Stavvy's World - #138 - Joe Derosa

Episode Date: July 21, 2025

Joe Derosa joins the pod to discuss his new special I Never Promised You A Rose Garden, how he oscillates between rage and sorrow, his favorite rainy day meals, how the filming of one of his past specials got all screwed up, his gripes with Stav’s bathroom, his most indulgent rainy day meals, and much more. Joe and Stav help callers including a man whose wife is getting a double mastectomy, and a guy whose buddy screwed up their fantasy football league by bringing his wife in. Watch Joe Derosa’s special I Never Promised You A Rose Garden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXQR_eqfFUg See Joe Derosa live and follow him on social media: https://www.joederosa.com/ https://twitter.com/joederosacomedy https://www.instagram.com/joederosacomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@joederosacomedian https://www.youtube.com/@joederosacomedy  MeUndies -- comfort that's made for summer! Visit https://www.meundies.com/stavvy and enter promo code STAVVY for up to 50% off. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Get 20% off your first 6 months of Open Phone by visiting https://www.openphone.com/perks/stavvy  To get $100 off your first bed purchase, go to https://www.thuma.co/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Shop the Sherwin-Williams July Summer Sale and get 30% off paints and stains July 18th through the 28th. With prices starting at $34.29, it's the perfect time to transform your space with color. Whether you're looking to revamp your interior or exterior, we have you covered with bold hues, soothing neutrals, and everything in between. Visit your neighborhood Sherwin-Williams store or shop the sale online. Delivery available on qualifying orders. Click the banner to learn more. Retail sales only. Some exclusions apply. See store for details.

Hey everybody. We have an incredible show with Joe DeRosa coming up. He's got a special. Go watch it. Just wanted to let you know that we are, the Dream Boat Tour is picking back up in September. We're going to be in London. We've added a second show on September 7th, Dublin, September 12th, Manchester the 13th, Glasgow,

unfortunately, is sold out for now. We don't think we're adding shows. Sorry. Memphis, Huntsville, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Asheville, Greensboro, Wilmington, Myrtle Beach, Austin, and Boston in America. And then we will be announcing more Dates if you think we've missed you. We're not gonna miss you. I promise we are gonna we're gonna get back on tour again

2026 so these are the fall dates Memphis Huntsville Chattanooga Knoxville Asheville Greensboro Wilmington Myrtle Beach Austin Boston go stoppy da biz we'd love to see you there and we're going to do another tour early next year. If we haven't gotten to you, let us know where you are and we will come see you. I promise. And without further ado, let's start the freaking show. Welcome everybody to Stavi'sWorld 904, 800 stop. Call in, we'll solve all your problems.

On the couch today and on your YouTube as well, Joe DeRosa. I never promised you a rose garden out right now. Pause this, pause this bullshit. Go watch the special. You know what I mean? You can come back to the podcast. Let's run the numbers up. Yeah, today is the day.

I never promise you, I do, it's a very evocative phrase. I know. Evocative? It is. There was three things to what you just did, B. Go ahead. You said evocative? Yep.

You're wearing that shirt? Yep. And you said it, you went like that. A little bit of that. It was the hand with the word and the shirt. It was like sensual I'm trying to get the people excited. It is a good phrase. It's from my well, there's just there's a famous

country song of that title, but it's that there's a novel called I never promised a rose garden and they made a movie of it But yeah, I mean you hear it and you just you immediately it conjures an image of like a guy being like I never promised you fucking shit well it's you know getting his wife off his back you knew what this was you bitch like that's kind of what it feels like I did three uh I did three hours that had you and they were all very pointed outward yeah so the first one was called you will die That was just a record and then my second one was my Comedy Central hour that was called you let me down And then this one I was like, this is the third this is you I never promised you a rose

The roses you trilogy That's the most hopeless where there's like nothing will ever be better. Yeah I was like well that title seems it seems like we brought it to a clip I keep telling myself the next hour. I'm gonna do something a little more personal Little something more endearing maybe something to have and it's yeah keeps never out like this. Just you're still mad at everybody else What's the common denominator? Joe? Do you maybe see everybody else? Yeah Maybe a little self-reflection not on this special folks now But I'm excited. I think I remember I remember one of those cuz you so

Maybe it was the first one the record. Did you have one where it was like? You also included. included trying to record it and it going horrible? Yeah, so the first, because I remember this. Yeah, that's the second disc of the, it was two discs and the second disc, I called it at the mercy of drunks and it was,

it was us trying to get the record done but the whole audience was shit faced. Yeah, yeah. Where would you record it? Because I remember this, I remember this when I, this was maybe right when I was about to leave for New York This must have been like ten years ago to this come out problem Maybe third no 12. No yeah, no like God. I still lived in New York. There was this part

15 wow years ago. Yeah, it was a while ago interesting I was working as a paralegal I think because I was I was just listening to a lot of Albums, and I remember listening to that one and it did in a because it and it was like where was it recorded? So the first the disc that's the actual hour was recorded at Starbarr in Atlanta, okay? Great, I'll take disc of the drunks was recorded at laughing school in Atlanta Okay, okay the reason that that second hour is that the venues are different is because I went to Laughing Skull and I had a headline weekend and we said we're going to record the new album and Jason Riggs who was the producer and had the label that put the record out he came out and like

I couldn't not that I'm you know not that I'm selling fucking stadium yeah four of the five shows there was like 20 people you can hear each individual laugh yeah in the mix and then and then the late show Saturday though, he's like, late show Saturday sold out. I was like, that's where we're getting it. And then that just happened to be the worst crowd of all time. They were shit faced. So a very annoying woman was talking a lot if I recall. It's there's yeah.

Yeah, it's classic stuff. I have never listened to it since we did it because it's a little it's it's a little uncomfortable Yeah, but I knew I wanted to put it out there Yeah, yeah, but we I walked off after that show and Jason was backstage running the board and I go Uh, I go that's the record That's my debut album That's my debut album. Believe it or not, I had four albums out at that point and I still was selling 20 tickets on a Friday 8 p.m.

You know, maybe I gotta rethink that comment that I'm gonna answer. What were those called before, before you? Yeah. What were the first three? The first was called the Depression Auction. The Depression Auction, okay. before before you over the first three the depression auction okay what's called return of the Sun of depression so you always had a mind for linking your your body of work together initially I was like I was like in the

yes yes but but I was like all the musicians I like of course you know so but uh but uh initially in the first couple records I was like all the musicians I liked it. Of course, of course. You know, so but initially in the first couple of records I was like, man, I love to shit on myself. And I'm like, because life is sad and I'm a depressed guy and my body sucks. Yes, sure, sure. Somewhere around the third record, I was like, you know what, I can point the finger out.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Were you, as a kid, were you like, did you point it in or were you like deflective? Like now I've always had, I've always had massive, wait really quick though. Please. I said that to Jason.

That's the record. And he was like, what are you crazy? That's some shit. But that's why it's awesome. Cause my favorite comedy album of all time is The Day the Laughter. The Day the Laughter, dude, you don't have to tell us. We literally, we would listen to that maybe, when we discovered it, we listened to it

like every day for a month. It's the greatest thing I've ever heard. Yeah, Eldest, this is the most like, this is the most, we're secretly gay together accusation you could ever come up with, because he, a present for me one year He transcribed all of the day the laughter died and like printed it up for me Yeah, I typed up every single word in there

I broke it in little chapters based on the track list and like printed it out How did that take you to do? That took a long time, but it's a two that's that atoms over two hours a double hour That's well, there's a day the last time then the there two that's a that's over two hours double hour that's what they should be left i've been the there's there's a second one which is the sequel i only did the first one is the first was a double album though i bought it that the idea that they came out of really lost to focus that the second was only one cassette

it's called part two but that first one is a full long yeah it's longish and it's a couple i think the it's a couple shows cut together because you can tell he's talking to different people at different points. Yeah, there's a couple moments where you know like, this is before the person walked out earlier. Yes. But because it's edited this way,

like they're still there or whatever. But I'm... I'm with you though, literally my favorite album as well. It's amazing, it's what forged like my friendship or friendliness with Dice. When I met him I was like Dice. Yeah. And every time I saw him I'd sit down and I'd be like Dice I got to talk to you about that record again. Yeah. Like you don't understand. Because I told him and this is true I go I go Dice like I do you I go you you know what you've done

in comedy obviously. I was like but do you understand like I go like that record like Brooklyn coffee shop comics think that record is awesome. It is like it reaches an audience that never Would appear in your actual audience because it's actual art. I mean it is I mean, it's beautiful What everyone say about Dice's act? I mean he did MSG all that stuff, but some of its doesn't exactly hold up Really interesting because and that's the fascinating thing about dice because it's also like He does something like this and he understands how to play with his persona And he understands how to make something interesting and actually good with his persona How to play with his persona and he understands how to make something interesting and actually good with his persona

But then he also it doesn't feel like he gets it or he just he also is addicted to being that big You know what I mean? Like there's something about because the arena act that he was is because he was I mean The parallels you could draw between the like what's going on now with comedy I mean, it's almost like if you distilled dice into into something, it's Kill Tony selling out arenas now. You know what I mean? It's almost like the continuation of that where it's like... Well, he's the first. Well, I guess Steve Martin was the first, right? Yeah, but I'm saying... But Dice was the first record-setting arena comic, right? Yeah. But yeah.

And Dice's thing was very vulgar and very sexist and racist and like, it's like, you know, shock almost... it's like almost he dice You could argue is what is a react PC culture might be a reaction to Essentially Andrew dice clay's act like truly. It's like what he represents is why like tipper gore got mad at like Dice is the white version of like to live crew And those together is like what annoying liberal 90s culture is almost reacting to. Well it's really interesting if you watch a documentary about Dice I'm a staunch for better or for worse free speech believer I'm like

it's got to be everything or nothing you know I'm not saying I think it's great if a guy runs down the street screaming let's all kill each other you know what I mean. But you should be able to, you should be able to fucking say whatever you want. But it's interesting if you watch like a documentary or something about this, because the contrasting opinions, both arguments are very interesting to me,

because you have people saying like, well at this time, this type of humor, I perceived it as quite dangerous because these are things that were happening socially, that this was, in this person's were happening socially that that this was in This person's opinion whoever saying was this was fueling it or this is one of those really and then there are other people saying No, man, that's the point like it's it's self-effacing. It's ridiculous. It's over the it's a very very interesting argument with comedy His fucking audience did not understand that and they should cover the guy who was on come town

audience did not understand that and they cover the guy who was on come town and Who like and there and like that we had plenty of people who listened to it because the joke was This is ridiculous. We're being over the top, but a lot of just racist also well what I love about the day The laughter died is is That's the that that Well, that's he doesn't on the second one too, but that that one that she does it on the second one too but that that one that's the that's the one thing yeah he turns the gun on himself absolutely he says like he drops it a couple times and he's like come on stop that give me on yeah it ain't about a great day about being what do you say it's not about

laughing the best part is like people are like do the right Eddie dude sorry what's up oh yeah the best part is like what people are like do the rhymes. Sorry, what's that? Oh yeah, the best part is like people are like do the rhymes, do the rhymes. He just kept saying no, no. He's like, that's not what comedy's about. It's. You don't have to laugh to enjoy it, I think is the quote. That's not what comedy's about.

