Stavvy's World - #144 - Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione

Episode Date: September 1, 2025

Dear friends of the show Dan Soder and Mike Vecchione return to the pod to reminisce on their many years living together as roommates, pay homage to the Stavvy's World studio even though we're still there and not leaving quite yet, discuss why Queens is like the suburbs, celebrate movies about horny boomers having fun like Last Vegas and 80 for Brady, look at what a beast Arnold was in Conan the Barbarian, look at what a baddie Salma Hayek was at every age, and much more. Stav, Dan and Mike help callers including a 23-year-old woman whose messy best friend caused a scene at her boyfriend's family reunion, and a woman who's wondering if her online adult side hustle might jeopardize her main day job and career. See Dan Soder live and follow him on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ https://www.youtube.com/@dansoder   https://x.com/DanSoder https://www.facebook.com/dan.soder/ https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedy    See Mike Vecchione live and follow him on social media: https://mikevecchione.com/ http://www.instagram.com/comicmikev http://www.youtube.com/comicmikev http://www.twitter.com/comicmikev http://www.facebook.com/comicmikev Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $10 off @chubbies with the code STAVVYSWORLD at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvysworld #chubbiespod  Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

This is a call to all Canadians. Can we please stop being so nice and polite? It's exhausting. And to be honest, it takes a lot of energy. And you know what takes even more energy? Being nice to AI. That's right. Turns out pleases and thank yous to AI.

It uses a lot of energy. So Kit Kat is asking Canadians to have a break from being polite to AI. Have a break. Have a kick. Atopah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 9-04, 800 at Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems on the couch to Stavvy's World Legends, to Astoria Queen's Legends, two four. We have two sets of male roommates, of former male roommates on the pod,

me and L.D, Dan and Mike, Dan Soder, Mike Vecchio. This is, this is roommate. Swinging. You're going to go home with eldest tonight. You might have a little eldest and a little taste of stoutrous. Man, Dan, are going to eat two

pints of ice cream each tonight. Yeah. And Mike's going to yell me for smoking weed in the common areas tonight. And the hottest part is they let us watch. They let me walk them a room. Yeah, so it's like, that's not allowed. You can't smoke in the living room.

Oh, you didn't wash your dishes. Uh-oh. Someone's going to Someone's going to get single-leg take-down. Yeah, boys, thank you for coming. We, okay, we've had to address this on one other episode. This actually chronologically would be the first time we address it, probably. This is going to be a big goodbye to Queens episode.

Honestly, I was like ready to get emotional. I know. We were too, and we were going to say goodbye to the studio. It lives a few more months. I've been having some disputes with the... You know, some, it does it, it does it, the timelines might not match with me moving the studio to the new apartment. Greeks and landlords, oil and water. Unless you become one, yes.

That's the thing. Well, that's the final form. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The landlords here for the background are Greek and Italian. Yeah. The landlord's in Astoria. Yes. So you just know that, but you were, you ran head on into a problem because the landlord's.

Because you went to the wrong borough. Yeah, yeah, that's true. That's what I get. Honestly, legitimately, I got, I read, I got this place that is. Who nice, I don't belong there. And so it's like... Every morning you're Kevin McAllister. You go, I made my family disappear.

Oh, dude, yeah. If you see the way the doormands still look at me. Like, excuse me? How many times we're going to say, sir? Can I help you? It's like, I live here. I love that you leave and it's just two Dominican dudes being like, yo, that dude definitely only fans producers.

Yeah. I got to check the building, yo. I swear they film a content. That's what they're called. The late night dude. The door guys have been like, oh, do you. And if you, you date attractive women. So you're going to be bringing women up.

I'm going to be like, yo, I told you, B. I am actually pretty excited to, for them to just grudgingly, just be to get more and more confounded about my lifestyle. Yeah, you're going to blow their minds. Yeah. You're going, like, don't ever tell them what you do. I would be very secret about it. And then it's like, so you, what do you?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, they know, like, the space. Totally, totally. They talk about, like, door guys talk about apartments like horses. They, like, know how it runs. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's 16B. Yeah. Get away from you. Yeah. How many times do you get an attitude with them when they stop you? Look, I'm your boss now. Yeah. You work for me.

You work for me. No, no. I'm a boss, baby. I'm a man of the people, of course. And I will be winning them over. Are you, have you ever lived in Manhattan? Never. There's the first time for both.

I'm excited. You know, living here for... And that's why you were the perfect candidates to be the, like... To be my shepherds from Astoria into Manhattan. As Mike said on my podcast, he's like, I think we live there a little too long. Yeah. Because there are people that were starting to bring it up, like, comfortably. Yeah, yeah.

We're like, so you guys just live together, and we'd be like, yeah. Just, we just live together. And they're like, okay. And then you realized... You're heterosexual men give themselves a bath. You're Greek. Isn't that your culture? We all splash around together. I didn't realize though that my little cousins definitely thought I was gay

when I'd be like well my roommate Mike and they're like yeah your roommate yeah I mean you you gave it okay to call him your partner yeah uncle Dan it's fine uncle day why are you being this way it's actually kind of cool you're gay what's that yeah it's jp's joke where it's like it's actually way more pathetic to be straight men in their 30s living together it's like Yeah, it was way, it was way. In a blue-collar area, no less. A couple of blue-collar gays. The debriefing of women we would date to be like,

I live with another man. I dated a girl that didn't like it. She was like, what am I going to eat spaghetti with your roommate? I remember I, in hindsight, a bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she refused to come. She refused to step foot in Queens. She wasn't coming to a girl.

She wouldn't come to Queens. She went once, and it was like when a president visits a third world country. And you go You know he wants more security Yeah Even though there's security He wants more security She meant to be queen's like

Scared to be It's funny now But at the time Dan You were like hurt by it Of course You were like why don't you want to come to Queens It's not a leper call I live here

Yeah it's like a fucking great neighborhood Yeah It's got a lot of charm Totally Because I don't date other girls And I'm like oh my God I love it You know to the park And they're like this place rules

You go to the park Great restaurants Yeah And once they get used to fall in asleep under the train. Yeah, the train is... I go, don't think about it like... Think about it like, chok, chok, chok, chok. And then she's asleep, you're like, every time.

I know, that is funny. You literally lived under the train tracks. My brother, when they would hit those brakes, it was a lot. It was time to get up. 16 years, just peering like, ee! You're like, I hope it was a person. At this point, It better be a person.

Oh, yeah, you would root for a to stop the tracks for a half hour. Then you go, oh, some peace and quiet, right? Thank you. Finally, some peace and quiet in that guy's life, too. The best one was the most enjoyable thing is because we lived under the train on 31st Street was when a truck would turn off the highway

and not read the sign. That was like, hey, you cannot be over, like, however, like 15 feet. and they would get stuck under the train. And it happened like, I was there for 15 years. I'd probably say it happened at least five times. Wow. Where you just hear like,

I did that with a rental truck. See? Yeah. That's awesome. Luckily I got full insurance on it. Sometimes it's the people that are even with this too. Fully insured, but I didn't clear the trestle. Wow.

You got to be able to clear the trestle. Yeah, fully insured. I brought it back. I'm like, you're problem now. That's so funny. It's peeled back. That's an interesting. Should we like join a fucking.

demolition derby with a fully insured like what's stopping you from crashing a car if you fully insure it that's genius actually you just play bumper cars yeah

I'm so sorry I didn't see you you go oh I saw you we should film an action movie yeah we filmed an action movie where we bullet holes in a thing and be like fully insured pal you have to take it enterprise

I think which is what fast and furious actually is that's what they just did car chases and filmed the story right now you talk Vin Diesel he goes ooh It was all an insurance scam. A lot of people don't know this.

I was ripping off all steak. Yeah, what a beautiful, yeah, I mean, you guys, you weren't roommates for, what was it? You lived there 16 years, but it wasn't all 16 years. We lived together 10 years. I live there 14 years. Beautiful. Three years past common law marriage. Yeah.

Still binding. Still binding. I'm going to taking you to court. you got married to a lady that's true dude you went and broke it dude I'm gonna own that apartment you should ask for a thruffle now I'm gonna come home and go

to my Katie I'm gonna go guess who owns oh that's right you're both gonna marry katies double katies we're in a TLC show he has my brother husband he's my brother

man it's fine you're not progressive yeah how does it feel to be a married man Michael. Oh, my God, it's awesome. Yeah.

I love it. Big changes, nothing really changed or what? Well, we moved. The apartment was a big change. And now Dan and I have a beef with whose doorman are tougher. So we go back and forth. Also, my doorman versus your doorman any day of the week.

As Vecchio and explained it to me earlier. You want to in right? You're with your door people? I think I like my guys. He hasn't stouted them yet. But yeah, that's right. There's a couple guys that have potential. Yeah, yeah.

You're going to see how strong they are. There's an older man. who doesn't respect me, he does the night shift, an older African man doesn't respect me. I can't wait for you to have that moment. When I get it. Because I don't like you. What is your problem, Musaulah? Goodbye, never come back when I'm moving out.

Musaulah, what is your problem with me? I don't like who you are. You always smell like weed. Who are these women you bring? Are there women you want to marry? You are not living in a fearful way of God. You are not doing this. I fear that you do not believe in Christ.

You are a sinner. That's so fucking funny. You guys love each other? I hope so, dude. He's at your wedding. We had a big talk yesterday about the keys, you know, about the extra key. See, I didn't get an extra key. He doesn't believe me.

He thinks he lost it. Oh, this is a real rom-com. Rom-com beginning. Yeah. He was an African dormant. He was a crazy, successful podcast. Looks like they're both getting ready for the nightshend. It's Kevin Hart doing a bad.

It's you and Michael Blackson. No, it's going to be, it's Will Smith's character from the NFL Concussion movie. Yeah, from Concussion Africa. Yeah, yeah. Concussion, Africa. Tell the truth. You don't remember me. Will Smith really

Like tried to get an Oscar Right And then he did The day he slapped It's crazy Like I think people forgot He won the Oscar On those Oscars

Yeah For King Richard For best male actor Yeah That's insane Because everyone's going Everyone's just remembering the slap Yeah

You slap Chris Rock He goes Anyways I pretended to be another man I'm sorry Dude if I were him The first thing I would have done It was like I was still in character

That wasn't Will That was King Richard That was King Richard. Father of Serena and Venus Lange. You're not, you're not, you're not dad. That's always the weirdest shit to me is when they do biopics, like the people's kids have to be like, yeah,

I don't know, my dad didn't talk like that. Yeah, yeah, he's like, you gotta go out there and play tennis. That's not how that went. Yeah,

but then Will should have hosted a show and then Chris should have went up and slapped him. Even, and they could have just been doing fake shows. Oh, to be spying each other back and forth. That way you don't even know what's real. That would be fun.

The first one even real? Yeah, just becomes. The modern version of Spy versus Spy where they're like dropping anchors on each other Wiling Coyote and Roadrunner. But that would have been the funniest solution to that if they just would have made up

right afterwards and then not told anybody and then and then Will was doing an award show and then Chris smacked him. I love to go full K-Fed Yes. He goes, here's how we're going to do it, brother. I'm going to slap you with the Oscars. Now I'm going to work you stiff. Afterwards

we're going to talk, have some beers at the bar with the boys and then we go on the road and I mean we get real here we're going to black towns white towns we're doing some real stiff stuff

I hope Will's doing good these days he's not he's in London rapping and no one's caring you see that video he dropped a few free like at least one free cell is pretty weird

it's not I mean I'm a white dude it's not bad but it's not good yeah yeah it's funny for him to be like I have to return to my roots of it feels midlife crisis Yeah, parents do understand

Yeah, yeah He's just he that song Defend the parents Parents do understand You got a kid that dresses up like a house Yeah It's got to make you feel a certain type of way Well, we're rooting for you Will here at Stobies World

And you're always welcome as a guest He'll be on here tomorrow freestyle We'd love to talk about I want to see Wild Wild West in theaters Who didn't This is summer blockbuster Yeah, I mean, I think, was that after Men in Black or before? I think it was, I want to say after, it was Salma Hayek in a push-up.

