Stavvy's World - #158 - Beck Bennett

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Beck Bennett joins the pod to discuss his and Kyle Mooney’s new podcast WHAT’S OUR PODCAST?, discovering Sock Em Boppers at a formative age, doing a shady Nickelodeon audition when he was a kid, raising kids in LA, and much more. Beck and Stav help callers including a guy whose wife is stirring up some family estate drama with his half siblings after his dad passed away, and a guy who doesn’t want to circumcise his son but who is getting steamrolled on the issue by his wife.Check out Beck Bennett and Kyle Mooney’s podcast WHAT’S OUR PODCAST?: https://www.youtube.com/@whatsourpodcast  Follow Beck Bennett on social media:https://www.instagram.com/beckbennettThank you to our sponsors!Aura Frames - https://auraframes.com/stavvy use code STAVVYTwisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Opa, welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 9-04-800-staff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have Beck Bennett here on the couch. A powerful dude, the double-bees. The double-bees. Beck Bennett with a... That's right. The alliteration.

Beck Bennett. It's my middle name, too, Beck. Oh, really? It's my mom's maiden name. First name, Christopher. Oh, dog shit. That's dog shit. Chris Bennett?

Forgettable, man. Chris Bennett sucks dick, dude. Yeah, they were like, that's actually what my mom said. I was like, one year's all, just like, Chris Bennett sucks dick, dude. There's no way to see that fucking lights and a big, fucking movie. We go, back, Benet. Yeah, yeah, she fixed it. Dude, mother's maiden name.

That's a power move. That's a feminist move. Yeah, it really is. My son has my wife's made a name. Oh, nice. Yeah, Hodges. That's a good one, too. Hodges is a cool name.

It feels very last name, but it's a fun, fun option. But it's not like. there's a couple of those there's like Parker like Hodges isn't quite dickhead because last name can be you're a dickhead

yeah back too doesn't sound like a dickhead last name it does it sounds like a first name it does I mean it's my first name you're in there yeah yeah yeah it's your show business as far as show business concern it's your name yeah exactly you know but yeah like because last names can definitely it feels a little prep schoolie

right but I think you guys are good Hodges it feels almost like a working class Yeah, absolutely. You know? Yeah, that's kind of where it came from. Love that. Yeah, yeah. Good working class family from Detroit.

Love that. Well, are you scared though? Because like, giving a kid a last name, first name, you are in the danger zone of raising like a prep school kid. Right. Are you also now, this is always my worry when like you start off a regular person and you get to be on like SNL and movies and shit. Yeah.

Are you scared of having like a dickhead child who's like rich or whatever? Oh. Because I, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, 1,000%. Oh, of course. Yeah, in L.A. Oh, man. We, like, moved.

I mean, we like northeast L.A. Sure. But, like, as far away as possible from, like, yeah, yeah, we, like, really don't want to do private schools. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, the thing about, like, I mean, there are some private schools that are fine, but, like, there are certain private schools in L.A. where it's like, the parents have so much money and they're famous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a tough combo. What does that do to, I don't know. I mean, like. And even if your kid, you do your kid, You do your best to, like, have your kid be normal. It's like, oh, he's going to school with a James Cameron's son. Yeah. You know what I mean?

You're like, he's going to go over to James Cameron house. He's going to paint him blue. Come home and be like, this place sucks. Why don't we have three movie theaters? Why don't we have, like, a one of like a Pandora jungle gym in our house? Why don't we have the Titanic and under the pool so we can swim through it? This sucks. This fucking sucks, yeah.

Why can't we jack off to Rose's tits? got a big picture of it. And we don't even have a big picture of anyone's tits. It's just like you can do anything there. You're supposed to be restricted as a child. Those kids have no restriction. They're jacking off all over the place. Whatever movies, their father directed with tits in it, they get to jack off the

stills of them. They're losing their minds. I saw George Clooney recently. He was like, yeah, we want our kids. They're raising their kids away from Hollywood. Oh, good. He's like, I didn't realize he had kids. Yeah.

I think he's got two. Okay. With a mall. A mall. That's a big, that's a cool. You got to check, you got to tip your cap to Clooney for ending up with Amal. Yeah, that's a, she's an actually cool, interesting person. You know, I mean, I don't know her.

Yeah. I've never talked to her, but she seems like, she seems smarter. Me and Amal, we fucking, you know, we talk about, like, UN shit and, like, you know, laws and shit like that. I just love to get into it with her. No, you're right. What the fuck, do I know she could be a piece of shit. But from the surface, like almost never having heard her speak or contribute to anything. I just see her, her vibe is.

Yeah. And she, by the way, it's hot as shit still. He's hot as shit in a very classy way. He picked like a smart diplomat lawyer, but she wasn't busted. No, no, no, no, no. She still looks like a. She kind of was. She's got that dark sort of classic.

Totally, totally. But they're like raising their kids on a farm in France. And it's like, I just want a normal life for them. There's no way that life is normal. That's too far the other way. far the other way, man. That's too far. You turn the dial way too far.

You got to be careful because, like, you're like, oh, I just feel like with raising kids, I mean, I have no fucking clue. Yeah, how old's your kid? He turns four in December. Oh, hell yeah. But, like, you're like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to raise him with this. Totally. And then they, like, often end up being like, I fucking hate that.

Yeah. I just want to go the opposite way. Yes, yes. You know what I mean? And then it's like, well, like, you want your kids to kind of like, yeah, like, I get you, like, want to have them have a certain life. but then it's also like you want to let them do their own thing of course like i don't want like my kid to just be like yeah dad like i'm an actor like you and i'm into everything that you're into

you're into and we're best friends i mean that would that would be better than like fuck you dad i hate you but like i want you know you want them to do their own thing you kind of want to like i feel like you want to like keep it vague enough you know like give them some options give them some room give them some breathing room but you can't have them be like somewhere in a like a farm in france is like that's not the real world that's not the real world that's not the real world You literally, they might as well be wearing 3D goggles and living in Pandora as far as it. They might as well think their avatars. Yeah.

They're going to, like, talk to real kids and they're going to be like not have any cultural reference. Yeah, yeah, totally. I don't get this. And they're just going to be not well equipped. And George Clooney, Amal, you're blowing it, guys. You're blowing it, Cluny. Get those kids in a big city and get them an iPad. Let them watch Mr. Beast.

You say Mr. Beast? Huh? I think you should say Mr. Bean. Let him watch Mr. Bean. Come on. They need to be with it. I know, yeah. They got to be cool.

They got to watch, yeah, I mean, that is funny because I think about that too. Like, my brother had a kid, my friend has got a, you know, kid. And, like, I'm very much in the, it's like, you know, holiday season. You're going to go home. And I'm like, oh, I want to, like, show these kids. I want, they're going to be cool kids. They're going to not watch, like, dumb cartoons. They're not going to watch Paul Patrol.

They're going to watch fucking shit that I liked. Or they're going to watch peewees, you know, whatever. That's exactly what I'm saying. Pee-wees are like... And no baby's going to give a fuck about Pee-wee, unfortunately. No, absolutely not. Their brain has been mushed by, like, computer-generated bullshit. It's so, it's all computer-generated.

It's so fast and see, and glossy and, like, oh, like, wide-eyed. You can't compete with that. No, you really can't. P-wee can't compete with that. You try to, like, give them, like, good music, and they're like, no, I just want to, whatever. Right, you don't want to be... Because that's the other thing, it's like, even if it takes, then they're the kid... Like, you remember a kid growing up who's, like,

everyone's listening to fucking you know whatever spice girls or yeah he's like i like steely dan right and everyone's like shut up you fucking pussy i had a little bit in that day well i was like very like anti-conformist uh that was the word that really was buzzy back then yeah oh yeah yeah i grew up north suburbs of chicago well okay yeah yeah and like yeah i remember being like i like classic rock right being clowned on by my friends totally just like i remember like one of the dads dropping us off at dance me like yeah Beck gets it and I was like yeah like that's definitely stuck with me

yeah that's what you want to hang out with you if you are interested in girls at all right just listen to some regular music of course whatever the I like this music but I was like fuck that shit yeah I like fish right spread panic because my brother was into it and I was like

yeah man I'm not all about the man like the fucking corporations and so instead I just listen to people just like plug away at their guitar for a half an hour. Of course. Like a big field. Yeah, exactly. It's like the actual party's happening over here. People are doing drugs looking, you know, maybe touching a titty or two.

Yeah. And you're like, you're watching dueling wonder walls at like a fire. Yeah. Yeah. You're on the gem. Yeah. You know what? You're on the gem. The guy who couldn't play the instruments, but hanging out. Absolutely. Just kind of playing quietly. Tough guy to be. But yeah, yeah, you got to, you want it. You want to. You want it. want to tap into the little bit of the culture. Sure, sure. And it's also like

inevitable, I think. Like, I just can't even imagine. Like, it's so funny to think this, like, you know, going home, visiting my family, seeing my little fat nephew, he's like, not even a year old. I'm like, what the fuck does the world going to look like in 11 years? No idea. What the fuck kind of weird shit is he going to be into? Is his first girlfriend even going to be a human? No, probably not. I just read that on the, I was reading, I was scrolling on the way here

in the cab. And I was like, oh, get this shit out of your head. You don't want this in your head before you go to talk. One of the things I saw was one out of five teenagers has had a relationship with AI.

Or knows somebody who has. Which, by the way, that reporting's ridiculous because that means like a horny 14-year-old was like, do you want to suck my penis? And the AI's like, yes, your penis is awesome.

And he's like, nice. Do you have big tits? Yes, I have big tits. Please. Sploge your hair. all over them and they're like that's a he's just sexting a fucking robot basically i would definitely do that yeah i mean that's definitely like when you put it that way that's above that's a step above porn visual you know pictures videos oh yeah if they get some pictures in there because i think

essentially it's like the way again in a world before computers people fucked everything physically yeah including like livestock like couches pillows but like people would put their dicks and pumpkins. Yeah. I mean, American pie are classic. Especially with American pie. Like, what can I eat up? Yeah.

I was too fat to desecrate a pie like that. Yeah. But I thought about it. I really considered it, but I never did ultimately for fat reasons. Yeah, for fat reasons. I was like, man, I kind of want to have this pie. I'm going to, oh, damn it, every single time. All right, this stuff, wow.

I can't fuck a pie. I can't, unless, yeah, maybe if only I'd come across, like, a subpar pie. But it did seem like a good idea. Yeah. a friend who um cut a hole in a watermelon or no a cantalope and heeded it up put in the microwave for too long too long it was like burned his penis yeah I I think I'm like oh you know no you know what I did this is I pass this around at this point for a while yeah no I didn't do that okay but now yeah but and you're a father now I apologize if I tell this on every single podcast no no no no no

this is the kind of stuff you fuck this is the podcast this is where this is where this will be it'll be boosted the most by this audience this is where my story finally gets is credit I um you know

sock and boppers sure sure sure if you sockum boppers fuck what's the end of the end of the day sockum sock and bock and

fuck them too that's the song that I heard all that fish had melted your brain oh yeah

more fun than a pillow more fun than a pillow That's enough, I'll just thank you. Wow, fucking showing off for Beck. First time in your fucking life you've ever, you've ever produced in real time without being begged to for fucking minutes. I'm always ready. I'm always on go.

I love your voice. It's a little bit of, you know, have you gotten this before, the room? A little bit of kind of Tommy Wise. He has a little relaxed. He has a specific rhythm to his speech. Yeah. Our entire friend group loves to annihilate him for it. I hate hearing my voice,

but I feel like it is a fun voice to, like, mock and just see your own. Yeah, it definitely is a fun voice to mock. It's a good voice to mock. Yes, it definitely is. But yeah, with the sock and boppers, I had it for a while. It took me a little bit. Sure, sure, sure. But then, you know, I don't know whether it was like in a movie or in some sort of magazine that my brother had.

Right. But he's sex. dolls, they're, they're, they're, um, there are caverns. Mm-hmm. That's not a good word. They're, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was like, that looks exactly like the sock-em-bomber thing. And I got a little Vaseline and I went to town on those things.

That's awesome. It was incredible, better than anything I could create. And, and then, and then one day, my brother has his friend of my younger brother. Oh, no. They got them in the, like, the closet. And they're like, oh, sock and bock and, his friend puts his hand and it's like, and they knew immediately.

I didn't, I didn't complete inside, but it was just the lubrication. The Vaseline, the remnants. Yeah, they blushed and mocked out of it pretty quickly. I don't think me and my brother

talked about it for a couple years. And I was like, you know that time? He was like, yeah, you fucked the soccer buffers? To put them back in the area that they normally are

after you fuck them. That's the diabolical part. Yeah. Here you go. Somebody play with these. That's when I would jerk off. Now, I'm curious, because I was never a big fuck stuff guy. Yeah.