You don't have to laugh to enjoy it. And then a split second later he's like, hey, what's she doing down there? Hey, she's sucking dick, isn't she? Yeah, he literally. So he says this like profound thing and immediately follows it up. He's like hey, what's she doing down there? Like Neil does like what she's sucking dick isn't she I remember the way he says that it's like locked in my head You know what he goes what he goes he when he does Well, I think it might be during that thing about the laughter not comedy Yeah, or comedy. I love you don't have to let it

He just goes out he goes Because I guarantee you I'll be the last person to leave this room tonight like he's so hell-bent. Yeah Alienating everybody some guy in the back goes why he just goes I got nowhere to go Yeah, yeah, it's really great, it is fascinating. Yeah, Dice is a fascinating figure for that exact reason. He is and like he you know I firmly believe despite however anybody interprets what he does or whatever or did or whatever my belief in him as an artist is that he gets it, he knows what he's doing, he's aware of the exaggeration and the joke,

and that's what makes me respect him. And I'm not being diplomatic, like that truly is what makes me respect him greatly as a comic, a person, and an artist. And that record, the second one, the part two is fucking insane. He gets into an almost fist fight at the end. It's insane, you lose a little bit of the magic

because it's almost, it's become now to self-aware on some level It's wild the second and then he also He also has some legitimate show business gripes on that like I remember he's talking about Cisco and Ebert It's like Cisco and Ebrick the fat pig in the bald fuck and he's mad He's mad at them for because he had that movie the adventures of Ford Fairlane that they fucking destroyed and it probably I mean I haven't seen we Actually really should watch that movie. Oh Yeah, it's like a comic book. Yeah, but dice is the super It's great, but he says in that album on that album

There's a moment where he goes he it's the Cisco neighbor thing and he goes he goes I ain't mad I'm paraphrasing, but he says like you know I Ain't mad that they don't like my career cuz right now. I ain't got one cuz he's it's like after the fall Yeah, yeah, it's it's heavy you bet when you're like the first one feels a little more like an experiment Yeah, the second one feels a little more like let's do it again, but just doesn't have the same juice It's still but there's an anger behind it or something. There's an, and that's the thing. It's not an artistic exploration,

which is what the first one is. The second one is it's almost like you're trying, it feels a little like a, it's what happens now with like serialization and stuff. It's like, it almost feels like a cheap reboot of the, like he's just trying to capture the magic a little bit, and I think the anger and the legitimate, like, cause he is, he, on the first one he's almost mocking his persona,

and on the second one, and this is my problem with it, is that you sense that he does, maybe he doesn't think he deserves it, but he wants to be that famous. He wants to be lauded, he deserves it, but he wants to be that famous. He wants to be like lauded He want he thinks his he thinks he at least wants to know if he thinks he his art deserves it But it's almost like he is saying no I'm actually good on that one in a way that's not the spirit of the first one the spirit of the first one is like My this is ridiculous a playfulness of the first place in the second one

there's definitely not a playful, which is interesting, because Rick Rubin did both. And I feel like. That's an interesting energy though, I will say. So here's what I appreciate about the second one is as uncomfortable as I find it to be. I did a thing with my friend Scott Moran. I forget what the name of the series was,

but he used to do this YouTube series where he would take a comic and he would say, okay, I wanna get video of you doing this bit that I like that you do, and I want to do a mini sort of doc around the bit. Oh, I remember these videos. They were like 15 minutes long. Those were cool, yeah, yeah.

Those were coming out, yeah. So like, you know, like Rory, one of the ones I really remembered was Rory So everyone had a big thing about Batman about how much you love the Christopher Nolan Batman movies And then they they were gonna go see the Dark Knight Rises modern comedian They were gonna go see the Dark Knight Rises on the day it premiered And then the terrorist shooting happens. Oh, and. And so it becomes about them reacting to the news versus going to see the movie.

Yeah. But Rory's Batman bit is still at the center of it or whatever. Right, right, right. So mine was about I had a thing about nurses. So 12 years ago, because that's when this happened. Yeah, I remember this. I remember this.

I had a thing about nurses because my mom had gone through breast cancer and it was you know, I kind of trashed on nurses a little bit My Here's the thing I didn't trash all nurse it was very much like I was like my point was like hey Man nurses are like cops. Yeah, there's good ones And there's ones that are there for the job and let's stop pretending like just because one person is a hero They're all heroes every person in the military isn't awesome. Yeah, there's like you know what I mean you don't say Joe Like if I meet a soldier to show I say thank you for your service

I got my dad and my grandfather served like I'm I'm I'm like, thank you, dude Like I respect it But it doesn't mean I don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that somebody might be in the barracks for the paycheck Of course anyway But you're right though nurse really is female cop. I mean, it's the equivalent. Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. On the day of the special coming out,

let's not go back down the street. I'm sorry, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't fucking need this today. Yeah, I know, we're promoting your special. I asked you questions about an album from 15 years ago, and then we talk about Andrew Dice Clay for 35 minutes

and then bring up the time you got trolled and pissed off a bunch of people let's reopen that can of worms folks it's summertime it's the season for fun activities going out hitting the beach hitting a road trip strolling around town the problem is it gets a little hot gets a little sweaty you want to be comfy you want the best underwear Man has to offer and you know who brings that to you our pals at me undies They got the micro modal fabric not only is it soft it keeps you feeling cool even at 90 degrees

Feels like your feels like your little boys are under the AC the whole time. I can vouch for it I recently took a little trip to Los Angeles it was Quite hot. I was rocking my me on these all day, and I was walking all up and down West Hollywood I was hiking up their little Runyon Canyon Whatever was I had me on these with me not only they're comfy not only they have the micro modal fabric They keep you cool Cool styles we're talking the summertime styles, you know I like to flex a little bit,

show off, flaunt it. If you want to flaunt it, MeUndies got it for you and they got all types of cuts for you as well. Right now listeners of our show, you can score sizzling summer deals like up to 50% off at MeUndies.com slash stavi and enter promo code stavi That's me on these comm slash stavi promo code stavi for up to 50% off me on these comfort That's made for summer actually talk about this on the special I don't know when I got the backlash for this

Oh wow, but my but but the point of this which is odd that we got on to the dice thing and now this yeah because my episode was the nurse joke that I got the online backlash about. You're looking clump in that one. Yeah I know. You're looking like a little fat boy. Shaved head. I know. I forgot about the shaved head era yes. The um but the bit in this is the thing that the clip came back out again a few years ago and I got super, there was a whole big backlash to me online. Especially after COVID. Yeah, yeah. Everyone was sucking nurses off.

And then I actually talk about that in the new special, but this is the original bit that nobody ever heard for 10 fucking years, whatever it was, 15 years. But anyway, don't play the bit, but my point is is um He so he goes I want to get that nurse bit That's really interesting and your mom's going to cancer and I this is a great story And I said great and we went and he shot me a Broadway comedy club. Oh my god. Yes Of course sucked of course. I mean of course yeah, it was a Broadway comedy club and dude Of course. Yeah. It was a Broadway comedy club. Yeah And dude some lady like heckled me during the nursing bit and I lost my

And I'm like you my fucking mom is sick who the fuck do you think I'm not gonna fucking talk about this fucking bitch right And as soon as I said you fucking bitch I was like I lost You lost the high ground Yeah, yeah and Scott was like and then we got in the car. We were gonna go to do another set Let go we got obviously we got a read. Yeah get that bit. Yeah, and Scott goes No, dude, and this is the story. Yeah, and I was like Scott. There's no fucking way Yeah, it's at the time also like these were big like people were in comedy knew about these like comedy fans and YouTube now

We're used to fucking something having like a Million views but like 15 years ago you had 30,000 views that was a big yeah Yeah, you know so these were actually this is a this is a this is a kind of like a cool in I remember being such a comedy nerd at the time and like I like these videos I remember those they were great man, and and he was like this is the story And I was like no dude, and he he was like I'm telling you dude, and then he came to my house He made me watch the clip. He shot me watching the clip mm-hmm reacting reacting to excuse me um we talked about it Even after it was done. I was like Scott don't put that out

Yeah, and then he called me and he goes I just short showed it to Rory and Sarah Schaefer And then he called me and he goes I just short showed it to Rory and Sarah Schaeffer And he was like they were both like dude. It's it's it's fine. Yeah, like it's okay Like yeah, it's like like you're like so anyway. Here's what I'm getting at. Yeah that second dice record Mm-hmm. I feel like there was a thing behind it with with him and Ruben. Yeah, where they I'm I'm theorizing but like maybe they were like, hey dude, that was a little unhinged, but hey, we captured a real emotional moment. Yeah, yeah.

You're absolutely correct. The first one to me is an untouchable, unimpeachable masterpiece, right? Yeah, exactly, yeah. The second one is a flawed but interesting piece of art because you can't recreate that, but it also did capture, and that's why it's also the first one is like we're playing with this persona of a guy who was

selling out arenas and who must have some ego about his art but also you know you could argue maybe there's a reading of it where he's being opportunistic and he he didn't my my guess is he didn't expect his brand of humor to take off to fucking arenas, right? But he, but, so now he's being reflective and it's interesting, and the second one is now you get this portrait, and you can only really do that when you're secure, right? You're like, I'm rich, I'm selling out MSG,

let's have fun with my persona in a way that I'll never get a chance to do ever again. And the second one is like, you don't ever really get a true window into what it's like to lose it all. I mean dude, even if it's an interview, it's manicured, even if they're being open. But on stage when you're trying to be funny and it slips out, you see the reality of how mad he is. And that is very valuable and interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like I can't imagine what that does to your head This happens to him in his 20s. Yeah, he's an adult, but he's young. Yeah, this is why by the way

This is exactly why I'm like hey Shia LaBeouf is apologizing. I'm listening Yeah, imagine if that happens to you when you're 15, right or whatever. I'm like, yeah. Yeah Do you think the guy might have done some fucked up shit? What the fuck, man? You know? Sure, sure, sure. I'm not excusing behaviors, but it's like, I can understand somebody might get like, pretty fucked up.

For sure. And like, like Dice, it's like, I can't even fucking imagine. Dane Cook told me a story when Steve Martin- A great analog, by the way, like, very similar careers, honestly. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He, When Steve Martin wrote Born Standing Up, Dane told me that Steve Martin invited him to lunch and he went and met Steve Martin for the first time

and he said Steve Martin gave him that book and said you're the only person alive that will understand this. Yeah. I just got chills, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's fucking wild, man. I'm not shocked that Dane Cook told you that story.

A story where it's like, oh, one of my heroes told me I'm the only guy who'll ever understand him That checks out you know I mean dance Really really fucking put himself the comedians code really make yourself look bad no matter what I mean Chills cuz he's bragging I mean it's cool but it's like let me die you weren't the only guy to hear that story I promise you it was just me yeah I gotta be honest I was like did he tell me this here on a podcast like, did he tell me this? And I hear it on a podcast. I'm going to be a psycho.

