Stavvy's World - #139 - Sarah Sherman

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Starting point is 00:00:19 If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BenMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904-800. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. With us returning again, Sarah Sherman. She's low energy folks, she's hungover. I'm hungover. I think you had one martini. I had one salty dirty martini with like hella olives and then I had a burger and now I'm like it's salt hungover. Sounds awesome. I feel terrible. I texted you in the middle of the night like I can't do it. When your like heart is beating too fast because you have too much so are you talking to I've spent like a decade Feeling that way, but what is that was my heart beating because of the alcohol poisoners cuz it was like a maybe

Starting point is 00:01:13 Like where were you were you were you anxious? I was in my bed not being Why are you eating burgers and martini because it was's like... What was the occasion? I got dinner with fucking friends for God's sake. That's nice. Let me sue me. That's nice. You shouldn't feel bad about that. You're literally... you're hanging me out to dry. Holy fuck. What was that? I liked that one. What was the drop supposed to... Holy fuck. Oh, was that one of our alt twisted, one of our alt twisted tea drops? Yes it was.

Starting point is 00:01:48 No, not the twisted tea. Don't! Hey, hey, hey. Wait a second. Don't worry. There'll be more from them later. I asked for a fucking cup of water. I said, can I please have a glass of water?

Starting point is 00:02:01 And he gives me this. Blur it out. They're not a sponsor anymore, Eldis. What happened? It's fine, we have no beef with them. No, they just keep, they do something very shrewd, which is even after they stop, they know podcasts are lazy

Starting point is 00:02:14 and won't get waters for their guests. Maybe not podcasts, maybe let's say the podcast producer, that might be something he should think about. You've cooked me a full meal before. Sure. We made pancakes, protein pancakes, which we got to get back to making, by the way. I know I'm on my I also feel like shit because I had a lot. I've been a very healthy boy this year. And, you know, we won't talk about I'm Hollywood.

Starting point is 00:02:40 How cases everybody knows I'm in another another project. We can't disclose the information what exactly it is but it's cool but cool honestly I never say that to you yeah I know I know you can't even hate on it is legitimately cool it's cool but the problem is I've been healthy because I've I've my whole I like even when we went on tour we brought one of my friends to just basically like make sure I didn't eat too many snacks and like I

Starting point is 00:03:09 planned all this shit out but when you go when you act in something they got snacks everywhere and you're hungry all the time because your mind and brain want to be amazing yeah so it's like and of course and of course I was asked to do something really hard be a fat bully That was a really tough thing for me to do is bully the protagonist of whatever project I'm in Showed up a skinny legend It would be crazy. I've been doing your job I'm gonna do my job. So I had to have four uncrossed the bulls a day. I had that

Starting point is 00:03:47 I'm a big uncrossed the bulls guy I was like let me guess uncrossed the bulls uncrossed the bulls are so fucking good I didn't know that was gonna be your Achilles heel so good about it protein. Well not that much Not that much The sweet and salty and I do get the strawberry ones cuz you know You got because that I remember as a child grape. You just always got grape So when strawberry was available that felt like going to France or something. I was never allowed to have an uncrustable What about just a regular PB&J? Yes, I was allowed to have that but my mom said it was like just you know Make just make a fucking sandwich respect. She was against the uncrushed

Starting point is 00:04:24 I don't think we had too many uncrustables in my house either. This is more of an adult thing I guess just philosophically Strawberry felt like a vacation totally because grape was just what you always got Or and then when you know, we were we got Nutella before everybody else cuz my grandmother would bring it back So that was very special a fucking hazelnut peanut butter. Ooh. Did you get fluff? We never, we weren't a fluff family.

Starting point is 00:04:49 Damn. We weren't a fluff family. Fluff house, Nutella, chunky peanut butter. Oh, and fluff. Fluff. That's good. Wow, marshmallow fluff, huh? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:58 Interesting. You know what? What's your preferred jelly or jam or anything to this day? I'm gonna say something crazy. Please. Raspberry with a little bit of seed. Crunch! I like that. I don't hate that. I like that a lot. Also, I don't think I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for real for like, I think, 10 years and then I had one recently and I was like, damn!

Starting point is 00:05:17 It's good. It's crazy when the jelly's cold. Listen, grilled cheese PB&J. Whoa. They're king. They're the king. I thought you meant a grilled cheese PB&J. No, no, no. I just mean the simple sandwiches. They're kings for a reason. You really can't beat, they might be the best sandwiches. Can I say something crazy?

Starting point is 00:05:32 Yeah. Growing up crazy Jewish, for some reason, toast with butter was never in the conversation. Because I think it was just like breakfast, bagel, lunch. Sure, sure, sure. Bagel, dinner, food with bagel on the side. And you grew up on Long Island, so they're good bagels. Yeah, and so it was just like breakfast, bagel, lunch, bagel, dinner, food with bagel on the side. And you grew up on Long Island so they're good bagels. Yeah, and so was the other? We were a Lenders family.

Starting point is 00:05:51 We didn't know, the Frozen ones. That's what I thought was a bagel. I didn't even know that word meant nothing to me. You see that it meant nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a look of complete blank. You have not even heard of it. I went back to being hungover.

Starting point is 00:06:03 You fucked around with Lenders, didn't you, Eldis being hungover you fucked around with lenders didn't you all this We fucked around with the package shit I don't know if it was like lenders specifically like I don't really recognize this no that's that they've updated their packaging look up lenders vintage lenders bagels 1990 but they don't get crunchy their soft all oh that's beautiful. Yeah, they don't get crunchy that They're soft all oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, they don't get crunchy I mean that's a big problem, but glass cups have crazy lead poisoning. You know those that type Yeah, I'm helping yeah, I do remember those like the McDonald's cups had that right McDonald's But I have a porky the pig one yes, go ahead bagels toast

Starting point is 00:06:48 When I started dating my boy boyfriend and we moved in together He's making toast with butter all the time Crazy amazing, but a bagel is essentially fucking toast dude It's the same. It scratches the same itch You think because they're more it's more brittle. You think it's more brittle. That's the thing with toast But it's a flavor like toast flavor is even different than bagel flavor. I don't I think you're out of your mind Oh, this bagels got like egg Glaze kind of maybe I'm kind of with you Sarah We always used to do you know my mom was like feeling lazy to make dinner

Starting point is 00:07:20 We'd always joke around she'd be like how dare she working all day. I'm like I'd be like dinner we'd always joke around she'd be like how dare she working all day hey I'm like I'd be like the fattest son imaginable having to feed a fucking son that eats more than we were both obese children you ate more than like four adult men having to feed you after working all day yeah and your sister but you would always she would always do what we would call it like surprise when I'd ask what for dinner she's like surprise It'd be like bread and butter with like feta cheese and like some salami on the side That does it and like that sounds awesome I'm with you Sarah like yeah

Starting point is 00:07:53 It's like getting a piece of like Italian bread cut from the loaf or something with like some soft butter on it That's a completely different experience and like a it is not a completely Dense bagel like a different cuisine It is not a completely different experience. It's like a very thick dense bagel like... It's really like a different cuisine from a different country. No, you're out, you're... okay. You've both taken it way too far. I will give you that if you get a slender piece of toast that's very toasted and almost brittle,

Starting point is 00:08:17 and then you smear the butter into it where it's almost like the ratio is almost like even butter to like bread because the bread is so thin. Which you can never do with a bagel. Then that I'll give you. That is a different experience. But the flavor is different. Just because it's charred. No it's like I'm bread is a different flavor. Than bagel? Bread is different than bagel. How do you stand on this, Eldis? I'm with her. Oh my god. When I'm talking about surprise, too, I'm honestly not even thinking about toast, really. I'm thinking about fluffy Italian bread from a...

Starting point is 00:08:55 Well, you've added a whole other fucking element to this conversation. I'm like fucking sad right now. Which I love, too. But that's the thing. Toast, untoasted bread, bagel, they're completely different beasts. A toasted bagel, okay. Yes! Toasted bagel is very similar to toasted bread.

Starting point is 00:09:12 No, because your tongue, your tongue is touching the egg coating outside of a bagel when you eat toast. Your tongue is touching this raw bread. You can toast that out of it. You can toast that out of it. You can toast that out of it. You can heat it out. Now, I'm willing to give you, Aldis, one of the best things of all time.

Starting point is 00:09:31 You want to talk about being a fat little pig. And I would ruin loaves of bread by just going inside and just taking the soft part and just being like, and smearing butter on that shit. Now, that's a fucking delight. and just being like, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I a nice Italian baguette. Or I'm sorry, Italian or a French baguette in Italian. You know what? I'm hungover. I take that back. You're moving slow. That's all right. Well, that's beautiful, though, that you two would you say two of your favorite cuisines

Starting point is 00:10:13 are bagel and toast? I would say bagel and toast, but can't do dairy. So the butter we're talking about, I mean, it's margarine. I mean, that's why I texted stuff. I was in a blind panic. First of all, he lives so far. I have to take the, I'm going to was in a blind panic. He lives so far I'm gonna say the address right now. Yeah, yeah, go get in the car even the car for an hour and a half Yeah

Starting point is 00:10:36 Of course, and so I'm like gotta bring a protein bar in the car. I'm not gonna make this hour-long drive Whatever fucking celebrity lifestyle to be fun over here. So my dick. That's right Yeah, that's fucking right. That's right. I put I put this protein bar in my mouth. I was so excited about this new protein bar I put it in my mouth. I said this tastes too fucking good. This tastes good. There's something wrong This tastes too fucking good flip it over contains milk contains Immediately texted him get the Pepto ready on deck as soon as I walked in and I had I Greeted you with some Pepto. who is amazing. That's a friend. That is a friend. That is well. We went through some fucking pepto I mean the on the tour I feel oh

Starting point is 00:11:14 I feel like pepto sort of kept it all together that was if we if you eliminated one thing From the tour and everything would come crashing down it was Pepto because we couldn't shit on the bus so there was a lot of like you can't shit on the bus. Just mental? No no no not mental at all it just smells like shit then if you shit on the bus. Well Eric Andre if you remember when we were on tour together I stunk that place out. You shit on the bus? There's-

Starting point is 00:11:40 Are you kidding me? There's no- if I have to shit, I'm shitting. You tell her you gotta pull over. You tell her you gotta pull over. At four in the morning? Yeah. That not bad. Shit in a bunkie, in a Bucky's.

Starting point is 00:11:54 We shit in a couple pilot flying J's. We went to Bucky's and shit too. What are the nuts? The little... Oh, those are good as fuck. See, I don't think I can have that either, right? Isn't that? That's gotta be funny. So you have milk, how quickly are you shitting

Starting point is 00:12:08 after you have milk? Well, I got, so I had a bite of this protein bar, a little bite, and I haven't shit yet. Okay. Can you put in the X-Files theme song? Da da da da da da da da da da da. Ba-woo woo woo woo woo. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. black out so I need to eat like a bunch of bread.

Starting point is 00:12:27 Why haven't I shit yet? Something's not right. I think my stomach is coated from the poison from last night. From the one martini you had. Was it nice to catch up with old pals and eat a burger? It was. But the thing like, so I drink a martini, black out immediately. And then I just do that thing where you just like, you can't stop, you're like, so I drink a martini, blackout immediately. And then I just do that thing where I,

Starting point is 00:12:45 then you just like, you can't stop, you're like, ugh, I'm blackout, so I need to eat like a bunch of red meat. So I soak it up. I mean, burgers and risotto. Burgers and risotto. But that's just like the thing that keeps you up all night going, ugh.

Starting point is 00:12:58 But it was vegan risotto, allegedly. Have you ever heard of that? Sounds bad. But a burger with a vegan side dish, what's the point cuz it's no Jerry girl. I mean, I'm not fries Burger and fries You had burger and fries. Okay, so you just you didn't even list the fry you just like The way you wouldn't say it had lettuce on it. It also had fries I can let us it had pickled fucking onion, heirloom tomato.

Starting point is 00:13:25 Sounds good to me. Mm-mm. Damn, I would go for a nice little burg. What did I say when I walked in here? I'm hungry. We could get something. We could order a little something on the way, on the back end of this. What's your guys' tour?

Starting point is 00:13:36 Because here, what the civilian listeners at home might not realize, what touring does to your world? And we are basically the armed forces. Oh, period. We are basically the, we, they are civilians, that is absolutely how you should refer to them, and we are basically the troops. Can't, huh, drop, drop and give me 20 euros, stop. That's like racist.