That was my introduction. That began a lifelong... Oh, that was how you found out about Salma-Hag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my brother in Christ. Yeah, 99. Because I was, I was 10. Well, I was 10.

So that was the first thing I saw in theaters. That was the first of her world. Salma-Hiak, easily... I mean, yeah. Just the hottest woman of all time. The number one pick for me personally. Number one, hottest woman of all time. Yeah.

I did a table read with her and I couldn't. Oh, wow. It was like looking at the same. No, why is that we're looking up? I asked you to find fucking men and blacker that first. Then you go down the high bikini. Good job. And also a visual thing.

It was men in black first. So yes, clearly as children, it's like, well, we got to see whatever Will makes now. Will was, I mean, this is also after Independence Day. Men and Black can't, Independence Day was like, Oh, Will Smith is a fucking movie star. Yeah, but I think my mother didn't let me watch. Like, my mom was pretty sheltered when we sheltered us when we were little.

And so I think men in black was, and obviously I was a fresh prince guy. Yeah, who wasn't? And then men in black and then Wild West, great, loved it, still root for, still, I've never seen it since. In my head, it's a good movie. And I also thought Kevin Klein was Calvin Klein. Like the underwear. I thought, I was like, I literally was like, wow, this guy. I had the same problem with him.

I was like, wow, this guy makes underwear ain't. He's an actor. Fucking, this guy's good. The movie Dave clarified that for me. That's where he plays a stand-in for the president. Yes. And he's actually a better guy than the president. Yeah.

Shut up, So Gordy Weaver. That happened in real life. With Ronald Reagan? No, no, no. Joe Biden? Yeah. That was actually... All of me's surprised if we found out half of our presidents had stunt doubles.

Yeah, for real. Yeah. That was a great movie. Dave's a good movie. Sigordi. Fis called Wanda. Oh yeah That was a great one

Mm-hmm We're on Klein watch right now Dude welcome to the Klein Welcome to the Kleinerium Yeah I think Didn't he ended up He ended up marrying Phoebe Kates Yeah

The hot From fast times at Ridgeman Yeah Yep Yep Look at them Oh wow Oh wait a second

Hold on Three Phil in the big chill I think I know his son What How do you know Kevin Klein's son because get him on the podcast, I'll come back and all we'll talk

is Dave. Wait, for real, I think I met that guy. I'll do 90 minutes on Dave, dude. You don't think I'll do a deep dive? I'm not afraid of it. That's fucking awesome. I'm a fucking burrow in some Dave. I don't, you know. What a good looking family. Great looking family. Phoebe Kates was

yeah, fast times. Great movie. But they always do, where is she now? And it's like, I didn't know. Yeah, I know what was this? with Kevin Klein They should go Where's you know Are you familiar with Kevin Klein

Not Kelvin Klein Have you seen the movie Fuck Where it's like It's one of those like Old guys in Vegas movie Kevin Klein is in it Oh like a like a wildhogs

But it's even older It's like they're fucking Last Vegas And it's We got it we got Michael Douglas Morgan Freeman When did we watch this eldest We watched it in Kansas City

Didn't we That was awesome Niro. They got hot of D. Yeah, it was awesome. He's a saint to hear people. Yes, he is. God.

A lot of my people have turned on him now. Oh, because he's against Trump. He's a fucking woke tard. I'm so... Look, all I'm saying is, look at who he dates. It gets in his head. You eat enough black pussy juice. It seeps into your brain.

Hey, it's like mold. You know what? It's like fucking black. They are brainwashing him one piece of pushy at a time. We got to get Bobby. We got to cure him. What happened to Bob? It always starts out too.

It's like, I used to like him. He used to be cool. Ask him. How much did I love raging ball? Ask him. And now he's saying that why, that gay kids need to be protected. What is that shit? Not to Bobby Deerall that I love.

I will say that is a nice, another element of a story. It's like, it feels like. the suburbs where you just will have blocks of incredibly conservative people in New York where it's like I like it really is the most diverse neighborhood where it's like not just foreign like people from foreign lands but

like you get like the most Republican guys in the world live in Queens too and like within these boroughs like you get a lot of Staten Island vibes yeah yeah yeah you get old Greeks you get old Italians yeah yeah it always used to be better years ago yeah yeah remember you could leave your doors

unlocked until you know Oh, who? Insert the ethnic... It's moved in. Meanwhile, in this neighborhood, there's like... You put a pie on a window sill. Yeah. But these Egyptians, they love pie. They say it's like a little...

They say it's like a tomb for fruit. I liked it before was a hookah fest. Oh, I got to smell grapes. What happened is smoking cigarettes? You roll it up. You don't put it with some grape soda and drink it and fucking smoking. Alibaba, why is it got to smell like strawberry? What are you the fucking caterpillar from fucking Alice in Wonderland?

Are you on the Epstein list? Why are you the way that little girl go? Is that what we're calling it? Neverland. Cork board it. I was a murder detective for 40 years. Oh, goddamn. Dude, I love an old guy one last time.

And then they always meet a young chick that's like, You're so young. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, oh, that's what I was looking for. I want. I want this one where all four of them die. Yeah, I believe, oh, that would be awesome. They all try it, pathetically get pussy.

They all get rejected. And they go, go, go, how? Their dicks don't get hard. And then it's like, Diane Keaton, who's like, I'll jerk you off. And they're like, oh, old women are accepting a lot. There's no one wants them either. Yeah, I think Kevin Klein, like, a young woman was basically begging to fuck him. And he was like, no, I love my wife, it turns out.

Oh, man. Yeah. And then there was some kind of love. Ladies. Love's real. Loves real. There's some kind of love triangle. between De Niro and Michael Douglas in this.

Sheridan and Morgan Freeman? Hello. No, I think Morgan Freeman was just blackly getting pussy. He's like, oh, he's like, you guys are going to love her. She lives in Henderson. I can't do it, Morgan Freeman.

I know. People like can't do it Morgan Freeman? I don't really try. Oh, interesting. You could get it if you try it. I could probably, let me go trying on the mountain. Watch Shawshank. Watch your set.

Watch your bed. Here's, you know, like, the hacky ways, like, and de dufran. You know what I mean? I got to get a little higher. Get a little higher. Dude, do you imagine how annoying it is for Katie to live with a voice guy? Andy Dufrain. Yeah, there you go.

Andy Dufrain. Dan, I'm watching TV. Andy Dufrain. What's that? We're doing 10 sets of 20. Andy Dufrain. I mean, even there. 10 sets of 20.

Honey, I just racked it. 10 cents a 20. 20. Uh, cue up it. I want to watch the part where the guy hangs himself. Uh, they never,

they never suck each other off in Shawshank. Is that just, oh, I thought in fucking Las Vegas. No, no, no, no. They were old?

You guys, you guys want to go gay for a little bit? No, but the sisters, remember in, and, uh, sure,

the sisters would, uh, there is a vicious pack of gay rapists. I remember that. Mm-hmm. But I just meant like, it's kind of subtextual that they have, that they have like a romantic relate,

like, Andy and, Running away to Mexico So a little, you know Do they kiss? He's like Andy, not right now. Yeah. That's why Red killed himself

When he got out Because he missed the gay sex Yeah Oh, right It was here and was satisfied I cleaned it up So it looks more suicide than gay sex The world got itself in a big hurry

I felt him inside of me Can't keep up with the grocery bagging i got pounded out on that beach cheek to thigh and he could itch my scratch let's get the fuck i suck let's get the no you're doing hey you're you're really funny you're doing stop can we go to traffic and transit on the ones they're having an issue folks i'm in beautiful italy you know got my thighs out you know what i'm wearing on the beach. Chubbies, baby.

These weren't even provided by the Chubbies Corporation. These are mine. These are a legacy pair of swim trunks. I've had these for years. I wanted to find my favorite pair. What did I bring to me

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I packed last minute. I forgot to bring it. I wish I did. You will see me in Ravens Chubbies gear all season long. All right, whatever you want, swim trunks, shorts, you know what I mean, comfortable polos. They got it all, okay? They got it all with your team's favorite logos. Like I said, you're going to see me drip the hell out in some Ravens gear from Chubbies. Finally, two of my favorite, two of my big loves, the Chubbies corporation and the Baltimore Ravens have merged. And look, maybe you're a fan of a shittier team than mine. We're going to the Super Bowl this year, okay? This is our year. Maybe, you know, whatever,

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Where it's a lighthearted romp, where they're 80 getting pussy in Mexico. And they go, what do you mean you were in prison for 10 years? Well, I've dug my way out of worse. What a nice genre. It's like this, like wild hogs. Wild hogs began it. And now the ladies are into it. 80 for Brady.

80 for Brady. Oh, yeah. Do they get cock in that? Have you guys seen it? I don't watch it. I bet it's the same thing where it's like, oh, never been. the gilf, and then they're like, go call your mom. Look at this, Sally Field can still catch it.

Best friends get into the best. Now, what's the idea that this is somehow involves Tom Brady? They're all Patriots fans. It doesn't make any fucking sense. The trailer is fun. Do not like the Super Bowl. Yeah, four best friends who live life to the fullest, despite every challenge. Take a wild trip to the Super Bowl to see their hero,

American football star Tom Brady 80 year old women are Brady super fans and Brady is a producer on this so he set this whole thing up Yes he is Tom Brady

That's so funny That's so funny With him on Tom Guys Tom Brady's gonna pitch us a movie And he says he can get us Jane Fonda and Sally Field He just check this out

Old chicks Wanna fuck me So they come watch me watch me throw, I don't know, probably go 26 to 33 for 247 and 3 tundies. Get some real rejuiced. I want to call it rejuiced.

Rejuiced. For their pussies rejuved. Oh, they do the TB12 method. The pussy gets juicy again. They go, Sally Field, look. I'm warm and gushy again. Reinflate. Reinflate cake. Reinflate cake.

There we go. Great thing. That's part two. Give them fake tits. Now we're really. now we're really cooking with gas You remember Did you see you see You got to stop using that When you move to Manhattan

You gotta stop using phrases like that Why do you don't have gasoline They Propin gas is not acceptable Are you barbecue in your They Tom Brady That absolutely

It's so funny that he produced that It was just like Yeah it's like a movie where they all Yeah it's like a weird He's like Look I'll produce a movie for old ladies but I have to be involved for some reason. They got to really want me.

Well, it's actually this movie. It's about women finding themselves later in life in a passion. He goes, yeah, me. I'm the passion. I'm bringing it all together. Let's do it. And this is why Belichick went younger. It is.

You know? Maybe for Brady is the reason. He goes, I had a fucking teenager. I didn't say anything. God, you're bad at producing. You guys want to watch the whole movie? I was like, yes, more than anything, more than anything. Please let me sit here for 90 minutes of hilarious.

I saw you, I saw you have some kind of sense of urgency. I was like, what is he up to me? He's like, pull what up? I was like, I didn't say it. We were just talking about 80 for Brady. Salma Hayek baby oil? No, but. Don't get.

I love you. I love you, have that locked and loaded, Elvis. Do not get my dick hard right now, Elvis. I have to focus on doing the podcast. But, yeah, she is incredible. Shout out to Salma. Yeah. She, number one.

Now, boys, let's, you know, even though it isn't this farewell episode, I am curious, what were the greatest, what were your greatest moments of strife as roommates, you know? Did it ever, what was the greatest disagreement not to bring up? We never really had any. It was always stuff that I would do that was fucked out. Okay. We talked about it on my podcast, but I would, I would smoke when I took shits when I was hung over. Wild behavior. You would smoke weed while shitting?

