Stavvy's World - #141 - Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade

Episode Date: August 11, 2025

Alyssa Limperis and JP McDade join the pod to discuss transformative suburban basements, living in extremely close quarters with family, running track, reliving the glory days, longing for home, Boston, Dunkin' Donuts, commercials with Tom Brady, and much more. Alyssa, JP and Stav help callers including a woman wondering if she should continue to date a convicted ex-felon, and a guy who doesn't like that his girlfriend gets regular massages from a male masseuse. Follow Alyssa Limperis on social media: https://www.instagram.com/alyssalimp https://x.com/alyssalimp Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade https://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code STAVVY to try your first month of BlueChew FREE -- just pay $5 shipping. Exclusive $35-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com/. Use code STAVVY at checkout to save! Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50off and use code STAVVY50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping. Get a free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/stavvy. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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please contact Connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor for your charge. Folks, you have an incredible episode coming up right now with two of my favorites, J.P. McDade, of course, and Alyssa in Paris. But first, I want to let you know, I'm come, I'm on the road again. London, our first show sold out on September 6th. We have added a show September 7th. Tickets for that are going fast. Go get your tickets. Dublin, those are almost sold out as well. That's September 12th. So London on the September 7th, Dublin, September 12th, get your tickets almost a month, a little over a month away. And then the rest of the tour is unfortunately sold out in the UK, but I am coming to America

and we are starting that tour off November 6th in Memphis, Tennessee. We have a whole bunch of other dates coming up throughout the south. Check out stavi.biz for those. And of course I want to highlight Austin, Texas on November 22nd and Boston on December 13th. So we'll see you there. Stavi.combe's for all the tour dates. And without further ado, let's start the show. Welcome, everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800-staff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We've got a power couch today.

We're double-greeked up. I can't even- Elisa Limpairis. The Opa, the background, the music, I think it's Sunday. It feels so good. Don't you feel powerful right now? I do feel like we should. Yeah, it's a little bit like, I don't.

I have outnumbered myself, yes. This was a mistake, I think. We have two Greeks. We have our Albanian servant in the corner. shoving everything up and then we have an out of place Irish man So we're trying to restore order

to this chaotic environment Yeah, that's probably good at it That'll probably do it No, we don't need your fucking Catholic vibes Fucking everything up Even this like is this a joke Like to me I'm like that's beautiful

It's beautiful Yeah yeah No no I know because I do think This is over the top But I'm also like I would love to have a painting Of the ocean

Of course And like those corny like those corny, like, there's a window and drapes blowing in the paintings? Of course. I see that. I'm like, yeah, that's fucking art. My art, right. I don't, yeah. I want to look at that and pretend I'm on the fucking beach. That's right.

Yeah. How about this? Growing up, I had a window in my basement that was beautiful curtains and, uh, not a window. Not a window. A fake out. It was a fake window. Really? Yeah, just for the aesthetic. It was just on the wall. It was like concrete.

Yeah, concrete. It was in the basement. So it was, yeah, full concrete, yeah, yeah. That's awesome. Was that your, were those your chambers, or was that like a hangout room? The hangout room? A finished basement. A finished basement. Ping pong table?

We had a ping pong table that you could take off and become a pool table. Oh, I mean, that's the double. That's incredible. Yeah. That's like, that's convertible. The convertible. That's fucking gold star suburban basement. I was thinking, because I live in L.A. now and I'm like, I miss, do you guys have basements here?

Like, do you guys ever find yourself in a finished basement? No, not here. No. I miss it. The basement is a complete, like, I will say the two things, this came up recently because it's summertime, it was 4th of July. The things the suburbs crush New York on, without question, is 4th of July. Absolutely.

It's the most suburbs holiday there possibly is big backyard, shitty grill you bought from Home Depot. You can't work. Bubba's burgers. You know what I mean? Shitty burgers. Lakehouse is a number one. Well, guys, I got to tell you something crazy, Auntie Linda, if you're watching.

Yeah, Linda. It was in Lake Winapasaki for 4th of July with Bubba's burgers. Yeah. You need Bubba's. You need burgers that come from, you know, a shit, a gross, a huge. Hawaiian rolls. No, it's not a gross. A stop and shop that's huge. I think you're going Sam's.

I mean, I'm never getting Bubba's for a six pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bubba's for me only exists. But Bubba's is the only thing that comes in bulk at a supermarket. You know, like that, it's like they've, they've made some kind of special arrangement. You get the styrofoam. explicitly non-biodegradable cooler from the top of the aisle.

Yes, no. So it crushes like, 4th of July, they just shouldn't even do it in New York. It's kind of, it's like, don't even do fireworks. No.

Show like a, in fact, double down. It feels like Fallujah when the fireworks are going off in the city. It's not right. It provides cover for a terrorist attack.

A hundred percent. Like, it provides cover. Like, all fireworks, you'd be like, oh, nothing.

And then you find out, oh, that was actually the Empire State Building. It was actually, Somebody fucking blew it up And so And then you're 100% right We're like

The finished basement It's just that's the extra Sliding door to the finish basement Now hold on Yeah sliding door Because the yard Because the yard slopes That's not

That's an entrance That's the side room That's the den The sliding door is for the den There's that as well The basement has to have It's own entrance For me

The basement in order to get out Again we had the concrete window You had to go up the bulkhead. Yeah, I like that too. I like that too. Those weird fucked up doors. Or you're like, what is going on? Am I battening down the hatches for a tornado?

You're emerging like the twister is gone and now. Exactly. Or you come in through the garage. That's a big one. It makes a screeching noise. And there's really scary to go out of it. Cobwebs always. It's made out cobwebs.

Yeah. But there has to be the magic of the finished basement is that weird stairway where it's like you're coming into Narnia. Exactly. Where it's like they finished everything but the stair. For some reason, the stairway is still unfinished two by fours. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Nothing but splinters.

And then you go down and then the second your feet hit carpet. Your paradise. And of course, what a, what a memory of just you hear footsteps and you know bagel bites are coming. Yeah. You hear footsteps and, you know, I'm getting an appetizer platter. That's the padlovian footsteps. Oh, the mouth, exactly. And those footsteps change.

That's when you know you're becoming an. adult is when those footsteps start becoming a warning that's right where it's like okay fuck put away the you know oh get the we have to throw away the booth we're smoking weed down here throw away the beer you know if you were cooler stop fingering we didn't do a lot of finger in our basements me and eldest but if you were cooler you know I wasn't fingering but I will say that I didn't heed the warning once and it led to a it led to I just remember driving a school the next day with my dad stone cold silence the entire and then as we're maybe a minute away from Catholic school

you know sometimes men don't have the best intentions and I think that's all I remember and then we never talked about it again how old were you what were we talking high school got to be soft more was this the speaking situation like he was not he was there so yeah

but you held on to the grenade for too long that's right yeah yeah yeah you got greedy you heard the creaking and you did And I didn't think I'm going. For me, it was like, oh, pause the dream cast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there was no, no bases were being hit of any kind. No, but we would, we, I mean, you had a, you were the closest guy to a basement because had, or I'm sorry, beeped that out.

The mysterious and elusive Big P had a basement, but his was, but we're, we're in shitty, like, Greek town houses. So that was more, you watch your mouth, you're beautiful, you're beautiful, Greek town. The envy of all the city. It wasn't the same as the suburban finished basement, but it was still, the way his was set up was the closest we had to it. But you had a very sure, you had the unfinished.

You had the like, you guys were playing dice in the basement. That really, the unfinished basement really was like, you just, you like chug quickly down there. It's not a place for hanging out. I stored my couch in your, remember? I just stored a couch in your parents' basement. For like three years.

That would have been a great basement for like a piece of shit kid, like who, like I was too much of a loser. Yeah, you were reading fucking madame bovary in your fucking bedroom. We had like shitty couches down there. It was like rife for getting like, you know, completely trashed and no one would have cared or notice. Totally. I smoked weed down there once. I drank down there like once or twice. It's pretty whack.

But it was, it was like. You completely wasted the basement. Yeah. You're a piece of shit for that. Well, you know. What can you say? But straight George, another Greek member of the podcast. He's a loose affiliate of the podcast.

He came on tour with us. He's just my friend. He has no. Health czar. He was our health czar because he was fat as shit in college when we met. And now he's not. So I was like, those are the qualifications for working for me. He's like, can you just make sure I don't eat too many burgers?

Can you just be somebody to guilt me? Yes. If me and eldest are left to our own devices, it's going to be tough. Sure. J.P. is an Ignat. He's Switzerland. Yeah, I'm not going to say no to these. He's like a UN peacekeeper.

He's just there to, like, write down the atrocities. Someone else will deal with them. He's not stopping them, right? I'm not intervening. No, no, he's not intervening. I'm an observant report. You're observing, you're observing for Nuremberg later. But, like, right?

But you won't stop what's happening. You know how, like, Target will let you shoplift until you reach, like, a misdemeanor or a mouth. That's what I'm doing with, like, your health violation. Party catering trays for ourselves. JP would be like, all right, fellas. How about just a 24 each pack of wings instead of the jumbo pack? I got to step in like an uncut gems and be like, I stopped the bet.

I stop the delivery of the party sub to the back of the bus for just stopping all this. But yes, but George had, he had a side room with the sliding door. We called it the WFR, the winter fuck room. Because it had, because it had like, it felt very winter. It was like dark. would it was like you know you guys fucking in high school no no i was not okay but but i think he literally had one friend who like used it to fuck when his dad was away and so it became the the winter and it wasn't winter i think right right it just became the winter that's all my high

school friends they say my i've a girl in my phone lily banana yeah i don't remember it's like she probably one day had a banana for long yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't even know her last name she's one of my closest friends yeah yeah um but he had that and he had a basement God damn. He had the double? Yeah, the double. Which was living in absolute luxury. Right, it's almost too much.

Life is going to be a sharp drop off. Well, and then it got taken away, you know, I don't want to go too much into his family. I don't want to speak out of term. But it's like, you know, it just, there was some changes happening, and we lost both of those spaces. It seems like both seem like spaces that a stray uncle would find himself landing in when he falls on hard times. Oh, dude, absolutely. That's another place. I just lived in

when he moved out of his father's house I had an internship near there and I just lived there for a summer like this is this is the kind of in Greek obviously Greek hospitality suburban Greek hospitality is next level I was eating his snacks we had to have a talking to

because I kept taking his spoons and eating yogurts in my car and just leaving like his dad had to ask him to ask me to bring back the silverware I was stealing just because I was having too many of his yogurts. This has been corroborated, too.

This is some deep lore. See, that's great. Because I do feel like that's like, that was a man who said that. Because it's like the mother version is like, Stavros, I bought you 24. I bought you your spoons. You don't worry about it. You take a new one every day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he wasn't charging me anything. Like, it got to the point where I'm like, I'm also, I'm living there for free. I'm eating a good amount of his snacks, right? Like, it was never talked about. but he had such a bounty. Sure.

That it was just like, he's one of those guys that, you know when parents, it takes them 10 years to realize their children moved out, he was shopping like he still had two adolescent boys in the house. And they both moved out.

So there's so many Costco treats. And you were serving a purpose for him. And I was, they're going to waste. Yeah. And it got to the point where I was also costing him silverware. I think he was like, right.

The silverware, the hardware, that got you. I think that was the final straw. But he was cool about it. He, you know, and now he likes to laugh. about how the summer we were roommates you know now now he likes to now it's

you know it's a fond you were like like parasite you were just in the base I kind of was dude I kind of I truly was because I was broke as fuck at the time and it was a really nice they lived in some nice burbs sure so I really felt like the guy hiding in the walls when I live there a hundred percent yeah so you so we're talking and this is suburban Massachusetts where we at Massachusetts right on the border of Rhode Island, lived with my grandparents. You had that, the add-on. My grandma lived in, I shared a wall with my grandma.

Yeah. The Massachusetts was. We had the, we had the city trap, city poor version of what you're describing. Okay, okay. You know, where it's like, there's no addition, there's just, my brother share a room and she gets her own room. Yeah, right, right, right. And, but I literally,

I literally shared. It would have been funny, yeah, if one of you shares the room with the grandma. I'll tell you what. My cousin did. I did you. I did, too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah.