You know, I mean, I did a pillow maybe early on when I didn't get the hang of jacking off, you know? Sure. Are you getting full strokes on the sock and bopper? Are you using it more like a pocket pussy? Oh, we'll see. I've never used a pocket pussy. Okay. But it's more of like you jack off with it.

Or are you like really rearing back and fucking the sock and bopper? I think it's more I jack off with it. Okay, okay. Because that'd be kind of fun if somebody like pinning. down the sock and really gave it full strokes and like I have to practice for sex way. Absolutely. Because that's a funny thing you do when you're like

12. You're like, I have to practice. I'll be getting pussy any day now. I've got to get my stroke right. You've got to get your stroke right. You got to get your reps in. I don't want to be embarrassed. I remember like the first time they gave us a condom the very first time. I took one home. I was like

going to need to practice jacking off with this because I'll be getting pussy any day now. It was maybe eight years after that that I even came into contact yeah yeah yeah and you were like I have to jack off with it right right right to see what it feels like

exactly to be like because yeah I don't want to be embarrassed when I get pussy not be able to get hard my dick latex must be like a second skin to my penis you don't want to be thrown off by the light right right right it is a little and again no problem whatsoever that's fantastic was not you know by the time

I actually did fuck literally eight years after that yeah I was good to go. That's fucking awesome. Yeah, man, thank you. It was really cool to finally get pussy well into college. And there was that, so that's when you lost your virginity in college? Yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was 17. Nice, dude. Fucking bragging. Yeah. I was before you. But I wasn't like, like, I didn't have casual sex. Sure. College. They took me a while. Yeah. I was like, you got to love the person. Right. Right. Don't think it's fucked up. I was very much sure about it. And, and, uh, and, and, uh, and, uh, monogical.

It's not sagamombers, monogamy, loving the woman you have sex with. I was very cool. It's funny to be like into like, yeah, anti-conformity, fuck the man. But like, he had some good ideas about relationships. Right. Don't listen to that bullshit, but like, yeah, don't drink. Don't smoke. Save yourself for the Lord.

Did you grow up religious in the Chicago Burbs? I grew up, I, not, I mean, I grew up going to a church. The church was called the Holy Comforter. Love that. Sounds like a master's story. Yeah, that is the Holy Comforter is awesome. Yeah, it was Piscopalian, so which is like very light, you know, like, very chill. How about you?

Did you? We were, I grew up Greek Orthodox, but orthodox, again, people here Orthodox, and they think of like every other religion where that's insane. Right. Greek people did not give a fuck. It was like. Yeah, what is that, what is the Orthodox level? Is it like another? I would put it.

it like it would be like if think about all the pomp and circumstance of catholicism but with like really not as much guilt or like people not you know it's really it's similar in that like they kind of split from the that's the big split is like the Catholic church kind of comes from the orthodox church and they i don't know what the fuck they fought over i mean i know we have different our communion is literally a little piece of bread in wine and they give you in a golden spoon and you go uh and you have to fucking eat it after some old late like that was a fucked up thing and I'd be like I'd be like as a little kid you're like that's fucking gross what the fuck mom and she's like

God cleans it and you're like that was the yeah and you just have to like and then but I remember distinctly having to go after like an old ass lady with like yeah you don't know what's going on that mouth no that's a tough mouth to follow so many mouths yeah it's like somebody's got to have herpes yeah I mean probably probably

somebody has gotten hurt like oral herpes at a Greek Orthodox communion yeah There's no way it hasn't happened, but... That's the Lord right there. Yeah. So I guess Catholics were right. You want... A cracker is definitely the, like...

Those things are natural. ...safeer way to do it. And in our church, they had a fresh bread, broke off a little piece. Like that. And then the wards of mine separately. Okay. So you're closer to us. Yeah, yeah, we're a little closer.

But it was literally like a golden spoon in his chalice. And he would, like, kind of break off a little piece of bread. It was kind of fucking weird. Yeah, yeah, get a nice piece. It's nice and soggy, open on. I was an altar boy, so you got to eat the crusts. Nice, dude. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, dude. Elders too. Russian Orthodox, though. I was at a Russian Orthodox Church. We didn't want them at the Greek Orthodox Church. They sponsored my family got us set up in Baltimore, so we kind of had a ride for them. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you drop it or is your family still going to the Russian Orthodox? We moved when I was in fourth grade and just never went to church again. Fuck, I didn't realize that. You completely never went again? We maybe went back once or twice for like an Easter or a New Year's. Because that's the classic Orthodox shit. Literally once or twice. It's Easter.

Yeah. It's not, it's not Christmas. We don't give a fuck about Christmas. I was in Greece. I studied abroad, my junior year of college, and then I went traveling. And I went to Athens. Oh, you were after. During Easter.

I'm jealous. Everything was shut down. They were just roasting lamb in the streets. And it was like, and we went to a restaurant that day, and I had the best lamb of ever. It was just unbelievable. All these people just roasting. It's incredible.

Yeah. I remember this is, that's the cool part. The lame part is that I got the, what are the beads? Comboleoi Because they're everywhere And I like I was like flipping cumboleoy Yeah it feels cool

I'd like come back back to LA and I was like check this Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Like a hacky sack It is it is kind of like a cooler hacky sack though I like a goboloy It does make me feel like I'm connected to my roots It's just like these little fucking beads

That an old Greek man plays with Is it for counting prayers? No it's not Rosary It's a fucking fidget spinner really It's a fidget spinner okay It's a little bit about that It's an old Greek guy fidget man spinner. I wasn't sure if it was like the

Caribbean type thing. And again, I, like, I need to stress, Greek people do not really give a fuck about religion. It's great. Like, it's, it is the kind of thing. It's important for religion. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You care too much. Totally. It becomes something different. It's totally symbolic and there obviously, the church is kind of powerful

and there was, you know, there were times where it was too powerful in Greece, but there was like, there was like a fascist junta in the late 60s, early 70s that was very like military, you know, church and I think ever since then people like all right the church gets to be symbolic

but you don't get any you don't get to be in the affairs of our country anymore because you tried to like subvert our democracy or whatever and now it's like you know you go to church on Easter

everyone is Christian even like my cousin who like truly like was in mourning for months after Ozzy Osbourne died like loves metal is just like you know just hasn't really had a real job he's like 40 years old old and like is, but even he's like, yeah, he would identify as a Christian, but is he, you know what I mean?

Like, that's kind of the vibe, which I think is good because I think it's like, it's enough to kind to kind of keep your society having some order, but it's not enough to, you know, everybody being fucking homophobic or, you know, you don't go really crazy. Obviously, those exist in Greece. Yeah. And I'm not here to say they're enlightened. I've certainly overheard some, some interesting conversation. No way.

Grace, come on. Not a chance. They're good. Yeah. They don't have sex. They're very, like, very straight and narrow. Yeah, didn't almost wreck their economy from embezzling and not showing up to work. Yeah.

I mean, my Godfather... They bounced back a little bit, right? I guess. I mean, it's fine. It's a little better now. It's a little better. It's just chill. I mean, literally, I had family members who just worked.

They just had, like, regular people had no shows. jobs in Greece. Like they're in the mafia where it's like you could just get a public, like my, like my godfather worked, he was a contractor and he had his own business and then he worked technically for like the department of like power or something. He was like a handyman for them and he just straight up would go in there, clock in and then go home and like he worked the overnight shifts and he would just clock in, go to sleep like go back in the morning and clock out.

This is just like kind of like a known. thing. That was just like, yeah, you kind of got a job. You got to got a report. It was like, yes. Every once in a while, like he would get pissed. Like, we would be out at dinner and his phone would ring. He'd be like, I got to go to fucking work for like 25 minutes and he'd be pissed off.

But that's just how the society ran for a while, which I think is awesome. Yeah, it's kind of like, it's kind of like having, you know, I don't know. You know, people just get money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That system. That'd be nice. The system of government. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Everybody gets a little bit. A little bit of peace. We get to call on you when we need you. Yeah, yeah. But we're not going to overdo it. Yeah. You can still fucking, you know. And now it's like he moved to like an island and he kind of went back to living like

it's the 1800s. Like they have like a barter system. Like he has honey. Which island does he live on? He's in, he's on Knoxos. Okay. As if I would know, there are thousands. I've been, I've been a couple times, but.

If it's like it's the, it's the main, it's like the capital of the chain of islands that all the famous ones are in, like Santorini. Further out. Like, Micono. all those islands like it's the big one at the center it's a great island you should go it actually is a great one to visit because it's it's huge just a lot of shit to do but it's not super crazy with like tourists because they're all in the other ones but he just has like he has honey and he likes and he has like rabbits that he like shoots on his property and like him and his boys truly like

trade he'll come home and be like my boy left he had some fucking some fresh beans and moonshine I traded him a rabbit for it And like we had like rabbits do and moonshine When I was like 20 I would go visit them Because it was a fun vacation If you paid for the plane You could just crash with your relatives Right, right

But yeah, it's very interesting Greece is like my favorite place to go Yeah where'd you when you studied abroad Where'd you study? I studied in London Okay And then I was just like travel from there Yeah and I went to that time

I went to Athens and Santorini and then I went back with some friends and we took a like a catamaran around the islands like Hydra and so closer closer to Athens yeah yeah yeah those are great islands too though yeah it was it was beautiful and like the food is just so good like anybody can eat in Greece and not get sick it's the best and not get diarrhea

I know it's crazy and it's just like great cucumbers tomatoes yeah they are like good it's it's so good it's so fresh it's fucking awesome yeah it's red how so so when you were what was the like study abroad because I remember being in college and being like I'm going to go abroad and like be and I never did and be like a fucking man of the world

I'd never do I just like dropped out of college just to do fucking stand-up comedy but that's better that's a better option it probably was for me yeah it probably was and honestly I was probably going to study abroad in Greece and like that's barely and then just clock in at night yeah yeah honestly

that was the plan I literally wanted to go to just watch soccer in during the season instead of Because we would always go during the preseason, basically. You're right. Because we were there in August. But when you were, when you were out in London, what were you studying? I studied theater.

Oh, you were doing some Shakespearean shit? Yeah, we were doing Shakespeare. Hell, yeah. Which I, like, I was in acting at USC and then I did this. But I like, what I loved about USC is that you didn't need like a Shakespearean monologue. You didn't do a lot of that. But I wanted to study abroad. Yeah.

It was like a Shakespeare. You did like a monologue from Point Break to get in. yeah you're like yeah we watched point break man brodie was just right about everything it was yeah he really is it's fucking good yeah it's fucking incredible he's completely nihilistic he's the fucking man that is like i feel like a lot of people know that movie and it's respected but it's still not really at the level of respect that it's i fully agree it's so fucking good yeah um but sorry yeah you're at USC so i studied shakespeare so at the time you're like you're on you're on theater kid mode yeah you're like i'm a fucking actor actor yeah okay i played edmund okay

okay really cool stuff yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah we had a clowning class which i really love oh wow it was like mask work wow our father fucking awesome so you have to act like they would put a mask on you and you have to be like yeah well you like you'd like look at the mask and it'd be like these you know sort of like the comedian del art day is sure but like sort of a yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you'd like look at it and you would it was just fun because you'd be like you come up with a voice and a name like okay okay yeah just go around and like I don't even know like the class would be said it'd be like improvising yeah yeah yeah yeah and just coming up with the craziest shit and it was really really fun it was like very it was the opposite of Shakespeare right right right right right

right right I like that I do think clowning has gone too far recently yeah well I'm Clowning has become, like, if improv is too strenuous for you, try clowning. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I know somebody's fucking dog is barking. Good job, I was doing it earlier, but you just noticed. Right on cue. Don't worry, I've got the barking dog. Watching commercials from the 90s over here.

He's been letting the sock-and-bopper YouTube video play in his headphones the fucking... I'm doing producer. That is fun, though. when you're like when you're 20 like that's the time to do dumb bullshit like that like clowning yeah you know and now with the clowning i i don't like i respect i don't let me let me let me let me let me go on record that i do not yeah i mean like i just feel like you know the clowning it's become popular again like at least in l. like there are a lot oh it's gone crazy and it's just like you know a lot of it's like the buffon style you know that's like no no i don't know the gross clowning you know okay okay

naked kind of some blood and there are people who are good at that they're wrong but it's like everything else where it's like i would say clowning is worse i mean stand-up's the same way where it's like three ladies like you know half of the percentage of people who do stand-up are good at it right improv the same way absolutely uh clowning is even worse where there might be like four people on earth that i'm interested in seeing clowning from and everyone else is like you want to be a more interesting guy at your office right or it would What it is, it's like, hot women have gotten into it to be like, I don't know, and then there's a bunch, whenever like hot women are into some kind of very low stakes

creative pursuit, guys that want to fuck them are going to do it. And it's like, and it's just going to be. And then you get all these awful people involved in it. You're bringing a lot of people. That's really interesting. Or you see like some old fat French clown who's like he got to fuck like some girl because that's how it works. Like some old guy gets pussy he doesn't deserve.

from some dumb bullshit. Yeah. And then if that's viewed at the right time, that'll create an army of dumb, ugly motherfuckers that are trying to get pussy. Oh, right. Oh, yeah. I should teach a class.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's, yeah. And don't get me wrong. Everyone does everything to fuck. Yeah. Ultimately, I really do believe, like, humanity can be boiled down to that. Yeah.

