Stavvy's World - #149 - Josh Johnson

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Starting point is 00:00:17 Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hey everyone. We have an excellent show with our pal Josh Johnson coming up in a second. But first, I want to let you know we're going on tour. It's kicking off in Memphis, Tennessee, Thursday, November 6th. We're going to be in Huntsville. We're going all through the south. And then also, we've added a fourth show in Boston at the Wilbur. Get your tickets to that. That is Friday the 12th. We can't wait to see it. We're announcing more tour dates very soon, so keep your eyes peeled. But for now, enjoy the show. Hopa! Welcome everybody to Stoppies World 904-800 stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have Josh Johnson on the couch. What's up, Big Dog? How you doing, man?

Starting point is 00:01:12 I'm pretty good. I'm pretty good. I'm feeling powerful. It's a nice day. I city biked over here. Yeah. I am like, I don't know. I'm trying to get active. Do you feel more powerful after you've been active? dude especially the electric city bikes we're cruising up there yeah i can't go that fast you know what i mean you feel like a like a god on those it is low-key like the viagro cycle yeah absolutely where you're like you're like look how fast i'm going it's like you are kind of going that fast but it's not all you dude and let me tell you as a avid user of both i can't imagine life yeah without dick pills or

Starting point is 00:01:53 or on a dude if i was on a regular sometimes they're not available and i have to like like take a short ride, it's pathetic. Can I tell you? I really feel I'm huffing and puffing. I'm going like maybe half a mile an hour. Yeah, as soon as they make like the blue chew of running, we'll all be more fit. Dude, have you, they have like, uh, they'll have like shoes.

Starting point is 00:02:13 I saw something that was going around where it was like, almost like shoes with like kind of these little wheels. And every time you would step, it would just kind of propel you. It would be nice. That is, that, that feels like a. a falling hazard. I'm more of a mind of like, I just want the shocks

Starting point is 00:02:32 to finally do their job. You want a real bounce. Because they look like they will help you dunk. The Nike shocks, of course. Yeah. Classic shoe, the Vince, I believe Vince Carter, those are his shoes. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:02:44 Those were the coolest fucking shoes you could have. Those were the best heels you could wear. Yeah, they really were heels for men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You saw those, and it did even feel like heels. Sometimes you see dress shoes. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, all right, there's a little gap.

Starting point is 00:02:59 Of course. That's pretty heel-like. One of my first experience of children mocking adults was in middle school. We had a substitute teacher who wore like, I guess, Chelsea boots or something. And boy, oh, boy, did he get. He was also the football coach who no one respected. We were bad. And so it was like everyone was waiting for something to make fun of him for.

Starting point is 00:03:24 And he was click, clack in. it was awesome to see like the click-clack and being a grown man and you're still you know five-eight with them yeah and i say that as a proud five-seven warrior by the way yeah but i just okay when you are like doing the most masculine thing possible it there is a there is a tipping point where you were in serious danger of like falling off you know i mean sure like if you are the football coach yeah but also y'all keep losing right that's going to lead people to be like You're actually not the alpha that you're walking around. Absolutely.

Starting point is 00:04:01 And then you try of style. You try to have style. And he also just cared what children thought. That's really what it was. It was like, and you know what's funny? I believe this guy then went on to my high school as well. And then he was a defensive corner. And then he like switched over to a different, to a rival high school.

Starting point is 00:04:20 Like these guys have like, you look back at it and you're like, this was a 40 year old man who was like in, invested in the like drama of a high school football league yeah and he really was as pathetic and the thing is those children were right to mock him and children really can they just it's like you feel vibes at that age you don't know anything else but you know when someone's pathetic yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah want a child to like you as an adult you are pathetic yeah there's the or i'm sorry you see his their their approval you're a fucking loser they don't even have like disposable income no you're trying to you're trying to you're trying to you're I'm trying to impress the people who have the least going on.

Starting point is 00:04:59 They have no power in society. You know what I mean? They're just like, you should be leaving them to their own little devices. It is crazy, though, because if you, okay, I look back at this one instance. Sure. That was exactly what you're talking about. And it was just so perfectly, it was almost, it felt like it was out of a movie the way that it was so transparent. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:26 I played, like, pitching machine baseball and, like, pee-wee. Like, I did baseball for a little bit. It was not good. Would you grow up? Louisiana. Okay, okay. And so was not good at all. Sure.

Starting point is 00:05:37 And was not trying to be good. I was scared of baseball as a child. Not only was I scared of the machine. Yeah, the machine would have freaked me the fuck out. The machine, the thing with the machine that bothered me is people act like it's not a slower gun. They're like, stand here. It's a very shitty slow gun.

Starting point is 00:05:53 You've been avoiding, you've been avoiding protect. projectiles your entire little life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. You know, you will actually, something will happen and your parents will get mad at you for not getting out of the way. Right, right, right, yeah, yeah. Now I'm supposed to fight those instincts.

Starting point is 00:06:07 Yeah. You've been telling me my whole life, I have to stand in front of this thing. I have to stand in front of it. For what? And I have to swing at the right time so people will clap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I won't actually win anything.

Starting point is 00:06:18 No. But people will clap. Anyway, um, so we, we were in the middle of a rant. He was, coach was giving us a rant about how we were. And you were about how old here?

Starting point is 00:06:29 What are we thinking? What are we talking? I was, I was little. So if it's peewee machine pitch, we're talking like, you know. I played from, like, I feel like I played from 8 to 11. That makes sense. I was going to say 10 or something like that. Yeah. And, and he's in the middle of calling us the most God for second team he's ever seen in his life.

Starting point is 00:06:46 We also couldn't be smaller. To do that to 10 year olds, yeah. We also couldn't be small. You're probably all cute, too. We were, we were small for our age. Right, right, right. Like, we really were, like, a worst version of bad news bears. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:06:59 And so then he's in the middle of calling it's the worst Godforsaking he's ever seen. And as he got to, like, God forsaken, his dentures almost flew out. Oh, no. And so he's like, y'all are the worst got! And then as he's like trying to hold it together, first of all, some kids start crying because they don't know what dentures are. They think his head coming out.

Starting point is 00:07:21 Like, they straight up think his head coming out. We're so bad. Our coaches dismal. thing in front of us because they were like there were a couple kids that started crying because they were like his eyeballs are next and then and then he's like he goes he starts trying to push him back in and he's like he's like shut up shut up nobody laugh at me oh my nobody laugh at me and a grown man saying nobody laugh at me it's like it's like sad or it's one of the saddest things yeah yeah absolutely with his teeth coming out yeah nobody laugh at me

Starting point is 00:07:55 has, there's never been a better read on a person that they gave. If you say that, if you say that, like, non-ironically, you're so defeated. You're so defeated, teeth coming out of your mouth, children. I'm surprised he didn't kill all of us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just so that no one could tell the story. I mean, it is that the psychology of a, like, little league coach who is not, was he related to anyone? I don't think so.

Starting point is 00:08:24 That's not. My soccer coaches were almost always somebody's dad. Exactly. That's classic. That's classic. Somebody's dad, even like, you know, friend of the family. Like if somebody was somebody who used to play and knows, you know, has a relationship with somebody, whatever. But when it was like a guy who was just like, just some guy who wanted to yell at children, who like had no, the most pathetic is somebody who no family has no access to kids.

Starting point is 00:08:53 Yeah. Because it's like, you meet a lot of. parents who like they want the worst a really bad type of parent as someone who's like I have nothing going for me my family has to listen to me you know what I mean like that's definitely a type of guy

Starting point is 00:09:09 particularly if we're getting religious or we're getting to some kind of structure or like ethnic you know we're old world boys here Eastern Europeans I mean that's our dads were fully like that where they had nothing going and they're like well here I am the king I'm the king of this

Starting point is 00:09:25 impoverable below the poverty line castle but and when you have like a guy who didn't even do that yeah he's like a middle manager if he's lucky no kids know nothing and he's like probably wasn't even a good athlete he's like i have to coach peewee football to yell at seven-year-olds that's fucking crazy that's sad dude the thing about your the thing about your kid is that they aren't supposed to know if you're a loser. Right. Like that like that is why there are dads that wield that like you have to you have to like listen to me and go by. Of course. It's like you in this is this is the the perfect setup for because especially growing up in the South you get a lot of this. It's like the idea is that you listen

Starting point is 00:10:15 you you respect your elders because respect for your elders teaches you to respect people. Because the because the one of the main things that I do feel like has. been lost and like, I don't know, some of it's good and some of it's bad, but there is a thing of like, if to respect someone just because they are older than you, yeah, teaches you to respect strangers for no reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it is a social order type thing. And not just for older people, for people your age, for people below you.

Starting point is 00:10:45 It's like respecting people for no reason is practice at respecting everybody. Yeah, yeah. So it's a little, it's like on its face, it's like a little dumb. but the intention behind it is good. And so then the other thing is that hopefully if you have the right people around you that are older than you, they've made a lot of mistakes you won't have to make or they just know how certain paths go so they can tell you

Starting point is 00:11:09 so then you would listen to them, right? And none of that accounts for when someone's a loser. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Like every good intention of like you're saying Eastern European or Southern upbringing all stems from the idea that this person really does know more than you. And every time as a kid, especially a teenager, because you start to get an awareness of yourself, every time as a kid, you realize that the person you're talking to doesn't actually know more than you.

