Stavvy's World - #146 - Feitelberg

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Barstool’s Feitelberg joins the pod to discuss his new scripted mockumentary series LES MASCOTS, being hated by locals when studying abroad in Spain, being one of the last in the friend group without kids, the adversity he overcame at hockey camp, the time he wasn’t taking the hint while getting dumped by an old girlfriend, and much more. Feitleberg and Stav help callers including a woman whose needs aren’t being met by her partner suffering from autoimmune issues, and a guy who’s insulted that his in-laws slept in his bed while housesitting when he was out of town. Watch LES MASCOTS on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@OutofOrderrr Follow Feitelberg on social media: https://www.instagram.com/feitelberg https://x.com/FeitsBarstool Eat smart with Factor. Head to https://www.factormeals.com/stavvy50off and use code STAVVY50OFF to get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Opa! Welcome everybody to Stabwe's World 904-800 stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have my boy Fidelberg on the damn couch right now. Johnny Fights.

Dude, it is my pleasure to be here. Honestly, God, I see this background so often. Thank you, dude. It's a genuine honor to be here. Thank you, man. Yeah, of course, yeah. You got a series that's been out for a couple weeks. Is it Les mascots or The Mascots?

You threw a little French on it. Nice. Doesn't know the name. Came here explicitly to promote this thing. Doesn't know the... I think it's Ivan's... I say Leigh mascots. I don't know if that's right.

Oh, if it's Elliot... Oh, actually, you're right. I don't fucking know either. So you just... For you, it was a matter of French pronunciation. Yes. You know that it's lay or less, not the. Yes.

Okay, okay, okay. It's definitely... Okay. Yeah. Le Mascot. Yeah, that sounds right. Do you take any French in school? I did.

I was a Spanish guy. Spanish. I was pretty good at Spanish. I lived in Spain for a while. You did? Yeah, for like a summer. Okay. But when I was in high school.

Yeah, so I studied abroad, but I was in high school. But you went with like, you had like the whole host family thing. Yes, exactly. They stayed with a family that like, dude, the woman, the mother, I guess, she's not my mom. My mom actually, I was calling her my mom. And I was like, this is my mom. And I was like, you better knock that shit on. Oh, wow.

Your mom got jealous. Yeah, she was like, nothing. She was feeling cucked by your Spanish mother figure. You have one fucking mother, and she's over here. Wow, that's awesome. You're like, Mom, I want to fuck this lady. It's a different thing. I'm trying to trick her, seeing if I can mix her maternal instincts.

I'm hitting her with the edible complex. Smart, dude, smart. But she, they fucking hated us. It was me and my friend. Oh, really? Because it was like, that's awesome. It was me and my buddy. We were like 17, 60s.

I might have been 16 and like it was our first time ever in Europe Of course At least on it without supervision And we were just getting hammered all the time But then they also We were in Salamanca Spain And they were

I don't know how it works In like Madrid and stuff like that But in Salamanca like they were hard on siesta Like it was it was at 2 p.m. Yeah You're fucking going home And you're taking a nap And we're like 17 year old kids

Not used to that So we couldn't fall asleep So we just get shit faced in our bedroom What years of this? This is like This is, uh, I would say this is 05. Oh, five. Yeah.

Yeah. I think siesta culture is sort of, I think in that, it was still, it was kind of the tail end of it being all. Like, unfortunately, I think globalization has taken the siesta from a lot of people. Yes. Because Greece was like that too, where when I was really little, it was like, you could not be outside. People were fucking pissed if you made any noise. They're like, excuse me, we left our jobs at the bank to come take a nap at our house. And you're, you're playing, me and my brother were trying to try and.

and play like, you know, we'd throw ball at each other. We'd be playing FIFA and yelling at each other. Now it's kind of gone away, I think. But yeah, dude, you could not, not sleep. Dude, they were like, like, we couldn't do. We'd like, we'd go to a hangout in a restaurant. There weren't restaurants open. There was nothing you could do.

And I respect it. I mean, I think that's a better way to live. It's also like, it's so hot. Yeah. You're just kind of like, take a nap. And that's why everything starts to, like, that's where you can't have dinner until like 9 p.m. or whatever. 10 o'clock, Simpson would be on.

Yeah. We had one night she brought out this dish. and I'm going to be honest I was being an asshole about this a little bit but she was very happy about this dish she made and she invented it

and all this stuff and it was just it was sausages and potatoes and I was like I forget exactly what I said but I wasn't being a full asshole I was kind of being a fun asshole but again like

there's a language barrier so I was like I'm pretty sure the Polish invented this one and I don't even know about the Polish or the Germans or whoever and she fucking

whacked me with the big spoon she had I mean, dude, I can't imagine how annoying you must have been. Like, when you're 16, just like a little fucking American, you know, I don't know if they got fucking redheads over there. You know what I mean? Like, just like, you know, thinking you're being sarcastic. You're also getting like, you know, just drunk all the time.

Just like, dude, if an alcoholic 16 year old sat down at your dinner table and insulted your dinner, yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking hate them. Totally. No, you'd be, and it's like, they're, I feel like they're like refined. and shit like that, and it's like, you know, that's not what American teenage culture is like. No, no. And also, they weren't refined. They weren't.

Oh, yeah, where they like? Well, we would sit at our dinner table would be like here, honestly, very similar to room like this. And a TV about that size, playing the Simpsons 24-7, dude. You were you staying with a family that, a Spanish family that loved the Simpsons? Love the Simpsons. That's fucking bizarre. Like, I have no idea why they love it so much. I feel like it was kind of just a cultural thing as far as, like, that town goes.

Because I saw a lot of Simpson stuff there. Interesting. And it could be a, you know, a situation where I'm romanticizing in my head and remembering more than there was. But you were just blacked out. You watched one episode of the Simpson. Yeah, dude, they fucking love the Simpson. I remember multiple times walk around being like, they fucking love Bart over here, dude. Well, Bart is, Bart goes across country lines.

But at the time, right, wasn't I kind of Bart? Huh? Wasn't I kind of Bart? Yeah, yeah, maybe. Mart's fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. March funner when you're like eight. He's eight in the show or whatever.

No, you were 16, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're jacking off. You're drinking all their wine. You're like putting fucking water in the vodka. Like, imagine, I can't imagine how annoying it is to clean up your biological child's crusty socks. Some fucking redhead from Massachusetts comes in, jizzing everywhere, telling you your sausage sucks. telling you this thing you're proud of sucks dick

and you're like all right fuck you man no excuse me I absolutely I only got to hit that once but I earned it so they it was you and your buddy yeah me and my best friend so it was like the most fun trip I've ever had that is pretty that sounds well and did they have like do they have other kids how does that work do they have kids

they had a child okay I believe there was certainly someone else there and if my memory serves me correctly it was their own kid Okay, cool. That's awesome. Yeah, I mean, that is, I think that age going to, doing, that program seems strange to me. Like, in hindsight. At the time, I remember being like, whoa, that's awesome.

I want to do that. But now I'm like, you sent a fucking child to live with a different family. Like, 1819 is, they feel like that's enough of studying abroad is weird enough. But at least you're going to a institution. Yes. Going into a family's home, you don't know, in hindsight is so. sane and it's like how do more people not get sex traffic doing that type of shit like it just seems really it seems like something i i don't know i would be i would be weirded out

sending like a kid even a 16 year old across the country with a different family i i i completely agree with you yeah i think there are times when it could work better because like right if you're at six say you're 16 and say you're 18 when you're 18 you're like i can do whatever the fuck i want all you want to go do is drink yeah if that family had been like super passionate about showing me Spanish culture, I probably would have just rocked with them. You know what I mean? But they weren't really, they did not, like,

it was clearly they were doing it for money. Oh, okay, okay, okay. It wasn't, like, they weren't like, welcome to our home, our place is your place, like, it was very much like, get to your fucking room, we'll tell you when it's food time. Yeah, lights out at fucking 10. And I can see if they had been like, we love Spain, we want to show you our Spain.

I would have been more involved, I think. So they were just running a fucking shitty hospital. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dude, my parents are kind of going through that where I'm the eldest of my siblings and my young guy, there's four of us. And so my smallest daughter, I don't know a small story, smallest sister is out of the house now. And my mom is kind of feeling that like, eh, a little empty nest syndrome. The empty nest or stuff. And she wants to adopt a Chinese baby.

Whoa. And my dad is like, are you out of your fucking mind? Wow. that's not i mean i get i think that's cool like it would be but it's like i get where your dad's coming from because it's like i'm done yeah right and you had four and it sounds like pretty spaced out right like how much younger is your youngest sibling uh i'm like 10 years okay so like she's out she's been out of the house and all but she's just like now she's like very much her own right right than like you know your early 20s are coming in for laundry in and out yeah taking some

fucking taking a bag of oatmeal with you all that kind of shit yeah yeah and you and you You grew up in Boston? I grew up in Fall River, which is like 45 minutes to an hour south of Boston. It's actually like Massachusetts and Rhode Island, the border. Like, Fall River is the last town you go through in Massachusetts before Rhode Island. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, okay. So, yeah, you're like kind of in New England and it's like, and what kind of, why, four kids seems like a touch too much.

Four is too many. It's funny you say that because I never thought of it like that. Yeah. And then when I hit probably like eight. 10 or whatever it was like we were a roaming baby factors yeah which because my parents are both from such big families that four wasn't big to me oh my parents are both from i think it's a seven and a six or an eight and a seven oh wow um and so like four i thought we were we were half assing yeah yeah yeah yeah and uh but then i got older and realized that my parents had planned to have

a big family like that as well and then my dad got testicular cancer after four and The jizz went bad Couldn't have any kids anymore But then Like I don't know A couple months ago Nemesh Patel was on KFC radio And we were talking

Nemesh's head testicular cancer Yeah And we're like I was like Oh it's a bummer You can't have kids anymore And he was just like I can have kids

Yeah I was like wait My dad was lying I was like sorry We can't adopt The Chinese baby My nuts don't work Yeah

They said they won't give us a kid Because my balls are all They wanted to have six. Oh, wow. And after four, my dad was like, the testicular cancer, I can't have any more kids. Whoa. And recently, I've been like, I think that dude could have kids still. He was fully lying, dude.

He was fully lying. So, wait, he had some after the cancer? No, no, no, no. He had four, then he had cancer, and then he was like, that's it. I can't have kids. No, he didn't. I mean, four is when, four is you're starting to be out of your mind. Yeah, yeah.

Three is the upper limit for normal-sized family, right? Because I think that's what happened in my family where my parents wanted two and my brothers ended up being twins were also test two babies. So, like, that happens, especially early on. They just, the methods were not sophisticated. Yes. So they would just put like 10 embryos in a woman and be like, all right, some of them will survive. That happened to me.

Like, I'm the fucking sole survivor. I fucked up, I fucked up nine other embryos. I ate them. I absorbed them for nutrition. And my brothers had a third, they were triplets and they straight up eight, you know, like, absorbed to the third guy. Yeah, for real. They straight up absorbed this fucker.

