Stavvy's World - #151 - Are You Garbage?

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Dear friends of the show Kevin Ryan and H. Foley from Are You Garbage? return to the pod to discuss their S-tier airport meals, how they’re highly intellectual conversationalists, why deli guys at the supermarket are bad news, the travails of Ozempic, their upcoming shows including a major show at The Met in their hometown of Philly, and much more. Kevin, Foley and Stav help callers including a guy whose wife is pregnant after they opened up their marriage to another dude, and a guy who found out his tattoo artist is a bigot but still has one more session to go. See the Are You Garbage? boys live! Get tickets at https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows  Follow Are You Garbage? on social media: www.youtube.com/@AreYouGarbage https://www.instagram.com/areyougarbage/ https://www.tiktok.com/@areyougarbage   https://twitter.com/areyougarbage Upgrade your wallet today! Get 10% Off @Ridge with code STAVVY at https://www.Ridge.com/STAVVY #Ridgepod Head to Green Chef at http://greenchef.com/50stavvy and use code 50STAVVY to get 50% off your first month, then 20% off the next two months with free shipping. Visit https://mintmobile.com/stavvy to get a 3-month premium wireless plan for just $15/month. Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code STAVVY at https://mudwtr.com/STAVVY #mudwtrpod Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 9-04-800-stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. What a beautiful day. We have our boys. Are you Garbage? Back on the fucking couch. Shout out to it, dude. I like how the intro music's now on a boombox. Yeah. You're in our temporary Manhattan studios here in the NYU Tisch School.

Nice joint. A real nice joint. This is wild. this is now an adjunct professor of podcast. This is on campus. Yeah. This is so crazy. We're right next to the dean's office.

Dude, we walked in the building. The guy was looking at us like, what the fuck are you going to look like we're here to fix the air conditioning? I wonder what they think when I come in. I come in like every single day. Yeah. Going to stuff. Probably thinking GI Bill.

They see you coming through the door. 0.4 GPA. Hanging in there. How dare you? This was a strong thing. 3.4. That's good. English.

English major. No, I was better than that. I think I was a 3.6 at least not to brag. You finished college? 3.6 is great. I did finish college. I had a real bad year, sophomore year. I was like super depressed.

I failed a Shakespeare class. I didn't feel good. That should be like... And that made you depressed? No, that was kind of because of depression. Yeah. Reading Shakespeare didn't help the depression. Sure.

But, you know, yeah, I was good in school. I was out there. talking to a couple of good students here, fellas. Yeah. You too? I was, yeah, yeah. I know you're quite, you're quite intellectual. I wouldn't say intellectual.

Yeah, I mean, you guys are so fucking stupid. Hey, I had a two five, that Temple University. 249, I round up. I resent that comment. Put my glasses on. Yeah, the number one idiot thing. Thinking putting glasses on makes you smart. You couldn't.

Go for a bit. When I first, when I, you started. When I first came to this city, I didn't, obviously, you know, you're brand new, and you were hanging out with Bobby a lot. And you'd be on YKWD, and I'd be like, this guy is a fucking genius. I was like, dude, he knows about everything. He was missing a tooth, though. I know.

That came later. The missing tooth came later. But then you really fell apart at the seams. And I was like, all right, maybe, maybe this guy doesn't have it all together as much as I thought. I was running on fumes. There was like, the way I say it was like, once I started comedy for real, I was like, all right, this is where my brain is going. Yeah.

And everything else just. It has to break down to zero. It's, that's 100. I've cannibalized all my knowledge. Sure. To just be a little better at comedy. Like, it's pathetic. To be able to do podcasts.

Mm-hmm. And so right when I moved was the tail end of, like, my inherited knowledge from when I was in college. Sure. And then it was just, you know, 25 to 26. And then 26, 27, I was a fucking idiot. Yeah, yeah. It was flowers for Algernon, basically, where I just became a fucking idiot all over again. read memoirs of a gaysha or something like that.

I have about... Sorry, it's a literary reference. It does work, guys. I read Atlas Shrugged. I mean, that's hysterical. You read Atlas Shrugged? Yeah. That's the one book you've read.

He didn't read it. I got to call him out. He didn't read, you read the cover. I read most of it. How did you feel about Atlas Shrugged? I thought it was cool. Those wizards were weird. I have about five minutes on pretty much, like any arena.

I got about five minutes where I can sound smart. I went to a... Dude, I mean, you know, you make me... I'm really doubting that. I do, I do. And you make me... This is why people think I'm an asshole, because I can't just like you lie.

What? Atlas Shrug, the book you said you read. It's about a guy named Henry Reardon. It's really an intellectual piece. Uh-huh. Oh, is it? He's vamping already. Second line in.

Oh, it's an intellectual piece, huh? Folks, we'll be right back. With oasis. And how... I went to a wedding one time, and somehow I went to a wedding one time, and somehow I got a sat next to, I swear I got a NASA scientist, this older guy. And I don't know, I had literally just the right amount. I had like two and a half beers in me.

That's a good amount. A couple of bacon raps, wrap scallops. And I had a five-minute conversation with this guy. And he went to my parents afterwards. He's like, you know, your son is very intelligent. I was like, I saw that shit on ancient aliens last night. Your hair's all fucked up. Oh, that's fucking awesome.

Did we go to the moon? Yeah. Or maybe not Like some ancient astronaut theorist reject I got I'm very intelligent I'm fucking dumb ass

I got nothing in the tank To talk to anybody about I'll just ask questions To sound and I feel like If I get a couple good questions You know what I mean? How does that happen? Ask a clarifying question

They tell you something Like hmm so that's actually So what is that How does that implicate the other thing You should have to kind of like Within the conversation Within the five words you got Yeah

bridge two of them together. Absolutely. Are you happy in your work? Oh, that's always smart. Who's made a fake chicken wraps. Hang on. One second. And do you find that fulfilling?

That's good because you make them be introspective. Now it's not about facts. Now it's about emotions. Now we've entered the artist's arena. And I know you at that wedding felt that way. You were a Thespian, I'm sure. For sure. I can hit a...

I can do a... I got like one or two half Shakespeare monologues in me. in me. I got two or three. I got like an E. Cummings quote. Okay. I can hit you something from the beginning of the love song of jail for proof rock by T.S. Eliot from Dante's Inferno.

After that, it's all Phillies. The end of home alone. That's my granddaughter up there. Oh, that's interesting. That reminds me of the end of Aladdin when he sets, when he sets the genie free. Jafar was really a tortured individual. Do you have a favorite...

Now, do you have a favorite production you were in Foley? Any kind of... Because now we're talking Shakespeare. Did you ever talk about you, like... Meek back then? Sure, just... Currently. Not currently.

At any point, at any point of your acting career, before we got you to... I had a little bit of mustard on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, we never talked about this. Do you remember the conversation, me, you, and, Who the fuck else was sitting there? When Thomas Hayden Church was sitting in the office of tires,

we were having the fattest conversation. We really were. It was me and you and Thomas and Judge were just trapped between us. And we're talking about like how we like to order, yeah, how we like to order like bacon cheeseburgers? Like we're having a, how do you get your money's worth? How do you get extra bacon for first?

Yeah. Level conversation with just a great actor. That's what you do. And he was like, mm. And he's like trying to be polite. Yeah. You can tell in his heart what he was. say is, shut the fuck up, you

fat cocksuckers. I think I said something like you feel like you're right back in Hollywood, huh? Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember, but it really was a wildly fat conversation. Oh, dude, it was out of control. Like, we should have been ashamed to be having it alone. I know. Let alone on set in front of

the only famous person. Yeah, yeah. It was gorgeous, by the way. He's a good looking guy. Good looking, dude. Great actor, too. All his scenes came out great in tires. Yeah, he was awesome. He was fun to work with, but yeah. I did feel bad for him. I only did one actual production of of Shakespeare. I did 12th

night at the Hedgerow Theater. Okay. And I played one of the cops. Okay. And I remember that like none of us knew what the fuck like you said you studied Shakespeare. That's, first of all, that's one of those things that there's maybe, I don't know, 2,000 people in the world that should be allowed

to perform that in front of other people. Theoretically. Shakespeare you're saying. Yes, for sure. And I mean, I'm real stupid, but you can't even understand what the fuck that guy's saying unless somebody What the fuck you're talking about, dude? That's your mother, you sick.

Fuck, dude. Unless you have someone that can break it down. So we had to have, they hired some guy. They hired a Philly trash translator. This is in Delco, by the way. This isn't like Center City. It's an accredited institution. This isn't at the Miller Theater.

This is like fucking YMCA level Belco. No, no, no, no. He gets so mad with it. I literally all's that to say is YMCA. He gets so mad. Very good theater, very smart people. I just happened to be an idiot. They had to, like, bring somebody into, like, explain.

Like, I don't understand the language. It's an old English. You know what I'm not the good one. You know, I started with New English do, by the way. Yeah, I like 12th night, you know. Doesn't have to be Shakespeare. Just any production. I did Biloxi Blues.

That was great. Okay. Yeah, that was fun. What was your role in Biloxi Blues? Wykowski or whatever his name was, the, like, the mean racist Polish guy. Oh, okay. Yeah, that was cool. I'm not familiar.

That sounds good. Did Winnie the Pooh? A little more your speed. I'm more of an Eeyore, man. This is fun. I was Eeyore. I did my E. No shit.

This was Children's Theater. We had to do Children's Theater every Saturday, and they packed this place out. Yeah, that was probably the best. Dude, it was awesome. And me and my roommate, smoking a lot of weed at the time, a couple other things.

We were doing... She'd be hanging around that children. on Saturdays. We were coming off a bender dressed as a fucking... Every shut up! Lie! Elders just decided to check the frame.

We've been recording 10 minutes. It dawned on him. He should maybe see... It's how God, you're a goddamn movie starting. You get away with that. That's right. It's how Soderbergs directing this thing. That's right.

Shoot the whole thing from the floor. Uh-oh, he's doing a little adjustment. That's not a good sign. Well, big man's walking the boards up here. He's scooching closer and closer. to me. We did what we were doing Winnie the Poo. I think I've told

you this, Kevin. And me and my roommate are like doing a scene back and forth. And I come out and I'm like, what happened to Piglet's house? And I'm talking 150 kids and their parents packed in. They're hanging on every fucking word. And the line is supposed to be Piglet's house blew down. And my

roommate goes, I'll go, what happened to Piglet? And he's like, his house burned down. Burned down. And 200 kids like Yeah Fucking brutal He's Smell that

He's fucking bacon Cooking him low and slow They wrapped him in a fucking Crescent roll He's a pig in the blank He's a piglin in the blanket now Did you study any acting Before you did

I picture that scene from Blades is glory or whatever When Will Ferrell's doing like The Disney on ice And he's in the helmet That's all I've been all fucked up Yeah absolutely Puckin in there

Yeah what was the the costume set up. It wasn't great. It was like gray sweatpants. You got a boner. You're flopping. Gray sweat, and face paint, I guess,

or would you have a mask? Yeah, a little bit of face paint and then the set of ears or something. Yeah, a set of ears. Sure. It's bad. It's bad. And that was Children's Theater on top of a regular production?

Yeah, we did that every Saturday. During the week, you would do, you know, Biloxy Blues. If we were in, if we were in whatever. So the way it worked is we lived at the farmhouse. that they had. We studied every day with different directors and all that kind of stuff. Do like scene study class, moving classes

and all that stuff. And then as you got in there, you would like start out like whatever the season was because they were on like the Philadelphia theater circuit. So you would like, I'd do the lights and one kid would be working as a stage hand and then when the next production came we would get to audition for that and if somebody

would get a part in that and somebody, you know, wouldn't or whatever, then you just, you do everything. Yeah, yeah. And then eventually they did one for basically our class because we had like, you know, like six or seven young guys. So we did Biloxi Blues. So we had like our run at some point. Gotcha.

During the time that we were there. But I remember we did that Winnie DePoo at a, like, an inner city camp for kids that, like, got to go out to the summer. You fatty shit, yo! And we had to use, it was outside. We had to do microphones. It was August in like, somewhere in like Delaware County, like, hot a shit. We were in the field, basically. And the kid to play Winnie DePoo.

was this big black dude and his costume was terrible like his shit was fucking coming undone and we're going around with a cordless microphone it was like fucking mooree it was bad news that's fucking beautiful it's so beautiful the arts are so beautiful the arts are beautiful yeah i don't dude i'm so i come from like such just not you know i don't i don't understand broadway like i go see plays you don't understand just it's like so i'm like let's just go watch the movie it's so awesome it's crazy i'm like i see the guy behind the thing. Like, what are we doing?

Why are we all acting like this is good? So you think the movie's real? I think the movie's better. I don't think it's real. I mean, you know what I mean? You just see a guy doing... I don't see the green screen, you know? I didn't get the Lion King with that.

Dude, I went to the Lion King, and I'm like, this is fucking... I'm looking at the guy behind the costume. Right. It's pissing you off. Yeah, I got hit the head with a bird. Oh, you got hitting the head by a bird. Not a fan.

Who did you take to Broadway? I went with my wife, my brother, my sister. And, like, they have my sister, brother-in-law, and nieces and nephews were in town. So it was like a family out. Did my mother-in-law? Did my mother? No, he's got a thing for my mother-in-law. He met my mother-in-law very recently and is like wildly obsessed.