You first. My girl cousin, when she lived with us, share the room. JP Catholic, he's like, I've never hugged my grandparents. I didn't know. Oh, my God. Now, she hit me with a shaleli for approaching her. Yeah, it was a beautiful moment. Yeah, so.

Were you like applying powders to your grandma's feet in the bedroom? No, okay, so my grandma passed away. Nice. RIP, sorry. Yeah, nice. I really wish, does that feel what's the riff for him? I'm just trying to paint a picture Now so my Yaya and Papu moved in

Yaya got sick, she passed away my Papu was there and I Okay this is I When my Yaya passed away was in the hospital woke up the next day, couldn't walk You couldn't walk? I got a staff infection What? From the hospital Couldn't walk

And then Is it possible she was haunting you? It's impossible she heard about what's going on in that basement too Was there some cool eye involved? And the kid wasn't Greek. Yeah, he was not. He was not. No, that man was not Greek.

She was like, I'm shutting you down below the waist. Also, I didn't. Until you get a Greek boyfriend. This is my one wish I asked of God. When you get to heaven, he gives you one wish. This is what I used it on. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah.

That guy also, I remember honked when it was time for me to get caught. And the parents said, so, you know, she was like, yeah, no, no. The honking is brutal. Yeah. Like a blam-blan, like Yeah, my friend, we got to go to Sonic. You got to jack me off while we're in the Sonic drive-thru. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, and so then basically I couldn't walk, so I couldn't go up the stairs. So I ended up living with my grandpa, but we were each in twin beds, and he snored so aggressively. Like a 50 sitcom married couple. Yeah, exactly.

That I would have to, like, rush to get to sleep. Like, I just remember, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on. Because if I didn't get to sleep before him, I was fucked. Yes. Holy shit. How long did that take?

I think it was a month. Oh, my God. That's insane. That's fucking wild. Yeah, my Papu. Papu Spiro. Spike. Yeah, he was great. Love them.

Spiro, great name. Yeah. Spike. That's fun. Isn't that fun? Speed out to Spike is good. And then. Did you venture to the couch at any point?

Did you like say, fuck this. I'm going to go try and sleep in another room? I feel like when you're a kid, you don't, like, I should have, a hundred percent of it's like, why was I not in a couch? Why was I not in the basement? Like, there were so many other places. Oh, I guess basement I would have had to do stairs. Right.

But no, as a kid, you're like, okay. My parents said, this is my room. I think it's because they're like, well, what am I going to put sheets on the couch every day? Let her sleep in her recently deceased grandmother's bed. It's like you also have to deal with it. It gets so much darker, dude. Then those beds were pushed back together and then my dad died in that bed. In that bed?

At some point, it's like, we've got to get rid of the bed. Is it not, maybe it's the bed. Maybe it's the bed. Maybe the bed's got to go. You know, it's like, yeah. You should sue the IKEA Corporation. Yeah, exactly. These two whatever mounds have ruined, have ruined my family. Wow, yeah.

I mean, that's, please tell me those are incinerated. Yeah, they're gone. Please tell me they're not still around. Actually, honestly, they probably are. There's a new family living in there. I hope they're well. That's an 824 horror movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Keeps going from house out. Yeah, I hope they're well. But that's such a Greek thing, too. Like, it's a good bed. We're not good. And I think it was my house. Monty Ethel's bet. I don't even think it was ours. It was like it came from our other...

So she's the one who wronged the gypsy. Yeah, yeah. And she was like, I got to guess. The only way to do is to transfer it to a blood relative. That's the only way to get rid of the curse. She's like, come on, guys. They're good, bad. Raymore Flanagan, come on, this thing is nice.

She's just, what have I done? She's in her car. She's driving away from the U. Hall and being like, oh, God. I don't deserve, yeah. Goodbye, Betty. Goodbye, Spike. Oh, yeah.

But that is, yeah. Yeah. The sharing, yeah, the sharing is my, my cousin, because we had, she came to live this for a while, because my aunt passed away. Are you happy, J.P? Are you happy for bringing, for starting this whole thing where we have to talk about, we have to talk about all the tragedies in our lives because of you. Right?

Lay off me. So, I hope you're happy. McDade coming in seeing all this Mediterranean bonding you feel left out so you don't see me

going around Greekly weeping about this shit just because some of us can shove it down a little better than others

don't take it out on me yeah I've been seeing open caskets of family members since age nine there's nothing

you can say all right you're at the you're at the wake where they have them on a pool table like cops now Nana's going

to look a little different. But she saw our cousin, we had a custody thing and our cousin came to live with us for a while and she's like a little girl who just has to sleep in the same bed as her grandmother. And then she came back and lived with us again. She lived, she worked, she traveled a lot for work and then for, and then she decided to move back to the area. She moved to D.C. instead of Baltimore. She got a job there.

And there was like a transitional couple months where as a grown woman, she came back. And we all lived at that. It was the last time. we all lived at the house together and she just was 25 or whatever just like all right time to sleep in bed with my grandmother this is my room like it's like it's Ellis Island like we like we really lived there was that was the period damn we really there was like six months where it was tenement style dude it was like my two brothers back from like one was back from college one still lived there I had got I there was like the I guess it was the year before I I remember after

college before I got my own place in Baltimore Um, I was in my room. Grandma and my cousin. One was working in a fish cannery. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One was pushing a vegetable cart. Yeah, yeah, dude. It was, uh, it was, it was insane, but that's how.

And your parents were like, this is perfect. Oh, loved it. My parents are still, my parents are still, like, why did you leave? Like, why do you? My mom, my mom is now angling to do, she wants to become the yeah, yeah, that lives in the house. Well, yeah, my mom lived with me in New York for a bit. Well, I told you. Well, I don't want to, I don't docks you.

Don't docks, but we live in the same neighborhood. same neighborhood, and I lived there with my mom. Time Square. Oh, wow. Yeah. I lived in the, I had a suite in the Jimmy Buffet Margaritaville. Yeah, and it was the same sweet I had, so we were finding over that. And I was in Elmo right outside for a couple of years.

Oh, you lived there with your mom. Yeah. Wow. I saw the scariest thing, by the way, in Times Square the other day. It was a man with no shirt on and a, just a clown mask and his pants. It almost like, it's like he had something weighted in his pocket. And it was so close to the pants falling down with the and there was no effort to and it was yes well your gun is going to weigh down your sweat The problem I run into from time to time and this is not like because there I know twisted metal is out

That's a shirtless clown this was not a tie-in Just driving an ice cream truck now that you're saying that it could have been I mean you think that's part of it is showing I was like the final destination red that would be awesome if they matched the bozo hair to the pubs he's almost showing yeah I would have actually your respect. I would have. I would have. Folks, when I think about the inventions that have impacted my life the most, I would say maybe indoor plumbing, air conditioning, air travel, and right up there with those is the technology that our friends at Blue Chew have created for the number one chewable sex tablet on the market.

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That must have been close quarters as well. That was close quarters as well, but it was the same thing. It's like, dad died and it's like, well, all right, I'm going to New York. Going to New York. Wow. We're going to New York. That's actually kind of fun. It was.

The gals, the gills, you know, that sort of. The sort of Gilmore girls. The Gilmore girls. Like, you know, let's do something objectively insane. Insane. To deal with grief. Let's become sex in the city roommates. Like for, how long was that?

I want to say it was like maybe a year. It's blurry. That time was like blurry. But I'm like, yeah, I want to say a year. But that was so crazy because my mom, you know, in New York City coming from the suburbs, just like in a bagel shop and like. Chatting people up. And we would have 35 years.

We would have. And people in the back of that was going to go. Yeah, holding up the line. Holder than just like, yeah. One time we were at a Greek restaurant. We were at that Greek restaurant that was on like near Union Square, a little 14th, like the one. Oh, is that the Kiklades that they have down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so we were there and my mom was, you know, talking to the waiter and he gave us garlic to burikour dessert. Mm-hmm. A great dessert. Great dessert. A custard, a honey custard. For free. My favorite as a child, my mom was a witch in a Greek restaurant. Yeah, I think it's the best because it, yeah, it's just, it's custardy, it's custard, honey and filo.

feel a dope and it's unlike any other like yeah it's just great so he gave it to us for free and my mom was like you see that i connected with him about free they gave us free i look around the restaurant it's part of the restaurant it's just what you get for coming in but i was like i'll let her have it yeah yeah yeah he had a scarf it was like the owner and she's like has a connection to him and i was like let her have it absolutely but yeah it was good it was a good yeah it was interesting i was in a one-bedroom What are we talking? It was a one bedroom, but it was like, no, it was like a two-bedroom. It was flex, but.

I feel like a guy and a dad is a very different story, but a girl and a mom, that's fine. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. If I had to live with my father. First of all, if my, yeah, oh, dude, my dad and me being roommates is one of the funniest things I could possibly imagine. Just fistfight my dad. Like the idea that I can't have a weird lunch and be like, all right, see you in three months. I mean that it's like I come back from work and he's there yeah tough and his like I went

and actually got coffee with my dad and I was in Baltimore and I just went to see what his life is like and he just he just there's a coffee house that he goes to literally every day please tell me he sits outside does he sit outside depending on the weather but you know they will but it's there's not that much space there is some there's some benches most of the time they're in the specific corner he has his seat he has his seat and it's it just reminds me of like going to like you know getting going to the dining hall or whatever it just it just reminds like him and his boys see each other every day that is so nice they just hang out right they all ostensibly have jobs sure but they're

just sort of like chilling like they might work one or two days a week yeah you know all of them are my dad's getting over surgery he's doing good now you're happy jp yeah you're happy my dad had fucking surgery i hope you're happy this is also my fault I'm just imagining a scenario where you're roommates but undoubtedly one you know 65 plus year old three out of the eight guys are getting over open heart surgery

some kind of you know some kind of liver problem some kind of like cancer brought on by their smoking you know what I mean like there's always some of them are infirmed so they're there every day And now my dad has passed into the, like, their every, the daily crew. So I had to go to, and they have, he knows the schedules of when each one is closed. So there's, his favorite one is closed on Tuesday. So I had to go see him at the backup one on Tuesday.

And him and his boys are just in there. My, his friend is telling me about how his daughter is very successful, but she refuses to have a grandchild. Like, it's just, it's awesome. You just get locked into these traditional old Greek guy. She is senior VP at Merrill Lynch, but no baby. Maybe. Almost exactly, dude. Except think about him telling me every step, every major accomplishment since high school

that his daughter. National Honor Society, yeah. $1,500 scholarship. Yeah. It was cute, though, how fucking proud he was of his daughter. I almost wanted to be like, masculine men. Maybe a little, maybe a couple, hey, thanks. You know, maybe a couple telling everybody you're proud.

Oh, no, no big deal. He has tour bus. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my dad's, my dad would flip if he saw the bus. Yeah. Maybe we'll show it to him next time. He didn't have bus privileges on this tour. But if he's on good behavior for the next tour, he'll get to see the bus. Oh, God.

And isn't that nice that in a way, you're on a bus with your boys? Oh. You're doing the same thing. We're all doing the same thing. I mean, we're 100% living the same way. That's how I feel about my mom. I'm like, I'm getting to the point where I have bought to go Tupperware. That's like one single use, like aluminum.

And I will make food, and I'll tell my friends, like, I got a batch of chicken couple of a mile, you come over, and I'm sending it home with them. And I'm like, this is, I'm just doing the same thing. A hundred percent. Yeah. No, we can't avoid it. I do have a theory of like, there's a period of your life where you want to get away. And you do acquire, there's like a period that's more finite than we realize. We think that it's like, I'm done with who I was.

I'm going to be somebody there. I'm gone forever. And it's actually what's going on is you're going out there. you are changing. You're bringing new things in, but then eventually you just come back. Totally. And your DNA level, you're still who you're-

You level out a little bit and you're like, oh yeah, I just, the way old Greek men have been in a coffee shop for just doing nothing and they don't like working and they do all their work like last minute, it's like I have the exact same working patterns as my father. Totally. All my friends I see every day.