But I feel like three is the upper limit of regular and three even, to me two seems like it just seems like everyone should have two kids because it's like it's not too many. You don't have a weird fucking, you don't have a weird like only child. That's always a big. You can tell when someone's an only child,

there's something off about them. They're just like so instinctually selfish. You know what I mean? Because it's like you, you are faced with the reality of having to share resources on a basic level when you're, when you're, you know, when you have siblings, right? But it's like, we're an only child. It's like everything revolves around you. And you can be just kind of weird.

You could just be like, you're like a little adult. You're like roommates with your parents, basically. You're like, you're like a, you're constantly on, if it's a good relationship, you're on a, you're the third wheel with a couple your whole life. And if it's a bad one, then you're just three fucked up roommates. You know, you got to have two. You got to have at least two, I think. They say that's, what is it?

It's a boy and a girl's a millionaire family. And then I think my dad jokes that we're a billionaire family. We are obviously not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's, we're two boys, two girls. Oh, okay. I don't know what the... Why is the, what do they call a millionaire?

That's the best one or something? I guess so. I've never... Also, this could not be a thing. This could be something my dad says. Yeah, your dad seems pretty dumb. Or he's lying. About his nuts.

Oh, it's a million-dollar family, a family with two children, specifically a son and the daughter. So he jokes, it's a billion-dollar family. Oh, it's the best of both worlds. Yes. Yeah, you can have gay son and thought daughter. I want both, dude. I honestly do want both. That sounds awesome.

I want gay son and thought daughter. I would be pumped if my nephew was gay. That would be cool. But, you know, who knows? We'll find out. The kid right now is, you know, he's just a happy little baby. How old is he? He's like six months.

See? but we just theoretically were like nice dude it would be so funny to have a gay guy in the mix they are gay for a while little babies little boys yeah yeah oh true true like i got i got friends with a lot of little kids and like they're awesome they're the best and i'm always just like it's a little bit gay yeah for sure for sure because there's a gentleness to them you know what i mean the sweetness they're like we're playing hockey and i'll be having fun and i'm like yeah that seemed like little gay no i was having a little sword fight with my friend's son and uh he We just got to, like, the rough housing.

Yeah. Like, he's, like, about to turn three. And after every time, I would pretend he fucked me up, you know. And then he'd be like, are you okay, stuff? And it's like, dude, you got to go for the jugger. You're being a fucking, I couldn't call him a pussy in front of his mom. She was right there, but I'm like, dude, no, you go, this is when you take my, this is when you slip my throat.

You don't ask if I'm okay. Don't, don't be the Red Viper here fucking ending me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I had, uh, this, this, this past, like me and my friends go away every December and a lot of them have kids now and I'm like kind of the fun uncle just because I'm the guy of course there and I don't know if the kids can sniff it out but they just run up to you and they're like throw me yeah yeah throw me and then they come back like why don't you have a woman in your life do you get lonely this is fun but when you're going to go home to an empty apartment after this

You know, you don't get to keep me. But then we were there and I, you know, I threw him a couple times and the two days went by and we're watching a movie on the couch and he comes up to me and he goes, Uncle Johnny, Uncle John, you want to go play rough? And I was like, yeah, dude, I do. But you got to stop at it. Like, don't whisper it. You want to go do our special secret playtime?

Shh, Uncle John. It's time for your favorite game. that you told me never to tell my parents about. Be loud about this. Let's see your mom hears me. Yes, I'd like to go roughhouse. Everything is above board, and anyone is welcome to observe. I've been a bit of a nomad this summer.

I thought I would get in the zone a little bit. I thought I'd be in one place. It's been tough. And historically, when I'm traveling around, I gain weight. I balloon up. Not so much this summer. I have stayed moderately with my goals,

even though my life's been all over the place. I've lost a little weight despite the chaos. And that's thanks in big part to our friends at Factor Meals. I moved apartments. I didn't have all my cooking stuff. Factor Meals was right there for me with beautiful chef-prep meals that are dietitian-approved and delivered right to my door.

So many different options. I order them, I have them ready to go, whenever I don't feel like cooking, whenever I want something that falls right into my, you know, right into my goals, my health goals, factors got it for me. A huge select, they got a huge selection of, you know, you have a lot of different varieties. You're not just penned into like three or four choices. We're talking premium seafood, salmon and shrimp, no extra cost. Whatever your wellness goals are, you know, they have a new Mediterranean diet option,

which I've been dabbling with because it's. It's packed with proteins. I'm a protein boy these days. And you know I'm a son of the Mediterranean. It makes me feel at home. I like, you know, I also, my favorite cuisine, I've been on the record. If I had to pick one type of food, it would be Korean food, Japanese food. I like what they got going there.

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Plus free breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. for new factor customers with code and qualifying auto-renewing subscription purchases. Yeah, dude. No, it is interesting to be in that zone for sure, to be in the, like, the fun uncle's zone, you know, because I do see that, that's definitely in my future as well. Are you the last guy? Are you, like, the one, like, of your group of, like, immediate friends.

Is everybody kind of settled down or? It's getting there now. I mean, I guess wearing a bar stool, too, it's like, it's kind of the same thing with comedy where it's like you are always you can always constantly trick yourself into thinking you're young yes right because you have access to a bunch of like people in their 20s and you have

friends like I would say working in any kind of entertainment you end up with more friends that are younger than the normal person 100% like constantly new comics or like you know new fucking people who are doing podcast or content whatever like you meet so many people that if you you could can trick your mind and think oh I'm

I'm young but that's not you can't judge yourself off your youngest friends you have to judge yourself of your actual contemporaries yes for me anyway i'm you know i'm totally projecting here where i'm like but it's accurate prediction yeah that's the right way to do it yeah yeah because again you don't want to be the guy who's just like dude i'm fucking what's up like vaping too much and being like being like 40 and being like being like dude what's the move tonight yeah yeah no i'm with my my like core friends like my high school friends it's it's a good mix okay half of them are settled down half of them were kind of like probably which is me

which is like settled down a bit like I'm not blacking out every night I don't really drink anymore but like I don't have a family I'm in that gray area And is that you Because I mean coming from four your whole family Like that must be kind of ingrained in you

To be like I want to do that shit Literally not at all And it's never been mentioned to me Like I've never had parents who are like We want a grandkid or like They've never said shit Your dad seems to have a full of kids complete in every way. Oh, so they didn't, okay, so they'd impress you,

but was that ever something that's like kind of filters into your head where you're like, because it sounds like your parents have a good relationship. Very good. Yeah. Really, really good. Yeah, yeah. They love each other very much. But no, like, it's, I never really felt,

maybe when I was, like, 20 and I had a girlfriend and I was like, this is who I'll be with the rest of my life. Right, right, right, right, right. But, like, as an adult, no, it's not, and it's not like a, I refer. to ever have kids like I'm not doing like in this crazy world I'll never bring a kid in but it's kind of just like if it happens it happens but it's not high on my list you're just letting nuts off left and right yeah yeah hoping it's not hoping your dad's fake fake ball issues aren't hereditary I got they're gonna be no matter what yeah yeah yeah you were saying interesting though

I just read an article about you're talking about what age you are and I was just reading an article that people under 25 think of themselves is 40% older, whereas people over 40 think of themselves 20% younger. Interesting. And so I'm in that gray area where I was like, I was reading, I was trying to think of what I think myself as. And I had a phase exactly what you're saying for a while where I thought I was 24. Yeah.

I was a 24 year old. For sure. And then I got out of that and now I think I'm like 50. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know what you mean. Your perception, your self perception is like you think, yes, when you're young, you're like oh i'm running out of time i'm old as fuck when you're like 25 or whatever and yeah i feel

the same way where it really did not hit me like yeah I'm 36 and I feel the same way where I'm like I'm old now yes but even up to like maybe three years ago I was like I'm a young guy I think 30 I'm 38 I think 33 was my like

I'm getting up there something shifted where it was like what I say is like something shifted when I would watch the NBA draft and want to the moms instead of the girlfriends, you know, where I was like, because you would see the, like, because these kids are like 19, their girlfriends, like, in college or whatever, but they're especially like, like, if somebody had a 19 year old and they had them at 20, it's like,

it's like, a sexy 40 year old woman. I'm like, helly. I'm like, now we're talking, this is more my speed or like, you know, when you start, when you go through like, a, where you walk through like a college town or some shit, and you're like, these are children. Yes. There is some, there is a nice thing that changes your perception. I think, yeah. I think it It might have been... I actually just also just read that. Excuse me. Mr. fucking reading over here.

This reading... The first one was an article. Mr. fucking statistics over here. The first one was an article. This one was a meme. Yeah. And instead, the human body ages in three states. Like, it really ages at three separate ages.

Okay. And ages at 34, 60, and 78, I think. Interesting. I was like, oh, that makes sense. The first time I ever felt like I aged was at 34. Interesting. Yeah. Three ages human bodies, what Elders searched.

I've seen this meme. Yeah. 34, 67. Yeah. Is there any, is that based off literally anything? It makes sense to me. But yeah, it doesn't, you know, whatever. Who gives a fuck?

That's interesting. So as the old, the oldest of four is an interesting sort of hierarchy in the family. you have, like, more responsibilities and shit like that? Not really. I would say no. I don't know. Like, my parents ran a pretty loose house, but also, like, I don't know, they were good parents.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, we didn't really have rules, but we had to be civilized. Sure, sure. Um, so I, I wouldn't say I felt too much responsibility. I'm sure I did. Maybe that's why they go to Spain. They're like one less child in the house for summer. It's like, we have a normal amount of children.

For one summer, we have three in our house. They let us all travel all the time. Like, we, we, we, all. me and all my siblings are pretty well traveled. A lot of it was with our parents, but also a lot of it was solo, too. Do you do camp? Do you like summer camp?

I would do hockey camp. I go to Providence College hockey camp, and that was a sleepover camp, so I go for two weeks. Oh, hell yeah. Get nice with it. Dude, that was the first time I learned I was Jewish. Interesting.

Well, first of all, I'm not Jewish, but like the first time. Final birth, yes. That would be crazy if the first time I learned it was middle school. But I learned I was supposed to be Jewish because I was away, college hockey camp you know the friars and uh there's sleepover and i would wake up every morning and there would be swastikas under like notes whoa what the fuck slid under my door that's crazy

dude and like we were like hey guys i'm not jewish but i didn't guys i like what you're doing no problem with the notes they're going to waste dude that's all i i didn't know i don't even know If I looked close enough to know what they were, so I would just step over them every day. I'd just step over them. I'd go to practice. And those kids thought I was like the proudest Jew ever. Like, like, this guy's unflappable.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You cured some people of their fucking neo-Nazism. Maybe we should rethink this, fellas. In the face of such Jewish dignity, I've decided, I've decided to change. change my ways. It is awesome. You're like,

yeah, yeah, that's just like, you're, you're like a hockey camp in, in Providence. You're like,

all right, all right, guys, who's the least white one? We got to do some racism. We're hockey. We're hockey idiots in, in the Northeast.

