect. I pushed my, like I was right outside, so I just pushed my car to it and I knock on the door and my dad like won't open the main door and opens the like garage, you know how like the garage door kind of goes up and he just kind of opens it

like to chest height and like peeks under. He's like, hey, what's up man? Like, it's his son in distress, right? In theory, this is like the, one of the only times we're ever gonna actually bond. It's like, you know what, dad? We don't see eye to eye, but you really helped me out. We changed a tire together.

That feels like classic man bonding type shit. And he's clearly stalling me. You know what I mean? He's clearly stalling for a second. And then eventually he comes out and gets me. And I don't think there was a woman there or anything, but my hunch is he was setting, there was like the most pathetic boxed wine

and cheese plate in the mini fridge. I'm like, is this guy about to get his dick sucked? And he smelled like shit, by the way. He never, there's no shower in his wood shop. So I'm like, who were these women that were debasing themselves? What was he making? Um, uh, he, you know, just like whatever, like cat custom cat. He's an incredible carpenter. Like custom, like custom cabinetry. He'd been, he's been like architectural digest. He was just like, he's fucking good as shit. Um, but you know,

my boy, my boy was definitely from the Mediterranean. You're the son of a carpenter? That's right, dude. That's right, dude. Exactly. Interesting. Yup, yup. I might be the messiah, you're right. I was a really shitty carpenter. How pissed would people be if it's me in here? You're Jesus Christ. Man.

Fuck! That would be awesome. All the shit you believe is fucking stupid. I said so. Damn, if I could have his powers to just zapping Zap I think he's that a couple times He's the first to do a Sibian. Mary Magdalene's on a Sibian. Oh. He sounded, there are parts of Jesus that I hear

that I'm like, that guy sounds cool. His friends are all fucking, you know, he's hanging out with whores. Yeah. Respect. I love hoes too. They're great. They are nice people.

Like they are some of the nicest people. He's hanging with like, hoes, probably gay guys. He was a foot guy. Yeah. He's a foot guy. He'll wash your feet. Oh my, you're so right. That's so funny that absolutely. Just some insane guy who said he was the son of God that had a foot fetish,

just played it just right. And now everyone thinks that's the biggest, the second biggest religion in the world. If it was, yeah, if there were a foot finder back then, he would have not done any of this stuff. He would have just been sitting in a basement. He quit the woodworking. Joseph's like, all right, man, enough with the wooden sandals. Stop asking the ladies to try on your wooden sandals.

They don't feel good. I actually sometimes wonder that, like, how much innovation would have been stunted if we had OnlyFans? Like, how many, like, you think, like, you know, we're inventing the light bulb? It's an incredible brain drain that's going on And if anything all we can hope for is like new ways to beat off right?

Like I really do think there will be some kind of meta jerk-off booth, you know where it's like I what I'm picturing is sort of like One of those shit like the float chambers or whatever. Oh, yes, that's a definition Yeah, you put on a wetsuit, you put on glasses, you get into the fucking, the tank, and you could like select anyone from like, you could just pick anyone from history. You could do a movie and just be like,

Catherine Jada Jones from Zorro, and then she sucks your dick. In your head, it's like you're Antonio Banderas, and it feels like you're Antonio Banderas. Because you're not feeling your own body. That's important. That's really important. I can't feel my stomach hit my thighs. I have to be a sexy guy with a nice hog. You know what I mean? And then the Atlantic will write a long piece about why men don't respect women anymore. We can't figure this out. Is this Andrew Tate's fault?

No, we're all getting sucked off in a sensory deprivation chamber. Yeah, our only technol- our only technol- like China's washing us in everything. Oh yeah. I feel like we're figuring out beating all- like that's the one thing where we're the little engine that could. Even though they have more- they have more like science and all this- all the- like in terms of pure gooning hours spent how much we love it we are gonna be China yes for sure that's actually how

we should win the war with China and just get them porn dude I think we we install escalators everywhere every Chinese video I see they're getting swallowed up oh you think they can't handle us they can't do it they can't do we just gotta drop in and parachute we would fuck the escalators up though. You know what I mean? Ours would need repairs all the time. I don't know. Did you guys see the dude?

WrestleMania was last night. I don't know when this is going out. The dude's trying to get out. That's my bad. Adam said that he was telling a Super Bowl story. That's fine. We're, you're good. It doesn't matter. He was telling a Super Bowl story. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. We're about to talk about other topical shit.

This dude was trying to go, like I guess it was like hard to get out of the stadium and there was these dudes trying to go up the escalator. I did see that video. And this one dude is the saddest dude ever. Just like, you know, all his wrestling paraphernalia and he just can't make it to the top. He can't, dude. He's running. It's literally like Everest for him.

And he has shit in his pockets. The man in the green boots. He literally gave up. He's just like, I'm going back down. I can't do this. No, it was really funny because his friends do it and it's just like running up and then he tries, he can't quite get it. He's carrying a bunch of stuff. He takes everything out of his pockets, bundles it up, throws it to his friend like he's going

on a lifeboat from the Titanic. And then he's like, all right, I'm going to do it now. Still can't do it. Yeah, still can't do it. Just way too too fat the most exercise he's probably done in so long so I'll just doesn't pull up clips no no I mean he's texting probably you're clearly He has removed it all. It's so ominous. No, not at all. Not even a little bit. He didn't even consider it. It says Drive. What were we talking about Drive?

I don't know. The Ryan Gosling movie? He's probably looking at Google Drive. Is that right, Elvis? I thought he was going to do like a little bit of like wrestling escalator, like just pretend I can't find it. Didn't even flinch. No, my friend, and that's exactly right.

That's what we're dealing with here. It was nice Do you got to show your incompetence, but I'm sure look at the end of the day the mom-and-pop beats big business We're still a mom-and-pop shop. I've ironed out some of the kinks by necessity not us Yeah, eldest still has no instincts for live producing. Yeah, I mean there's nothing better than explaining something and being like trust me guys. It was funny Yeah, I mean, there's nothing better than explaining something and being like, trust me guys. It was funny It's not like half the show is visual and it would aid and people watching it on YouTube or anything We swear to God it was funny You can picture it right?

Guys check it out. You Google it. Elvis isn't going to. Still has it. Oh no! Now he's typing It's over now Elvis Wrestling Escalator. Alright, let's see. Wrestling Escalator. WrestleMania Oh Didn't immediately come up Wrestling escalator. All right. Let's see escalator WrestleMania, Oh Didn't immediately come up tough, let's see how this how you gonna I have an idea of how I would find it

I know exactly I'm not gonna tell you. Yeah, can you try it buddy? I don't know Honestly. Yeah. There we go. There it is. OK, images. OK. Is there another tab maybe? Are we looking for some second one?

We need like a moving image. The second one. Do you know what two is? All right, click on that. He's going to be, he's not going to be able to watch it. Oh, here we go. Oh, here we go. There it is.