Starting point is 00:14:00 I don't know what I've been told. I got nothing for the back end. The civilians who can't fathom having to shit on the vehicle No, not shit. Oh, yeah, that's right. You should on the let's get back to that You dropped the deuce on the fucking bus if I have to shit. It's an emergency is happening right now Did you bag it? Did you bag it up or no you went right to it you went we supposed to bag it you push the shit in the bag I don't remember this what you're supposed to shit on the bag and throw it out the window wait I don't remember

Starting point is 00:14:35 Sounds like you didn't do that no chance you did that so you sit on a bus with Eric All right, and we see mad when you woke up in the morning or no But that was just like the I mean I guess that's you of all the people that aren't was he mad when you woke up in the morning or no, but that was just like the I mean I guess that's true of all the people that aren't gonna be mad at you Eric might have just shit in the fucking bus I think he was on the other end of the toilet with mouth No, but now something is coming so this is another thing I'm worried that I have full dementia of course Yeah, I'm like yeah that is coming of course from all the um cuz I I have full dementia, of course. Because you know, I'm like, yeah, that is coming. Of course, from all the, because I have a new invention. Oh yeah?

Starting point is 00:15:08 That, because of all the sugar I've been eating and the sleep aids that I've been eating, I invented that now I have dementia. Okay. So, that's good. And that'll keep me up at night. Sleep aids, you're not even taking anything good. Taking like fucking.

Starting point is 00:15:21 Melatonin, but that apparently. Yeah. You're so fucking pathetic. You're like, I had one martini and I'm taking melatonin and my body and brain are ruined. I had one bite of a granola bar. But now that you're seeing this, something is coming to mind. Yes, yes, it's coming to my mind. Something's coming back to you? Something's coming back to me. Yes. I have an image. Yes. I see I see Eric's tour manager saying no shitting on the bus I definitely did it. There's like no way that I didn't. So you're not even sure if you should on the bus or not

Starting point is 00:15:57 Is that what you're saying? There's no way That I did it. How long were on the bus? Like three weeks We never we were on it for three months we didn't shit on it. Three months? Now again we took a lot of Pepto. There was a lot of days and there were some days where it was very close. When you get the hard Pepto black shit coming out of your ass. Oh my god absolutely. They don't tell you about that in school. We were shitting coal. We were shitting charcoal briquettes out of our asses I never took Pepto for the you never took Pepto the whole tour brag Wow I don't want to use performance and this won't

Starting point is 00:16:38 take dick fills he won't take Pepto I respect that man I really do it couldn't be me I live in a man of science I't had pepto since I was like eight years old or something I did my mom never let me take pepto when I was a kid and then run through I don't know why she just didn't trust it and then as an adult discovering I'm like this would have solved all my problems When this would have solved all my issues as a fat child, and it's the most gorgeous color in the world It looks delicious I mean

Starting point is 00:17:04 I want I think part of the problem is the first time I asked for it is because I was again Just fat is shit, and it looked tasty right it looked like a fucking delicious milk strawberry milkshake It's fashion you were a little you were a little fashion boy I thought I was I was and I don't know if you have I used to get strep throat a lot So I would take a moxacillin the antibiotic That used to come in a pink in a pink kind of syrup situation, and it tasted good as fuck Dime a tap as well. I liked a lot of met a lot of medicines tasted really good I'll just I'll just googling a Moxacillin. What did you hope to achieve?

Starting point is 00:17:41 I just want to see what we were working with. The syringe! That's what came to mind. For the child. The syringe for the child. Does this shit taste like Pepto? I always thought Pepto was so gross whenever I had a fucking taste. No, this tastes like bubble gum like. Oh. Hey gang.

Starting point is 00:18:00 Mmm. You just caught me having my morning cup of OG mud water. I love Mudwater. It gives me a nice little energy boost. Okay. Helps me with brain fog. I was having way too much caffeine. Crushing iced coffees. Having spikes. Having crashes. Mmm. That's not what Mudwater's about. No siree. Okay. We're talking about it's got a nice little mix of cacao, chai, turmeric and adaptogenic mushrooms to help you feel focused. No crash.

Starting point is 00:18:34 Yeah, you get a little bit of the caffeine there with the chai, but other than that, I just feel nice and balanced throughout the day. Got a little pep in my step. No sugars, no sweeteners. I'm trying to be a little pep in my step. No sugars, no sweeteners. I'm trying to be a little bit of a health kick me personally. All you gotta do, drop the powder into your favorite mug, pour some water on it, give it a mix

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Starting point is 00:19:57 Because it's two life's too short for anything less than clean delicious energy Right now like we said our listeners get an exclusive deal up to 43% off your entire order plus free shipping and a free rechargeable frother when you use code STAVI. That's right, up to 43% off with code STAVI at mudwtr.com. Listen, I was saying, guys, seriously, let's keep on track. Let's get back to it. Yeah, yeah, sorry, Sorry. It's really what did you want to keep on track? Well, I just wanted to say why I said civilian. Yes. Yes. Yes, right, right, of course I really do think it cannot be understated the toll of tour life on the bowels

Starting point is 00:20:39 The bowels are tough and like tour life is different than regular. I'm in a car lifestyle. Yep Is way different. I mean you tour smart because you're fucking famous billionaires Yeah, I'm at the airport Hours it's pathetic what how show business you could be on SNL and fucking renting a fucking Kia Sorento and just being on a podcast fucking Kia Sorento and just being on a podcast. I'm literally doing it. I have a show in Western Massachusetts. I'm like, how do I guess I know? Thank the Lord for the way society has deteriorated, where somehow podcasts have become the only

Starting point is 00:21:16 successful form of entertainment. And it's like, no disrespect, I'm like, what am I doing on a fucking podcast right now? I should be in Brad Pitt's house. That's right. I'm like, what am I doing on a fucking podcast right now? I should be in Brad Pitt's house. That's right. Nude modeling for an artist. That's right. I should be on the cover of, you know,

Starting point is 00:21:35 couldn't think of a fashion magazine off the top of my head. So, came to me, thank you. Juggalos Monthly. Maybe I'm not allowed to say this on the podcast. I have been for the past, I'm going to say, eight years of my life begging to do the gathering. Begging. I have Colt Cabana, shout out, amazing wrestler.

Starting point is 00:21:58 Colt, get me into the gathering. He's like, got you, got you. Tila Tequila, you like a lot of her politics. What's good, girl? Is he having her? I met UpChuck the Clown, who is their MC that's and by the way She's making a lot of headway in the clown world Begged I met him I met him in plain clothes

Starting point is 00:22:19 He's really kind of phoning it in with his fucking face paint He's really kind of phoning it in with his fucking face paint Fucking goddamn respect for up Chuck. I met him when he was a plain clothes I apologize, please please get me in the gathering. He's like, I'll do my best. I'll do my best this fucking year You think I finally were like yo Will allow it Wow Wow eight fucking years. Thank Wow Can't even do it. Wow. Eight fucking years begging. Wow. Can't even do it.

Starting point is 00:22:47 You don't get to get booed off stage. No I don't. Get the new COVID. No one does well on that. No, of course not. No comedians do well. You would have been pelted by rocks. Why do you, are you a comedian

Starting point is 00:23:00 because you've always wanted to be surrounded by love, light, support and respect? Are you a comedian because you like to emotionally cut? I mean, did I want- do I want fucking white trash to throw bottles of piss at me? No, not really. Which is probably what would've happened to you at the gathering. You have no- You're like, um, can somebody check my fucking- my projector's not working.

Starting point is 00:23:21 My fucking slideshow of diarrhea's not working. It got Fago'd. It got full Fago'd. my projectors not working for the funding slideshow of diaries not working again at full-time somebody poor blueberry raspberry fey go i'm the raspberry fray go over it so this i'm sorry i'm sorry doing it i'm sorry for you that actually could have been me in fucking warren the god damn time you are meant to do that i'm sorry i'm actually wearing my war shoot shirt right now what do you what are they doing are they

Starting point is 00:23:43 is you can't be there because that'sL is putting a blonde wig on you and putting A cardigan on you so you look like so you look like somebody in HR Every time you post and you look like a regular person like great look you should think about this My mom won the shows live she takes a picture of her TV set so she can post on Instagram to her friends like this is her. I know you can't tell which one's her but this is her. She uses all those photos and fuck it on in your like I guess not Christmas card but you know. Think of what our Christmas would be.

Starting point is 00:24:21 It's not Hanukkah. Yeah. But isn't it not that important a holiday? But it's the same time. Same time. So in your Hanukkah card, she uses you from a sketch. You go to my mom's Instagram and look at her highlights. Real.

Starting point is 00:24:38 You have a look at what's going on there. It's the collage of some of the most beautiful women we've ever seen. It's you being the straight man in a sketch. It's so, it has made me wonder if I should look different. It has. I get a lot of positive attention.

Starting point is 00:24:56 I've never gotten in my life. I did not know I was stunning. Well, let's not get carried away. Have you seen me as Marilyn Monroe? Look up SNL, YouTube, elevator sketch. I don't know if I have a line. I'm definitely in it. I'm going to say two seconds.

Starting point is 00:25:16 I'm Marilyn Monroe. You don't exactly pop up in any of them. Oh, no, it's the first one. Stuck in the elevator. Scroll. Scroll. Marilyn Monroe at some point. Let's go to the store. 30 chairs. Oh no, it's the first one! Stuck in the elevator, scroll, scroll. Marilyn Monroe at some point. Let's go on store.

Starting point is 00:25:28 30 chairs. You've never seen a more beautiful Jewish girl in your life. I think I probably have. You've never, not even on whatever porn you watch. Keep going, keep going. So it's not in the first two minutes. Hi Bowen, hi I.O., hi Andrew, hi Keenan, keep going. Here we go. Doesn't really seem like you're in this.

Starting point is 00:25:48 Let's go. Well no, this is... Uh-uh, go back, go back. Okay, play, play. And I couldn't tell you how beautiful I felt. And for the folks at home, this is minute two. Look, look, look! On the right, is that you? Oh yeah, I mean yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:04 You're right, you're right. Marilyn Monroe. You actually look like a hot woman there. No, it's insane. And it's the, how many seconds would you say that is? That's about four seconds. Last, last. Is that the highlight of your life? Okay, one Mississippi, two Mississippi.

Starting point is 00:26:17 It's the Marilyn Monroe, diamonds are a girl's best friend, pink dress, pink clothes, and diamond choker. And then the white platinum blonde wig put it on I'm going like yeah I need to be living my life completely you could just switch up so fast but then it wouldn't be fun anymore I think I think it's fun cuz it's drag like I get how the Queens feel when they're like yeah it actually does count as drag when you do

Starting point is 00:26:52 What do you think your life would be like if you just started if you died your hair blonde started dressing like that I Literally be I would never talk to you again. I would never Private plane private private jet, private bus. Would never, wouldn't even have a butt hole. Yo, you sew that shut. Sew that shut. No shitting anymore?

Starting point is 00:27:12 No. Pepto who? Wouldn't even know what that is. You think that, what if that was, what if you started doing that and all your gastrointestinal problems were solved? What if I was just blonde? If you're just, yeah, if you just like.

Starting point is 00:27:23 Oh yeah, what if I just like had a regular haircut. What if I have stomach problems because of my, I'm like refusing like my unconscious desires to be beautiful. That's very interesting. Your body's begging you. Cause your unconscious is in your nose. Stop having a mullet.

Starting point is 00:27:38 Stop wearing clothes that a circus threw away. Stop getting your pants. Stop getting your pants. Where do you think these pants are from? I don't know. circus threw away literally a clown supply store on eBay yes clown pants see what comes up the first thing that comes up Okay, shop go to shopping go or images Mmm. Well, I know it's just the pants. You just have to look up just the pants, right? Right? Okay, that's men's I think you literally have that. Oh, I think you literally have that dress I'll actually fuck you. There they are, there they are! Adults Panto Dame Long Bloomer's Clown Pants Circus.