And now he'll just keep giving me scenarios where he's my father-in-law. And would I be okay with that? Straight to boarding school. And they're not, they're not even creative. He's like, let's see I came home and it was in the morning. I'm like, no. And he's like, what is he after noon? What is it that draws you to Kevin's mother-in-law?

Listen, first of all, it's not. This disrespect, I know, it's a family show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a family diner. Of course. Just, yeah, she's very beautiful, very, you know, tall and slender. She looks like an old European model. And we had a, you know, a bit of a chemistry.

And you're about the same. He hugged her five times and thirty-five seconds. And you guys are probably the same age, I would guess, too. There's spring chicken here, right? Yeah, there's no way Yeah, there's no way I don't care how much older Like a slender European woman is than you

You're not outliving her You know what I mean? No, not at all She's been doing yoga every day For like 45 years We got the antibiotics and shit over here That ain't my fucking fault Fucking cut back on that yellow number five

You ever see a phanta in Europe It's like fucking cola color Over here they're pumping all that orange Yeah, that's the big difference That's your problem Yeah The Fanta? I do like an orange soda.

You got a yellow number five problem. What's your go-to soda if you do fast food? What are you getting? If I do fast food, I mean, I've just become a diet soda guy now. No shit. Yeah. You're a D.C. man? You're Coke Zero guy?

What are you doing? I prefer Coke Zero. Now, if I'm going to a fast food place, usually the most exotic diet option you might come across as Diet Pepper. Yes. And so that is my number one go-to. oftentimes you settle for a Diet Coke. Yeah.

But I don't know. Diet Coke there's nothing better. I used to push back on those those Coca-Cola magic machines. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, I love those. Oh, man. I used to feel right to you.

I used to push back, but when you hit that Diet Dr. Pepper button, it comes up with a fucking, I feel like I'm on fucking the spaceship. Yeah, vanilla, cherry. A little bit of cream soda, a little bit of cherry, a little bit of strawberry. Get it all in there.

I like, I'm with that. And I don't give a, I'm, maybe that's why. Because I'm a diet soda guy, you are so restrained in most circumstances than with the Coke freestyle machine you can really go crazy. I feel like Thomas Hayden Church right now. Is it Coke freestyle?

Is that what it's called? That's awesome. It's the Coke freestyle machine. I love, I like to get, that's my canvas as far as I'm concerned. I'm a fucking artist, my fucking large fountain. That's, you know, that's a work of art. And I tell you what, no matter where you go,

the ice in that thing is the same and it's the best ice. Yeah. And I've heard crushed ice. Crushed ice is good. And I've heard some negatives where it's like, look, you're, you still have the leftover, whatever the last guy got. That's kind of what I don't like that. Yeah, no shit.

That's what I'm going for. You like that. Yeah, I want a little, I'm on chip a little bit. You know what I mean? Like I rub it in my gums. I think that could be easily, you just hit it with a little water before. I don't disagree. I just, I like each individual spout.

I like that there's all the lines aren't the same. I'm very fucking. I'm old school, Janice. You know what I mean? I like the. I like the. And you're a Coke guy, I would guess. I'm a Diet Coke.

I mean, yeah, it was Coke, but I'm diet Coke. And I'm even getting off to Diet Coke's, but I'm doing too many. Pepsi every once in a while. Ain't bad when you go out. I was doing like, I was doing like seven a day. Oh, wow. No, that's too much. It's too many Diet Coke.

I will treat myself to a good night diet soda. That's why I've gotten into, I've very much gotten into, uh, crosses his legs. Oh, yes, I will do a caffeine-free diet soda. So I'm all over the place. Is that the gold one? The gold one? That's for grandparents, dude. That's wild.

Now, you know what's for grandparents? Diet root beer. Because root beer has no caffeine in it. I'm a big diet root beer guy. My dad was huge on it. Diet Sprite also. Now there's a holiday. There's a cranberry spiced flavored spray.

You know what's nice around the holidays? The ginger ale with a touch of cranberry. Come on. Open the presents. Fucking sing some fucking crickness girls. I'm with you. I'm with you, man. Yeah, a little touch of that.

And then if I need to have a little caffeine, I'm going wild Cherry, the crazy I'll get a Diet Pepsi. The only time I'm dipping my toes in the Pepsi Pool is if I go wild cherry doctor or diet Pepsi. We're talking about that downstairs. You got a sixer

sitting on the counter. That's right. Wild cherry diet Pepsi zero sugar. Yes. Which I don't know what the difference is between the diet and the zero sugar, but they got something going on. It's the chemical. A different formulation. Is it? It's the not a what's the one that gives you a fucking

cancer. Well, they all probably do. I mean, the one that's like, that's like the reason they switched. I don't think any of them actually give you cancer, by the way. I think those studies... Tell that to those poor mice. Well, what happens is they give them, like, the amount that would be found in 50,000 diet sodas.

Wouldn't we all be... I'm getting close to that. Yeah. Wouldn't we have all dropped dead by now if it was that bad for you? Yeah. And and, and famously, American health is only going up and up. Yeah. We haven't gotten worse off. Take that commies

There we go There we go I'll do a dial One of my favorite indulgences is Doing a Diet Coke at a diner For breakfast Diet Coke for breakfast

I get a black coffee A water If we're on the road Black coffee water Diet Coke Where do we catch a screamer Oh it was that It was a JFK at the Palm

But when we flew after the last tour Yeah do you eat at the airport No Really? We do it You don't get to the airport early to have breakfast? Yeah.

Are you out of fucking early? No, we get there on time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To have breakfast at a overpriced shitty restaurant. Yeah. Wow.

If we're flying out of JFK, we're hitting that palm. You go to the palm. Every time. Yeah. You guys are, that's crazy. What are you guys doing?

I mean, that's fucking. It's not for three hours. That's insane. No, it's not. You plan to eat at the... What do you do? I have breakfast at my home. That stinks.

And no, it's a better quality. I mean, those breakfasts are probably costing you, what, $40? You're back like we're good with money? But it's not even good, you fucking assholes. It's microwaved eggs. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh my God. I'll let you sit here and talk shit about anything else.

The Palm's a good restaurant. Good restaurant. The Palm of JFK is a good restaurant. You go back there, they have the same fucking kitchen. They have the same kitchen as the Chili's to go. It's all connected in one place. Nah, it's good. It's good, dude.

The Palm Steakhouse. The Palm Steakhouse. I mean, I've never eaten at a steakhouse in a fucking airport because, yeah, I mean, I'm not white trash that won the lottery, which I guess is what you are. Have you seen the show? What are you talking about? We just hit the world's biggest scratcher here. But to still be doing, okay, do it once. We take all the boys, we all sit down, get the American breakfast, I get some cocktails sometimes.

Are you crazy? Go to a real fucking restaurant. They don't have them in the airport. You live in New York City. Take the guys to a fucking dinner the night before, you fucking assholes. We do. We do that too. Can you look up the palm for me? Give me a few.

The palm is a good restaurant. Not the one at the airport. It's all the same shit. No, it's not. You hell do you fucking idiot. They really don't. You guys are so fucking stupid. I promise you, whatever it is, they're all franchise.

Whatever it is, look. This started as a bit, but I'm getting mad about the... Is it better than chilies? Yes. Yes, but everything at the airport... Well, first of all, what's wrong with chilies? No, the airport chill... I mean, again, we've eaten at airport chilies plenty of times,

but everything at the airport is like three steps less than it is outside of airport. I know so we've acclimated to go like, okay, I realize it's all bad, but this is good for being bad. And what I'm saying, you act like... Someone's got a gun to your fucking head and says, you have to have breakfast at the airport, or I'll kill you. No one is doing that. You can have breakfast at a diner here.

It'll be better. Well, here's there. I know, but we're not going to go to the... We're not going to all going to meet at a diner at Midtown. They'd all go to JFK. Yeah, I guess. That's why you just get on the fucking flight.

Look, I'm drinking out of his Stanley mug judging us. It's a hydroflash. Thank you very much. And it's root beer. Yeah. It's filled to the brink. It's a root beer float. Here's...

Just at a glance on Google. The POM, the Google rating is 3.1. Brutal 2, I hear. Brutal. The one that's... I'm going to on Yelp, it has a 2.3. That's all political. Come on.

I mean, okay, listen, if it happened once, if you guys got there, you're like, oh, we got there early. Every single time. The fact that you plan to do this. Oh, yeah. We all love it. The flights at nine, we get there at seven. We zip through fucking TSA pre-Jet. You get there at-two hours early, yeah.

Okay. That is pissing me the fuck. Why? Sleep an extra hour. What are you talking? You got to meet the boys. You got to get the screenbies. You're going to be there with all fucking, all weekend with the boy.

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Of course. And we both have to look at each other. they're like, I've been off. I've been off it. Yeah, we've been off it. That is the sign that your life is going good when you can say no to the second breakfast. A second breakfast in 90 minutes? Yeah, absolutely. I'm not even kidding that. Because once you're in the sky, it doesn't feel like you're in real life.

Well, dude, the one time I rationalized was I'm like, I put my bag. Like, I was like, that's work. I burned another breakfast. That's in a vacuum. It's in a vacuum. It doesn't, everything in the sky, dude. When you can say no, let's say you say no, the breakfast. and then at the end of the flight, you say, no, the cookie?

That's great, I mean. Then you're fucking Gandhi. Yeah. You're off the cookie? I'm off to snack too. My eyes say otherwise, Henry. I did see them. What did you get a new prescription?

This guy can see the future. You're off the cookie, but you'll just have a whole fucking omelet. No, we had I think we had Italian beef last time with French fries, which was strange, but we did it. How did the fries hold up in the sky? Not great. You had, no, I had polenta. You had potatoes or something like that. I don't, did I, I don't remember eating.

I was watching it the whole time. Yeah. I just, I can't, I just value sleep so much more. Yeah, we don't. We're not a sleeping crew, really. We're up early. We're all fucking, it's really weird. We all get there early.

Like, if so, let's say the flight's at nine. We'll do a fucking JFK calls at seven. Yeah, check bags. It takes two minutes. But we go, they got to check the bags. I'll give you that. Whatever. When we check bags, we get there earlier.

Yeah. So we get there at seven and everybody will be 15 minutes early. So like we get through it and then we got proper two hours of chill. Everybody likes to do their own thing. Somebody, you know, some people go hit the weed pen in the bathroom for 15 minutes. Some people go like go buy snacks, whatever it is. And we all meet back. It's very, uh, let me the thing is very, very family.

Here's the thing, though. You guys act like you're going on fucking vacation. You're going to work. It's a 90 minute flight to Cleveland. You're going to work. We don't drink. Yeah, we don't drink. Don't drink.

We do have a no drink. It's not a treat, you fucking assholes. We're going to wait home. It's 30 weekends a year of your life. You're touring comedians. It can't be a little treat every time. Fifteen, and we co-headlines. Anyway, whatever.

You know what? Let me paint a picture for you. Let me paint a picture for you. All right, let's say you're doing two shows in Chicago. You guys fly in. You do the show on a Thursday. You wake up in a hotel Friday morning. You two aren't texting each other around 8, 8.30.

Are you feeling about a little breakfast? When we're there in the same city, in the same hotel, yes. Okay. Not the night before in my home. Where are we going to eat at fucking LaGuardia? No. You go to Bubbies. You go to Bubbles.

Listen, God, hit me. Where's my down the barrel? That new thing in the new wing to Delta way or whatever. Bubbles? Bubbies. Yeah, Bubbies. Nice joint. treat you like family

The good thing about there is you sit down in the middle It's in the middle It's a little If the vibes feel off Because you're like In the middle of the terminal But you sit there

You order on your phone Which in the airport I don't like But you got to order on your phone You gotta pass the phone Around to five six people They all order But the staff there will come out

And like if you want a refill Or another Diet Coke Yeah She'll just get it for you She takes you know what I mean You don't have to order You don't have to order to the phone again You guys are fucking hilarious

Man How nice the Bubbies It's nice It's great dude It's brand new. It's what I love. I don't know where to get... That's a real restaurant.

They got one down... They got one downtown. That's a New York restaurant at the end of the day. Listen, I'm going to... You're telling me, J.F.K. is in LaGuardia or in New York City. As a whole, they are better than most restaurants around the world. Listen, I'm going to tell you. Yeah, they got to be.

They got to be. This is New York City. The city that never sleeps, though. I'm going to tell you something. Sacramento Airport at the Chipotle. Get the oysters Rockefeller. You will fucking... Thank me in the morning.

You don't need that band. I remember that one time we had to do P.F. Chang's in the morning. I forget where that long. I was glad to. Chinese in the morning? Chinese eggs, how you doing it? And what does that menu look like? It's the same shit.

We all had orange chicken. Yeah. I mean, don't get me wrong. When I am, when my life is in shambles, I love... Yeah, we're not killing it over here. I love when I wait, when I'm like, well, I have to get breakfast. Yeah. And then it's like,

You know, airport time is different because they serve breakfast from like 5 a.m. to 9.30. Which I got to, I want to push back. They should serve to at least 11. Because you're getting there early. It's like I'm not ready for fucking, you know, you know, noodles at fucking at 10 a. But I will say when I am like, you know, when I'm just being a real slutty boy and it's, I'm there at 10.15. I'm like, uh-oh, I guess I have to get a cheese steak. You know what I mean?