All right, yeah. Here he is. Good job, Douglas. He's trying to go up. Oh, yeah, this guy's so funny. Oh. He eats it. I thought he was going to keep fighting, this guy's so funny He's just like he knows there it is

Take it. I'll be there. I'll write back to you Other people have to go around him So I've experienced the shame of pussing out of like the high dive Oh, dude, the high dive is tough. Yeah, you're right. The funniest part is him throwing it be like throwing it He threw a literal towel John Cena paraphernalia back to my family If I don't make it Boy has this wrestling belt. I need my boy to have his Yeet t-shirt. And by boy, I clearly mean a Funko Pop

because I've never had sex. I definitely don't have a family. Make sure this Funko Pop ends up in my mom's basement. God damn, that was pathetic. But I know it. I recognized myself from a year ago in that image. When a fat boy has to do unexpected, you know, feats of strength. That's tough.

It's like there's a, there's like a 10 second where you can, you're like, I still have this, and then it hits you and you're like, no I don't? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel invincible when you, like, when you sprint for the first three seconds, you're like, I'm the fastest, I'm Usain Bolt. And then you're back and everything.

Dude, we did the combine here a month ago. Oh yeah, hell yeah. I ate so much shit on the 40-yard drab, the 40-yard, what am I looking for? Dash. Dash. My body just, my legs literally were like, what are you doing? And they just gave out.

People called it out for being fake because it was so slapstick. But it was a genuine failing of the human body. And Elvis is gonna pull it up right now. Oh, fuck, that's so, no, don't even. But it was a genuine failing of the human body. And Elvis is going to pull it up right now. No. No. No. Oh, fuck. That's so.

No, don't even. Just do big cat combine fall. There you go. There it is. Oh, that was easy. Uh-oh, Facebook. Oh, no, Facebook. Yeah, you got this.

Damn, you guys have a nice Facebook contingent. Oh. You got uncles that pop in. Oh, here we go. Someone just post stuff for us. Okay Here's the cat. Here's big cat about the spring. I will say you do look you're not as fat. Oh, wow Nobody fluctuates like you yeah, like three weeks ago You took a mulligan dude, that was the worst feeling when uh

Yeah, oh man here we Yeah, I took a man. And I'm just going so fast. You feel like you're... Oh, no, dude! That's insane. People thought I was faking it. It's like, dude, why would I spin my knee and look like an asshole?

If you did that, you're the best physical comedian of all time, dude. Buster Keaton. Yeah. No, I remember there was, like, maybe 10 years ago, I lost a little weight, and I was, like, kind of feeling cocky about it and and Dave just shit on me so bad on the Rundown he's like you'll gain it back He was right. It's just like what's the point honestly if I were you little dick children I still get laid. Yeah. Yeah, well, there's no way I'm not you're a Chicago father of three with a good job

It's actually fucked up You're not fat. You have to get fatter and fatter. I should get fat. Every year you need to gain four pounds Until you're like the fattest guy of all time like that you have the build for you live in this city like If you're not fat when you're like, you know in 15 years Like if you're not really fat in 15 years, but you know what's gonna happen I bet you this happens to you too because we were talking about this like if you're not really fat in 15 years. But you know what's gonna happen, I bet you this happens to you too because we were talking about this,

like you look good, but you're like, I'm never gonna get like super skinny. Do you think about the time when you're like, I think this happens to everyone in their like 50s or 60s, especially if they have money where they're like, I'm gonna live forever. Right. Like you're gonna hit that point,

you're like, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna fucking live to a hundred and twelve. I don't think I, I think I know, the way you knew that your dick was a limiting factor in getting pussy, I know that the life I've already lived is a limiting factor in living longer. But you don't think, if you have some money in your pocket and you're like, oh, this guy's gonna get me. That's not how it works, brother.

Yeah, it does though. Rich people can do that. They can be like, oh, here's how I'm gonna live forever. They're ghouls. Have you seen pictures of them? They have like weird toupees. Yeah. They're fucking skinny as fuck. You know, it's just like, it's not, that's not, I want

to burn bright. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm going out, in fact, there will be a moment where the exact opposite happens where I make peace with dying and get so insanely fat. Like I'm going to be an old man, like I'm trying to live and have good quality of life for the next 30 years or so. Mm-hmm. But man. Have you had a scare? 70 hits? I'm getting to live and have good quality of life for the next 30 years or so. Mm-hmm, but man Have you had a seven hits?

I'm getting fat as fuck and just eat like I bet you the second you have a scare. It's I mean, I've said Yeah, I've had plenty of serious health issues Tell me like don't do this. You'll die. You know what I mean? I've they were like I was on tour last the last tour where I was gaining when I got up to 350, there were nights where I was like, I don't think I'm gonna die when I'm in my sleep. I don't think so, but I've taken enough dick pills, regular pills, wheat. I'm so fucked up on, there's,

the things in my bloodstream right now are too many dick pills, because I'm so fat the regular dose won't work. So I have to take more than a doctor would tell me to. Just Xanax or just some kind of pill, weed, ribeye fat, you know what I mean? I'm like, an ice cream cone. It's like, this very easily.

Like, my CPAP is losing to me. Like, I'm shorting my travel CPAP, I'm so fucking, you know what I mean? Like, like. If you died in they did the autopsy It wouldn't be like howdy no one would have asked any follow-ups Perfect that that story comes out like that's if that story came out stop stop I was like dies in on the road. No one would be like what yeah There would be no question about how it happened there There would be no, no one would accuse.

That's a good place to be. No one would accuse any coroner of foul play. It would not, it would be like, let's immediately make the funeral arrangements. We feel so bad for his mother. We, we should, we're gonna go apologize for not stopping him sooner. We all knew, we were all saying it behind his back,

but we didn't have the guts to actually have an intervention. That's what would have happened if I died. And I just don't want... So yeah, my whole... There were two years of my life that were a constant scare. I was like, fuck man. I hope I make it out of this. I really had that thought for a year straight. I was like, God, I hope I don't die right now. That would suck. That would fucking be brutal. So yeah, I don't want to be Brian Johnson who's like eating candy. He's like suck. That would fucking be brutal. So yeah, I don't want to be Brian Johnson who's like eating cancer. He's like gray.

It's weird, and he doesn't look better. No. And you also, you have a glow, you have something about you when you're having a good time. Right, that's true. I think a happy person looks better than somebody who's doing everything right

and just like is miserable. Right. That's my plan. I want to live, I want to be healthy for the next 30 years. Right. You know, that's my plan. I want to live, I want to be healthy for the next 30 years. After that, I want to be the fat. You're giving yourself 65? No, no, so 65 is when I'll be healthy. Got it.

You know, till 65. Yeah. 65 to 70, I'll maintain. See, I think that changes. I think everyone gets to that point of like, oh shit, mortality. And then they start doing, they find God, they do all this shit.

I'll never find God. I won't either, but I think a lot of people do that when they're older. Yeah, but it's pathetic. I mean, it's just like, you can't, I'm not finding God, I'm not trying to live forever. I like that we're gonna die. I don't wanna live forever.