Starting point is 00:11:36 Tough. It's not just, like, annoying. It's scary. Do you know what I mean? Because it's like, it's like, it would be annoying to be like, all right, I got to listen to who, you know, whoever. It's like, I got to listen to my cousin, but my cousin's just older than me. My cousin doesn't know more than me, whatever. But then if it's like, if it is.

Starting point is 00:11:54 like your dad yeah oh yeah now you're like wait you but the house is in your name yeah yeah yeah what do you what do you mean you don't know getting waters up to you yeah it's like it's like that's that and and so I think that's where a lot of it comes from I mean I had I had a admittedly a dark moment yeah I remember the first time that somebody just like ragged on me for being old but like for no reason like I really was minding my own business yeah where was this this was when I I used to work at a grocery store. Okay. And there was someone younger than me at the grocery store.

Starting point is 00:12:27 You were T.J.'s guy? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I remember this. And basically, uh, they were going on and on and on. We're like four years apart, by the line. So this already also insane. That's the funniest when a, like, 21-year-old, talks about 25-year-old being old. It's exactly what happened.

Starting point is 00:12:43 I was 25. I was, dude, you've nailed it. I was 25. I was literally minding my own business. Yeah. Stocking some Trader Giotos and Yoki. Making sure that the front area was faced correctly so it's all even makes you want to buy it more so you can pluck one right out of the perfect face. It's the best.

Starting point is 00:13:05 Anyway, I'm minding my own business. Apparently two other coworkers were like trying to guess how old I was, but then someone walked by who just knew. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then they said 25. Then the 21 year old walks up to me and it's like, you're 25? and I was like, yeah, as I'm like putting cans of soup up. Yeah, of course. And she was like, oh, that's so old.

Starting point is 00:13:30 And then I was like, and I think it really was the first time that someone tried to like make me feel old. That was just younger than me and everything like that. And I, and I turned to her. I was like, oh, okay, I hope you never turn 25. Up the ante. And I was just like. She's being annoying. And you're like, I hope you die.

Starting point is 00:13:55 And then she was like, oh, what, like, why would you say that? I'm like, no, you just, you think being old is gross. I hope you never get old. I hope you never do it. Yeah, hope you fuck on your 24th birthday. Oh, I can hear my elbow. Oh, no. You don't want to hear that.

Starting point is 00:14:09 You don't want to feel that creak. Yeah. Yeah, that is the flip side of there is when, when you realize most adults are just fucking dumbasses that kept going. Yeah. that most of, that a lot of, like, respect your elders is, it's actually the, you could say it's the original participation trophy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:14:29 It's like you participated in so many years of life. Yeah. That you get default respect, but you haven't really earned it for the most part. Yeah, yeah. But the flip side of that is somebody who is 21, not understanding, like, it's coming for you. That, like, you, that's the best case scenario. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you are lucky, it's coming for you.

Starting point is 00:14:49 If you don't get sick. Yeah. Yeah. for you and it's not looking good if you have an illness now you're not you probably can't pay for it you also like if you get sick at 21 you're sick sick because 21 you like you at 21 your immune system is beating the absolute ever-loving crap out of out of out of diseases you don't even know you have yeah yeah like people people literally are like walking sick i remember there was this documentary about people who like are skinny obese where they basically have such a terrible diet that they are killing themselves but they just their metabolism is so fast they don't see it right and so these people literally just end up in the hospital at like 28 yeah and the people and like the the nurse will be like your blood pressure is lasers yeah like you like you I don't even know how you're awake right now like you should be dead absolutely and it's like what how do you live like this and they're like I don't know I just slam 20

Starting point is 00:15:49 six coques a day. Yeah. The, what we're wasting our youth on in America's crazy. Yeah. We're wasting it on like fucking 7-Eleven hot dogs. I mean, we did it, you know, we did it on, we've mentioned many times, pints of Ben and Jerry's. We got up to two pints a day here at one point in this very apartment.

Starting point is 00:16:11 That was, that was our, well, that was us at 25. Yeah. And then, you know, just getting, I mean, getting really drunk, whatever. It is sad how much. like that's the like the pinnacle of your body and it's like what are we really doing it's not raising a family like that's i feel like i feel like we're bouncing back because that's the age you're supposed to be like in nature 24 is like the end of that's when you have your seventh kid you know what i mean it's like you're supposed to be like you're supposed to be using that bounce

Starting point is 00:16:42 but instead of using it to treat hangovers and to treat having like you know uh 40 dollars with a Taco Bell or whatever. That's what you should be using it for, but not us, baby. We use it to stay up all night. Go to an open mic, use all my drink tickets, drink drinks people left on there, that kind of shit. I mean, I do feel like people are just using the space, though. They're filling the space with what used to, because look, buying a house, you know,

Starting point is 00:17:10 adjusted for inflation was still like half a year's salary. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, it's like now you take. technically can't do all the adult things that, like, the big people expect you to do by 22 because they did it by, like, 19. It's like, there's a little bit of a one to two year grace period, but all the things you're supposed to be doing have been offset by how bad everything is. And so you are filling the time and space with stuff because that's just, like, like, you know, there's the whole, the whole, was it, Kevin O'Leary or whatever will. Mr. Wonderful? Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:17:47 Watch where you say, oh, this is maybe. be the number one Mr. Wonderful Super fan. Really? Really? Wow. I love Shark Day. You love his politics, too. Yeah. I wish he shut his trap about all the politics lately. You demand did Mamdani meet with him? That was

Starting point is 00:18:03 the funniest thing in the world work. O'Leary, a Canadian billionaire was like, I tried to talk to Zoran, but he wouldn't meet with me. It's like, yeah, who gives the fuck what you think, you fucking idiot? It is It is crazy how, like, like, people, like elites keep giving accidental ws. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:18:22 It's like, I called this guy and he said he didn't have time for me. And you're like, that actually sounds dope. That's awesome. I wish more politicians wouldn't immediately suck every billionaire's cock who offered it. Folks, this podcast, you could characterize the personalities on it as big shitters. Me and El DeSula, Lord knows the toilets. and our shared apartments over the years have struggled. Luckily for them, we have both become bidet aficionados in the last years,

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Starting point is 00:20:33 That's 10% off your first bidet order at hello-tushy.com with promo code Stavi-V-10. it's so pathetic what's the what's so basically he has a lot of old school and like old world beliefs that are not adjusted for inflation they aren't they aren't like they aren't being realistic to the current predicament that people find themselves in and so he's a very much like a don't have the avocado toast and the coffee type guy and it's like and it's like I love that my thing is that that stuff there's still a belief that like that stuff makes up the difference even when you show him, even when you tell him, like, you were talking about, like, anywhere from a couple hundred to maybe a grand a year. Now, to even his point, though, if you are exactly a grand in credit card debt, then these are the things you could be doing to be in no credit card debt.

Starting point is 00:21:28 But the problems are so much bigger than that. Yeah, who cares. That, like, people getting by is not the same as, like, getting ahead. Like he is living in a fantasy world And I don't even think it's an earnest fantasy world This dude is living in a fantasy world Because it keeps the machine churning For sure

Starting point is 00:21:48 That you can save your way to a billion dollars Oh yeah And that is just not logical Ruin the lives of thousands of people That's the only way to get a billion dollars The only two ways to get a billion dollars Are to be an absolute monster Or, and this is back when we still sold DVDs

Starting point is 00:22:04 The son of an absolute monster where we still sold DVDs, like let's say if Kevin Hart got like a third of the country to buy grown little man, he would have been a billionaire and it would have been pretty ethical. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that is true. But like, but we're out of those commodities. Everything is like subscription-based. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the physical things, you still, there's still a barrier to entry to sell people who

Starting point is 00:22:26 like your stuff the physical thing. You know what I mean? So it's like they have to have a record player to even really want to buy your vinyl. Sure, sure. They have to have, like, a DVD player to want to get your... But selling, to me, selling physical is actually the future because then it will become more than just, like, old school vintage novelty. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:45 And it'll break into, like, the direct line to the people who you create things for that they will be able to have it. So then that way, pass any form of, like, pass any form of censorship and past any form of, like, messiness with platforms. Yeah, we'll take it back. He's Amazon, yeah, exactly. Amazon is a thing where they're like, oh, when you buy it, that means you can watch it whenever you want. That doesn't mean you own it.

Starting point is 00:23:12 Yeah. And they can just take something off of their fucking platform, which is fucking insane. And they don't refund you, your, they don't go buy and be like, all right, we took three titles off. Yeah. And you spent a total of 60 bucks on them because they were 20 bucks each when they first came out, which is when you wanted to watch it. And we said you own it. So here's your $60. rebate.