I think I just made up that he told me that. Joe's like, and then he said, you're the only one who will understand this anecdote, Joe. Yeah. Then Dane, when his ticket sales went down, invited me to lunch. You're one of the people that will understand this. Oh, fuck. Fucking A. But dude, to answer your question from an hour and a half ago.

No, no, no problem. We super digressed, but it was awesome. You said was I always a person that pointed the finger inward? Yeah. That's how I said N-word. N-word. Yeah. Yeah, I was what I was gonna say I don't remember why we went in the other direction but the point is is yes I have massive imposter syndrome I have terrible anxiety I never feel like I

belong anywhere anything good happening I'm well, this will be taken away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just wait. Of course. You know, it's constant. And it comes from, well, there's a lot, you know, child, it's the same old story with childhood. Sure. You get bullied, and you know, I was an only child, and I was a depressed kid, and you

know, at Catholic school, and the rules, and the guilt, and all that shit, you know, that's sort of a classic. Only child and parents Were had a good relationship or bad relationship. What are we talking? Yeah good in the sense like my parents love each other very much They're good partnership. They're extraordinarily supportive of one another They're still married. No, you know, you know, yes in that sense but you know transparently there was Yes in that sense

But you know transparently there was We we were a family that did not have a lot of money. Mm-hmm. There were a lot of economic struggles. They pursued That sort of 80s bill of goods that a lot of people pursued sure which was like hey you live in the city You shouldn't be you should be living out in the suburbs in a house You can't really afford we got these credit cards for it. So like, there was a lot of financial struggling. But also wanting to keep appearances up, it sounds like. You know? No, not even, honestly not even keeping appearances up.

Just, just, just that leading to situations like my dad having to work much longer hours, my mom having to work. Right, right, right. Them, the tension in that, then the fighting, and like it was a loud household. Yeah. It was a loud household.

I was an adopted kid, so like, you know. Since you were a baby? I was adopted at like nine days. Okay, wow. So I don't know anything, that's all I know is them. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, as soon as's all I always know is that yeah, but You know As soon as I realized I could weaponize that which I realized pretty young age

Things were said yeah Mistakes were made No, dude No one give me more hurtful than like a fucking seven-year-old who just understands enough to like wound like a fucking seven year old who just understands enough to like wound, but has no idea how powerful that weapon is. Like they know it'll be like hurtful, but they have no idea how hurtful.

Yeah, yeah. Like a nine year old or whatever, 10 year old. I remember realizing, I was like, oh, I can say you're not my real parent. Just dropping a nuke. So fucked up. Because you don't get a nut or butter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's the thing, it's like, that's good to have in your back pocket when it's really necessary. Just dropping a new fuck you don't get another butter

It's like that's good to have in your back pocket when it's really necessary But when you realize it you're too stupid to know like you can't just be pulling this out every day, man This is for special occasions That's so funny, yeah, eventually your my parents like yeah, we're not yeah What's your point you said it, we're not. Yeah. What's your point? You said it. Yeah. Get to the point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can reverse that on you, too. You know what I mean? Quick.

Just make it. You know what I mean? You're like, yeah, you could have grown up in a fucking crack den. Is that what you wanted? You piece of shit or whatever, you know, like they could just made up a horrific place. I do believe they plucked you from. They never said anything like that.

But I do believe we did. The arguments did get into places of like like do you realize what we did do for you which is fair very fair yeah but but it was oh it was yes they were there they have a good marriage but they come from emotional backgrounds my family was an emotional family growing up. It's something I have had to deal with in my adult life a lot. It's a thing I've had to work on. I am being too emotional. You mean like like it's like fistfight time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like I literally like this is it's I'm a I try to be an open book with things so some stuff I'm embarrassed to talk about but like I was at my boys out my my buddy Paul And I we have a band called salsa windfall, and we were recording our new record

two weeks ago in Atlanta at my buddy Jim's house and we were having a great time working on the record whatever and I'm like going through this breakup so I'm emotionally kind of a raw nerve and you know we had all been drinking and stuff. Yeah I mean everything you're saying. It's like adult male like side sideband, breakup, drunk. Like it's all swirling, you know what I mean?

Like it's swirling for something real good. You know what I mean? Something really over you know. So I went out to my Camaro. Yeah. It was loaded up, you know what I mean? Drunk as hell. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Paul kept pushing me to play this song. It's the dumbest thing in the world. Yeah. But eventually I was like, Paul, dude, shut the fuck up, dude.

Like you keep fucking asking me to play this fucking song. I've been playing everything. You want me to fucking play all night. You're like, stop, stop, dude. Yeah. And Jim hadn't heard Paul being kind of like, come on, the needle in your. You know. So then Jim was like, dude, what's your problem? You're being really mean right.

And like the second I felt like Jim was jumping up to defend him, I was getting up. Dude, I literally, literally went like this. Really dude? Hey, fuck you dude. Hey, fuck you, fuck you too dude. No, fuck you too, fuck the both of you dude. And they were like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

And I was like, no, I was like no fuck this shit Fuck this shit And I got my computer was plugged into the stair and I got my computer I unplugged it and I just went March straight to bed Yeah, I feel like your oasis for your fucking you know adult male band, and I don't get there often I don't think mm-hmm, but but I can get there and that comes from that comes from number one growing up in an emotional environment it comes from abandonment issues that stem from adoption sure it comes from smothering

that came from my parents because they couldn't have kids so then they adopted and they were also religious so then they saw me as like this miracle. So then they're overprotective trying to. So it's a real cocktail, but it is a thing where like, and then I have imposter syndrome and all this stuff. So it's like, if I feel like in a moment, like somebody has like betrayed me. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I like, that's when the real.

Or ganged up on, like if you're singled out. Ganged up on the real or ganged up on like if you're singled out Ganged up on if it's if it's ganged up on like like I don't I'm not a I'm not a pussy like I Can take getting my balls broken and getting made fun of and getting trashed all that I've had You know fucking Keith Robinson and Norton and DePaulo and Patrice And yeah, I do feel around me and shit on me and it's, I can laugh about it. Yeah, yeah. That's fine. But if I feel ganged up on where it's like,

Like in a true way, like an emotional way, like people, like friends, you know. Like for instance, if when you and I, before the show, were having a little more of a socio-political discussion, like if you and I were having that debate, or discussion, and it started to get a little energized if there were other people in the room that were like well Joe you need to fucking calm down

like when I feel like it's like oh you're all gonna fucking oh okay I see what this is you know what I mean like fuck all your head got like and like because like I and I go back to childhood, I go back to being a young kid who was depressed, who had no siblings. So when I would get into a fight with a friend, it was like, fuck you, I'll go be alone. It wasn't like I'm gonna go home and hang out with my sister.

Yeah, the stakes are kinda high. Cause you kinda, all you had was sort of like, whatever friends you could make. Cause otherwise you're just back at home reading the scriptures with your parents or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Angrily, yeah, playing fucking Nintendo or whatever.

So like as an adult, how that manifests, and it's a thing I've really, really, really had to work on and learned to control more. As an adult that manifests as, I'll burn this whole fucking thing down. I don't care, I'll be alone. That's my default, is nobody around me. So who fucking cares?

Even though you probably don't mean it, right? Like, you'd much rather be around. No, it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It sucks, right after it sucks. Right after, in the moment, it feels like the righteous sword of God. Yeah.

Yeah. And then. I'll burn every bridge. I don't fucking care. Yeah. Two seconds later. Yeah. It's like doing too chunky of a line of blow.

Yeah. Oh yeah. As you're doing it, you're like, You feel cool as shit. You're like, I'm're doing it you're like I'm so cool and they're like my fucking head is burning I'm going to my too much fucking I have too much energy yeah this was a half of it in my throat but yeah dude so you know I don't know are you like you're the only time I've ever seen you Get I

Don't want to say the word aggravated but like, you know I guess emotional is a word cuz it's cuz you know like getting getting hyped up. That's the most sure sure But the only time I've ever seen you get charged whatever is sometimes when I miss the cheese when I miss the cheese steaks on tires What? The fucking lady came by already she's ten minutes early Where's stop go I called the food lady a fucking bitch City quits Where'd Stob go? I don't know, he called the food lady a fucking bitch. And left, said he quit. America the Beautiful, a country of entrepreneurs. We know it can be hard, very intimidating to start your own business.

I started this business, it was pretty much nothing. It was just me driving a shitty car to shitty shows and making like a hundred dollars uh... what helps me slowly slowly i grew over time to this multi media empire you see before you and a big part of our success was shopify that's right but what what's that sound deltas all we had another sale on our online store thanks to shopify

the first one of the first things that made me money outside of actual performance was my calendars, was my merch, was my t-shirts. It used to be so hard for me to do that. I had to keep it all up here. It was a very, very poorly run business. I probably barely made any money if I'm being honest with you. What's helped us grow since is Shopify, our store now, it's easy. They keep track everything for us. It's easy interface for our customers. You'll love it if you have anything to sell. If you want to accelerate your business go to Shopify. Get the word out like you have a marketing team behind you. Easily create

email and social media campaigns wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling and best yet Shopify is your commerce expert with world-class expertise and everything from managing inventory to international shipping to processing returns and beyond if you're ready to sell you're ready to Shopify I'm excited we've been working on the 2026 calendar and it's gonna come your way thanks to our pals at Shopify so turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your one dollar per month trial

and start selling today at Shopify dot com slash Stavi. Go to Shopify dot com slash Stavi. Shopify dot com slash Stavi. Now, like the only sure talk politics. I've seen you get charged up. That's literally the only time like do you get like that in any other area? Yeah, I mean I I definitely have tried to Keep I've tried to stay. I mean I have the same I definitely have an anger problem

My whole family is kind of an anger problem, and I've definitely I've been very cognizant of that My whole life to just sort of keep that at bay I still feel I mean it's funny because I will tell friends of mine that and they don't believe me because I, and which feels good, right? Because that means like people don't see that. I've been able to like keep that kind of, you know, sort of hidden or whatever.

But you know, I try and not get too hot, get too extreme because I think I came from a situation where no one talked about emotion or feeling and then the only way it was acceptable is if it completely you just push it down until it explodes that's how everyone in my family dealt with shit. My dad, I mean my dad has no ability to be to understand how he feels about anything and you can try and explain to him and he's like no that's not true.

He'll clearly be sad about something. It's like hey go talk to that person instead of stewing here For but he has no concept of that and I said bench I've tried in my own life to sort of do away with that and just sort of you know, but yeah, well, that's great But I will say this to for for the listeners just so you know you know there's more to me than rage yeah I have that emotion in every direction sure I cry once at least once a day at least once a day lately it's been over a breakup yeah well lately when this when at the time of this recording, but yeah, but but but and then um, um, but then But dude some days I swear to god, dude, it could be

the right moment in Star wars and then nostalgia hits me and I start crying it could be a commercial. That's like what I it but I cry Once a day at least And then like the laughter like like like sitting here with you laughing this fucking hard Yeah, you know what I mean? What am I excuse me? one of my daily morning routines is Is doing a three-way call with Dante Nero and Keith Robinson?

