Stavvy's World - #159 - Reggie Conquest

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Reggie Conquest joins the pod to discuss his new movie Is This Thing On? (in theaters 12/19), almost becoming a correctional officer, settling into unc status, why calves are like cleavage for fat guys, getting a plethora of DMs after showing skin on Insecure, ending up in the doghouse with friend of the pod Aminah Imani after telling her the wrong date for them to do Stavvy’s World together, and much more. Reggie and Stav help callers including a guy whose aunt is trying to set him up with her hairdresser, and a man whose friend is simps by drawing and tagging girls on his cringy art Instagram page. Watch Reggie Conquest in the movie IS THIS THING ON? in theaters Dec. 19th! Follow Reggie Conquest on social media:https://www.instagram.com/reggconquest/https://www.tiktok.com/@reggieconquest  https://www.youtube.com/@reggie_conquest Thank you to our sponsors!Aura Frames - https://auraframes.com/stavvy use code STAVVYShopify - https://shopify.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World, 904-800 stop. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We've got my man Reggie Conquest on the couch today. Reggie, thanks for coming, dude. What up, man, that means to scare you. That's right, that's right. That's right.

We wanted people to feel like they're having a nice time. You know, you're at a Greek restaurant. The owner shut the door. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? The Uzo's on the counter. You don't have to pay per shot. And then whatever calamari's left over

Make up a nice Greek style That's the vibe we're going for here I like it It made me laugh I heard of it Yeah Thanks for coming Reggie And we do have a funny story

A friend of the show Amina and Mani was supposed to be here Yes I fucked up But you told her to come yesterday Yeah I totally I panicked bro

I was like I was so scared Like And then she called me just yelling at me. I even, I offered the Uber and she was like, and you get my nails done. I was like, all right.

It sucks when you fucked up so bad. A friend can treat you like your girlfriend. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, that is a tough one. I was so scared to answer the phone when she called. Like, legit. It was in the morning. It was a little chilly.

Yeah. It was bad. And she has a son and all that's so bad. And it's tough to get here. We're in fucking quarantine. It's tough. She said she was three minutes away, so that means she was walking. She had already been on the train for like an hour.

No, that's a tough one. We were looking forward to seeing if she had, you know, what her relationship with Airbnb was. Yeah, I got to come back with her. I think she was she doing Airbnb? No, she just loves Airbnb, right? But she, I think she got kicked out of the one. She got kicked off. She got banned because she was, she had like a really shitty one.

And she went off on that. Yeah, she loves reviews. She's a big reviewer. It gets a little annoying because I've been there for a few. She's into that. That's what she does. She's a power reviewer.

She's a power Google reviewer. If, you know, 10 years ago, she would have been setting Yelp on fire. Yeah, we were trying to come up with some ideas to do something together and they had something to do with like going out to eat. And I'm like, who's going to sit and watch us eat and we're all loud and cussing each other out?

We got all these ideas we just haven't executed, but I know we executed on that money I had to send her yesterday It was like getting this call at no like it was like 10.55 Yeah, you all me and I had to send like a hundred and twenty dollars and I'm just laying in bed like fuck Starting the day with a loss. Yeah, yeah, that's all the rest of it was man I'm glad I made it you made it amina. She's getting her nails done on your dime as we're speak so she won't be here but that's all right man what are you going to do uh yeah dude thanks for coming um you got i know you're in the bradley cooper movie you know it's it's nice to be amongst a fellow plus-size actor you know we're outside we're trying to get us out of movies but we're

coming back we're making a big comeback bro i'm almost i was talking about yesterday i'm i'm getting a little older and i'm like yeah i'm definitely playing dad or uncle oh dude yeah dad or uncle i got Like Uncle Phil, I look like Uncle Phil, but I still got this fresh prince vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like old inside. No, it's pathetic the way we, our generation behave. Yes, yes, it's like, what are we doing? Every day I'm having that, I'm like, look at you, man.

It's over. It's over. Stop clinging on to your youth. Yeah, I got back problems. Just what the fuck when you're like hanging on or something. Totally. No, no. It is, it's just sort of like we're all dad aged,

pretending that we're still young and it is you know i i i don't know if you're feeling this but i'm definitely like what what are you doing i always fucking let's let's let's figure this out i i i and then the kid is still in me right sure i i i almost i meant AI the other day yeah we talked about that yeah he had a book signing and literally almost i was getting emotional inside i mean Alan iverson is but for people like we're about the same you know i'm 36 it's like yeah he was the guy. He was the guy. I mean, there was no the man before. He was before. I wasn't the biggest Kobe fan growing up. It was either.

Me neither. I think you had to pick. Yeah. That's what happens. It was easy for me to pick because he was a sixer. You're from Philly. Yeah. So I was like, but I felt it. I was bubbling up. Like, all these emotions, my childhood flashing before me. It was like, yo. And that's supposed to be something that you share with your son.

Yeah. But you're just, you know what I mean? That's supposed to be like, you know how you feel about Steph Curry this was my step curve but you don't have a son you know not at all you're just a grown man who went there by himself tearing up tearing up wearing a jersey I wore his jersey

I was like I don't care I never got he never showed up to our school he never did anything the stars were never coming they never showed but they sold it to us yeah he never sold yeah I felt like a big old kid yeah dude it is weird like I went to Disney World by myself

Like me, no, last year, me and my lady went to Disney World, and we were like, this would suck with kids. This would absolutely, we were watching parents with their kids. Like, this is, this, why would, why would anybody come there with the kids? This is bad. So, yeah, man. Yeah, dude, I know. It is very funny. I mean, I am definitely sliding into perfectly the uncle role.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, just the, like, sort of like, sort of like, piece of shit uncle do you do you are you are you cool with your niece and nephews i have one so we only have one in the family but my best you know uh like my best friend had two kids and she's like she's like they're they're they're like two two and a half and a newborn and that's cool and then my brother just had a kid yeah and he's them i mean it's like this fat little cute and they they know you yeah like i'm around a lot like i i i mean when he had the kid part i was

pumped obviously but then I was like fuck I'm gonna have to visit my family so much more yeah there go the fun like I used to have I used to just not even go home for holidays I'm saying I'm gonna have to fucking go and see the baby I've been I've been an uncle since I was like 10 me and my brother me and my brother

are 10 years apart okay so my nieces and nephews I kind of grew up with them right right right like as they're like big brother like they used to be sort of an older cousin yeah they called me Reggie for the longest they just called me by my first name hey Reggie yeah Where's Reggie at?

But now they're older. They're like almost 30. Oh, wow. And they start to call me uncle now. Now I'm like, hey, you don't. Now it's Reggie. Yeah. I'm like, hey, y'all don't got to call me uncle now if y'all don't want.

But they're older now, so they're being respectful. And they're like, what's up, Uncle Reds? And I'm like, ah. I don't need a 28-year-old calling me Uncle. Yeah, yo. Like, we grew up like little brothers. Like, y'all was my little brothers who are sitting now. They're like, what's like Uncle Reds?

What's up, Uncle Reds? Uncas, I feel like in the last six months, Uncas picked up. Unka's not only picked up, but it's lowered to the mid-30s. Yeah. It used to, correct or if I feel like it was exclusively for like 45 and up. I thought so too.

The Bluetooth set, you know what I mean? The classic Stacey Adams, you know what I mean? I'm, I wear slides a lot. Yeah. And I'm like, this is our generation of all. Yeah, it's true. Like, it's like sneaker bottom slippers. It is true.

Yeah, yeah. No, you're right, you're right I have a conception of what it was when we were growing up but it's now whatever I'm fucking wearing orthotic new balance everywhere

but they in our mind we're like these are cool these are cool that's what they thought they thought those sandals were cool they were cool these are cool

but the kids are like nah nah yeah you're so fucking right but I don't mind you know have you called have you called

anybody like a lady auntie no I was at a function and I was like we the aunts and uncles and the girls my age that I was calling aunts were like no don't call us that right right right well I feel like auntie is more sexless than unc yeah because unks there's also a

kind of like latent horniness to being an unk it's sort of like a creep it's like you're not going to do anything about it but you all are horny yeah unc sounds a little cooler than an uncle I rather than uncle oh uncle stinks yeah yeah yeah the uncle's definitely better you can maintain a type you can be a cool unk in a way I mean it's I think it is just misogyny where it's like the the female thing

is just not as cool do you yeah it's not society just treats aunties worse than aunt I say I think I say aunt oh okay yeah I know the whites I grew up with say aunt Philly yeah yeah yeah yeah that's my aunt

yeah we say aunt and uh I think there's a yeah we do I the Philly Baltimore there's very close they're like white trash cousins yeah like it's very it's very the accent is very related

yeah um but yeah no we I always we I mean I had a I just had a bunch of aunts but I always like just because all of them were Greek so I just they didn't even say names though I had a I had an aunt Libby Aunt Debbie Aunt Libby's yeah I had a yeah I had a couple aunt

aunt names aunt shit what's my aunt's name Aunt Libby, Aunt Debbie, Aunt Tangy That's cool I like Tangi That's one of my favorite aunts So you had a big family, huh? Yeah, we had a, it's split up mom, dad's side

But yeah, big family on the dad's side All lit, all drinkers Love that Are we talking classic big black family reunion situation Yeah, conquest family reunion I was always jealous when you'd go to a park And you would see like a hundred black people Having the sickest cook out

with the same shirt you've ever seen in your life yeah everyone's got it it was well before print on demand shirts you know like black people were way ahead of printing your own shirts i went to both sides um one time in my life okay the McBride side and the Conquest side Conquest is my mom's last name okay so that's the Concoast thing I remember doing the egg toss right at the family union straight Tyler Perry type film yeah yeah yeah egg toss and then my dad sack race yeah three-legged race all that shit all that shit Yeah, like John's just playing a reunion type of shit. Yeah, when your family's so big, you're basically running a summer camp.

Yeah, yo. I went to both sides once, and that was it. I never, have you been in the family reunion? No, I mean, we just, my family is kind of small. Not really. I don't think so. And also, like, my family's in Greece. I mean, most of my, you know, my dad's size in Greece.