Starting point is 00:23:34 It's like, no one's really keeping up with that. And even if there's an effort to, it still doesn't, it still doesn't make up for the fact you didn't want, you literally didn't want that money. You wanted the thing. Yeah, totally. It's like, I don't want $20 so I can have this movie. I want to watch Crank 2. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:23:52 Whenever I want. The best crank. Yeah, that's a good one. The fact that he woke up. Yeah, I know. I know. I love when a movie will just be like, the guy's dead. And then it's like, psych sequel, the Chris, the Chris Hemsworth extraction.

Starting point is 00:24:09 The first one was really good. It was the, it came out during the pandemic. And it was like, you know, Chris Hemsworth basically like, I, have you seen it? He's trying to like, some kid. There's a kidnapped kid. It's in India. Oh. It ends.

Starting point is 00:24:21 He's shot full of bullets and in the fucking, like, oh, shit, or like some river. Yeah. And then there's numbers. He just survives. But I love that. I do love that. I think more shit should be inexplicable. and it's like, fuck it, who cares?

Starting point is 00:24:34 It's a movie. I think I'm mixing up Chris Hemsworth movies now because wasn't he in something called, like, Black Hat or something like that? Blackhead is a Michael Mann hacker movie. I thought that was extraction. No, no, no. So I've watched the first five minutes of Black Hat, did not like it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:50 And then I kept seeing extraction, and I was like, why they keep serving me this movie? Straction is pretty good. Yeah, I'll watch it now. Second one's not as good. The first one was a banger. Do you think it's hard for the second movie to be as good? if they should be dead? Do you feel like you're watching a ghost the whole time?

Starting point is 00:25:07 No, no. In fact, I love it because it's like, it's like, they tell you this is a stupid thing. You know what I mean? Like, I like my actual movies to be completely illogical. I don't need it to be based in reality. And it's like, you know, please let him just come back. I don't give a fuck.

Starting point is 00:25:23 How do you feel about the John Wick movies? Oh, how do I feel about the John Wick? Some of the finest cinema. It is absolutely impeccable. It's so good. The fourth one, great, great. The only thing I didn't like about the fourth one, spoiler alert. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:39 The only thing. Pause this, put a big, wee, put a big siren eldest. Yeah. Because even though John Wickford came out, what, two years ago, we will not spoil it for anyone on this podcast. That's how much we love the franchise. No, no. You never know who's late.

Starting point is 00:25:53 Of course. So skip 10 seconds if you haven't seen the end of John with him. The fact that he dies the way he dies was a little annoying to be. Interesting. because I feel like John Wick you gotta hit him with a truck like he needs to be splattered or something because like

Starting point is 00:26:09 he's taking bullets before and he's yeah I mean but Josh is he dead this is my thing this my thing is he dead this is all I wanted at the end of the movie I want to like

Starting point is 00:26:24 be like okay they buried him you know whatever and then that is kind of the vibe it's kind of the vibe but then the two people who were there that like would have carried his body back to new york are also there kind of talking about him being dead just to each other yeah so who's the larp for if he's alive like that like that like we might find out we might find out in the fifth one and i mean i and i get that keanu reeves is like guys it hurts my body i mean that's the thing he deserves he deserves like a medal of honor i mean him being in um in um the and arms one the ballerina ballerina Yeah. Was great. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:02 I thought him, like, that almost made up for the ending of four for me. Because I loved four so much. Sure. I like the ending. I like the send-off slashes he actually did. Now, I will say about ballerina, I had tickets to see it in theaters, and I was, I had to shit. And so I had to go back to my hotel room, and I still have not seen ballerina.

Starting point is 00:27:25 But I had, not only had I had tickets to see it, I was going to sneak in. This is my move for a while. I was going to sneak in a pint. of low-calorie ice cream, which we did when we saw, what did we see? Mickey 17 in L.A. There was a grocery store right next to it, and I just had to shit so bad that I unfortunately have not seen Ballerina,

Starting point is 00:27:45 and I do have to rectify that. I almost watched it on a Delta flight coming back to America from Scotland, but I did not. I'm so scared to watch any action movie on a flight, because I don't know if they're going to edit. Because I swear sometimes they don't show at the front this film has been edited for content. but then they still edit it.

Starting point is 00:28:02 They'll edit it and especially don't watch anything that has plane crashes in it they'll edit it out of a plane movie. Yeah, yeah. So it'll be like a movie will just not make sense. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:11 It will be seven minutes long. Oh man, that's good stuff. But I will say going to ballerina, what I like about going to like super violent movies is just showing up to see who laughs so that I know how many. I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:28:32 All right, that's, that's one. Sure, sure, sure. He's another one. My community. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I feel like there are some things that happen, especially in the, like, WIC franchise that are just so, like, obscenely funny.

Starting point is 00:28:50 Absolutely. Like, literally, when that dude, when he, in the first one, he hits that dude in the neck, and that guy's like, oh, my neck. but then he's reloading and then shoots him in the head. I'm like, that is because you knew he had a gun. Totally. But then you get hit the neck and you're like, this is never

Starting point is 00:29:09 happening before. This hurts. And then bough. It is awesome that the kind of the subtext is like so many of these guys are just like unstoppable, but it's like John Wickman. He's the fucking Boba Yeaga, dude. You can't fuck with him. What I really love about it is the

Starting point is 00:29:25 brevity. Because even when someone is like a badass and they come for him or whatever you are it does remind you like oh yeah anybody could get shot yeah yeah yeah which is kind of again why i like the ending and you know sure sure and also like in the first one he's he's gonna get got um if it wasn't for willam defoe who not to you know i've sat in a car we talked i think we already told the story i bombed in front of i was trying to get him to like me i was really blowing it oh willem defa that's got it's tough when you're just really i'm sure you've you've been around like famous people you're like fuck i got to bring it and then it's just like

Starting point is 00:30:02 i don't know i'm not going to say you did bad i'm sure you were very nice and charming but i've blown it no i've i've done bad yeah yeah yeah i feel like i feel like whenever you and maybe i don't know maybe you have had a different experience but i feel like when you do comedy people assume you're comfortable in every situation right right because you're comfortable in front of people And it's tough when they're, like, looking at you to be funny and just, like, you know, at a ball or whatever. And you was like, I don't, like, I did it. That was my best. I feel like when it is similar to when, like, a magician is out, but without a deck of cards.

Starting point is 00:30:45 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, do something magic bad. And he's like, none of that stuff is real. Sorry, man. And I actually have nothing on me right now. Like, I was just trying to have dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, sorry.

Starting point is 00:30:56 It is brutal, but... Yeah. So you just felt like you... You know, when you're just unexpected... I also hadn't been able to psych myself up to be like, ready to be like, all right, got to fucking bring it. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:31:11 Got to bring it. I wonder how like... I've thought about this before with actors, how annoying some of their interactions must be. But he... But I just feel like outside of maybe some of... doing the goblin voice to him sure people don't have like

Starting point is 00:31:30 like you know the dude from Napoleon Dynamite people would just do that like John Heater like they would just do that to him all the time I assume for sure but like Willem Defoe you're like now if I saw John Heater I think I would quote Blades of Glory that's much more my

Starting point is 00:31:46 sure that's my movie I watched that recently holds up Blades of Glory very funny still but I'm trying to I'm trying to think of what an annoying person would do sure sure oh yeah definitely their worst their worst interaction and i feel like will and defoe would probably just be meeting someone that keeps calling him william yeah william defoe would be good i mean i think i really considered bringing up boondock saints and i'm glad i didn't you know

Starting point is 00:32:13 you ever seen boondock yeah yeah classic um classic the the classic video where he's like he's he likes jazz music but he's gay that's or whatever it is it is an interesting thing What a movie, man. Yeah. And to get an actor that good, that's stupid of a fucking movie. That's so good. So, fucking good. It is crazy, too, how, like, they, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:32:38 I think that movie is great because it really, like, wasn't supposed to happen. Oh, for sure. Like, fundamentally wasn't supposed to happen. And I watched the documentary about the making of it. Oh, really? Of Bundak's safe? Yeah. Fuck.

Starting point is 00:32:54 We got a new, we got a new movie. gotta watch all this. It's even weirder than you think because the whole like Bart, because you know the story of like Barton to writes a script

Starting point is 00:33:04 and then it gets in front of like Harvey Weinstein it's the only movie he's ever made and he's like a dumb like that movie makes John Wick look like you know the conversation or something

Starting point is 00:33:14 yes you know what it's crazy how because John Wick you could argue is the pinnacle yeah of dumb guy cinema because it is like oh dude all the fucking shit all the

Starting point is 00:33:25 the world is run by sexy rockabilly chicks and it's like it's just like these concepts every you pay for everything with the gold coin it's like and everything costs one gold coin it's just like it's no there's no

Starting point is 00:33:40 it's so fucking stupid and stylized but it's awesome it works it just it does work you know whereas boondock saints it's like a similar type of guy a less sophisticated like dumb ass wrote you could tell yeah I

Starting point is 00:33:55 I mean, because also I think John Wick, the director was the stuntman with Keanu. So he understands movies. And this guy really is just a dumb Irish bartender who was like, what if two fucking Irish guys were the smartest and most dangerous guys in the world? And that's basically the fucking premise. Yeah. I mean, it is very fun that there's no inflation in John Wick. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:20 Across four movies. Everything still costs the gold coin. One gold coin. I mean, I feel like he gave somebody, too. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes he would tip and it's like, wait, you just gave him 100% tip? I guess, look, you're a generous guy, but, you know. Or sometimes, I believe in the, maybe in the first one, it's a coin per body when the guy comes to clean it up.