Calling calling Keith at like 10 sometimes 9 a.m. And he's like, what the fuck do you want? And I'm like, I wanna start my morning right, you piece of shit, you fucking bother me. And he go, get dumb Dante on the phone. I wanna talk to that fat idiot. And then we call Dante up. Love that. And Dante's like, ah Keith, man, you strokin', man.

But dude, and just trashing each other and laughing so fucking hard. And then like there's days where like Voss gets pulled in or Bobby Kelly and we're just trashing each other and Colin Quint like. I do think there was definitely a moment where it feels like you were sort of like the freshman on like on the varsity team that they all just fucking shit I remember like again as a comedy fan that's very when

you were young yeah I feel like you know cuz you were opening for Burr and you were like at the cell you know you're like hanging around all over there and I do feel like I just the first time I was like cognizant of you was just like you know the tough crowd guys just shitting. Oh, you know making fun of you as like the young guy You know so burr and Then Danny this kid Danny who was one of the producers on ONA they were the ones that pushed me in front of out in front of Opie and Anthony and

Opie saw me first to stand up and Opie was like you're fucking funny dude like you should do the show Yeah, yeah It's just like a little matter of time and then I did the show for the first time and me and Anthony hit it off and it's like the roses your views on Black people kind of a line You guys bonded over some like message boards you're both a part of We talked the dark web But he and I hit it off quick and then like the I just I just and Burr was really behind me and burr was like I

Fucking there was this kids funny, you know, yeah, yeah and dude I was with burr I was talking about this other day man. I did I hope I used to open for burr. I played open for burr First sold out Club Weekend he ever did that's awesome first theater. He ever did Wow first Madison Square Garden I was with burr through the entire Like yeah, I was with him and I it was fun to be a part of that totally but yeah I very much became mostly because of Opie and Anthony I became the sort of like Burr used to call me the teen idol sensation Like the young guy right right right and I wasn't quite part of like, you know if they did like

You know a story about Opie and Anthony in a magazine or something or like or like that when they did the traveling virus tour I wasn't quite fully in in the way all of the Mount Rushmore guys were in for them but I was the kid and I was like yeah you know and it like the almost like the protege of those guys or whatever and like and it it was it was an itch it that toughened me up a lot Yeah, you know I'm not gonna say there weren't times where I didn't get my family Yeah, of course, but that's how I mean I just opened for just opening for Bobby Yeah, let alone eight of those guys one time Bobby called me called Colin Quinn on speaker

And they were just kind of shitting on me together, and I was like whoo called Colin Quinn on speaker and they were just kind of shitting on me together and I was like, this is brutal. Just these two, just Quinn kind of checked out shitting on me with Bobby. It was like still something I think about. Sometimes I'm like, damn, they got me good. I can't imagine five of those motherfuckers just using you as a pinata. The worst one ever. The worst one ever. I've told this story so many times, but it's the worst one ever. I had a when I first lived in New York, I had a beard and like almost Afro. That's an awesome look. Yeah. I looked way more of my Arab.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you look up Joe DeRosa beard? Let's see if we can find that eldest. You'll find something. Let's see if it's just comes up with every girlfriend you've ever had. That's all right. It's been scrubbed. But we look at that. Look at that.

Me and Joey Fatone. That's one of my favorite pictures of all time. I love that it's online right there. of my favorite pictures of all time. I love that it's online right there. Isn't that the best? We were on a boat in fucking Key West. We were shit faced. Shout out to Fatone. Shouts out to Fatone, man.

Shouts out to Brian Quinn, getting us all down to Key West, man. George Fatone, cast member of my big fat Greek wedding. Yes, that's all he did though. Yeah, that's it. No, but he, oh Patrice, I saw the beard and froey hair. And they were talking about some shit at the cellar and I was just like sitting there.

And it was like, I didn't even know Patrice yet. Yeah. And I chimed in. And I was just like, yeah, that's kinda like, that's cool, cause that's, and dude, he literally went like this, cause like I chimed in mmm. I was just like yeah, that's kind of like that's cool Cuz that's and dude he literally went like this cuz like I'm like over there. Yeah, I guess you went like that yeah Shut the fuck up you halfway through a werewolf

Yeah, and I remember those moments where you're kind of like stealing yourself up to even jump in like just even to be like yeah Yeah, that's kind of crazy like I how many times I've blown it trying to get into like a conversation circle I don't belong in to be yeah Battle back the worst is the most brutal yeah Did you ever used to walk through the cellar when a towel was on stage? Oh, no No So, you know the main room of the cellar. Yep

the McDougal one You know the bat the only bathroom is downstairs downstairs through the showroom, right? So if you go to the bath, I'm just I'm explaining for people that don't know if you go to the bathroom You have to walk literally through the crowd. Yeah Directly, it's pretty horrible. Yeah. Yeah, it sucks sucks and Most comics are very cool about it a tell would stop Whoever it was every

Yeah, and then throw you into something he was riffing on and if you were not I remember one time He was like Joe, you know, I don't know clap the redhead. I'm calling her clown pussy He's like, what are you thinking that Joe and I was like, well, you know and I Did I didn't eat this says out and to it tells goes like this he goes You're trying to get out a complex thought It feels like you walked into a boardroom meeting at a hotel by accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody's like, what are you doing? Yeah. Like, oh my god, it's the worst feeling. That's funny.

I mean, were you, we always like somebody, because it also sounds like though, maybe that was something, I don't know. My guess is, like you're saying, adopted kid, only child. Maybe not just in this, but in other stuff, were you looking to be a part of, whether that's a team or these you know these sort of like almost like Stand-in family situation because that does feel like that a little bit a little brother and like a little group

There's a nice part of that to me. I am very very like I'm not kidding dude Like when I said, I'll cry Today if I talk about my friends, yeah, I will probably start crying if I talk cuz cuz We all know a lot of people. Mm-hmm And we all have a lot of acquaintances in this life sure like when you know when you when you when I talk about Like my friends like the people I know like that love me like that have my back. Mm-hmm I'll start fucking crying dude. I will start crying. Dude, I told Ari, I told Ari,

Jesus Christ dude, I told Ari two, three weeks ago. There was, there's a person that was in me and Ari's life that introduced, it was our manager at the time. She repped both of us. Her name was Sam Safer. She's alive. Sorry. Sorry, sorry. Something horrible happened to her. But she repped me and Ari and we did Edinburgh together.

We were doing Edinburgh at the same time. And you gotta find a place to live and you gotta find people to live with and stuff. And she goes, I want you to live with Ari And I was like no She's like why cuz I didn't really know No, he's like he's always like is the whip his dick out. Yeah She's like he's a great guy just trust me just trust me just trust me

I'm like alright, and I was like I knew him but like sure not like that We live together that trip He was like such a rock for me. Mmm, and that's like we're like a Best friendship started. Mm-hmm. You know, he's like gonna be one of my best friends till I die sure and it started there and I dude I I told I we were out having a few, couple weeks ago and I told him while we were outside, I was having a cigarette and I was like, I will always love Sam because of you. Like, gee.

I almost started crying right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're tearing up. Like, yeah, dude. And it's about Ari fucking Shafir, Jesus Christ. Imagine if it. An actual good person. Yeah, I was gonna say. Imagine if I was talking about a human being.

Yeah. Not some sort of lizard, man. But dude, I was like, this is because of you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I was talking about it with, it's funny, the person that I was dating and involved with that we had broken up up and and we're on good terms But uh, I was telling her I was like like Matt Edgar who's a great guy great comic down in Austin now

Matt's become one of my best friends and I was like I Was like do you realize brother? I was like the re like me breaking up with somebody gave us our friendship Because you were the dude I called Because I needed advice from somebody that was in Austin Yeah, and I thought you'd be able to give me that advice and I didn't know you well enough that I literally detect you and say Hey brother, can I can can I hit you for advice? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, is that weird? Yeah, and you were like no brother Not at all and you called me and you talked to me for 90 minutes and every time I've had a problem

You've talked to me for 90 fucking minutes. I go I go breakups are terrible man. They're emotional They hurt yeah, I mean if she's if she's not if she's still underage. I mean you gotta break it off, man I mean if she's starting to go the police I would cut it off. I would delete all the text messages snapchat too it's not you know we learned that the hard way snapchat. But we're two months closer. So you're saying not even hand stuff until she's 18. Definitely not mouth. I get not mouth stuff. That I get. Mouth? But come on she's what if she wore gloves. But I'm like dude I'm like how crazy is this I go I go you're one of my like best pals No, I go and it came because of a hard thing. Yeah, go through Yeah, I don't know man stuff like that when you find like the not to be corny, but like when you find the beauty That comes out of the heartache like that's fucking beautiful. Yeah, I'm emotional. Yeah

Yeah, you know no it seems I mean And that's I think that's also good is to be like you know to actually feel things that have to like be Pushing it down, and you know maybe can be a little The flip side is like overreacting to stuff But it's better to react in some way and to be moved one way or the other than to just not feel fucking anything brother I have that with you. Yeah, I have this with you. I have this exact thing with you were

You and I went in my we were friendly sure we were pals We were whatever you want to call it the moment. I was like stave is now my friend was the day that I was like, Stav is now my friend, was the day that I was having a thing that I was dealing with with my parents. And we were on set of tires and it was like 6, 15 in the morning, some godly hour. Yeah, and like, I just was like, brother dude, like, I know you come from a big family,

can I talk to you about this? Because I was like, this shit is distracting me. And I don't know what to do. And you're like, yeah dude, and you talked to me, you gave me such good advice, the care was there. It was beautiful, dude. And then I remember, this is the little shit I remember, dude, I remember the next time I saw you on set

after that conversation was the first time you, every other time I saw you on set after that conversation was the first time you every other time I saw you it was like what's up dude what's up the next time I saw you you went my boy there's like this new bond sure it was beautiful dude like I really really you know I cherish that shit yeah you know it's good and I mean we do it's you know I love giving advice but I did that in particular because you were fucked up about it for sure I do remember that yeah, you know I mean and parents I mean that is hard you know to me the rental shit is always difficult It's always nice to get a little to get a you know a different perspective for sure absolutely dude

Absolutely, so I mean I don't know you're you're a you're a deep dude. You know, but yeah Yeah, you know about as long as we're talking to Andrew Dice Clay as long as we're talking Types of low main, you know, that's I got some serious. What's your favorite kind of you know, I'm off low main You're not a low main guy. I was what do you do? I'll fun or yeah, I went to the thinner noodles the little thinner. Yeah, I like I like if I'm gonna do anything I'm gonna go thicker actually. Isn't chow fun is the thick one, right? I think chow fun is like those thin, thick ones.

Thin, thick ones, yeah, yeah. I don't like the angel hair ones, the like chow main. I like the extremes. I like either the thin or the big flats. Yes. There's something about the low main, it's just the right, it's just the certain size of it. I'm like, it's getting in my way in a weird main. It's just the rights. It's just just a certain size of it I'm like it's getting in my way in a weird way. I would like I don't mind the kind of the thin the like size of them

But I wouldn't mind them being a little thicker. I wouldn't mind the little square being a little bigger I want a more substantial low main. I don't want it to like I don't want to I wanted to be kind of a I wanted to be I wanted to be a struggle to slurp it up. And that's just- What's your low main flavor? I, you know, it depends. I mean, I do kind of gravitate towards a beef, but I'll go shrimp as well.