Cigarettes. Smoke sugar is Inside It's a clear violation Of the no smoking rule In the house I would take a naked A naked smoking dog

That's fucking insane It's just Chappelle On the road Just lighten up I'm about to throw out some mulch And it's gonna come out of my butt I did a four hour out of shit The reason

I date Mike Vigion won't take a bath Because the shawl isn't dirty But what he doesn't know always is. The shower has never been clean. There was three of us in there, but black mold was unofficial

our fourth roommate. I put a I put a garbage bag over it because they're a fucking wheeler didn't take care of it. Oh, that's awesome dude. Wait, was that a one bathroom? Yes. That's insane. You shared a bathroom for decades. Oh, no, that's

the least of it. He slept in a room that wasn't a room. I remember that. In a closet. Yeah, it was a closet. It was a closet. And, you know, this is a testament to Dan's charm. Women would sleep in there with him. Yeah. They would go, there's no problem with me sleeping in a windowless room where he jammed the fan in there and kept the door.

Or he would die. He needed to scare. It was like a tank. It'd get very hot. And I would give him a moment of scare before I laid with a lady where I'd go, welcome to more trap. And they go, what? No, I'm just kidding. That's a little thing I do.

I want me to suck your butt? No, it was funny. You couldn't shut the door. Like, if you shut the door during sex, it was like a scuba diving. Yeah. You were like, we have a limited amount of oxygen. So we got to make this work. And then post-cordis, you'd kick the door open.

Yeah, yeah. And I would do, we had a, we had an air conditioner, right, like, in the living room that was, like, high up. And then I would put a fan to guide the air in. And then another fan, and then another fan to bank it into my room. It's like parallel park. You do that thing where you would feel the breeze, and you go, the breeze is coming in. Yeah. It was a game of angles. It was.

But, you know, you couldn't throw anything out while he was sleeping because he cracked the door and the garbage was like right across from his door being cracked. So if you were going to throw something out and you hit that pedal that put the top up, it would make a noise and it would wake him. Only the roommates would know something. And now you got a garbage troll giving you riddles. He's like, I just wanted to throw a gum wrapper. What has eight legs in the morning? He would do at the afternoon. He's like, dude, I just want to throw out my trash.

Throw me this, Vecchio. Oh, that's beautiful, man. And Dan lived there for years. Yeah, I lived in that room for eight years. The little room? The windowless room. I did total eight. One year in...

That's crazy. One year in, I got a year break, and I moved to the second biggest room, which was Vecchio's room. That's my room, yeah. But then I moved back into the windowless room for six years after that. It's pretty crazy. You're getting too full of yourself in a room with a room. window is nuts.

I really, windowless for six years? If you want to know where my confidence is, I accepted that. I was like, this is where I should be. Yeah. Just under the stairs,

like a little fucking toilet. And this is when you were drunk, a drunk? I got sober under the stairs. Yeah. And then that was even tougher. Yeah. And he quit smoking?

You read the smoking book? Oh, that was one of the things I used to do. Now you read the drinking book and then the no smoking. I used to smoke cigarettes in the windowless room when I was black out. And I'd listen to like,

cry songs oh my god I'd be listening to like to smoke a cigarette in doors Pearl jams release just being like blah

like like six dude I'm talking about six that's lunacy to have a not I mean to smoke indoors the window is fucked up it's fucked up

but no window I was very drunk when I did so it would go out into just the common area. No, I keep the door shut. Until just dissipated. So that was your version of being a good guy's like...

I didn't open the door. Menthal steam room. Yeah. Manthal. Camel lights, dude. Come on. Come on, dog. You know I don't.

Don't touch me. You don't own this anymore. You can't hurt me anymore through your wall. It was weird sharing a wall with one of your close friends for like five years. Yeah.

Because you're like, you know, girlfriends come and go and you hear arguments that are like, oh, and then you, like, come out of the kitchen

and see him, you go, everything right. Oh, come on, who are you talking to? I've said it before. I knew,

I knew the rhythm that Elders fucked at. It's so funny. I could tell, you know, his, I would just like, like,

we shared one bathroom. Our friend Christina lived here. She had, when we first moved here. Sure. She had the, and it was like,

she's the only one with like a real job she's a girl we want to be respectful and boy oh boy you talk about me and eldest at 26 shitting in the same bathroom I mean how often would that bathroom break like we had a lot of plumbers every like every like three months we would just destroy the we've that toilet's been replaced maybe we've been here 10 years we've been replaced like four times what I'm a physical toilet not like a plumber at the come in like They put new toilets in three or four times. You guys really wearing these things out. What are you shit acid?

What's the fiber intake of this apartment? Well, we also have that fiber store down the street. And then Eldiz moved into this room, so he had his own shitter, but he clogged it, what, daily? It was pretty bad. Not daily, but, yeah, there were. I mean, three times a week. Did you get comfortable fixing it after a while? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Like a mechanic. You know, you know what you can get away with? You know what, the first clog, you see the water level. You're like, I think I could try one more flush before I need to get the flunger out. He goes, that thing is that thing going to break? You're like, hold. One more dump.

Steady, steady, steady, steady. Just a log dump. One long. One time I clogged it and I miscalculated the second flush and they're like overflowed over the rim. It's just one afternoon I had to spend like 40 minutes cleaning that shit up. That'll teach you to have a big lunch. You're gluttony You gluttony cost you

We There's always shit going wrong in our building And one morning I woke up I was like gonna go to the gym It was gonna have like a good day And I woke up and I'm like piss I turned the light on and I'm pissing And I'm like

Fucking Why is it like darker in here? And I look up And we had run of those round bulbs And it was filled with Overflowing water from upstairs They came into the thing And I was like

Oh no They overflowed their tub. Yeah, and it was like all the way through our wall in the thing. So when you unscrewed it, it was a thing full of water, like gross water. Oh, it was sick. Tub water? Tub water. It's filtered through a floor and then a ceiling. Nasty.

Nasty. Dasty. Dan used to have the best catchphrases leaving the apartment. Where are you going, Dan? I'm about to go have an iron breakfast. That's what he called going to the gym. I would always say shit that he could quote me. I died.

Where you got spots tonight? Where are you going? I'd be like, change the game. I love that. That's my favorite one is like, Dan Soter. It's like, Dan, where are you going? Did I go change the game? Yeah.

Then we go to the Jimmy's like, you're all right? I'm like, I'm going to go clang and bang. I'll be back in an hour. Beautiful, man. Leave nothing behind. Beautiful. But dude, I loved living in Astoria. I just bumped into one of my oldest friends in the world.

My friend Zach that lives here. And we were just walking and I was like, holy shit. I miss, Queens is quiet. Yep. When you moved me in. you're going to see it's very loud i love the hustle and bustle you know i'm hustle bustle stavros no you're not yeah i am you're going to be there for three months you will and then you're gonna be like i need cool calm i don't know we'll see i need a summer home in estoria yeah i need

yeah summer in queens oh no i summer in baltimore thank you very much i have my summer manse in the mid-atlantic oh my god oh sorry didn't realize we were talking to royalty that's right that's right no that fucking rules that's so cool how often you go to baltimore um i'll go i mean i was there all of last year pretty much i mean not all does your roommate know when you're coming uh uh yeah i mean we i mean he lives here so we basically sort of like we're both from maryland and we both got tired of crashing with our family so we bought a house together basically yeah yeah now how far from magubes that's hugely important it's unfortunately a 35 minute, 38 minute

drive from the gree. And it means it's 34 minutes from the gun range that's next to the and it means it's 33 minutes away from the chilies. There's a pretty goddamn good buffalo chicken. Yes, there is. And you're required to eat every meal there when you go, you're just too lazy to go anywhere else.

Jesus Christ, I can't even fathom not being from Baltimore and having Magoobis on the schedule. Because for me, it's like, oh, it's Magubis, but like, yeah, I'm putting my mind is like it's not walkable to nothing there's the chilies the hotel sucks dick it's crazy they they used you could tell they used to people on the holiday in and then i think somebody found like either blood or shit in their room and they're like all right we can't do that and for five

years they put people up into sheridan and then uh just one day they're like we're going back the holiday they're like enough time is passed by now they've forgotten i did the holiday and it's like you stay there and you're like oh these are people that are trying to get their lives together. It's horrific, dude. You go like, you go like, it's a lot of single guys eating in that chilies looking out windows. Yeah. I know it's a court order. Yeah, I know it's a court order, but I can get

around it. I just go to the chilies every day. I go to the chilies every day. I would eat every meal with the chilies. And then you walk past the gun range to go to this, like, I wonder what kind of a shot I am. I wonder if they could stop me from kidding myself. I get in there, I get a gun. It is crazy.

that doesn't happen more, honestly. What a fucking... I mean, Chris Kyle famously got killed at a gun range, but it's crazy people don't... I guess because if you go to a gun range, you respect guns, you don't want to... They're also like,

hey, can you give my family this letter? They don't let you in. I'm just going to sign up. Can I get that gun? My wife. I'm going to do you give that to. No, you just got to pin that to your lapel right before you kill yourself.

They go, God, he turns over. There's like a letter, and he's like, Catch up. Bye! No, no, no, no, no. Fuck. Another one is leaf.

Yeah, that's the hardest part. It's not even cleaning up the shells. Scoop it up rains. Hello, everyone. Chapal Stavros, here in Italy. I'm in Venice. I'm about to hit the red carpet. You know, I'm looking delicious.

But you know what tastes delicious? Twisted tea. Twisted tea. A beverage that. taste as delicious as Stavros Halkish looks in Venice with his hair slicked back, looking like a damn snack. Now, all of you can't be in Venice. You know, about to hit the red carpet like I am, perusing everything Italy has to offer.

But you know what's basically a European vacation in a can is twisted tea. Yeah, right? Yeah, I mean, listen, certain parts of Europe, you know what I mean? Maybe it's a little closer to a jersey. vacation. No, you know what? That's not true. Because Twisted Tea transcends the typical signifiers of class, taste, you know, culture, no matter how you grew up, no matter where you're from, whether you're on the Lido here in Venice, or you, you know, you're from Dundalk, Maryland, or, you know, Delco, Pennsylvania, or Sacramento, California, wherever you are, a wonderful place,

a dog shit place, you crack open a twisted tea. You crack open a freaking twisted tea, babe. We're talking 5% alcohol in my volume. Okay, maybe you're from Chicago. Brewed with real iced tea, you'll snip it. Holy fuck, am I on a fucking regatta right now? that's what twisted tea makes you feel like go have some fun folks

go crack open a fucking vacation in a can with twisted tea and don't forget baby keep it mother fucking twisted keep it twisted I'm not a big yeah I'm not I've never I've like fired a gun once I've never gone to range I'm down I'd like to you know I would like to get tactical

you won't ever need it nah I will I will yeah yeah Oh, dude. Go to axe throwing first. Work your way up to it. Yeah, yeah. Hand-to-hand combat.

I have to go through the bronze age. And now the invention of steel. Give you a broad source. You know, what is Stavros doing last year? A lot less crowd work, a lot more sword work. That's right. That's how I accentuate my fucking punchlines. The new Netflix special, the riddle of steel.

Damn you crumb That'd be sick If you want full Conan the barbarian Fuck yeah dude I'm the only one that agreed With the beginning of that movie Where they just take the kid And put him on the wheel

Yeah Yeah yeah And then it cuts to him being like 20 and being strong as shit You go there you go Yep The kid does what work is Yeah it's just they put a kid

Just to make the way And then it's like It's Arnold Schwarzenegger It's like a regular jacked guy It's the most jacked guy You know from pushing the wheel Yeah No curls

Did he squat in the wheel? Yes Dan No, damn. Oh, I can't mess with this. This is like, this is... Suspend your disbelief. Vecchioens Jesus, Conan and the Barbarian. Oh, interesting.

