Stavvy's World - #153 - Caleb Hearon

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Caleb Hearon returns to the pod to discuss his new special Caleb Hearon: Model Comedian (HBO Max), how he and Stav won the fat guy lottery, what the plot of his and Stav’s buddy comedy would be, blowing it on dates by being a coward, the time he came out as bi on Facebook, and much more. Caleb and Stav help callers including a guy who’s wondering if his girlfriend is bluffing about her cuckqueen kink, and a man who’s wondering if he’s cursed because so many of his loved ones have passed away.Watch Caleb Hearon’s new special CALEB HEARON: MODEL COMEDIAN on HBO Max: https://www.hbomax.com/movies/caleb-hearon-model-comedian/3da10291-dc85-49c0-af26-d051dab7090bWatch Caleb Hearon’s podcast So True: https://www.youtube.com/@sooootruepod  Follow Caleb Hearon on social media:https://www.instagram.com/calebsaysthings/https://www.tiktok.com/@calebsaysthingshttps://www.youtube.com/@sooootruepod  🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, folks. We have an incredible episode with my pal, Caleb, coming up in just a second. You're going to love it. But first, I want to let you know, the Dream Boat Tour is back for 2026. If we didn't come to your city last year, we're coming this year. A lot over 30 new cities. Plus, we're doing a little November run. So this week coming up, Memphis on the 6th, Huntsville on the 7th.

And then we also have a couple tickets left for Boston in December. But in 2026, we're coming to Tampa, Hollywood, Florida, Red Bank, New Jersey, Philly, Burlington, Vermont, Buffalo. We're coming to Lexington, Ohio, Des Moines, Springfield, Missouri, St. Louis, all over the place. Minnesota, Rockford, Illinois, Biloxi. Ooh, baby. New York, New York, Radio City Music Hall. I'm pumped about that. Orlando, Jacksonville. I mean, it goes on and on. Atlanta, Morgantown, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Providence, Rochester. Good googly-mugly, we're coming to a lot of towns. Get your tickets now. We will see you then. And right now, enjoy the podcast with Caleb.

Welcome, everybody to Stop His World 904-800 stop. Call in, we'll solve your problems. Returning to the show, our good friend, Caleb, here. And how you doing, buddy? Yeah, give him the cheers, Elvis. Give him the cheers. Hey, dude, how's it going? Good, man.

You know, it's not early, but it's the first thing I'm doing. today. Yeah. So it feels like it's 7 a.m. in my head. I'm, I want to tell the listeners, it almost couldn't be later in the day.

It's 11.20. It could be quite later. I'm worried about you. Yeah, go ahead. I just want to start there. Let's get into it. Because you've changed.

Okay. Yep. Yeah. The last time I did the podcast, I showed up to a cracked in. Right. Yes. There was no front.

The front door didn't lock. I showed up and there were three rats and leather jackets. twirling chains and shaking dice told me that I look lost That's right That's right I come here today You have a door person

And he's and he's like Door man Let's relax a little bit He's excited Yeah He's excited to be the door man He's the man He's like he like

I came in And you know how a lot of door people in New York They sit at the desk And they go whatever He jumped up and he goes How can I help you sir He's the man

You've changed Look dude what can I say I'm subletting An insane Richman's apartment For six months I'm cosplaying Being like a wealthy the captain of industry.

We weren't supposed to be in these spaces. Not at all. Don't you feel? But I told you this. You're six years younger than me. I know where you are. I was 30 and about to get rich. And being like,

it'll never happen to me. No, I'm not saying. I'm a salt of the earth. And you're clinging hard to it. It's very hard. It's important for you, as particularly your image to cling hard to it.

You know what I mean? And don't get wrong. Me too on some level. Yeah. Baltimore. I talk about inequalities. a big problem. Listen, I bought a new car.

I bought a Rav4. Yeah. Now, was that... Now, was it a $55,000? It was the absolute highest Rav4 possible. Fully loaded Rav4. Fully loaded Rav4. I needed the cameras up top so that I could, you know, parallel park with ease.

I've been a pedestrian in New York for too long. I've lost my ability to just fucking... I've lost friends. I've lost it all. But, and did I test drive every luxury SUV and was too fat for the seats? Yes. But, no, I'm a man of the people, is what it is. It allowed me to pivot back to being a man of the people.

I was getting ready to make that move. You know, we were about to reach out to the Trump administration's press secretary and say, I know he's not running, but could the big man squeeze us, because get the big man squeezing Stavi's world? Can Stavi, have him on the show? Can Stavi throw him some softball questions that make it look like he has no point of view? Could I humanize a piece of shit? could I pretend a pedophile's not a pedophile

So you don't think immigrants are people Tell me about that Yeah and as an immigrant I agree Yeah Whatever it takes No I don't I hate what I'm seeing from you I saw you I'm gonna be really really honest Yeah go ahead

As your friend When I saw you in the tuxedo on the carpet it can Right I felt I felt sick Okay because I bookmark this eldest When the Devil Wears Product 2 premiere comes out Let's just clip this exact moment when he's got, when he sees my Emma Stone and Alicia Silverstone and raises me

Merrill Streep. When he does that, let's just go ahead and mark this moment down. This is so unlikable, you know. Just admit, you know, we both, we hit the, uh, each generation, there is a fat straight and a fat gay. Yeah. They'd get to win this lottery. And it happens to be us. White division, by the way. White division. Yeah. Each generation. Each generation, and it gets to be us and I need you to stop acting like that's not what's happening to you you know I have nothing

I have no defenses I have no defenses before we started the episode you took a bathroom break and I was texting a contractor for my house yeah that's right being like what do you mean

you can't come over today yeah yeah yeah it's bad you should be yeah I mean we both I should be about to inherit my family's Greek restaurant I should be a 36 year old man who still takes orders from his elderly mother and you should be running you should be running a michael's in kansas city if even

yeah it was looking like line joan's fabrics you should be you should be giving everybody a pep talk at joan's fabrics hey guys let's care a little huh it's spooky season why does i 7 look like shit and we've escaped that man and we're both property owners in our hometowns and property renters in the better cities we fled to Yeah, I just don't like the way it looks on you. I think I'm doing it in a more humble, I'm approachable. Of course. And then I show up to your, you've got the help.

You've got the help guiding me through the building. That's eldest. Crazy. You're talking about eldest. And he can't help that either. No. This is the Albanian lottery. It's being the help for a Greek, but who happens to be in podcasting instead of,

two generations ago he would have been tilling the field. He would have been at the olive groves Personally shaking down olive trees I'm like Chris Tucker and Friday I'd be like I'd be playing mind games with Debo He told me to shut the fuck up I'd do it But then he leaves I just start talking again

I'll do all shut the fuck up You can think about me That's right That is right But no you know It's nice It is It does feel weird to have nice things

Living in a building like this, I do legitimately feel like every day you feel like you snuck in. You know what I mean? Where it's like, why? I'm here? Yeah. There are certain people when I, there are spaces I'm in that I legitimately am like, no one in here should have to see me.

Right. I can't believe these people. And they have to like be, they have to be kind of nice to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These like very fancy people, you know? Right, right, right. They kind of have to be nice to me because I'm like paying the bill. Of course.

That's crazy. It is, it is crazy. Yeah, I know. I know. I just, and you see, but then you get into, the thing I will say, when you get into, like, a rich zone. Yeah. Where it's like, you're like, oh, these people are fucking stupid. Yeah. Like, nobody here deserves to be here.

You know what I mean? Like nobody ever, somebody's dad bought the, you know, somebody's in fine. There's a 20, there's any young person's in this building, 100%. They're family's rich. 100%. You know what I mean? And then the old people, it's like, they're, you either get very young, Nepo style stuff or you have like old people that are, so old that it's like whatever you did to make your money 70 years ago no chance it was

chill some evil was done yeah evil absolutely we are the halls any rich space is a space of evil yeah i found a dnc um in the trash here i found a dnc uh uh like it was like an autographed like memorabilia from when they were practicing their speech i have nancy pelosi's autograph in my kitchen right now yeah because and that's the kind of building it is. You're going through the trash? My, yeah. It's a trash room.

You go down there, you put cardboard and stuff in, and you see Nancy Pelosi's autograph gleaming at you. It's, it honestly made me feel better for a second to know that at least you're going through the trash here. There's good trash in these buildings. There is incredible trash of these buildings. When I walked in to this building, I did, I got to witness one of my favorite things,

which is a wealthy white woman trying to be cool. Right. And she was doing that thing. that rich white ladies do to like the doorman where she was like she was like oh my god how are we you know and he has to paint on that like

yes ma'am smile and I was just I was looking at I was like brother I'm so sorry yeah and she was like okay I'm here to grab that thank you you know and it was like god girl you could just be like hey how's it going totally totally but it's that like high octane hyping yourself up for it yeah she's walking in like don't embarrass yourself in front of a Dominican that's what

she's saying to herself she's like be one of the good ones be one of the good ones. It's humiliate. And it's like condescending in a new way. Of course. Yeah. Of course. Well, don't get me wrong.

The first two weeks I was here, I got a lot of like, like sideways. Looks like, what? Because I'm tank topped up. Yeah. I come here in the summer. Right. Who's getting work done on their unit? Right, right, right, right.

Who's contract? It's casual Friday for this contractor. The guy is going to unclog the grease traps in my fucking, for my Viking range. I guess he's going to Pilates after. I guess we caught him in between somewhere in the building's having cement laid. I don't know why this guy is here, but this is not looking good. Yeah, absolutely. But that is nice.

I do like lowering, just kind of reminding people like, you're not fucking spout. The trappings of wealth are all, it's all fake. I got in here. Any one of us could accidentally be like you. Absolutely. Yeah, the first time I ever experienced this was I had a real insecurity that when I was in college, I went to Missouri State, and I got this internship in New York that was like, Mostly Ivy League kids.

Yeah. They hired like five or ten state school and college community college kids. Like as I think they like had to. Sure. As a joke. As a dinner for schmucks scenario. Truly. Truly dinner for schmucks.

Dinner for state school kids. Yeah. Yeah. And I was so nervous coming in because I was like, oh my God, all these kids are going to harbor. Look, he's wearing his nice American Eagle cardigan. That's what he thinks is dressing up. The way I had a nice American Eagle cardigan. He's wearing a, he's wearing a shirt that with the tie.

they came in a plastic box together. They match it up for you, so you don't have to guess. He shouts for his shirts at the end of the aisle at Macy's. He's wearing a turquoise button down. With a black and turquoise, checkered tie, and a pocket square. All the same material. All just cut out of different parts of the same material, of course. Yes, yes, yes.