Like my job, I've figured out how to make a rolling Greek coffee shop where it's like I see my people. best friends every day we hang out i just brought one of them to just like buy salads right like you hired up so he's going to go to costco yeah to go to costco buy salads and shit and like yeah we all we all return a little bit to what we are i think that's it i think that's what i'm realizing now too is i'm on i'm a hundred percent on the journey of coming back to especially my greekness i'm like i'm going i'm full blown i feel you on that one i'm because i'm like it's the same same same with the irish yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's nice right

It calls you back where you're like, oh, yeah, this, also for something to be such a big part of your life for so long. Greek school, Greek school, Greek dance and Greek church, it's like, that's, it's a, it's foundational in your body. So then you leave it. And then I was in L.A., you know, dad dies. My mom moves out of the house. And I started realizing like, oh, if I don't bring this into my life, like, it won't really be in my life. But what did you think of it when you were a kid? Did you kind of, did you have like, granted?

Maybe didn't love it. But I think you hate it too. Because, like, dude, they make you go to school after school. Yeah. We had to go. Greek school was for. me three days a week after school. And so many kids spoke fluently too

because I always felt like I was Yeah. Oh yeah, we would definitely make fun of you. Yeah, exactly. I'd be like This one, but I would definitely cheat off you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just feel like I can't just, um, yeah. This fucking yank doesn't know where Alfa's from a baitus. And then you go and then I go to Greece

and it's like people like, fucking piece of shit. Look at this fat American piece of shit. When I went to Ireland when I was like a teenager, I did like, uh, they definitely respect you even less. Oh, 100%. They don't. respect American Irish people. The plastic patties thing. Like,

oh, you're a fucking other Americans coming over. Well, also because culturally, you know, but culturally like, they, a lot of Irish have complete,

like when they come over and just become cops in the 1800s and then just become Republicans. And it's like, Irish people are maybe one of the only ethical whites. That was a big part of the culture for a while. They love killing cops.

They hate authority. They're the only people talking about. The only people like being like pro-Palestine from the jump. They don't be on the right side of history. And then Irish Americans are just like, are they just like the same, the way like Italian Americans, they've just become like conservative caricatures of their, all their stereotypes. I was over there and I was like 15 at the time.

And I was like super skinny, no confidence, whatever. I remember I was walking down a street. And there was this guy like leaning against a car. And I didn't realize until too late that he was making fun of me. And I was walking by. He's like, yeah, I walk faster. You're fucking piece or shit. Like you're making fun of the way I was walking.

And at the time. You know what you're walking. It's a guy. I was wearing cackies and I was wearing like a windbreaker that was also khaki color. Not you dressed like a 60 year old. And I had a white hat and a 60 year old outfit completely. And I walked by and he was, he looked like a fucking max stick. Funny.

Get in your ass, dude. That's really good. God damn. Yeah. They don't respect us at all. But then, yeah, like later in life it kind of comes back to that, this was kind of a cool little cultural thing I had that I didn't appreciate when I was younger. Exactly. Yeah.

And it's, yeah, it's part of who I am. And if I don't have it, that feels, that feels wrong. But it is true. It's nice that, like, we took a decade to collect all this other stuff. So we're not just going, I'm not going back and. Totally. We don't have a finished bag. We're not going all the way, I'm not getting bagel bites, you know.

Although, although, like, like, that's the other thing I think I'm like, don't sound too bad, head at all, like, where it's like, you see, because also where I think we're all at the age where it's like, you move. And we all met, I think I met you, like, actually pretty quick when I, When I moved to New York, I had just, it was that, what was that shitty fucking? It was in Brooklyn, pine box. And I remember this, because I, I had just moved.

You had just moved. You were this like, little Greek boy. I was like, I am going to help. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next day you're doing fucking stadiums. I'm like, I am going to. It was another two years. You had a lot going on.

I think that was the height of you. You might have been in that apartment with your mom. I think so. You were pretty, like, I remember being like, I thought. you were funny and we were bonding over the Greek stuff but you clearly were like oh this girl's dealing with some shit. Yeah totally

because I think your dad had just passed away and I was like I was like she's cool but I'm not gonna push a friendship right now she seems like she's dealing with a lot of stuff totally convenient but we all men I met you at fucking those same probably very similar was that around the time that we were working in the same office building

no this was even earlier so once I got in the office building I think that helped me start kind of getting on my way We did that sketch. You had me in that sketch. Yeah, what was it, Thanksgiving? No, it was like, it was like an app or something. Like the guys who don't leave you alone on apps or something.

Can I tell? Hell yeah, baby. I called Jackie immediately. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but it's so funny even thinking of that job, I was talking to my friend who I still work with from that job. And I'm like, is it funny how we're just going back to that? Like, if you look on Instagram now, like, all the wheels are like, like, it's very cyclical. Oh, yeah.

Like, because we were making, yeah, every type of person. Fuck, what was that, what was that trend of like, oh, fuck. It was one of the first formats. It was before reels, but it was like... Like Vine? It was just like a YouTube trend where it was like a meme of like everybody did their version of it.

It was maybe similar to like the type of guy you find or whatever the fuck. Exactly. It was just every type of... And now that's just white text on the reel. But there was one even before I moved to New York that I'm thinking of, fuck. Anyway, it got played into the ground.

But yeah, I mean, I don't know. remember i mean my first job was working for one of the worst internet company internet comedy companies in the fucking world there was a lot of bad shit but they there was weirdly money there was money there back then there was a lot of money in yeah like facebook live remember we were going oh when facebook was like facebook was juicing their views and we all thought we were getting famous and we were doing videos was like whoa this got 18 000 views and one like how about that that's crazy oh yeah because facebook was trying to tell people this is where it's up everyone's going to video And they were weirdly right, but they were just doing it in the absolute worst ways.

Because was that like pre-Twitch? Because then Facebook Live that kind of became like streaming. Before Twitter had any kind of video functionality and before Instagram even had video, I think. And it was just like Facebook video was the thing that was trying to compete with YouTube. That's crazy how fast things have changed that. When we all started, we were doing videos and like I was posting a YouTube link on. Check it out. Check it out.

Yeah, yeah. Like you could not post, yeah. Well, yeah, I mean, you also got fuck because you had. You literally were doing front-facing video stuff. Yeah. I feel like maybe one year. If you did it, if you timed it one year, you're maybe the most famous person on earth.

You know what I mean? Where I just feel like I saw women stealing what you were doing and now they're, you know, are like, they have a Dunkin' Donuts drink. Oh, yeah. The amount of mom character clones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, you know, I have a lot of like peace with it

because I'm like, Right, right, right. Because I'm like, there were also incredible mom characters before me. Of course, of course. And I... You just kind of like did package it for the internet in a good way. Yeah. And, I mean, but that's, it's just crazy how much we just don't have control of anything.

No, totally. And how much everything is time. Like, if I, if we started to come down maybe like six months later, nobody gives a fuck. You know what I mean? And if we do it six months before, we don't know about Patreon. Sure. We make no money. Like, it's just, and it's like, even like the stand-up clips, I'm like,

You can stand-up clips? I had no clue. Think of how many shows we all did with no video. No video. Gone. Roast battles. Gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Think of the amount of, yeah. It's like for what? But, okay, here's my, of course. But I actually agree. I actually agree. With what I'm about to say? I think so. I think, like there's a lot of benefits to what's going on right now.

But I think it's a, I think we all had a really cool thing, which was like, we learned just for the sake of learning. Which is what it should be. Just for the sake of honing, like, imagine we would have been filming our sets after doing it for one year. Oh, I would, I look at what I thought was hilarious when I was 24. Yeah. I even had, we should find it. I think we have it somewhere. Remember when I, like, recorded what I thought was like an EP?

Not an EP. Yeah, I was literally going to, in college, I was going to burn these, burn CDs and hand them out to people. And I actually spent more time, remember this? I spent more time photoshopping the cover, which was like, Which was like me shooting Jay Leno in the head or something. It was like, and that was like, I had a lot of takes too. I was like, I'm better than Jay, I'm 22. I'm like, I'm funnier than Jay Leno, which like.

We've never been funnier than 22 because you have no pot. You are just so confident. But if I have an hour. No, for real. So I'm actually very happy because I would have been posting. And you see these horrible young comics who it's like, dude, you might be good. Sure. If you just for eight years.

Try and be good. good at this. And we had a real, I mean, it's a special time of like, we had a real underground community. Like, we didn't, that is true. We didn't follow each other. We didn't really know. No, we were actually friends. We would meet up and like you and, and we would go to fucking mics together. We'd like, which might be going to next? And you'd like, it was a very special time in that sense. And I don't know, maybe that still exists, but it does feel like it's at the very least. No, I think it, I mean, we're just old. I think it still does exist. We're old. We're sorry, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess would it, we're out of it. We're out of it.

If they're filming, if you're, if every. I think it's a little more, there's probably like more click. I think it's probably clicked up a little more where it's like you, we just had to hang out with everyone. Even people we, I mean, part of it was being like a quarter of the people there, we all hated. You know what I mean? It was like horrible, unfunny, rude people. You got a big small talk with the 50-year-old guy whose act as half slurs. Who you meet day one and think, that's the king.

Yeah, no, you slowly realize, oh. The guy holding court. Yeah, yeah. Okay, this guy's been here for a while. But, you know, I do that, but, and whatever. You're right, there's probably a new great community, which is like people make videos. It's just different, I think. I think 24-year-olds are still going to bar, you know, getting fucked up, going to bars, whatever, after horrible shows.

Yeah. It's just like a few of them have 300,000 followers. Yes, that's actually true. That's actually true. It's like, a couple of them are rich. Totally. But I think, so some of the, some of it has changed for sure. But, you know.

And yeah, that's got to be hard trying to. figure it out. But who cares? Nobody gives a fuck about this. This is, this is everyone's like, shut the fuck up. Talk about your dead relatives more. Make fun of JP for talking about his, for making you think about pain and sorrow. That's what I'm here for.

Stop, should I tell people are, oh, are we done? No, no, no, no, no. We're not even close. Sorry. That's not how we do things around here. See, podcasting is about volume. It's not about quality. We'll be talking for at least

Why is that means locking the door? He's taking my bag. We haven't even gotten to the calls yet. Oh, right. Okay, JP, do you know this, that I DMed Stav like a few months ago? I go Stav, I got to tell you, buddy, thank you. Because I booked this job where I had to have a Philly accent, and I studied. I studied your video of your, your Philly guy.

A mid-Atlantic masterclass. I studied it over and over, and I did it. And thank you. He immediately goes, hey, buddy, that's Baltimore. I was offended I was like How dare you? And you were so different

Subtle nuances The dialects What are you stupid or something? That's like The difference It's like the difference Between Australia and New Zealand You're fucking up

Yeah And he was like Definitely study something else Before you do it I'm like We wrapped Yeah It's in the can

I know I know I definitely After I started sending that I was like Because I guess I just misread your message I was like, oh, I got it. And then I was like, now I felt like a fucking big cat. Is that one like an NFL countdown things that you did?

It's not, let's not mention which. I did a great job and it was a pitch perfectly. There's a big accent. Here's the thing. As a woman doing a big accent anyway, like even if it's my home, even if it's my voice now, people are going to go, that's not right. So it's almost like people are going to kind of be mad. The most annoying thing in the world.

Please. Regional accent. When people try to correct you on an accent. This is how I'm born. You're sort of, You're sort of cornering big, loud, northeastern to East Coast accents because you've done a lot of... Kind of you, too. Yeah, we are.

We are representing our local cultures. Like when I see you in a TV show, it's nice. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. You know, Stobby Baby Enterprise is a vast entertainment empire, but one of our legs in the octopus that is the crackin that is taking over entertainment, Stobby Baby Enterprises, is our e-commerce business, folks. When you have an e-commerce business, you know you've got to be successful by keeping your customers happy. Okay, with ship station, you can sync orders from everywhere you sell into one dashboard and replace manual tasks with custom automations to reduce shipping errors all at a fraction of the cost. It's an incredibly, look, am I in the weeds day to day making sure our calendars and our T-shirts get shipped?

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There's no credit card or contract required, and you can cancel any time. That's shipstation.com slash stavi. Well, you've been, you got, you honestly might have, you've done, I mean, this must be huge in mass. We're talking Sam Adams and Dunkin' Donuts, right? Massive. We're talking Sam Adams, Duncan Donuts, and we're talking Tom Brady commercial.