And also it's like, the things you worry about where you're like, oh, I hope I get my, like everything you fear will happen. And it's already happened. Like I you're like, oh, I hope I get my like everything you you fear will happen It has already happened Like I remember thinking like damn I wait like my brother just had a kid and my grant I saw a picture of my grandma holding my my you know, my nephew and it's fucking cute as fuck It's like, you know two generations completely opposite and in my head I was like damn I was younger. I was like if I have kids I want to meet my grandmother. No chance

I'm having no chance. I'm having kids before she checks out. You know what I mean? And it's like, and that just happened while I was living my life. There's gonna be so many more of those. Where it's like, oh, I really wanted to do this goal. Not gonna happen. But I had a good time.

Your life is different than you imagined it to be. And you just have to have a good ass time. And that's really what I'm hoping, and it's, you know, I don't wanna, it's pathetic when people try and cling on. And then- I just can't have my wife die before me, then I don't have to die.

Oh, you're, yeah, but that won't happen. There's no chance. I've told her too before, she like, cause you know, you have those conversations, like what would you do? And like, her mother passed away a few years ago, and so her dad's dating again, and I'm like, I told her straight up, I was like,

if you die, high-end prostitutes that's it I'm never like because I'm not really doing it I'm not yeah yeah yeah really beautiful it's actually like them yeah that's probably the like sweetest thing that is sweet because you're not lying right you're not like I'll never be with anyone else again yeah that I love gonna find someone else that I love, but I am gonna fuck some high-end prostitutes. I'm gonna get some time in that trim. Your kids growing up seeing a different whore walking out of your house every day, like, Dad really loves Mom.

But I'm talking blue chippers, okay? I know what fucking barstool, I know what your steak and barstool is. I know you're not getting fucking bottom of the barrel dude, absolutely. It's gonna be great, you're gonna be a beautiful face. You're gonna be like a saldy prince. Yeah, and that is beautiful though, you're right, because being like, I'll never remarry, I'll never date again, it's a lie.

You're gonna get a couple nuts off, but you're saying it will be a business transaction. It will all be business. With, you know, some of the most gifted throat goats. Because I don't want to have to go through, like, trying to convince another woman that the small dick that comes fast is okay. Right, right, right, right, right.

As a whole process. Right, so it right, right. That's the whole process. Right. So it's not really about loving your wife more than any other woman. It's more, yeah, my own limitations. It's more, it's more, again, just being pragmatic. Yeah. Folks, you know me, Stavi, I'm a Thuma head, certified Thuma head. Thuma is a modern design company that specializes in furniture and home goods.

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Probably not. You're about the same age? I don't know, though. I went to the doctor for the first time in like a decade, and everything was fine. Like, he was like, yeah, you're good. Yeah. And I was like, really?

And so, and my wife was actually mad. She was like, this is bullshit that you, like, don't have. Like, you live. Oh, wow, she wanted a little comeuppance. She wanted a little like, hey, you gotta start taking cholesterol. She's chilled with a sausage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, interesting.

Did you lie to your doctor at all? No, I think I told the story of the act, but I had that moment, my doctor was asking about drinking and drugs and stuff, and I don't really drink kinda at all anymore. It's not really like I'm sober. I just love the time. And I got caught in that moment where I was like, I don't. Yeah, and then I was like, but I used to fucking drink.

I used to do so much coke. And I was like, what am I saying? I really was trying to not be a nerd in front of my doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's awesome, dude. No, dude, you don't get it, dude. I was like, what am I saying? You're trying to impress this dude. I literally was trying to not be a nerd in front of my doctor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome, dude. Nah, dude, you don't get it, dude. I was fucking the man.

It's all good. I don't do that shit anymore. You should have seen me in my 20s. I was a fucking animal. You'd be pissed at me when I was younger. You would have hated me. You'd be so mad. But yeah, I probably was the first person to ever do

that with their doctor. Yeah, yeah. She'd be like, dude, I loved cocaine for a while. That's feeling, yeah, that's definitely you feeling washed being like, my youth is so over. Are you sure you're unhealthy? I used to do coke all the time. Yeah, yeah, double check that.

I swear to God. Damn, coke and probably cheese curds. I can't even imagine. Yeah. The midwif- Mushrooms. Love that. I still eat mushrooms every now and then.

That's beautiful. They're nice, they're therapeutic. I'm going back to the sphere. Yeah, the sphere looks good to do mushrooms in the sphere. Yeah, oh, so much fun. God damn, dude, I'm gonna try that shit out. We gotta hit the sphere, Eldis. Our boys here, we're on a bit of a time crunch, so why don't we get to our questions?

Because I want these luminaries to be able to weigh in. Because we have a father, we have, again, an Albanian who's rightfully. Who has a straight dad. Who's got a straight dad who's rightfully thrown his culture in the garbage and decided to just be a kind of regular white guy from West Virginia.

He's prouder about West Virginia than Albania. That's true. Would you put it that way? That really puts it into perspective. God damn. Damn. In Bethlehem, not even like, you know, I assume that's a shitty small town. Well, I mean, yeah.

What's the biggest town? Charleston. Oh yeah, yeah. Morgantown's nice. Morgantown's nice, yeah. So anyway, let's see what we got here. You gotta get the cans on to listen to the questions. Oh yeah.

This is where Jacob came in huge. Yeah. Yeah, the guy who set up the cans, he went to University of Florida. He tried out for the football team every single year, running back. Never played football in his life. Awesome.

I just fell in that act. And they were just like, why are you here? Yeah. Yeah, every year he would show up. And he was like, he's like, what, 5'8"? Yeah. He's like, 5'8 190 pound just for University of Florida I was shooting a sketch that was about huddle tapes and I asked him for his he was like I've never played football

Yeah, you tried out. That's where Emmett Smith played football So did he just get destroyed like did they cut him in instantly? Were they like, all right everybody run to the five yard line and back Yeah, you're cut you're cut like how many like pasty white guys got like that Were they like, all right, everybody run to the five yard line and back. Yeah. Your cut, your cut. How many pasty white guys got cut like that? I only did four years in a row, too. It's crazy.

He obviously didn't do this. Play it nice and loud in Big Cat's ears and play it regular for the rest of us, Eldis. Hey, Stobby baby. Hey, Eldis. Hey, distinguished guests. Hope everyone's doing well. So I've got a two-part question. I recently got out of a seven-year relationship. Well, two years ago I got out of the seven-year relationship, meaningful relationship. Nine years.

I'm back on the dating scene in the trendy-ass upstate New York City that you've definitely heard of, but it's small. Okay. definitely heard of but it's small. So I'm dating, the hinge settings are between 26 and 42, I'm 34. I felt like that was a good range. Anything below mid-20s, I'm too old for I feel like, so is that correct first of all? I think that's fair. The women that I'm dating, I'm really open with them. I'm not opposed to a long-term relationship, a meaningful relationship, but really,

I'm just trying to get my dick wet in the immediacy. And most of them are cool with it, but I'm upfront about it. But then we'll start hanging out, we'll keep hanging out for a few weeks, a few months. They get addicted. Still chilling, and I haven't changed my tone about a long-term relationship or whatever.