But I went, I was like, oh, my God, all these kids go to Ivy League's, like, they're going to be so smart. I'm not kidding, day one, I talked to like five of them, and I had a different kind of panic attack because I was like, oh, everything I thought about the world is wrong. These people are not smarter than me. They're not special. They just wound up at this better place. And now I'm like scrapping, scraping,

trying to get something that they get so easily. Of course, yeah. Just because they got into this expensive school. It's an afterthought for them, even. They're like, oh, I guess I'll do the internship. The thing you were trying so every... Desperate. You pulled every favor, everything you could possibly do.

And they're just like, Should I go to, like, tennis academy in Barcelona? Or should I have this internship that some kid from Kansas City would kill his family to get? I would, when I was in undergrad, trying to find internships, because I was like, this is the only way I'm going to get out of here. Yeah, right. I would go and find people who worked for the company on LinkedIn. I had LinkedIn, a fully loaded LinkedIn profile.

And I would DM them and be like, hi, I know this is a little unusual, but I'm applying for this internship at your company. I'd love to, like, Zoom with you to get your, I was insane. Smart. I was insane. A little, yeah, I love that. I literally, there was one woman I remember at this nonprofit I really wanted to work out that was like a cool nonprofit at the time. And she agreed to take the meeting with me.

And she was like, hey, you're not going to get this internship. But I wanted to take the meeting because I respect the hustle. Interesting. And I was like, can you do anything for me? And she was like, no, you don't have one of me. No, of course not. Yeah. She was like, no.

But, you know, keep trying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, thank you. That is, I guess that's good. Met the world to me. Yeah, because she was kind of letting you know, you have something that could be useful in a just world. but the chairman of the board's the niece was just accused of grooming

someone at her summer camp and she needs a good job to kind of get her away from all that she needs the cash flow right now sorry baby boy you need to know someone with a little more poll than your guidance counselor at college or whatever and what was the what were you studying what were these internships in I was studying sociopolitical communication

the internships were like pretty much anything that I could get to New York and get paid gotcha I was I was only applying for paid internships in New York or so even if it wasn't paid I had to have housing or something of course of course because I was like oh if they gave me housing I could like save up enough money in the semester to like pay for my food and stuff right

that's another I mean that's one of the clearest Ponzi schemes and ways that wealth stays entrenched is like oh all the most prestigious internships they're in the most expensive cities and they don't pay you anything so it's like who do you think's getting those in Who can even...

Who can afford that? Who can afford that? You know what I mean? It's fucking insane. Yeah. Who can afford to, like, slum it for a while and take risks? Yeah.

Yeah, but I was studying that and I would... Internships, anything that I thought would, like, get me closer to a job. Yeah. And because at this point, you're not thinking about comedy, entertainment, or you are. At this point, I'm wanting to, but I'm scared. I was scared. So I was like, this was my thing of being like, and I did this right after college, too, where I was like, get a job or get something that pays.

And then when you have free time, you can go and hit a whole. open mics. And so that's what I did is I came to New York and then anytime I was off, I would go like see shows or I would go to open mics and was just trying to like be around comedy while I was working. And what was the internship? Like what was the the the internship I ended up getting was at Columbia University. It was called a internship and building community. And it was it was sly on their part because what it really was was we were camp counselors basically for these rich kids, rich kids around the world will apply to this program to go they'll spend the summer at

Columbia doing like an Ivy League prep program and then we would like teach their classes and take them on volunteer trips and then live in their dorms with them and make sure they weren't like doing drugs and drinking gotcha so we were basically like an RA yeah an RA slash TA yeah but I got I was I found out really early

I asked one of the older RAs as soon as I got here like what's the what's the because there's the day job component and then the nighttime component the nighttime component is just sleeping in the building and checking them into the room sure the daytime was like your job and I was like what's the day job with the least amount of responsibility so I can go do other shit in the city. Nice.

And they're like the community service because instead of working like nine to four when the students are there, you get up in the morning, coordinate with the site, and then you take the kids and they have to be back for their afternoon class. So you end up working, I think I ended up working like 11 to 2. Gotcha. And then I would just the rest of the day kind of fuck off. Yeah. I would go whimsical time in New York.

Well, I'd go wait in line to see whiplash or something. You know what I mean? I didn't use it how I should have. Oh man, whiplash. I that's a movie I'll watch it's funny to watch that movie and be like this is about me in comedy you know what I mean like

this is about me and doing open mics and it's like there's no there's no there's not a that's not what it is not even close it's not even close to a strenuous but it's like yeah this is how I'm a master of my craft yeah and there's no old man yelling at me but there is just sort of like in a way it's just like wanting not to bomb

I don't even know what it is but I remember being like I can't ever watch that again it's too affecting as an artist. And I'm talking about, like, jokes about not being able to wipe my own ass or whatever. Yeah. It's like, I'm the lowest form of fucking comedy at the time of being like, yeah. Yeah, meanwhile, you're on stage being like, I want to eat a Southern woman's pussy, so she'll call me sugar or whatever the fuck.

Whatever the fuck your material is. It sounds awesome, by the way. It does sound cool. Shug. Just call me Shug like Luann, dude. Fuck, yeah, dude. I'm so, or no, I'm sorry. Dale's wife says Shug.

Shug. Louand does not. I don't believe. Yeah, we need to tap back in on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be nice. Oh, yeah, Southern Woman is at the top. I would love to date a Southern woman, a Southern Bell. What's going on with you, by the way?

Are you still, like, are you still fucking around? Are we settling down soon? I'm open to it, certainly. Are you dating? Like, what, you know, I don't, I really thought, I really thought I would have a fall in, like a whimsical fall in New York, where I'm getting cardigans, not American Eagle. Yeah.

You know, something a little nicer these days. But I'm in the cardigan. I'm looking, I'm in the Central Park strolling around. I've got a hot cup of Joe. And maybe there's a meet cute with a beautiful tourist. Yeah. You know, we have a, we start a, she's only here for a couple months. Even in my fantasies, it's temporary.

She's only here for a couple months. No strings of tags. I get the fuck her a while. She goes. God. She leaves. Yeah. No, I don't know.

I thought I would have this whimsical like, oh, I can be a real human being. But it does, not yet. It doesn't feel like it. But I'm open to. I mean, my brother had a kid. My best friends had two kids now. I'm starting to see the, like, next phase of being, like, a human being and, like, you know, dad or uncle or some shit like that. I could definitely see that, but I don't know, man.

Stavi. I don't know where they're, I don't know who's out there for me. I want you to find a good woman and settle down. I would love that, man. I'm sick of this. This playboy rock star lifestyle. You're living in fast forward, Kenny Chesney. You need to slow it down, brother.

I do you need to slow it down. But, you know, right now I'm actually, I don't even, I'm not really dating at all because I'm just fucking busy and, you know. But I would love that. I would, I mean, listen, we, again, we shot past what we were supposed to do in life, right? Yeah. Greek restaurant, Joanne's Fabrics. It's coated, by the way. I'm letting Joanne's fabric slide, but it's a little on the line.

It's not, I wouldn't say coded. I think it's actually. It's directly homoble. Yeah. I would say accurate, you would say homophobic. All right, whatever. Some, a local craft store. I work in a restaurant, you have A's.

It's like, okay. You're directing rent off-Broadway rents. I don't know, something like that. Yeah. Didn't Mattel literally work at Joanne Fabrics in high school? Well, that wouldn't surprise me. A hundred percent. And he had a girlfriend at the time.

And they broke up, and they broke up like in the, like, Fabrics aisle. Like, he has this awesome story about that. He's like, well, I don't know what you want. And he walks away, yeah, yeah, yeah. And by the way, you're coaching peewee football on the side. Totally. Thank you. That's all I ask.

You're in the Midwest, after all. You're still you. That's all I ask. But, you know, you're, you know, it's a, and maybe you're helping a local drama club. You're looking. You can't help yourself. If you have extra time. You let them get the fabric that you were going to, you know, that somebody ordered and they

they didn't won. So you're like, oh, good. You guys can make... Yeah. You can make costumes for the Charlie Brown Christmas or whatever, you know? The further it goes on, the more it's like kind of a life you want to live. I don't know. The kids respect you and they look up to you.

And sure you're not married, but they still see you as a pillar of the community. And they come over on holidays and you don't have your own kids, but they're kind of like your kids. And sure you don't have a lot, but you got plenty. Yeah, you're poor in the bank, but you're rich in the... the soul, you know? No, fully that is actually, I'm actually, that does sound pretty good. What do, okay, what do you think you would act?

Because I actually do think I would run a rest. I mean, I am a Greek stereotype in that I think I would run a restaurant because I don't want a boss. Yeah. Like, I know that about myself. I mean, I get, I would either run scams. I think I would be good at scams. You would. I was poor. Yeah. If I'd put that money, if I put that mindset into doing minor crimes, I'd probably honestly, be a scam artist that worked in local politics and had a restaurant.

See, the thing about you in scamming, though, is your whole looking vibe works so well in your current life because it's disarming and it's like, we want to like this guy. He's so charming and cute, you know? If you had this exact same vibe and you were running scams in Baltimore, people would immediately be like, this guy's going to scam me. Well, I don't think it would work the same way. See, I think it would reverse. I know what you're saying, right?

I know what you're saying is it a little too on the nose, but sometimes, That's the beauty of it. It's almost like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's dazzle camouflage where it's so obvious you're, it's so much that you're, the brain can't process it. And then it just sees normal. If you tried to sell me AirPods on the street in Baltimore, I would laugh you out of my area. Yeah, well, see, I'm not doing street level scams. Okay, you're doing, like, building contracts and scaffolding permits. I'm skimming a little off the top.

Okay, okay, okay, I'm a licensed, uh, I'm a licensed, uh, paralegal. That was disrespectful. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was really mean of me. And people are like, you know, he's a bit of a quirky guy, but he always means well. Secretly, I'm taking a little bit off the top.

You're like the manager for InSink or whatever, that guy. Well, he was his name. He was also a... I don't know what your life is in this story, man. You went pretty hard on the drama club earlier. You talked about the drama club for a long time. And that was more me projecting, because I do think I would love to run a drama club, actually.

No, the best times of my life were when I would, because I had those moments where in between being forced by, you know, uh, society's expectations of an alpha male, which is how I saw myself at the time, I would, whenever they would let me do like, when, like, in, uh, in middle school, I was in drama for like a year.