Starting point is 00:28:28 Awesome. Would you be mad if there was a comedian dressed like a clown? Would you be like, she's jockeying my shit? They all, the clowns. I mean, it's like, I stole it from clowns. Yeah, but like if a comedian, you know, was doing it. The comedians, clowns are comedians. I guess you know what I'm saying. I am No, I do like when people dress crazy. Give me some look at okay. I think you're wearing a crazy shirt I looked at your shirt fucking tight. I sure it's not that crazy. It's crazy

Starting point is 00:29:01 The guy in a car that's an apple. It's crazy. You look insane. You're true. Would you really say I look insane right now? Well, you have what you are one of the most stylish men in America Thank you very much that your look is fabulous I told you this I didn't want you to get the tooth and you're right about that and I do Regret having a do you imagine being the fat bully in the movie? No tooth. Yeah, I think what's oh It's so fucked up. I never got to be in anything without my tooth like nothing nothing Well, I made it to the finals of a Commercial for a carnival ride operator and I was like, I'm fucking toothless

Starting point is 00:29:43 How am I not getting this and some fucking gay guy with a ponytail got it pissed me off? He was elegant But I was like this guy's too funny I was you right, but it's like come on you guys want some sexy gay guy with long hair You want fucking the toothless guy to be to pull the lever and be like fall Progressive insurance or whatever the fuck it was for I don't I never found the roller coaster I'm like rains down on you, but that That's true

Starting point is 00:30:12 We should go back in time seven years or whenever it was and see if we can get that I had did you was there a Time we were doing like commercial auditions and stuff like that like yeah, I never got anything But I've never gotten anything from an audition and when I was living in Chicago, okay now my dementia is fading. Okay, you're remembering stuff. I'm remembering, oh yes, I see an audition. I was in Chicago and you're just like auditioning for crap

Starting point is 00:30:40 for money or whatever. Of course. And I was auditioning, I had a commercial agent in Chicago who was sending me all these commercial auditions because she saw my beauty through the mall. And I did an audition for a local pumpkin patch. And they had, the commercial was like a mom and dad and like a group of kids at a pumpkin patch

Starting point is 00:31:01 and just being like, oh my God, this pumpkin patch is awesome, like come on down or whatever. So the audition was like we had to I was like 24 at the time. And they had us audition with a family and you were supposed to like improvise with the family. So it was me 24 and like I'm gonna say no disrespect six-year-old old dude with full gray hair and a bunch of children.

Starting point is 00:31:27 I didn't know what to ask. And they were supposed to be your kids. Yes, and I had to be like, hey kids, this pumping batch is crazy. And you're wearing suspenders? Well, I was like, oh, it's like an audition. So I was like, whatever. But I didn't have any, I remember this so clearly.

Starting point is 00:31:41 Obviously, goes without saying, didn't have any clothes for this. So I had, the only two normal items were, I had jeans, and then the normal shirt I had was a denim shirt. So I was wearing full denim, but that's kinda like older, mom. Sure, mom. Canadian tuxedo. Canadian tuxedo.

Starting point is 00:31:57 And so I was like, I was so wigged out, I didn't know, and Ruby McAllister was visiting me at the time, and she was in the waiting room waiting for me, like, I have a witness, I know I'm not making this up. And so she was freaked out and she sees me going to the room and there's a bunch of kids running around and I'm like, kids, look at the pumpkins.

Starting point is 00:32:15 And I didn't know how to obey them around kids so I was trying to act maternal so I touched one. To be like, kids. Get the fuck off me! Don't you lady, you don't know me! You're like, the person leading the audition was like, you're not allowed to touch them. And I was like, okay, whatever.

Starting point is 00:32:34 And then obviously, whatever, I'm like leaving the audition room and the like fucking 80 year old like husband or whatever that was supposed to have passed me on the back and he goes, loosen up next time. Wow. He went in for a kiss. He was like, whoa, you're supposed to be my wife.

Starting point is 00:32:50 Loosen up, you fucking bitch. Relax, what do you use what? Like 24, barely 18, you look amazing by the way. Not a boy. God, you know what, I'll say it. Please do. I'm not too afraid to say it. Women, Not easy.

Starting point is 00:33:06 Mmm. To deal with, is that what you mean? Right, exactly. Loosen up. Kind of a headache. Loosen up. Was that story as good as it felt to remember? Because like, my memory of it... I was sad. Did it feel better than C-? Yeah. Okay. In the car, I was kind of like, what amazing stories can I tell someone? Eating your quarter of a protein bar, thinking about the rich life you've led. I did think of one thing that I thought you would like.

Starting point is 00:33:39 Lay it on me. Because I was just like, you know, I'm like what what can we do on stops podcast to not talk about my weird shirts and hair Never happen by the way, we'll always talk about your weird shirts and hair. That's how I know I have you Doing the Marilyn Monroe you start wearing that Marilyn Monroe dress. Maybe now we're talking, you know one time Maybe now I'm gonna sound like I said, you know when sometimes I don't like when people I've learned very I learned don't look for what people are saying about you I'll be of course of course We know how sometimes you get like tagged in Instagram stories. So that just like kind of comes up sometimes Yeah, you can't avoid it sometimes sure

Starting point is 00:34:26 So I saw someone had tagged me in something and they're like little avatar was a picture of me when I was stunning Oh Was I'm a Russian with white blonde hair looking a lollipop. Mmm The link is next level I was squatting on the ground in a miniskirt licking a lollipop. Again, it felt amazing. It feels amazing to whore it up. You should fucking try it. You don't think I'd do it?

Starting point is 00:34:56 I do a new calendar every year. Oh, you have full sex scenes too. Yeah, I've been naked in movies. It kind of feels like amazing. Well, it does feel amazing for you because you don't allow yourself even one ounce of sexual identity or gratification or. I feel like you're way too busy for that.

Starting point is 00:35:15 You're not like. Way too busy. It feels like anytime you, I'm guessing anytime you're horny, you like punish yourself for it. You probably have like a mallet anytime you, yeah. Bing, bing, bing, bing, b bing you hit yourself in the head with a fucking hammer What are you talking about clowns are some of the horniest things in the world LA clowns I'm talking to you guys

Starting point is 00:35:35 I've seen them have sex on stage basically yeah, I support it. I think it's cool by the way well I've seen I mean there's definitely clown pornography that exists that's out there. Oh, I'm Looking at that Well, I've seen I mean there's definitely clown pornography that exists that's out there You guys none the wiser Having a restful night's sleep. He's in the back of the bus watching Hardcore there was no gooning on the bus. There was no beating it on the bus now Did we share an Airbnb and maybe I may have jacked off sure but that's different You can jack off in an Airbnb. You can't jack off on the bus cuz you never beat off on the bus Did you know we were to go back?

Starting point is 00:36:16 In a fucking napkin or something Says the girl that shit on the fucking shit. Yeah, you shit on the bus. Sorry JP, Eric's store manager. I must have, there's just no way like- How many people were on that bus? Um, like three. So it's like, there's room. How many people were on your guys' bus?

Starting point is 00:36:38 Maybe six or seven. Oh, but do you- Like five. That's a lot. It's not that much. But it's like, yeah. Compared to bands bands bands have like three motherfuckers to a thing How do they live? It's horrible. I got My this is embarrassing, but whatever I'll be vulnerable. I have an oring and I Saw wax a hatchie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she had an oring too

Starting point is 00:37:00 And maybe I'm not such a fucking low-life loser after after all she has one and she says an aura ring too and I go, maybe I'm not such a fucking low life loser after all, she has one and she says her aura ring, she got one for Tor to make sure she was sleeping, but because the Tor button telling her story, I'm literally like, telling her story. Telling a more talented person's story. I'm like, fully like, this is her truth, this is her narrative. We met her too.

Starting point is 00:37:21 Couldn't be nicer, couldn't be cooler. In Nashville, she was awesome. Yeah, I actually met her too. Yeah, we met her too. Couldn't be nicer, couldn't be cooler. In Nashville she was awesome. Yeah, I actually met her too. Yeah, we met her, we actually had a show, sold that show at the Ryman the night I met her. When did you meet her? I probably was having one line in a movie in Syracuse. To stay an extra night.

Starting point is 00:37:40 To see the show. And then probably had a half sold show in Syracuse right after. I did, did you ever do Syracuse the college? I never did the college. I did that a couple months ago and like obviously goes without saying, fully lit cafeteria. Yeah. Could have fit 1500 people, maybe 30 kids showed up. And like the students were like, yeah, when Marcelo was here,

Starting point is 00:38:06 they were like, fuck it. He's like, sold out on the block. And I was like, totally. I'm glad you told me. Buses from the neighboring cities were sending all their Latinos to come see Marcelo. And I'm like, no, they're coming. They just got they're on the big clown car.

Starting point is 00:38:24 Where there's one VW Beetle with 400 people coming to see Sarah How many clowns take whatever mm-hmm you were telling two different stories one was originally you thought of something good to tell me Oh, yeah, but then there was a digression off of Oh Said that because when you're on the tour bus, it's moving. Yeah, so the Orang doesn't clock as sleep. It's like confused. It sees you geographically moving through time, but you're asleep So then I'm like, what does it think you're doing yeah floating yeah and again it you know whatever mm-hmm but you got it sometimes you got to have one of these how's your sleep these days I wake up in the middle of night gasping what is going on man

Starting point is 00:39:21 I know everyone's dreams't fun to talk about. They fucking are. They are. They're interesting. They're insane. Yeah. I had a dream. Ivan Ooze was in my dream.

Starting point is 00:39:34 Whoa. Do you remember Ivan Ooze? Power Rangers? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's very like, obviously by the way. That's insane. I just thought of Ivan Ooze recently.

Starting point is 00:39:43 Really? Yeah. Was it because you were thinking, like Sarah Squirms, Ivan Ooze. Yeah, was it cuz you're thinking like Sarah squirm Ivan No, it wasn't about you at all I think I just saw a clip online and I was like, oh, yeah I remember that shit cuz you know that you we had to see that in theaters That was a must see is that Power Rangers movie was awesome. We should watch that we should that movie was sick That's a summertime movie. Yeah, you know having fun come back inside and we might have seen that we might have seen That together I saw with big P. Yeah, yeah, were you there? I definitely had it on like tape

Starting point is 00:40:11 I know I saw it a million times like I said I saw I saw Power Rangers with you Oh accept beep bleep out of yeah, I just said it the elusive and mysterious big P You know I think this is how you guys have combat, couldn't even say that word. This is how you guys combat dementia. Oh, we have, we do have someone there who's been there for our entire lives. Did this really happen or am I misremembering it? And you're like, you know, some would find your nostalgia to be like a mental illness and like right like why haven't you guys matured? Yes of the three people in this room who's the most infantile who infantilizes themselves the most who's a sexless clown Who chooses to live that way

Starting point is 00:41:04 Against your will. No, I'm Sarah Sex. The Sarah Sex rebrand? I'm Sarah Sex. I'm Sarah Sex now. I'm going blonde, I'm going Marilyn Monroe, I'm gonna show all y'all bitches. You should try it for yourself. At the ripe old age of 32. You should try it for yourself. Well, yeah, going back, that's the reason you like it so much,

Starting point is 00:41:28 because you feel like you have an excuse to do it. It's not your choice. Someone's forcing you to do it, and you're like, hey, I actually like behaving this way within reason. And you could just sprinkle a little of that into your life. And you know what? No one would take me fucking seriously. If they saw how...

Starting point is 00:41:44 Who the fuck takes you seriously now? No one would take me fucking seriously. If they saw how... Who the fuck takes you seriously now? No one would take... You think people take you seriously? They would be so distracted. They would be so distracted by my beauty. That they wouldn't be able to hear my perfect jokes. My jokes that are so well-crafted. They wouldn't take me seriously.

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Starting point is 00:43:43 Yes, my dream. I was hanging out with a bunch of people who will run name-name-less Because they were committing crimes against Sarah sex in this in this dream But like we were I was like hanging out with a group of people and then people kept leaving they're like oh my god Like we have to go like the Power Rangers are here. Oh nice. I was like I was like, okay fine go hang out with the fucking Power Rangers And I was like, I was like, okay, fine, go hang out with fucking Power Rangers. And I was like, I was sitting there like,

Starting point is 00:44:08 fucking whatever, I feel like, just like, I'm not cold enough, they just wanna hang out. And then Ivan Ooze was there, and I remember Bowen being like, yo, like Ivan Ooze is here, like we have to chill. And I was like, yeah, you're right. And so then I was chilling with Ivan Ooze, but I was like, because he was kind of talking me down because I was feeling I was taking it so personally that everyone would abandon hanging out to go like, clout chase with the Power Rangers.

Starting point is 00:44:35 And Ivan Ooze, for those who don't know, is the villain of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers movie. And he's a major. He's pretty cool. He's major. And he's a major. He's pretty cool. He's a major. What is it? They sell like an ooze as a toy.

Starting point is 00:44:48 Yeah. And it poisons, like mind controls people or something. And it's purple. It's purple. It looks cool. And like Bowen in my dream was being like, you know, this is interesting. He was being like, don't make this about you. How about we go chill with Ivan Ooze?

Starting point is 00:45:03 Oh, Bowen was saying this to you. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I dream. Oh, so you're not making shit about you, dude Like I've been who's is here. Let's obviously fucking chill with him Okay, your friends abandoned you for the Power Rangers So then a different one of your friends like fuck them fuck the Power Rangers. Let's go hang out with their more like Everyone from Power Rangers. Let's go hang out with their enemy. No, it was more like everyone from Power Rangers was there. Oh, okay.

Starting point is 00:45:27 And so people, they like descended upon the hangout. Right. So like all the Power, Rita Repulsa was not there, by the way. Who I was a big fan of. Interesting. I'm sure. Stop, stop, sex. I did kind of want to fuck Rita Repulsa for some reason. Of course.