Instead of eggs. Because you like, I'll get it. Well, they're done. Also, by the way, another fat thought. I'll do to beef well. Breakfast is always healthy. That's one of the fattest thoughts there is. That breakfast is always healthy.

Always healthy, no matter what you get. I'm not going to push back on that. It's the best way you've got to start the day. It's the most important meal the day. Every time I go to order breakfast, you know, the home fries, I'm not getting the home fries and toast. I'm not getting the home fries and toast. I'll do sourdough and roast potatoes, please.

Yeah, but no, home fries, no, that's what I'm saying, though. You can convince yourself, home fries, it's a potato. Yes. A little bit, I'll do a little bit of them. They don't deep fry. They put it on the fucking skillet. And that omelette's like fucking 4,200 calories.

Sourd dough, don't I say, is really good for you. Yeah. This guy lives in one thing he heard, and then it just sticks to it. But a piece of toast, bread. Two scrambled eggs. Two eggs and a breakfast meat. In your head, you're like, well, that's healthy. Chicken sausage. I'm getting ready to fly.

I need my strength. You know what I mean? What if something happens? I'm getting ready to have my second breakfast. What if something happens? Right. What if we have to deplane? What if I have to open the exit?

He thinks he's going to stop somebody. Yeah, you got to have my protein in me. You know what I mean? And I'm going to have to get out of the way because he's crammed into the window. Oh, you're a window guy? I love the window. I'm an aisle man.

That's, you're too fat to be a window. No, I love the window. He sits next to me, though. Oh, okay. He pees fucking, he pees like, he pees like fucking one of the golden girls. I know, I know how he's cooking a morning. Yeah, yeah. I'm an aisle guy, too.

I think it's a fat man, aisle is the way to go. I like getting up. I like stretching the legs. I like, you get an electric thigh space. Yeah. But the aisle, if it's just like a, you know, if it's just like somewhat of a regular seat, I'm elbowing. I'm always getting hit. I'm always getting hit.

That's part of the hazard of the aisle and being fat as shit. Yeah. Do you lift up the thing, the armrest on the aisle? If it piss me off, they don't let. Some places don't let you. If they do, I'll do it for sure. You can jimmy that underneath there. Some of the times you can't.

Oh. We'll talk after. All right. Yeah. I got a little kit on full of like. Like a cat burglar You're there with a Phillips head Have I got an Allen wrench on him

Trying to enjoy my third breakfast here At TSA Precheck folks Don't worry I'll tell you where they fuck you Let people lift up the fucking arm On the side of the window Then you can really get in here And fucking snooze out

I fully agree What the fuck is that? What's that gonna do? We're all dead anyway? Yeah No I agree At least on the aisle I can see the argument for we have to keep these animals penned in.

Sure. Because I would definitely abuse that. Yeah. I would definitely hang my fat, half my fat stomach would be in the aisle. So fine, I get it. But the window, you got to let it. I felt one time a place let me, the, it allowed me to lift it on the window. It was incredible.

Yeah. Those they lock. They lock those. So the kid. They're smart. So even the kit doesn't work for those. You got to really, I've used like a toenail clipper and got back there and like loosened up the latch.

That's what you got to do. fucking Houdini over here. And then sometimes they get you with the tonal clipper. Right, right. They confiscated. Yeah. But if somebody made a move and I had that tonal clipper, they'd be pretty glad that I was there.

I would like to get, I would like to get your take on this. This is a big beef with us. I'm an aisle man. Yes. And we've never, we've, this is like a real, like we both don't like the way we act in this situation.

So we've never really, you know, as good dirtbags, we don't really air it out. I don't know where you're going with this. I'm here to be an arbiter. So we'll land, right? You know, we're in the front of the plane. Of course.

And I'll stand up, right? As I do, stretch my legs. I'm in the aisle. That's my, right? That's your right. It's my right. And then everybody else in the aisle kind of files in. So it gets tight.

Everybody gets their bags down. He'll be in there, still in his seat, and he'll go, get my bags. Back good. Bag. Because you have your bag and you have your fucking resmed top gun mask. Of course. So it's two bags. It's a light bag.

Personal bag. No, and also your school bag and your carry-on. The medically excused personal item. No, I don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't used my Resmed bag in a long time because it ripped. I paid for another one and never fucking showed up.

Resmed, by the way, what's up a bad? You'd be hearing from my attorney. Eldis. Bubby. He's red Shakespeare. The guy got a 3.2, Shakespeare. You guys are done. To sue?

You or not too shit. Okay. And I get mad because I know he's going to ask, and I don't have to go, no one else is, where are you going to put your bat? You're just taking up real estate. You put it on the floor because then I get out, and I, dude, I feel that pressure. See, that's what you don't like. I feel that pressure.

I feel like everybody on every plane on the tarmac is like, come on, fat ass. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because it takes me a second. I'm clicking the thing. I'm dragging it, trying to get good eye contact with the flight attendant. Of course, of course, of course. It is kind of funny how he, because I go, no, man, I'm like, I'm not going to take,

because there's still people in the aisle who can't get their bags. Now I'm jamming up the thing with your bags. So here's what I would say, actually. I think I have a more extreme position than both of you, which is I like that. I think the stand, look, stand up, stretch your legs. I get that, especially if you're a tall person. Stand up, stretch your legs. Sit back down.

I'm saying everyone's, everyone's, everyone's. As soon as that bell rings, you hear the click, click, click, everybody gets the fuck up. Where the fuck are you going? I get it. You're standing there for too long. It's just anxiety. It's also this weird, like, I have to get off first.

Now, if you have a connection you have to make, fine, I'll excuse that. But if you're just, if you've reached your destination. I've reached my destination. And you get up immediately and stay up there. Yeah, you have to have breakfast. You get in the arrival breakfast. It's got a reservation. I think the move is

Wait Wait until people start leaving I sit I don't even think about my bag And I'll even go further I'll let a couple aisles behind me go What? You can't know why not

What did you just say that you're That you are worried about people Be like hey fat Because there's going to be There's going to be Hey fattis Hurry up I like how you whispered

Hey fat ass The thing is There will be a bottleneck behind you at some point, right? Which, I got to say... Oh, then you make your move. So I go first... You, D.B. Cooper? What the fuck?

That's pretty good. Slip right. I'll take the fake mustache. One of my favorite things is, because I'll get... So we're always right next to each other. That's how we fly. And so I'll go for... I'll get off the plane, right? Very... By the way, you're doing a community service doing that, Kevin.

Listen, it's always... We're up front. There's no leakage over. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll drink his bottle of water or something like that. No, he gets... I'm pissed when me and elders are next to each other. Really? When it works out,

that way, I'm like, come on. No, I do like it. But he also does the thing where it's like, after 10 days on the road, we land and he's like, you want to talk,

like, I'm like, I don't want to talk anymore. Like, we talk for a living. I'm still having fun. I'm still having fun. I'm like joking around, especially on the way home and get a couple of bloody marries.

What happens is he's drunk. He's like, and I'm like, keep the party going. I watch his movie a lot, which bothers him. Yeah. And he goes,

It's a movie If a sex scene comes on So you'll watch this movie But not with the audio No, yeah, I don't know why See, that's fun It's fun. I mean, we've talked about it before

But when we watch the whale On a flight next to each other I watch every flight I eat I watch you meet my cookie I get up and float down the aisle You also don't know If he died at the end of that

Oh man He could have turned it around right there. Yeah. Maybe he took that step out the front door and just started fucking. Yeah, he floated to Planet Fitness. That's how fucking fully chooses to read the ending. Sure.

One of the clearest, one of the clearest most hand-fisted endings in the history of film. God, he's got it around there. Yeah, there's some room for interpretation here. I like Brendan Fraser in that, but you could have got a fat guy. I agree. I agree. Fucking bullshit.

I agree. I don't know about that fat. Sure. That's a tough. If you work on the roll. Yeah. If you're dedicated. Yeah.

But I will say I get off the plane first and I'll like, he'll be directly behind like, you know, and man, he does bottleneck it because like I'll look back through like the sky bridge or whatever it's called. And there's nobody inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's skybridge. And then people from like, you know, 9G start passing them on the runway and stuff. That's skybridge, man.

I feel like I'm in the Matrix. Like I haven't used my body. before like the altitude change it's always an incline like he's in a non-pressurized cabinet the altitude change you're the only one of well and plus two

the temperature change whether it's real cold or real hot when you get off sure and I'm dragging my shit I don't have my stuff that is brutal going up that thing and that's why I'm saying little leisure let them pass you don't sweat I get the bottlenecks a good move but that's the fattest move ever

no it's the fatest move ever is fucking Holding everybody up. Yeah, you go to get your CPAP mask and your pants fall down. And it was like, oh, sorry, guys. And then you got my cookie. And then, yeah, are you guys going to throw that cookie away? For a to go cookie. When they come around with, be honest, when they come around with the little snack tray,

you got the gummy, you got those vegan gummy bears. Vegan gummies. Right. You're getting, but in a pinch, you know what are you going to do? It's a war. It's a flight to Pittsburgh. Yeah, yeah. It's 48 minutes in the air.

You're not in a pinch. And you slept half of it. So we're talking about 24 minutes. Fair. What am I getting? Is that the ass? I'll just cut that, please. What am I getting out of the little basket?

Yeah, you're not just getting one thing. Well, okay, again, that's another sign that your life's going well. You can say no thank you. Sure, which we do sometimes. But if I'm really going crazy, I like those little chocolate shortbread. Those are the absolute best. They have some kind of European branding. Well, the chocolate's in the center.

A man of wealthy taste. Yep. And then, you know, whatever they got cookie-wise, you know, with Biskopf. Now, we've gotten to a point where snack technology has been so advanced that the Bisccoff is now the lowest offering. Sure. But I will still make do with one if I have to. Yeah, yeah. And yeah, I'll get the, and I will get, I'll usually get something chocolatey, something gummy.

And then I'll get, you know, if they have a. chip. I'll get a chip. Sure. But if I'm trying to tell myself I'm being healthy, I'll get the pistachios. Love them. Yeah. I've got it. I've got it. Which that's bullshit too. Completely bullshit. Crush those. Completely bullshit. I don't like the mixing. It just makes me

feel so, it makes me feel like a rat. Because like, it doesn't scratch any of the itches. Like the bags are too small. I need to have five bags of the chips. I need to have three things that it. And it's just like. And then the trash is just all around me. And I'm like hiding in the little pockets and stuff. And I'm like, I'd rather just, so I'd rather just, so I'd

been doing is buying a bag of gummy bears in the airport, and that's my snack. And he waits until I fall asleep, and then I wake up and I see the empty bag of gummy bears. And I know there's been treachery of foot. Goddame conspiracy. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I see, but see, I think... Also, I've been doing power, but now that we're a little bit healthier, I've been doing, like, the meal, the protein bars. If, I feel like when I'm eating on a plane, I'm at my worst. Absolutely. Like, my life is going severely shitty. I'm very unhappy. When I'm having the breakfast at the palm, then the breakfast on the plane, then the snacks.

Which we really don't do anymore. We're, you know, we're both, man. He's down a bunch of pounds. Down 40 pounds. Yeah. Shout out Zepound. Shout out. Zepound, yes.

We're all in my muscle mass and bone density, but I am looking good. Most of that spleen. You don't need that anyway. What did they just going back a little bit? What did they throw at you at the Venice film festival? Was there a lunch in or anything like that? You know, it breaks my own. hard to say. Nothing.

That the food was just okay. Really? And I think the problem is you don't eat while you're watching the movies, right? It's not like the Golden Globes. Those chairs reclined so you can sleep in them? First of all, what are you talking about the Golden? The Golden Gloves is a fucking award ceremony. I know, but they're eating. Yeah, at an award ceremony, not at a movie.

All right. It's not an Arlington draft house. It's not the fucking, like... An AMC Max or whatever. I put my order on a little paper on a little note card. your pretzel nuggets are ready, sad. Right here. Your buffalo egg rolls, sir. I'm in a fucking tuxedo eating buffalo egg rolls.

I think that guy got my pretzel nuggets. You're all freaking. I hate that. Trying to get Mark Ruffalo on board. Come on, man. Don't be you bitch. Fucking share it with me. No, there's a little dinner and then there's some hors durs.

But I will say that is the thing poor people do better than rich people is actually having good. a good, yes, like after the premiere, they're just all these little little finger foods and it's like literally, if they had in the corner of the room, this is a nice hotel still, if they had 20 boxes of pizza, everyone would have been happier.

Everyone would have been happier. Also, he could have just said pizzas, but boxes of pizza. Like there's going to be a stack, you gotta start flipping through to find this sausage. I hate that. It's always at the bottom.

Yeah. I'm saying they should have had, to a person, there is not, except like somebody who was pretending, but like, literally the star, like, the people that, like, the most important people of the movie left because they were like, it's kind of sucks. They literally like I want pizza. We're in Italy. Sure. You know what I mean? Like, don't get these little highfalutin bullshit. And look, if you have, if you want, if you have to, take the boxes, take them in the kitchen, have a fucking bus boy, put them on a plate.