Then they get offended that I'm still going on dates I'm having sex with other chicks. So in the sky that your positive Sounds like Dan it is doctor And I'm just slaying under the under the guise of an issue Younger women and they're falling in love with me I'm fucking younger women and they're falling in love with me. Too many women are falling in love with me while I'm getting my dick wet left and right. In this really cool upstate New York City I'm not going to tell you the name of, but you've heard of it, trust me.

Go ahead, finish the question, Elders. I'm a sender that I'm still going on dates, I'm having sex with other chicks, so is that just like bad form? Should I just be like, fuck this guy. When it's done, hit it. Should I, I'm 34, so should I just get over it? The two years at not being in a relationship was enough

to like have my fill and I should just grow up. Yeah, this is a classic brag culture. Start settling down. And the last part of my question is this morning, I matched with an incredible, one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen she's 30 years old but her top thing on hinge is that she I have to be Albanian so I told her I was Albanian and we're going on a date later You told her you were Albanian? This is the only guy who's ever lied about being Albanian!

This better be Elijah Dusku, bro. This is perfect. This is fucking hysterical. This is Albanian, and we're going on a date later this week. So, should I pull out of there? Because Albanians are fucking insane. Yeah, the insane person here is her. Not you lying about your ethnicity.

Fuck this guy. I hate him. Her brothers are going to string me up by my ankles. Or should I just steal it out and charm my way into eventually telling her the truth that I'm not Albanian? Hope you boys are doing well. Please answer this question. Love you boys. Bye. What's the question? Yeah, truly what's the question? Yeah, truly, what is the question?

What the fuck, dude? This guy fucking sucks. Lying about being Albanian is crazy. Okay, it's funny that it's Albanian, but you can't lie to women to get them to agree to meet you in public. That's a low-level sex crime that you're pretty much committing. It's not a crime not a crime, but it's just, you're being a dickhead, misrepresenting who you are. Especially, like, look, is this woman stupid for being like, I will only date this ethnicity? Yes. But if anyone has a hard line, and you lie to get access to them, you're also a piece of shit.

But I think he's thinking from everything he said that his dick is so sweet it won matter. As soon as he enters, she can't quit. She'll forget where she's from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll get dikma-tized to a crazy degree. So yeah, what is the question is a great question, Nick. This guy's just, should I just, I guess vaguely the question is am I a good person and should I settle down? Yeah, should I stop getting all this pussy? I can't stop getting I think the question is are you guys jealous of yeah? Really personally there's something else going on here Stavros has to know how much pussy We were to see is from an upstate New York City in upstate New York what probably Woodstock or some shit like some bullshit like Hudson Valley

She has my guess something like that which I get that'd be funny if this guy's just Syracuse. Yeah Yeah, the carrier dome we're thinking Elijah dus, we should really be thinking like a migrant farm worker. Yeah. Like a bitch that pulls radishes out of the, you know, like a streganona, some streganona looking bitch. Yeah, I mean, I don't know, what do you want us to say, man? Congratulations on getting close to you. Good job, dude. Good job. You rock.

You're okay. Should you cut it off? Should you wean them off your dick before they get too obsessed? Yeah. Is actually the question. Yeah. He's asking, how should I titrate down on my dick? Yeah, right. How do I slowly decrease the dosage?

Should I bust faster? Yeah. Yeah. Just give them the tip one last time. I mean, I guess you're fine, man, but also what, I guess it's fine to think, like, what is the point. I definitely thought that at some point. What do you mean?

Of, like, of just getting, just fucking people. Yeah. And, yeah, man, maybe you have started to get to that point, but you're also realizing, like, it's the friends with benefits thing. Someone gets their feelings hurt. Yeah. It works for a little bit. You both, maybe you're on the same page for a week,

but either you get your heart broken, somebody gets their heart broken, something bad, something weird happens. That's what these relationships, it's okay to be upfront and be like, hey, I'm dating around. But eventually you probably do wanna do something else. Well, this is also just an entire question

that's essentially like, yeah, it's awesome being a dude. Yes, yes, yes. Because a woman at 34 is freaking out. like do I have to I have a you know Am I getting married am I having kids am I gonna miss that window and this guy's like yeah I'm just gonna keep rolling. Yeah, I just keep this going. I'll find a 25 year old You think so deep down yeah from that first relationship For help that's a good point. He it was, what, seven years, he said? Seven is tough.

Dude, if you're older than 22 bragging about pussy, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, everyone's got that one friend who bragged about pussy for a little too long. That's the greatest fear of my life. I have to stop. I just am still trying to fuck a bunch. And I'm like, all right, man, you

don't want to be the 40- guy right just like veneers hair plugs Yeah, go into like pulling out your like crypto portfolio and hoping a 19 year old hostess sees it Yeah, you know what I mean? Like I just don't want it. You don't want to be that pathetic guy because yes It's at a certain point. It's like Suiting up as a grown man and playing middle, like peewee football. It's like, yes, oh, you have your shit together as a 36-year-old where you can convince 24-year-olds to fuck you.

It's like, yeah, that's fine. Okay, how long are you gonna do that? That's not impressive. If you need to get it out of, you know, whatever. You wanna date for a little bit, eventually you have to move on to the next thing. Go to All Madden, dude. Go to All Madden.

You're still here playing on rookie still. Go to All Madden, dude. Go to All Madden. You're fucking playing on rookies still. Go to All Madden. Yes, date women that you're intimidated by. Or here's another thing you do. Show up to your ex's house with her new husband. Beg her for another chance. If you do something that destructive, it does kind of allow you to restart the whole cycle

of healing again. It's kind of like shitty GMs that keep drafting first round pick quarterbacks where they're like, all right, this will just get me a job. Yeah, this will get me the ability to keep fucking 25 year olds. I'll have the I'll be emotionally stunted. We're keeping the lottery basically. Yeah. He's like instead of it's maybe it's just time to get a journeyman fucking quarterback and build build defense in your line.

This guy needs Joe Flacco. Yeah, let's get Flacco in there. Yeah, stop looking for blue chip players, man. This is a GM that's been in the lottery too long. That's really what it is. All right, man. Good luck and don't lie about your ethnicity again, pussy, also. Folks, I'm trying to live a better lifestyle, but you know I'm still a little treat lord. I still love delicious stuff. Hello. and they became a staple of the tour. I need to feel like I get a little dessert at the end of the night. So when I would unwind, I would have magic spoon.