If I'm having a beef and broccoli, I'm gonna get a shrimp low main. Okay. You know, it's really order dependent, you know? Yeah, I go, when I get Chinese food. Yeah, let's talk about this Yeah, I get let's bring our beautiful brains to the people you know help them too. But tell me your Chinese order I get I hit every food group. I love that. So I go like I get the fried chicken wings. Yes So far we're aligned barbecue spare ribs. Oh, you'll throw the spare every time interesting, okay?

Egg roll so there's your two porks. We got a chicken then I'll do like a beef and Pepper or whatever it is something like that sure and then the noodle dish or the rice dish is shrimp So I'm hitting see I got it all I will go to I will go a rice and a noodle. I'll go fried rice and noodle if I have to. Really? Yeah. Over the spare ribs. I think that's the we're pretty close. I would just swap out spare ribs for fried rice. Really? See, see are you one of these people because to me the noodle in the rice dish is always a side. Yeah. But I dated a girl, like her main thing was like a fried rice.

That's insane. It's a side. It's a fucking side. That would piss me off if I saw someone and they didn't wanna share the fried rice, they're just like, no, this is my meal. It's like, what are you fucking out of your mind? You go to a fucking Italian restaurant

and just order like butter noodles and nothing else? Yeah, it's like going to McDonald's and being like, no, I eat fries as my meal. Yeah, yeah. It's so else. Yeah, it's it's like going to McDonald's and be like no I eat fries as my meal Yeah, it's so weird. Yeah, but yeah, but but there's something off-putting about that Now the low-main yeah It's I don't like it at all the low-main I could see a little more acceptable as a dish depending on how big the chunks of meat are but even that See you if I'm having low-main

I also wouldn't mind I want a little white rice as a side as well I like to mix you want to bring a second rice if I look obviously nuts I like to be carved I like to have it my perfect plate is low main fried rice a little bit of white rice fried rice, little bit of white rice, a chicken wing, an egg roll, and then that beef stuff, you know beef and broccoli usually just get a little roughage in there, you know? Yeah.

Or the peppers, but anyway some kind of beef. Yeah, like the hot pepper beef one is awesome. Pretty good. That's what that's called, yeah. But I want it all, I want all those things. I want a beef, I want a chicken wing, and I want, I guess it would probably be a shrimp lo mein. And then I probably would get pork fried rice and shrimp lo mein

to kind of space it. And that's how I'm hitting all the... Do you ever get the house fried where it's everything? Yeah, I'll throw that in the mix sometimes. But even that, sometimes that's too many meats in there. And it takes away from the rice or the lo mein. I've always, I've gotten it, I've always found it suspect. I don't understand why it's the same price. I think it's all the leftovers, I think it's the leftover stuff. Yeah, why is it the same price to get everything in there?

That's a great question, that's a great question. Yeah, like it's weird. But I um. It overpowers the dish in my opinion. It is a little much, I agree. And then do you put, I'll do this the next day with the leftover fried rice rice I'll put it in a bowl and then I mix it up with duck sauce okay I like that I think again the duck sauce can be a little overpowering to me the beauty of the Chinese and getting this many things we're talking about that's

four meals right there yeah you know I mean yeah and I'm gonna have them I'm gonna have two back-to-back don't get me wrong but the next about that's four meals right there. Yeah, you know I mean, yeah, and I'm gonna have them I'm gonna have two back-to-back don't get me wrong, but the next day. That's another one And then there's the fight maybe when I get the sauce involved and it's like it's the last possible scraping Scrapings where it's like the chicken wings have been gone. You know I mean the egg rolls are gone now We're really getting desperate and we're put you know We're scraping little bits of beef from the beef and broccoli in there And that's when I might come up with like a really fucked up slurry. Yeah, you know almost a guy Yeah, just do the work. Yeah, like this is we're talking like one of my ultimate

Like like my rainy day meals in my depression meals are the same thing because they're serving the same purpose I'm on the couch all day watching stuff I already know and love. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and I'm gonna eat like I'm gonna eat lay down fall asleep wake up eat again. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so I do it but that's my two go-to's no bullshit are it's it's like Chinese like smorgasbord or I go full family meal from KFC. Wow, respect, respect. And I just keep making plates. I like that, I really like that. I've never thought of fried chicken for that,

but for me it would probably be the smorgasbord or a pizza order that also has wings attached and maybe fries. So I'm glad you said that, because one other one I will do, I'm not kidding, one other one I will do is I'll get a pizza and a cheesesteak and a hoagie. And a hoagie, respect. So I'm having a little tiny hoagie,

little cheesesteak, little pizza. Wow, that's awesome. False. I love that. I love that. I would probably sub the hoagie for the wings, but we're pretty close. We're pretty aligned You're right, maybe some tenders even some fries

Oh, let's get to these questions before I fucking put in put in a $400 seamless order eldest. I know We get all worked up. Yeah, dude. That sounds so fucking good. All right. What do we got here? Let's take some of this, and let's not forget, I never promised you a Rose Garden. Right now, out today, go watch it, guys. At Joe DeRosa Comedy on YouTube. Yeah, we'll link it right here. Give it a click.

And yeah, let's take some of our, let's use our beautiful minds to help the people, Joe. Okay. If you're running a small business, you know, as a small business owner, Let's take some of our, let's use our beautiful minds to help the people, Joe. Okay. If you run a small business, you know, as a small business owner, I know how tough it can be. Every time you miss a phone call, you miss some money, baby. That's why you need OpenPhone.

OpenPhone is the number one business phone system that streamlines and scales your customer communication. It works through an app on your phone or computer, so no more carrying two phones or using a landline. With OpenPhone, your team can share one number and collaborate on customer calls and texts like a shared inbox. That way, any teammates can pick up right where the last person left off, keeping response times faster than ever.

I'm a little scared that Elders would have... Thank God we're not a customer-client-focused forward business, because God forbid Elders would have access to all our clients. Thank the Lord we're an entertainment company. I don't need that. I don't need Elders answering the phone and ruining a business deal for me. But hopefully you hire better than me and you don't just hire your dumb friends and you give them access to your open phone. So whether you're a one-person operation drowning in calls and texts or have a large team that needs better collaboration tools, OpenPhone is a no-brainer. See why over 60,000 businesses trust OpenPhone. OpenPhone is offering my listeners 20%

off your first six months at openphone.com slash stavi. That's O-P-E-N-P-H-O-N-E dot com slash Stavi. And if you have existing numbers with another service, OpenPhone will port them over at no extra charge. OpenPhone, no missed calls, no missed customers. Hey Stav, hey LOD, esteemed guest. So I'm 30 years old, been married for a while now. I adore my wife, she's my best friend.

Great girl, but she feels like I'm not having sex with her enough. And basically, when we first got together, we fucked like jackrabbits constantly, multiple, multiple times a day, as you do in a new relationship and You know, it's kind of slowed down now and basically it's kind of my fault but I hate to sound shallow But like, you know, she put on a lot of weight over the years and you know I don't care what she looks like like I love her But like, you know, I can't force my dick to be like,

hey, dick, let's go, you know what I mean? Wow, that's crazy. And she thinks like, now like, oh, I just have a shitty sex drive, and like, you know, I need to get on boner pills, and it's like, no dude, I'm pounding off like three, four times a day still. That's insane. Hold on, hold on. You're jacking off four times a day, but you won't fuck your wife cuz she's a little fatter than she was before That's lunacy, but I guess she probably really appreciates him calling his favorite podcast. Yeah

Distinctive voice Nah wasn't me. Go ahead. It's LD His with me off like three four times a day And not if she knew that it would break her heart So she's gonna know not yeah, you know, I worry about her weight for you know the sake of our sex life It's also like a health thing like, you know, we thing. We're 30 now, and I'm starting to get worried that her weight may affect her life adversely, or her health adversely, and I just don't know how to approach that with her,

that conversation, and I honestly don't think I could ever bring myself to be like, yeah, I'm not fucking you because I'm not as attracted to you as I once was. It would break her heart and, you know, I don't ever wanna hurt her like that. I just, I don't know what to do. Thanks, I love you guys so much.

You guys carry my life sometimes. Thank you. Wow, this is kinda, like you really don't wanna fuck her that bad, bro? Well, I think my interpretation is is he you can hear the Trepidation in his voice. I think he's trying to be nice and I think he's saying she put on a little weight He's like but he's saying like no. No, she gained significant weight But he doesn't want to sell good asshole. That was the way I took. Okay, that's very possible. But my

advice to this Take it or leave it. Look, without transparency and honesty, you're doomed. This is doomed anyway. Yeah, yeah. This is doomed anyway. So if you can sit down and have the conversation And have it in a respectful way and voice your concerns first and this the shit about the sex second You know that's a conversation you I think you should probably have and if it leads to a breakup it leads to a breakup

But this is this is heading towards a breakup anyway. Yeah, that's a great point Is it like if you just if things just kind of first of all, you may think you're being nice, whatever, but it's like clearly this is seeped into a your sex life, but you're probably resentful in other ways that you're like you're probably like, are you treating her as nicely like he's saying? Like she's my best friend, whatever. You know what I mean like are you you're probably not treating her as good as you did when she was hot

huh I'm sorry I just picture her going hey we need to talk and she's like hold on let me get my meatballs okay she just takes that whole tray of lasagna what did you want to see me about? Yeah, listen I am no stranger to I have literally been the I've gained weight in every relationship I've ever been I've gotten fatty even fatter The ladies don't seem to mind you do they don't mind as much Yeah, they don't mind as much for sure, but it's like in a relationship. That's different right like yeah

I will I've gotten to fuck girls when I'm fat as shit, but I just mean like Anytime you're in a really and people said this about marriage and made elders the only married man here me and Joe You know we you know he's freshly fucked something up. I've fucked all my relationships up. You know like we're not exactly freshly fucked something up, I've fucked all my relationships up. You know, like we're not exactly, we don't really know how to make a marriage. So grain of salt here, but my friends who are in successful long-term relationships,

they've said things to the effect of like, you kind of like, you both grow and you continue to change and you have to like keep falling in love with kind of a new person in certain ways. And you're just not... You know, like you're not attracted to your wife in a way that's... You don't want to hurt her feelings, whatever, but by just kind of pretending there's no problem, you are...

She does feel like there's a problem. And by the way, do you think she's fucking stupid? Like, we live in a world where women are judged about their bodies from the time they're fucking 10 years old. Like, she has some inkling here. Especially if the weight loss is what you're saying or the weight gain is like really extreme. And maybe that's projection on her part. Like, maybe she is in denial and she's like,

and hoping it's like you have an ED problem, but if you won't even be like, hey, like part of this is, you know, you could say it's a mixture of stuff, whatever, but I do agree where you kind of have to have some kind of conversation about this. Because right now he's like, you're already engaging in behaviors that

like would hurt her feelings. Like, beating off behind her back is step one to cheating in a weird way. Like hiding your sex life and pretending your sex life is different. It's like you're basically divorcing, you're turning your relationship into two things, where it's like this person that I love,

but you're almost like saying you just wanna be friends with your wife. That's kinda what you're saying right now. And it's like, that's dangerous, I think. But also let's hit it from the other side. The other side of this could be, she didn't gain a ton of weight. You're just not into this anymore.