And then I pretended it's because I wanted to play sports, but it's really because I didn't get the part of like, literally Charlie Brown. King. And so I was literally just being like, you know, instead of being like, how dare they not give me the part of Charlie Brown? I was like, you know what? I'm actually a fucking jock now.

Yeah, I'm actually a sports guy. I actually fucking quit. I'm not playing fucking Linus, dude. I would do a great job. I would do a great job, obviously. If I gave them Linus, they would love what they got. Yeah, yeah. But I'm not doing Linus.

No, there is definitely a part of me that's like, why didn't I just fucking lean in and know who the fuck I was from the beginning? I didn't do theater in any of school because I was like, it's the biggest tell. I was trying to stay in the closet and I was like, you can't. When you get on that stage, you're going to shine, baby.

Yeah. You're going to dazzle. The light beam is going to come out of you. You're going to start levitating. All the layers are going to come off and you're going to be a star. And they're going to know. Better stick to student government

in the Christian club or whatever. Well, you know, I got, I got dethroned in Christian athletes. Oh, man. I was the president of fellowship of Christian athletes. Stopvi. They kicked me. voted me out. Why? Because I wouldn't stop cussing at basketball games. Oh, you were too

fired up. I was like, I care. Mm-hmm. You know, I would, we would go to the basketball games and I'd be like, this is bullshit. And they'd be like, uh, Caleb. Caleb's. Yeah, I got kicked out. How much of the rest of that club do you think was in the closet? Like, because that's like a two for one. I'm Christian and I like sports. Yeah. You know what I mean? Well, that's how it is in rural Missouri. It's like fellowship with Christian athletes. Do you know what meet me at the poll is? Mm-mm. Do you know what meet me at the poll is? Oh, guys. Hit me with it. Meet me at the poll is,

this is going to be so big for a lot of your listeners. I know they know. Great, great, great. Meet me at the poll is this psychotic thing that because you're not allowed to, they took God out of schools.

They never did. It's still there. They do this thing called Meet Me at the Pole that the Christian kids do that's like a national day where like one day a year before school, the idea is that you get, you get your whole school to meet at the flagpole

and do a public prayer before school. And it's called Meet Me at the Pole. And it's a big, they have like a marketing campaign, and, like, a huge thing. And they still do it to this day. I saw, like, an ad for it the other day. Wow.

That they're still doing it at high schools. But the whole thing is supposed to be, like, make everyone who's not a Christian at your school uncomfortable. Show up and pray at the pole. Yeah. It's really psycho. I would love the Muslim version of that. Oh, yeah.

They're calling the police immediately. Yeah. There's, like, three kids get together and fucking, you know, go to a prayer rug. They're like, I need the Department of Homeland Security here. Get DHS here immediately. They're doing Sharia law. Yeah.

Yeah, the way the Christians want Sharia law so bad, by the way. They do want their version of Sharia law. Yeah, 100%. So you're the, you're the president of Christian fellowship athletes or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And you get booted for that, huh? I get booted. And I actually this morning woke up thinking about, did you guys ever have, at your high school?

Did you guys ever have like a drunk driving day where they would stage a drunk driving crash on the lawn of the school? We had, yeah, we had that at college weirdly. But yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's even crazier. Well, then they made it like a fundraiser where you could fuck the car up. Oh, yeah. They gave you a sledgehammer.

Yeah. So they would do like, oh, this car got fucked up for, you know, don't drink and drive kids. And then they were like, but you get to fuck the car. You get, you got to pay like a dollar a swipe with the sledgehammer. Yeah. And it was kind of a great. It was a great idea. Because it was fucking awesome to fuck a car up.

Yeah. It's fun. Yeah. They would wreck a car on like the front lawn. And we did, we, ours had such a big production budget. One year there was like a life flight. helicopter that like well and then there was a version of part of it too where

some kid would be dressed as the grim reaper and they would walk around school that day and come into the classroom and be like and if they grabbed you you would just died from drunk driving so you so you had to leave the rest of the day and all your classmates would be like no they got stopped and then you'd be like that's what it would be like if stov died from drunk driving he wouldn't be here anymore and you just got to not go to class

well no you like went and did you like went and got you were in the production so then later what would happen is they wouldn't just crash the car they would have like one of your classmates would be like spayed out by the car with like a gash and like fake blood and then they would have the mom and dad come down and be like no and then we would all just with the whole school would stand and just watch the parents like weep over the body yeah yeah and then have the local EMTs come and like load them up in a body bag of course and then a body bag yes and then like the school counselor I mean this is insane it's crazy and then the school counselor would come and be like with a note card and be like every year.

Here, 300 students die from drunk driving in this county, and it has to stop. Yeah. And then we would all just kind of watch and be like, yeah, that's crazy. I mean, I'm sure it was a huge drunk driving place, though. There's whole, it's Missouri. Of course. Everyone's driving drunk. I feel like high school is like going to a field and getting fucked up.

Yes. And just parking your car like at another field. We all drove drunk in high school. Yeah, yeah. Every adult I knew until I was like 21 had at least one DUI. Oh, yeah. My mom, I think, my mom's got a couple. Like, respect.

They all have DUIs over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, because you're drunk, but your car needs to go home with you. Of course. And there's no Uber. There's no Uber. What are you supposed to do? I mean, don't drive drunk.

Don't drive drunk. That's the logic. The days are over. The days of driving drunk are over. It's not the 70s. Yeah. You missed it. You missed it.

It was beautiful. Were we at the tail end? I got it. Were we at the tail end? Did I drive from a couple of Halloween parties dressed as Mario? Yeah. Do I have a specific memory of driving drunk? as Mario

my Luigi friend has alcohol poison who was supposed to be the DD he has alcohol poisoning next to me so I'm driving his car home am I nodding off and the fucking rumble strips are waking me up this is a bad story

you've got young impression well hold on I asked a lot of rhetorical questions yeah no no none of that happened I was never Mario I was never drunk I was never tired on the road I said my friend Christina's dad's house in the suburbs that was awesome and huge.

None of that happened. I didn't desperately try and fuck her friends and none of them even, not only do they not reject me, they didn't even realize I was trying to fuck them, which is even worse. They're like, stop's nice. He's a nice guy. He talked to me so long about my problems.

He really cares about my interests. Anyway, I'm going to go fuck his hot friend. And then he's going to drink a lot of Bacardi 151. and then drive drunk 40 minutes home. None of that happened. That's real. That's all an exercise.

That's an exercise. That's all what we might call a, yeah, thought exercise. That's an experiment. I did an assembly for you just now. And that's bad. Don't ever do that. Thank you, Elders. Don't make awesome core memories, guys.

Fuck. Literally every party we went to was some version of that. I remember went to one party with your friends that was actually good. Do you remember that party? Oh, was that at that big house? That huge house. Baltimore County. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were trading alcohol for weed. Yeah. We were barred, the barter system. When a party has the barter system, that's beautiful. It's like you're kind of making burning man. Yeah.

In somebody's like uncle's house that they got to be in. Everything's burning man eventually. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything in life, eventually. Eventually is Burning Man, if you give it enough time to fester. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. But again, classic, we get fucked up.

Try and fuck girls in a way that doesn't even register. And then we drive drunk to your parents' house and have like dominoes or something. You know what? I remember I made a sleep there that night or sleep in the car or something. Pussy. I was like, dude, I don't know. I'm pretty drunk. I don't know if I should drive.

And I was like, you're like, come on. Come on. Come on, dude. Let's fucking go. I was like, I can drive. I have ice cream at your mom's freezer I want to eat, dude. I'm good, dude. Just give me a fucking piece of your car, dude.

Dude, please let me drive. Every girl I tried to fuck tonight thinks I'm a bestie. I need to drive right now. If I wake up here, I'm going to be forced to soberly go to brunch with all of them. I'm going to have to be hung over hearing about how they sucked other guys off. And they're going to think I'm interested in that story. Please, I need to drive. And I'm going to delude myself.

20 minutes I'll be annoyed. And then I'm going to delude myself in the thing I'm playing the long game. The long game is so real. The long game is so real. And when those guys hurt her. Yeah. Who's going to be right there in the shadows? Literally describing my first relationship in college.

Oh, no. It was just, I did that by accident. Like, I actually didn't plan on doing it. That was the only time I didn't. actually did make a friendship and I'm just years striking out with other women. And then that did happen and I did have a weird started off on horrible ground relationship. You know what I mean? Because they, because you're, because at some point you're like, she clearly likes me and she's just, she's kind of cheating on me with her boyfriend. And then we get

together and it's like, I'm kind of resentful of that actually. I was for a complete like support system and she just was with some other guy. Yeah. But I was too much of a coward to anything the whole day. It's fully my fault. Yeah. Who am I to have respect or boundaries for myself? I know. What am I talking about? Ah, youth is so beautiful. It is.

I miss it. Yeah. My best days are behind me. No. Oh, I miss being 17 in Missouri. Oh, God, it was good. Thinking I was into, still trying to be into girls, too, was such a funny, like just doing anything to be like, Like, I love Shelby, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you don't, you don't, man. You don't at all. Not like that. But it is interesting because I do, I, I think I heard you talking, which means I just saw a clip that came up on the internet about, because I, you know, you don't think about how the friend zone also exists for gay men when you become friends with, you, I saw a clip, I don't remember which podcast was on

where you were like, sometimes, like, when straight guys would be like, oh, yeah, gay guys want to be friends, they probably just want to hook up and you're like, sometimes they're right. Sometimes they're right. Sometimes it is like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't do that anymore because I'm a grown, evolved person.

Of course. And I do, I would tell young gay men, like, do not spend those years of your life being attracted to anyone. Don't spend the young years of your life. Doing what we just described my, I pathetically did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't spend your time wanting people who cannot or will not want you back. Right, right, right. But yeah, there would, there definitely is that. It's an interesting line. For you, it was a day. it was a different orientation for me it was just that I was that unfuckable

you're like they cannot and do not want you back yours just like they're straight guys for me it's like no they're women who are technically attracted to who you are but not you buddy if there were some key things different about you yeah mine would have to be like

a whole other gender yeah you would just need like lose some weight start dressing better stop quoting a night at the Roxbury Jesus Christ my move when I was like 14, I was like, you guys

ever seen Night at the Roxbury? God's bleak. Yeah. That's so bleak. Hey, 14 at least. That's so bleak. I know. I moved on quickly from there. That's good. To just actually probably being able to date women, but being a cat. Really, what it was was being a coward. I look back at every

thing in my history and I'm like, why didn't I just like make any move? Do anything. Like I was, I went on a date with a girl and we were just in my car for like 40 minutes. Oh, yeah. And I'm just like, um, Should we smoke more weed? Just nervous?