Starting point is 00:34:47 Oh, yes, yes, yes. There really is no rhyme or reason to it. But then it's like a coin for a stay at the Continental. For how many, just for a week? I feel like he always gave one coin. Yeah. And I guess you get to stay as long as you want. I guess so.

Starting point is 00:35:02 But then that made it weird because then when the guy he wanted to kill was like a man could stay here forever, it's like, is it all included off of one point? Right, right, right, right. Because then John could just stay forever. I think, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But anyway, I said all that to say that I got to find it because it's a documentary about the making of it, how the guy who wrote it. It lost his mind.

Starting point is 00:35:25 Yeah. And this is before me too. And so it's like basically this is before any of like Harvey Weinstein's like legal case to start anything like that. And yeah, I believe this is it. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. And insanely in this thing, I don't know who made it. The good guy is Harvey Weinstein?

Starting point is 00:35:48 Kind of like Harvey Weinstein is like. Comes off as reasonable. he at least comes off as like wow this guy's like really mean to me and I helped him oh man it's awesome it's really crazy

Starting point is 00:36:04 it's like it bothered this guy bothered Harvey Weinstein enough that at I think like the 2000 whatever Oscars somebody walked up to Harvey Weinstein who was like a reporter or something and the and Weinstein was like I was right about Troy Duffy wasn't I

Starting point is 00:36:21 Man's a jerk Damn, dude, that's awesome It's really crazy, yeah All right, well we'll put it on our watches Go up, what you call itilders? Overnight. Overnight. I think that's it.

Starting point is 00:36:33 Yeah, whatever it was, I watched it in college. So this is around the, like, no, actually, no, I wasn't in college then, but I saw it in college. And so this is around the, like, right timing. But I feel like there's a couple of these that have been made. A couple documentaries on. Not necessarily on Troy Duffy, because this one, I feel like, is more Troy Duffy and it's more his perspective. Okay.

Starting point is 00:36:58 There's one that got made, like, from the outside looking in. Holy fuck, there's more than, this is incredible. I think there's more than one of these. We will do this research. Was that, where it was like college, like, as a kid, were you watching these kinds of movies where you're like, because my, you know, we could sneak up. My mom tried to be, my mom was very funny. She tried to be strict sometimes, but then she would just, she would just fall through the cracks and like, you know. I'm in Baltimore City

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Starting point is 00:38:29 That's how good the fucking product is. You want to be a piece of shit and don't buy it? That's fine. But you're a fucking asshole. You're an asshole who doesn't know how to keep it twisted. That's right, folks. Listen, no promo code, no nothing. They don't even give a fuck if this ad leads to sales directly.

Starting point is 00:38:46 They just want to get the word out and we're happy to do it. go buy a twisted tea wherever twisted teas are sold can you do me that favor your little fucking pieces of shit it is it is crazy i mean that's that's why kids and like pets end up getting what they want you just need the persistence yeah yeah you just can't like when your dog wines like if a dog wants to get out of the crate it wines because it's willing to whine one second longer than you have patience you sure so then you let it out of the crate and even without a real like sense of time you know like they say dogs have no sense of time the dog knows i need to do this for 18 minutes plus one yeah yeah yeah and then

Starting point is 00:39:31 i'll get out sure and that's why some dogs are so hard to train and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah yeah and so like i feel like like like kids also have that effect where they're like this is the thing i want it's the only thing i want and it's like i have a singular attitude about it because i'm not like a farmer's son and i have nothing by the way i my life is very simple like versus my mom who it's like working two jobs three kids like you just got a catcher on one overwhelmed day yeah you know what I mean and then I say yeah I get to watch a fucking movie with guns in it and I get to have pizza you also have to ask in like a confusing way because if you if you ask the same way they'll know it's the same thing yeah yeah but if you're

Starting point is 00:40:12 if if you I mean if you walk in parents exhausted sure ready to pass out and And then you'll, you're like, may I watch a history mini-series? Yeah, yeah. Now all of a sudden you're watching Rome on HBO. Right, right, right, right. You're seeing boobs. Seeing huge dongling dicks. Yeah, you're like, whoa.

Starting point is 00:40:35 I'm interested, mother. I'm interested in history, mother. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that did happen. I think I've told the story before where it's like, we were into Dragon Ball Z and my mom didn't want us to watch, like, you know, violent movies. And she went to the, we were a big. library movie family and she went to the library

Starting point is 00:40:51 and she's like oh and she saw some like anime shit and she gives my little brother and it was straight up hentai and I guess the library fuck like the same exact thing happened some old woman at the library was like oh okay this is like

Starting point is 00:41:07 that Japanimation that's sweeping and my brother was just like I remember my brother being like scared to tell me and our other brother like oh you guys should watch this like he couldn't even bring himself to be like and we were like whoa dude

Starting point is 00:41:23 we were just he was literally too young to jack off like he didn't even jackal I mean who knows maybe but he was like just too young to jack off like if she had if that had hit our house like two years later would have been a big problem but that you know parents will and increasingly I feel like that's happening

Starting point is 00:41:42 like if our parents didn't know it was happening it's like what the these like the kids with what they are, you know, whatever fucking message boards, like the next political assassin is going to be on. Like, the guy who fucking killed Charlie Kirk is like, you don't even know what he's into. He's like a furry, but he's like...

Starting point is 00:42:00 Did they say, they kept saying he was like a groper. That, but that's just because people have heard of that. Like, that's, like, that, I guess people really... First, obviously, like, Republicans wanted him to be gay and a communist, right? And it's like, he might be sort of gay, but he's not a communist. You know, like, he's not a leftist. So, and then I think the left, like, or even Democrats wanted him to be some kind of, like, discreet, conservative thing. And Groopers are the, like, that's like the Nick Fuentes, like, you know, fuck it.

Starting point is 00:42:33 But I don't think he's that either. I think he's just a weird fucking kid in a, in a country where guns, everyone just gets guns and shit. Because it seems like such a meme, it seems like such a, like a, a meme way to go about. everything that he did. That's a good point. It's very meme forward. I thought everyone was, you know, saying that he was like in that, in that

Starting point is 00:42:57 corner of the internet because of the writing on the the, the gun, stuff like that. If you're reading this, you're gay LMAO, it's insane. It's like, it's like, it's like, a bullet.

Starting point is 00:43:14 It's like, that's like, and it's like, what am I going to sit here and say? I, didn't laugh when I saw that. It is. That's crazy. That's fucking crazy. But the thing that I don't know, I guess like the thing that I find that feels so insane to me is that like ever since I was a little kid.

Starting point is 00:43:34 Yeah. Like growing up in Louisiana, white people have wanted a race war. Sure. Like ever since I was like a little kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And not like every, obviously like, I'm talking about very specific white people. There's a percentage of people. that yeah and the the thing about a war is like two sides at least two sides have to want to fight it

Starting point is 00:43:54 yeah yeah yeah sometimes you get a third side in there sure sure you can get messy but we need at least two and and i find that like there is a war that so many different groups of people want and then they'll even try to flip the war onto you where you're like you want war too and then you're like actually don't not really we had nothing to do with this yeah please stop talking about like the Joker. I mean, that's the fucking craziest part of all this shit is like the second

Starting point is 00:44:23 like Charlie Kirk died, which, you know, shouldn't have gotten killed. But like, every problem was like, now you're going to regret what you've done. It's like,

Starting point is 00:44:33 what the fuck do we do? Some insane, who knows, like kid whose brain is poisoned or I don't mean to fucking, you know, don't make me put, don't make me take my Knicks hat off

Starting point is 00:44:42 and put my tin foil hat on. It's like, or the CIA or my, Or it wasn't, here's what it wasn't. It wasn't a guy who voted for Kamala Harris that killed him. I'll tell you that much. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:44:55 It's like, and it's big, you're right. It's like, the stakes have been raised where it's like, why is this, why is the rhetoric getting violent because of a fucked up assassination that no one is happy for? I mean, personally, I don't think any podcaster should face violence. So that was my number one. That's my number one, like, that's the lens I view it through. But it's like, it is crazy. But very quickly, it became like, you killed the one who would peacefully debate you.