Tom Brady, I mean, come on. Triple stamp. Yeah, that's huge. That's huge. No, totally. It's cool. Everyone must be, I mean, you could, like, you'll do cooler stuff from now on. Yeah.

And no one in Boston will give a fuck. No. In the all-female reboot of the town that you started. It would be, that's the girl from the Tommy commercials. When I tell you, an all-female reboot of the town, even just a shot-for-shot remake of the town where I get to be an extra, the highlight of my life. No, you get to be Jeremy Renner. You get to be the insane one. Who's how we taken?

Yeah. Let's go. Yeah, no, I feel That's another thing I feel Like first 10 years It's almost like shed who I am And just kind of becomes And now I'm like

No, I just want to I just want to make movies and TV shows And everything I make I want it to be about where I'm from Yeah, yeah So that, yeah What was Tom like IRL? Incredible, so sweet, so kind, fun

Yeah Did he kiss his son When you were there? There's language in the contract, Stavros Elvis make it look like we bleeped out something Alicia said I'm like yeah no but I have her

I had another buddy who is a Boston guy who worked with him and he was like he was the Mike Mitchell doughboys who's a recent guest on this show as well he said that he was working with Tom Brady in that he was kind of not icy just like very professional

definitely until Mike was one of the riffs he did was like humping the football and Brady was like nice. So truly he's just like a jock. Exactly. He's the greatest quarterback ever but at the end of the day, he's a dumb jock. And when you go like, a very smart job, a very smart job,

he's a very smart jock. I worked with Edelman a few months ago. No. And he's like the epitome of a job. He's the man. Yeah, I did his podcast too. He was like, we were in some venue shooting this thing and he like went to the bathroom and came back.

He's like, who left a gentleman? jellyfish in the toilet is like a jellyfish he's like yeah a bunch of com this is called

even a jellyfish yeah he was the man yeah no that's kind of I'm sure that's yeah that was the same

thing he was a little at first it was like there and then I think I did I like

roasted him in a Boston accent or something and he was like all right everybody's yeah yeah it's fun

it's fun working with athletes because you're like you are the best in your field yeah

we're meeting here where we're like totally we're getting to do this there's like an urgency where they're like I need help in their eyes you see it they're like please make me look good and you're like you're the best in the world like I yeah yeah

it is awesome it is awesome to have I have no other skills but it's like I get to feel like I'll help you little buddy to want to like a jazz champion who's like thousands of people have watched that him

You know what I mean? Oh, totally. Getting free stuff for being awesome since they were a teenager. Yeah. Yeah. He's awesome. I mean, I feel like, yeah, he's his mentality too. He's just a, because, you know, he was a, he was an underdog.

Yeah. All right, relax. Enough with his fucking Boston propaganda. Yeah, when he played Eli Manning, he was a fucking underdog. Twice. Were you, did you play, did you play sports? Is that, do you? Yeah, I was, I was like a runner.

Runner. Runner, okay. Yeah. No, I was different culture than, then, like, you know, like what kind of running sports kind of but I was a like I was a sprinter okay and I was a competitive we were like very competitive and we were on relay teams okay okay so there was definitely long distance we're talking track track track track and sprinting sprinting feels like the most like competitive one of them yeah it was I most jockish totally so like 100 200 200 and then

four by one four by four and yeah I I I loved it and still to this day I'll go to McCarran Park basically every day and I will put my hand and touch the track. Wow. That's the most athlete thing I do

is like, touch the track to just. You really are a Boston idiot. It's like a guy picking up a football being like

I got to maintain my palaces on my fingers from the track. I used to grind my fingers down to nothing. Touching the track. I touched the track.

There's nothing like that smell. Literally. I want that red on my finger. I go, yeah, I'm leaving. I know, dude. I mean, I'm making fun of you, but it's like I played one year of high school football.

And, like, Astoria Park has those, like, lights. And I look up, I'm like, Friday night lights, baby. I think about the, like, I had, like, four good plays, and I have a life-altering shoulder injury just to play one year of, because to feel cool,

to put on a helmet and be like, I'm fucking cool, man. Literally, my shoulder will never be the same. My hips, I, like, cannot run it. I have no hip. They're like, I'm not worth it at all. Whatever. Yeah, but God.

God, it feels, you do, you're like, man, I was. I didn't play hard enough to get long-term injuries. I was more of a show pony. Yeah. I was the guy in the layup lines dunking and that's all I wanted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I loved it. And I do think it is like, it's, I, yeah, I'm like, everyone should play high school sports.

I kind of agree. I do think it's important to just, like, from a purely camaraderie standpoint. Comority and, like, discipline. And, like, we lose in this business all the time. And I think, like, life is losing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think sports helps you be like, yeah, you lose all the time. And then you win.

The losses you go, okay, how can I get stronger? How can I get faster? How can I? Yeah. So I do think it, it, it's, uh, I'm totally forward. Yeah, then you start gambling. Then you go to your nephew's game. You gamble on him.

He doesn't hit enough fucking dingers. You put some creatine in his cereal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get him strong. You start putting them on PEDs. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait to have an underground gambling.

wring ring going and my fucking nephew's jiu-jit-choo matches. It's totally unregulated. It's a gold mine. And the access you have to inside information is unparalleled. Oh, Timmy's come down with a stomach bug, you say. His first armpit hair came in. He's about to go off.

Beautiful. Well, look, we have, we have our own little little, not only do we have nephews in the next generation, we have our callers to lead. Oh, beautiful. Thank you. I'm kind of like a, I'm kind of like a broadcaster here. This is about dispensing wisdom. It's about wisdom.

Yes. And that's sort of the name. Absolutely. Mm-hmm. What do we got here? Okay. Eldis, hit us with some questions, buddy. Hi, Stove. Hi, Elvis. Hi, esteemed guest. Um, I got a predicament. I

recently started seeing someone who's been seeing each other for about a month. It's a small town that I live in. Small enough that, like, um like people kind of know people it's from itty-bitty town but it's big enough that you can run into people kind of sure anyway okay um so the problem is this guy i've been seeing we've been seeing each other for months and i just found out that he is he has a felony charge uh-oh okay um and personally it's a little bit hot that he has but also the charge is deeply troubling

it's deeply troubling it's not white collar crime it's so hot that he was poisoning old people allegedly oh my god all right let's see what we got here eldest deeply troubling like the charge itself is not hot So I am concerned he seems to have like just really have turned his life around in the last like three to four years and the charges are from about three years ago and based on what he said, he was like deeply unmedicated, deeply toxic, drinking, smoking. He's sober now on medication in therapy.

So yeah, I'm about to talk to him this weekend and so this. This weekend, huh? I just want to put it to you When was this call in, Elders? No, no. It might be a month or two. And this episode doesn't come out for another month, probably. Is there a local news story out there about this from like a Fox affiliate?

They got serial season five about this bitch already, Eldis, you motherfucker. This is evidence. You got a thing for us. We're idiots. The FBI is going to be listening to this call for the background noises to see. Oh my God, he was coming in through the window. as she left the message on the podcast. Oh, brother.

We really got to work on our screening around here. Background checks from here on now. Okay, though, but generally we had, look, for someone in the future in this, in a similar situation, yeah, I mean, look, this is, this is kind of a classic, whatever you decide to do is fine scenario, where it's like, you know, we don't want to judge, you know, you don't want to judge a person with a past, but also, you're okay. Hey, if you just don't feel comfortable, certain people have different tolerances for what they think, you know, in a romantic, this is a romantic relationship. This is not like, I'm not talking about like hiring this person for like an entry level job where it's like illegal to discriminate. This is like, you know, and not right to, you know, you're not, no one that you don't feel comfortable with for any reason, you don't have to be in a relationship with anyone you don't want to. I think it's what it comes down to.

But also, this, you know, this is somebody who's been up front, relatively upfront. I mean, you know, in a month, could he have told you a little sooner, maybe? But it's like, you just started seeing each other. You kind of want to see if there's even a, like, if you have any kind of chronic problem, whether it's a felony charge, maybe herpes, you know what I mean? Like, well, yeah, herpes, you probably have to tell before you fuck. But you know what I'm saying? Like, whatever.

If there's like, you want to get to know somebody first before you drop a, you know, something crazy on there and maybe he was a little late but it doesn't sound like it's that late um and if he's told you like hey i feel this connection here's what happened i have you know i've been in therapy i've been medicated i've been sober and you think that's that works for you great if not you're not a bad person for being like that's cool but this is a little bit of like i don't you know if you know if you're like i i don't want to be in this way it just makes me even a little uneasy enough to not be in a relationship but ultimately that's up to you right

like it's not but either way it's fine you don't need to be guilted into staying in a relationship you don't want to be and you also don't have to like just because something is on paper a deal breaker if you feel like somebody's been upfront with you and it seems like they're a different person you don't have to ruin what you

think has potential but that's up to you we can't really fucking tell you which way to go with that yeah it seems to me like a safety thing you go it's a deep troubling. Yeah, how deeply troubling? He stole, like, did he steal, like, a ton of shit?

And you're like, that's troubling. It's like, all right, he's probably fine. Did he beat his girlfriend? Right. So I think. And if it's anything like that. Oh, uh-oh. What is it?

This is just, the elders just put type felony examples. They're not good. And they start with murder, rape, robbery, but they, that doesn't have to be those. Those are the big ones. Yeah. But, you know, burglary, drug. It could be drugs. Now, you know, we're hoping for drugs.

We're death, we're really hoping for drugs. Even better. Taxation, out of count as a plus. I had this, yes. Yeah. Animal cruelty, that one we wouldn't be crazy about. What kind of dog? Cybercrimes, maybe he's good at computers.

Maybe there's a future there. But it really comes down to, like, for me personally, right? If it's not about me, like, if it's not something where it's like domestic or like violent. Yeah. You know, it's like, I don't fuck, you know, whatever. It's like people have done it. If it's drugs, I really don't give me. As well as the turning his life around.

But yeah, it's a same. Yeah. No, no, exactly. Like, if we're talking about you have three years and also how old is this person? True. How young were they when they did, when they made their mistake? Like, you know, what's the context that all this should happen with? You know, I think ultimately if it's not something that is like, it's violent to you and you believe the context that happened makes sense and you believe that they've turned their life around.

I mean, I know people from like my past who have like done phelonious things with drugs. and now you now you would never know that they were like yeah i mean basically yeah i went to baltimore city public schools like i have friends who were like truly in gangs and like were shot and are like we know people who have worn ankle monitors and are like oh for sure good people now and they were truly pieces of shit yeah don't get me wrong like they like but have fully have families our small business owners are you know cops now you know firefighters like just shit like like they have just kind of figured their shit out and it's like yeah exactly you would never be able to tell but again at the end of the day yeah this is your personal life yes this is not something and like we and as a

society we should not be stopping people who have had who've made mistakes from getting a second chance you can't describe but this is not like again this is not societal this is like granular your personal life if you feel uncomfortable can i add one more thing yeah you might want to get like a second opinion too because sometimes when you're hearing from someone they're going to tell you the best version of the story maybe if this guy's dated someone that you know since it's a small town or has a best friend yeah do you check in with that yeah do you have any yes is just like is do you corroborate that this is kind of sure and they go yeah yeah he's totally higher PI that's kind of yeah yeah yeah get a file on it yeah put me spyware on his computer

yes yes evade a little taxes yeah yeah yeah you proposed to him to do some crime yeah see like see how he yeah Exactly, exactly, exactly. We have a ring. You come to the Jiu-Jitsu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll figure it out. I think that, yeah.

So those are your options, I think. Like Elizabeth was saying about safety, first sign of trouble, maybe get out. That's true, too. There's a warning sign. If there's like a second cell phone or something like that, something weird, maybe call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She also said she thinks it's hot. I feel like, you know, do you have a pattern. Dumb bitch alert. For a certain kind of guy. Dumb bitch alert. Love you. She said I love you This is a pain

We don't know If you're on the Patreon I rescind my dumb bitch alone But yeah It's already Again At this point Something either horrible

Or beautiful has happened Yeah Yeah Eldis please Go through these a little earlier Even when we're not recording That doesn't mean You don't have to screen them anymore

All right Play us another one, buddy boy. Oh, what the hell? Holy shit, I can't believe it. Do you know what time it is, McDade? What? Oh, it's a very special time. It's time to...