Yeah. Just so... It's trembling. 100%. Oh, I've given... There was one day... This is a legendary among my friends. There was one date I went on when I was in my early 20s with a really cute guy that ended in four goodbye hugs.

Okay. We were at my house. In front of my house. He had come back to my house with me. And because I couldn't access. the confidence to be like, do you want to go upstairs and just watch a movie? Sure, sure. An opportunity to make a delayed move.

Sure, sure, sure. I was like, I was like, all right, well, this was so much fun. Hug goodbye. Well, yeah, I had so much fun tonight. What are you going to do this week? More talking, second hug. By the fourth hug, he was like, I'm gonna go, man. He was like, if you're not, we're at your house, if you're not gonna. I told my friends later, expecting it to be kind of funny.

And they laughed in a way that I was like, oh, I'm, this is actually bad. Yeah. You could have made any ham-fisted excuse to get inside you to be fine. I mean, I literally could have just done like what I do now, which is just, when it gets to a point that you're like, something needs to be said, you just go like, we should go inside and have sex, right? Like, even that would have been a move. That would have been better than, yeah, yeah, yeah. Four hugs is crazy. My most, my weirdest, most pathetic one that actually worked was, I want to come back and have some fruit salad. And the girl laughed at me. And I could tell I was on the, it was on the precipice of not working,

but I guess her life was bad at the time. And she was like, fruit salad. I mean, yeah, I will. She was like, fuck, man. You better eat my shit crazy style if I'm going for the fruit salad line. The thing is, I did have fruit salad and I wanted some. That's what was going on. In my head, I was like, I'm kind of excited to have those mangoes looked good.

It was a tropical. In her head, she's like, that's the worst line I've ever heard, but I did shave. So, yeah, I'll come back for some fruit salad. What the fuck? Yeah, beautiful, beautiful stuff. Beautiful stuff. By the way, people should watch the special Model Comedian on HBO.

Please watch Model Comedian on HBO. And a really nice kernel of that is that you came out as bisexual on Facebook at one point in your life. Yeah. What's funny? Yeah, what's funny about that? The delivery methods of Facebook status is awesome. Aged me a bit. Yeah, yeah.

But also to be like, I'm by is awesome. And to be so, like, sure of it, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To be like, I am by. Right. And I'm sure of it. Right, right, right. I remember telling my cool aunt, my cool aunt that I was by.

I called her. And I was like, hey, I'm bisexual. And I'm not kidding. I feel like she went like, okay. Like, she was like, okay, buddy. Totally, you're by. She's like Yes, sweetie

That's good that you know yourself Yeah, no, she She knew That's fucking beautiful, man It was really special Yeah You neither of you have ever dipped your toe in Dubai No, but

Who knows, right? I'm open, you know Elders is a married man It seems like that that ship has sailed Yeah You guys are doing Monag oh yeah yeah yeah classic classic stuff yeah good shit you know um what but yeah i don't know i'm this but it does coincide with my like the longer i'm out here just doing whatever i'm

like who fucking knows i get i'm on record like if a feminine enough man wants to suck me off and the vibes are right yeah i'm not really attracted to a i know i don't have that the butch thing right yeah i do like when a girl dresses kind of like kind of butch and then she's a hot, she's like just a sexy-ass girl when she's naked. That to me feels like a fun little, like, you know, like gift-wrapping a cool present. I've never felt so distant from you.

I'm opening up here. I know, I'm sorry, but when you said sexy-ass girl, it was like, I usually feel very similar to you. Right. And that was just one of those illuminating moments where I was like, I'm different than my friends. Right, right, right, right. That was hard to hear, you know?

You just have to run that through the filter. Yeah. of like, I guess, you know, you objective, if I imagine I was objectifying a man. I would love that. Yeah. I would love that, yeah. But I like when, you know, some, a nice pair of titties, you can't, you can't detect them normally. Right.

I have no, you know. But, no, I know what you mean. That's like when a guy has like a sleeper build. Totally. When a guy's wearing like a sweatshirt on a date and then you take it off later and he's like ripped and you're like, whoa. That's pretty cool. No worries. Or you think you're convinced he's got a little ass dick and he's got a nice hog.

That doesn't matter to me. Really? Dick size doesn't matter to me. Doesn't matter. It's never mattered to me. Not at one, not at all. In fact, I don't like a dick that's too big. What am I?

Why would you bring that around me? Now we're talking. Now we're finding some common ground. Yeah. No, like bringing a big dick to me, it really does feel like is like bringing me like a chore list. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I'm like, what?

So what, I'm going to have to help you get that off? Yeah. how it's too much absolutely so I do get annoyed I get annoyed by a really big dick but dick size does never matter to me I get annoyed by a really big thing I'm not kidding like rolling your eyes being like for real here we go I have I have really been taking a guy's pants off while we're hooking up and notice that his dick is huge I'm going to blow your huge dick and have a horrible night it does seem like more of a to do it's a job yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah.

When a guy has a nice medium-sized dick and I take off the pants, I go, thank you, brother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Even a small dick, I'm like, rock on. Right, right? That's nice. There is a floor to that, though, right? Not for me. Not for you. No, I love us.

I love all. I love all dicks. Sure. But a small dick is easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, no worries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll get that little guy off.

Sure, sure, sure, yeah. Yeah, but a big, huge dick, I'm like, it starts to affect my next day. Of course. Then I'm like, now my throat hurts. Jaws off. Yeah, I'm like, ugh. Oh, fuck. You need to go get some guasha done.

Yeah. You know, rebalance you. Especially. Elders. I know Elders thinks he would, he would, if you were gay, you would want a huge dick. I don't know. Yeah. I just knew it.

I knew Elders would be a size queen. I'd like a decent. I'll say like this. I'd like a decent, like normal to decently like bigger dick. But there is a floor. And I don't need like a monster either, you know? Just completely hypothetically, you're just trashing guys with... And you have a small dick, by the way.

I know this, right? Not small. Just hypothetically, you're like, some dicks would be too small for me. You're a straight man in a monogamous marriage, and you're still taking time. I love that about eldest. He really has this... There's an alternate universe where he thinks really highly of himself. Where he's a fucking artist.

Yeah. He's picking this shit through It's never occurred to me But now that you say it Yeah, it probably would like I don't know Six inches or like at least Oh yeah

That's doable for sure You know nothing crazy A nice respectable I'm with you Caleb I'm like I don't want my throat to hurt I don't want my ass to hurt too bad But I'd like

You know You want something nice to look at See that's what I'm talking about I do think you get bogged down In aesthetics a lot in your life I think so, yeah. That's fair. I don't want to alarm the viewers at home,

but I can see in the imprint, he's getting hard talking about it. There is a bulge developing. I'm watching him get a little hard talking about this, which is nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. I think about it and it's like, you know,

why wouldn't a dick be like different from like you, you just want big tits or something? Like, it's kind of the same thing. Well, you do. They're more aesthetic. It's more watching them bobble around. Unless you guys know something I don't know. You don't have to shove tits up your ass.

Wow, dude. This gay guy's completely... He does not understand straight sex at all. That's how I have sex. I put huge tits up my ass. Hey, baby, baby. I'd like to take those things home. Well, you know what I'd like to do with them.

Oh, fuck, dude. I just knew it. I could sense Elvis was going to have that opinion. We've just known each other too long and I knew exactly how he was going to answer this. What about you, hot shot? You don't want the big dick?

What the fuck? I think I would be a normal-ass dick guy. If it lines up with pussy, I guess I'd like it smaller. Yeah. I guess. I don't think that's what's lining up with pussy, by the way. If we're doing comparisons,

there's a pretty clear analog. Me, doing the exact flip side of being like, me actually doing the thing I made fun of you about doing? Yeah. Like, oh. Well, what would gay sex be like? Yeah, big, big huge dick.

Sure. I like, hey, listen, I like hearing that. As many people go on record, one that is better on both sides of the aisle. This is the kind of bipartisan. This is reaching across the aisle we need. The gay community, the straight community, down with huge dicks. Down with huge dicks.

The most frustrating thing is I hook up with a lot of femme guys And not high femme, but like bottoms, you know And when like a cute twinkie bottom Has just like a huge crazy cock That feels I'm like honestly get like get it fixed Like get some sort of surgery

No it's just too much to me And here's the thing I would love to be a don't They should be a donor And I would love to be a recipient for that surgery You get there to? Let me get a little Let me get a little extra to flesh out. Some of the dick, yeah.

Some of the dick. The bottom of huge dick should be able to donate some of their dick to small-dict tops. Tops and straight guys. Or straight men, yes. Yeah, the problem for me is that a universal registry. We should start the registry. That's beautiful. Bone marrow vibes.

Absolutely. Who's a match? Absolutely. Yeah, I just want everyone to come. That's good. It's like if you bring a huge dick around me, even though it's like a lot of work, I'm going to get, I'm going to get you off. Sure. That's the promise.

That's the midwestern. That's the good old Midwestern boy in you. That's the promise. We're going to get it done. If you want to come and you're able, by God. With me, you will. Golly gee, we'll make a nut. We'll make sure of it, you know. I love that, man.

That's a beautiful attitude to have. If only more people have that attitude. I know. To me, it's all about the energy, you know. And that's why, you know, you're kind of ready for a political run with that, with that stance, I think. What do you think it is about you and I, by the way, that we really, you and I both have this kind of like, I feel, I feel in you something that I recognize in myself, which is that I'm like, I'm, 100%,

I can kind of get along with anybody and I'm pretty unbothered. Yeah. What, why can't more, I wonder, okay, this is the question I'm trying to ask. Do you feel as often as I do, like, why can't everyone just be cooler? Yeah. What is the issue? I know, it's like, I do find it weird where people just don't understand you can be friends with, with people you disagree with in a lot of ways.

Yeah. Or it's like people have lost the basic humanity and the basic, I think it's because we're very hanging out-focused guys. Yeah. You know, now, both of us are working a little too much for our taste, and we got to get that, but, you know, stop doing that a little bit. But I think if you really nail down to what a perfect couple, like a week looks like, you're not really doing much.