Starting point is 00:45:24 Now you're, it's like, no, we did. I didn't kill anybody. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, it's also, I don't know, there's a, there's a whole logic loop that you have to try to close that like, left-leaning people want to take all the guns, but also they're the gun nuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gay people are like, trans people are like mentally ill gay guys, but also they're super criminal. masterminds and it's like which one is it man

Starting point is 00:45:51 to which one I know what you mean it is but it is I mean that is kind of classic othering and finding a scapegoat in society when everything else is being I mean the billionaire glass is absolutely sucking our society dry of everything

Starting point is 00:46:07 and it's like everyone is disaffected everyone is fucking everyone's life quality of life is going down and yeah it's a society that's very it's very easy to scapegoat to pick something and say it's this because people want to so people want an easy answer yeah i think that's really the biggest that's what's going on here i mean it's crazy how like they just did the fuck i mean this would be this would be on a few weeks but it's like

Starting point is 00:46:33 the the the controlling party is now they do they have the same mind as like hack comedians because it's like if they have no punchline it's hack or autism it's like those are the two things to keep going to where it's like or I'm sorry it's trans or autism it's either trans or it's autism and it's like

Starting point is 00:46:51 that's what we have that's the solution to inequality no fucking met no like or yeah just like just like rising grocery prices yeah every quality life

Starting point is 00:47:01 across the board is bad not actually like ending all these like foreign wars and everything right billions to other fucking places yeah it's crazy not actually like

Starting point is 00:47:11 bringing the not actually bringing the price of housing down. I know, it's impossible to have a fucking house. And you're talking about wanting conservative values. Like, how the fucking people have a family when they can't afford shit? Why can't we be little league coaches who are, I want to be frustrated with my life and take it out on a fucking little league team.

Starting point is 00:47:34 But we don't even have that. We don't even have the ability to do that. Yeah. Take it on your, take it out your son's friends. Tell them they need to run out the ground ball more because you're frustrated at your middle management job. there's not even middle management jobs that suck dick you can't even be a guy who fucking is like you know who works at a fucking like pick any blinds company and makes like 90 grand a year that

Starting point is 00:47:57 doesn't even exist now like blinds dot com blinds direct dot com and it's just like from some guys selling them straight from ali baba or whatever the fuck it's just like I don't know it's crazy but I don't know I was that the point you're making about like the two sides sorry I cut you off to talk about because I thought I was anticipating where it's like how violence shit has gotten how it's like we're trying to get a war going is that like a little bit I mean well this is my thing it's like there is there has been a paranoia about a war because um there's like there's like I mean in the south since forever sure there's been the belief that like there was going to be some sort of like race war and we should do it before they do it and everything right right right

Starting point is 00:48:42 And then it has turned into like not just race, like race is a part of it, but now like left and right since left still has like, it's still got some of the material same stuff in it, but it is a bit different. And even then it's like the people who really want it try to project on to you that you want it. So then even when they're like, you're like you're so glad that this thing happened. And then you're like, no, I'm actually not. No, it sucks. People almost don't know what to do with it. Right, right, right. And that's why, like, I've been, I mean, anyone who, like, follows me or anyone who's

Starting point is 00:49:20 been, like, listening to me was probably getting sick of me saying this. But it's true. It's, like, what we've done now, and, like, and it's a manner of speaking, so it's very hard to undo. But what we've done now is made anyone a representative of the right or left. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So now, if I want to be like.

Starting point is 00:49:40 If I just disagree with them, and I have my opinion. If I disagree with you, you're the opposite. Not even just that. It's like if I want to say, oh, man, like, all of the right are Nazis. Right. And then I point to three actual Nazis. Right, right, right, right, right. And that's supposed to represent half the country.

Starting point is 00:50:00 Right, that's a good point. And then the left, it's like when they're like, the left is like celebrating. It's like, all right, look, I'm not, I can't speak for like every single person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know I wasn't, like, celebrating and, like, posting myself, like, making, making fun or anything like that. Sure, sure. I can only control what I do. And then I also know that, like, everyone's being served a certain thing.

Starting point is 00:50:24 They're trying to keep you on the app longer. So it's like, to me, it's like to let, like, all I know is that the representatives, like, Democrat representatives and stuff like that said all the things you're supposed to say. Absolutely. So now the fact that, like, a former president. like sitting senators, congresspeople all over the country could all say the right thing, but like dipshit 2012 is what makes you want to go to war because now you're like, that guy's making fun of it.

Starting point is 00:50:53 It's like, what power does this guy have? And is this a bot? Totally. Is it even real? Is it a fucking guy? Is it some guy who's trying to engagement farm to get paid on Twitter? I mean, that happens a lot. And also let's flip it to the other side. It's like the other representatives are using. violent rhetoric. Like that's the thing

Starting point is 00:51:13 that's fucking insane. Anyway, whatever. But that's what I mean where I'm kind of like, I'm like, there's one, there's one side that like clearly wants some sort of war

Starting point is 00:51:20 or they're trying to stoke a thing. And I'm like, but you can't fight a war with somebody that doesn't want to fight. No. And we're also too, by the way, we're too fucking fat for civil war.

Starting point is 00:51:31 That's the other thing. It's like, you're telling me how many actually people, how many people who are posting would even be allowed, into the military, BMI-wise. But that's my thing. It's like those people...

Starting point is 00:51:44 It's going to be like a sniper, fat snipers taking each other out from like miles away. That's the only way we'll get Civil War. Yeah. People in like Wally chairs shooting each other with drones. Yeah. Like that's the only way we're capable of civil war. Anyway, whatever. Let's get some questions because we have to...

Starting point is 00:52:00 You have to actually talk about this stuff for a living at the Daily Show after this. So let's give a couple... I appreciate that. This, you know, it's good to talk about this. stuff but we also have i'm sure people who want permission to cheat on their wives you know people whose dicks are too small to get put like this is the intellectual show you've come on here josh so let's get some good questions i'm sure all this has got some really good ones for us and anything you want to plug by the way i mean you're on the road you too you put out you put out stand up all

Starting point is 00:52:31 the time on youtube great channel going uh yeah yeah if you want to check me out at josh johnson Comedy on Instagram, YouTube and TikTok. That's where I post my stuff. And then if you go to Josh Johnsoncomedy. com, you can get tickets to shows. Or join wait lists and then get those tickets as soon as we add them. All links in the description.

Starting point is 00:52:53 Fuck, I've got to talk to about that waitless shit. I've been trying to, we're dragging our feet on actually having our own list and that's pretty dumb. But yeah, go check it out. And let's take some calls here, LD. In a world of online shopping, customer reviews matter more than anything. I know me, when I'm looking for anything, I filter for four stars and up. Honestly, 4.5, if I'm feeling real prissy, don't give me none of that dog

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Starting point is 00:54:59 they're going to get those reviews la la la la la la la la la la five stars wow your customers and get rave reviews with cheaper faster and better shipping upgrade to ship station today to get 60 day free trial at shipstation.com slash stavi there's no credit card or contact or contract required and you can cancel any time that's shipstation dot com slash stavi sTA bv y hey stov and guest so here's my situation I'm in my early 30s and both women in the story are in their late 20s. I have a really great job and a really great girlfriend. My girlfriend and I generally have a fantastic relationship.

Starting point is 00:55:41 We have our occasional communication errors, but I think that she's smart, kind, cute, and gorgeous. She also takes her work seriously though, and we both have to travel quite a bit in our jobs. Because of that, we have given one another hall passes. We have agreed that if we are apart for a while, for a while, we're okay with the other person having a couple of casual dates or sleeping with somebody else just for fun.

Starting point is 00:56:06 Despite that agreement, though, neither of us has ever actually done it in the almost year that we've been together. In a few weeks, she is going away for three or four months. And there's a woman at the same company at me who is obviously interested in me. He wants to fuck a coworker? This is fucking crazy. Keep going. A woman at the same company with me who is obviously interested in me.

Starting point is 00:56:29 I'm at the point a part of me wants to go and have a couple casual dates and hook up with this woman just for fun, but I'm kind of scared that if I do it, my girlfriend might feel a little jealous, and the woman from work, even if she is into it, might feel like shit once my girlfriend comes back and I tell her we have to stop hooking up. Well, that's not when you would tell her, you. Workcase scenario, I lose my girlfriend and pick off my work friend. Best case scenario, they're both into it, and I'm having free stuff. Oh, my God. This guy's out of his mind.

Starting point is 00:57:00 I will say a couple things off top, right? Please, please. I love a dreamer. This is the kind of optimism we need in this country. Like, this is like, and look, like, Solomon, I'm being so serious right now because, like, yes, we're obviously going to, like, roast a bunch of things that you have to say and something like that. But genuinely, this is the type of optimism that, like, creates the, like, pogo stick. Sure, sure, sure. Like, this is how things get invented.

Starting point is 00:57:28 This is what got us to the moon. Because it doesn't make any sense. So it's like you need to believe like this to change the world. Absolutely. That being said, it is so cute that he thinks neither one of them have acted on it yet. Oh, that's a good point too. That to me is adorable. It's like, we've had this hall pass for a year and, you know, she goes away sometimes.

Starting point is 00:57:52 I go away sometimes and neither one of us has done anything. And it's like, in my head, and I'm not trying to be mean when I say this, but it's like, I don't know if y'all have really had discussion on if you're going to tell each other. Right. So maybe she's just done it and been like, well, we said we could do it. Why would I tell you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, why would you want to hear that unless you all are into that, right?