That's why I did stand up. At least, at least, yeah, I guess that or at least some pleasure, right? Like, you do it to like, I feel like people do it to them like drink or to like smoke or I think it all leads back to getting your nut sucked or your pussy licked, you know? It is, it is. Wait, why did you say you're not? You're not sucked or your pussy licked. Yeah, yeah.

It is, I mean, you're single. I am. Yeah, I'm not. I'm married. It does, it does take a lot off the table. Like that brought me back to like, you know, when you're single, like, and you like somebody. But then it kind of falls up. part or your like friend he's talking to them it can really that used to be a lot not a lot of dark

nights but like oh yeah emotional dramatic oh totally so intense and that's just like off the table for me no that's nice i mean i've gotten to the this is a theme in my life and we talk about on the pod where it's like you can't live like a child forever which is what i'm doing you know you try i kind of try i try to like live enough as an adult yeah yeah a child every now and then but that's but I'm saying, like, being in a relationship and having a kid and shit, it's like, you're doing plenty of adult stuff so that you can be, you can do childlike shit in a nice, wholesome way. Sure. What I'm talking about is like, the impulse that got you to fuck sock and boppers, what if that

ruled your life? Still ruling my life. Ah, man, I'd be in so much trouble. I know. I would be, I would not. I don't know if I'd be sitting here. Yeah. Which is like, I've, that's my, that's my issue.

It's like, I love the idea of, like, being in a nice just having that off the table completely. I also love the idea of being older shit. Like all just trying to fuck and like being ruled by your base. You like having that off the table? I would love to not be ruled by my most

base instincts. Yeah. Which is a real issue for me whether that's, I mean pleasure like it my my biggest problem is obviously fucking eating. I can't stop. Like I can get, I can stop doing every other drug but man is it hard to get my diet in check. Yeah. Even while I'm doing a bunch of other shit it just really is

crazy psychological block right um and it's like it read i am just the most old-fashioned gluttoning that like let me get some pussy let me get some fucking alpasteur yeah especially when like life is good yeah yeah like things are going well you're like well i might as well have some fun yeah yeah i i can relate to that for sure i mean like yeah yeah if you're if you're if you're kind of doing what you want to do and things are yeah kind of fun yeah yeah well i'm gonna have a drink i'm gonna have a fun meal yeah and just like enjoy this totally totally that was kind of the whole that's the whole point yeah but that's what that goes back to my idea of like I do think that's ultimately what everyone is doing it for but they grow out of it at some point yeah um but yeah I don't know

it does shift for sure I know it's it's like I was talking to a friend recently and it's like you know when you start working and doing stuff whether it's like stand up or going somewhere for a job and they like fly you out and put you up at a hotel and it's like yeah I'm going to hit the minibar. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then you get to a point where you're like, I can't really do that.

I'm so tired of this. It's like, man, this is a different thing. Yeah, I know the exact. You just got to shift the what feels good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I definitely go back and forth. Yeah, yeah. There ain't nothing wrong with that, you know.

Kevin, what's his name? Kevin McAllister and Home Alone 2. Mm-hmm. Being at the plaza just going nuts. Yeah. That's been good for me. That's me. It's like, that's what life is about.

Yeah, that does. hanging out with Donald Trump Yes, exactly. Like that's a guy who doesn't hold back. He does whatever he wants. That's a guy who says what he feels. He's not worried about getting fucking canceled. We were talking about living to Donald Trump.

Yeah, we're talking about getting trumped up, baby. It's the only way to live. Unfortunately, yeah, he is. He's having a good time at the expense of literally everything else. Yeah. Like, that is the ultimate, like, fuck. what would I do with that much power? Would I just ruin the whole world?

Yeah, just like, fuck all you motherfuckers. Fuck you. I'm dying. I saw what you did when I got out of office last time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody came after me. I'm going to fucking just knock everybody around and go crazy. Like, all those, all those people, like, they're all like jacked up on anger.

They're like, it's a real drug. It's, it looks like cocaine. They might be doing cocaine. They might be Adderall, whatever. Totally. Be like they're all just like, uh, Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just crush your enemy.

I mean, what really sucks, it's got to be tough to be Rosie O'Donnell. It's got to be. Because she was his, like, number one enemy forever. And like, look, he's a piece of shit. Isis, fascist. They should all go to jail. But he is winning. Like, he is, he is stunting on all his enemies in a way that it's got to be brutal to be

Rosie. Because she was winning for a while. She had a better career. He was got to the apprentices canceled. He's a lunatic who's going. after Barack Obama and he's fucking president and he's got your ass. And he's like chased her

out of the country. He doesn't even live here anymore. She's gone. I don't know. She's a dream guest. Yeah. Have you reached out? I know, but right, consider this my official, you know. Have you always loved Rosie? Dude, the Rosie O'Donnell talk show. I love that. I love that.

Me too, exactly. It was the Coosh balls. How how are you? I'm 36. Okay. I'm 40. 41. No, I was like a little last kid watching that shit, too. I was fucking, I was like since second grade, be like Rosie's fucking awesome. She's fucking fun, man. She's fun. I want her to be my teacher.

Yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah. That's kind of what it felt like. And I was also, it also felt I wonder how much of this show basically, I bet you if you watch the Rosie O'Donnell show, it's exactly like this show vibes was. I probably just stole her whole fucking swag. That's fucking tight. That's a cool influence to have.

Makes you want to go back and check it out. I might want to check it out because it was like an afternoon talk show, which is a very rare thing. Like, Yeah, it wasn't daytime. Because she was doing it like a late night show, but it came on at fucking 3 p.m. Right. Which is an interesting, it's kind of a vestige of her on the couch. Yeah.

She wasn't going like, you know, what, like asking people about their relationships or like their pregnancies and trying to fix them and having like emotional, tearful conversations. No. Just having a good time pretending she wanted to fuck Tom Cruise. I remember that. I remember that all the time. That was awesome. That was so cool. We are now like she was, I mean.

Maybe honestly. I was just way ahead of us. but, like, it dipped off for a while with Cruz. Now, everybody's back. Everybody's just like, fuck, yeah, Cruz. Well, I guess if you were a lesbian, that is the body type, if you're a lesbian who liked femme, Tom Cruise, yeah, twinkish, elvish, you know.

I remember one episode, this is how being a kid, there was just one, I don't even remember who it was, but one lady was in Playboy, and they showed the picture, but they put band-aids over her tits. And I just remember being like, One of those. Yeah, I just remember being in fourth grade or whatever

and being like, awesome. Yeah. I remember being like, thank you for showing me tits, Rosie. You're fucking, thank you for showing me Playboy. On the show. On the show. It was like a fun, like, and that's a cheeky thing to do in the middle of the day, dude. Shout out to fucking Rosie, man.

Yeah, dude, she knew. She knew we were watching. Like, this is for my boys. Yeah, you know who my audience is. This is for my boys getting home from school. It's like, come on. There's a cooce for you boys. Dude, cooce is very fucking seven-year-old boycoded.

Yeah, he really is, flinging them out there. Oh, fuck. So did you do, so you go to England, you're fucking, you're playing fucking, uh, fucking, uh, Othello and blackface. Yes, I'm doing blackface. You're doing, yeah, you're doing it. I'm like, going to town. Yeah. Loving it.

Yeah. Yeah. And then you come back and you want to be a fucking, you're like, I'm a thespian. Yeah. And I was like, I came back and I was like, I'm not going to do. I was in a improv and sketch group with Kyle Mooney. yeah brother for good neighbor yeah very funny stuff thank you so much um and yeah we were all in a sketch group and i was like i'm gonna take the fall off and um because i'm gonna do three penny

opera on the stage yeah yeah mac the knife real fuck yeah dude that song yeah i know mac the knife but he doesn't sing that song the song fuck i know it sucks they sing it about him or yeah sing it about the narrow things oh okay damn that's a fucking banger um so i did that and then i came back was cool as fuck, huh? He's a badass. He's a serial killer and a rapist. I didn't realize he raped. I didn't mean to say rape was cool. But no, but he's like, he's got like three different girlfriends and he goes to visit.

And like, it's a, I think it's, it might be Brecht. I think it's brecht. So it's like, it's weird. I just know that song's cool and not knowing shit about the play. You hear like, fucking Maglanai. You're like, oh, he's cool. He fucking stabs. Somebody who's the knife,

cool fucking guy. He'll stab you. And he's kind of having fun with it. He's like, I'm a stabby, I'm a bad guy. Yeah. That is, yeah,

so you're playing Mac the fucking knife. Play him at the knife. You're like, comedy's not for me, fellas. Yeah, yeah. I'm Mac to the motherfucking knife. I studied abroad. I'm bringing, I'm bringing Europe back.

Mm-hmm. And I do that play. And then I, yeah, and it was fine. Yeah. I remember being on stage. And like,

we had this really great actress in our class. and she was in it. And, like, I remember being on stage afterwards and some of the actors in our class coming up to her and being like, you were amazing. Oh, my God. And then being like, dude.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was great. Pretty good. Oh, yeah. While they're waiting to talk to her. You memorized all those lines? Cool, man.

You really went for it with that one. Huh. Yeah, you're like, really shot for the moon, man. Good for you. Hell, yeah. Then went back to my. Oh, actors will let you know. That's a funny.

Theater kids are fucking hilarious. They're crazy. They are literally more competitive than athletes. You think so? Yeah, theater kids. I think so because sports at bottom, you do play the game. There is a close, it's not fully objective. There's refs, there's whatever.

There's a close to objective. Right. Somebody wins, somebody loses. You're either good or you're either fun. You either get laughs or you don't. But even with comedy, you can fucking, you can, get the right review you know people get sometimes reviews that are crazy yeah or people know how to work an audience yeah yeah yeah yeah totally totally like drop references and improv shows yes exactly yeah

they know the little tricks or whatever but even you know but i really feel like in theater it's like there is really no objective like some people are just super talented yeah but it's sociopaths that convince themselves they're the best right and nothing will ever truly convince them it's not true right Dude, they can be an awful singer. He's like, belting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just like, dude, no. And they're like, no, but I think it is good.

And usually, like, you don't record stuff and watch it back. Right, right, right, right. So they're just living in that moment, living in their feelings. 100%. Whether it's like dance, singing or the, yeah. And they're just like, and it's not a team thing. No. Like with improv, it kind of is, you know, with sketch and whatever.

Like, sports definitely. Like, you're working together. And in theater, it's, you're kind of like, I guess you are a little bit, but you're looking out. Everyone is always competing. They're the star. They want to be the stuff. In like a hilariously, like, sociopathic Machiavellian way.

And it starts young. Yeah, it does. It starts fucking young. I mean, you know, I, I don't know. It's just a very funny. And you don't, and you have parents that are like sports parents. I'm sure you're, your parents. Yeah.

Your parents weren't theater parents, were they? No, no. My mom, she would take me, she took me to auditions, like the, children's theater and she signed me up for she lied about my age so I could take improv classes at second city downtown that's pretty cool it was great yeah and then from that I got an agent and went on like 10 auditions yeah as a kid as yeah in high school oh wow I was like 16 did you get fresh-faced do we ever in like a fucking weird situation yeah what's what's fresh face because that sounds bad how bad do you want to be in a twix commercial kid I did have a shady audition and

likely and nothing this is crazy so like we go to downtown, right like, forget which hotel. Uh-huh. It's a big fancy hotel. Hotel already a problem. Yeah, it's like that never happened. Hotel already an issue. Yeah.

You feel like it's like, yeah, you got, you just signed a kid? His mom doesn't know anything about auditions. Okay, yeah, yeah, send them in. Yeah, send them in to my room. I went up to this person's room. My mom's in the hallway. Oh, no. So there's no bad.

But, you know, so you got the pocket doors that open up into the bedroom. If it's at least a sweet, but still, man. Yeah. You're on thin ice. And it was for Nickelodeon. Oh, wow, it's Dan Schneider. Honestly, it might have been. I could look up in my, no, I mean, I don't, my mom got in the email.

It was probably a call. But yeah, they were like looking for like the next all that or something. And I had to sing and dance and maybe do like a monologue. And I remember it was like backstreet, like boys were big. Yeah. And they just in the backstreet's back, you know, where they kind of do the whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I remember playing that song on a, like I brought in a little CD and put it in the boom.

And I was like, like, dancing for some man in his sweet. And how many people are in the room? Just him. Oh, no, you and one guy. Yeah, and he's just sitting there like, very good. He's like, all right, that's very good, Christopher. Christopher. Like, yeah, you know, you do the thing.