Also, for Greek people, like, Greek will tend to have bigger families. I have a pretty small family. Like, both of my parents only had one sibling. I only have, I have three cousins total. And then, you know, there's more second cousins And Greek people count those As just regular cousins too But do y'all do that family

Like your mom's best friends Are your cousins? Yes. Yeah, like, okay And like yeah, I would, I grew up calling everybody aunt Who was not, you know, like I had that It took you a while

I remember growing up calling my cousin's cousin And then you get in your 20s, you're like, oh, we're not cousins at all. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, the aunt, definitely the, the there is that extended I don't know if it's like

yeah I think it's partially like an immigrant thing where it's like some of your family's over there so you kind of like you just pick up other Greek people and form a kind of makeshift family and I mean I feel like that's I like that vibe of the because there's still there's community in that

whereas like a lot of America just does not have that they're so isolated from their families they're just like don't they don't have that connection we just said I used to not go home for Christmas and all that stuff I'll just stay up here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do shows to be sad.

Chris, I do like, there is something fun about Christmas without your family. It does feel, it feels sad, but it also feels like, it feels like a, like no one else is having this experience. It feels kind of cool. I only do the, I only do the Christmas. Thanksgiving, I do want to be a family. Only because of the food. Like, I know, I know I'm going to eat good if I go home. If I stay in New York, I'm not eating shit.

I'm just, I probably go to the cellar, which their food is always good on. Yeah, they do have a nice Thanksgiving. But, yeah, I'll go home for Thanksgiving. Christmas, I'm like, I'm good. I'm with you, dude. And there's something, I mean, this city's great on Christmas also. Just, I don't, you're right. It is like a sad thing.

You almost feel like, you feel like a divorced man, even if you're not divorced. The saddest, yo, the saddest one, I've never forget this on Thanksgiving. I was the saddest in Vegas, cellar Vegas. Oh, my God. The seller and Vegas. I thought, you know what I thought? I'm like, oh, this is Thanksgiving. You know, I'll go to Vegas, make some money.

Right. Me and Kevin Isso was in a Denny's on Thanksgiving. Oh, no, dude. This was like four years ago, bro. It was the saddest Thanksgiving that I can remember. I'm sitting across dumb Kevin. We're eating Denny's. And we're like,

why Denny's? Doesn't Vegas? I mean, Vegas has great restaurants. But we just, it was in walking distance. Yeah. It was in walking distance from the shitty hotel we were staying at. Yeah, and the hotel, the, I mean, the casino. Yeah, yeah.

I think they changed it. But yeah, that shit was. For a while, it was in maybe the worst casino. We both agreed and looked up and was like, yo, this is some sad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a, that might be the most, my wife left me yesterday Thanksgiving.

I can even think of. It was so bad. Do you cook? I like to cook. Yeah, I like to, I actually prefer. Also, Thanksgiving's not a big Greek thing. Yeah. So I actually stay here.

What in general? Do you throw down? I do like to cook, yeah. I like to grill. I like to, you know, I cooked. We had Easter on the road. I cooked up some. I am.

I cooked up some Greek shit. I do like, I really like cooking. That is my, my dream, my like retirement is just like, have a little restaurant. So as a,

as a big dude, do you watch the oils and the season or you just go for it? If I'm cooking. You just go for it. I have two modes, right? I have like, I'm trying to get a little healthier as we all are. Same.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and when I'm doing that, I'm like, I'm measuring shit out. Like, if I'm meal prepping. Bro,

I use the little measurement. during cups so much now yeah yeah yeah I'll get a cup of rice yeah but then I'm right back getting another half I'm totally totally but yeah I've been trying to use like different you know different seasoning and but that shit gets confusing you know when it's too many steps you're just gonna not fucking do it yeah but when I'm like trying to cook to entertain like I like do a rib roast for Christmas I like to just like you know get basically what they cut rib eyes out I just get a whole fucking thing of it yeah and then just smear it with like garlic, rosemary, mayo, salt pepper.

Oh, so you like a grill master? You will, I like to, yes. This is a, this I roast in the, in the oven over the time. But yes, I like to grill lamb chops. I like to grill stuff. Like I make one of my go-toes, go-to meal prep. I actually have it in the fridge for lunch today. A little flank, little marinated flank steak.

That's some good shit. Some soy sauce, some orange juice. That sounds good. I'm not, I'm not, that grilling is not in me. That's the one thing about being an. that I should have that's not that's despicable but I think my I think my dad beat it out of me because my dad was a grill he was the grill master he was okay in the in in the neighborhood like he had the three grill things and he would do community block parties and shit that's my dream and guess who

was his little fucking helper yeah it was you oh my god if I messed up it was bad I think he beat it was like it was whiplash for grilling yes it was like training camp for grills And I hate it now. I don't even want to do it. I don't even. Anytime I'll bring, I'll put money in. I'll bring food. I do not want to stay in over to grill.

You're built for it, dude. I know. You have to do it. Bro, I love, I love sandals and all that shit. You have the grill master physiognomy. It's so in me. It is, dude. Like, even I won't cook, but I'll be looking like, yeah.

Yeah. This is like, yeah, this is like the plot of creed, but for grilling. Yes. Where it's like, come on. I can do this. Yo, he, that shit was bad. And I remember I used to have to do it. Like, I wanted to hang out and do shit.

Nope, we got, we got work. Because he would, he would grill the community. Dude, I feel the same way. I was doing, I was, I was shooting something. And it was like, one of the guys was like, I'm going to have a barbecue, right? And he had two bar, he had one barbecue, the, basically the weekend I got there. I was working on this movie for a couple weeks. As soon as I got there, it was fun, go to meet people.

But the first time I'm looking at how they're grilling. And it fucking pissed me off And the second time he was hosted the barbecue I was like, why don't I take over? And I just was grilling. I brought my own, I brought like, I was like, I got to do this. I have to take over this.

And I literally just commandeered the grill because it was pissing me off how like it was just grilling for a need not for like, not for a good time. It was just enough. When somebody wanted a hot dog, they would grow a hot dog. Oh my God. That shit is annoying.

Like put the whole thing on there. fucking rack of meat going at all times i remember one time i was at somewhere and i i jokingly said uh the chicken was like it wasn't uh it was still a little little pink sure and i said hey this chicken's still clucking yeah and the grill the person on the grill got so mad i felt it i was like ah yeah i was like ah my bad no dude this is that you're fighting your destiny yeah i know man you need to be a fucking grill master especially your blood your dad was the neighborhood grill master it's so much cool grilling clothes and the grill master's so it's like being a DJ at a party a hundred percent dude that's also the most

revered position for a fat man yes you have yeah and and you got like I've seen you your calves when you got up I'm like those are grill master care I got some nice calves too get the little shorts had a legs out it's like yeah I am built for it that's the grill that's the thing is you have to wear clothes that hide at all your worst parts tank top for a fat guy's huge too because you don't you don't look that fat in your arms and your shoulders might look cool yeah up here

I'm good you need a billowy tank top and shorts that just get and highlight the calves the calves for a fat dude are like abs absolutely that's fat cleavage yeah yeah it is

anytime a girl's like oh I look you gotta yeah you know yeah that's why you know yeah that's why Even when in the big shorts era, calves were still the one part of your body. I love the little shorts era. Yeah.

I'm with that. I'm not. I have decided, again, this is part of Unkhood. Uh-huh. I'm not chasing trends. No. I am sticking with little shorts. Yeah.

Little shorts are the shit. And but, but the other thing, even when people wearing skinny, I was wearing big pants already. Uh-huh. So I'm going to stick big pants, little shorts. Oh, man. I tried to. Hawaiian. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Hawaiian tracks suit. These are fat guys. staple. Yeah. I did try the skinny jeans era. I could see it was bad. I could see you being swallowed up by trends. It was bad.

I did definitely do the skinny jeans era. I'm so glad it's over. I'm so glad. I was wearing them a little bit. But I had lost a bunch of weight. So I was spilling my... That's another thing. If you're a big guy and you lose a bunch of weight, you start dressing ridiculous. Oh, yeah. You start getting crazy. Oh, yeah.

Elders in his head is like, he's been planning that era of his life. Yeah. And like he's... Right now, he's thinking of outfits he's going to wear in his mind three months i'm like just 20 pounds 20 pounds from now you're going to get so goofy at one point when i when i first got to new york i was 380 and i lost i had lost 90 wow so i was able to fit all types of shit even at you know that's still 200 but but to me that was like a whole new world at that stage you can maybe wear the fattest clothes in a regular store bro when i was able when i was able to shop

at H&M it was a whole new world I was like oh yeah oh it's up oh yeah and this was the time where it was like a controversy like they made some black kid wear a monkey shirt oh i remember this so that was around that time and i was just like hey they was like we're boycott i was just got here i just got here i just got here bro i was so happy to fit hm it was like yo this is great no dude i know exactly what you mean i am right now on that cusp of like the fattest article of clothing in certain stores or like the smallest size at the big and tall store you know what I mean like that's I'm writing that line and I'd love to get back into regular stores do do you do do you do smaller bottom and and bigger top or bigger

top smaller bottom like oh you do you do like a do you do like a two X pants yes and a three X top absolutely and then sometimes I switch I'll go three X pants interesting a little snug up top. I'm definitely due to the calves my legs just looking better. I always go a little smaller particularly track suits, shorts I'm going smaller

because it is the giant I have just a giant stomach. I got I got a gut myself too. I got a gut myself too but if I got on a white beater I'm like I know I'm feeling good. I know I the I am I just need to get bigger arms. I'm just that's the move like incline

you got to do some some chest I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fat guys telling each other's shit. This is classic. I lost confidence. Yeah, I don't know what to take you there. You couldn't even finish this sentence.

Inclined, that's all I had. That's the fuck of my time. We forgot the mics were on. We're about to just lie to each other about how we look pretty good. You got to get the incline going, dog. We're about to fall into a fat echo chamber. Oh, dude, we're just a couple incline benches away.

man we're fucking good bro um that's very so you had that moment where you lost a bunch of you had just moved here or what was it just it was just around the time i moved here okay well yeah i moved here my biggest was 380 and then i just started walking yeah and then i started running a little bit but i lost a lot of fucking weight and it's i look back at the pictures i'm like i still was the same size i was like i never i look at you you look at old pictures you like damn i was smaller totally totally and you're like when you thought you were fat as shit yeah i have the same thing i see a picture of me from like two thousand 16, when in my head, I was like, you're the fattest piece of shit.