We watched it on the tour. We watched it on the bus. Great film, great picture. After Rocky. After all of the Rockies. One through four were the relevant Rockies. He's at Philly Guinea. One through four.

How do you feel about Creed? Ah. Well, you get it all in the credit. Oh, let me get. I think I know what the problem is with Creed, Mike. Kind of a De Niro issue. No. Oh, you know, like, when the black guy wins, son.

He goes, but that black guy can't win it then. Dude, I'm saying, excuse me, regal cinemas, I'm going to need a fucking refund. What is this? This movie cut off early, the black guy won. What the fuck? When's the rematch where the white guy beats him? I didn't hear that film flipping around. Damn, dude, Arnold carrying around a sword.

looking awesome dude looking have you ever had Has anyone ever had to wield the weapon for real Whether that be a club A bat No you have I mean we had

We had chalk full of weapons In our uh No guns Yeah don't come to two five five Yeah but we had uh Dan brought home Samurai swords And uh

Rambo knives I love that A replica Conan sword Hell yeah dude He had to me a Rambo knife Said arm yourself I have the sword I have both

Crom sword And his father's sword Oh nice dude Conan the barbarians Fucking the Barbarians Fuck it Now, but I, so never, you know, never a self-defense situation. I mean, you want to come in and get bopped?

You want to get bopped with this thing? You want to come in and get fucking... No, I'm asking, have you ever wielded a weapon in any... Close the cyber cane was I used to carry a maglight in my pizza bag when I was a pizza delivery bag. And that's for, that's for flapping. A maglight. Yeah, police flashlight. Oh, so you mean that you would fucking hit some of those?

That'd be awesome. I had a bat outside my room. Yeah, there is. And had knives. I had a bad ass one. I had the one all the way to the right. I think they'll fuck shit up I'm serious

If you have a car You should just have that You should have a maglight It's like having a baseball bat And the cops can't be like What is that? It's like the thing you carry around Is your flashlight?

Yeah They're awesome Maglite's fucking ruined Okay all right Do you ever get into dangers A pizza delivery man Because they say that actually is more dangerous This was in the 90s

So you're like carrying cash And you're like Just around And we deliver just some tough neighborhoods Sure So you didn't I mean Friends of mine that worked

At the pizzeria did get robbed But I never got robbed. I imagine it's that fucking maglite, dude. That's right. It's either robbed or porn. Yeah. I go, oh, yeah. I get sucked off by a lonely lady.

She has no way to pay for it. That was the first time I ever heard of ranch on pizza. What are you doing, miss? And instead it was like, give me your fucking money. What about you think you're in porn? You're like, I can't pay. Is there something else? I could do for you?

And she goes, no, cuts my face. Oh, fuck. Oh, my tongue's coming through. And she takes it and licks it. You got a little sauce. Yeah, you're leaking sauce. Yeah, I fucking would

just put that on top of the pizza just in the bag. Hell yeah, dude. And be like, anybody runs up on me at the Green Timbers apartment complex. I'm about to get, I'm about to play a fucking whack-a-mole. I would have gotten fucked up, though.

If I would have been like, what do you do? That's going to grab my wrist. Stop. It's mine. It's my flashlight. I was involved, I never swung, but I was involved in a melee. Okay.

Where people were fucking people up with bats. I got stepped on with cleats. It was like a pickup. What were you in the warriors? It was like a pickup football game and it became legitimately a race fight where it was like, it was Greeks versus Arabs. We were playing. We were playing. football and like you know

some kids made fun of you know some green kids that's probably something racist if I had to guess sure uh you know this is tensions are hot you know the Iraq war is bubbling up we're fresh off the heels of 9-11 oh my god and I don't know how the fuck we found enough Arabs to play like we don't grow

like we grew up with a couple of these kids but these kids I don't know where the fuck we would play like real tackle football games where it kept getting more and more serious and people started hearing about them and people would literally like bring their teams like it was kind of the Warriors and it was like, like, we play like some old white guys

that were like semi, like old ass white dudes that were like, used to play semi-pro they would come and play. Were they good? There was a couple of them that were pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of them were just too old and it was like for the glory. But we had like, it got the point

where we were playing like with line, full lines. I'm not kidding. Yeah, we had to line. Maybe, I think it got like three. We would have like three people lines and like. He goes, yeah, just the old man being upset. He goes, just lost a day to a bunch of six. 16 year olds.

Yeah, but it was a, it was awesome. And then one time it was just like, just this like, like, you know, 15 Arab dudes came and they're like, let's play us versus you guys were like, sweet. And then tensions were running high. Someone swings on someone. And then, you know, these kids had fucking, and then, you know, they're, we're fucking each other up. And somebody had called their brother and a pack full of, like a car of Mercedes full,

like, like 28-year-old Greek guys with baseball bats. come out and they're just like oh no when you see a grown man that goes I gotta go to a teenage fight no they weren't it wasn't reluctant these guys were like yes and they hit like one

they had one kid and then it was like oh okay what the fuck it's all fucking chill out you're that you're that dink of the eastern and you go is he all right but yeah they literally

some kid fucking stepped on my face with the fucking cleat I got like shoved down in the in the mail, you know. I didn't know what the fuck's or like turn around and like somebody's like fucking you're getting stampeded.

The best advice for that situation is just be aware of the noises you're making. People remember noises. You're like, ow, ow! And you get out and you're like,

yeah, it's right fucking pussies. You were an owl guy. Yeah. No, I wasn't, I was shut the fuck up, I'll kill you.

But, you know. Damn, I want to buy a mag light and go fuck up some teenagers. That's not bad. You guys play football? Yeah

Not on my fucking watch You're not Go to fucking SAT tutor Training you fucking How did the melee end? Stavros How did those things Did everybody just tire themselves out?

A delicious meal with breads being dipped in sausage They showed us hummus We showed them Zadziki He went Oh my God This whole time Pita and non Yeah

We're right there I think it was the kind of thing where everyone was fucking each other up for a while. And then when the car full of older men came, it was like, everyone was like, what the fuck is going on here? Wait, so the guys that showed up in the

Mercedes were Greek or Arab? They were Greek. They were Greek and they showed up. Oh, I thought they were with the bat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the tides turned very quickly. And it was like, all right, everybody, get the fuck. And then we're like, get out of Greek town, you fucking pieces of shit. It was like old-fashioned racism. Like, you fucking Arabs

better not come back to our neighborhood. Was there a couple go back to Yemen's? And we didn't know about geography. Countries that don't exist anymore. They're like, that's what you get for your Prussian Empire. That's always the one I remember, I remember like an adult fighting a teenager when we were teenagers. And there's the moment where the adult wins where all the teenagers go like, he's a kid. Yeah, yeah.

That means an obvious no-win situation. I did watch my friend David beat up two 16-year-olds when we were 13 and that was like, That was like him beating up two adult men That's fucking awesome Two on one Yeah and fucking I think it might have been three on one And he beat this shit out of him

Hell yeah Still, I mean I think he follows me on Instagram What were the circumstances? Fucking David needed to teach him a lesson He was a problem He could be a problem Okay he was the issue

Yeah I see him rock people He'd like boom Your friend who was the problem But then also these guys that he fought Were also a problem Sure He was about out sure David versus three Goliath

Hello no he was big I think he was bigger than two of them Okay but he fucking he was like a bear Love that just fucking mold them and you're like And then a 16 oh wait it was the three 16 year olds I don't want to give their names sure But people that I grew up with you know I'm talking Yeah And then they had a 21 year old that showed up

And kick the shit out of them It beat up David and everyone was like On their side everyone was like But David was 13 Yeah everyone was like Oh, the guy's name was Vic. And they were like, oh, Vic kicked the shit out of them. We're like, yeah, Vic's a guy.

Yeah. Yeah. David was screaming. I'll be back after I hit puberty. David told me a story of he would like just get into fights. So, yeah, he was a problem. Yeah. But one time he was driving his mom's van and this, like, guy, like in a suit coming home from work,

got into David at a stoplight. And then he was like, fuck, you follow me. And the guy was like, all right. And they went to a parking lot. Now this is what David told me And I completely believe it I watched him fights a lot in my life And he said he got out

And he just kicked the shit out of this guy When he got out of his car Got back in his mom's van And went and smoked weed With like a bunch of our friends And I was like I couldn't drop the fact That a grown man was coming home from work

And he was like I'm gonna show this kid Yeah yeah yeah And then he's getting back in And he's like Fucker broke my nose Police Oh I was a child

This is before cell phones This is before everyone had cell phone You could, like, drive home and be like, make up a story in the car. He's beat up by a black guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of a 16-year-old kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think about that, too, because I, like, with road rage, it's like, how does,

I kind of don't understand how more people don't get their asses kicked. Because it's like, everyone in their car feels like a tough guy, and then it's like, you know, you get out of the fucking car, it's a whole different story. I think a lot of people just can't control their anger. Yeah. They think the anger is going to take them to success and fight, and it's not the way it works. Right, right, right, right. Like, the guys are going to throw a punch and they're like, I'm angry.

Yeah. In reality, they just get, like, folded. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Like, are you coming in a minute? And they're like, in their fucking open door well. You're just slept with their knees bed back. And you're angry in an ambulance.

That's, I just don't want to end up on the internet slept. I know. Just with your arm straight. I know, dude. But I also weirdly. Not get it, but it's like, I do feel like it's a part of just aging as a man where I'm like, should I just like fight something? Like, I just haven't fought someone since I was.

You're good. You're 16 or whatever. I know. And I know, and I don't get me wrong. I never will. Now you know what you do? But there's part of you that's like, you know where you take that other? I'm going to fuck somebody up.

I can. I can. By the way, I'm not saying I could beat anyone up. Yeah. I would be the guy getting fucked up by a child. The adult version of that. Mm-hmm. Litigating.

Sure. You get a lawyer. That's not as fun. Yelling is fun. Yeah, but. But there's no consequences to yelling. I find the plaintiff. Sure.

Your honor. Your honor. When your judge takes your side. Getting a little tie. You go, what's up pussy? I just whipped your ass in court. I'm like, you're on. Thank you, your honor.

No further questions. I go, I go, why don't I just butt fuck you in court? Fucking pussy. Your mom's got a dusty ass pussy. What was that, Mr. Soder? I was saying, I was working on how I can be reimbursed by the defendant. What about, Mike, there must have been some kind of,

some kind of Rust Belt Italian brawls that you saw. Oh, dude, someone ate all the criminini mushrooms? Good night. Set him off like John Wick. He's killed his puppy. He's like, hey, where's the last piece of gab of ghoul? people could be asking me if I'm back yeah I'm starting to think I'm back

yeah I'm freaking back Yeah I'm freaking back over here Yeah we got into a in high school I remember we got into a A huge bra with a bunch of other kids And I actually one of my friends Because you get confused in those things And it's no uniform in a bra

I was grabbing somebody Fog or war brother And a guy on our side punched me in the face, but fortunately my face was going that way, I mean, when he grazed me, so it wasn't... And he was Vaselineed. He's always ready to go.

Mr. Vecchio, and Mike's father had a strict policy of vaselining his son's temple and eyebrows before he left. That was when they had their father's son talk where he goes, all right, now what are you going to do if he goes two to one? As he's taping up your fingers. So he punched you and then it slid off?

