Stavvy's World - #137 - Felix Biederman and Nick Mullen

Episode Date: July 14, 2025

Felix Biederman and Nick Mullen join the pod to discuss the new Chapo Trap House comic book anthology Year Zero, names made out of initials, Felix the Cat, the evolution of the YMCA, Dick’s Last Resort, Halo, white guys with Asian girlfriends, who would write a movie about the Brooklyn podcast scene, and much more. Felix, Nick and Stav help callers including a woman whose husband is going through a midlife crisis because they can’t find a third partner for a fling, and a man who has trouble telling people he works in funeral transport services. Purchase Chapo Trap House: Year Zero at Bad Egg Publishing: https://badegg.co/products/year-zero-1 Follow Felix Biederman on social media: https://www.instagram.com/byyourlogic https://x.com/ByYourLogic Follow Nick Mullen on social media: https://www.instagram.com/mulldogforever https://www.tiktok.com/@mulldogforever https://x.com/nycguidovoice Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/wyx330el #CashAppPod. As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50off and use code STAVVY50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code STAVVY to try your first month of BlueChew FREE -- just pay $5 shipping. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 904-800-STOVE. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have two absolute geniuses, brain geniuses on the couch right now. Felix, Biederman, Nicholas Mullen. You ever go by Nicholas? I'm gonna start. Nicholas Mullen? I've always wanted ladders. You don't have a middle name? I mean I do, but it would be NJ.

You can't go by NJ. That's an autistic move. New Jersey Mullen? NJ's not bad. What would yours be? Mine? Middle name? FC Biederman.B and that's pretty good that's like yeah

that's like a race car driver what's the yeah it is sort of f1 I was thinking like it sounds sort of eugenicist you should go by f1 Biederman what's wait what is the middle I always like when someone would just do the first name, like our, we had a pal that went by Tee Brad. Yes. Or F Scott Fitzgerald, what's your, I would be S Emanuel Halkius. SE is horrible. SE Halkius sucks. SE is tough.

Yeah. I feel like that's like a girl's initial name. Like SE. Yeah, you're right. Fuck. What's the C in it's Charles Charles Oh my f Charles Biederman is actually really good, dude Yeah, I like I hated my first name when I was a little kid because it was it was weird my parents

I'm gonna be for there's a cat. There's a Felix the cat's awesome when you're a little kid your name can't rhyme with anything Yeah, can't be a reference to anything. I feel like Felix the cat was cool though It was a doesn't matter. You know the rules Literally doesn't matter Like the last people that watched it like died in the Korean War. Yeah. Yeah, like it was it is kind of Betty Boop Yeah, yeah, it's like Betty Boop without getting pussy like there's no slut in it. It's just like some fun. You're right Cat does he like does he is there like a Felicia that he tries to like even he's horny now I found out there's a girl Garfield. Did you know that I do know I did know you yeah

It's not normal by the way. No, it was a little boy. No normal normal. They say that Boy, dude. No. Oh look Felix the cat does have some pussy Annabelle apparently oh No, there's kitty the cat. I mean that's fucking bullshit. Yeah, that was last minute. Yeah. Yeah, she looks kind of hot pull her up there eldest What are you doing? Here's a beer. I mean that's not bad candy kitty. I'd fuck candy kitty That's pretty hot right there, but yeah, I don't know does she pull stuff out of her pussy Her magic pussy Guy that hates the cat. Oh, is that guy? Are you thinking gargamel from the Smurfs?

No, no in Felix the bad guys an old guy with a mustache that He hates Felix and wants to kill him and get his back. Oh really yeah No, not that guy the old man master cylinder And there and Isn't that the Simpsons no it's this guy this old old man. Well, whatever, who gives a fuck? I do. I want to get to the bottom of this. That's how I spend my time. Poindexter? Trying to remember things from cartoons, getting it wrong, and then looking up and being like, that's right.

I want to go to the talk page for the Felix the Cat fan wiki. Professor? Is it just Professor? There's old King Cole. Talk page for the Felix the cat fan wiki a professor is it just professor There's old King Cole I just remember seeing Felix guy when I was a kid and it feeling kind of trippy And I only saw one I literally saw one time, but it stuck with me forever. Yeah, I don't recall ever seeing it I just know this guy and he wants Felix's back. Well, you seem to know a lot about him I do easy have a fucking bag. I don't even know that That was like his only thing

Magic bag of tricks that he can pull every once out. Oh, okay interesting. Yeah, I guess the pussy The other cats pussy Fuck the cat How was she do the cat so anyway so you didn't go by F so did you go by Charles for a second that was like too much commitment Chuck if Chuck beat her man's pretty good they did they did suggest that to me like that I could shock beaterman Mm-hmm. Yeah, I kind of sounds too much like Chuck Closterman. Yeah No offense to him, yeah, yeah, yeah, I used to fucking love it I used to be I used to be like Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to fucking love it. I used to be like 17 and thinking I was smart as shit for reading Chuck Closterman books.

Being like, damn, this is fucking good ass essays. I read it, yeah. I remember the first one I read when I was in like sixth grade. And I was like, this would be the coolest job. Like a guy who writes a book about music videos he saw. And that's like something even easier. Yeah. Like it's going to be even more bullshit then. That is fucking true.

I get to talk about like articles. I read the headlines about a week ago. Well, speaking of bullshit, don't you guys have a book? That's the whole. Chapo Year Zero, right? Yeah, no, this is well, Year Zero is the title we would have went with for the book we wrote like you know 17 fucking years. Yeah, yeah And that's about that's because it's named after your penis the length of your penis

17 zero Year zero, oh yeah, you know and it's actually also named after your penis as well year what a coincidence Zero part it's both of ours You're also here 365 no Well actually actually you know yeah cuz time is a different dimension So it doesn't exist its time which is fine cuz we can't even fathom it So bitch can't get fucked by it cuz it's time is passing by you can get fucked by time

That's when most people get fucked oh shit really fuck well anyway It is messed up that if you just, you can wait around and eventually you'll die. You can't just wait around and get your dick sucked. I guess not. Yeah. What are the odds? Now, does your dick out and where are you?

You're in the women's locker room at the YMCA. Okay. And you get maybe 20 minutes Magical if you're like kind of if you were sort of Protected by magic where they couldn't go call arrest your Felix You reach into this bag you put a fucking shield over you over every part of you But your dick yeah, and you're in a woman's locker room for eternity So you have you have seen Felix then well no I'm just going off context clues. That's well. That's what I remember Anyway, the point is like this team, but will that was kind of that was the first one

By sucking it A cat comes out and then they're all throwing up as they suck They realize they've been filled with right it thought it was a man's car. Yeah, there was yeah interesting interesting interesting Yeah, I haven't seen that one But I do think eventually you get your dick sucked if you Jake was just added a YMCA good women's locker room Thoughts I mean like you know women so like for the women the YWCA Do they is that also for like down-and-out women like the way the YMCA was first sort of down-and-out That is how it when did that stop by the way exactly you'd read you read an old book And it would be like a drifter would go get a room at The YMCA I don't think it stopped. I think I get a room at the YMCA

Yeah, just became no good just a shitty gym now. That's all it is But there's no people to sleep in the locker room basically I mean it became known for another thing besides being like it was a Song is when it ends so when they started having gay sex you want to became like a Cruising spot like sort of what they had to have instead of Grindr They picked one civil organization where there was lodging Interesting. And they're like we'll all go here. So they kind of- there's no- no one has a phone or apps So gay men reversed gentrified the YMCA. They did the opposite of what they do to neighborhoods

Because they they made the YMCA a shitty gym when it used to be a cool place you could fucking cool out for a couple days. I don't think it was a cool place. Yeah, you're right. It was hobos, bums would like. You did that after you got kicked out of your house when you were nine and then assaulted by hobos. After you got done getting on the rails.

Yeah. You would hit the YMCA. What is the lyrics? What did the song come out? What did the song come out? Huh? When did the song come out? 1973? Yeah. So probably up until the late 60s you could probably rent a cot there.

I mean I would think like past that. I think like when the song came out they were like okay we have to, this is a problem now. No more beds they're having. But then people, then gay guys just moved to steam rooms to where they're still doing it today. Yeah, and it's weird because it's not the dry sauna.

And I tell you this story, I was at my gym and a gay guy tried to come into the dry sauna instead of the steam room. Oh, the steam room. And he sat down, he was like a middle-aged guy, and he's like, ah, it was so much hotter yesterday, it felt amazing. Like looked around at everybody.

Nobody said anything. And then he went. He got up, he's like, well enjoy your day guys. And the director's cut of Eastern Promises that happens in the middle of their play. It was like Christmas Eve too. Christmas Eve. It was like a holiday. Oh man, that poor guy just, This is

Man that poor guy just what he was like he had just gotten divorced from his husband right he wanted to fuck it He wanted to feel good about his fucking three feet away. There's the steam room. It's like there's rules here That's right dry son is not for gay shit. No was it like you know first day of being gay No, this is like an older guy. think it was his first day at the gym So maybe he didn't even know about the he thought he was just going into the do you think he had gay sex in there? Yesterday said it was hotter yesterday. Yeah, which by the way, I probably tried yesterday and then it didn't work By the way, that's not right. They keep it at the same temperature. Yeah, I think you know you know this variation sometimes It's you go in there. Yeah, sometimes you go in the dry sauna It's like a bullshit temperature in there because you throw a little fucking water over the rocks and it gets hotter

I'm not supposed to do that. You're not no why are they there then but it's so fucking cool the rocks I think they hold the rocks hold the heat So the heater like heats the rocks up and then the rocks stay hot, but it's fucking cool. You'll you'll admit. It's cool to go Yeah, they have a fucking little thing too. Why do I have this thing? It goes depends on maybe at your gym. I think the wood ones you can yeah, but the electric ones You're not supposed to pour water on the interesting on the wires and shit Yeah and shit yeah I guess that makes sense yeah yeah it like there's already a steam room you know right the stick and I guess that's true because you get at

least part of it you're in the fog when you're doing gay shit it's not as clear yeah so you could theoretically somebody could be doing gay shit on the other side of the steam room and you could be having a regular straight time on the other side of it that's what that Robert McNamara documentary Strange They got a lot out of him well the guy was really guilty about Vietnam, so he had to go do some gay shit You know it's the way it really fucks people's brains up. You know I mean I would feel bad if I were him too. He did some fucked up shit over there. Mm-hmm Yeah, I remember watching that in high school and being like damn

This guy's fucked. This guy's fucking smart. Yeah, I actually respected McNamara after watching that. Does he say anything smarter than that? He's like I was the first guy to think you should think about what your enemies are thinking No, I just seems like a basic requirement. I was just you know 15 and being like yeah, this guy's fucking smart Yeah, anyone anyone that old is like impressive to you that is true especially at that time suit I was a I was a big Donald Rumsfeld head. I thought Rumsfeld was so cool. Genius. I respected Colin Powell personally. You remember being a teenager and finding out how long Rumsfeld and Cheney had been in government?