Yeah. And now I would strangle someone to look like that. I'm trying. It's taking me years to get back to that. I've plateaued. I've been stuck at the same weight for some time. Yeah. No, I had the same thing where I was, I mean, I gained a bunch of weight and I lost, I'm trying

to get back. And I have plateaued in like the mid-280s. Yeah. And I did, you know, you're 280 now? I'm around 285. I'm 3.05. Okay. Yeah.

I mean, you know, you're also, how tall are you? I go 5-11, 6-foot Yeah, yeah, you're a little taller, you know And you, you know, you do carry it well We hate, I think we're both lucky To not be the floppy fat guys Yeah You know what I mean

The guys that like kind of unfurl We look solid I love solid Solid's good which I think Clinically is bad That's the kind of fat that kills you Like clogs your arteries Heavy fat

But I would rather that than like the Marshmallowy Yeah Yeah like I don't like when people poke my side and like it's like I like it to be hard that's what made me start doing a little little standing crunches yeah yeah I know that that idea that it's like you can just work out and just have like abs like a ninja turtle yeah or it's like abs over your fat it's like you know that again that's what's your what's your workout now you're doing much of cardio you're doing much of lifting I'm starting

to I was doing a lot of cardio and I was doing kind of like body weight exercise and I've recently started uh i taught my brother's a trainer and he was just like you just need to lift a little heavier like your brother's a trainer yeah yeah yeah man you should be further further well he's he's just had a kid he's also in baltimore oh okay he don't he don't sell he sends you meal plans he's just running his own fucking business like i i fucked up because i helped him start his own business which made it so that he would never pay attention to me again because now he's like trying to like when he was like you know working for somebody else he had all the time in the world but now he's like i have a Kyle in a business.

Oh, okay. I beat it. Yeah. I mean, so I get, yeah, fuck him, right? Piece of shit. Damn, I wish. I always wished I had a, I don't know if it would change anything. I'm like, man, I wish I had a brother that was a, or a cousin or something that was

in the fitness. Well, that's the, I mean, when we were in, the one time, there was like a summer in college where he, he was in school, training. I mean, he wasn't a trainer yet, but he was, like, taking classes and shit. And we had a summer where he trained, we, like, worked out. We hung out all the time. I lost a bunch of weight and it was like

in college where I was like I need to just do something to get pussy I'm a fucking loser and then I lost weight I was the smallest I've ever been whatever and I was in good shape got a girlfriend and just immediately got fat as shit

Relationships do that Immediately got fat of that happy weight I think of this is bullshit Yeah yeah yeah But you know what are you gonna do And so was this Now when you were at your smallest Was this the

Because you have a pretty Well known nude scene of course We're talking to TSA Bay here of Insecure Fame, Eldis. Oh, yeah. Well, you were showing cheeks and on HBO. It was like, yeah, it was like, yeah, I'll do that. With the start of the show?

Hell yeah, dude. That must have been big because that was, I mean, at the time, that was the biggest show. Culturally, like, I feel like everyone was watching that show. For sure. I feel like a lot of people in our age group saw your ass cheeks. Oh, it was right. And I didn't tell anybody. I just, I just, it was a surprise.

Yeah. I remember you popping up on the show I'd be like, nice, right? You know, I was like, whoa, nice. He's fucking hurt. I didn't say anything on purpose. I was like, you know what?

I'm going to just let this. Because that's a huge, that was a huge deal. That was my first, like, role, you know what I mean? For that to be your first one, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, so they, they, uh, and I hadn't watched the show that much. It was like one of those shows that blew up on Twitter. So you can kind of go on Twitter at the time when I was on there and kind of know what's going on.

But even in audition, I didn't know it was going to be ESA. Totally. You know what? like, it said like Alicia. Yeah. Then you get there and you're like, oh shit. I was just not even preparing. The biggest audition you'd ever

gotten. I remember you at this time. You were not doing well. That was huge. And you were like, I'm not fucking going to watch it. And I had time to like, I had time to fucking like

getting some type of shape and I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing. Like I had time to like, but I'm like, no, they want to. I know what this is. They want to back out.

Why would I do anything? Totally. Let's not put lipstick on the pig. They know what they want. I remember I did try to bang out some push-ups. Sure, of course, of course. Like in my robe, I'm like, of course, of course. But is this one scene of like my shoulders?

That was the one thing I was like, yeah, that's me. Looking pretty good. Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. Looking pretty good at shoulder, gang. That's pretty, yeah, that's fucking hilarious. I mean, filming a complete, because I've also done a fully nude. yeah sexy it's really fuck sex coordinators right there

right there yeah because you were naked too naked as hell so they tape your because what they did with me they taped a little like piece of paper around my dick and balls but it was like and this lady's just getting in there yeah just really and they're not even like they're like yeah move yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they don't care

it's like you go to doctor's office like yeah totally they don't care but yeah same thing tape and it's like they got it toned like my my skin tone and so you look butt-ass naked and you're like oh shit and I don't know if you felt this way but I don't think my dick was ever smaller because you're nervous you know what I mean my dick is completely retracted bro everybody's like I know you got hard no I did not my dick went in my body what are you talking about and then you're like embarrassing like you don't want to be hard but you're like this is fucking pathetic it was bad I got to get

And you can't be seen to, you know, fluff yourself. Now you're a fucking pervert. You're just sitting there. Anytime they said cut, I'm like, oh, give me my robe. Wait, so when you were on set, you were just nude the whole time? Or did they give you a robe? They gave me a robe, but it was like a closed set. I mean, it was like for the movie I did.

So it was like just me, the director, the coordinator. Yeah. I mean, I definitely had a robe. I'm sure I wasn't hanging out there with my day. But it was also funny because we had to figure out how. to do it so I'm just like kind of contorting myself I'm just like really shifting around just yeah you always been like comfortable uh taking your shirt off yeah yeah yeah you've always been that oh if I had a if I had even just a normal peat not a small dick I'd be naked all I wouldn't

give a fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they would just been like yeah what's up you know they would have to tell me to pull on put on the road you know but I never like were you a fat kid that that were your shirt in the pool I had a moment of that yeah and there was something that I don't know what when it was exactly but I definitely overcame that yeah you you came you overcame because I would see that man he's got it because I was never I was I was the I was I had always wore a shirt in the pool it it wasn't until I got old like now as an adult where I'm like oh fuck it you know what I mean I think there was a moment where I used to do that and then I was it I was it like six flags or whatever one

had the wave pool. Do you remember eldest? I think it was six black. Oh yeah, it was probably six black. Yeah. And it was like either a class trip or like a church group trip. And I saw a fat kid in a white shirt and I was like that looks ridiculous. Yeah. It was a moment of like that's how I look. You see his tits. It looks like a wet t-shirt contest. Yeah, for sure. It's kind of

more for sure. You're kind of more highlighting your fat tits. Yeah, for sure. Than if you were just shirtless. Yeah. And I think I saw a kid and how stupid he looked and I was like whoa I can't do that and you realize that earlier I would I would get in the pool

with my shirt on and after a while I'll take it off I'll keep it near the pool and I get up oh really like a like a nightgown but yeah

I was that kid I was a big kid so put that on but yeah I didn't get over that until I got to tell the age and then and then this cure came I was like

all right fuck it this is yeah yeah that kind of that kind of helped totally now you know So, yes. Were you single at the time or were you in a relationship? Is that a big show? That must have gotten you some top if you were single.

Yeah, it was a time. It came out during the pandemic. So it was like a time where I was like locked up. But still was the time. Yeah, yeah. The DMs were the DMs were the DMs light. They were they were popping and it was a lot of more gay dudes hit me up. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I was like, what? I watch the show, like, what part? But there was a part in there where I was like, oh, I can see, you know, because I say something about pressing my booty button in the scene that they roll in. Still. And, yeah, and I'm like, hey, I'm kind of, you know, I'm in the scene.

But I was getting so many gay messages. And then back then, you know, that's your first thing. You don't really know. So I'm just like, block. Block. Now I'm like, why was I blocking all this? Those were fans Because they were aggressive

Like Picks and messages And I'm like This is this is fucking up That's tough dude What was the ratio It was at least a handful of women in there Yeah it was a lot of women

But it was it was that definitely was Of course Yeah I was like damn No they're never gonna beat gay guys on the internet For horniness Yeah no They're never gonna outdo that But back then I was like this is

But now today I'm I'm like, why would I'm doing that? I could have just not respond. Of course, not respond. Keep the follower. Yeah, keep the fan. They're like, this guy's a fucking asshole. But yeah, it was a good time.

That's a good time, man. I'm very happy to hear that. I had a ball. So were you, back to the pool shirt thing, were you like the fat kid in your family, too? Like, was it, or was it like a... I was the cousin. I was the little fat cousin. I had another cousin, but he wasn't as fat as I was.

Sure, sure. He's fat as I he's fatter than me now, which is cool, which is cool, because he, he was always, now he's big as shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you overcame it. I definitely, and then I got all the, all the, any black, like Keenan, sure, said, didn't believe me, come on. I had the exact opposite, like, I'm, whatever fat white comedian was on at the time, it was like, when King of Queens, I'm Kevin James, Jack Black, a huge one. Jack Black is great. You know, because I had before, I was like, I had the same haircut, but wasn't bald. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I just had Jack Black's hair. Yeah. And I was, like, the fat. I also went to Baltimore City Public School, so it was like I was the fat, white, funny white guy. Like, I was, that was, so I got that, too. I used to get called, um, Doug. I used to call it, get Doug Heffernan. Oh, yeah.

Like, you know, but then my friends called me Dan for a while. Dan. Dan for a while. All ninth grade, I, they called me Dan. And then. And then, like, 10th grade, it stood for dumbass niggins. Dan, I swear to God. So, Dan is my character name in the Bradley Cooper movie.

That's so funny. I remember that all hit me. Yeah, yeah. It was calling me Dan for a year. And I was like, huh? What's up? And it came out. And I found out 10th grade, that's tough.