Oh, it's the motherfucking-ass fucked-up, motherfucking question of the week. Brought to you by Twisted-ass. Fucking titty-fucking tea. Oh! Wow, what's the twisted-ass fucked up motherfucking ass titty fucking question of the week brought to you by cock cogs please

keep it twisted what is it this time what is the cunt-creaming question of like how much twisted fucking ass like how much can we do before they take the money away

to it twisted you gotta get it twisted and don't get it twisted and never get it twisted when you're keeping it twisted so fucking true um if you stay twisted you don't got to get twisted so fucking true just penis um all right eldest what do we got hey stiles eldest and esteemed guest um quick background on me uh 29 years old It's about to be 30. A lawyer, relatively successful guy. Just got out of a really long-term relationship.

Four years we lived together, the whole thing. Not Tating that. She broke up with me, and that sucked. That was about a year ago. Anyway, I'm starting to date again. And the first real successful connection that I formed is with a girl. the same name as my ex-girlfriend and it's proving to be a huge problem.

Interesting. I can't bring myself to use her name around her because it's just like weird. You can't use her name. You know, the past four years of my life with that name. I just don't, I would prefer not be involved in my next foray. So is that a deal breaker or is this something you think I can get? behind uh you know get used to i don't kill it with the ladies i mean i do okay um but it's not easy for me to find a girl that i'm attracted to that it's attracted to me that you know that seems

to work and this one does need to work for the most part it does live kind of far away but other than that you know the name thing has my girlfriend's new i've had i'm being crazy i need sack guy with them as a fat man myself to guide me so eldest fucking figure this out get the song quick get the song quick that helps

threaten us is not keeping it twisted no no no threatening us is not going to keep it twisted okay you threaten eldest that's not going to get you and this lady that's named the same name as your ex-girlfriend sitting back backyard couple ice cold

twist the teeth. That's not going to get you there. Not at all. And that's where you find love, by the way. Is it a deal breaker that this girl is named your ex's name? I would say you got to fucking take it a step further, dress her up in her clothes. Yeah. Get her the same haircut. You have some of her perfume lying around up the doors. Spray her to be like, I got you this.

While she's sleeping. Don't you think you should get cur? I don't you think you should have curly hair? Why don't I buy you a perm? She wakes up, oh, was I wearing makeup when I went to bed? Why do you have this old makeup? Be like Liberace, get her fucking plastic surgery that makes her look like your ex-girlfriend. You got to keep it twisted and lean all the way into this.

Take her to your ex's parents' house on a trip and be like, it's so good to have us all back together again. Yeah. Get the parents in on it. Don't you love your child at home? She's like, what are you talking about? You're scaring me. Oh, remember this picture of us from New Year's 2022?

Wasn't that such a fun night? A little Photoshop. A little Photoshop goes a long way. I love you so much, Erica. I can't picture my life without you. Tell us to hurry up. Yeah, that's what you get for telling us. to do it fucking fast you piece of shit um look man i don't know what to tell you the same name

who gives a fuck you took a year already you were working on a classic car by yourself for a year garage that's right settling refinding yourself what are you worried about now i mean look can you work on a nickname like can can you try something fun um if she really wants to be i mean i don't know this is interesting because it is the kind of thing where you don't know unless you're faced with it yeah but at the same time it's like your ex has got to be your ex like if this was if this was like um you know maybe you dated somebody in between these two people would it really matter that much like i'm trying to think about it now like if i you know if i started dating someone who had an ex's name now that i have so much like distance from it i wouldn't be like a part of me

be like that's a little strange whatever but it's like it's about the person it's not about their fucking name you know what i mean two roses by the same name sure you know and it's like also what is this girl's name fucking sarah is it liz it's unis you know what i mean yeah yeah yeah i keep dating old ladies i will say it sounds like it is authentic and this what i'm about to say might be a little unfair but how pussy starved are you it sounds you know it sounds fucking fair to me. That sounds motherfucking fan.

It sounds like you're keeping it twisted territory. She's living far. That's a bad sign. He sounds like you don't really get that much pussy overall. That's a bad sign. You admitted that yourself.

I mean, those two facts right there are bad signs to me. So overall, I think we're in beggars can't be choosers territory. So overall, I'd be like, yeah,

I agree with you. Like, you know, especially if it is some bullshit like Sarah or something, that's not the biggest deal. But if you're saying it's bad enough that you can't bring yourself to utter her name, to refer to her by her name, that could be enough for me to be like, I don't know, she's nice enough, but I don't know if I need to like force myself to work on this for the next eight months.

See, I think you've got to push through because once you push through and you get normal to like, okay, this is Lauren now or whoever, then you've completed another step in moving. on from the last relationship. It's sort of like if you, if you overcome this, you're actually kind of killing two birds with one stone because like it will be kind of hard. It will be annoying. But it's like, this to me just means you're not fully over your last girl.

And it's like this will help you even though it will be annoying. So keep it twisted. Get some pussy. Crack open an ice cold. Look, it's about to be football season. Get a game day pack. Okay? Get a fucking game day pack from Twitter.

Our pals is this fantasy? Is this fantasy? Fantasy beverage drinking? And just have a nice, maybe a peach, maybe a fucking half and half, maybe a raspberry, or the classic original with this new girl who is the same name as your old girl. And don't forget, folks, no matter what you're doing, you want to remember to keep it twisted. Oh, what the hell? Whoa, we go. Wait, where to Alyssa go, by the way?

Whoa. I hope she's back when we're done with this, Paul. When we get out of the twisted zone. I'm Stavi, eldest, I got a problem. So, my wife got a new contraception device, and I'm not really sure which device it is, but I can describe it. You don't know, what do you mean?

It is implanted in her area, and it creates some sort of friction that causes no babies to happen. Yeah, what do you mean? It's a misplaced IUD. It's a grip tape in there. Yeah, my wife got a contraception device. It's one of those LED masks.

Makes me too scared to go anywhere near her. Very nicely done, J.P. One small problem. There's like a string or something that hangs down. This is crazy. you haven't asked your wife about this and uh what while we're having sex it hurts like a lot like if uh there's you know the full full full penetration where uh he's whispering it feels like i'm getting stabbed in the dick with the night this guy is home he's true true true i've never had this issue

i've never had this issue keep going all this and uh it's it's it's very painful there there's no marks that are left marks but God it is the worst and I keep bringing it up I say you know we really get a change contraception options here

his wife's just tired of fucking him he's put a little Swiss army knife in her pussy she put a couple toe clippers those tiny nail clippers she put home alone traps in there like the nail that Marb steps on She's like, yeah, don't know what to tell you, just contraception.

Absolutely not working for me. But she keeps trying to make the case that this is her favorite option and that this is the one that we're sticking with. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. Sometimes, you know, it feels like it gets stabbed hundreds of times. I mean, that's crazy. love the show just looking for for a little advice

how can I switch positions better with my wife where she understands this is a real real problem I mean I think part of the problem is that how soft spoken you are

like does she even know this or are you like you know it actually kind of and she's just like what was that you're like nothing like how like just from your vibe alone have you had this conversation

she's making me up sorry letting me wear a penile cage but this is crazy I mean like also what you you don't know the name there's a couple problems here

obviously it's his wife a married couple if there's like if sex is painful for one or the other person you got to figure that out ultimately right like you can't like it's like it can't just

be painful for either party that's insane but also So you don't know the name of this thing. You know what I mean? Like you're, like, you're, like, you, have you asked her what it is? Have you done any research? Like, maybe it's a misplace. Maybe it's a misplace.

It sounds like a misplace ID. I have, you know, like, you, when you know they're there, it feels like that's a problem. You know what I mean? Like, so I don't know, like, you should know the name of the thing. You should do a little research. There's probably, if this is the thing that happens commonly, it's probably on the fucking, there's probably Reddit, you know, Reddit's about. I don't.

think this is like I think this is not it shouldn't this is bad yeah it shouldn't be happening that so it's either something's wrong because I don't think that no there's no way I mean yeah to me I think true I don't know what else it could be other than a fucked up yeah it's got to be the string also well okay also I will say this this does feel like probably a bigger issue because I will say that getting an I have an IUD getting it in and out is the single most painful experience of your fucking life but it's the only thing you can do to not have like hormones so I bet maybe there's some even resentment where she's like this is painful for you like do you know how painful this was for me and like I'm the one who has to so I think this might be a thing of like recognizing that

okay maybe she's had difficulty on hormones and she does feel happy while also this is not working for you so are like what's what's it going to be but you should not be having sex yeah you're yeah you're stabbing your dick and yes this could be too it maybe your dick is too big you might have to chop a little bit of it off Maybe she's got a weird shaped pussy, so the IUD sits a little lower in it. Maybe she needs to... She's got a little pussy, big dick. You guys need to break up, give her up to some little dick guy.

Re-home each other. This is like, you find some huge pussyed woman with a large IUD you're never coming into contact with. Big dog little house. You send her, you bring her over to Stavvy's world. We could use what she's working with around here. What if they make condoms that are? just for the head. A little helmet?

Yeah, a little helmet. Put a little helmet. They talk right into the underside, like a swim cap kind of. Yeah, yeah, that's nice. You protect yourself. Yeah, you're getting sides. The sides feel good. Yeah, put some kind of helmet around your dick.

Yeah, I mean, the other option, I guess, probably sounds like no, no contraption. And you're talking about wearing condoms with your wife. I mean, that's, that's ridiculous. So, but yes. But again, even her taking it at, like, I'm telling, like, even that is like, she's probably like, no, fuck it. Like, I almost passed out. My friend passed out.

People have to go under sometimes because it's so painful. Yeah, yeah. Because it's metal, right? If it's not. Some of her are copper, but there's, like, the hormonal ones that are not metal. But if this, because, yeah, I think what we're, our context clue thing here is, she doesn't want hormones. So it has to be, like, the one that's literally chopping jizz.

No, I think you're right. I think you are right, that there is, like. Because otherwise you take the pill. God forbid you do any Googling about this, Elders. Just kind of sit there. Can I tell you what they do, too? They're putting it in or taking it out, and they're going the whole time, just, just, just, just, just, just relax. Hold on, hold on.

I asked Eldis to fucking Google, and all he Googled was IUD. You think that's going to, yeah, hormonal and copper. Just relax while they have, like, the dentist's tray of the instruments. Just put your butt down. You're like, I can't. Yeah, they're literally like, yeah, you're good. Chill out. Yeah.

Anyway, okay. So, yeah, it looks like there's two types. There's the copper. And the copper one looks like they have what could be if it's placed different little strings. Can we just say something too? Yes. If either of us had kids right now, look at those names.

We would be like, by the way, is Marina and Carina. Marina, Kyliena, yeah. Yeah, Lilletta, those are beautiful names. The girls name. Those are all of our girls just like having a little play date. Marena, Kailena, Skyla, and Lilletta. And it's like, Paragon. The error guard is the copper one, yep, yep.

Yeah, that's interesting. I love how the copper one, yeah, contains copper wire that releases ions into the uterus. That feels wrong. I know, and look at the picture of it. It turns you into the Statue of Liberty. So it's like that guy, the guy we're talking to is he's making contact with. With the string. Not the string, Jake.

Oh, look at that. The string is like literal string. He's going, he is making contact with the tip of it up there. Copper tip, yep, yep. He's going tip to tip to tip. He's going tip to tip to tip with the IUD. With the IUD. So, yeah, man, I don't know, you know.

But yeah, you have to, I think, first of all, ask her what it is, do a little research and be like, hey, this is a thing that happens a lot. Like, if you have, if you've gone to her and you're like, hey, this hurts, for real, this is a lot. Can we talk to your doctor about, like, do they know anything about this? I know this is your body. I know that this might be difficult, but I'm just, yeah, exactly. Or you could go with, look, we got married, I own your pussy. And I don't like how the, I don't like how the, to me, it's like an air fry. To me, it's sort of like a part of your dowry is your pussy.

You sold me a bill of goods, sweetheart. This is a lemon. No! Your father did not tell me it it would be like this when I asked him to purchase this. No! Look, we're just putting different views. It's you all choose. We're playing to the red states for a minute here.