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Snack like we do. Yo, Stav, first time, long time. So here's the deal. My wife, who I've been married to for two years and some change now, love her to death. I'm 31, we got a good thing going. We're thinking about buying a house this year and I don't know, shit's of wild so maybe not maybe it will but

Just last week my wife. I was out of town she got caught up in a scam and She I don't know if the details really matter, but you know, it was a clever scam I gotta say wasn't you know Nigerian Prince bullshit Okay, they're impersonating at the FBI blah blah blah. Oh, yeah, that's realistic $25,000 out in cash and deposited it into a Bitcoin machine

Tricky scam the FBI... The FBI, man! This is a tricky scam! The FBI wanted Bitcoin from your wife! Jesus Christ, bro! Alright, I mean, it's not tricky. Let's start there. Your wife is dumb, but let's finish up. That's crazy. That the FBI was, like, this was legit,

and the FBI was asking her to do that to, like like verify her identity or something. So you know obviously a big blow like we've talked to the FBI and all this shit like we're trying to figure it out, try to get the money back from the bank but you know like I've just been totally supportive and like hey you know you've been a victim of a crime it sucks This is really In the back of my head I'm like back

The back of your head you're like why did you take out 25 grand of our money you dumb bitch and give it to some Guy who said he was in the FBI Back of your head not the only thing you can think of day and night Did did I did I marry someone with severe lead? Poisoning this is crazy, dude you put $25,000 cash and a fucking Bitcoin machine thinking that this was shit. What's a Bitcoin machine? I don't know Bitcoin ATM machine. I don't know he means a Bitcoin ATM. Yeah crazy. I can't I don't

Especially right now, but like two months down the line like you think I should give talk about hey Let's think about I don't know street smarts a critical thinking or some shit like that But anyways, I guess my question is I'm just caught up trying to be like Do I give her advice on how to be more street smart or do I just have to like support her and like let this go? And just chalk this up as a L. Anyways, love you. Bye Give her advice on how to be more street smart or do I just have to support her and let this go and just chalk this up as an L. Anyways, thank you. Love you, bye.

I mean, this is devastating. Imagine, Mary, how could you think of anything else? You're surprised. He said he may talk to her about it in two months. How nice are we to the marriage? No, no, please, please. Okay, well, all right, so the first thing that comes to my mind is she's cheating on you, or you have to get divorced.

Yeah, I mean, exactly. If you want to believe that this is real, you have to get divorced. Because I would never get over that. And if... Like, there's just no way that your wife would take out $25,000 cash and not talk to you first. Of course, for anything. $25,000 cash and not talk to you first? Of course, for anything. 25 grand? That's crazy.

Any decision that big is like, and if she's not cheating on you, and if she is the kind of person that would do that, you've got to divorce her. And also, by the way, how much of a pushover is this guy if the type of woman that got tricked by people is gaslighting him? This lady got tricked by some guy on the phone to give 25 grand and he's like am I being crazy? Yeah, like she's dominating you bro. Yeah, you're getting got by the lady who got got by these guys. Yeah, absolutely This might be an inside job. This is brutal. It feels like an inside job. I kind of agree with you too. Yeah This can't be her first stupid mistake if that's true.

Is she a bitch? Yeah, she's a bitch. No, see, I'm reversing this whole thing. You're the fucking moron. You married Kaiser Soze, and now you're fucked. She literally is talking to her cohorts, being like, yeah, my husband bought it. He's going to be like the worst that could happen.

He's going to call into Stavi's world and ask for advice. And they're all sitting in a layer being like, we got him. Do I teach her to be more street smart or do I just be there for her? There's like other options. Yeah, they're like, her like co-criminals are basically like, are you sure this is gonna work? It's like, it's not a problem.

Like, he's gonna fucking pat me on the head and be like, hey honey, we need street Yeah, and we're gonna get this 25 grand Man this you got scammed. Yeah, this you got scammed just by marrying a person who's capable of this again I think she's a genius. Yeah, I think she's the genius. He's the idiot. That's very much in play. That's the thing That's crazy about this. There's five insane scenarios in play here, and I would never be able to stop running through them. And I don't believe, the only one I don't believe is what he told us.

Like the face value of this, I do not believe whatsoever. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, that is tough. It's tough to take it at face value, and it just like, but clearly this guy is not allowing himself to really think through this. Right, like could it be like 2,500 in cash and mistype? Clearly this guy is not allowing himself to really think through this. Right. Could it be like $2,500 in cash and you mistype? Because Dan, it's like, alright, $2,500, okay.

$2,500, definitely you can get over. Yeah, it's like that's a mistake you're making. $25,000. That's crazy. When you're saving up for a house. I'm not believing it was the FBI. Again, that's where I think that she's a mastermind. I know, that's how stupid this is, that Dan's theory is equally as plausible.

Yeah. 100%. I need to know more details because I'm pretty sure she scammed you, bro. There's something, I do honestly feel like we are missing something with their relationship. She's not from America and she got her green card when we got married. Something's happened. We are missing something are missing something or Or he just doesn't want to talk about he doesn't just want to say like I'm the person I love is really fucking stupid

Yeah, like that's also like that's the only possible explanation because the way he's talking about is like like he's it's finally dawned on him That he married someone with like a learning disability He's talking about do I just be there for he's basically like all right her legs that he married someone with a learning disability. Right. Like, you know what I mean? Like, he's talking about, do I just be there for her? He's basically like, all right, her legs are never going to work again. I'm going to get a, I'm going to build a ramp. I'm going to get one of those chairs. Like, he's talking about changing his life because he loves her

and she's so stupid he has to be around her constantly. He's treating this like a car accident. Yeah, like, you're not buying a house with her. You're putting her in a home. Yeah. Like, you're not buying a house there. You're putting her in a home. Yeah. Like, this is assisted living. She needs a nurse with her at all times. She's gonna be like Rose Kennedy.

Like, we're putting her... Dude, I need to know, you're right, I really need to know more. I need to know, like, who is this woman? I want to know your whole story, because something is not fitting here. Nothing fits. And he might have to call into a live show live show. It was more believable than a Nigerian prince The FBI needs a 25 grand in Bitcoin to verify her identity What the FBI can't figure out who you are there the fucking

fucking investigation they can figure out a lady's fucking identity without $25,000 of her money fuck are you talking about man if your wife really is the stupid you have you have to either put her the federal conservatorship or get divorced man or you're getting cucked in an insane way something fucked up I don't even get what the 25 grand would be for cheating. I know, I'm just saying like... I think she's scamming me. But is she, you know, how well do you know her? Is it a green card marriage? Is it like a random lady who has...

Is this casino? What happened? You know, like, does she have... You know what, maybe she was taking my gambling picks. Yeah, yeah, that might be it. That's the mo... That is it. She's down bad, she's listening to big cat. She saw my 16 and O streak. It was like I found the way to buy her house, hopped on at number 17 and lost everything. My Albanian grandpa got ripped off. Oh, what did he do? What happened there? Acre lot, New Mexico, Utopian development. That's it was just saying it's just sand. It's off the power grid and he's dead and I pay

$16 a year of property tax. I remember my grandfather before he died like he would he would fill out all the like publishing publishing clearinghouse. He gets scammed like every week. Yes yes that's awesome. Yeah I love that. Buying an acre in New Mexico is awesome. Yeah, I gotta go visit Put a little Pueblo up there But yeah, this this is fucking nuts like this really the the only explanation is that is Yes, if she's getting cheated on it's like casino where James woods James wood If she does she have a James Woods

to her Sharon Stone from Casino? Is there like some dirt bag that's just like, I need the money, babe. You know what I mean? Like that's, I need, there's something, and if, and by the way, the fact that we spit out this many theories, and if it is somehow true that she did get scammed, that tells you how stupid this lady is.

I did a bad job, I should have prepped you, Stav. Nick's never seen a movie. Oh, no, no, that's not true at all. Dude, no, that's not true. Casino? Yeah, no, he's never seen a movie. So we can't do movie references. What's your favorite movie? He's never seen one.