Yeah, that's so funny. And Bradley Cooper was like, yeah, I know what it stands for. He was like, I did it on purpose. Yeah, no, it's so funny, though I got all the, like, oh, they call me Teddy in high school for Teddy, but like all the, you know, Keenan I got all the time. Keenan is, yeah, that's a tough one to.

So, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure you, you know, I'm sure as a youth without the, without the, you know, you definitely was Keenan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had a, you probably had a nice gleam in your eyes. You were probably, I was a positive energy. I wanted to be that, dude. I wanted to be said to entertainer.

Of course, of course, of course. Of course. For sure. Have you ever met Jack Black or any of them, dudes? No, Jack. No, no. I don't think, I'm trying to think if I've met any fat heroes. Not Jack Black.

I met Action Bronson, but that's kind of a later in life. Yeah, later in life. We're closer in age. He's a cool fat dude. Yeah, definitely a cool fat dude. He's a grill master, too. Yeah, yeah. I did a show we cooked.

It was fucking awesome. I'm trying to get him on this show, but we're trying to get it done. He wears the cool new balance unks shoes, too. The thing, I am, I think he's, the man and I'm jealous of he's just 10 years like five years ahead of everything I want to do yeah like his show fuck that's delicious part of me's like I should just do that show yeah just be like uh hell that's scrumptious you know what I mean just like some of the fucking knockoff version of his show and then the new the fact that he's got a new balance I mean

I'm literally wearing he sent me some actually they're fucking awesome he said me some issues but yeah he's the man he's totally doing being a fat guy the right way yeah I don't know if I have any fat guy later in live they're all when I was a kid yeah yeah yeah every it's all it's all like Farley John Candy you know classic yeah um you know

Chris Farley was a I remember him as a kid of course and being a huge fan of course and yeah he was yeah he was the white guy fat guy that I was like oh Chris Farley just like every there was nobody who wasn't a fan of that guy he was just so in fact like he was just so funny in such a way that everybody

he was great and then i only remember him from like the movies but then later on once i got here and i learned about s and i knew he was on there but i watched his episodes on my oh this too was great yeah there was that that sandler farley run was huge for me fat guy and uh classic yeah of course another great bit to do as a fat kid uh it's put on one of your friends little coach it still hits fat guy in a little it's still hits i was crushing in sixth grade yeah it'll still hit today yeah it'll still hit today. If you're desperate, do the fat guy a little cold. So simple, so quick. Just good.

Just good stuff, man. I like that you went, you picked, you say your parents, you know, you could have picked either name. Conquest is the cooler name. For sure. That's such a sick name. For sure. It feels fake almost. Yeah, I didn't realize that until I started comedy. Everybody was like, yo,

was that sure? I don't realize how cool it was because I was so used to it. Yeah, yeah. And then everybody would ask me, but My first name is James. Oh, really? So my name is James Reginald McBride Conquist. So it's like, you know, like that. But you could have gone, you could be James McBride right now.

I started out of James McBride. I started like, that was my first time on stage. Really? James McBride. That's a completely different guy. Completely different. Conquest? Completely different.

That's fucking hilarious. Completely different government. I came up as James McBride. And I kept getting asked was I related to James McBride, the author. Interesting. He has this. It's called The Color of Water. He wrote a book.

James McBride. Who the fuck? I don't know that. Yeah. There we go. Oh, hell yeah. And what was this book? It's called Water or something.

Go to book. Oh, yeah. What is it? Oh, the color of water. Yeah. Okay. So at the Open Might in Philly. Damn, I started reading Heaven and Earth Grocer and I did not like it.

I actually randomly started reading Yeah, that's his newest book Yeah, I brought it on Libby And yeah, I never even listened to it Yeah, I did not I did, I was like, I do audio Oh yeah Yeah, you do all you actually read

I like to actually read on a Kindle Yeah, I do, I've been doing audio But yeah, every time I got off They would ask me am I related to him Or he's like my dad's hilarious I don't want this Yeah, yeah, yeah I think that's cool

But and then I was like My family already calls me Reggie Interesting, yeah Yeah. So I was like, all right, I'll just go about Reggie And I never forget my dad It was like, why are you?

Why are you using your mouth's list? And I gave you some bullshit. Yeah, I could have been Reggie McBride. Yeah. But I told him, I was like, oh, you know, I got my name from you. I'm named after you. I was like, I want a part of my mom in my name.

I just said some bullshit. He was like, all right. But yeah, I never forget that. That's pretty fucking. Oh, because I would have assumed you were like that your whole life, but you just chose just for, You were like, I don't like being associated with James McBride, the author.

That's really all it was. Your entire identity changed. Yeah, I'm like, I can't, I don't want to do this. Anytime I got off and it was like older black people, they would be like, are you related to it? Right. And I'm like, no. Just getting annoyed at like a show seven times.

Yeah. And you're like, that's it. I'm bombing. I'm a different guy. I'm a different guy now. I'm bombing. And then somebody comes up and says that. I'm like, no.

I don't fuck this guy I don't know I used to get so mad How old were you when your parents got divorced Divorced They never went together When I was one since I've been here They're they're super cool now

Of course They never were married So did you have Do you have other siblings from Yeah I got five sisters My dad has five girls than me oh wow and then my mom has me and my brother okay so yeah me and my brother are 10 years apart okay that's right you said that because yeah yeah so i grew up i grew up with my mom

and it was just me me and her and then my brother was outside in the streets or whatever yeah yeah and i go to i go to my dad's and uh they're both in philly yeah they're both in philly okay cool uh but my dad was i was my dad's only boy so i had to do everything that's why you were junior grill master yeah that's why i was a junior girl master he even let my sisters run around do whatever they had to do some like seasoning yeah my sister my sister daniel she got to do like some seasoning and she got but i had to carry shit i had to you know stand there cooking don't let me overcook oh that's your ass you overcook something you drop something that's your ass tough you're on the setup crew and you're on the takedown crew so as a as a like the times

where i'm supposed to be in camp we're doing something he would keep me doing that so How often he's just having barbecues every weekend? In the summertime, yeah, he ran it up. Wow. He ran it up. In the summertime, the community, look, he was the grill master. Damn. So, yeah, I had to do all that.

And this is just an unofficial. He's just having a barbecue thing. I forgot he had, like, business cards that he had. So it would be, like, different stuff for, like. Just an unlicensed business that you had to work? Yeah, he had, yeah, he had this business card, but he would do, like, the all championship games. and the city fair like he would do a lot of stuff so i was like oh okay i had to i had to help him but now i don't cook at all i don't do nothing that's it's time to get back in the mix

maybe yeah maybe did you do anything before you were like when you were doing standard what were like your first jobs my first jobs i worked at a furniture store oh yeah nice i worked at these old dudes and they were so like foul yeah i just remember i just remember loving it like because I was younger I was hearing these old dudes. Working a warehouse when you're like 20 is so fun. Yeah it's so fun those dudes were so cool. You worked where? I worked at a machine shop

which is another you know blue collar thing I worked at a paint store and it was like the paint store was really funny because I had a great I didn't have like a I'm trying to like it was like an old dude but it was like a like a white stud in Baltimore. She was

so fucking awesome. Yeah. She had her shit lined up. She was talking about how she was like, you know, she used to be a bouncer at like skate parties or some shit. And she was talking to be like a straight girl when she was younger to get. She was just a hilarious. She had a wife. Yeah, working with older folks like that. I remember working at a furniture store. They would be back there. I used to be like a kid and I would just be hearing this story to talk about their wives, their kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And my, my coworker home, like, talking about, I hate this bitch. And we would be taking down furniture. It was great. I worked

with a lot of older because my dad would always have me doing something like yeah my first stand-up gig was at uh this place in philly called champains okay and and it was ladies night hell yeah dude but ladies night was mel stripper night oh so they made me go up it's like one of my you know it was and i was younger and these were like older women and they were like get show you like they were very they were very aggressive i'll never forget that shit so you're doing jokes and they're like shows your penis yeah bro it was it was brutal it was one of my first like book shows and i was all happy and you see how you like you lit up we're like ladies night hell yeah it was and i almost invited my friends yeah i was like yo coming up it was these dudes came in with the

the suitcases oh and they were fucking the ladies were going crazy yeah it was like three male strippers That's late as night. Champains and filler. So what? You were opening for the strippers? Yeah. That was my first like. And it was just you? It was just me.

Wow. Who the fuck booked that? That's historical. I forgot to do's name, but we did, it was like a black improv group. Yeah. That he tried to start. Yeah. And he was a male stripper at one point.

This guy sounds awesome. And he booked me for it. Yeah, he was a stripper improv guy. Yeah, he was a stripper improv dude. And he booked me for it. And that was my first, like, gig. That's fucking hilarious dude It was a lady

It was a bar that they turned into a lady's life Right, right Right and they're probably older women They were older They were very older and horny And it was I'll never forget That shit You're just trying to do

And you're probably young in comedy You're probably shitty Yeah I was mad Yeah yeah yeah yeah You probably would have bombed in good circumstances Yeah Let alone just horny 65 year old women

Yeah and harassing my last I worked for the school district For a while My dad got me in that my dad got me a bunch of jobs yeah yeah bunch of did you get did you get your job's application style or it was like hey this is my i had the machine shop it was like a guy yeah um because that was a good job yeah that was like a too good a job for me at the time it was like a you know i feel like back in the day you could get a job all you had to do was know somebody totally even the paint still like

i worked for sharon williams a big company but i knew a guy was like who kind of put in a good word and you know whatever but yeah it's it's much harder now to just just kind of like figure it out. Yeah. It's like, it's that Sopranos episode where they try and shake down essentially a Starbucks. Mm-hmm. And the guy's like, look, man, you can take this money. What will happen is I get fired.

Mm-hmm. And then they'll be a new manager and they'll just, they'll just keep reporting it. There's no way for you. They'll just keep firing us. They don't give a fuck. Yeah. And they were like, wow, there goes the neighborhood. You know what I mean?

It's like you can't, there's no community anymore. No, not at all. You can't give your unqualified. Not at all. I worked for doors. I worked like security at doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did all that shit.

