Stavvy's World - #148 - Gianmarco Soresi

Episode Date: September 29, 2025

Gianmarco Soresi joins the pod to discuss his new special THIEF OF JOY (out now on Youtube), having an aggressively Italian name, how the name Luigi has changed forever, emulating Daniel Day-Lewis as a young actor, doing standup in other countries, his dad being a ladies' man and businessman, and much more. Gianmarco and Stav help callers including a divorced man grappling with the ethics of being a passport bro, and a guy considering skipping his friend's bachelor party to avoid an unhinged guy who will be in attendance. Watch Gianmarco Soresi's new special THIEF OF JOY on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sB9eWtzTOq0 Follow Gianmarco Soresi on social media: https://www.instagram.com/gianmarcosoresi/ https://www.tiktok.com/@gianmarcosoresi https://www.facebook.com/gianmarcosoresi/ https://www.snapchat.com/@gianmarcosoresi   Visit Cornbread Hemp at https://www.cornbreadhemp.com/stavvy and use code STAVVY for 30% off your first order. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod  🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Hello, folks. We have a great episode with John Marco Serresi coming up. He's got a special out right now called Thief of Joy on YouTube. Check it out. And also, check us out live on the road. Me and Elders are hitting the road in November. Memphis, Huntsville. We have some sold out stuff already in Tennessee. I'm sorry, you should have acted faster. We have Greensboro, North Carolina. We have Merdle Beach. We have. And then, of course, Austin, Texas, and Boston at the Wilbur. We've already sold out a couple. of shows in Boston. Fourth show is on sale now. Second show in Austin. And that's going fast. We might have to add a third. Get your tickets now. We actually probably won't add a third. So get your tickets now if you want to see us. I don't actually... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Just buy the tickets. Let's sell it out. Maybe we had a third. Maybe we don't. I'm trying to be in New York, for Christ's sake. I got this nice apartment. I want to actually enjoy New York in the fall. Buy your tickets and enjoy this episode with John Marco. Opa, welcome everybody to Stavvi's World 904800 Stavv.

Call in, we'll solve your problems. We have on the couch, John Marco Soresi. How we doing, buddy? I'm good, I'm good. I went to Santorini this summer. Oh, nice. So seeing these blues, it takes you back. Yeah.

How's your trip? Oh, it's astounding. Yeah. Because it must be legally you can only paint your house certain colors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sure, as an American, like, I'd be like, I want to paint mine. But then you see it and you go like, okay. Oh, it's nice to have some community standards.

Yeah, as long as it's not some bullshit. Like here it's like in, you know, Ohio, they're like, oh, sorry, the trim has to be red and the outside has to be tan. Yes. It's like just like, you know, home owners associations. Yeah. It's like sexless people with just a little power. Everyone wants power.

In Sandorini, it's like, look, we got to make this shit look good. I think it's part of the greater whole. Every, every, it's like, every house has to look exactly like this. Santorini's like, we're trying to create a picture here. And it looks good. Be a part of that picture. Beautiful. Yeah, you went, I'm guessing, with your girlfriend?

Yes, I did shows in Athens and then Santorino was the vacation. Nice. And it was, I mean, it was the food. No, I'd never been to Greece. It's the best, dude. It's the best. I'm so spoiled of, we're all European boys. We all went on European trips, Eldis.

I went on, I was working, Eldis, my tour manager and producer, Nice. Happened to go on a three-week vacation the exact time I was working. He, I didn't know, I had no tour manager, I had no nothing. He was on the continent enjoying himself while I was funding the operation. You see through a window he's on the beach. Yeah, to his credit, he sent three emails while I was fucking figuring out all my own travel, finding openers. I don't work to make sure those shows run smoothly, even.

especially when you're not there it's more nerve wracking oh yeah I'm sure you were fucking I'm sure you were biting your nails oh I hope the shows are going well I was torn up inside you weren't fucking overdosing on Iberico

jambon you motherfucker anyway we all got so we're all freshly freshly from Europe but I'm so spoiled where it's like because my family I grew up going to Greece you know we went we took like four four or five big trips when I was a kid

and I can't even though I love traveling I love seeing other cultures there is no better place to vacation than Greece that is my full like I'll never get off that I'll never get off that I went for two day I had two and a half days between shows and I was like I'm just going to Greece

the food was astounding we went we went to Rome after and you go it's good it's all it's a lot of just bread bread everything's bread and in Greece it was like the fish yeah dude the salad I eat vegetables You know how hard is to give me to eat a vegetable? I'll eat boiled greens in Greece, dude.

They're good. Horta. I also, like, I had just gone, I was like in Amsterdam and Berlin and multiple times. I was just talking on my phone regular. And I was talking to my girlfriend, I was like, Amsterdam is a mate. And so I was like, shh, you're talking too loud. And Greece was the first time I was like, ah, my people are and we're hugging and we're kissing. Like, I'm a little Italian.

Yeah. And I don't know what's real and what's fake. The name certainly. This is, this happens with. names like people are so dumb they they like if you're labeled a thing like Robert De Niro's like one eighth Italian really he's mostly German or so he's like it's like Chris DeStefano same thing like he's fucking German but yeah you you have an aggressively aggressively and that's I'm guessing from your father I yes but I think my mom had an Italian

babysitter so she's Jewish interesting her last name was Roth Krug Rolf so fine let's pass that out hit both sides of the Jewish naming conventions yeah well it was I was, we were in my girlfriend and I, and she was raised Jewish, very Jewish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we were, we passed this wall in Rome of, you know, when Mussolini and Hitler started collabing or whatever, they had like a wall of all the, all the Jews that were taken to, like a memorial wall. Yeah.

And I always, we always talked about if we had a kid, I feel like, even if my kid's less Italian than me, I loved having an Italian name. Yeah, yeah. And she was, and so I was like, I want my kid to have an Italian name. She always said, like, I'm okay with that, but I wanted to be like an authentically Jewish Italian name. Interesting. And we never knew, you know, there's not that many Italian Jews. What are the authentic names?

Oh, hell, yeah. And then we looked at the wall. And I was like, this is a, this is a baby names book. Just a bunch of tragically slain guys. Oh, honored my, these are real Italian Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are the names? Do we have some good names?

A girl, Julia, with GI. Love that. And a boy, because they, uh, Dachau. It's a joke Oh, that's the place. Oh, interesting. No, I like, I mean, if Luigi, my great grandpa was

Luigi. Yeah. His real name was Luigi, but now it's, now it's stuck. A statement, you think? Oh my God, if I name my kid Luigi. That would be awesome. It would be cool. You could name him maybe Mario. Yeah, well, that's like a soft tribute. I didn't love Luigi before because,

of the Mario connotation and now I'm sure Nintendo had meetings of like what do we do with this oh interesting yeah there's a there's a there's a there's a there's a Mario party game where Luigi snipes Bowser Luigi fucking just a bunch of coins go to coupas with fucking cancer a bunch of coupas with fucking sling arm slings get to go to hospital if he goes to the haunted house and all the ghost are insurance yeah yeah Luigi's mansion gets a little re he's ghost busting fucking CEOs I like that I know they certainly had to have a meeting of like

what do we do people are going to associate this The brand is strong enough though I think At this point Yeah and I don't To withstand now another guy doesn't Two Luigi's kill CEOs Now we're now there's problems In the canon Luigi's got to die somehow

Yeah yeah yeah yeah He needs another brother But I was when I was in Europe You mentioned Luigi got a big applause I don't know what it's like in Asia though We'll see I'm going to be in Japan Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah We'll see how Luigi plays there Yeah, yeah Are you actually going to Japan New shows? Yeah, I'm going to do an Asia round Next year Wow

India too India Singapore where I got to submit a transcript Oh, I don't want to do that I'm not doing that bullshit I'm just more curious I get that Well I did

Japan though I did like I did like very Low level like bar shows essentially Yeah yeah And it was just weird It just felt weird And I'll do that

I'll do a gig For the weirdness Yeah But I went to To Istanbul And this like one like my mom and my former stepdad both called separately the divorce and was like are you you going to istanbul and i was like oh let me google but i don't you know i'm i'm an idiot so i'm like oh

both parents yeah yeah and uh it was beautiful it was amazing and i asked the guy though i said like he said he said you can say whatever you want and then then he said just you know for the second show there's going to be a muslim called a prayer and it's going to last in the middle of the show they do five a day wow what time is this like seven eight this probably probably like nine nine nine night at 10, 9.30, I would think. So they do five a day, 5 a.m. And they space it out evenly? How does it work?

I would imagine evenly, but I don't know. So every five hours or so? Or four in something? Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I said to the guy, I said it like, oh, so can I make jokes? Like during the Muslim brain, it's like, say whatever you want. And I'm like, I can say whatever I want.

Because it's 10 minutes long. The guy's singing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Reading names. I mean... That's insane that you'd have to do the show. It was so much fun. I mean, it was so much fun.

Like, say whatever you want. Just know Dimitri Martin-style drawings. Yes. No PowerPoints. I thought Dimitri would, like, draw more than that. Dimitri, no. No, Dimitri, no. Do the lollipot bit right now.

A Greek guy getting killed in Turkey for drawing Muhammad, he would become our hero. I would be on there being like You have no idea what you've done, Turkey We're coming for you But then I wrote the manager Because I was going to post the video And he said he said, don't post that video

So you can say whatever you want You can say whatever you want But you post a video But don't ask don't tell you can be gay in Turkey You can make fun of the call to prayer Yes, yes Do it on your own time Just don't let us see it

Don't film yourself Yeah, yeah Don't film yourself But you're meeting It's funny because you meet these comics And I hope this isn't cruel But they're a year They've been they've gone to jail for a joke

and they're a year in comedy? Open micers who are heroes And they're bad And you hear the joke And you go I got a couple notes too Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

If I could imprison some open micers I would do it too For other reasons Yeah But yeah That's crazy to be like To be punished for like To be Lenny Bruce

Wow Six months in Yeah that's tough Yeah it's kind of beautiful Because you go like I go like When people go Wow you're so brave

To say that joke in Texas. I go, no, they're brave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not even good at this yet. And they're bad. Yeah. It's true.