Yeah. It seemed like, because you don't know anything, and you're like, well these guys, this must be their first time. Here, and they're just bad at it there's like pictures from the 30s yeah yeah yeah and they're like yeah they're wearing like princeton like fucking p-sweat they're like playing football with fucking leather helmets on and shit like that i love i love those old photos of rumsfeld when he was on team b with wolf woods because all of those guys was rumsfeld on team b or did he just with he I think he was on team B. Okay, I could be wrong though I think it was just he was about one of the people behind it

He like he Incubated the thoughts for like you pushed for it. Yeah, because wolfowitz was I mean I could be wrong. I don't cuz he was Wolfowitz was working for DOD at the time for sure But wasn't he was already Rumsfeld was already the Secretary of Defense? No, see he, Rumsfeld, right he was the Secretary of Defense under Ford, you're right. Yeah. Whoa, really? What the fuck? Yeah, he was the youngest ever Secretary of Defense.

He's the youngest and oldest Secretary of Defense. Whoa, nice. That's fucking cool. But all of them, whether it was wolf woods or Rome's but everyone Except Gerald Ford had those stupid sideburns. Yeah, like everyone agreed to get those Yeah, and this 70s talk look up look up young dude. Look up young. Let's see how sexy he is He was young. It's like if you looked at it. Yeah, he's pretty sexy. Yeah You looked at a photo from the Bush administration and like half the guys have cornrows.

He's actually, he's already like, he's already like 50 years old in that picture. He was born in like 1905. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're right. He was. Oh, look at him as a wrestler. Okay. Yeah. I wouldn't mind taking him to the steam room and after with a singlet on.

He literally did go to princeton all it is that did i was weird gay shit with the leaders of the free world up to when they were like nineteen in princeton and you know and all that kind of shit i mean they were jacket that is the storm bonjit real their jacking all yeah yeah i think that was that's more that's more uh... uh... or uh...ing off yeah yeah that was that's more that's more poppy yeah yeah I mean like all of us felt was kind of like an outsider so right

from Illinois yeah well that's their whole thing right they were all fucking losers but then because because Nixon got fucking you brought in the losers he said let's bring in the well no, no, no, didn't he? It was like Revenge of the Nerds. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Was it something where like because he got fucking impeached, it was like, it really was just a bunch of fucking dickheads got to be in the Ford administration or something? Well, a lot of, definitely a lot of like of the upper and upper middle echelons of the Nixon administration like either did just like straight away have to go to like a criminal trial Yeah, yeah The Ford administration changed like halfway through there was some big controversy where they

Swapped the entire cabinet. Oh interesting. Yeah, and that's where these motherfuckers came in. What's it called? It's like the Halloween Massacre I don't think it was one of the massacres, but was it like abscam? No, abscam was the it is. Yeah, I don't think it was one of the masterpieces, but was it like Abscam? No, Abscam was the 80s. Yeah, I can't remember. But, I think, Hungsong Park was during Carter, so it couldn't be that. Who knows? Now we're getting into what was Felix about territory. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is true. This is my favorite thing to do. Now that I'm middle middle-aged is not remember something and be like what was it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah sort of vaguely maybe knowing it and then looking it up being like that's

right yes I didn't know I honestly knew shit for like maybe six months like I was smart maybe for like six months when you shit like this and now it's all gone Why you said you beat off all these pictures? I had a Dick Cheney body pillow in my pocket. And I would trade off. I would either be on the top beating off Rumsfeld or fucking the Dick Cheney body pillow. I love that shit, dude. You ever hear him, when you guys were roommates, you ever hear him jack off to Dick Cheney vids?

Felix? No, just Yakety Sax. That's when you knew. We're up to no good. You did have a fucked up weird, did you have a bunk bed in when you guys lived together? I did. Well, when I was in that first room- You had a loft bed.

Yeah, I built that loft bed and it was like- I remember my girlfriend at the time, like- Hysterical. I moved in, she was like- because I lived with the Chinese people before that. I remember that. And so I moved in with Amber and she's like, well finally I can like, you know, I can finally come over to your place. And then I built a bed that was 27 inches wide. And she's like, well where am I gonna sleep? I'm like, at your fucking apartment. There was no ladder to be able to fill up to get into the bed.

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He doesn't have to share a bathroom with nine people. Yeah, yeah. Like, guaranteed electricity. Yeah. And then the first week you were just like, this fucking sucks. I used to be able to walk to my gym No, I hate this. I was so depressed. I'm gonna move to Brooklyn But yeah, I ran out of money and then would have felt bad to like So like an immigrant Chinese family being like well, technically I got six months before you can evict me

Yeah, yeah, just gonna have to deal with not getting rent for me. So the second I didn't have the cash, I just left. I do remember, that was very funny that you literally just lived with a, like at first you lived in that weird office building that was completely not zoned for humans. No, I remember when the, cause the guy that owns Dr. J's bought that building.

And then like, I don't know, it was like inspectors or something that came in and it was like two guys from con ed and They were looking at the gas lines. I think was after that building blew up on yes Yes, yes, and I could hear the con ed guys being like what the fuck? Like scared to be in there But they just lived in a fucking Chinese family's house they were great But but they just lived in a fucking Chinese family

They were great Remember because we basically move I helped you move and you bed like two boxes Yeah, everything you had fit in my Honda Civic at the time And I remember was like there like you just would like sit at a table with some fucking Teenager who was like playing World of Warcraft. Yeah, that's where you would like work that well No, I would I would be in my room because there was a lot of room in the apart the entire apartment was made twice the size of this room yeah yeah yeah that kid would sit and he would play like some online RPG and he

had a chinese accent but he would say the n word haha was that your first born phoenix when you moved to new york you know you might with amber and he lived with an old man, didn't you? Oh, you lived in Astoria, didn't you? No, I lived in Astoria, yeah, for like two months or less, I think. But it was with... That was the first, like, Trump person I ever met, was the woman I was subletting from.

And I was subletting her couch just in the middle of her living room. And she was, like, the oldest person with BPD I ever met. She would do that like really, she would do that weird old person thing of like, when they, you remember like when I was young and I would always wear like skimpy tops, with very low body fat, where they hit on you by going like,

you look like one of those Sarkeesian's that Elizabeth played in a movie like some weird racial category never heard of Like I would I would leave and then come back like 12 hours later And she would be like your shoes are poking out from the middle of your cot. Someone's gonna trip over it and die Fuck I'm not even related. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but yeah, I And I'd be like, Jesus fuck, I'm not even related to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I, Amber was like the first real place I lived in. Hell yeah, dude. That was, god.

That was like the Parisian salon, dude. Three intellectuals, three podcasters. That's like Hemingway having fucking whiskies with whoever the fuck. I had to go to LA for work and then Will Menacher subletted my room. Oh my god, that's Oh my god, like I'm pretty sure I told him when I was coming back But I like came back and I got off the plane and I like went in my room and he was like still asleep Will was climbing up into your fucking little room. No, no, no.

After Felix moved out, I moved into his room. Yes, that's right. Because that front room was tiny. That room was small as shit. I couldn't believe it. And it was only charging me like 400 bucks a month. It was a closet. Yeah.

That was hilarious. That was such a great time because my rent was like $600, I think. It was $550 because I moved into that room and it was $2,000. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but like The podcast happened like in the middle of that you were there weren't that many like it happened like pretty quick and There were days where I just like I Was just like I need to spend like I'm not spending enough Yeah, like buy a second Xbox

I would like just order sushi the standard refrigerator Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah oh yeah, I got that TV and PlayStation 4 yeah Playstations and TVs all around that first page Immediately we all got Still I was still playing Xbox with like oh weird like you know one of those like kitchen TVs TVs yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah always messy. I was hanging on. Ernest was fucking always like shitting. My first night. The fat cat, the fat diseased cat. My first night ever in there, like the first time I moved in, like, you know, got my floor mattress set up and was like, finally not a couch. And yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy woman's living room and Ernest immediately like clawed the door open

and took a shit on the floor mattress and left. On the mattress? Yeah. Yeah. immediately like clawed the door open and took a shit on the floor damn dude what disrespect that was a great cat he was but he would throw up constantly ear removed because he wouldn't cut it off. I know. He was indoors, but he had open sores constantly. And he would just throw up and have diarrhea inside like every three days. Yeah. Great stuff.

He was like 28. Yeah, he was fat as shit, old as shit. Respect. When did Amber even get him? Like, he was old already, right? I think he was, she said he was already 11 when she got him. That's crazy, dude. I think he came from Indiana. He came from Indiana. Wow.

That was the other funny thing about him, that he was like white trash. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He literally was just a fat white trash cat from the fucking heartland. He loved Doritos and he would eat popcorn. Yeah. He would always sexually harass the other cat.