There's not one? This is a bit I used to do that would piss him off when I first started. He's judo-flipping. He did it for like two years, KB and Nick. Judo flipping. Yeah, it would drive me insane. Every time we talk about a movie they'd be like, you've never seen it. You can't talk about this. I got so mad.

We just watched Rush. Yesterday we watched Rush Hour 2, then Rush Hour 1. Oh, nice. In that order. We threw on Rush Hour 2 and then it just auto-played Rush rush hour and that's why it was an hour late to your podcast. That's ironic that it was rush hour. You're like I'm late. No the literal text was like 6 o'clock works and then at like 4.50 he was like hey can we do 7? I just got high and rush hour came on. I'm like yeah dude that makes sense. When sense. That's a good excuse. That's a good excuse. Yeah.

That's an emergency in your life. It was 420 Eastern, man. It felt right. I had to go for it. That's kind of rocked, though, that that's literally what an emergency is for you. Rush Hour came on TBS. Sorry, I can't do the biggest sports podcast in America.

I have to watch Rush Hour. In reverse order. I just see, like, Stav is walking around with a beeper and he gets beeped. It's Eldest being like, hey dude, Rush Hour just came out again. Fuck, I gotta go! Oh fuck dude, I gotta go, I gotta go. I think like a medical beeper for Rush Hour.

We were also talking about Rush Hour for like six hours last night. We were talking about how good they are for like all of us. We got high on the podcast, it was like our KUSH extravaganza, like our KUSH special, and we were like, oh, this is gonna be awesome, this is gonna be so funny. I guarantee you it's not funny at all. We talk like coldly logically about rush hour for an hour.

A comprehensive breakdown. And then we just like really give horrific advice. I love that. And then it was us being, it was the meanest I've ever been to people, because I was just pissed off because I wanted to eat leftover lamb, and I was like was like fuck I have to do a half hour more of these calls. So I just took it out on every caller. Check out Kush Brothers. It might actually is probably gonna air right after this I think on the schedule, Eldis. Oh hell yeah.

This is a little tease. Alright, what else we got Eld? Folks many people think of me as a comedian, but more than anything, I'm a small business owner. And I know, getting started on your small business, well, that can be tough without the right tools. Lucky for you, there's Shopify. Shopify is a huge e-commerce platform that's working with some of the, every business from

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Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash Stavi. Go to Shopify.com slash Stavi. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Hey Stav, eldest esteemed guest. I'm 19, I'm a sophomore in college. One of my best friends I've known since second grade.

He's my basically next door neighbor. He's 20, sophomore in college. Like he gives me a call yesterday saying that he got his girlfriend pregnant. His girlfriend's 21 years old. Now I asked him like, oh if this is what you want, then great. This is great. Then for you, if this is what you want, awesome. How do I tell him that this is not great?

I don't know, you blew it. Seriously. You had a chance to. Now, I know it's not his decision, it's the girl's decision. Sure, maybe he's a part of it. And he's telling me that he's okay with her decision, but. Oh, she wants to keep it.

Like, he has a one, he has a single dorm. I would, myself, I was gonna say. And she just lives in his dorm all the time. So he sees her all the time And like don't have like little arguments here and there and I tell them like well you guys see each other more than like a married couple was But how I just I need it. I need advice. How do I tell him? That I think this is bad and I think his life will be, magnitudes better if they decide not to keep this baby.

Thank you so much, love the show, have a good day, goodbye. Your toast bro, he gotta, like okay, clearly they should not keep the baby. I mean, obviously. 21? It's such a tough conversation to have though, telling your boy like... Well that's what I'm saying, of course, like the you shouldn't do it, but it's also like this. He's just the way you should do is not get a girl pregnant. You know what I mean? Because yeah, but first mistake. Yeah. He shouldn't say anything. This guy. Yeah, definitely not. Dude. yeah. If you try to like do a PowerPoint presentation on why your buddy should get an abortion and he has the kid. Yeah. And then you're like the godfather. Wait. And the kid's 15. I would actually love that. I would love to see the

PowerPoint on why I shouldn't have been alive. And you know what? I would see that and be like, he was right. Yeah. That makes him really crazy. But like that's a crazy premise. Like dude, think about, don't think about right now. Think about 20 years from now when this kid's a full-grown adult And you have to look him in the face be like I actually tried to convince you not be alive You should go behind your boys back and talk to her directly yeah Like push her down 25 grand For a lump sum a big yeah get some Bitcoin Can I say a spin zone for this guy though? Spin zone it.

For his buddy, look, obviously not ideal, 21, having a kid. But, like, having a kid younger. Absolutely. I like, I had my first kid when I was 34, and I wish I had them like 10 years, I wouldn't have worked out because of Barstool and like everything in my career, but like, I think about that, I do like everything in my career. But like I think

about that. I do the math in my head where I'm like, yeah, I'm going to be 60 when they're, you know, in their 20s. Like I wish I was a little younger. Yes. 20s. Yeah. No, that I think that is a very powerful spin zone because I kind of think the same thing where I'm like, I don't even know if I want kids. I'm 36 right now. I think I'd like to be an uncle mode is great. But it's even like you see people who are like in their late 40s, and they just have their friends with their kids. Their kids are 20, you know what I mean?

Like that's cool. I do. I am jealous of that. And by the way for this guy, you have no say in that. Zero. This is insane. Don't even try. This is a dude that's afraid of losing his best friend. And it's gonna happen. That's the thing. This is gonna happen. It's was gonna happen. It's gonna happen later. Exactly. This is gonna happen one way or the other and this is traumatic for him He's just seeing like he is feeling he's has to deal with stuff that you don't deal with till you're like 25, right? Usually you lose your friends to their girlfriends or their families at 20 in their your mid-20s, you know I was pissed with I'm obviously the most Peter Pan-ass motherfucker of all my friends, and even when my friends were in good relationships, I'd be like,

I don't think this is gonna work. You know, part of me would be like, you should probably break up. We should all live in a three-bedroom together forever, right, guys? This is so much more fun than you. Dude, trying to talk my buddies out of their relationships because something tiny happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a bad idea. And it's pathetic, and it's childish behavior, my buddies out of their relationships because something tiny happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's such a bad idea. And it's pathetic and it's childish behavior and when I freed myself of it, I felt better. Now, this goes hand in hand with the fact that he's seeing his buddy just, his buddy's life is going to take a much different turn. But hey, this is life. Also, you have no say in it.

He bear, he ultimately push comes to shove. He doesn't even really have a say in it. He bear, he ultimately push comes to shove. He doesn't even really have a say in it. It's not his body. And so it's like, and unfortunately it seems like there, neither one of them is thinking clearly because you like the first time you're like in a college relationship and you think, I thought I loved my college girlfriend. I thought we'd be together. You know what I mean? You're like, even though you know better, emotionally, which is the part that makes decisions like this, this girl is like, well, it wasn't perfect,

but it's gonna be a perfect little story for the beginning of our family. She's not realizing they are, if they get married, they're getting divorced. This is not working out. But for right now, dude, there's no way this isn't happening. If they're in that kind of,

I live in your dorm constantly relationship, all those relationships, they think they could handle anything. They think it's me and you against the world. They don't realize it's just like, your pheromone's the first time you've actually liked someone. And you're not in the real world. And you're not in the real world at all.