I mean, going to Europe, you do see the different stages that stand-up comedy is at. Like, you said you did Athens. I feel like they just learned what stand-up comedy was in Greece three years ago. Because I couldn't explain it to my family.

Like, my family had no concept of it for like, you know. Really, you couldn't point to the Parthenon and go, it's like that. I would tell them I was an actor. Sure. It was like a one-man. play they could get that but or a monologist or whatever i watched in south korea because like they came

back from covid pretty quick with live stand-up and so you know i was like maybe hilarious and they they had their first south korea to do stand-up their first Netflix comedy special they put up and it was some guy who was on they have something that's like south korea s-and-l and he did his first special and i watched it with subtitles and you're like oh this is the beginning stand-up has been going on in america since so long ago yeah this is the beginning it's like one of the punch i'm I swear, was like, women are different. Women are different. I was like, okay, that's the first step.

And then from there, you could do more nuanced. Of course, of course, of course. This misogyny is not as nuanced as ours. No, no, dude. But it takes time. It takes time. And yeah, you look, you even watch a, like, you'll hear like, Ellen DeGeneres had a legendary tonight show.

And you watch it and you're like, what? The phone call to God. That's a good one, though. I mean, she's got some bangers. I just mean like No, I know what you mean. You watch, even people you think are great and you watch a Tonight Show

from the 70s and you're like, there were some, there were three great jokes in five minutes. Yeah. And there's a lot of just setting it up and there's just like, it's like watching tape from the NBA in the 60s. It's the same thing.

I read that book, it's, I'm dying up here and they talked about Jay Leno. They're like, when Jay walked in a room. Yeah, foul balls. I remember that joke. Oh shit.

And then you go to the Tonight Show and it's like, oh, the baseball's, goofy. Yeah. He was like, there's some joke about like, um, an umpire was like having a cream for jockich and the punch time was like foul

balls. And that was like one of his like people fucking knew that joke, dude. Say foul balls, fucking idiot, not umpire. Fowl balls. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, there must have felt risque and I'm sure barely got past the censors.

Yeah. Anyway, I read, I know this because I read his autobiography as a child. That's the kind of stand-up kid I love stand-up as a kid. I was fascinated by it. Was it a good autobiography? Not really, no. I mean, but it was good for being 11. What did you talk about, though? Like, they talk about the tough times

and the tough gigs? Yeah, you know, working mob clubs, but also his childhood. And, like, yeah, it is fascinating. I mean, these guys would open for, like, singers. Like, they were, like, famous singers for a while in the 70s, it was like, oh, get a stand-up guy to, like, just kind of warm the crowd up.

the playboy club circuit. Can you imagine? You would have rocked. I would have loved that. I would have loved to do that. And then there's, I did. But they also sound like horrific gigs. Oh,

horrific, but great stories. That's why I go to some of these countries where I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to Singapore to like do this. I want a story. Yeah. And the more, the more fans you get, the less, the more the, it was a great show. Yeah, yeah. I walked on and everyone cheered in a phone.

I did absolutely nothing. Well, it's cool to, to, to have, it's also cool to like, have a shitty show. again. Yeah. Like, especially, like, you know, we're a very coddled generation where, like, when you get an online fan base, we, people are like, it's an easy room kind of prematurely. Like, you used to have to be a stand-up, you used to be like a working for like a decade at the highest levels to get the kind of buy-in that we get that we don't deserve.

Yeah. And so sometimes I'm like, I like doing shows unannounced because it's like, I'm not actually famous. I'm famous to my fans. Sure. But if I go to the cellar and they're like, we have a special guest, they're like, Chappelle's here, Ray Ramon, you know what I mean? And they're like, and I come on and people are like literally like, who the fuck is this guy?

Yeah. I miss that feeling of like, oh yeah, there's just some fat idiot that you would get when you were doing open mics or like shitty bar shows. Like to me that is the beauty of stand-up. But I could see getting that in like, you know, Italy where they don't really know what stand-up is. You're at least getting, you're at least not getting, even though they might love you, there's a fucking land. language barrier. Yeah, you just learn something new. Like, if it's Italy, I'd learn how to be physical and a better, like, from an artistic way,

I'm like, this makes you stronger. Sure, sure. I just think, I think about political, the reason every gets so preachy is I go to San Antonio, and I swear, if only my audience was voting, Jill Stein would have had a shot. And it's like, it's like, so, oh, my brave Charlie Kirk joke, it's like, everyone in this crowd, we're on the same page. No, I know, I'm, I loved, that's why I love, I do love going to the mothership, Because before I did my special, I was doing anti-Elon jokes.

And people were, like, there would be guys being like, because I'm making fun of Elon where it's like, I go to my shows. People are like, yeah, he's a piece of shit. But it's like, it's fun. And I do like that the mothership gives us a conservative, like, they give you like a chance. They give you the mirror opposite of Brooklyn. And that is good.

That is good to go there and be like, to say shit that, like, because my favorite special of all times probably. elephant in the room and Patrice Senniel says things that are legitimately insanely misogynistic and it's just and I'm laughing because I'm not because I agree

because it's fucking funny and it's like that's the whole point and they always say with Patrice they go they go he walks the room a lot of times and I go that's the different era if I walked the room twice at the cellar

it'd be like hey we're going to take a break from spots here for a walk in the room we're looking yeah and it's like the environment so dictates the kind comedy that can come out of him and Patrice is like it was a different time as you hear those old stories and you go like oh I would have never worked again if I missed that one spot yeah yeah it's I mean I definitely think it did hurt his career in that way you know but it made great great art but it's like yeah it's nice to get people that literally don't agree with you to laugh

that's the job in fact that's maybe the platonic ideal of the job but I still I don't know about to me I'd like that you're that you're willing to go because To me, going and doing stand-up in Asia seems like a wasted thing. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, what the fuck? I'll get there soon enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the last round. Okay, okay. This is the last round of this. Yeah, yeah. But, but yeah, I think I don't, I don't get that, I don't get that kind of challenge with audiences anymore. And I do miss it. There was, like, one corporate show I did a long time ago.

And, like, on the way, I was doing research, and I was like, oh, this is, I don't know what kind of union this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I got the play ball, and opened with, the national anthem. Love it. Auctioning off rifles of all stripes. And I was the feature.

Yeah. And it was clean. Everyone was old. It was just like cowboys. Yeah. And then, and then this said, I swear to God, it said the stand-up tonight is brought to us by our sponsors ExxonMobil. Fuck, yes, dude.

And so, like, my mom happened to be with me when she drove me to this gig in Santa Barbara. Okay. And I'm like, I'm like, are you, are you, are you, do you grow up? No, she grew up in Maryland. Yeah, because I saw the area code. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, ah, here we go. She moved to L.

after the second divorce. I love it. And so I'm with her and I'm like, you know, she's the only person going to talk to. I'm like, I want to do a joke. And she's like, she's like, don't, don't do a joke. And I'm like, I'm going to do it now. I needed my mom to tell me don't do it.

And it was like there was a big banner that said ExxonMobil. And I had some joke about the Titanic, the new Titanic. And I said the ice purse got a lot smaller thanks to my sponsor, ExxonMobil. And it was like this moment where the audience sweat, it was like, oh, laughter and then booing. And I was like, I was like, Oh, I felt, I felt like a badass. Totally, totally, totally.

And I can't, now in any room I do, it would be like, fuck, X, I'm lovable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they, I do, I will say those guys, sometimes when you do jokes to people like that, they're like, yeah, we are destroying the world. It's awesome. Yeah. Like, I do kind of appreciate them for being like, yeah, yeah. It's cool, thank you. We like that we make you mad.

You know what I mean? That is, and as, again, as an audience, societally, big problem. As an audience, pretty good. Great show. Pretty good. Thanks for coming. Ah, eldest we're living in crazy times. Life's been crazy.

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We love cornbread hemp. You're going to love it too. Get a little cornbread hemp CBD gummy up in you and relax, baby. I do love, I mean, I do want to, the second divorce, I mean, your family sounds insane. Just cobbling things from bits and pieces. Yeah, a lot of. Just like how many divorces, how many sets of step parents, but also just girl for a never-ending swinging door.

of girlfriends on your dad's behalf, which is fast. So how much, like, where was your, your parents are, were they the first, were they the first marriage of each one? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think my, my dad was like, I believe 33, Mom, 25. Okay, nice. And my dad was like, just stunning. Yeah, oh, really?

Just a extremely, a real, a real, and, and just like a lady's, I mean, his dad cheated, he was a cheater, but just really good looking in a way that. was always over, you know, just, he'd flirt with women and they'd flirt back. Yeah, yeah, constantly. He'd say to the waiter, send my card over there, and then she'd come to the table. That's fucking, I mean, that's a different universe. It is. But it is.

All right, Peter, so I just saw, like, you probably saw it, too, that anecdote that was floating around about Robin Redford. My God. He wanted to play the, it was. Mike Nichols and the graduate, he wanted to play the lead. He wanted to play Dustin Hoffman's part, and he was like, I just don't do. you play a loser he was like like when's the last time you even struck out with a woman and he was like what do you mean he's like you know when you strike out with a woman and he's like

what do you mean yeah what does that mean the concept of striking out and he wasn't lying like he wasn't joking he never tried to fuck anyone and it didn't work and you're like wow that i can't even imagine god they do that because right now like on broadway shows they'll do the music man with like uh hugh jackman and the music man he's supposed to convince the town to come along and seduce Marion. And then they cast fucking Hugh Jackman in it. And I'm like, he could have walked in and be like, you want to fuck? And she was like, Hugh Jackman.

Right, there was no... Right behind the the books, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's nice that there was a time where like it's like, yeah, not everyone has to be, in fact, them being hot negates the story. You lost a part for being too hot. Whereas now it's like the, like, you know, every, like the classic Johnny, like Johnny Depp plays a bald guy. They put Johnny Depp in a bald cap or they put, you know, someone

in a fat suit. It's like, come on man, what do we got here? The fat suits are pretty... And then they make the video, it took eight hours to put this on, and you listen to him, he's... I know. It was really tough being fat for four hours a day. And Colin Farrell, I love. Incredible actor. Of course. Miami Vice,

the remake holds a special place in my heart. By the way, they used to be able to play a disabled person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's how they got the rocks off. I can't do that anymore. One of the last costumes, one of the last transformations they can get away with. You're so right.