Some dinners. It's dinners. Some strolls. Biking around. A little bike, a city bike. Absolutely. And I think it's because we value hang out. And when hang, it's such a basic human need

that what you want socially is just vibes based. It is not, we're not going through all like, we're not finding things to argue about. We're just whoever's around and whoever's a chill bloke. Yeah. You know what I mean? You're in the mix. We'll get you in the mix.

And I do think if people focused on hanging out more, people focus on just like chill community, making, just making, uh, the hang better if we start, and that's like, I think those are building blocks of, of civilization, it's just a good hang. Yeah. People have fallen away from being good hangs, just being a good person. And then like, you know, you get, and then even when you disagree with someone, when you have built up a fundamental human connection is just someone you'd like to have a beer with, have a kebab with, whatever the fuck, then you can actually discuss things in a way that's not about like scoring points or who's right or who's right or

who's wrong. It's just like, how does this actually affect us as people? And we've kind of gotten away from that. And I do think, I don't know why. I mean, probably because, like, we were both kids that grew up in, like, a lot of downtime, a lot of unsupervised downtime. You're with your friends. I went to a lot of rec centers. My parents were always working. I feel like your mom was working. You had to kind of make the best of situations. Making the best of situations socially, just kind of, when you're on your own, it kind of primes you to just hang out with whoever. yeah I think we're not to talk to anybody totally and be like there are people I don't like of course of course like there are people I find just fucking annoying but it's rarely ever because of some like strongly held conviction they have

a hundred percent I've known plenty of like straight white Christian Republican type of people that are like genuinely good hangs and then there's the ones that are like fucking dorky losers about it and I'm like you're it's really more that you're just like a dorky fucking loser yeah yeah even though those like we have these things opposite of each you know what I mean yeah I wish more people would just be like chill out and have a nice time and like I don't know it's not such a revelation it feels crazy to me when people are like so bad at being able to just laugh at things yeah like someone says something fucking crazy or annoying or mean to you and just being able to be like oh yeah that's crazy yeah yeah yeah what does it mean to me you know I'm still got to have my day so I don't know I don't know why people have such a hard time with that right now I don't I mean not to be like

the fucking I do think it has so much do with the internet and phones, unfortunately. Yeah. Because, like, I wasn't on Twitter at all. And then, you know, we're at Venice. I got to see how the ponies, the slick back ponies being received. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And I also Arnold Schwarzenegger randomly retweeted me because I plugged his app. Kid. Shout out to the pump app. I've been doing it. It's been going good. Hell yeah. And so I was like, I got a fucking, because I had lost my password. I wasn't even able to log into Twitter.

And then, you know, I figured it. I emailed them or whatever I was like hey can I get back in here so I could be like Thank you Arnold Yeah can we be friends And so I have noticed that it's like You it's just everything is Everything you see on there sucks dick dude

Oh I got off it's crazy I deleted my whole ass account And if people are on And even it's even started to be like Even on Instagram it started to kind of get like You see some wild some wild shit now When it used to be That used to be more like puppies

Meals and fake big fat titties Yeah the the you know the Holy Trinity as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Kind of the three things I'm really interested in is like cute, wholesome stuff, delicious stuff, and big ass honkers. Right. You know?

Right. I'm hanging in there. That's that distance. I'm feeling far. You can at least intellectually understand where I'm coming from here. About you liking tits? Huge tits on my IG page. Aesthetically, I think they're beautiful.

Thank you. I think breasts are beautiful. That's all I'm looking for. But yeah, I wouldn't want to do it. anything with them, of course. Right. Of course. And that's your right. That's your right as an American. Yeah. But can I tell you actually, I was, last time I did your podcast, I think I was telling you about the movie I want to do Fat Camp. Yeah. I thought of another one for us. Okay. This was just, this is a two-handed for us. Okay. Okay. And it's more kind of, it's kind of based on just very loose details I know about your life. Okay. What if tragedy strike, you know, you're off in the big city. You're the good boy that's done good. Right. Right? I'm your brother who stayed back hometown. Yeah. I'm a real, you know, piece of shit, whatever.

Yeah. Like kind of who I would have been if I had stayed in Baltimore. Yeah. I'm like doing scams. Maybe I am the low-level street scammer that you were thinking of. That I thought of immediately. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I haven't really, and we have to go on some kind of cape. And, you know, we're both, we're both descendant from hoarders. Yeah. Right? Maybe we find, like, a treasure map. Uh-huh. In like a, or something in a relatives, we're going through their stuff. So, you know, our grandma passed away, whatever.

Yeah. And we find something where we have to go on a journey together to retrieve her, like, lost treasures or whatever. Okay. How does that sound to you? I'm going to be 100% honest with you. It felt like a different movie once the treasure map entered. That felt different to me. We don't need the treasure map, but I just thought it would be a fun.

It can be, look, do we want to do a classic indie dromedy where you come back to the small town? Even though we don't get to get, you know, we finally, we're different guys, but we, yeah, we could do that. But why not get a treasure map involved? Yeah, I understand what you're, yeah. Why not make a caper out of this is what I'm saying? Has there ever been a movie with two fat guy leads? We could be the first, dude. Like, I'm trying to think is there.

No, for real. It's kind of insane to say that, but I don't think so. Not a, not even like a major indie, I don't think. This isn't that, but you know what, this is what Hollywood, if Hollywood has any sense at all, they'll give you and I a bunch of money to remake the Blues Brothers They weren't fat enough at the time No, but it doesn't matter

You and I as the Blues Brothers would hit But this is what I'm saying It's kind of a similar Road Trip movie Yeah I don't know I'm just saying What did you look up

That you're laughing so hard I just see the AI overview It says there are few movies With two main actors Who are heavy set Some movies have a comedic fat guy Skinny guy do it No no

That won't be us. Just that first heavy sentence got me pretty good. Yeah, you're a simpleton who loves AI, who gets delighted by AI. I forgot. I keep forgetting that about you. Oh, my AI friend just said something silly. Forgive my chuckle. I've just, um...

You guys keep on. I'm gonna get some videos of a cat businessman cheating on his cat wife and their baby. Yeah. Their baby drowning in the ocean. And I'm going to stop you later, what you get paid, by the way. It's obviously coming up in my mind. How much is this guy getting to behave like this in the corner? It would make you sick how much this piece of shit makes.

People would throw, people with real jobs would throw up if they heard. If they heard what eldest takes home. Yeah, it's not good. I do, we should, there should be, we, you and I need to lock in. Absolutely. We need to make a movie. I'm telling you, dude. I like the framework of I'm the piece of shit older brother.

Yeah. That we have to reconcile and do so. Look, does it have to be a treasure map? I think that's fun. Also, is it funier if you're the straight, lace guy and I'm the piece of shit. True. Is there inherent comedy in that, of course?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do we run a bank together? Yeah. Are we heisting? Who knows? Sure. A heist, I like. You and I in a heist.

Heist, I like. Get a couple other comics we like in there. Make it into a heist. Yeah. Kind of an Ocean's 300. Yeah. An Ocean's 375. It's just a, yeah, what's a high blood pressure?

Ocean's type 2. Yeah, yeah. Oceans, 180, 140 over 58 or whatever. I don't know blood pressure enough to make this joke, but do it at home, folks. Don't worry about it. I gave you the template. I'd say you'll know the numbers in the next couple years. Much to the chagrin of my loved ones, I am not exactly sure what high blood pressure is.

Don't worry. Those numbers are going to come into focus very soon, I imagine. I'm sure I can figure that out by logging on to my my chart. A quick visit. to a patient first. We'll let me know what high blood pressure numbers are. Eldis, do we, is it time for us

to do a little advice with our friend Caleb here? Oh, yeah. Let's jump in here. Hell yeah. What do you got for? You got some good ones? Okay. Could it be a little lower, Eldis? Elders, do me a favor.

Make sure it's completely unhearable. Awesome. Every time there's a new problem that it's inconceivable that we have. You just lost track of volume this episode. Is this better? Let's see. No. Almost worse. It's probably just coming from your fucking laptop, dumbass. Jesus Christ.

All in that. Yes, I can. It's obvious that that's what's going on. Yes, I can. Hence the overpay. That's what I'm paying for. I'm not, not quality. Just someone I can abuse.

That's obvious. Watching the light and camera set up was pretty... No, I can't wait for the tell all about you. All right, let's see. There was no, buddy. I got the situation with my girlfriend. I'm 20 years old. No, I'm 21 now.

I just turned 21. She's 21. I'm in college. So she and, uh, We've been in this relationship for about five months, almost five months. Nice. And since the beginning of the relationship, she has told me that she does not care if I fuck other girls, as long as there's no emotional connection, that she's not jealous in that way. And that's as long as that I love her and I put her first, which I do, and I could fuck other girls.

Now, hearing this at first at the beginning of the relationship, I was like, all right, this bullshit is some test. It's some shit to seek. She's Latina. She's, um, she's, um, she's Venezuelan. So I'm like, oh, there's some Latina shit. She's going to be like, oh, I knew that you want to fuck other girls after I did it. Right. Um, but five months into the relationship, we talk about it more.

And I genuinely believe her. Like, okay. She, she's just not jealous in that type of way. In fact, I just found out that it's, it's kind of like a kink for her. There is. Like, she, she confessed to me the other day that if I'm fucking other girl, she wouldn't mind, like, being in the room to watch and then after I fuck another girl

I would fuck her I was like I don't know like a I don't know why but it's kind of like a king for her so she generally doesn't mind if I fuck other girls and she understands that

I'm not okay with her fucking other guys and she completely understands and respects that that's just like a difference between our boundaries but she gets it and I get it but I haven't done it because I don't know what to do

like do I do it I'm 21 years old I don't know if this is some like later on relationship ruining ending shit I don't think it is because she started out this way it's not like we started out

monogamous and then later on she changed the rules we have been monogamous but the rules have always been the same I just always kind of felt weird doing it like uh because I haven't done I don't know I've been another way he's just rambling right hey stov I'm 20 fuck

21 um basically I'm dating the coolest girl in the world. But I'm scared. Yeah. No, that's exactly it. You can hear it his voice.

He cannot handle this situation. Yeah, no, he's not ready for this girl. What this, and by the way, here's the thing. Do it anyway, man. Yeah. You're 21. This is sounds fucking all. Yeah.

You're 21 probably. Best guess. You're somewhere between 19 and 22. And clearly the trepidation here is he knows he is not ready for this. He's being, it's like a, you know, he's getting, it's like a, you know, he's getting, it's like a rookie quarterbacks being thrown into the starting job right away. Yeah. This is the kind of guy who needs to take some second team snaps.