You audition, you sit on their lap, you bounce up and down, then you leave. You leave them your underwear. And then that's fun. That's how you audition. I'm a pro. Oh, fuck. But yeah, luckily there was no weird comments or anything. But looking back and everything that's happened.

I mean, that's insane. It's insane. No casting director? To hold, yeah, exactly. Auditions for children in a fucking sweet. And sing and dance for me. Yeah. I mean, that could have been like, whoof, now it's dawned on me.

Maybe that was the whole, that's all he wanted. Yeah. Yeah, he's not connected Nickelodeon whatsoever. Your mom got scanned. He's not looking for. like, now we're getting dark. He's not looking to go the next step with any of these kids. He's just looking to have kids come and sing and dance.

I mean, that could have been a sexual thing for whoever that guy was. Oh, just that. Because, I mean, when you look at the Dan Schneider stuff, it's like the stuff he was making the kids do. I like, I can't really watch those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, because I was abusive. I'm finding out right now.

But, uh, yeah, like, just making him do kind of like suggestive things or, like, get wet or something. Yeah, it's so fucked up. It's fucking crazy. Um, and I would love, it would be interesting to go, back and see if they even cast any new all that members in that year. Yeah, probably not. Definitely not.

Because I feel like the cast is pretty locked. Yeah, yeah, no. It wasn't that much movement. They were like, we're looking for the next one. Yeah, yeah. Come in sing and dance? Yeah. I mean, I guess they kind of did a little bit of that.

Yeah. When you met Keenan, were you like, how about singing and dancing in that guy's hotel by yourself? He was like, yeah, no. I can't. I've never tried to kid him. No, man. down the person I'm

yeah yeah I'll run it by him next time I see him yeah he seems to be the only non-molested one of that entire that entire group yeah he's just too good of a guy yeah you hear that kids if you get molest this

because you're bad yeah you're bad it's your fault if you're just kind of nicer to be around like Tina you smiled more maybe you'd be spared go to work and don't bring your back to work and you kind of just like

cool to everybody and you deal with your own shit on your time then you won't get abused then you won't get punitively molested for setting production back a day absolutely I'm glad we could address this oh fuck

now did you think in when you're in London do you think they prepared you to be like Clark Kent's annoying a coworker did that get you did they did you did you Did they get you primed for that? You know, because you crushed that.

Thank you. You did. You were truly hilarious in that role. Thanks, man. Appreciate that. You know, I don't know if it was, yeah, no, I wish I had something funny to say. No, they didn't. It did not.

I don't know where that came from. Probably just my personality. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Just a love playing obnoxious idiots. Yeah, it's the best. It's so freeing, you know, it's like, there's a part of me that probably likes to be that in my real life, you know, and just like, you have to keep kind of locked away a little bit. And they

let you free it. Yeah. Well, at this point in my life, I think, I think there's enough self-awareness now where it's like, I don't want to be that guy. Sure. You know what I mean? But that's lurking. It's lurking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a different path in your life. And you're just like, I'm having a good time. And then you like, oh, I guess I am kind of, that's, that is in me. Yeah. Oh, totally. I get that. I mean, every, every, like, you know, everyone who's good at playing something i just feel like they have just a little piece that they let that they let out on the leash absolutely and i don't know if it was like growing up and seeing the sort of like that kind of behavior a little bit chicago is probably pretty well like in terms of loud obnoxious loud

mouths absolutely who think they're funny yeah big big time because it's a culturally the city is funny yeah and they're like i'm here i'm a funny guy yeah people are funny but they like yeah there's something about i don't know if it's a generational thing either though because it's like my dad's and my parents' friends or whatever, but there's like definitely like that sort of like, I'm going to give you a hard time. Sure. You know what I mean?

But that's also like when people aren't that funny, they're offensive. Yes. So it's always, I feel like there's a lot of that back there. Like, I'm joking. I'm giving you a hard time. Relax.

Yeah. Yeah. Totally. You just says something obnoxious. Come on. You said I look stupid and fat. Yeah. And that I looked like I got these clothes out of the garbage.

I haven't seen you in five years. Pretty good, actually. That's actually not bad. pretty spot on. That's not bad to hit you with in quick succession. I'd have to see the timing to see if it was good or not. Yeah, you look stupid and fat. Would you get those clothes?

The garbage can. They think you forgot to shave today. Nice to see you. Nice to see you. It's also like people try to be funny. Of course. I was on SNL and they're like, yeah, I'm going to be funny. This is fun.

Oh, that's tough. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So it's that, that behavior is right there. Ready for me to pick up. Yeah. Don't need to do much. well do they and and let me ask you as like a gift when the when the movie's over do they let you look at Superman's penis yep

wow that's fucking awesome yeah and is it the actors or do they give him a prostate because they never see his dick but you gotta think superman's got to have a big hog right it's and i don't know what corn sweats working with but no disrespect no any human man probably is a smaller dick than Superman I would guess and that's part of the casting process they show the penis they're like gun gets in there perfect it's like it's it's just big enough just small enough just kind of right It's going to fit in the mold. Oh, they put it in a mold. They have a Superman penis mold. And they're like, will the body fit the mold? Right.

And so like what they go there about the casting, they're like, they just have this mold in every session. No. That's not Superman. If you don't get in the mold, they don't even let you read the lines. Yeah, no, no, no, no, you got to get in the mold. That's really interesting. It's kind of like Cinderella, you know, fit the mold fits. Oh, it just came to life.

It was really special. Beautiful, dude. But he's great. I mean, he's like one of those guys when shooting with him. I like felt very, I like felt safe with him. He seems cool. Like it's so easy to fucking hate on like, like, Jack, talented, gorgeous guys.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. He really does seem like the most perfect guy. Because he's also like what we were talking about earlier. He seems to love his wife. They're, they're adorable. Yeah, it's so sweet. And he's like,

a dork about the shit he, like... Yes, he's a real dork. He cares about all this stuff and loves it. He might be the only benevolent straight theater guy I've ever even been aware of. Because mostly they're sinister. Yeah, definitely. Straight theater guys are mostly...

They're very intense. You get the worst of gay and straight into one guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Usually. I mean, yeah, it's a lot of intense energy. I mean, like, that's what I think, like, I was in the theater in high school, and I was like, I kind of don't...

Yeah. This crowd is, it's a lot for me. Totally, totally. So I think that's why comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It just ended up going that way more. That shows you how bad it is that you're like, I feel more comfortable around comedians. Yeah, this is a better, this is a more welcoming environment.

Oh, man, it is. I am friends with a lot of, like, well, I would also say theater actors. Maybe theater brought, like, musicals. I mean, I think music, I think the musical is where it gets dicey. It's like, because it's just, it's just, it's, just more intense totally but like i'm friends with a lot of actors friends with a lot of comedians and it is it's interesting they kind of like roll their eyes at each other of course you know like you got the actors are so genuine

the comedians are so bitty they can't have a real right right right right but the actors are so genuine you can't sometimes too genuine dude oh um i know that is interesting i mean i love them both um but yeah but yeah comedians are scared to be earnest yeah and like actors can overdue earnestness sometimes. Yeah. It is cool when you meet just a cool actor. Like I was shocked when I fucking did. I mean, I wasn't shocked because I didn't think they were going to be weird.

But it was like, you just don't know what to expect. Like, you know, begonia out now, go see it. Not that you need me to fucking promote it. But both Emma Stone and fucking Plemons were awesome. Yeah. Just regular fucking people who were funny and just like, yeah, it was like, I was, because you expect like, oh, I'm going to go there. Emiston's going to throw hot coffee in my face because I look.

You're going to say the wrong thing. You're going to do something wrong where it's like, you don't do that on this kind of set. That's what I felt with Superman. I was like, oh, this is going to be different. It's like, no, it's the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's just like, it's same. It's the same thing. It's just bigger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How did you, so like, have you always acted? Were you, I mean, like, because you're doing more of it. I liked, I mean, I always liked acting. I kind of was, I mean, maybe all this, like, talking about how theater kids are

piece of shit is projection because, like, I kind of dipped my toe in, like, the theater kid, like Waters, but I just you know, I don't know, when I was like, really, like me and others were in some elementary school productions together, you know, I kind of did think, I think there was a moment where I was like, I'm a fucking, I'm a triple threat. Right. Sing, dance, act. Do we're singing in dancing?

I wasn't dancing, I was singing, though. Yeah, you know. I thought I could sing when I was like in third grade. Like, I'm watching Rosie O'Donnell. I'm sitting, I'm in there. I'm like, I'm going to be a star like grossy. That's so cute. I can sing. Yeah. Yeah.

And then I do think there was a little just like, you know, plenty of toxic masculine, you know, like sort of influences on me where it's like, I don't want to do that. I don't want it's fucking gay. I'm fucking cool. You know, back when gay was bad. Yeah. Now it's awesome. Gay didn't mean you were gay.

Yeah. Yeah. You were not cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I was like, I'm a fucking cool guy. I'm a, I'm a.

jock i'm fucking awesome i like i went i literally like i had one my any the only training i've ever done in acting is i i went to the baltimore school for the arts like after school program oh yeah for middle schoolers one year and i i kind of liked it it was pretty fun whatever and then i auditioned for like the school i don't know if i or i went to like one audition and i kind of and i got a call back but i remember being like so what's your guys sports teams like And they were like, we're the school for the arts. We don't fucking have. We don't, yeah, yeah, we don't have sports.

And I was like, sorry, Ma, I'm not going to be able to even fucking go to the callback. I got to play football. Wow, nice. Yeah. And then I did. I probably wouldn't have gotten it. Also, it's like, I don't think I was like. I couldn't sing, first of all.

Yeah. Like, I thought I could sing. Yeah. I did Les Mizz, my senior year of high school, Jean Valjean. Oh, huge deal. Yeah, Valjean. Looking back at the DVD, oof. Yeah.

I'm like, too, fall, six. The whole, it's just like, wow, man. You really think you're an opera singer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe for the time it was fine. But, like, yeah, looking back and being like, oh, that, how good I, like we were saying, like how good I thought I was was really in my head. Now that I can watch it back, ooh, stick to, yeah.

Oh, a lot of that. Stick to the non-singing acting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You play football? I played, I wanted to play football, and I got very lucky that our JV, I, my parents, didn't want me to play football. They were actually fully correct. Yes. I would not let my son

play football. Like they were very ahead of the, Europeans were ahead of the curve on like, this is barbaric. We shouldn't have children smashing their heads into each other. But my JV, so I played soccer, you know, my whole, pretty much my whole life. And then our JV.

soccer coach gave pornography to one of the kids in 10th grade. And not even in a molester way in like I want him to think I'm cool way, which is in, worse, but it's weird. Yeah. It's still weird. It's not worse than the molesting. No, you don't want to get to get molested. I'm on record. We're anti then.

We're anti. We've said it a million times today. And we even tried to give kids tips earlier on how not to do it. Yes. You know, be fun. Be smile at the workplace. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Be have boundaries. Don't let them in. It's on you again. It's on you again. You're going to work. You're going to go to work. Go to work. Your next project's You're doing a children's show, right? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just me and the kids. Filmed at your suite at the Waldorf Astoria. You're allowed to do that, actually. You're allowed to shoot a kid's show in your hotel room by yourself. Yeah, it's not technically illegal. It's not technically illegal. But yeah, you played football.

And so he got shit-kinned, and I got to kind of sneak into playing football because I was a lot. My parents didn't even. to know because they just thought I was going to soccer practice and then I you know I played for a couple years it was just it was truly just some like you want the uh American experience right kind of shit where I was like I'm a fucking cool jock I play football yeah and that wasn't ultimately for me but I do like I do like that I got to play actual football with pads and shit for a couple years I had that experience it was pretty fun yeah I got to play on the we had like a rivalry game the the Polly City game uh and I got

I had to play on Raven Stadium. That was fucking sick. But, yeah. Would you play anything? I played, I played football. I played a lot of sports growing up. And then I played football.

It was fullback. Nice, dude. I wanted to play full. That was a classic, like, Mike Allstott was around at the time. I don't know if you remember. You wanted to be, and I was a fat white boy, obviously.

What, he was? He was at the bucks. He was in the bucks. He had the big neck done. And I got some of those too. Yeah, I loved watching them. Yeah. I got elbow pants.

Totally. Just like barrel through people. Yes. Yes. But I was too dumb to get offensive plays. Like, my brain just doesn't work in terms of understanding football at all. Really? Yeah.

That's going to hurt you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I played defensive line, which was fun. Defense is more fun. You just fucking just go try and tackle the guy. It was awesome. Yeah.