Yeah. Yeah, that is true. They all got me banged. I Always sexually harassing Bang Damn salute to him. Yeah, were you do you have any pets? Oh, I never had pets guard We all had fucking we always had fucking asthma you guys pet guys cats. Yeah, there's always been cats around my entire Interesting interesting. That's why you're so feminine. Even mate, well no. That's why you have feminine tendencies, because you've been around cats. No, I wouldn't say I have feminine tendencies. I think that's true. I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, I need the cats to kind of pull me back. Oh, okay, okay. From the masculine ledge. Remember that brief period I didn't have a cat and I was just I was like way too much pussy.

It was scary. I remember it differently. I remember you didn't have a cat you'd see a lot of guys around. There was like a lot of jacked guys around. To train. Well it started that way you see you invited them over for a fight. Look sometimes you get tired of fighting. You gotta take it up a notch to Prove you're not gay to yourself. When you had a squat rack in your bedroom, that was a very straight time in your life when you were just working out constantly. I had the cat then though. You did have a cat, you're right. I take it back. Felix, did you have pets bro? Yeah, we had um I mean We Obama copied us we had a Portuguese water dog Wow and you're from Chicago. Yeah, definitely knew about it. Yeah Yeah, he was he was asked about a ruin a lot of stuff. He made a lot of stuff not cool

He definitely did yeah, well, what about the rumor? He was getting pussy from Jennifer Aniston. That's true. That's pretty Rumor that he was getting pussy from Jennifer Aniston. That's true. That's pretty I was in LA like 10 years ago. I stayed with there was this girl Sam Pitchell that used to like she worked on like like industry side stuff, I stayed at her place and She had to like work or something So I was just at her like a part of like her house and like all day And I was out in the backyard and there was this big-ass tour There was a turtle that was like whoa It was a giant turtle and so I was like any turtles are retarded

So I was just pulling the grass up and feeding the turtle grass and she came home I was like how long have you had this turtle? She's like So I don't know where that came Yeah, this giant fucking monster whoa made its way into her backyard That's nuts. Yeah, but I was talking over like 15 minutes while playing with the turtle and she didn't react in any way She's like no, I haven't that's not my thought you brought the turtle. I don't know I don't know. I guess maybe that's a regular thing in LA. Yeah Shows up in your yard turtle would be a great pet though cuz it is it looks kind of cool

Yeah, and you can pick them up and they're just it's like a big dinner plate. Yeah, and they're pretty much helpless. Yeah Slow they're not really gonna buy you don't want us the snapping ones piss me off. Those are crazy. Those are scary I don't think anyone owns those. Yeah. Yeah, they're wild animals. Could you get losing those as a prison though? Hmm, they have they're using them to guard the prison Hmm they have they're using them to guard the prison Snapping turtle Alcatraz yeah, that would be pretty scary. It's pretty fucked up. It is insanely fucked up It's bad enough to have a concentration camp, but then they're like incorporate work on the brain fucking alligators In the Holocaust and like you just get separated from your wife and then Benny Johnson shows up You're in the Holocaust and like you just get separated from your wife and then Benny Johnson shows up

Even if they had like chimps outside of oh, yeah, even if you made it past the towers you're losing your hands Yeah, they rip your dick off. That's so fucked up. Yeah, dude. It's so fucking it's so weird and like It's like they're working on branding for a concentration camp. They're thinking about post, they're like, yeah, maybe we won't, we won't like ruin that many immigrants lives, but the posts are going to be awesome. Like, you know, they care more about how they're perceived. It's so fucking bizarre, dude. Yeah. And doing it like right after Trump made that announcement where it's like, all right, we

figured out if we like deport too many people, it ruins the service economy. You know that thing you were saying about wage competition? Actually, we need that. Actually, it turns out that's how this entire thing works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, dude. It is fucking insane. Which is to say like, oh, we need them to steal your jobs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry. Insane which is to say like oh we need them to steal your jobs. Yeah Sorry, we didn't like the racist aspect of separating families, but it's actually fucking up our billionaire friends It turns out we need them to steal your jobs We looked we looked into it it turns out we can't we can't switch to an export economy in like three weeks export economy in like three weeks. Folks it's summertime you know me Hollywood Halkus I'm out here strolling on Hollywood Boulevard I'm going to hit in the pool I'm going to the beach the only issue with this little vacation is I don't have my delicious meals from Factor meals keeping me on track I may have plopped up a little bit during the tour I'm trying to get it tight tight, get it right again. Factor is a huge help with that. It arrives fresh and ready to go, ready to eat. You know cooking bullshit, they'll give you some

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yeah even make here energy drinks we make pharmaceuticals and weapon systems okay okay those are like podcasts of course i mean our i don't know if that's our biggest thing by volume that we export but those are like the the like marquee american products now is pharmaceuticals pharmaceuticals and and weapons systems. Nice. So maybe a gun that shoots dick pills into your mouth. That'd be cool. You know, we could do two for one, dude. That would be fucking sick. Imagine you'd imagine you're about to get your dick sucked.

You're your dick soft and you're like, oh, yeah, you can get the fucking the pleasure of killing yourself. That's what every dick gets hard. That's what happened with R. Bud Dwyer. Yeah, I know. He was like, he said don't look at this if you're sensitive because he was gonna get his dick sucked one last time. Oh, wow. And then he packed the wrong gun that day.

He packed his bullet gun, not his dick pill gun. Classic mistake. And that's why he was bad at fucking government or whatever the fuck. Isn't the thing he killed himself over like so pathetic Well, was it like a lot of was he a news guy? I just remember the video. He was a state legislator. Oh, okay He and some people think he was framed but there was I think like a documentary But isn't it like he committed like mail fraud or something? Amount of money compared to like anything now. Yeah, it's, you know, fucking nothing compared to now.

A looming prison sentence for what? Oh, accepting a bribe in exchange for a computer contract. How big was the bribe? Think about how shitty that contract was between the state of Pennsylvania and computer technology associates. In like 80s. It was like a Pong, it was like installing Pong on the public computers. Yeah, what was that deal? We'll drive you home if you give this to us.

Nah, he's the guy who installed Where in the World is Carmen San Diego on all the library computers. I'm surprised I haven't turned that into a big movie franchise yet. Well Carmen San Diego. Yeah, I would watch that shit Yeah, I thought we got with gal Gadot. Oh, and she's in Israel Yeah, they're like yeah, it's Palestine and the children go to jail You're fired. That place doesn't exist. Take his badge and his gun. Sorry gumshoes you're going to alligator Auschwitz for that. Alligator Auschwitz would be cool I said it wouldn't but now I'm thinking it would be. You think it's good? Yeah. I'm against it personally. Not on one in Florida if they reopen the one in Poland. Oh

Cold alligators, oh interesting I would get is it like the cold interesting interesting I thought you meant like I was sure it's with more like a cage in It's like Dick's last resort. Yeah, yeah. The Nazis are just rude to you. Dick's last resort. He's concentrating. That's a very interesting, yeah, that's some really good ideas for tourism.

We opened up a Nazi themed Dick's Last resort. It's just like a bunch of naked Jewish guys standing in line. They're all emaciated. And somebody puts a hat on his head that says, World's Smallest. Welcome to Dick's Last Camp. Yeah, that is literally the, Ron De Ron DeSantis is gonna open that as well I mean that's we're not that far away from an alligator cut like concentration camp is the sad thing Go to Dick's last resort with with Brian six at skanks fest was is one of my favorite memories

That's awesome. She just couldn't handle it. He's like got into it. Oh, he just didn't understand No, I mean he understood but it was still like, you know, it's him. So he's like this is the man He's like fucking he's like getting mad. Yeah, he's like, yeah, I think he called the waitress the n-word not to her face Someone should say that Call my glasses game What if I did? What did they win if I wanted? What did they say that got him so bad or it's just like just the concept I don't even think they fucked with him They disrespect he was ready. Yeah, I've never been I mean he is the guy who said, you know

You just took it my friends and family He took it that actually is very much. Yeah, I would like friends and family. I'll call you the n-word yeah I mean you cannot take Philly white trash to a place like that man. No they don't understand. They're not having a good time It's not fun to them the Yelp reviews of all those places are good because there's always one or two where somebody didn't know yeah Yeah, it's like they called my eight-year-old daughter a whore Well it is true It's like to actually be good at that you do kind of the thread a needle that I'm sure a lot of people just are Bad at yeah, yeah over do it

You know like that's the kind of job that people who think they're funny Get and they probably would call like you know some guy in a wheelchair a cripple or something They were just taking way too fucking far. I've never been there. I'm too, you know They wouldn't be even be able to make fun of me for anything. Yeah, it would close down the restaurant Restaurant would close The deep fryer would be so overworked I'm sorry but the deep fryer. Yeah, it would be because I'm too sexy. And not make fun a bull about.

Make fun a bully. Whatever, you get it. We're out of appetizers. Oh, fuck. Damn, I would like a nice fucking... There's nothing quite like the general appetizer platter. The sampler.

The sampler. The sampler. The sampler. Oh Fuck damn, I would like a nice fucking there's nothing quite like the general like Appetizer platter the sample the sampler you can't decide. Oh, you know you just want to hurt yourself Yeah, just order one of those for yourself is brutal. Yeah, I mean I need to try I need three mozzarella sticks I've never shitty chips. I don't know what jalapeno poppers are. I need those plus boneless buffalo wings. And some onion rings. I think it's the type of thing an emperor would order. Yeah, absolutely.