Starting point is 00:45:41 And like, so they had like members of, yeah I mean Major sure like princess Leia like she's kind of got like a cool like She looks very like superstar. Yeah, absolutely Yes, yes, but like everyone in the it was like I mean think about it if you're hanging out and a fourth of July barbecue Not to date this podcast and like Power Rangers showed up you'd be like, you know, we're like, oh like I'm gonna go talk to the green one But in my I was taking it so personal personally that everyone was like dispersing to go talk to the Power Rangers and bones like talking Sense into me being like dude. Okay, so Ivan is wasn't he was like a celebrity wasn't he was an antagonist of the Power Rangers? No, he just he was an extension of the universe. And he was like a celeb.

Starting point is 00:46:26 Basically it was like the celebrities are here. Right, right, right. And he's like, dude, like this, like the most major figure of all of cinema history is here. Like what? Who would have? The greatest villain of all time, Ivan Huys. And like just like the most fabulosity, like, superstars here. Like the most fabulous superstars here,

Starting point is 00:46:47 let's go hang out with him, like stop taking it personally. So like, something's happening with me. In your head. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, clearly this has to do with being on SNL and constantly being around famous people and feeling less than.

Starting point is 00:47:01 And you just had to put in the power. You don't even substitute, it's literally your friend who's also on the show this is probably a conversation Bowen has had with you about like fucking you know Josh Brolin or something when your friends leave you to talk to the fucking musical guest this is barely a dream you just you just The actual famous people at your job for the power Weight of celebrity feel the weight of celebrity. Yeah with like right a lot of normal, you know, yeah sure Whatever. When do you feel starstruck? What was the most you've ever felt starstruck? Sure, whatever. When do you feel starstruck? What was the most you've ever felt starstruck?

Starting point is 00:47:48 You know in the I mean I mean we can talk about it now But I was in a fucking movie with Emma Stone and yeah I'm in and the first my first day work I met both of them and your was Lanthimos directed and I was like this is fucking insane that I'm here It was it was like beyond starstruck because it was like starstruck would be if I saw them on the streets, right? But that was like, oh, these are my fucking co-workers for that was insane amazing. Yeah. So yes, that was fucking nuts But yeah, that's that but it's like the to feel like in my dream in order for my mind to feel starstruck You the power Like which was yeah, it, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:48:25 Like, which was, yeah, it was quite interesting. Yeah, quite interesting. Yeah, interesting. I'm tell- are you still going to therapy eight times a week or whatever? Of course. Of course. You gotta find somebody else, man. I'm trying to tell you.

Starting point is 00:48:36 You barely- you're worse every time I talk to you. I'm really. You've made less progress. Tell me more about Ivan Ooze. Is there- saying the word Ivan Ooze in your third therapy? Progress tell me more about Ivan news The word Ivan I don't want to talk about my weird clothes and I don't want to talk about fucking happy! Which I always fucking do! It's your fault, you bring it out of me.

Starting point is 00:49:13 I do. Have I been here since David Lynch died? No, how are you doing with that? How are you doing with that? Talk to the little watch on my finger. How I kind of, I had an- Your therapist that happened, your therapist just like, putting a down payment on a vacation house.

Starting point is 00:49:34 He was like, you know what's interesting? I'll never have a nice quality of life because I pay these people so much. To not do anything. Literally, he was like, would it be beneficial for us today to talk about the passing of David Lynch? And you know what I said? You know what I said?

Starting point is 00:49:53 No. Good for you. Thank you. He was like, fuck. Yeah. And then of course I, nevertheless, I persisted to do that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:04 It just came up, because then once you say that. It just came up. Because then once you say it. Yeah, of course. Of course. He kept like dropping. He's like, okay, we don't have to talk about it. He just like starts saying, she's like, I was recently, you know, I was in Los Angeles taking a car ride. You know, I drove by Mulholland Drive and sometimes it's just tough.

Starting point is 00:50:22 I feel like I'm on a lost highway. He's just trying to fucking get you to stay. Fucking. I do think about Robert Blake in Lost Highway like basically every day. Yeah, that is a cool fucked up character. But it's like, don't you get that? It's like you know that guy.

Starting point is 00:50:41 Yeah. That is a guy you know. I'm at your house. It's so perfect. It is awesome. So there you go. Great. Oh, I was going to ask you guys what's your, what's your tour food?

Starting point is 00:50:57 Like cause you have to have, I'm curious for myself. You have to have tour food that's not going to betray you. Yes. So what are your like tour non betrayal foods? I mean canned beans might have been the overall MVP of the whole tour rice beans and sardines beans and sardines Beans and I did a lot of he did a lot more canned fish than me. I did the Costco Suvied steak and so he would probably have canned canned fish and beans and I would have a And so he would probably have canned canned fish and beans and I would have steak

Starting point is 00:51:32 No, you need to cook this stuff. Everything is microwavable get like the microwavable rice. We got those from like Costco I even got a rice cooker at the end Rice cooker you're fucking and we had a fucking we had a little stovetop too by the end, too But yeah, the rice bean rice bean sardines and I would say throw those Costco sous vide steaks in there Yeah, that was those those were the MVPs. That's good. I would kill for that right now. That sounds so good I know dude. I have actually fallen apart outside of tour tour was keeping my life together I know I even lost weight on tour me too We were like because we were busy we were exercising. Yeah, we were locked the fuck in yeah I also get nervous like before a show and if you're doing a show every night like the nerves like

Starting point is 00:52:11 Shake-off yeah, they dissipate 10 pounds at least Wait you don't get less nervous just You just stay the same amount of nervous. I will be nervous my whole life. Wow. That's just, I've accepted it. That is what I'm gonna be. So I'm like, when I'm on tour, I'm just like, I can't eat in like a two-hour window before the show. Wow. Afterwards though? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Yeah. Nice. And mistakes are made. Yeah. Tour food, ready? Wake up. More water than God can even comprehend. Mistakes are made. Yeah, it tore food ready More water than God can even More coconut water than okay anyone get your lecture. Well, cuz I made the mistake I was like, oh electrolytes I'll just drink Pedialyte every day Gave myself like high blood pressure

Starting point is 00:53:03 gave myself like high blood pressure. So I'm like, oh, it's electrolytes. I'm on tour or whatever. And like, you know, when you're, well, this is why I was flying so much that I was convinced that my blood vessels in my eyes were swelling. Interesting. You heard of that happening or? I could feel it. My across the hall neighbor. Do you know Mary Ann? She's awesome. Shout out Mary Ann. She's a brain scientist.

Starting point is 00:53:31 So I try not to... She asked me if I know your neighbor. You're around. I don't know Mary Ann though. Sounds cool though. She... Mary Ann's the goat. She is a brain scientist. And I try not to abuse the privilege of knowing a brain scientist. Of course. Of course. But I'll kind of casually be like, She is a brain scientist and I try not to abuse the privilege of knowing your brain scientist. But I'll kind of casually be like, do the veins in my eyes look like weird to you?

Starting point is 00:53:53 But so whatever, I don't do Pedialyte anymore. For Electrolytes, I do coconut water. Obviously the rider is, say it with me, Saltine's Black Licorice Diet Coke, period and short. That's crazy. Every city, no matter what. Saltine's Black Licorice diet coke period and that's crazy every city No matter saltines black licorice diet coke and the pedialyte still on the rider, but I try not to abuse it Sure only for when you're really dehydrated or like really having diarrhea Which is happening?

Starting point is 00:54:20 Yeah, I'm sorry to the buffalo helium Yeah, I'm sorry to the Buffalo helium That one stuff cuz well you're just having diarrhea so close to everybody else It's like the bathroom is right by the green room my poor opener Like what is your rider? Rotisserie chicken damn damn that's right off the bat damn What's your chicken damn damn that's right off the bat damn protein bars Greek yogurts fruit veggie plate hummus plate No fruit plate though cool. We're not we're not really veggie type of crew no totally I miss those not a bad idea Protein isn't even a veggie tray a little carrots broccoli

Starting point is 00:55:02 Cherry tomatoes wouldn't kill us no fuck Nice try all this not happening. No don't you? Said to put up Stav's ass you come Cucumbers one of the like it look every actually every night. I go to sleep thinking about like I hope I have cucumbers Really attainable man you could just have Your fucking fridge like a little one Okay, yeah This is the this is tour life. Mm-hmm wake up water water Starbucks vegan koya

Starting point is 00:55:53 Non-sponsored protein shake nice. This is what has kept me afloat the fucking Starbucks English muffin egg Sandwiches. Mmm. Those are are pretty good those are more in a breaking glass in case of emergency thing for us really makes yeah that's like the thing I put nothing on it dry as a desert bone egg patty take the meat off take the meat off cuz I'm like trying well by the way let's set the

Starting point is 00:56:23 record fucking straight for once and for all okay a sausage Breakfast sandwich honey you're eating a burger in the morning Nothing wrong with that a turkey if you go turkey sauce, yeah, that's true. You want to talk about protein, but a morning burger is Well, I could do a morning burger. No problem. You're at the wrong. You're the wrong show I know this is me though. I've been with my burger last night. I could feel my heart couldn't even pump blood to my body correctly Yeah, what is that? Well what what is going on? Well, I think partially you were expecting you probably had a good time and you were punishing yourself Mentally you had a nice evening with friends, something you don't do.

Starting point is 00:57:06 And you had one martini and one burger. And your brain couldn't allow you to just have a nice night. So it was overreacting to. Yeah. Should you felt a little worse than usual? Sure. But not not what you're describing off one burger and one martini. But I literally like it because I don't really drink that much. So like having a martini, it's like, No, I'm with you.

Starting point is 00:57:32 Lock me up and sign away the key or whatever. Yeah, lock me up and sign away the key. Exactly right. I know you mean though, I don't drink as much anymore. And the couple times I've gotten drunk recently, it had quite the effect afterwards. Holy shit. And then you're like, this is poison. I'm poisoning myself. It is fully poisoned. I don't drink as much anymore and the couple times I've gotten drunk recently it had quite the effect And then you're like this is poison. I'm poisoning it is fully poison. It's boy. It's not fucking worth it I'm so sick of it fun drinking. Yeah go

Starting point is 00:57:55 Drinking fun with your drugs. Yep What else that it at the whole sentiment What else? That it? That the whole sentiment? Have fun with your breakfast sausage. Yeah, you can be someone who's enjoying life as much as Sarah. You know what's so funny? We were all kind of like, oh we shouldn't have a march. And then we were kind of like, should we be bad?

Starting point is 00:58:18 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And we were having fun. You were and that's okay. That's alright. That's what life's about. And we all showed up and us what life's about showed up and We I showed up wearing a morbid angel shirt Patty showed up wearing a skinless shirt Freakish showed up wearing a cannibal corpse shirt. We're all wearing the exact same outfit. We said let's get fucking martinis I blacked out immediately swallowed the hamburger hole no chewing In there obviously fries were completely Had a Diet coke for dessert.

Starting point is 00:58:47 Love that. The diet coke nightcap nothing wrong with that. When was the last time you went to a restaurant and didn't order a diet coke? Seriously, VBS, like seriously divest all that? Two nights ago. Oh wait, diet coke is? I allegedly allegedly. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know I don't know when it's what

Starting point is 00:59:06 You're like Dias boycott shit whatever I just need I just need diet some But you're right. It's diet coke though. It's but if you're having a fucking burger. Yeah coke zero as well But same yeah, I know but think about one was Last time we were restaurant didn't have a diet? Very rarely will I not order a DC. I'm a big DC head. I don't even think, if I look five years, I don't think I've not had a diet coke in a restaurant. And I'll try to do the thing where you go like, we'll have four diet coques at the table and then people go like, wait, whoa, and then they kinda go like, yeah, we'll do that. Ooh, interesting.

Starting point is 00:59:48 You ever try that? I would never think to order somebody else a diet coke. It's not a fucking beer. Four diet cokes for the table and then people go, how can he not have that? It's not like fries, like some people might just want, Eldis I know is a regular, my boy will have a regular coke meal probably.