It's very bad. Down syndrome's off the table. Yeah. Half like, had like radio, all that's gone. So like, all right.

Danny Day Lewis's next piece is going to be like the actor who played What's Eating Gilbert Great. Yeah. And that'll be his next movie. He is back with his son. That's a good dad.

That's a good dad right there. I love, I love Dan Day Lewis. I wanted to. to be him for a long... Interesting. I did. You fucked up.

I was in an acting company. And you picked a real-life person to be, and this was an intense, all we were doing. And the goal was, like, you'd inhabit that character in real life. You know, not for your whole life, for six months, but for... Oh, as an acting exercise? As an acting exercise. And you picked Daniel Day-Lewis? No.

Okay. I picked a role that he played. Oh, wow. I picked a real-life person that he portrayed in 1988 in a movie called My Left Foot. Oh, isn't that where... He has cerebral palsy. He's an Irish poet who had like could only really operate his left foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this was like, before comedy, this was deathly serious. No one at any point was like, you shouldn't do that. It really like everyone, like when I did the exercise, the teacher who was tough gave me a standing ovation and said, if you keep working like this, there's nothing you can't do. And, and we got, I got a wheelchair off of Craigslist. I like studied and you had to take it in public so it wasn't just class so there was one time

that my girlfriend at the time who by the way you're in a fucking wheelchair you're making your girlfriend push you around on a wheelchair and by the way she's also she's doing Audrey Hepburn as her person

Oh my God and so she's not necessarily saying hi I'm Audrey Hepburn but she is in a character of her own I can't believe this and we went out to we went out to I've got an invalid it's quick pick my perils up with your foot oh that's crazy

I would do the impression too but I'm curious yeah so so we went to pay it was so it's like me and her and then two other actors were all like they're not the other two are just doing like normal people like a famous ballet dancer but he's dressed like a normal person yeah yeah yeah yeah mine requires a lot more props of course and then when they go to pay we're using my credit card there was like a brief time where our faces were on credit cards. Do you remember? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so in this picture, I'm just like normal and you're like, and I was like, I was like, they're going to, they're going to bust me. I don't know, I don't even know what they do. Well, yeah. I think luckily, the thing is, I don't know if I was doing an amazing job because I was so scared. Right. Or no one had the courage to say, excuse me, sir, are you pretending to have cerebral palsy right now?

Well, that's the thing. It's like, what do you gain from this other than who other than an insane? You're not trying to get the fucking discount. No, no, no. Oh, of course. Of course, but acting is so stupid to justify it at any given moment. Of course. I'm doing this so when I do it on stage, it's believable.

No one's cast me as the role either. Yes, yes, yes. I picked it myself. This was the one I wanted to do. I'm still doing Meisner exercises. No script even. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a physical adjustment we call it.

Oh my God. Dude, that's, that is fucking insane that they, that's not considered a complete waste of time. Like so much of that, like to me. I believe, I think we undermine good acting in general. and I think we're suffering acting is weird some people just have a lot of talent but it can take a lot of training

I still believe I was not a good actor I was not walking around in a wheel making your girlfriend push you around in a fucking wheelchair but did you see my left foot he did it for six months and they say that when there was a wire he could have stood up but he said you know he said no and people were like rolling their eyes

and I go show me a performance like that Show me someone who... Listen, you can earn that. Yeah. You can earn that. He's earned it. Sure, but you got to, what do you start with one wheel?

LeBron gets to fuck. LeBron spends a million dollars on his body because he's LeBron. Sure. If I'm playing pickup, I don't get to be in a hyperbaric chamber and get a masseuse. You know what I mean? Like, I don't get to do that. I don't get a nurse around the clock. I have to fucking work up to that kind of shit.

You were some fucking guy in a fucking class. You don't need to get pushed around in a wheelchair. You could have limped. How about we start with a lip, John Marko? Before we fucking break it. Just some cane work. How about a cane? Basic cane work.

Because I know you mean I. It's like Dr. House. No, I know. I know. You're right. Like, I don't even think at the extreme levels, I can see that because, you know, I'm, I like, I like movies. So I want to act a little bit. And I think, like, I think if you're a performer, you can be 80% good at acting.

and like being in some stuff and I've been lucky I just got to work with like insanely actual good actors right yeah and and I'm like oh because I definitely had that thing

of like acting's bullshit who fucking cares and then you see people who are like that good at it and you're like I cannot ruin a scene right like I can naturally just

if everyone else is crushing it I won't stick out like a sore thumb but like it's the kind of thing with everything where you're like to get to that next level and every percentage it gets a little harder right to get from 80 to 85 is harder to get and then winter in like 95 to get those half percentage points yeah to be daily Lewis I believe that it's like six months or whatever but there is a lot and

you know it how many fucking drama kids of course pretend it's like they are they are operating at that level where it's like come on guys but I just think there's there's a general like it's like it's the way Seinfeld don't always talk about acting it's like acting what is acting And I was like, you're the worst actor I've ever seen in my entire life. He's fucking crazy how bad he is. Like how bad he's smiling. He smiles at like half the scenes he's in. And everyone else is so good.

That's the funniest part of that. On the like, whatever, a three watch of Seinfeld that I've done, it's now all I watch is Jerry. But he's also, but like same with Roseanne. He's surrounded by fucking geniuses. Yeah, killers. Surrounded. And I think that's like that was the old model that worked. Roseanne couldn't act for shit

Laurie Metcalf and John Goodman are two of the great actors of her time Yes, yes, yes, absolutely So how old were you at when you started Being a little theater kid? From the beginning I remember like my parents were divorced But I would dance in the living room

And so I would like separately with the mom and with my dad Why are you laughing? Because I said it again No, no, no Dancing in the living room's hilarious Yeah But this is how early the impression impulse was where my dad would play disco.

They both were like in the disco era. And they put on its raining men. Love that. And I would just be dancing. And I said to them, we need to get our living room onto a stage. Awesome. So this can be witnessed.

Yeah. So there is a deep. Yes, from the jump. To be witnessed that it's not enough to have joy on your own. Like you have to witness me having the joy for it to fully activate. Now, where your parent,

like your dad would, Do they, are either of them, like, actory people? No, mom, mom not at all. My dad, no, business guy. Business guy. Sales? He, like, owned his own company, did, I mean, he's, like, now he has 30 different companies, that kind of guy. Like, one, he used to do oil spill cleanups, which used to be a big money making thing.

And he was, he was rich. He retired in his 40s. We had a Ferrari. Focused on getting pussy. Mm-hmm. Where in Maryland do you grow up? Potomac. Oh, okay.

Which is, a rich, is there? terrible awful boring whatever's over there no one in potomac would allow their wives to be on that show so that people joke that it's it's real housewives of baltimore yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i never saw that one i never saw that season but boring boring people with money no it's insane it's it's like the richest uh yeah because like i had friends who grew up in that like of the rich dc maryland suburbs that's the richest one yeah yeah yeah but so your dad was off that and that was off like his oil spill clean up

and then he put it on to stocks and like he's the dot com bubble bursting definitely hit him hard and he got back

into like just he basically had machinery around so scrap metal recycling is like the main thrust of it but then he's always

trying to get into new companies a cannabis thing for a second and then now with like with chat GPT it's allowed him to

crypto guy too or no no thank God thank God the things he's not, he's not political, thank God. But I was eating dinner with him, a very attractive woman walked in, and he said, you think she'd be a good model for bad bitch purses?

Bad bitch purses? And I go, I go, okay, let's start at the beginning. Oh, man. And, you know, it's like, it was an Etsy store, and it's, you know, it's the same purse that if I made merch purses, you buy it off that with a tag. Yeah, of course.

And I'm, you know, pleading with him, please don't go up to this woman. You get it off Ali Baba or whatever the, it's like a thousand of them. Yeah, screen prints it, yep. And he could be rich now. And now he's not because he got a thousand purses off Ali Baba. And then he still thinks with that mind of when he, he's still, for 71, he's a good looking guy.

But he's 71. But I'm like, you cannot approach that woman. Back in the day, she'd say, a model? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Please let's go over to your place and talk it over. And he still has that. And I go, please don't talk to her. It's weird to, I mean, he's got like what a hot blonde woman goes through in her 40s.

Yes. Your dad is going through it in a 70s. You're right. You're right Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's over for him. Guys get to go a little longer. It's way longer. And, unfortunately, it times right with the maybe dementia.

And it's just a killer cocktail of social discomfort. Is he single now? He's dating someone. He's dating. He's dating someone. Like, those guys, if they were smart, they would see the end coming and lock down like a 45-year-old. Sure. And be like, all right, I had a good run.

I'm going to end my, I'm going to still go out on top. but sometimes you hang on too long I think I just also think I think some guys are a cheater at heart even if it's not like I bet even if it's not like sleeping with other women it's it's online attention flirting and whatever

and some guys just they got that dog in them and when you see it with your father you go like I don't think it's ever going away it's like it's part of you I wish you lived in a different time where where people did have the husband did cheat and it was known but it was

part of the overall agreement and he made the money and that's we all agree yeah yeah yeah and instead it's just yeah your parents 20 years earlier yeah textbook great stuff yeah yeah what i mean if they're non-ethical non-monogamous yeah yeah not ethical non-monogamy yeah what this fucking society was built on you whores understand you want it all god dude now now look at us everyone's everyone's cheating out in the open and it's all gone and the society's gone to shit you're cheating i imagine with social media it's just impossible to even re-enter that there's just too much because I think part of the whole thing is like you keep things quiet yeah you do what you do but you keep things quiet and

that's impossible you could take five exits on a highway and no one knows who you are yeah I mean that's that's how they had a fan you said they had a family in Florida yeah yeah once they got on that plane yeah they plane dude forget it yeah now it's like everyone's Connect. Yeah. It ruined cheating. Globalization ruined cheating. Interesting. So, were you, do you ever have any of that? Were you a cheater ever? Did you have any of that? No, not like, not like that at all. You know, went to a summer camp and had a girlfriend and called her and said, hey, can we be open for that, you know, musical theater, summer camp? You know, but always like, I think I think I'm very much like, if I am lying to someone, I feel so not close to them that it negates the why a relationship would be there to begin with. You would just, yeah. If I have a partner, like, I need to, I need to, like, love them and feel loved. And if I'm lying, there's a block where I don't even, I can't even get that, like, existential love.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think the, like, worst, worst I ever did was, like, once I was, like, it was an acting, it was an acting program, and I had a girlfriend. And, like, there were two other women over, and we were all flirted. It was acting, we're all flirting. Of course, your method. Yeah. You picked that week a guy who gets his dick sucked by two girls. Yeah.