He needs to sit on the bench for a year. He needs to learn the playbook. But she's saying like... You're no Jackson Darts, sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not ready to go and shine. She's looking for Jackson DART. Look, it's going to be a mess.

You're going to fuck things up. You might be too nervous. But here's the thing, dude. This is a gift from God. It seems like it. This is a gift from God. You have to take it. is will she go to therapy and eventually stop behaving like this?

Yes. Totally. A hundred percent. Do we look forward to that day? Yes. Are we happy for her when she does that? Yes. But are we happy for you now.

Yes. You are literally, you did nothing wrong here. A beautiful gift has been dropped in your lap and you're too nervous to unwrap it. Just unwrap it, man. Open Pandora's box. Nothing bad happens. I don't remember how that fable ends. It's good.

Well, you open it and all the good stuff comes out. A bunch of good shit comes out. A bunch of good shit comes out. Basically, what I'm saying to you is, now, if you were in your 30s and a girl and someone who you were like, I want to get married to said this to you, I would tread a lot lighter, right?

You're both young. This isn't going to last anyway. I also would say maybe work for you, my brother, on the impulse that she, he's basically like, yeah, my girlfriend communicated like really clearly and effectively a way she feels about. something and I don't know I just feel like she's a crazy bitch who's trying to trap me yeah this

could be latina tricks yeah this could be that age old latina trickery like I think maybe she's just telling you what she's into yeah yeah which I actually do commend her for do and it's clearly some kind of desire for her yeah because like she's she's this is not she wouldn't you be like oh by the way you can fuck other girls what a ho hum whatever no nobody says that then the truth comes out I want to watch yeah it's a different thing watch She's a different thing. And like I said, yes, this is something she will be cured of, hopefully at some point in her life.

Or she continues to be awesome. I can tell you. But right now, go for it. There's no problem. I have not heard a single problem here. I personally believe women. Me too. I believe women.

And if she's saying, I want you to fuck other girls. And I'm cool with... I'm watching. You come fuck me. Yeah. And she's cool with not fucking other guys. I believe her. Oh, man.

Go for her. Brother. Have a good time. Not a single problem was communicated in this voice now. Just that he, the biggest problem is that he might not be able to handle it. He also does not know his age, which really does crack me out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 21 also is not an insignificant birthday. Yeah. So that's also a funny thing to be like, I can't remember. It's not like when a 35 year old is like, oh, fuck am I 34 or 35? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

20 to 21 is like one of the only ones that counts. Yeah, you have a huge party at a bar for the first time. You get the, even though you've been drinking, you're like, I'm going to go to a bar and legally drink. Like, it's a huge birthday. You don't forget that one. You don't. But yeah, this sounds awesome.

I'm jealous. You talk about what it would take for me to settle down. A little situation like this wouldn't hurt. No. I'm not going to let a woman go through that with you. I'll be vetting the woman you settle down with and she'll be traditional.

She'll be making fucking Coca-Cola from scratch in the kitchen. You want me to have a trad wife? Yes. You'll be like, I want Cheerios and she'll be like, let me whip some up. Like this is We're getting you someone traditional I'm not getting you a fiery Latina

with ulterior motives That sounds so cool, though No man Please Caleb please What if I'm really good What if I'm really good Let's see you be really good And we'll talk about

Oh shit All right Let's play it So yeah good luck buddy Go for it This sounds awesome We're rooting for you Give us another question

LD Hi Savvy Hi, Elvis, long-time listener and first-time caller, while you in Oklahoma City this year, love you. I am going through a personal conflict where I feel bad about my opinions, even though I know I'm not a bad person or don't think I'm a bad person,

but everyone who says they're not a bad person Is it playing on a speaker again? So maybe I am. I'm not sure. Incredible. I see the light, but it's fucking low as fuck. and it seems like you're being deafened in your headphones the amount of money the show makes

hi, Elvis, long time listener and first time caller while you're in Oklahoma City this year love you. I am going through a personal conflict where I feel bad about my opinion,

even though I know, I'm not a bad person or don't think. Like he fixed it, but if it happens again he will have to try a bunch of knobs he's never touched before okay she came to oklahoma city keep going out my opinions even though i know i'm not a bad person or don't think i'm a bad person but everyone who says they're not a bad person that's kind of a con so maybe i am i'm not sure and i am going for a divorce my ex years ago found his hair of underwear left them, asked him about them, let him convince me that they were mine, even though I knew better, but I was like, okay, I love him.

Maybe I blacked out at a 2-4-5 sale. Target can get you sometimes. Then I found out that he was, like, heavily using other drugs on top of this opioid addiction, and that led to, like, cross-thrapping and some anal player things along that. The drugs didn't lead the... This is the most Oklahoma City shit I've ever heard in my life. Well, you know, when he's having an extra drug addiction on top of the standard opioid addiction for living in Oklahoma. The unmentioned, assumed, silent, royal.

It's like the royal you. Well, the opioid addiction that's there for everyone. You live in Oklahoma. You're going to be on opioids. That's crazy. And that led to cross-dressing and butt play, apparently. You know what they say. Every drug addicts starts wearing dresses.

I'm going to tell you right now. now without knowing the guy at all, the cross-dressing led to the drugs. The drugs didn't open up the cross-dressing. You were ashamed of the cross-dressing and didn't need to be. And you said, what about opioids? And then that's kind of, yeah, fully, fully. Keep going, Alders?

Some anal player, things are you on that nature. How the fuck did that happen? Don't worry about it. The people at home don't understand. understand how much Elvis is fucking up because you're not going to get the in-studio feed but the audio is fluctuated wild more wildly and these

aren't our first episodes in this studio either he's worked out the kinks but somehow during the pause the volume went up 20% minimum and nothing changed that I saw it's almost magic fucking David Copperfield over here yeah he really is the David

Blaine of podcast producers go ahead Elders and I I accepted it, and I was like, okay, fine, I'll pay you. I was like the very godfather of budget, but I clearly did not care for it, and it was weird. I was a grown-ass man and a brawl in panties that I didn't sign up for. And we are, like, getting a divorce or in the process. And now I feel like he's shaming me and making me feel like I need not being a fan of it,

means there's something wrong with me and I just want to know like is there a boundary do you just accept the one no matter what and that's okay or is like hey I didn't find out for this shit and it's okay that I didn't sign up for it

like you do you do let me know yeah thanks well I here's what I'll say no you don't have to be into pegging your husband in a bra and panties of course not well well well well Red State Caleb rears his ugly head again.

But I will say the venom in her voice when she said twice, I didn't sign up for this shit. It's like, oh, okay, he might have a point somewhere. Well, it's just, we don't, it's got to be tough for somebody who's like lying. It's tough because somebody's lying to themselves and you feel bad for them. But in that, the person that I always kind of give a pass to is the partner who's somehow like also in the dark. completely and thinks they have, like, married a completely different person. Yeah.

So, and I, as long as, I agree, there was a little stank on that. There's a lot of, I didn't sign up for it. But it's more, I think I kind of, I excuse that as long as her overall stances, hey, listen, go figure it out, do whatever you need to do. 100%. Like, you also kind of fucked my life up for like seven years or whatever, however long it was to figure it out. And I think she also, you know, got.

gas lit. I mean, it is very funny to be like the panties were, it's like, it wasn't a different woman, it was his panties. No, you participated in a delusion. Yeah, absolutely. She goes, well, I just convinced myself

sometimes Target runs. I'm like, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You participated in the delusion. You wanted the relationship that you lied to yourself about. Of course. And of course, yeah,

you don't have to be into pegging this guy. Totally. That's fine. Yes. But I will say the way she said it makes me think that there might be something we don't know. Well, don't you.

you think it was like, I mean, depending on how long this relationship was, I do, I, it's like, we say this also sometimes on the, like, uh, on the flip side when somebody's, like, when a guy has been gaslit by like a much hotter, like crazy woman where it's like, we don't want you to be a misogynist, but sometimes it's like chemotherapy where you need a little poison to get over a relationship, venom to get out of that one of them to just, so that you don't Venmo her $2,000 when she asks, you know what I mean? Like, it's okay to just, like, to basically, like, lash out in a way that protects you. And as long as that's what she's doing, she's like, I don't want to get sucked back into this.

I'm pissed off. As long as it's not, I will give her a couple months of, like, of ignorance. Yeah. Because this guy fucked her life up to a certain, you know, like, she thought she was getting, it's not as bad as getting cheated on, but it is like, you were lying. to about who you thought was your life partner. And you don't have to be into that. Yeah.

Yeah, you're totally allowed to get a divorce. What I'm saying is, I'll give her a little venom. You give her the venom. I'm going to ask some questions. I'd like to hear a voicemail from the guy personally. Sure. I wish we could hear from him. I would like to hear that too.

Now, I want to hear a lot from him because I think this is fascinating. It is fascinating. I want to know about the opioid addiction. Me too. I want to know about the cross-dressing. I want to know. The cross-dressing thing is so interesting to me because sometimes it's a trial run for transitioning.

Sure. And I find that very interesting. And then sometimes it isn't. And sometimes it's just a straight-up different thing. I find that even more interesting, actually. What do you mean? Like, just a guy who's kind of an old-fashioned cross-dressor. Yeah.

Like, I find that more. Because like transitioning, I understand. Right, right, right. Yeah, wrong, you're like, you want to switch up. You're in the wrong zone. Guys, like, no, I'm a cis male who's also, sometimes I like to fucking put on some tights and get, you'll have my wife throw a J. Dildo up my ass. I put on Victoria's Secret and I get treated like a dirty little slut.

And then I go back to the job site. I love that. Those guys are way more interesting to me on some level. Of course. Because it's like it, because the, on the spectrum, the gradations to me are the more interesting ones. Of course. You know, because trans is almost like kind of old fashioned. You think?

At this point, it's like, well, you just flip them from one to the other. But I like people who are like, I'm kind of in the middle. Dude, you know what I mean? Do you know Hayden Johnson? No. She's a trans comedian. She's very funny. She has a great joke about this that I'll butcher, but she's like, she's like, yeah, for a while, I was non-binary and I was like gender is fake.

It's a construct. It's stupid. It's silly. We put it on people to oppress them. Right. And then I realized I was a trans woman and it was kind of like, I'm a girl. That's basically like dresses. I know.

That's kind of what I mean. So funny. Yeah, that's really funny. So fucking funny. Is she in New York? Where is she? She's in L.A. Okay.