Just a little bit of all the cuisines. Absolutely right, that is true. I do like that shit, I like that. I like a poo poo platter. That'd be cool if they did did Emperor if the Emperor's new clothes Parable was actually about tricking the Emperor into eating shit It wasn't even it wasn't clothes. It's probably another dimension. He's full of clothes Clothes it's the guys they work at a restaurant they show up and they're like we're gonna make you an awesome meal

Okay, and the Emperor's bragging about it and he brings all the townspeople out, and then he's just eating shit He's also naked They can by the way my clothes are cool too aren't they It's called the coolest Fuck dude damn, I want to fucking the Emperor's new penis Fuck dude damn. I want to fucking the Emperor's new penis That would be made the Emperor the biggest penis anyone's ever seen. What is the Emperor's new groove about? They were a song for him and his clothes fall off. Okay. Yeah, it's not the naked Emperor right? No, that's the Emperor's new clothes I don't know how you would get a feature out of that out of what like a feature-length film out of like oh, yeah

How you would get a feature out of that out of what like a feature-length film out of like oh, yeah You can read a lot of time on d plots and they're like really showing his dick Like really animating his dick. Oh Yeah, I remember earth the kids in it. I remember I actually got head watching this one time Oh, yeah, David Spade is in it people seem to fuck with it. It was never I guess came out in 2000 I was too old to give a fuck about shit like this. Yeah, I've never seen it I was thinking about watching Finding Nemo. That's good never seen I watched it a friend of mine her baby loves Like aquatic shit, so I've watched Finding Nemo finding Dory I was man just came to my house sat in my chair and put on Finding Nemo. He's fucking a year and a half years old. He was just like, he just didn't give a fuck about anything. He just sat in my fucking ergonomic chair.

That's crazy, he knows how to use a remote. Yeah, he figured it out. Does he speak? I think he was like, I think someone, yeah he can speak. He's pretty smart. And I think it was like already. I think it was like Pulled up, but he fucking Like I think his mom was like all right if you're good. We'll put on finding me more something And he just fucking took that shit started. It was like Just fucking post it up. It's fucking awesome, and it's funny when you see a baby watching TV. You're like. Oh, he's smart He's not an iPad, baby. He's watching TV. It like oh he's smart he's not an iPad baby he's watching TV is basically reading now yeah absolutely yeah fucking iPad kid you know I think about I know cuz I never watched it was on but I've been thinking about getting into Game of Thrones now yeah there's no one talking

about it I could just enjoy it yeah thing that only I know about it's pretty good you know I liked it. I watched the first season, then I read the books. Because I watched the first season. Kurt used to have that bit about that guy being from New Jersey that was so funny. He is, yeah, yeah. He's from Jersey, he loves the Jets and shit.

Yeah. And there's that picture of him with a bunch of black ladies that's pretty fun. But I think he said the same girlfriend. That guy must hate his fans. Oh, he does. Yeah, probably. Yeah, he's from Jersey.

Imagine how you write three books and it's like the biggest thing in the world and then they're like, you have to write more. Yeah, yeah. It takes 11 years to do it and they're like, this sucks, do it differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, look, I'm trying to just buy model-trained hats.

Well, dude, yeah. I love how he he commit. He never wears a different type of hat. That's like this is the look of the guy that hangs out at the coffee shop, who's 65 years old and he has a hot girlfriend who's busted, but 20. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look up his wife. A caveman looking woman with just giant sloppy tits. Yeah. But honestly, for him, His wife looking woman with just giant sloppy tits

But honestly for him and 21 year old girls who just like genetically there's no eyebrows Oh hell yeah, dude Yeah, dude George RR Martin and parrot what's your name Paris McBride Fuck you think he's getting pussy outside the marriage now that he's rich and famous oh definitely look at him I invented dragons you know I feel the other day I came up I invented nights dude you don't think this guy a bitch bitch, a Renfair-style bitch would fuck this guy? You're out of your mind. She would love to.

I guess. Come on. I mean, you're probably right. Yeah, yeah. Who you're, the best version of who you're describing, about like the coffee shop, like. I believe you, I mean, I say that. Those guys already do that, and they're like,

they're like an adjunct professor in a community college true true true There are a lot of like girls who love dragons, too. That's true Mm-hmm. I think he would get sucked to an oblivion if he wanted to probably every time he goes back to Bayon Fuck yeah, dude. Shout out to George RR Martin. Did you read the books after the Watching this I watched the first season. I liked it and I was like damn I want to know what happens and I just read the books and I didn't watch the rest of the books good They're pretty good. I wasn't it was literally freshman year of college. Okay, I fucking and then I stole I torrented the audio the the Kindle files So I stole, I torrented the Kindle files,

so I stole that shit, dude. Yeah, I was pretty fucking, I was a badass, dude. I was stealing Kindle fucking files, reading and shit like that. I'm an intellectual, much like Felix. You know? Yeah, no, I, when we were talking about my first department in Historia,

I remember reading a torrented PDF of preacher Preacher or Reacher no preacher. Okay, I got a Kindle now that's like color so you can read comic books on it But you could probably read a chapeau year zero on that shit you could totally given up Color came told No, I think people be like oh man. I can't wait. I can watch movies on my Kindle Well they have the Kindle fire yeah, which is just an iPad yeah, yeah Well they have the Kindle Fire, which is just an iPad. Yeah, yeah.

My mom got that. I check out that station at Best Buy every time I'm there. I make a lot of trips to Best Buy. Yeah? Yeah, just to walk around. I do like the various stations, of course, checking out. Yeah, there's a lot of different tablets. You got Microsoft, you got the Kindle.

The Kindle. Microsoft Co-Pilotilot that's their AI So many got rid of Cortana you remember Cortana's gone Cortana's gone. It's co-pilot. That's a sexy name, dude People are probably getting too horny. Well, that was the one wasn't it from Halo Yeah, then they made it they made a Cortana came and then they made it real No, no, look up Cortana fucking idiot. Who gives a fuck about Microsoft Co-Pilot? And Cortana is pretty sexy. Yeah, well Cortana according to Halo lore, she's like the not the consciousness but the personality and kind of the face of the woman who made her I think.

Oh really? I don't really know Halo lore that well I dropped out of college before that dude hey was fucking good didn't they make a TV show about that shit but it sucked people were mad about it they made a halo TV show yeah I get a lot of clips on my on like YouTube shorts that's like that was the biggest YouTube channel was like the People who like dub Hey red versus blue. Yeah, that was pre YouTube though was it? Yeah, it was just you would just go to red red versus blue comm and like download a quick time file

What was it? It was like they would record gameplay and then dub it. So it was like a sitcom. Yeah Yeah, I remember that yeah were the same guys that did the juggernaut I'm the juggernaut bitch when people would do that shit they would dub over like X-Men I think that was an independent filmmaker okay but those are those people became fucking what is it Rooster Tooth hmm that's who they became. What is Rooster Tooth? What are they up to? It's an animation studio in Boston, right?

Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Wait, how long were you in college, for those of you who don't know? Oh, there he is. No, I was joking. Oh, you never went to college, or you didn't? No, I went to college, I didn't drop out.

Oh, pussy. This fucking pussy went, dude, this guy went to college. Him and Elders both have degrees Nick Can you believe these fucking losers? That's a mistake? Wait you study you just study like fucking history or whatever the fuck kind of yeah, I mean I How would have anyone like predicted the patreon economy yeah I don't know. I wish I had studied like literature or something. I did international relations and it was just. Fuck yeah dude.

Yeah. What's that about like dating an Asian woman? Yeah. How to get an Asian girlfriend? It's like year five, you're like, when are we gonna learn? What I thought what kind of sushi roll should I order which when I was in San Francisco I saw a white guy walking around with like this like ten perfect ten Yeah, Japanese lady. Mm-hmm, and they're walking around and then he turns her and he's like, yeah, get to get out good

Okay, you start speaking Japanese to her and I'm like this has been like a 25 year plan Yeah, I mean that's the happiest He had a goal It's like it's almost like it reminded me of like, you know, the killdozer guy Yeah, that like sealed himself off society and built like a tank to destroy the US Department. Absolutely That's what this guy's like. I'm not, cause that's probably the only woman he's ever fucked. He was like, I'm gonna learn everything about Japan,

and then fucking put the money together, and then go get one. Well he probably also fucked Geishas to get ready. Like he probably bought pussy from Geishas in traditional. Like he would go to like remote villages where that's still going on. He would like get poured fucking tea and shit like that. Yeah, yeah, pouring tea all over his cock

That's the closest thing to like the plot of Gattaca what that guy did yeah, basically yeah, he's like the Gattaca guy Wait, that's the one where it's like Genetic splicing yeah, yeah, Jude Law's blood so he can go to the moon and get pussy from Charlize Theron I don't know if he's even trying to get pussy oh he just wanted to be an astronaut yeah yeah and he had a he has a heart condition and they could tell by his blood so he wasn't he was like excluded from the program so he's Charlize Charlize Theron has the heart condition he's just like his parents had two brothers and they're like all right let's give one like the good genetic

bullshit and then have one normal and the normal ones like, like, of course, his life is shit. Yeah. And like when they, but he's got, he's got drive and motivation. Right. Right. Right. So he doesn't end up killing the brother by swimming too far. No, he doesn't kill him. He saves him. Oh, he saves him. Hell yeah. I love this style of podcasting.

I'm like, this is the only thing that I've affirmatively known. Who made TV? I don't know. I get abscam, what's in the 80s? No? Okay. Here's the entire plot of Gattaca. I remember seeing Gattaca in school. They showed it to us as like saw in like science class Gattaca which I respect for some reason like I saw that movie in the same time frame that I saw What dreams may come and they combined in my? Probably like an eight-year period where that there would be details from both movies in yeah Yeah, I'm like yeah, there's a genetic component, and then he has to go to hell to find his wife Oh, that's a good ass movie

one of the worst movies ever I remember being eight and being like holy fuck yeah, I mean I thought it was real when I was a kid I was like yeah, that's that's what happens when you die. Well, that was like a really popular, like there would be news specials where they're like, we talked to nine people who died. Right, right, right. Remember Colton Burpo?