Just from somebody knowing somebody. Totally, totally. And the door job was, I was younger too, and it was like an older spot. Yeah. Like, beat it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move. Did you ever toss anyone?

No, I never tossed anyone at the, at the, the bar, but they didn't listen to me. Right, right, right, right. But I never, but when I got in a school district, I was a school policeman for like a year, I was fucking those kids up. How the fuck were you a school policeman? Don't you have to be a policeman? You, you know, bro, I don't. They give you a uniform?

Yeah. Yeah, I had to, I looked like a cop. So my dad, my dad was a cop. Okay. And that's the correlate, like, and then he stopped, went to the school district. He got me in there with him. I was working for the school district for a year. I was probably like 24.

Were you, was that ever like, I'll be a school cop, then I'll be a regular cop. Did you ever think of? of it is like i did want to be a cop you did i did i took the corrections officer i was this close to being corrections officer well and then ross career yes absolutely absolutely i'll never forget i was this close to me i took the test there was a lot of technical test all this shit yeah and i seen a corrections officer in a gas station and i was like hey you got me advice and he straight was like don't do this man

He was like, I can tell you, he was so honest with me. And they're calling me about the job, about to offer it to me, and I just did not pick up. Wow. And my dad was so fucking mad. He was so mad. I did the whole process. And this dude in the gas station was not for this dude. You're a fucking co-o.

I was going to be a CEO, but I got fitted in everything. Really? Yes. That's how close I was. That's how close I was being. You went to the fucking. Philly P.D. Taylor? Yes.

I was so close to be a correctional officer. That's fucking insane, dude. I did the school policeman stuff. Right. And we were at a high school, bad high school. And you're in there fighting every day with those kids.

Totally. And I was like, and then one of the guys I worked with, he was about to do it. So that's where I got the idea from. And I had started comedy at that time, like working at the school during the day and I would go to the comedy club at night.

But yeah, the dude in the gas station. I remember it was like, It was a Hess gas station. It was a show on him have a Hess gas station. And I asked, I seen, he had the black pants on with the yellow stripe. You knew. Yeah.

And I was like, that's my guy. Yeah. And you were like kind of, you're ready for like a positive, almost pep talk. Yeah. Like, yeah, man, it's tough, but stick with it. Yeah. Something like that. He didn't get me any of that.

He said, don't do it. You don't want to do it. And he's right. He was completely right. Yeah. He was completely right. That's a horrible decision. And these people, so these corrections officers of people, they know

my dad. So they're all, it's all city workers. So they're like, yo, why is he not he did all? My dad was so mad. He kicked me out. Yeah, really? He kicked me out. He was just like, get the fuck out. He was so mad.

He pulled so many, he got me in. He did. And he was so mad. He was like, get the fuck out of my house, man. Get out, bro. Get the fuck out. That's fucking hilarious. Meanwhile, my sister's a fucking stripper. that's fucking awesome probably making better money

honestly yeah making better money being a better force in the world than a corrections officer a shippers are much better a net positive on society so much more than when that Rick Raw shit came out like about him being to see I'm like

oh my God what's wrong with that he was making money I mean that picture would have been so easy to put your head on his body too that would have been such an easy Photoshop bro oh my god bro that is such a good picture i wanted to be a fireman too like i want to do all

the city shit interesting interesting i wanted to and the fireman shit i i knew that test that's what it was i was preparing for the fireman test yeah and i knew that test because i was like oh i can be a fireman at night comic it's better to be a fireman for sure i'm still a little bitter about that because that was it that was did you fail it or what i didn't fail at the city It was the Bush, what is it, the R word. What is it? The recession. Recession.

Yes. The R word. That shit hit and they closed all these fire stations and they put the test on hold for two years. Wow. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. And that's why I decided to do the correctional officer route, but I'm so glad I talked to that dude. Yeah.

But every time I see a fire truck in Philly, I'm like, damn. It could have been me. That's one where I was like, I wanted to do that. Yeah. One of my friends, his name is Evan. He's a fire. And he's great. He's, you know, we both look at each other's a lot.

Like, man, that's cool. Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. Hilarious. Well, I can't wait to get the perspective of an almost corrections officer to our fans here. Let's do it. Let's play some calls. Elders.

What do we got, buddy? Hey, Stavvy. Hey, Eldis. Hey, guest. That's not playing. I'm in a little bit of prediction. Oh, man. Hey, Stavvy.

Hey, Elders. Hey, guest. I'm in a little bit of predicting with my aunt. right now. Your aunt. I am recently single. I'm 20 years old. And at school the other day, my sister gave me a call saying, asking me if I'm seeing anyone,

talking to anyone, I said no. And then she said, okay, your aunt's going to send you some photos of this girl, her hairdresser. Oh, God. Who's 19. And Kyle, she's so pretty. and she's actually really funny I met her today

I think you should get to know her and I said okay this is a little weird and I thought these are going to be photos of my aunt actively getting her hair cut and then the girls in the background but no this these are like beyond candid photos of this girl

is doing her job clearly stressed out oh wow she's cute I guess but anyway um yeah about a week goes by and my sister's like oh did that girl follow you on Instagram and no obviously not because this is weird I think this is a weird

situation and then my aunt she doesn't know that my sister told me yet and she she's like oh Kyle like if you need to get a haircut soon I got you this gift card to my hair so long I think I really I like my barber my hair dresser a lot but her name is so-and-so. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure, maybe when I need a haircut. But, like, what do I do? Because, like, not even, like, on, like, I can't chew on my barber thing. I don't really care about that too much.

Just, like, I don't, like, this girl, she could be nice, but, like, this feels weird to me. I don't know. I don't know. My aunt's really old. She's, like, 65. I think that this feels like. some old-timey way of setting up your, your nephew kind of thing.

I don't know. It's a little scary. I need your advice. I don't like handle this situation. Bye-bye. More. Interesting. This guy, wait.

Didn't he say she was cute? Yeah. He's 20. She's 19. Yeah. He says she was cute. I mean, it is a little weird. Your aunt's setting you up.

Well, the thing is, I'm not clear that this girl knows about this, right? Isn't that something? Like, it's not. She got the aunt, didn't the aunt get the Instagram? No. So he thought they were going to send pictures where she's like posing or something. And they're clearly like, he says. It sounds like his aunt is just pointing her phone at her while she's like working and cutting her serious.

So the girl doesn't even know. It's not the kind of thing where her home's like, you're so great. You should be my nephew. It's like her, his aunt's like sneak taking picture. And then being like, you should try and fuck this. And not even her, because it's clear. She takes the pictures. texts his sister, you think your brother would like to fuck this girl or where, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she tells it, it's just such, so complicated for no reason, it is very funny that the aunt hasn't explicitly said, or maybe she did, because she sent the pictures, right? Or did the sister send the pictures? The sister sent them. So this is bizarre. Yeah. Because clearly aunt was like, this girl's cute.

We should set up, you know, frank with her or whatever. And then the aunt never told him and is like, you should get your head. haircut here. And she's just kind of hoping it's going to be like, you know, put the elements in play and let magic take over. Yeah, like he's supposed to go there, no cut, and he's like, hey, what's up? You know, you know, Teresa? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. How do you even start that conversation? Yeah, and I think what the only thing, here's what you could do, if you wanted to, right? You know, maybe go get, you got a free haircut. Mm-hmm. Right? Mm-hmm. just literally see if there's any chemistry here

I mean look what do you have to lose by getting a free haircut chatting with her the way you would any kind of hairdresser or you could just come out and say hey you know my aunt did you see I'm taking pictures of you yeah yeah hey I'm sorry my aunt's fucking weird that's my auntie that's sweet I would I would if my because this has happened

and you just kind of you just kind of ignore auntie yeah of course you're like oh that's sweet auntie But what if you wanted to fuck the girl for real? Would you ignore her? I'm going to go get a cut. Yeah. Like, I'm going to go get a cut.

I mean, I'm like, all right. That's the thing. It is so weird. But if you're 20 and you're like, I can get pussy maybe. Yeah, you're not a 30-year-old man going and being like, so do you like burritos? You know, just like nervous and blowing it weird at a hair. You're in a woman's hair salon. Or I would get, I got sisters.

So I would get my sisters to like go scope it out. Like, hey, you check her out and bust it up with her. Right. Maybe I come pick you up or something. Right. We should do stuff like that. That's nice. I'll pick you up and, you know.

That's got to be, that's the advantage of having sisters for sure. Yeah. If your sister's cool, they should, they should be able to do it. His sister sounds cool because she's sending, she's giving him the heads up. She's kind of the go between between the aunt. Yeah, I think you got to get your sister involved somehow if you're interested in talking to her. Yeah. That's not a bad idea.

But, yeah. I think like. But you can't bring up. you can't bring up that your aunt sent you pictures of her yeah probably not you got to keep that low don't even don't even look if you said she's cute fine but don't bring up the picture thing bring it up it's really funny because what if this becomes the love of your life yeah and then you're like hey just so you know then you got to give your aunt credit and then you got to be like hey my aunt took weird pictures yeah that's something you say later that's always kind of like

the weird beginning that's a little hanging over your head like what if she just realized my whole family's fucking creeps. Yeah, it's something you got to release later. You know my aunt took pictures of you. After you have a real bond, you have to let this go. But, yeah, I mean, look, I like the sister idea. That's interesting. Get the sister involved.

But worse, Kay, like, honestly, your aunt wants to pay for a haircut for you to chat with a kind of nice girl. He's not going to chat with her either. He's just going to go in there and get a cut. I don't think this guy. I don't know. I don't need. I'm just saying I would probably, this is how I would.

you go in there you're getting a cut what's your first thing you're saying but they just make they're good at making conversations like hairdressers and strippers are the best conversationalist I've ever met because they have to do

they're filling time you know what I mean like the general bullshit conversation of like so you know I'm so used to going to barbers and we don't talk we don't say anything

we're just like what you want yeah the bar the barbors a different experience than like the woman who cuts your hair yeah because they'll just be you'll just make small talk

I mean, I've had, I've had, like, you know, hair, you know, women who cut my hair just talk about literally everything. Oh, okay. Like, I've had women trying, like, you know, brick. Like, I've had women try and, like, get me into Christianity. Like, really? Women just, like, talk about the Ravens when I'm in Baltimore. Like, it runs the gamut of small talk. Yeah.