Starting point is 01:00:03 If I really wanna coke with a meal, I'll just get a regular one. Yeah, I don't like how diet coke tastes. No, I'm a diet coke guy If it's hot out a regular coke Regular coke is too good I'm off. I'm off Regular sodas I've been getting like seltzers with meals like just plain soda water if I kind of want a little something to break the food Down, but who the fuck do you think you are? Yeah, he needs to hear this from me like seltzer with a fucking meal guy no Thanks, are you guys getting dessert every time cuz I usually can't get the dessert because it's usually dairy crazy

Starting point is 01:00:42 It's too decadent. I mean, are we celebrating something? Then yes, we're getting a dessert, but no, we're not getting desserts like day to day. I just can't always do dessert, so then it's like, well, then I'll just have, Diet Coke will be there no matter what to like at least give me a little sweet at the end of the salty. I'm with you. I'm definitely a big Diet Coke guy. I'll crush a Diet Coke, a little afternoon Diet Coke, just what the doctor ordered. Well, we could, you know, we're going through

Starting point is 01:01:07 a lot of philosophical stuff here about diet cokes, about Ivan Ooze. Oh my God, wait, don't you wanna hear the story that I wanted to tell you? Yeah, yeah, please, go ahead. I thought Ivan Ooze was the story. No, I thought that you would like this. Give me, hit me with it.

Starting point is 01:01:20 So, cause I was like, what are we gonna, I don't wanna talk about fucking therapy with Stomp. We've already talked about everything you didn't wanna talk talk about so you might as well tell the story now I don't want to talk about the greatest is a sexual you literally are you literally are it's fucked up And you should look into it instead of talking about the fucking Vancouver I was thinking about this a lot. Well, so great city Vancouver. Unbelievable. And I was there like the day after they got like dental insurance,

Starting point is 01:01:53 like a couple of weeks ago. And I was like, you guys are having an amazing time. Universal, whatever. But do you get crazy presents? I've gotten some. Like what? We got a great. I mean, you're looking at two right there right then some somebody gave us the painting which have we

Starting point is 01:02:09 showed off on the fucking show go grab the painting all this oh when I came in this that yeah yeah people probably can't reach you because you're the stage is like yeah yeah it is kind of. People can reach. Yeah, right, right, right. And you know when you do a comedy club and then it's always, aww. Shut up, did we shout them out, Elders? Do you have their info? This is amazing. I know, it's so good.

Starting point is 01:02:34 They even got the fish eye, the fish eye effect. Do you guys do fish eye on the? No, no, it's just our room is so small that it kind of fish eyes. Incredibly well done, Elders, get their info. Let's shout them out. They made you guys look like effing amazing I mean that is what we look like and you're like, hey and you got your fit bit on It my old favorite jeans that the bare bottom corporation stopped making there were these awesome stretchy jeans Yes, shout out to shout out to Ariel. Shout out to Ariel. She brought that to us in DC

Starting point is 01:03:04 She like DM me and the Stavis world show She like showed that painting in progress and was like so good Hey, I'm coming to the DC show blah blah blah. I have this take us for life Ariel Yeah, I told her if you ever yeah, she paid for the DC show. She flew out Like and she and her foot was broken or some crazy shit. She was there with her friend I was like you got to get her all the merch we have in the sea I gave her I gave her like a t-shirt, but I was like, okay, you're fucking awesome Next time we're near you just hit us up. Absolutely that painting is sick. So what was your insane? I'm really glad you got that because I was doing a

Starting point is 01:03:39 This was like a couple years ago I was doing a show in vancouver and it was like one of the venues where the green room For our artist green room was like literally like a little curtain the size of a napkin just a little corner of the room. And so they can see what you've come out of it. And so it was after, you know, and I leave it all on the field.

Starting point is 01:03:55 You know what I'm saying? Like, you know what, give me a sec after the show because I left it all on the field. I did everything I could for you. And like, so I'm like huffing and puffing behind my little napkin curtain after a show. And I'm like, you know, whatever. And I hear on the other side of the curtain,

Starting point is 01:04:11 Sarah! Come out, come out, Sarah, I have a present for you! And I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna take time for me, respect my space, respect my truth, give myself a second. And I'm like, maybe if I don't respond He like won't like I'll think like he doesn't know that it doesn't keep going right there be huge He goes I can see you in the mirror

Starting point is 01:04:37 Wall was a mirror And I look in the mirror and he's popped out of the curtain. Oh, no. I see you. I see you. I have to give you my present. And it was a noose with a pumpkin on it with Xs for eyes. So I'm glad. I'm glad that you guys get these.

Starting point is 01:04:57 Oh, put this up at the Louvre. Beautiful, beautiful painting of you guys looking so flattering and gorgeous. She did this service of not having your balls come out of those open pant leg. She made you have dainty little gorgeous feet. That's what my feet look like. She's a very talented painter.

Starting point is 01:05:14 So a noose in the pumpkin had killed itself. It was like a pumpkin with eggs in her eyes. Nice. And I'm sure you hung out with that guy for a while afterwards. Yeah, I'll tell you off camera. It while afterwards. Yeah, I'll tell you off It gets really crazy, but I'll tell you off camera, okay, please do yeah Well, it's time to bring some of your trademark knowledge is the one of the most the person who's been to therapy the most maybe

Starting point is 01:05:38 That we've had on the show To help out our loyal listeners, which speaks very lowly of who you have on the show Right, right. that's the problem me Bowen in my dream was saying go ahead oh yeah bone we'd love to have you we talked about talk about Iva News. Go ahead, Eldis. Hey, Stav, what's up, Eldis? Got a fun situation here for you. So started dating this girl. Beautiful, beautiful girl.

Starting point is 01:06:15 Super excited about her. We connect in every way. She does do OnlyFans. That's her full-time thing. She makes a ton of money from it. I mean, I do really well and she, you know, put another O on what I make. But she's super down to earth, doesn't want to do it forever, wants kids, wants a family, wants to kind of put all that behind her in the future and I think that's super cool. It's obviously what I

Starting point is 01:06:43 want. I don't mind her doing this whatsoever. She doesn't work with partners or anything like that. So in my head, pretty harmless. I'm with you. I don't worry about really any of those kind of long term repercussions in any way, aside from how to tell my family. You know, we've been dating for about a month and it's going awesome. A month?

Starting point is 01:07:09 You're talking about your family? And so we're kind of getting into those conversations now of, you know, what's that going to look like and, you know, do we tell them before they meet her? Do we tell them after so that they kind of get to know her and really like her and then it's easier to break the news. I mean, these are, my parents are amazing and awesome and pretty, pretty progressive for, you know, old white folks from the Midwest, but still, you know, like kind of your standard non-denominational Christians.

Starting point is 01:07:38 They're, they're, they're great though. I don't think it'll be a problem long term, but I just I'm not sure how to break the news to them Or or win I guess So kind of want your help if there's any fun ways to do it Anyway, yeah take take the question around with it, but thanks guys. I'll see you in Austin in October. I think Thank you Didn't see any gorgeous OnlyFans This is I guess my question is like why do you need to tell your parents

Starting point is 01:08:16 They also might not know what only fans is so it doesn't matter I mean, I guess the question is like let's say you're having dinner or whatever and like so I mean, I guess the question is like let's say you're having dinner or whatever and like so Emily what do you do? I'm an internet video creator. Yeah, I'm a content creator. I'm a twitch streamer Like is there something you could like? that's like Tangential that you can lie about because who cares I Really don't think this is a big deal. Do your parents need to know that she does only fans I don't hear it. Do you deal. Do your parents need to know that she does OnlyFans? I don't know. Do your parents need to know anything

Starting point is 01:08:45 about your life at all? Does it matter? I know what you mean. I do feel like is he putting the cart before the horse if they've only been dating for like a month? That's huge, yeah. I get it, I get his concern, and it sounds like he can see it getting pretty serious

Starting point is 01:09:01 or whatever, but it's like, come on man, a month. I'm with you. Maybe he's like having all these anxieties and neuroses about future problems in the relationship because he wants it to like work out. It's like, you know when you like create problems that aren't like there. Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:09:22 But it's like, maybe you should just be worried about whether or not she even wants to chill with you or something. Of course. I mean, a month to be thinking about meeting parents is lunacy, in my opinion. Yeah. Like, when do you think is a reasonable time to even start worrying about this? Six months? Oh. And even then it's like, even then it's like, it could be long, like, I could date someone a year before they meet my fucking parents. I think Sarah, and that's a good point, Sarah, because because it's like, you know the way he's even talking about it The therapy is working But it's like, you know

Starting point is 01:09:58 The way he's talking about it sounds like so conditional He's like, yeah, she doesn't want to do it forever one day day She won't be doing it unless she's making a fuck ton of money So it's like you know are you that comfortable with it or he doesn't sound that comfy Yeah, it's like do you have a sort of deadline that or a gentleman doff protest too much. There's a little bit of that Yeah, and I'm with him too. It's like if if someone's doing solo only fans It's like she's a she might as well work at a bank as far as I'm concerned solo only fans it's like she's a she might as well work at a bank as far as I'm concerned right like she's a substitute teacher exactly it's like if no one if she's not fucking other people on camera I don't give a fuck at all

Starting point is 01:10:32 you know what I mean it's like I basically do that yeah yeah for real like being in the entertainment like just being regular an actor is worse than doing solo only fans I actually believe that you're probably on porno websites Clips of you you think I'm on I don't think so. I think you are I think freaks have cut together some of your shit my wiki feet after I would love to I think he's creating problems that aren't there yet. Yeah, I guess like your weight it's a month your're a month in which means how many dates have you even been on and like is he a little like you're right he doesn't sound

Starting point is 01:11:12 like he's like she doesn't want to do it forever he clearly has been like oh okay so huh it's not something you want to do forever right like that's she's like no no you know and and even though like I do well And she makes another throw another zero on whatever I make you do seem a little worried about it both from an emasculation standpoint and from a like You're not that comfortable with it. I'm so curious cuz he's like she's hot. I'm rich like I'm like what's the problem? And there's no problem other than some theoretical conversation with his parents which a month in What the fuck are we even talking about? Like I said, I think six for me six months is the earliest I would ever consider Someone meeting my family and even that could be early, but you know

Starting point is 01:11:59 Who knows and maybe your dad will high-five you like crazy. Yeah for real. Maybe they're like nice His dad subscribed already That is true your dad could see your girlfriend's pussy, which is not chill But you know She's rich and hot and you like her and so I would say Yeah, this just seems so Way too early to be worried about this. I guess let's say this was a let's say you've been dating a year.

Starting point is 01:12:30 I mean, do you even need to tell your fucking parents legitimately? If I was in your position, I would not. I would tell my mom that she's a fucking actress or something. You know what I mean? Like, I would see your, you know, sorry Sorry, what's interesting erasing my own narrative? What's interesting is that you also are not telling your parents the truth I don't feel the need to though right I don't give a fuck about my parents knowing the truth I just want to get through a dinner without a fucking problem

Starting point is 01:12:59 Right right right right right No that's always the goal is to get through a dinner without a problem Yeah yeah yeah Which maybe this guy actually wants his parents to fully accept, but like Fucking cares. I don't know like again in fact this might be him being like he's laundering He wants someone else to have a problem with it, so he can be like well I can't date her instead of admitting that he has the problem He's like how do I tell him I'm gonna tell my parents exactly what she is, and then I guess we'll see what happens then.

Starting point is 01:13:29 And that way he can clear his conscience where it's like, cause he's not really comfortable with it. Cause if you actually give a fuck and your goal is like, hey I wanna be with this girl long term. Like if you were dating someone who was stripping, right? And she didn't want to do it forever Would you tell your parents? She's a shipper. Would you say she's in school right now? You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:13:50 like if you actually just want your parents to like her let her get to know her and if you think your parents might have a problem with it and she wants to and she wants to give up on this sometime in the future anyway, and You see this is a long-term thing Your parents can find out what when she settles on the career She wants after this you know what I mean like you don't need to tell them, bro Or this is like a major cope and he can tell that she's just not that into him So he's already like a case for like well my fucking parents wouldn't have accepted it a month It is crazy to think about what you're gonna tell your parents though. There's something else going on here

Starting point is 01:14:24 So I guess our actual advice is stop your parents chill the fuck out Yeah, stop worrying about what you're gonna tell your parents at a fucking Carrabba's macaroni grill In seven months or whatever the fuck and just enjoy this relationship and odds are you might blow it before then with a hot woman Who's who's rich? Amen then with a hot woman who's rich stop talking to your parents amen it's a gun you can fire it here next question next question eldest Sarah put that can on the ground will you oh, okay? Why it's put the can on the ground the gun on the ground It's your favorite time of the episode

Starting point is 01:15:20 Holy shit what the hell oh? It's the motherfucking twisted- ass question of the motherfucking week. Sponsored by Twisted D. Holy fucking shit. What twisted ass question do you have for us, Eldis? This is crazy. They barely pay you so much for your singing. Why? It's a wonderful beverage with 5% alcohol by volume that goes down smooth.

Starting point is 01:15:52 Bleep this out. Drinking twisted tea is good for you. For you! Make it say drinking twisted tea is good for you, eldest. We will, don't worry. Twisted- is good for you, Eldis. We will, don't worry. Twisted-ing my words. Go ahead, play the twisted-ass, mother-ass fucking question of the week, Eldis. Hey, Stavros. I think I got a weird one for you, and I'm just curious what you think. So I've been happily married for five years, been with my wife for over seven and a half.