But also try before you do anything crazy Mess around with the geometry of positions And things like that And see if maybe there's something Where this isn't as much of an issue Before you do anything that's like medical or whatever Or you could do this How about this? If you do like a little trick from the WWE

Get a little razor blade Keep a razor pull your dick I'd be like ah And your dick's bleeding You know you're like It pricked me Or if you don't want to use it on your dick Maybe while you're fingering be like

Finger vigorously And then come out be like like, ah, prick your thing. You're like, ah, I'm bleeding. You want me to put my dick in that, you fucking asshole. It's a horrible disease because she's got blood in her pussy. She dies. You have to get the lawsuit.

I'm in this. I haven't know I said, I'm going no. They go, you got to go to jail. Now, we have felonies. We're calling into a different podcast going, I'm dating someone. They found out I have a felony. So I gave someone toxic shock syndrome through a podcast.

It's a long story. Look, wash your hands and disinfect the razor. Bug off. My God, his dick is bladed. Oh, my God. Mankind's dick is bleeding. That's his dick's music. Oh, my God.

That's the vibrator's music. When you're doing a bad job fucking. And then you just hear the stone cold. Oh, my God. It's the vibrator's music. He's going to come finish this off. His pathetic little dick can't do the work. The vibrator is like, I'm coming to finish you off at WrestleMania.

All right. Well, good luck, buddy. Always gets a little tough for me when we go to wrestling. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure drops off with the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the vibers just coming in, disrespecting my little dick, you know. Sure, I can. You can context clues, you can context clues the whole thing. Summertime, unfortunately, may be drawing to a close, little eldest.

Even though me and you have a couple summer memories ahead of us, you're going, of course, on your five or six-week vacation. I have to go on a work trip. while you're out there sunning your Albanian shoulders, I'll be making money for the company. But either way, you'll have beautiful pictures from the south of France. You're going, where else are you going? Switzerland.

Switzerland. Listen to this guy. Geneva. Geneva. I think that is in Switzerland. Oh, yeah. Zirican Geneva, I guess. It doesn't matter.

Look, he's going to a whole bunch of places. He doesn't know where they are on a map. But he's going to take a bunch of striking beautiful photographs. And when he does that, you know, always going to watch and look at those photographs and smile to himself and say, wow, I'm so lucky my boss lets me get on limited vacation, even though it kind of disrupts his personal schedule. And he'll see that and he'll laugh and he'll smile when he looks at his, that's right, you guessed it, aura frame. The best digital photo frame by wirecutter, it's been named that.

And it's easy to see why. We're big fans of the aura frames. In fact, we love them so much. I already moved it to my new apartment. I've had some beautiful. Beautiful memories. I have a fat little nephew. My brother sends me his pictures. I like to see him crawling around, giggling, smiling on the aura frame. Yeah, it's beautiful stuff. He really has, when a baby enters the family, you know this, you have nieces. When a baby enters, they hog up a lot of the photographic real estate in the family. He's the star. My brother's kid is the star of my aura frame right now. It's a wonderful thing. For the moments that made your summer and the people who made it matter.

Why don't you check out ORAFrams for us? So start reliving your favorite memories by visiting AORFrames.com for a limited time listeners can get $35 off on their best selling, selling CarverMatt frame. That's A-U-R-A-Frams.com, promo code Stavi. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply. Hey, Tavi. Well, we saw that.

Esteemed guests. Long-time fan. I'm from Miami. and I actually caught you at the Chapo show in Fort Lauderdale. Oh, look at that. I bought tickets to your show, but I couldn't make it. I'm still kicking myself over that. Well, thanks for buying the tickets.

Anyway, just to give you some background, I'm 27 years old, born in Cuba, and I come from an immigrant family, just graduated last year, an advanced degree, and about the same time, I exited a relationship I had, a pretty serious one. And ever since then, you know, I've just been doing my best out here, trying to not be a degenerate. I've got a good job. I'm moving out. Finally, in like less than two weeks, a story is my parents, they're older, conservative immigrants, and they rent an efficiency in their house. New tenant comes in, and it's this old dude.

Now, my dad hits it off with this guy's son. and instantly they are trying to arrange a marriage between me and the family's daughter The son, it's not even the dad? The son? It's not even the dad? Jesus, dude.

Hits it off with the tenant? Oh, this is awesome. Keep going. And I'm not kidding. Both of the families are apparently on board. They're obsessed with it. My father's obsessed. He's like making coals.

Like he's trying to like negotiate a peace agreement. Or I guess more like a like a trade agreement. A dower. It's like what we were just saying. I like look to my mom for support like is this normal like and she's just completely on board. Everyone's on board. What? Their family is on board.

I haven't seen this girl. I haven't met her. They have seen her and they just like fell in love instantly. What the fuck? They've never tried to like get me into an arranged marriage before. This has never happened. First of all pause this. Kind of.

Is this even a culturally, like, you don't hear about Cuban arranged marriage. Right, you? Like, I mean, I guess my parents, my grandparents literally were in arranged marriage, so I'm sure it's like, you know, it's not, like, we think of it for, like, Europe and India and, like, that. And, like, you think of it in, like, Muslim countries and shit like that. But, like, you know, so I guess maybe it's, but I've never thought of it as, like, a Latin American. No, and it's usually even, like, yeah, it's usually like a soft arrange. It's like, set them up on a date.

It's like, what are you going on, at least, yeah. Right, right. You go on a day with a chaperone See if you like There's a courting process But it's not like This seems just like They vibe so well

Like this doesn't really feel cultural But maybe I'm wrong It's like the dad wants a friend I mean the dad just loves Me and you buddy We're gonna be family It's gonna cost my son His romantic choices

But I don't care Yeah I want to play dominoes with you Exactly All right keep going old You get me into an arranged marriage before This has never happened And it kind of you know

I just want to know like this is this is normal no what do you mean normal I'm doing pretty well right now and I'm going to start like my life and you know I'm not not into it

but what are your thoughts about me and this girl both being auctioned off like cattle I don't know she seems interested she's 22 these are humongish red flags I mean yeah I'm not not into it Look, you want to fuck a hot 22-year-old in theory.

That's what you mean by your not-knit to do it. You just mean like, well, get my dad off my bag. She'll suck my dick a couple times. Well, I'll get fucking divorced in a couple of years. Who cares? That's not how to go about this, man. This is insanity. The fact that her whole...

First of all, this smacks to me of old-world con artistry. Do you know what I mean? Yes. This feels like some shit from the 1800s where it's like, oh, I just came in. Where you're from Cuba? I'm from the village right under. We're probably cousins. The guy who pretended to be Daniel Plainview's brother and there will be blood.

Yeah, this feels like the kind of thing. This feels like they're negotiating. He's like, well, oh, your family has this real estate. We have really, like this feels like this couldn't feel more like some kind of 1800s con. Right. Like foreigner con where it's like, oh, my, you know, you, you know, you're, you, you, you, you, give us money, we'll give you this, you know, there's many donkeys,

this many, like that, that, and the fact that they hit it off so quickly to me feels like now look, maybe it's just that they are friends for real, but it's like, it feels like, who the fuck moves into a place and hits it off with their landlord

so well that in a matter of weeks they're talking about marriage, their children? Rens going to be late, but what I do have. Yeah, my sister. Yeah, my sister, yeah. Yeah, this is an old school scam. This is the current, like, you know, an AI voice being like, guy, honey, it's me.

Like, I need all your money. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. They muffled, yeah. No, this, this, that's my immediate knee jerk reaction, right? Smart. And listen, even if that's not the case, this is insane. This is fucking crazy.

Your parents do not, first of all, you don't have to do this, right? That's right. You don't have to do it. You're 27. Maybe you should, because it's not like there are any beautiful women in my age. I just go along with this. I just think, A, the fact that this has never come up before. It's not like your parents are people who are like,

one day we're going to find you the perfect woman. They've never talked about arranged marriages before. He was in another relationship, so it's not like he's never been in one. He just got out of a two-year relationship. He's capable of doing it on his own. The fact that this family has said, this family, that it runs generationally.

Yes. That it's like the son, the dad. They met the daughter. without you what the fuck is this we keep talking about parasite this feels like parasite yeah where it's like this feels like a whole family is conning a different family um so i i mean you are insane if you're like let me just test they're counting on your family to be stupid enough and you to be horny enough to let this slide and that's what's coming through until they signed papers fully coming through until there's some kind of paperwork signed where

They're now like, you know, they own half of whatever. I don't know what the fuck they got it. And look, maybe I'm being a cynic and maybe there's no, let's say for argument's purposes, that's not what's going on. Then you just set them up on a date though. Yeah, you're going to. If nothing weird was going on and they'd go, why don't you two go on a date? I think you'd hit it off. And that's not weird, right?

That's not weird. Family friends being like, you guys should just go go to the movies. Right. Go have the union. You know what I mean? Like, that's not weird, right? Or like, you know, yeah. Go go get a fucking ice cream cone.

Talk, see if you guys get along. and they'd be pestering you to like, you should see that girl did you call her back? That's normal immigrants set you up stuff. My grandpa had this girl across the river that he was always trying to get either of my brother or my

cousin to date. And every summary that she is doing so well in sharing. I know so much about this woman, don't order. Right, right, right. Yeah, but selling off and no. The fact that paperwork, just my fucking spidey senses are tingling And it looks like, by the way, I tip my hat to this family.

They found a good family of marks. Totally. Between your dumb-ass parents and your fucking dumb self. Like, you're... He always turns on them. Do you want? Well, they have to hear it because this is like crazy. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, right?

So, for a second. So, dude, you, now, look, if you want to go on a date or whatever with this woman, that's fine. But I just feel like you don't sound strong enough to withstand. And the combined forces of your parents' stupidity and your, and this family's con artistry. Yes. Right? Now, maybe you're not, maybe, you know, this would.

If she, if she's like a 10, this is a scam. If this woman is a fucking 10, they're not related. Exactly. They found her on Craigslist. She signed up for a modeling gig. She responded to an ad for a modeling gig. And they're like, look, here's the deal. This is a six-month job.

but at the end of this, you're going to own half a condo in Fort Lauderdale. That, so, so just I would say. Would you some shit any of us would have done at 22? Yeah, totally. All right, I was going to get my eggs. I was like, whatever, yeah.

Totally, totally. $10,000 felt, it was like. Or if they're like, yeah, or if they're like, we're going to pay you this amount of money a week to just think of it as an acting game. Pretend to love this man. That's what I'm doing anyway. Yeah, okay, yeah, fine.

I'll get paid for it. Um, anyway, something's lighting up here. If you feel, if you want to go on a no, you know, if you want to go to something like get coffee or just meet this woman or whatever, but otherwise, I would say, you can't do this. You also have to be prepared because you sound very immigrantish. It sounds like maybe your parents have been even supporting you. You feel, I hear the guilt. Yes. I hear the guilt coming off you.

You have to be ready to deny this and get your own shitty apartment with roommates, live like everybody else. like while you're figuring out your career, but you say you're doing pretty well for yourself. So at the end of the day, this is your decision, this is your life. Don't let parental pressure. Worst case scenario, it's a weird scam. Second worst case scenario, it's weird parental guilt forcing you to just say you're marrying a woman that you haven't even met yet. Either way, this is unacceptable.

You're dumb for even thinking about it. Just because you're like, literally in theory, you're like, would be cool to fuck this girl? like okay but and that's the other thing here's the other thing yeah go on hinge whatever here's the other thing let's say this isn't the setup at all but these are clearly some weird old world people they're trying to sell off their hot

22 year old daughter what if you what if you're like fuck it I'll just fuck her for three months they're like they'll literally be like you just put her her dowry is worthless now her pussy is ruined we did a hymen inspection the seal's broken

I just don't see a positive basically the other thing you put that is like the cultural aspect, like, don't you want to be Americans? Like, they're, like, the Cuban conservative parents typically want to be, like, you know, they want to assimilate to American culture. Just be like, Americans don't do this shit. Yeah. You know, don't try to enforce the world norms.

Sorry that Castro killed your grandparents for having slaves or whatever the fuck, horrible shit. Miami Cubans fucking all did. But, you know, he's like, oh, we were simple sugar farmers. They played a plantation just because. Anyway, whatever. The point is, there's. like 90 bad outcomes and one good one. Yeah.