Yeah, so, but yeah, football was, it was fun because you got to be like, I'm fucking, I'm fucking a badass. Yeah, he just to like go insane. Like, I took a lot of, yeah, I took a lot of anger. issues out of football. It was definitely, or maybe it created them. Looking back in CT,

you know, maybe a little CT. Yeah, maybe a little sprinkling. Yeah, just losing my mind a little bit, bashed my head into other kids. Well, that's the kind of, I mean, you're bringing the right brain into podcasting. I know you're, that's,

you should have brain damage to get into podcasting. It feels like that's what's making it possible to keep going. It's the perfect, like, mix of like, already established show business career plus brain damage. Yeah. Because if I was a little sharper, I'd be like, why am I doing this?

Why am I doing this? I'm debasing myself. I have a good career. I'm in major movies. I was on SNL. I don't need to do this. You got the voiceover stuff happening? I'm fucking, you ever try and buy fucking buffalo, you know, palm garlic wings?

You know what I mean? You're going to hear your voice. You're going to hear my voice. I got that. You're the Buffalo, dude. Best job ever. That's fucking sick. Favorite job.

I mean, SNL was great, but Hank is like. B-dub-dubs, guys. I love my beat. We're a big B-dubs guys. It's fantastic. Incredible environment. I'm very jealous. If you can put in a good word.

Maybe Hank has a little friend. Like, do you want to go to one of the restaurants? Yeah. Can you get me in the door? I can probably get you in one. It's like four Charles. Honestly. Getting a reservation of Buffalo Wild Wigs.

It's really hard to get in. Can you get in? Honestly, you know, maybe Hank has done some commercials with, did one with Heidi Garden. She came. Little Dickie. Sure. I don't know.

Maybe I think you'd be perfect. Come on. You could talk with Hank, be there, improvised with you. I would love that, dude. Put the CGI Buffalo in. Okay, B-dubs. B-dubs. You guys are here.

I'm a fan. I'm a fan. I'm not, this wouldn't be bullshit. Stop, just ready to go. I've put away a lot of Buffalo Wild Wings in my day, truly. But you and your boy, Kyle, very funny. Yes, yeah, he is. And we should plug that before we get to our calls.

Yeah, it's called. What's our podcast? It's a podcast where we don't know what our podcast is about. So we have our guests come on and give us an idea. We talked to them for a little bit and then we try it because we were like, let's just, yeah, we were talking about this a little bit. But let's just do as little preparation as possible. I love that because that's my, the philosophy of podcasting is you should do no work.

You should never edit anything. You should never second guess anything. This is a bullshit medium. I need to get into. I need to let that go. You have to, that, that is the, that's the problem where you start from real forms of entertainment. Like, I want to make this good. And come back. I want to craft it and make it. That will

ensure you fail. Yeah. I'm already, I'm like, this is too much work. This is not what I signed up for. I sent it for hanging out. And like, I like putting the clips out. Yeah. I was just looking at it. You can't. You can't. You can't. Right. You can't care that it's good or not. You put it out. You're right. It's slop. You piggies will eat it up. Right. Because I'm a, we're all piggies. We all like to eat it up. Other people slop.

Yeah. Yeah. I have to go on long walks and not be with my thoughts sometimes. I have to do I have to do laundry. Yeah, exactly. It's so sad to do laundry or dishes without hearing people talk in your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, you're going to reflect on your life?

Oh, what am I doing? Are you going to think about what's next for yourself? No, you're going to hear some comics, phone in a conversation. Really what it is. It's like I was saying that with my wife watches, I mean, I watch it with her, Bravo, reality TV, and she puts it on a night. And it's like, just fill, fill the silence. in your head until you're tired enough to go

to sleep. Don't engage with anything. All this does, yeah. Don't engage with anything hard intellectually. Uh-huh. I've even started reading books that are easy. You started reading books that are easy? Yeah. It's like, do you want to give me one? I mean, just like, I mean, not they're good books, but it's not like intellect, like, yeah, I got it. I started

reading, like mystery stuff, crime books. I want to get into more of that. I read some, what's his name, Stephen King like years ago. He's good. He's good. I heard of that guy. He's good, man. He's actually good. I'm actually the first one to fucking realize that that guy's got some good shit. No, I mean, really spooky and scary too. Like, talks

to like right to the human experience. But that's what I'm talking about. It's shit like that. Like I'm reading, I just read the book Jackie Brown was based on rum punch. Elmore Leonard. Elmore Leonard is perfect, dude. Because Elmore Leonard. He's, a lot of his books have been turned into movies because they're just fun and like, they're crying. And they're well written, but it's like

you can be pretty dumb and enjoy them. It's, I mean, I, I couldn't be more supportive of, like, basic, simple reading. Yes, dude. It's like, people read and it just, they bring a little snootiness into it. And it's like, oh, I read this. It's so funny. And it, like, won this award or it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. New York Times best books.

And it's like, I get some people like to be challenged, but like, I used to read goosebumps in second grade. Exactly. A fucking great time. Exactly. And then it got into higher stuff. And I'm like, this is just, the adult goosebumps is like, for bros are like, it's like a dumb crime not dumb but like a mystery novel

crime like I love action movies I yes this shit's kind of formulaic you know it's gonna be you're trying to guess who it is but you read a good one but it's good bro you're just like so in it I know well listen don't but listen don't read books don't listen to the podcast our podcast don't read audio books you

that's a big don't do that don't do books if you're going to do it listen to a podcast about the book not even the audio version of it like we'll just talk about a book Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of like, what was that thing in Cliff's Notes or whatever? Yeah, Cliff Notes.

Shout out to Cliff Notes. But yeah, we don't know what we're doing. Love that. It's been crazy. We banked 14 and now we just started to put them out, and I'm having to watch myself. Another big mistake. Another big mistake.

I could not tell you. So I did actually come here being like, I want advice on how to make this sustainable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is. Never watch anything. It's like it net. And that's because nothing's going to matter. You're like, oh, what did I say?

It's going to be bad. It's going to turn people. That's what I'm saying. You are, you are stuck, your brain is stuck in a place where people watch what you do. Right. And you're like, I will be judged for this. And that will not happen with podcasts. But it's also like.

When it does, it's catastrophic. Don't get me wrong. When something. Totally fucked. But it's not then. When a podcast clip breaks containment into the fucking regular world, you are fucked. But even then you have to be like, it'll be over in two weeks. Exactly.

It's like, whatever. And more people will listen to my podcast. It'll be like a headline, people will be like, oh, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, like. But you have to make peace with that, too. Yeah, because it's also the reason, I mean, it's the reason why I like a lot of podcasts is, like, the looseness and just seeing people, like, unfiltered. Barely give a fuck, you know, tell their real, say what they really feel about clowns. Fuck you. Fuck you, clowns.

I mean, that is, clowns, clowns want that. Honestly, that's the clown dynamic. We fed into them. They're going. Yeah. Oh, mm-mm. And then they kind of. No, no.

Now they're, like, pulling a little rose out. And I'm like, you know, fuck you. And I throw their rose at them. Fuck, I'm falling right into their trap. You're falling right into that clown trap. Honestly, I would, if a sexy clown tried to trap me, dude, I would allow it for sure. Absolutely. I think I think I do like when a woman has a dumb costume or, like, dumb hair.

You like that? I do. Can you think of something that, I mean, like, I'm trying to, I mean, I, again, I'm putting you on the spot. I ask you about your book. No, no, go ahead. Your sexy clown. What, yeah, yeah. Can I think about a sexy clown I would fuck?

Let me see here. Like the lady from weapons. Ooh, a hot version of her? I honestly would. The fucking fucked up. So scary. Yeah. But I mean like if you put a girl with huge tits and a weird wig

and that weird little cutoff wig and like over plastered makeup. Yeah. Yeah. There's cosplay. There will be some aunt. What the fuck was your name? Aunt. Do you remember eldest?

Do you see weapons? I didn't see. You didn't see it? No spoilers, please. I hear it's really good. Yeah. No, no spoilers. You fucking asshole, are you out of your fucking mind?

Yeah, you're too late. On Gladys. That was my name. On Gladys, yeah. Yeah, if a sexy on Gladys, yeah. Yeah, I'm down for a sexy clown picture. I understand why cosplay has overtaken the internet. I don't know if you're aware of this.

Oh, I am aware of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fed to me. And it's like, yeah, I want to fuck a hot version of the cartoons I watched as a child. Yeah. You got me. I want to fuck every X-Men, woman. I mean, you know.

Costumes are sexy. Like I remember doing theater and like dancing in like seventh grade and being like, these girls are wearing these skirts and these. Yeah. Like they're just like, yeah, you know. Yeah. Yeah. This is good shit.

It's good shit. Costumes are hot and horny. Costumes are coming back. Costumes are back. Getting hard. Getting hard is coming back. People wearing costumes is back. Come on.

That's it. That's our. This thing is back. of the week. This thing is back of the week. Getting your dick hard on the sidewalk. Because they have costumes.

Big old-timey costumes. Listen, on that note, why don't we take some calls from our listeners here, buddy? Let's do it. Let's solve some problems. Let's solve some motherfucking problems. And when do these come in? Who got who fucking knows, dude? Years ago, maybe at this point.

Yeah, usually they're not older than four months. Before the episode was recorded And then who knows when the episode comes out Yeah, right, of course, yeah Some of these people are dead Yeah, they're cooked Go ahead, Eldis

Now, hey, Elvis, what's going on? Featured guests, what's going on? So here's the thing's coming out of your fucking computer again. I've been dating this girl About a year and a half now. She's awesome, like we have a great relationship. Yeah. He's buying sock and boppers online.

Yeah, we heard Saganbopper is loud. Small as soccer bopper possible. But God forbid the calls come in clearly. No. I think anyway. Let me put the volume up. We moved in together in January right now. It's August.

So, you know, at eight months, it's been going really well. But the thing is, she's kind of annoying as fuck. And I mean that it's like, like, I... Big problem. Sometimes I just need a little bit of space. She doesn't exactly know how to do that. Everything's going great. If I decided about my friends for the night or whatever,

if I'm not, like, responding to, like, a text message within, like, 20 minutes, I'll send me, like, a sad face. And, like, it's cute, but at the same time, it's like... No, it's not. Like, you know, like, it's just, like, I don't want to be on my phone texting her, but at the same time, I feel bad not to answer, so it's like, fuck. Like, I'm, like, you know, like, I plan to it a little bit, so it's kind of my fault as well.

But even aside from that, like, even... Like, when we didn't live together, it was, you know, like, we spent a whole weekend together because we meet each other all week. Now we see each other every day all week, and there are nights or, like, just other times where, like, maybe I want to play a video game or want to do something outside with my girlfriend. And, like, if I do, she's like, oh, come on, like, you don't want to hang out with me? And it's like, you know, I'm course want to hang out with you, but I don't need time for me. So the thing is, my question for you is, how do I bring this up in a nice way to, like, I need a little bit of space? Because I'm feeling a little bit smothered, and it's kind of giving me chest pains now, stop.

So how do I bring it up in a nice way? So it doesn't become a fight, and she still shows me as much affection as she does now. Hilarious. So that's where I'm out right now. How does everything stay the same except my needs or mat? Yeah. I feel a little bit smother right now. I just want to bring it up in a nice way.

Anyway, thanks you guys. You guys crack me to fuck up. Keep the shit going, please. Okay. Yeah, well, yeah. I think, like you said, she is abusing him. It's abuse. Yeah.

This is like, like, if it was a guy, You'd be like, what are you doing? You can't go anywhere. Where are you? It's like, but then like with a woman, it's like, oh, she loves me so much. It's kind of cute. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean.

How long have they been together, did he say? A year and a half. It sounds like they're living together. They've been living the last half year or whatever, eight months or whatever the fuck you said. I mean. Okay. I mean, right off the bat, I'm like, get out. Get out of there.

It seems like. Immediately. It seems like, you know, maybe you met her at a time where. You couldn't really, you didn't really know how to talk to girls. You didn't really know how to figure. Like, you met somebody. You're like, oh, she's cute enough. She's great.

I like her. And then she's like clinging on. And you're like, well, I haven't been able to find a better situation out there. Sure. So this has got to be the best. Yeah. But she's turning on you. There is this thing where you, this guy might be a little insecure.

Because this has happened to me in the past where, like, I was insecure. So I would date women that made it really obvious. they liked you to the point where they're the ones to text you constantly. And when you're, you know, when you're two months in, you're like, does this girl even like me? You want someone who's constantly checking in and gets mad if you don't text back. And then when you settle into a normal, the normal rhythms of a relationship, you realize, like, when your neuroses have faded.

Yeah. But you're like, well, I've attracted someone who, now that this behavior is not, now that I'm sure she likes me, I'm annoyed at her, even though I kind of trained her. Or like, I kind of set the standard of this relationship being, I'll text you whenever.

Right, it's acceptable. This is a good way of communicating. Right. Oh, I love you. You're so cute. Right. And some people, listen, some people,

you meet these fucking, fucking weird-ass couples that like really constantly talk to each other and are like locked in. And it's like, you know, if it works for you, it works for you. Clearly, what I'm thinking, what it seems like to me is this motherfucker set this standard where this is acceptable

and now he's like, okay, actually the thing I pretended to love about you, I think is fucking annoying. Right. So you got to switch your whole shit up, you fucking bitch. That's going to be tricky. Because I'm trying to play Battlefield. Right. I don't want to fucking hang out.