Colton Burpo. This was pre-Colton Burpo. This was pre-Burpo, yeah, yeah. In the 90s, I remember I saw one where it was just like, you know, some like electrician with a mustache and he got zapped, like plugging a TV in and it like killed him for five minutes. And he said, I saw Jesus Christ walk into the middle

of the room and he showed me in a grid, the faces of every person I'd ever insulted. What it felt like to get insulted by me Sheets going That's fucking before you get into heaven Your dick is small all the angels tell you your dick is small. Yeah, that's the tribulation Seven years Your dick is small all the angels. Tell me your dick is small. Yeah, that's the tribulation Yep, and the fucking moth sticks are cold and they say your dick is small Catholics say that you have to spend hundreds of years in dick's last resort

That's so fucking funny I remember seeing that movie and being like this is fucking cool, but it probably does suck dick Huh when you have to rescue your wife? Yeah, well we I didn't we watch it. I think I think we watch it to make fun of it Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. This is coming back to me now This is why I had to stop podcasting because there's not there's literally no thing I could say that I haven't already I Don't remember it happening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, it is funny when people will like come up to you and say a sentence, and it's like, I have no recollection.

And it's like, I guess something we said fucking seven years ago, and they just keyed in on it. Dude, I couldn't even, I don't even remember, like even this movie, I'm like. I don't remember the name of the podcast. Yeah. We've done 500 fucking epic or like more now. Yeah. And it's like I see why people like go crazy

and are like, I'm a fucking Catholic now. Yeah. Like I feel like I've said I've said everything I can say about new King Tel Aviv. Right. Right. Right. I get it. Like I get like I get the idea of just like I want to try something new. Like totally, you know, I would like to be, you know, a fiscal libertarian. It really does, like put into perspective what kind of perseverance

you would have to have to be like somebody that's in media for like 40 years. A fucking drive time radio DJ. Nothing changes Yeah, yeah, like nothing change like 30 years from now people are gonna be like, well, I don't know if we should bomb Iran It'll be the same people making the decision Yeah, be 130 years old. Mm-hmm. And then you just keep you keep saying yeah, it's a bad idea. This is a good idea Yeah, I always think that think about that when I watch like those opi and anthony documentaries on YouTube How do like every day they would have to get up at like 5 a.m. To do like five hours?

It's like your former best friend who you hate Fucking crazy, and I guess they were paid they did get a lot of money, but still they did get well crazy Yeah, yeah, but still that lifestyle I would fucking want to kill myself even waking up there I mean waking up that early is nice, but only if you're waking up to silence It's I have a little coffee right waking up and go for a walk to chaos. Yeah, they're like have to say the n-word They're not even the Klan wasn't even doing that yeah Afternoon they were keeping racism alive right in that that early in the morning, right? yeah They're not even the clan wasn't even doing that yeah, yeah afternoon

They were keeping racism alive right in that that early in the morning right yeah It'd be funny and things just going over is like spreadsheets of like huh What did I see a black person do this weekend like being like in a car at 4 a.m.. Being like all right Let me were trying to remember Yeah, dude shout out to see for me. I I just like I see it as like Fucking like a river running through my brain shit comes out goes out the other side I don't remember shit, and it's just a good. It's a type of Zen to me doing a podcast. I am like I'm sort of Completely nothing is going on in my head at any moment that I'm podcasting

this is actually relax I've gotten to the point where it's relaxing now I feel the awesome you know and stuff I mean this is like huh even with the lights yeah dude up this I'm so comfortable are you there are sometimes I'll just fucking throw a fucking show on this TV and after we're done after we're done recording I'll just fucking be here watching like a little fucking TV or whatever That's the only way you can do it is if you subscribe no meaning to it whatsoever and no like No fulfillment. I would get back into it if I could master another language Podcasting it yeah, I could learn a language

Mmm podcasting it. Yeah, I could learn a language Mullin Duolingo cast Yeah, dude you said we're fucking conjugating birds There would be some fucking losers And they would be like dollars a month genius he's conjugating Fucking losers You have to do it dude just for fucking scientific reason domo origato Every bar bar to root Dude I'm so cooked in terms of learning. I'm gonna take lessons to like relearn Greek basically I want to I want to like get fluent in Greek, but the idea people like learn languages at this point of life

No way, dude That's fucking crazy unless you're like married to a lady I think she's so good you have to like have a reason to Yeah, you know I mean I feel like if you drop me off somewhere Eventually, I'd have to yeah, I wouldn't be able to just say point. Yeah. Yeah, but where we're doing it a lady's pussy the mannerisms are wrong this means like I'm gay just a jacked Chinese guy slowly walking down the street is naked down the street he's naked, and he gets bigger and bigger as he gets closer. I'm like, what?

What did I do? When the weather's hot, when you're out on the beach, when you're having a nice time, the last thing you want is to have a limp penis. Isn't that right? Wouldn't that put a real damper on it? You finally actually convince the woman somehow to have sex with you, and then what happens? Limp ass little ass dick, right? Well folks, give your gal something to talk about in the group chat this summer with BluChu, that's right, probably the endorsement that we have that I hold nearest and dearest to my heart. For I am not only an endorser of BluChu, I'm a long-term customer. Guys, this isn't just about performance, this is about legacy orterm customer. Guys, this isn't just about performances,

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BlueCh Chu for sponsoring the podcast. Thank you so much Blu Chu. It means so much to the podcast and go out there and get your dicks hard as hell folks on Blu Chu and stop his world's dime. What's up? What's up? Stuff Elvis.

I love the transcribing. The transcribing is never good. What's up Scotty? What's up Stuff Elvis? Stuff Elvis is a good one. Yeah, my name is Stuff Elvis. Stuff Elvis is actually pretty good. Why don't we fucking help the people out here Elvis? Like we said, we have...

Starving Gang, what's up guys? Saw you on... Saw you on Twitter. Play the call, let's see what we got, Eld. Starving Gang, what up guys? It's not playing. Saw you on tour this past spring. Dickhead.

Stov and gang what up guys. There it is. Saw you on tour this past spring and just want to shout out Eldest for one of the most impressive commerce practice of all time. Setting up the mics. Eldest does have his ass out setting up the mics. I've seen your ass so much when you're fucking setting up the mics. For the show.

Really put Albany on the map with that one and the image has been burned into my brain since then My girlfriend and I are both 30 been together a year and a half. I love her. She's great We recently moved in together and are currently decorating most of the furniture is hers I let her pick out the dining table. She has a lot of artwork, but it's all good because she has nice taste Her main hobby and source of exercise is pole fitness or pole dancing. Pole dancing? What? She gets a class a couple times a week, totally cool, completely supportive. The issue is that now she wants to install a pole in the townhouse that we're renting. We each have our own offices, her own work from home and she put it

in there but the ceiling is vaulted and too high for the pole. The only real option is our main floor between the kitchen living room right in the middle of everything I was cool with the pole in her office of course it's her spot But the idea of it being kind of a centerpiece of the house hasn't getting to me a little bit I already said I was fine with it because I understand the options are limited But now I'm thinking do I get to frame my edery Jersey and put that on living room wall like do I get to add something? Maybe that typically wouldn't Go in a common area. Maybe Saudi baby calendar for example on one hand I love that should be able to practice for pull moves at home and

But it feels like a lot It's very produced This is like a property moves at home And Yeah I'm gonna be able to crack a couple moves at home Yeah And You know I'm sure it would exercise But it just feels like a lot in the center of the house On top of most of your stuff already decorated in place So let me know if I'm being a little bitch about this

Or if you'd be cool with a pole in your living room Appreciate it y'all, thanks for the laughs Um I mean you kind of are being a I don't know who fucking cares I mean it really doesn't sound like he has an actual problem. It sounds like he wants to tell people about the townhouse Your bitch can pull dance also, don't you think this will lead to you getting you know, I don't know your dick sucked Well, she's like hanging on the pole or something or you know

I mean as it as an ice as a decoration I sore it's kind of back to what we're talking about like putting it's like you putting a squat rack in the middle of your fucking house which is like you know some people put a fucking treadmill in the living room my house I mean isn't your bedroom in the bedroom is my bedroom yeah I lived by myself I know it just was like we you would put away your fucking bed this squat I mean have to put the bed away for that and then I did the only and it's it now that room now It's in its own room. Okay, Jim in there because the gym used to be the racing wheel room. I remember that

And these are things you don't have to worry about if you know, yeah, yeah true now you gotta deal with poles I mean what if a woman moved away my f-16 cockpit to put a pole in you'd be pissed Yeah, what kind of setup do you have? I have well, it's not really enough 16 So I sort of it's more like an su-30 and what do you put? What do you play war thunder DCS? Okay? What's DCS? DCA digital the dick-sucking game Got his ass That's a flight simulator. Yeah, fuck. Yeah. Yeah, pretty sick. I mean look so we have we have two hobbyists here Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean look so we have we have two hobbyists here

Would you be mad if a bitch put a fucking pole in your living room? I wouldn't really It's a pole also by the way. That's it sometimes that shits in rooms I don't know I mean you basically the problem is you got steamrolled in these negotiations You're like oh would she have a problem if I put something of my own I don't know why don't you fucking ask her instead of writing a little essay and asking the podcast? That is a good point I'll go as far to say this guy is the personality of someone who kills his family He's probably setting up an excuse now This is only my second time here for this year. Yes my impression thus far is the answer to every single question is fuck you. Not every time. I would say a third of the time.