Starting point is 01:16:20 Neither one of us follow any exes or in communication with any of them. However, I have this one ex who still follows me on Instagram and she was the one who broke up with me, kind of broke my heart long, long time ago. So my wife definitely hates her and I'm all for that. So she still follows me on Instagram and she watches almost all my stories. Why you looking? Sometimes even likes them. And it got really weird because last summer, my wife and I went to see Taylor Swift in Liverpool and my ex accidentally liked one of my wife's posts from the show.

Starting point is 01:16:59 And then like a half hour, I'm like this. So we found that very strange. And when we looked into it, we found out that she was not only watching all my stories and like accidentally liking my ex stories from her own bachelorette party which was in Disney World by the way which I didn't even know she was a Disney adult when we dated so that's a little embarrassing for me but anyway it is I know I should probably just block her and just end this thing But here's the thing. I think my wife kind of gets a kick out of it Like although we never talked about it every time my ex watches one of my stories my wife and I end up having

Starting point is 01:17:36 Incredible sex like not that it's bad But like the dial is definitely turned up to 11 only on days my hex watches one of my stories interesting But now I'm a little torn like do I just block her and end this nonsense or you know Just let this weird little dynamic keep playing out. Let me know what you think. I think it's cool Yeah, stop looking at who's watching her stories, by the way Get off the phone go outside off the phone. Stop looking at this guy. Get off the phone. Go outside. Crack open a delicious Twisted Tea. Start living.

Starting point is 01:18:09 Keep it twisted. I'm like, I'm looking. When I'm on the computer, I'm looking at shit. Sometimes let people look at shit. She's gonna look. Well, I mean, it is funny. It is interesting that his wife has, she's clearly getting off on him being desired by an ex Oh, it's making her horny. So doesn't sound like you want to get with this Disney adult

Starting point is 01:18:31 I don't really see any reason to the only thing I could think of is kind of how elders won't take dick pills or take Pepto, right? This is a performance enhancing drug Hating your ass and eventually this well will run dry and now will your wife be able to fucking? Will she even be able to get that puss wet it up without hatred? You know, that's the only thing I'm saying you're playing with a little fire here Like our next thing, you know, does your wife develop some kind of weird cuck fetish Do you know which could be cool if it means you get to fuck other women? but maybe you're not into that, right?

Starting point is 01:19:05 Like there is something I'm just saying it's just a little I do think the cleanest thing is block this woman and just move on with your life or just stop talking about it or whatever Or hide her from all your stories. You don't even have to block her that would give her some satisfaction I shall find a way she might find a way, but you know that my issue is just that at some point the novelty will be gone and Then where and if you're relying on this for the way to have good sex you're playing with fire Because it's it's really just like low

Starting point is 01:19:41 It's really just like... Speak on that stuff. Low... Freaks, girl. Yeah, there's just some... There's some low-level like, cuckoldry, hot-wifing, some weird shit going on here that could be cool, but it also is just a... It's a new element here that you're introducing into your sex life that I would be a little worried about. I also think he's... He's obsessed with the ex.

Starting point is 01:20:01 He's like, Well, she actually broke up with me, by the way. And like, he's looking, like, why are you looking? Who's watching the crap? And you guys are like, keeping this, you know, itemized list of every time you're being too vigilant about what she's doing on the computer. So I don't think you're being necessarily honest about how

Starting point is 01:20:22 and into it you kind of are, too. Yes, that's that's one big question for me. The way he's talking about it, it's kind of are too. Yes. That's one big question for me. The way he's talking about it, it's like, what are you doing? Like seeing it and like, oh honey, look who liked my story again. Like, you know, is your wife all up in your shit looking at like your story views? And is that your only-

Starting point is 01:20:37 Are you bringing it up every time? Like there is something interesting there. And you get, this can become a really load bearing thing in your relationship where like Thinking about an X can be like the one time you guys are bonding over something like we've seen that like there's there's toxic Couples who the only time they're happy is when they're shitting on someone else and their actual They're at whatever actually made them be a couple starts to erode over time and it's filled in with Hate being haters in a fucked up way, and I'm not saying that's exactly what's going on here

Starting point is 01:21:11 But there's some weird thing here that I think look you're better off get out of there You don't you don't you're not equipped to find out. Do you want to know the root of why you have? 11 out of 10 sex every time you bring up an ex. Do you really wanna fucking dig and excavate that? Do you really wanna see what's underneath there? I don't think you do. Dude, also maybe she's looking at your shit all the time because she's making fun of you.

Starting point is 01:21:39 That's a possibility. Like maybe she's like, look at this fugly girlfriend he has and she accidentally likes it She's showing all of her and it got accidentally like cuz she was like look at this fugly bitch And then she's showing all their friends and she's like and everyone's like ha ha ha let me see She's passing the phone around someone accidentally likes it. It could be like you don't know sure But that's what I'm saying is like don't this doesn't need any further investigation

Starting point is 01:22:04 You don't want to dig deeper on either side of it You got a couple cool nights of sex out of it, but you can't start to depend on this It's gone on too long already You got a blocker and move on because there's just it's just not just a little fucked up. Anyway, you slice it one No, that's like crazy crazy sound I'm hearing? I think it's the bidet cleaning itself. Hahaha. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm that a Taylor Swift concert. It's like, is that really so much worse than being at a T-Swift show? She's being like, I can't believe I dated a Taylor Swift at all.

Starting point is 01:22:53 This is why we shouldn't like remember when someone would be out of your life and they would disappear. Absolutely. And that's how it should be. And then you think about that and you're like, what happened to Michael? Yeah, you don't see you don't you don't see them get like gains seven pounds every year Until they die and then see them have hugging goofy You don't need that man move on move on And you know what if you and your wife really want to have a nice evening just kick back with a couple delicious

Starting point is 01:23:23 Twisted teas and don't forget to keep it twisted If you guys want 11 out of 10 sex Light a couple candles Porn porn tube Twisted Have a nice night keep it twist try keeping real motherfucking twisted. Whoa, shit. Fuck, dude, we're exiting the twisted T-zone.

Starting point is 01:23:49 Oh my god. Shaking my daily. Keep it twisted. Have some dignity. What are you talking about? I love twisted T. It better be like a mil a year. It better be two a mil. Next question.

Starting point is 01:24:09 Keep it twisted. I hope that would actually be devastating. Fuck. Don't say that. You're welcome. We'll bleep that. So hungry. I can't be held accountable for what I'm saying

Starting point is 01:24:27 well my beautiful king saw bro shut up I was wondering so when I'm dating whenever I am acting you know normal sweet just like basically not playing games and being a normal person. I feel like that's Like when guys get disinterested or When they like get it in their head that I'm just like fucking obsessed with them Which is hilarious in the guys that I've been seeing. But whenever I start acting like super distant and kind of toxic and you know kind of start like fucking around with them and just like you know instead of

Starting point is 01:25:26 communicating kind of I don't know just playing the fucking bullshit games that's when they're like yeah this is my girl she's the one like they start to get really interested that's when they're super excited. That's when they want to see me all the time so Like what should I do? Do you guys like to be fucked with a little bit? and should I just kind of I Don't play these stupid games that I hate playing or Do you think if there's someone who has a normal?

Starting point is 01:26:08 Brain who's been to therapy out there who? Well, you know that doesn't mean you have a normal brain. They normally. Anyways, any advice to be appreciated? Once again, I love you, my beautiful king. Stop saying that about him. I think it's like she's like, oh, I'm acting like a crazy B word and it's like well if you're acting like a crazy B word maybe you are a crazy B word like just be like maybe that is you being yourself I mean look I know what she's talking about I do feel like it it feels like if you're like but if you're like kind of mean to people or you're like sort of you withhold you know you're kind of mean to people, or you're sort of, you withhold, you're hot and cold,

Starting point is 01:26:50 certain people will react to that in a way that's like, oh, I need to like, no. You're attracting people you don't want relationships with. But that's exactly it, that's exactly it. It's like, you're attracting people that, if that's what they respond to, that's not who, maybe they'll feel that way. And this is coming from a person who that has worked on in the past.

Starting point is 01:27:07 Oh, of course! Where I'm like, I have to have her. And then the second you get that person, you're like, what the fuck? This sucks, right? Like, that's all fake. That all initial, like, tricking someone into liking you. That will go away, and you don't want to have the relationship that starts that way. Because it's- you're starting it on fucked up rickety ground And it's harder for that to just to like actually you know Turn into something meaningful long term so

Starting point is 01:27:37 Catching flies with honey yeah Yeah, and do guys like I think I mean personally I would much prefer someone to be straightforward with me I think you know What now would I have that initial like damn I have to fucking I have to see this girl Whatever, I don't know if it's the same thing, but that's way more. That's not sustainable that like feeling of fuck I'll do whatever it takes to get this girl cuz like once that happens you're like I Didn't want to fucking do that that was you know what I mean? That's like the people you're gonna attract are gonna be so chaotic and crazy and you're gonna be dealing what?

Starting point is 01:28:13 You said it's like the mommy daddy issues are gonna be off the chain It's like anyone who's addicted to that much chaos has got some is gonna be hauling some Baggage yeah for sure. Baggage. For sure. I do think people need to reframe when they're like, oh, I hate playing games when dating. I just like to be open and honest, off the jump.

Starting point is 01:28:38 When you start dating someone, there always is a level of playing games in a way. You're just following certain you know mating rituals or whatever like you know the same way you don't want to like attract someone by being too like withholding like you also don't want to be like way too upfront with someone who you don't really know he's just been on like a few dates with so it's like yeah that's just like a normal thing. Like, you know, sure, wait, you know, wait a few hours to respond to a guy's text that you went on, like, one or two dates with or whatever. Like, there's a certain, like, level where you, like, do just have to, like, do that shit.

Starting point is 01:29:17 No, I think I think I do think you're right in that you should keep some kind of like, yes, there's like a, it's like a series of interviews. Look at the first few dates as a series of interviews before you really, you know, open up fully and are really completely who you are. You don't have to do that at the first, you know, time you get a happy hour drink or whatever. And I do think you'll also get to know each other a little more and you'll get to you know You'll start to communicate a little you'll figure out what your rhythms of communication or whatever But yeah, I wouldn't come on too strong at first either you do have to withhold a little bit of yourself No, not in a way. That's like to trick them

Starting point is 01:29:59 You fucking what what do you went on like one day? 15 years ago, and you ago and you're married essentially. I said hello, my name's Sarah, my stomach hurts, I'm tired. I love you, you're beautiful. I'm ordering the sesame chicken, we're all getting diet coke. You've literally just been in one relationship, right? It's like for the past, I can't even say how many years cuz then people will realize I'm not

Starting point is 01:30:30 But I did by the way I did get him to date me cuz I went you we're dating and he was like Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I but I get that that's like, you know, that was the first date you did that on the first No, I begged him to date me And he was like, okay, I have a girlfriend and I was like, okay I'll keep my eye out for you interesting interesting and then I sort of just marked him as Yeah, and then once they broke up the blow dart in there you tagged him and let him back into the wild in the... You tagged him and let him back into the wild? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:31:04 And I said, you have fun out there. You put an order ring on him and then... You can come back. You will. This was what, a decade ago? I can't even... How old do I look? You've already said you were 30...

Starting point is 01:31:20 What did you say, 32, 34? Fuck. Four? You said... 32. You just said the number said the number probably just Google it We've been dating over a decade It's right there bro, that's a tough picture to be your number one picture That sucks even for you, that's a tough picture to be your number one picture. That sucks. Even for you, that's a bad picture.

Starting point is 01:31:47 Oh my god. Oh my god. Wait, wait, wait. I know this picture. This is, that was, um, do you know how outside the, the, the helium Philly, there's like paparazzi? Cause they think like, it's like, they don't care. They think it's going to be like Shane. And then they fucking got me. I'm holding a hoagie. Yeah. I mean, you look horrible in that picture I do Go to the other page and X out of it eldest no Fucking idiot yes X out of that terrible the third picture is literally one

Starting point is 01:32:19 We were joking about where it's like they just have yeah, Sarah normal sexual joking about where it's like they just have yeah. Sarah normal. Sarah normal. Sarah sexual. Sarah sex. Too small you can't even see it. That. It doesn't even look that good to me. No that one doesn't because it's you know it's basically just you with a wig. Yeah. Anyway that's a good that's an actual good picture of you though too. You want to. What's the other one? What's the one above it? I don't, I'm looking quite ghostly and pale. Ooh, ooh, ooh, two pear shape, two pear shape. Fat, fat legs.