Yeah. You know? And you're stuck now. And you're stuck. And I don't know. I mean, has even tried. talking to her? Did he say anything Eldish? He didn't say. He doesn't want to hurt

her feelings. He's too scared. So he's a coward. He's a coward. Which is tough. And he's letting her abuse him. Yeah, right. And he deserves it. Yeah, he really does. Like those kids auditioning for all that 3.0. Yeah. He deserves what's coming to him. I've been here. Do not sing and dance for her.

You're not going to get what you want. You've got to do your own thing. I mean, you got to, you got to be like, this is a The classic thing, you move in and you're like, look, we got to set some ground rules here. Yeah, yeah. And you just got to, you got to be like, I want to, well, I was going to say, like, I want to want you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But then that could hurt her feelings. Yeah, I mean, I think it's the kind of thing where these conversations, the rule is always like, you need to have these conversations as soon as possible. Mm-hmm. And you've already waited a little too long because you kind of set the ground rules for this relationship and she's behaving. And I think you should take ownership of that. And so now.

And not put it all on her. Exactly. And it's like, and now she's going to be fucking pissed. She's going to be like either sad or mad. You are kind of bringing this out of nowhere because this is how you've related to her the whole time. But you have to be like, hey, I like, you know, I liked all this stuff. I definitely, I find it endearing. But now that it's like we're here day to day, I see you all the time.

I'm happy to do it. But like, I need a little. It was great when we weren't living together and I missed you constantly. but now it's like, I need a little, and you don't even have to say, like, explicitly, like, give me some, you just have to, you just have to be like, hey, Thursdays are my day that I do blank. Or you just kind of have to, because I think when you live together and you guys probably would know better, definitely know better than me,

I've literally never lived with a significant other. We've got two married men on the pod of me, but I do feel like a lot of it does become about your routines and about your, like, your regular life. and now that you've settled into normal life, you kind of have to figure out what your actual routines are because it's, when you're dating someone and you don't live in the same place,

when you're, they're like sleeping over. It's like a vacation vibe. It's not what your life is really like. Even if you spend four days in a row at somebody's apartment, whereas now it's like, you just need to carve out time for yourself and almost like put it on the fucking relationship calendar,

I think. I think so too. But you guys tell me, what are your eldest is over there chomping at the bit, I see you. get in there. I mean, I kind of agree with Beck that this probably is just doomed like long term.

I mean, this is, this is kind of like, it's aggressive. Too aggressive. Doom. It's doomed. Don't even try and have a conversation.

You can. I'm guessing. You can. I wouldn't. I would run. I've been in this situation before too. And it's like, this kind of is like a young person,

and young relationship kind of thing. Sure. That's fair. And it's like, it's like exactly what you said stuff. Like the ground rules have not been set. And even what you just described, no matter how you word it, it will just kind of hurt the person's feelings. It will. Because you're basically saying like, which is a very like male thing, but like, I like

you and want to be around you. But you're basically saying like, I want to talk to you when I feel like talking to you, Not like every single second or whatever. Or that's just how it comes across. Sure. But by the way, you have to hurt her feelings a little bit because you should have done this in the beginning and she should have chosen whether that's acceptable or not.

This is, I think this is. And now your only option are hurt her feelings a little bit to a place that's acceptable for you and she can get over it and see that you're being reasonable or it's too much. She doesn't want that kind of relationship and you break up. I might just be a coward. You are.

First of all, yes. You can tell. That's true, but go ahead with the second part of your sentence. I might just be a coward, but I think like this is such a basic thing. This is like an early vibe check like in a relationship. Like moved in too early. Moved in, but also like the person you're dating, you should be able to like sniff this out. You need to be compatible.

Yeah. You need to be compatible with how much you spend like, you know, I've dated people where it's like they want to hang out all the time. I've dated people where it's like you cannot text. them for weeks they don't fucking give a fuck right and it's like um and you're right that's people have to be on the same similar rhythms because some people yeah spend the way you spend money the exactly they just have to be like this is a fundamental yeah this is one of those fundamental things of like yeah there's people who like have different like move in together have different bedrooms and might not even fucking see each other in a day but that's not weird to them and I think you're

right I agree with you are the odds great no but the only chance you have is re is in a semi painful way trying to reset the ground rules now that you've and your chance was moving in together because when you move in together everything changes and you should have done it then but you know i think setting some specific times is important like this is when i do this or i do this once a week i go out with my my friends or like i play this is when i play video games and like setting those times right and also talking about codependency Yeah. Because we all, it's a, it's a very buzzy word, but codependency kills relationships usually.

And it's like, because then you don't have two individuals. Like my therapist used to say something along the lines of like, if you have two people who are together, like, if you're attracted to somebody, they need to not be you. They need to be somebody else. Right, right, right. But if you meld your lives to where, like, she is on top of you all the time, you're not going to be able to be attracted to that person anymore. Sex is going to go out the window. You're going to be bickering all the time. So, like, I mean, I don't know.

No, like, I don't have the codependency, you know, stuff all right there. But, like, just look that up and be like, yeah, yeah. This is for the relationship. I don't want us to fall into this, like, glob of one being. We need to be our own selves. You figure out your times during the week. I'll figure out my times. But I think that's also important.

It's like not just keeping it too loose. Right. Like setting those times. Especially with somebody like this. And also setting the times, it could be seen as a middle ground, if you are a coward, to not directly have the, Oh, it's not that I don't want to be with you. It's just that during these times, I have to do X, X and X, which I think the middle ground is ultimately just delaying shit.

Yeah. I think you have to say how you actually feel. But, you know, you could try. You could just milk this for another couple fucking, another year and a half. Yeah. This way. And then now you have more skin in the game. It'll hurt more when it fucking is doomed, like Elda says.

Yeah. Yeah. And then it'll be too late to really have a relationship or maybe, I don't know, have kids. or something like that. Right, right. You know. But you know, you're a man. It's probably easier for you.

She's probably more fucked than you are. You can always have kids. You can never not have kids when you're a guy. Look at El Pacino. Absolutely. He's still nothing. Whoever will let him. Yeah.

Respect. Yeah, respect. Respect to Big Pacino. So, yeah, rip the Band-Aid off, set some time aside, bring up codependency. Absolutely. Yeah. Good luck. You're screwed.

Go ahead, Eldis, what else we got? Well, hold on. Wait, some's fucked up here. What's going on? Oh, no, what the hell's going on? Holy shit, what? What the fuck? This is insane.

Is that Mark Maren? Oh, my God. No, it's something even crazier. It's time to keep it twisted. It's the motherfucking ass, twisted-ass, fucked up question of the week. Brought you by Twisted Tee. We know you're a fucked up guy back. Yeah, I'm twisted ass a little bit.

Oh, look what Elders. It's for us, right? Wow, Eldis. You are a fucked up guy, but I love when we keep it fucking twisted. Keep it twist. All right, what's this week's fucked-up-ass motherfucking question of the fucking week, Eldis? Hi, Sopi.

High potential is esteemed guests. Thank you for answering my call. Here's my issue. I am a physician in Atlanta, and I have been for a while now. Before I was a musician in Atlanta, I was a music pastor in Birmingham in, like, 2015. I went to a Christian college, all that stuff, and did all of that. And I got fired from that church for, you know, kind of being black, honestly. Not going to lie, it was Birmingham, Alabama.

Can we just say on the record? That is not the kind of keeping it twisted. We condone on the motherfucking-esque-twisted-ass question of the week. So let's just be on the record there. Twisted T does not like when people are fired for racial reasons. That's not fun-twisted. I feel safe saying that on behalf of the company. They are against racist firings.

Keep going, Elders. You got to look out for the T. Emma, I could give a whole separate call about that shit, but since I've left the church, ultimately, I'm kind of kind of a liberal, godless atheist now. I'm doing okay in Atlanta, booking myself and things of that nature, but I still have a lot of friends who are in the church still who get way more high. paying games and a lot of them think the same way I do they just go like hey let me just go in there and play play for 25 minutes and get a really nice check and there's a part of me that is like do I just do I just like pretend for Sundays and get this check because I still can I still have a way in to get these checks but at the same time I'm like I don't believe any of this

I'm not here for any of this I feel like it would be morally bad to do but financially I just had a baby I got a wife

you know what I'm saying I'm like I'm looking I'm like bro I got to make I got to make money doing this music shit and I don't know do you think that I should

pretend to love Jesus for Sundays or yeah and find other places is to book book gigs. Okay, all right.

Yeah, that's my issue. I'll just, can I say really, really great, you know, Twisted Tea pays us. No mind fields in this question. Just a, just a question about a black woman, a black lesbian who was

fired for race reasons. Yeah. Talking about faking Christianity for money. I'm sure our sponsors are thrilled with the twisted fucked up question you chose. Something nice and easy.

That has no implications on it. greater world whatsoever. It couldn't have been, hey, stop, should I not my girlfriend? I don't want to have a kid, but it feels good. It couldn't have been something like that, could it, Elders. In fact, Elders kept it

too twisted, dude. You're the one you're keeping it fucking two twisted with this producing, you fucking piece of shit. Damn, dude. You pull a bop it all a sudden, you think you're fucking untouchable now. I feel like we've done even more twisted questions than this. This doesn't seem like such a big deal. Yeah, listen. Yeah, the question itself is in too twisted, but the position

it puts us in is twisted. Yeah. We're getting twisted around. I say keep it fucking twisted. Look, you're afraid that you're afraid to be a gay person in doing religious music in Atlanta? Have you ever seen a... Just because you don't want a fake... No, no, but here's what I'm saying. Have you ever seen what choir directors in Atlanta look like? Have you ever seen a fucking, like, the gayest guy you've ever seen your life with a paisley bowtie? Absolutely. Like, talking about, I just haven't, well, I just haven't found the right woman yet. You know what I mean?

I'm married to the Lord Jesus Christ. Atlanta might be, there might be the highest per capita of closeted gay guys in charge of choirs in the world is in Atlanta. Yeah. And, you know, who gives a, and you know what? How many pastors, priests don't care about God or do you? have lost their faith and are still doing it. Totally. It's a gig. It's a gig, baby. Yeah. Sometimes you love it. Sometimes you hate it.

Yeah. And also, yeah, just go in there and make the money. Like, it makes perfect sense. You were fired from the church. Yep. Because you believe because you were going to. Right. Right. So, like, go in there and get the money. Yeah. You can still be atheists and just like. Also, like, if you play well, that's what they... Totally.

That's what they care about. You're in, you're in Atlanta. Like, depending on the city you're in, as a. musician. You have to do certain gigs. You think everybody in fucking New Orleans loves jazz? No. Fat tourists want to hear bam bam bam bam bam. That's what they fucking want here. So you play fucking trombone or whatever. You don't love gospel. Which by the way, I'm

I'm not, I don't believe, you know, I'm pretty atheist, whatever. I just don't, I just think we have no clue the reality. I mean, I think something's out there, but it ain't some fucking book that a guy that a guy wrote 4,000, you know, whatever. I just don't think that's the case. But gospel music's fucking good sometimes. You know what I mean? Gospel music will fucking sometimes that's after I saw Cam Newton do that workout video to gospel,

sometimes I lift, I get fucking pumped to, and maybe it's the angels helping me hit PRs. It could be. And in those moments, I guess that's the closest I get to being religious. So you could even say, a little loophole for our sponsors here, are you faking it or in those moments, are you religious? Yeah. You know, that's how we connect to God through music. the music come through you and I'm just saying you're exploring yourself

let's not even say you're faking it you're just happened to sign up for a high paying gig where you get to test your faith every time you know what I mean book the gig just see how it feels boom book those gigs you got you got fucking mouths to feed and listen

if Jesus is real he wants your baby to have a fucking he want formula you know what I mean absolutely and you know and by the way as soon as your baby's 21 years old Give a little twisted tea. Crack open an ice cold twisted tea. Yeah.

Keep it twisted with your son or daughter. Whatever your child is. When they grow up, they're going to love the smooth flavor of twisted tea. Brewed with real iced tea back. I don't know if you know that. Oh, I actually. Yeah, I did know that. It's actually realized tea.

But it's nice to hear it. Yeah. It's a good reminder. And just, you know, who gives a fuck? Keep it twisted. Sign up for any gig that can put food on the table. Get that money. And, you know, we, you know, don't even think you're particularly twisted

eldest was the twisted one this week I think if we know anything from years of advertising on this show it's that there's so much room for nuance and marketing that really is it really open anything goes yeah there's some of those creative people you're come across

is podcast advertisers oh well that was this week's fucked up as god it was being twisted nice dude How are you fucking this up every time? That's me.