He punched me. I was like, my head was down because I was on that ground, I think, and he went to punch me, unfortunately my face was going that way, and he, like, punched me, and it kind of slid off. Okay. I'm oily anyway, but but that, he's like,

afterward, I'm sorry, I just, we, it was too confusing. Did you get anybody in that? Did you get your hands on something? No, I wasn't. Yeah, I got my hands on somebody, like, down to there, but it, but it was like a scuffle that turned into a fight, and then, and then it was quickly dispersed. Dude, you got to tell Stavros' story

about when you fucking dropped your sister, and your girlfriend off it's the coolest story that's not cool as someone that's a pussy and doesn't fight it's the coolest story first of all I don't fight

I don't fight either but I don't like either all the time but when I lived in Washington Heights Inwood I would park at a gas station at the end of the street

from where I lived and I would always late at night coming back from the cellar I was dating a girl who worked at the cellar so she would stay at my place and I would always drop her off and give her the key

and then turn back around and then go park and then walk back myself because if anybody like if anybody says anything or yells anything as people are coming to the bars it's like then it's like

okay now it's got to be yeah now it's a problem they say it to me I could just I could choose of course to like ignore it

and be like I'm not gonna follow which leads us to our next story of when Mike was in you're in college I was in college, and we used to hang out at this bar. It was like we could drink their underage for some reason. Love that.

And in Florida. Check. And so it's a year in college. And then I dating a girl, I bring her back from Philly to my place and with my family. And then we go out to this bar. It's the bar from high school. But no one we know is there anymore. It's me, my friend from high school and the girl and my sister.

And we're all there. and my sister's like I'm tired I don't really want to be here I go okay and we lived like really close so I said okay I'm gonna take I told my friend my best friend and my girl

that I'm gonna take my sister home I'll be right back so I run her back and then I come back and my girl's crying and I said why are you crying and she's like

somebody called me a pig oh no I said okay and my friend was like yeah somebody called her a pig I was like arguing with him but they told us they were gonna throw us out

I said, okay, and she was still upset. So I said, why don't you just calmly tell me who it is? She's like, I don't know. I said, let's take a walk to the end of the bar and back. Born to do you. Natural police. Natural police. Why don't you come with me and you're going to be safe.

There's a two-way mirror here at this bar. She's crying or a walking. Seeing the crying woman you called the pig just walking around looking with a universal soldier. Just a menacing, blank-faced Italian man. A guy with a crew cut who looks like he was fucking a lab thing

in the CIA. Who's that guy with 4% body fat? And this is you wrestling. Yeah, this is you wrestling college. Post wrestling.

But still, you're fresh from wrestling. Yeah, who's the guy with the military cut in the call flower here? He looks pretty revved up about something. Who's the guy pointing

at all of us with the military haircuts? So we walk, she points who she thinks the guys are and we get into a verbal altercation with him. So you say something. Yeah. Well, my friend was really

like going, like he was like Chippin. Yeah, because he felt like, because he got cucked allowing it to happen without you. Yeah. So he gets on his wife. He didn't get cucked. I don't, I don't think he got cucked. But he was like, he was like taken up and going at him. And, uh, and, uh, and so she pointed him out who she thought they were. And we started going back and forth. And

then we got thrown out. So I said, okay, she's still upset. So, my buddy I said you don't need to concern yourself with this just go home I'll give you a call tomorrow and he was like okay you know because there's nothing we can really do now we got thrown out rest easy soldier and she's upset so I I drove back and dropped her off at my parents and I said just go in I'm going to go back have some late in pasta so she goes in and I go back and I just sit in the parking lot and I cut the lights so they kicked you up but but not the guys?

No, the guys got to stay in. Interesting. And I cut the lights and I'm just sitting there. Now you're on a steak out. No radio. Yeah,

because it's the same mentality. But it's the same mentality. The oculars and two big sandwiches. I guess we're going to fucking get these guys. But it's the same mentality. It's like it's like it's not like. It's also. It always frames it as a tough guy move,

but it's really a move where it's like tough guy's cool. It's really a thing where it's like if I'm going to take a beating, I don't want it to be in front of her and I don't want it to be in front of her. And I don't just take. I don't, you know what I really love about this too?

A beating alone is better. What I really love about this is like, I've definitely been in position where I'm so heated. I'm so in the moment that I'm like, I'm about to fight. You have like gone and come back and restarted. Like there's five different opportunities for you to calm down. Yeah, so funny.

You know, and you're like, you had four exits and he goes to staying on the highway. But let me just dispel like stuff. I'm like afraid and all this other stuff. Sure. So you're just sitting silently in your car looking at a door. Yeah, but something has to be done here. I ought to be able to sleep at night.

Of course. That's so funny. As you're leaving, your mom's like, Mike, I just cut the pie. I won't sleep if I don't do this. No, but so I let her in the, I didn't walk her in the house. I said, just go in the house. So I go back, I cut the lights and I'm sitting there and I go, when they come out, I'm just going to attack them and then let the chips swallow them there.

And that's what happened. They walked out and I go, what's up now? And it's like three of them. them and I just started attacking them and I fully expected to get railed yeah yeah you know what I mean but it I didn't nice I just kept moving around yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm like a raccoon that's like the same thing when you go back or you go there's nothing back here but a garbage get on it's like what's up motherfuckers yeah yeah yeah then everybody ran to the element of surprise is awesome yes then everybody ran to the front of the bar and then uh went on for a little bit and then

And I heard sirens, so I just ran back into my car. I was punching one guy, and that other guy grabbed me, and then I was able to get free from him. I started punching him. So it ended up being like, I'm like, ah, pretty good. It's okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you go home just whistling.

You know one of those guys was leaving the bar. He goes, this might be one of the best nights of our lives. You know, over the door, and back head's like, oh, fuck. It's crazy. The thing to me that always gets me is you just, sitting there in the silence. Yeah. And it's like,

how much time just hearing the bumping bar? Actually, they came out pretty quick. It wasn't too long that I had to wait. They came out pretty quick. And once I recognized him, I'm like,

okay, here it goes. Here it goes. That's one of those things. Did you check to make sure you locked your car or anything? You're like walking away. You go, I didn't lock it.

That's beautiful, man. I'm gonna beat their ass now. And I agree, sometimes things must be done. A woman's honor must be protected. One of the coolest, coldest shit things I've ever heard of my life.

I was like, I was going to drop my sister off, drop my lady off, and then make the world pay. Avenge her. I will avenge this injury to her honor. I'd just go get Dairy Queen and come back. Can you go? What'd you do? I'm like, that sucks.

I got you. Do you want to play Rocket League? Fuck him. Fuck that guy. You want some pizza? All right. Well, look, you're clearly a man. We've got two men of honor.

Two of a story's most distinguished former residents, and it's time to bring all this kind of expertise to our callers. So, Eldis, why don't you play us a little something? See what we got here. And that's also, we should plug here at the halfway point. Mike, you've got a special recently. Let's tell the people. It's called Low Income White.

It's on YouTube, the Nate Land. Shout out to Nate Land for giving me the opportunity for having my second special on it. So, Nateland, YouTube, low income white, and at Comic Mike V on all platforms. Look at that. We'll put a link to the special. Go watch a special right now, you pieces of shit. Oh, and I got to say thank you, because a lot of people last time came from... Hell yeah, dude.

I love it. For the attractives. I love it. Yes. I appreciate it. Yeah, let's get... I just got one new sound. We love it.

Go see, go watch Mike special. And, of course, you know, listen to Sodor. Golden Retriever. live golden retriever a comedy tour starting september 23rd in los angeles uh all the cities are listed go to dancer dot com go to dance soda dot com do not go to secondhand websites yes don't do that's where the ripoff is go through dance order dot com i promise you the ticket links will work we're not scalping we swear to god just buy them straight from the place dance order dot com golden retriever comedy i love you guys fuck what do we got eld hey savvy baby eldest distinguished guest whoever the

fuck there. I don't know. Long-time listeners, second-time caller. First time I called turned into a rant. So I'm going to try and make a brief this time. I'm in a bit of a tricky situation. My partner and I have a squatter in our house. I say our, because on paper, the house belongs to my partner. And the squatter is his best friend that he lets say in our guest room after getting divorced. That was like a year ago. So he was married for less than a year. And it's pretty obvious why it didn't work out. So it's been several instances of him saying, like, oh, I'll be up by the state, I'll be up by that day. It never fucking happens. We finally managed to evict him from the guestry, like the other day, after finding

fucking rotten food and human vomit on the carpet. So now he's insisting on sleeping on an air mattress in the unfinished basement. What? Um, so since my best friend, it's not, excuse me, since it's not my best friend or, you know, not technically my house I'm in a little bit of a tough spot because I wish my man would be a bit harder on this guy and I don't want to be a bitch right that's like number one I don't want to be a bitch um and my partner is also on the verge of the mental

of like a full scale fucking mental breakdown because he's really clean and he was the one who cleaned out that room and I had to come home to a fucking grumpy angry man so wait a second what fuck do I do now what the fuck do I do so her her boyfriend is pissed at this guy but he's still letting him live there? It's best friend shit dude but I mean when you're ruining the place I get it. The guy probably

is like a good he's like probably a good dude and his friends are going through a divorce and by the way good sometimes when people want to do good it's easier to manipulate them because you're just like using just like using the sob story of like getting divorced

but this guy sucks kick him out but does the boyfriend want him out? I was wasn't clear on that where he stood. I mean, he clearly doesn't because he's like, I mean, does he want him out? Probably. Will he kick him out? Have you ever made someone leave your apartment kind of when you're done? And you go, okay, man, thanks for coming over.

He's the only one that can do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, true. But she says they tried. She said they tried to kick him out a couple times. What does that mean? What is he tried to kick him out? Yeah. Because, dude, I would take that hint.

The second they went, hey, I don't even know why I'm still here. Fuck him. Yeah, of squatters can really. stay. They can stay. It's human bedbugs. Then there's kind of nothing you can do about it until you get the courts involved. Human bedbugs are fucking squatters. He's probably putting up. Take me out. I'm out. They're like ticks. Yeah. My head's buried in you stupid fuck. Kick me out. You're like I can't. Yeah. Because they have like squatters rights and shit. But this isn't that. This is a guy's an overstaying friend. Right. You know what I mean? What were you going to say? I feel like he's probably putting on like a very

pathetic front when he's making up excuses for why he can't leave. But he's also like clearly reveling in the newfound freedom of being divorced. Like he's just cool with sleeping on the air mattress in like the dusty basement after like they kick him out of the bedroom. That's so funny. They're like, get out of the house. He goes, come on, let me stay.

What's in the basement? They go, there's nothing down there. He goes, perfect. I'll just grab an air mattress. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I guess, and you're, she's talking about her, her boyfriend is on the verge of a breakdown.

Because of this guy, like being so dirty. Yeah, and that's what I'm saying. It's like, can't he have a conversation with him be like, hey, man, I'm trying to get your, you know, I'm trying to be here for you, but you have to do this, this, and this. He's the only one that can do that. Exactly. That's the hard part for our caller here is like, what can you do other than sort of like

tell your, like, because you can't. You know, that's kind of a whole other, that's a whole can of worms. Even though you, by the way, you can, you should be able to just be like, hey, what the fuck's up with this? Like, if this was a roommate. Oh, my God. This isn't even a start. This is a non-starter.

go get the fuck out of yeah this guy has to leave immediately it's a friend yeah and he's going through something i say you just give him a date you work on the boyfriend to give the date yeah the boyfriend has to give the date you work on the boyfriend let's get a date he's like august 15th you're fucking gone yeah you're gonna have to have uh a date and even like at a minimum like some some like i mean yeah if he's already in the basement it's like he's taking a demotion which is so bizarre he's getting relegated the basement? Yeah. You're like,

what's below that? You go, well, we don't have a crawl space, so you can't live in there. And when you say you try, what did you mean by that? Like,

she's tried to fucking kick him out. She said they gave him like several dates that he just like came and went. He just did not honor it all. So what if he just changed the locks? Smart. Very old school. Yeah, I mean,

he must not have any, does he have anything in there? Like, if you gave him a date and he just came and came and went, and then he threw up on your fucking. how he threw up in your room he spilled shit and your guys food and your your boyfriend's a neat freak it's like even if that's eldest right which again this is hard because when people say their best friend is acting in this kind of insane way whenever somebody says best friend i try and's

like all right let me insert eldest or what are my you know best friends growing up they just wouldn't behave this way it's it's bizarre to even think it's just disrespectful this is just completely disrespectful this is the kind of thing where if you want to give him another date it's hard Here's what's going to happen. He'll give him another date. Because you've given him a date and he's blown past it, he's not going to honor it. No.