That's fine. I get that. Listen, I'm on board. I take a staunch stand that I think all catered food, low-key stinks. It's just okay. You go to a wedding, the food is okay. No one can cook for 300 people. Yeah.

Right. It's just, it's like all just fine. Right, right. You kind of, you're something with a fixed limited menu at a very fixed location, like a catering or like, I don't know, an airport. No matter what, the food is going to be worse than usual. I don't know why you keep bringing up old shit. We'll take you to the palm one time. That's a good way of thinking, Kevin.

What's the cheapest ticket we can get today? I will pay for it. That's what we should do. Fucking get three, four-thiered airline tickets. Okay. We're not going on the flight. We're going straight to the fucking pole. The next, are you garbage from the, live from the Delta Lounge.

We don't even do the Lounge. I don't like the Lounge. Yeah, that's whack. That shit's whack. You can't get what you want. You don't like that bullshit food they give you. I like, listen, if it's, if it's after, we're eating. It doesn't matter what meal it is.

We're eating. I like to get a burger or something. You can't get a burger in the lounge. You just get the bullshit that I thought going into that the first time we did that I thought oh this is where we fucking this is nice then I see fucking

businessmen stuffing their fucking uh their tech vest with fucking Clementines and shit yeah yeah yeah fuck out of here Ah eldest fall autumn the greatest season to be here in New York City we are actually taking time off the road

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Almost ruin the show. I'll just cut that We We have a bunch of Power bars and shit like that at the studio Power bars were in 1999 Hey shout to my boy Arnold Greg meal shakes

Man shout out to Slim Fest Oh yeah You didn't chug a slim thing I did but when I was a child I was having Power bars and Slim Fest When I was fucking seven Power bars and a Gatorade The Chewy weird

consistency. I'm sure if we read the label now, we'd be like, this is worse than a candy bar. They had such a good chew on them. It was awesome. They did have a great shoe. And it had a little hay feel inside. But I grabbed a couple of protein bars. Protein bars.

Thank you. I think they were Quest bars and put them in my bag. I got to the hotel because I've been laying up the booze. We did the show. Those guys went out and drank and all that kind of stuff. Oh, whoa. Not you, though. You're went right back to it went right back to the hotel you're reading your g the Bible they provide for you in the hotel

sitting there like Denzel a man on fire got a bullet in your hand talking about a bad prima just looking at looking at the Google page for whatever fucking airport restaurant you're going to fly out of listening to a little Ritlanderonstadt I'm going back someday um that's too much deep cut I grabbed a couple of fucking power bars And I had one before I went to sleep That took the edge right off That in a bottle of water

Woke up ready for breakfast That has about three weeks of Like life expectancy And then yeah yeah yeah There's blood in the water you gotta So in the morning this is what we did Which we've never really done before We stayed

We were in Boston at the Wilba And we stayed at We booked hotels like two days before And at this point, we were just booking the cheapest ones. So we stayed at like a real, just bare bones, basic hotel around the corner. But then for breakfast, we walked to the W and ate at another hotel breakfast. And, man, you couldn't tell us shit, dude. It was incredible.

He texted the group. He's like, anybody up for break? Because we were driving. So I didn't get our fucking airport. We were driving. So I'm like, he's like, anybody up for Brecky? And I looked and I was like, dude, there's a W around the corner. And he's like, they're going to throw out a real nice breakfast.

They do it nice. The comfy chairs, a higher class of people. It's a buffet? No. No. Okay. But then it was embarrassing because I walk up. I'm like, hey, three for breakfast? He goes, then what room are you stayed in?

And I was like, we're just walking by. 14. We're local. Yeah. They give you a little attitude, but they set us. Was it at least a separate restaurant? Did it at least have its own, like, page or something? No.

On Google, did it come up? as a restaurant. Nah, it's the W. It's the lobby of the W. Nice joint. Nice joint. Damn. Because at least sometimes, I've definitely, like, when we were in Omaha, we went to a steakhouse that was connected to a Marriott or something. You're like, that'll happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, this was more of like this was the W's restaurant. Like, this was, there was no door. Interesting. Sometimes that's not, that's not bad, though. What hotel is? I love them. What hotel is the bananas in New Jersey? Hasbrook Heights.

Or no. Wow. Do you ever do it? I never did. I always missed. I tell you what, I don't know what that bar is. They throw on a Caesar salad. That's pretty goddamn good.

There's no way. Yeah. I'm telling you. Hasbrook Heights. I'm telling you. The good thing about that. It's like a Hyatt or some shit. Something.

I open up for name back there years ago. That bar is like a neighborhood, like people from the neighborhood. It's like that's what it is. It's a restaurant. Gotcha. Courtyard by Marriott. Courtyard. I like courtyard.

I like courtyard. Of course. I'm a courtyard guy. Yeah. When it comes to hotels, we're real. bare bone. It's just like whatever kind of lower to medium end is. Yeah, you're being hotels,

bare bones. Uh, airport breakfast. I want the most expensive airport restaurant and I will stay at a fucking night's inn. No, no, no. You guys will double up hotel rooms. Oh, there's a cavity on, right bites, please. Yeah. No, it's just we're, we're, because we do one, like,

we're like back to back to back. We're rarely ever posted up for the weekend. No, I get you. I get you. So it's like, what are we, you get in at three, you check in and go a sound check, then we're at the venue, wake up. We're on the road by 10. So it's like, we're really just sleeping there. No, I'm with you. Me and elders are about to go on a and in fact, depending on when people hear this, it might be going on

a run through the South where it's like, we're in a minivan. Love it. And we're just fucking crashing in a hotel and then driving the next morning. Now, who's doing your version of Slumman is our version of doing the road. Guys get this. We're in a minivan.

Shout out to the town and country for the Pacifica. we'll see who does the driving. Could it be, were you flip-flop? We'll probably flip-flop. It could be me. Could be elders. Elders is the transporter.

How's you behind the wheel? He's horrific. Really? No. Yes, he is. Honestly, if JP's not going to be with us the whole time, JP's the best driver we got. Oh, is he?

He's the man. I like that. Call slender, good-looking kid? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And we've had my friend, our pal, George, George, George, he was just along for the ride. He was like, oh, come, it'll be fun.

We'll be on the road. And he just was like, we like stop for gas. And he just was like, Elders, give me the keys. No shit. And he just fucking took over driving. Eldis. He's easy to talk shit from the passenger seat from the back row. Look, it is not a good.

What's his biggest infraction would you say? Has he almost killed you? General awareness, I would say, is probably number one. Kind of need that when you're driving. When you got four souls on board. Missing exits. Once in a while, I will miss an exit here and there. Being fucking cross eyes.

undiagnosed lazy eye. My eyes are pretty bad, I will admit that. But I think if I have like, you know, if I got the car play going. Right. Checking his phone. That's another one. Oh, really? He loves to see what's going on on Twitter. No, I'll flip a, I'll flip through a song on Spotify

or something. You know, you've got to get the music right in the long trip. You want to have the soundtrack for your death ready to go. Playing the ballad of the Edmund Fitzgerald. Barrowing through a tollboot. Oh, fuck. Yeah, I'll do, I do most, if we, we have a guy on staff, Ryan D, shout out to him, who's, he's Diop's, director of operations, he gave him, he gave himself that title. Love that. Love that. Um, he'll drive the van if we're in the van, uh, or the, I drove for, you know, the first handful of years, um, which I like driving though. Yeah. I'm like, fucking locked in. I enjoy it. Well, we're doing a small run, like, on purpose, we were like playing smaller places, but they were closer. Because like, when you fuck it, if you make a four hour drive in a day, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's, it's a, it's, it's, it's, it's

You know, your day is just getting there. It's tough. Showering show, sleeping. Again, that's most of our tours. Yeah. We capped it. I had a stop drop. We would get a sprinter.

Anything over four. I'm like, because then you just get to the venue and I'm like, I just see like fucking totally like dotted lines flying by. I'm like, and I'm barely, I'm like limping through the show. So anything over four we'll get now, you either Ryan will drive or we'll get a sprinter van or something if we need it. It won't let me drive. I offer all to turns. I'm not.

This sounds like a. joke he stops at green lights and he defends it. I stop at green lights in the city. In the city late at night when we're driving home. No during the day he did he fucking punt and then I'm like the people he's like well what if someone comes

across the people of me? Yeah that's how you get killed. I don't yeah but the guy behind you was not expecting you to hit the brakes at a green light you're it's more dangerous. That's fundamentally like the fact that you won't even say oh it happened once or twice that's still your policy is it? Yeah. It's crazy. It's actually

fucking insane. If I drove the car into the city and then I'm driving home and I'm going up First Avenue or Third Avenue. Right. The people come in the other way. They're drunk. It's the weekend. So are you. Yeah, and you know what kind of behavior they might do? Stopping in green lights. If you're

fucking high or drunk, you might do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. So like, but like true. So you're betting. I see your point. He thinks someone's going to blow the red light and come across traffic, which is like, point is that I'm not saying that can't happen, but that's like

0.0000001% of how many cars pass through an intersection just fly through and T-bone somebody. In New York, a day, it's like barely happens. And it's also like the kind of thing that you could go slower through the green lights. Yeah. But to stop is insane. I stop right in the middle.

Hey, how do you know? Don't you fucking move? You're not worried about getting rear-ended, huh? Nah. Yeah, which is... Rearending I can take. That is like a real... That's all the way back there. Yeah. Right. I felt bad for that fat guy.

I got reared to why I was eating that sandwich. You see that clip? No. It's tough. He was about to bite into it with Jimmy Johns. Did he go into his throat? Did he throw it? It went all over the place.

Oh, what a shame. What a fucking shame. I feel bad for the guy. Yeah. Yeah, no, I don't. I mean, the bus was awesome, obviously. The bus is great. But there is something about the road trip vibe.

It's fun. It's very like, you know, it's like how you, we used to have to do comedy where you're like, oh, we're getting in, adjust anybody who has like the opener's car and we're driving for five hours to go bomb somewhere and collect a check for $55.

Now say all this is driving and you're, would you be shotgun? If it would say it was just you to fall. Yeah, it'd probably be shotgun. Now, can you fall asleep? Can you snooze out? How do you feel about that? Not really.

You stay up with them? About me snoozing out or what? Either way. How do you do you guys do that? It doesn't really happen. I think like, you know, the etiquette is you kind of, If it's just a two-man, you got to sort of, you're in it together. Even if there's another guy, like, especially if it's like a two, three-hour drive, like, I don't know.

Plus, we're always like, we're rolling, like, behind the scene shit, too. You feel like you got to do a little performing no matter what in the car, but just, it's fun. It's all show business with this guy. He's just waiting to make his move. He's waiting until he's the star. I respect it. If he needs help, let me know. I'll just thinks this is, he's going to remake a star, he's going to remake a star.

is born. But instead of like two people dating, it's like a guy and his podcast producer. Tell me something. Stop.

These guys will sleep. I've been driving in the car for like five hours where like through like from like Houston to like Oklahoma City and they're all sleeping. That's crazy.

That's horrific. Our van is so comfortable. The van is so nice and so comfortable. Fuck. We need a van. Fucking heated seats. I got to drop back.

It's like dude. If you do the math, we put a down payment on it And then it's like the, the monthly payment is less than what we were spending in fucking Ubers and, you know, car rental and sprinters a month. Much less than what we spend a month at the palm. Yeah, significantly less than the palm, the palm. And it really is, and to tell the, the viewer at home was unfamiliar, you have a tricked out, basically cargo van. Yeah, it's a Chevy Explorer or GMC Explorer van.

And it's like, top in a line, best you can get, bought it at Fred Beans. shout out Fred Beans. It's just a place we bought it. We got no deal, no nothing. But the roof was leaking, and then they made it right. So we had a war with Fred Beans for a couple of weeks, and then they made it right. So now we're back on good, we're back in the good graces.

We're on good turns for Freddie. Shout out Beansies. And we're talking the full, you know, you have four reclining seats back there. So it's two capped, it's two caps and shares in the front, two cooler in a middle. I love the little D.C. whenever you got cooking.

Gummy bears who like them cold. Really? You like them cold? Try it. You want to chew on them? Yeah, throw a pack of gummy bears in a freezer next time. I like him. I like him softer personally.

Really? Yeah. The gelatin, it just feels like it's too hard. Yeah, it's like it loses the... Your first 10 bites are just getting them room temperature. I like that. You like that. I think you're getting more out of them.

Interesting. What about a snickers? More chew out of them? More chew. You're not fucking broke anymore, fully. I like a chew, though. I would push back on that. I would push back on that.

That's right. Come see these guys in Philly. They got a cell take. When is it? December 13th at the Mets is the biggest show we ever did. The boys are coming home. The Mets's beautiful. You guys are going to love that.

Yeah, they're real fucking stoked. It's, I mean, as you know, every time you go back to like your hometown, it's like the energy is just fucking crazy. It's so they're so good. Yeah, we're excited. September 13th of the Mets.

That's going to be fucking awesome. Yeah. But okay, so we got the cooler and then two captain's chairs. So two captain's shares. And then we did the bench. We were going to spring for that third, like the third row of captain's chairs, but then we run into fucking issues with parking it. Oh, really?