Let's find the least white guy to make fun of him. You know, the worst, the worst time of camp would be me, on account of the anti-Semitism. Of course. And that would be assistant Providence

college hockey coach coach gay coach gay dude if you're he was he was the real hockey team's real assistant coach and also coach paul pool he was the head coach and coach gay I would be like like why don't they just give him the two weeks off this is a nightmare for him coach gay

middle school boys yeah yeah yeah yeah interesting damn that is funny to get bullied by middle schoolers too I'm still scared to get bullied by middle school I think most men never grow out of it I think most men, like, are still living, like, yeah, like they're going to get called gay in the middle school playground.

I guess, I guess I never, I think that was the, I mean, we, I went to Baltimore City public schools and it's like, it really is the fire that forges you. There's no harder, there's no harsh, like, to me, I see it as like, I will never have it worse than I did in middle school. Yeah. And I also legitimately think it helped me become funnier without question. 100%. And like now it's a thing of like, yes, when you're, when you're that age, you're scared because of like the social repercussions you want to be.

But now it's kind of the crazier thing where it's like you have no power anymore. Yes. Because it's like you can't, you can't threaten them. It's like, you know what I mean? You can't like they just have, you're supposed to have, you're supposed to like be more mature and yet it'll still cut to your very core. Right. You know what I mean? It's like, it is like this thing where you're powerless and if they get you, there's nothing you can do.

you can't you have to just be really funny and the the percentage that'll work is so slim yeah you'll never really win a fucking roast off with middle schoolers anymore no you can't come out of that looking good um but kids i'll i'll like cross the street in new york like if i saw like school just got out yeah i'm like i'm not i don't want that smoke today part of me wants to be like i have to go i need to see if i can still handle them you know what i mean like part of my job is no one, it's like being able to roast anyone and it's like, it's kind of like fucking going and training

with Shaolin monks. You know what I mean? Like if you really want to get your fucking martial arts at the top level, I almost like I see, if I see a bunch of middle schoolers or like a high schoolers come off the, if I see them in a train car, I'm like, I have to go to that train car. I have to see what they think of this outfit. Makes your own. I need to know that I can wear

a dress like this and have this haircut. and survive a train full of New York middle schoolers. And if you can, you're the strongest you can possibly ever be. Dude, you say in the Shaolin, it just reminded me, you see who Wembe's training with now? Garnet. Garnet. Everything I see about Wembe Yamma makes me love the kid.

I mean, I'm not a huge basketball guy, so, like, I obviously am aware of him. Sure. But I don't follow the sport that closely. But I think I'm a huge Wembe guy. He's so fucking cool. First of all, he's like a once-in-a-generation, like true, like, the human body keeps what is possible for the human body keeps like our perception of it keeps changing he seems to be the most mobile i mean he's the kid seems to be seven four yeah he's he's not a seven foot he's like

he's all he might be like seven six by the time and he's like 20 right and it's like he's really skinny whatever but i also yeah and he's he's he's incredible he's fucking incredible and he just see and he went to yeah eldest this guy went to a temple of shallan monks shaved his head and he was there for like a month like he went for like uh there was he was there oh yeah look at him he's fucking awesome he went on some kind of he went on some kind of trip that was supposed to be like four days or something and he ended up shaving his head and staying for like at least a couple weeks yeah he was there for a long time um he's yeah to go from the chowlin monk to kg's and then kevin garnett is incredible and he's also i've seen him like a lot of cool

political stuff. Like I've seen, like, this, I've seen, like, communist stuff. Like, he's to the left of me politically. It's fucking awesome, dude. To be, he seems like the man, um, I think he was like,

yeah, liking like pro-Palestine stuff. It's like, he's a very, he's a fascinating, the idea that the, like, best player in the world. And I think this kid is destined to be the best, I mean, you know, knock on wood,

he, his body type is very, you know, like, that's the thing. But if things keep going, like, he'll probably, Like, he was almost defensive player of the year last year. Right.

He'll probably be DPOY of things. I mean, and he's like, he can shoot the ball. I've been a little out of basketball just because I've been really busy. That's my favorite sport to follow. Like, obviously, I like football. I'm a Ravens fan, whatever. But Hoops is the, I, every day I wish there was a Ravens, or there was a Baltimore, there was a Baltimore basketball team.

It would, it would, like, I don't have really thought about that. We had the, the D.C. became, like, you know, there were, the Baltimore bullets, which would be so sick right now if we had the Baltimore bullets. But anyway, everything I see about him, the idea that, like, the best player in the world could be, like, a kind of left-leaning Shaolin, like, Shaolin monk, who's also, like, the toughest guy. And he talks about, like, you know, how he wants to win. He's just like, it's all the, it's, he just plays such a fucking cool style.

And he's such a, it's a, he's a fascinating guy already. Yeah. And he, I mean, dude, the elite. Olympics, this kid almost beat, it was like a team of legends of America. It was like the one last stand for like the LeBron Curry generation. And this kid like had an incredible showing against like the best players of a generation. It took Steph Curry.

Yeah. Find in the pot of gold to become Steph Curry again. Yeah. That was awesome. But all you said something that and you just reminded me of it. The human body keep, we keep changing what we to expect from. I forget exactly how you finished it. But you know what I.

I learned at the Olympics. What's that? From the first Olympics, I believe, or maybe it's from the 1900 Olympics to the Olympics this year, we've shaved like a half second off the 400, off the two. What's the big, what's the main race?

The 100 meter? I think it's the 100 meter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, we're running it at like the same time. Interesting. Because I thought the same thing where I thought like people used to throw 60 and now they throw 105 kind of be like, I thought we're getting a new mile an hour every year.

the 1896 was 12 seconds so now it's falling by two and a half seconds a pair 2.37 okay so it's 2.3 so maybe I honestly I shouldn't have brought stuff so I don't know I love this this is just stuff we sort of have heard like I might be completely wrong about

Wemby liking communist stuff I might have just fallen for like clear Photoshop like clear Photoshop from like people I follow they're like just got cool um you know who gives a fuck but i i i'm i'm i'm a hundred percent right

about whatever it is i'm saying i just don't know what it is but i am right about it is an awesome thing it might have said it was the foreigner it happened on the olympic broadcast there's one thing in the olympics that is just a second less

um they had like a black and white video they were showing because they were showing the first the first race. Okay. Again, we don't know what it is, folks. Let us know

in the comments. But something, Fidelberg is sure something. And he's not sure if it's the first Olympics, if it's 1896, he does,

if it's just some black and white Olympics. I mean, it can't be the ones, it clearly isn't the ones from the year zero or whatever. It's clearly not the ones

from Greece. We didn't have records of that, but it could be 1896. One day, someone's going to say something to you and it's going to sound amazing. And a little voice in the back of your head is going to go, I think we already knew that. I think Fidelberg says it.

The event has evolved over time, but winning times tend to decrease by about, what is that, a quarter of a second per year. First of all, stop looking at AI. Look at something else. Look at something else.

What I love, my favorite, oh, here it is, here it is. Well, whatever, it doesn't fucking matter. Who gives a fuck.

Yeah, we don't have to stay on this for me. We had clearly moved on. We were exiting with a nice little bit of momentum, and then you kind of had to bring us to a screeching halt with not even the information. My favorite fun fact about the Olympics, so the first one was 1896 in Athens, the first modern Olympics.

And Athens was supposed to have the, it was supposed to be the 100-year anniversary, so we were supposed to have the 1996 Olympics, but Athens could not get their shit together. So they just gave us the 2004 Olympics. So instead of it being 100 years, it was just weirdly 108. Like, that's how Greek people are good at, how good we are in infrastructure. It was like, you're going to have to give us an extension. Give us two more of these to get our shit together. When do you think they were like, we're going to have to tell them.

We're not going to be ready. Like, how far are they? Yeah, yeah. I think they knew. Like, boys, all right, we got two years to get this. We can handle it. And then with three months to go, that's like, all right, Atlanta, can you guys fill in? America, you already got a bunch of fucking stadiums, right?

You don't have to build them. But no, they had to do a bunch of shit. I mean, they had to build, and some of it was good. I mean, the, but I think the Olympics pretty much fuck up anywhere they go. Yes. Because, like, they make all these unnecessary stadiums. Like, even China, it's like, they have state, like, which you think is a big enough place that they could use all the stadiums or whatever. But it's like, they're all empty, empty stadiums.

The Brazil, like, they're all, like, the, I don't know if I forget, it's in World Cup or Olympics, but it's all bus depots now, all the stadiums they had to build. Yeah. It's very peculiar, particularly in my lifetime, at least since I've been paying attention. It feels like they're always in China, Russia, or Brazil. Yeah, I mean, it does feel like it should just, we should pick a continent and then sort of like let it use existing infrastructure in a couple different countries or in America or China. Some were huge because like it doesn't make sense to like build all this infrastructure and then these places like they do it for four years and then it just, you know, gets fucked up and they could use public money. You know, it's public money that goes into it. It sucks.

They have, like, you know, they're like accent walls and houses. Like, we need, like, an accent and continent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, that's where just all the sporting stuff is. Everything goes there. Like, it would be fine. I mean, if they just did it, if they just went China, China, America, South America, like a couple countries do it together. And then, like, Russia gets in every once in a while.

It's like, that's fine. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, New Orleans to get it every couple years. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. But it's like, it should be the same couple places, I think. But, you know, who knows? You know, this summer I've tried to get in tune with my body.

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That's right, up to 43% off with code Stavi at M-D-W-T-R-D-R. come after your perch they'll ask how you found them please show your support and let them know we send you I think we're supposed when's the L.A. Olympics supposed to be

are those coming up? Next ones yeah four years that's going to be very fascinating to see how that goes anyway oh apparently there's some fucking Trump news I can't wait how he fucks up the Olympics

see what he does just tries to arrest people military use at L.A. Olympics says there will be sex testing I mean these people are so fucking disease their minds are so redidded it's like what do that mean he wants to be like

it's this trans bullshit yes it's just like all these fucking idiots are just so obsessed with the stuff and it's like really you're going to fucking tell like this is what the president needs to be talking about that at the Olympics they might check to see if a Nigerian sprinter has a pussy

that's what the president is thinking about three years before these Olympics anyway whatever I do having said that and as fucked up as they are for the local place, the Olympics are awesome. The Olympics World Cup. I was so

happy these past Olympics because COVID, COVID really fucked up my sports watching. I don't know, I don't know why it did. It's obviously something deep in here, but like I'd never gotten, I was a humongous baseball fan. I still haven't gotten back on baseball. Really? Yeah.

I think it was because 2020 that was like the one sport that had a full, full season in an empty stadium. Right, right, right. And I just Like, it didn't feel real to me. And then the socks have just sucked since. Sure. So, like, I'm, I'm teetering on jumping back in now.