Right, that's possible. That's possible. Are you lying to yourself too? Here's the thing that both of you I think need to understand this concept of I don't think I'll ever date a woman ever again that is not sexually exploratory. I just don't I think the idea of this one-on-one monogamy You can never have any outside experience Even if it's together, right?

Fuck that shit man, like it's not normal. It's it's and then all these people women get I'm not putting it on women, but I'm just saying for example like yeah, they're all whores. I see what you're saying Yeah I'm not putting it on women, but I'm just saying for example like yeah, they're all whores. I seriously Can't believe he watches porn. It's like what do you what do you want him to do? Yeah, yeah sure you guys been together for 20 years like you like you it's an it's it's not a normal thing To go well like like my monogamy amongst our species is not normal so for if we want it to be normal We have to start making a few adjustments. I think you're right in terms of you need to be with somebody compatible who shares your views. I think it can work for some people, but I agree with you, there are plenty of

people that it's not exactly right for. I don't know that we can go that far with this guy, right? No, no. I'm not saying he's gotta be like, if his wife and I were having three kids. Let's be open is not the solution for this guy. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is there's a version of this where it's like you might just no longer be attracted to this person due to time and basic biology

and whatever you wanna call it. And that's also kind of a normal thing, you know? But if you want it to work and you want to fix it, then it's either got to be that you're being too shallow or you have to have a fucking conversation with her. And I also think the solution, like everything, and especially it feels like for marriage is probably a compromise, right?

Or meeting somewhere in the middle, it's like, dude, you're telling me, what you're saying is like you're repulsed by your wife. Because if you're saying a woman is begging you to have sex every day, and you're jacking off four times a day, and you don't feel like she's, you would rather fuck, you wouldn't fuck her once instead of, you wouldn't trade your hand

for pussy once a day, then it's bigger than I'm You know what else to what's that you just hit something that I can't believe we neither of us said yet, dude Beating off to porn is that's true. Vinley proving Lee bad. Yeah for the sex life with your wife That's a great point too So as much as I understand porn and its use and why a guy could utilize porn but still love his wife and still have sex with his wife, because it is a little variety if you will,

it is proven, so dude, you're exhausting your dick four times a day on porn, your brain does not know the difference between watching porn and orgasming to porn to actually having sex your brain literally does not know the difference your brain like when you are Cycling through clips your brain thinks we're cycling through women right? Yeah Yeah, and then when you orgasm it's like we had an orgasm with this person Yeah, so it's it's depleting any chance you have I think that's a great yourself a porn break and see how you're feeling in a week

Yeah, no, that's true. You know it'll make yeah, it'll make you want to fuck your wife more and like that's a great point It's like stop beating go no fat, and you'll want to fuck your wife Yeah but also I also think like if you're at the point where you would rather jack off and a woman that you love and is your best friend is Begging you for dick and you would rather beat off four times woman that you love and is your best friend is begging you for dick and you would rather beat off four times a day than fuck her even every other day,

then this is a bigger problem than she put on a couple pounds. Like you are fully completely, not just not that attracted to her, but repulsed by her. So you have to start being honest with yourself about is this fixable? Do you have a, are you beating off to like crazy shit too much?

It's like, you know, also it's like she's put on some weight. How have you, have you been, are you in great shape? Do you resent her for that? Have you, was that something important to you? That's another thing, as you grow and you, you know, in these relationships, if you don't have conversations about basic like values, and honestly, this is one of those things right some people are like hey when as I grow older I'm just gonna kind of let myself. You know fitness is not a huge deal for me. I'm a try. You know it's whatever

Some people are like you know if I gain ten pounds a year What do you know if I gain if I gain like couple pounds a year and then as I age who cares? Some people are fucking freaks about staying You know keeping like this could just be a values thing you don't share, but either way There's something bigger than just like oh, I don't really I'm not that attracted to her you have to have a conversation and yes What's more important hurt like? Try maybe slightly hurting her feelings Or just basically slowly letting this

because what you're on is a path to this not being a relationship at all. You might argue this isn't one right now. If you're in a sexless marriage or one person's begging the other one and you can't even fuck her once, you can't fuck her every once in a while, bro. You're worried about a shipwreck

but this is an erosion that's happening. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're just, it's just slow the raft is slowly losing air right? Yeah, you know what I mean like yeah So anyway, whatever man. Good luck. Fuck you What else we got eldest? I'm thinking about Chinese food stay Yes first time long time, you know the deal I'm 24, but I've been struggling with a sex addiction my entire adult life pretty much. Sleeping with a lot of people I shouldn't

and feeling a lot of shame and really gross about it afterwards. I'm in therapy now and we have it really under control I'm doing really good but my dilemma is this I'm essentially the depraved fuck boy of the friend group and whenever I tell my friends some of the sick shit I've done the joy on their face completely outweighs the shame and guilt that I feel. So you're gay? And I'm wondering if you think it's worth it.

So the important part of sex is telling your male friends about it? That's more important to you than anyway, go ahead. And I'm wondering if you think it's worth it to keep indulging while I'm young, while I can still worth it. No. They keep indulging while I'm young, while I can still do it. Just so I get those great stories every once in a while to tell my friends. No. When I let them know I was banging a married woman in an open relationship in a cemetery and the laughter they had after that.

Wow. I mean. That's crazy. I mean, shit. That outweighed all the shame I felt from Sleeping with sex workers. Well, those aren't the two things that I've done also sleep with sex workers that disgusting No, you have a weird hang you do this guy needs to stop being a pussy Fuck do you want to? Just enjoy it, dude.

Or don't, and if you don't enjoy it, then don't do it. Like, the shame you're feeling is, first of all, it's very natural to feel some shame, because it's a dopamine depletion after you orgasm, which is one of the reasons why I had that my whole life. And then when I was 45, I had that my whole life. And then when I was 45, a clinician was like,

I did a blood panel and she was like, your testosterone is really low. You should get on a testosterone treatment. Holy shit. So I did. And she's like, it's gonna improve your sex drive in some way. But I didn't know how.

She just said, that's gonna be part of this. And I was like, well, that's cool. All of a sudden, when I had sex, I didn't immediately feel sad afterwards. When I jerked off, I didn't immediately feel sad afterwards. And I always thought that that was like shame and guilt. And then I looked up low testosterone orgasm and the first thing I found was, it was like,

you will have a feeling of depression and whatever like so that's part of it well I've been low T my whole life it's you know it'll yeah like it'll get you like when when I got into something like that thing of like like you so you know sometimes you'll not to be craftily sometimes you'll sleep with some or rude but sometimes you'll sleep with somebody and you're like As soon as it's done. What have I done? Yeah, I gotta get out of here whatever and that started going away like all of it was like all I was like Oh, there's a mental connection to all this so that could be part of it, but look, you know, dude

my my friend I Had a friend who I'm not religious, but I had a friend and his friend was a priest. And he would talk about guys coming into confession and talking about this kind of stuff. That's awesome, the priest was just letting you, just over beers telling you about that? Yeah, yeah, just spilling the beans on everybody. And the priest said, he always said the same thing,

he goes, of course you're're depressed your sins are many and uh And he didn't mean it like you're you're sinning against god. He just meant it like You're you're you're living in an empty way Yeah, like you're living in a selfish way and that is causing of course, that's going to make you sad. So You know this this sounds like an addiction that's also going to carry guilt with it and stuff. And it sounds like you need to get some of that guilt might be coming from some of these things we're talking about.

But it sounds to me, at the end of the day, you have an addiction, you're continuing to steer into your addiction. For some reason, you need your friend that you've got, we talked about imposter syndrome earlier, you've got imposter syndrome with your own friends that you've got we talked about imposter syndrome earlier You've got imposter syndrome with your own friends that you think you need them to light up and smile and laugh at sex stories So if you don't they won't like you or something. That's all you're bringing to the table in your view That's a good. That's a good point is like this guy clearly His I what his like relationship to sex is so fucked up in so many different ways where it's like,

you know, he has all this shame, he says he's doing stuff he's not proud of, but then he like wants to tell his friends. The fact that your friends, this is like being like, oh, heroin is really ruining me, but my boys love hearing about me doing it It's like come on dude respect yourself a little bit and again We're we're two fucking real pieces of shit on the on this podcast where it's like What you've done does it would not faze us. I promise you whatever the most disgusting thing you think you've done I promise you Joe or I have fucking done it. You know what I mean?

So we're not coming at this from a prude perspective no but you clearly want to be in therapy he's talking about how it's going well he's in therapy he's getting this shit under control showing off for your friends is like you're literally that's a little kid thinking dude and being an adult is like that's this is literally like yeah you know the classic if your friends jumped off a bridge would you go with them type shit where it's like just because your friends Think it's cool doesn't mean you have to keep doing something harmful to yourself Well also too if I may add another thing mm-hmm look man

Some of this can just be the the sexual encounters you're pursuing right like some of this guilt You're feeling could be like No, I had sex with a sex worker Which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's like but but you might have you might be like you're in your subconscious level Shit, man. I hope that was she was she's she's clean and I hope that I'm safe And you know what I mean you started that you have sex with a woman in an open marriage I hope it's actually open what if it's not what if her husband actually comes and hurts me with it? Like they're like these are things like these these people that you're engaging with there's nothing wrong with engaging with them But maybe it's just the scenarios themselves that are also making you feel very uncomfortable

I don't know if you have a real sex addiction. I would go I would start going to sex parties and shit Feed it. It's like a fever feed the fever If you have a real sex addiction, I would go, I would start going to sex parties and shit. And you'd go, I don't know. Feed it. It's like a fever, feed the fever. Or starve a cold, feed a fever. At least. Starve a sex addiction. Feed a sex addiction, starve a heroin addiction.

At least see if it works at that point, maybe. I don't know. You know what I mean? You know what, I feel great. I don't know. Yeah, make yourself, it's like when you're, when you catch your son smoking one cigarette, you're like, you're gonna smoke the whole pack. We're catching you, make yourself. It's like when you're when you catch your son smoking one cigarette You're like you're gonna smoke the whole pack. We're catching you fuck pussy. You're gonna fuck 12 pussies at this party

Yeah, until you're sick of pussy Yeah, look go to a sex party if you want, but I think ultimately you're on the path that would have for whatever reason, right? Even if you're if you were to be there's a way you could behave this way and it doesn't affect you and we'd be fine with it. No one here would judge you, but it does affect you negatively. And you clearly want a healthier relationship to sex. You wanna, you want, and I agree,

there's probably ways where you can maybe take away the things that make you feel really bad and then just have a healthier like, you know, you are young, maybe, you don't have to necessarily get married or anything, but you could be hooking up with people, but it could be people you have some kind of connection to. Either way, it's not worth, I mean this,

you're 24, you have to start shedding the thinking of doing stuff to impress your friends, that's pathetic. So that's the number one takeaway. Figure out your relationship to sex. It's good You're you're trying to you know it's gotten to the point where it's addiction You're in therapy for it figure out what's right for you and do that and your friends won't fucking give a fuck You think you think that's all you're bringing the table. You're bringing more to the table They actually fucking like you a lot of the times the shit you worry about is just like a throwaway to people

Yeah, they don't consider you the guy who you know they think it's funny, but it's like you know those stories end for everyone At some point yeah But you know good luck Whatever who fucking cares I want pizza Now I'm thinking of rotisserie chicken to Peruvian cheese steak yeah, here's Nah, dude. I want Peruvian chicken. I want a cheesesteak. Yeah, that's not bad. Here's the thing, I want to mix it up.