What am I supposed to do? Yeah. Fail the clash. And it's me and there's three other women. And it was just, you know, sometimes it feels like something must have, the smell must change in the air because you feel like sex is on the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, in that heat of that moment, in a room with my girlfriend, I was like, instead of

being like, hey, I'd love to discuss like that. I was like, please. Yeah. Please, can we do this? Yeah, yeah. And that was, I think to me, like, that was the words like me being like, please, please, just crushing her into fucking. Please, can we do this right now?

And it was like, it was like, yeah, okay. But then, you know, after being like, you clearly were doing that as a kindness. Sure. And you were. It's pretty kind. Yeah. That's a big kindness. Yeah.

I'll do whatever you want for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get a couple really big birthdays after this. Christmas, for you, don't buy me anything. I got you on this one. But to me, again, like, that wasn't, it was not a cheating thing. It was asking, like, can we please do this together? Of course.

Both of us equally want this. I want to bond us. I mean, ah, the fall crisp air. You know, it wakes me every day, eldest. I don't know if you feel the same way. But that's not enough to get a nice pep in my step. I don't want to do too much caffeine. It's crash out.

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rechargeable frother when you use code stavi that's right up to 43% off with code stavi at mudwater.com after your purchase they'll ask you how you found them please show your support and let them know we sent you you do though I think we just talked about this on an episode before we left or I remember what it was but you kind of are proving my thesis of like straight guy in a gay zone best guy to be because you might have been one of there's probably you know however many women in every class you're in and every guy but you and one other guy are gay probably and and a lot of them it's so funny the women that maybe they went for the other guy or we just competed to try to get this woman's affections

and they're all gay now oh the women are gay no no the guys the guys I mean and sometimes I want to go so even the ones that were straight yeah in high school A lot. I mean a lot. And I want to go to them and be like, you couldn't have given me a fucking break in high school. You were gay. You were competing that hard? You didn't even want the pussy?

Oh, dude. That's nuts. Nothing drives me crazier than when I hear stories of friends who are gay now. And they're like, I didn't even know who I was. I was having sex with women in high school. And I was like, you were fucking getting pussy? I would have killed Elton. I've known Elders in my whole life.

I would have shot Eldis in a non-lethal place to get pussy. It was all I wanted. And these guys were like, it was so hard. hard for me to fuck women while they're fucking yeah this kid is sort of like a weird shaped cock

you know or this could be Star versus kid yeah yeah yeah oh fuck dude no a lot of

I mean in high school at least in college I ended up having like a girlfriend pretty right away but in in high school those summer camps and I don't know if it's different now

I imagine people come out sooner now these camps were where a lot of kids did come out. I've seen kids come out in an acting class or they you know you'd hear or save up that bullet when you're not doing well in acting got to gain some points with the teacher yeah come out come at an opportune time it's true and there were women who experienced their first love and he was gay and couldn't help but internalize it sure in a way that you certainly didn't even if even if you didn't believe in that that's how it worked of course you just you just took it that way and I remember like

One where it was like, she was devastated by it. Something about it fucked her up. And then they both went to the summer camp and he was fucking his roommate. And they were the kind of twins. They were the kind of where they look identical to. Yeah, I love that style of gay guy. So it's like he left me for him. Are you guys brothers or no?

No, no, you're sucking each other off. So I could have done, it was still, it was like a little bit chaotic. Sure. I could have. Still. Yeah. You could have better, but listen, you did great. Sure.

I always think that. I'm like, yeah. send a like either your kid is gay and he's having a great time at theater camp or he's one of the straight ones and he gets to fuck the girls but there was one i remember one guy dance even cheerleading i'm talking go gay or not even just theater like let him do real gay shit but that's the fear that they the question is do people fear that their kid i think they think even if my kid's gay i want him to repress it of course if i if i give him any kind of space where he thinks it's okay yeah but but i guess there are some people who do think like you catch it or you just like, but that's when you wonder,

it's such an old trope of like all homophobic people are secretly gay. I do think there's got to be a chunk because their philosophy is like, if you go near it, then you'll do it. And I feel that way because. I think there's a chunk.

I also think probably, I just do think most of them are just hateful. Sure. Right? Sure. There's definitely the gay. There's clearly, I think,

I think why it's so apparent. is because the loudest homophobes are the secretly gay ones. But the silent majority that just hate gays, just by default. The last ones are the theater kids. They should have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they can't. That's why some really conservative churches have some great parades. Yeah.

That closet of gay guys putting all his energy into some floats. You know what I mean? Like they're giving pastors, like they're giving the outfits, the hats, all this shit. I just remember I had a friend who was like a soccer guy in college and I went out with him once and we were with his soccer friends and we were going out to this club and one of the guys, they were all dressed up to go out and we're at this guy's place so he went to shower and he came out to get dressed and we were pre-gaming and he came out of a shower in his bedroom and we're all dressed and he's fully naked and he's standing with one foot like on a stool or something and I was sitting there and I was like I've been to six musical theater camps. This is the most homoerotic thing I've ever been. involved with and I just think about all the ways where like with athletics there's these spaces to be men and touchy and it's you know when I think of Greece or Italy like totally there's just touching and it's wildly just kind of homoerotic and I think just the I think the those guys they fear

they're all really close if anyone in is in that space that will go further I'm sure some of them would some of them wouldn't yeah but even if the the idea was out in the open suddenly this thing is gay. I'm there as the gay representative. Sure. Wanting to be like, oh, this is gay. You guys are being gay. This is, he's, go put on, your shorts are right at the dresser.

Yeah. You're getting something from your dick being out. We're all. No, I mean, there were, my football team in high school, they would be, they would bully, they bullied a gay guy in a way where I was like, you guys kind of like tried to fuck him. Like they, like they pulled their dicks. They did, they would do weird shit. They'd be like, look how gay we are.

We're showering naked together. I was like, you are showering naked together. Yeah, yeah. Like, you're, I'm jerking him off. I'm swine as come. And like, and they were, I think they're both straight. Like, even to this day, maybe one, but one is definitely straight as hell. And I do, I was just like, I was like, you guys can't, like, what happened is they, like, asked, they, in a bathroom, shut the door.

And it was with a gay kid. And they were like, let's see your dick. And it's like, that's. gay dude. You try to see a gay guy's dick. It's compared to your gay dick to my straight dick. I bet I can get mine longer than your gay dick. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. It's like, you shouldn't

bully a gay guy, but it's like, that is crazy. I imagine there's a lot more bisexual men. Yeah. I think maybe it's that. As opposed to like it's just like feelings and there's simply no room in any capacity for them to exercise that feeling. Whether they want

a boyfriend or whether they just want to. No, that's a good point. it's probably not that everyone's closet it's like there's a lot of guys that like maybe would have just like jerked a guy off once and that was like that fear was like coursing through them and then when they're in all these like gay locker rooms and shit

it's like I you know they have to be act all macho to be like I would never even think that yeah you know what I mean for me those were brutal because it's like everyone's dick was so big I never had a space I never had a space it was fucking crazy dude. I was in Baltimore City public schools playing football dude. These kids

had some wild hammers on them and I was like, I would very, I was very specific. I never had to be naked in those locker rooms. And I don't know if that's better or worse. Would you be naked on film? My dick just does not photograph well. You know what I mean? I need to get fluffed. I need to

lose some weight. It's really truly about how little my dick is. Because I don't care. Obviously I don't care about being, if my dick was bigger, dude, I think I would be naked all the time. 100%. You know what I mean? But I just have a...

And by the way, that's giving a false impression to the public that everyone's got big dicks. It's like, no, only the big dick guys are the ones who are willing to show cops. But yeah, like, I have friends who wouldn't be naked

and like I know their dicks are big like actors or whatever. And I was like, and then I don't remember what happened. It was like we were swimming or something. He posted like a weird picture where he didn't realize, like this guys with huge digs don't even know

like he wasn't even trying to show his dick. But he posted like some kind of picture on his dick. Instagram and I was like bro nice dick bro his shit was like peeking and he was like embarrassed he wasn't

trying to show his dick off he's like a shy guy and I was like you're like a handsome guy with a big ass dick why won't you like flop your shit out more it's for the best some people won't if you had a big dick you imagine how many naked pictures you'd be putting out I mean it'd be I do think I probably if shit I think I probably would have done

like just only fans or something like that if my dick was big yeah I think I'd show my cock off I would have at minimum done like a very arts shoot where my dick is out. Of course. Without question. Yeah. If only my dick was bigger. I got naked in that acting class once.

Not in character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But I always go like... Just practicing? Whenever I see nudity on stage, I always... Something about me, I go like, wow. Good for you. Well, there's something about that kind of nudity that's almost asexual. Like those acting... The thing is, those acting zones and theater kids in general, it gets to a point

that it's so over the top that it's not. not sexual anymore. Sure. Like even that weird foursome you had probably wasn't that erotic. You know what I mean? It's just like

all those kids are so weirdly touchy-feely. Like I remember I went to a sixth grade. It was pretty erotic and amazing. Yeah, I mean, that was it was a good? No, no. It was a good for real. No, what it really was was more

one ended up going like, no, that's all right. Yeah. And still that's, when you start with three. Yeah, yeah. You left with two. I was like,

there's no way I'm, we can lose a couple. We plan to lose at least one. this is fine we're still on track it was it was more it was more like two twosomes back to back so to speak

and it was like okay yeah not bad still listen but you know okay I take that back it's not that it's not erotic it's that it's so performative it becomes asexual

yes I know you mean this isn't about fucking someone yeah yeah yeah this is about being seen fucking you know what I mean which is like

and even that nudity it's like sometimes it's in people there is some kind of like intimacy, but it's like, that's why it is impressive when intimacy is done actually, and it feels real in a movie or in something, because like, it's like those people will do whatever to make a scene work, but it doesn't feel, sometimes it just does not feel real at all. Yeah. And yeah, it's like, I'm sure you just saw a bunch of your classmates nude in a way that's just not even that horny. But there's times you'd be kissing, like in a scene, and, and I go, I'm cheating.