Yeah, because we already have to like, so like Diop's, the guy that the driver, Ryan D. We'll call ahead because it's too high and too long to park in a lot of like hotel garages and stuff like that. And especially in New York, too, we can't, but we park it in fucking Jersey. We park it out by Newark. Do you ever just ride it around for fun? Not really, no.

No. It's tough to get to. Yeah. I don't even know. I don't even think they would give it to me if I went to get it. Ryan goes and gets it all. Yeah, it's a hump to get it. So, but it goes, so I'm behind the drive.

Ryan's driving. Tuesday is usually sitting shotgun. It's been me lately. But I didn't like it when we first, I'm down a couple of pounds. When we first got it, I didn't really fit in the front seat. The seatbelt was choking this shit out of me. The back seats are more comfortable.

Yes. This is what he would do, though. So if it was just, say it was just four of us. you know, two guys that worked with us are in the front and me and him would be in the captain's chairs. He would go sit in the back, the bench by himself.

Real nice. But then he's leaving me sitting there by myself and he's fucking, you know, he's in a gummy bear coma. And I'm just fucking sitting there with my dick in my hand. Yeah. We took that to a Phillies game

where I was all fucked up or was that a sprinter. That was a sprinter. That doesn't remember the car. I just remember the car. What van was I sleeping in that time? Well, those sprints. Sprinters, they can be real cold.

Like, if it's like a, like, for like an on, those onset sprinters, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those things are brutal. You don't like that. No, I feel like I'm sitting in fucking Fenway Park. I like me. I like, I like to be chilled out. Yeah, no, no.

I mean, they're cold as far as, like, the, it's very rigid. It's not, not comfortable. When it's a party one, it's great. Yeah, yeah. Not temperature-wise. We ended up doing it because some of the fucking drivers, I don't know if you guys, I don't know how often you get the sprinters for like longer things, but, dude, those drivers are like,

they're unregulated. They're not like, those guys, that's like their third job that day. Oh, interesting. So, dude, like, we were getting guys where I'm like, we'd be like, dude,

you have to slow down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, no, it's okay. We gotta make time. They dock my pay if I don't make time. Yeah, I'm like, fucking slow down, man. And then Sam Marell had a guy fall asleep twice

and go off the road. And they were like, dude, pull over. Like, we're done. We had a guy stopped for gas one time. Yeah, I love that. Dude, right, picked us up. and then stop for gas.

I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah. That's beautiful. But, yeah, so it was mostly like a safety choice at some point. I like that, too, though, because spiritually, that is a very, you know, conversion van is another white trash thing. Of course. And it's like, you know, I'm so proud of it. Yeah. That's like, I know I'm a dirt bag because I'm like, dude, I drove it the other day.

It's got TV and it's Dobby. Huge TV. Love that. Send pictures of my brother. I'm like, fuck out. No, I know. And me, I'm just like, one time my cousin, this was. you know when you're a kid

and you realize like your family your family has other people in their lives and it blows your mind like what? Like my cousin had cousins from her other side of the family that I'm not related to it all right? And her cousins I guess they're a big road tripping family

and they had one of these vans and they came through and I didn't know them at all but they had this sick van and they're popping Peter Pan on there and their snacks. How sick is that? And I just remember telling my mom like, I love them. I was like, I love, I don't even remember their names. Our family stinks.

No, I literally was like, can we, what are they coming? And my mom was like pissed off. She's like, you're never going to see these people. Yeah. I was like, but they're my favorite. Can they be my aunt and uncle, too? They have an apartment car. It's awesome.

I mean, to this day, I remember. Yeah, man. It's one of my most cherished child of memories. Just the fact that my cousins, cousins had a van with a little TV you could watch Peter Pan inside of. Yeah. That's all it takes. The first conversion van I was ever in

was one of my dad's buddies. He was living and he was divorced and living in it. There was nothing in the back. And the grandfather just sat in a lawn chair in the back. I thought that was unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got seats that are bolted in. I had dreamed of that.

I wanted my first car to be a minivan with nothing in the back. Dude, my step-grandfather did that. And it was the coolest thing in the way he turned it. It's like a pickup truck. Ray's step-grandfather. Step-grandfather slash uncle. Yeah. That crazy thing about, I have an ex-stepmom.

Which is wild. I always wanted the 18 van. That was my thing. Sure. Yeah. With the fucking A.Ks. Another classic Foley reference. Yeah.

I always wanted the van from Hogan's heroes. They didn't have a van. It was the 40s. But they did have tunnels under Stellog 17, or Stellog 13. You know what I've always said, Eldis? If you're still overpaying for wireless, it's time to say yes to saying no. I've always said that.

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time? We took these two scholars and gentlemen, picked their brains and helped our viewers. Let's do it. So we're here for, for you guys. Hey, Stavee, eldest, esteemed guest. Me and my wife's been married about four years,

We ended up bringing someone into a relationship and things have been kind of interesting, I guess. Yeah, you're fine. It was fun. We enjoyed it. She's about two months since then. She's pregnant now. Oh. And so we're not really sure what to do.

I say we, it's more me. She's denying that there's any chance it could be someone else's, but I'm also there and I'm fucking creamed by my wife. So I would have to assume there's a chance it's not my kid. Not always what I'm sure to do. I really love this woman. Obviously, don't want anything to happen that would be bad. But any advice you have would be fantastic. Oh, my God.

Yeah, no, she's the best. But she gets screened by another guy. And that's also kind of put a little damage on our marriage and relationships. So we'll see what happens. Yeah, she's not really up to the The test to get tested But as far as whose kid it is Because

Yeah, the guy cleaned of her chance It's anyone else's but I'm thinking there's a chance You always have the deep thought Anyways, thank you You're the best Live on Thanks, Eldon I think I have that right

So hold on So when you freeze the gummy bears That's Fred Beans game Okay okay I misheard it I heard it as like Brought a lady in The lady and he was like

I don't think it could be mine Because I cream pie my wife He said I'm also there And I saw him fucking cream pie my wife I mean I don't want to be a prude But we've reached my limit Of like

I think it's hot I mean yeah I know but then you I think dude Listen I think it's hot Somebody nuts in your wife That's fucking

I mean This is I mean That's You let the guy, cream pie, I'm out of here. I mean, good. Listen, I think if you're letting that happen, that's you, that you live that life where, I don't, I mean. I see what you're saying. You got to, I mean, even though it's not your technical seed, you were, you were involved in the conception.

You're at the, you're at the poker table. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah. I mean, I would get to test. You decided it's a group project. You decided fucking your wife is a group project. Yes, listen, I. did not, I just had a kid

and I did not do that with my wife and another man. And I was thinking about getting a DNA test. So, buddy, you fucking test away. Now, what does that, what's that look like? So they brought a guy into the relationship. I wonder if it was, if it's, what's the word for that?

Polly? Polly, sure. If they're like in it, if they're dating and doing stuff, if it's just sex, that's just the threesome, right? Yeah. That's just getting freaky on the weekends. But it seems like he was in the This third is in the mix. It seems like it's kind of a more formalized. In a more, yes, legislated in a way, yes.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, buddy, I think if you don't, I mean, I, listen, I don't know what I'm talking about. Why the fuck wasn't you on birth control? It's also like, yeah, like, let them, let the first couple times, like, let them come in her tits or something. What are we doing here? Let's go let's pussyfoot into this a little bit. And they probably did, though. You said it's been a couple months.

I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is crazy that she's straight up, like, there's no way it could be anyone else's been. What are you talking? Come on. Oh, there's a way. It's like suspicious to say.

Yeah, that's true. That is actually a good book. Because what's happening here is... Well, it could be dates. She could know her cycle and be like it's like, it's like not, was not feasible those days. But I see what else is saying. That's all I'm saying. Yes.

This screams. This screams, it's actually a third guy. Yes. It screams as she goes, stop flipping over rocks here. Yeah, yeah. You're not going to like what you find. Yeah. Yeah.

This is. I mean, You got to get a test, dude. Was he insinuating that maybe the third guy, the third guy, the second guy and her might have had sex solo without him? I don't, no, he says he... I don't think so. Listen.

I mean, it sounds like he saw her. She saw this guy, cream pie, his wife at least once. That's all you need. That's nuts, dude. That's the magic bullet. Do we stop talking about food, please? Yeah. Also, with his wife, yeah, it's crazy.

It's like, listen, even if you're going to fuck my wife, don't nut inside her. And you've got to be something reserved for you, you know what I mean? It's like, what do you do? You pour my car, you don't get to redline it. You know what I mean? You don't get to take it to 140 miles an hour. It's my goddamn stereo.

I paid for this conversion, man. And I want to listen to my music. Who programmed Christian radio here? Yeah, if I could quote the kids, I believe that's what they call a party foul. The kids, a party foul is flying from when we were in college. God, I'm your old as fuck, fully.

Say last, am I right? If I can quote the great golden girls, I can say. That's on fleak. Craig, Craig. Yeah, dude. Listen, this is how I would handle it. That's going to be, it's your wife. This isn't like some girl that you think you're going to walk away from.

This is going to forever hang over your head. So like have this shitty conversation now. Right. So you can clear it up and move on with your life and whatever. every direction you choose, but you have to get an answer. Otherwise, it's going to be fucking, the next 30 years are going to suck. Yeah, you'll just either have this conversation once now or have it in your head every day for the rest of your life.

Yeah, exactly. You know what I mean? Have a shitty week or a shitty life. Yeah, I mean, I would need to know. Every day you look at your new Asian baby. Yeah. And then there is a school of thought that's like, if you are this much of a cuck

maybe you get off on that yeah yeah yeah you know oh shit also there's the other thing of like even if it's not my seed I was there while it happened that's a big jump for me and it's my wife but it's my wife I get it

and I could I consented and even probably you bestowed that upon you yes you know there isn't our like I could see where she's coming from where she's like you want me to get cream pied by other guys and now if it's his DNA, what, you're going to divorce me?

What did you think was going to happen when guys were, when this guy from fucking Craigslist was letting batter off in my fucking snatch? Sure. You know? Who's his wife? Jazz Balm and Terry? The way you're saying that? The fuck's the matter with you. What'd you think

was going to have? What'd you think? He's not it in my pussy. Oh. That's crazy to me. That's quite the pickle you got going there. It is quite the pickle. now I Good luck with all that

It's hard for me to put myself In the headspace of a man Who lets his wife get cream Like I'll even I'll even entertain Letting someone fuck my wife Cream pying is And maybe this is where we said

Again I'm a prude here I admit this This is my line I do wonder what was going on In the moment He's like yeah two months We're all fucking And then he's like

Oh yeah He's just fucking her good right now But there's no way he's gonna cream pie Inside Yeah exactly He's like oh shit He's getting closer Do I tap myself in the fridge to get a crystal light

and I come back in here and you're moon pieing my broad? Foley's just, yeah, this is just Foley's dream scenario. Yeah. He's got crystal light. Someone else is taking on the chore of fucking his wife. Physical exertion. Woo!

I'm going to sit this one out, big dog. I'm going to hit the shower. Don't creeppiring or nothing like that. I'm going to catch the end of the Phillies game in this recliner. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, ooh, I don't know, man. That's crazy to me.

Yeah. But I'm with you, though. I do think... Do you have the tough conversation now. If you feel like it's going to make a material difference to you, whether this is biologically your kid or not. And I, we, by the way, understand if that's the kid. It would actually be strange or not. Or not even, yeah, or even just like, you'd be a very specific kind of guy for this not to bother you.

It's a great way to put that. And by the way, the kind of guy who lets his wife get cream pied and the guy, kind of guy who was okay with it, with this scenario, there's a, I think the middle of that Venn diagram is pretty sizable, you know, potentially. But you're clearly not one of those guys. If you feel like you need to have a DNA test, get a DNA test. If your wife refuses, that would, that would make me. It's also like just wait till he's fucking, you know, six months or whatever and, you know.

Surreptitiously. Yeah. You got to do it. Oh, we're going to Disneyland. Father's son trip Do you keep him around though Is that does that The guy who creamed by your wife

And might have He doesn't listen that guy Don't want a kid He's there's dumping clips in your wife He's like That's what I'm saying That's what I'm saying It might like you guys

Oh true Yeah I guess the two reads on this Are his wife either Is fucking around There's a possible Extra guy he doesn't know about Or she's She understands a situation

Of the two guys That could have impregnated her One is a guy Who was just getting his rocks off fucking a stranger's wife. And one is her husband. So she's like, who's more liable to take care of my kid?

She doesn't want to do this coin flip. She's committed to you, but she's also like, I don't want to give him the out of this being the other guy's kid. God, and I hate to, look, I guess if there's one lesson here would be like, if you are in... You think there's only one lesson here? If you're in a

polyamorous situation, don't let the guy splooge in your wife. Yeah. Blow it on her tits. In regards of how many times he asks Yeah, no matter how hot you find it No matter how much It feels while you're Well, you're sitting in that chair

wearing stockings and they're rubbing up on your Dick just right and you're thinking Wow, you know what would make this take this to the next level This guy dumping goo and my wife Just go ahead and skip that part I never really got the cream pie thing The enjoying it Yeah, never my thing

Really is not the father I think that's biologically interesting because you would argue it's the one thing you're... It's not for me either. We're an anti-cream pie pie. You guys are coming out of... You guys are coming out against cream pie? That doesn't mean just coming inside of it.