Now, the only good one is this is truly and legitimately the love of your life. What are the odds that that's the case? Everything else, something bad is happening. So I'm also looking at this again. They have seen her and they fell in love instantly. They're peered through a window. They didn't even meet this one. Totally.

They're just looking at her. Are they falling for an AI generated image on Instagram? It could be. It could be. I just get out. I need to talk to this guy too. I'm setting myself as a target for Albanian jokes saying this. Oh, my God.

Multiple times over the years, my mom floated, like, this family in Albania, they have a daughter. She just went to college. She just finished college. She's living at home. She's pretty cute girl. You know, she was like floating this shit. And, yeah, she would like talk about marriage and shit, not even talk. Yeah, dude. Your mom's like, look, I know what my son looks like.

We can get her a green card, though. So stop low-balling me. This is a ticket to America. You're putting in all four donkeys, and I'm not hearing another fucking word. Her family could come up on a lot of potatoes if this deal goes back. This could be very lucrative for all parties involved. So I do understand, I don't think, I don't think this is, I don't think this is as insidious as you guys are reading it. It's not like they're literally playing. make some, you know,

Eldest with the arranged marriage apology. You fucking, you really are opening yourself up to old world fucking dumb ass jokes. It always made me uncomfortable when my mom, like, suggested it, but I do think it's not insidious. I fucking love your mom, dude.

What I hear in this call is just like, this family's like, let's get our son married with another Cuban girl who's young. We don't even know if they're Cuban though, dude. I think the subtext is there that we can assume. All right, whatever. Look, you've got four different perspectives.

You can choose. You can choose. And by the way, I would actually love to, you know, I would love more. Buddy, if you're hearing this, maybe consider calling into a live show because we need some more, we need to know what happened. And also I just need to know what's going on here. Because again, the not not into it twice is also, it's interesting. He's, and once your parents,

he's a little like, like, if Eldis got the right, if you saw the right picture, if this bitch is looking like Elijah Dushku when you're looking, if that's the kind of Albanian we're talking about. My mom flooded this shit, you know, in like early, mid-20s. Let's say if it got starker and starker in the late 20s.

We were getting close. We were getting real close. I was, like, let's start. I was right, by the way, I was there. It's a lot closer then than you're talking about. I remember that there was one, you were saved by one weird relationship, but if that girl hadn't

fucked you, you're fucking applying for a fucking visa for sure. You're looking into how much you would have had to, how long time served in the Albanian military is for sure. The exchange rate's pretty good over there, huh? Interesting. God damn, that's so awesome.

I might need your instinct is to make fun of arranged marriages because it's so culturally different from anything. But like, we meet our future spouse is in America in dumber ways. True. Like, oh, you're not supposed to meet through your family. You're supposed to meet your spouse with like your fucking

drinking buddies in your early 20s. You're supposed to see a picture she posts where you can kind of see her nipple and then DM her as a result and be like, well, saw, girl. Blacked out. And she's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, absolutely.

I mean, that is true. I'm trying to think about the hilarious ways that I've started dating people. But anyway, whatever. You are. I just remember starting a conversation. conversation with a girl at a bar being like, you kind of look like that girl,

the blonde girl from 30 Rock. That could have been a whole life. Yeah. Instead of like arranged marriage. Yeah. No, you're right, but I just, something about this does. So you have time.

You're 22 and 27, like, slow it down. Yeah. Maybe you guys each day people, maybe you'll, maybe if she's the one show, you'll find her. Yeah, I guess, I guess if she's all about, the biggest red flag to me would be if you met with her

and she wasn't like, this is pretty fucking weird. Right. But let's just, let's go out and get drinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. I would be an excellent wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I cannot wait. I cannot wait to be subservient to my master. Then that's a big fucking problem. But anyway, we've talked about this enough. Yeah, that's true. Move to Dubai. Hold on a second. Give me her number.

A halitina that will do whatever you want and doesn't really consider herself a whole person without you. Interesting. Right, 22's so young two. You're so rough. I mean, 22's insane. Right out of college. She doesn't know who she is, yeah.

I mean, look, or the other thing is, get married and then do the arranged marriage. You know, you both cheat on each other, you know, all that kind of. The classic... Then you have to be buried in the same grave. Yeah. You have to, like, jump on a funeral pyre or something. There's a tradition involved.

I don't know. All right. Next question. I'm done talking about this guy's fucking bullshit. What else you got, little fucker? Hi, Stavie and a scene guest. My boyfriend and I are 22. and 23, we've been seeing each other for three months, and he does not eat pussy.

I've brought it up to him before, and he said he had a bad experience with his previous girlfriend regarding the smell and the taste. Grow up. And she's the only other person he's been with. I'm trying to emphasize with him because I'm sure the vagina don't taste like cupcakes, but I know that I keep everything extremely hygienic. and healthy and balance down there. Balance.

You're doing pH tests. You're putting it. Like a pool. Yeah. Keep going. Down there. And I also just thinking to just suck it up and fucking deal with it. I agree.

And somebody does. Like, any balls don't taste particularly delightful, but I still get in head at least like two to three times per week. No. Great. And we have. Yeah, you can't reciprocate.

If he doesn't reciprocate, yeah. multiple times per week on top of that. And when we have sex... Well, you're just giving him head not leading into sex? You'll just blow this guy... That's what I'm saying. By itself and he's not eating pussy?

Because I'm on record as saying, like, you gotta, you gotta, like, you have to have, like, so you can't phase out oral sex in a relationship. That's nuts. Like, people have been like, like, when it's like, oh, we just, when it's sort of like your,

when you're dating and you're, you're like pretending you're a freak more than you are. And then you get into a long-term relationship. But it's like, like, people have called in. Yeah, I mostly like lying down. It's been the opposite where they're like, yeah, we don't, there's no one give, you know, I don't get sucked off at all. And it's like, look, you got to suck a little dick.

You got to eat a little pussy before. But a on its own blow job, two times a week. To three. To three. That's a crazy. I salute you. You're a goal. I mean, we need some kind of like medallion to.

send this woman. He better be the greatest gift giver of all time if he's... And listen, I like eating pussy, but I'm... And like, to just eat pussy with nothing else, pretty rare. It's usually leading up to... A couple times a year. Sex, you know what I mean? Like, you know, who knows?

Maybe the vibe... On the equinoxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's part of a Wicca ceremony. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But in the same way, like, a fully to completion blowjob with no other sex is like, that's a top level in, like, we tip our caps. So anyway, this is...

Crazy. Let's keep going, though, Elders. A week on top of that. And when we have sex, he finishes in like 20 seconds. The last time I brought up eating pussy, he said he's working on it. He's working up to it. But I also don't want to-diving off a high cliff. I'm building up. Learning how to drop in at Woodward.

Working up to it. Walking by fish markets. Go on my breath. I'm not going to hold my breath. 15. 16. 17. Oh, my way to shadow you, a garbage truck driver, just for an afternoon, just for a block or two. This is crazy.

It ain't that bad. Just because he feels pressure to do it. I told him it's okay a few days, but he's maintaining that he isn't. Respect, going right at that. So at this point, I feel like it's not even that I need. What are you gay, pussy? I love that you found the one thing that's, like, ignorant about this. Like, what are you a fucking homo?

Eat this box! He counters with like, actually in Jamaican culture, it's gay to eat pussy, so it depends on who you ask. All right, this is awesome. So at this point, I feel like it's not even that I need head from him, but it's like the principle of the situation. So I'm hoping you could offer male perspective on this. And also let me know if breaking up with him would be an overreaction. I love your show. As a fellow Greek, I hold your opinion in very high regard.

Too many Greeks for this. This is awesome. I really like this girl because she called in. This is like when a lawyer knows the answer. And it's going to prove her case. Like, what do you think about this stuff? As if I haven't been the most on the record about these issues. Now, I will say, we do usually get it from the opposite perspective.

It's usually guys, be like my girlfriend won't suck dick, whatever. So we're going to be, this is, this is, We're completely the same. We give the same advice here. It's unacceptable. Completely. Stop. Not giving head is unacceptable.

Particularly if, now look, if it's two people who don't like giving head, they found each other. Sure. I don't respect you. I want nothing to do with you. Let me know so I don't invite you to my dinner parties and, you know, family functions. Since you don't like eating, you're not invited. You're not invited, right?

I want nothing to do with you socially, right? If you're that. But it's like, whatever. two people that don't like fucking giving head they find each other they're fine having only penetrative intercourse the republican national convention yeah yeah yeah when they're not getting blown by uh when the yeah the guy the guy only likes giving head to other guys secretly when he's in it uh but um so this is a very cut and dry situation there's no the first thing you could do is be like okay well while you're working up to it i'm not sucking dick right that's step

one you do that yesterday right right head strike immediately and i would do the same again same thing if it if it was flipped if you're eating pussy and you're not you're getting your dick suck you stop eating pussy and then if it's if it gets to the point where you're like hey you know what i would like some head and by the way i like giving head this is the type of person i am right be the change this is part of what i like in my in my sex life with my partner yeah and if he doesn't work up to it long enough and by the way he's busting fast dude if you're a fast buster and you're a fast buster and you're a fast buster and you're not using that golden arrow in the quiver.

Yeah. I don't know what you're doing. Yeah, yeah. I, like, that's the thing. I had to eat pussy like daredevil had to get all those other senses. I've said this many times. I'm Ray Charles playing the piano. I became good at eating pussy because my dick was so atrocious when I was like,

like in your early 20s when you're just every time you have sex, you're drunk and I'm unhealthy. My dig is not getting hard after eight jack and coax and two fucking burgers. So I learned how to eat pussy, right? This guy, if he's busting fat, Like, you can't, you can't, you're rolling over? Yeah, exactly. You get nutted in in 20 seconds and then you're like,

oh, okay, and he just puts on Rick and Morty. He's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, that's good. And you're just laying there pissed off. This is unacceptable. You better have fingers like David Blaine if you're not. Right. You have to be the most top. And even that, that's a high level finger.

And that's, yeah, that's a guy that's like, that's LeBron. That's a LeBron of. You know what I mean? Either way, the bust ratio has to be equal. Okay, can I just offer a little... Absolutely.

My only technical suggestion as someone who sometimes is a little bit of a germ freak. Sure, sure. Literally, someone tried to shake my hand last night. I went, I thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Give him a chlorox swipe his dick.

Try it in the shower. Be like, come eat me out in the shower. It's not... He's making excuses, but I respect that. but it's like be like hey because he he has this experience say this other girl he was with was whatever come in the shower and like and then you can because like what do you mean you're working up to it i don't believe that you're working i don't believe that because like what's going to change about tomorrow versus what is this training montage what is this training montage it's not

you're the best yeah he's like eating his flesh like yeah i don't think this is helping he's throwing up so i think you got to go yeah you're not giving him head and you're like hey babe We're going to come in the shower, like, come to the shower and let's, like, give it a try. Let's see that. Because, because if he immediately is like, then you're like, okay, we're done. Okay, this is over. You're right.

Freshly showered head. Freshly showered head. It's like, there's no, there's no, there's no arguing against that. You can make no argument. You have, if you don't, if you're not eating pussy or your sucking dick right after a shower, get out, get out. Then you're not, yeah. You're deported.

This is when I, this is when I say, this is the only time I saw. support deporting people without their day in court. This is the only time I align with ICE. If they put that on the thing, everybody else is allowed in, by the way. I'm very anti-ice. But if they were like, whoever's not sucking dick or eating pussy out to shower, back to fucking Belize with you, then I would tip my captain. But that's the only circumstance.

I want to be very clear. I am generally against ICE. And they have not, they have not put together that. As far as I know, elders, that's not how they're conducting business. I don't think that's been put out of the proposal or anything. to just put a button on this. I am at defundice, in fact, put many of them in jail. But, whoever doesn't suck dickery pussy out the shower,

I don't want you in my country. Okay, so yeah, all right. You know what, I take it back. They still get a trial. Because ultimately this is America. They get their day in court, but it should be a... That's big of you, man. That's beautiful.

That's big of you on the issue. You feel so strong about... But you know what, even though it is... Even though I think what they're doing is disgracing our country, there are fundamental elements, right, even the KKK gets freedom of speech, even people who don't, who don't eat pussy after, eat suck dick after the shower, they even get their day in court. But they must be gone.