But you'd be like, all right, this time it's different. He's not going to believe you. He's going to make you test him. And that's when you fucking throw him out. And that's when the, fireworks happens.

That's when he's all his shit out. That's when he's all fucking gone. That's when he throw all his shit out of there. And you just say, look, man, you got to be out of here. Yeah. Peace,

motherfucker. We gave you seven dates. Yeah. How many months has it been did she say? Said a year I think he said he's been there a year A year Which is crazy

What the fuck are we talking about? Yeah yeah That's a league That's also like Stockholm syndrome Where you just like get used to it When you're living in that But like you tell anyone He's got to watch the

Why? He goes we gotta watch the floor on Tuesday Yeah Yeah yeah This is our thing guys It's us It's the group Hey we get out

We had a similar situation Where a friend just let a friend of hers Live here for fucking months That's crazy Yeah, it was supposed to be like a couple weeks It went for like eight weeks, I think We were counting Too much

That's too much It was an apartment with four people In a three bedroom And then there was an extra guy Nope It was insane Nope It was insane

It was insane It's always tough Can I take a piss real quick? Of course Piss Piss Next question Eldus

El Dunce Yeah, let it rip Hello, Stavb, eldest, and guests. I love the show. Thank you. So I'll get right into it. I do online fetish sex work. Nice.

Basically, I sell underwear, socks, clothing, all the way to making homemade, custom, solo, and sometimes couples, pornoes. Nice. So my issue is that I also have a career job where I have great benefits and my future is completely set up, but it is a huge issue if I were to be caught. So my question is, is it worth it to keep doing my online side business at the risk of losing my job? should anybody find out. My thinking is that, well, if anybody from work were to see it, they're the weirdos that have to explain why they were looking at fetish websites. But I don't know.

It's tough. I'm just wondering, what do I do? Is it worth it? I'm not living a lavish lifestyle because of it. I make okay money at my job, but with the side stuff, it just, it actually lets me feed my kid. Jesus Christ. America fucking sucks.

What do I do? I mean, what the fuck are we doing here, man? This woman is fucking working a job and she's on doing fetished. And by the way, we're a pro sex worker here. But she's like, she's to make ends meet and to just like be comfortable to like provide for her kids. She's doing a different job that could jeopardize her future just because of how she's set up. It's just so fucked that like you can't just work a job and be a job. okay.

This country sucks so much fucking dick. You go, I gotta go get in latex wrestle fights. In order for my kid to get braces. I dress up like a penguin. I shit the guy's mouth. And he's going to be on the travel team next year. Yeah. Yeah.

It's all like, it's all falling apart at the seams. And then people are going like, shut up. And you're like, I'm just letting you know. I just love when people are like, She should be able just to work a job and have a kid and then if she was into fucking doing porn. If she wanted to do, she'll do it, but not have to do it and then live under the stress and scrutiny. And by the way, when everybody's like, oh, whatever talks about how, like, bad, how communism never works, how socialism never works. Like, capitalism doesn't work.

We're watching it not work with people like this right the fuck now. I don't know. If you ever gone on a porn star's Amazon wish list and fulfilled it all? To me, that's capitalism working. It does work for them Yeah It does work for them I just feel like

Like okay I wonder if there is some kind of medium Where you do this a little more You do this a little more anonymously Yeah could she wear a mask or makeup Yeah go luchador Luchador You wear different masks

A fat-titted luchador I like that I don't even work it into a character El Spanko Yeah I mean I've seen The fetish porn star Is there way to that I mean maybe

you know, disguise yourself for sure so that you prosthetics like a mission impossible man yeah. It wasn't

Gerald Ford that took that load it was me the guidance counselor at the high school yeah it sucks it really sucks

because she wants to keep the benefits of her job she clearly you know enjoys doing what she does she's got a wide range of things that she does

is she just worried about getting found out yeah I mean wear a luchador mask. I do wonder, I mean, maybe she's already started. Like, how visible, you know, is your, would people be able to know it will get found out? Yeah. And it's also, the internet lives forever.

If it's all on the internet and it isn't just personals, you know, like if someone uploads that shit. Yeah. Well, then why stop if it's still? I don't know. I think you should just keep going. Yeah, I mean, I, it just depends. Like, when you say you're set up for your future, it's like, how set up are you if you have to do a second job? Yeah, because it's fine if she goes, I do the second job.

And listen, it helps my shopping addiction and my love of fancy cars. But she goes, and get this, my kid eats every day. Yeah, I can afford to get my kid applesauce. You know, your kid don't starve if you do porn. Now, the idea that you're thinking is if they see it, they're weirdos, like, that's just not how this shit works, unfortunately. They'll figure out a way, they'll figure out a way to, like, you know, launder their image, but also out you. Protect yourself.

I was trying to block a website, and you'll never guess what I say? I was brainstorming about the things I don't want to see online. I was putting a vision board together of gross stuff that only whores would do. So, yeah, I mean, I just wonder, is there a way, like, I think selling, you know, selling underwear, selling socks, all that kind of shit, like, As long as you're doing a lot of direct-to-consumer. No middle-man. If this direct-to-consumer... You better not have a fucking video host.

Yeah, direct-to-consumer without your face, I think you're probably okay. Now, is it you've been under a pseudonym, and it is your face, and people would obviously be able to tell? Oh, that's Lady Latex. Yeah, I would dial it back a little bit if you're doing that. So what's the fetish, you know? Is she a furry? Because if she's a furry, there's no problem. True.

Unless you have a custom suit. Put the fucking raccoon head on. Yeah. You know, I wonder what it is. I mean, I bet you tell a bunch of shit from just like whips and chains. Yeah. Classic shit. Your classic run-to-the-mill, S&M.

Yeah, to even like, you know. But wear that mask. Oh, jog. Black mask. Yeah. Put on some non-breatheable fabric and take a jog on your period and send me the shorts. Oh, my God. Yeah, I think it runs to that level too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, anyway. Well, jaw bless. Look, I think you should, if you want to keep doing this, you should be able to do it, just try and kind of thread the needle. Yes. And also really think about, is that job worth? Because it's not, you're not financially secure enough through that job. It's the kind of thing where you want promotion.

It's the kind of thing where when they promote you and you start making more money, it then becomes, the cost benefit becomes like, oh, now it's time to quit doing porn, whatever. I think there's something like that. I think you need to think of in your, what is the best version of your, like, employment situation and have a plan for when you want to stop. But if it's just, you know, if they're not paying you enough to fucking live. Yeah, what do you do with? But it's those benefits that get you. The benefits. Especially if you got a kid, you know, you need the benefits.

Yeah, you got to take it to the doctor. It's always the benefits, dude. Having full insurance. Yeah. Yeah. Is this the time to double down on her site and really see if she could. that to get like No, don't

That's how you end up dead I don't know It seems like it's a lot of hard It legit seems like a lot of hard work Plus the stigma is Seems like not worth it Some people they just kind of show their tits a little bit And they become fucking millionaires

Like if that's not That's not what she seems to be doing here So Yeah That's kind of how we're That's how we're weighing in on it Good luck. Keep doing whatever you got to do And at a certain point

It'll probably make sense to quit but if you can do it semi-inonymously right now, do it until they pay you enough where you don't have to have a second job. Dang. Next question. Stop, what's up, dude? I need your help.

Question for you. So, there's a workplace-related questions. I got a job. I've had the job for a couple of years now. I got the job through a buddy in mine. We were in recovery together, so we're sober. I'm not sober anymore. I'm just like, I don't know, bossed up out of that shit or something.

Nice, man. Doing well. Sounds like that. I haven't told him about that, though. And I'm worried that if I do tell him about that, that he's just going to, like, hyper-analyze everything I do at work, and I have a pretty good situation going where I don't have to work that hard and everybody's satisfied with the work that I do.

But I feel like if a magnifying glass of, oh, he's not sober anymore, is put onto my situation. might blow up my spot. Do I just keep not telling him? The thing is, we're going to a conference next month. And I'm staying in the same hotel room as him. A lot of my other coworkers, I drank with me before, et cetera, et cetera. So, you know, I'm a little curious.

Do I blow out my own spot? Do I get honest? Am I being a bad friend if I don't get honest? Do you think that it's, does I? Like, how likely is it maybe that I can just skate around this, or is it going to come up eventually? I don't know, man. I need some guidance.

Give me a shout. Let me know what you think. Eldis, you're a beautiful human. Thank you to be to be, whoever you may be. Yeah. All right. We got it, Elders. Fucking Jesus Christ, fucking four sentence goodbye.

We can fucking get the fucking. We get the fucking podcast going. It's a real big thing. I started, I started talking, man. I queued you in to cut him off, for Christ's sake. Have a little situational awareness. Were you satisfied with the ending of Sprint? But also, I got to get out of here real quick.

I really got to go this time. I mean, I'm pulling myself off the phone. Who do you think wins in a fight? Yeah, I mean, listen, for this, first of all, what do you mean you bossed up out of sobriety. He broke the chains of sobriety.

Do you, like, how much, like, okay. That's so funny, this is the homeless guy's like, I bossed up out of that house. Couldn't fucking hold me, bitch. Ooh, you want lights inside. So, like, my question

is, have you, because, like, look, I'm not even saying everybody has to be sober forever. What works for some people, it might work for you legitimately. Some people figure it out. And it's like, all right, I can have a drink, whatever. But more often than not, I'm skeptical of that. And I think, you know, more often than not, just not knowing you at all, when I hear someone say, I was sober, I worked the program for a while, and now I figured it out, it seems like they're on either in the middle of or

about to relapse. Now, in the event that that's not happening and you just kind of found an equilibrium that works for you, then yeah, you shouldn't lie to your friend. I mean, that's crazy. just have to tell him. And yeah, it's maybe a little weird. I think what this guy's afraid of is telling his friend and his friend going,

you didn't boss out of this. You need to be sober. Yeah. And this guy doesn't want to hear that. This guy wants to go get fucked up at a work conference with his friends, which I get. I felt that way.

Yeah. You don't want to do the responsible thing. Totally. You go, I want french fries with my dinner. And they go, you got to have a salad. You got to have a salad. You go, I don't want that.

Yeah. You just don't want to do it. You don't want to tell your friends. And by the way, I hope, again, stop's right. I don't know you. I don't know how you're doing. I know a lot of people that have quit drinking.

Very, very rarely does anyone come back successfully? Everyone comes back and they go, you know what? I'm doing this thing where I only drink Heineken's on Tuesday. Right, right. It always starts so specific and stringent. Four years later, he's like, I was smoking crystal meth. I'm getting blown by the choker. Eight months.

Yeah, what am I talking about? I mean, it just. What an idealist? I know. Four years. Seven months. Yeah. You're going, we don't know where Ron is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And this is all addiction, by the way. This is like, this is how I am with weed where I'm like, I'm just going to take a little puff before bed to help me sleep, to help me sleep. And then a month later, I'm smoking weed in the morning. I wake up first thing. My phone right here, you know, a vape right here.

All right, Ty, get a coffee, start the day. He should sit his friend down to talk to him at a bar. Yeah. Order a beer. And his friend will be like, you don't drink beer. He's like, that's what I wanted to do. talk about. Actually, I do now. We just got to the end of the conversation.