Like, like, there's, there's this idea, like, oh, there's a perfect one, like, Rachel is the Superman. They're, like, people were trying to spread a room with that Rachel Brosnanna, the Superman guy were, and, and they showed one where, like, they were doing a scene and she kissed him, they yelled cut, and she did another kiss, like, right after. And, and people were like, she did a kiss after the cut. And it's like, no, they're acting. Yeah. But then the other part, I'm like, I'm like, so the difference in cheating and not cheating is, hey, I couldn't have cheated. We filmed the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

We filmed the whole thing. Totally. I mean, certainly no one ever fucks their co-stars. Well, the thing about the reason that's not cheating is because, like, that guy just seems like such a nice nerd. Oh, yeah, it's that, it's not cheating in the normal sense. I, my theory is all acting is, is sanctioned cheating. And I understand why. So it's being in an open relationship.

Yes. It's kind of being Polly. Yeah. Of course. Except, like, who decides who I get to fuck a casting director. Yeah. I go to the cast director, I need this part. Come on.

That is very interesting, yeah What was your first Like, do you remember the first Even if you were a little-ass kid The first moment where you were like I'm a fucking star Yeah, it was Princess in the P

Love that I believe I was kindergarten Or first grade Wow, hell yeah I was the prince And I had to tell the princess I love you at the end Or a hugger or something

And then very popular at the time I turned to the audience And I went And it got a pop And it got a pop. You had to let them know, I believe in cooties. Even though I, look, I'm doing my job as an actor. Yeah.

It got a big pop. Oh, that must have felt electric. And I should have known that's when I was a comedian. I think I thought I was, it took me later, 20s to be like, oh, I'm a comedian. Yeah, yeah. I want to say, this is bullshit a little. Yeah, yeah. What about the first, what about like, is there one where you really wanted a part and you got, you didn't get it?

Do you remember that first one where you're like, fuck? Or does one stick out to you? Middle school and college were, I mean, middle school and high school were good to make. And then you go to college and you go. I mean, I got cast a senior year of college, I was cast as Marines Dad in Rent. And I was like, I'm a senior in college. I'm about to go to the real world. And I got Marines Dad.

My song is a voicemail. I leave on her machine. I go, well, Joanne, we're off. We tried you at the office. you're not even on stage like yeah just do it from backstage John Marco and yeah that was that was brutal gotcha that was brutal yeah yeah

so it was middle school and high school like it was I look back and I go I'm chasing that feeling I had it is like as someone who loves both I think of acting in art I mean even stand up sometimes but acting in particular I think of it as sports a lot because the way you're describing is

textbook small town you're the fucking quarterback and then you get to college and sometimes it doesn't happen to caught sometimes it happens like in the sometimes it might be even more brutal for the guys who are college stars and just can't they're right underneath where they need to be to be actual Broadway guys or whatever that might be the worst sure because it's like at least you had time to rejigger and be like I'm good but I'm not whatever like that is like I do like to think of it is that because sometimes it's it's competitive it's like i think it was like for me it specifically it was like singing like i thought i could sing and i hit a wall musical theater too wasn't just regular acting i went to college from musical theater so i was

really in a musical theater and i and i was obsessive about singing and i thought like it was one of those things where i was like i'm going to be able to sing as well as poverty i don't even like opera and but like i wanted i was just i was going to be the greatest deep down yeah and i feel like you know with basketball let's say you're i don't know a lot of but if you're five foot six that's point you're confronted with maybe my body it's like voices inside so you don't find out until later you're training you train you go I don't think yeah whatever's in here can compete competitively yeah yeah and it's not until you see like the greatest in the country you go I can't even oh yeah book a non-union tour yeah well that's what's even crazier about acting acting is

like it's nothing you can ever see it's like almost it's like you have poker and be mediocre I mean editing can be great yeah true there's all sorts of avenues for the the mildly talented or you're really good at farce and you can't do drama. I watched, it was the Gary Shanling documentary and this is where he talked to Seinfeld. He's like, acting's nothing. And Gary, like, really wanted to be a great actor. And it was later in life. Interesting.

And I think, like, what I would. It was a good actor. But he was fine. But he wanted to be Daniel Day Lewis. And what you wanted to say to, like, this 50-year-old would be like, you don't have it. It would have happened. You don't have it. And that's painful.

And this is like a new pain. I confronted that pain when I was 21. Yeah. And I had more life in front of me. Right, right, right, right. And that's the thing. Yeah, I love it. I mean, I love coming from it from no success ever.

Because everything's a win. Yeah. You know, it's like just everything is, it's nice. I feel like I'll peak in my, you know, late 40s. Physically, fat, bald, 5-7 guy. Oh, for sure. Born to be 43, 48. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, that's what I'm going to be fucking. And even, like, comedy has just been like, you know, I do think probably as a little kid. Because I, I definitely had, like, a moment where I, I think I felt that, like, I didn't want to be a theater. I don't want to admit I was a theater kid. Sure. Because I, I mean, obviously, look how my life has turned out. Of course. Right.

Like, but at least you admit it. Yeah. There's, there's some, there's some comedians who I feel like, not to overgeneralize, but like in the sphere of which you started. that want to give off like an aura of cool at all times. And I go like, a clown is inherently... Philosophically, I think that the whole point is you can't be cool. You have to be... And even if you're cool or people like you, whatever, obviously, like, we have fans, whatever.

You're a cool clown. But yes, exactly, you're a cool loser. You're a guy whose whole thing is like, I take losses and I make them interesting and fun. And, like, I guess some guys can be cultural commentate, like, they can see it from a cultural commentary but I think that's I'm not interested in that and even like

I mean I love Carlin I love you know like there are but he got pretty towards the end he didn't want to be he was mad he was more angry

than anything sure but at least he like he has great stuff where he's commenting on things yes and but it's I think that's really hard to do

and I also don't find it that interesting and I do think anyone who's a personal comic it's like it's really you're a type of performer and you're a but you know I had a moment

where I was like I'm actually a fucking cool jock Like that was definitely Yeah I remember being in like seventh grade And being like acting's gay I'm fucking cool and straight So I'm gonna play sport

Meanwhile I'm 5-7 fat as shit You know what I mean And I'm playing soccer or whatever And then football in high school For a little bit But It just I just do remember having that moment When did you realize

When did you go like Oh I'm not going to the NFL And by the way In a way you did Yeah Yeah I did for that is very funny. I got more access to the NFL this way than I ever would have. There was, I think I still thought I could play, like, I didn't think I was going to the NFL, but I was like, maybe I could

play, like, low-level college, you know, and like, but it was just like, I don't know. I think what happened is I just got, I got too fat for football. Do you understand how hard that is to do? I got so fat, I started working at a telemarketing place that was next to a Wendy's between my sophomore and junior years, and when I came back, my coach's like, what the fuck And I'm alignment. I'm the fat guy in football. And I was too fat to do that. And then I think, and then I just got bored.

And the ref was like, you could only have 10 if you're going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. He's like, how many kids are in that uniform? But anyway, whatever. We have to help some people. We didn't even get into your weird family. We got to, you got to come back. We got to get more into it.

But what do we, Elders, what do you have for us, your little buddy? Hey, stop. First time caller, long time. listener really love the show let's see what you're doing just needed some advice fan so i am 34 years old i'm single i was married uh young from like you know real early before 20 to 25 and then i also had a a girlfriend a long-term girlfriend for about seven years but i recently been single and within the last couple years of being single i've made several trips to columbia Oh, no.

Now, what my question is, is, should I continue on this path? No. No. You know the answer. It's kind of a, you know, seedy way to live your life. Yes. You know, going over to these, you know, less fortunate countries and dating there. Or should I try to date American women?

I'm kind of having more trouble mentally getting along with girls from US and I don't want to be, you know, dipping my toes in both where I'm like, all right, I'm talking to some girls in the US or all right, I'm talking to some girls in Colombia. I feel like the two types of lives are not kangaroo and I'm having issues. Some of them are overlapping where I'm like budgeting out. Like, do I go on a date with a girl from the States here? Or do I go on a trip back to Colombia? Jesus Christ, dude. Look at you some advice. Thanks so much.

This is fucking nuts. I'm not, so this is the thing guys do if they're single and they have the means to go travel? Yeah, well, they're called passport bros. Okay. And they'll go, sometimes it'll just be dating. But a lot of times these are countries that have like a huge sex industry. And they'll just like, you know, Colombia, I think it can go either way. if you got a friend who's going to

fucking Thailand every year that's a big that's a big problem yeah but are they are they just hiring a sex worker or are they like is it more it depends this guy because I have I actually know I have I know a friend from college

that uh that has had no he's he's a love in Columbia he's got no moral quandaries there and it's you know it's like now you I mean look what's your no no because at my mind innocently I'm going oh, you meet someone there

and they like you? My no, no, no is like it's kind of like, why do companies open it, why do companies open up factories in these places? Because you can underpay people. You don't have to treat them well. You know what I mean? It's like, sure. It's like, why are you there? Are you there because you're just trying to use these women

to get a sexual thrill because he's doing the math? He's like, I take a bitch to the Cheesecake Factory in Bethesda. I'm fucking out $200. There's a Nuber. There's drinks. I get a, I get on a flight to Colombia. Yeah,

I'm in, I'm in Medellin for 90 bucks. I, the, the, I, I, I,

I, I rent a fucking, uh, five-star hotel room for 200 bucks. Uh-huh. And dinner's $40. I come out, $60 on top.