That's you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. I was hoping it was you. We are trying, listen, B-dub-dubs doesn't come calling. Twisted tea. What the fuck's going to take to put me on a national fucking commercial? Come on, you guys.

What the fuck is it going to take? Yeah, I can't, are they putting other people on these commercials? Let me be the twisted tea guy. They have, like, sexy people having a good time drinking twisted teas. Dude, be perfect. Get me in there. You're a good time. You're a good vibe.

You set the party. And come on, let's be honest, Twisted tea. A lot more people that look like me are drinking Twisted Tea than Jacked 6-2 fucking beautiful beige people of all ethnicities. Those people are alienating. All right, well, let's go back to some non-sponsored calls here. Let's help some people. Let's help some people out, man. Okay, I'm going to try to speak faster because I ran out of time the last message I said.

So to be quick about it, my dad. was married to another woman before he married my mom and he had two kids with her they got divorced he met my mom he had with my mom my brother and i so i have two half older brothers and a full brother the entire time that my parents were together is 40 some odd years um at the end of it when we're they're trying to sell things they tell us hey we don't want the half brothers to essentially get any of the estate we just want you guys have the estate we've We created all of this while we had you. They don't get anything.

And keep in mind that my dad had sort of become estranged with my two other half-brothers. You're dead just a piece of shit. Hey, hey, that was my practice family. They don't get a fucking dime. I made them, but like I started making money after I had my kids. And so, like, my new kids get that. You guys are good. Go ahead. Let's just keep going.

My mom passed away. Sorry to hear that. One of the good things that happened in this passing is that my half-brothers reached out to my dad and have sort of rekindled this relationship. Sort of just being like, hey, why are we fighting? They're like, here's our chance. Yeah. The rekindling has gone on, and my dad has come up to me privately and has told no one else, hey, I would like to give your two half-brothers after I die $10,000 each from this estate. okay dad it's your money if that's what you want to do cool

I go to my fool brother and I ask him hey dad just talked to me this is what he wants to do my fool brother says whatever it's his money if he wants to give some of that money to our half brothers great so it's not about a greed thing this question

I talked to my wife about it hey this is what my dad wants to do he wants to give my two half brothers ten thousand dollars he goes my wife keep going my brother's $10,000 each after he goes my wife hasn't issued with it

in that she thinks it is besmirching my mom's last wishes because my mom's last wishes were she was adamant this is an estate that I built for you boys me and my other brother my full brother and it shouldn't be going to your half

brothers and at the time of my mom being alive my dad was in a breeze so my wife is very much like, no, your mother's last part of your mother's life with this. Who the fuck cares what your wife says? Keep going, sorry. So I don't know.

This is a better twist of question, by the way, you fucking asshole. I mean, immediately, the first question afterwards is a better twist of question. It's so much more twisted. My half-brothers, who my dad, since now he has rekindled a relationship,

he wants them to have something too. Thanks, man. I've been being myself. And my dad's healthy, so it's not like he's going anywhere anytime soon, so that's not part of it. Well, we'll see. Maybe your fucking half-brothers as soon as that ink dries, they're up, they're across the street with a fucking sniper rifle. Yeah, they're going to be like, that's

$20,000 between the two of us. If I can land, then I kill you. I get plenty. It's the fucking beginning of dark night. These boys were left by their father. They are wolves. They are going to get whatever like that. These are feral wolves. You grew up with a family

of love. All they knew was a deadbeat father. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Here's the thing, dude. There's a lot of things that piss me off in this question. Your dad is a fucking asshole. He left his first family and just wasn't around at all. And you don't feel any fucking sympathy for these, any empathy for your brother. And I also, can we cool it with a half brother, full brother? I mean, it's just like, you're not, you're not, there's not about your claim to the fucking British throne. you're some fucking guy your dad has like

a $150,000 property in Jersey he's going to divvy up. So let's fucking relax. Also, what's the percentage is here? 10 grand of the estate? I'm guessing you're getting more than 10 grand. Like 10 grand is not that much fucking money. I bet that's like a little piece of it.

Totally. I bet they're each getting over around 100. Who knows, right? He gives us no indication, right? Right. He doesn't even say what this compares to. So, okay, I'm sorry, Beck, I'm just in the zone.

No, no, I love to see you. So there's a, you love to see you get twisted. I'm getting fucking twisted, actually. Again, this was a better fucking choice, you fucking idiot eldest. We'll give them a little kickback on a couple extra drops on this one, if the first one was too morally dicey for them. I know, it's like, anyway, whatever. So that's number one, right?

Your dad, these are people that your dad, I mean, unless we're missing something, you said they're estranged ostensibly your father was a deadbeat here right which is fucked now if he wasn't and he supported them in some other way whatever that's fine but yeah maybe there was something with him and his ex-wife maybe she pushed him out maybe they she was toxic

and she talked to her sons about how awful he was yeah it's possible it's possible and so the second thing is look your mom passed away sorry about that that sucks having said that in these situations from what I'm reading here

she's holding a grudge against these kids who's, it's not their fault, her husband, nutted in his ex-wife or even whatever girlfriend had kids that to her is a reminder of his last relationship and she's like, we're freezing them the fuck out. To me, that's kind of a cruel stance

on behalf of your mom, unless we're missing something, again, then we might be, but like whenever somebody takes out their clear, like kind of hatred on the person, previous relationship that their, you know, partner was in on the kid. Like, the kids are fucking innocent in this. And they deserve a little something.

Again, especially if your dad fucking abandoned them, they deserve a little peace, right? So it seems like to me your mom's wishes were coming from a fucked up place of like. Vengeance. And like, maybe your dad, I don't know what he's like, but he's probably like, yeah, okay. And now that she's gone, he's like, that part of him is like, oh, man, like, I'm going to die. and my children, I'm going to leave them nothing. Right. It seems like the 10 grand.

He's not, you didn't even say like 10%. No, no, no, 10 grand to me is like, it's just a little something. So they'd be like,

yeah, my dad left me a little money. It's like a token. Yeah, it's like, I might even be thinking about it. It's just like a little something. It's like,

honestly, you want that. Yeah. Because you're going to have to, if like your wife and she's like, all this shit with money and families, I've seen it a lot of other families and my family. Yeah.

It gets fucked up. Yeah. Like just. Let go of the anger. Whatever anger is happening, like, just let it go and just get, move on as much as possible. 10 grand. Like, you're going to have to hold on to that for the rest of your life that you, like, didn't like, got in the way of your dad trying to leave his kids a little bit of money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I guess it's so that they didn't, don't besmirch their mom's, which, and by the way, it's your dad's money, too. Totally. He's trying, he's living up to her wishes and, like, just give him a, especially if you get a ton way more of it and then the third thing that pisses me off is like

I know it's your wife but shut the fuck up this is not your family you not about you I mean I know you marry a new family and you're a well you know a couple obviously he has an opinion but clearly she's projected now again these are all my reads right yeah and maybe I'm projecting my own stuff on here to me this feels like well if you would disrespect your mom's memory what what happens if we they were in a similar situation I die you're you you're not going to respect my member. Like, to me, it feels like she's getting involved for personal reasons. And maybe I'm just fucking projecting on to this.

But it's just a very like, shut, shut the fuck up here. And I really come back to the basic. Let's throw out everybody's wishes. Let's just look at how this thing goes. You have a family where the guy leaves, kind of abandons his kids, and puts a lot more love and care into his second family. I think the first one deserves more. You got, you already.

father you got the father you already got the good parts of that your life totally you if anything they deserve the money you were raised by your fucking father and you know like i would flip who fucking deserves the money again maybe we're missing stuff but anyway that's my take on it it's fucked up for you to be like in terms of ultimate justice they deserve a little this is not even you know a real fucking token of anything yeah and you know i think it's a it's a positive for to reconnect with their parents. Yeah. And even if, like,

a ghost is mad. Like, what is really the downside? Your mom's like, fuck you for giving them $20,000. You can deal with a spooky fuck you. Yeah, have a fun. Yeah. Like, apologies and reconnecting are so powerful.

Like, if she saw her husband reconnect with his kids, her, like, it can just, like, melt away so much anger. Yeah, totally. Who knows? Oh, this is so beautiful. I can't believe I was holding on to that anger for so long, of course. Yeah, but. So, I don't know.

Giving them the money for sure. Tell your wife to have a little bit of empathy. Yeah, tell her to shove it. This reminds me of something my uncle told me in the car when we were driving. Go ahead. I was wondering if Red Pills Sula would decide to say this quote. Go ahead. You know, whether you're talking about the dead mom or the caller's wife,

it's like my uncle said, when brides enter the family, they wrought the family, from within. Wow. They rip apart the siblings and they only cause problems between the in-laws and everything. And I think that's like the takeaway. We can all agree on here and twisted tea as well. That's too. That's too.

In Albania, what passes for normal is very twisted in America, eldest. You cannot, you cannot out, look, hint around the misogyny, but don't outwardly say it. And by the way,

That is literally advice that eldest's uncle gave him in Albania. That's a true, that is an actual conversation that he had. I think when you were about to get married, right? No, this was before I was going to get married. It was like in 2013. That was just generally a woman who marries into a family. Rips it apart from the inside. All women are witches.

Yeah, okay. Real quick, I had one of my other uncle's friends, you know, in Albania, like the old people have pretty sick lives. because they're, like, retired. They got their pensions. They're just drinking, like, coffee all day. Yeah. I was having my uncle one morning

and a bunch of his retired buddies and one of them, like, was looking at me. And, you know, I'm just like a shit American. Yeah, you think I'm a fucking joke. I'm fat. Like, you know, they're just judging me. And this guy looks at me. He's like, a man should only ever show his wife

what's down here, never up here. That was some other little safety wisdom. Wow. I received on another truth there. What is that even mean? Like, I was showing them your penis. Don't show them your mind Don't show them what you're thinking

It's not up to them They don't need to know that Don't let them Okay yeah Would you show your dog Your tax returns No No it can't make any sense of it

So a woman can't You can't show her complex thought No It's the Albanian way of thinking Not mine I'd like to say I'd like to put that on record The Greeks are somehow

Less misogynistic than Albanians Somehow It worked out that way And you wonder Why the country's a fucking back water still. You wonder why Albania can get in. It's a young country, but we are coming up.

You guys are coming up. That's the way you guys think of it. We're coming up. We are coming up. We're just, it's kind of like, you know, the whole sleeping giant thing

with China. We're just like, don't mess with Albania. Greece has been sliding down for 5,000 years now. You got nothing. Albania's passing them on this. No chance are you passing shit,

you fucking motherfucker. We'll see. You're not passing shit. We'll see. How did you, what are your wife? Hey, remember when you,

you took your wife to Albania and Greece in quick succession? Which country did she like more? Greece has nice beaches. That is nothing to do with the culture. You know what I love? Albanian food. That's my favorite.

I love going to a nice Albanian restaurant. Please a couple more before we send our pal back home. Mm-hmm. Is it fun? All this guest. Thank you so much for all you do for the community.

Of course. Looking for some advice. My question is simple. My wife and I are having her first child in the new year. Nice, dude. A baby boy. I'm a cut man myself, but have strong feelings about leaving the baby uncut. As nature intended.

Respect. My wife feels very strongly the other way. He wants a cut child. Her context, her mom is a nurse. So she's a ton of old people getting circumcisions because they can't clean their piece properly anymore. Oh, wow. So she thinks of it more as a hygiene issue. which to be fair listening to eldest over the years that doesn't really help my case

but what can i do is convince my wife to leave our baby uncut she wasn't very receptive to this conversation previously anytime i feel like i'm making points have her on the ropes it gives me that i'm making this child and i don't want to talk about this anymore oh brother so kind of a loss here help her brother out let me save my poor baby's foreskin yes um and if ian finance is on this episode just hasn't put this one out he's not he's not wait so he is uncut

he's on he's clipped but he doesn't want he doesn't want his son to go through that kind of pain the moment he's in the world he doesn't want to welcome his son three days into his life with a knife to the cock yeah but his barbaric wife on the other hand wants to mutilate her son

as soon as he can fucking as soon as he's even barely sentient let's get the upper hand on him yep exactly where she wants to mark him Let me refer to my uncle's wisdom that I just passed on moments ago. This is just the first step and ripping your family apart to it. It starts with your son's cock. It starts with your son's cock.

Who knows where it ends, brother? Who knows where it ends? Next thing you know, she doesn't want to give your half brother $10,000 of your million dollar inheritance. She's going to be going after the penis of everybody in your family. She's like, I'm a nurse. I'm a nurse. He's cutting your dad's penis. I'm saving his love. Yeah.

We are staunchly, staunchly anti-circumcision on this podcast as two uncut warriors. And I just think, you know, I don't know what to tell you. This is fucking, you know, you can't, you can't clip a kid. It's fucked up. His dick will be fine. This whole, this whole clean, it's a hygiene thing, propaganda that the fucking, that the West has started. sickenes me. It's natural to have your fucking dick look like that.