So yeah, dude, mourn the loss of your friend. His youth is over. Life as he knew it is over. Don't say shit. You're not allowed to have an opinion. All you can do is be supportive anyway, that's it. And when he has a kid, be a fun, be around, and by the way, this is bad for his life,

you kinda get to score points. You're like a young guy with a baby in his life, girls will like that. You get to have a baby that's like, you're like, he's an uncle, like he's an unofficial uncle. That's a nice position to be. Babies are fun. Dude, I love when my friends have kids.

Because I pop in, I play with them, I see them, I hang out for 90 minutes, and then as soon as they're annoying, I'm like, all right, well, you take. See, not my issue. I've never bathed, I've never had to do a bath, I've never had to make a kid put his shoes on, I've never had to fucking get him to bed. I just fucking toss him in a couch until he laughs, you know, like while they're laughing. That's a fun guy to be in a baby's life. So this is good for you, you can't change it, accept it. This is a good lesson for you that life is nothing but disappointment and misery, and how you roll with it is what makes that that's I and so this you're dealing with a huge one

You're just gonna have to deal with it brother. Yeah, just just let it be just let it ride. All right big L. What else we got We'll do ten more minutes What about it? Oh fuck. Big dog. And a humble guest, a humble beautiful guest. So I have an issue here, I'm 22 years old and I have a girlfriend and I love her and it's wonderful. My issue has arisen recently when my dad, who recently lost a lot of weight, so used to be a bigger guy, now he's not so much. And he made a bit of a fatphobic joke. Oh wow.

Fuck that. First of all, pause this. Yes. Who the fuck does this guy think he is? We had this conversation yesterday. We had this conversation yesterday on your show. Yeah, like the fat guy who gets skinny, who then like rips off his shirt all the time, is a piece of shit.

You're a piece of shit. You're fat. You are, you will die. His dad in particular, you're a dad who got skinny. You've been fat most of your life, man Don't forget where you fucking came from and when very fat people lose a ton of weight you still somehow see the phantom body You it's like a skull shape thing. Yeah, it's not gonna look whatever is going on with that. He doesn't look good But anyway, let's hear it. Let's hear a little more context, but let me just say I just want to get on the record Fuck that guy

Fatphobic joke at a recent sporting event that my girlfriend and I were attending and My girlfriend is a little bigger so that really offended her and recently we were talking and She was explaining to me how like she just really can't be comfortable around my dad anymore. And so I am starting to have an OK. I mean, we're in the area again. We kind of moved back to this area that my parents are at.

And I'm starting to hang out with them a lot more. And I like that. And I, them a lot more. And I like that. And I, but at the same time, I don't want her to have to be uncomfortable every time that we're around them. And I would really just like them to talk about it. But he really doesn't want to. Yeah, what the fuck? And so I don't know.

And I don't, she said, I don't, she doesn't want me telling him what he said made her uncomfortable. So I just don't really know I don't she doesn't want me telling him what he said made her uncomfortable So I just don't really know where to go from here, and I'm hoping that maybe you can help me out Thanks, bitch Yeah, I mean maybe this is fucking hilarious because If I can definitely fuck his dad especially making a fat fat joke and your son's girlfriend is a little chubby. It's like, that's just rude.

Or maybe big as hell, who knows? We don't know. Could be either one. We don't know how funny the joke was. It could have been really, really funny. It was a good one. It was out of sporting of that. Sometimes I've made very inappropriate jokes.

Sure. Like I had to get it off. I had to get that off. Because I knew it was gonna be funny. You're right. Fuck, I would like to know what it was Cuz like that's all I could think about is like how good was it based on the joke Yeah, if it was a really funny joke

Then you got to tell your girlfriend to suck it up and then look there is an element of suck it up here because like the most the most famously detestable like archetype and like American cultures like the annoying in-law You know what I mean? Like nobody half of people the biggest problem with their partner is their annoying mom or dad You know what I mean? And so it's like You know also I hate to say I had to break it to this guy, but they say he's 22 eldest. Yeah, I did You know. It's like, you have to, you're basically like, do I pick between my parents or my girlfriend at 22? You can't burn a bridge with your parents at 22.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do I pick between my girlfriend and my fucking hilarious dad? Over a joke of mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Is he hilarious or is he a fat, a formerly fat tryhard? Yeah. Right. That's the thing.

It's a huge, like this is all based on the joke. It really matters a lot. And so we'll give you advice if it's a good joke or if it's a bad joke. If it's a good joke, she kinda has to suck it up. Like, you know, is he a good guy otherwise? Is he kinda, it's like, is this his one? And also, by the way, even if it's a bad joke

and he just kinda blew it, nobody should have that short a leash. You know what I mean? Like, you also have to understand, dads are famous for putting their foot in their mouth. And she's... is she a little too tattletaly? Like, is she... or did it just hurt her feelings? And was it at her expense? We do really need to know a lot about this joke.

We need to know the joke. If it's just about some fat guy, like, they're at a sporting event and he calls some, like, player a fat, who cares? But if he makes something that's kind of a veiled, if it's more about how it's a personal attack towards her, then I think she has a much greater right to stand on. You also could just flip it and just explain

to your girlfriend that your dad made that joke because he's ultimately not in love with himself and very insecure. He's very insecure, yeah. Just make him a sympathetic figure that way. Be like he is, he needs a lot of therapy. He's emotionally stunted. Which is all probably very true. Yeah, all almost 100% true and just do that.

Dudes that lose weight get cocky quick. Yeah. Oh, it's the worst. I sympathize with the bigger girl because I think the hierarchy of easy to hard life is hot girl, hot guy, ugly dude, ugly chick at the bottom. Without question. Yeah. We also need to know...

Hot girl is high risk, high reward though. For their life though. Bad stuff happening to you if you're too hot. You know what I mean? So it is like, I think hot guy might actually be the best. I would rather be a hot guy. Very hot guy. Tall guy.

Tall guy. Like, cause you don't even have to be hot if you're tall. Guy is just, let's be honest, guy is just guy tall guy tall guy But because you don't have guys let's be honest guys just the top That's our society works girls are getting jobs where they just once a month they stand in front of like those inflatable number Is also happening there you know they got a 50-50 chance of so you think the guy Walking her in a fucking basement So you think the guy who gave her that job's locking her in a fucking basement. You know what I mean? Like six six one and above guy. Yeah hot chick. Okay, like 511 to six one guy ugly chick

Five nine and below I see what you're doing here. I'm not taking the bait. Nice try you motherfucker. Eldest how tall are you? Six five. Big boy. Fuck you. Fuck you. I believe in you. That's Albanian blood.