Like, yeah. My no, no, no is that you have, you have reduced dating. Yes. To a purely financial.

And not just financial, but it's like, you have power over these women. Because let's face, it probably they're trying to come to America. You know what I mean? Or like, and maybe even if it's, maybe even if it's not that cynical,

like you still are, you have power of them because you just have more money. You just like, you're in an incong, what's incongruous is the relationship you have with these women in Columbia, not going back and forth between America and Columbia. And it's like, look, if you like Columbia,

if you realize, look, my, my dollar, my sexual dollar goes further here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, sometimes people move where there's a better cost of living, right? But if you're going to do that, find someone, treat her like a human being, and actually try and date. Especially because he was married for four, long-term relationship pretty soon after that. This is someone who wants a relationship, and if the way you're going to find that relationship is with this chaotic kind of sex-first money-saving way, you're not going to get that long-term, using your term, purchase that you're going to love. Yeah, well, that's, that is the problem is that it feels just so transactional to me.

But, I mean, not devil's advocate, just that, you know, someone here could date someone with less money than them and have that power. I mean, that exists as part of the thing. A hundred percent. I just, and, but all I'm saying is like, decide what you're, want to do here. Because, like, if he is, like, the thing is, he didn't go to Columbia because he's like, I've always wanted to see Columbia and fall in love with a girl. He was like, there's high.

Pussy for free over there I'm gonna check it out. He wasn't like I wanted to go fucking hike him. It's not because they like you more there. It's not about you. It's just you changed the environment. Exactly. Well, they do like him more there. Yeah, but they might like his

his wallet or just other thing. But if you had struggle here and it's easy there, move there. Move there. Sure. But the back and forth thing certainly. That's what I mean is like I'm not even like look you want to fucking move there or you want to just go to a different country

and you fuck like I like or go there and say you're Colombian see if they like you for who you are yeah yeah exactly I'm a poor local

ooh I love that and then if they like you get the guy who did Drewski's white face do brown face to live your life as a fucking Colombian for three months

see how much and maybe you'll miss those American gals real quick but yeah I guess that's my my what gives me the no no

no is just like you're doing it because it's like you're just you took that trip for that reason in particular and the fact that he like goes back and forth it's like you know I even know I have a friend who moved to Columbia

because he liked Columbia and it's like I'm sure this wasn't negative in his pros and cons list for moving to Colombia but he lives there and he puts money in the community you know what I'm just like decide what you want to do and look I'm not you know if you marry someone from a different country that's fine but like going

going to a place where you're like I can sexually exploit the women here. Yeah. The way you're saying like there's Colombian women and women here. It's like you've now divided women and totally. They're all women. And until you look at them as one thing.

As a human being, you're like, exactly. It's human beings you want to be in a relationship with. You know, and this is someone who has no problems with somebody being like, I'll hire sex. I'm going on vacation. I'll hire sex work. I'll have a good time. I have no issue with that.

I'm just, you're kind of kidding yourself. You're kind of in this no moment. man's land where it's like, is it no strings fun? Is it actually dating? I don't think you're doing, you're not doing either one of those. And you might come under the illusion that it's dating, but it's actually, you're going, this sex workers treated me a lot better than this bitch on the third date. Right, right, right, right, right. So that's, I would say, if you're trying to actually date someone, either take it like, either like actually, and you like Columbia as a place and you like these people find go there if you want to make it a serious part of your life or just like stick

or if you've been using it as a vice which i assume you have been as a little like crutch where you're like i didn't get pussy here fucking skyscanner.com immediately like stop doing that you know what i mean but you have to pick one you have to pick one side brother that's what i would tell you and even if you were using it as like a fun little escape probably stop you can do you get divorced you need a little, how Stella got her, you need little, eat, pray, love if you're a guy is just like going somewhere with cheap, beautiful hookers.

Like, yeah, stop. Eat pussy no love. Yeah, eat pussy no love. But even if you're doing that, it's probably time to stop. You've got, you can't, you're over, your divorce, whatever, so be honest with yourself about what's happening here and, you know, figure it out.

Columbia, huh? You said there's shows to do in foreign countries. Have you ever checked out Colombia? No, I got a... Eldis, get Magic Mike on the phone. My agent, Super Agent, Magic Mike Criscollo. I don't Mike. He's a great. Good guy.

Hey, Savvy, baby. I have a bit of a question for you. So, my best friend since middle school, she's been dating her boyfriend for about a year now, and they recently found out that he may be the father to a one-year-old. A little bit more context. We're all 21. this lady he hooked up with her two weeks before he got together with my best friend he's been telling her that it was a party they were both drunk he didn't use a condom but he busted on her back i don't think that exonerates him but it makes him feel better

babe please i pulled out and painted her shit that's fucking awesome to use the turr busted on her back in a paternity argument with your current girlfriend i don't know how this happened How can you this have happened? I nutted on her cheeks. But it makes him feel better. But the only reason this is coming up now is because there's been a guy claiming the baby as his own. But he recently found out that the baby mama doesn't actually know who the real father is.

And she was keeping his secret from him. So he blew the fuck about that relationship. And so it's between three guys that the baby daddy could be. Trailer Park. Mama Mia. The same week. And my best friend's boyfriend. I swear I busted on Merrill's back.

Pierce Brosnan's like Oh I swear she swallowed it We'd had so much Uso And so it's between three guys That the baby daddy could be Because she fucks three guys We're all in the same week

And my best friend's boyfriend being included Now this isn't some sort of moral dilemma question Like what's the right thing to do Because I don't give a fuck This has nothing to do with me I only know the gory shit that my best friend tells me but our friend group is split because she's requesting that they all get paternity test and one of the guys did get a the guy who was claiming the shot as his own did get a paternity test

and it came back negative so now they're down to a 50-50 shot I'd like to use my lifeline Regis dun dun dun dun dun fuck you're really hoping it eliminates the fuck I was between those two already this doesn't help me I like the phone of friend I busted on her back

I told her you that right when I left that's what I said oh fuck but our friend group is split on what they should do I'm on team fuck that

because they're barely making ends meet as is and throw on a you know child support on top of that they would be fucked

respect to you but we have a bunch of other friends saying no the moral right thing to do is for that child to have a baby that's what they sound like

when they said I love this woman. This is Machiavelli right here. I'm just curious what you would do, what your thoughts are. In a little more funny context, the baby has blonde hair, blue eyes, and that is what my best friend's boyfriend has, and the other guy has black hair, brown eyes, which I know the recessive gene bullshit.

But I'm curious what your guy's the take is on it. Love you. And I'm also a Patreon subscribers to do with that as you wish. Thank you. This is a great call. And by the way, this is what I'm talking about. Our goal for the show is to eventually become, the new generation

Moripovich. I would kill to reveal this live. If you guys, it's probably too late. She took you bust on my back the first time. There was a second time.

Oh, I would love to ask him that. He busted thrice. I would love to ask him after the lie detector, did you bust on her back to see if he's even lying about that?

This is incredible. I wish we could fucking take, I wish we could do, reveal this. Bring him in. I would love, We should start just planning this as a... Oh my God, dude, I want to do this so bad.

No, okay. So you want to do it. You want to do it. But like, so you're here and you're... No, no, I would get a soundstage. No, no, sure, sure. It wasn't the production cost I was concerned about. So then you're going to be there and this new couple or this guy is going to find out if this child,

who's either way, the child has lost. A child's toast Unfortunately, yes And your And your job is to make it light and fun And you're witnessing A deep human moment You don't think there's a party that go

Oh, this show I don't know if this should This is how he should be handling it Look man It's powerful And then you show the kid You want to see how mommy met daddy We have a tape of it

Look These are all consenting adults I think it would be a powerful moment I think it's more about exposing this humanity Today's theme is you're busted Look look

Some of the power I don't my canvas is not the stage I'm not in a wheelchair Prettaining to have cerebral palsy I'm on a sound stage Saying which piece Which white trash person is a father That's and then watching their faces

As they have the realization That's a beautiful moment And I'm also tipping my cap to the greats, Mori Popovich, some of the best television that's ever been. Yes. That's ever been created. And, you know, I'll admit, I've never for even one second considered the moral implications until you brought them to me, John Marco.

But ultimately, I feel like... Is the kid there? The kid's a baby, you know what I mean? Sure. Kids in the back. Yeah, he's got to be in the back. We show them, because you got to compare, you put the baby picture, and you put the picture of the two dads,

and you compare. And the audience goes. Exactly, exactly. And then maybe one of them gets up. He's like, look, look, Maury. He's got his eyes. You know that? I mean, these are classic beats.

Yes, yes. If you want a good time, go to YouTube and just check out some of you are not the fathers. He died recently, right? No, he retired. He retired. I definitely watched some clips when he retired. And you know what breaks my heart, my brother's bachelor party. He retired two weeks before it.

I was going to get us, because it's in Connecticut. I was going to get us. He gets to go see Mori live And it was too He retired two weeks before my brother's bachelor party We ended up going to a Nets game And to WWE smackdown That's still pretty fun

Now to the question here I mean you are so in the wrong It's crazy I respect you This is a real She's got like a very real politic Look at this This is Machiavelli

This is like Look look we don't where at where we're at now they don't have they don't have to look after this child if they take this test there's a 50 50 chance they have to look after this child is the busty asking for the test to be done i think so okay if she's asking you didn't wear a condom i'm sorry i mean yeah first there's there's no way you're if you are the father if you are so confident you busted on her back right You can't be the father. What do you have to worry about? Well, I don't know that that's true, unfortunately. A little pre-cum could do the truth? Oh, a little pre-cum, sure.

You know, how quickly, did you get the whole knot on her back, you know? How far up the vertebrae did you shoot? Was it close to, did you go cheeks? Did some of it drip down? I'm not a gynecologist. I can't tell you this. Thanks. You don't Dexter does the splatter, see how does the blood?