She's very, very funny. Cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean, though, is like there is, like, in the middle, you get a lot of, like, sort of academic treatises about what gender is, what you think. You're a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And then, yeah, on the two extremes, it's just like, you know. Girls do one thing.

Guys do whatever. Yeah, I want. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. Well, that's like most of the trans guys I know are like, they're, like, masculine in a way that I couldn't even work at.

right they're like genuinely fixing trucks yeah yeah yeah and I'm like whoa you guys really you bought in on the man stuff yeah yeah yeah fuck yeah hell yeah and I respect that and I need help with my car yeah this is great yeah this is really good for me well it's like something like the with religion the phrase is like the biggest zealot is the convert yeah you know what I mean when you're like when you're like I'm switching up everything about me because I love this yeah it's like yeah you're more of a man than me for sure I just kind of was born into this bullshit yeah I mean I'm vibing with it because it's what I got Yeah, I can't fix, my dad's a carpenter, I can't fix shit, you know what I mean?

Like, I'm just, I'm an artist, I do podcasts, you know what I mean? Like, it is a waste of masculinity. Yeah. This frame, oh, this, this is the, like I said, I should be fixing the HVAC in my own, in my own restaurant. I, 100% should be a laborer. They said you exploit labor for capital. Let's, let's not call what elders does labor.

Well, unfortunately, it's looking like it. He was laboring over that. I wish you was a white collar. I have a blue collar mind doing white collar work. I've put makeup on a pig. Good job. But yeah, you're not a bad person. It's just like, but give the other guy some grace.

I would say you get a little grace period to be pissed off because, you know, your life kind of got fucked up. But after that, let's chill. He's going through some weird shit. He's an opioid at. cross-dresser in Oklahoma not an easy guy to be and then just move on you're okay you know you weren't into butt stuff

who knows he might find a woman who's into pegging him and he'll live happily ever after and kudos to her by the way for trying it I do I think that's cool as far I will tip my cap to you for that as well yeah that's really cool to be like we'll see yeah yeah yeah yeah more I will say more people sexually in general need to

try some stuff yeah we have a problem with not trying just try it out Yeah. And then you can have a bad time and go, oh, I don't like this. Can you stop? Or can we not do that again? Yeah. Not a big deal.

Not a big deal at all. Yeah. You're in a good relationship where it feels safe. Dabble. Try. Have some the sexual equivalent of Ethiopian food, for example. Yeah. You've been a burgers guy.

Yeah. Go get some. Go have sushi for the first time. You used to have a forking knife try it with your hand. Exactly right. Let's get some roadie in the mix. Yeah. I just had, I just had fucking, uh, fuck, Surinamese food for the first time.

It's good. Oh, it was it in Amsterdam? Yeah, dude. It's good over there. It's the best. Yeah. And why? Not a chill reason why it's good.

Not into talking about it. I'm not into talking about why some cultures end up somewhere that you wouldn't expect them. I don't like talking about that. Yeah, when a European country that otherwise has bad food has a really good, whether it's Indian or Surinamese, didn't happen in a chill way. But, you know, but I'm enjoying the outcome. What am I not going to have the food now? The reality is what happened was very evil. I'm just, it's Tuesday for me.

It's, I'm on vacation. Yeah. So I'm going to have dinner. I have to have dinner today no matter what happens. Well, yeah. Whether colonialism existed or it didn't, I was eating something today. Wish it hadn't. What had stopped it if I could?

I'm going to dinner. That's what I know. A hundred percent. What else we got, little LD? Hey, Stov. Eldis, esteemed guests. I just, I'm trying to keep your shoulders sweet, but I didn't know if I'm cursed. See, I'm 28.

My parents are dead. my grandparents are dead from both sides my closest aunt dead um one of my uncles dead Jesus Christ two of my four two of the three people hung out with the most in middle school dead uh child another childhood friend dead hey school acquaintance dead and then another childhood friend dead and then just this month um no another one of my childhood best friends passed away now I don't know if I'm just fucking cursed but I think it's odd that like all of my friends are like dying sure my family is dying it's not like I live in like a rough area I live in a suburbia suburbia area and like there's no

reoccurring factor in deaths besides cancer to three of my relatives well I'm talking about like one of my friends died from drowning another one from a hit and run another one was shot um my late another one had an asthma attack while smoking weed dumbass and then I don't know how my latest friend died but I'm assuming it was an overdose or suicide

because there was no news coverage of like any crazy car accidents he was in his family talking about respect their privacy so I'm not going to ask them but you know based off context clues I'm assuming he kind of was a wild child he was a part of the animal

but it's like I don't know if most people who are 28 should have experienced this much grief and loss from friends and relatives yet and I got to say

it's fucking with me and this is just it's a lot to hold on to any type of advice be great and yes I currently am in therapy for unrelated reasons but I will be talking about

this stuff here soon um thanks for any advice or whatever 11th hour crazy turn. I know, I know. Because at first, here's the arc of the voicemail. I'm in therapy for my kleptomania. Yeah. The first part is only funny. I want to hug this guy so bad. I know it's tough. The first part's only funny because he's doing it like a joke.

Yeah, dead man. I'm 28 years old. Mom, dad, dead. Grandparents dead. Best friend from high school, dead. He even does like a, he goes, and then last week, my other friend passed away. He like, he like changes it up on us. It was good. I was, I guess my first piece of advice. would be give back the jewelry from the elderly gypsy woman you took it from. Carry her up the hill like you promised you would. Stop shirking that responsibility.

Jesus. Whatever cursed Towsman you stole from an elderly Roma member of the Roma community return it post haste. I can't think of anything that would have caused this. I built a casino on some land that were I guess it

technically was a burial ground. Jesus, man. I took out an infant's tomb to put in a below-ground pool, but that shouldn't have done anything. I mean, it was an infant, and it was dead. I don't know. Dude, this sucks. This is really tough. Yeah, I mean, I would say the first thing is that it seems crazy, but you are not cursed.

You're not cursed. It's tough when something this insane happens to be, yeah. But like that shit doesn't exist. And statistically, some people have awesome lives. I mean, like we said, we started this episode and we hit a hilarious lottery. And some people have shit, bad shit happens to you. Stop.

I'm serious. Stop. I'm so sorry, but you going, hey man. With Cookie Crumbles is like, we're doing great. We're doing good. For you, it's not so hot. It's lost. It's unspeakable loss. But that is how the world works.

What do you want me to say? I don't think we're supposed to say it, but that is how the world goes. That's the truth. And unfortunately, it's like, I mean, look, one thing is that there is. Some things that are, like you said cancer and your family, that's real, right? Yeah, that's genetic. And I would say go fucking make sure you're checked the fuck up to the gills, right?

Because that is the one thing that's not random. It's like genetic stuff. I mean, there's a reason this happens. Unfortunately, some families just have it in their, you know, in your DNA and just make sure you're checked up. But everything else, it's like, it sucks. It's horrible. You should be in there before this, not whatever the fuck you're in there for. The side subject.

You're a people pleaser, not as important. Not as important as dealing with this level of grief. And as hard as it is to like internalize and think you're not cursed. You have to, you have to say, no, you're not cursed. But if you want to spin it, it's like... You're blessed. You're not blessed. I'm not going to say that.

You're everyone around who's dying and you're not, brother. You're the chosen one. That is true. Yeah, yeah. Actually, it's better to be the, even if you were, it's better to be the cursed one than the collateral damage around the cursed one. You know what I mean? Well, no, think about this way.

Most people you've met have not died. Yeah, that's true. Now, your record is higher than most. Right, right, right. But most people you've met have not died. 100%. And also, not to be like corny or whatever, but the best thing you could do for the people that you lost early is like have an awesome life.

Yeah. Have the kind of life that they wanted you to have. Right. And it's like that can be very difficult. You can feel bogged down by it. But as fucked up as it is, like horrible shit happens in our world. like and by and large we're pretty lucky in this country the rest of the world's way more fucked up

you know and it's like you're not cursed some bad shit happened you had some real bad luck and all you can do is try and deal with the grief deal with it you know move forward and like it's going to take you a while and you got to be nice to yourself right because that's the hard thing

feeling like you're like if there's days where you just cannot where you're overwhelmed by grief that's understandable a lot of times it's like showing grace to yourself in a moment like this where you're like, well, I should, you know, either I'm cursed or even if I'm not, I should be over this stuff.

And it's like, not really, dude. No one, everyone deals with this shit in different ways and you just have to deal with it and, you know, understand it's going to be hard and continue going to therapy and live as good a life as you can for the people that you lost, I think, is all you can do. Yeah, there's no like leaving it behind. There's just moving with it with grief.

And I think, I don't know if this is helpful or not. To me, it's helpful. Sometimes you just have to be sad and be like, fuck, I'm having a bad time and things are bad I'm not doing well but what helps me on days when I'm feeling down is to like really like try and meditate on the fact that like

if you wake up able to move your own body and in a house that has like any kind of like keep you from the elements and you have clean water to drink you are living in like the top 1% of people who have ever lived on the earth in human history in human history let alone right now even

and so I'm like there there is some level of like you're here that's a miracle to be here at all and it won't last for very long so like try and try and keep that in the center of your mind as you're moving through it but like there yeah some days are just going to suck yeah dude tough it's tough

I love this guy though I want to give him a big hug yeah it seems like a nice guy and you're all these things you're kind of keeping it together yeah like this is fucked up dude understand that you're not cursed but something really fucked up happened to you and just keep moving forward I would say move it to

yeah I would say top top of the therapy list. I would say start with this in therapy. Yeah, move this one up. I don't know if you've told your therapist about this yet. But I think lifting the curse should probably be the thing that you ask her about. And I would also say, let's knock grandparents off the list. Yeah, okay. You know what I mean? It's like, you know, let's not. We don't need to pat our stats. Yeah. Shit's going bad. Like, you know. Yeah. Honestly, an old grandparent, that's kind of a curse. It's like, I think he said, like, all of his grandparents are dead. That's kind of crazy stuff.

Yeah. I'm bad. No, he also said, like, he also said, like, Like, my best friend from like middle school, it's like, did you remain close? Right. Or the deaths of your family really embellishing the importance of like your old classmate. Totally. Yeah. It's like, let's not look like there's some fucked up shit that's happened to you, but it's like, let's not lumping in with grandparents and some guy you don't even fucking talk about talk to. I will say the part that made me the most sad was when he said the family's asking for privacy.