That means you do it right there on the edge, so it leaks out, right? No, no, no, no. Oh, cream pie just... Oh, that's all it means. Oh, I said, but then it comes out, you have to see it. Maybe technically in, like, porn. No.

Cream pieing someone is just nutting in a pussy. Oh, you sure? I don't have a push. I don't have pushed... I'm sure about that. I got to push back on that. Let's call this guy back in here. No, no, he's not.

He's bawling crying. I thought there was, uh, okay. No, no, I'm, I'm not the porn thing where they make you. That's my more theatrical. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, then I love cream pies. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I'm saying? I'm C pying. Now, Foley, what about you? Knowing this new information, are you, are you still anti-cream pieing? Yeah, I'm not. More of a ringdings, man. I'm devil dog in his, bro. That's when you do it in the butt.

Devil dog Come in her butt Come in her belly button Better size matchup Got to hit this broad with a crimpet It's a deep cut I love a crimpet

Regional cut I'm a big crimpet guy I know I know I'm a big crimpet guy I love a crimpet I do Law to sane Baltimore to Boston

That's right So good luck man Let's put a button in that Yeah Let's just tie up Good luck Do whatever you need to do Maybe

Hang in there dog. Call us with an update. I would love an update actually. Oh, yes. Call in fact call into a live show. We would love to speak to you. Come to the show in Philly. We'll bring you up on stage. You can do it. All three is. That is an RU. Garbage. That is quite an RU Garbage situation. Yes, very much so.

Well, let me have you weigh in on my are you garbage situation from this morning, what I had for lunch today. Boxed Mac and Cheese. What? Main brand? It was a, yeah, it was like one of those like Was it annies? No, but it's like one of those like protein chickpea ones. Gotcha. Gotcha.

So it's a little, it's a, it's a bit higher end of boxed mac and cheese. But then I also threw some lump crab meat in there. Whoa. To create canned Phillips. Just stirred it in. Sturred it in for the easy protein. Hmm. But I did ultimately have boxed mac and cheese with lump crab meat.

You had boxed chickpea mac and cheese. That's right. I got to go classy. Like a bonza pasta type of situation. Yeah, I got to go classy on that. It's not trashy. I get why it would be. I think if it was like name brand craft, like the blue box.

You just got like a generic blue box. Okay. And put in imitation crab meat, I'd have to push back on that. This can of crab meat was expensive. And also you're doing it for the protein. You're doing it for the macros. So there I got to defer. You get a grade on a curve there.

Most crab cakes at high-end steakhouses and stuff like that is canned crab meat. I would assume so. Yeah, yeah. Of course. There's not wrong with that. And I'll tell you why you're right there. Thank you. I'm on the cost, though, for sure.

No, what do you say on the cost? I'd say why you're right there or not even have to worry about it. Okay. Okay. You got the chickpea pasta. Right. Okay.

You got high-end stuff. Probably getting whole foods or something like that. It was purchased at whole foods. There you go. You got the high-end crab meat. But that's more about... Starly Rockefeller over here. All you're missing from putting that down on the table

at a dinner party and we're going, oh, my God, it's a little chopped up scallium. Yeah. You're right. I ate it out of a plastic Tupperware container. out of a Wegman's bag I shook it up in a bed I cooked it by putting it in hot water

and dunking it like it's fucking prison That's suvied though That's good That's good place back on that dude All right, you're okay with that It doesn't feel great Doesn't feel great But considering all things

I think you're fine How was it? Was it good? It was delicious Do you have any left over? No I Did you add any personal cheese into it or anything? No because I am watching

my figure. Okay. So I just went with whatever was on the box. I made it as instruct. As is. So you weren't cutting up pieces of pepper jack

and throwing in that. Which I think if you were to put a layer of cheese on top, or that in the oven for a couple of minutes. Oh, come on. Oh, you put that in a ramekin. Yeah.

Put some cheese over it. Broil it. It's the classiest meal. Yeah. You're on a garden. Whatever her name is. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's right. I'm a Jeffrey fan. That guy's been making bank for years. I don't even know what you're talking about. Her husband. Jeffrey. Jeffrey, Ina Garden's husband, Jeffrey. I don't know who Inna Garden is.

What? I love her. She's a culinary legend. Yes. What's her show? Spot out in Hamptons. What's her show, eldest? Do you remember?

Barefoot Contessa. Barefoot Contessa. She was in fine. I saw her thing. She was in finance back in the day, I think, in the 70s. And the reason it's called Barefoot Contessa is she bought a, like a bakery or something like that that was called Barefoot Contessa. Oh, she inherited the name.

Yeah, back in the Hamptons when nobody was hanging out there. Shout out to her. Shout out to her. Shout out to her. one this is maybe the most well verse you've ever been on any subject in your life see there we go i didn't even give you five minutes on anything you gave you gave 15 seconds give me something out you want to talk about three eye atlas three no okay let's take the next call i think it's called atlas shrugged fully that's right

what he said and with your help we can we can catch that monkey fountain head i also tell people i read that that's so why are you reading these libertarian books Have that what they are? Yeah. I don't know. I thought they were all space movies. You thought it was like sci-fi fantasy? Yeah, yeah, I thought it was.

They're in the future. That's like stranger to strange land. I tell people I read that. I always thought that was sci-fi. I don't remember that one. It's about an alien. Mm-hmm. That might have been a hidden meeting.

You know, this summer I've tried to get in tune with my body. You know, I've been experimenting. I've been dabbling. One of the greatest experiments that I've conducted has been with mudwater. That's right. I've cut out other sources of caffeine. Mudwater is an incredible little blend of cacao, chai, turmeric, and adaptogenic mushrooms to help you feel focused without the crash. And I drink it iced. I'm an iced coffee boy. I'm an iced tea boy. I'm an iced mudwater boy. That's right. You just mix it with cold water or milk. I'm a water guy. Okay. I like to start my

days a little peek behind the curtain. I haven't been eating early in the morning. I haven't been eating early in the morning. I've just been slurping sustenance for my delicious mud water and I've been ready to go. Every single ingredient in mud water is there for a purpose. Okay. It ain't. Now look, I hear mushrooms. I'm like, nice. And though they aren't nice in the way you might think they are, they're nice in the way that they give you sustained mother freaking energy. Okay? Do you understand that? I'm feeling awake. I'm feeling ready to go. No crashes, no spikes from coffee. Like I said, we got cacao.

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Let's play the call. There's some of that long Pratt meet up here. Hey, what's up, Stavv? I'm going to get straight to the points here. I think I've accidentally been getting tattooed from a Nazi Yeah, fucking crazy I live in the South and I've been getting this sleeve done

Not Nazi related And this person has been super cool so far And does a really great job And then the last session Just came out of nowhere with some, like, conspiracy theory stuff, which I'm not into, and then... I think I know who your conspiracies might have been targeting. The Polish?

Not a big Thai food guy, right? Keep going all this. Super crazy anti-Jew stuff, and, like, people didn't die in the Holocaust. Oh, no. Muslims are taking over, and I'm sorry. sitting there like what the fuck do I do I'm talking about the Alabama game in the middle of a tattoo

you can't necessarily just get up right um so yeah I've got I'm mostly done but just have one more session and obviously I don't want to give this person more money sure but I'm really struggling with like now I have this

tattoo on my arm and I've loved it so far but now it's associated with this person and I don't like that at all. Well, hold on, though. I have, like, weird feelings about it, and I'm just wondering if I should just get over it and go to another person and get it touched up and get it finished, or, I mean, obviously, I certainly don't want to go to this person again, or just like, should I get it removed or, I don't know, this whole thing has been crazy

and it's just throw me for a loop. So I think I could just use some advice in general on how to proceed with all this. So I appreciate it. A big fan, and congrats on the success. Bye. Okay. So, first of all, I understand the knee-jerk reaction to be like, fuck, man. The emotional reaction. I'm going to look at this.

A fucking Nazi made this. But I'll say this. Like, have you ever had drywall done in your house? Have you ever been to McDonald's? Have you ever gotten roofing done? The only problem is you know this guy's an idiot. Like, he's shared those thoughts with you. I promise you.

You've enjoyed the work of anti-Jewish conspiracy theorists. many times if you've had any infrastructure done in the have you been on the roads in the south I mean like

that's the thing dude it's like it's it sucks that he he felt comfortable enough and it sucks that he has these opinions obviously

but you just go fidlet I mean like I would just you got one session left with the it's not like you're funding

like the American Nazi party or something you're giving this guy this money who's like gonna you know it's not I don't

And if his work is good and you'd be, it'd be different if it was like, you're at the consultation and he dropped, and he hasn't started working on you and he does some weird shit. And look, if you feel like you don't want to go back, I get that too. But I would say, you're not even in the wrong to just finish this fucking piece with this person. It just, this sucks because this shows you how bad the world is that now it's like, this used to be like a, can you believe this fucking nut job? and now it's like, oh, he's part of Trump's army. He's part of like, now you're like, oh,

am I helping to fund the fascism that will be running this country in nine years? I also think, too, it's like this guy just probably ended up on some of the wrong fucking, you know, webs like he's reading the wrong shit. He's probably an idiot in every sense of the word, and he's just like he's focused on this now. No, no, I'm with you, but I'm saying like 20 years ago, it would be easy and almost funny to be like, can you believe this fucking? The tattoo is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now it's like, it seems to be a sizable part of a number of Americans agree with him. You know, it's like, that's the scary part. It's like, you're like, fuck, I hope my tattoo artist and his friends don't take up arms against me and the local government here. Sure. But yeah, dude. He's pulling up the sleeves. He's coming in the house. You did my arm, remember?

Yeah, yeah. Also, I will say, if you're Jewish, don't go back. Find a new guy. I will say that. That would be my only thing. Otherwise, let a fucking roll. Who cares? I say, even if you're Jewish, get a little silly.

putty, make it look like you're uncircumcised. Pretend your pants fell down. Then you had a wardrobe malfunction. But yeah, look, as long as he's not sneaking in any fucking SS symbols in your full sleeve Dragon Ball Z tattoo. Like, yeah, don't, again, it's like, this sucks, whatever, but you're totally, you don't, I mean, it's not your fault that this guy was harboring these. opinions.

You had no idea. And now you're going to get a removed, dude? No, it's like, again, like I said, if you've had roofing done, my father was a contractor, I know who his associates were, uh, if you've had any, like, unfortunately, especially in the South, if you've been to any of my family parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you, like, you just happened to know that this guy was a piece of shit. And it's like, look, just fucking get the tattoo done and move on.

Don't ever go back. Yeah. Don't get new tattoos there. But whatever you're, level of comfort, finish it either there or somewhere else, but you don't have to take it all. I mean, you shouldn't have to do because removing a tattoo is fucking hard.

Brutal. And like thousands and years, you know, so finish up the tab. Maybe check out some the literature he has too. Yeah, and it's like, listen, have an open mind. I mean, are things going well right now? Yeah, I mean, you're calling in to stop for advice. Maybe this guy's got the, you know, the website. It's definitely him. He's right. It's not that fucking, you know, the richest people

are hoarding more and more resources. It's that there's a secret cabal I love this like They're secret It's like it's not a secret They just fucking Rich people just steal from the poor We've been watching it happens

Like in our In our faces They are taking everything from us There's no secret group They're just like Yeah we're just gonna pay To get the president we want elected He's gonna give us tax cuts

And you don't even get health care That it's just happening in our In front of our fucking eyes But you know Good luck buddy Don't remove that shit Don't remove that shit because you came across

a Nazi in Alabama Yeah You don't deserve You shouldn't have to fucking go through that Because some guy You know It's not like you got

I don't have done Martin's Vineyard or something like that You don't need to connect it to At all I agree To me It's like those are two Independent events

And just move on You shouldn't emotionally connect Plus if you're single And progressive chicks Are your thing You get to Yeah you know what happened

though This guy was, I don't know. What's your, what do you think if you're single and progressive? Do you think it's a conversation started that you have a Nazi's work on your arm? Exactly. I say, don't bring that up. No, bring it up. This is for when I was undercover.

Oh, fuck. The Italian Klansman. What else we got, L.D? Hey, Bobby. A long-time listener. So I was watching one of your older episodes, and I remember you said that your parents split up, like, when you were an adult. I now find myself in this position. I'm 27, and my parents are splitting up.

They've been together since they were teenagers. So it's definitely kind of a big thing. I'm an only child. So I guess my question is, I'm wondering if there's anything, like, looking at. Looking back that you wish you had done differently while you were kind of processing this. Do you have any advice just for, you know, how to deal with this as an adult? I know like every situation is totally different, but I'm wondering if there's something that you wish you had done differently looking back on it. Thanks, Daddy, love you.

Bye. What do you think, bud? How old were your parents than they split up? I mean, dude. Or were you? It was recent. It was like a few years ago. See, the thing I would say to you,

even the premise of this question, like, do I wish I had done anything different? It's like, this isn't about you at all. My take is like zero. You got everything you could from your parents to get you to this point, and it's like, great. Everybody's now individuals. Yeah, and I think like, is it your fault

that they stayed together for you? Sure. Yeah. I would have been a shittier kid to drive them apart earlier. Um, you know, I don't, yeah, I don't think, I think actually one of the only good parts is that you didn't, you were a fully formed adult. And if you let, if you're letting this affect you, there's something wrong there. You're like falling into this, the trap of like, I don't know, nostalgia. They're going to be happier.