How's this frosty, sweaty glass? Yeah, and like, even the fact that you're lying about it, yeah, that feels like you know. He knows. This guy knows. Because now he's like, because you're couching into the terms of like, I don't want, like, I mean, I don't doubt that you might have an easy job that you don't have to, we do, you know, and again, we're pro stealing time from corporations on Stobby's world.

We want you to have to have to have. a job like that but you're like to be so bored yeah and people be satisfied with your work but and you can do other stuff and he's you saying that you're worried about um a magnifying glass on your behavior well he just doesn't want the judgment coming yeah who knows what the friend is like yeah where it's like he'll be like it's all right we all fall up or it's like well live and let live his friend's probably like you can't do that you got i'm your sponsor you got a but you know if it's a sponsor this could be a big problem yeah i think he said it what did he say it was a sponsor No, I was just a friend that he met in the program.

It's interesting, these guys are both pilots. Yeah. But I do understand, I do get the want to go like, I just don't want to bother him with it. You know what I mean? Like, especially if shit's run smooth right now. Well, so they don't want to be judged either. The way things are going right now.

And I think why he's doing this is because he's got that hotel room coming up. That's so funny. I think you wouldn't even think about some of friends. That's so fucking hilarious. If he had those on a hotel room, we'd be like, yeah, I don't drink. That drinking Bacardi in a fucking Hyatt is the reason he wants to do this?

That's insane. It's going to be like the end of Mrs. Doubtfire where he's going room to room. Like he's going back to his sober room and he's going like, how's everything going in here? I got to get pulled away. I got another phone call. He goes drinking beers with his boys downstairs.

He comes up. He's like, yeah, they're like spit beer in my mouth and I spit it back in him. I just tell your friend. You got to tell you, look, one way or another, you have to tell your friend. I also think you're dreading it because maybe on some level you know this is fucking wrong

or if it's not it's a really hard thing to convince someone that you actually have figured it out it's impossible. In the rare chance that you're you've bossed up and you're not relapsing bossed up is a funny way of calling it because that's the shadiest way of saying

you could have just gone like yeah and I think I found a good you want people to believe you use balance use moderation Right. Don't go. Yeah, I'm a boss bitch. And I just decided that alcoholism don't hurt me no more.

I'm bringing that cirrhosis. I said, I talked to my liver. It was the A, B conversation. You need to see your way out of it. To see us for cirrhosis. I could drink, you know, tell your friend. Yeah, either way you have to tell your friend because it's weird. I have a couple beers before you do.

It's weird. Oh, yeah, definitely. You want him smelling alcohol in your breath when you do it. You want to seem really. really, really out of control when you do it. Don't, though. Do not do that.

Like, go sober. Go sober. Or else he's going to feel disrespect. Or drink and tell him you love him five times before you love. That's true.

That's true. Why don't we ever do start that band? Yeah. He'd be like, you need a ride home, man. I got you, bro. You got those electric drums?

I'm a lyricist. I'm going to give you something that really is going to make you think. All right. Good luck, buddy. Yes, I'm married. But this. This other pussy just feels so good.

That was what it was like. We were like, no, you can't get both. Hey, Stav. So, I recently broke up with a girlfriend I had been dating for three years. We actually had lived together for two years. She actually ended up cheating on me with a woman, which is how we found out she was bisexual. Oh, we found out. So we actually, she cheated on me two years in.

We still dated for another year, trying to make it work, and ended up not working out, and she dumped me. And gave a laundry list of reasons why. Anyway, she broke up a week about two months before. That's, like, look, I get that it's annoying she cheated, but it's like if somebody cheats and you date for a year after, you accepted the cheating. So there are other reasons.

You can't drop that. You fucking bitch. Take the hint. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, I fuck someone else and you go, is this not working out? Is this not? Are we not on the level? Anyway, let's see what else he's got for us.

Why? Anyway, she broke up with me about two months before our lease is up. I found my own place. I've moved on. I actually have started to do like speed dating and have gone another date. What just happened within the past week, we've been broken up for a few months now, is she's, showed me where her mom had gotten a message on Facebook where someone made like a burner account and messaged her mom saying that her daughter cheated on me with a woman, her female co-worker, by the way.

She hasn't told her parents that, A, she was bisexual or B that she cheated on me, and this person outed her. And I don't know who it is. We assume it's like someone I know, maybe a family member. This guy, this guy calling in to give himself, yeah, to give himself an alibi. We don't know who it is, stop. How do I find out who made a burner and told this horse, this woman's mother, that she cheated on me with a woman? Who would know the death shot is to tell her extremely Catholic parents that she's a lesbian?

Anyway, keep going out. She cheated on me. And this person outed her. I don't know who it is. We assume it's like someone I know, maybe a family member, maybe not a direct family member. Why are you telling people? Someone took it upon themselves and put me in a very awkward situation because I guess I've

been trying to move on, trying to do new things, and then this happens. I mean, you still have to move on. Just looking for advice, like, I don't know, because I've been very cordial with my ex. We're trying not, I don't know about friends, but we're trying to, you know, move on, but still be nice to each other. I feel like most exes in my past I've just cut out completely. But this one I'm trying to be, you know, at least nice to.

But yeah, she was devastated. It kind of blew up her whole world. And, yeah, I'm just in a very awkward position because I am trying to move on. And yeah, I just pretty much really affects me too, this thing I didn't do. I mean, this is tough on both of us. Just is like Luke after he blows up the Death Star.

And he goes, I don't know who shot that. I don't know who was in that. Yeah, it absolutely was you. And you are, we get it. Why is it awkward if it wasn't you? And why stay friends? This is in high school. Just like, cut it off.

I wish you the best. Bitch, I remember when I caught you munching carpet? Get out of my face. Get out of my face. Get lost. Go to a Melissa Etheridge concert. Get out of my heart. You broke my heart, you dirty bitch.

Yeah. So what I made up the burner fucking slings nuts 95. Is there anything more of substance or no, not really? Not really. He's just asking what he should do if he has any culpability here. No, he doesn't do it. Well, yeah, that's the thing. First of all, why do you don't know.

How many people did you tell about this? Yeah. Like that's kind of insane too. It's like, oh, maybe a family member, a friend, not direct. Like, so your cousins know? Maybe a second cousin. Yeah. Perhaps a husband of a cousin?

Yeah, like your culpability is just kind of weirdly running your mouth. I mean, look, maybe you're upset. I get it, but it's like once you get back together, go ahead. I would just say immediately, if this was my situation, I'd go, it was the girl that you cheated with or someone she knows. Why has it got to come through my fucking end? That's a good point. Him telling on himself is going like,

it's definitely someone on my end. I don't know who. I'd go, if that happened to me, I'd go, I don't know. Who'd you fucking work? But why would the girl do it a year after? because they hooked up a year and now it's what triggered it seems to be the breakup. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Sorry to be No, you're right though. Go Sherlock Holmes on your ass. Dude, I love this cork board this shit. Although you could argue that gives her even more cover if she wanted to wait to make it look like him. And she went, oh, it broke up. But look, basically, no, you don't have any fucking culpability. This doesn't you saying, oh, I was really trying to move on.

Don't try and backdoor, talk. talk to her through this bullshit. I would never hurt her like that. Yeah, like, exactly. Like, don't, don't try to my wiener. You could eat it and pretend it's a pussy. Yeah. Could I do that for you?

So, yeah, I would just say this really fundamentally changes nothing. Still, you still go through, you just say, look, I'm sorry. This is what I had nothing to do with this. That's not my jurisdiction. If there's anything, you know, you could be like, look, if there's anything I can do to help figure out, but I just don't know what, because I had. I truly had nothing to do with this. I would never do this.

We're cool. I'm sorry you're going through this. But, you know, I can't help. And then you just keep moving on. You don't have anything to do it. You didn't have anything to do with it. It's really fucked up. And I do feel bad for your ex because, like, you know,

parents don't need to know all that shit. Parents just don't understand. They just don't understand. If only there was a new fresh take on that. Oh, a fresh take from a fresh prince. That could maybe help a bomb. I woman connect with her parents. Maybe something like parents just do understand.

Anyway. That's so funny to think about explaining that like 80s rap. We're like, sometimes I eat puss. Sometimes I'm so dick. And they go, oh, this is a very informative rap. Yeah.

Yeah. This guy did it. I still think so. I still think the way he's like overly being like. Well, there's also no real question. Yeah, he just goes. There's like, what do I? That's crazy that happened.

right yeah yeah yeah and now he's got to got to be there for her i got to be there but you don't though exactly you don't actually yeah well if you didn't do it you're like i'm exactly what you said i'm sorry you're going through this if anything i could do i could help but other than that let's just move on let's move on enjoy living in sin with other harlots but i'm jimmon i'm going to speed dating i want nothing to do with it's so funny he says i'm over here doing bobbing for apples with rainbows. And I want to know why she's all hung up that someone fucking dropped a bomb on.

I meant I'm doing speed and dating. Yeah. Not speed dating. All right, man. Yeah, good luck. Don't contact her. Don't use this as a way to try and pathetically weasel back into her life.

You're done. She didn't want you. It sucks. You'll grow from it. You'll grow. Take another lady to Poundown, dude. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yes, sir. Well, yes, sir. Hi, Stavi. Hi, Eldist. I am calling because I need some advice a couple weekends ago

me, my boyfriend, and my best friend went to this big old party. It was like a hundred and twelve people. They have it every year. 112. I hope they only play one twelve. Oh. She goes, we can do it anywhere.

I was the first two people that show up and you go it's too sexy for only three people being here. So if you don't want to be early to that party. Yeah, I need at least 80 people in here. And my best friend of 12 years, I'm 23, she's 24, kind of did some heinous shit during that weekend. You hate to hear that.

She's also a mother of a three-year-old, by the way. Damn. Women are cold. She was basically, like, paunting. Women are cold to each other. Women are cold. Well, let's find out what she did. But I know, but just going like this.

We did some heinous shit. Also, she's a mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. I know. I know. She's already leading the witness. Yeah.

She goes, and we did some downright. Objection. Just the facts, Your Honor. Doesn't pertain to the case. We did some downright. CPS needs to get involved. Okay, keep going, Eld. She was basically, like, pawning her kid off.

off to other people to get absolutely plastered. Oh, no. And she's on her fiancee. Okay. I'm on our college side. And apparently one of those nights when I went to bed early, her and two other girls got into a bit of a scuffle and my boyfriend had to pull them apart. And my boyfriend is taking it very harshly because this party is like a family

reunion that they have every year. You brought your whole friend to a family reunion? You brought them. That is wild. I thought it was like, when we say 100 people, I thought it was like some kind of crazy,

like, buried the lead. Yes. She buried. A hundred and 12 people is like three generations. You tried to suck off his great grand uncle. Anyways, who he did she did with was my uncle Marr. His wife, Patty. 112 people here.

So I'm sorry, it's her, it's our caller's boyfriend's family reunion. And her, she brought her fucking Wolverine of a friend. And who by, I mean, that's hysterical. What's crazy is to treat that like Vegas for her. You're the plus one and you bring a plus two with a kid, with a three-year-old. And it's also like a two-night event. That's a really great thing part to bring like, yeah. But it is a family reunion.

So, yeah, you would bring your kids. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Not her family, it's her friends. Yeah, you can put it in a playpen with the little baby cousins, you know what I mean? Well, you go suck dick in the woods. There's your older cousin that's got the PTSD from Iraq. Is he single? They have every year, and he thinks that he, they, they, my best friend, basically embarrassed us.