Starting point is 00:58:10 For sure. Then, that's a good point. The idea. Point one. Because already, as a man, sometimes you know, and especially if you've been in relationships or if you had a lot hookups, you know. But, like, most men don't know which women are, like, into them. Like, like, when you're really. feeling vibes. You could be feeling vibes by yourself.

Starting point is 00:58:31 That's very, that's a good point. That's a good point. So it's like obviously into me also worries me because any friend I've had say that, no, you're, that's a great point. On the verge of maybe getting like, uh, uh, slapped in the face. Because it's like, I'm reading all the signs. She's like eating ice cream in front of me, man. Like what, like, why would she want delicious treat unless she was trying to get some, right? Yeah, absolutely. Then, then on top of that, you're assuming a woman who you're not already hooking up with wants to get in this mess. Like I feel like there are like maybe, you know, in Brooklyn or whatever or like in Portland Oregon or something like that.

Starting point is 00:59:10 There are people there are more like ethically non-monogamous and stuff. But you're assuming this woman who you have not gone on a date or hooked up with yet. Just the lady you've had lunch with at the office. Will will be like, oh yeah, I will sleep with you while your girlfriend's not in town. Yeah. As a starter, that's how we're going to begin. Well, what I love about that, so I'm with you, by the way. And the funniest thing is, he hasn't thought about that because he's thinking, well,

Starting point is 00:59:39 I'll fuck her and worry about the rest later. Because he's saying, when my girlfriend comes back and I tell her, like to him, he hasn't even considered letting her know, like, hey, I'm in an open relationship, essentially. Like, do you want to hook up? I know this is weird, but I like you. And I mean, you're spot on with so much stuff. And I'll take some other. I think you nailed a lot of it.

Starting point is 01:00:03 The him, them not acting on is a great point. Like, do you know that for a fact? Because it seems like you're leaving a lot of this is like, we've given each other whole passes, but no one's done anything. Do you know that? Do you have clear, like, rules and communication? Has she been fucking a bunch of other guys? also if you okay let's say for a second that that is true right that they had that nothing's

Starting point is 01:00:30 happened and you're worried your girlfriend will be upset what you should do is talk to her you should be like hey you're about to go for four months can we read because because it's been theoretical this hall past thing in the past but now it feels like if we're serious about this we should and not just for but for him too right yeah because like he's under the that she hasn't fuck where she'd be like oh i've been hooking every time i go on a trip i fucking yeah the weekend yeah yeah even if you're when you're going for eight eight eight hours i consider that a long distance thing but so now is a perfect opportunity to really drill down on this that's number one and by the way if you haven't maybe both of you are bluffing and you should just be

Starting point is 01:01:15 like hey i actually like you i'm not cut out for this yeah can we i'll come visit you like you like three or four months in the grand scheme of things isn't crazy right you you need to really check in because it's about to get real and you're not prepared and number two if you're gonna first of all don't fuck a girl in your fucking office idiot like that's that's crazy you're so right i didn't even get to that because in my head it's like it's like worst case scenario i lose my girlfriend and piss off my work friend right and it's like that is not the worst case scenario you get fired and you have a suit for sexual harassment like like that's this is this is this This is the type of thinking that, once again, once again, Solomon, you need to dream, all right?

Starting point is 01:01:58 I like that you're dreaming. At the same time, you have to like, in order to enact any dream, you have to understand when you're asleep and when you're awake. Yeah. Because like this thing of like even threesomes now, it's like. Threesums. My man. Him saying that's the best case here is, which I guess he's right. I guess that is the best case.

Starting point is 01:02:15 I guess, yes. They're both like, wow, you're awesome. And we want to also fuck each other, but no other guys, just you. it's like all right i guess that's technically the best case scenario the the only way that this makes sense to me is if like and not to be that guy this is very like internet coded right now this is very reddit but like maybe he's six five right maybe all this stuff is really a possibility in his life that's a good point that's a good point because like he could be rich i will say i will say the the whole idea truly of like a hall pass thing is already a little bit

Starting point is 01:02:49 irregular that's already a little bit like 100% oh okay you all are open to some things also the only way it works is if yes you are if a guy and a woman you have to be hot a hot like a six five like very desirable guy and or rich and or famous that's the only way yeah like a guy can can keep pace with a or i mean i guess certain guys are like true like casanova types or just abusive yeah Yeah, yeah, or a piece of shit, true, or like a, or a social bed, but like something irregular has to work for it to balance out in a way that works for people. Because normally, if you're going to be long distance off and on, some people will just break up. Yeah, absolutely. So it's like, y'all clearly want to be together.

Starting point is 01:03:37 Y'all had this conversation. So I understand how it's not completely out of the realm of possibility that, like, maybe this is the person I will show interest in. Yeah. But, like, your work. Yeah. Your work is like, man. That's a great point. Here's the thing.

Starting point is 01:03:52 If you don't, don't try and fuck your work, friend, because it's complicated. If you can't fuck another woman, or if you can't get signs from another woman that, that's not work, that wouldn't be messy, that it's just a short-term fling. If you can't get that, you're not going to survive this. If the only woman who wants to fuck you is a lady that you've been sort of soft wearing down. for months if you're not the kind of guy you can go fuck a random girl a random open hookup relationship is not going to work for you because you your girlfriend let me tell you this will be able to fuck somebody can i tell you as well that like it already said the reason i think that this might be a bad idea and like i hope look i don't want to plant the seeds of like

Starting point is 01:04:40 making a person go crazy i'm just saying that like to to what you just said right you're gonna have out here because I feel like it from this voicemail it sounds like you already have too deep a crush on the person you would be hooking up with so it's like it's a great point if you if you're the type of person to get a genuine crush on everyone that you hook up with that's the that's like the number one reason to not do any of this for y'all even if you're like ethically non monogamous whatever it's like you get you catch if you catch feelings every time that's the that's like you get you catch feelings every time that's That's too much feelings to go around, you know? Yeah, yeah. No, this is classic. This isn't real. This is a fantasy. You're about to do it.

Starting point is 01:05:26 You're about, you're about to like, this is like, you've been planning a heist. Mm-hmm. But now you've got to put the ski mask on and you got to load the gun. Yeah. And it's like, are you ready to fire the gun? Yeah. Because if you're not quit, man, this life isn't for you. So also, you're doing the robbery with someone who may have done plenty of robberies before.

Starting point is 01:05:47 It's like there's in every heist movie Yeah, yeah His girlfriend's like Oh, yawning Her beat her fucking heart rate Couldn't be lower Like not even heist movie In every kidnap movie

Starting point is 01:05:58 Even the ones based on True stories There's always one person As soon as they kidnap this person They go We gotta kill him We gotta kill him We gotta kill

Starting point is 01:06:09 We gotta get rid of the body Yeah dude We gotta kill him So good luck We don't It doesn't feel good I would say check back in with your girlfriend. The only way this will possibly work is

Starting point is 01:06:21 you hook up with people who are not affecting the rest of your life and you let them know before, not after when your girlfriend comes back, like, oh, by the way, we're not dating. I have a girlfriend. The only way this works is you have the conversation with your girlfriend and you also have this conversation with the other person up front. We don't think you have it in, you cut out for it, but good luck, buddy. Ah, our old pals at Ridgewallet, what a good.

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Starting point is 01:08:42 Just head to Ridge.com and use code Stavi. S-T-A-V-Y and you are all set after you're after you purchased they will ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them that our show sent you please next question big eld stabros eldest and guests I have a bit of a conundrum I went on vacation to France nice kind of a half vacation half work trip I was studying some of the things I do for a living without going in too much detail and as a result it not being a get pussy trip i was not prepared to meet a lovely young woman like you put it in this calendar that way keep going to meet a lovely young woman who i had a really

Starting point is 01:09:31 nice evening with and then a really nice night with so that's what she did man vive le france um so i didn't have a critical piece of equipment handy didn't want to miss my opportunity, decided to roll those dice. Now, I should not have rolled those dice. Wow, bro. Because I got a phone call a couple days ago for reference. This is about three

Starting point is 01:09:57 months after I'm backstate side. Oh, fuck. And she is pregnant. So, obviously, first question was, should we get rid of it? She was very Catholic. And so she is opposed. French?