Yeah, this is better for everybody. Sure. Is it a little annoying to have to figure out holidays at this is? Thanksgiving. Sure. But I don't know Just make time for both your parents where you can And like, you know

It's honestly, it shouldn't It doesn't really matter I would say just like I don't know the specifics of your guys situation But like one thing that I did Was I didn't really humor anyone I didn't pretend to take their side I was just like

Here's what I believe I don't care what happened Like it was almost freeing Because I could be like great Now I don't have to get involved With your guy's relationship we can focus on our individuals. The only thing it matters is how we get along

and how you treat me now. I don't have to worry about your fucked up marriage anymore. Yeah, this overall bigger picture. It's like this is, I don't have to continue to try to solve this anymore. I find it's so much easier. Nice. I find it so much easier.

I relate to them as individuals. I don't have to go into my fucked up family. And exactly, like you said, like manage, trying to avoid, you know, there being some big blow up. Yeah. Is it going to be, I mean. Are they somewhat cool or no?

they're cool enough cool so it's not like when you're hanging out with your mom she's complaining about your dad or vice versa like that it's just you guys yeah i mean it's still a little weird there's still the remnants of it but it's like you know everyone is it's been a few years everyone is sort of like we know the score now cool everyone's fine and like it sounds positive the thing it's positive the thing to remember is that your family will never be good you know what i mean like this is slightly better it doesn't make it uh much it doesn't solve everything because sure shit's probably dysfunctional to begin with

but I would just say understand it's not about you don't get sucked into any more drama because they could because if you've got a drama queen and they start pinning each other this is a get out of drama free card right now all right you're doing this I don't want to hear about it you're like hey I'm happy for you but this has nothing to do with me

yeah and I would just that's my only thing is like don't get too sucked in because I would argue I maybe did get a little too sucked in for my tastes where I was like you know I got really in the middle of making sure everything could happen whatever you And part of that is that poor people just can't get divorced

because it costs money. It's devastated. I sort of just like, I basically bankrolled my parents' divorce. No shit. You know what I mean? Good for you. And so, and I would just say like,

and I should have drawn like firmer boundaries around that where it's like, look, I'm going to make this happen because this is the best thing, but I don't want to, I ended up being a little more in the middle than I would have liked in certain aspects.

So I would say to you, don't get in the middle, let them go through their thing, make sure you're there, be there for them in any capacity that makes sense for you. But ultimately, even though you're an adult, you're still the kid here, right? And it's still their fucking responsibility to figure this shit out. So you think hiring- My parents got divorced when I was three.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because you already have an, how are you, how did it feel with your ex-stepmother when that happened? That had happened at a time when I wasn't, I don't currently talk to my father. It's been a while. So that happened, like, around that time. I was older anyway. Sure.

But, yeah, I mean, I come, it's very messy. Like, my family doesn't talk. There's certain factions that don't talk or passed away. And then once they're like, once they're dead, you're dead to me. That kind of thing. The last time I'll see you at the fucking funeral. A lot of that. And it's like, I've just stepped back from, like, all of it.

And the fact that when I moved to New York, I removed myself from, like, the day to day of it. You know, and you're just like, that gave me perspective that you can have now of like, like, you're out of, I think of your 27, your parents have raised you and it's like there's no, there's no more responsibility or burden. It's like you have to, like you said, just stay away and go like, I can watch from afar and come in when I'm needed. Of course. Tell for your mom to cry on your shoulder or whatever, whatever, but like, stay the fuck out of it. That's, you know, boundaries. I fully agree. But yeah, you know, good luck out there. Knock them dead.

Two Christmases. That's right. Two Thanksgiving dinners. Or two Hanukas. Or two Hanukas, sure. Or a Hanukkah on Christmas. Hey, Bobbi, esteemed guys. J.D. here. Just got a quick question for you.

I need some advice on a situation like her relationship. Dina with a girl three years. Love her to death. We worked at the same place. We worked at a grocery store together with her. I worked there seven years. I think that's eating away at me and I keep keeping from her. Before her, I ended up having sex with three different girls in the same department.

before her and everyone at my grocery store would call me the deli ticker because i worked in the deli department and she knows about two of them but the third one that she doesn't everyone else in my friend group everyone from that job knows but her and i feel bad not telling her but the main reason i don't want her to ever find out is she was 17 years older than me um she was a raising alcoholic and what a save whoa i was like i was going to go dump it dump yeah yeah yeah she was 17 years older than me. He gave us the dramatic pause. Who? I was going to be like, eldest, fucking delete this, man. I don't want to be fucking accessory to this shit.

Anyway, keep going. She was a raging alcoholic, and she was into DDL. Daddy, daughter, love, if you want to look that up. But she ended up getting me drunk at a work party, drugging me with high doses edible. She told me that were low, taking me back to her house

and then hooking up with her for the first couple nights. A couple nights. Two times, that's it. Two to three times. I'm sure. that getting she got me drunk she got me drunk for weeks at a time come on misery after that i got grossed out ashamed never called her back and then i started dating the girl i've been with for three years after so just having a problem not telling her it's not like she needs to know but since everyone i know knows even my best friend i worked for the hospital dealt with her having a uh alcohol overdose um he found out two nights after i hooked up with her

and i just saw that out last week he told me he just never told me that he ended up meeting her um anyway Just some advice. I know a piece of shit. I just don't know. Would you tell someone this? Would you ever bring it up? Would you continue to hide it? Just let me know.

Thanks. Interesting. So basically he's saying there's a secret. I have a secret here. Do I let it lie? Do I come clean? It's been three years that he's been in this relationship. Yeah.

I guess the question is like what, why, what do you have to gain? What's the, in what context would you bring it up? Like, would you just say, hey, I just want you to know I fucked this lady? I fucked Marge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, as somebody who's worked many years in a supermarket, those deli guys are bad news. Bad fucking news. You know it.

I know it. All your fucking co-werelley guys play by their own rules. Is this really a true stereotype? Oh, 100%. Did you do any hooking up at the grocery store? No, I was quite young. Um, there was, uh, but no, I mean, I was still in like, we were like 15, 16, 17. So the, what were the, yeah, was they're all older. They're all like, right, mostly drug, you know, there's a lot of drug use either prior, or during or during or whatever. And also like criminal. And like, it is the, it is a good kind of landing pad for someone coming out of a bumpy's place. Because it's like, you know, probably like 15, you know, it's like a decent paycheck. Right.

That you can like kind of get back on your feet. Foley's got a couple of applications. out right now. I'm waiting to hear back from Wegmans. I heard old pussy drugs and lunch me. That's what I heard. Slipping out of his seat over there. For a second, I forgot you guys were all here. Oh, fuck.

Yeah. Interesting. But it is. It's very, it's, um, so I get it. Did you ever work in any incestuous workplaces like that at all? Not really? No. Yeah, me neither, really.

Really? Do you have any? I guess restaurants and bars are more. Restaurants and bars, everyone's, yeah. Everyone's sucking. You get a good group. Fucking everyone's, everyone's at the right point in their lives. Everyone's partying and, yeah, it's all right.

Yeah, yeah. For a few months, it's all right. Of course. Yeah. So I guess, like, my thing is, here's where I would be if I were you. Me? No, no. I'd be at that goddamn deli counter taking a ticket.

I'll tell you that much. I'd be getting versed in different types of. Where's rosemary yet. Yeah. No, if I was this guy, she knows about the other two. Ostensibly, it came up organically. If this ever comes up, you don't lie, right?

Yeah, just go, ah, it was one time. It was so long ago. But it feels like the kind of thing where bringing it up out of the blue is kind of weird. Sure. Right? Like, I get the fact that everybody around him knows, but it's not like they're snickering behind her back because you fuck somebody else. No one's talking about it or thinking about it.

No, no one, except. except you was thinking about it. And you didn't betray her. It's not like you cheated on her early in your relationship. It's that before you met with her, you hooked up with someone that's kind of embarrassing to you. Very. I think that's what it is from the way he was trying to throw that old lady on the bus.

Yeah, exactly. Then use that as your shoes go, I was going to tell you, but I'm just like I was pretty shameful about it. It was a bad time in my life. You know, whatever, whatever. However, I'm just playing devil's advocate here. If that does come up in the break room,

like, oh, that's the time fucking Tony fuck, fucking whatever it is. Yes. And she hit, what? That's gonna, she's not gonna like that. I don't think that comes up. That's weird. Yeah, I mean, something that long ago. Also, are you still working at the fucking grocery store? It's a long pad.

Let's talk about, let's talk about different things here, different issues. You've been with this girl for three years. You were there before, you were there long enough to fuck three women in her department. He's been there for at least seven years. Yeah, you've been there for a while, brother. What are we doing? That's a good gig. Is it? I mean, you know, it's a solid paycheck. A lot of those, I don't know where in the country it is, but like ours was unionized.

Okay. Deli workers and like the meat workers or whatever. Plus my boy, my boy got bumped up to the meat room and he would get there every day and turn the crock pot on, throw a bunch of fucking meats in there. Let it cook for like four, five, six hours. And at the end of the night, you had to fucking, I mean, everybody was eating. That's awesome. It's a good time. And look, if there, if there's a way for you to get, whatever. Access to the crock pot. Yeah. I didn't realize there was some good. I didn't realize there was crockpot access here. I take back what I said. I'm going to say that bring that from home. Okay. Broward his own for a crock pot.

Yeah, dude. I mean, I don't think that's the kind of thing where it's just funny that she knows about the two you're not ashamed of. But you hid the one you were ashamed of. Because you didn't technically do anything wrong. You know, you just kind of... You're embarrassed by it. You're just embarrassed by your behavior. So I would say it, you know, if it ever comes up, you know, you know, if it ever comes up, you

don't deny it. And if she's like, why don't you tell me, you're like, well, why would I? I mean, like, it just never came up. I never denied it, but it doesn't, does it really matter who I fucked before? You tell you about all the old guys you fucked? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about you, you fucking whore? How much talk were you sucked it before you met me?

When you were working in produce. Don't know about that. That's what I'm talking about. That's what they call flipping the script. Put her on trial for things I done. Tell her you're going to kill yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you loved me.

I thought you loved me. And then threatened to fucking overdose on pills. Classic. There you go. So yeah, man, those are your two options. That's what I would do. Yeah. But get that crock pot going.

Get that crock pot going. Hopefully you're a manager of the deli section. And listen, if you haven't had a raise in years, maybe think about, you know, sprucing up the fucking resume, putting some extra curriculars together, interning somewhere. I don't know what, but, you know. Unless there's the bottom of special skills

You're good at closing with older brags I could see there being some upward mobility though You know maybe even managing a grocery store For sure Those are pretty good jobs Those are tough jobs you know what you do You want the Machiavellian Whatever that is

Machiavellian? Yep you want the Machiavellian approach You become general manager Get rid of everybody that knows anything Right right right And you're in the clear Smart smart smart Beautiful beautiful

Or if you want to keep and the all lady bring her up to assistant general manager start working late nights weekends folks you know starting your own business can be damn intimidating it's a lonely task all the hat you got to wear all the hats you're wearing a top hat you're wearing a bowler you're wearing a coofy on top of that too many hats i i know that as a one-man band podcaster merch salesman I did it all and it was a pain in the ass that was before I had my friends over at Shopify involved and look you're probably starting your own small business you're probably you got too many hats on yourself you know what I mean I don't know what you're doing maybe

you're selling soaps you're mixing the soap you're we were doing the website you're trying to keep track of everything well get why don't you stop messing around and help with the number one freaking e-commerce platform. That's right. It's Shopify. Wait, what's that? We just made another sale on the Stavi baby, on the Stabi.Biz store.

Must have been a T-shirt or a calendar. Those are coming up quick. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the United States. From household names like Mattel and Jim Sharks to brands just getting started, We're one of them, like I said. Look, get your damn business off the damn ground with Shopify. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify.

Turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com.com slash stavi. Go to shopify.com slash stavi. Shopify.com slash stavi. Holy crap. What else we got, LD? Okay. Take your time, man. More to letters.

Hi. I love it. Long-term listener, first-time caller, and I'm having a bit of a dog dilemma. Mm. You see, back at home, I'm in college, so I'm different, you know, you get it. Okay. So back at home, I have the super cute little fluffy black and white dogs, and my mom takes her on walks in the morning and at night. We just recently got these new neighbors.

The guy happens to be a cop. On two occasions, these people's dogs have gotten out. And I guess you could say, like, a time. packed my mom and my dog. They never really got their teeth on her, anything like that. This is unfortunately something that has happened before. So my mom kind of has a drill. She'll, like, pick up my dog and, like, you know, yell at this dog.

Because on the same road, they have been attacked by a different neighbor's dog who got let out and did manage to get their teeth on my dog. She's fine now, but a traumatizing event. and this happened now with these same people twice and we don't know what to do we you know we thought of calling animal control but we just don't want to start with like this cop a neighbor of ours but I mean at this point his dogs have ran up on my dogs twice

and every time like this lady comes out and is like oh my god I'm so sorry like I thought they were on a leash and it's like you dumb bitch like you know your dog on the leash, because you put them on the leash. What do you mean you don't know? So we just don't know what to do. We tried, like, talking to them and so, like,

after the first time, it happened a second time. So clearly nothing got through to them. So, yeah, just let us know. This is interesting. I mean, the cop things are relevant. You think it's irrelevant? Yeah, fuck that guy. You think he's the only guy in town with a fucking gun?