But, like, I don't know. It just fucked up, like, sports watching. And at the time, I did not like the Olympics. I didn't watch them in 2020. I didn't watch them in 2022. And 2024, I fully bought back in. And I was like, oh, thank God. Yeah.

Like, because the Olympics are unreal. So fun. Any sport with, it really, really makes you realize, like, how awesome tribalism is. Yeah. One sports start, you're like, fuck, yes. It's a. safe way like to me sports are important because it's a safe way to channel all the stupidest urges of humanity yeah one thing which like we don't have to fight we can just play basketball

right yeah yeah we can just run against each other and we we'll talk shit based on that and that scratch is the fucking it you know what i mean like that's why i think soccer's awesome it's like i think it has been a way for like these european countries used to fight each other constantly and you have that baggage but it's in a way that's like all right no one has to die but it is fucking intense. Dude, I'm so happy you said that because I was just in London and I was out with a buddy. He's got English buddies

so they came out with us. We were watching the Wimbledon final and someone said, where's sinner from? And I answered Italy and one of the other, one of the Irish English guys sitting with me goes, he's fucking German mate. And I was like, what do you mean? And he's like, he's like anything from the

North of Italy, just fucking Germans. Fuck the fucking Germans. Fuck Sinner. And I'm like, God, damn. Italy is German. Yeah. He's like, he speaks German. Look at his fucking face. He's not a fucking Italian. And I was like, oh shit.

Like, I didn't realize like. He's ethnically German. Yeah. And I was like, you look, you seem to really hate this guy. Yeah. And he's like, I told you he's a fucking German. Yeah. And I was like, look, I get what you're saying.

Yeah. Like I, you know, I fuck Germany. I'm with you. Yeah, yeah. I was like, but I also do intellectually understand it's different people. Sure. Sure. Yeah. It's not the same guys.

Totally. And he, and he, and he, we had like an honest conversation. He was really cool about it where he was like He's like, look, mate He's like, what they did during the fucking blitz With the psychological warfare

That's kind of nuts To still be talking about the blitzkrieg He was like, he's like the psychological warfare On my grandmother Was fucking crazy And I was like wow I never felt like the

You know I obviously know of World War II But like in my How I learned it was like We went over there And we put a stop to that shit Sure sure Like it wasn't ever a risk of that It was you know

Fascism was coming here At that time At least that's not how it felt when I learned about it. In America, they got it where it's like, yeah, I mean, look, did a generation of housewives get the shit kicked out of them by fucking shell-shocked PTSD guys in the 50s? Yes. But no one ever got bombs dropped on them or whatever. And so it was wild to hear like that. But it was also so cool to have them like be able to have like this rivalry with their neighboring countries without it being.

Like I feel like the rivalry we have as America. with our neighboring countries isn't quite as fun. No. You know what I mean? Like when he says like why he hates them, I was like, yeah, it's a pretty good reason. Like I see where your anger comes from. And that's just the most recent war. Yeah.

Like they've been fighting each other since like the thousand. You know what I mean? Like the year 1,000. But then if you ask like an American, if you're like, oh, like, you know, like, they're like, I don't like Mexico. And it's like, why? Like too many fucking Mexicans. Yeah, yeah.

Like, all right. Well, that's kind of a different answer, dude. Well, that's not exactly, you know. There's not. Yeah. It's like, that's not exactly a fun reason. Yeah, yeah. Not that World War II and the Butts is a fun one.

Yeah, yeah. But it made more sense where I was like, okay, I see where your head's down. Yeah, what's it? I mean, it's interesting because it's not fun. The further you get away from it, it is kind of fun. You know what I mean? Because it's like... Exactly.

Because when you think of it as like the war, it's like these are, you know, France and England had the hundred years, it's the, the countries that had the hundred years war play soccer against each other. That's fun. That's cool. That's... Humanity has prospered, you know what I mean? But like...

Dude, I want to hear a crazy one. I got a couple Irish buddies and, uh, they were telling me that they played in the, I forget the name of the fucking stadium, but they played the first Irish versus England rugby game in the stadium where Bloody Sunday took place. Wow. So the first one after that,

the first time they played England again in that stadium, my buddies played in it and they beat England. And I was like, that must have been the craziest environment in the, history of the world. The Oval? Mm-mm. No, eldest.

Again, stop going to AI. Not first Irish versus English rugby games. It was whatever the Dublin. It's called like the Gaelic athletic conference or whatever. It's something about some of the Gaelic sport. I mean, Ireland, I do give, I do like how much they hate England for real. Yeah. Like to them it's not really a fucking joke.

No. They're not. It's not like something about your grandmother. It's like this shit pretty much. much just happened. Yeah. You know, I fuck,

Ireland, and it's funny how different Irish from Ireland are than American, how much, like, more principled and, like, you know, they stand up for,

like, against, against, like, oppression and against all this other shit. It's like, the Irish year became cops eight years. As soon as they let them be cops, they're like,

nice. Time to fucking beat up the other ethnic whites and eventually other minorities. I can't, Dublin, I'm there. I'm there in September. Actually, I guess I've already been there. I had a great time in Dublin.

I had a really great time in Dublin with you guys. And, you know, we were laughing and fuck the queen. Lizzie's in a box, et cetera, et cetera. That was awesome. As soon as when Elizabeth died, the day she died at a fucking soccer game, they were chanting, Lizzie's in a box. Lizzie's in a box. Just the disrepresent.

Anytime you disrespect monarchs, I absolutely tip my cap to you. That is fucking awesome. That is the difference between how strong the monarchy is in Europe and how people just don't even, like, how much different is. Like, the Saudi Arabian monarchs can just kill an American journalist. Like, imagine if somebody said, you know, if someone mocked the king of Saudi Arabia, it's like they would have shooters at his fucking house.

That's real monarchy, dude. The only place you still see it is in the Middle East. least it's all all the shit in europe is fake yeah i went to the uh tower of london when i was on that london trip that's cool i like that that was cool like exactly what you're saying with like sir walter raleigh like yeah they were just if they were just like yeah oh we're we're keeping them they're just gonna we're just gonna ask them some questions and it's like how many people just never got out of the tower of london dude they said that one point they put 400 irish guys in a tower and just locked the door and walked away i was like you're

telling us this? Yeah. Aren't you supposed to cover this stuff up? It's crazy. I was like, what'd you do? He goes, we went back, or not we, obviously, but he's like, they went back in four years. And I was like, why did they wait for?

It probably took about a week. Yeah. Right? For all them to die? You got no water or no nothing? Like, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I just know the Tower of London. They would just put like, you know, if there was like a usurper to the throne or

something, they would just lock. Or if somebody had a competing claim for the throne, they would just lock their rival up in the Tower of London and be like, oh, they're there for safekeeping. And then, you know, these kids, they would just end up dead or missing or whatever. Do you know they say, they say from the Tower of London, that the monarchy in the history of England has only ordered something along the lines of like 62 tortures. And I was like, that seems like a made-up number. There's no way that's true.

That seems a little low ball. There's actually no way that's true. It's like they didn't order them because they were like out hunting quail or whatever. They were out on a wild boar hunt while it was. some, you know, whatever. They, like, their main, I don't even know who the fuck would do it. They were torturing the fuck out of people. I have everybody.

They were treating people so, I mean, it's hilarious. That information is on the same part of the tour where they're like, we locked 400 Irish guys in here. Right, right, right. Well, that's torture, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What did you describe that as pretty a torturous experience? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, yes, exactly. Just not having basic human rights in the Tower of London is torture. Yeah, interesting. I don't, you know, I did like London, though. It was, it is a... I really like London. It's a great town. I was a little underwhelmed with Dublin.

I'm sure you loved it. I already had a great time. I really loved it and I had many wonderful experiences there. Really underwhelmed. The people, like, again, I have heard from a couple of people that it was, it's like you don't need that much. Like you can kind of get the place pretty quickly. It's a city. Like, like, the best way I had to describe to me by an Irish person was when you close your eyes and picture Ireland,

you're picturing Galway. Oh, Dublin's just a city. Interesting. And I've been to Galway, and I think that's pretty accurate, that like Galway is much more Ireland. There's not the rolling,

no rolling hills and shit in Dublin. Exactly. Okay. Yeah, well, this won't factor into my plans because I've already been to Dublin, but I either agree or disagree. I'm not sure. Elders, I think it's time we, you know, we've got our friend fights here.

He's clearly a wise man. Oh, yes. A man, with so much to offer our callers here. So why don't we take some calls and see what we can, what problems we can solve? Folks, you know starting your own business can be damn intimidating. It's a lonely task. All the hat, you got to wear all the hats.

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at Shopify.com.com slash stavi. Go to Shopify.com slash stavi. Shopify.com slash stavi. Holy crap. Hey, Savvy, and eldest, and whoever the guest is. I just need some advice, so my boyfriend and I have known each other. Hey, Savvy and eldest and whoever the guest is. I just need some advice, so my boyfriend and I have known each other for 10 years. We basically just hooked up for a really long time initially, and then it was like a friend with benefits kind of thing.

And then, like, four years ago, he finally told me he loved me. He loved you. He lived with me now and all of that. So initially, our whole relationship was just us hooking up. But then the last couple of years, he's had issues getting it up and, like, staying hard. And he also has this, like, autoimmune issue that causes this in his, like, armpits and waistline, which can be painful. So basically, we haven't had sex in a really long time, like, in a concerningly long time. Like, it's been so long.

So I kind of just need to get fucked, honestly. And when you guys have any advice, obviously, I know we have to have a conversation, but like any other advice? And then also, how do I have that conversation without, I guess, like, embarrassing him? Because I obviously know it isn't necessarily his fault. At least I don't think it is. Also, some, like, additional information when we were hooking up and then, like, initially transitioning into a relationship, we were open and could hook up with other people, which I guess technically can be something that I mentioned

if and when I have this conversation with him. But I don't know how either of us would feel about being open at this point, considering it seems like it would just be me hooking up with someone else. He's just writhing in pain with fucking armpit cysts. It's like, ah, my soft dick and my cysts. And my girlfriend's just getting raled. My girlfriend's getting fucked. that's a tough situation right there yeah i think is there more to it all this should we dive in

now you think go ahead just my hold up with that is that like maybe his issue is actually with me and not like the stuff i think he has going on so if i have that conversation and then like he were to hook up with somebody else at that point that would be so crazy after all this time um so yeah any advice would be like greatly appreciated obviously like love him don't want to hurt his feelings but i like just really need to get fucked um thank you guys bye i respect this this is a woman who knows her needs and if it was a guy in the situation obviously it's the same thing and sometimes you just got to get a nod off yeah um you were you had a you were go you had some thoughts well i was i was just say, like, I don't know how old the caller is.

You seem sounds a little younger than us if I had to guess, but I don't know. Maybe I'm crazy. I think just the conversation's the easiest way to go. I think just, I think, they're only sure they were 10 years. Like just that, they're like, hey, man, what's the deal? You know what I mean? Like I, I started doing that later in life, probably later than I should. Me too.