They're sending the head avoiders. So anyway, yeah. They're not giving head. I think you're, I think we, I think you see our perspective very clearly. The shower is a good move. It's even, you're even really going out of your way to accommodate him. But that's, yeah. You really like this person, and you think he might just be a little immature and be like,

all right, here's how we start. Now, if even after that, like you're saying, he's not doing it, he's got to go. But yes, you're not, you are not, and in general, in any relationship, if the bust ratio is too far off. That's a bad deal. That's grounds for breaking up. It's fine. I've been a bit of a nomad this summer. I thought I would get in the zone a little bit.

I thought I'd be in one place. It's been tough. And historically when I'm traveling around, I gain weight. I balloon up. Not so much this summer. I have stayed moderately with my goals, even though my life's been all over the place. I've been lost a little weight despite the chaos. And that's thanks in big part to our friends at Factor Meals.

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That's code Stobby 50 off at Factor Meals.com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered. with factor what's up stob long time listener first time caller what's up eldest what's so good hey i got a question about my girl now i encourage her to do some self-care because she has a pretty overwhelming stressful life at the moment so i encourage her to do some kind of self-care that would pamper herself now she started getting these massages every month and the first time she got a massage it was by dudes so you know i didn't you know a trip and nothing like that but now that she's getting these massages on a regular she's getting massaged by the same person

now it's making me a little uncomfortable um that she's getting massage by a dude sure but uh i don't know how to bring up yeah this is a tough one i want her to change masseuses or am i just being insecure all right now let me know appreciate it this is tough because there's no way to bring this up and not sound insane that's right that's right even though i know what you mean you know what i mean like this is stuff because like i'm I'm sure this is a legitimate, this is not, you know, like what kind of place is this? This is the person who got certified and, like, has a career doing this and wants to keep their clients.

Yeah. And as someone who's seen a, who's gone to a, let's say, range of different massage places. I would say the high-end ones, even if it's a guy, like, if these are, like you said, licensed masseuses, they got a fucking little uniform. They got that water when you walk in that has 11 slices injected in it. If the front of the front desk, if the windows are not blacked out completely. If they close at 7 p.m. Right, right, right. If they're not open to 11.30?

It's called totally legitimate massage part. Yeah, right? Like, if this is a super legit place, right? And you have no question about that, then I don't really, like, I think you got to just fucking, eat this one because yeah these are pros now do you know what this guy looks like you know what I mean like if he

like if this is because I've like thinking about the I've I did get I had a really fucked up back for and so I was getting a ton of massages but because your glory days on the football because yeah because my days on the field absolutely so I was getting I was getting and then at the end of the day

I was getting massages in a couple different places and I found one place I really liked I found one guy that I really liked, right? I was getting seen by a bunch, a range of people, whatever. I was just trying to find somebody liked. Found a guy, and once you find someone that figures out how to work out your specific, I always go to that guy when I have back problems now, right? To the point where it's like I was like planning shit around, like,

because he's in Queens and it's like, even when I was traveling, I was like, oh, fuck, my week off when I'm in Queens, like, I got to see this guy. I don't want to get him massage or somebody else. So it's like, it's very possible that she just clicked with this guy. And I would say if it's really making you uncomfortable, why don't you, you should be like, wow, that's awesome.

I want to go. By the way, I was going to suggest a couple's massage. Couples massage. Yeah, I love it. I'd love to come. Can we do a couple's massage? Just integrate.

Or even go by, by the way, go by yourself. If this is just, if this is a fully professional guy who we're pretty sure it is, right? Like, I think it would probably really,

I think a lot of your worries would be taken away if you just went and saw this place, right? and experienced it. Because right now it's just all you're thinking about is like the hottest guy you can imagine

in the most erotic circumstances with candles. It's John Redcorn's massage and he's massage oil and massager. Like the place that I go is like

it's like a sports massage place where it's like there's fucking overhead lighting it's not a private yeah no there's a guy next to me being like ah!

Because the fucking lady's elbowing him in his sciatica Like, I think it would really have, right now to you, it's just, you're, you're thinking the worst, you know, is, you don't even know this, this guy could be gay. Right. There was, you know what I mean? Like, this could, like, this could, there could be no problem whatsoever. There probably is no problem whatsoever. Now, you could go there and the guy's like, oh, and he's hot as shit.

Yeah. And he's like, he's massaging. He's like, you got a really great girl, man. You got, he should be really happy. Your body's like a symphony that I love to listen to. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, it would be honest, when this guy goes here, he starts dating this guy.

The guy is, yeah, yeah. He's, like, getting harder than he's ever gotten in his life. He's like, what's going on here? But I think that would be sort of my – I think you are ultimately overthinking this. I would say – and I think if you're having these thoughts, I think a good step is go in there. Even request the same guy because, hey, if this guy's so good, you know, he might be – he's probably a really good masseus. Get in there, good nature. Just go, check it out.

I think that's not actually, that's probably, that is how I would, I will put it that way. It will bring it back down to Earth versus like you said, right now you're in worst case scenario. You're just thinking of the fucking, the slob guy. Of course, what else is this about? You got to always go to what else. Are there other things in the relationship that are making you insecure or feel scared? And it might be looking at those things instead. And maybe this is an easier place to go.

But maybe it's like, oh, is there something else that's making you feel insecure in this relationship or in a past relationship? Yes. I think that's a great, I think that's a great, you know. Crazy. extra credit suggestion. You say, honey, I actually booked you a massage therapist to come here to the house and work on you at home. And I'll be gone while it happens.

And then you go away, you pull up in the driveway, it's you with a table and scrubs and oils. And you give her the massage. You make it your own. I think that's actually a horrible idea. You're turning into a role play scenario. Yeah, it's like, she's like, I actually found a great masseuse. Like, probably what this is is she found a great masseuse. It feels good to like, you know, and it's hard, but.

Roll play scenarios. Yeah, and now you put it in her head that it's like, she wants to fuck her masseuse. She's not. So, yeah, anyway, I totally do get where you're, I literally am, I do understand where this guy's coming from. But, you know, you just, that is how I would handle it. And then you go from there. You might get this massage and be like, you might see this place,

be like, oh, fuck it, you know what I mean? It's like, this place is nice. It's relaxing. The guy's gay. You know what I mean? Like, I don't care. Or you could just be like, you know what? Even if he's not, the vibes are right.

He's very professional, whatever. And it might completely, now, in the off chance. He's not making chiropractor content out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, if he doesn't have your. girlfriend moaning on his IG you're good um so anyway that's how i would handle it and then if you know now on the very off chance that you go there and it's still pissing you off then you might have to have a conversation it's like hey i don't fucking this just and you always make it about

you i know that this is crazy i'm feeling a little uh threatened by this is this girl by could he be sending her right into the mouth of the right into the mouth of the serpent like a sexy bi masseuse sexy lesbian asks her to you know what i mean yeah you guys massage by like a dangly earring individual and then who knows what happens from there. Yeah. I wonder if she's like talking about him or something like... True.

Sometimes there's that, you know, oh, I can't wait to see Jonathan this move. That would drive me fucking crazy. You bring him up like out of turn for no context or reason in particular. Or God forbid, she's like, you know, even if he has a girl, you know, John and his girl invited us out to drink.

Like they could be swingers for all you know. But yeah, if it comes up at, all because that's like me bring up my dentist in conversation you know what i mean like that is so dr mom if i'm talking about my dentist who actually is a cool guy actually i actually would if something but he's a cool him off yeah yeah i wouldn't suck his thing but he's a cool guy he sees this he's like hey man uh you would have to talk about me on the podcast uh anyway hope he's he says he's watched tires i hope he's not a podcast listener great guy though i have to go in for some work soon hopefully i'm You know, I'm going to schedule this before this airs, just to be sure.

But anyway, yeah, I think that's kind of how you handle it. Are you picking up on stuff? And if you're not, then I think Alyssa's right where it's like, is this about you? What is some other shit you could work on? But I definitely see where he's coming from. Totally, totally. But, you know, there's ways to just deal with it that don't make you feel, don't make you seem crazy. Are you got something short for us to go out on here, Elders?

Oh, yeah. Play it for us, buddy. Got some Greeks. What's up, Tavs? What's up, Elvis? In light of the recent episode with Steph Tolov and the short conversation about Bubolina. Of course. I wanted to help out a little bit.

With a short Wikipedia search, we can see that Bubulina's father, Stavlianos Pitozis, was an Arvanite. No, it wasn't. The Arvanites were a group of Albanians. Of Albanians. No. Alvanian. What was his name? Ethnicity and Albanian speaking.

No, no, no. Living in Greece. During the Byzantine and Ottoman rules. Um, well, you know, was fucking Albanian. No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't. No, she wasn't, Eldis and I will not. This is, this is ugly what you're doing here.

On the way out, you know we have another guest. You know you're trying to sneak this out. You know we're on a time crunch here. And you're gonna just, fuck. Don't search boobulina Albanian. No. Her father, Stavriano Spinozis. Does that sound fucking Albanian?

Come on. You fucking prick. This is what, if you look up Stavriano Spinozis, you see this back. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Arvanites. They even have a cool Greek, Arvanites. No, Arvanites, dude. And by the way, they were fighting in the Greek War of Independence.

Okay? Albanian ancestry, man. No, no, no, no, no. The internet confirms it. The internet is not going for the AI overview. Keep going down. This is like when people try to say, oh, St. Patrick was Scottish or whatever. Like, get the fuck out of here.

I was like, fuck you, JP. See out of this. Oh, they were Orthodox Christians. Interesting. What did the Albanians do? They fucking bowed down and suck the poshous cock and fucking converted to Islam to avoid paying taxes. So you're telling me a guy name, go up, what was his name?

An Orthodox? An Orthodox Christian named Stavrianos Spinoz. Was fucking Albanian. Pugh. Disgusting, Eldis. You should be ashamed of yourself. And the caller, fuck you too. Anyway, that's

going to do it for Stavi's world. Thank you to our guest. Alyssa Limpairis. Thanks for having this. J.P. was just kind of here we just this was a very loosely planned episode

JP just kind of text we found out you were in town I ran into this guy I ran into him it was pretty ran into this year like yeah let's fucking do it we were we were meeting JP working on a separate project we said let's bring our old pal listen

let's have a fucking episode and I'm sorry we should have done this earlier anything where can people find you anything you want to plug yeah Adelissa limp on everything I got a lot of like I feel movies irons in the fire Well, yeah, I got some stuff coming out. My special No Bad Days is on Peacock about losing my dad.

J.P. would love. J.P. watches, and he's laughing at, not even the punch lines. He's laughing at the set-ups about your dad's death. I was going to bring up your guys mutual friendship with Lance Bangs, but now I'm not going to. Oh, he directed it. Lance Banks directed it. Great guy. Yeah, the man. Anyway, yeah, thanks for having me. Of course. Thanks for coming, buddy. Mr. McDade, what do you, you know, we very rarely let you breathe.

fresh air here on the free episodes. You're usually in the Patreon. Frazier is streaming on Hulu. The reboot or the original? The original. The original you don't like the reboot so much? No, the reboot, we don't acknowledge. Okay, okay.

I agree. Frasier is a great show. You know what? What's funny is I am going to literally watch Frasier now because I didn't know it was on Hulu. So great show. Check out who, you know, Niles. He seems gay, but he is straight. But that's kind of part of the fun of the whole show is they all kind of seem gay,

but they all get pussy. What are you guys English and gay? And actually, the dad is gay in real life. Yeah. John Mahoney, great actor, was also great actor, was also great in Moonstruck. This turned into a legitimate plug for Frasier. Check out Frasier in Moonstruck. I'm not exactly.

The oldest is most successful shows. I'm not sure we're Moonstruck streaming with a great movie. Yeah. And anything, you know, and J.P. McDade, what was your, McDade baby? J.P. McDade. Check out in Brooklyn. In Brooklyn. In Brooklyn.

Special. We produced it. It's on my page. Go check all that out. Check me out at a golf course near you. Yeah. Yeah. He'll be hustling people at a driving range.

Yeah, we'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye, guys. Bye.