Starting point is 01:10:12 it's her call of course French but I'm not entirely sure what to do I don't think she can come after me for child support across the Atlantic Ocean that's not the question man

Starting point is 01:10:25 that's not the first thing you think of bro can come after me for child support across the Atlantic Ocean this guy's like Trump's I love this isolationism keep us cut off from the rest of the world you're like she's not

Starting point is 01:10:40 Israeli you were at to send her a fucking billion dollars in child support dude this is this is nuts keep going all the time this is this is a new one actually good good question now this let's keep rolling I need to hear the rest of this that said

Starting point is 01:10:55 I don't want to be a deadbeat dad I don't want to fly to France once a year on Christmas I don't think I can afford to fly to France once year on Christmas but I don't speak French and have no way to earn a living in France holy fuck dude but the EU citizenship and also the possibility that for

Starting point is 01:11:12 at least a little while longer, I would still be experiencing what I experienced on that night, although probably the throttle would come down a little bit on that. Anyway, uh, do I, now that we've, now that we've, now that we've talked about that stuff, she was pretty good at fucking. So maybe I fuck her a couple more times. Silver lining. Uh, finish up. Let's finish up what he has to say. Come down a little bit on that. Anyway, uh, do I, I don't want to bring her over here. I mean, she's an attractive white woman. She'd be fine, but still, immigration being what it is. Anyway, do I abandon my life and move to France, or do I stay here in the United States and abandon my responsibilities? Or something in between. Okay. Love you. Kisses. Bye. There's the most amount of

Starting point is 01:12:00 middle ground between those two things. I know. I know. This is crazy. This is nuts. So, okay. Wait, wait. Holy fuck. So. This is making me fucking scared. Yeah, I've actually never... What happened in London stop? Thank God nothing. Dude, I'm, I don't know if I've ever heard... I've known plenty of people my entire life who, like, got someone pregnant, and then they

Starting point is 01:12:27 were a dad and not expecting to be, and they didn't have, like, means. So it's like, it's like, now you're broke and you're trying to, like, raise a kid and everything. I've never seen an international situation like this where you're like, I actually can't afford to come once a year. Yeah, that's not a good sign for this kid. You're saying you don't want to be a deadbeat dad, but like, I guess

Starting point is 01:12:49 it depends on what a person's definition of deadbeat is. You can't plan ahead and get a fucking $400 ticket, bro. Can't set aside a little money to visit. I mean, how were you in France on the because this, it's... He said it was a work trip. He literally said it was like half vacation, half work, because he was there,

Starting point is 01:13:05 I guess, to research or something. So it's like you've been before. Did that take like three years to save up? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, also like no condom just in case. Also, like, how much, I mean, did you not inside a stranger with no condom? Because then it really is vacation. Then you're really on a, then you're really in a Jimmy Buffett vacation mindset.

Starting point is 01:13:30 You're out, this is fucking nuts. Man, I feel so genuinely ill. Yeah, this is tough. Because then also, he's like, he's like, Like, I don't speak French. I don't have any way of, like, earning a living there. Yeah, what is your job? He says he doesn't want to go into detail.

Starting point is 01:13:49 But, yeah, it sounds like he's a fucking recent, like an academic, which, ooh. I mean, it sounds like he doesn't want to go in detail because he doesn't want to be found. Yeah, she can't come after me for child support. Even phrasing it that way. Dude, come after me, but also saying you don't want to be a deadbeat dad. Do you know what? Like, this is, like, the premier language of someone who's, who's, like, lying about what they want to have

Starting point is 01:14:13 happen. For sure, for sure. Because it's like, I don't want to be a dead be dad. Also, she'll never find me. It's like, it's literally like when someone's sitting in interrogation in a cop movie, and they're like, I didn't do anything and you'll never find the body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you say that?

Starting point is 01:14:29 Come on, man. How do you know, how do you know I'll never find the body if you didn't do anything? Because, like, yes, because like, okay, let's say this woman is in America and you get her pregnant, she wants to keep the kid. You would just you would probably I don't know

Starting point is 01:14:44 maybe you would try and have a relationship with this person but at the minimum you would be like okay I will help with this kid right

Starting point is 01:14:51 the fact you don't get an out because she's in France like it's like if he's hoping through like some some like like

Starting point is 01:15:01 asterick in the Geneva conventions yeah like like if you were in let's say this motherfucker lives in New York and this girl's in France if you were in New York

Starting point is 01:15:10 and this girl's in fucking southern california that's about the same this like yeah it's just because the geography doesn't change what's happened here you fucking asshole you got a key you have a kid that's look it sucks we all we all know the fucking risks when we when we nut okay we all know them we don't you never think it's going to be you it's you brother sorry that sucks that sucks that sucks but you can't be a debt. You have to help out this woman with this kid. And you're thinking about fucking this lady, whatever.

Starting point is 01:15:45 It's like, look, I don't know what to tell you, but you have to decide, do you want to pursue some kind of relationship with this person? If yes, okay, then do that. Maybe you're long-term, maybe you're visiting, maybe she's visiting, and maybe one of you ends up moving to the other's country. If you don't, then you will have separate lives, but you have to, at a minimum, provide financial support for what is your child.

Starting point is 01:16:13 That's the two fucking options, dickhead. There's no secret third. Oh, you're actually absolved of all your responsibilities. I don't know what to tell you. It sucks, but it happened to you and be a fucking man. Step up, bro. Also, you could learn French. You could learn French.

Starting point is 01:16:29 You could learn it for it. You could move. You could learn it with the kids. Is it the worst thing to leave America, bro? I was in Europe. I honestly, I was looking at Amsterdam. Like, this looks nice. I was thinking about moving to Greece and living in Greece and Amsterdam half the time, dude,

Starting point is 01:16:44 and maybe visiting America fucking for two months a year or some shit to tour. If it's also such a burden, you could just get married and then you would have your EU. Like, I mean, I feel like that's what he was alluding to. And it's like, now it's at least easier for you to get in and you can stay for longer. Yeah, I mean, like, totally the option, but, but yes, but basically they boil down. down to try and have a relationship with somebody you don't even really know, which is a little weird, but fine. If you want to do that, you want to do that. I'm not judging. Or don't keep your life, but give her money. Those are literally your two options. There's no other option.

Starting point is 01:17:22 She could teach you French. Yeah, dude. Like she speaks to it. Duolingo, brother. Yeah, like she literally speaks two languages for you to understand her. Also, yeah, I mean, that's, none of these are the, none of these are the actual factors. The factors are he doesn't want to admit that he's a fucking dad now and you are bro you are is gonna send her like champagne hope she just fucking drinks the pregnancy away it is crazy that

Starting point is 01:17:47 as a as a as a new dad like as someone who's going to be a dad right yeah that like I can see how as a guy in another country you could convince yourself you're not a dad because you don't have to

Starting point is 01:18:03 be there sure out of sight out of mind yeah but it's like you I guess you just never go to France again? Yeah, look, dude, if this were me, I don't fucking know, but I mean... Do you think you'd move? You'd think you'd... I wouldn't move, but I would be a part of this person's law.

Starting point is 01:18:20 I mean, I would be a... I guess if it were me, well, I guess take being rich out of it because if it would me, I'd be like, all right, I guess I have a fucking kid. I guess I'm going to France three times a year. Fuck, I guess got to work the funny bones more now. I guess I got to be on the road 30% more than I wanted to.

Starting point is 01:18:39 Eldis, forget about that raise. I got to send a kid to private school in Leone. But like, if I'm just me making an okay living, I would just be like, I guess I would initially talk to this person, see what we have, see if we have any common ground. I guess you sort of would just, if you're single and nothing else is going on, you kind of like this person. I would give it the college try and see,

Starting point is 01:19:06 Like, maybe this was just the random way that, like, I found who I was supposed to be with. If that didn't happen, then I'd be like, okay, we're not meant to be together. But obviously, I'm not going to abandon my kid. Here's an agreed upon amount of money. And I would also try and be a part of the kid's life. Maybe I'd visit. Maybe I'd ask, you know, have that kid visit here. That's what you do, man.

Starting point is 01:19:28 You find a middle ground and you make the best of it. That's what you get for nutting in a stranger on a work trip, bro. let this be a I wish we had a condom sponsor I mean how good would that be right now I mean I I feel like what about you what would you do I think I don't know I mean admittedly if I was like if I was in his position I don't know I might move interesting because because the thing is the thing about like if you if you care about being in the kids life and everything like you still have tons of options as far as like you don't have if you don't have the money to um visit a lot that you probably don't have the money to bring her here but you could go over there and like you know people are either going to know what I'm talking about or not know what I'm like maybe I don't know what I'm saying but by and large I feel like in France outside of like proper in Paris like in New York France is like pretty affordable I thought like I mean they're not having the best economy right now

Starting point is 01:20:35 but like the structures in Europe around how much people pay for things when you when you visit you're like oh wait okay it was very expensive to get over here you're like it was very expensive to get over here but to actually like live here relative to how we live

Starting point is 01:20:52 it's not that bad they haven't screwed their people out of like everything and there's a basic social safety net and all this other shit that's a good point maybe it is just an opportunity to fucking say fuck it and move but hey brother you got to make a decision one way or the other good luck pal this is what before sunrise should have actually been you cannot knocks her up i know the next two movies are like them fighting through

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Starting point is 01:23:09 another one eldest before we have to say goodbye to our pal josh hi savers um i'm calling to get some input about what i should do about the fact that my husband who i love so much he is truly an incredible man, but he stopped smoking weed about six months ago for his job. And he's a very serious person. And I know this about him. We've been together for about 10 years. I'm pregnant. Like, we're serious and I love him. Like, I love him for who he is. But his goofy, silly, lighthearted side comes out way easier and more often when he smokes and when he's high. So she was like, help my husband stop smoking weed. Like I didn't really realize how much he kind of leaned on marijuana for that side of him to come out.