But like, when I just noticed the vibe is off, I'm just like, yeah, was everything all good? Yeah. And it figures out pretty quick. For sure. As someone with a penis, if my penis wasn't working and my girlfriend was like, I need dick, I think I'd be like, just talk to me. And I'll figure something out where like I can help you out or maybe we can get this thing working. I'm a huge. It's such a lame answer because it's like the accurate answer.

Like I'm a huge communication guy. It's all it is. Every problem is just miscommunication. Yeah. And I think like, I mean, look, if you're, if I'm her, I mean, this also is a tough relationship to stick the landing on, I think. I think, like,

absolute no strings attached fuck buddies to, like, kind of friends with benefits that are sort of in each other's lives. To open relationship, to finally it's monogamous and now his dick's not getting hard, that's kind of wild. Yeah.

You know, like, I think, I think because your relationship started in such an, in sort of like a non-traditional way, communication is even more key. Yes. Because, like, you can't just kind of assume everything's all right, you know? And I'm also with you where it's like, look, my dick, my dick doesn't work half the time.

That doesn't stop me from trying to fuck. You know what I mean? Like, I'll just fucking eat pussy and, like, you know, jack my pathetic little dick off. But I'm doing it with a woman I love. You know what I mean? Yeah, I'll do whatever you want to you. Totally. I'll give shit.

That's the thing. If my, if even my dick didn't work, whatever, like, my girlfriend was horny, I'd be like, Like, all right, we can figure some stuff out. Like, and yeah, like, that's, I have that joke in my last special where it was like, some, like, I like hook up with buy girls because, like, if my dick doesn't get hard, it's like, nice. We're just lesbians, you know what I mean? Like, we'll just eat pussy.

We'll finger each other. Like, great. You know what I mean? So it's like, I do think there's something going on here. And I think you should, I guess one thing is be open to, like, although she's saying she really needs to get fucked. Maybe she is the kind of girl that needs to be pounded. Yeah, but she's.

You can't be because it's been years already. I don't know how long. She's at a really long time. A concerningly long time. I'm guessing it's over a year. So you can't be like. Maybe. Who know?

This fucking freak might be. It might be three weeks. He hasn't fucked me since Tuesday. No, but it's probably, it's a, we can safely assume it's a serious chunk of time. Yeah.

Yeah. I've had kind of the opposite situation here where I, I had a new girlfriend and things weren't starting off smoothly. I don't know what it's, because I was young. It was like the first time it's ever really happened to me. And I like, I was the one to communicate with her where I was like, look, I understand this, this feels weird. I just want you to know, like, I just got to have a long-term relationship. And I think I just need a little time to smooth things over with that. And like, then I'll be ready. And she just goes, yeah, I don't know, you got to figure that out.

She's like, I need a hard talk. I was like, damn, I was being pretty vulnerable with you there. Clump your shit up or hit the bricks. That's fucking hysterical. Dude, this is the same girl who I later got dumped by for reasons you can guess. And we had been thinking about moving in together. But it was like one of those like New York City move in. Sure. Like we've been together like eight months.

We can't afford rent alone. Like might as well get in. And so we've been thinking about moving in together. And one day she's like, hey, let's grab a drink. Sounds great. We sit down, order two beers. she goes, I think we shouldn't live together. And I was like, cool.

I was thinking about re-up my lease anyway. No big deal. Sounds good with me. And I could see her across the table just like, he's not getting it. Like, awesome. Who wants to get movers? I can barely afford it.

You know, whatever. And she's like, she's like, so our beers get placed in front of us by the waitress. And she's like, no, what I'm saying, is I think I think we should break up and I was like oh okay

and I started sipping the beer but then I was like well I can't just put this beer down and like walk away you chugged the beer

so I chugged it yeah bitch oh yeah this is what you're fucking missing out on but I was crying oh no

so I was so I was crying. I was trying to hold the tears in. Oh, my. Tearing out and I'm like, I'm like, I'm trying to spill out of the side of my mouth, but I'm like, I can't put it down. So I fucking finish the beer and put it down.

She just looks to me like, I'm a psycho man. Of course. I mean, that is insane. She goes, you don't have to stay if you don't want to. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to leave. And you're paying for this beer I chug. I did leave. I think she picked up the bill. She was a great chick. It was all my fault.

Was it because your dick? So, far I've heard your dick wasn't hard for a second and then it was but you did more you did more you had more issues in the relationship not really I think it was just like I didn't see the relationship for what it was which was she was just taking a little time out she already found the guy she was marrying oh really it was like she broke up with the guy we started dating immediately hold on hold on you you've been gaslit by this man she was

marrying she gave him a little time out and she was like well I got to get my whole stuff in the meantime. So who's a guy I don't give a fuck about that I can just string along for a second? She's talking about moving in with you. What are you talking about? Jesus Christ, dude. Thank you, bro. Thank you. I've been

a year. I've been for fucking 10 years. Been like, you stupid idiot. Why'd you think that was real? It's not your fault, man. Is this Goodwill hunting right now? You're about to start fucking get him a beer so you can cry Elvis. Get him a

Fucking Miller liked the chug so he can actually start crying. That's so fucking funny. It was my fault. Oh, the lame dick loser who can't tell what he can I loved. That's fucking hilarious, dude. God damn.

Yeah, so I guess, all right, so I guess for this girl, I mean, yeah, look, you got to fucking communicate. And yeah, be open to some other shit, maybe, you know, some non-penetrative stuff like can he finger pop you if his dick doesn't get hard like also if he's got an autoimmune thing that gives that's painful it's like

are you doing everything you can to get that taken care of and also if he just if you are and it's still painful then like you have to be a little patient and meet him halfway like if he had a different if he had a different like health malady that didn't let him fuck

you wouldn't be like let's go I don't care if chemo gives you a ton of me ache. I need my pussy fucked. Right? So it's like, I don't know what level what level of serious this is. That's a great point. You know what I mean?

But like, you know, let's worry about that too. Elvis play the next voicemail? Yeah. It's some guy going my wife's on chemo. I'll suck my dick. So yeah, look, you know you have to communicate talking about opening it up to me is insane. You guys have like

if you're doing that, just break up. You guys made it out of that desert, that Sahara, unless, whatever, unless... Even that, that open didn't sound like we, like, that didn't sound like we had an open relationship. No, it sounded like that fucked up gray area. Yes. Where you're like, God, I hope neither one of us hurts the other's feelings. I hope we don't do anything irreconcilable. Where you're just like holding your breath and be like, if we survive this, I'll date her.

Oh, another one I fucked up. Yeah. So look, I get it. But also, I will also be, you know, you obviously love this person. You guys have been through so, I mean, 10 years is kind of fucking crazy. I'm not telling, I'm obviously not telling you to break up or anything. But I would just say you have to actually talk this out and you have to fucking, you know, be realistic about it. And like, and, but yeah, I don't think, I think you know the open thing is kind of crazy. And, you know, also like, why is his dick not getting hard? Like, figure it out. And I, like, you know, that's happened to me. I will say, I have been in relationships like this where it kind of started out messy. And then, like, when we actually committed it, was like, I actually feel like my dick worked better.

Yeah. You know, because I was actually in love, like, I actually loved the person. When you actually feel emotion? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's incredible. That, literally, we broke up in both instances a week after that. As soon as I had that feeling, I was like, oh, nope, not going to have. As soon as you buy in, it's like in 1984, once you love Big Brother, that's when he kills you.

That's what I felt like with my exes. But, you know, just be honest about what you want and see what you, and like, maybe you can work through this. And look, bluechew.com promo code Stavi. Pay five bucks for, all you got to do is pay shipping, five bucks, you know, consider that. But, yeah, good luck out there, sister. Go ahead, L Duns. The eldest and esteemed guest, long-time listener, first-time caller. Hope the day is going well for you guys.

Quick question. That's kind of an issue here, looking for some wisdom. So I have a group of friends, you know, the stereotypical group of friends that, you know, been friends since high school, a little background, you know, I'm 29. So the fact that it's, well, kind of sort of made it this. this long is a miracle in itself. But had something occur a couple months ago was, you know, looking through Facebook, not something I do frequently, but just thought I'd hop on and check, you know,

see whose birthday I missed. And all that, just, you know, another little background. It's four of us. So sorry, that is pertinent. But saw that one of them got married. Like I said, just a couple months ago Well, let me start right there You know, we are

Your friend group didn't make it If you just realize your friend got married I mean, hold on, I guess they could have Keep listening Okay, okay Like I said, just a couple months ago And we all are in a group chat together You know, we've seen each other

Probably once a year, once every other year As much as we can But yeah, saw that one of them had gotten married and two of the guys were groomsmen in his wedding. So all three of them were there. Like I said, I found out through Facebook. And it was pretty heartbreaking. I, you know, said something in the group chat and then immediately left and, you know,

didn't hear anything from them for probably about a week. And then the guy who got married reached out to me and just said, hey, like, what's your deal? Why do you leave the group chat? I felt like that wasn't, you know, worth a response, so I didn't say anything. And then, you know, a couple months go by, sorry, a couple weeks go by. And, you know, another one of my friends there in the group chat then reaches out to me and basically apologizes on behalf of the friend that got married for not inviting me. I kind of have a feeling where this is going.

But, you know, like I said, I just thought I'd call and see what kind of advice you guys might be able to offer up. Like you said, it's pretty hurtful. You know, we've been friends for, you know, 15 years in my life, pretty much half my life. And just kind of feels like a real, you know, stabbing the dick. So appreciate you guys. Love you. Bye. What did I need to keep?

I was completely right. No, this guy did not get invited. I know. That's what I'm saying. It's like if your best friends got and had a wedding and didn't, you didn't hear about it, they're not your friends. Yeah. Oh, I thought you were saying about all of them, not just him. What one of the, it's either you, the caller, or the three guys, one group of you is a humongous asshole.

Right. Do you do anything? Now, look, the other two guys are pretend, there's, there are ways. I mean, the other two guys, like, if this were to happen, I mean, again, I can't fathom this happening on a friend group. It's just insane. Yeah, right. Like, my friends from high school or even longer, it's like, no one would ever get invited to, no one would ever get married and we wouldn't. find out about it. That seems fucking...

Now, maybe something, maybe there's a dinner or something, like, you might feel left out, but even if you feel left out of something, I feel like one party is leaving somebody out and it's the other party, the other guy's job to be like, hey, why the fuck aren't we involving what's his face? That's why I like,

one of my other, one of the two other friends would have reached out to me. Particularly, they would have done it pre-wedding, but they definitely would have done it after I sent a text and left the group chat. I know. It took a couple months after that for them to reach out to you.

That's fucking insane. They would have immediately been like, dude, sorry about that. Tommy's an asshole or whatever they would have said. I mean, yeah, you could have been like, look, it was really fucking weird. It's ultimately his wedding. I thought it would have fucked things up. I feel really bad about it. Can I make it up to you?