I never, I never went to a lady barber, so I wouldn't know that. That's interesting. No, no, this is. All dudes cutting his head. Of course. Silence. Yeah. Only dudes

No eye contact Yeah Yeah so I don't know That's that I would say If you feel the need for a buffer Get your sister in the mix To run interference Because she's kind of already

Playing that part by texting you In the middle yeah And if not just go get And do you like your aunt Like do you do you know Is this an aunt You just she's forcing her family shit on you Or yeah

Is your aunt cool? I know Setup is a very old-fashioned. Very old-fashioned way. But I don't mind it, to be honest to you. I wouldn't mind getting set up. If somebody was like, hey, you should meet my friend. Somebody who knows, you was like, you should meet my friend.

I mean, this is a little different because this is like his aunt met just a nice girl. Yeah. And I was like, you should fuck my nephew. I'm worried he's gay. Let's find out. She's like, here, I'll pay you $500. Fuck him off after he takes you in chilies. She might be a cool aunt.

Yeah, it could be a cool aunt. It could be a cool aunt, no, I think about it. Could be a cool on. So, yeah, just at the very least, go get the cut and see if there's even an iota of chemistry. And make sure you woofing, though. Like, make sure you need a cut. Like, go in there bad.

So I don't get the conversation going. Like, you sit there, she's like, whoa, what? And that way, she feels like she really did a great job on YouTube. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good point. All right. Well, good luck, buddy. What else we got, Elders?

Hey, stuff. 36-year-old dude around your same age, went to school, to have a good job, everything's cool, right? But I'm in a situation right now in a new job where I have someone that is technically on my payroll. That kind of works for me, but only like one day a month. But in our interactions, everything is super cool. Oh, I wonder what I was doing. And she has definitely thrown signals. My way, I haven't donated signals back because technically I'm her boss.

I know it's not super cool, but her job is very temporary and she's in school about to be out of her job. I was just curious, man, like, in your opinion, what's my move? Like, what do I do here? Because there's definitely chemistry. I don't want to say that the fact that I technically am her department. manager would soil us being able to pursue the chemistry between us. There's definitely chemistry, huh? Anyway, big, big listener to the show, big fan, and I would love to hear what you have to say.

Thanks a lot, man. Appreciate you. Bye. Okay. He's 36. Did he say how old she was? She's also 19. He's the hairdresser on her day off. He did say she's in school about to be out of the job, though, and this sounds like a temporary

thing. Yeah. We're talking grad school or fucking college, bro. Because if there's a 22-year-old, that's all... Then we've added another layer of this being fucking weird. Yeah. Oh, shit. Okay, the number one

thing to always be honest with yourself about is when you say there is definitely chemistry. Is that true? Look deep in your soul, man. Stop. Here's what I want you to do. Jack off. And in the seven

minutes that you have clarity ask yourself do you actually have chemistry with this woman because and this happens all the time whether it's customer service whether it's like i mean you know the most the biggest one obviously is sex worker strippers whatever you're like oh i think she actually likes me you know what i mean like um but also just really nice also co-workers is a big one like how polite is this person like it and also if she's a younger person who's at her i guess sounds like an internship i don't know. I hope it's not, I hope it is like grad school or some shit. And if that's the case, there's more leeway here. But it's like, be honest with yourself, is this just someone who's very nice to her coworkers at your job? And if that is not the, if you really think that you

have some chemistry and this is a, you know, temporary job and you really don't have any, like, does she need a letter of recommendation from you? Is that why she's being nice? Is there some other factor? If you really don't have any, if there's no other factor that's making her be nice, that you guys are just loose coworkers in a temporary job, then there's nothing wrong with at the end of this. If everything checks out, she's of age. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's the right age. And there really is chemistry. Right, right. And let's stress that part. Yeah, trust it. You know? And I'd say, now she's temporary. So if you go that route, does he have to give her another job, give her another stay?

No, definitely not. In fact, I would say the way you do this is when this is coming to an end. So it has nothing to do with a job. You're not even co-workers anymore. You say, hey, it was great working with you. You know, I've really liked spending time with you. You want to go out for a drink sometime or something like that. Yeah.

At the end, when there's no, when there's nothing about, you know, especially he's saying it's about to come to an end anyway, when she's wrapping up that's I think the safest bet is like ask somebody out when she's out on the way out the door and what if she brings up what if she goes hey you want to go out some time

she goes I don't know I need a job or something like what if what if she's been playing you this whole time pro quo yeah like what if I mean then you have another set of decisions

to make yeah like I don't know you tell me I mean I don't work anywhere anymore so like what if that comes out I don't really have the money to fucking Go get a drink.

I mean, I am interested, but I don't work there anymore. What are you going to do about that? You got to think about that. It's like, I don't think he has the authority to just be having to be trading pussy for jobs. It's my read on the situation. And if a woman has been that explicitly like, get me a job and I'll go to Chili's with you, I would not trust that. I would say, oh, she's not trying to phone. She's trying to.

the second the ink is dry on this on this offer sheet she's fucking losing my number um but yeah i don't know i want to know if it's definitely chemistry i know i would love it would be awesome he said the shit when he says soil yeah would you soil us um yeah dude i don't know i think that's kind of how i would handle it i mean if as long as she's not dependent on you for anything and it really is just sort of like you're technically her supervisor but who really gives a fuck at the end of it i say you can ask her out it's not the craziest thing in the world yeah but i would love to have some close circuit temporary television footage of of their interactions i would love to a lot because we get a lot of our co you know co-worker calls a lot of this shit i would just love to just

i would just like a close-up of a woman's face when she's interacting with the guy i don't even need to see him. I need to see her eyes. I don't even need to see her whole face. I just want to see what her eyes do when he turns his back, you know? Yeah, do we get a roll? Does the smile drop immediately? We'll see. I don't mean to be a hater. I'm just, you know, I know how this can go. Good luck, absolutely. What else we got, Elders? Hey, Shab, what up? Eldis? A little esteemed guest. I'm calling today. At first time, Caller, long-time listeners. Thank you.

But, so I got this conundrum, I guess. So my girlfriend and I are pretty savvy travelers to find a lot of good deals. Usually end up to some pretty amazing places on the cheap. Nice. And I've recently found myself

in a situation where I am fun employed for the time being. Right now, it's a pretty short-term thing. I'm not really sure where life is going to lead me. Mm-hmm. But my girlfriend, is still in a pretty decent financial spot, and that travel bug is still very active in her.

And she keeps showing me these deals where we could hypothetically afford something with my situation. I have a little bit of money saved up, but it's becoming a thing where I'm scared of, like, how would my family look at this? family who gives a fuck fuck your family what do you have a what do you have a what do you have a fucking haters well well don't do that you fucking asshole

wait what you ask your family for gas money and you're thinking about going to fucking Tulum are you out of your fucking mind I didn't know it was that that's crazy he said family I'm like fuck you same thing you're like gas money they're gonna be pissed

you can't fill up your tank to go to marshals but you're gonna fucking get on a delta flight yeah no you can't ask your parents for gas money Let's finish the call, but that's fucking funny as shit. So I just love your guys' thoughts on this. Do I go with my girlfriend? Financially, the situation wouldn't be that big of a hit for us. But I just worry about the optics of it to all the people.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this. Eldis, don't let this guy give you a hard time. You're fucking awesome. All right, love you guys. Pete out. So he really will get you through the screaming process. He really does have bad judgment. Okay, I think the answer is twofold, right?

Number one, if you have money saved up, you and your girl know how to do trips, you know how to travel cheap, you're not above doing a travel airline. She's controlling it. She's, you know, she picks out the cheap spots. Like if, and you're both okay with it. It's not the kind of thing where you have some like dumb bitch partner who's like, take me somewhere expensive. Seems like she's working it out. And she's like, let's find in something that fits both your. lifestyle and you both you seem to be in like it seems to be a really serious relationship where it's

like you feel comfortable taking a bit of a financial risk because you know you're going to be with this person long term uh and you're saying it's not a big financial hit to take this trip okay that's great take the trip the second part is grow up and stop asking your fucking parents for gas money you fucking loser yeah it's one thing if you need it but you don't if you're going on if you're even considering going on vacation and you ask your father for $40? I mean, you honestly are

making me sick right now. It's so pathetic. And you don't have to post or tell your family if you, like, you know, they don't have to know, but it is fucked up if they don't know and you're asking for

money. I think, I think what this is, I think what you have realized is that you are a coddled boy who still depends on his family and look maybe this is definitely a this ignites something in me as someone who like never my parents never

could do anything you know what I mean like I couldn't even imagine asking my family for rent let alone gas money or what you know what I mean like from a young age I just knew my parents could never so whenever I see someone who's like still in like you know whatever you're in college you're still figuring it out you need a little help that's one thing but one thing you're set up to the point where you're a fucking jet

you got a travel blog with your girlfriend and you still ask for fucking gas money just it just grow up you're a little spoiled just be a fucking man and just yeah take the trip and stop asking your parents for money you're you're an adult with a fucking job even though you got fired if you have to ask them

I mean ask your homies ask you know ask your homies but he I don't here's my read he doesn't have to because he has enough money to think about going on vacation he does it he doesn't have dad Can I have $40?

Like he does it like a hot girl asking for a purse. You know what I mean? Take the trip. Stop asking you. Yeah, you're right. I think that's the answer. Like,

you have to decide who you are right now. Are you your own man who wonders who's in a good relationship where you both like traveling and you know you can take a bit of a financial risk because you have the money saved up and this is part of your lifestyle. And by the way, you're young, you're unemployed. Now kind of is the time to travel. For sure. You should absolutely take the trouble.

If you lock into a job that's a serious job, you might not get, you know, this America sucks. There's girls going to be going on trips by herself. Go on all the trips, but yeah, asking the parents for money. Now's the time to do it and stop asking for fucking money, you fucking pussy. Next question, Eldis. And by the way, if you're somebody who needs, you know, who needs a little help every now again, that's different. But we're talking to this guy who, you know, fuck him, you know what I'm saying. Ah, Veldiz. What's up, everybody? So I got, I got a unique one. I got a friend who, you know, hasn't, God bless him, hasn't gotten a lot of play throughout the years. I've known this man, you know, going on talking 15 years, I've known this dude since high school. So, just hasn't gotten a lot of play. No hate on him. It is what it is.