Starting point is 01:24:12 And I just miss it. I'm a pretty lighthearted person generally and he's like definitely just more of a serious man by nature. and so yeah I guess what I'm calling about is to get some input on either anything that I can do to help him bring that side of him out more often or anything that I can do to just kind of deal with it because I just really miss being that side of the time and it does come out sometimes just not not nearly as often and I'm under a lot of stress with this pregnancy and I could really use that lighthearted, silly, goofy side of him a little more often. So, yeah,

Starting point is 01:25:00 thank you very much. Have a good one. If you don't mind, first of all, before we even get to this, shout out to you for giving us the two opposite size of the spectrum on how a man takes a pregnancy. Because, wow.

Starting point is 01:25:18 You went from someone who doesn't even want to be a dad to someone who's literally being so serious is bumming his whole life out. Getting a better job, stop smoking weed. It's like literally like these are all the things you usually try to get a guy to do before his baby comes into the world. Totally, totally. And I will, but I will say though in artists,

Starting point is 01:25:39 I do think the answer is just going to therapy. Because clearly there's like something about him that he's like not letting out in the everyday world and in his normal life that the weed calms him enough to like let loose because I can't imagine she's just talking about the way he giggles when he's high

Starting point is 01:26:02 I imagine that for her to keep saying side it's like there's a whole other facet of personality that isn't coming out and so I genuinely think that I genuinely think that the only way that that might happen is through like some sort of

Starting point is 01:26:18 couples therapy because it doesn't sound like he's being bad. It just sounds like he's being serious and maybe, you know, I understand that she is having the baby, but if he is being present and doing everything he's supposed to do, he's also under a lot of stress. Yes, I was going to say that for sure. And so I just think maybe, maybe that's the way forward. Because too many people do the thing that she was saying, or just like deal with it or just like, you know, like get over it or whatever. Because I'm, you, you know what life could be like now. Like if this dude was always serious and you were like, Like, I wish he'd lighten up a little bit, but you, you know a side of him.

Starting point is 01:26:54 Yeah. That is not this. So, yeah. Well, I think, I think, yeah, I think he hit on a couple things that I was thinking, which, number one, you're both stressed, right? Like, I think that's, I think that's another thing. Is it like, obviously you take precedent, like, you're, you're the one carrying the kid. You're, you're having a harder time, no question.

Starting point is 01:27:14 But at the same time, he's probably worried about being a dad, right? And also, think about, you're like, I miss his goofy side. He had the time to smoke weed back then. His job was easier. He didn't have a kid on the way. So do you miss that side of him, or do you miss how he felt when he was carefree? Because as somebody who has stopped for, you know, I did a whole year of complete sobriety. I'll go, I'll do breaks of sobriety.

Starting point is 01:27:44 I mean, I'm about to probably break that pretty soon, but I haven't spoke for a little bit. But, like, I definitely used to think, like, oh, I need, when I was younger, I would drink a lot. I don't drink at all, really. I would smoke weed. I'd be like, oh, I need this to relax, whatever. You learn that you're not a different person. And in fact, a lot of those things are easier when you're sober, but there is a ritual. And you don't really, you don't miss those things.

Starting point is 01:28:10 You miss, like, the lifestyle you had when you were fucked up all the time. I had no responsibilities when I was fucked up all the time. And this guy, yeah, he's fucking silly and goofy when you get to just chill with your wife and get high for two hours a night. That's an awesome time in your life. But he's got a new job, right? Probably that means more responsibilities. And so, and the pregnancy. And so it's like, is it, I don't think it's the weed.

Starting point is 01:28:40 I think it's probably the fact that you guys are up against a lot. He probably senses your stress. He's stressed out. and this is unfortunately maybe this is part of growing up but i don't think it's a bad call to be like maybe some maybe he's stressed maybe there's some therapy you guys can deal with maybe he's got shit he needs to deal with but i think you can get back to that goofy silly whatever um if he just if you both sort of feel better and also to realize you might just be in a stressful point point of your life right like there are ebbs and flows in life and it's like i have

Starting point is 01:29:16 friends in your exact position, I've, I've been watching it happen a couple times. People in my family, some of my closest friends have really gone through this recently, a few times, like four or five of my close, very close people in my life. And this is a really stressful time. Like, yeah, middle of pregnancy through the first like three years of a kid, people are fucking stressed out and they're not goofy and lighthearted. They're just not. Like, life is, this is maybe like the hardest part of life on, like, when you're,

Starting point is 01:29:46 having a kid and raising it from like when it's completely defenseless to when it's like a little person it's a stressful time and I think what's important is key in on those moments you're like I see it sometimes what's going on when you see it yeah I mean what are those moments and can you recreate the rituals like what were you doing when you were getting high was it like we'd get high we'd order a pizza and we'd watch you know something stupid do that without the weed like you know what I mean like recreate the rituals without out the drugs, and you might find it. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 01:30:19 Maybe firing up super bad and getting to fucking meat lovers is what you really need. You don't need to smoke a spliff. So I don't know. That's kind of my thought on the whole thing. Yeah, I mean, I think you're probably one viewing a pineapple express away. To finding your way back. You know, I do agree with everything that you said, because I just feel like one of the reasons I get very annoyed. I actually had this conversation yesterday.

Starting point is 01:30:49 One of the reasons I get very annoyed when people say something sideways to you when they're a little high or when they're a little drunk is because I'm like, it's in there. That's in there, absolutely. You may not even mean it the way you said it, but it's in there because it's not like you get drunk and then just start speaking like a different language. Right. Somebody else's thoughts don't go into your head. Yeah. It's like, no. And so I think that all the things that the looseness, because this is what you're alluded. to is like the looseness of that side of him like coming out when he smoked it's like that is there you know it's him so then it's it's mostly just i think through like communicating that maybe that's what you need because this is the other thing too it's like imagine you're over

Starting point is 01:31:34 here um uh maybe this is not necessarily this scenario but like just as an idea you're maybe over here taking some extra shifts you're over here like stressing trying to make sure everything's there for the baby and then it turns out your wife is like the thing that you could do that would help me the most is just like hang out with me tonight right it's like that's like that's like that's like a huge relief it's like you know you mean i don't need to work 80 hours a week to have money saved for like the right crib so the baby doesn't bounce out of it or anything like that it's like no i just need you just need you like hang out with me you know twice a week let's have a fucking night where we really chill like hard yeah you're right that would be that would be

Starting point is 01:32:14 kind of nice to say you know what to hear you You got to go. We don't want to make you late. So it is one. So we'll, maybe we'll wrap up, do a very final one once Josh is gone. But Josh, thanks so much for coming, brother. This is fucking awesome. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:32:29 If you want, let's see, I will order the Uber here and then stay for as long as. Until the guy gets you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. Well, good luck to our pregnant friend here. And we believe in you. You got a nice setup going. And I think we gave you some fucking good advice.

Starting point is 01:32:46 So, Eldis, you got a nice, quick one for us to go out on? Oh, yeah. What's up, Stav? What's up, Eldis? I was just listening to the live show where the guy had a call in about not getting his dicks up by his wife, and Eldis suggested using, like, playing cards of some sort as a forum to sort of get that conversation started a little bit. I have another super effective way of doing that.

Starting point is 01:33:16 I'm 25, I'm engaged, and with some of the issues that I faced in my relationship, which is very similar to not getting head as much as I would like, listening to this podcast with my fiancé has made it really, really easy to sort of take the situations that other people are calling about and apply them to our own relationship. And it has made things a lot easier. And I don't have to do the thing the eldest said, which is like freaking out. being like, you don't suck my dick enough. So anyways, guys, I really appreciate it.

Starting point is 01:33:50 He just has them. I just figured you guys would want to hear this. Thanks, man. We'll talk to you guys later. That's important. It's very funny because he says like a similar problem to that guy, but it sounds like an identical problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What could it be?

Starting point is 01:34:05 What's similar for just getting pussy at all? That is really funny to just have the, just waiting for your girlfriend to come in and then once she does, you start pressing play on a car. all about not getting your dick. He's got the time code ready. Yeah. I've heard about like people doing that like, what was it? There was some guy that was talking about how his wife started like just leaving like books of erotica around the house.

Starting point is 01:34:33 And it's like, it's like that's cute that you think he's just going to start reading a random book. You know that thing that men love to do. You drop a book. We'll pick it right up. start diving in. It better be a fucking picture book. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:48 It better have tits in it if you wanted to get horny. Also to say it's like been left around the house. Yeah. Right. What is he going to tidy up? Yeah. I mean, this is not reading and cleaning are not what you think of when it comes. Although it is the kind of guy who's not, doesn't want to fuck his wife, which is maybe

Starting point is 01:35:05 is a reader. I read. Thank you very much. I'm also a horny, dumbass. But good to know. We're happy to hear that this. podcast is somehow helping couples in love fuck each other and continue to be sexually adventurous. So keep sucking each other off, everybody.

Starting point is 01:35:27 Josh, thanks for coming, brothers. Thanks for having me now. Absolutely. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye.

Stavvy's World - #149 - Josh Johnson

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