Starting point is 01:32:51 No, that's a nice picture. Are you out of your fucking mind? Oh, no! We didn't need that zoom, Eldis. I guess never I take it back. From a forest, good picture. I thought the zoom was nice. You know what's funny?

Starting point is 01:33:02 It is this thing. Two pear shapes is crazy crazy by the way. That's right. I don't, that looks crazy. You weigh like 72 pounds. Thank you. Thank you. The like, cause you know, for, you know, you have to do these like red carpet photos sometimes. And this is where they don't fucking tell you. People like train how they look like.

Starting point is 01:33:23 Right. Like I'm just, I was like, I'm not. No, no, you see video people and they look like right like I'm just I was like you see video people and they're like yeah and they just have like a way they do it it looks so fucked up but if you're a regular person the pictures look amazing but regular person like I'm sure this was a nice smile it was the New Year's Eve Miley's New Year's Eve party I was happy because I got to go to Miami for a job and I'm smiling So I'm happy and apparently that looks insane You better get your red carpet poses ready stop I guess that's true you learn how to do that

Starting point is 01:34:03 Smizing all right, what else we got, Eldis? He's laughing at it. That picture's so tough. I have a hoagie. The hoagie's what kind of hoagie was it? Vegan. Keep going, Eldis. It's got like cannellini beans and broccoli rabe.

Starting point is 01:34:21 There's this place in Philly. It's under a bridge. It's every time I go to Philly I can get a heavy Vegan hey, you're a damn hagi and hagi vegans crazy. You can't get a vegan Oh, what am I supposed to do dude? What do you want with no cheese? Then you can you consider that You didn't consider that? You know what, Stav? You're not all bad and stupid.

Starting point is 01:34:47 Even the beans with some meat sounds good. Play the next question. Dude, a big fat cannellini bean? I got a tough one for you. I've been married for 13 years, a couple kids. A couple months ago, my wife's acting a little suspect with her phone. So I start to monitor text messages and come to the realization that she has been having an affair with a co-worker for hers.

Starting point is 01:35:14 It really caught me off guard. Totally devastated. So I started divorce proceedings and you know, over the past couple weeks, I've softened a little bit. I love her very much I think you made a mistake, but I'm laying down some conditions of What she needs to do to make this work and relax who are the conditions I laid out where I get a hall pass And we have a threesome Hold on man He's talking to you.

Starting point is 01:35:45 I know you're keeping it to motherfucking twist the dude. Can you scrub back like two seconds because the tone of his voice is like sending a chill up my spine. And we have a threesome. Those were not well received, especially the hall pass. And I've kind of backpedaled on that. I don't want to Do the same thing that she did to me. I don't want to make her feel that way But I feel like the threesome is still justified

Starting point is 01:36:14 Help me get some power back in the relationship help kind of heal my masculinity So I guess my question for you is am I justified in asking for this and How can I help her understand that this would be a healing healing from my perspective? Shut the fuck up It's not gonna heal your masculinity when you have a third party witness to see that you're bad at sex Yeah, I know she's gonna be reluctantly fucking this girl with you. The vibes are gonna be so off dude. He's like I'll forgive you

Starting point is 01:36:51 if I can cream pie another girl while I donkey punch you in the back of the head. Also it's so funny he's like he's so fucked he's like well that wasn't very well received like he's a loser he got cucked and he's now somehow barged himself into a position of weakness. He over- you had all the cards!

Starting point is 01:37:11 And now she's like, no. Like you made her be like what? You grossed her out, dude. So look man, look there's no taking anything back. There's no nothing. There's- there is- like- And look, I haven't dealt with this but I've definitely gotten to the point in my life where I haven't dealt with this I would never be fucking cheating on I mean I just haven't been in a relationship long enough there's been there's been girls who have hurt my

Starting point is 01:37:35 feelings but they weren't my girlfriend I think like if when you do and like I don't know the older I get the more I do realize like yes people do make mistakes I used to think it was crazy when people would like Let you know stay together after somebody cheated, but you grow up, and you realize that's not everything people gonna make mistakes whatever Now if you're still gonna feel less than if you don't get to fuck another woman and your wife isn't gonna let you which by the way You asked for somebody cheats on you're like all right. Well. I get to fuck somebody else That's not that crazy to me if I'm being completely honest. That's really not an insane thing to ask for I don't know why you think the through I think in fanny thing the whole pass is more justified than the threesome the threesome is weird

Starting point is 01:38:23 because now you're bringing her into this like, you fucked up little game of sexual tit for tat that you're trying to play here. A forced threesome, like a vengeful threesome is so odd. Are you even gonna have a good time? She's just like. Well who would have a good time in a situation like that?

Starting point is 01:38:43 It's against Christ. It's disgusting. No that it's against Christ Disgusting no, it's pretty it's pretty cool. It's private It's pretty cool to fuck a hot girl on a different hot girls looking at it. That's pretty cool. It's I don't know I don't what is your oh Of what happens on a tour bus. I did nothing ever on the tour bus. I'm a gentleman and stayed in the hotel room a tour bus. I did nothing happen on the tour bus. I'm a gentleman and stayed in the hotel room. No, but I, if you listen to the tone of his voice, he's like very angry and it's like, I understand that there is something too erotic about like angry revenge sex, but like forceful angry, reluctant revenge sex is so, What do you think is gonna happen?

Starting point is 01:39:26 Also the thing here is, dude, you just haven't had time to process this at all. Like he went, he found out he was immediately hurt, he went to, we're getting a divorce, then he realized maybe I don't want to, and... Well, cause he's leveraging it. Well, but that's, I don't think, I just think he's out of control.

Starting point is 01:39:44 I think he needed to land on what he actually wanted he went from fuck you Get the fuck out to like maybe we should fuck a girl together I don't know you know what I mean like he's just vacillating back and forth to you don't even know what you want and now You kind of fucked up because you're trying you started you started the negotiations when you're not ready to actually think about what you want. I don't think you even know what you want. If you really search your feelings, do you think this will heal your masculinity? And then by the way, is begging your wife who just fucked another guy to fuck a girl with you, that's a masculine thing to do to you? Being like, please, please, please, please, please, can I get girl with you that's a masculine thing to do to you being like please please

Starting point is 01:40:25 please please please can I get pussy with you that's masculine to you people are like so messed up I mean look at the end of the day he got cocked that's tough I'm on his side and what you need but you just need to be honest with what you want I don't think it's crazy to be like I should you should a hall pass. By the way, who are you even gonna fuck? What are you, some kind of Romeo? Has there been some girl that's trying to fuck you? And who's this person you're gonna have a threesome with? Well, hall pass kind of, to me, signals

Starting point is 01:40:57 that that person doesn't exist yet. Oh, he's got one. Like, is this a hall pass, like your dream? It's like when you're- You're allowed one fuck fuck in the one possible fuck in the future kind of thing. I thought it was like aspirational He just means like yeah, you can get a nut off with someone else. Yeah, which is by the way I don't think is crazy No, but I don't think he kind of gave her a hall pass and I don't think it's healthy But in terms of if we're talking about pure negotiations, it's not insane to be like hey you fuck someone

Starting point is 01:41:30 I'm willing to let this go But if this comes up for me you have to let it go for me But I wonder if she had a bad taste in her mouth because it was also a threesome Yeah, you might have over asked you over you overextended yourself and you were in an ultimate position of power and you somehow over asked and got to agree. And then clearly folded immediately. He's still gonna be like, whatever, okay then fuck you. We should separate and who knows. But that's part of the problem.

Starting point is 01:41:59 The way these negotiations have gone, clearly your life has gone. You're not in control. He went to wrath fold way too fast. He went to wrath fold without having the ability to do it. He's like the Andy from Toy Story like frying ants under the magnifying glass of like pussy. Of like revenge pussy. He just does, but he doesn't have an enemy. He didn't stick with it.

Starting point is 01:42:18 Maybe there's a reason that she cheated because he's kind of... He seems kind of... Scary. You think he's scary? I think he's actually too, he seems kind of scary. You think he's scared? I think he's actually too much of a pushover is what it sounds like to me. And I think what you're hearing, what you're picking up on is the fact

Starting point is 01:42:33 that he's still not over this. He still feels very hurt. And now he's just, he is in like the, he wants there to be a solution because really he's still sad that his beautiful marriage has been taken from him. You know what is actually striking fear within my heart? It's like him angrily blaming his cheating wife for his like wounded masculinity and

Starting point is 01:42:59 then the wounded masculinity thing as like he's still the only way he can get his masculinity back instead of like going to the gym or like getting a hot dog, is like somehow still tied to other people. You know what I'm saying? I disagree, I think when he said that, he sounds like a dick. He makes it very hard to sympathize with him,

Starting point is 01:43:20 which is challenging for like a man who's just been cucked. But I think like that was a little- I think he's little overcompensating I think that was like a little glimmer of truth though because like you know it sounds kind of vengeful but like the fact that he could actually like articulate that yes it is ultimately like he wants revenge because his masculinity has been wounded you hurt me I need to hurt you yeah the fact that he can actually say that is like that made me think like okay at least he's not like you know at least he's not just like pussy crazed in his head or like just thinking about this threesome but can like put some logic to like why he's put pushing out

Starting point is 01:43:56 these like crazy terms wow yeah I think he'd like needs to like I mean you know a start is like exploring that and talking about that with her and maybe a couple Therapists or some shit before you even talk about some revenge Revenge sex. I just think it's Well, it must be so hard. You guys go through with this masculinity This would be hard for me I would just be like hit the bricks bit no, I would just cheat back actually I would just honestly what I would do is pretend nothing was wrong and then just cheat Viciously for the rest of my life and that wouldn't be good either

Starting point is 01:44:33 for many people I mean who knows haven't you heard that like statistic that it's like one every two people cheat It is insane. Is that true? I don't know. I think it's people don't have too much time. I think over the course of time, maybe people might just like, you know, randomly fuck.

Starting point is 01:44:57 So I think it is possible. But I was thinking a lot of relationships aren't good. You know what I mean? Like so many of them are just bad. And what does that does that mean you cheat once so you counted in that statistic forever? Is it like one out of every relationship someone is cheating on one out of every two or is it like if somebody cheats on someone? Like you know in their 20s does that Are they marked for life? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like she cheated whatever fine get over it I mean if I don't know, I mean, for this guy.

Starting point is 01:45:26 I think the way he should think about it is like talk, you know, they need to like talk to each other a lot first and he needs to like decide. You can't, you can't like ring, ring like a hall pass from her hands. You need her to come with it to you out of guilt after you've done a lot of emotional discussion. And then it's a little different. You know what mean yes I don't know I don't know funny to like to find out

Starting point is 01:45:52 like okay your partner just cheated on you and then immediately they're like okay then I get to like fuck this person and if they already had someone in the back of their mind like kind of stored away yeah yeah being like, yeah. Being like, you know what I mean? I'd be interested. Like, oh, is that person the whole time? And you were kind of storing back there. But you've already cheated, so you have no, it is funny, because then the person who cheated can't even be mad that they've had someone that they've wanted to fuck, but not acted on it

Starting point is 01:46:19 the whole time. But I don't know, I just think he's out of control and doesn't even know what he wants. That's really my read on the situation, is he's so real. He's like so wounded He can't he doesn't know what he wants like he hasn't even thought through the threesome He asked for a hall pass and was rebuffed and immediately folded like sounds like dehydrated Probably he's probably go. I mean he's going through it. He just got fucking cheated on and by the way How can you trust your fucking partner at like that's the hard thing you have so much more to worry about than you getting pussy

Starting point is 01:46:51 Do you even do you trust her like can you trust this person you have to build that back up? And I do but I do still at the same time think if he thinks getting pussy would help him. He got cucked He got cucked he kind of he she does owe him one And I know it's stupid to think of that way But it's like sometimes people are fucking stupid man And that might be what it takes to set it to set it straight in addition to talking everything out whatever whatever I guess I guess the problem of that is like I Don't know you don't want to it's like if you're gonna forgive her for cheating,

Starting point is 01:47:25 you have to forgive her. You can't make it conditional on getting pussy, you know? And it's like, it's like, you know, he's asking for it cause he wants to twist a knife in her or whatever, which I know is crazy, he got cheated on or whatever, but it's like, what if she came to you and was like, you could just get a hall pass And then we're square would that make you feel good if like it was her idea

Starting point is 01:47:49 She came to you with it like would you even want to do it then or are you just being like spiteful like? Asking for it. Let me ask you this even if he's being spiteful, but it would make him feel like it would set things, right? Maybe he is the kind of idiot who's like, you hurt me, I should get to hurt you, and it just goes back to normal. Now, will that relationship work? Probably not. Odds are it's doomed anyway.