Whatever, right? Like, they're a little complicit, but it's, first of all, the guy who's wedding it is just isn't your friend. Yes. I mean, just is not your friend. At all. The caller, you seem like a very nice guy. So it doesn't, I don't think it's you. But someone here is a humongous.

Someone's a piece of shit. Someone secretly doesn't like him. And look, that's kind of, like, it could be that this person who's calling in here is a nice guy. But nobody really fucks with him that hard in the group that he's the guy who's always like, he's been around forever. But it's like, maybe the guy's wife doesn't like him. And she's like, oh, you want to invite him? where we're having a small wedding, it's like, all right, you know, I told you couldn't bring your stupid fucking cousin, we'll cut this fucking idiot, I don't care, like.

But either way, you still usually get, like, even you're on the groomsman, like, you're still invited. No, don't get me wrong, this is insane. Like, I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around. It's not even just, he heard about her on Facebook. It wasn't like, hey, man, having a super small wedding. It's not, you know, like we're not invite, you know, even like breaking it to him in a way that's like, if this guy cared about you at all. Yes.

And there was any, I guess a follow up is like, was it a big wedding? Was it the kind of thing where it's like at a courthouse and he, they were his two groomsmen and she had two friends and like, yeah, it hurts to be left out of that. But it's not fully. Right. There's not a photographer there. But also this guy being like, what the hell is your problem? It's like, what are you fucking kidding? Yeah, yeah.

You didn't invite me to your fucking wedding. You didn't even tell me about it. I think the worst of everything is finding out on Facebook in every way. Also, why didn't your friends give you, the other two guys give you a little bit of a heads up? Maybe the one guy who reached out to you, you can possibly repair that relationship. But until the other guy apologizes to you, and when he blew up the group chat, did he explain? I mean, I don't know that you have to explain himself, but it's like, do you feel like you said what you needed to say? Yeah.

Because if that's the case, cut these people out of your own. life until if until someone reaches out to you you can talk to him um you know you can talk to the guy who reached out to you but this friend group is over yes i mean this friend group is so beyond over but also like kind of what we were saying the last voicemail were like honesty and communications key like there's kind of a silver line to this where like people to finally told you the truth yeah like for whatever reason whether it's your fault whether it's their fault you know these you do not have a relationship for these people You can move on.

You can go sew your oats elsewhere. But, like, there's no coming back from that. Yeah, for sure. And it's like, it is hurtful. I mean, you do have to realize, like, oh, this friend group was full of at least one. There was at least one snake in it. And that sucks. That kind of, that kind of makes you reassess all your memories.

Yeah. Like, now you're like, do I even, this is kind of the equivalent of like when, when you thought a loving partner cheats on you. Yes. And now you have trust issues. Like, I. I hate to say it, but like this, this is the kind of thing where you're like, fuck, do I even know who my friends are? But you know what I mean? Like, there's also like beauty in that, though.

We're like, I remember seeing a clip of, um, Stivo talking about his alcoholism. And he was talking about how he's so lucky because he was like, I had it so bad that I had to stop. Yeah. He's like, what he's like, the worst thing could be like, I'm just good enough that I can still get by every day. Yeah. And he's like, and I'm, you could still go on like stadium, arena tour. You know, when you can still have Netflix shows and special. For example, you know, we're not saying anybody in particular,

not a dear friend of ours that I'm literally worried about, who doesn't seem like he'll ever stop. You know, yeah, yeah, Steve. Catch me on tour with him in November. But like, but there is like such like, like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, the worst situation to me is, like, these guys are your, like, for the rest of your life, you're walking around being like, these are my three best friends.

Totally. And they don't actually give a fuck about you. Like, at least now, you know, you're 29, I think you said. Like, you can cut it out, be done with it and find a new friend group who's going to be good to you. For sure, for sure. And I think, like, yeah, like, yeah, totally. And you probably have other friends. It's like, this, you're not a bad guy.

This isn't your fault. This is their fault. So that's the other thing to remember is, like, don't let that thought of, like, fuck. Am I ever, did I ever, ever have? really have friends like yeah you did all you could to be a good friend of these people at least to you know most of them and then yeah maybe one of these guys the one guy that texts you even though even his shit is kind of weak if they don't really apologize like you don't need these people in your fucking life and that sucks right sometimes it hurts to be like well fuck them and then they just

never give a fuck yeah contact you and you're like damn i was hoping they would i was hoping i leave dramatically and they chase after me but I guess they literally don't give a fuck about me at all and that really stings but like you said it's better to know who's in your life and who actually wants to be there and who doesn't want to be there yeah be for that's a fucking pride in yourself man don't let it be 10 years later and you're like yeah it's my fault I didn't know how to read the relationship yeah those guys man they fucked you over yeah yeah absolutely you know he scrolled up to the to the date in the group thread when the wedding happened and just saw how MIA they were for like

four nights in a row all these talks picks makes a lot more sense why is no one you know why is no one confirming the date of our fantasy football drafts hey so long-time listener first-time caller also patron listener I love the Patreon thank you thank you all this I hope you guys having a great time um my question comes I'm a 24 year old college student. I usually have a good time talking to people, but I really struggle with sports. You know, I don't really watch a lot of sports. I grew up with a lot of women who just only cared about reality TV shows, like E.P award shows and stuff like that.

I mean, I never really gotten into sports myself. By the other, I was a band kid, a little nerdy guy, so I mean, I never really had a reason to. I played football in middle school, kind of hated it. I mean, that's as far as I got with that. And right now, I just know stuff about Ultimate Frisbee. And I mean, even then, I just know that some YouTube or some Tech YouTube is also an Ultimate Frisbee player. And that might extend on that sport. So I just, like, is there any way, do you know any, like, what's a beginner sport I'm getting into to, like, fake, I guess, put in the comic's conversation. Like, I know what's going on? are just like, what's a good way of just, I'm getting into sports as a whole?

I mean, I'm in Alabama, so I know the classic like Alabama and all that stuff, but I mean, like, I just kind of say I go for Alabama, so I'm in Alabama. So, I mean, that's as far as that's really, that's really a lot can do right now. So give me some tips. Thank you guys so much and hope you have a great day. Thank you. Interesting. So he just wants to be able to talk sports enough to, like, get survive day-to-day,

in Alabama. I mean, the first thing I would say is, like, you don't have to talk about sports, right? Like, you have your own interests. Yeah. Plenty of people like talking about fucking reality TV shows. Like, I guess...

Not as many, like the tech YouTube Frisbee golfer? Yeah. Don't mention ultimate frisbee ever again. You know, whatever. You like it. That's great. That's a personal thing.

You're not going to make friends talking about ultimate frisbee. I do think, though, I do, I've said this a lot, right, to people where it's like a, one of the great social lubricants in America is knowing anything about pick one sport. I mean, you, you bang for your buck football, bang for your buck across America, NFL, right? Most people in America are at least cursoryly, understand the NFL. And the nice thing about the NFL is like, even if you're not big on the sport, like you could conceivably play fantasy.

and kind of play it as a, like, little game. Like, there are people who know players because of fantasy who don't really watch the games. I've heard that from broadcasters. Oh, interesting. Like commentators, that they started playing, I'm really referring to one person specifically, but they started playing fantasy once they stopped playing in the NFL

and started doing broadcasting because they were like, it's the only way I could learn names. Right, right. And I was like, oh, that actually makes a lot of sense. Yeah, and so it's like a way to kind of keep up with it and you gamify it in a different way that might help for a little nerd, you know, former nerdy guy, whatever.

And also it's like you just kind of have to know the very basics. The other thing that's like very, you know, there's a lot of, you know, people blend a lot of like entertainment and sports now. You know, you might be able to find, like I'm sure there's specifics. I'm sure there's like specific like, you know,

like things that are not just, that aren't very stats oriented. Yeah. more about like the vibe or whatever. That's what I was going to say right there. My biggest advice would be go to a game. Like, it can be high school football,

it can be college football, it can be NFL football, whatever. But like me personally, I need to feel part of the environment. And like I, I'm not, not that I'm a huge,

uh, EPL guy or tennis guy, but like those are sports I've been to lately. And I've, I've found myself a much bigger fan of them. Because you get to feel the full experience. Sure. I don't like,

I'm, I'm the exact. opposite to what we just said, we're like, gamifying, it doesn't work for me. Yeah. I'm, I got to feel it. And I think that's, I do think it's like, I do think it's almost like one or the other of those things. And I think like for, for somebody like this was just trying to survive, basically, it's

like, I would say, honestly, like, the easiest way I think is like from your computer, fantasy, or, I mean, you're in Alabama. Like, if you listen to one, pick one Alabama's college football podcast. Yeah. And listen to that once a week. and just sort of be aware of it, you're fucking golden, right? Like, that's enough to get it.

Or if you actually go to the games and you'd be like, I was there, because it is a completely different thing. And you feel the effect the sport has on people. Like, again, it can be high school level. It doesn't, you don't have to buy a ticket to the fucking, uh, fucking Alabama game.

You can buy a ticket to a high school game, but you just see like the effect it has on people. And you're like, oh, this is cool. And then I, that's, Again, that's what worked for me that, like, I want to learn more about it that way. I mean, I also think there's so many podcasts now that aren't hard analytics or whatever that's like, I think the real thing is, like, find a sports podcast you enjoy that, like, you're into for sort of like the personalities. Yes.

And, uh, and kind of just listen to, you know, kind of listen to that. Because that is how most guys consume sports. It's like, it's just reality TV. For sure. Like, they say they love watching the products on the field, but, like, they like talking about the drama of trades. Yeah. Who's banging who? Who's dating this person?

Like, it's just reality TV. So if you like reality TV, consume it that way. And I think it's a podcast, like, you have to hunt for a bit of a podcast. But, like, people, I'm not a big college football guy. People do love, you know, college football. So I'm sure those exist, you know, like back in the day, me and Samarillo used to do a basketball podcast that was more comedy. you know it was like much more comedy it was like we would make fun of the storylines

and all this stuff and I'm sure that exists I mean for like football if you want to do that I mean like pardon my take it's like the fucking hugest show for a reason it's like people fucking you know like that's a great example of something that is fun and a lot of barstool stuff

is kind of like that where it's like you know you latch on to the personalities and sometimes the sport is kind of secondary and it's like I think there's so much sports media out there for our friend here where it's like I think you can find something that'll kind of keep you grounded and especially even if you don't even want to

fucking watch the games like there were times even when I was really into the hoops where I would be really busy and I wouldn't watch that much but I would still listen to like recaps of stuff yeah yeah you know that kind of thing so I think you got to just like I think my tip is like pick one thing I mean for you it's probably college football because it's the biggest thing in in the South. I mean, it's like Alabama, it's bigger than the NFL. Any other part of the country, I would say the NFL is probably the most bang for your buck, but also in certain cities, the NBA is bigger, you know, like, so pick one sport, pick one podcast you like, and let that kind of guide you. And that's enough to just, all you want is enough to get you through an elevator

ride with a guy wearing a fucking Alabama. You don't have to be a fucking expert. You know what I mean? So also the word crapshoot I had a buddy once say that We were on a boat And he's like If you just want to know what you're talking about Just say the word crapshoot Yeah

Anytime like someone was on the dock He'd be like Yeah it's a crapshoot out there today And the guys would be like I know And keep walking by And I was like He doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about

A couple cliches will take you a long A very very long way But yeah dude Good luck out there You know it's admirable What you're trying to do To just be able to talk to your neighbors a little bit.