What are we doing here? Fuck out of here. Mm-hmm. I like that. I like that. I like where you're... You're an old guy with a fucked up facing two dumb dogs.

As a guy with a crazy dog, you do have a crazy dog. I got a crazy dog. They know. They're well aware. If you have a dog that is like doing that multiple times, you know how your dog react.

It's just like, that's not the only two times it's ever happened. They act like that. And I think the guy, this guy being a cop is a positive. it's like he's aware of what will happen if they bite your mom or that dog

yeah if they kill that like those dogs will get put down essentially if they bite your fucking but you don't want but you don't want so I think you just go to the cop go like guys we have to figure out how otherwise my mom's going to get bit my dog's going to get killed your dog's going to get put down like nobody wins in this I think unfortunately it has to happen one more time

you missed your window I kind of agree with you I don't at all I just fuck I'd go knock on the door and to say, hey, how do we, not like a combatively, but like, how do we solve this? But out of the blue, if it has been a problem again, I don't, it doesn't have to be a full, you look like a psycho. It doesn't have to be a full on attack. Unless she comes home from school on Thanksgiving, hey, listen, while I was away, I know this happened a couple of times.

Listen, my dog's already been attacked by another thing. My mom's, you know, older, you know, whatever. You know what I mean? She doesn't want to stir the shit, but me, I'm Antifa. I'm in college. I'm getting my brain. poisoned by liberals. And I know that cops are the problem.

Name and badge number. Start hitting them with that. Just let you know I am recording. I am recording you. I am recording you. It is my First Amendment right to record you. Yeah, go out of him like that. He'll love that. Good way to get your ass beat by a cop.

But I like that, though. But I see what fully saying where it's like, it, look, it is weird to, you've had this conversation. It's happened twice. And you've talked to them, you know, both times, you kind of, it doesn't have to be a full on attack, but if there's even like, if you even see them on without a leash or whatever,

you just have to be like, hey, this has happened too many times. Yeah, or like I said, she could step in here. She's home. I haven't been home. I haven't seen it. Right, right. And she also said the lady was like, you know, when they're really bad people, they don't even fucking say, well, it's your dog's fault.

At least the lady came out. I'm so sorry. I thought they were on a leash, whatever. You know, you get in that situation. You start, you start backpedaling. That's why I'm saying. And because of her, like, behavior is why I'm saying, like, okay, wait for a very small infraction, be like, hey. If they're barking when you get out of the car or whatever.

You guys have been reasonable. I get that. But I'm sorry, if another attack happens, I have to call animal control. So please, please. We don't want that to happen, please. And it sucks to tell you, like, okay, hopefully the next one could be horrible. But it's like, hopefully something minor happens. Or, like, Foley says, you coming back, that is kind of a chance to be.

like, hey, my mom telling what's going on. I just want to, like, check in here because she's, you know. She's nervous. She's getting older, whatever, whatever. She's not like she, you know. Yeah. She's not going to be able to maybe save it every time. Or if it happens

again, you said you're in college, you go home, you seduce the cop. Right. Get that on tape. Get it on tape. Cream pie them. Yeah. No, but I'm saying maybe when you come home, you can go over, hey, listen, I brought over it, I don't know, some fucking dog treats for the dogs. I just wanted to ask you again really nice. Put poison in the dog treats.

No. Pull it. Putin on him. They're glowing. They're just going to puttonium at college. Yeah, you know, you bring a little basket over something. Listen, I don't want it to sit in like a dick and, you know. Yeah, that's nice.

You know, something, I don't know. And, but I see what you guys are saying that the cop. I'm with her in terms of like, I would, because just, you know, just what I know of the cops in my life, the cops I've been around. Let's just say I could see them not taking kindly to being reported

and then making your life fucking miserable. But I say if you've gone, you, that's why it sucks. You have to tread a little lighter here, but I always think you guys make a good point where it's like he understands what's... They're also dog... They don't lose that pension.

So it's like, listen, if your dog bites my... kills my dog or bites my mom. Like, we all lose our dogs here. Right, right, right. This is, it's not like one person wins. Like, this gets fucked up for everybody. You're new here.

Since you said, they just moved in. Right? Yeah. You know, you know, you know... You know, small town. small town you know what I mean we don't do things like that around here differently out here okay

I don't know what you're used to in the big city yeah yeah getting real Tulsa King I don't like you do you got something fun for us to go out on here Elders yeah here's a little health tip oh wonderful

all right Jesus Christ now I'm using this hotline as if it's your real fucking voicemail what's up Stav hi Eldis I'm watching episode one of season three, Stavvy gets ripped. As a fellow Zepbound batty, as a fellow fat ass, I'm with you, Stav. We're losing weight together on the juice.

All right. I am a nutrition major, and I work with several doctors. You are injecting too far away from your belly button, Stavs. I did notice that. You got to inject closer to your belly button. There's a whole thing about the injection site and how potent, how the potency affects you when you ejected closer or farther away on your stomach you've got to inject closer buddy the juice needs to seep into those intestines i love you i'm there with you this is insane

this is actually helpful you are having a great day bye guys i love you wow that's so crazy because uh they've told me the same thing and with the with the ozempic it was you went one here one here is it narcan yeah yeah no through like one week here one week here one week here I think maybe one week here, one week here. I think I'm doing one potato, two potato. Yeah. But the, yeah, but the Zepound is three inches from your belly button. What the fuck?

I saw you fucking side-saddle on that. Yeah, I'm on the side. I'm around here. Just right around here. I mean, I don't know. Really? Listen, I don't know. They told me two inches.

So when I saw you side-saddle it, I'm like, oh, maybe I'm doing it wrong. Maybe I'm like, not I got bad if, but maybe I'm like, oh, maybe I literally saw it when maybe the location doesn't matter. I don't get, unless it goes into a vein, I don't know. understand how it works anyway. Yeah, we're too stupid to get that. It goes into the fat, and then where does it go from there?

Who knows, man? We're never going to figure that out. Right? Yeah. I know what the hamburger goes. We're also the three guys eating ourselves to death. So, like, maybe we're not the guys to crack it. I know the cheeseburger goes here.

Goes through here, and then comes out my poopie hole. That's actually, I was so ready to be like, Elders, fuck you. Some guy telling me to, hey, man, calories in calories. I love that. where it's like, you don't think I know that. I don't have willpower.

You fucking assholes. You think you're... And part of the reason we even did this series is because everyone... If there's one thing people love commenting on, it's someone trying to lose weight. Sure. Because it's either they want to support you,

or they want to call you a fat piece of shit, or they want to tell you that you did it wrong, or they want to brag about their own weight loss. It really captures... And I apologize for those comments. It's easy, dude. Just walk up here on a treadmill for half an hour. Chicken and rice, ground beef.

No, shit. Just stop eating. It's like, I am an addict. Yeah. This is the, you don't think, look at the rest of my life. I work hard to do a lot of, I've done a lot of shit that's hard. Sure. You think if I couldn't, if I could just not eat, I wouldn't.

I just have a hilarious, and I know you don't get it because you eat every day and it doesn't affect you. But I don't fucking drink. I don't fucking hit my wife. I do all those things. Yeah. Fuck. Somebody give me a pill for that. Stop me.

Do you not drink at all? I kind of stopped drinking for health reasons. No shit. Because I'm trying to, I'm trying to just like, I was sober for a year. And then I kind of was, you know, I would drink a little bit. I would smoke a little bit. Smoking a little bit still? I got to get, I got to cut that too.

That's kind of fucked me. Any shrooms or anything like that? I will do shrooms on a special occasion. I haven't in a while. But never a microdose. You mean, if you're doing them, you're getting fucked. I would get fucked up. But I would do that when I'm like, you know, I've made a plan.

I got a vacation. I got you. I got you. And even a cocktail, I honestly have realized weed is so much. more my problem than drinking. No shit. If I, like when I was in Venice, I'm going to have a couple cocktails. You know, it's fun.

I go to, I go to like, if it's a beautiful day, I'm with my friends. We're on a rooftop. I'll have a fucking cocktail. If I'm fucking, if I'm fucking barbecuing, I'll have a brusky. But it's like, it's not. It's more of a vibe thing. It's totally vibe. You're not drinking to get fucked up.

Yes, I have stopped drinking to get fucked up. I have not done. That's the way I can't drink. I can't go to a barbecue. I'm not a vibe guy. I can go to a fucking dark bar. in L.A. and be like, we're going to be here for eight hours and we're going to get fucking obliterated. That sounds

fun as shit. And don't get me wrong, I will probably have one of those every year time to treat myself. That's also a vibe thing, yeah. It's like I go golfing once in. But if I go to, if I go to a barbecue and I have like one or two beers, I like, I feel weird. Like I want more. I know.

You mean, honestly, at barbecues, I've actually started going N. A. BIR. Nice. Because it's so much about the vibe of just holding a beer in your hand. Yeah. You know, and having a dog or whatever that I used to just have a beer or two but then I did even that kind of get you feeling like I should have 12 of these yeah it's like you get to that point it's like we're we're off to shore let's fucking go but I just lower the sales and hit the gas it just does suck though because a lot of the comments will be like cut out sodas cut out drinking and I'm like I have

done all of those things what yeah and the the worst part is like I have got out a lot of right like shit that's supposed to people like I stop drink I start I switch a diet So it is, and I dropped 40 pounds. Like, I did that 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is me doing a lot of things pretty well. We're doing a lot of stuff, except when, you know, every once in a while, I will hit the kitchen and just throw 3,000 calories down my gullet. Sure.

Like, it's nothing. Yeah. And I love it and nothing makes me feel better. Yeah, it's crazy. It's so fucked up. I love it so much. I did it yesterday. I was telling somebody about this, like, you know, a few weeks ago, I was home with my mom's house.

and, you know, she's up to bed at like fucking 8.30. It's just me and the refrigerator. Yeah. And you won't go to bed until 9, 915. I'll roll a night owl. So I got 45 minutes to kill. But it's like I go in, I pull out a sleeve of Thomas's English muffins. A sleeve of English muffins.

You know what I mean? I take the English muffins out. Look at them. She got the butter on the counter. It's right next to the fucking toaster. It would be no. I can't just have one of those. Right. I eat like five.

Yeah. Just, I got one going, butter one. And the first one, I'll do it light so I can get it in me. Let the other one, you know, I'll let them prime the pump. Yeah. First one just to get it started. It's like, it's not, and like, I know, it's not like I'm eating out like, wait a minute. A fucking box, the English muffins is being for you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And no shit. You just can't stop. Can't stop. Won't stop. Don't stop. I'm with you. Even the protein bar started getting that way, too.

At first, it's like, I was one and a guy. And a design. And then it's like, you know... Those barbells, they're like stickers bars. They are delicious. They are like fucking... You know what's really good? I don't know what the name of them is.

Swoop or smooth or something. They're like marshmallow on the inside. Oh, the puff ones. Those are unbelievable. Those are straight up candy. Candy. And those barely have any fucking protein. They have like 11 grams of protein.

Yeah. And they're like, it's a protein bar. So it gets a fucking candy bar. Yeah. Yeah. But they are good. They're great. But that's very good.

That actually is good advice. I will. I am due for another shot. in a couple days and I will take your advice and I will see how it affects me. That just shows truly how shitty your doctor actually is. Like, didn't even like think to mention that to you. I need a real doctor.

I just got a nurse practitioner that would prescribe me whatever I asked for. Dude, I went to this. Wait, put it in your eyeball. I went to this woman in Midtown. I just typed in Fat Doctor. Yeah. She was like, did you like 75 years old came in wearing high heels, big fake tits?

I love that. She's like, what do you want? I'm like, now we're talking. Now we're talking. She's like, it's a combo. It's Ozempic and Zepbound. We fused them together. With a little diet amount to do.

Dude, I feel like my eyes were falling out of my head. Oh, dude. Yeah, I need a fucking real doctor. But yes, thank you. That actually is great advice, and I can't wait to... Yeah, it is. To see what happens now that I will be going closer to the belly button. Hopefully it affects me even better.

I would check with somebody else before that. Don't... No, it's belly button, for sure. You guys are both zepbound guys. Yeah, it's all about the belly button. Yeah. And it's working great. Hey, I'm down 40.

You know, maybe I'll stick to how I'm doing it, Matt. I guess this mac and cheese I was promised a meal when I came over here making a nice joint like this you're not putting out something you complain about the Venezuel festival I don't see a charcutory board downstairs

Oh fuck guys Thank you so much We're the best We're the best We're always happy to have you here Go see the boys at the Met December 13th We will get this out around that time

We don't know when exactly but, you know, it's fall, winter season here at Stobby's World. Go see the boys. Come see us on the road. We probably, I think, that same week, that's when we're in Boston, right, Eldis? Ah, there you go. The 13th, December 13th? That's right.

We're at the Wilbur. So if you're in Boston, come see us. You're in Philly. Come see the boys. And we will talk to you next time. Bye, bye, bye, guys. Bye-bye. You know,