Absolutely. So how are you standing? How are you doing? Yeah. Yeah, we do, uh, that's, that'll be our little twist on our Morial. This is we do the, the jiz, the jiz reconstruction, the jizz splatter. And then you bring out the thing and then you turn on the black light and that's the big, like, the back, you hit the back, you hit the knee, you hit the ear. This is chaos, sir.

Yeah, your fucking shot wasn't as strong as you thought it was. It was more of a dribble. Um, you got, you got to get the, come on. You got to get the test. I love the, now, I love, I love, I'm charmed by our collar. I think you're a great storyteller you kept us wrapped I love that you as a performer

sort of a different a weaker panel would be swayed by sort of your your hints at who's the good guy and who's the bad guy

the recessive gene but fuck that yeah yeah yeah that's why the first bus was so because it didn't us it came like oh wow

you speak like this too yeah yeah yeah it was real nice but let's be honest the guy you're friends by the way Can break, like, they've been dating a year. This isn't your friend's problem.

Yeah. Also, it's like, there is a such thing as moral, what's morally right. She doesn't give a fuck. Yeah, she doesn't, but why don't, this is interesting because you started saying you don't give a fuck, but you clearly actually do. You really give a fuck about your friend, your friend's economic situation, and basically her boyfriend having to pay child support would really ruin that. And you mentioned the hair and the blue eyes because you know.

You know in your heart. You know in your heart. I'm a little confused, like, what the, because she said one of the guys is like, kind of has assumed the, he's assuming the kid is his. There was three guys. The first guy, he would be the guy that when he, it didn't, it wasn't him in Mori, he would start crying, right? That's who he is.

He was, he thought it was his kid the whole time. He probably didn't know she fucked two other guys that week. He's probably like thrilled to be a dad. Of course, God is, doesn't exist. and he's a piece of shit. So it's not his kid, right? That's the easiest thing. It could have been his kid.

No harm, no foul. Everybody goes on with their life. No. If God exists, he's got to answer a lot of this stuff. He's like, yeah, I'm a trickster. Yeah. So it's not his kid. He's out, right?

He already took the test. He's out. People will say like God is a dramatist, God is a mechanic. God is a Mori fan. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. God knows what we need to make good TV.

And that's these kinds of, So we got these other two guys. And two guys, and she wants to, there's two guys left. And basically, she wants them to take tests. Look, dude, your friend probably had a kid. It sucks. No boyfriend, again. Friends boyfriend, again.

And that's the other thing. I'm not clear on why you're so invested here. You don't want your friend to be with a guy who's not willing to do this test. Right. I mean. Because of what happens when your friend gets, you assume that because they're together, he would be with her. You don't know that.

this guy like and also it's like you really don't fucking matter here your girlfriend only kind of or does but you're like really it's about this woman really it's about this kid right so you want this kid to not have a dad so your friend people think morality matters in a case-by-case basis but it's more if someone lacks morality it will come to bite you in the ass later if you surround yourself and not immoral people this might be convenient but someday that last of character will hurt your friend. That's a great way to look at it. That's absolutely true.

It's like, yeah, even if you get away with this, that's just how this guy behaves. That's also how your friend wants him to behave. That's how you, maybe you guys, maybe the three are pieces of shit. This is the other thing that I'm coming up with. As much I like you, and you are very fun, the way you told this.

You're worried about your friend, and I get it, and it's clouding your judgment in this moment. It's wrong. It's wrong. He should take the test. Like, you know, there's definitely been times in my life where I've been staring straight into the ceiling and being like, why did I do that?

What if I get a call in four weeks? And I have been, I've dodged those bullets, but I've been like, if it happened to me, my life's changed forever, but I have a kid now. You know what I mean? And, you know, luckily I don't behave that way anymore. I certainly have more to lose these days. I was busting all willy-nilly

where there really wasn't much to come after me for. but now it's like you know you just got it you have to take responsibility as Mori would say put a cap on it I don't know how you dealt with that anxiety I'm a condom

I'm a condom guy and only once like this woman she was fucking me she took the condom off and then went back on oh yeah that's tough to argue against in the moment

I go like if I had seven more days to think it over I think I would have made a different decision also to go from condom to no condom it's just like wow you hit the Noss button on this shit

we're cruising now I called some friends be like is this a good idea but it looks like I had one second and I said you have one second it's the most genetically awesome feeling you can have

millions of years of evolution are like this is what you're born to do and you think I'm gonna beat that in a Marriott hotel room at 2 in the morning are you on your mind and the anxiety I felt

I was watching her she lived in Europe and I would watch her Instagram stories It's like I was waiting, honestly, and then when she was at a party drinking, I was like, okay, I think safe or I haven't even worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I mean, it's,

I've made some really, really horrible decisions in my life, and they've kept me up, and so far, I haven't paid for them, but we'll see. But, you know, that could all change at any moment. That's how the more, that's how it should end, in a just world. Oh, true. And they say, we ran one more test.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's your child. Yeah, that is how I would pay for it. Yeah. And you know what? That's fine. Sacrifice me on the altar of you are not the father content. Those are the higher ideals I care about.

That's what I'm willing to give my life for. We've had some great questions. What else we got, Eldis? Hey, Stavi, and a skiing guest. So my buddy has a bachelor party that we're planning. And we're going to go to Tampa because he wants to gamble and go to full news strip clubs. Okay. But he's inviting this guy, like, we can call Mark.

And I met Mark in high school. He transferred in my sophomore year because he had been public schooled his whole life. And he knows all the friends in the friend group that they grew up in the same neighborhood together. And, like, in high school, I never liked them. He just came up that super annoying, like, homeschooled, conservative Christian energy. And he's done, like, a lot of dumb shit. Like, in high school, he worked with my brother's now wife, a girlfriend at the time, and was texting her saying we should fuck

we ended up having to live together in college because we needed a fourth roommate and he would accuse us of just like fucking with his stuff drugging him like he was scared all the girls that we were hanging out with and then I remember after college

him and I got in a fight over social media because I reposed something about a school shooting and he tried to claim that this shooter was a liberal and that it was all lied by the liberal media sounds awesome like this absolute piece of shit and then last year our other friend had a bachelor party

at his parents beach house and he was there first thing that he did when he walked in is shows everyone the gun that he brought and then one night he brought a gun to a fucking bachelor party oh man the gun that he brought

and then one night we were playing a poker game and we all decided that we're done playing so he goes oh you're at well what you guys don't know I've been hiding chips this whole time and lift up a fucking napkin to show a bunch of chips that he claimed he won. And we're all just like, you know, like, shut the fuck up.

Everyone keep your money since he's doing this. Well, he went into a full spas when we said we're not going to pay him. And he, like, went outside, started throwing shit around. And he was hiding chips. This guy's, why does he keep getting invites? It's a full spas when we said we're not going to pay him. And he, like, went outside, started throwing shit around.

And then he, like, came back. inside we're all sitting on the couch and he just sit there and scares us like he wants to fight us and he's got a gun so after that everyone the friend group was in agreement like he's not going to be invited um my friend is now saying that he learned in church that he should forgive him and he's going to invite him and i'm like dude you have any idea how dumb it is to say i learned that god would want me to forgive him so we can go gamble and go to full new strip clips together so basically i'm stuck and i don't know If I want to spend all this money to go on this trip, if this guy is just going to be there, going to ruin it. So any advice on what I should do, thank you. Wow. I mean, this is nuts.

How does this guy keep getting invites to stuff? This is classic. He likes him, though. There's no, listen, you don't go to church and go, oh, I should have been of all people. He likes this guy. Your friend likes this guy for some reason. I mean, that is what it comes down to

is that like if you're like if you and other friends have been like we hate this guy. He's not coming to anything else. And this guy's like, it's my bachelor party and I want him there. And you're right. The God shit is so stupid. Yeah, I just don't buy. I just think it's like we should. He's saying like God said we should forgive

so you guys should be cool. Right. And look dude, unfortunately I mean we get this call a lot but it's like there are times in your life where people drop off right. There's got like this guy I get, I know, I have friends like this from college where it was just like but when you're 19 and you're just getting

fucked up what even when you're like 20 and you have your first off campus house and it's like oh yeah there's a guy he brought a gun to my when you're a kid you're like it wasn't annoying when he brought a gun to my house yeah like as a kid you're like that was stupid and you just you didn't go back playing GameCube somebody brought a gun to my house now I'd be like I'm leave or I'm calling the police you know what I mean like who I didn't like anyway I mean if it was a cool guy with a cool gun maybe it's different but um but like it's taken longer for your friend group to fracture and maybe they're younger maybe they're generally it sounds like from a conservative place maybe you're getting married younger he never

said how old he was he sounded kind of young to us to us godless uh east coast liberals bachelor parties happen when you're 37 but for you they're probably happening when you're 24 right so it's like so um wait like this just might be your friend group splintering you know like because you have to decide I mean and I'll be honest to you this guy fucking sucks I wouldn't want to go to a bachelor party where this guy is there

no way and so I would be like all right man hey you want this guy you're like I'd still probably go to the wedding because the wedding's different sure but I'd be like I'm not spending especially about the spending it's a lot of money it's a lot of sacrifice I think if you love this friend

and he goes this is my boy you have to confront if you really love this friend too Batchar parties are important. I had like a friend where I went to the bachelor party. It was like a little early in the friendship. And the fact that I went, I think, solidified. Right, right. Becoming really good friends.

Right, right. That can happen. But if you're spending money, I think part of being adult is making clear what you don't want to do. And maybe your friend needs to learn that too. Maybe he likes this guy, but he brings a lot of pain to people. It's like, you've got to hang out with this guy separately. Yeah, yeah, true. I mean, there's definitely times in my life where if Elders got married at certain ages,

I would have been like, you're bringing this fucking guy, Eldon. you know what I mean and I think probably at that age what I would have done was just make it everyone's problem that I was annoyed

like I would have been part of the problem too you know but if he likes that guy it's probably reflection off the person he is too yeah I mean

anyone who's like this guy is coming is probably an idiot your friend is a fucking piece of shit also probably he's like we're gonna pick up the poker game

right where we left off he was like the guy he had a smart strategy of hiding chips we're gonna give everyone a napkin Yeah, once again.