Starting point is 01:48:15 Like, let's be honest here. It's like once somebody cheats, some people can get over it, but. Yeah. Usually they get over it because of other factors, because they're like, we've built a life together, whatever, you know what I mean Like yeah, it's not thinking would be weird if she was just like yes

Starting point is 01:48:29 like kind of on Blinkingly, you know, I don't think it'd be weird you cheat she cheated on him like that's at the end of the day Maybe she cheated on him with like John him It's a co-worker So It's tough. It is it just feels like I for an eye for me. It's like you have to I know you mean but what? Then what's the what's the other? What's the other solution? I know that's the hard part true forgiveness Yeah, I'm not capable that is he capable that I? What's the other solution? I know, that's the hard part. True forgiveness? Yes.

Starting point is 01:49:06 I'm not capable of that. Is he capable of that? I don't know. I just don't know if he got the hall pass and used it, he would feel better. He might not, but only one way to find out. That's true. Yeah, I mean, look.

Starting point is 01:49:20 I know. Ultimately, they should probably be separated for a little bit. Yeah. There's two kids, stop. Two kids, yeah, they gotta figure it out, you're right. But he has to figure out what he actually wants, I think. You know what, this is breeder shit. You're fucking straight.

Starting point is 01:49:34 This is breeder shit. I'm not gonna pop that little mutant gremlins out of my perfect hole. What a mess. No kids for you Kids come out like the flake alien Okay, well good luck, I don't know if we even answered his fucking question, but whatever fuck him. I'm hungry Yeah, I'm kind of hungry, too. I

Starting point is 01:50:11 Could get something to eat I could definitely get something you never convince you guys to eat with me after we get something. Yeah What's up? Stop? What's up? Elvis? All right, I just snitched Super hard on a motherfucker And I'm a little nervous about it That thing is actually 9-1-1 going saying hey, thanks for reporting to us Goddamnit probably didn't hear it. Anyway, so there's this homeless guy Who lives at my park?

Starting point is 01:50:44 He like lives in his car and he's got a dog and I let him live with me for two weeks. Oh, it's summer and I live in. Okay. Uh, well, I shouldn't say that. No, fuck. I'm working too much info on the snitch. Anyway, the point is I let this guy stay with me. Um, turns out he's crazy.

Starting point is 01:51:03 Like not fun, crazy, like scary. I've got a lot of guns and I'll kill a motherfucker crazy. So I kicked him out. Anyway, I thought you know, I'd never see him again. He's back at the park and tonight I called the cops and snitched on him. And I'm not sure if I did the right thing. I didn't mention them for being homeless. I snitched on him for having a fuckload of guns and basically, you know, he wants to kill a cop and you know, I I'm sorry. I'm all fucking manic. I Just uh, I don't know man. You know, I do the right thing

Starting point is 01:51:37 My you know first of all stop. He doesn't get he wants to go a cop. You're just scared. So let's Not you're mr. Blue lives Matt You're you were a guy that let a homeless guy live with you two weeks ago now you're fucking back them now You're mr. Back the blue. You're just scared. Let's start there. Who knows considering where he's from. Maybe he's here That is true. He respects the police I'm all fucking manic. I just I don't know man. I did I do the right thing Am I being stupid? is this guy gonna come and find me or am I right to not worry about You know

Starting point is 01:52:13 Some guy who fucking lives in this car tracking me down and getting vengeance for snitching on him I mean, I assume I did the right thing The guy specifically the reason I switched on is because he was gonna get arrested sooner than later. Like he's obviously got warrants. He told me he had two last names and I'm like, well, which one is it? It's insane. You let this place. I don't know. Stop. Did I do the right thing? Tell me all this. Tell me guess. Am I a snitch in a bad way or did I do the right thing? I probably haven't given you too much

Starting point is 01:52:42 info or haven't given you enough. This is probably probably anyway I'm gonna go I'm out of time. Not to go all DSA on your ass but I wish I could go back in time and give you some literature about de-escalation tactics that you could call mental health services but I wonder if they have how readily available that is but that could have happened before he lived no no Here's the thing the moment you decide you're gonna be for you chair mr. Charity That's the weird thing man is like look I kind of respect it though It's that's way he skipped so many steps I mean he did skip so many steps, and he was you find a guy that you know right you find a guy

Starting point is 01:53:22 Who's homeless around your neighborhood, and you and you strike up a you know relationship with him whatever and You and clearly you're the kind of person who does want to go out of their way to help them What you said makes so much more sense. Can we get him some into some programs? Can we get him into some help with like a pro, you know something but I will the prop Okay, woke is back. I'm gonna say it. The problem in our country is that it's not readily available information, so I appreciate, maybe he doesn't know about

Starting point is 01:53:51 interventionist mental health service, so I appreciate that before he called the, he wanted to help, he didn't know how, so he let the guy sleep in his house, and that kind of stuff happens when you don't have access to things that we know about in Lib Tarded Brooklyn. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:54:09 So it's like, I get it, and I just feel so bad for this guy. I do feel bad for him because look, he was trying to do a good thing. The problem is, you just don't know this guy at all. It's not even that you got to know him. It was like, yeah, obviously obviously homeless is a big problem that doesn't mean you could just let a stranger whether they have a house or they don't sleep at your fucking house like that's just to me that's a wild fucking move right I feel

Starting point is 01:54:38 like you just watch pay it forward when they bring Jim Caviezel home and let him shower and shave and shit. Now, you're getting all freaked out, whatever, like, oh, you kicked him out of your house. Did you do the right thing? I mean, we're past morality here. This is about, like, did you feel like you were in actual danger? Or did you just see him again and you're like, time to call the cops. He sounded like he had a mandalay bay arsenal yeah where where even are these guns i know he did you i think he i think the caller sounds like kind of like a worry ward little bitch because it's like yeah maybe he has a car

Starting point is 01:55:19 did you see any guns in the car or is this guy just crazy he's like yeah I have two names and I have a lot of guns in my car. I'm gonna kill some cops. It's like okay. It's like he's probably just like kind of a crazy I don't want to say crazy mentally unhealthy like homeless guy and you know and just take him back to the park he's probably not gonna like cape fear your ass like looking in through your window and shit like I don't think you need to worry about that. He scared himself because he brought him into his house without having any boundary or whatever yeah and so now he's like scaring himself for like no one's gonna hurt you. Yeah I don't think so I mean ironically maybe calling the cops might start to cape fear. If you would just let him go, you probably would be,

Starting point is 01:56:05 now he's like, who called the cops on me? Like, what if this guy knocks on your door, he's like, somebody called the cops on me. Are you a good enough actor to pretend that wasn't you? By calling the cops. Maybe you won't know. He probably won't. I don't know.

Starting point is 01:56:17 If you get snitched, do the cops? The cops won't tell you who snitched. I don't, I mean, they don't, but you, you, you don't think they're gonna be That's like putting too much faith in a bunch of like dumb cops. Well. Yeah, what did they even do to him though? That's my other question is like What did you snitch on him for? Having done is everything It's like they just release him from booking exactly like what did he even do yeah, so this is a weird situation

Starting point is 01:56:44 Weird you let him sleep in your house right kind of fucking crazy I get his worry a little bit cuz it's like yeah of course I get the worry did this it's like scary when this guy is fully out of your sight and you don't know when or if he's gonna pop up yeah and he knows where you live you need like six to twelve months of complete no contact no say hi to just like feel a little bit at ease it's like how even I and he knows where you live. You need like six to 12 months of complete no contact, no seeing this guy to just like feel a little bit at ease. It's like how even I had bed bugs when I first moved here,

Starting point is 01:57:11 I sublet a place and for three years afterwards, I'd be like, like, I'm sorry, that's just what's gonna happen to you. You're gonna be looking over your shoulder for the next three years. And that's the roll of the dice where you let any stranger Homeless or not if you let any stranger into your house for two weeks and they turn out to be fucking fire weird and violent You're gonna be worried about that until you move or it's been like years later

Starting point is 01:57:38 But maybe they like struck up a friendship. It's possible. He's he was like, and then he was like, oh, like, you're my boy coming with me. I still think there are steps before living. I know. He definitely put his pussy where his mouth is. I'll say it. Yeah, he did. And everyone out there being like, I'm going to change the world. Put your money where your mouth is. Sure. Open up your house. I would say, again, see if you can get some support services first. Open up your house. Take, go, give, maybe open up your car and drive them somewhere. Yeah, well maybe he did that. Maybe he did. We don't know, we don't know everything.

Starting point is 01:58:11 It's quite interesting. This is a quite interesting phone call. It's better than like, my wife is a bitch. Yeah dude, I don't know. I mean, now the funny thing is all he's asking us is for absolution, which we cannot give you. Stop the great! This guy might get fucked in jail, I don't know what to tell you.

Starting point is 01:58:32 Stop, you're my king! What? Please! Um, but yeah man, just, uh, good luck. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. That's crazy. That is nuts. You got something fun for us little eldest

Starting point is 01:58:49 He's tough hey eldest hey guest long time listener first time caller kind of had a funny question to weigh in on I'm from an area. There's a decent amount of Albanians here I'm an Irish American one day. I showed up. I was looking a little pink Yeah, I guess I'm Bernese and the Albanian he was very adamant and swore that If I cover myself in Greek yogurt and then go to sleep the next day I'll feel like amazing like great like better than aloe. It's better than whatever after sun treatment you can buy So my question is is this legit? legit? I know a lot about the Greek yogurt element. Eldest, you might know this trick. Or is this sort of a

Starting point is 01:59:31 multi-centuries old prank the Greeks have done to the Albanians and convinced them to buy their product for Sunburns. So yeah, I just wanna see if you had any wisdom or knowledge regarding this. Thanks, man. I feel like you got got. I've never heard of this. Have you?

Starting point is 01:59:55 I have never heard of it. I could see it working in a weird way. You wanna try it, I've seen it. Yeah. I can imagine that if you get Sunburn real bad, I could see yogurt feeling really good look it up yogurt Treatment for sunburn the nice, you know get off the screen. How about we just critically think for a second? Yes, yogurt can be a soothing remedy for sunburn

Starting point is 02:00:16 Apparently and peanut butter gets gum out of your hair go down does it mm-hmm? How much go have you got in here get? Get out of the AI mode, man. This shit sucks. I mean. Yeah, seriously, you are libtarded. Is yogurt good for a sunburn? Go there, go to, yeah. All right. Okay.

Starting point is 02:00:36 This isn't Greek or Albanian, but I have heard like sometimes if a woman gets a yeast infection, like to put yogurt in her pussy, and that's supposed to help balance the pH and shit. That's crazy. What if your lactose intolerant? Ever seen a pussy puke before? That's a great question can you put it in your pussy will that make you shit? I think you'd probably be fine. You ever shit out of your pussy before?

Starting point is 02:01:00 Did your, did like, my grandma when when I sprained my ankle, I didn't have health insurance, so I had to retreat home to Baltimore for four months and just kind of stopped working at my job at the time indefinitely. And yeah, my grandma would grind up garlic, onions, and salt in a mortar and pestle. With olive oil, she was marinating Elders' ankle. And she would like rub my ankle with it and like put on a cold compress of like this garlic onion mush And I don't know maybe it was placebo, but I do feel like it did help You stank you people cut onions. I've never heard the mortal and pestle and was salt is crazy

Starting point is 02:01:40 She made a paste out of it And then put it on like a wet cold rag and put that on my foot. And she was just like... Like your stinky, stinky foot. Yeah, and she was like, leave that there. And I was like, okay. And I think it did help a little. It felt like it did. I've seen people wrap their foot in onions overnight. Yeah.

Starting point is 02:01:55 What? For what? For... For just... To help swelling and stuff. Yeah. I just spit. To help... I think... I don't know, what do you want from me? I think it's for, you know, what's it called? help swelling and stuff. Yeah. I just spit to help. What do you want from me?

Starting point is 02:02:07 I think it's for, you know, what's it called? Inflammation. Drink a diet coke. Have a DC. Nothing wrong with that. OK, yeah, man, I think it might work. Slather yourself up in some fucking yogurt for you. That was a good call, too. Could have Googled it.

Starting point is 02:02:23 Doing a lot of emotional labor for people who don't want to Google and just want to talk to some That's what we're here for man. We're here to help everyone our beautiful guests our beautiful friends our guests I think every time you're much healthier person when you come here. I'm Starving what do you want to eat? What kind of cuisine are you interested? I like that place What do you want to eat? What kind of cuisine are you interested in? I like that place that you... The place where I sent you last time? Like Middle Eastern. Oh yes, that place is pretty good.

Starting point is 02:02:51 Um, alright, maybe we'll get some Middle Eastern food. Yes. Well, that does it for us folks. We will talk to you next time. Bye bye. Really peered out again.

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Stavvy's World - #139 - Sarah Sherman

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