She did. And I mean, she did. But she's also my best friend And no, no, no People do stupid stuff when they're drunk There's a limit to that, I know This is so 23 years old It really is, man

This is crazy Listen, I understand that I accidentally Leave the flashlight on my cell phone on a lot Yeah, I'm doing a lot of older guy shit This is such early 20s dumb bullshit That you have no idea that you're the problem She did it, but it's she get drunk You drop it, Mark

Oh, you're supposed to live laughing, She got nutted in next to a room that your grandma was sleeping in while her son was in a play pen or whatever while her son was drinking orange juice and her fiance was pulling a double. Her boyfriend was on a swing set, but the sun was down. So it wasn't even, they're not even wolves around. You have no leg to stand on here.

You can't give her the drunk people. Oh, look at the end of the question. Yeah, let's finish up, sorry. So I'm just wondering if I should be a little more harsher on her or if we should just shove it underneath the rug and maybe not invite her again next year. You think she still gets invited? You don't think this is disqualifying behavior?

The funniest part is her to her boyfriend going, Hey, it's Chelsea, are we going to let her come to the female? No. It's also like, okay, to take your boyfriends, to get his POV here. It's what, like, okay, you've watched her act drunk, act stupid, you know, getting a fight at his family's reunion. Fuck someone at a family reunion.

But then also, you watched her cheat on her fiancé. Right. And if I'm your boyfriend and you're like, girls will be girls about cheating drunkenly. I'm like, she's such a Samantha. It's like, are you going to fuck some guy because you get drunk? Like, is this okay behavior to you?

That's a great point. That would, as your boyfriend, that would fuck me up where I'm like, you don't think, let's say you didn't respect her, you didn't respect my family enough. You don't think it's unacceptable. She cheated on her fiance with her fucking kids. In front of my family.

Probably someone in my family. Yeah. And listen, I also understand this because we talk about this concept a lot where there's like, there's like, levels, there's pyramids of life where you like kind of shed your friends at different levels like graduate

when you graduate college you realize like a lot of the people that I spent so hundreds of hours with we just were in the same dorm freshman year and inertia kept us friends we have nothing in common that is 100% it. And then when you get to 24 you're like even the people that survived college I mean look don't get me wrong this is her best friend of 12 years

right so maybe she's not going to shed her but you'll enjoy her when she gets sober. Exactly. I mean, this feels like. She tries to get her kid back.

By the way, what you don't understand is this is the first domino of the next eight years of this girl's life. You don't understand, though. When she does see the kid,

she's a great mom. She can be pawning your fucking three-year-old off to suck off your cousin. Fuck out of here. It is crazy disrespectful to the family.

It's also. To you and your boyfriend. It's crazy disrespectful to, you you brought her you should feel more upset about this and you should you should investigate this dynamic you have and also how you allow people to treat you yeah doing drunk stuff that's stupid is eating taco bell at two in the morning yeah right right it's not cheating on your fiance with a guy that your best friend's boyfriend grew up with yeah yeah and so to me there's two

diagnoses here of your uh the way you responded one is you kind of just let people get away with whatever right like because she did disrespect you you're trying you're non-confrontational you don't want that whatever or two which maybe be a little more troubling is like you're not that bothered by this yeah you do think this is reasonable and it's fucking not and you should know you shouldn't you shouldn't basically you're like the it's either like you know push over or you see this as a people in glass houses shouldn't throw stone situation and that you have it in you to behave this way and you either one of those is wrong and you should take a look at the way take a look at whatever whichever one of those it is yeah um you know a drunk people do

stupid stuff type situation yeah there's two there's like she did four things yeah yeah yeah well it just becomes an age where you just start waking up one day and it's not dude it was so fucking crazy i got kicked out i got arrested when you're 19 you're like oh my god you're fucking nuts. And then by the time you're like, 26, you're like, you're a problem. Yeah, absolutely. And you go, I'm sorry,

I don't, I'm sorry, I don't, who is this? Yeah, totally. You just have to. Self-preservation. Absolutely. So, yeah, this just might be you climbing onto the pyramid of mid-20s.

Yes. And because this is acceptable 21, 22-year-old naive. It kind of is. But even then, it's like you should apologize for it. Even then you should apologize, you should feel bad, but you could laugh. You can, like, I'm sorry,

she was out of line, and then quietly, privately, laugh with your friend about it. But, but not. Now you're at the place where you're like, she was out of line. I'll talk to her. What do we do? We just buried the hatchet, let her rip it next year.

See if she can complete the set. I need to know more about this event, this family. Look, this people could be white trash. They might also bring plus ones. The whole thing might be like, hey, who's bringing pussy? You know what I mean? Like, it couldn't be a bunch of old trash cousins bringing pussy for each other. I caught out that stupid bitch's face.

Do you fuck my ex. They're like, they're not the problem. They're actually. It was good she fought him. So, yeah, maybe we're giving you a little hard time because we don't know exactly what's going on with the family reunion. Yeah, but I think we gave you some good pearls of wisdom there.

LG have something quick for us to go out on here with the fellas? It's getting hot in here. I'm ready to leave. Yeah, this is an update from, remember the Patrick Burtzcher, Cush Bros, the guy who called in and said he, like, knocked up two strippers and his pregnant baby mama was pissed at him. Yeah.

The motorcycleist. Well, here's a little update from, fatherhood from this gentleman. Oh, boy. So he thought he had like impregnated three sex workers at once, I believe. So here's our update from our biker friends.

This is going to make me enjoy my dinner so much. I'm going to be eating there watching Jeopardy with Katie and go, I didn't get three sex workers. So it's good? And I go, that's our little undercooked. But I didn't know how to your sex workers. What do we got, Eld?

What's up, Stavi? You know what it is? So my voice is less gruff. I'm not sick. But I'm the caller that everyone was asking about a check-up and wanted to check in. I'm the one that got the two strippers and two escorts pregnant. Wait. Two strippers.

I need to hit a weed. Four sex workers. Wow. Got fours, I need to hit a weed. One of them was his, his long-term fiancé. Never mind. Well, in that case, never mind. I am still going to do a one-hitter.

Yeah, please. Sorry, my cold still Don't worry about it, brother, I'm about to join you I talked to messages like the real time Two of the kids born, happy, healthy The DNA checks out Two of them are definitely mine Waiting on the third one

Just the DNA test as if it's like cutting The umbilical cord Like you know, you have to... By the way, it takes the child to be born For them to do the DNA test So he's there and he goes I'm not gonna cut that, we don't know yet Yeah, that's fucking awesome.

Also, him just driving around listening to Meatloafs, two out of three ain't bad. Stavvy, you have a wild fan base. Yeah, we got a nice, wow. They fuck. They do. One way or another, one of the other they know. You should sell the NAM test as merch.

You're right, dude, we should. I would love it. The dream for, I want to do a, like, studio, a live studio version of Mari, basically. That's the dream. But here's my question of that. Yeah. Similar to how it feels when you sit, close at like UFC.

I don't know if you want to be that close to that kind of thing. It's brutal. Watching a guy find out if he is or isn't. I know what you're saying, but I really would like to. Until you're in the room. I don't know. I just think I'm built for this, dude.

I think this is my thing. Like when Tim did his special for Netflix where he kind of did Sally Jesse Raphael or whatever. Or like, he had Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer. I think I could do Mori. Tim's our Jerry Springer. I think I'm our Mori.

I absolutely agree with you. You know, like I really want to. do you are not the father. I've been calling Vecchio and our Ricky Lake for like I really think I would crush you are not the father. Let's pitch that to Netflix. If you're listening, let's fucking do it. Come on. I'm ready to be Steve Wilcos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's up there in between them. We got to get, we got, yeah, absolutely, you tight black t-shirt. We got to get the same lie detector test expert too. The light did, oh, dude, the lie detector test determined that was a lie. You know how good?

That's going to feel to say. I can't wait. I can't wait for your out-of-control teen episode. They go, I fuck who I want to fuck. It ain't knowing that it stopped me. Y'all mad because y'all ain't living my life. This is Dan. He's 11 years old.

I mean, four gangs. And all I do is stab my teachers. No, dude, I want straight paternity episode. Yeah, do it. I want straight paternity test. Do what's right. Are you going to choreograph the dances or just let them freestyle? I'll let them freestyle for sure, dude.

That's part of the beauty of it. You're going to have to hire an athletic cameraman to follow that woman. Absolutely. If I don't get one woman sprinting, I'm going to be pissed, dude. Saxon, Saxon chasing him. Well, Saxon will crush it, dude. We actually have an athletic cameraman already. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She'll be running backstage. Dude, this kid will fucking crush it, I promise you. Holy shit, we have to do this. All right. Keep going, Big Elders. Um, yeah, shit's going good. Um, child support is not going to be that bad. I don't want to be into it now, but these girls are cooked in terms of court.

I've got child support figured out. I love this already adversarial relationships. He's got, the kids are just born. He's like anyways, I'm getting a lot of tips from Sun Sues, the art of war. I've learned to not interrupt your enemy when they're making a mistake. That mistake is they've called 911 too many times. Too many boy who cried wolf. Figured out.

They don't want it. I don't even want it. I am on my break for work for the next three months. I work in the Gulf on an oil rig as a crew chief. So financially, I make money. I'm on for six, all for three. Then I'll be on call for the remainder. So financially, all I can say is we're,

Well, we're doing well. But, yeah, man, the kid, two of the four, well, we'll see. I have my doubts about one of the kids. So we'll see about that one. But the first two, DNA's mine, checks out, they're mine, and shit's going good. So anyway, that's the update. This is awesome. This guy's playing out of speed where life is winnable.

And I, you don't have to go to the fastest batting cage. Yeah, absolutely. Go to free down. Absolutely. Spunking some ladies that have bad relationships with their local court management. Yep, yep, yep. You still get kids.

Guess what? They're both strippers and I got him pregnant. But the courts don't believe them. Yeah, yeah. They can't. They've cried Wolf way too many times. They, here's what, this guy's not giving himself credit. He talked a couple strippers and letting them go hats off and blow inside them.

Sure. And I don't know exactly that I would call that a thing for, I don't know how much. talking or how much negotiating he did. We all know. We all know. They don't let you make pies in every kitchen.

Some kitchens have a strip. He did turn the back room of the strip club into a patisserie. The bellingerie. Oh, dude, that's so funny. Sorry, lady, I just gave you

what the first call the le cream pie. Let's check it out on Stavv Show. I love how positive this guy is about this. He's happy to have two kids. He's definitely a glass is half full. He's a glass half old guy. That is more man than all four of us combined.

Oil rig, taking care of your fucking stripper. Not being stressed by it? This guy fucking rules, man. What a dude. He goes, yeah, anyways, I pull oil. out of the ocean, and I put come into strippers. Dude, he's going to have... What's your schedule? Six on, three off?

The only ending for this is that his son's fight for the UFC heavyweight championship in 23 years. I know. They are exactly the same age. That's pretty good. And he goes, you know? I've been waiting for this fight my whole life. Dana White, book it.

Oh, man. Well, respect to this guy. We love to hear this. Congratulations. you've got a beautiful congratulations your beautiful non-traditional family congratulations yeah on your army

and fellas thank you for doing the podcast always great to see you love you thank you love you too love you too well we're going to soon all be Manhattan boys I can't wait get some lunches hang out

water the tap water you know what there's a picture of us from like 2016 all three of us in a cab coming back to a story from the stand that's incredible 2016 like eight years ago

that's so awesome it is it's the old stand I just, I think it's in my photos. Text that to us right now. That's beautiful. Piece of shit. It's all three of us in the back of a car. Great.

We'll send it to us. Okay. I love the old stand, man. Yeah. Well, it's an apartment building now. Yeah, I know. I said, I saw it every time I walk by it. I go, they're not taking my veils and they go, excuse me?

Yeah, there's one insane guy who's like, you know, patty. I go out of patty's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get past there. Then I go on. Patrick. Patrick, Patrick, let me in, Patrick. Hey.

I want a roast battle. That is going to do it for us this week, guys. Thanks for listening, and we will talk to you next week. Bye-bye. Yes.