They go fuck you. What the hell is this? Nick's last resort? Is that where we're at? Is that word right? I think look, in general terms, like your partner asking to put something in the common area is like, you have to be like, yeah, do I have a problem with it? Is a pole that big? A pole is pretty small. And it's like, you know, the benefits could be she's doing a little pole dance, maybe, you know, and then, you know, maybe you get some fucking your bitch stripping for you or whatever But yeah, if you want to put something in there, too

I don't see why that's a problem, but you the problem is you already said yeah, you can do it and now you're like well Well, what do I do? You know, that's not fair But it's like you should have said that when she asked you but you folded because she asked you you know You weren't you hadn't gotten your You folded because she asked you you know you weren't you hadn't gotten your You hadn't gotten yourself ready to to disagree with your significant other I would say if you're already being this passive aggressive. Just go down that road Start wiping on the pole right, but your ass cheeks between the pole Just rub on it when she's not home, and then when she's like what the fuck is this like and then you know you're like

I don't know. I don't know maybe she gets yes, she gets a horrible fucking yeast and dies Do she die and Then now it's your pole. That's your pole. You do whatever you want with it You keep it there and but you'll know that's what happens if somebody disrespects Keep it there and but you'll know that's what happens if somebody disrespects You notice that he's not saying like an example of something this is unrelated but like how about like a gay guy that's got like Like guys asses mounted around it like a hunter would yeah

So it's like all the guys he's fucked in the air. Oh to death Yeah, so they're like their rear like you know the thing you can fuck it's like the guy's dick in his ass Yeah, yeah, it's those but backwards. Yeah, they're all mounted on plaques around his house, and he looks like the jumanji guy I'm gay Again, I've killed these many guys my dick Yeah, it's interesting That issue what have you got molds of girls tits you fucked right you're like hey you want to put Pornographic in my hand them all around the ceiling. Yeah, big fuzzy painting of Joe camel. He's got giant tits He's got huge tits and you're sucking his dick. Yeah, and he's smoking his own penis like a cigarette Yeah, that would be fair that would be

Agree on he's pulling the sunglasses Now is it connected to him or is it like disemboweled? It's connected to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And you hang it from the pole? You could get something like that by the pole. You're like, well, you got something for the living room? I got something for the living room.

My stuff. Fair's fair. It says Nintendo GameCube on it. But yeah, man, the basic lesson here is just actually address things when they come up and if you've changed your mind you can do that but you have to go up there and be like sorry I don't actually like the pole here but I think ultimately just suck it up and light the pole and then if she's not using it you could be like hey you don't ever fucking use this thing and it's an eyesore and you know, whatever or get that fucking painting

It sounds good next question eldest. Can you guys put your branded beverages on the ground? Sure, man Holy crap It's time to you guessed it we have to It's time to, you guessed it, we have to keep it twisted. Wow, it's the motherfucking ass twisted fucking question of the week. Brought to you by Twisted Motherfucking Tea. Wow, what do you have now for us, Aldous? What's the twisted fucked up ass question of the week?

Yo motherfuckers, so I'm just sitting in my work truck just finished a couple rotisserie chicken leg quarters beautiful from the grocery store that's a great lunch I'm a construction worker and here's my dilemma I've been dating this girl for three years we both have kids from prior relationships. Nice. So we're like a blended family. And a year into the relationship, I did a bad thing, arguably, where I went and looked through her phone, now on Instagram. And I saw she was searching this one dude. So every time I like I would see that she searched it I would delete it and I go back the next day and it's like she would be there again. So she was creeping on this dude and I asked her about it and I

come to find out that like that's like her ex-lover slash sugar daddy and they broke up and he moved away and now you now he's with someone else and has a kid and whatever. So everything is going with our relationship, we move past that and then we get to the point where fucking three nights ago she tells me, I asked her if I'm the only one for her and she says, would you want me to be brutally honest? Oh no, dude. You ask a bitch, am I the only one for you and she's like, want me to be brutally honest? That bitch was keeping it all the way twisted.

Holy shit. Well, I would like just preemptively give him the advice of Ace Rossian in Casino. Love is something that a couple can work towards. It ended really good for Ace and Ginger. Eventually they... Did she suck his friend off? To her credit, he like went through her phone and found shit and she was like, Yeah, this guy used to fuck and I'd hook him up all the time.

I know. She is pretty straightforward. And she was like yes guys to fuck and I look them up Pretty straightforward That's a level of honesty that almost no This might be the most honest person I've ever I know respect this woman would have no problem telling her significant other and she doesn't want to pull Never have to worry whether she's cheating on you or not because you'll know Go ahead and finish the call this in Three nights ago. She tells me I asked her if I'm the only one for her and she says Would you want me to be brutally honest and confesses that she?

doesn't feel like she has closure with this guy and you know doesn't feel like the line is severed and I'm like, why are you telling me this? And then she's getting mad that I feel some type of way like dude you're really thinking about this other dude While you're with me Go ahead With me and we're supposed to be happy go lucky I feel like it's holding us up from you know getting engaged. No shit. That's in love with another man. Hopefully, hopefully you guys figure out that problem. Holy fuck, dude.

You got to keep it. Oh, my God. All right, let's finish. But my guess is he needs to keep it a little more twisted. Being engaged and from really moving past the stagnant place. So anyway. Just I don't know what to do with that. You know? Like, I don't know how to do that. Who knows?

How can you solve that one? Holy shit. Normally I would say, you know, you and your significant others should sit down with a couple ice cold twisted teas and figure it out. But I think this is not, I don't even think the delicious beverage that's brewed with real iced tea can solve your problems here, man. I think you're fucked, pal. Keep it twisted.

She's keeping, to her credit, she's keeping it really twisted. She's keeping it very twisted, she's keeping, she's being very honest with you. The problem is she's basically told you, I love someone else. I don't feel like the line has severed. What a fucking insane thing to say. You know, it's just that I think about, you know, if you were him every night.

Yeah, and like, he's happy with someone else But the second that would change I would obviously go back to him I mean you got to get the fuck out of there, dude What the fuck are you talking about my fucking you got to go and you have fucking kids man like this woman Clearly does not care about you that much like until this guy dies She probably will constantly be thinking like at best You're like just a plan B and you want something more than that. You're clearly in love with her You feel bad, but good Christ, bro

You got to get the fuck out of there you got to enjoy some ice-cold twisted tees by yourself and maybe with a new woman who doesn't think about her ex sugar daddy slash boyfriend who she's still in love with uh yeah you gotta get the fuck out of there man this is pretty right down the middle she's keeping it twisted you're not keeping it twisted enough you gotta keep it twisted and get the fuck out of this relationship Congrats on the rotisserie chicken That is awesome yeah yeah that's a good- that's-ass lunch. Half a rotisserie, all dark. Yeah. Love that. I actually kinda want that now. Do you have like a Twisted Tea sound drop for like unblending the families?

No, but we should. Holy fuck, that was twisted. That's what families say when they get unblended. Wait, wait, where's the- Can I- I don't- Go ahead. Say something you might have to cut. Well, wait, where's the- Can I- Can I- Go ahead. I don't- I'm- Say something you might have to cut. Well, there goes that. Next question, Elders.

Yeah. Remember, folks. Remember. If you're- If you're theoretically- You're one DM from an ex away from getting cucked. You should keep it twisted and get the fuck out of that relationship. Alright. What's the music is? Can we talk about other drinks? Yeah sure man you can The non alcoholic Guinness will blow your fucking mind love that it's so good I might have to get in there

It's really good cuz I've been doing some NA's I've been doing some like, you know Obviously when I want something alcohol, I take the smooth 5% by alcohol Brewed with realized tea twist it was so good I like looked up on reddit to see if other people liked it Yeah, I found a post from a guy on reddit says and in the weekend the right way And he's got a cigar and an alcoholic in his fuck. Yeah, and then a non alcoholic Guinness branded pint glass He's in his backyard pint glass That's the kind of shit a guy who's just been cucked is fucking

In the weekend the right way the end of the right way even though Gina went back to her ex I'm not gonna fall off the wagon to her ex I'm not gonna fall off the wagon all right what else we got big L'd this is a long one and it kind of cuts off before they get to the actual question but I think the caller needs some guidance okay now for real though you got to delete that call yeah we will cut it off. We will cut it off. But, but, this, yeah, this is fucking crazy. That is so fucking funny. Ah, fuck, alright. Yep. We'll probably not even air that or... And then we'll just resume the episode right now.

If this is gonna be cut, then people are gonna think I said something insane Our caller may have My god, all right. Well, that is so you're so right dude be like Stop. Yeah, half people gonna be like mull, yeah, half the people are gonna be like, mullin', and then half the people are gonna be like, stop's a fuckin' pussy. You know what I mean? And meanwhile, we're just trying to keep someone out of jail.

Right. I didn't even say, I was just expressing enthusiasm about non-alcoholic innards. Yeah! And members of the non-alcoholic innards community, I'm tame these days, I don't have the tires. I do love a nice N.A. beer for real. What do you drink? I Do love a nice N a beer for real What do you drink just like with the athletic one with that's not pure that recommended? I had a clousetaller last night. Yeah, that's the only thing they had at the grocery store. Yeah, no, I like them

I mean, I just I'll just did like a fucking regular Last fourth of July I saw soda and I guess he had only recently stopped drinking what or maybe maybe I'm confused but the point of the point of the story yeah is that maybe it was like he's new to Heineken zero I think that's where I was yeah and he was like he was like yeah these are just as bad he's like I had 12 dude I have dude I have seen guys fucking put those and they'll be like I I Have seen guys fucking put those and they'll be like I have to have the ones that are zero because some of them are Like point two or whatever yeah, and they'll be like I can't do that because I will just have like 40 of them Yeah, but that is pretty fucking funny when just the taste does it for you. Yeah, it's kind of like an argument as to why

Child should be illegal. And folks, we left that in. So we're not censoring Nick. It's just the call is what we got. I'm saying it should be illegal. Yeah. And non-alcoholic beer is evidence of that. Alright, man, we agree. Next question, Eldis. Hey, Stavi. Hey, Eldis. And a few guests. First time caller,

long time viewer. So, my problem is basically this. Hey, Elvis and a theme guest first time caller longtime viewer So my problem is basically this I Have a girlfriend. She's great. We've been together on and off for years She's super hot years big kids But She's not very good at giving head I don't really I don't really care it's not like you know I've only gotten good head from like someone else like once in my life don't really care I'd rather fuck okay but she keeps trying to do it and trying to get

better and I keep giving her pointers she's just practice to suck other guys off she's like alright this fucking idiot that I've been on again off again with I'm gonna learn how to suck dick on him then I'm gonna fucking suck my dick to suck dick to the top I'm trying to help her figure it out and every time I give her a pointer she kind of just doesn't really do it and I'm not I'm not out here begging for a head I don't I don't I don't absolutely need it but he's the one that wants to get better she wants to keep trying how do I get her to get better she she she loses her grip on it she can't she's motor problems she's one of those like grippers for like old and fat people to get shit off the shelf she's the jack make her just a chicken around the parking lot of jump rope