I want a cheesesteak and fried chicken wings from the Chinese place. That's a power move. You know what's great? When a pizza place's wings are the breaded fried ones and not just the regular hot wings, you're in a whole new ballgame. When a pizza place has good wings Huge plus yes humongous plus, but I've seen people really fuck up the breaded ones too though that can be an issue I've seen pizza places because I think the worst wings are those breaded ones because they're just like super frozen like totally frozen And they don't give a fuck, but if they do that in a like

Elevated way that's well here here's my thing I I enjoy both but there's a specific version of that breaded one that tastes when you get it you're the frozen one you get when you get it you're like oh this is that this is no you're right you're right the G one if I had to get if I had to have a low quality wing it's that frozen breaded one fried hard yeah they're like this is crispy this is nice it hides some of the imperfections of the low-grade chicken yeah you know and they taste exactly like when KFC had hot wings and they were just breaded but spicy yeah I know you're talking about

those are good with the spices baked in yeah yeah I don't want sauce on top of breading yes those are good done right those are very good folks You know what I want you to do this summer Create an oasis with suma a modern design company that specializes in furniture and home goods I have a suma bed in my beautiful home in Baltimore my that is my oasis I can't wait to go back actually about to go visit my family for a couple days. I'm gonna step foot I'm gonna have a wonderful night's sleep in my rest. Not only is it a restful bedroom, but it looks awesome thanks to the little touches from Thuma. I got the bed, the platform bed. It's awesome. I have little side tables. Thuma's got it all. I love my Thuma stuff and it was very easy for me to put together because I'm pretty, I'm not gifted when it comes to these hands.

My father was a contractor carpenter. I did not get any of those skills. I'm just a little show business guy. I wasn't meant to put beds together, but even a dummy like me put together my Thuma bed in like five minutes. No tools required. Just hand tightened screw. Can you believe that?

It's beautiful, clean lines, subtle curves, minimalist style, the Thuma bed collection's available from four signature finishes to match any design and aesthetic. Headboard upgrades are available for customization as desired. I don't even have the, I'll be honest with you, get the headboard if you wanna go all out.

I just have the plain bed, it looks awesome awesome to get $100 towards your first bed purchase go to thuma.co Slash Stavi that's thuma Co slash Stavi to receive $100 off your first bed purchase All right. All right next question eldest. So a couple more here I'm a big kid guy and, and I know you are too. That's right. For some context, my wife and I, we are both in our late 20s, and my wife has wonderful big ol' rack on her, and it's one of my favorite things, but she recently learned from multiple doctors now

That she has a gene that increases her likelihood of breast cancer drastically Um, this gene basically makes it so that Um between now and the rest of her life The doctors are saying there's a 60 to 70 chance that she will get breast cancer at least once and her mom has had breast cancer twice now so we're pretty worried about it the doctors recommend that she gets a double mastectomy how is there you know which? I know, this is insane. Completely remove both of her breasts, nipples and everything. Nipples and everything?

Oh my god, not the nipples. To save your wife's life. And at this age right now, she doesn't want to get the procedure done because she also knows that I like breasts. WHAT?! I have big breasts a lot. So she's very self-conscious and I'm trying to reassure her. So, you know, in short, my question to you is, what do I do to reassure her?

Every once in a while she makes jokes that, to our friends, that once she gets this operation done, we're never gonna have sex again. This is insane. Because most of the time I get hard by playing with her boobs. So, you know, I wanna reass reassure her that she can be comfortable with it. And we will stay together forever. So I just want to hear your advice on this, and maybe what would you do in this situation for yourself?

Okay, alright. This is better than I thought it was going to be. But also, I'm sorry I'm confused. You can't get fake tits the fuck. Yeah, no, they reconstruct they make a new Julie famously yet the double mastectomy and she has big-ass fake tits now they make yeah, they make new tits They they make a fake nipple they tattoo What they do is is they well I learned how they make the fake nipple when my mom had breast cancer They they take you like give her a nice rack What they do is they, I learned how they make the fake nipple when my mom had breast cancer. They take a piece of skin. You're like, give her a nice rack. You're like, I'm staying on the road extra mile, you're getting the top nipples they can get you.

They make, they take a little piece of skin and they make like the bump part. And then they tattoo the areola. Oh, look at that. And they make like a fake nipple. Perfect. Yeah. perfect yeah I mean look what are we even fucking talking first of all what the fuck is wrong with your like how low is your wife's self-esteem that she's like well I'll just I'll just have a 70% chance of cancer so my fucking husband can get

hard here's my question and maybe I'm ignorant as shit. Why do you have to preemptively do it? Why can't you just keep getting regular checkups and then if they see signs of cancer then do it? I googled it when I got this question because that seemed a little weird to me too. Why would you like preemptively do that shit? But that is something that is done when there's like a high likelihood of breast cancer. I know, so there's got to be a reason why. Yeah, I think it's probably just safe. It's like... It is kind of like a standard route you can take if like, you know, you're highly likely to have breast cancer.

If that was me, right? Like if that was me and they're like testicular cancer, you could get one of your nuts. I wouldn't check my nuts every four months. I would get them chopped off and get like a little fake nut in there. You know what I mean? Like I wouldn't risk this. So I think it's just off and get like a little fake nut in there you know like I wouldn't risk this so I think it's just like easier though but I'm just I'm just trying to say like I'm just I see why you would just do it you know I mean because if you can just remove the likelihood that cancer is coming into your you know into your body at all I think you do it I know a girl who had this done when she was like 22. And she was, I met her after she had this preemptive thing

done, and she was one of the hottest girls I've ever seen in my life. I saw her, my buddy was hooking up with her, and I slept on her couch one night, and in the middle of the night she came out for like water, and she was in like a tank top and panties and she She was like one of the I was like yeah You can you you can carry on yeah?

Absolutely yeah, this is like I mean is there some reason is there something we're missing about not getting implants. I don't understand because He didn't really mention them and that seems to me like the answer. I'm assuming he left out a detail of either my wife doesn't want to get fake boobs or I, you know, I'm not attracted. I hate, there are guys out there. I'm not defending it, but there are guys out there that are just like, I loathe fake tits and they turn me off. You know, I couldn't be, I couldn't be more anti. I mean, that's ridiculous. I loathe fake tits and they turn me off. You know, I don't- I couldn't be more anti, I mean that's ridiculous.

I don't get it. I've said this before, it's like, why are you standing in the way of science? Yeah. Like, it's like, I've said it again, okay, don't have air conditioning. Yeah. Don't drink fucking pasteurized milk then.

You know what I mean? Like, we have technology, don't take Advil when you have a headache if you don't want science, man. I feel like there's a part of this, He might have left that out where he was like Maybe she's like no, I won't get reconstructed but somebody or maybe she he's like, I'm turned off I think boobs. She's like well, I don't want to do it cuz I don't want you to not be a trap I don't that's crazy though. Cuz this woman is saying she's she's thinking about risking keeping her tits around for him

She wouldn't get fake tits. I don't understand. So anyway, reassure her. So I, you know, get breast implants and then be like, also, the fact that you've let this go on this long is insane. The fact that this comes up and you're like, hey, you're being like, I love you more than anything. The idea that you would not do that,

you would risk your life for this kind of reason, I'm almost offended that you would play with your life. The fact she's even making these jokes, how haven't you nipped this in the bud? We're comedians, whatever, everything, but it's like, I would have to sit my wife down and be like, we're not joking about this. This isn't funny. This is your life. We're gonna do this control her Yeah, exactly control your bitch control your fat-titted bitch and get her some big fake tits

I mean, that's it dude chop the chopper natural Big-natties off and get her some big fakies and then for the rest of your life you get to hold that over her head Yeah, and who bought you those? Exactly this fuckers is a power move Take the power It's the most I've said it we've said it on the podcast before it's one of the most romantic things I can think of is buying somebody fake tits because you know There's no guarantee that she leaves you those tickets go with the pussy reconstruction

I think that's You say honey, can I please pay to reconstruct your lunch meat? That's beautiful that is beautiful yeah, and I hope you find that one day Joe What else we got LD? You know what they should be, when they do a vagina reconstruction? What about? They should put one of those automatic air freshener things. It goes off every 25 minutes.

Couldn't hurt. From the top corner, just like, the great shit. I don't want to do chemically though, I want to just fresh air. Yeah, we'll think about it. We'll draw some schematics up. Hey, Scob, hey, Otis, hey, Esteem, Guess. I have a question about a group of guys that I've been friends with since college. We had a fantasy football league and it's been going on for a couple years now. The problem is the guy that is the commissioner had a fight with one of the guys and they

left and so last year he invited his wife to join the league His wife is cool. It's fine. But the problem is that they started training with each other and all everybody else is now It's not good. Not really sure what other guys have talked about about not joining But it's one of the only times or places that we still connect together since college so just wondering your advice. Should we just quit the league and start our own, tell this guy fuck you, or should we just suck it up and say, you know, this is this guy's livelihood, this is his wife, she's probably just making him do it.

But wanted to know your advice. Saw you on the road on the Dreamboat tour. It was fucking awesome. So you and JP both killed it. Thank you. Bye I mean look his wife's cool, but it changes the vibe immediately Like it's like it just becomes a different thing With a fantasy league when it's like almost like a reunion with the like think about your group chat with the fellas Think about if one of their wives was in it. It's a completely different place

Even if she's cool as shit, it just there's no way it's not a little neutered. I Got to be honest. I feel bad. Yeah, I zoned out Basically sorry, he's in a fantasy football league. It's okay. Thank you for your honesty being upfront about it. This guy's in a fantasy football league. The commissioner got in a fight with some guy, kicked him out. The commissioner's wife is now his replacement, right? And he, our colonel here-

Wait, wait, wait, wait. The commissioner got kicked out? No, no, no, no. The commissioner kicked the guy out, and then the guy who got kicked out, then the commissioner's wife replaced the guy that got kicked out. Yes. Got it, okay. So, and our caller's not even mad that the wife's in there.