But, like, his newest thing on, like, attempting to get chicks is, like, drawing them and posting them to his Instagram. And, like, I mean, legit, taking a photo from their page and drawing it and posting it being, like, got inspired by at so-and-so to draw this. beautiful picture, yeah, and all this stuff. So it's one thing already weird enough that he's doing that, but just to be honest, the dude fucking sucks at art. Like, he fucking sucks. Like, it looks like, you know, fifth grade doodle shit. I don't know, it's like so bad.

And so, you know, I'm just kind of for the past couple of months, been seeing him do this. and completely wrecking his fucking, like, online aura. And the other night, he posted one, and I was just like, Jesus Christ, dude, like, what the fuck are you talking about? So I went and I looked on his follows and the followers, and the chick that he drew doesn't follow him back. He doesn't follow her. So it's made me come to this weird-ass conclusion that my friend is, like, cyber-stocking

chicks and like drawing them and it's just really weird because as demented as this shit is I don't think he's gotten any fucking play from it so yeah like shitty pictures of strangers I know I gotta talk to him or maybe

I don't like that's why I'm calling you fuckers let me know because yeah this shit is pretty insane this is nuts yeah that that's so creepy And the fact that he can't even draw is That is the cherry on top

Yeah Damn, dog You got to tell him Tell him Yeah, I mean imagine this is one of your friends What if your friends is doing this? I would straight tell him like that shit is creepy You can't even draw

Like you have to seriously tell him Like no kidding This is bad You should stop You have to tell him Not only do you need to stop You need to pretend You had to go to rehab or something

You had to say You have to get on Instagram, you have to delete all these from your Instagram. And do a post about going to like a psychiatric hospital for three days. And now you're on meds and you feel like yourself again. Yeah. You need to pretend this was psychotic break. This would only work if you can draw or you're super attractive. Yeah, I mean, if you could draw, yeah, if you're really, really talented and you make a really good portrait, I could see this may be working.

But he doesn't even know the girls he's drawing. He doesn't know them at all. And that's that's the crazy person. I'm going to play devil's advocate for the loser friend because like this is, you know, if it's people that it would, this would be weird if it was like people he knew in his daily life. He's just like tagging some regular bitches. But if he's like, you know, tagging streamers and stuff, you know, people make fan art like that and they do. I don't think he's tagging streamers. He's probably tagging like a girl with like, you know, 8,000.

followers who's hot as shit or something that's my guess but still that is that's like a very low level form of what i'm talking about but it's still like you know didn't they say he he sees them like out did they say i don't think so it wasn't it wasn't clear that this is like anyone from his like daily personal life yeah and that alone is like you know he's just like cloud chasing through his drawing like but he sucks thinking drawing i know but is this the only thing that brings Some joy? Is this like something that makes them happy or something? So, eldest, you're advocating for simping reply guying on steroids.

And listen, there's guys who have reply guide their way into pussy. That happens a lot. Yes, for sure. There's an initial wave of women pretending they hate all their reply guys. And I've been seeing a lot of recent, like, give your reply guy a chance to just some guy with a hot girl. And yes, is there a way to. If he was good at drawing, is it still pathetic and I can't co-sign this behavior? If one of my friends were doing this, would I say, that's awesome?

Or would I relentlessly mock him for this? I would relentlessly mock him. For sure. But if he could draw, and especially if you caught someone who thinks, who wishes she was famous but isn't, she makes her feel like, oh, I got fan art, even though he's just, you know, whatever. She's just a Twitch streamer that gets like four viewers. per stream or whatever the fuck. Could it work?

Maybe. But the fact that this is someone who does not fuck to begin with. Yeah. Right? He's not good. Yeah. And he's bad at drawing. And he has ostensibly no relationship to these people at all.

And bro, that's going to fall back on you. Like, that's your boy. Yeah, that's going to be associated with this. Yeah, that's going to be associated with you. I don't want to be associated with it. You got to get him to stop if it's not working. Yeah. That's going to fall back on you.

The fact that it sucks, does that, does that change your. opinion at all? Yes, it's not good. My only, my only point is, my only point is I don't read this as pure simpery. I read it as it is, it is a little but I read it as like the fallacy

of like, you know, just like you know, hustle grind culture like just put your shit out there and like try to like. You think this guy is trying to be a fucking artist? Yeah, this ain't. He's trying to fuck these women. What are you talking about? I get that grind, hustle grind culture, put it out there, and some of that shit needs to stop, too. Of course.

But, yeah, he's just trying to fuck. Like, is he drawing a picture of any man? Even one guy. Fair. I don't know. I just, I just think like. This is the equivalent of being, of buying a fucking camera and DMing hot women, would you like to do a photo shoot? Yeah.

This is like, this is that behavior except it's like drawing them and hoping, you know, whatever. Yeah. Yeah, I've seen that on a train. where a guy or a girl or somebody is drawing something from a person across from them. But it's good but they do it quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they show the person or maybe I've seen that

on Instagram. I just said, I said that. I just put Instagram, something I've seen on Instagram to something I've seen it on Instagram. I don't even know it was real, but I didn't see that in real life at all. I've seen that as well, yeah. But yeah, no, he's just trying to fuck. So yeah, you got to this, you got to tell him or get the fuck away from him. And, and I think if he was good this would be a potential the same way everyone does everything to get

pussy at the end of the day yes yes stand up any artist if he was good at drawing i do think this could be a way of him to at least get some attention maybe but being bad at it and also it's like let's let's let's treat the problem with the root cause why are you not getting pussy you wasn't getting pussy before this what makes you think you about to get pussy doing this right And maybe if you're committed to this, if you love drawing for real, let's take some classes before we start doing this. Yeah. And maybe let's work on ourselves a little bit. The classic in-sell advice we give everyone.

This could, you know, we tell people pick up a hobby and get better at it. Maybe drawing is this thing. Maybe get better at drawing. Go to the gym, buy better clothes. I don't know if you can. Can you get better at drawing? I feel like you can or you can. You can.

It's just very hard. Oh, okay. How about adult coloring? adult coloring yeah your boy should do that do some color don't draw if your boys if you're saying it fucking sucks you gotta give him stop maybe suggest something else yeah

I mean and this isn't a hater this is his friend you know what I mean yeah this is friend who's being honest here so I don't know eldest I don't I do either way I'm not condoning it I just I just don't you know I'm like this could be a pathetic attempt to try to like grow his following

through like doing fan art. You got to people with more followers. Right, right. You guys got to get you got to get drunk or have a guy's night and just pull it out just to laugh at him with the bros.

Maybe. Shame it out of him. Yeah, just get, go out one night because this letter is this text or whatever is hilarious. This voice smells hilarious. Get lit, get drunk, and get them around a bunch of guys.

I get you got really backfiring, though. I have certain friends. that would definitely work on. I have certain friends that I think this would have caused them to dig their heels in deeper

and maybe not even speak to me for like three months. That has happened to but they always come back and they, you know, like my friends

haven't talked to me for a year and then we come back and we're good. You need to be either way, you need to be on record is against this.

Yes. Next question, Eldis. Fucking sucks. It's so funny. I know. That's the part that offense him the most.

Dov? What's up, dude? Long time, first time here. Got a little bit of a situation with the old ex-girlfriend classic. So me and this girl dating for three years, broke up with one another, kind of a mutual thing, moving in different directions. But right before we broke up, she's a hockey player in college. We break up the weekend before she goes to a hockey player. tournament doesn't tell me who it's with I assume it's with like a women's team come to find out when we're actually breaking up it was with a men's team and the guy the captain of this team is a firefighter it's like a police firefighter tournament that they're playing hockey and the captain of this team is a guy who she used to be involved with they were seeing each other before we started dating and so she didn't know I put this together I said oh you know like I recognize that name of that dude that you're playing hockey with like what's the deal there like I don't think that's super cool to be spending a weekend with him while like technically

we're still dating like before things have cleanly ended and so she got super defensive is like there's nothing going on between us like blah blah blah I haven't thought about him since before we started dating XYZ I'm like okay well obviously none of that's true and then as we break up a couple months later we're still kind of connected on social media and stuff but she just starts like dropping little hints that they're definitely seeing each other not like a hard launch but like a soft launch and so we end up talking I moved cities a couple months ago

we end up talking and before I leave she was like well like if you were to start dating somebody I would hope that you would let me know before you like hard launched them or like anything like I'm not thinking about being romantic and like I would really hope that in the future

if you ever move back to my area it would like work out between us so that's been the vibe of like we both realize we still feelings for each other but are moving in different directions and then this motherfucking firefighter gets on my Instagram and I pull up the gram I posted an Instagram reel give me a follow if you want at but I post an Instagram reel on on Instagram.com and this motherfucker likes my Instagram reel but then blocks my account so I obviously have a screenshot of the notification but I'm just wondering like

what do you think I do with that this is good information to have do i play the cards close do i hold on to that information for a while or do i just send it to her and be like what's the deal with your boy or like anything there but you know let me know put this on a free episode if you do

put it on a free episode i will subscribe to your patreon and then uh oh my god shut the fuck then we're in business from there stuff looking forward to working with you listen you're a fucking child this is like we just heard one of the most And I went to school

And I was Spider-Man But then somebody told me That he was Dr. Octopus But I said no You can't beat me I'm Spider-Man The good guy always wins It started good

And then it just got Super Childish towards them But the thing is I It's tough Because I know I remember these feelings Yeah

But this is like The way I remember What it's like To be worried about Like fitting in In middle school Yeah It's like

Dude this is your ex She's fucking this guy She fucked him While you were dating She feels bad about it She's a mess. You both have bad emotional boundaries. It's over.

What do you mean? Hold on to this information. Didn't he move? He said he moved, right? What the fuck you're going to do? It's over. Oh, the guy she's fucking followed you on Instagram. Who fucking cares?

Yeah. It's fucking weird. It's weird behavior on all your parts, right? Don't screenshot it. Don't send it to her. Yeah. What does that get you? What does that get you?