She might be more of a visual learner Fuzzy Joe camel fucking you can do it man draw that shit Dude, I'm a fussy Joe camel fucking you can do it man draw that shit Break out the pen. It's like a light like the billboard That's gonna be the welcome to New York's that when you enter New York on there so wrong yeah Well, yeah, he will be wearing a full burka obviously You'll be able to see his dick through it He'll be smoking his own dick She just she just can't do it right she I

Feel bad for her. She's always disappointed when I'm when I ask her to stop or You know, I don't stay fully hard that you're losing your erection name. I feel bad for her but Fully hard that you're losing your erection name. I feel bad for her but It's not like it's not like I absolutely need her to be doing this all the time Sure um But I could have worse problems This is a crazy question hope you can out your girlfriend is enthusiastically trying to get better at sucking dick But she won't take your pointers and

That makes your dick soft Fucking get it dude basically just This was filed under the fuck you Category I mean first of all I guess you could be a better teacher. What are your pointers? Are you coming at her directly you say? You know Jack jerk it and suck it at the same time? Play with my balls? Or are you just kind of being like, I'm not feeling, you know, you need to come at it

with a little more intensity. Like are you giving her direct quote, direct stuff, or are you just giving her feeling directions? Do, you know what I mean? Like do it like you need it or something like that. That's not useful. Granular, tell her how to suck your dick. otherwise it's like I don't know dude. This isn't the fuck you category Because I don't understand how we could if someone's asking you for pointers

How he sounds like you're fucking it up. I Will say that Lou Holtz has a great book on coaching. I Think you should read it. Yeah, you should read coaching. I think you should read. Yeah, you should read a bunch of like you should read Bill Belichick's book. You should read fucking Phil Jackson's book about how he played mind games with Kobe to get him to win. That might be what you need to do. You may do mind games here.

You watch a documentary about the Maranovich's. Or, yeah, she might be a visual learner. You could show you could buy a dildo and suck dick in front of the dildo in front of her like do it like this So there you go, man good luck This is just weird because it's not like the questions that I'm trying to get my girlfriend to suck me off It's like she's just doing it too much and I don't like it Yeah, like in his ideal world, what, like, how would his, like, how would you solve his problem?

A lot of these people don't understand what a question is. Yeah. They're just calling in to complain about something. Yeah, yeah. They're like, I have cancer. It sucks, the treatment isn't working. It's ass cancer. I would say you just be more specific with your pointers Sucks the treatment isn't working It's ass cancer. I

Would say you just be more specific with your pointers or just fuck her face, you know what I mean? That's pretty easy Just be like Or just get to the pussy if I get to the pussy don't feel those taste Yeah, be like I'm good on that right now. Let's just fuck. I really want your pussy or something great great get to the pussy fast underwear that says closed for business right when she takes your pants off point to it says closed pussy only no head pussy all the pussy only zone but then it makes it seem like he has a pussy. He's only got a pussy. Well yeah, then she won't try to suck it.

Oh true dude. Alright, yeah that's true. Pussy only zone. Or clothes for business. Or you know what? You put your, you store your penis in your ass. So it smells terrible. What if your dick is small?

It just tastes like shit. Just smear shit all over your dick. The bowl question and the dick and the head question. When you fuck her she gets a terrible yeast infection and she dies. And she dies dude. I mean that would solve like

three out of four of the questions honestly. And maybe the one that you're not airing. Right, right, right, right, right. If she really had a lot of time. Oh, here we go, this is a good one, age gap. Okay, play it for us, Eldis. Savvy, Eldis, guest, love you guys, what's up?

I'm calling because I need some help with my husband. I mean, this sounds like Dennis the Menace. It doesn't even sound like a woman. I don't think that two weeks is a fair enough time to take my slingshot. Mr. Wilson keeps opening his trench coat for me. Dennis the Menace calling in about his hate camp relationship to Mr. Wilson? Oh. My husband, I think he's going through his midlife crisis or something. And I just, it's breaking my heart, man, to see him going through this. Can you turn it up? In the first-time context, I'm 28 and he's 52. We've been married for almost four years.

We've got two kids. Two kids. Life is fucking awesome. Everything's going good. But you know, lately, I just see him like, calling himself ugly and saying that he's old. And, you know, we just found out recently that he's got some arthritis and he needs a knee

surgery and stuff. So he feels like he's just like, ugly and unwanted now. And it's fucking terrible to me guys. Like, I don't know. You guys like I don't know you know I don't know what to do I mean I'm young so I'm not really there yet mentally sure and he's like you know we're party animals we like to party have fun and fuck and have three sons and shit oh wow lately nobody seems to wanna fuck and he's taking it to heart. And. All right. Oh, fuck.

I have an easy answer for this one. Put him in a fucking retirement home. Adrenochrome. Well, kind of like adrenochrome, TRT. TRT. If you're a 52 year old man and you have two kids with your 28 year old wife and you're like, no one wants me.

Like something, I thought, do you have postpartum? What's going on, buddy? The problem you need testosterone replace the problem is is the gen X guys don't have like an effective way to have a midlife crisis It's like what do you get back into Kevin Smith movies? Fucking Mustang or Harley himself Well his life is already said they wasted their youth. Well,'s possible that this fucking marriage is kind of a midlife crisis like Millennium You're a 24 year old you have threesomes with her It's like is it possible that the fucking bill is coming due for that

Like where he's like what am I doing am I even this guy like you know I'm getting in the midlife crisis territory now What are you thinking retro gaming? Yeah, I got a GameCube Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got flashcards now. You can put every game on everything and it's amazing I'm with you and that's my like hot rod But I don't know what you do if you're 52. Yeah, go watch Dawson's Creek They have nothing They have nothing. Keep going, I'll see if there's, I think we pretty much got it. I'm not saying that it's because of him because it's not, but I don't know what to do or say

to help him feel better, you know? Damn, this guy's got a nice setup. I'll go through and just have to wait it out, continue to be supportive and tell him that he's handsome and that I love him. Oh my god. This guy sounds like a man. You're a Jerry! Continue to be supportive and tell him that he's handsome and that I love him Keep up the great work. This is cute though. She loves her husband. Yeah, yeah, somehow this didn't just like disgust her It'd be great to if this guy just thinks he's being humble I'm so fucking old fucking a child Trick during the letting me fuck other people

Just so they were my glass Yeah, I mean look part of this is that he is the thing he is older He is old he fucking needs knee surgery as are like he's not you're the one who's more wrong about this than him He's correct about what's going on with his life. He's a little young for me surgery But I mean she's fun. It's the it's the lower limit of that shit I was in Austin like fucking when I saw you. Mm-hmm Yeah, and I got that night. I went out and I got drinks with like friends. I hadn't seen in like 15 years Yeah, you know, these are guys I've known since I was my my early 20

Yeah, and so it's something we're talking about like yeah, it's crazy that we're like older now Like one of our friends has just turned 52. Holy shit. He's like a like a singer in like a punk band Yeah, man, and then my friend Joe who's 40 He's like, yeah, I just found out I have to get my hip replaced. Whoa. No, it's like well that you're 40 What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, I can say you have to get your hip replaced at 40 But does he have he legit has said he has to say he has like yeah I mean bone spurs that shit can happen. So like I guess that part of this is yeah, I think Felix You're absolutely so right TRT is so the solution here. Yeah, just like I can get on that shit

So vest alone still has fuck. He's still jacked. He's like 70 or whatever. Yeah, you know Mel Gibson looks at that I think really the answer is anti-semitism Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 79 that's crazy. So yeah, put him on some fucking steroids But ultimately he's got it you you've provided a pretty nice life for this guy You got here could you do for you can't do anything else? So, you know, he's got a fucking snap out of it and you know, you can be supportive whatever But you know, it's so funny to be like yeah you we Lately nobody's wanting to fuck. It's so funny. We can't get pussy together. My husband's sad because we can't get pussy together. He's sad for both of us.

So yeah, you've done a great job here. Keep being supportive of whatever and put him on some TRT and hopefully he'll fucking snap out of it. Damn, that's a nice little setup. I knew a couple, maybe you should cut this, but I knew a couple, not like that where the guy was 52, but they had an open thing like that

where the girl was really hot and she would always go out to get threesomes for them. And she was like, well, you're just some fucking loser and you're fucking all these girls because of me, I wanna fuck a guy. And he was like, okay. And I was that guy that she got to fuck and I was like, are you sure this is like a good deal for you?

Did you think about this? You're just like, you like you fucked real fast. You're like, all right, time to fucking fire up the Xbox He's just fucking not fast then you like get the Xbox in order seamless That's fucking hilarious I don't care if you got that. That's fucking awesome. Hey, Stoneman eldest. Hope y'all are having a good one. I wanted to call and see if y'all could help me out with something here.

The whole thing sounds like that guy from the Sexes that owns the gun store. It does sound like that. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, me out with something here. The whole thing sounds like the guy from the Sixth Sense that owns the gun store. It does sound like him.