He's just saying now they trade with each other, and so it's clearly unbalanced trades is my guess. So here's the thing. Yeah, you don't just plug. It's quick, first of all. What was the criteria for your wife to take the spot? Yeah, I mean, that's nuts. Here's what I would say for real. Here's what I would do. I would say, now, does anybody else want to be the commissioner? Because basically, the commissioner

can veto trades. And so if they're doing a clearly unfair trade, the commissioner has to have the power to veto, right? So what I would say is like, hey, if you want your wife, because if they've already done this first season and they're trading ridiculous, you should be like, hey, man, and you have info, right? Like you have all the old trades, you could be like, you know, this is crazy. You fucking traded, you know, you traded, I don't know, Justin Jefferson from Miami's defense or whatever. And like that should not be allowed whatever he has to

relinquish if he wants to keep his wife of the league he has to relinquish his powers as commissioner and somebody else has to has to do has to do it why do some men and women not get this. Why? Why? It drives me crazy. There's nothing wrong with a group of dudes remaining a group of dudes to do whatever their version of dude shit is. I'm not saying that women can't be in these leagues.

I'm not even saying that men and women can't be in these leagues. I'm saying that what was already pre-established here was it was a dudes club. And it really drives me fucking crazy that like there are guys that just don't get this and they just show up to a dude hang and like they bring their girl and it's like dude I like your girl. I love your girl. But this is a dude hang. This is not the time. And it just shifts things a little bit.

Absolutely. And for any women thinking that I'm being sexist or whatever I'm not because I want you to think about when you have a girls night and one of your guys shows up The fucking way he shifts his energy. Yeah and comes in like oh ladies It starts literally acting more like a chick Yeah Because he doesn't want to fuck up the girls night energy like it's just like just it's and then the fact that it's the Commissioner I don't trust it. This is this is a dirty and

Dirty, this is a dirty. That's what he's dirty's going on It's not good the trade the uh and into our college credit He's not even making the point that we're both saying that they fuck the vibes up He's just saying like the fucking trades are pissing him off. And so for me, it's like somebody else has to be commissioner, somebody has to have veto power over their trades, because you're not allowed to trade, you know, some guy. Yeah, you know why the trades are pissing him off?

Because the guy threw his wife into this thing. Yeah, no, it, yeah. Yeah, you know, it's like, go find another dude that replaces the dude. Like, I don't know, is that shitty? I mean, or go find a lady at least that knows the fucking game but it seems like she knows it it seems like he's getting annoyed that they're on they're basically cheating essentially okay he's not even annoyed like I agree with you I had that was my

stress enough I didn't listen right right right it didn't stop it didn't stop you from coming in hot with an opinion though, and I respect that. But yeah, so I think if your main issue is how this shit is kind of unfair, then you have to be like, all right man, you can't be the commissioner, this is ridiculous, like you and your wife. And you need actual proof, by the way, because you said they've been trading with each other. Did they actually do unfair trades? Because if not, then maybe you don't actually care about it on being unfair, and you're just looking for a different

Avenue to complain about the vibes getting fucked up, but either way I Think he has to be replaced as commissioner, and if he doesn't want to do that or if he's like oh come on That's you guys being ridiculous. Just start your own fucking league Go start a league with the guy who got kicked out who cares like That's what I would say Attempt to save the group and if the commissioner fights back or he's like you guys are being ridiculous Just start your own fucking start your own league. It's not a big deal. I got a question. I fully agree with you I mean it sounds like foul play between the commissioner and his wife for sure something needs to be done here. I am wondering I've never like actually done a fantasy league how often does it happen that like when a bunch of guys are in it or whoever like how

many how often does it happen that like people naturally faction together and like start operating in like bad faith cohutes. But that's so okay that the commissioner usually has veto power because yes let's say somebody's out of the year good to take a bit let's say somebody's out of the playoffs or whatever like let's say me and you were in a fantasy league and you know you're you're not going to be in the playoffs and we're playing the mysterious and elusive big P for example right and he's got a better team than me, but he beat you,

you're pissed cause he beat you early in the season. You, if there was nobody overseeing it could trade me your best player for some dog shit. And it would essentially be that. That's why they've made it so that somebody has to have veto power because like, they stopped that. And it seems like This guy is annoyed because his wife like it doesn't seem like the kind of thing where the woman doesn't understand football It seems like she gets it and she's you and she's like trying to win and makes her fucking husband traitor good players

Actually, right? Yeah To me this is the same as it was like his brother or anybody else like the commissioner is just it's not like that It's his wife is the fact he's abusing his commissioner power to make unfair trades with someone. He's in cahoots with that's my big issue with this Yeah, and so if he's not willing to be like hey man last season you did this with your wife It's your fucking wife. You're clearly you clearly can't be trusted. We need to take veto power away from you Yeah, if he fights you on that then fuck it just started a new league who fucking cares Yeah, he already kind of fucked the vines up by bringing his wife Yeah, you know what I mean like

Damn so anyway, I guess let's wait for Joey to come back and we'll do one final We'll do one final Call here. Yeah, I have a fun little fan theory about a call. Okay, okay, I like that. I think Joe's washing his hands more fucking, like more extremely than anybody did during COVID. I've never seen him wash his hands once.

We worked on tires. And this motherfucker, he stopped pissing like five minutes ago. That was the most intense hand washing I've ever seen from you, man. You have, you have, the placement of your toothpaste,

it was sociopathic. He's got his toothpaste uncapped directly under the cold nozzle on the sink. So you wash your hands, you go to turn the water off, and your fucking hand water will drip directly onto the... Not the only one here, it's a fresh tube, but yeah, you're right. That's not the normal place I have it. I had to crack open a new tube this morning I've seen some awesome configurations in there yeah necklaces and rings next to like a dirty t-shirt

and underwear rolled up in the sink toothbrush toothpaste is all out everything's up in the air man everything's everything's for negotiation in that bathroom all right let's let's let's play one last call here. Something fun to take us out on. Yeah, this is a fan theory about a call we had on the PFT episode. It was the girl who was dating a guy for a month. And basically, he was going big.

They went on the ski trip. Right. There's like, Loki getting like fucking love bombed. Love bombed. Yes, yes, yes. And then he just ghosted her out of the blue after a month that included a ski trip So this callers responding to that, okay? Hey, I Love this podcast. I literally only listen to true crime podcast. I'm like story podcast. This is the only talking ass podcast

Oh, yeah, that's big. All right this. I want to actually we need to expand our. That's a big market. If we can steal women from true crime. That's that's how we hit the next level, baby. But thank you for listening. We appreciate that. I'll just what do you got to finish your finish your call? Yeah, but I'll listen to your hello. said you're a hella funny. All right, so I wanna actually respond to a question that you put on the, it was on the PLT episode, and a girl got on there and said that a dude ghosted her after a month, right? Like he took her skiing and did all this shit,

and she just can't believe that he would ghost her after being such a nice guy for such a long time. All right, boom. So my boyfriend told me, and now when he told me this my mind was blown from this shit So I think that this is the possible scenario My boyfriend told me he has a friend that does not want to be in a relationship and he only likes bad bitches So what he does is So crazy, so what he does is he stacks his money for

like two months right maybe two and a half months we're talking like I don't know ten weeks he stacks his bread because he has a good job he stacks his bread he finds a bad bitch on Instagram then he dates her for like a month and fucking pulls out all the stops like she said they went skiing right like he'll take the bitch To Bermuda he'll buy her a fucking designer bag But then he runs out of money His mind he already knew What five stacks on this bitch and then I'm done with it. Maybe that's what happened. I think that's what happened.

He's one of those motherfuckers. So anyway, that's my theory on it. And yeah, love the pod. She'll be alright. He's found it cute. Yeah, I agree. That's fascinating. That dude rules. That's the man that knows what he wants. It makes no...

It's fascinating. The budget, my man fucks. He'll date a woman until his budget runs out. That's fascinating that that's where it went. Because before she got there, when I was here in the ski trip center for the first time, my immediate thought was, what people have to realize

is some people don't look at that. That ski trip isn't taking a girl on a ski trip. That ski trip is a guy wants to go on a ski trip, but he doesn't wanna go alone. And part of his vacation is I go and I have a girl with me and we go and we ski and then we date, whatever. That's his, that is a guy going vacation first yes that's a good point then plugging in whatever the components of the vacation are who happens to be around what girl

am I currently talking to you get to be you're lucky yeah that I it's like the this cast of SNL 50 who you know I'm friends with but it's like you shouldn't have been there next to fucking Steve Martin Sarah Squirms next to fucking Steve Martin no disrespect but it's like they got lucky that it was like you know the SNL 50 is like they're in that room with every legend in the world Paul McCartney's there you know what I mean it's like you just happened to be around you're the girl I'm talking to when I want to go to fucking Barbados yeah so it's like congratulations

Excuse me and some guys or some people Can't be alone Right they can't be alone and they to me to me hell The definition of hell is being trapped with a person. I don't want to be around Yeah for other people the definition of hell is being trapped with a person I don't wanna be around. For other people, the definition of hell is being alone. So some people are like, dude, there's somebody here. Okay, great.

So it's so crazy, that's exactly what I was gonna say. And then she talked about this guy stacking the money and whatever. And it's like, what that guy is doing, that's his vacation. Because I saved up for two months, and then I go on vacation. and the money and whatever and it's like what that guy is doing it that's his vacation vacations over yeah back to work back to work that's incredible I want to treat myself to the finer things I'm just a humble middle-class guy. I can't be future every day Three or four weeks if I just like save up to it. He's doing set of a woman. Yeah

Yeah, I'm a woman sure of course up his fucking military check. Yeah, he's like we're going to New York Absolutely. We're gonna rent a Ferrari, fuck much of all yours. And then we're done. Respect. That's awesome that your boyfriend's friend does this. That's insane. I agree. But that's a beautiful fan theory. You're right.

She'll be okay. And thank you for sharing. And thank you for listening, even though we don't do true crime. And by the way, one other thing. What an awesome way to be a fuckboy. Yeah, he like saves money and then Ben's on these girls so it's not like he just tries to get laid and he ghosts Yeah, or they go Dutch on the check and he still tries to have sex or whatever he comes in Huh, he comes he spends money these girls leave with purses

He comes in hot he comes he spends money these girls leave with purses. Yeah Yeah, that's fucking you're right it is you could are someone argues slightly sociopathic but it's also compared to just like what just the the classic thing was like I Fucked this guy. He didn't even have a bed frame like that. That was the hack joke for a while Ten years like bed frame and one set of sheets, right? mattress on the floor Would you rather have that would you rather fucking yeah hit the slopes and get a Birkin? So beautiful I also love that she did kind of break it down and unfold it and and make that connection kind of like in the true crime style. She did!

She really did, dude! You got talent, sister! Get at it and start your own shit. That's great. She really did, you're right. She was like, okay, boom. She's fucking each thing, she's connecting it. Yeah, you got talent.

Maybe it's the first podcast, Stubby Baby podcast studio signs, dude. Yeah. Or Eldest Studios, that's where you're trying to make the make the we got a sign or do like a 60% you 40% contract. I'm like, hey, I got the platform, baby But we can make this big All right, well that's gonna do for us this week. Thank you everybody for listening. Joe, thanks for coming on. It was so fun. Brother, dude, this was awesome. This was great.

I had a blast. Thank you for having me. I had a great time. And guys, go watch the special out right now. We'll link to it. I never promised you a rose garden. And we will talk to go to bed.