And that's really all there is to it. Do you want to cut? Truly, do you want to put a knife to a baby's penis as soon as it's born? That doesn't seem fucked up to you, for real? That's really my whole argument. I don't need more than that. Yeah.

I'm sure you're a clipped man. I'm a clipped man. Now, obviously, I'm on the record. I do have a bit of a tight foreskin. Elvis is like a loose sock. We've said that. He has no cleanliness problems. Damn.

Yeah, you just have to, I think it's noble. It is, it is a scary thing to break with tradition, with all you know, what your father and his father have done, which is, you know, clip their penis. By the way, when did that start in America? I bet you, you know, like, when did really it take off? I bet you it's not even that long. I don't think it's probably, I bet you it's like three generations tops. But, but it's, but it's so like prevalent that it is like scary and hard.

It's like, this is a lifelong decision, which even though it is like, barbaric practice. It is. It's just scary to deviate from that so I get it. But if you're a sheep who wants to, who wants to harm your baby three days into life. Yeah, that's really. But it's noble to not do it. It is. To open your eyes and open your eyes to the truth. Open your eyes to the truth. And I think, and I think like, you know, it's your duty as the father. Absolutely. To learn how you're supposed to clean the circumcised penis. Absolutely. So like hold your, an uncircumcised. An uncircumcised penis. to like teach your son to pass that on to do the research that you need.

There's so many things that you have to explain to your kids. So many things you have to clean. And it's like, it's just, it's a thing at first before you have a kid, but then it's just like, it's whatever. Yeah. It's not going to get in the way. I mean, I would also say, on the other hand,

it doesn't fucking matter. Yeah. It really doesn't matter. Right, right, right. Like, so, like, I don't remember my penis. and cut. I don't. You think you don't. I think you don't. I mean, it's when you wake up in a cold sweat. It's, ah! Yeah. I do do that. My penis is burning, but it's, I mean, if anything it's going to be the most, what I would say is regardless of, if you do go through with that and you

don't want it and your wife wants it, just be careful for the time after, because it is going to be hard for you if you don't want it and she does. Right. It's, it's stressful. Maybe not if you're pediatrician or your um whatever the OBG YN does do it right away when they come out screaming and it's really intense and whatever but uh yeah I would I honestly say it doesn't matter like yeah it's like you can't you know relate anything a behavior or development to circumcising or not and like I think it's it doesn't really matter I think it's like there's not really proof that like like it's it's super it's there's no i don't think there's proof that it's harmful or helpful you know it's just kind of a thing and it's like which is why that's you know we obviously

you know we love to joke about how important it is to be on circumclusive but ultimately it comes down to for real for me it's like i agree with you it probably doesn't matter so why take a knife to a baby's cock yeah the tiebreaker is you don't have to slice a part of a baby's cock off as soon as it's born that's what i would tell you're fucking dumb bitch why Yeah Tell her to her like that I would say I'd say

Get it twisted Oh fuck I would say the most important thing Is to make sure it doesn't get in the way Of your relationship early on True So like if she wins Right

Just let it go That's actually great advice Yeah But don't let her win man If you love your son Don't let her win Fight her tooth and nail To the end

Get a little chastity belt on that kid right away slips out put the metal belt right on keep it on for two weeks and then it'll be too late you got something fun for us go out on here little eldest yeah i know we've covered a lot of controversial topics in these questions sure i want to end on a hopeful note this is a response to a question from the josh johnson episode uh about the guy who called in and said he knocked up a woman in france right he was on his vacation yes so this is another uh caller who just wanted to reflect on that. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. I was really hoping to be the guy and he's like, psych, she's not pregnant. He's probably still, he probably still doesn't know what the fuck to do, but here we go. Hey, Stabby. I guess the reason I was calling is

because I listened to last week's episode with Josh Johnson. And there was a caller that called in because he impregnated a woman in France. I just for some reason felt compelled to call in regards to that caller, I guess maybe because I have two boys, two kids myself. And one piece of advice that I absolutely feel like I needed to tell this man was, if nothing else, maybe he never is a part of this child's life, but absolutely.

I highly recommend try to be there for the birth of that child. You might be questioning what to do for the rest of this child's life and, you know, pain, child support and whatever, but everything will make sense. I guarantee it you are given a gift here. Everything will make sense when you see that child born. No, it is a gift. wrong as a man who watched the birthday two little people

yeah because you're in love with I would say definitely be there for that doesn't watch some lady he fucking fucked once that would be a confusing awful experience for everybody it's like horrible advice you're like not supposed to be somewhere

like you're like I'm trying to think of a good situation you get to a party too early and it's just yeah and you don't really know the guy or like you find out people are hanging out. You're like, oh, they're like, oh, yeah, you can come too. And you're like, oh, you got, this was like planned. And I was definitely not invited. Oh, man, I shouldn't be, uh, and you like try to get out, but then you don't want to make it weirder. Totally, totally. It's like, it's kind of, that's what it feels like. Yeah, I mean,

this is maybe the worst advice I've ever heard in my life is, he's like, even if you're not around for the kid's life, be there for the birth. What? Find out where the baby's being born. He doesn't know. Surprise the lady. Yeah, it's a one night stand. Like, it was a magical moment for you because it's about you and your wife or the girl like he says he said he said two kids right like it's not about starting a family together and it's like it's a beautiful symbolic moment i would guess i mean you've experienced it like like like i also know guys who are like straight up like i don't feel the connection until like year and a half sometimes yeah yeah like it takes their moments where yeah but yeah it's like when he when they're born it's like it's kind of not it's not as a dude it's like

Even my brother who wanted a kid more than anything, he was like, obviously I loved it and I was happy. But it was like, at first it's just a crying little lump that doesn't look like anything that fucking destroys your sleep that just caused insane pain to the person you love the most. Yeah. Right? Just fucked your wife up.

And like, and it takes a couple months. Once they start like kind of smiling a little bit, like first they can't see shit. Like this is not what this guy needs to do at all. all. This is maybe the worst advice I've ever heard in my life. I don't know. I mean, I'm sure this, he impregnated to this woman is, what, recently?

Yeah. Like, if she didn't want to have the baby, she probably could have. Yeah, she could have figured something out. She could have taken a pill. She could, afterwards, she could have figured it out. I mean, it's up to her to have the baby if she wants to. Totally.

And if she hasn't been in touch, then she probably doesn't want them around. Well, I think she has the call was basically like, he did hit this guy up, and he's like, and he's like, what the fuck do I do? He's like, do I move to, and it's like, look, either way, like, we gave this guy advice already, and this guy's giving completely different advice

that is truly, truly horrendous advice. Yeah. That, like, I would wait. It's not a way to start a life with somebody. No. You don't want to, yeah. Like, listen, if this guy ended up moving to France, if he ended up staying in contact with her,

that's one thing, but like, he's like, I'm, it's such, I have a hard time because this guy started being like, Look, even if you're not in the kid's life, go to the birth, that's insane. That's insane. Because, first of all, it's way more important to support this woman and the kid financially. Like, send some money every now and then if you can. Then to attend the, that's the most symbolic bullshit I've ever heard in my fucking life.

That's not how the world works at all. Can you imagine being that guy, being like telling that story, like, yeah, so I'm pregnant of this woman in France. And then I was like, no, I'm not going to be in their lives. But I went back for the birth. But I went back for the birthday. I was, like, so magical. And now, like, totally, yeah.

And I get, like, life and, like, everything. And I don't, I mean, I've never seen her. I mean, also, it's so funny because it's like, this is a guy hooked up with this woman once. Like, if they didn't tell him, like, I don't even know if he'd be able to find the fucking room. Like, he'd be, like, I think that's the girl I fucked. Like, you wouldn't even...

I think, are you the girl that I fuck? She's not wearing makeup. She looks kind of fat and busted right now. Like, he would not... It's just this. that's a hilarious advice to give this guy. I mean, it just couldn't be more wrong in my opinion.

Yeah. Because like the act of the birth is not that it's like people really love symbolism and it's like sometimes it's just a fucking weird fucked up. Were you there? I mean, you were in the room. Yeah, yeah. I mean, it was it was powerful but it was there was a lot

of intense stuff going on. Like this like we had this music playing and a song came on that was like oddly serenational. A master of puppets. Yeah, absolutely. Master! Master!

What's happening? Everything aligned. You know, because we were like, we're the puppet masters. We're the puppet master's just our little puppet. So you're all connected. Yeah. You saw gobb for the first time. Of course, of course, of course.

But, like, he put him on a little table and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, like, you know, it's just a lot. And then they kind of like, they're wrapping stuff up and they're cleaning the, They're like, you got an hour until we move you to the next ward and, like, try to eat some food. It's just like, you're exhausted. It's not. Yeah, it seems way more. I mean, giving birth is still really dangerous, like, for a person.

And it's like, even in, like, it seems so much more about getting through it, healthy. Yeah. Like, making sure the kids are, making sure. It's like, let her have that moment with her baby. Like, if she's keeping, you know, and you might not be in their life. She doesn't want you there. If you're not helping out She doesn't want you to be a part of this moment

You know what it's like It's like at a wedding When like the youngest Sibling and a family brings their shitty boyfriend That they're gonna break up with in two months Yeah And he's in all the fucking pictures

Yeah They're a part of this Yeah yeah yeah He's not even He didn't wear a real suit He's wearing like a fucking You know Like a skinny tie

And like a shitty A shitty jacket Just ruining every memory Every memory I love her Yeah yeah Yeah that's like what it would be like if you abandoned these people but were at the birth

she'd be like god that was fucking weird yeah you would run it so anyway um i really read that differently than you eldest you said it was a hopeful note i thought it was really again you're really off this episode in terms of your instincts have been pretty atrocious that's sort of like a guy i hope i mean that's sort of that sort of misguided morality right right right right, right, right, right, right, right. You know, just don't work hard at it and reconcile these difficult feelings. Yeah. Just be there and it'll all go away. Yeah, yeah. It's like, no, it won't.

No, no. I mean, maybe Willoughby's fucking stupid as stupid as you are. It's almost like, that almost kind of feels like the advice of if the real, your relationship is having problems because you haven't had a baby. Yeah. Have a baby. And then have another one. Every time you have problems, have another baby and see that baby. It'll bring you together. Solve your problems. No, no. That's not worth.

Oh, fuck. Really. Anyway, great stuff, Elders. On a bang-up producing job. Yeah, fantastic work. You started off, that's the problem. You came out of the gate with sock and boppers in a way that you truly have never been proactive. And then you've been, you rested on those laurels.

We gave you such a nice compliment on that. You really pitched them maybe. You were maybe like one and five for the calls. I did anti my usual thing. I set the bar too high too early on. Really? left myself no market. Yeah.

Like, you did so bad we even comment on the fact that you somehow fucked up the twisted T-song on the way out. You fucked those buttons up. I could see that. Oh, yeah. You're struggling button-wise recently. Yeah. I fucked the loop up. Yeah. You didn't hear the dog. Yeah, you didn't hear the dog. It's been going

this whole time. That's fine, though. We couldn't do anything about it. But it seems like that's one out of five. Is that pretty good for you? Or is that like that's before? Oh, for sure. He's definitely had way worse episodes, both technically and there have been some episodes where I'm, like, embarrassed to the guest from, like, we're answering the same shitty question four times in a row. But he's not embarrassed. No, no, no.

That's his greatest strength, this thing. He can't be. He can't be embarrassed. If I feel the embarrassment, I'll stop dead in my tracks. No, no. That's the beauty of him. It's like, it is just like having, he's the podcast equivalent of like an ox in the field. He's just going.

He's plowing through. It doesn't matter. Yeah. Chewing a little cudd. Like that's what you need. That's like to do a podcast, just a little brain damage, plowing through.

Unlike the Simpsons episode where Homer was a boxer, it's like I can give you 14 rounds if you want. That is the best. That's the best analogy for your talent as a podcast producer. You'll never be knocked out. You'll never be good, but you'll never be locked out. That's impressive.

Know your strengths. So yeah. Yeah. Give yourself a little. at the end, their eldest. Beck, thank you so much for coming, man. This is a great, it's great having you. Listen to the pod, guys.

It's out now. There's an episode. They've got bank, they got 14 banks. We've got 14 banks. By now, who knows? We got Meg Stalter coming out. Oh, Meg's the best. She's so funny.

She really ripped us apart. Good. She was fucking with us in a while. I was like, wait, what? Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's the best. She's so fucking funny. And that episode will probably be out weeks before this one. But check out Meg Stalder on the podcast It happened like a month ago probably Because it's like mid-November right now You know what I'm saying? We got new episodes coming out soon

By the time you listen to this I will have taken Savi's advice And implemented it And just not watching the editing anymore It'll be a worse podcast But it'll go down smooth It'll be easier We'll go down smooth brother

That's all you want Thanks guys We will talk to you next time Bye bye You know what I'm going to be.