It's so perfectly Alabama, too. Like someone has to call into a helpline. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do I like sports? I can't talk to anyone in the state. Totally. And then, honestly, it might be, like, move. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like, you don't have to stay in fucking Alabama, dude. Avi, eldest, and guests. Thank you guys, taking this call. Hopefully, on a free line. Just wanted to run something by real quick. Me and my fiance just had a bachelor, bachelorette trip over the past, week. We were gone for about four days, three nights. While we were gone, we had my in-laws

or her parents, my in-laws, watching over our animals for the week that we were gone. And we have two-bedroom apartment with a nice-sized living area for the living room, giant couch. Spare bedroom has a, about like a queen-sized pull-out couch that's not the most comfortable, but we usually make do when they do stay with us. While we were gone, our in-laws ended up staying in our bed, and we don't know how to feel about it. They didn't pass. They kind of just stayed in our bed, didn't change the sheets.

Didn't change the shoes is crazy. All of our stuff, all of our private info, all of our private, you know, sex shits in there. So we were just kind of skeezed out that they would do that without asking, and now it's causing kind of a tip. So just wanted to kind of run that by, am I overreacting, or is that something that we should kind of set boundaries for? We kind of told them up front, like, hey, don't use our vehicles, don't go in our room. Like, that's our private stuff. They don't pay anything towards our apartment.

It's just everything that we bought, so. We don't pay anything towards that. I just want you to hopefully tell me that I'm not crazy, but would understand on the other side as well. So hopefully there's enough contact. there, but I hope you guys have a great rest of your day and love tires, the great Albanian quote in there saying that their shiftie made me absolutely

good. I love you guys. Yeah, we did that. That was an on-set kind of punch up for me. I'm sorry. Okay, a couple things. They were house-sitting for you, essentially, right? watching the pets

watching the pets they're gone for what a weekend I think four days four nights three yeah okay nights four days and you say they don't pay anything towards your apartment like of course not you're fucking adults what do you mean why are you even throwing that in there well I kind of get that

because I can actually give a little story here that makes me kind of get that where um this is funny the socks tigers game three the divisional series the poppy home run

The Poppy Grand Slam. Me and my dad were at that game. I was living in Boston at the time. And we ended up getting fucked up afterwards. We were so excited. It was a crazy game. My dad ended up staying in my apartment with me. He couldn't drive back home.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we get back, we get into my apartment. And I just kind of like, out of being nice, was like, hey, you can take my bed. I'll take the couch. And he was like, cool, thanks. And went to bed. And I was like, well, hang on a second. Time out.

Just so it's clear. Like, I do pay for this apartment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because when he would come visit me in college, sometimes he would, I'd give him the bed and he'd take it. Sure. And at the time, he was helping me out financially. So I was like, all right, he gets the bed.

No big deal. At that point, I was like, you can't just take my fucking bed, dude. Yeah, but you asked it. I did offer it. It's like, it's not, see, this is like, I think like when you're younger, it's like, I'm dad, I get to do what I want. But when you're not, it's like, yeah, that's hot. You're talking about hospitality.

You know what I mean? Like, you're talking. And so, like, to me, you are. like is this weird yes right like well first of all the weird part is not changing the sheets if someone is is house sitting for me yes they're gonna sleep in your fucking bed for did did you set up the bed for them did you if you wanted them in the guest room did you say hey here's some clean sheets here's some towels stay in the guest room our bed's a mess whatever like you sound immature here honestly like when you have someone's house sitting for you you set things

up for them. And these are not strangers. These are your fucking in-laws. So you or your girls should have told them like, hey, you know, we'd prefer if you didn't sleep in the, did he, he said they have a guest room or no? He said they make it work. Yeah, they have a guest room with like a shitty pullout. I couldn't, I couldn't even tell what he meant when he said make it work. Because he was like, it's uncomfortable, but we make it work. I don't know if that means like they sleep on it, like the hate he and his wife. Sleep on the weather there Or if the in-laws sleep on there

He didn't make that really clear But they're not there At the same time as the in-laws Correct In this scenario they're not So okay If you have a guest room with a bed They have to stay there

But if you have a pull-out They're not sleeping on a fucking pull-out For four days Yes You have to assume That you like a guest room That's why it's a luxury It's because

You know You have a dedicated space for guests They don't go into your shit they have their own space, it's nice. You're not getting your fucking in-laws to sleep in a pull-out. And now, if you're there and someone's crashing with you, of course, they're taking the pull-out. Or if you're being nice, you're like, we'll take the bed.

You know, if it's like someone who's older or something, it's like, you take the bed, I'll be in the pull-out. But here's the thing. I understand why this happened because neither your in-laws nor you have correct manners. Right? Like, it's insane that in-laws left the place. shittier than they found it? Yeah. Like they kind of, this is like when your buddy

crashes with you. Didn't change the sheets. Just fucking went into your shit. Didn't even at least take the sheets off the bed. Didn't put it. That's bare minimum. Yeah. Take them off the bed and start a load of laundry. Be like, sorry, you didn't get a chance to fucking, you know, I had to leave it. You do that in an Airbnb, let alone your fucking... Yeah, yeah.

They treated you worse than a fucking Airbnb. Dude, honestly, this is crazy to me because I would not even expect my in-laws to, like, change the sheets after they, like, crash. my place. I mean, they might, and it would be a nice gesture, but it's like... Well, here's the thing, though.

You're right. Here's the thing. Them changing the sheets would be them overcompetating for him not setting the back. Because what you do is you change the sheets, knowing they're going to stay in your bed, right? Right. So the fact that, and maybe, you know what, maybe they just assume like, oh, obviously they said they gave us new sheets or whatever, like, um... If it was my wife's parents, maybe it's a little different if it's like, you know, brother or something

crashing but I know like being like pissed at like your parent-in-laws like wouldn't even change the sheets just seems a little crazy to me and thinking either A having proof or thinking that they rifled through your stuff is also like

sounds like these are just people you shouldn't be allowing to stay in your home you don't have a close enough relationship did they write is that what he said they actually rifle through stuff? He's like he's like we have like all our sex toys in there it's like this is your fault dude someone is doing you a favor they're crashing in your bed idiot that's how this shit works and so i guess you're right i guess in like a world like if somebody if my mother or mother-in-law

was staying with me yeah i would absolutely take care of everything i would change the sheets for them and i would have some fresh towels whatever and then if it was my mom she's probably changing the sheets because that's how she is but if they didn't i would change the sheets whatever so yes You're wrong. You are crazy. They were crashing with you. What did you expect them? Just do you a favor?

And did you have sheets for the fucking guest room? Did you have shit set out? This is a problem in communication where, you know, also it's like, it's a little bit on your fiancé because these are her fucking parents. Yeah. If it's anyone's job to communicate this, it's the person who's parents they are. So, you know, but also you have strange expectations. for, you know, people doing you a favor. Because they are looking at you, you know,

they're looking over your animals. They're saving you a pet sitter money. They're saving you like dog walk or whatever. The fridge should be full for them. Like the pantry should be full for them. The towels should be clean. Like they're going out of their way for you. They're putting themselves in a,

not vulnerable position, but they're out of their home for you. They're the ones doing the favor here. And so you're going to let them sleep on a fucking couch? Yeah. Yeah, just watch the dog, walk the dog with a guy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The couch should be all set.

Like, what are you talking about, dude? Yeah. How old is this fucking guy? I want to say I saw a 29, or that might have been last voicemail? Uh, no. Yeah, he didn't say. So anyway, whatever, dude. Yeah, you're a fucking idiot.

And you just need to talk about this shit. You need to just like, and listen, maybe these people, you know, maybe they agree with you. But either way, you have to. to clear this before. Yeah. Like, you can't... You didn't tell them the ground rules. Also, like, if someone gave me these ground rules,

I'd be like, it's fucking kind of weird. Okay, I guess I'll sleep in your fucking spare bedroom. How about you? Who sleeps in the bed? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So, yeah. Sorry, man. We are ruling against you.

But, I mean, I also think this is, like, partially... This is cultural... This is, like, European shit. too where it's like you bend over backwards for a guest let alone your fucking in-law even when you hate them you actually treat them better when you hate them because you don't want to give them an excuse to bad mouth you have to give them perfect treatment what do you got little l dunce let's go what up stob eldest esteemed guest or guest

I'm just going to keep this simple. I've been dating my girlfriend for about three years now. Everything's going great. Only problem is that I kind of come quickly. And, you know, I've tried a lot of different things to not come quickly. I just can't not do it. I mean, it's not that quick, but it just doesn't satisfy her. It's pretty fucking quick, bro.

Sounds like it's quick enough, my brother. It's not that quick, but it just doesn't satisfy her. And she's a little vanilla when it comes to sex, you know. But she mentioned that she wanted me specifically to buy her a vibrator. And she has never even owned one, use the one. I've never had any experience with it myself. but uh i don't know where to begin what to do i want to help her obviously i want her to you know feel satisfied and um yeah i just don't know what to do she's a little like it says

vanilla she doesn't want to go to like a store or anywhere where someone could judge her or whatever i don't know the time i'm going to do to me i'm down to go with you to a store whatever but um yeah what do i do i mean i just go on the internet just hope for the best one One, you know, I don't, I don't know. So, all right. What? Anyways, thanks. Love the show.

This is awesome. Sir, you've come to the right place. We are the two most, four most vibrator experts on the internet. I mean, it's kind of nuts that she's that, she's, like, scared to buy a vibrate. She's never had one? That could be a big problem for you. She figures out how awesome vibrators are. You're fucking, too pumped, chump asses out, out the door.

All right, so you're busting fast. Are you eating pussy? Are you making this woman bust in other ways? Are you applying yourself? Now, look, I think a vibrator is cool. I think getting a vibrator in the mix is cool. Yeah. I've never really had a vibrator in the mix.

It's cool. Not regularly. I've had it on certain occasions. Sure. Up your ass. Never been like a regular. Jacking off with a vibrator up your ass. When it's your birthday, you've got your friend, you're buying you a pair of heels.