The guy with the missing arm. Hey you guys. Yeah, yeah. Help me out with something here. I work in the, let's call it the funeral services industry, right? And I do overnight transportation, you know, so kind of jarring for some people. The problem I've been having is that

in my day-to-day life talking to people, you know, I'll kind of let them know what I'm up to in my day-to-day and I usually get two reactions. They're either horrified at the job that I do or they are so into what I do that it kind of creeps me out a little bit. Like I'm talking to some Jeffrey Dahmer types or something and I was wondering if there was any way that I could sort of subtly hint to people at what my job is without freaking them out or if I'm just sort of you know doomed to be the you know Grim Reaper to people most the time. So if you got any advice, let me know. Thanks guys He does sound like that. He kept sounding like that the whole time So he transports dead bodies that what he does

Yeah, I think that's what it sounds like my man just is it just a trucker for dead bodies the overnight dead body Why don't you just say you fucking you're a truck an overnight trucker? Yeah, that's as bad Yeah, the dead bodies come I guess that's your funeral funeral services don't have their own type of extra low-class Prostitute I do love that about fucking truck drivers just having lot lizards which I've never seen and now I don't even know if I've been to a truck stop

aren't those just like on the side of the interstate is that what a truck stop is? we've been to some truck stops we were on the tour flying J's yeah flying J's so it's just a gas station but I've never seen the prostitutes I've seen those yeah The poor. Flying Jays. Yeah, flying Jays. Oh, right. So it's just a gas station. It's a gas station with showers and shit.

I've seen those, yeah. I think probably, realistically, that was way more of a thing before the internet. Like before the internet. I bet before it was like you could just find a prostitute off your phone. You had to just kind of show up somewhere. You had to be selling pussy at the truck stop. I think we probably It's kind of like the straight YMCA is lot lizards that's gone I'm sure it's also like you have to know what to look for and the lot lizard has to know

You know none of us quite look like a trucker something right right right if we wanted to buy pussy at a truck stop Yeah, it would we would be suspect. Yeah, they would they were they're probably looking for a certain type of gentleman. I'm wearing a cardboard truck Twenty dollars for pussy $20 you're carrying you're carrying a bag and you accidentally let a Tonka truck fall out You're carrying you're carrying a bag and condoms, but it's the shittiest ones. Hahahaha. Um, damn, that's probably some low, I mean, my guess is some real low grade pussy right there. Um, I mean, what do you tell people if you fucking transport dead bodies? First of all, why do you have to tell people right off the top? I would say I work as a, you know, I would just say I'm a trucker or something

or that you work for a funeral home. And then the more you get to know someone, the more you're just like open with what it is. But what are you opening with the fact that, yeah, I haul dead bodies every fucking night. I thought that was only a job during like COVID. Yeah. How many dead bodies even are there like day to day? Not many. I don't know. Like, yeah, what is this? Do you drive the, what's the, the hearse? Yeah, that'd be cool even are there like day to day not many? I don't like yeah, we drive the what's the hearse? Yeah, that'd be cool if you drive the hearse tell people you're a gravedigger. Tell people you drive gravedigger

Drive gravedigger. Yeah, and when I die, that's the hearse. I'm like Grave, I want to be brought to the The funeral home, it's fucking it's fucking destroying other Graves, it's just taking like all the tombstones just trampling crushing other herses. Yeah Yeah, dude, although I will say the idea of like getting some weird goth pussy off this is not horrible that's what I was gonna say is like whether he tells them what his job is or not like I think he has a fantastic voice and way of speaking, but he does, you know, type is drawn to type, let's say this guy didn't just randomly. Oh, this guy could have been a contract lawyer.

Right. You know, this was he was going to work in the funeral business one way or the other. I've been around all night. Everybody thinks I'm weird. I'm actually the rocks agent. That wasn't going to be your... so you are probably going to attract someone who is into your whole thing. You're right. Fucking steer into it. Start wearing fucking black

leather. Start fucking getting eye makeup. And then get pussy from goth bitches with fat tits. Yeah, go around. You know, I know Jack Skellington I fucked the bitch who put the fucking with the slotted spoon or whatever Oh, yeah poison yeah, so she can go out night shade yeah That's her dad. That's her dad. Well. He made her oh She's a scientist that made Sally out of that body parts Sally is a piece of pussy. I'll tell you that much The scientists have made Sally out of their body parts Sally is a piece of pussy. I'll tell you that much Salute to her and she can tighten it with at will

They have two bolts like fucking Frankenstein has bolts on his neck. She's got him on her pussy That would be awesome you could just leave your dick in there and then she could tighten and loosen and it feels like you're You're fucking without even having to just imagine coming down the stairs Christmas morning. Do you see that and he's like Merry Christmas There's some Franken pussy for you the studio's like no mr. Burton I don't Franken pussy for you No, mr. Burton, I don't Maybe for the DVD Busting and Sally on Christmas Seen to scare the kids. Yeah salute to her truly definitely

Probably why I want to fuck a golf bitch is probably Sally from nightmare before Christmas. Hmm Felix you have any inclinations that in that regard did you want to fuck her from nightmare before Christmas? I know Nick did I'd like to put mr. Oogie boogie in the microwave I Hold in this journey movie Get more warm Still the bug yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, that ain't bad Nothing for you, huh Felix on her. I don't know I don't remember that movie too. Oh, okay, okay I like Gina Gershon she real woman from in a you know face off. Yeah Yeah. Oh you just liked we just wanted to fuck her I know you're a girl Sean is eldest you have to fucking look up. Yeah

back Love the Gershon her Yeah, you know Honor China On her jeans. On her vagina. I like the Gershon on her vagina. There we go boys, we got to it. The vagina's on her vagina. Gershon and Gershon, three of the sharpest minds of 2010's podcasting. A few years ago, this girl told me like,

you should write this show about the podcast oh my she was like if you don't do it someone else will and I was like I don't think they will they will they tried to make a podcast show with Zach Braff and yes she meant about like I think it was called the Indian ladies podcast she met she met like literally either a Roman and Clef or like straight retelling of Choppa and Gumtown and it's like oh my god. Nothing would fucking happen. It's like it's the worst idea ever. It would be like it would be like just. You got the whole story. We got PlayStation. Yeah. Well it could take place that it was so many episodes took place in that apartment in that living room And it was just like you guys would record and then we would come in with sandwiches We would eat the sandwiches and then we would record then we would fucking watch a movie and then we would go home

And that was everything Adam would say something lame I'd be like, this is awesome. Yeah. You know who's writing it? Is Adam. Adam right now. He's writing the fucking St. John's and making himself have to be the hero. He's dictating the key points to someone else. Adam Friedland stars. And it's going to come out in like 20 years. He's going to insist on playing himself.

And everyone else is gonna be 26 It's like who's that guy who played fucking he played himself in like a movie about being a high schooler Some fucking gay guy they can make fun of him. Anyway, it's gonna be like that And it's like that gay guy everyone made fun of. But with Adam! And it's called the gay guy. Oh, fuck. You got something nice for us here, Elvis? What do you got? Yeah, here's an update from someone who called in during Jim Norton's episode. Okay great. Howdy, Stav, eldest guest, you know the drill. I called before, this is more of an

update, not a question. Okay. I did call to update but I've had the great wonderful fucking idea to get blackout drunk watching Let's start a cult nice. So of course seeing your beautiful face stop I was like I better call the fuck. Yeah, and sorry about that eldest. I'm sure that call was terrible I don't even remember it, but I'm almost positive I did that anyway. I Call on the Jim Norton episode how to how I'm in the fat bitches and asking about the moral implications of letting my wife get fat. I remember that quote. Well she is now like she's now pregnant. Yeah that's what we told him to do right? We told him, the guy who wanted his wife to get fat, we were like just get her

pregnant dude. It looks like he's done that. Alright nice. But like at that stage where it's like two months pregnant so she doesn't look pregnant she just looks fat which for most guys they would be livid but holy shit it's uh fucking fantastic. I can't believe it. I Keep going getting privy to Me liking it because I literally touched her stomach when she was naked and got hearted to lean and even she commented on that but uh Yeah

Fuck I mean I'm happy to have the baby The baby's an afterthought! The baby's an afterthought! Oh man. Pretty good too. And pregnant tits, fucking hell. Shit. Pop those in my mouth like a motherfucker. I think that seals it. You guys should call yourselves the number one pro-life podcast. That's it. And Steven Crowder isn't doing this. No, dude, no.

Steven Crowder's fucking fans aren't nutting inside their wives like ours. So thanks, man, that's awesome. Congrats on the baby. We've got a future podcast listener in the womb right now. Yeah, 100%. Yeah, that's interesting that his dick gets hard because he's touching his wife's stomach. But yeah, this could be nice for you, man

This could be the way you break into letting your wife know you're into a plus-size gal and you know Maybe she'll put on a couple pounds Yeah, good for you, man, that's nice. That's really beautiful to want to fuck your your pregnant wife that much That's really beautiful to want to fuck your your pregnant wife that much Else's been trying to get that sound effect going for a while. It was perfect perfect length. That is a good one. That is a good one Yes, salute to that guy Alright, well, I think that does it none of you want your wives to get fat hub boys Well, I mean

My future wife. I mean, I think that's probably a normal reaction It's just most people don't call into a podcast about her. I think so I mean, I think well, there's just people who like complain about that shit, but I think the older you get It's kind of like getting basketball where it's like you size up a position. It's like, you know My MJ went from shooting guard to small forward I just feel like every your wife should get if she's hot, she goes into the she's being like the thick. I think the older people get the more it's like kind of nice to have fatter tits and a fatter ass belly.

Yeah, it's like the William Shatner thing where like he didn't get crazy plastic surgery, but he like gained like 10 pounds every year and kept his face very smoothed out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smoothed out. Nice. Yeah. Fills out the wrinkles that way. So salute to that guy. I think that's going to do it for us gentlemen. Of course, as we've been talking about this whole time, the book is Chappo Year Zero. All right. I was supposed to be promoting that. Look, if you've liked all these calls about like the mortician or whatever the fuck, that's in there.

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah. Yeah, what's in the book, man? Real quick, give us like a third. Okay. It's just comics or whatever the fuck. Yeah, yeah, we all did comics. It's just like shitty Regis.

So what's this piece of shit you got? We all did comics. So what's this piece of shit you got? Sounds great! Fuck you! This is like a comics or whatever, who fucking cares? You all did your own comics? Yeah. Matt and Amber worked on that's drawing it I'm not the pre-order

Yeah, whatever you guys get it we'll fucking do it yeah, and out there boys. Thanks for doing the pod My pleasure will we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye bye.