Yeah, to level the playing field, everyone gets a napkin. I would, I, a million percent, time, life is short, I'm not going on this party. And you hate him. You hate him. I've never, I, this is, you can just tell from his story. You hate this guy. You don't want to go to this thing. Especially in today's political climate.

If he had that problem with that shooting thing back then, that's all the goddamn conversation is going to be about right now. Can you imagine? This guy, this guy's doing fucking pushups and look at a fucking picture of Charlie Kirk right now. He's in his garage doing assisted dips Being like they have no idea What they've unleashed Yeah I don't

You can't fucking This is crazy dude Unless you can enjoy the chaos Of being around this person But I agree if they have a gun That makes the chaos less enjoyable Yeah I mean in this You're I didn't even think about the political climate

Oh my God A guy like this now might be number one worst guy to be around I don't think you can do it man I don't know. But look, at the end of the day, it's your decision. But again, the spending, if I'm spending, like, a grand to be, to, like, and it's, like, time off. Time off.

Like, I mean, how close to you, how close is this guy, how close is your friend, like, but. Don't, don't like, this is my problem with the religion stuff is, ask your friend, why do you want, why do you want this guy to come? This, God says to forgive. I go, okay. I forgave him. I don't like him as a guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, I don't, I'm not mad at him. I just don't want to see him anymore. forgive and invite him to the bachelor party that's not part of the tenant no no no forgiveness is not the same as like welcoming in well yeah he's not back in that's a that's a great point forgiveness means like a lot of the times forgiveness is for yourself more than it don't he still gets to go to the fucking wedding yeah yeah exactly the guy's gonna skip the wedding he's like no I'm good just want to go to the strip club which it does sound pretty I mean it sounds like a pretty good he's gonna wear a charlie kirk t-shirt to the wedding yeah damn dude gambling in his full new

strip club we got to get that going we never We went to a strip club on tour. We did not. We were really thinking about it, Portland. That's where we went. We went to a vegan strip club in Portland on my podcast tour. If we had another night in Portland, I think we probably would have gone. Wait.

Probably Portland. I think it did get batted around in a couple cities. I think I had some other stuff going on, actually, now that I think about it in Portland, but we only had one. Yeah, we got to hit it up next. I mean, it's stress, my girlfriend, she goes, go to strip clubs. And I'm like, I'm like, I swear you. don't know what's going on in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I swear, there's no way. Yeah. I'm saying, I'm like, if you were here, we'd have a long conversation after. Totally. What's the, who, uh, we, were you touring with, what was the group? Russell. Okay, Russell. And then my, my producer, who we've known each other a long time, but she's a woman.

And we're sitting at this, the strip club and the woman, like, flips over. And it's like, pussy right in my face. And like, I'm like, I know Tova. Tova does not know what this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm doing, like, one of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and, and in my,

producer my employee is here and I'm like I don't know the rules yeah I am HR right now too that's the beauty of uh now the downsides of hiring your stupid friends is that they go on vacation while you're also in Europe but the up the upsides are no one's suing you for for HR this is a very old school type of organization here at stavi baby enterprises the Lizzo that was oh yeah I made eldest eat a banana out of a guy's ass I made JP eat a banana out of eldest's ass and it was club it was like on stage oh fuck all right you got something fun for us to go out on here

Big Eld and by the way did we even say at any point do you have a special out I have a special out on YouTube Thief of Joy it's on my YouTube for free we should have said that go see I think maybe we did we'll put something in the beginning go see yeah watch it pause this now go watch this

in fact go back in time when this episode started yeah watch the special then tell your friends about it yeah go go go watch John Marker's special, Thief of Joy. We'll link it and everything on his YouTube right now. Thanks, brother. Here's a little silly one.

Hey, Savin Aldous, a big fan of the show. I have a quick etiquette question. Tonight, I was out walking my dog, and I ran into this woman who had another dog. I got sort of getting to know each other. And I noticed that her nipple was hanging out of her. tank top. Now, I acknowledge that after we

talked for like a minute or two. Hey, just so you know, you might want to fix your top. And she kind of looked out to fix it. And anyway, it was kind of weird. I'm wondering if I did the right thing by acknowledging it, if I should have just said nothing. I thought before I said anything to her, and

I kind of let it hang for a second. Because I felt awkward, bringing it up. But anyway, I would love to hear your thoughts. And take care. This is very funny. This is a really good etiquette question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because there's one scenario you don't say anything, and she gets home later, goes, that fucking creep.

That creep. Just let my nipple hang out there. And in her head, she's, like, imagining all the times you were looking at her tit. You know, even if you weren't that much, it's going to seem like you were. I think you have to, I think you did the right thing. There's no good scenario. I did this acting camp once and there was a teacher showing his headstands

and he had a tear in his yoga pants right where like his asshole was. And all of us saw it and we're all sitting there and we didn't say anything. Come to class the next day. He goes, I was very disappointed in you guys yesterday. The class immediately right after you notified me that there was a tear in my pants

and not a single one of you mentioned it. And it taught me a lesson that do the uncomfortable thing. You're in a bad scenario. Yes. Unfortunately, yes. The true answer here is the quicker you notice, the time between noticing and telling, you want it as short as possible.

But what if it's right away? Okay, so I'm walking a dog. You're the guy, I'm the girl. Oh, what kind of dog is that? Oh, you might want to fix your top. Hey, sorry, that's to be rude or anything, but you might want to fix your top. That's ideal. Yes, because you're not making it weird at all.

It's a pure, but now, no one had, no one's like that. You'd have to be a machine to see a titty. First of all, you're like, nice. There's a party that's just like, sick, right? You have to get rid of that. Take the time to memorize it. You know what I mean? You have to be like, no, no, no, not nice, not nice.

We're in a weird, because usually when you're seeing a tit, it's always cool. Of course. So your brain is like, oh, a random, oh, my God. We're looking at a woman's titt is out. I'm probably going to, I mean, they're at a strip club. I'm going to fuck this. Something cool is about to happen, right? Yes.

Yes. in a random time where it's because or you see a titty you don't want to see and it's not cool it's an old lady yeah you know what i mean you're at the you're at a fucking uh public pool and an old lady's tit slip out whatever you're gonna need to help her put it back yeah yeah exactly you're gonna like yeah you're helping care for your grandmother you know like yeah yeah yeah there's a very rarely do you see a cool titty in a way that you're not allowed to look at it right it's basically this scenario and i guess breastfeeding those are those are the two Or like, you have to be like, no, no, no, it's not cool.

But there is a point where if you've waited too long, you need to act like you just saw it. Yes. Because if there's even a momentary thought that you've grappled with the question for a minute. You can't at the end of it be like, oh, and by the way. Yeah. You might want to check your, you know what I mean? You don't want to do that. Yes.

I would be talking, talking. If I noticed it, I'm grappling. Oh, my God. This is where the acting classes come in. You got to look shocked here. I need a wheelchair. And then I go, oh, oh, oh, wow, I go, you know, you got to really sell it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would do it.

Yes, I think the absolute best case in error is, like, completely nonchalantly as if you're like your flies down. You'd be like, oh, your tit's out. Not tit out, but like, oh, fix your top. I think you handle it really good. Yeah, I think. But like. Don't do it. Is it nips out day?

Yeah, yeah, oh. I had no idea. Didn't get the memo. Oh, fucking bitch. Don't do that. You did a pretty good job. The reality is you want to do it as quick as possible, but it's hard. I fear that you said in a way where you're like, also just so you know, in a way that made it clear that you've been sitting with it for a bit.

And look, you could be like, this is a little awkward, but you might want to fix your top. Because it is a little awkward. It is. It's not your fault. Her tit is out. You were just trying to be a fucking good. This guy sounds pretty innocent. here. He's just kind of making small talk with another dog. I'm not a dog guy, but dog people

love talking about their dogs to each other. Of course. Because they can't talk to their dog about it. Yeah. Right. They have so many private stories that they experience the love. They need to get it off their chest. So yeah, dude, you did the right thing. But in general, I think with things like this, the quicker you're about it. And the more, again, you can acknowledge it's a little weird. It's fine because it is a little weird, but it's not your fault. It's your fault if you make it fucking weird if you're like um nice oh and by the way sweetheart

that titty's been peeking at me this whole conversation i'm trying to think of my dick was out and like if someone told me three minutes into the conversation like how I'd feel i'd be like oh my god yeah if one of your nuts is coming out of your shorts yeah you are eligible you're the few men who's eligible to show cock by accident you do like a nice short short it's true

it's true we have to check the picture sometimes I'm like oh my god they ask that for tonight's he was like just make sure you're wearing I was like, don't worry. Hilarious. Don't worry. They'd be insane. That would be so funny to show cock on the Tonight Show. I think guys that wear short shorts, that's how you know.

Like, they're probably, it's average a pass. They're okay to show cock. No, no, I think the opposite. They're like, they're feeling safe. Interesting, interesting. They're feeling fine. They're not concerned. Yeah, true, true, true.

Yeah, it is funny to think about a guy who's had to worry about this thing coming out of the shorts. We're both wearing these shorts. Yeah. You ever see someone on the show wearing pants. You know they're packing. Yeah, with the exception of Elders. who is wearing pants, but his dick is little. I'm with that.

I'd like to say eldest dick is little, for the record. By the way, your dick's been out this whole time. Oh, I know. He's been slow stroking and shit this whole time. But yeah, you did the right thing, man. You did the right thing. It's awkward. If she likes you, it'll be a funny moment.

Yeah. And if she thinks you're ugly, she's just going to think you're a creep at this. Yeah, yeah. There's actually no. True. The reality is, are you ugly? Because if you are, you handled it wrong. If you're happy, you should have never said anything, walked the other way.

Because if you're like, she thinks that you somehow did it. So how she wasn't going? HR meme. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the HR meme, absolutely. All right, well, good luck, little buddy. John Marco, thanks for doing the show, brother. Thanks for having, brother. Yeah, guys, go watch the special.

I'm sure you're touring. Whatever, go see them live. See us live? Yeah, podcast the downside. Podcasts the downside. Absolutely. Yeah. And thanks, guys.

We'll talk to you next week. Bye, bye. Peace.