You're putting the vibrator. Yeah, of course. Special occasions No, I know But I yes It's not like it's day to day But it's like There's been times

Where you know Someone I'm hung up with Or dating It's like you get a vibre in the mix And I think it's cool Because it's just an It's an accompaniment To sex

Yeah You know It's kind of like Just another Quiver In your fucking Another arrow in the quiver And so yeah

Dude I would say for this guy Do a little Look your girl's a little she doesn't want to like delve into this then maybe do a little research look up like best best vibrators for like a partner to control I'm sure that's a

I'm sure that's a category of vibrae Yeah Oh like one like a vibrator for your partner For somebody yeah I'm sure there's something Where it's like you know Because definitely you're not She's never really used one You don't you definitely don't know what the fuck you're doing

You're gonna need something that's like the easiest In my head I'm like Is there something with a lot of surface area Isn't it the rabbit? Isn't the rabbit like the introductory vibrator? But I think it's like the kind of thing where you got to really know. It's like a woman with a rabbit that knows her body can make herself bust fast. Yeah.

I don't know that he'll be able. And again, in my experience, is sometimes something smaller. It's harder to pinpoint exactly where it needs to be. Hard to find the clit, you're saying. Especially with the vibre. Yeah, it's like wherever it needs to be the clit is. Like you kind of know where the clit is. But then it's like where do you put the vibre?

Exactly. in addition to this. Yeah, sometimes... It's like throwing pasta at the wall. You're like, I don't know. Hopefully it's steak. Yeah, she just takes... It just becomes like, like,

like, ghost where it's just like, you know, puts her hand over your hand and guides it onto her pussy. You don't even really need to be there. It's like when a baby helps make dinner or something. It's like, hand me the spatula. Good job, buddy. So I would say do a little research.

Don't start with anything super, you know, Just research that. I don't know the best one off the top of my head. I don't know. I would, I would, I'd strongly recommend going to a store with her. She doesn't want to. It seems like, go in a different town or whatever. They're pretty, they're pretty discreet with it.

It's pretty like, I've been to a couple of sex shops in my day. They're pretty discreet if you're in the suburbs. And you're going to have more fun in there with her. Because you're going to be able to make it like kind of a joke. Look, I know what you're saying, but I think this woman is pretty like, it seems like she's in the perfect world you're absolutely right yeah right but it seems like she's resistant i think if anything this could be a get the ball rolling do your little research she wants you to fucking be a man and buy the vibrator right she wants you to provide for her you can't make her bust with

your dick you do the research and get her a vibrator so i would say start with one do the research on the best one for a partner to control whatever buy a couple if you fucking you know whatever like just figure it i don't know what to tell you and then hopefully this is like step in the right direction for her getting a little freaky or getting a little more comfortable. Maybe if she likes it, but it's not quite right, then you can go to a store together. But I think it's like baby steps here. Right. And he's also, you know, he seems to be very worried about how fast he busts.

So it's like, you know, he has a little guilt there. Like make up for your quick busts in other ways. Try a little porn. Maybe not even watching it together, but maybe send her like a vibrator porn and be like, I don't know, is this one look? A vibrator porn? Like a little. Oh, and like, what does this look like to you? How does this look to you?

Yeah, like if it's just a chick, like playing there with herself, like, hey, is this somebody, you know, you're not going to send her one of those back massages of the Hitachi. Sure, sure, sure. But you see, like, yeah, does this one appeal to you? I don't, I get it. It seems like maybe she's scared of the porn. Yeah, I think this is something you just kind of have to dive in blonde.

Yeah. But that's why he has to do his research. Because I think, like, she's not giving him much here. Yeah. Right? She's like, you, you figure this out for me. Just try him first, but, babe, babe, this one felt great in my ass. Yeah, I think it's up to you, do a little research and buy one

and then introduce it into, you know, into your, into fucking and see what happens there. But, you know, if you're busting fast, do some other stuff, finger pop, eat pussy, whatever it is. Dude, you're not eating pussies. Get eaten pussy. Absolutely. I think that's, that goes without saying. Interesting. You got anything fun for us to go out on here, little eldest?

Hey, Stavi, eldest, whoever the guest is, I'm sure they're great. Longtime listener, first time caller. This might be a dumb one. I am 32 and I recently was diagnosed with testicular cancer. I can't have cancer. And I had to immediately go to surgery where I had it. removed. The recovery process has been long, but I already have very weird feelings being down to

a one nut, I guess. And I don't know that I want to do the prosthetic talking to several of the surgeons and such. They did not recommend getting the prosthetic. but I still am worried about hooking up or being intimate in the future with someone and then being shocked by the discovery of their only being a singular testicle sorry that I don't subscribe to the Patreon

I was uninsured when this all came about So I'm trying to financially deal with those decisions, but take 60 bucks a year or throw it towards the podcast, too. Hope to hear this potentially in the future. Basically just kind of trying to figure out how do I still feel like a real man when I'm down to half the nuts. Thanks, man. Dude, this is fully just, you're in your head way too much. Yeah, the last part I can't speak to because I'm, imagine that it does fuck you up.

Like, I don't know the psychology of it. Sure. But I get that last sentence of like, I don't know how to, like, how I am a man anymore. I get that I can't. Well, let me say this. There's many things that make you less of a man than having one nut. Yes. I promise you.

You have emasculated yourself in many other ways. There are many things all of us do that make us less of a man that has nothing to do with what kind of nuts you have. Yeah. Look how I've been sitting. Yeah. And so I. I know, look, we can't speak to the experience, but I will say this, girls aren't fucking measuring nuts.

They're not, when they're, like, they don't know shit about your balls, dude. Like, they really don't. It might just look like you have little nuts, which isn't great. But guys with little nuts get pussy as well. And also, like, I've had girls who have been like, oh, I didn't realize you were, like, girls I picked up with multiple times. Like, wait, you're uncircumcised. It's like, what? Yeah, it's the whole thing.

You didn't know that? Like, they're not really, you know, like maybe, you know, hopefully you find some real freaks that can really tell. Here's the thing, if you found a freak that noticed you have less nuts, you're already in, you're already playing with house money. She's sucking your balls. She's playing with your nuts. She's playing with, she's tickling your grundle.

She's getting in there. And she's the kind of open-minded person that wouldn't really give a fuck either way. And so I don't think, I mean, look, who am I to just tell you? don't worry about it but it's like this is not something to worry about this is like the important thing is you're healthy you can fuck still it might look weirder to you but like

I promise you like girls like if you were with a girl and like she was missing half her pussy lips would you really know so many girls have different looking pussy so many guys have different looking balls you wouldn't know dude and I think in the same way most women

wouldn't necessarily like you're not going to be in a lineup it's not going to be like here's four guys with two nuts and one guy with one nut, right? You'll never, that'll never happen. I mean, I don't know what kind of freak you or maybe it will. Yeah, if you're, listen, if you're, if you're in a fucking Bukaki, maybe this becomes a problem, right? If you're getting fluff, they'll notice one nut compared to the other guys.

But most of the time, if you're talking about regular intimacy with somebody that you're dating or have some kind of even casual relationship with, this is not going to be an issue. And I have plenty of, I actually have multiple friends who had their name. nut, had one nut removed. We have, you shout out to one ball, Nate, truly a great guy from college. Never stopped him. My boy's doing great. He was getting sucked off. And he's kind of, you know, he's not handsome. Just a nice guy with one ball. Sorry, Nate, you know, you're not a sexy guy. You're a great guy, but no one think, you know, based off of other stuff, he's getting pussy in the same way

you will get pussy people will want to hook up with you or dick whatever maybe you're gay if you're gay you're gay don't even worry about this this is probably if you're gay it's probably they have a little there's a bing there's gay guys doing bingo and we suck off a guy with one nut

is the equivalent of G54 so yeah dude don't don't worry about this and also for like a nice book end Nemesh we talked about the start the email just said this is exactly what you're saying I honestly forget what he did I forget if he said he got a prosthetic

or if he left it the single but he was like it's never been an issue yeah yeah and especially if you're fucking if your surgeons are saying you don't tell you don't get the prosthetic obviously you're going to be in your own head but even if someone notices it

and you go I had cancer and I had to get my ball jumped off what's you going to say yeah it also does not matter it's not like they chopped half your cock off. Your balls don't matter. They're funny garnishes, but they're not really that important. Put that thing up your ass and just say you got no balls. That's true. Go no balls with it. That'll be cleaner. Yeah, you're fine. If anything, I would say, if you're really worried

about it, maybe, you know, plump your nuts up a little bit, put a little, you know. I'm also surprised by the answer from the surgeons. Like a healthcare professional not trying to get you to get by more? Like, what is? Interesting. I don't understand what. I just don't want to say at conflict because I forget what Nemesh said but I'm pretty sure he said he got the testicle Oh, he did. And I can't see why it would be bad. I have two

friends that did have a prosthetic testicle Let's see if is why they've been what while many of his own ago for taking a prosthetic the available search results is not explicitly

say whether Nemish has chosen to have the limits of AI. He said it in his most recent KFC radio. So if you were curious, we talked about it. He says he has one ball. Oh, no. He has a silicone ball. Okay, so yeah, he did go prosthetic. But look, dude, I don't think that

fucking matters, dude. I got to be honest to you. But it's up to, you know, obviously this is your choice. And if you're, you know, I think you're fine either way. And ultimately it is your choice. If there's something that really fucks you up, fine. Get the prosthetic. Nemesh has it. Fine. One ball, Nate. My friend from college doesn't have it.

One thing I always think of that. is helpful to me is like you're not the first person to have this concern like there you've been a million people who've lost a nut a million people who've had a life afterwards yeah like whatever this sucks that you're feeling this and i'm sorry about that but like in a year you won't be yeah that that's not really helpful that like it'll get better but i do think it is helpful and i also think again i want to stress i don't think most women give a fuck yeah truly and then it's like if you're not worried about it for sexual reasons then what are you worried about it for You're good, brother.

It's all, you know, you'll be fine. Maybe you have a little ass dick and your nuts were a source of pride. Would it hurt me a little more to losing one of my fat nuts? Yes. But ultimately, it would be a reminder that I survived, that I beat cancer. Right. I was thinking that. Like, you know, it's better than two nuts and not having cancer.

And it might make your dick look bigger having one ball, honestly. It's not bad. And I think it probably hangs kind of in the center. It's how I could just sticks to one side. Exactly that. It's like, you know, it's like putting like a watermelon in a hand. It's going to go right to the center, dude. So anyway, good luck, buddy.

You and your one ball are going to do great. We believe in you. And that's going to do it for us on this week's episode. Dude, thanks for coming. Thank you so much for having me. Check out Le Mascotte. It's all French. It's fully in French.

You guys are putting it. You're putting it on YouTube. It's on the Out of Order channel. I think it's funny. I think anyone who likes this show, I think you'll like it. um give a shout yeah check it out check it out it's cool i mean i do love seeing people put like actually produce highly produced stuff that matter they really tried on youtube it's it's it's a nice change of pace from content that like a lot of it's just like stream of consciousness

streaming bullshit podcasts yeah you know what i mean like it's nice to see a highly produced stuff and it is very highly produced our director our editor mikey pavinelli he's unbelievable all in road of the writer unbelievable it's it's great so i hope you like it um we're pretty proud of it so yeah i think check it out check it out on the out of order channel and uh we will talk to you guys next time bye bye