Be honest. Like, in what world do you think this is the big card that you throw down? You're like, aha. I knew it or whatever. He might be a messy bitch. He's a messy bitch. He's a messy bitch. His feelings are hurt, right?

Yeah. And look, I get that. And you want, what you want is some revenge on clearly being soft cucked and being lied to. Here's the truth. Here's a, here is a universal truth you have to learn right now. There is no satisfaction in life. Nothing good ever happens. It's all random.

It's all pain. Your life will be more. more of these moments, right? The quicker you get over this, the easier it will be going forward. This is over. Put this girl out of your head. I'm not saying you might not fuck her at some point. It might line out. If you want to

continue to be messy and all that and you really, like, I don't know. It might be kind of fun to go back and fuck her if you visit your old town. Sure. If she wants to cheat with you and you want to be messy, go for it. But the thing is he's too he's too wrapped up in this.

Yeah, you got to get some other. You need some distance, bro. You need to completely forget about this. Get out of the hockey girls. Go to a soccer girl. Yeah, for sure. I like the athlete move. But also, you have to know that, like, even her saying this to you is like an immature thing of like.

Yeah, she's messy. She doesn't know what her real feelings are. She probably feels guilty. She does like you, you know, but she was getting some firehouse dick. She's sliding down the pole and jumping on his cops. She's probably doing some of that shit. She probably feels bad And I also remember being like 22

And doing these like half measures Where you're like You know we broke up But you'll always be Special to me You know shit like that Where you're like one day If it ever works out

You know you're lying to yourself You know what I mean And the quicker you move on The better off you'll be And here's the other thing I'm not even saying It's impossible that you might link up again But the way that happens

Is if you totally are over her and you guys reconnect as more mature people, right? Even you saying all this bullshit about the real and the like... Oh, yeah, the liking of the real. Like, Instagram is so fickle now. You don't, you're real, y'all don't have to follow each other. It just comes up. Well, the guy followed him.

The guy's clearly spying on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can move him, though. The guy followed him like the real and then blocked him, which is, there's just a lot of weird childishness going on here. Yeah, you know. need to block that dude don't even pay attention to the like i would say but i can see how that affects the 20 year i don't know how of course yeah that that we didn't we didn't had to deal with that listen i fully understand where he's coming from but i our job as unks yeah is to tell him

as well i go through the same shit i'm like yeah yeah this is yeah exactly it's like we were there brother and we're telling you it's a waste of time yeah it is a waste this is all over you let go of this this woman like clearly you is that you know you're relatively young you're talking about college you know whatever at least i hope so this could be they're they're in their 40s and these are like intermure these are like you know semi-pro shitty college beer league hockey teams or whatever that would be pathetic i hope you're young otherwise this is one of the status calls we've ever gotten but like let it go brother it's all good there's no you have no this is not a card to play let it go you have nothing to play me some other girls in a new city go get some pussy forget it

about this girl completely get her out of your head don't check her Instagram I'm not checking her Instagram too not check her Instagram you got to move on bro no contact move forward you broke up amicably right you're holding on to this weird like maybe one day bullshit the more you're doing that how long ago is this these days it was like three years ago yeah they dated for three years I think oh they dated for three years and is that college I see for three years a hockey player yeah dude move on brother this is over this is over this is probably his first very serious relationship

so it's going to hurt a lot. Yeah. Yeah. And you will be in pain and you will think about her, but the less you check up on her, the better you'll be, go fuck other girls. That's the sure way out. Absolutely. You have a fun one for us to go out on here, Elders? Yeah.

What's up, Stavi? Love the show. First time caller. So I'm a urologist. I look at around 5,000 penises every year. Just wanted to get your opinion on something. There is a procedure called a implant that a lot of guys are saying it's unethical. Essentially

it's like the silicone sheath you put under the skin, gives you like three to four centimeters of girth and then it pushes the penis out. So flaccid you look as long as you can possibly get. You don't really get much more length when you're completely erect, but it makes you look super hung

when you're flaccid. The downside is that you have a one to two percent chance of getting infected and in that case it like destroys your penis completely. So there's a couple guys doing it in Austin, New York, and it makes them a ton of money. I'm on the fence. I don't know.

Would you do it? Should I do the procedure? And, you know, thanks. Like your show. It gives me something to listen to. I'm between prostate exams. All right. That just made me feel like you see how you watch like a movie and somebody gets a nut shot?

That's what it makes me feel like. I'm like, I'm like, ah. Dude, 2% chance you have no cock? Yeah. I'm not doing any, I'm not doing any surgery where there's a 2% chance my dick is gone. is eaten by bacteria, dude. And it said it gives you more length when you're soft. Like, who the fuck cares about that?

Who the fuck cares about that? It makes you a little meatier at the shower. It makes you think it look cooler. It's like, what are we doing here, man? I do not care about my salt thing looking big. That's another part of growing up. Yeah. I have a pathetic little small soft dick and I don't give a fuck.

Oh, no, man. Now he's asking, should he do this? To himself? No, no, he's a doctor, and he's like, I, some people are saying this unethical, should I do it? But he says there's doctors making bank doing this shit in Austin, New York. I mean, I'm confused. He's thinking about getting the surgery? No, no, he's a doctor.

He's a doctor. And he's thinking about adding it to his repertoire of adding it to the menu at his cock clinic. And he said it makes a lot of money. If you care about dicks when you do it, if you care about the people. I mean, the thing is, though, people, I mean, a lot of cosmetic surgery does probably have a one or two percent chance of being catastrophic, I would assume, right? Like, you see people who get botched all the time. Yeah. And if, I mean, if these guys, I mean, there's no medical reason to do it, obviously, right?

You just kind of put, when did that? I've never heard of this got me feeling uncomfortable. This is new, yeah. I mean, I hate this as a, first of all, it's like, this shows. you how I mean the second they actually figure out making dicks bigger medically oh yeah it will be the biggest thing in the world yeah we're gonna be dead we're gonna be dead and gone they're like we put packing peanuts in your cock so it looks bigger while you're soft and there's guys they're like yes please I want a soft I want a bigger soft dick put some

fucking bubble wrap around cut the skin open and wrap my dick and bubble wrap so it looks bigger it doesn't add much length to it when it's erect it adds a little girth basically Oh, Gert. But he's talking about two to three centimeters, which is like, you know, is that enough? And you just have a weird piece of silicone in your dick. You basically have a little, you have a little breast implant wrapped around your dick. How is that good? That's crazy.

Now, is it ethical for you to do it? I mean, if these guys want it. Yeah. And you're like, look, here's the thing. It doesn't, you can offer it, but I wouldn't make it like, you know, the thing of your, though the whole thing well he might not have to offer it he probably he says he seems

5,000 dicks so they probably bring it to him yeah and I think if they're bringing it up and they want to do it go for it it feels like it could be a point of no return for his career like you ever see those like plastic surgery shows and you're like hold on

this guy went to medical school he is legit but he's got like jet black swoop tear and he's dressed like you know like he's Ryan Segris cousin or something like I feel like once you're the like silicone cock doctor When you're the cock implant doctor that's hard to be taken seriously.

I got a dick doctor. It's like that that could end up just being your lane. And do you care? Do you want that? Could you make more bank off that? You could also do it in different ways where you have the practice that's the dick plumping practice. It's different branding.

It's different everything. And then you have your regular, you know. Yeah. I'll say link with the other doctors, too. Start a little group chat. See? No, they don't want them on their corner, dude. They're like, I fucking make the dicks bigger here, bro. Don't even think about putting silicone around other guys' little ass dicks. That's my shit. I mean, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I don't know. What is this percentage? What is the, I guess my question would be, compared to other procedures, is one or two percent higher in terms of catastrophic results? because if it is then maybe it is unethical

you know what I mean like if usually a procedure has like a 0.2% chance of fucking up but you're pushing more dangerous stuff to make more money than it is unethical but if this is about par for the course and you're not worried about that point of no return which I'll just say because I think you're very right about that you could definitely be known as the dick doctor they're like dick plumpin doctor I said oh go ahead no I'm just trying to figure out when when did that become a thing thing? When did soft penis want to be bigger

become a thing? Well, since man had the ability for language yeah, they're called himplants that's hilarious. They're doing them in Beverly Hills. Go to go to the images. Let's see what these...

Oh, look that guy's a little ass dick. Oh, so they literally just wrap some shit around your dick, dude. I don't want that, dude. I tell this guy do it. I say go for it Make that fucking money I'm talking to all this shit

I get it next week You're walking around Just a limp ass dick We have your number We'll give you a call After this episode's over Eldest wants the Eldus wants the procedure

But I have 2% chance My dick is fucking pulverized I'm not doing this shit Yeah no I'm not doing it either That's crazy I've learned to live with my little fucked up dick I don't need to

Unless they get a full proof Or even a pill That makes your dick bigger fine but I'm not doing this shit yeah so anyway good luck buddy Reggie that's gonna do it for us oh man this is fun thanks for coming

I'm gonna have to write this down the hymn plant go follow Reggie watch this stuff you've been in a bunch of stuff the movie is coming out I think it should I think we're gonna time it so it's around the time of the episode yeah it's the Bradley Cooper

stand-up movie starring Will Arnett is this thing on yeah is this thing on on that Bradley Cooper And we didn't talk about your part at all, but I'm sure you're... I'm playing a stand-up. Yeah. I think I audition for your part, actually.

Really? I mean, I assume there was one fat comedian part. Yeah, his name is Dan. I don't remember. I'll look it up. Yeah, so... I had a bad... I actually did the audition in this room, and I was like, I fucked that up.

I remember being like... That's how most auditions are. I'm like, I'm not getting... I couldn't get it to... I couldn't figure out the, like, tripod. Yeah. So it kept, like, slipping, and I tried to have, like, this background. And I used...

this light but i was too close to it because they don't want to move the couch i do that shit and it's like set and forget they'll pick me or they're not this one they happen to so i love it cool um yeah go watch go go see the movie it's cool it was they filmed a lot of the cellar there's a lot stuff on stuff on youtube my don't tell set and other stuff i've been on abbott and insecure all the stuff i love it i love it thanks dude this is great and thanks guys we will talk to you next time by work You know what I'm going to be.