I hate when they do that. Yeah, yeah. Tell me what happened. Tell me. You can, and there's ways to code it. you can be like oh wear your seatbelt you know like there's ways to let me know what happened you got to let me know he says his boy's a party animal it's you i think usually it's like drugs or suicide in those in those cases um uh but yes you should let him

there should be a couple it should be like close friends if you were on his instagram close friends you should get a hint yeah it usually where i'm from when when a like a farmer kills himself which is not not often yeah farming accident yeah oh he killed himself got it you know yeah yeah got it he laid a motionless in front of a tractor yeah while it slowly ran to the job yeah watch out for those grain bims yeah tough tough shit oh man give us another one and then you know we got to wrap up soon we've got a very busy man on the couch here eldest yeah you guys are taking liberties excellent Hi, stuff, big fan.

I just have a general question that I would love to get your input on. I'm wondering where are we at with Bushes? Bush. You know, me and my friends are all very pro-Bush. We say this is the summer of Bush. Bush is out. But also me and my friends are all like really queer, gay, you know, that kind of thing. And we live in the Pacific Northwest.

And so we kind of have our own little bubble. So I'm just wondering as someone who is more, you know, around fifth straight, normal people, you know what is what is the world's opinion on bushes because I personally like want to live in a world where like I can go swimming in a public place and you know go bush out and not have to worry about it sure but I also I don't know I'm just curious so let me know thank you so much bye I will say it does feel like there is a that Bush is back it does feel like Bush is having a huge moment right now go ahead Caleb I'm not involved I don't Surely you've heard some of this. I don't know anything about what's going on with Bush. Really? I don't know what the girls are feeling about it, thinking about it. I think it's back.

You think so? I think so. I send them love. I think the total wax might be out of vogue right now. I also think it makes sense because it's like a very, very small, almost like, it can be looked at as a political act in a world where women are under attack. It's like, you know what? We're growing our pussy hair out.

Grow the bush. You know? And I do think it's, I do, I have sensed something. in the air, that it is back. Bush. But that, at least, at least, you know, I've heard, I've heard rumors of it coming back. I've swirlings are coming back.

Um, I don't know that it's fully back. I think definitely it's start, it'll start somewhere like the Pacific Northwest in the queer community. And then it kind of trickles down. Like, like a lot of culture. Yeah. Gay people are kind of at the, I remember, I remember when I saw gay guys wearing big pants, I was like,

it's coming. It's coming. Three years ago, I saw a couple gay guys in big pants. I was like, huh? Uh-oh. That's interesting. I'll be having to do that soon. And this just might be the way it is with Bush as well.

And, you know, I think there's nothing. I've even seen kind of the, like, I've seen, like, even women who maybe traditionally would go full wax or, like, very manicured. Now they've gone to a manicured bush. So it's not like, not everyone's letting it go crazy. So I think everyone is going to a little more, if you were a completely, if you were a zero hair person, you're going to like manicured bush. If you're like, I'm a little up top, the bushometer is just kind of trending towards full bush, in my opinion. I've always found it weird when someone has a problem with pubic hair.

Yeah. When someone's like, oh, I like it shaved. I'm like, that's weird to me. Totally. I don't like that. Yeah, if you have a completely particular way that you want thing, you know, you want somebody else's like genitals to look. Yeah. and they are against it and you insist that's fucking weird strange yeah i think it's really strange

shit yeah and i think in general it's like you know i i may just kind of keep it i don't give a fuck obviously i don't give i like to just keep my shit just so it's not overgrown i don't want to look crazy yeah you know also like we you know optically can't have can't have my little ass dick lost in the jungle yeah you know so i'd like to trim it a little bit but it's you know to each to each their own and uh i think But I think the dial has been turned towards Bush a little bit here. I like that. Yeah.

I'm a fan of finding out on the day. Yeah. Let's find out on the day. Yeah. I don't need nudes. You know, gay guys are big on the nudes. Right. I don't need you some of your nudes.

Whatever you got going on in the day, if the energy's right, I'll be happy with it. I respect that. I'll be pleased with it all. Yeah, I guess the older I've got, I think in my youth, I liked nudes is a just, I don't know. I don't know why. Just as a symbol of getting of a girl like being like, wanting to fuck, I guess. Yeah.

But I'm with you. Yeah. Surprise me on the day. I like to know on the day. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's a little gift to unwrap for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I find out.

Is there any, what are the Bush, what's going on in the gay community, bushwise, gay male community? All the guys I'm fucking are having pubic care. Nice. Yeah. And I'm liking it for them. Yeah. I'm having pubic hair. Sure, sure, sure, sure.

You know, I keep my stuff manicured. Got it. I, will I take a Noreka one blade to my nuts every once in a while? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's like an afternoon. Yeah. I might, let me stand in the shower, get the Norelco one blade out.

Absolutely. I'm going to nick the, every time I nick the sack a little bit. It starts to bleed and I get scared. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I cut the nut sack every time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's tough. It's hard. It's not, that's not, that's skin that's tough to shave. It's really tough to shave. Very wrinkly. Rinkly and hard to get to. And when you're fat, it's like, let's not kid about the angles.

Of course. There's a lot of angles and folds. There's a, it's an exercise of faith to trim your pubs as a fat man. Yes. You know, you're like, I hope, hopefully there's not one strip. Yes. Hopefully I haven't left a little Mohawk. And I almost always do.

Yeah. But maturity, I think growth, growing up is knowing that it's two days before the date. It's not the hour before the date. Don't go to the date with a bloody nut sack. That's very-grow up. You know what? That's really smart. Grow up.

And I definitely, I would like to say I'm, I would never even consider the two days before. But I have gotten to like the morning. Yeah. Because you want to have a shower. You don't want loose pubs being found. Yeah. You know. But yeah, good luck for you.

I think you're on to something there. I think you've got your finger on the pulse, bush-wise. I tapped out of your voicemail. I don't know what you said. I heard the Bush intro. I knew it was exclusively for Stavi. You also didn't say hello to the guest when you started the voicemail. And you found that disrespectful.

I found that just two of the ones that we listened to did that. Yep. And I won't be forgetting. And so I don't care what happens with your pubs, darling. Oh, that's true. Do you have something very quick for us to go, a goodbye one, Eldis? Well, great. Stabby.

Eldis, esteemed and revered guest. In revered. I appreciate your time today. I have an ethics question. Ethics. I had a moment of weakness where I looked at some of my exes, and I found out my most recent ex. And the guy she started banging while I was in the process of moving out in our home, they got

married and he is currently on trial for a hit and run felony and I after I got done laughing I realized that he has a $4,000 fine

and it's open to the public if someone wants to pay it and I was wondering how ethical it would be to just pay a dollar at a time just so they're wondering what the hell is going on just to fuck with them a little bit I don't know

I don't I don't contact these people and I don't do anything like that but I just I felt mischievous and I was wondering what your ethical opinion on that might be but thank you very much I love you all and have a wonderful day I mean this is insane

you know that he has an open hit and run case I think two things are true number one you need to move on. Yeah. And number two, he already got his. Yeah. I know he, like,

cucked you and there's some shame there. Right, right, right, right. But he's going to prison for probably a long time. He hit and ran. Yeah, I mean, dude,

I know, I know the process this takes, right? You have to go to a website. You have to look the guy's legal name up. Because I have, you have to, like, go to the different dockets

of different courts. Like, like, I have a friend who loves doing this in Baltimore. He loves to just like, if we, meet somebody strange and we found some hilarious i'll tell you off mike we found some hilarious

stuff um but it is like a it is like a involved process and you have to it's not like oh i just logged on on instagram and i saw what docket his fucking case was on this is like you need to find the guy take his legal no his full legal name put it into your state's like circuit court circuit court search system and it's an a business these are old Byzantine system where it's like you have to get it right to the letter it does it there's no like did you mean this it's like no you got to be very sure and you have to go through different types of cases like this is hard to figure out and then i don't even know how you would find out that he's up that he has a four thousand dollar fine i mean and that you could the idea that you could pay

at a dollar at a time weird does that exist that you can go in once a day and that they get like updates i'm well so the thing i will say is that you can request we found a guy who was we I wouldn't even say what he did I don't want a doctor's guy at all but we found a guy who was just very weirdness and gave us some strange customer service one time and we found that he had a very funny case right and we request you could request the audio from a case or like the notes and we just wanted to be like a FOIA request yeah literally something like that And what we did know is that it shows up on the court case if someone has requested the notes.

So this person, he'll have no, we're completely insignificant guys to this person's life, right? They are going to find out it, maybe, or maybe they don't know anymore, like, or their lawyer gets pinged that you don't know who. It doesn't say who asked. Yeah. Someone asked for this case. They probably hadn't been open for like years, like five years. That's really scary. So like you could do something like that If you really wanted to first of all pay

You were paying them Yeah Ultimately you're helping him Get off his thing You're getting cucked again You're getting cucked again And you're like isn't this funny Not really

You wake up every day Thinking about this guy He stopped so this guy Fucked my ex-girlfriend While I was moving out I was thinking I'd bounce him from the slammer As a sort of revenge Yeah yeah

That sounds good for him Yeah I could take Some of the stuff In the storage unit That I was actively moving to while he was eating my girlfriend's pussy. I could put up some of that for collateral for a bail bond. What do you think?

What do you think? So I would say my advice is absolutely, this is insane. You got to stop. You have to stop thinking about these people. You have to fully move on. Or you're insane and you're, this is actually, you are still getting cucked by thinking about this this long?

What are the ethics of me paying off his bail and getting the grieving family of the person he hit and killed? Involved, perhaps. Maybe they want to pitch in. So, dude, don't do this. Stop. Move on with your life.

And if I would do anything, I would set a timer on your phone for like seven years from now and then request the notes from his case. Yeah. So that he thinks someone is like, he's a PI or something is looking into him. But right now, paying off is fine. It's not going to help him at all.

And you need to fucking move on. This is insane. This is fucking crazy. I love it, though. It was a very upbeat idea. He was like, what do you think about this? You feel like you're in a good place with your psychosis. Yeah, absolutely.

And I respect that. I respect that. You're in denial. You think what you're doing is healthy and not insane. Yeah. And it is, and you have to stop. Yeah. But that's going to do it for us.

Caleb, thank you, brother. Thank you. This is so great, as always. Always a pleasure. On HBO, on HBO Max right now, the special model comedian. Anything else you'd like to plug? Oh, that's it. That's so simply all.

If you see something, say something. Yeah, look at your local Cineplex. You're going to see this guy all. over the fucking place. It's going to be awesome. Thanks, dude. And thank you guys for listening. We'll talk to you next week.

Bye-bye.