Strong Albanian blood. We know that. We've had many discussions. Eldest would crumble in my body. If we did a Freaky Friday body switch he would not be able to handle it. You can't live a second in my body. None of us would last a second as an ugly girl. No. I think I could figure something out. We also need to know how chubby she is. Is she just a little chubby where it's like,

hey, you're not even that fat? Or are we talking like a head turner? Like D1 softball catcher. Maybe my man likes that kind of thing. Little Freudian, maybe he wanted to fuck his dad growing up so now he's got a big girl. This whole thing, he wants to fuck his dad. Just flip it on your dad.

He just pissed his dad skinny now. He doesn't find his dad fuckable anymore after he lost all the weight. I gotta burn this bridge with my dad. So, I mean, the other thing, though, is like, we're dealing with recently not fat middle-aged guy, an insufferable type of guy. Oh, terrible, terrible person.

But we're also dealing with early 20s, maybe also insecure girl who can be, again, can be kind of, these types of, just painting with a broad brush, can get kind of in the tattletale zone. So is his dad like, how problematic really is your dad? Is your girlfriend somewhere on the slider of, my dad's a complete dickhead and my girlfriend's a dumb bitch? I think we're closer to dad is the dickhead. Yeah, yeah.

But like, how close are we? Right. You know what I mean? Like, are you giving your, are you cutting your girlfriend too much slack? What was the joke? Right. How offensive towards her, in particular, was it?

There's probably a little, there's probably, I'm probably blaming the dad here, but also there's probably a healthy sprinkling of girlfriend needs to suck it up. Right, it's get over it. But we just need a little more, how funny is the joke is such an important, it's so important.

So yeah dude, good luck. I also waited out. He looks like your girlfriend out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you should go play left-tag with Sally The center went down suit up Sally. I'm sure they have an extra helmet for you. You know who was that? She's got a point Also the other thing is dude you're 22 you can kind of wait this out Yeah, you know what I mean like I remember in my early 20s, like when I was dating a girl and like, you know, she would just come at me with some shit about something about my parents maybe or bitching about my

friends and it was like... Oh yeah, which friends I wonder. And it was kind of like, what do you think this is? What is the long game here? You think I'm really going to file this in the consideration bank? Of course. This probably isn't lasting another eight months if we're being real with ourselves. Well, that's the other thing.

It's like, dude, don't, exactly. For a relationship to make you rethink your family or best friends, you've got to be like five years deep for those conversations to even start right you got to wait this out Will this become an issue? Probably it solves itself. Yes, either your dad dies Or she or you break up he gets fat again Something's gonna happen something you get your girlfriend get skinnier girl get skinny you get fat right now. You're mad at your dad You know what I mean?

There's a lot of stuff a lot of fucking potential a lot of game left a lot of game left. Yeah, you're worried about yeah Savior timeouts brother. Yeah All right, you want something quick to go out on here all this yeah, I got I have some unsolicited medical advice for you Bobby I'm listening to your newest episode and you're talking about your fucked up discs in your back. I'm not calling with a question, I'm sorry. I'm just calling to tell you I'm a fat guy myself. I have the same issue. I went to a bunch of different specialists, finally found a guy who practiced the McKinsey method. It's just basically a pretty simple stretch that you do a whole bunch of times and after

doing that for like four months it fixed me. And I was like barely walking. It's just basically a pretty simple stretch that you do a whole bunch of times and after that for like four months It's it fixed me and I was like barely walking He's right the Mackenzie method I don't know if the Mackenzie message stretches, but I had the same thing I've thrown out my back twice and it's like a bulging disc. All you can do is stretch. Yeah.

Everyone tries to do, oh, acupuncture and chiropractor and all this shit. It's like, dude, you threw out your back because you have a fat core. I'm not saying this about you, I'm saying this about myself too. I'm carrying way too much weight, it's weighing it down. I have a fat core and no strength in my ab muscles.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's why your back is basically being like, please stop, help me. I'm carrying everything here, bro. Yeah, I've been pregnant my whole life. I've essentially been pregnant my whole life. If you went to physical therapy for two months, I bet you'd be fine.

Interesting. What about like an inversion table? Have you ever tried that? See, that's the junk science. I've tried it all. I think that would feel so good, though. I tried it all. And then they're like, oh oh you actually just have to put in a little bit of work

Right to get a gain a little bit of flexibility what kind of stretches out it would pull some up Mackenzie method There's a Superman stretch. I like a Superman. I'll do so just lay on your belly and you just stretch. Yeah, that one. Yeah, okay There's the one where you like kind of hump air. I love to hump air. Yeah, I actually do that. Yeah, that's it right there. I do a lot of these already actually to warm up, so yeah. Yeah, you just gotta do all those. All right.

And then you'll be better. I know. Have you thrown it out? I've thrown it out a couple times. It's the worst. It sucks. I threw it out so bad, I couldn't like get off my floor for two days. Yeah, dude, I just have to lay down horizontal for a day

and that usually fix it. But knock on, I was so worried about the bed. And if I sleep on a bad bed, I'm fucked. Or if I'm on a weird couch. And so these Airbnb beds will fuck me. And I got so lucky the bus doesn't hurt my back, or else I would have been so fucked. So yeah, I mean, I just have to be much less fat. I'm trying to, I'm working on getting this stomach

taken care of just to the fact that I can just not be in pain. And if you throw it at, it's like nothing worse. It ruins everything. It's debilitating. It's horrendous. And it's pathetic. You just feel like, oh, I'm useless.

Last time I threw my back out, it's been thankfully like maybe eight years, I was just laying on my living room floor telling my wife to just shoot me. I don't even own a gun. It's like someone could come in here and fuck my ass and there's nothing I can do about it. I am so vulnerable. I am completely helpless. It sucks. I was pissing in Gatorade bottles so I couldn't get to the bathroom. That's bad Yeah, you have that I just I'm on the kidney stone wave Oh, yeah, yeah, I passed one at Bird's Nest. Oh wow at the Bird's Nest Yeah, damn you're clinking the urinal dude. I saw it come out like you know in like an anaconda when it ate Owen Wilson

Yeah, it was just like that. I'm not comparing my penis to an anaconda right right. It was a very small pebble Yeah, but even that stretch your dick out It was a what it was not it was a you know millimeter, but you can see it. Yeah Really we got eldest to you I had a kidney a bad moment I lived with stuff in Queens, and I was just like I hilarious Oh, hilarious. He powered off the second he started talking. That was his reminder to hit record.

Yeah. The fucking GoPro, his camera stopped the second he started talking. I'll just let this up while I talk here. The technology's advanced. It's like, I don't want to hear about this guy's fucking bladder. All right, whatever. Fuck you. I'll just tell you.

You know what? Our next guest next week has some kidney stone issues as well. Yeah's the linked up so we have like kidney so we've had both had kidney stones It's literally like I'll have it and then you'll have like chicks with their periods. Yeah, yeah hilarious So we'll save your kidney stone anecdote Fellas thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. Anything you want. I'm obviously, you know anus PMT the yak Anything else you guys want to plug? No, thanks know, Anus, PMT, the Yak, anything else you guys wanna plug? No. Thanks, hell yeah, thanks for coming boys.

And we will talk to you guys next time, bye bye. ["Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy"]